Sex With Emily - Sex w/ My Ex

Episode Date: July 29, 2021

Have you ever had sex with an ex? Or tried to be friends with your ex? On today’s show, I am joined by MY real-life ex-boyfriend and opening up about our past, including our favorite (sexual) memories. We discuss the evolution of our relationship from falling in love, to why we broke up (“the ass is always greener”). For the first time, we talk about what we both learned from the relationship and our regrets. We share practical advice for how to become friends with your ex based on our experience. Hint: you have to want the same thing.Plus, I answer your questions! I discuss ways to hook up and date someone new after a breakup, tools to initiate a difficult conversation, and how to heal insecurities and heartache after separating from your partner.For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You know, the phrase I have, the ass is always greener. Where when you're in a relationship, you romanticize being single and when you're single, you romanticize being in a relationship. The ass is always greener. I think I may have fallen victim to a little bit of that myself. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. of that myself. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Have you ever tried to be friend with your ex or been hung up on your ex? Been thinking about sleeping with your ex? Well, today's show I'm joined by one of my ex-boyfriends Ben Morrison, and we discuss the evolution of our relationship from falling in love, our favorite memories, including some sexual memories, why we broke up and what we learned and regretted from the relationship.

I also ask Ben if it was intimidating to date a sex educator and we both share advice on how to become friends with your ex. But don't worry, I also answer your questions in this episode. And the reason why I decided to do this is because I hear from so many of you or hung up on your ax, you're going through a breakup, or maybe you just think you made a mistake, and you'll never love again. And I wanted to share my own story with you, because yes, breakups are hard.

Yes, they suck. I went through it with Ben. We had sex after. I've explained how I got attached, so I don't always recommend that right away. But just remember this. You do get to the other side of a breakup. You will live, and you grow, and you learn really important life lessons that just only makes you stronger for your next relationship. And I want to bring you fresh episodes that are personal to me. So let me know if you like this episode, if you want to hear more stuff about my own personal

stories. I'm happy to bring you whatever content is going to help you liberate yourself and have better sex. That's all about. I also answer your breakup questions. I talk about ways to hug up and date someone after a breakup, tools to initiate the conversation about a breakup and how to heal insecurities that might arise from a sudden end to your relationship. Intentions with Emily for each episode join me in setting an attention.

When you're listening, what do you want to get out of this episode? How could it help you? Well, my intention is to give you reassurance and advice that whenever a regret or a heart ache you're experiencing, you will get to the other side, you will learn lessons and you will come out stronger. We have a new article on the site, it's an Ask Emily, How to Watch porn with a partner. So remember to rate the podcast wherever you listen and subscribe. It helps us so much when you subscribe to the podcast. You'll never miss an episode and it helps keep the show free. And thank you always for just supporting the show all these years, sharing it with a friend

and supporting our sponsors. I appreciate all of you. And if you want to ask me a question, call my brand new hotline 559 TalkSax or 559-825-5739 and just leave me your questions or message me, Sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Just include your name, your gender identity, location, age, and how you listen. He's the creator and host of Super Funny and Multimedia series. Find out more about him on his website, BenTheMorrison.com or at BenTheMorrison on social media. Hey, Ben, it's good to see you. You too. We broke up three years ago, would you say?

We met like four years ago. And we dated for a year. Yeah. How did we meet? How did we meet? Exactly. There was just a, we met at Summit, that conference. And I was just roaming around and I remember you were making a flower crown. When I came up, walked up behind the flower crown display. And I think to be honest, I was like, that's one of the nicest asses I've ever seen. And I was like, I would like to meet the woman attached, you said, but so waited until you turned around and of course didn't mention the butt. But I think I just introduced myself.

And maybe you made you laugh and then you laughed and then you texted me, you're like, hey, we have the same birthday because you googled me. My Wikipedia came up and you're like, we have the same birthday. I'm like, no way. Have you met anyone that you like as much as me? I mean, no, I haven't. I still, no, I mean, when people ask me about connection and relationships, I still, to this day, site, the fact that I don't think I've gotten along with anyone and just had as natural chemistry with someone as you.

So why do you think we broke up then if we had such a good chemistry? I think I got spooked about the future. This idea I had had about what I wanted my future to be that I don't know if I was open-minded enough at the time to figure out a road forward for both of us. You mean the future of like wanting kids and that's something that in my plan?

Is that what you mean? Yeah, I mean, I think that was the basis of it. I remember when the seeds were laid, we hit our one year anniversary and we had the talk that we had never really had about where exactly is this going long term. Right. And I had said that I would eventually like to have a family and you said that that was never in your cards. And I think that laid a kind of fork in the road in front of us that there was no real way to navigate, you know?

So what do you think of how have you grown in the last few years, you think? Or what have you figured out about, I don't know, what you want in a relationship, what's important to you? I'm still struggling with that if I'm being honest with you. Yeah.

What about you? Why do you feel that you haven't been in any relationships post? I've been in little many relationships, but nothing where I was like, this is my boyfriend. He's on my radio show. He's tagging him on Instagram. So you're the last guy I dated that I tagged on Instagram. Let's just say that. It's an honor.

Thanks. I think I deleted it though. But anyway, I didn't's just say that. It's an honor. Thanks. I think I deleted it though. But anyway, I didn't need to say that. No, but I, um, I've been very busy and there was a lot of time. And I just didn't meet anyone that I was felt that I wanted to open up to, but I also think I didn't meet that many people. Do you think you always kind of have your non-stop level of busy as an easy excuse? Yeah, but I'm working on that. That's my goal is to try to figure out where I can work less and prioritize my pleasure more. Just

like everyone else does who listens to the show. You got a little bit busy or even then when we are together, I believe. But yeah, it's probably always kind of the same thing. Do you think there's a translation layer with you and men because of how famous you are for kind of guiding a nation through good sex? Well, you tell me, people always ask me, like, was it intimidating to date someone who has a sex show?

Oh, was my answer. I was like, yeah, it's intimidating for her, learning all this new stuff from me. Like, can she handle it? Right. No, I mean, I don't know. It's just you and I got along so well. I just never really gave a shit that you were sex with Emily.

You were just always Emily, you know, like crazy little Gemini twin. And I'm definitely kinky enough that I was never really shocked by the depth of your knowledge in terms of the world. The sex should, I let you put nipple clamps on me for one of your videos. That's still in line, by the way. I just got texted for the show. Someone's like, can I fix you up with my friend? Don't I'm like, sure, fix me up.

Then they Google me. And then it's like sex with Emily. And I think that a lot of, I don't know, if you think of you meet me, it's like the job. You're not sitting, you're comedian. You're not like cracking jokes. You know how to speak English language. You're speaking complete sentences and telling start, do what I mean? It's my job is what I'm saying. I'm not just like, hey, you know, the clitoris is 8,000 nerve endings, past assault. But never put salt in a clitoris. Okay. No,

place you don't want to season. All right. That's more of a pepper location. What do you think about our sex life? Oh, that was always pretty fucking amazing. I mean, I have no complaints about our sex life. That was... When you think about our sex life, what do you think about? Remember, In Greece? Well, we had that cavern hotel room. Yeah, it was a castle.

Emily got us this incredible hotel room that had four rooms in a tunnel But built into an actual cave and the bedroom was the big one at the end and it was it was very big But I mean like the echo you're in a you're in a cave. Yeah, yeah, we we had a pretty we had a marathon afternoon And I remember you had one orgasm that was so loud it just echoed That was when we invented the handy dandy because I think you're going down me And then I was I turned around and put my hand I was like I'm not gonna do 69 because you're going down to me And that feels good, but I'm gonna use my hand and give you a hand job

The handy daddy. Do you remember that? I haven't thought of that in a long time. I believe that we did become friends after we broke up, but not right away. I always think that we needed to not, we didn't talk every, it was hard though. I think I had a hard time with a breakup than you did. Why? I don't know, but though, you know what it was?

We slept together a few times. So then I would sleep with you and then I would get attached again. And then I was like, oh, this is hard. Then I was like, no, I can't do that. I need to just not be connected to you. So then I think we didn't talk for like a while. Well, yeah, I kind of got that energy and backed off a little bit, but I still continue just saying hello to you.

I don't know. I just didn't want to lose touch. Just soul to soul. Is that birthday? Yeah, it's only because of the birthday. Now, I've always felt that there's a handful of people that life puts in your path where you just kind of connect with. And I was okay that if we weren't going to be lovers, we should at least, I would love

to, and still feel this way, just want to know that I know you, you know, because I do value that genuine connection, be it utterly non-sexual, you know, you don't get a lot of those, and I don't want to lose that. So you'd rather be friends with me than have sex again. We could do that. No comment. Well, what do you remember about our breakup? Like, let's talk about that when we broke up. What was that experience like? I mean, I was pretty fucking devastated. Just I had never really been in love. Like, I had with you. I mean, that's the honest answer. I just was not entirely sure that I had made the right move,

but had committed to it. I remember crying a lot. I made that video that I wrote the breakup song. It did write the breakup song. It was based on your video game. It was based on Red Dead Redemption. I still think that thing is pretty beautiful, honestly. Yeah, yeah.

I cried a lot. That was a hard November, December. And I think you have a lot. Hindsight is 2020, and I think you realize what aspects of a connection you had that you didn't necessarily know were as readily available in the real world until you don't have it anymore. And you're like, oh, okay, well, I guess when I was in the relationship, if I wondered, could I go out and get laid on my own? All right, well, I've gotten an answer to that, but can I really have an emotional connection with someone again?

Oh, shit. Apparently that is a lot harder than I told myself. The phrase I have, the ass is always greener where when you're in a relationship, you romanticize being single and when you're single, you romanticize being in a relationship. The ass is always greener. I think I may fall in victim to a little bit of that myself. And honestly, the relationships I've had since I've been

moderately dumpster fiery, you know, in terms of just overall level of tumult. It was just very easy with you, just the day to day. Yeah, there was a lot of drama. Yeah, no, I know. We had a good connection. That is true. So where are we now? How do you feel right now? So this is about how your friends with your ex, this is great. How are we doing? How are we doing right now, would you say? I mean, we have been in touch frequently. My respect level for you is still at an all-time high for everything that you've done and who

you are. Do you have any regrets about our relationship? I regret how it ended. We are always so good at talking through everything. It didn't end with real, any real animosity or yelling or screaming. We literally never did that, which I look back at fondly,

given the relationships I had after. Do you have any regrets? No. I think certain things situationally made it hard, the lack of a real, kind of comfortable home base for us to situate the relationship in. Because it wasn't my place and it wasn't your place.

Do you think we could really be friends if I was like, this is my new guy or do you think we're there? Yeah, totally. Yeah, look, as long as you're happy, I'm happy for you. What would you say is that is any like good advice for actually being friends with an ex? It's not going to work if there is an imbalance of want, meaning if one person is still in love with the other person, then a friendship is infeasible, and it's not going to work.

You can't be friends with someone, I believe, right away when you're, everyone's like, oh no, it's be friends, you can't be friends, right? Yeah, it's not gonna happen. I think if a certain amount of time has passed, and you know, generally quite a bit of time, where the parties involved have really moved

into the next phase of their lives, what do you think you learned from our relationship? I learned that love can really kick your fucking ass when it ends. I didn't think I had the ability to be in love, frankly. It's possible. I had not really thought it was previous. Well, that's good. So I... What about you? You reminded me our relationship

that I like being in a relationship. I liked watching TV, somebody, and going out to dinner, just having someone to hang out with. What was our favorite thing to do in bed? You know, we didn't really do anything kinky. I mean, you of course have all the lube known to man. I always remember at the end of the night when we were going to sleep when I'd side snug you. You'd make your little Emily sounds when I hug you. Those are always really cute. There are favorite things to do in bed, Ricardo. Yeah, I agree. I gotta ask you the five cookie questions. We ask all of our guys. Okay, Ben. What's your biggest turn on?

Someone looking back at me when I'm admiring their reader quarters, and then they look back and you catch some catch their eyes. I find that very sexy What's your biggest turn off? Someone who's an asshole. Well makes good sex Being able to look them deep in the eyes during it and have them look deeply back and No one is trying to break that kind of salt-assault connection. Something you tell your younger self about sex and relationships. Hang in there Ben, because one day you'll be having it with Emily. What's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex? Talking about it is sexy and makes it better.

Great Ben, thanks so much for being here today. Tell me Ben, where can people find you? Put her Instagram and TikTok. Ben the Morrison. Thank you for doing this. I appreciate you. Never a dull moment Emily. True right? Goodbye. Bye. After the break I answer questions like Avery who just hooked up with someone for the first time after break up and feels awful. Have you been through that? All this and more when we come back. Let's get into your email questions. This is from Avery. Hey Dr. Emily.

I recently booked up with my boyfriend over a year and last night I hooked up with someone new for the first time. I had no problem hooking up with new people before I started dating my ex, but the sex was terrible. And I literally felt disgusting afterward. I went home and cried. I feel like I'll never be able to have sex with someone besides my ex without feeling this way. Can you help me? Yes, Avery, I can help you. Here's the thing, when we break up with somebody, we always feel that we're never gonna get over it, that we'll never find someone as good,

that they ruined us for life. We put them on a pedestal, we often don't remember all the things that didn't work. So you're right in that stage right now. I like to call this stage like a right-of-passage because it takes a while to move past someone that you were in love with and that you had a relationship, the last person you had sex with, right? So it sounds to me like you just might not be ready to go out yet and to date somebody. The more you could work on yourself right now and think about what you learned in the relationship,

what you'd like in your new relationship, make sure that you still are connecting with yourself. Mastervation is a great way to keep your sexual energy flowing because also what you're doing is, I mean, think about it. It's the last person that you had sex with. So of course, you would be thinking about him when you're with someone new and comparing it, right? Comparing despair. Comparing us to,

whether you're comparing yourself to someone Instagram or you're comparing a relationship or you're comparing a job or you're comparing something that you've done today, wasn't as good as yesterday. I think we all do this and I think that the act of comparing can be so destructive.

Recognize that and say, I'm associating sex with somebody who I know, who I was with for a while. They knew my body. There was no drama. There was no, like, I didn't have to teach you where my clitoris was, you know. And so I think that it's just, you know, it's like, I just went,

I went on a bike trip to Zion National Park. And the whole time I was there, I kept thinking about the last time I was there. I'd been there 20 years earlier. I was like, oh, yeah, we went through here, we went through there. And I was trying to make sense of the park from the last time I was at, I'd been there 20 years earlier, and I was like, oh yeah, we went through here, we went through there, and I was trying to make sense of the park from the last time I was at the park, right? Our brains try to make sense of situations. You wanna make sense of it, we wanna feel safety.

We do that all the time without, I know it's an interesting example, but of course sex, the idea of sex was something that you just shared intimately with someone for a year. This tells me you're not ready yet. It's time to work on yourself. I promise that you will have great sex again.

He didn't ruin you for life. And I love that you emailed me at this stage because it sounds like there's still some work to do. Now remember, you could do baby steps. You could go out for lunch with people. You could go out for a drink, but you could decide that you're not ready for sex yet. And that's all okay. This is how we learn about ourselves. I rate every things for the question. I appreciate you. This is from Molly, 31 in Georgia. Hey, Dr. Emily, it's become obvious to me. I've never actually had a break up conversation with anyone.

I'm 31 and I've actually been married before, but cowardly, I didn't have a break up conversation then either. I just went to work one day and never went home. Anyway, the marriage was a little more than 10 years ago when I ended. It wasn't long before I was into a full-blown, serious relationship again. Six or seven years into the relationship now, I'm realizing that my dull years I've never been single. Is it selfish of me to have the urge to be single for a while? More important than that though, I'm freaked out even the thought of a breakup conversation.

Oh Molly, I think that the greatest gift and the best gift you could give to yourself right now is to be single. We are not on this planet to constantly be in a rotation of relationships. And that we, you know, this is something I would love to change about society, that we value people in a relationship and we're not in a relationship

or constantly asking the question, do you wanna meet someone, do you wanna be fixed up? Do you think, I wish that we could normalize taking time after a relationship and figuring out who are you without a man in your life, Molly? You've been with someone since you were 21. So absolutely, who are you without a man? What brings you joy in your life? Start to build the other things in your life that are important to you, like your friendships and your career. When we break up with someone, it's such a great time to develop all those other areas of our life that we might have been neglecting because we were in a relationship

that took up so much of our time. And the breakup conversation, I think, that it would be awesome for you to have some therapy around that. Like, what is it that's so hard to be vulnerable with someone and to be real? Are you a pleaser? Are you somebody who doesn't want to disappoint anyone? Talking about problems in the relationship are too hard for you, so you just walk away. I mean, you ended your relationship. You said at 21, you went to work and never came home. We can do that at 21, but now you're 31.

And I get doing that when we're younger. But one of the things that you're not saying right now to people in your life, now this is a practice. Is this something that you have to work on and understand your communication style? But I'm just getting the sense of this that you're somebody who doesn't want to conflict, conflict avoid and perhaps. Whether it's your relationship or your boss, it's important to learn how to have conversations where you are being objective, but you're sharing your needs and what you want and being okay with potentially disappointing someone or getting into a conflict. So I think that's the work that would be great for you to do Molly right now.

So when you get into relationship, you'll have the practice of having meaningful conversations in depth with people other than a lover. Maybe you have a friend that didn't call you back and that she was going to call you back on Saturday. Or maybe your mom told you she'd do something and didn't do it. Like, where are the places in your life that you have relationship with people that they could you need to have a conversation with them and you haven't been able to do it yet? That's a great way to practice. It's baby steps, okay? You got this. This is from Jonathan 30 New England. Hey Dr. Emily, I'm currently engaged to a woman who I had an unexpected yet wonderful

child with. I've been considering ending things when we found out because a lot of different values, perspectives, and life skills, and a major lack of passion are romance. I regret giving in and proposing now that the wedding is coming near. She's never been willing to have the kind of deep communication about sex, and her lack of passion are any romance at all in the relationship that I know is needed. Is physical and passion and compatibility enough reason to walk away when a child is involved or am I being selfish?

All right, Jonathan, it's not an either or here like, yes, you're being selfish so you should stay. You know, some people say it's selfish to stay if you're not in love with the mother and it's going to be difficult and you're going to have challenges And I do think that there's something to be said for doing everything you can To make sure that you've tried to make this relationship work before you walk away because there is a child involved we tend to repeat Patterns in relationships and I'm here to tell you you're going to keep repeating this over and over and over again Unless you start to deal with them in your current situation.

So you say that she's never willing to have the kind of deep communication about sex and a lack of compassion. Well, what if you had a conversation with her, not about the frequency of sex and not about why you have sex with me, but to say I've really been thinking lately about our relationship and I love our child. And you know, here's some things that I love about our relationship. But I've realized more and more as time has gone on that it's really important to me to have healthy sexual

communication because I sex is an important part of my overall well-being and I prioritize it. And I understand that it's something that is uncomfortable for you. But I really know that this is something that I value. Would you be willing to go to a marriage council, or a a family council or a sex therapist with me to talk about this? So we can figure out if we're on the same page. And if this is something we can work through because for me, I'm not sure how I could say in a relationship without

that passion. In every other area of our life, we get help when there's a problem, right? At work, if there's a problem, we can go to human resources, our car breaks down, we go to a mechanic, right? We go to experts to fix it. And I think if you have a kid together, no matter what happens, you're also going to be co-parenting for the rest of your life. And so it's important to maybe disagree, but have healthy communication, maybe compromise, and be vulnerable with the mother of your child.

If you're contemplating a breakup, I know it's going to serve you well to know that you've done everything, that you've done everything that you can to try to make it work. Because then when you leave, you could say, well, I've really tried. And here's all the ways I tried. It also helps to give yourself a deadline and to say for three months, I'm going to work. I would put all my energy into this relationship and try to make it work. So I'm having a time limit on that is also a great way to measure progress or the absence of progress in which case you want to end it. Alright, Jonathan, thanks for your email. I appreciate your question. After the break, some wants to know if they're ready for a new relationship. We'll be right back. Okay, this is from Lee 30 in New York.

Hey Dr. Amalie, a few weeks ago a relationship with someone I thought was my person ended suddenly. During the breakup conversation, I was told that he stopped feeling physical chemistry with me in the bedroom and it wasn't fixable and he dumped me. It caught me of guard and that comment stuck with me. During our relationship, he didn't always orgasm when we had sex and wouldn't always be able to stay hard. But when we talked about it, the answer was never about dissatisfaction

in the bedroom or lack of chemistry per se. He would just say that he was stressed, he wasn't too concerned about it, and he was focused on my pleasure and was enjoying it. We always mix things up, and I've always been able to orgasm. And for me, it was the best sex I ever had. He mentioned during the breakup,

that the fact that I checked in with him throughout a relationship about how he feels in the bedroom was a sign that I knew something was wrong deep down. But I just wanted to keep the communication open. We never had an argument in our year-long relationship, so the breakup is like whiplash, and I'm realizing that it's holding back discussing things early on going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you.

I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you.

I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you.

I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm not going to argue with you. I'm in the bedroom. How do I get past this? This sounds really painfully and I'm sorry that you're going through this. It's really hard when someone just upends the relationship. It is like Wibblash. This is something that you love and you had a relationship with for a year and it's, I'm sorry, it's like a, remember we go through a breakup, it's like a mini death.

I mean, we really are experiencing a loss, a broken heart. Like we just broke a body part and It's our heart, it's hard. But when I want you to remember, he wasn't a great communicator. You are clearly somebody who wants to be the partner who can talk about your sex life, who wants to please you and please themselves. I mean, I don't think it's okay if a partner says,

don't worry about me, let's just take care of your orgasm. I mean, maybe he is shame because it sounds like he might be a delayed ejaculator. Delated ejaculator is someone with a penis who usually takes about 45 minutes to an hour to ejaculate, if ever. So maybe he really is going through stress or something in his life. But this is not the part that you want to build a relationship with. They came out of the blue and he ends it for whatever reason. We're never going to know if that's true or not true. But anyway, he ended it right away and he wasn't willing to communicate. To me, he's doing you a favor here. He's clearly not the one for you because he's not able to give you what you need.

But what we got to work on now is your limiting beliefs and your negative self-talk that what he said about you is defining you. We don't know his mission where he's coming from. If that's even what he said, you know that old saying like if your boss is giving you a review and they tell you three things that you're doing great, one thing you need to improve, all you remember is a thing that we need to improve, right? So I don't know that your partner sat there and said, my chemistry's over, our relationship's done, I'm done. We tend to remember those things. I bet you've I called him up, he probably wouldn't have the same recollection. But that's either here or there. In a way, I know this is easier said than done

and my heart is a broker right now. And I understand what you're saying. But if you could really just kind of think about it this way, I'm so grateful that I only had put a year of time into a relationship with somebody who wasn't willing to meet me, who wasn't able to do the work. Not because they're a bad person, just means that wherever they're at in their life right now, maybe this will never be wasn't able to do the work. Not because they're a bad person, means that wherever they're at in their life right now,

maybe this will never be important to them to do the work. When someone shows you who they are, believe them, you've got some great information. I need you to remember this, I need you to journal, I need you to start spending time with friends and people that make you feel good and try to think about how you want your next partner

to make you feel, how you wanna feel in that relationship. When you're ready to start dating again, it's not about you getting them to like you, it's about you finding someone that is a good communicator that's willing to be vulnerable and express their emotions, okay? That's what you need, that's what I want for you, and you will find it.

This is from SEM38 in Cyprus, Europe. Hey Dr. Emily, I've gotten out of a 10-year relationship. Three of those were married eight months ago. I felt like seeing new people. And one of them is a woman who's 32 and I've been seeing her the last month. No sex yet. We just hang out. She also got a 10-year relationship two years ago. I know it was a stressful break up. I like her and I want to try being with her, but I'm not sure how to approach it. She opened up and told me she had not had her period for six months and has no sexual desire because of it. How should I approach her to make something happen?

I also have some fear of rejection and don't know how to tell her I like her. Sounds like you're both going through breakups right now. She also told you that she doesn't have sexual desire right now. I don't know if it's because of her period or maybe she's on a medication or there's a lot of perhaps reasons why. But when someone shares this information of someone's as a malachy for a relationship or I'm not into sex or I'm not a great communicator or I don't believe in monogamy or we have to listen to what people tell us.

We can't go in thinking, well, you know, this person said that but I'm going to change their mind. So I think that you'd be best to start dating other people or start to, you know, work on yourself. Maybe you need space after your breakup. Now, if you don't ready just to end this friendship because it hasn't gotten sexual yet, you could say to her, I know you're not feeling sexual desire right now. I heard you say that, but I really feel attraction to us. I don't want to just be your friend, but I can't stop thinking about kissing you. And seeing how she responds, I think that's a great line to

say to someone and not a line, but like a real thing. Like I keep thinking about kissing you. I just can't, I would love to make out with you. I picture your lips or something and let her know that you're interested beyond friendship. And maybe that'll turn around and she'll be like, wow, I thought I had no sex or desire, but you're right, I feel that way too. But make your move sooner than later, because I don't think this is someone

you're gonna be friends with if you just met and you have an attraction to him. Remember that, we also make that mistake. Like, oh, that's okay. We can just be friends, you know, even though I'm attractive to you. I think when there's an imbalance in desires, someone wants someone more than the other,

that's really hard to be friends. I think we have to have a mutual. When you're building a new friendship, you have to both want the same thing, and that is a friendship. It can't be because you're trying to convince someone of something or you want to change the person. Never ever get in a relationship thinking you're going to change someone or fix them because that never works.

People change when they want to. That's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review where every listener podcasts and share this with a friend or a partner. Believe me, if you got something out of this, they will too. We released two to three episodes a week.

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