Sex With Emily - Sex Toy Threesomes

Episode Date: March 6, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is talking about ways to get your partner on the sex toy train and why it’s not necessary to make crazy changes to your sex life to add variety. Emily gives a few tweaks to kick your sex up a notch, tips on choking in the bedroom to stay safe and what to do if you have finger hygiene issues. Plus, a few recommendations to amp up your nipple play. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: CalExotics: Jopen Pave, Pjur, Karezza, Gainswave, and SiriusXM. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily. For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm talking about ways to get your partner on the sex toy train, and why you don't have to make a bunch of crazy changes to your sex life to add variety. Topics include finally adding that third to the bedroom, and a maxi-tag-bott-sex toys. But we also talk about threesomes all the time. A few tweaks that can take your sex up a notch or five, choking. How to do it and be safe. And what to do if you're having some finger hygiene issues? All this and more, thanks for listening. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a fight on day Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute

The girls gonna ever stand a mime The women know about shrinkage Isn't it common, what do you mean like laundry? It's shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Ah, my mom, my mom, I want to feel so grown Being bad feels pretty good But you know, Avaline's not the kind of girl you just play with Kidding me? Oh my God, I'm so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, podcast, wherever you listen to podcasts,

and you can find us on social media across the board. It's at Sex with Emily. All right, I'm here with Jamie. Hello there. Hi. All right, guys, we're gonna get right into it. Right now, here we are, Sex Toys. Don't, don't, don't, don't.

You know, we talk a lot about Sex Toys on the show, but I don't think we have lately to the point where I feel like it's time to have this conversation with all of you, because I know we're going to a lot more questions about sex toys, they're not going anywhere, they're actually getting a lot better, they're a lot more accessible, and we still get 10 questions of people. You guys are always saying, how do I let my partner know that I want to use a sex toy. You know what we hear is like from where man is the only way I can orgasm or my partner is going to be jealous or are they going to you know leave me or or even partners who are threatened by toys. They're afraid that

it's going to replace them or their partner is going to somehow you know I don't know it's going to be better than them, and there's gonna be no more need for the penis. And that is just not the case. They're not just for women. Sex toys feel amazing for so many men. Like just even if you use toy, the toys that you use for yourself, a woman you could use it on your partner,

like on the shaft, on the balls. So really the thing is here, I wanna give you guys some tips on how to actually go about bringing it into your relationship because I feel like there is still the stigma and people to stop. And they also believe that there's some kind of like inferiority complex about their orgasms that like, oh, well, this orgasm came from a vibrator or it came from, I don't know where else, the bathtub.

That's not a faucet. And that's not a real orgasm. It doesn't count because the only orgasm that's great is if, if, if, I don't know where else, the bathtub. That's not a faucet. And that's not a real orgasm. It doesn't count because the only orgasm that's great is if heterosexual like PV sex, penis goes into vagina. And that's just not true. And the truth is you guys, I also am just telling you this because toys adds so much variety and sensation and explosion to your sex life. And a lot of us what we crave in our sex lives

and in our relationship is something a little bit different because doing sex the same way all the time can get stale. And we also know that only 20% of women orgasm threw it, of course, alone, without more collateral simulation. So that said, I want you guys to have the conversation to bring it in and I don't want it to be awkward or weird or having to feel bad about it, but I do want you to do it in a way that's going to help you all have more pleasure.

So I think you got to talk about it outside the bedroom. Just like all those other, just like all those other conversations I tell you to have about your sex life outside the bedroom you guys, make sure that you guys are on the same page. I don't think it's a great idea to just to whip it out. Now I do that. I was thinking about this because I thought, well, how have I introduced them? And I've had the luxury of it being my job. And so if you've gotten to the point and we're dating and you've entered my bedroom, you know that I am all about toys, I'm all about Lou, I'm all about pleasure. I'm going to tell you guys a real life story. This is not my last, this is a previous partner a about Lou, but I'm all about pleasure. I'm gonna tell you guys a real life story.

This was not my last, this was a previous partner where I'll go, but I said to him, so you know I love toys, they're awesome. What do you think? He goes, yeah, I had this partner once and that was the only way she could get off. This is how our relationship started, because it was the only thing.

She had this vibrator and I just felt bad about it and she couldn't have orgasms other way. I said, okay, well, would you be cool? I've got some great toys. I'd love to show you and I think you'll just find it really fun and sexy in the better. So he was like, oh yeah, yeah, no, I don't think it's bad. I get that women need it. I felt like I couldn't please her and she would just kind of turn away with her toy and didn't make me a part of it. And I'm like, okay, well, that's, that we talked about it. I'd love to use some with you. I think that you'll find it interesting

and maybe have a different experience with me because I think they add a lot to my pleasure and I think they could add some pleasure to yours. How have you done it, James? I've just been, I'll go to my partner, I've only used it with one partner, to be honest. And I was like, hey, you know my job, this is what I do, I have only used it with one partner, to be honest. And I was like, Hey, you know my job, this is what I do. I have a lot of things. And I think it would be fun to try

them out. Would you want to try them with me? And he said, Yeah, I'm a game. I'm open. And then the only it was funny because we were talking about before this, this guy that I saw twice on the second time seeing him was talking about like, what do you like in the bedroom? Have you used toys, all those things? And he was like, I'm open to it, it just never have. So if you ever want to bring them along, and I was like, little do you know, mimic is in my purse.

Right, mimic. Yeah. We love the mimic toy, yeah. It's a very... But then the, I don't know, but that's not a person that I actually came to fruition with. my purse. Right. The mimic. Yeah. We love the mimic toy. Yeah. It's a little bit. But then the, I don't know, but that's not a person that actually came to fruition with it. Right.

But no, but you got it. But that's what all we're saying is like, even me, though, it's my job. Like, they're gonna know it's gonna be in their future. But just kind of say, hey, so, I mean, a great way to have is outside the bed. You know, I was thinking, I have this toy that I use, and I would love to show it to you.

But we could do some mutual masturbation later, or ask him, have you ever used to it? Literally, have you ever used to it in the bedroom? See what they say? No, I have it, but I'll be open or no, aren't they weird or no, you can make, well, I have one that I really think that you would think was hot. Let's, are you cool with that? So I have that talk first outside the bedroom. Also, you want to use eye

statements. And so it's more like saying something, I think that it would be really hot to use a toy with you. I'd love you to use one on me. It really, I can have these really cool orgasms and it gives a lot of pleasure. And I'd also like to try that. I knew rather than saying, would you do this or I want you to try this toy in me or I want you to just be here like to say why you want like how it's going to make you feel and inviting them into the process. Make it a part of the both of you. Exactly. Instead of, hey, I want to wear this cop ring for me, you could say it would turn me on so much

to see you use this ring. That's a better kind of a better way to focus on it. And then I think it's also important. This is so key, you guys. It's so key to explain why. Why do you want to use a toy with them? Like, what's the purpose? It's not, you know, obviously we talked, I talked earlier about they might feel like they're being replaced or they're not satisfying you. So I think, you know, letting them know

and describing to and like, mentioning how, and this is the truth, you guys, how you feel that it would be a new experience that would bring you closer together is a great way to go about it. Because it actually really is intimate. I think people think about it as like this divisive thing, like it's this wedge.

When really it's a connector, you can explore a new territory together. They get to, you know, maybe use a toy on you and see how your body reacts to a vibrator being gaped around your neck or down your side or on your nipples, or it's not just about the, errrr, orgasm. There's a lot of different ways, and so...

That's so true. It really is. It's more intimate to use them than it is to not... Exactly. ...to keep them completely separate. Really? It is? ...because it's sharing a whole other part.

Yeah? Wow. That was like a lipal in my head. You said that. Just a way of like our perspective of that I honestly like maybe subconsciously thought of but never. It really I have to tell you every time I've used one and I've had years of experience now it always does. It's like becomes I've never had someone be weird usually they're like bring your toy like we get into it and it is intimate and it is new. It's and again you you guys, whenever we try something new,

even if toys are not your jam, think about this for the first time you guys maybe roleplay or watch porn together or read a rhodica together in the bathtub, which is super sexy. Like the first time you do or take a painting class, these are things that enhance your intimacy in your connection because you're trying something new. I like Jamie Gipley's thoughts. Over sex toys, that we talk about a lot, but it's true, every day there's new things, ways to hear it. And then you guys know this, your partner might not be down,

they might have concerns, they might have previously had an experience, they might have an opinion about it or just say, well, I guess if I don't do it for you, I guess we're not good together. It's always good to have a clarifying question. So for example, if they say, oh, you need a toy now, am I going to replace? You could just say, what exactly do you mean by that? Or tell me more.

That's always a great qualifier. Like tell me more. You think you'd be replaced? I love that, well, you know, people use toys and then there's going to be robots and you can just go back to, all right. well, I just think that we can try it once and see how you feel, but I really think it's something that you're gonna find hot. I mean, you really ask them,

get kinda get deeper on what their real concerns are because when you kind of push people or challenge people on these things, what you'll often find is that their concerns are sort of silly left over from something they heard years ago or maybe one bad experience, much like anal. People have a bad first time, they don't want to try it again. And then you can kind of help them realize that, well, maybe your belief isn't necessarily

the truth anymore, or we could try something else, and if you don't like it. And so just listen to them. You'd rather than steam rolling over them with your magic wand. It seems like a toy that you would steam roll with. Okay, and then you play shop together again, shopping together enhances the intimacy. You guys could like it's bonding. If you ever just for fun gone to a sex toy

store with your partner, it is so much fun. I have loved that like and especially now it's fun when I'm like what's the equivalent I guess? If I was going into your own closet, like going to a closet. No, but like if I was a... Just going into your own closet. Like going into your own closet. No, but like if I was a chef and I was like, here's my kitchen, I'm going to whip you up

a fabulous souffle. When I brought, I remember bringing someone I was dating into the pleasure chest in, or I think I, I was someone I was dating I brought them into good vibrations and I just felt so cool. I was like, oh, this toy and that's it. And they're like, wow, this is so fun.

Like they had never seen it. So team effort, you guys, I think a lot of these things we're talking about to enhance your sex life should be both of you, both of you together on the same page, going shopping in a store, they are very trained. If you go to places like Pleasure Chest or Bay Blan, or good vibes, if you live in cities or go online, you guys go to our website. We've got a great store there. I always think start simple, you guys. You want to make sure that if your partner is overwhelmed, you don't want to start out with the ones

that are like intimidating. And let me just be honest, if you bring in like a huge, phallic shaped vibrator the first time, I think we could start, that's not probably not the best idea. Yeah. Start with a little literal vibe. Start with a penis ring.

We love the pivot. We love the hot octopus. We love the wevi pivot. We love, which is a great cock ring, which is also great for literal stimulation. It's kind of a toofr, which is why I love the pivot. The atom plus is another great ring that you could wear during intercourse.

Screaming O makes some great starter rings. If you just want to try out and see if you like it. Plus, also plus one. Oh my god, I love the Plus Run Cochrane. Check out plus one and that's super reasonably priced. Again, these are all on our site. Oh my god, the B-Vie butt plugs are like, they're the most amazing line of butt plugs that have ever entered the universe. Like, Alicia started the company.

She's all about butt plugs, which I love that sex toys have gotten so specific. Like, literally, it is called B-Vib, which is like butt plugs are us, is what she could be called. And they're cool colors, and they're not. They're cool colors and shapes and sizes. Exactly, and that's what I think is making them

not intimidating, because they're not, they're not these like weird, crazy looking things. They actually kind of look like fun little joystick. Yeah, they're like fun little like, of course I'll put this neon pink little fun thing in my butt. That sounds fun. It looks like a toy.

It's like a squeegee. It's a stress ball. No, it goes to my anus. So they're really fun. And I think they're super clever. They're marketing. They're packaging. They got tips anyway.

I love them. A Nero's prostate massagers. Those are great for prostate play. And then the other thing is, jopin' because they're toys after women. They've got these freaking, they've got this pavegrine that is so beautiful. I was like, oh, we cried, we saw them at the show, we cried tears of, of Shwarf ski, Shwarf, I can never say it, Swarf ski crystals, Sh Swarfsky, it's like Yiddish, but it's not. Swarfsky crystals.

They have ones called the Diana, the Grace, and they look like the Tiffany's Blue Box, and they've got finger vibes, and so those are the early fun. Those are some of my favorite. So those are some tips to bring them into the bedroom, because don't make apologies if you need it. Just bring along what you need.

This is the year, this is the time, this is the day, this is the week for women to start taking responsibility for what they know brings them pleasure in the bedroom, what they require, what they need. If you need lub, you need condoms, you need toys, you need quiet, you need music, you need to candle, you need a massage, ask for what you want. Your partner wants to please you.

So what would you say? If potentially you're talking to your male partner and they're just even your female partner Maybe they're not into it for whatever reason and they're so just nodding to it and you've tried to listen to their concerns and just try that once What's the best avenue of? Still trying your best to incorporate that because you know, something's like nope, nope, and nope. I mean, it's like anything you guys, it's really, if your partner is adamant, I'm just trying to think of what would be their case. You could say, okay, well, I hear what you're saying. And then I would let it go for a little bit. Maybe if they're like that

adamant. And then I would say, well, could I show it to you? Maybe I could like give you a massage on your back with it and just see how it feels Because here's a thing you guys you grab some friggin' woo more play Coconut love oil, which I'm obsessed with you guys this stuff is like It's a lube. I don't like you doing that noise It's a lube, but it's also a massage oil It has this vanilla scent it tastes like vanilla you can eat it and then you don't even your body just feel soft after I'm using anyway You could say okay, baby, I get it. Well, what if we just do a massage is to each other?

Like, I'd love, because that's another thing. If your partner says no to toys, I hope they're really open to learning sensual massage because that's another great intimacy tool. So if not, you could be like, I'm telling you, taking a vibrator with some oil or, you know, that feels great too. That's what I would say.

I guess another thing, Jay, is like, okay, well, I'm interested in spicing it up. What do you have in mind? What would you? Like, let's talk about your fantasies. What would you like to do to mix up the variety of our sex life? Try to find ways to compromise, find something else. But you'll never find something else. All right. So, all right, guys, some other things we got gotta talk about is how to make your regular sex moves more interesting. There's a few sex positions that we all know, we all know missionary, doggie style, woman on top, and then we're like, uh, what else is there?

And often get those questions and variety again, you guys important, so here's some varieties, some ways to play with what you already know. Missionary sex position gets a bad rep, for sure. Bad reputation, people think it's boring, and it's just a classic position. And it can't get that way if you're just kind of in an out pounded, or a mission. That's a guy coming right away after three, popping, and it's not fair because you can really make this a more connected position.

Just like relax into it, you can make eye contact with each other, I think you can make eye contact, you can breathe together, you could add some light bondage to it and have your hands tied above your bed. You could use a blindfold. It's bondagey. It's dominant submission, but it's still missionary. So there you go.

There's a sense taken away, which makes everything else more intense. I like the idea also of the coitle alignment technique. We have a blog on it. Probably a few on our website, sexandme.com, but that is a great position that can help a lot of women have orgasms more easily because your partner is on top instead of a back and forth, it's more of an up and down grinding motion.

So your partner would be on top of you and sort of grinding, like his head would be a little bit more above yours. Another twist to girl on top, which is a very popular position, woman on top, someone's on top. Reverse cowgirl. I don't think people do that one enough because they also don't know that you can do variations on that to make it more pleasurable because some people, it's, when you've never done it before. I remember when the first time I had a guy like attempted to have me do that

and I straight up looked at him and was like, I don't know how to do that. Yeah. Why did I have one, you're right, you wouldn't. And then it's, it's, it's, it's a maneuver. But you'll figure it out. You figure it out. You just kind of like, what I do is I usually just kind of lay.

So if I'm, if I'm in girl, if I'm in on top of facing it, I'm facing my partner him. I lay back, like I'll go forward, and then I just kind of twist around, like you just kind of place your legs, like you spin around, but like slowly, like so now my legs are on either side of his torso, then I shift around being care mindful of the penis.

To his face, look at me. No, the reason why I'm looking at you like that is because I'm just imagining like the tea cup ride at Disneyland. Right, that reason why I'm looking at you like that is because I'm just imagining like the tea cup ride at Disneyland. Right, that's what I mean. You're just changing your position. Or you could also get off of the penis. That sounds bad. And then mount it again. Yeah, because I've tried the reverse. You could twist it. Cal girl position on a penis that was curved and it did not go well. Right. Because I didn't get off and I kind of tried to turn

and I didn't really know which way to move and it kind of bent his penis. And it was just like, okay, so. Okay, so you could dismount the penis and then get back onto the penis. Like, but you don't have to get off the bed. You can just kind of get off and then kind of keep your hand on it

so like, I'm not going anywhere babe and then get back on. So then you're turned around and why this is hot is because you have easy access to your clitoris. You can be rubbing your clitoris. It's a great time to use a toy and you could be kind of going up and down until grinding or you could lay all the way back so you're laying on their chest. Your back is on their chest and you're kind of going up and down like moving back and forth.

I think that's my favorite way to do it. It's a great one. And then they get to see your body move and your ass. They grab your ass. It's hot. There you go. Twist it up. And then we got doggy style.

So here's a twist on doggy style, which is already hot. Ah. Instead of just kneeling on all fours, bending over couch or kitchen table, or in the bathroom, like on the sink looking at the mirror. Have you done that, Jay? Yes, especially in a new flat one. Yeah, you guys, because then you watch it

in real time with the mirror and your neck doesn't get all achy and also it's just a lot easier that way. I love leaning up against anything, when I'm doing doggie style. It's really fun. Hi, you're leaning up against the wall, stick your butt back. And little spanking could be fun in this position.

Adding in a paddle. Adding in a paddle, yeah, you could use a hand, you could use a paddle, a blindfold to it would be hot. Yeah, and remember, there's different variations to it too. Like if you want to still do it on the bed, the woman on the bottom, tightening your legs, keeping your legs closer together. And each time it makes it also make it more friction

and, you know, for you and your partner. And then, if your legs are flat and your stomach, yeah. All right. It just kind of slips on it. It slips in, it slips in. Exactly, it just kind of slips in. And it can feel good. Like I like it that way.

And like twist my legs around, make it tighter, and like do my kegels against the penis when I'm on feel good. Like I like it that way. And like twist my legs around, make it tighter, and like do my kegels against the penis when I'm on my stomach. Have you done it that way? Yeah, I mean, my favorite from, because I love doggy style, but my favorite is straight up just like making a right angle triangle with my body. So facing the, face in a pillow,

ass in the air. Yeah, super close together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like with your like super close together. Like a pike. Yeah, ass in the air. Yeah, super close together. Yeah. Like with your super close together. Like a pike. Yeah, that's my favorite. Yeah, yeah. Okay, good, see, I like them all.

I like mix them up, which is great you guys, because you probably haven't tried them all. So if you've just been doing doggy style one way, let's try it different ways. There you go. All right guys, we are gonna take a quick break. We come back, we're going to take quick break. We come back. We're going to get into your emails. Alright guys, I love answering your questions.

It's why I do what I do here on the planet. If you want a question, answer to go to sexbelmy.com, click the ask Emily tab, fill out the short form. Check yes if you'd like to be called or email feedback at sexfamily.com, include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. But real quick, this is a great time to mention Sirius XM because I want you guys to know I've mentioned this but I'm doing a daily show five days a week on Sirius XM which is amazing and I've been loving it and what I realize is I really love

talking to you guys. It's been so cool. So even if you don't have serious XM, you could either a get a free 30 day trials if you like it and you can listen to it on an app, you can listen to it online. Sector.com.sas.exm, but also it is Monday through Friday, five o'clock Pacific to seven o'clock Pacific. You can call us even if you can listen. Triple eight, nine, four, seven, eight, two, seven, seven.

Okay, Jamie, wanna read the questions? I do. This first one comes to us from Caitlin, who's 25 in Kansas. She writes, hey Emily, I've loved listening to your show for the past year. I've been seeing this guy on and off casually for about that long,

and it's been mostly friends with benefits. I've never had an orgasm from anything, any guy I've been with has done from sex to oral the same goes with this guy And he wants me to come and tries different positions and asks me what to do where to put his hand etc I just can't get there. I know my own body very well and masturbate regularly with no issues in the orgasm department and can't help I get frustrated that even with my directions to guys I can't ever finish. I can't help but think this is a mental thing Even though there is no past trauma or anything that will cause that.

Help a girl out to achieve orgasm greatness. Thanks. Okay, Caitlin, here's what I got. This guy that you're seeing casually finds benefits. Next time you guys see each other, I would say, oh, you know what I've been thinking? I've been thinking about how, you know, sometimes I try to show you what to do during sex and to give me orgasm because I orgasm, like I just masturbate today thinking about you and I had a huge orgasm fantasizing about us together.

And what I thought was, I think I'm getting into my head a little bit when I'm trying to show you and making me a little like, I don't know, I'm like orgasm blocking myself, make it fun and just say, but I would love to kind of show you together, like maybe we could do some mutual masturbation where we're laying next to each other on the bed and you could watch me masturbate and then I could watch you masturbate which is really hot or maybe he just watches you first and you know make it like and then you could see what I'm doing

because babe I don't know how it explains you but wow how how would it be if you you know knew how my body worked. You could also say, just let them know that and say, so when I'm guiding you in the bedroom next time, like, I just want you know that I might be my head a little bit. So, so maybe you could just, you know, put your hand over his and maybe he'll be more receptive knowing that it's a place of vulnerability for you. And I also think that if you are still getting in your head, this really is about being more mindful and going back to the moment, because I think if you have a real honest conversation

with him, you won't be worried a much, because I think what you're probably thinking is, he's not doing it right, or he thinks I'm weird that I'm showing him, and I'm afraid I'm not gonna orgasm, and he have all these things in your head. So if you clear that out ahead of time with him, and then you're more mindful of your thoughts.

You can just go back to the moment and focus on like the pleasure that you're having, how he's trying to please you. Remember to breathe. And remember a lot of his probably just figuring out what exactly kind of literal stimulation you require from him and he's learning too. So make a little more easy and casual.

Thank you, Caitlin. This next one comes to us from Terry, who's 43 in Ohio. She writes, My husband and I are looking for recommendation for nipple clamps. We've never used them before and really don't know where to start. Are there beginner nipple clamps? The choice of clamps depend on level of sensitivity or desired sensation. For me, I'm super sensitive and can actually orgasm with nipple stem alone. Who knew that was possible, right? Any product recommendations? Thanks. Oh, Terry, we knew it was possible,

but we haven't had one yet here, it's accidentally. But I love that you have nipple orgasms. Nipple orgasms are a very common orgasm that women can have really can be a lot easier to achieve, but a lot of women don't take the time figuring that out. And nipple clamps are a great way to start. So here's the thing. but a lot of women don't take the time figuring that out. And nipple clamps are a great way to start. So here's the thing.

There are some really cool ones that you can vary the sensitivity. You can, I like the bound to please nipple clamps. If you go to our website and you click on the store, what's really cool about these, just like put a nipple clamps into our store because they have a, they have screws on them that are connected by like a removable chain. And so you can tighten the grip just from very, very light to intense.

So you can play with them, your partner can play with them, by just kind of moving a little screw that gets them a little bit tighter, and a little bit tighter, so you can actually play with them, and they're really sexy looking. They have a few pairs that are great. So yes, absolutely get ones that you can vary. You can go from, you know, sensitive to, you can go from tight to whatever, whatever I said.

The ones that you can go from light to intense. So I think that'd be a great solution. And then also, I think use some lube. If you haven't tried that on your breasts, that feels amazing. Cool. All right. Okay, this next one is from Mario, 38 in California. He writes, hello Emily, long, long time listener,

love your podcast. I've been with my girlfriend about nine years now. We have two kids and eight year old and a four monthold. As you can tell, we don't use protection, LOL. Now we both agree, no more kids, and to start using condoms, but I can't take hard when I have a condom on. I try everything from deep breaths, sturdy talk, different positions, etc. But once I put the condom on, I go soft. I even bought the ultra-thin ones and still nothing. Any suggestions would help big time. All right Mario, thank you for listening to the podcast for so long.

I love it. Thank you for emailing. Okay. There probably is some mental thing going on. I think that a lot of guys get tripped up on like early experience for condoms ever being like it's like we're in a ring code. I can't feel anything. So that could be part of it.

You said you've tried every, you said you've tried a lot of different kinds. You bought the ultra-thin ones, but I want to make sure that you're wearing the right size. Because if you have a larger member, you might need a little bit bigger condoms. There's also skin condoms are the thin ones. Maybe that's what you're referring to,

but they kind of, they transfer's body heat. It that's what you're referring to, but they're, they kind of, they, they transfer body heat. It's really cool because they're thin, but it picks up the frictional body heat. So, it's non-latex and those are cool. There's also my one custom fit condoms. So you could try those as well. That said, if there are some mental things going on, you could try using it during masturbation, you could try putting a condom on him, but playing with it and being like this is fine, you know, and kind of getting used to that sensation.

Also, just because you lose your erection, doesn't mean that you can't try it again, or you could go down on your wife, and then your erection can come back. I think that instead of just stopping the whole show when you get soft, getting frustrated, saying, okay, well, now I have a plan. Now I know when I get soft, I'm going to try again. I'm going to have a few cons by the bed. I'm going to go back to it because I think the more

again, this is another thing about being mindful and in the moment with your partner, like letting her know that, like, hey, babe, I'm going to work on not, like, I might get soft, but let's try this. Like, remember, you guys sex is a team when you're with someone. We're working on a partner thing. That's two of you together. So you could be like, so babe, if I get soft, but let's try this. Remember, you guys sex is a team. When you're with someone, we're working on a partner thing. It's two of you together. So you could be like, so baby, if I get soft, can you just maybe go down to me for a minute? And then it'll come back. And then you're going to take away the pressure.

Like, oh, I can't believe I'm going soft again. Because if that's really the case, and it's not a matter of finding the right condom, that's some hacks to get around your mind there. Make it so you cannot make more babies, but you can make more pleasurable sex. Okay, and then let's talk to Jen. She's 32 in Minnesota. Jen writes, hi Emily, here's my question. My husband and I have a great sex life.

We love sex, I love exploring together. I'd really like to have him choke me during sex, but he's scared of hurting me. We're fine with other BDSM play, but for some reason he's worried about the choking thing. Are there any tips or tricks or techniques that we could try? Thank you. Yes, this is a great question you guys, because breath play, autorotic fixation and breath play are serious work, guys. You have to know what you're doing when you want to choke your partner. I get that it's really hot. We see a lot in porn right now.

And the thing about choking and the attraction to it is that it really is more about like a domination submission, like role playing, power play than it is, you know, more than the not breathing. And so it's important to be conscious of this and to be cautious of this because maybe what you're looking for

is maybe just more of the Domination part of it. So I feel like you know, maybe he could just kind of grab you like lightly like Do you say okay first of all you always want to start with a light touch so you could put his fingers on either side of your neck Like I neither side of your esophagus not on the front of your neck where all the where you could choke actually and start breathing and where all the, where you could choke actually and stop breathing. And he could just do it really lightly and make sure again that his hands are not on your throat and maybe whisper something in your ear or just like use more aggression with his hands, grasp around your neck. Because I think that people can just like do this wrong and I think that you want to be safe. You also want to make

sure that you are using a clear mind. You're not using too much alcohol, too many drugs. You can also take a class. Like there are classes online, you can take and like learn like what is the proper way to touch my partner's neck because you just want to start really gently, like I said, either side of this esophagus and figure out what pressure works for your partner. Because when you do push on the neck,

that's where you gather the breath. That's where the atom apple is., that's where you gather the breath. That's where the atom apple is. You'll start coughing. It's not sexy and it's dangerous. Play with his fingers around your neck and not blocking your pathways. I think that's the best way to do it. And I get why he's worried because he should be.

Be careful. Be mindful. Play with it. At least he is cautious and he's not like, okay. Let me check this. That thing's happening. You just go straight into it. Yeah, at least he is cautious and he's not like, okay, and just go straight. Yeah, let me check this. That thing's happening. I mean, you just go straight into it. So, see if it for you that just that little bit like getting that playing with the pressure with him, and the sensitivity, and the grip could help you figure out what you need without risking your safety.

So, this next email comes to us from Chris, who's 26 in Illinois. He rides high, Emily. What does your take on couples who master a together? And how can I bring this up to a partner? He writes, hi Emily, what does your take on couples who masterate together and how can I bring this up to a partner? Wow. Oh, Chris, hello. Well, I'm so happy to get this question because I am obsessed with mutual masturbation,

which I just talked about. But like, it's, I think it's amazing. And I think it is a really, again, variety. It's a way to connect with your partner. It's a two for actually because when you mutually masturbate with your partner, it's hot because you're actually looking at them please themselves so you're learning. But I mean, so it's hot. It's like visually stimulating.

But then you're also learning. It's educational. I can't tell you how many times I've mutually masturbated with a new partner. It sounds funny, but I've had a lot of times where I'm like, oh, I didn't know that he put his hands around his balls and then he takes his hand up and over the tip of his penis. Like that's how he pledged, so then I knew that that's where he's sensitive. He likes to go to my hand to go over it when I'm giving a hand job. And when you're looking at your, if you're with a female partner, like, oh, I didn't know that she put fingers inside of her.

And so it's a very, I think it's a really sexy hot thing to do. That's one thing. So I'm a huge fan of it. How you bring it up is outside the bedroom, to your partner, talking about your sex life or whatever's happening and say, I've had these fantasies lately and I thought it'd be so hot to see what you do when you masturbate, when you pleasure yourself and I could do it at the same time

or I could just watch you, would you be open to that? I think it would be really sexy to see what you do. I think that'd be hot. What's your feeling on that, babe? What do you say? I think it would be really sexy to see what you do. I, that'd be hot. What's your feeling on that, babe? What do you say? Like if someone's like, oh, I'm a kind of embarrassed. What's the way to ease into it?

Thank you, Jamie. The best way to ease into it is, if your partner says, no, I'm really embarrassed and really shy because you're right that is the question that they're going to ask. They're going to, that's a common reaction. Is, really? Tell me more, what part about it makes you feel shy and getting some more information, getting some more clarifying questions.

Well, I don't know. I feel like I don't really know when you wouldn't think I was sexy if I was doing it and you might judge me, you might think it's weird. Okay, well, I'm telling you now, you know, okay, let them say that. Well, yeah, no, I think anything you do is hot. Like, I think watching you in pleasure and then I could learn more how to please you

and I just think it'd be so sexy. And then I feel like, no, no, I think it's weird or whatever. You could say, okay, well, maybe we could try it over our pants or maybe we could, I could do it and you could watch or maybe I could masturbate you you know just or if they say no just say okay like Bring it up again, maybe in another way like I think Asking getting a little bit deeper and getting some more clarifying questions around An answers around why they don't want something would help. He's it along. Hmm still in my bucket list. Yeah. Ah James it's gonna be a big year for you

What if before I slept with someone, I just did that. Yes, yes, yes, and yes, I think that's a great idea. I've done that before. I think that is such a great idea because they're both getting off. It's better than that first awkward blowjob, first going down and something not awkward, but like what a great, no, back up. Yes, I think mutual masturbation is a great thing to do because what a great time to learn

when you have an sex with someone, then you're learning their body, what makes them feel good. And it's not sex. So if you still have a thing about waiting for intercourse and all that stuff, which I totally get, and it's hot, guaranteed orgasms all around, and you're learning something. I love it. Cool. Okay. And it's hot. Guaranteed orgasms all around, and you're learning something. I love it.

Cool. Okay. Do that next game. I will, I'm gonna report back on a future podcast. Anyways, so last email, Justine, 30 in Canada, right? Hi Emily, thank you for everything. You're great.

My boyfriend is a very manly man. He works in the oil field and is always in the shop fixing stuff and being a boy. This is all very attractive to me, but his hands are very dirty, even after he washes them with soap. So we want to have sex. The thought of his fingers inside of me for the foreplay grosses me out. He doesn't think it's a big deal, but I know that it is. Of course, my favorite is when he goes down

on me, uses his tongue and fingers. Is there a small toy you can suggest to switch out his fingers for? Ha ha, thank you. I love this, Justin. I love a manly man, right? He's like, I've got a chop and wood, and then he comes in and then yeah. But the dirty hands, dirty fingers, I got it. Well, my first thought is that like,

aren't there some great products on the market now? Like some great soap, some products that actually really do remove like a lot of dirt, and a lot of stains and stuff. But I think go to a manicure with him, go treat him together like maybe once a month or once every six weeks manicure, pedicure, I'm telling you guys like it when they've,

I know a lot of men who've like, I've never done that. It's really pampering or you could do it for him. Like that would be really hot one night to kind of give him a massage and kind of clip his nails. And so, cause remember you guys, it is, you can, I mean, it sounds like he's washing them but make sure under the nails are clean. you guys, this is how we get bacteria into our body parts that we don't want them.

So it is important for your partner to have safe fingernails, make sure they're cut short and to have all the dirt out. That said, I'm trying to think of a small toy to switch out fingers for. He could use, well, a finger vibe would still have his fingers inside, but get a box of those surgical gloves. You can buy like hundreds of them online. And you could just have gloves anywhere.

It's because I get it if he's using some harmful chemicals or soaps, it could still leave some residue on his fingers. So leave him by the bed, put some gloves on his hands. Even a finger condom, they make finger condoms. Even regular condoms, if you have condoms, you could put those over your fingers. So I think those are some solutions, but also if you wanna know some toys,

there's the plus one has a finger vibe that's so cool, affordable and awesome. I love a good finger vibe. And the Wee vibe tango, that's a great little mini vibe with a lot of power, so he could still be holding it at the tip and kind of using it on you So yeah, those are some great ones great places to start there sweetie, but Thanks, Justine great places to start there. I like it. I'll be concerned with hygiene it matters

All right guys. Thank you Jamie Thanks for the show. Thanks for everything you guys remember wherever you listen. We love when you rate the show, subscribe it, helps you comment or too about why you like the show on all the platforms that you listen on and you guys are subscribing. The thing really really helps. I'm doing the, sorry, back up. Thanks everyone for listening. You know, there's so many places you can listen now.

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We are doing three podcasts a week now. Did you know? So if you're subscribed, you just boom, you get them. Also, I mentioned Series XM. I'm on Series XM radio. Five days a week on Stars channel 109, Monday through Friday, Friday, 5 to 7pm Pacific. It also repeats at certain times. Get the free trial sex-domy.com slash SXM. Add sex memory across the board, you guys. We're doing some more Instagram lives. We're gonna be answering your questions directly. You should check that out.

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