Sex With Emily - Sexless Marriages, Men & Meatballs

Episode Date: January 17, 2015

Are your issues with self-esteem and body-image weighing down your sex drive? In this show, Emily addresses some of these key sex-killing issues, and shares tips to help you get your sex life right back where you want it. Special guest Alex Jamieson, author of the book Women, Food and Desire, stops by the studio to weigh in on the curious relationship between body image, diet and desire, for both men and women. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Are your issues with self-esteem and body image destroying your sex life? In this show I'm talking about some of these key sex killing issues. Plus, how to bring your sex life back? I also special guest Alex Jamison, author of Women Food and Desire to weigh in. And also everyone, thank you so much for supporting my sponsors and I'm out of tell you about the most ingenious product I've seen in a long time. You might have seen these guys, they were on the TV show Shark Tank a few weeks ago.

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Okay, everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts, check out our mailing list. You can have a really good time at sex, then, Lee. So I'm just all about a good time and so is my list. Yeah, you are. You're with him today.

How you doing? How you doing, Emily? What's going on this week? This week is a very exciting week. I have to say I am, gosh, what's the date? I'm giving a keynote. I'm going to the Sexual Health Expo. If you guys, so this is, yeah, it's in the 18th and 19th this weekend in last,

17th and 18th in Los Angeles, sexual health expo. You still have time to go. You can get tickets. It's the coolest thing. It is open to the public and go to sexualhealthexpo.com or click on the banner on my website and I'm giving the keynote speech on Sunday, but that's not the, I mean, that's a really good part.

But you know all the people we've had in our show like the top sex educators over the years, they're teaching workshops that are open to the public on everything from like high to them. And as a 12th, Lachio open relationship, they're just how to have better communication. Ladies and great, a sex product will be there. It's gonna be a cool thing.

So everyone check it out and come see me there. And I'm even keynote, I mentioned that, which I'm still writing. What else mention that, which I'm still writing? What else is going on? I've got four sex conferences this week. Four sex conferences? Geez. I know.

There's a lot of sex going on. And by sex conference, I don't mean that I'm having like a sexual, what do I turn to say, a gangbang. No, a three-step, what's it called? What's it called? The sexual, I don't know. People think it's like a swingers party or something. What's it called? What's it called? The sexual, uh, I don't know. People think like it's like a swingers part or something.

It's like actual information sex products. Yeah. Yeah. What question is do you spend the night at these things? Or do you just go for the day? Um, I go for the day. It's like three days, once three days. I'm giving awards, getting awards,

I'm going to the porn awards, the ex-biz porn awards and Thursday. I'm giving out awards. OK. I might be nominated for an award, not at the porn awards, different.-biz porn awards in Thursday and giving out awards. Okay. I might be nominated for an award, not at the porn awards, different. There's like five award shows. And then next week is AVN in Vegas,

which I might go for a night. Remember last year? Yeah. And I gave the keynote there, and I might just go for a good time. We'll see. I just want to know, you know, what happens after these things.

What do you mean? You spend the night at a hotel and all these sex experts are there and it's crazy. Yeah, they're all like, look at this new toy. They're all banging each other. 15 people in a room and they're just like, that's the old- That was the word. I can't believe I couldn't look at the old-

The old- Oh, really? That's not the right word. It's the old- The old- There's this big crazy old- I think those things happen. I have to be honest.

I've never either been invited or participated in anything with my colleagues. My sex expert colleagues. But if I do, I will be the first to let you know. So yeah, January's all sex month. But I mean, they're all fun. I mean, they're all really good. You learn a lot about what's happening in the sex field and stuff like that.

And I will report back to you ASAP. What's going on with you? I am just getting back in the swing of things after a couple of weeks. Still, it's a little rough after taking a vacation. I know. And then it's going to be a music festival season again. So I'm sure I'll be traveling to certain parts of the country. You still do as much as you do when you're in San Francisco?

It's a little bit harder because now I'm with a group of people, so we usually have to take the same amount of time off at the same time and try to coordinate with four different people and not every person on shows into music festivals. Which you are. Which I am. And so there's like two people that are into festivals

and then two people that aren't and The self it lands in some time where we have time off then yeah, I'll go if not then no So but I'm sure I'll be at Coachella no problem. I might be at Baalderock in Napa, California. Oh, yeah If you guys are if you guys are I might be there so look for me and my favorite always is in Chicago. I love the plusa. I love those people's. The Midwestern folks. Yeah, I really want to go to Sasquatch Music Festival in Seattle. Oh, but there's a one called Governor's Ball in in New York City. Okay. Around there that I really want to go to too.

And yeah, they're going to sex conferences conferences and then like in Miami there's the dude Yeah, winter music. Oh, yeah, if you go to that that seems like too much, but I love South Beach I was there on years. It was freaking crazy. I never been I I mean that years Yeah, it is fun. I mean that place goes off. Yeah, I love South Beach Yeah, I like vacation not gonna goes off. I love South Beach. For like vacation, not gonna live there. You have a ton of new listeners on this podcast because of love line and other things that you've been doing.

So, but I might have shared the story before for all the old school listeners, but I used to work on a television station. That's how I got before I did a radio. And this guy that I worked with, he was, he was like in his 70s, and he had about 30 grandchildren, 10 children, and he always would go to me, and he goes, look, before you get old,

you need to go to Miami. You just need to experience it one time. Really? You just check out Miami. Have you been? I'm not having been. Oh, I know, I know. See see here's a thing of the California. I grew up Michigan so it's like where we're going to go.

It's warm. We're going to Florida. You know it's like an hour and a half flight. Everyone in the miss was a Florida in the Midwest was a Florida here. People go to Mexico more they go to why. Yeah, and when I was going to Florida over the holidays with my family because they go there.

My friend my California friends are like what the Florida what. But it's it's pretty cool. You got to be a slap. You got a fly cross. over the holidays with my family because they go there. My California friends are like, what the Florida, what? And I'm like, oh, but it's pretty cool. You got to be able to slap. You got to fly across. It's pretty cool. It takes a while, but I really want to experience it. And there's great music festivals out there.

Yeah, go do that. And speaking about music festivals, you had a sex romp at a music festival. Coachella? Coachella, yeah. I did have sex backstage at the VIP section. I did in the backstage on the grass in the VIP section. I hear the porta-potties.

No, no, it was a VIP. There were no porta-potties. No, there were the nice porta-potties. I did. That was really fun. I forgot about that. That was like 2006 or something 2007. Wow.

And the guy that I was having sex with happened to his friend, Randle Festival. He worked for that company that runs it. Gosh, yeah, oops, yeah, what up? I don't think you work anymore, but we were like on the golf cart. We had the whole thing and then we like were partying and then we were having sex. Yeah, it's amazing. It was a good time. We didn't get caught or anything. Yeah, people, I mean, music festivals aren't for everybody, but at least experience one

in your lifetime just to see what it's all about. Yeah, it's a fun thing to do with the parties, with funs, the whole thing. I don't care if you're in the middle of the country, find, just take a road trip and go to a music festival and just see what it's all about. I know, it's not just for the kids, it's for everyone. It's not, you can, no matter what age you are, just go, just do it. So, friggin' right, okay, so you're right. You have a good time. Yeah, I agree. Okay, we had a lot' right. Okay, so you're right. You're having a good time.

Yeah, I agree. Okay, we had a lot today on the show, so we got to get moving here on Sex and the News. Speaking of things you should do to keep your release stupid, just like going to Music Festival, there was a study that came out that the number of sexless marriages

in America keeps rising. This is upsetting to me because this has been my job to help people have more sex, but it's not all about me. The newest numbers are in and they're not pretty. A study in Related Dips in America finds that one in five married people in America, 20% have not had sex in the last month. 12% in the last three months and 6% have not had sex in more than year. An average married Americans reported to having sex 1.2 times per week and just about five times a month.

And the obvious question becomes, what's causing this increase in sexual inactivity among married people? What do you think? And I have another question about two, but I don't know the answers to all that. They say it's trans and baritone stability, back in the days before a reliable birth control,

having a sexist marriage, it was one way of limiting family size. And then also unhappy couple to our less-likeative sex were more likely to stay together because of society, expectations, they had children there raising. And this doesn't make sense now, because there's an increased divorce last 20 years.

So the study shows the opposite. For most marriages, there's a brief honeymoon phase where sexual activity is higher, fell by a sharp decrease after a few years, but not long afterwards, sexual inactivity levels off, and then it trends even further downward. All right. Here's my question.

Who is complaining about this? About the... Everyone. Is it from both sides or just me, me men and women? Or is it just a men who think no? It's everyone that you know It's women too. Don't want to it's it's everybody sometimes the man wants and more sometimes the woman It's due to both of them because it's what they say is the honeymoon phase wears off This is what everyone needs to understand is that It's like I always say people just

They think they're the only ones who are experiences. No, it is naturally gonna happen to you when you meet someone new The sex is new the novelty the mystery the excitement and then you become more stable You become you know trusting you've a committed relationship those two are opposite so the things that make sex hot The newness, the excitement, the spontaneity, when you become stable and committed and reliable, it's just not as conducive to hot sex. So you have to start to infuse things into your life that make it more exciting, like take a road trip to a sex festival. Yeah, and here's another thing that's messed up about life. Isn't it women get cornered

as they get older and then become less horny? I mean, you know, they say that the women like peak in their 40s. I mean, I don't think that we can say that that is conclusive. But yeah, I mean, typically I just think that when you're in a relationship that your sex life is going to wax and wane over time.

And the big problem is, is when people do not pay attention to this, they don't prepare for it. They think, you know, well, this won't happen to us because the sex is so hot right now. So that's going to be the nature. You're not always going to be having crazy sex swinging from the rafters, but be prepared for when you realize months have gone by, you're not having sex anymore. Like, have a plan in place that you're like, right away, you start talking about it, you're like, we need a little trip away, we need to try something new.

Yeah. You know, because people just don't, they don't, if you, if you stop having sex and then this becomes a pattern in your relationship and it becomes a little too late to deal with it and then you just, you know, fall apart. So regular sex or activity emerges correlated to personal satisfaction and both men and women report higher levels

of over our relationship happiness when they have more sex. So I'm just saying people, you got to prioritize your sex life, please just prioritize it. Do it. Yeah, do it, do it, do it. Okay, also we have a guest coming in here. Yeah, we do. Alex Jameson wrote a book called Women, Food and Desire.

And she's a really interesting story and she's a podcast called The Crave Cast, which provides valuable inspiration, information to help you get healthy body energy in the life you crave. And she talks a lot about like women and desire and body image issues. And even many body image issues where they don't want to,

you know, right? You've had times, maybe where you're like, I'm leaving my shirt on, turning the lights off. That is stress, body image are like huge killers of people sex drives. So, you know, I mean, it's just, it's a problem. So she writes about that, she talks about that, she's a super cool woman,

and she's gonna come and chat with us for a little bit. Cool. Yeah. I dig that. You dig it, dig it, dig it. Do a while we're waiting for her to come in, come into the studio. I have a quick story. And the news just recently, hilarious, a teacher got busted for having sex with a student.

It happens every day. Happens every day, but what's crazy about it is she's like in her mid-20s, and the student is 18, right? But this is happening in Alabama, and the thing is, A, she got busted because she was having sex with the student on her honeymoon. She like left her honeymoon to go hook up with one of her students. Which like fly him out to Hawaii or something

to meet her in a resident? No, I think that the honeymoon was like after. Like she went to the holiday and I was thinking that I'm having an Alabama. But apparently there's a law in Alabama, even though the kid was 18, that if a teacher is busted having sex with the student that is not 19 or older,

they get in trouble legally. Oh right, it's crazy. Isn't that in most states you get in trouble legally over it? Well, if you're like under age, but you're 18. You're 18, yeah, it's like. Yeah, honey, honey, yeah, they're all like. So that's a little sexy new thing, you guys can Google and read it by yourself.

Yeah, thanks, that makes it really good. At least Alex James, since you're high, Alex. Yeah. It's Alex. Yeah. Great. Just Alex, Alex, Alex. Alex is fine. Hi, Alex.

It's so good to see you. Before you came, of course, I'm so glad you're here. I gave you a little idea about what you do in your book, Women Food and Desire, and Great American Detax Diet, and your podcast and all that. And I'm so glad you're here today today because it's been a long time coming. Yeah, yeah. And I wanted to talk,

well, there was an article I was gonna read that I thought would be part of our sex in the news. I thought that you'd have a good perspective on them again, similar stuff. So there was a study that came out that said, junk food can harm a woman's libido. If you're looking for ways to improve your libido, as well as the quality of the sex you have,

changing your diet is a great place to start. There are a number of factors that can contribute to a less than ideal sex life, but having a diet that is having junk food and other unhealthy products will have an enormous impact both on your body and your better activities. So it's research shows that consuming

cup-recent amounts of junk food throughout the day can be harmful when you're partner when they get down for business and it's especially to a fast food product, sign fail rates, all that stuff. So I know that you are an expert in this field and so many other fields. So, what do you think about that? So, I always go to hormones and hormonal balance. And when you look at high-fuctose corn syrup, which is how we consume most of our calories in the United States, it really does a number on our hormonal

balances. It messes with our insulin, which is also a hormone, and it just has this cascade domino effect, which screws with your testosterone, your progesterone. And as we know, if you have low levels or super high levels of any of these things, it's going to mess with your libido as well. So there really is a direct correlation between unhealthy over processed packaged fast foods and your libido. Right. So we just recommend, and now it's a hormonal thing.

Okay, well first of all, let's back up because do you also know that Alex was part of the the movie supersize me yes did you ever see that movie I did I were you on it yes you did it I mean I I was halfway washing it I'm sorry yeah I was at the film the the Sundance premiere nice how crazy how crazy how many years ago yeah 10 years yeah yeah I was more gonna and I we are now divorced but we were co-creators of the film. And I was at the time the vegan girlfriend. Okay. Yeah. Exactly. And so, but we could tell a little bit about the story was that he ate for 30 days. Agreed. But McDonald's. Yeah. Yeah. That was a huge, huge movie. It's changed everything. And we got super sick, right? So in

30 days, he gained 25 pounds as cholesterol shot up, his liver function was depleted, and his libido was totally shot. If you, I mean, I wouldn't have said this on camera if I had known millions of people, we're gonna see including my grandmother next to me in the theater, but I was like, I have to be on top. He's always exhausted. So not only were his hormones funky,

but when you eat a ton of bad food, your energy is depleted, your mood is off. So when you're living a fast food lifestyle, it's totally going to mess with your libido. Absolutely, yeah. Okay, so then since then, you've been doing, tell me what you're up to now. So I've been coaching and helping people get healthy in the standard American diet landscape that we live in. Most of my clients are women, and a lot of them come to me because they want to

lose weight and they're somehow weight loss resistant, but they've just lost their zest, their vitality. They always tell me, I want to feel good in my body again. Whatever that means for that, right? And for so many of them, they're either not having any sex, they're either not in a partnered relationship or they're in a relationship, but it's just died. And that's always this like secret that comes out weeks and weeks after we've been working together. So now I start asking that question a lot sooner. Right. Because it's always there. If you've been, I mean, it's pretty common that's going

to happen in a relationship and people don't feel comfortable talking about it and they don't realize that it's like having some, a lot of couples if you don't maintain it and body image issues is one of the big killers of people's sex diet if they don't feel good about themselves. So how do you work with them on this? You just think you're looking as a holistic approach to their diet, to their so help them with that. It doesn't't my own health struggles over the years. I was vegan for a long time, and then my health started to deteriorate, and I started craving meat.

This was not in the plan. I'd written three cookbooks on veganism, and my hormones also started to change drastically. You know, my menstrual cycle was coming every two weeks, and I couldn't fix it within that vegan framework anymore. So I started adding the meat that my body was craving and things started coming back online again. And now it's all good to go.

Things are great. But I had this emotional moral struggle with what I was eating. But as I started eating the meat and my menstrual cycle was coming back online, I also like my libido turned back on again. I did, okay. And this was all happening right after my divorce.

So I wanted to call my book Men and Meatballs. Those are the two things I was craving. The publisher didn't go for that, I don't know. No, I like Men and Meatballs. Yeah, that was a great title. That is a great title. Okay, but after you got your divorce, you're dating like you went on over 100 dates and 18 months.

I did. How did you do that? How did you find these men like tell me everything? you're dating like, you went on over 100 dates in 18 months. I did. How did you do that? How did you find these men like, tell me everything? I was dating like it was my job. And I was a single mom now. You know, I had my son over part, you know, more than half time. So when I had a weekend free, I was on it.

Okay, cute, but there's like boom, boom, boom. Who's available? Like breakfast, lunch, dinner, I'm meeting people, gotta get out there. And you know, most of the more first and only dates. Okay. Some of them were horrific, but made for great stories later on after I recovered from the trauma.

And you know, it led to some really fun sexual encounters as well. It was very safe, you know, it was always very appropriate. I was getting my needs met as a single mom in her mid 30s. And I ended up meeting my partner now. Really? That's the one for three years. Oh, okay, you met him on OkayCupid?

Through, kind of circuitously through my dating. You met some dating, oh, yeah. Oh, that's cool. That's a friend of a friend. Exactly. Yeah, like you went on a date, guys, like we might not be a match, but here's, you became friends with someone or whatever,

but it just works. That's really cool. I mean, I believe that if that's what you want, if you're looking for a partner, make it your job. Absolutely. People are like, oh, I'm sweating for like a date to drop down from the sky, and it's not gonna happen. Well, I got permission really

from one of my mentors, coaches, and she was like, just try people on. Don't go on a date thinking you're gonna find your next husband. Just see how people feel. You't go on a date thinking you're gonna find your next husband. Just see how people feel. You haven't dated in 10 years. It's like how I was approaching my diet. I needed to feel how different foods showed up for me.

How does this food make me feel? How does this guy make me feel? It's just this huge awareness experiment. Right, I'm sure. And I'm sure you learned a lot about yourself too and what you were attracted to and what you weren't because a lot of people go on dates like I want this person to like me? I want them to be attracted me and it was more like You looked at it as like a learning experience for yourself. I created something called stealth dating

Which was anytime I was in anyone's presence like I'm buying a coffee from somebody or a newspaper like how does this person feel? How does my like what's my body? Registering right now it could be woman, it could be a guy, and the subway didn't matter. Just like, how am I reading people's energies? And that really helped me get back in touch with my body again, both dietary wise and relationship wise. How do you just get in touch with their energies?

How do you channel that? You know, it's really just like standing like, you know, I'm looking at you now. Yes, hello. Well, I'm energy again from him. Yes, hello. Well, how do you get in from him? Amazing energy, right? I feel really warm in my chest, like my solar plexus, my throat. And it's kind of pleasant.

It's like nice. That's good, menace. Thank you. I mean, I wouldn't think that with menace. Oh, she's very non-kitting. He's warm and fuzzy. He is. No, that's cool.

I mean, really? So how, I think that's a great approach for people, just to think about dating as a process of, yeah, how does it make me feel? I think as women, we're so interesting. Like, we want him to like me. This person's like me and it's not about us. What are looking for what's good on paper?

Or what are his stats? And we're so, what I think is one of the major health issues for women in America is we're so disconnected from our own bodies. We don't know what feels good to us and we don't then know what to ask for or to declare. It means sexually.

Sexually or dietary wise, they're kind of the same thing. They are, they are. So let's talk more about that. How can we get people to be more in touch with that? So I really look at cravings. Again, I go back to listening to what your body is telling you. And cravings are a huge hot button term

because people like, I hope, crush your cravings or you should never give into your cravings, go cold turkey. Like actually, your cravings are messages. It's just information from your body that something's out of balance. And there's four root causes to any cravings. Okay.

To go like the hardcore nutritional route, there's either nutritional deficiencies, there's bacterial cravings. To go like the hardcore nutritional route, there's either nutritional deficiencies, there's bacterial cravings, you know, we are 10 times more bacterial than we are human cells in our bodies, but there's also emotional cravings and physical cravings. And most of us don't get enough just touch human connection. A lot of scientists are saying we need at least what 8 to 10 hugs a day of at least six to ten seconds a piece just to a whole. And if you look at lots of studies showing that mammals that are sequestered and not given touch or they're not allowed, you know, little baby animals that aren't, you know, sleeping with all their little kitten mates or whatever, they start to wither and die. They don't thrive. They don't put on. I remember this study of

the bunny rabbits. Like the study that the bunny rabbits who got pet and stuff from the ones who didn't and the ones who didn't. Yeah. They withered. They always hug you minutes for like a 10 seconds. When I see you. That's great. I mean, and it's we all do need touch. We do adults need it as well. We think it's only true for babies or for our pets, but it's as true for adults. Maybe more so because we have more emotional stress in our life than anybody else. Yeah, no, it's true. What about people who you're in relationships with? They're like,

oh, I'm not a big toucher. I'm not a big whatever. I've always, I've been with those guys. I don't like massage. I don't like touch. I don't want to cuddle. So, so what's curious to me is that we own more pets in this country than any other country in the world. When we get the same dopamine and oxytocin hit that we do from playing with our dogs, especially cats, not as much. So it makes me question like, no, I think you actually do like touch. It's just emotionally confronting to touch a human. Exactly. Where's you will play with your dog for an hour? Exactly. And there's something that's blocking you because then you have to open up. It'll open up

something's emotionally if you're being touched. Yeah. That is interesting. We come back. We're going to talk about self-confidence, insects, and dating, how we can build that but first they were from our amazing sponsors that help keep our show free for all of you.

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It is the Vespa, Vespa, Vespa. Vespa. Vespa. Yes. By Cray, it is a beautiful, like vibrator, bullet, strong, gold necklace. It's a little, it's very cool, very fashionable, and it's fun for, you know, party and cocktail.

Yeah, like you never know when you're gonna need a sex toy and you're wearing it around your neck as part of your outfit. It's an excessorized, you can accessorize with sex toys. And it's so funny because people wouldn't even know what it is, what you're just walking around unless they know what it is. But then it's like a leaned up,

but got in something in a meeting, if you've ever done that yet, and like, and it starts like with the other But then I've leaned up, I got something in a meeting, if you've ever done that yet, and like, I'm starting to get started. I'm like, oh, yeah, I got it. I'm starting to stop. But that's awesome. You can also, yeah, they've got like toys for it. And the great thing about good vibes

that come is you can get Google on their site, like I'm looking for a couple's toy, I'm looking for a Clitoral toy, a 1G Spot simulation, I'm going to get in a bonded, you know, 50 shades of gray, movies coming out, all that stuff. So if you go to sexwithelm.com, you click on the Good Vibes banner,

and you use coupon code GVMLE20, you get 20% off everything, and you see my store there, and you know I've tried every store there, so I picked the best, so check it out. Okay, yeah, and you can get the Vest Burberry Grave, which is amazing. Okay, Alex, so Alex, your book's women, food and desire,

and then you also have, I mentioned this before, you came in and then you also have your podcast, which is a crave cast. The crave cast. Yes. Talking about cravings, all the root causes and do some really cool interviews with people from different areas of health and empowerment. So you think that cravings, so if we're craving something, it's okay to give in, but we should look at why we're craving one for craving bad things like we're craving something, it's okay to give in, but we should look at why. We're craving bad things, like. So, you know, to drugs or cigarettes.

Triple cheeseburgers. Triple cheeseburgers. I mean, eating and sex are two of the most awesome parts about being a human being. They really are. But how much pleasure are you getting in the rest of your life? You know, how well is your lifestyle? So I don't necessarily think that sugar or kinky weird sex or one night stands are bad things.

It's not easy, you're safe, right? Absolutely, either way, but are your cravings in liveening you and adding to your life's richness or are they depleting you? And are you stuck in a habit that's actually becoming dangerous for you? Sometimes having a piece of, like, I just ate a chocolate bar out in the waiting room with my girlfriend who I haven't seen in a long time. And it was so fun. Right.

And we had a great time and I feel good and I'm not gonna feel terrible later. Right. Like it's moderation, right? I mean, you're not like eating a morning noon and night and stuff. But if we're constantly judging ourselves and our cravings as bad, then we are going to be

in a constant battle with our bodies that we can never win. So it's really about learning to listen to and see what's underneath this. Is it a desire for a connection with someone? Am I trying to escape something? Or is there something going on health-wise? That's why I like to look at those four root causes of cravings I go into

in the book. So extensively because yes there are medical issues and we need to find out if you have food sensitivities but we also need to see how your hormones are doing. Yeah what do you think about that hormones and replacement therapy and all that stuff? So you know I'm going to be 40 in a couple of months and I've had hormonal issues over the last five or six years. I'm a huge fan like find out what's really going on. on because you may be estrogen dominant. You may have no test austro in your body. And if you can find out the truth and do a little supplementation, it can really change the trajectory of your life. It can really improve your relationships. I mean, if you've got no progesterone in

your body, you're gonna be biting your husband's head off. Exactly. That could be the thing people like, why is that? I just didn't think before you came in here, we didn't order a cobalt aside. They came out that like, you know, sex lives are dwindling about married couples. It means nothing new. But people are just like, oh, well, we don't know what to do about it. We're just going to stop having sex.

And we're not going to talk about it in years. Go about, you know, you have to like deal with it. Like take it, you know, like nip it in the bud. Like, that's where the fast food lifestyle really comes into play as well. You know, we are exposed to endocrine disruptors like fallates and parabins in every product that we use grocery store receipts. We touch them.

Those parabins and fallates get into our body, they upset our hormones. We need to look and learn. And that's touch receipts. We don't touch them either. Either take a picture with your phone and just have them throw it away. Absolutely. God, see, there's so many things. I'm just so nervous, help these I can make.

And we're so sensitive. Our bodies are really sensitive. I know. Gosh. OK, what about self-confidence in sex and dating? So did you notice a difference in your sex and dating like after you started working on this and your cravings and change your diet and all that stuff?

And how would you recommend other women? So you can enhance their sex self confidence. You know, after my divorce, I won't go into all the gruesome details, but basically my ex-husband didn't prove himself to be trustworthy. So I internalized all that and I thought that it was my fault. And I felt really unattractive and unsexy. And I just felt dead, my libido was dead. And it took me a couple of years of therapy and coaching with friends and talking about it

and discovery would be like, oh, that wasn't like, it wasn't about you. It wasn't about me. It never usually the things that we make feel but it was something rejection. I remember we think it's all about us. We inhermized it. It wasn't about me.

So that, it took some time. You know, I didn't just go right out of the gate and start dating, be like, I'm awesome. Everybody, date me, it's incredible. No, it took a lot of experimenting, a hundred first dates, a year and a half. It was really impressive, and you did find someone, right? So it is a numbers game.

So how did you overcome your own body and sexual shame that you had? Do you think it was all through all this or was it, did you just get healthier? Well I was getting pretty clear that I needed to get laid. I'm a single mom, I'm still a young woman, I have needs. And I used to be very sexually confident. Like when I was in my 20s I felt really good about sex. So I was like, okay, I used to feel good. What if I just like went out and had a date with someone

and went home with them? And what feels good to me? And if you can set aside the shame and that judgmental culture and cultureation that we all have in our heads, and just see what feels good to you, you know, you can find a lot of people out there who are willing to experiment with you.

Exactly. No, this is a time to do it too when you're single. Like, don't have the shame about it. Have some fun. Have some creative sex. I had a great guy who was like my year-long standing booty call where we had great chemistry, but we weren't going to be a relationship man.

How'd you know that? I don't know. How'd you know that? I don't know, how did I know that? And he felt the same way, because the friends of the same way. Okay. He did feel the same way. It was so funny, we were both very smart, funny people. I like to think they're funny. But we just did not connect conversation wise.

So you just got together and sex. We were just perfect. And then I would date other people. And I was very clear with everyone I was dating. I am dating lots of people right now That's what I'm and they were cool with that. They were totally cool with that because some guys aren't so you guys are like oh And then those are the one they want more right right? You find that to the like what he did right triggers my current boyfriend Bob

I was going out with all these guys who are around the age of 45 Nobody would sleep with me. I was like what's going on? They all wanted to be committed in Relationships before we had sex. Maybe for sex, I would know if I wanted to be in a relationship. I think guys were like that. Yes. I was like, are they all reading the same terrible dating if I was really usually I could typically it's more women. Well, she's probably not hanging out with the sleaze balls that you know. Oh, stop it. Okay, so this is interesting. That's really surprising, friendly. No, I just typically are women like, commitment. You should see, they look like you, Scar sales.

Oh, stop it. Just one. I also dated everyone who came across my path. Like I dated vice principals from the New York City public school. Right. It wasn't like I didn't have like a hearty, right checklist, right?

Right. No, that's good though. You just because you get yourself out there and it's experience of like dating and talking to people and all that stuff. I do have a question going back to eating habits now during this time when you were so you're not vegan now, right? I'm sure you went over that. I'm sorry. So when you were vegan, was it like I date people that have the like the same eating habits or... No, I was never like that.

Okay. ...that you ever made it a requirement. I think there would be a lot more vegans in the world if there was a lot less pretentious vegans in the world. Don't you think? Yes, I agree. Because it's like, I think I've only met one vegan in my entire life that's just like Okay about it, you know, but every other one has to announce that they're a vegan and they have to wear a sweatshirt That says that I am vegan, you know, and I think that's a big turn off for people. It is it is and it's a very challenging

Group to leave Mm-hmm because when I that finally told everyone hey, I'm not vegan anymore in the supply. Did you get shunned? I mean, thousands of emails, death threats, I lost a lot of actual friends. Like actual friends? Really? De-friendhood made didn't take my calls anymore. It's so crazy, right?

It's very, it's kind of a, people get very religious about how they eat. It's how we define ourselves. Yeah. In a very basic human way. So I tell people, I'm never going to define how I eat ever again. Right.

Exactly. So the vegans are like, we're out. You're no longer. And I know plenty of people who are vegan in public and are having the same health crisis that I was. And aren't able to tell anyone. So there's a lot of shame around food. I just eat every, I just moderation.

There's so much shame around food and sex. They're really overlapping, which is why I wrote this book. I wanted to shine some light on it and say, hey, discover what's true for you now. What were you for? It's all good. Right. Yeah, get rid of all that shame.

When food and desire. Yeah, I don't care if people are vegan, you know? It's just like why do vegans need to- It's hard though. Care so much about my eating habits. And I think I think that if right if someone puts it on you I think they're if they're really cool about it I think they would get a lot more people to join their cause Sometimes I think they don't want as many people like there's there's a certain aspect of where the outsiders

Yeah, like for the where the loan rangers Maybe maybe that's a part of the cool aspect I don't know that's a whole other conversation. Okay, got it. Well, I was going to read an email. We've time for a happy answer an email here. Go for it. Okay, hi Emily.

I'm a 20 year old female and avid listener of the show. I've been in a relationship for about two years, and we've recently observed some changes in our sex life, specifically. I often feel like I can't get it up and engage in sex the way I used to. Before we had a very adventurous sex life, and the majority of the time, I could orgasm multiple times at squirt and go for up to 45 minutes. Now even when I feel turned on, I would giant it as not feel the same leading up to our sex.

It's not as sensitive. I can't reach orgasm as easily and I don't produce as much natural lubrication. Thanks some parts of your podcast. My boyfriend and I communicate openly about sex. He feels like these issues result from me not being as attracted to him, which is absolutely not the case. I tried to explain to him that the changes are physiological and that I don't think it's abnormal for females to experience this in a long-term relationship. But I'm questioning my own logic, is this normal? Is the physiological response on my head? What can I do to overcome this barrier and unhibibali and Joyce X again? Thanks so much.

And Stasia. Yeah. Have your hormones checked. Yeah, I think so too. Absolutely. Women, they don't realize it. They can even pre-medipalzel, like a whole thing. Like hormones are a big thing.

And I understand that her partner thinks that it's him. They always, we always think it's us, right? Yeah. Um, and so it's not abnormal at all. And I'm just wondering like are you wonder you guys under a lot of strut? I mean who knows? I think you first need to get checked out by your doctor because if she's talking about physical she's not having the vacation. Yeah. She's not getting us turned on. So I think the first

thing is it is talking to your doctor about it. It's really those are really common symptoms with premenopause and it can happen in your late 20s early 30s. I know that's a thing they don't tell you. Absolutely, I know. Come on soon. So I think that you've got to take the pressure off yourself. And so you may think you're turned on, but it's possible like there's also a disconnect

between your body and mind. You've a lot of stress going on in your life now. You know, you might realize like, and now you might be in your head about it in a stature that like, oh, it's not going to happen this time. It's not going to happen this time it's not gonna happen this time and I hope I can perform for him because he's thinking that I'm not into him so I would say the first thing it checks you wrote any medical things at all

and then you know I think that you guys just got to um I mean it changes it's what people it wax and wanes over your life I'm glad you guys are still together and you're working on it but sex doesn't say the same and so there's a lot of different reasons for it and it's something that you just got to maintain. There's another great book to look at. Dr. Sarah got Freed's The Hormone Cure. She's incredible resource.

She's got a lot about it. She was on my show years ago. Yeah. She's awesome. Yeah, she is awesome. Yeah, they go back and look at that one. That was great. I remember that.

Okay. Okay, so what else, Alex? So where can people find you, find your book, your podcast, everything, tell me. So you can go to womenfoodanddesire.com, and I've actually created a free 50 recipe cookbook that helps address sweet, creamy, salty, savory cravings, nutritionally and taste wise.

You can get that totally free at womenfoodanddesire.com. Oh, awesome. And then you can check out the book in order we hit number one on Amazon. Congratulations. And it helps in sexuality. That's amazing. How cool is it to see me next to like Esther Perrell's book

and Sex at Dawn? That's amazing. I'm so happy for you. Thank you. So that is freaking great. I'm so, yeah, those are two of my favorite books. Yeah, I love them. That is so exciting.

I'm very happy for you. And congratulations on all your success. And then your website, we've got that. Twitter, Facebook, equal. Okay, awesome. Thank you for being on the show. Thank you, Menace. Anything you'd like to say in parting words?

Disco to sexwithemily.com and make sure to follow all your social networks. Oh, thank you. Yeah, it's all sex with Emily across the board. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Menace's Menace, ME and ACA.C.A. Okay, everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. It was a good for you. Email me. Feedback at sexwithemlee.com. Okay, everyone.

Thanks for listening to the show. And you hear me, you know, talk about spice up your sex life. And if you've been hearing me talk about I'm massage candles, and you haven't tried one yet, you really showed there by Emily and Tony. And I made these massage candles because he doesn't need to spice up things in the bedroom. Massage candle is the perfect way. You set the mood, you set the atmosphere,

plus they feel amazing as you drip onto your skin, the warm oil, and they are made of coconut oil and soybean oil, and you can just use them. I light it, but I don't know if someone would give a massage to every night. I just smell amazing, blow it out, pour it on my skin. It's like so luxurious and sensitive and feels amazing

and moisturizing. You'll love it. And, and massage is a great gateway to intimacy, you know? And I had a listener say to me, you know, my girlfriend was really skeptical at first, but agreed to try the warm oil on me and gave me a back rub. Then I reciprocated and we had amazing socks.

She could not stop talking about how good the candle smells and how great the massage oil feels. And I'm convinced that the scent in the candle helped us do some of the barriers to sex we face a li. So that's why I created these candles. You can all have the best sex of your life. So go to Emily and Tony.com, use code Emily for 20% off. So thanks everyone for listening.

Brandy Glanfield is everywhere. Hey everybody. Real housewives of Beverly Hills. Seriously, your sister's in the bathroom with the cigar. She's wasting. Fucking little wasting. Celebrity apprentice. Which was hell.

You're the worst. What was hell? But we got fun. No. And of course right here at podcast1.com. That's podcastoene.com. We got kissed somebody last night, but maybe not. Thanks Brandy.

I kissed somebody last night, but maybe not. Thanks, Brandy.