Sex With Emily - Sex Over the Holidays: From Hooking Up to Breaking Up

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

‘Tis the season… for more sex! Today, Producer Erica and I dive into the reasons why people have more or less sex over the holidays, how to maintain intimacy when you’re staying with relatives, and my top discreet toy recs. We also get into relationship dynamics over the holidays: Should you break up before or after? Should you bring them home to meet the parents? Should you hang out with your holiday hookup? And so much more.In today’s episode, you’ll learn:Why sex drives peak and decline over holiday breaksThe best places to have sex while home for the holidaysThings to notice in a partner while travelingSee the full show notes at sexwithemily.com.Show Notes:2023 Holiday Gift Guide: My Top Picks for the Hottest Holidays EverJe Joue Mimi, G-Spot Bullet Vibrator & MoreLELO Dot Clitoral VibratorWomanizer Premium 2 Suction ToySHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $69)The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your PleasureWant more? Sex With Emily: HomeLet’s get social: Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | TikTok Let’s text: Sign Up HereWant me to slide into your inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sometimes it's not just about the sex, we call it sex. Like we haven't had sex in a while, but it could just be exactly that. I have got the hand greasing, the hand holding, the eye gazing, just feeling like you're connected to your partner and that you have each other's back this time of year while still prioritizing your relationship. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

Tis the season for more sex. Today, producer Eric and I dive into the reasons why people have more or less sex over the holidays. How do maintain intimacy when you're staying with relatives and my top discrete toy recommendations? We also get into relationship dynamics over the holidays. Should you break up before or after? Should you bring them home to meet the parents?

Should you hang out with your holiday hookup and so much more? Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. Just do it right now. It's super easy to do. I'm whatever after listening on. We so appreciate it.

My new 2023 holiday gift guide is up on sexwithemily.com. So it is your one stop shop to give pleasure to everyone on your list. So check it out right now. We spent a lot of time curating this gift guide. We wanted to be a great mix for everyone on your list. It's sensual, it's sexy. Even if you don't want to get someone something outwardly sexy,

you can get them like the best robe you've ever felt. There or some body oils. I just think you're gonna love it. Check it out and let me know what you think. Alright everyone, enjoy this episode. It is finally here. The 2023 Sex with Family Gift Guide is online right now at sexwithfamily.com. Listen, I love curating sexy gift ideas for your holidays. It's one of my favorite things. I think we should all give the gift of pleasure. So this year, my focus is on multi-sensory gifts that give them or you that special something.

So we've got sex oils, kinky gifsets, the perfect sex toys to upgrade masturbation or to play with a partner. I've also got trendy gifts to help anyone live a more sensual lifestyle. I've got robes that make you feel like you're at the spa. My favorite candles that double his body oil and just so much more on this list. It's speaking of sensuality. Pleasure is free, but gifts are it, so I'm keeping everyone's budget in mind on this guide. From wallet-friendly gifts to splurge-worthy fines, you will find something for everyone here, and probably be tempted to snatch a few things for yourself.

You deserve it. So check out the 2023 Sex with Emily Gift Guide right now to have hotter holidays and better sex, and I'm also including a ton of holiday deals on this list, so check it out now and take advantage of those. And while you're there, just swing by shop with Emily for all your favorite sex toys and sex dress, it's all available for you now at sexwithemily.com. As you all know, we are approaching the thick of the holiday season. There's things giving this week.

Then Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Year's are coming up. So it's important to have this conversation today, everyone. Listen up. We want to talk about sex and relationships over holiday breaks. Because according to the data, sex peaks sharply during this time. I can't tell if this is surprising to me or not. I've heard both sides of it for so many years that when people are really stressed

and they're traveling and there's a lot going on, sometimes they put sex on the back burner, but let's go with this trend that people are actually having more sexist time year, which makes sense because really at the end of the day, it's about celebration. You're celebrating the holidays, you're with your family.

So here's why, the reasons why people are having a cycle. First, you're on vacation. Every time we're on vacation, we're on vacation sex. I love vacation sex. It makes sense because you're away from home, you don't have all the stressors, which is a lot of the things that's keeping us from having sex throughout the year.

And when we're not on vacation is because there's just so much distraction and so much in our midst. So if you're traveling for the holidays or you've time off, you essentially are on vacation. But also coughing season, there is pressure to meet someone this time of year. We know that it's going to be cold, you got the long winter months or how more? Not to trigger everyone by mentioning COVID, but it's kind of like the COVID, like everyone just moved in together so fast. And I feel like relationships accelerated during that time. And I guess we've kind of always had a shorter version

of that in the end. That was gonna end. And COVID, well, it's all, we are committed to coughing season. Yeah. The COVID, the COVID season. The COVID-19 season. Yeah, how was that going for you? I think this is good though to point this out

because it's probably like you might be in a copying season right now, but don't make any drastic choices or decisions right now because it might just be because like it's getting colder outside. When it's chilly out, it feels good to be physically close to somebody. Sit in front of a fireplace and binge on a bunch of series that you've been wanting to catch up on.

But spring will be right around the corner. Let's just be careful about the choices. But enjoy this season, because dark cold lights it says can trigger an intense feeling of loneliness and a drop in serotonin. So it makes sense though, with seasonal effective disorder, that there is a significant link between coughing season and just feeling blue when it gets darker outside earlier and gets colder. Totally. And if you have to be inside more, it's more fun to be inside with someone else.

There really is. So winter also may boost your sexual attraction. There's a study that found that men's assessments of women's attractiveness changed seasonally and men found women's bodies more attractive in the winter than in the summer. Researcher Dr. Justin Laymeller from the Kinsey Institute said that when women were sexier and more revealing clothes in the summer months and bundled up in the winter, the standard of bodily comparison is much higher when it's warmer outside because you know we're showing lots of skin. The bar for what qualifies as hot is much higher when it's warmer outside because you know we're showing lots of skin. The bar for what qualifies as hacked is set higher. Everyone's showing a lot of skin during the summer

so that the bar for what's qualifies as hot is set higher, but in the winter we don't see our skin as much and so it becomes more novel and arousing to look at. Leia Millheiser, who's the director of the female sexual medicine program at Stanford, says that there's an emotional component to the holidays, noting that there's something nostalgia about the time of your regardless of religious affiliation. Those sentimental feelings can increase the desire to feel more connected to, be more romantic with partners,

including being more intimate. Also, another notion is, grabbing more sex because you're starting to think about New Year's resolutions. This is interesting for couples and long-term relationships. They might be reflecting on the previous year and want to give added attention to their relationship. So maybe one of their goals is having more sex. Maybe they look back on the year and they're like, you know, we did not get it out

enough. Let's start now. We're feeling like, you know, we did not get it out enough. Let's start now. We're feeling like, you know, we're inside, we're with the family, we're feeling nostalgic. All those things would make sense. And like, let's really try to connect more and have more sex and bring in the New Year with a bang. Maybe that's what the saying came up.

You can revamp your sex life anytime of year, but New Year's is a great opportunity to have that conversation with your partner that you've been meeting to have. Yeah, it doesn't have a sexual conversation with your partner all year or ever. It's a great time. You're probably off work, you're traveling maybe, or you just have more time. This is also saying, like, when we slow down and we don't have all the instructions of

busy life, a lot of us are working and there's just, it's hard to really think about the connection with our partners and sex, but this is going to, like with our body slowed down, our minds slowed down, we feel more embodied and then we're able to kind of be more connected. So it's a good time here to have these sex conversations that I'm always encouraging everyone to have. Speaking of New Year's, Erica turns out

women have less sex at Christmas, but peak on New Year's. Yeah, this is what the study said. This makes sense. I don't think I need a study to show us that we know that personally, my libido's not spiking over Christmas in the holidays. And I don't know how to do that. Why do you think that is for you personally? Personally, because you're traveling, you're taking care of family, you're putting everyone first. There's lots of gifts to buy. There's lots of end of your business stuff. It's just hard to keep sex top of mind that unless I was

often some tropical destination and it happened to be December 25th, maybe. But that's not usually the case. So, but new years, it's like, okay, we did it. We made it through all the madness and let's party. You guys have Emily's libido is not rocking in December, then you all have permission. But we do wanna give people some tips

to come about that as well. This same study is basically talking about how women are so bogged down by all the responsibilities. We're just talking about when would they have time for sex or to want sex. Exactly. We got the family responsibilities, we've got gifts, we've got last minute gifts, we've got food responsibilities,

like there's no time. And if you think you're busy throughout the year and then you put on top of it, you know, holidays, you know, women just tend to take on more of the family responsibilities. Sex might not be top of mind. Yes, that happens to me too. I want to normalize that.

But now that we're talking about it, now I realize that the stress is coming. This is helping me as well guys. So I realize the holidays are gonna get stressful. So what can I do this year to make sure that I am prioritizing time with my partner? Well we go away. Yeah, go see his family, we're gonna see my family.

Oh my gosh, husband's, if you wanna have more sex, why don't you try cooking the turkey or take it on some of the responsibilities then you might just have more sex, why don't you try cooking the turkey or take it on some of the responsibilities then you might just have more sex. Exactly. You've seen this time in a get when we tend to help around the house no matter what your gender, help your partner with whatever they need help with.

Child care, the home, whatever it gives us more time to feel connected to you and be more turned on. Prioritizing pleasure is hard enough over the holidays. And I feel like it's even harder when you're going to stay with family. Or what if you're staying in your childhood home and you grew up and you were just like, I can't be sexual in this space?

I've had so many of those experiences because I've had many boyfriends I've gone home for the holidays and you know, this was definitely in our 20s and 30s, but there's certain parents, they're still not okay that you're together and you're not married. Remember that sex isn't just about like penetration.

So still prioritizing connection with your partner, whether it's just holding hands, having conversations, making sure that you're there for each other in the ways that maybe you haven't been. I think that's super important. Like, even those little graces of the shoulder as you pass by, or like a hand behind the back, I think just those touch points of connection really go a long way, especially when there's so many other factors. And yeah, you might not have a moment to yourself in a room alone to engage in anything more

than that, but at least you know you're connected. Sometimes it's not just about the sex. We call it sex. We haven't had sex in a while, but it could just be exactly that. I heard the hand grazing, the hand holding, the eye gazing, just feeling like you're connected to your partner and that you have each other's back this time of year while still prioritizing your relationship. And for some people, the taboo of having sex

in like your childhood bedroom could be a turn on in the opposite direction. Speaking of going home for the holidays, we have to address this question because I think this is a classic question. Where are good places to have sex when you're home for the holidays? Okay.

So you wanna have sex with a holidays great stress relief important to connect. You could offer to go run errands. You and your partner and you could hook up in the car. Love that. I know it's illegal, but you could probably find some dirt road whenever one's sleeping,

go into another room, although this is reminding me of this. So I had this boyfriend when I went home over Christmas once and he also lived in Michigan. We hadn't seen each other well and my family was sleeping and I had him come over and we had sex at the back patio. And then I talked about it on the podcast and my mom listens to the podcast and told my mom, she's like, I didn't know you had sex with John. I was like, mom, how do you know that? I was like, well, Barbara was the same

the podcast and told me, I'm like, oh my God. I'm speaking of being discreet. You're such a fan of toys. I'm now such a fan of toys, but sometimes, you know, some are better to travel with than others. You don't want your really loud toys. You definitely want discreet toys

and toys that don't necessarily look like sex toys or those side note, a lot of toys don't look like like sex toys, or those side don't, a lot of toys don't look like traditional sex toys anymore. But I have always loved the J-JU products because their products have a quiet motor. It's quiet, so that makes it discreet because people won't be able to hear your vibrator rumbling.

So I would highly recommend them, and they just look elegant. So the Mimi by J-J. is always in my travel kit. It fits in palm or hand. Feels really good. Kinda looks like a stress ball or one of those things. So I, anyway, I like the Mimi. And they also have a bullet, like a G-Spot bullet by...

Yeah, I think that's become my new favorite. Oh, really? Yes. Because if you all missed our holiday episode last year, we all tried different products, and that was mine, and it stayed my go-to this past year. It's great. It is a great one.

It's powerful. You see what I'm saying? It's powerful. It's discrete. Exactly. And what Emily's saying is those rumbly vibes, it's great because it's discrete and quiet, but also it just feels different. It's less busy, and it's more of an erotic experience.

It is. It feels good in your hand, doesn't it, too? Just that... Yeah, I erotic experience. It is. It is. And it feels good in your hand, doesn't it, too? Just that I love the materials. I love the materials. So good. Oh, I'm glad you like these. Oh, yeah, revisit it.

It's around. I love that one, too. In fact, I got a fine-minded charge that. Leilo has this dot, literal toy. And it's a really cool toy because it looks like an electric toothbrush, but it has a little point to it. So you can easily target pleasure points on your body. You could use it really no matter what your body parts.

I think it just start really cool looking toy and feeling toy and it's quiet. And then the womanizer, if you're into suction toys and who isn't, they have this smart silent technology and their womanizer premium. So when you use it, it makes a noise. But when you stop using it, are you pulled away for your your body, it automatically turns off. And they literally call it smart silent technology. It's pretty smart. I don't know how they develop that.

I don't. It's literally the moment you take it off your body, it stops. And then you mount the moment you put it back on it, it's on again. I don't know how it knows. It's magic. It's magic. The whole suction toy market is just magic. And by the way, these are all my shop site. And for Friday, Cyber Monday, we do have sales going on. So you haven't checked it out. But Friday's episode this week, we're gonna talk about how to give sex toys.

So tune in for that one in which ones I recommend. Hopefully now we've convinced people that sex toys are essential for their travel kits. So how do you travel with sex toys? Harry on checking. The best way to travel with sex toys? Harry on checking. The best way to travel with sex toys is to, if you're checking your suitcase, I would just put it in your suitcase

so you don't have to worry about it, but you shouldn't have to worry about it because they are legal in most states. I think there actually are a few states where they're still legal. That's good to look that up. I don't think anyone's ever gone to jail for having a sex toy in their luggage, but I have had the whole going through security and it starts to buzz.

So, put it in your shoes, wrap it in a sock, and then put your socks in your shoes depending on the size of it, or put it in your dock kit. You definitely want to wrap it up in something, so it doesn't start going on its own, and then you lose the charge, and then you got the toy, and it's not working because it was like your entire flight, the vibrator was on, you don't want that. Or if it's in your carry on, I would do the same thing. I would wrap it up into something so it doesn't turn on, meaning like you could wrap a sock around it, a scarf, and then throw it in like a little pouch in your bag.

They're legal to take through. I mean, the mic get flagged for it, but when that's happened to me, sometimes your bag just gets checked and I'm like, oh yeah, that's my sex toy. I just say it really loud because I want to be through, I mean the mic get flagged for it, but when that's happened to me, sometimes your bag just gets chacked and I'm like, oh yeah, that's my sex toy. I just say it really loud because I want to be like, there's no shame in it, but I can imagine for others that is an nightmare. Don't get on the naughty list, I mean unless you want to. Stay right where you are until

or back from a quick break. But before we go, I do want to mention that J.J. is having their biggest sale ever. They truly make some of my favorite toys, and from November 10th through November 28th this year, they're offering up to 50% off their products. Did you hear what I said? 50% off! That's crazy. So don't miss it. Head to J.J.U. dot com right now

to take advantage of these amazing deals. That's J-E-J-O-U-E dot com. Okay, be right back. It is finally here! The 2023 Sex with Family Gift Guide is online right now at sexwithfamily.com. Listen, I love curating sexy gift ideas for your holidays. It's one of my favorite things. I think we should all give the gift of pleasure. So this year my focus is on multi-sensory gifts that give them or you that's special something. So we've got sex oils, kinky gift sets, the perfect sex toys to upgrade master

basin or to play with a partner. I've also got trendy gifts to help anyone live a more sensual lifestyle. I've got robes that make you feel like you're at the spa. My favorite candles that double his body oil and just so much more on this list. And speaking of sensuality, pleasure is free, but gifts aren't. So I'm keeping everyone's budget in mind on this guide. From wallet-friendly gifts to splurge-worthy fines, you will find something for everyone here and probably be tempted to snatch a few things for yourself. You deserve it. So check out the 2023 Sex with Emily gift guide right now to have hotter holidays and better sex. And I'm also including a ton of holiday deals on this list. So check it out now and take advantage of those. And while you're there just swing by shop with Emily for all your favorite sex toys and sex dress, it's all available for you now at sexwithamily.com.

So, now we just have to talk about sex over the holidays. How about relationships? Just what's going on in your relationship? It can be stressful. There's a lot of things that happen over the holidays and you there's certain milestones Meeting the family for the first time. Sometimes that makes the most sense because that's when you know your family's gonna be together Depending on your family again You have to see how adaptive is your family if you don't feel great with your family

But not be the time that you want to introduce them to your significant other But most of all and overall if you can ground in the fact that the holidays are about religion and connection and family, that it could be a great time to meet someone. And with that, I feel like it's a lot of couples first time traveling together too. That is a huge fact. I mean, I think that when you travel with somebody for the first time or take a vacation with them, take note. You learn a lot about somebody when you travel with somebody for the first time or take a vacation with them, take note. You learn a lot about somebody when you travel with them and you get out of your comfort zone at home or whatever routine they are into.

And so, you know, I think it's important, like, are they helping plan the trip? Do they know where the gate is? Do they expect you to do everything? Or they also take care of themselves? I think you just learn a lot about who your partner is out in the world by the way they travel. People don't change a lot to you.

Remember this. We're all imperfect. And we're all gonna do things that's gonna drive someone else crazy or your partner is out in the world by the way they travel. People don't change a lot to you. Remember this. We're all imperfect. And we're all gonna do things that's gonna drive someone else crazy or your partner's gonna say, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, or they did not a pack or they forgot something or they're super scared flyers, just note that. Take that note and say, okay, I'm just gathering information. Remember, when we first are dating somebody, it's not that you have to make judgments. I'm not saying judge, I'm just saying take note.

You're gathering details when we are first dating somebody. What am I learning about this person? What do I know? What am I learning about us together? And then you just continue to look at like, is this something that we both can handle? Can we work on it? So there's no surprises. Five years in when you're like, and the fact that you were a terrible traveler, it's like, you knew that. You learned that Christmas the first year.

Right. Very rarely is it new information. It's just that sort of great on our nerves for a while and then we take a look at it. I feel like we overlook a lot of things, especially in the beginning. Yeah, we really do in the honeymoon phase or a relationship. We are on honeymoon for at least a year, year and a half. Like this person can do you know wrong? Did you guys hear that? That was something I did not know before working here

that the honeymoon phase can last up to a year and a half. And then from there, you pretty much see them through all the seasons through probably a crisis or a death or illness or a financial situation, a travel situation, a work thing, like you've seen how they manage people in their life, their friends, their partners, their work, how they are with animals and wait staff

and children, and you have enough data at that point after two years to then think about, could this be my person? Do we want to live together? Do we want to get married? Do we want kids? Whatever it is that you want, I think it takes a cycle, takes that about that long, takes it over someone.

And then the real work begins. And the fun, perhaps. Hopefully, let's get into this email. This is from Confused in the Country Side and she's 27 years old. Hi Dr. Emily, I'm a newer ish listener in the last year and your podcast has really helped me better understand how to talk about some otherwise uncomfy sex ideas. So thank you. Well you're welcome. I'm so glad you found the show when I'm glad it's helped you. So what do I do if I feel like I've met a wonderful guy

that is thoughtful and totally into me and funny and smart, but I can't help but notice the ways in which I'm not as physically into him. It might sound terrible, but there are some physical-based things like height and age that really aren't my preference. I also know that I'm not perfect aesthetically either. Initially, when we went on dates, I remember thinking that I wasn't going to pursue it further, but it was nice to feel wanted and he was incredibly sweet and Slowly I felt some feelings come on after a couple months. We made it exclusive after my hesitancy

Despite this I constantly missed the usual type of guy would hook up with and I find myself daydreaming about this type of guy I know it sounds awful and just like why don't you just break up with him But now I'm scared that I found this incredible person. I'll be it reluctantly that understands my needs and is thoughtful and cool. And this is one of those things I need to grow up about. I know it looks fade, but I also feel like deep down, this is unfair to him.

Is it bad to break up with someone because I don't feel like it's who I'm very attracted to? Is this a maturity thing that I need to learn to grow out of? I also feel so horrible doing this so close to the holidays. Please send advice. Thank you. There's a lot here. Okay. First, if you're not attracted to them and it's pretty early in the relationship, it's really hard to create that down the road. It's hard to just think it's going to hit you over the head. This person sounds like he's wonderful and needs all the things, but sexual attraction, but that's not just a side note.

That is the separation between friends and lovers, somebody that you actually are intimate with. So I don't think that's a small thing. I don't think you're a jerk for thinking about these things. The one thing I want to address here too is this scarcity mindset. This person is so great and what if I never find someone again? What if they're the only one? What if they are the person and they're the one that got away?

I don't believe in that. Or for your kinder to yourself around these things, like you did the best you could in that moment when you were dating that person and it wasn't right at the time of life and the place you're at. And so therefore it is not working. And you are making a decision to move out from the relationship. But this whole like, what if I was wrong and I should go back to it right now, you're having some suffering around this relationship, but it's not working. So just know that you will find somebody else who does feel better. It's not like this is this person the last man on earth. And you're going to run out all

of your resources. And after this, it's just going to be a dry desert out there. That like never happens, but it is a common thing. I actually talked to someone today, a friend of mine who's going through divorce and she said, the same thing. She's like, what if we never find someone else, but I know people say this in their 20s and 30s. And I used to do that too. There's plenty of people out there. You're gonna find your person. Let's get into this holiday component too. That's a big one. Before, during or after, like, what's the mood?

There's so many different theories. So this, like, before is like, then you don't have to do with gifts. You don't see their families. You have more time for your life and you just kind of ripen the bandaid off. So that's one note. It's the gift thing and then, like,

not dragging it out for so long if you know because the holidays, you got a lot more time together, more money, more travel, all the things. And then you're like, if you the back of your head, you're like, this is going nowhere, this is ending on January 1st, it might be nice just to do it.

And then during, I don't recommend that you do it on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Oh my God. Guess what? Guess what Santa brought you a break up. I'm W. You're happy holidays. The holidays bring up a lot more loneliness and a lot more feelings and nostalgia as we talked about.

It just can be very challenging to be alone over the holidays. However, if you know that this person isn't your person, then break it before the holidays, you're saving more gifts, you're saving the holiday travel, and you're just sort of deciding that I know this person's going to be my life. I know the relationship is just not going to work, and I'm just going to do as well the favor. It's going to be hard, but we're not going to spend time together. I could see the holidays for some people being a nice distraction if you're constantly surrounded by other people, but I also understand everyone is always asking about your relationships anyways,

that I feel like sometimes after a break up the last thing I wanna talk about. Yeah, that's true. Then you have to tell your family why you broke up with the holidays, you must have just bring them home with you. Right. What's worse? The thing is, if you know that you're going

to break up with someone, you know, you're certain, they probably know it's coming, they can feel the energy, they know that baby thing is aren't so great. And when you know you're gonna leave someone, it's probably best to do it as soon as you can. So confused in the countryside, you gotta do you. Is it bad to break up with someone because I don't feel like it's too much drafted to you?

So no, if you're not into somebody and it's not working for a reason that is genuine and authentic to you, you are not a bad person. You are someone who's honoring your genuine feelings. And then if it's a maturity thing that you have to learn how to grow out of, that's going to continue throughout your life. You're going to want to be attracted to the person that you're in a relationship with. And then the holidays, again, you're just being hard on yourself here. If you know that you're going to do it, you gotta look at what's ahead of you, this holiday season, what makes sense.

And this is someone you're not attracted to. I'm just wondering if there's other things going on as well. You sound really clear, because I was gonna say sometimes we think it's one thing, but there's a lot of other things going on, but you were being very clear that this person is great, but just you're not attracted to them. Before we wrap this episode,

I wanna ask you one more question. I wanna ask about the holiday hookups. That one person who hits you up, everything's giving week, every Christmas week, and they know, hey, are you going to be in town? Are you home for the holidays? And you either see them every year, or you decide to cut it off. What do you think about those holiday hookups?

Can they be healthy? How long is too long for that to go on? Well, I think if it still feels healthy, is it a positive experience every year? Do you look forward to it and then after you feel just as good? But if it's controversial or it's stressful or you're not sure if you're going to meet up or it doesn't feel great when you do and then you have a longing for this person and it's not returned and it becomes more stressful or anxiety-producing than no. But if it's a fun little trick once a year and you get to see each other check in and it's not a lot of drama and not a lot of demands on your time but it just has a feel-good little rendezvous then I say it's fine. I say it's healthy but these things probably only last a while until you get into some other relationship.

Right. So I think it's a fun time. It's fun time to go home when you go back to your hometown and you see all your friends from high school or whatever and you're all out being adults in the world. And that can be a fun time of year. Did you ever have a holiday hook up? I did. I used to have someone that I went, when I go back to home to Michigan that I saw.

I think what happened is it's really fun for a few years. You go on these stages and it was a really fun person to see and then I think I moved to California, I got into a relationship. He also got into a relationship. And then eventually I met his wife. He met my boyfriend because I used to have different boyfriend's I bought home.

Yeah, and then we just say friends. Like you know, a friend to the lot of the excess. But it was fun until it wasn't, like most relationships. The problem is we get locked into relationships. Sometimes before we realize that they're not our person, but these are kind of nice, because you just realize that we're not committing. We didn't promise we were gonna be lovers forever.

We're just like lovers every year around the time Santa comes around. Yeah. And then we- Santa comes and said away. Exactly, Santa comes and said away until we don't comes and said, we're like, exactly, Santa comes and said, we, until we don't.

Yeah, until we don't. Love that. What a fun episode. Fun, everybody. Happy holidays, everyone. Hope this helped everyone feel a little bit more rounded and focused for the holidays. And you can prioritize pleasure or not.

Or you know when you need to do it, maybe you're gonna wait till near the, but just throughout this, remember to be kind to yourself, patient with yourself, take time away from the family if you need to, take time for yourself, remember that masturbation,

a little bit of release, solo sex can feel great and you deserve it. And make sure that you stay tuned for this Friday's episode because we're gonna be giving you all of the best gifts to buy everyone on your list. Bye. Bye. subscribe and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told

I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739. A go to sexwithemily.com-ask-emily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.

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