Sex With Emily - Sexual Attention Spans & Dating Plans

Episode Date: January 4, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is talking about better ways to date, as well as helping you through your bedroom conundrums. She gives you some ways to start dating with intention instead of just winging it, what to do when it seems like your partner prefers their vibrator to having sex, and ways to get out of your head during sex so you can actually enjoy yourself. Plus, everyone’s favorite topic – squirting! Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Uberlube, SiriusXM Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on today's show. I'm talking about better ways to date as well as helping you through your bedroom conundrums. Topics include how to date with intention and instead of just winging it. What to do when it seems like your partner prefers their vibrators to having sex with you. Ways to get out of your head during sex so you can actually enjoy yourself and everyone's favorite topic, Squirting. All this and more, thanks for listening. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. Hey, girls, gotta have a stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Maui?

What do you mean, like, laundry? It's drinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between playing with. Monday through Friday on serious XM radio stars channel 109. I am there 5 to 7 pm Pacific, 8 to 10 East.

And it's been amazing to reach so many more people helping me out with your sex and relationship questions. If you want a free 30 day trial, visit sexwithfamily.com slash SXM. You can still call in during those times and ask your questions, Triple 8 947, 8277. And you can also find us on all social media at Sex with Emily. Hope you guys enjoy today's show. It's actually a compilation from some of our favorite moments on the series show.

So let us know what you think, and thanks for listening. It's been a great week of shows, huh Jamie? It has, it always is. It always is, and I've been thinking a lot. I always do, I go home, we really say you shouldn't take your work home with you, but I can't help it. It's sex, it's've been thinking a lot. I always do. I go home, you know, they say you shouldn't take your work home with you, but I can't help it. It's sex, it's love, it's dating, it's everywhere, even in my own life.

But I was thinking that we've talked so much about sex, everything about sex, and love, and all those things, and I was like, God, you know, it's kind of like they say, this can be the breaking up, the dumping season. A lot of people end relationships right now around this time of year. I guess so, all the time though. They're ending, they're starting.

They're starting because that's a coughing season. Very confusing. But there's you don't want to deal with them over the holidays and you break up, but you might also be meeting someone to you. I thought what you guys don't know is that we talk a lot about dating, dating apps, how to find someone. Should you break up with someone on our podcast, which I've been doing

for a long time. So I thought I was thinking about some of the things that we could talk about tonight about dating. Like are you dating someone new, are you dating a few people? I can help you with all that stuff. And so there are some top tips that I'm like, I thought I haven't told you about these things yet, that I believe would be very helpful for you

and that are helpful in all dating situations, which is not easy right now. I mean, it's not, I get it. Everyone always thinks wherever they live, they live in the very worst town ever to date in. And people always say that. Like, when I was in San Francisco, they're like, oh God, it's the worst town.

No, you know, like check your balls with the Golden Gate Bridge. Like, just really, like, there's no men don't ask you out. And then in LA, everyone thinks the guys are like two into themselves and women just aren't available. Whatever, everyone has a story. And then New York, they say the same thing. And then if you live in the middle of the states, you'll be like, there's no one here.

But I always believe. And I know this to be true. That, first of all, wherever you go, there you are. So it's not like you have to move somewhere else and you're gonna find that person. But there's single people anywhere, everywhere. In fact, there's more single people now on the planet. Than ever.

And then ever before. So it's kind of a good time to be single. I would say so. And more ways to date and meet people. It is. Yes. Technology. Technology and people like, oh God, I. It is. Yes. Technology. Technology.

And people are like, oh God, I can't do the apps. Because here's the thing about the apps. And we have a lot to say about that. But tonight I'm just going to focus on some basic dating stuff. But this is what I want to say about the apps and definitely calm me with your questions. If you have questions about them, triplet 94 stars, is that if you're thinking to yourself,

I've been single for a while and I haven't met anyone, but I'm not going to do the apps because the apps people just want to hook up. Or everyone's an asshole. It's not true. We know ways to help you with that as well and that I think it's a service to yourself. It's a numbers game. It is. And I know plenty of people that have had actually success, like they are in love, they've gotten married, they've, you know, so many babies.

The whole thing, like there's whole lives that happen. So it's, they're still not that stigma. You don't have to whisper that I met someone online. So I just want to say that. But first starting about dating is that if you are dating right now and you're like, you know, I just, it's been challenging or I'm not sure. Like, have you done this yet? Have you really thought about yourself and what you actually want? Who are you as a person? What do you want out of life? What are your pens for your career?

Like, what, like, who are you? Because the more we know about ourselves, then we know what I want in a relationship. And then my next step is like, do you know what you want in a partner? Have you really thought about that? Mm-hmm. Like, what's important to you? What are your deal breakers? And, you know, because I think that sometimes it's like when you go shopping and you're not really looking for anything in particular and you just end up buying a bunch of stuff

you don't need. I do that all the time. All the time. In fact, I'm starting to stop doing that. I'm like, I don't need anything. Like, I should just go home and try my clothes. Like, do I really need another pair of boots? But dating can get frustrating like that when you're like I'm not really sure. So when you get clear, clear, clear, clear, like you literally write it out and there's some great

books on it and great. I used to love this book. I used to recommend this if the booted day did. Because I thought it was cool because it made you really go deep and ask you all these questions down to like the superficial things like they have to be this height and whatever, to like deeply in your soul, like how do you want to feel with this person? So define it however you want. Like just define it, but know that like get specific and then know like if someone's a smoker, like I'm out.

Someone's not my religion, that's not gonna work for me. Just things that you know. Yeah, like why waste time on things that you know? Yeah, why are you so tough? Are you gonna serve you? Exactly. And the other thing is you guys, here's the thing now, a lot of people think about casually,

like a lot of their casually dating right now. There's a lot of people I know I hear from her, like you've been married for 20 years and you just got into a relationship, a marriage or a long-term thing and you're like, I don't even know how to date anymore, like the apps weren't around, people didn't text back when I was dating. I got fixed up with my partner like, what do we do?

And I think people are texting more now. They might not talk right away, but if you've met someone and you want to make sure, I think it's okay to pick up the phone and have a call first so you don't waste time. And I also think casually dating a few people is another thing that people don't realize is that it's okay to date a few people at once. Like I think people are used to like, well I met someone, I've gone on a date with someone and so I'm going to assume that it's only about the two of us and that they're probably not dating anyone or maybe it's gonna, I should just stick with one person. And I think if you haven't dated a while or if you just started a

date or wherever you're at, it's okay to be dating several people. And you don't have to feel guilty or bad or weird. Yeah, because I mean, we have this notion that we're supposed to put all of our time and our efforts into this one person we just met. But then you're kind of wasting energy on something that might not work out when you could, you know, take things slower with that person and data a couple other people. See which ones given you the most. Exactly.

That eat like the best stuff that you like. And I think that's important for everything like I say this often about therapists. If you're looking for a therapist, I'm like, it's a real relationship you're entering into. It's okay to go see two or three, you're not going to love every therapist and the same goes for dating. And I also think it's true though like you're not going to like him right? No it's true. I'm used to, I'm actually more used to dating multiple people in at once than being in with one person. So whatever what I'm in now is kind of it's not new to me but it's been

quite some time. Right. I haven't been the cat You haven't been juggling, but I think the thing is is too is about being honest about the fact that you are Yes, it's okay. Yeah, exactly. I think that the more honest and authentic we are So this is kind of what I'm this is what I'm telling you now is that Be honest with yourself and then be honest with the people you're dating, but like, hey, I'm seeing other people. And just assume that they probably are too. If you have had the conversation out being exclusive with someone, I guarantee it they're

dating other people. And then be real about what kind of relationship you want. Like if you know, like I am just looking for casual sex or I'm dating other people or I'm actually looking for a long-term relationship. I'm want to have kids, you know, whatever you know, like be clear about that and, you know, talk about it right away So we don't waste time and the other thing that I think that we forget when people are like going back to like I'm just throwing out all the things that I've been in my mind about this is that we often think that We can't we only have to meet someone

in a very specific way. Like either someone introduces us or we meet him on a dating app, but I want you guys to put this in your minds. Be open to meeting people anywhere, anywhere you go. And then be almost expecting it, because I think now this is what I've noticed lately. And we've talked about this, Jamie, how we're so on our phones all the time that we were missing. Like whenever you walk into a store, like I was in a waiting room the other day, or getting my tires fixed, like everyone was staring at their phone.

Like usually in the back, and you'd be like, back in the day, you'd be like, hey, how you do, and because you've nothing to do. You know, great magazines and the car shop they're never is. They have the car magazines. I don't want to be able to. You just talked to someone who's like, like, car is taken longer, but now all of our,

we have a little entertainment center with us. So we're not meeting people. So you could be at a gym and line with the grocery store. Doesn't matter, like in the subway, like they're single people. They're in front of you. Just start talking to them, say hi. It's not how people, like a lot of times two people

always want that meet cute. Yes. Seeing whatever happens. Like, you're not gonna get that meet cute if you're not being open. Open to meeting, yes, exactly. Like, it's just not gonna happen if you're like, shut down, so maybe put the phone down

if you're somewhere where you're like, oh, I could meet someone or just know that everywhere is potential. Not that I'm like dating right now, but I did actually, there have been a few times when I've been out, and I'm even though I am committed, when I'm like at a place by myself, I'm waiting for a friend or whatever,

I did make a conscious effort to put my phone down and not be staring at it. And just to be like, because one, it makes you feel more comfortable when you're by yourself at places, because I feel like a lot of times people are like, I need a friend, I need something. But kind of just envy those people that go out

on their own and they just seem content. So I'm trying to do that more. That's good, that's mature. You know? It feels, you know what I mean? Like I always say that not like a mature human, but like a mature in our digital, I'm trying to keep my phone outside the bedroom at night.

Like I'm trying to be mature the way I'm managing my technology, All those things. So I think that's true. You just meet people out in the world. And if you meet someone that you like, I think ask them out. Just do it and let them know, be specific. And if you do ask someone out, have a plan in mind. Now remember this, because we still get emails and questions from people all the time to like, why this person ask me out and not have a plan? Or like, we all want someone to, like, if you do the asking, think of something to do. And I don't think the date has to be elaborate. I don't think you need to spend a lot of money.

You could be creative. Or if you're just kind of person that wants me for coffee and a drink and not commit, that's fine. But like, have the plan. Do you ask people out or have you? I have not asked anyone out. I'm trying to think if I ever have. I've, no, I haven't, but I would.

I've always been in relationships. Or I've met someone and I've mutually, we've mutually liked each other. Have you asked anyone out? I have, I have. You have. I'm very forward. I know.

I love that everything about you, forward. It's good. I think that women love that everything about you, forward. It's good. I think that women, that's an, and I used to say years ago, no, kind of like you're taking that power away or men want to be chasing is a whole thing, but I think we all should be asking people. If we find someone interesting, hey, let's, let's go out. Let's do something.

Like follow through if you meet someone you have that connection. Don't wait for that other person. And I hear from men all the time who are like, they hear years later someone like them, and they're like, I wish I knew because I never asked her out or she was gonna ask me out. And this goes for same sex, same sex, couples of course, anywhere you are. You see someone like, you just, just be honest. I think we're all really afraid of rejection and being hurt in every situation. And so I think we just can't take it personally. Someone's going to say no to us. And then also if you are on

the apps or let's say you're on the app, so you're just going to date. This is the other thing that people I used to get tripped up on this too. And who knows could happen again. But now that we're talking about it, if you go out with someone to date and you think it was great and they don't call you ask you out of your voice first of, or they don't, yeah, and in your mind, you're feeling like what I do wrong and you're trying to analyze it, maybe you want a few dates. If you went on three dates with someone, that should be the end that we hear, like we shouldn't talk about it anymore, you shouldn't think about it, it shouldn't feel bad about

yourself, you know, just keep getting back out there again. Like don't let that weigh you down. The most important thing is to get out, keep dating and don't keep asking. Like don't keep thinking like, what I do wrong and obsessed because when you are dating and you're in that world, you can feel like, you can start to feel bad about yourself. Like there's nobody you want people like me

and was it something I said or warred it? And the truth is, it doesn't matter why you didn't get asked out again. It could be a million reasons, and it's probably not the things that you're worried about. Exactly, and I think a lot of us, and I used to feel this way, everyone needs to like me.

Yes. I need everyone that I need to like me, otherwise my life is not fulfilled. And I've had to work to get past that, because there are so many people in the planet, there's no way, not everyone's gonna like you. People pleasing, it's true, that's a good point too because on dates, I've done that too, like I think that a lot of times we go into dates as the

pleasers and we're like, I don't even know how I feel about this person that's sitting across from me on this date, I'm just gonna try to get them to like me. So I'm not even paying attention if I like them because I want them, I want them to like me. So I'm not even paying attention if I like them because I want them to like me. And then I'll decide. But when you're at a date, that is such a great time to be super present and just think like, how do I feel right now?

How is this person making me feel? Like it's about both of you together because I think there'd be a lot less confusion if we did all like we're present to pay attention to like messaging from people and whatever they're making us feel. Yeah, because you get so hung up on the rejection that you forget to ask yourself, but do I even want to do this person again?

I ever want to see this person again. Do I want to kiss him? I'm attracted to this person. And I think one of the most important things too is to think about it your past. Like what? This is an important lesson that I think so that's we go through breakups and we just like are angry or something bad happened and we're like, you know, my ex was an asshole and everyone's an asshole.

But I think the most, we do our best learning about ourselves like really important lessons we learn in relationships with people. And then when we break up, it's a great time to look at what we've learned. Like, what did I learn from this relationship? What was my part in it? That's a big one, especially if you've been dating for a long time and there's a commonality, guess what? It's you, right? Not the person. You dated 10 people and every time there's some kind of

issue around sex or intimacy or something, you're like, oh, what is my part in it? Because every relationship is 50, 50, and I'm gonna say it this way, even if someone cheated and they're unthinkable, you have a partner in some way. Like, in your reaction to it, in your, not, you didn't make someone cheat on you. You're gonna be like, I swear, I was the best person ever.

I mean, like, what did you, rather than just being angry that your partner cheated, like, what did you rather than just being angry that your partner cheated? Like, that doesn't mean that the whole relationship was horrible. They're still part, I mean, the whole, you know what I'm saying? There was probably some good things and there's still lessons to learn

if something really bad happened at the end is my point. Definitely. So it doesn't mean like, oh, but he was just a jerk or she was a bitch or whatever it is. So look at that. Like, it's such good. That's why I think it's important to try to not jump right into a relationship when you're single and it's important to take time to like really learn about who you are

again single and then what you want once you get back out there. And I used to not do that because I felt like I would go from one to the next because I didn't like being alone. And then I realized, who the hell is Emily without a man? Like, who am I in the world? So then I would take that time and then it was not clear when I started dating again, like, what the hell is Emily without a man? Who am I in the world? So then I would take that time, and then it was a lot clearer when I started dating again like, what the hell do I want?

All right, we're gonna take a quick break and when we come back, your calls. This 51 in your home state of Michigan, and she's having a hard time getting out of her head while having sex. Okay. Hey Melissa from Michigan. Hi. Hi. Thanks for calling. Is it cold there right now?

I know. I know. Now I'm going to be in my head about that thinking I'm so glad about there right now. But okay. Tell me what's going on Melissa. Well you know I have a great husband and I do have a really good sex life but I can not orgasm unless I'm like doing it myself and I'm out of my head because I can't shut my brain off because I'm thinking of everything else and got for it if he tries to touch me anywhere

while I'm trying to do something, or he tries to do it because he gets frustrated, not like in a mad way, but he would love to be helped me do it, but I can't. I'm like a little bit of control freak. Right, OK. You know what? I totally't. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm Hi, can you hear me? Hi. Hi. Yeah. Okay, Melissa, we're still going. Yeah. Okay, so is this like, so when you're having sex and he's tries to touch you or help you along, you're like, no, I've got this. Is that what we're talking about? Yes. Okay, so this is really common.

So, if I'm or if I'm doing it myself, and he tries to touch me in any other area. I'm like, oh, don't do that because I can't think of you doing that while I'm trying to do this. Right, okay, so you have a very specific way that you orgasm and you do not, right? So there's that, so in your head, so you can orgasm, because you ask me about two

that you, right, can you orgasm? So it's only on your own with your hands? Yeah. So, not during intercourse. No. Okay, I got it. That's for it. No, yeah, I mean, it's, it's common.

It's really, it's very common for women. Only 30% of women have had orgasms during intercourse without a lot of literal stimulation and even then, you know, not every time. So, I mean, there's really nothing wrong here, but what I would say is if you want to get out of your head and be in the moment, the best thing to do is to be more mindful, like a mindfulness practice. And what I mean by that is, you know,

I'm, you know, mindfulness is all the buzz, you know, I'm not gonna make you go like sit on top of a mountain top and meditate for hours. But what I want to say is that when you think of it this way, when you're in your head and you're like, oh my God, he's going to touch me in a weird way. Or did I turn off the curling iron? Or is someone to come in?

Or the kids, you know, our brain is going crazy. That means that the blood is leaving our genitals and it's going to our brains. And so we can no longer be in our bodies. And so a great mindfulness practices too, in the moment when that's happening. Think about, so your brain's going to, oh God, why is he touching me? Go to what you're, in the moment, when that's happening, think about, so your brain's going to, oh God,

why is he touching me? Go to what you're feeling in the moment. So engage all your senses. So what are you smelling? Maybe it's the candle you lit. And what do you know? What are you tasting? Maybe it's like his lips when you tasted him.

Maybe it's the glass of wine you just had. And what are you listening to? It's the music. So how does his skin feel underneath you? And so when you ground yourself into your senses, then you are in the present moment. There's nothing else that can distract you because you're there.

And then your brain's gonna come back and going, but wait, what about this? And then you're, no, I'm gonna go back to what I'm smelling, what I'm hearing, what I'm tasting. And the more you do that practice and you bring yourself back to the moment, you'll be more in touch with your body and what you feel and

More likely to orgasm be more open to maybe his touches Alright now I'm gonna try it. Okay, please do you got this try something different tonight really You know be able to when you're masturbating too you can experiment with like a lot of this practice that can help you So you got this Melissa try it out. Stay warm this winter, you're in and practice having some great sex. Richard 55 Illinois, his wife rather's a vibrator than sex. Hey Richard. Hey. Hey, okay. So your wife prefers a vibrator over you. That's what you're saying. Tell me more about this. Well

This is to you after she had our son she had a couple years later she ended up having his correct. Okay. Oh I mean That's all the drive and everything went out the window after that Does she have okay her sex drive went out the window is that what you said? Yeah Okay She has, okay, her sex drive went out the window, is that what you said? Yeah. Okay. I finally got her to start using the vibrator, then I finally launched her really light at the little she wants now. Okay.

Well, I think, um, does she still, are you guys still intimate? Like, do you still, you know, is is there still for playing kissing and touching oh yeah okay great do you guys use it together i use it and i usually like these are not where she'll take a good self okay so that point is actually great in your area you want to say it oh it's okay. So I think it's... I'm just trying to figure out how to get back into the other part of it. Right. So she's not even letting you enter her, if you will.

Right. So you haven't had in a course where your penis goes into her vagina. That's what you're saying. Not for quite a while. Okay. You know, is this vibrator you got or is it like an insertion vibrator? into her vagina is what you're saying. Not for quite a while. OK. You know, is this vibrator, you got, or is it like an insertion vibrator, or is it a clitoral vibe?

It's a clitoral vibe. OK. So the thing is she might just have to, you know, she might have had some pain with the hysterectomy or some other, like, you know, stuff that's happened since then where she might, you know, need some easing back into it because the truth is, you see a literal vibe during intercourse can feel amazing. So I think that that would be, you know, as your wife, you guys have been

together, that it would be great, you know, not to shame or around it, but to be like, hey, baby, I miss like I want to feel I want to be inside of you and feel it, we could still use the toy. That's how a lot of women orgasm like so many women because they need that extra Clid oral stimulation during during intercourse So I think if you let her know like not in the bedroom not when it's happening not in the moment and not even right after you guys Have sex or don't have sex as a word if afterwards you guys talk when you're like, you know, having breakfast or you're in a comfortable place, when you're relaxed, say, hey, you know, I love you. And I really, I love having sex with you. And I, you know, what could we do here? Let's try to figure out something else that works. It's really important to me to feel connected.

Okay. Okay. Thanks, Sam. Good. Yeah. So then just the way we say it, you know. She never had our side side she had a C section So everything is kind of like Trump down. Yeah, it's she had a C section. She's got some paint. She had a hysterectomy And if she's having a pain she should go talk to her doctor or pelvic floor specials There's a lot going on but first have the talk with her. Thank you so much for calling Richard We are really running the age gamut as you said. We're gonna go to Steve

He's 71 in Pennsylvania, and has a question about oral sex. All right, that's right Steve, keep it going. Hi. Hi Emily. Hey Steve. Thanks for taking my question, and your mother's adorable.

She is the best, thank you. Well, what I'm calling about is, I really am not uncommon in partial about oral sex for me my what my wife is uh... is kind of difficult as far as allowing me to perform oral sex on her for both health professionals and

she just had some hang ups about possibilities of infection i think, is one thing. Okay. And I have talked with her a number of times about it, but I just can't seem to break that barrier. I'm very willing to do that for her, but she doesn't just want me to do it. Okay. How long have you guys been together? 43 years.

43 years, and you've never performed oral sex in her? Oh yeah, for sure, but it's something that I would like to do more often and she's just very reluctant about it. Okay, I mean the truth is, did she like it 40 years ago or it's never been her jam? Her thing. I think she didn't dislike it. I'm not sure whether I did everything the proper way and everything, but I just had to. It's a process. I know. It's a process.

OK, well, here's the thing. I mean, you can't force anyone, right? You can't be like, I'm going to do it. But she might need to. So if she is concerned about health concerns, which I'm not sure if you guys are monogamous and you're together, there shouldn't be a lot of health concerns. Although she could use a dental dam. If you guys are monogamous and you're together, there shouldn't be a lot of health concerns although she could use a dental dam.

If you guys are health professionals, you know that and for a lot of women, it's kind of like a condom, right? So you can even make one out of a condom. You just cut it in half and it's like a piece of latex or it's like some kind of material you put over her vulva when you are performing oral sex on her. So that's a way to keep it safe

from getting any diseases or bacteria or anything like that. But the other thing is does she like manual stimulation? Oh, yeah, no problem that way. Okay. So maybe you could just try like, you know, for some way, though, to be honest, or too sensitive, it doesn't feel great, but maybe you have to ease into it, or like you could, again, try the dental dam.

She could, you know, you could both use your fingers and then just see, you know, I think if that's really the problem, use a dental dam and maybe she hasn't had it in so long or maybe she has some fears around, maybe she feels like a taste weird or you don't really want to do it, but it sounds like you do. So if you let her know how important it is to you and how much it turns you on, you know, she might just be surprised and let you do it. Like she's like, oh, I didn't realize that. You know, I'm saying she might not know that this is really something that you

so much want to do. And it might make her feel like, oh, he really wants to do it. I'm going to settle in and try it. I've been trying it in 30 years. She might be like, oh, yeah, oral sex is the best. Like I can't live without it, you know, but women call all the time. And they're like, oh, yeah, it's not my thing. Because some women are super sensitive. So I say maybe reintroduce it with low pressure. Like this might take you bringing it up a few times, not some women are super sensitive. So I say maybe reintroduce it with low pressure. Like this might take you bringing it up a few times, not a nagging way, but I'm like, babe, I've been thinking, all right, fantasy is about going down to you. And I just heard about this thing that dental dam we could use.

And you know what I mean? Kind of get her warmed up to it again. But if she says no, maybe you guys could try some other things. But I think maybe, yeah, it's been a while. She and again, if you let her know how enthusiastic you are and you want to try it you've got some ideas to make it fun for her then I'm see what she says and I appreciate your help. You're so welcome thanks Steve. Okay we have Jim who's 52 in Indiana and he wants to know what is a huge debate if

squirting is like peeing. Oh god okay hey Jim how you doing thanks for calling. Okay. Hey Jim. How you doing? Thanks for calling. Hey. Hey. Hello, how are you? Good. Okay, squirting.

My wife is extremely good at squirting. Great. She's just all over me and I just want to know if it's pee or not. She's so many different days. I know. So you hear like there's traces of urine from the periorethal glands. You hear that it's partially learned urine. But here's what I want to say to you.

It might, yes, there are some urine in it. I'm not going to tell you there's not. Is it all urine? No, it's not. But I also don't think it matters. Like sex is messy, sex is dirty. I was just curious. You're curious.

Curiosity, yes, it's not all urine. No, but there is some urine in it. So it's true. I mean, there are times you can empty your bladder completely and still squirt, which is having me, having Jamie, a lot of women I know. So it's not completely urine now. It's periorethal fluid, which is calling the prostate, but in women, and that's where it comes. Like all these studies they've done, they showed there are traces of urine and other things too. But I'm glad you're in a happily squirting lifestyle. other things too. But I'm glad you're in a happily squirting lifestyle. Even if it was, I don't think I would make her stop. Good! See, that's our like to hear it. Just throw down some

old beach towels and have a good time. Exactly. Thank you very much. You got it. Okay, Jim, thank you for calling. Let's just talk about squirting, huh? No, squirting is funny because I have to say that squirting was something that did not come up 15 years ago and I do believe with porn being so ubiquitous that we're just seeing squirting everywhere. And that's like everyone wants to know, like, how do I squirt? How do I get part into squirt? Is it real or is it not?

And it is a thing that we can learn. Women can learn to squirt, but it is something that happens from penetration to the G spot. Repeated penetration, but also using a vibrator on your pubic mound like the magic wand for me has done that over my pubic mound because it's indirect stimulation to the G spot. Oh, okay. Yeah, so that has been a squirting thing for me too. And yeah, you can learn to do it typically with a finger or a toy or a partner. And having strong cagal muscles can actually help.

Having control of your pelvic floor and all that stuff. Yeah, I mean, I only recently I want to say a year or a half, maybe two years ago, realized that I could do it, and now it happens fairly regularly with my partner. However, it's funny because I have to remind my partner, I'm like, just because I didn't squirt, doesn't mean I didn't wear gas. Because sometimes when I do squirt,

I have to tell him to keep going, because I'm like, I did not wear gas in yet, but I'm close. So true, stay with me. That's so good. You gotta give it, but yeah, you gotta let him know that it hasn't yet, but I'm close. So true, stay with me. That's so good. You got to give it, but yeah, you got to let them know that it doesn't actually, it's true. Women can score it in that orgasm and obviously you can orgasm without squirting. And sometimes you do squirt with orgasm. It's just it's the luck of the draw.

It's a luck of the draw, but you can, you know, it is a partner. You could learn with your partner. Take it on as a new hobby. Alright guys, hope you enjoyed the show. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Sarah, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.

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