Sex With Emily - Sex Talk with The Naked Mom Brooke Burke-Charvet

Episode Date: July 19, 2017

We’ve all heard the term renaissance man, but what about renaissance woman? On today’s show, Emily is joined by TV personality, model, fitness guru, & creator and host of The Naked Mom podcast Brooke Burke-Charvet, the woman who does it all, to talk about well… how she does it all! Emily and Brooke talk about how important it is to keep sex alive in a marriage, especially if you have kids, and tips to keeping the relationship fresh and exciting! From vacation sex, to getting dolled up for dates, to the crazy hormones that come along with PMS, they cover it all. Plus, the two superwomen give their sage advice on mismatched libidos, getting a stronger pelvic floor and so much more. You’ll want to tune in for these two sexy ladies! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm very excited to have Brooke Burke-Sharve as my guest. Brooke is the host of the Naked Mom Podcasts and a talented dance or actor, model, fitness guru, and host. Together, we're helping you navigate your dating, sex, and relationship questions. Topics include, how to talk about wanting more sex with your partner. How to prevent your kids from messing with your sex life. What to do about a weak pelvic floor and how to move past that fear of rejection. All this and more, thanks for listening. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a fight on day

Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kinda cute Hey girls, gotta understand Oh my The women know about shrinkage Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's drinks?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here, I'm so drunk Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything you between for more information. Go to sexwithemely.com and check out everything we have going on on the website and you can

also subscribe and review me in iTunes. I love when you do that. It's awesome. And you can also, it's really easy actually when you get to my website now because you can subscribe to the podcast. The newsletter, follow me on all social media. I'm actually responding to you guys a lot now.

It's been like 12 years and I'm all over my snaps and my Instagram, I'm answering you, I am. Because I love you and I read everything. So you're gonna be like, why didn't you answer mine? I'm trying to answer you all. And tell you that I love you. It's all at sex with Emily across the board. Instagram, snapchat, Twitter, and Facebook.com slash

sex with Emily. Also at sexwithmme.com I have a store, which is fun, so a lot of the fun sexy things I talk about, you can buy at the store. And finally, sexwithmme.com slash podcast. If your podcast provider is that even a thing, podcast provider, wherever you listen to your podcast, I think a lot of them, you only have like 100 or 200,

well, I've been doing this for 12 years. So if you go to sexwithelm.com slash podcasts, I probably have like 5000 podcasts that you can listen to in your spare time. That's really overwhelming 5,000, maybe, I shouldn't say that, maybe it's 2000. I think I find new that anything at 5,000. Maybe I shouldn't say that. Maybe it's 2,000. I think I find new that anything at 5,000 I wouldn't want to go. But just say that anything that you're thinking about in your brain that you want to know about,

I've probably done a podcast about it. So I'm very excited for my guest today. We have Brooke, Brooke, Sharveh here. Thanks for having me. I'm so glad you're here. I'm excited. Brooke, we've a lot of listeners. I came to learn. You are my student today. You are my here. I'm excited. Brooke, we've a lot of listeners. I came to learn.

You are my student today. You are my student. Brooke is amazing. She's a podcaster. She has an amazing podcast. Is that what we are? We podcasters. That's your podcaster.

That's kind of weird and kind of cool at the same time. Yeah. The naked podcaster. Is your podcaster? Your pod, you are. Your TV. Among other things. Like TV host actor dancer fitness freak your booty burn

So I was put fitness freak slash booty burn. How does that work? We're booty burns the name of my class So it's kind of just like the brand now, but I do work out a lot But I teach a class called booty burn can anyone they can anyone can come and I kind of educate people along the way too on my social media So I'm always putting up little videos or Instagram, so on Instagram, I just watching your bum, like everyone else in the world that they go to your social media. But listen, no excuses, like you got to be able

to knock it out and get it done at home. So that's the booty burn. But I love it. It's a passion of mine. Passion project. It's amazing. Thank you. So yeah, podcast or TV, you want to print this.

I mean, you've done, I mean, you don't know, a lot of work as you did. A lot of crazy stuff. A lot of crazy stuff. And I'm glad that you're here. I mean, you don't know a lot of work as you did a lot of crazy stuff. Crazy stuff. And I'm glad that you're here and I'm glad that we've recently met and connected around sex and podcast. I'm excited. I'm excited.

I also own modernmom.com. And I think that what you're doing is so uberly important to just open the eyes of women, mothers, parents, you know, relationships, families, teens. It's just a conversation that isn't happening enough. And so I sort of come to this with a real desire and commitment to educate people and also to help women just get over themselves and to get into more pleasure. And I've listened to a lot of your podcasts and I've learned a lot and it's really good

for play. By the way, everyone. It's fun. And I love just having you on my show. It was great. So modernmom.com I love just having you on my show. It was great. So modernmom.com, that's where you do. So it's a parental destination with all things family and bloggers, recalls, information.

It's kind of like a destination where you can go 24-7 to just learn. And we're not talking about sex there either. Like, we're not talking about sex in our country. We don't talk about sex enough, right? So I feel like, for some reason, wouldn't you feel guilty about that? And there's a lot of issues.

And we're in our own way. We are in our own way. We don't realize our capacity for pleasure and that it'll help us. That is right. We don't understand our capacity for pleasure. Or we're withholding for that? For some reason.

So I don't have our bodies. So confident. There's a lot of things to get in the way. A lack of confidence, a lack of comfort. Exactly. A lack of them. And we think we're the only ones maybe suffering from things. So I think that I loved about your podcast because I did some binging. Thank you. I mean, I've listened to it a few times. And then before I knew you're coming on, like in the last week, I listened to a bunch of them. And I was thinking about, well,

you started about it. I don't even know. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not a fearless headcaster. it. I don't even know. I'm not even. I'm a fearless headcaster. I've been to all of them, I think, then. I listen to like, it's great. And I love that you had the PMS podcast. It was like women sitting around saying, yeah, this is what goes down. We have PMS.

And it was just like about the power. And this is what I think a theme in a lot of your podcast is about women and community and being open and talking to our friends. Like, it's like our partners don't have to be everything. Your husband, your boyfriend, whoever it is, like, we have our friends. I'm so glad you said that.

And you're authentic, and you're so cute. So true, though, like, I'm a woman's woman. You are. But there's some stuff that I'm just, there's a secret language that only women speak, and there's stuff that I'm not going to share with my man. And speaking of the PMS podcast, I had to bring some humor to a really vicious,

like, horrific subject matter for a lot of women. So we all got together. We got together at my condo. It's kind of like my she cave. I know I want to come to the she cave. I'm like, she's kind of she cave. You're coming.

We're going to come over and do like a whole sex part there. But we like, we drank some wine and we just opened it up and we laughed and we dished and it was vulnerable and real. And I just think there's comfort in this learning from each other. And if we could maybe even bring some humor to the subject matter of sex and women who are fake and orgasms are not having them or don't know their body

or never use the toy or aren't having sex, or hate their husbands. If they hate their husbands. Up with that, like, oh my God, right. Why are you staying? Like what, not even the sex part, but there's just a lot of stuff except that they don't have society.

Exactly. It's really weird. They're like, they love to have to hate their husband so much they hate sex, but that's why we say, like, you got a priori tie, we talked about this in your show, prioritize your sex life, prioritize your relationship, but the sex even above almost anything else, because not anything else, it has to be up there with things.

But just to say that we care about our friendship or our partners, without the sex, you are disrobed. So your sex does have to take priority. Like how are we gonna have it? And I think that a lot of women like getting together and saying, I hate my husband, I've got it, I didn't even blow a job, I don't wanna get mine, I'm blow a job.

And they unite over that. I find that to be so sad. So that's why the women, the friends, you gotta be like, they, you gotta do it. Like have sex with your partner. Like do it. Like there was some of the best advice that you gave me when we spoke last was making sex a priority. But I just like, for me as a woman's woman, I want to empower women to be the best selves all the way around.

I want them to have great sex. I want them to understand their body. I want them to have a sexy, sensual, connected, fulfilling relationship. And if they're not in a relationship, like, I want you to want them to understand the whole mysterious, crazy thing that we base that we are? And that's why I think your podcast is kind of like, providing that, because I feel like it doesn't take, it's like, you need a zillion friends.

Like, just a few maybe really good friends. I'm lucky if we have a few really good ones. You're a really good ones, you have for life, and I don't know where I'd be without my girlfriends, but it just reminds me of all the things that if I didn't have them to motivate me, to be there for me, to listen, to understand that we're all in this together.

And so that's what I like. I just felt like we're all hanging out. Like you're dropping serious info and it was talking about PMS. I was just thinking about this that I was told at some point in my life, never talk about your period with a guy. It's not sexy or whatever. And it's like, I about your period with a guy, it's not sexy or whatever.

And it's like, I get that it's not, and it's not like I'm like, so just know, I was bleeding like three pints before dinner. I mean, not like being specific about it. But what I found so interesting was that we can't ignore it because it's gonna affect your relationship. We have PMS, and it happens. I have it right now.

Oh, you do? My four plus business is so happy. Is that with you? No, it hasn't helped with PMS and it happens I have it right now Right, oh you do my for I'm happy Is that with you? No, no, it's I'm tell with the PMS and cramps. I believe that it's so true It's the releasing of the contract of everything and the serotonin which we talked a lot about that. Yep. So tell me the question. Yes, go Why are we so aroused after our period? It's our hormones. It's our hormones.

It's the way I go. It's so good. I can go from being a complete bitch for a week. But it's almost like it's the makeup. It's like the damage control. Did Mother Nature finally do something good for us? That's the one thing she did. You're going to be a bitch for a week.

But now if you're going to get married, kept forgetting. Is that real or is it just me? No, it's for a lot of women. But some women find that when they're ovulating, they're the most turned on. And some women find during their period when they're actually they want sex more in some after.

For me, it's after as well, because I'm like, okay, the bloating's gone, the mood is gone. So it's just the roller coaster of the mystery. The roller coaster. But the thing is that I think going back to what I, in a relationship that how you handle it, is it's not that I need to talk about what is actually going on in my body, but like, yes, I'm going to be a little moody right now. You know, no one it's happening. Like, I have one of those apps that like mark when it's happening and communicate with your partner what you need, what you don't need. Help you help me. Here's what you do. Here's what I need.

And by the way, when we're in it, we don't even, we're not like, it's great that you and I can have this conversation. I don't do it in my own marriage. I'm probably short and grumpy and snappy, and you know, I yell at the kids a little too much. I don't really say to my husband, which he'd probably really appreciate. Hey, I'm feeling really crappy my uterus. I feel like I have a fist going through my back and I'm in a bad mood and I'd like to not see you

for the next four days. Can I just go away and then I'm gonna come back really hot? I'm sexy. Go to your woman cave. The chick cave. There's for some reason we feel good. Yes, but we feel guilty. We may have a hard time taking time off.

Now that I am in my mid 40s, I fully understand what I need as a woman and I do not feel bad about asking for it. Good. Good, you have, exactly. And how much I've been for doing that now. And it takes forever, but you have to. I didn't do it in my 30s.

I didn't do it when I was 40. So what do you think it was? What brought you to that? I think obligation, not giving myself freedom to do what I needed to do, not understanding my own body as a woman, my body, I mean, my mind, my hormones, my moods. And now I can kind of anticipate, which is so, I don't want to even admit that PMS is as powerful

because I think it's bullshit. I never went through it as a younger woman now in it. But really, just understanding like, I kinda know that I'm gonna give my husband a weird time one week out of the month, for no reason. And I wanna be against him. Right. Isn't that awful?

It's gonna be so proud of me if he listens to this. That's good though, but if he's like, okay, maybe he doesn't accept it. I mean, he knows it, but he's on the ship. I mean, he knows it, but he's on the shits. But he's just like, right, but if you're like, okay, it's coming like, right, but this is what happens. I always see even to my staff, I'm like, you guys, I'm probably gonna cry today.

I don't know why, right now it's sunny, everything's great. I'm crying because America's got talent. I was like, what's wrong with you? I'm like, I'm being a messing, okay. I'm like, bawling. Had some stupid TV award. Because it's, right.

I'm telling myself. Pull it together, stop it. It's like seven, I am having like, balling. Had some stupid TV award. Because it's, but right. And I'm telling myself, pull it together, stop it. It's like seven, seven, seven, having my coffee and I'm watching like pre-runs and I'm crying. What is wrong with me? Our mom said happens and it's real. So I think in the relationship of saying,

like, listen, this is a real thing, it happens. And like, I'm sorry from Vitch at a time. And Mother Nature. Mother Nature is just a big bitch. And I want to have sex within a week maybe. Maybe not. But I used to feel like it got so bad for me that my PMS and I would spend the next. It was bad from week and that it's been the next three weeks

trying to clean up all the damage that I would do. But it's not like that anymore. Anyway, that's why we're more housed the week after. And by the way, it gets worse. Doesn't get better too. Like, you can't do more. There's some things you do. I talk about sex in that PMS.

I actually, that's the most I've actually ever talked about on the show, but check out your pockets. It's not all about PMS But I love that it's just in cute about women talking about being real being authentic like you are and I adore you And I think it's really fun. Thank you so much. So let's talk about it So you are in your second marriage. Yes, you're kids and you guys look really happy and sexy and cute together I'm not saying it's perfect. It's not perfect But any tips that you've learned in these years that you've been married, it's like, this is my number one tip I'd give.

That's such a loaded question. Well, I mean, we're still learning to communicate. I guess if I were going to fess up or really give any advice to anyone because I'm not an expert, I'm like so learning from my children, from my man, from my marriage, it's always learning. It's work. Is that I'm willing to own the fact that we're not good at certain things and that we need better tools all the way around in marriage, whether it's love, intimacy, communication.

When you can get rid of the ego a little bit in a relationship, any kind of relationship, it's really helpful. And we have a lot of ego. Right. Right. And we're both really strong people. So I love that you said it looks really happy and like sexy. We have incredible chemistry.

So I want to default to that. Great. So thank God for that because I've been in a different kind of a marriage. You know, the first time around. That was really good in other ways. And I don't know if this is mature or not, but I can kind of default to finding our way back chemically and not that that's, you know, but that's enough. But we have that connection, which means that we are lovers and we're connected and we're not just business partners and parents and

roommates, which you and I have spoken about before. And it's not always like that, by the way. Sometimes I want to kill them and it's not like we fight and then we have this great makeup sex because I'm too angry usually to have makeup sex. We're not that right. We wish we had that, but we don't. But we have chemistry. It's so important and I can't tell you that is, that's nothing to like sneeze at.

I feel like something in my grandmother's eye. But really it's nothing because I don't know where that came from, things come in my mouth. To write, check a stick, and whatever they say. But it's true because if couples, people sometimes will email me, they say, how do we get the spark, how do we get it back on track? And I think, or they'll call us on this,

we take callers. If a couple tells me they never had it, they're like, it was never really there. They're kind of out of luck. But if you want to have to, I mean, you can't, I don't want to say that, definitively, there are things you could do, you could build a healthy fantasy life together,

you can start, but let's focus on the people who have a spark like you do, or you've had that chemistry. That's amazing. It's not silly to say, we go back to that, because that's the well that you need to keep drawing from, and you need to keep nurturing, because that is going to just fizzle without it's like it's a living entity and you've got

to keep feeding it and nurturing it will fall because it will fizzle out. At least even when it starts you can get it back to it. And it does sometimes. I mean that's just part of being a woman and growing up and going through your child bearing ears and whatnot. But I don't know that's like the one thing with my husband in this marriage. He's probably the one guy that it's so satisfying our sexual relationship that I don't need to like stray

or desire something. And there's a lot of issues. I mean, he tries to make crazy. Like there are so many parts of our marriage that are that need work. But that part's really good. So I'm- It has gotten better. Crazy like there are so many parts of our marriage that are that need work, but That parts really good. So I've gotten better like do you feel like you've worked at it or you've learned it well the beginning was

Fireworks, right like bottle that and love that I mean like freaking mind blowing And then and then when you go we go through phases, so just to humanize it You know we go and we go out of it. But yeah, it's gotten better in different kinds of ways. It's gotten deeper and our communication is stronger. And we understand each other. And I understand the changes in my body. And it's just phases.

And then when it's not so good, we roll through it. And then figure it out. You talk about it and you realize like we talk about it on page. He's got a lot of feminine energy though, like in that way, like he's very verbal. Like you should have him come on a do show. I was like, he's like a chick. I love it. He loves to talk.

He's like about emotions. He's like, just all of that. Sometimes more than me where I'm like, can you just, like, I need to take Take guys like that too because I'm not as emotive sometimes Babe, but you feel that orgasm in your body was That's what those emotions I love it. Well, come on next. Yeah We'll go through the sex toy closet together and go shopping But no, I'm glad to hear that and also I know you guys just got back from vacation and I just got back from vacation as well. And I was in Hawaii.

It was amazing. And I was thinking about, well, this is like, there's certain things with being in this industry, sex that like holiday time. It's like gifts, you get a million requests from reporters, like what are your best gifts? And like then there's like winter, like it's cold outside. Let's sit inside how to have like cold weather sex.

So now it's been vacation sex, right? The last few months vacation sex. Why is vacation sex always good? Exactly. Well, this is the thing. And I had great vacation. And I'm like, oh, my, and now I talk about it. Let's off with that.

I was going to talk to you about this because I'm assuming, I mean, you guys was on vacation with the kids. Right. So, but when we go on vacation, yeah, it is nice. It's nice. Hot and heavy and on and different. And I always, we always come when we go on vacation, yeah, it is nice and Hot and heavy and on and different and I always we always come back and we're like, why can't we just sort of duplicate that but vacation with the kids is

Tricky. Yeah, not as great and our kids are kind of still in an amount of our best, but But vacation's like I just thought about the whole concept of and that's good that you guys still go on your own with kids because I think that people are always protesting that Oh, we don't know we can't afford it or we can't get away and I'll get to that in a moment But the reason why vacation sex is so damn good is because you are out of your comfort zone You're not in your bedroom, which is where you have sex 99.9% of the time unless you guys are like having sex outdoors Are your swingers, but I don't think so You're probably most in your bedroom, right? So it's the newness and it's the novelty

and it's just, you don't have to worry about the sheets. You have to worry about someone coming in. And it's just like, it's just different. And that's what happens when you get into a committed relationship. There is nothing you get, it's all, you know, becomes the same and routine and nothing's new and exciting. So even if you can get away for a night with your partner, you can go to the motel

staycation. Staycation, too. Doesn't have to be far away. It's true. Or you could go, like, this is kind of crazy, but creative, because I like to, yeah, create, find creative ways, but you can go into a guest bedroom, get rid of the kids, do a double sleepover, whatever. Yes.

Go into a room and kind of like play, make, believe, and pretend like you're in some swanky hotel room and set the mood and light your candles. I love this idea. Do your playlist. I told you before I have a really good sexy play and I'm gonna share it with you. I want your sexy play.

And we updated all the time, but it's like you gotta be, especially in a marriage, because I'm sorry, it's not always sexy. Right, it's just not so I love that give it yeah the extra bedroom I always say like have it like literally have sex in the living room if you don't usually or wherever but the extra bedroom making it yeah camping sex that's hot atmosphere I love it the candles the atmosphere turning off the cell phones and that's

why and I was thinking about it I was like yeah vacation I'm not I'm still in the honeymoon phase with the person I went with so it doesn't really like, yeah, I have vacation. I'm still in the honeymoon phase with the person I went with, so it doesn't really feel like any of you. Yeah, it was like honeymoon sex on vacation. And I went out. But still, just in general, I was looking at couples who just, you know, you just get it and it's a real thing and that's why. It's work.

You gotta, you have to, you know, like you said, make it a priority and make it a different, important and like, you know, I also think, when you're dating and like, somebody's coming over to pick you up and you find that right outfit or maybe you change a few times and you're nervous and you want to know if you have the right view on a blah, blah, blah, blah. It's kind of really important to do that in a long term relationship.

So make the effort to, what's the word? To just sort of like, I don't want to say reinvent, but you just want to be boring. You don't want to walk on your sweats. You want to be unpredictable, right? you don't want to walk around your sweats. You want to be predictable. Right, because unpredictable, predictable is safe. Exactly. Sexually, I mean, there's some things that you want to count on.

Let me just say, I'm like back pedaling. But being predictable all the time in a relationship, that's kind of boring. It is, too. Absolutely right. Yeah, that's why people, what happens is we decide that we meet someone and it's new and it's different and Exciting and everything's great and then we decide we're gonna become one. Let's lock this down and what that means is becoming one We share everything. There's nothing new. There's no secret. So we go to the bathroom with the door open

We shave in front of each other. We talk about our peer, you know, and it's like I've been very careful because I still don't go to the bathroom Good see I was gonna ask you. I don't think peer, you know, and it's like I've been very For 12 years I still don't go to the bathroom. See good. See I was gonna ask you. I don't think you should. You know, it's such a funny conversation. It's such an appropriate conversation. I don't want any part of that. I have good kids.

Like we're like a full blown family. I'm not even comfortable going into the bathroom. Like no, that's something like, but that's not even go to the bathroom for a second. Exactly. I don't even know what we're talking about. What did I say, but girls don't even go to the bathroom for a second. Exactly, I don't even know what timeout. What did I say? I thought that we'd go to the bathroom, but in the event that we did go to the bathroom,

no, I don't want to any word about it. Like, we see these funny movies. I guess when I joke around about all the time, like they're brushing their teeth or the girls and they're like really going to the bathroom, I'm like, I would be more defied. Well, those things I think are important to keep in place. Some people don't care.

Well, they don't care. They think that that because when you're in the new relationship you think well this is how we're going to get close. So if I can go to the bathroom with because I remember dating guy once he's like he wanted me to leave it open. I'm like because to him that meant like it was intimacy. We're talking about like ping or talking about like what was being it was something. I was like I don't want to watch me do anything. No. Because that's just not how you don't. You think it was for him, it was a way of security. And I think we get that confused that we still need

to keep these things to us that are our own that make us independent. Yeah, yes. Yes, I love privacy, please. OK, search exactly. So that for my kids can come in. The kids, you'll be in front of the kids, right? It sounds like you guys are doing the right you're putting in front of the kids right

Sounds like you guys are doing the right things. Thanks. We're trying I've just actually brings us me to the sex in the news I picked out especially for you because I feel like you can have me with us. Okay, so this is our sex in the news so Brooke bark chave Chave chave chave, I like the way you say okay, I said again. Okay, I said, again, book, book. It's hard. Do it with a guitar. It can do it on a five times fast. No, you can't.

Okay. Come on, you can do it. Book, sugar, okay. Oh nice, it's very sexy. It's very sexy. I have such a sexy voice. It is, very sexy. No, I like your, it is a very sexy name.

So okay, so this section of the news article I picked up for you because I think you can help me with. And it's, it's ways to prevent your kids from messing with your relationship. Not easy to preserve romance after having kids, but here's some tricks that go a long way. And this was a study that was recently published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. And it says that the rate of decline in a relationship satisfaction is twice as steep

for couples who have kids than those who are childish, which is going to take a nose dive when you have kids because like we said, people don't often prioritize their romance, their intimacy and their relationship. So here's some tips and I want to know what you think about these and maybe you have something to add or if you've done this. So it says, do one romantic thing a day. It could be simple. A love note or text giving your significant other a lengthy hug Even a nice guy just realized that I don't do that once a day

I just felt like really bad. Do you know what little is that over? Okay, you're right little tiny I'll bring home the best and you're with a cock ring. Oh, good. You got that's huge Do you imagine if I came home with that? I would be off the hook for like the month It's huge. Do you imagine if I came home with that? I would be off the hook for like the month. Thank you. He doesn't know that I'm seeing you today,

so he has six fads going home with you. No. That's a really sweet gesture. And I think that, you know, you talk about everything and you've all this great, like, sex advice. But little tiny little gestures of appreciation, I think go a long way. So yes, if I got a nice little message or if I sent my husband just a random little, hey, I'm thinking of you and I think go a long way. So yes, if I got a nice little message,

or if I sent my husband just a random little, hey, I'm thinking of you and I love you, and I think you're amazing. Right, he would be so filled up with love. And it's like, oh man, I'm not doing that. That's really easy stuff, yes, I'm going to do that. So easy, right? And to lead up on that says, make appreciate

a regular part of your vocabulary. Yeah, totally. I appreciate you. Many couples benefit from regular expressions of your vocabulary. Yeah, totally. I appreciate you. Many couples benefit from regular expressions of validation and appreciation throughout the week. And it can be as simple as saying, thank you so much for what you're doing. Huge.

It means a lot to me, or I just, I appreciate you. We need to hear it. Huge, I heard a great quote, what we appreciate appreciates. Yeah, so yeah, thank you, because a long way. I'm talking like little stuff like Thanks so much for taking the kids picking up from soccer today because I got to go have coffee with my girlfriend Amazing we we have all these expectations and relationships. We do we take so much for granted

We do and we forget and it feels good just to be whatever their love languages you were talking about the love I got that book obsessed with it So that was a really big turning point in my relationship and in our marriage Yeah, we're going through kind of like a bump in the road and we both, that book. I'm obsessed with it. So that was a really big turning point in my relationship in our marriage. We're going through a kind of like a bump in the road. And we both read that book. And we learned a lot about each other. And yeah, I would highly recommend everybody

to check that out. I mean, I do have a part of the show. I feel like, yeah, it's by Gary Chapman. And did we ever write about it? I think it's on the website. We've a blog about it. And I did a show about it But it is great because typically couples have like two different usually there's two

It's not the same Unfortunately, I'm not gonna get into it because when I go off on I go off for an hour But it is a great way for couples, but maybe their love language is like words of Affirmative. Yeah, we are right words of affirmation. Yeah, that's a minor like tell me I'm hot Mine are easy. I'm like words of affirmation and physical minor. I'm like, tell me I'm hot. I'm minor easy. I'm like words of affirmation and physical touch. I'm like, just touch me and tell me I'm hot, I'm easy. And if your partner's love language is touch

and you're not touching it, but you're doing everything for like cooking and making this cool and making this beautiful home and you like run the world, but you're not touching your partner. He is never gonna feel love. That's the thing. It's like, basic, basic one on one.

I mean, huge light bulbs went off and we both read that. Same. It's such an easy read to you guys. I think it's on our website as well. You can check it out. And lots of information. Yeah. I need them. Physical, we all need them. Right. Some men don't. Some women don't. I love that. Thank you. Goes a long way. Good trip. It's a good one. Okay. So then also, how about this show affection in front of your kids? Oh, that's big. What do you think about that? I think I'm all for it. Some people are not.

Some people are extremely uncomfortable with that. For me, I want my children, even my daughters to grow up in a very loving, fulfilling affection relationship. I want them to be touched and hugged and kissed. And I want their husband to dance with them in the kitchen. You know, I want them to be like, swooned. But that's just like the silly hopeless romance. But that's good to face to that.

I think that there are other couples that think we gotta shift this down. Some people die at the thought of publics as a display of affection. My husband is very touchy-feely and affectionate. And sometimes it's interesting with the kids, if any of you ask me, because my youngest daughter, so now she'll be like,

ew, I could work kissing, and we're gonna make out in front of our kids, but she'll be like, ew, you got it. And we say to her, aren't you happy that your mommy and your daddy's still like to kiss each other? Right.

We're not like, grossly kissing. I can't know like, you're modeling a healthy relationship. But even so, we kiss, we still make out. And my husband sometimes will even say, how do you think we made you? Like, yes, it's happening. We still like each other. We kiss. I feel that it's so important. And my husband sometimes even say, how do you think we made you? Like, yes, it's happening. We still like each other.

Right. We kiss. I feel that it's so important. I don't know why people, I think you're, because kids know what's going on. Like if they don't see it and you guys are never touching, you're never actually, I think it's okay. And some couples don't at all.

They don't. And they're probably not doing much of it behind the course tour. Exactly. Well, I'm not going to start making out with you in the kitchen if we're not doing in the bathroom. So anyway, I think it's important you guys don't hide it from your children.

Also, make your romantic love as important as your parental love. So it's not about choosing one over the other. It says that you wanna build a culture in your family where your connection with your partner is seen as just as important as your connection with kids. So that's kinda like the affection thing, but prior to saying, you know, we have our date night,

like don't feel guilty that your mommy and daddy need their night or their vacation or their whatever. Do you feel this is one of the biggest challenges in raising a family and staying married because we make everybody out to priority. And I talk a lot about this. I write about this. I think a lot about this. It's so easy. We're such good parents. And we oftentimes are not great partners, and we don't make each other a priority. And date night is huge, easier said than done sometimes. But yeah, it's much easier to be a good parent

than it is to be a great husband or wife. Just sorry, it is. It is. And you gotta choose it both though. And you know, trying to find that balance. Gosh, that's like a full-time, can be full-time jobs. But it's just a little, maybe there's these little things would help.

But even having this conversation, like right now I'm thinking, I'm like, oh, I should probably pick it up a notch in the, would you? Yeah, probably, I'll take it up a notch in the romantic department because these tiny little tweaks along the way is what keeps a relationship going. Absolutely, from every, you know.

And by the way, we forget. Like, if we wouldn't have this conversation, I wouldn't have said that text. Yeah, and now, sorry. Or when you're leaving here, you'll be like, can't wait to see you tonight. You know, so I love them. I don't need to tell them.

Like, no, we all need to hear it. We all need to hear it. Affirmation, we love it. And then, okay, create phone free zones. That's hard one. Well, I'm big on that. Good. My husband is not. It's a huge nerve for me.'m big on that. Good. My husband is not.

It's a huge nerve for me. I'm really big on it because of all the kids. I am so pissed off when he's having a conversation with me and I have half of him because he's buried in that frigging gadget. What do you do? And he's pissed off at me because he usually drives one word together and I'm grossly addicted to social media

and I find that there's a really great opportunity to get something a huge hypocrite here but you got to set the ground rules and we were even pitching about it this morning as we were talking about little things that we can do better because we just got out of this like couple week we like this argument that lasted far too long because I'm super stubborn and we made a few requests and he was like yeah and you think you could like maybe not be on the phone so much and treat me like a driver? And I'm like, okay, I know that.

But it's still such a great. You're taking it the best time. It's the best time. You're like, huh? What? Yeah, I know. I went through this in Hawaii because he was driving. And I'm like, this is a great time for me to be at this.

And he's like, you're just being navigating. I'm like, I know. You know, we're in a really dangerous time of of tech addiction. And being way to obsessed and connected with things and people that don't matter. Like all these pretend like people in the world. So right, we're just like a grossly disconnected and connected to a bunch of shit that like means nothing. So. And then Marlon that for your kids too. But then it's a dictionary. It's a cock about serotonin again.

It's like the spike, you get your phone, you get the likes, you get the things. It helps for career. Defining people and it's just, it's, you gotta put it down. And I lost my phone when I was on vacation. Oh. People were like,

was that how come you're Instagramming? Well, because I got my child's phone and then I was, it was such a blessing in disguise. And I didn't wig out. I left it on the plane when I arrived in France. So part of me was like, are you kidding me? Like, I'm gonna make all these videos. I'm gonna take all these photos.

Bodo's, I'm gonna be so connected to everybody around the world but I don't even give a shit about it. But, but, but, but, so I lose my phone. It was so good. Right? I'll use these great photos. Thanks. I used to take my phone. No, but because what? Because you felt like I was probably on my phone 10% of the amount of time that I normally would have been on my phone. And I was much more present.

And I it just was a different experience. And it's a hard thing to do. You got to do it. You have to. I think it's really best week as my husband had his phone. You can't be on the phone if I can't be on the phone. No, but I had a thing because you do have these hot pictures of you. I mean, always, in your breathing suit. Thank you. Vacation. I'm on Instagram.

And it's funny because the guy was with these like, I'm not taking pictures of you for your soul. He wouldn't take pictures. And I was sent to my family. And I'm like, don't you want to support me? I'm trying to build a fitness business here. My kids are literally, I'm like, I'm gonna do a booty burn right here.

We're getting on the train to various as soon as you're super cool. It's like a booty burn. And they're like, mom, you're so embarrassing. I'm like, you guys all suck. Like, can't you just support me? Mom, no way. Like, this is an ongoing family conversation.

I don't know how out of them. Because I can't do it on my own. I'm like, my girlfriend. If I was with you, we would have the best videos ever. I need friends that, well, do my friends want, we're going to go on vacation. I on my own. I'm like my girlfriend. If I was with you, we would have best videos ever. I need friends that will do. My friends won't, we need to go on vacation. I will support you. I will, done.

We can talk about sex the whole time and make great videos. It's not sex videos. I'll do your booty burn. I'll burn my booty. We'll talk about sex. I know. I need more friends.

It's true. I need more friends that will support me in my social media habit. Because he calls it a GoPro. Like the guy in the trip that just taking your picture, but he is like a Faceless person. I totally feel you're I'm glad to hear that you're you're that David one also one. Oh totally He he doesn't just enough, but I have one really great girlfriend and she happens to be in the industry as well And I'm always with her and I'm like give me the phone. Let me do this. We're gonna cap. She's like I'm I know I'm the annoying friend

But I'm gonna be the friend that I don't have because I'm gonna get you every single thing you need for the social media for the next month Yeah, I do it because we know how we need this is there's so many reasons we have to hang I know you're doing that I'm glad we are, it's done Okay, I think that was great. Thank you for that section of the news Um you guys so and I'm gonna send you we should post this in the site I think these are some good tips for people because I think to post that too, because I think those are little simple, easy, easy things. And you know what, that like breeds more kindness and more appreciation and more thoughtfulness.

Right. I think it's funny, because we think, oh God, we're destined. We're not having sex things are horrible when there's really just, there's not a quick fix, but there's little tiny things that if you start doing even today, you're like, you know what, I'm gonna send this text right now that says,

I'm thinking about you, I love you, thanks for last night, that's the first step or you get home and you make sure that you kiss it for you. I mean, tiny things, big, tiny things. Tiny gestures, I'm gonna fix this up real quick because we had my husband, I ran like this funk and it was just like lasting too long

and finally like we were like talking in the morning and we're coughing and he's like, well, do you have any suggestions? Like, what are we supposed to do when I'm so stubborn? I'm like, I don't know and we're coughing. He's like, well, do you have any suggestions? Like, what are we supposed to do when I'm so stubborn? I'm like, I don't know what we're supposed to do. I don't know any suggestions. And he's like, okay, why don't you think about it? I want you to get back to me and see what you come up.

And this morning, it was this simple. It was hard for me to do it because I'm so stubborn. And I was like, okay, I'm getting back to you. And here's the thing. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I was like, we have to be sweeter and we have to cut a more. That was it. Great. And he responded to me and he was like, we have to be sweeter and we have to cut them more.

That was it. Great. And he responded to me and he was like, I was thinking the same thing. Like, this is so easy. It was like just that. We have to be sweeter. Like, be nice. Like, really sweet.

I said, my sex is, we have to be sweeter. I didn't say you. I said, we, I never say you. And I said, and I mean, really sweet. I'm like, cut them more. So how do you think you would be really sweeter today? You're going to move. You're going to help me answer some emails in a minute really sweeter today? We're gonna move. You're gonna have me other females in a minute. I'm gonna send that down. See this is so good and I think everyone right now can think about that.

Like how could you be sweeter? How could you be a little more affectionate? It's a nice partner. It's so easy. It's easy. Okay, we shouldn't make sex should be fun people. Relationship should be fun. Well sex should be fun. Relationships take work, but it shouldn't be as hard as we make it. Okay, let's um thank you. Brooke, we are going to answer some emails. Stick around. Yeah, love it. Thank you everyone for listening. Thank you for supporting our sponsors.

We love them and you know, I never talk about any products or anything. I have not tried and that I don't love myself. So we're right back with some emails. Thanks for listening. Hey everyone, thanks for hanging out. Thanks for emailing me. And thank you, Brooke, Burke. Why am I like stuff? I love it. This is the cutest thing ever. Come on, you can do it. Brooke, Burke, Charvet. Very nice. I love it. Where you say that. Charvet. And I speak French. I love it. It's a really beautiful name. Thank you. I love it.

Thank you for being here. And also, if I have not mentioned this, it will all be on our website, but people can check out your podcast, the naked mom podcast, and your social media, which I'm going to say right now. It's all hold on, which is all over. And you actually have to do the short that's just work for us. The book, the book, Twitter and Instagram. Check all that out. So thank you for being here and helping me answer these emails from my listeners who rock. So everyone, thank you for emailing me. And you all know that now you can easily text me your question.

Just text. I'm really good. I asked Emily one word. It's a successful time gig. Are you like living in hiding in this? I am. Your fans are so diverse. I know.

She literally is like reading and reaching out. Like this is so fun. I have a time. But it's something coming to my personal phone. But we get hundreds of emails in texts. I know. She literally is like reading and reaching out like this is so- I have a time, but it doesn't come into my personal phone. But we get hundreds of emails in text. But I think that your texts might, we might pay more attention though. They might jump to the top because we have so many emails.

I don't know, just try it. You guys, it's 7-9, 7-9, 7-9. You text one word, ask Emily and then you just get that form and you submit a question and it's so easy. You can also submit it from our website, sexwithm.com using the Ask Emily tab and also if you want to be called we are taking colors now so you just click on that when you're answering your question as a box says yes I'd like to be called and we will call you and we will change your life and happy with your questions as always include your information that

helps me your age where you live and how you listen to the show. Ready? I love that you're here healthy with this. I'm gonna call you with random questions. Anytime. Got my number. Hey Emily, thanks for great entertaining show. My question like many others focuses on the lack of sex in my relationship. My wife and I have been together for about 10 years

and we have twins who are a few years old. For the first two years, we had sex pretty much as often as possible. However, it's been a steady down spiral and now we're having sex about two times a month. Obviously, I want more. Every time we talk about it, she ends up taking the blame and getting angry or sad. The good news is, we've talked about porn and even watch porn together, though we both

were both shy about it in the beginning. The problem is, my wife thinks she needs to be turned on and ready to go immediately. She doesn't seem open to flirting, foreplay, or slowly getting turned on along the way. I want to be intimate more often with my wife, even if it doesn't lead to sex, how should we proceed to talk about this? Please help us make our everyday life hot again. Thanks for your show and your work, David Thirtie Norway. Any lessons at work? I'm a peerless and at work. I'm like, are you more productive, less productive? Okay, PS, we both masturbate from time to time, but my wife feels like she isn't supposed to

and all that intimacy should be with someone else. It's me with her, not sure this is a contributing factor. So let me back, this is an interesting question because typically women, we say that women, you know, that need more time to be aroused and to be turned on and want for play and he's saying that she just She doesn't want the sex. They have twins as we know we have kids your sex drive can just you know take a nose dive and worry about the kids and She you know send our words viral. She doesn't want sex and she won't but she won't do the things

That is interesting that we keep talking about so that we keep that I've often said on the show, the flirting, the four play of the arousal, and what can she do? And so it's interesting, I think, and I'd love to hear what you think about this when you heard it, but I liked your PS David, you weren't sure if you should include this, but you said your wife feels like she shouldn't masturbate. And to me, that a lot of this starts with that,

her core belief that masturbation is wrong, that it's not healthy, and that it should be saved for your sex life, which she's not really into. Not a fun. And so I think the fact that she's feeling shame around that, that maybe this could be some time for some, you said you're watching porn together,

and you were shy about it. It sounds like you got over it. But I mean, it sounds like, maybe there's some guilt associated because they're not having enough intimacy Together so she's feeling like she should be masturbating and self-cluduring herself Which actually would probably be good But he also said that she gets angry and for me like my initial thought what that is that's your sort of defensive

And I think he said the twins are two So okay, she's rolling that she's rolling out of her reproductive ears, clearly exhausted and twins come on. So, it's probably the last thing on her mind, and now he's got another request, which by the way, thank God he has it, and he's even taken the time to write to you. Right, amazing, I give this guy so much credit.

So much credit. And he's so open and so in tune with what's not happening, but it just sounds like she's reacting and probably not able to even like hear it and take it and figure out how to make it better. That's when you get angry. I go through that with my husband all the time too. Somebody makes a request. You feel like, you're feeling less than, you're feeling not capable, you're overwhelmed, and then you're pissed. And also like hormones, after two, I mean, it could be, they're kind of normal.

It is normal. The cycle of having in two kids and, I mean, but I love that he's even writing and trying and Suggesting and asking and clearly it's important enough that he wants to do the work. Exactly. I love that you wanted to work here I know here's a thing David There's a lot going on here first of all we both love you Brook and I were so happy that you wrote in this Really? And and I feel for you because you're trying really really hard to talk to her you've been together 10 years

You know, she's first of all, she's got twins. You guys have twins. It could be her hormones, she might be depressed, she might be exhausted. There's a lot going on. I'm wondering what she's got as a doctor. Get her hormones checked. I just think that's just really important for women, especially after a child birth to make sure that everything's cool and cupacetic.

I get that you, and that she doesn't really want to talk to you about it and she's shutting you down. So I'm wondering and she doesn't want to to talk to you about it and she's shutting you down. So I'm wondering and she doesn't want to masturbate. So I can understand you're like, help, what do I do? And so maybe if there's, and I'm not sure if it's your tone because a lot of times, it can be tone. Like, let's just have sex or let's, why aren't we having more sex or let's watch porn. It just sounds like she's shutting you down.

So maybe you need to soften the tone. And maybe your tone and the approach has to be like, I just want to see you turned out. I want to see you have enjoyment. So it could start with giving her a massage. I mean, I think when we talk about bringing intimacy back to a relationship, it sounds like there's no sex right now or intimacy. And so I think it's really helpful for couples to sometimes take sex off the table. So we like, you know what, I don't even care if we have sex.

Let's just reconnect intimately. So maybe you give her a massage, a foot massage, you know, set the atmosphere, you know, get a babysitter, turn off the phone and create an environment where she feels nurtured and she feels taken care of. And maybe she'll be able to open up then about what she wants. Because if she feels like you're going to want sex and you're going to want a blowjob and you're going to want all these things and she just feels like she probably can't give to another person because she's got the kids and it just may be like another thing.

So I feel like maybe flipping it and just kind of being nurturing towards her and kind of just saying I just want her for you. That sounds really good and you know maybe I mean tell me what you think I'm only doing but maybe even just partnering up in the reality of the dynamic of the relationship has changed. We have you know two very important people now that we're caring for. We're exhausted. Rather than that, sometimes for me as a woman,

it's like, oh God, here we go again. Are you gonna be complaining about the lack of sex that we're not having again? That's so to put me not put me in the mood. It's the last thing you want to get. It's a pro, right? It's a pro. It's a pro.

And tone and timing. And so I think if you're just like, you know what, you can even say to David, listen, I feel like I've been pressing you a lot. I get it. You don't, if you don't want to sex, so you don't, I mean, I want to be the last thing you need to pressure for me. So, but I do think our time together is important is intimacy. So, I care about us. I care about us. So, what would be a night? What would be your dream night? She might say, I want to go to my favorite restaurant or I

want to get dessert or I want to sit and watch a movie without the kid. I mean, ask her what she needs right now. And then from that situation, you could say, it's okay if we don't have sex, take it off the table and start to build your intimacy again and build it around things that she wants to do because we don't know that. You don't know what she's craving or what she needs right now. So I would just, again, take sex away and ask her some questions. Thank you, David.

Let us know how it goes. Hey, Emily, I'm a new listener to your podcast. I'm loving the content. I'm going on five years of marriage and have a two and a half year old son. Sex with my husband is good, but I know it can be better. I've never had more than one orgasm at any one sexual encounter. Is this caused by a weak pelvic floor? I want to experience multiple orgasms that everyone is having.

I don't know if it is. Really, like how? Exactly. I know that orgasm isn't and shouldn't know if it is. Really like how that happens. Exactly. I know that orgasm isn't and shouldn't be the goal of sex, but still, can you recommend something that I can do and exercise and perhaps thank you for your time Nicole 26 Utah. Okay Nicole, five years of marriage, two and a half year old son.

Now, the reason why you're not having multiple orgasms, probably is nothing to do with your, is nothing to do with your pelvic floor. I'm sure. If you haven't had it before, like if you told me that you were having multiples and not or not, we could look at that, but you've never had a multiple orgasm, weak pelvic floor is a separate thing. It's really important, especially after a child, you know, after having a child that you should be doing your key electrolysis and keeping your pelvic floor healthy and strong and having a strong pelvic floor can help you have stronger orgasms. That is true. In fact, like G-spot, like since when I'm doing them all the time, I'm like walking around and I'm like, I can

just have an orgasm now. So yes, that can help you. But again, I, and so you should, yes, start doing your kegels. Do you know what I have an iPhone app called kegel camp? No. Yes. I think it's great. It reminds you to do your act every day. I like to see that. It gives you a lot of work. It pops up and it reminds you to do them. So that's important, but I think the reason why you probably

haven't ever had a multiple orgasm is because you just probably haven't, you don't know how, and you haven't tried. So again, for some women, lucky women, they just kind of have, it happens. They just have an orgasm like our refractory period is a lot less than men, a lot shorter shorter and there's just some women you could Keep having them but for some you have to I had to learn there's several women have worked in my office I've taught them not hands on but we've talked about it that I think that we've these limiting beliefs like I had one orgasm

I'm done. I'm out a lot of it will happen probably during masturbation So Nicole if you've time to masturbate or if your partners on board you guys can experiment together So Nicole, if you've time to masturbate or if your partner's on board, you guys can experiment together but it's typically after you have one orgasm like a literal orgasm and you just keep so you can't still be touched like you don't still want your clothes on your scrub. But if you just you know your husband goes back to like kissing you and you know teasing your nipples or doing something else and then going back Maybe with his mouth or with his penis or however you orgasm, you can learn to build it up again. I was going to, I have more to say about this, but I was wondering how you're taking on multiple orgasms from.

Well, I was going to ask you a question if I could, because what I was thinking is, if you're having an amazing, fulfilling, deep, mind blowing orgasm, that might be really satisfying. I'm wondering, is her one orgasm as good as it could be, rather than the pressure of everybody's, first of all, everybody's not having multiple orgasms. That's just, let's just get real right now. Right, thank you for saying that.

Sorry, but come on. And if they are, they're probably faking a couple of them. But if you focus maybe on just making that any orgasm, just unbelievable. Like personally, I don't know that I don't really need to have no one at this level. No one was like, I wiped. know that I don't really need to have no right. No one is like wiped. Right.

I'm pretty satisfied. Right. No, you're absolutely right. That's what I was thinking. That's what I was thinking. That's what I was thinking. I'm so glad you said that because, right, Nicole, who are these people? Everyone's having multiple orgasms.

First of all, I don't know. Like, some people do, some people don't. You're right. And maybe one is not. It's not that every, I'm not going to tell you that every woman can have multiples is, it's not that every, I'm not gonna tell you that every woman can have multiples either, because then you'll be like, I'm not sure. I mean, it doesn't mean like back to back.

Like back to back, yeah. But it's like having one and then waiting a few minutes and then having another one. No, it's that. It's like rolling through like bam, bam, bam. Like what do you, it's different for women, but typically for women who even have multiples, it could be different, but you can have one

and then there's like a little down period and then it could come again. And for some women, though, it can roll one right after that. And that lasts for like two minutes, so like three minutes. Exactly. Is that considered a multiple or is that considered a really long orgasm? Well, you know, that's how you say it. Who knows? Sometimes like, was there a little dip in there?

Maybe we can tell that to you. Right. I want to call that three, just for sake of time. Exactly. Like, well, it should be called three, at least if it that three, just for sake of time. Exactly. Well, it should be called three, at least if it was two minutes. That's worthy. Right. But, but Nicole, the thing is right,

maybe your orgasms amazing and you're what? Some women just like, they're like, no, I'm done. But if you want to learn, I'm just saying that you could try it. And I will not guarantee that every woman can do anything. Just like, every man can't do everything. Biberators can also help. I know that there was a woman working here. Laurie, and she said to me, we were trying out a new, that's one of our jobs here, more interns and work here.

You have to try out bibrators. And we got the Wevibe Touch, which I love. It's one of my great, literal bibrators. And she said to me, I've never had a multi-border danceman I'd like to. And I said, okay, well, have you ever tried? She said, no. I mean, I've kind of tried when I'm masturbating, but I don't know.

And again, whenever we have these goal-oriented things with sex, oftentimes they don't work because I think what you said is right. You can take that right. You're off. Yeah. You're so in your head, it probably won't happen. But that said, I said to her when she would help.

I said, listen, just, I gave her the basic that after you have one, you don't just roll over and get on your phone. You can say, okay, I'm feeling the sensation I had orgasm and then start just keep pledging yourself to play with your nipples or just start to whatever it is to think, your sexy thoughts that turn you on. And then you kind of revisit, go back down to your clitoris or your g spot and get turned on again. But what happened was I gave her this vibrator and the next day we were doing a review on it and she came in and I said, so how was it?

And she said, I had five. I had five or less. No way. Yes, it's a great vibrator. But how about vibrator? I do. I do. I was going to say, I'll review a touch.

It's amazing. Yes. So we've had a touch. Yes. I love it. It's a great, it's just, it's like handheld. It's great for intercourse as well. If you need a little extra glitter on this.

I'm curious. So Nicole, we taught, and now so there's some great posts on my site about multiple orgasms, but I think that definitely do your kiggles will help. And again, don't be so focused on I'm sure orgasms are great, but you can learn to do it just like afterward you have your orgasm just don't shut it off yet.

Keep your sexual energy flowing. You can help through breath as well. So that's the other thing is that breathing deep and staying in your arousal and just letting that energy after your orgasm, just kind of breathing and letting it keep the sexual energy, I sound so like... Nobody can help for it. Nobody can help for it. But again, letting that energy, like keeping it alive in your body can also help. So,

there's a few different practices. I think if you try, it could happen. Of course. But don't put yourself up if you don't. How's that? Good. Hi, Emily. I'm a 32 year old man who's never been very comfortable talking to women or people in general for that matter. I grew up as a scrawny, awkward kid and I've never been able to shake that image of myself. I constantly, if people telling me how handsome I am or assuming that I've no trouble with the ladies would in fact I've had a paralyzing fear of rejection for as long as I can remember. How can I get over this thanks for your time and all your wisdom on this podcast?

Drew 31 San Francisco. Oh, this is deep. I know. This is a big one. It is. It makes me sad hearing that I hate the thought of considering someone not having self-compassion and self-love and confidence, I mean, and I know it's especially when he's getting all these compliments

and you can't take it in and feel it and believe it. Right, it's confidence. It's a, like, cultivating our confidence for men and for women is like the most important work that we can do. And my heart goes out for men because I get a lot of emails from this. I hear from a lot of listeners who, especially men,

I mean, I feel my heart goes out to them because there is so much pressure on guys to make the first move to ask a woman out to sexually make you know that move and I feel like they think they have to know Everything they know all the right things to say and really it is and for many men like true It does become paralyzing It really is like it is such a fear that something bad is going to happen. And so, Drew, all I can tell you is that just like everything that we talk about on the show, it's practice. And I promise you that the more that I'm going to give you an assignment, Drew, I just want

you to, for the next few weeks, every time you leave the house, I just want you to practice like talking to, let's say, three people a day. And it doesn't even have to be someone that you're attracted to. It could just be men, women, whoever and just talk to them. Like it can don't even overthink it. I mean, think about it if you're like talking to your friends. I'm sure we're friends, you know, you're comfortable. So think about it if you're waiting in line at Starbucks, you're like, oh, you know,

it's just always been this longer line. Are you tried their new unicorn? Is that things still around? They're unicorn smoothie? No, whatever the hell it is. They have a smoothie. They have a, a smore as well now. Just, it's little baby steps.

Baby steps of practice, because dating and talking to someone, it's a muscle. So that the practice of approaching and talking and building conversation is not something that we're born with. Just like talking about sex is something that you have to learn. And so I think that I want you to do just to like start, even if people work talking to them, having a conversation, listening,

and it'll get easier, it just will. And you have to realize too that when you get rejected, which you will drew, we all get rejected, you're not gonna die, you're gonna be fine, you're gonna, you're still gonna live. It's not, that wasn't meant to be. That wasn't meant to be. It wasn't meant to be, and you're gonna learn

from all of these. And it sounds like you have a lot of great friends around you who are supporting you. It's just, I feel like for you, it's like ripping a bandit after you, like, just start doing it. You know what I was thinking about? I do this when I teach my booty burn class and I do this at, when I end every class and I do this for a lot of women who don't have self confidence. And I say to them, if you feel uncomfortable in this exercise that I give women in my class every day, I go, you have to do it even more than the confident woman.

So here's sort of how it works. It's a quiet personal compliment that you give yourself every day. And you have to think it, you have to saturate yourself in compassion and love. So it could be anything like, I don't know, Drew, like you give yourself a personal compliment. Something about yourself, you have to find something. One thing a day. I'm a great friend, or all I needed with them

you know, I always say that to myself, like all I need, like I don't need anything else at myself. Yeah, that's that myself. And you say it to yourself, and then you believe it. So you take it in, you say it, nobody else is gonna hear it. So there's like no shame in this. And then you believe it.

And you make a practice every single day to give yourself one compliment, and then soon you start to really have a sense of self-in-appreciation and self-love. And I think that probably will give you a lot of confidence. I think writing stuff down, like that is very helpful. Writing and even writing your negative thoughts that you have, getting them all out and then flipping it,

and thinking, what is the positive side of that? And remembering like a positive mantra, the other thing Drew is going to say is if it, besides just talking to people and other, you're in San Francisco, that's like my, my hometown. It feels like it's, that's like what my heart is. But I feel like Drew, you know all those invites you get like the Facebook invites or whatever is, I want you to say yes, also to every invite you get for the next month and just go because these are parties, these are friends of yours are friends of friends who are having events. So this is, these aren't even strangers.

Just go to an event, it's summertime, go out, meet people and just start talking people. And then you're gonna, you're gonna get that social, that those skills get comfortable. You're gonna get used to that. Exactly.

It's gonna be no big deal. And by the way, even super confident guys, by the way, have fear in this area too. So don't think like, you know, this is only a personal thing. I mean, there are studs out there who have like fear of, who get rejected and who have fear of speaking

to women and don't know what to say and like stutter and trip over there. Like, everybody goes through this. Everybody goes through it, but you have to go through this now. Like, I know that in the more you wait, it's getting more. So just do it, drill. Do it. Just do it today. Thanks Drew. Okay. Thank you so much. Brooke. It was a pleasure. It was a pleasure. I love your show. I really appreciate what you're doing.

I love you being here. I appreciate what you're doing. You're helping people. I appreciate what you're doing. Thank you for being here. I'm doing my best. Thank you for being here. This was very helpful.

I love your advice. Everyone check out your podcast and naked mom podcast. Thank you. And this is all also available on my website. Are we all good here? I love my team. I love you all. Thank you so much.

Thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for team. I love you all. Thank you so much. Thanks everyone for listening. It was a good pleasure having me. Thank you. Email me feedback at sexwithendly.com.