Sex With Emily - Sexcapades: From Fantasy to Reality

Episode Date: September 12, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is talking about sex acts & how they actually happen vs. what’s portrayed on the big screen, & she is giving you tips on how to make them worth while. Plus, she’s answering your questions. She shares hacks on car sex, shower sex – even sex on the beach – & how to make those all great experiences, ways both you & your partner can get back to intimacy after health issues, & what to do when a lifelong fetish gets in the way of your marriage. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemilyFor even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. This is Dr. Emily and on Today's show, I'm talking about your favorite sex acts and how they really go down, versus what we see in the movies or TV. But don't worry, I'm also giving you tips on how to make them worthwhile. Topics include, from car sex to shower sex, even sex on the beach, all the sex act hacks and things you wish you knew before embarking on these sex capades. Ways both you and your partner can get back on board with sex and intimacy after dealing with health issues. So your lifelong partner can barely tolerate your lifelong fetish, and now it's become

the only challenge in your marriage. What do you do? And ways to put your best feminine foot forward during sex after a long day of channeling your masculinity. All this and more, thanks for listening. You got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships,

and everything in between. For more information, check out SexWithEmily.com. You've even been there. We've got a lot more information to help you have the sex life and the relationship you want. And you deserve. We all deserve great sex, right? Find me on Series XM Radio 5 nights a week. It is Monday through Friday on Channel 109. And I am there to help you also have better sex relationships. Answer your questions. Get a free 30 day trial at sexwithammy.com slash SXM.

You can also find me on social media. It's at sexwithammy across the board. All right guys, I hope you enjoyed the show. There's a lot of hype around sex, particularly sex acts. That people are like, oh my god, one day I'm gonna have sex on the beach. Or I can't wait to shower sex is gonna be so hot. Or like, uh, 69, you guys know, I feel about that. Well, there's a few other ones. And I realize there's sort of this expectation, you know, of them that

they're gonna be great. And then reality, they're kind of awkward and they don't always work out. So we want to help you here, break down some of these sex acts and positions so you can actually make them as fun as they seem. It's like that build up. What else is not always as fun as it seems? I don't know. Going to Disneyland. Going to Disneyland. Yeah. It's waiting in line.

Yeah, it's fun getting, like when you're thinking of getting there, going to Disneyland. It's like the happiest place in Earth. You're like, I was happy till I waited in line for three and a half hours and you know, dropped my ice cream cone and there's crying kids and it was really hot. We couldn't find our car. Yeah, I had this funny, my friends went and they opened up the new Star Wars land there and there was these older women I guess in a in a group. And there was no line.

And it was just emerging into it. And so my friends are going in. And then these old ladies were like, we've been waiting in line for three hours. And my friends like, there is no line. That would totally happen to me. Like in line at the store. I would have been working, just trying to be like,

but why? No, because everyone starts, you just like join behind. You know, because they were just standing there. I felt bad. I felt bad no two Yeah, they did not love Disneyland that day Not true. Okay guys, we can start here with shower sex. That's one of our favorites because Jamie and I actually spiced up shower sex ourselves We did in an infamous now sex family video So here's the thing about shower sex shower sex the sex, the expectation. You and your partner, you get into a perfectly

steamed, steamy hot shower. It's all sudsy. And you're like washing to the body parts of their sudsying up perfectly and they're like massaging your breasts, you're like getting clean, but it's also dirty. And then the sex just really hot in like your hands or against the wall. Like, you know, you just splashed on the wall. And it's just like, oh my god, and then the sex just really hot in like your hands or against the wall, you know, you just splatts. It's like, I'm standing down the wall. And it's just like, oh my god. And then we like have amazing sex

and we fall into bed and it's fabulous. Here's the reality. It's freaking awkward. You could actually slip and break your neck, which has happened, like you know, sex set me to the yard. Those TV shows, like I think a lot of times people are probably having shower sex. Probably.

It echoes fear falling, That's a problem. Like, as it does happen, water, here's the other thing. Water, not a good lubricant. You think you're in water, and that when you're in water, if you're swimming, you're in a hot tub, or in the shower, you don't need lube, but that's actually, it's a trick. You actually need lube in those situations. Yes.

Because the water washes away your natural lubricant. And then you can have like tearing, and it's painful, and you're like, why isn't it wetter? And then you can have like tearing and it's painful and you're like, why isn't it wetter? And then you're just like, fuck shower sex. However. Exactly. And you're just like, I've had many of the failed shower sex experiences.

Have you ever like tried to make it work standing and then you end up, you're like, I'm just just laid down. Yeah, exactly. And then that's not fun because you're like, when was the last time you cleaned this path? Well, right, especially if you're with like, I don't know, my ex, not a great.

I just remember dirty and my housekeeper come once. Anyway, yeah, not good. I don't have sex in your house, let alone your showers. So, so the date. I hope you said it. Chris and you would have, you would have never dated him. What about like a nice bath? Have you ever like set up like for a special occasion,

like with rose petals and like a nice bubble bath? I have in a hotel room. I don't have a bath tub, weirdly. But I do have a great shower now. Yeah, no baths are different than shower sex because shower sex is, it's tricky. And so, but the tip is, is really the sex in the shower line. It's by sports eats.

I believe it's on our website, Sex in the Shower. They actually have a handle bar and a footrest so you can be confident that you're secure and you're not going to fall over. My favorite thing is the vibrating mesh sponge. We should show it. We have it in the closet. It's a mesh sponge and it looks just like a regular one has a little tiny vibe in it. So that's how you can make it fun. Another hack if you don't want to have to buy anything for sex in the shower just to make sure you don't fall over and hit your head.

If you're a risk of receiving end, you just bend over and you actually, if you're flexible, you grab your hands around your ankles and then you stabilize yourself. Yeah, and then I think depending on your shower, if you have like a top that you can hold on to maybe, that's not gonna fall over. Right, not the shower curtain, because people say that's out. No, no, no, but like the top, I think I've done that before where I've just like,

held on, I have to, braced myself. And I've slipped actually in a shower, like I've even just not having sex. Does it like the showers, doesn't have the right pads on itself? So that's our hack for shower sex, it's actually a fun, even just not having sex. Does it like the showers doesn't have the right pads on itself. So that's our hack for shower sex was actually a fun summer sex position because it's so hot. And if you don't have air conditioning, you've never, have you ever lived a part of the world,

Jamie, that when you don't have air and it's like 95 degrees? No, because I would not survive. Because I even when I went to the Dominican, I had migraines every day. I would die. It's bad. Well, I remember in college in Michigan, spring tour, we'd be up there in Ann Arbor, and it would be like 110 degrees, and there was no air. It was sweating now. It was bad. So, it's not fun.

So anyway, if you want to cool down, shower sex, there's some good hacks for you. Okay, guys, car sex. I mean, it seems fun. You're going on a road trip or maybe you're just going out to dinner. You've had a few drinks maybe and you're like, roadhead is a great idea right now. Or having pulling over and having sex on the side of the road,

that could be fun. And it's not because they're real, well, okay. So what you think is, let's talk with the expectation. Back up. The expectation of car sex, you're on the road, you're so turned on, you're in the mood, you're driving, you're touching each other, and you're like, we're just gonna pull over,

we're gonna get it on, it's gonna be hot, and then we're gonna continue with our trip. Yes. Because it's like nature, you're driving or whatever, it's a long, long road. But the reality is, that goddamn stereo wheel, it always jams you. There's zero room, and then there's that middle section

where you're like, how do I even do I climb onto your left? We have to get into the back seat. And then you're getting there as hard. You get out of the car to get into the back seat. Right, exactly. And then things are jabbing you all over the place. And then also, if you're doing it when you're driving, like if it's roadhead one person's gonna get off,

and not very well. Yeah, and then it's like you have to focus too on not crashing. Right, when that's dangerous, let's be honest, Roadhead or whatever, I had a guy, I've done it, but never to completion. And someone tried to do it to me, and I was like, I love that idea,

but you're not gonna get in there and I'm just trying to drive. Right, I mean, I was like, I love the enthusiasm. You're trying to go down on me, but your head being in between my legs because I don't have a thigh gap So it's like my foot is now not on the steering wheel. I was wearing sandals. It's gonna fall off I was like it's gonna get stuck. We're gonna crash right yeah Not safe not safe and illegal I mean yeah, okay, so here's our tip you guys

If you're on the receiving end and you're driving, we're a skirt, at least we're clothing you can pull to the side. Yeah, making it fun. That's always fun. And always wear a skirt or a dress if you're, you know, summertime, outdoor sex. And what I've done is, I've been on a road trip

and I had my partner driving and he was driving and then I just bought my little vibe and got myself off while we were driving. It was like some long road trip. Like the Wevibe Tango, which I love, because it's a tiny little toy. And also, you know what else to be great about is the Moxie. Yes.

The Moxie would be great, which is the wearable vibrator. If you haven't seen it, bring in, check it out. It's a great summertime fun fling to have with yourself or your partner controls it. It'll actually stay. It stays in place in your underwear. It stays in place with a little magnet, and it's really cool.

And so the other thing that helps is like get yourself warmed up beforehand, perhaps, and then you get in the car, and then you could pull over, maybe do some mutual masturbation, so you're both getting off, but that's a thing with all these outdoor activities. We're gonna get the sex in the beach in a minute, or like sex, you know, where have I done random sex?

You know, what a wedding. Someone's gonna walk in at any time. Like, you know what I mean? It's not like you both, it's not the best sex. I love it in my, okay, you guys, my 19 year old niece is here. She's in my intern for a few weeks now, and I say things, and she's like, didn't know, I'm a sex at a wedding.

She didn't know any of my sex life, right, Julie? Okay, it's great. So, a little bit of foreign, you know, mutual masturbation, that's fun, and then, you know, mutual masturbation, that's fun. And then, you know, car sex, bring in some toys along. Just to make it quicker. Right. Because you're not probably going to be able to take your time,

it's not going to be one of those hour long rumps. Right. And I like the idea of not, if you have to do it, I guess you could do, use your hand, use some lube. Yeah. Just have a little use some lube. Yeah. Just have a little bit of lube. Have a little compartment. Like a car pack.

Like those car packs of, like those lube loops, I have literally everywhere. Yeah. Just tiny little packs, the silver packs, foil packs everywhere. Okay, so that's, leave some lube in the car. And a vibrator. All right, guys, the other thing is sex on the beach,

which always, I still, like they knew him to drink after it. It must be great. Like in college, sex on the beach, there's like my favorite drink. Expectation. You're lying on the beach, and you're like in your bathing suits after a long day and the waves are crashing all over your bodies.

You roll on the soft sand without rocks. There's no rocks in the fantasy. It's not rocky sand. No sand crabs. And those little things that sting you all the time on the beach too. The little buggy things. The sun is like perfectly setting, the beach is empty, the sex will be so explosive, you'll be really connected, you'll probably have like multiple spontaneous orgasms, the sun

is finally setting. The sun's going down, the part is going down. The sun's going down, they're going down going down. Yeah, the sun's going down, they're going down, the waves are crashing, it's perfection. But here's the reality. The beach is never empty. The beach is never empty. The waves could like drag you under, you could die,

and you probably get a sunburned, and here's the thing about sand, you guys, it ends up in all your available holes. All the cracks and I don't want to be a buzzkill here but the sand can actually cause an infection when you get it in your vagina. And then what if the seaweed we already hate would see we took us our feet anyways. Yeah, yeah, like crash the sea we can hear vagina.

You just think about that for a minute. You freak out you twitch kick your partner in the face. Exactly. Like somebody knows. Right. You see the water can wash off the bloody nose, but that's about it. And we already know about what water's gonna do to your parts.

So here's the tip. I do like a little sex on the beach when it's this way. Sex and you're the beach. Have an umbrella. Put down a towel or two for cover. So you have a towel down in the even towel over you, which I have actually done this, so no one can really, it's more like a blanket. Maybe you're napping. Maybe

you're having sex. No, no. And then we're long flowy dress, that's extra coverage for no matter what's going on. You have a dress going over you and then bring, you guys bring some waterproof proof toys to the beach. Those are the toys you want to bring. Most toys are waterproof. Which I love. They really are you guys that you don't know how amazing it is that most toys are waterproof and Rechargeable now. You don't really need batteries for anything Yeah, not really these days. So what I'm saying is do that extra coverage and watch out for the sand and Bring Luke make sure you both get off

Yeah, I'm trying to think and you guys all know that well, they don't know my sex on the beach story Which I recently told in someone's podcast my best sex on the beach story, which I recently told in someone's podcast. My best sex on the beach story was actually a massage table on the beach at night with my misuse. See, that's the perfect thing because you got like a cover, you got like an actual bed that's there, you can look out and still see the beach and you've got a professional that knows how to touch bodies. Exactly. And then I can still hear the waves crashing in the saw the moon above us. You want to talk to Mike? Yeah, let's talk to Mike. 52 in Pennsylvania. He wants to share his sex in the car story. All right, Mike. We'll take it. Hi, Emily. Okay, hi. My line. Okay. You're on, baby. Well, when I was younger, my girlfriend and I, we'd drive out in the bush.

We'd have some drinks and then she'd hop on top of me and cradle over me to do it. Oh, bucket seat. Oh, bucket seat. All right. Yeah, and we guys were pulled over. Right, right, we were in the bush. Buckets, oh, okay. in the bush. Oh, okay. Oh, that's good.

I like it. All right, thanks, Mike. You can pull over. That does make it easier. No, you're right. That's good, Mike. No, we need some inspiration, because this is the season of CARSEX.

It is. Thanks, Mike. We appreciate that. All right, bucket seats. But now they're not as bucket-y seats. They're more. Well, yeah, like, they used to be. The older, like, my roommate's really into, like, old vintage cars.

And those back seats don't have separate, technically, separate seats. It's just like one long seat. So there's actually a lot more room. So it's probably a lot more fun back in the fifth base of the six days. It was fun. Everything seems more fun than... Some more people think that. A whole new time. All right. Okay, here's something else

that seems fun and it is if you do it right you guys eye contact during oral sex. Yes. So things are getting all hot and heavy. Your partners like kissing you down your body and you're thinking like this. I know what's happening here. I know what's happening. You know, once they're going down in you, they give you that like seductive stare. You know, they're loving their, what you're doing. You taste so good and it makes you even more turned on because your eyes are locked in passion and ecstasy. And maybe you even just orgasm from like looking

into each other's eyes. Well, the reality is, you might look down your partner while looking at you, but then you miss each other's eyes. They look at you, you look at them, and then maybe you look away because it feels really awkward. And it might have been hot, but no one knows when to look away. And then you're focused on the look, because you're like, which I look now.

I like it, they're looking. I like it, but I really want to close my eyes, because it feels good and roll back my head and exesy, but I can't. And so the seductive gaze is kind of questionable. Maybe it gets a little bit creepy, and you kind of want to leave it, but I can't. And so the seductive gaze is kind of questionable and maybe it gets a little bit creepy and you kind of want to leave it, you haven't broken the eye contact yet. That's what could happen.

Oh my gosh. Now I think it is hot to do it, and it is sort of like a dance, it's a rhythm. You figure it out. So a tip for healthy or sexy eye contact during oral. Just do it for a few seconds every once in a while. It's not about necessarily catching their gaze, but they'll know. They'll know. Yeah. Just like look up and then you could look away, check in if they're enjoying things and then go back to business. I don't

think you need to linger on the light can we connect here? No, definitely not. And I would say, and I'm going to ask you this. Yes. And I don't know, maybe someone might disagree with me. I think when I'm giving head and I look up and they look back, it's a lot hotter than when they're giving me head and they look up. Okay. And I look back. I'm going to agree with you there and I'm not sure why. I don't know why you're here. I'm going to be honest.

I just because I feel like, and again, a lot of things I say in here, it's like maybe it's stereotypical. I don't want to be that way, but I feel like for men, their fantasies are like about their penis and someone going down that that look of their member in your mouth and you doing it and you being into it, which is why we always say enthusiasm is probably in my number one tip for oral sex. And this goes for men and for women. When you're down there, be into it. If you're giving a blowjob, you're looking at like, it's the most delicious blowjob ever. The most delicious ice cream cone you've ever had and you don't wanna miss another drop.

And if you're going down on a woman of a giant holder, you're like, hey babe, lay back. Don't look at me. No need to make eye contact. Don't look at me. I, you taste so good, you smell amazing, lay back. I could be here all night. I'm not going anywhere.

And then we're like, and then we can relax into it and receive the pleasure. But if I'm expected to keep looking, I'm out of my moment. You know, okay, so you know what I think it is? When you're going down on a penis, there's like, you can be licking it, like a popsicle, like up and down,

you can be on the side of it. It's not like you're normally looking at them when you're like deep-throating the fucking dick. Like, you know what I mean? Because then that would be kind of weird. But when you're going down on a vagina, vulva, it's kind of not the same effect because they're more just like, all you see is their eyes. And their nose might be poking up. more just like all you see is their eyes. Right. And their nose might be poking up. But their mouth is just covered.

And it's like more pucker. And so it's like, it literally just looks like this. That's what it is. You're right. You're just like, right. And you're like, no, please don't. I don't want to see it. Right, because the penis is like a beautiful prop.

A penis is a prop. Right. We're going around and we've got balls. We've got hair. We can play with our stomach. We can go up and down've got balls, we've got hair, we've got, we can play with our stomach, we can go up and down, like you're in it, you're like, and you just got eyes. It's just, we solve that.

That is genius. It literally just thought of that right now. I know, no, you're right. It's like a half face thing. Because I'm thinking back, I'm like visualizing it happening. This particular time where this happened to me and I was like, and like then I'm, kind of like he was giving me that eye, I was like, oh, and then I'm like, no, I'm just,

I just looked away and I just like put his head down. Just be like, go back down, keep going, good, good, good job there. Yeah, I think it also the other thing about eye contact during sex though I think is, during intercourse, is really hot. Okay, and that could still get awkward. It is. How do you not make it awkward? Because if, especially if you're hooking up with someone sex though I think is during intercourse is really hot. Okay. And that could still get awkward.

It is. But how do you not make it awkward? Because if, especially if you're hooking up with someone that you're not, like you, it's newer. Mm-hmm. They might think that you're trying to fall in love with them by staring lonely into their eyes, but you're just like trying to make a connection. Right.

Exactly. Do you smile? Do you not? Do you not? Do you still wink? I'm so awkward. I kinda wink in there. You're just doing the thing. You're just like, wink in your gun. I don't have a hand.

You're like, good job. How's it going for you? Oh my goodness. Have you ever had somebody high five you after sex? Cause that's happened to me and it's like the least romantic thing that's ever seen. Oh, see the thing I was saying. I think that's fun.

I love it. I think, see the thing is that I love it. I think, see, this is why we're all so different. I've never had anyone I've had me, no, but I've said think of, like, I think that was so good. I said, think of, like, why do you think me? I'm like, guys, that was freaking awesome, but no, not a high five. See, but I think that'd be funny if they were like, because they didn't really like to them though.

But I think you're in love with this guy and he was just like, okay, I thought, no, I don't know. Well, it was just like, we were in a relationship and it's like every single time. Oh, at like time, no. But he like, oh, every time. Okay, two five, I think it was one reason. If it was like a random act of a high five

and you're like, oh, that's funny. Like, high five, that was awesome. I think that was funny, but every time, I'm like, oh, here comes a high five. I would like to be running to the bathroom. I get it. Yeah. Because I did it, we orgasm actually at the same time. And we're like, that was awesome here comes a high five. I would like be running to the bathroom. I get it. Yeah. Because I did it, we orgasm actually at the same time.

We're like, that was awesome. So we high five. It was more of like a momentous thing. That makes sense. Yeah. But christen's like, but not every time. That'd be like fist bumping every time. Like, yeah.

I'm like, yeah, we're not friends. I don't. Right. I don't know if I've been one of those. We're not friends. Right. What would you rather have them do after that? Like kiss me and cry, and cuddle me and then you're right.

Make me do that. I'm tired of my fight. I'm tired of my fight. And now I'm thinking of all the awkward things that someone could do right after sex. Like I'm just thinking about you're staring at each other and you just like like boops your nose and like, boop. That was so cute. I'm trying to think right.

Or I'm trying to think of awkward things that have happened. I just don't like when someone just gets up and they're gone. Like not gone like they leave, but they're like in the shower right away, or which I've had happen. Or like, I need the freaking contact. I need aftercare, which is a real thing, you guys. We talk about for a play a lot.

Aftercare is real. Like we need some closure on it or something. We didn't get back to that contact thing. I think it's just a dance you're right. Early on if someone's staring that could be awkward, but I think it really does make for a kick because that's the basis of tantric sex too, is breathing together, your breath sinks up,

you're doing eye contact. So I think you just play with it, with a partner that you feel safe with and comfortable with eye contact can be really hot. And can take it to another level. Bring up though. Like how that you feel safe with and comfortable with, eye contact can be really hot. And can take it to another level. Bring up though. Like how do you- If it's awkward or if you want to.

Well, no, just like maybe you tried it once and you don't know how it was received, but then one day you're just like, hey, how do you feel about eye contact or sex? Yeah, absolutely. I'd be like, I sometimes think it's kind of hot to like look at each other's eyes during sex, what you're taking.

And they probably might say, because most people like, uh, one time I had a girl do it, it was weird, but like, would you like to try it again with me? Because I think that you guys just remember if you've experienced one thing, and it was awkward one time, or twice with one person, I'd say don't put that in your sexual discard list. Try it again. Sex is different with every person. Okay. We are going to take a quick break and we

come back on to your questions. All right, so we have Sherry who's 52 in North Carolina and she needs advice on how to get back into the groove of sex. Hey Sherry, I'm here to help. Tell me what's going on. Hi. Well, in the last couple of years, I have had a few surgeries, one to repair rectus cell and X-ray cell. Then the next year, that was two years ago.

Then the next year that was two years ago then the next year I had A fib and was put in the hospital for that and put on several different medications for heart issues Wow, and then I had surgery and I don't I I don't have any kind of desire to be physical with myself, not self-loved, not with my husband. I get this, Sherry. Well, you've had a rough two years, so I'm sorry you've had to go through all of that. So what kind of medications are you on right now?

I am on mole pack for it's a rhythm suppressor. Yeah, from a heart. Also metropoleol or metropoleol or something like that. And then I am also on... I'm just wondering if you're on any... And relaxers from... Okay, muscle relaxers. I'm sorry, I was just asking because I was wondering if you were like on an SSRI for depression or anxiety, muscle relaxer might do this.

So it's probably a lot of the medications and just your body's just, I understand you've had back surgery or you've had heart problems. So I would just start with, you know, I believe that our mind is so powerful and that I would recommend to you a few, like I would recommend some mindfulness work, like do a meditation app in the morning for like five minutes a day and just start breathing through your entire body again. And start with that.

I'm assuming you can't really do any movement right now. I really can't. I'm trying to walk more and between the heart issue and the back issue, that makes a really hard situation for me to get out and do a lot of this. Well, you know, here's the thing that I think I feel like our, you know, I say the brain, our brain is the largest sex organ. So how could you get your brain on board for sex? Like you and your husband, like what if you guys read each other a Radica?

You find some porn that turned you both on. Maybe you guys start talking about times when you were having great sex. You start thinking about it again. And then if you start bringing sex, tap a mind, like I always say, keep your pilot light lit and you bring him in on this, because this isn't something on your own share. You got to like, drum up all of your sex drive again. Because you've been through a lot. But if you let him know that you're interested in like bringing back the intimacy and figuring it this out, like maybe it could start with some massage or some handholding. I don't know if that's been present

These last few years have you still been doing that? The intimacy is is not in the sex it's in the hand holding wait I mean we've been together for 20 years. Yeah, And we still hold hands and we still kiss every day. And so, and then on top of my medical issues, we've found out he's recently had a stroke. And so that has been, you know, on his side, he's been worried about himself, whether or not he can, you know, on his side, he's been worried about himself, whether or not he can, you know, with the Medicaid, he is on an SSRI.

Yeah. So, you know, that changes. Well, yeah, that changes. Yeah, that's a lot, Sherry. So I just feel like if the two of you commit to listening to, honestly, listen to the show overnight, listen to my podcast. I release three a week. And I've just found lately a lot of couples are listening together, even, listen to this show overnight, listen to my podcast, I release three a week. And I've just found lately a lot of couples are listening together, even if just 20 minutes

at time and then discussing things. Would that be interesting to try? Would you like to try that? Could we get a toy? I mean, if you guys both aren't in the best physical shape right now, there's some great toys for men, there's some great toys for women. You guys could like, mutually masturbate together to make sure you're still like, having that blood flow and orgasms and using, making sure that like,

everything is still working and watching each other get off could be really sexy for you both. So I feel like if you wait until the moment strikes you that you're all of a sudden ready for a sex again, it's not gonna happen. So maybe by feeding your brains together and saying like, how can we both get our brains back on board with sex and take them, it doesn't have to be in a course

right away. This might be a few months process of self care for your relationship because you know it's important and that's why you're calling. So could you, could you pick one of those activities you guys could do together? I'm sure we could probably find something. Right. I mean, I'm sure we should find something. Yeah, like like listen literally I

release three podcasts a week I do this show five nights a week or you could buy a book together I've got a bunch of stuff on our website maybe you could buy a board we've these funny sex board games you guys could ask each other questions I'm just trying to think of ways like I doesn't seem like you guys could be having like crazy sex right now but you could be keeping the eroticism alive and talking about things and making sure that before you know it, just the mind over matter, who knows, you guys could be having sex again, and that kind of erotic intimacy in more time than if you just waited doing nothing.

Thanks for your call. I have another question. I have since I've had all of this help issues and everything The hood of my clitoris has started to close It wasn't closed before but now it has and I'm wondering if there's anything I can do To reverse that It could just be because I honestly, like I was saying earlier, the estrogen, the walls of the vagina, everything becomes a little bit thinner over time,

so that could be a result of that, or it could be a result of medications and dryness. Because I don't think it's changed, it's probably just shrunk, you know, it's probably just moved inward. So it sounds like I would just start, honestly, I would start touching yourself again. I think it's going to masturbate and using some lube. If you don't have a

great lube, buy some lube, you guys would love the muse lube. It tastes amazing. Oh my God, we're like obsessed with here. It tastes like it's creme brulee and mint chocolate. It's a little pump you could leave by your bed and just start massaging your clitoris. I know you think this might like you're like, I don't feel anything fine. It's okay if you don't feel anything. But if you start just paying massaging your clitoris. I know you think this might, like you're like, I don't feel anything, fine. It's okay if you don't feel anything, but if you start just paying attention to your clitoris, massaging it, I think you're gonna realize that your whole body's gonna come to life again.

But do it without expectations, okay? Of anything. Thanks Sherry, thanks for calling. Best of luck to you. Take care of yourself. Keep talking to your husband. It'll come back. That's self care right there.

That is self care. I know you guys sometimes it's like the last thing you want to do but you're never going to be like oh why don't you masturbate. All right so we have an interesting question here. We have Bill who's 46 in Florida. He wants to talk about the fetish of pie fighting. All right. Which I hope you have to do with cakes and stuff.

Tell me about pie fighting fetish. Hi. Hi. Tell me about your experience fetish. Hi. Hi. Tell me about your experience with pie fighting. First, we love to hear it. I've had this fetish which I've been obsessed with, as long as I can remember. And I have a very tolerant wife. However, it's not for her.

And she doesn't think to enjoy it when I want to engage in it. Okay. I don't know. I just always have this fetish that I can't say I've tried to suppress it because I look at videos as an alternate and my wife knows this so that I don't have to engage in it with her. It doesn't make a feel comfortable. But I'm married 17 years and it's always it's like the one challenge we have. And it's a challenge sexually. Right, no, I understand. So it's been 17 years. Have you found other outlets for it? Have you found other ways that you think that you've been able to fulfill it. Watching videos on the internet like on different websites or whatever. But she's really not, because let me just explain this. So I'm not sure what your particular fetish of, of, of pie fetishes, but typically it's

a washing, watching pie in a sexual situation, because it's like messy and wet and. Yes. Sexual and hot, right. Okay. Because I just think a lot of people haven't heard about it. Like, there could be guys and tanks like rolling around like they're, you know, rolling over pies and it's just in all different ways pies are sexual to women, women with pies. Okay.

Okay. Yeah. With the pie, right. A well-dressed woman, not even, not even nude, but I'd like to see like a well-dressed woman, you know, just suddenly engaging in like a slapstick kind of scenario almost like a throus stooge is kind of scenario. Wow, okay. Yeah.

So, just people understand that a fetish, let me just explain this to listeners, it's not just like you're into it. A fetish means that for people who have a fetish, whether it be like a foot fetish or, you know, a latex fetish, it is requirement for you to be a rouse, correct Bill? Like you need to have that stimulation for you to ever... I'm a full-blooded I'm a full-blooded heterosexual male right right and I do get I do get aroused by just looking at a woman whether dressed or nude but as far as to to really be engaged in sex. So the past, I have to be on my mind, where it has to be,

I have to have done it, and then after we've done the pie fight, then I can repeat. So has she, it's the best kind of special experience for me. Yeah, that's the best kind, yeah. I get it. I mean, so here's the thing,

Bill, has she ever engaged in it, like, whether ever time is where she allowed you? Okay. And so got it. I mean, so here's the thing, Bill, has she ever engaged in it? Like, whether ever time is where she allowed you. Okay. And the so got it. But it's just for you, you're saying that it's been 17 years, it's not enough. It's messy too. We don't do it often enough. Right. We don't do it often. I think the last time was three years ago, four years ago. And part of it is is while while we're doing it, I can tell she's not comfortable, she's not enjoying. Right. So it doesn't make me feel good about her. And you know, I'm looking at, I'm trying to engage with someone who's just not having a good time. Here's the thing, Bill, I got to say, so have you guys ever, have you ever

seen a sex therapist? Because to me this is perfect because what I think has to happen is unless it's already gone to the point of where you're not going to be able to To reconcile this with her because what I'm thinking about your wife is well what she into what turns her on You know because I think a lot of times so not much because she hasn't explored yet Here's a thing but everyone with things that nothing turns on, which believe me, I was there too. I had to learn. It's because something happened. We've been shut down, disassociated, trauma, something in our life where it didn't allow

us to think sexual thoughts. And therefore, we think nothing turns us on. And so we have to do work around it. We have to think about what is good. So she's been able to, since maybe she doesn't have those thoughts, sex after over 17 years is become like, oh my god, it's not going to be so great unless I get messy and I've pysed it's a thing, but what am I into so there could be some resentment? Beyond the fact that it's just a fetish, just the fact that she doesn't know herself well enough. And so I think if you went to like a sex therapist that could help you guys kind of

talk it through, like figure out what she actually wants, like they work with you, they're not going to have sex with you, but they're going gonna actually help you because you still want to stay with her correct you're still in love. Oh yeah we're not we're not we're not splitting apart. So there's something called asact we'll put in the show notes ASS ECT society of sexual therapists and I think you should find one in Florida because to me it's the way that I wrote it if you could find a somatic sex therapist, that would be amazing because they could really help her get into her body more and figure out how you can both get your needs met in this relationship.

Because I don't think it's something on your own, you'll be, yeah. But just don't give up, help with it yet. And maybe you could start just asking her, I want this to be more about you, could we explore, could we master weight together, could we go to a sex toy store. Now, if your relationship has been going on for too long and you think she won't even open up, that's why I just think you're going to need to get help. And it'll be great. And you'll figure it out.

All right. Thank you so much for calling Bill. Let me know if you get some help with this. Thank you. I appreciate it. Bill for calling because people are going by, I've never heard of that. I don't understand fetishes. And it really doesn't matter exactly what the challenge is when it comes to a fetish

that you require. Like you every time you have such you pretty much need it, that can be really challenging for a partner over time. But if you have a partner who isn't bringing their own fantasies and desires to the table, then it's really challenging because they can't, they can't even counter with like compromise because a lot of this is compromise. Like on every third of the month, you can throw a pie on my face. If you dress up like the you know, Pillsbury Doeboy and come in the door and you know, I don't

know, like like go down to me for an hour, whatever her fans is. But you compromise with it, but it's really tough that for people to kind of navigate when they don't even have the language, when she might be more shut down and then seize it as a front that that's what he needs. So therapy helps for that. And there is a great blog on our site that came out today on the difference between a kink and a fetish. So that's obviously great timing too. So thanks for your call Bill. I think that was really helpful. Thank you everybody for listening for supporting the show for subscribing for sharing it with a friend

who could use the advice. Thanks to our amazing team, Ken, Kristen, Michelle, producer, Jamie, and Michael, was it good for you? email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. you