Sex With Emily - Sexual Confidence

Episode Date: June 5, 2014

Today’s show is all about confidence. Why? Emily believes you should make it your life work to cultivate confidence and tells you how to do it. Hands down men and women say confidence is the sexiest trait in and out of the bedroom. What’s preventing you from having it in the first place? Menace shares tips on how he got through his insecurities in the dating world and built his confidence. Confidence and self esteem are not about the way you look, how much you earn and definitely not how much you weigh.Emily gives advice on what women find attractive about confidence, what it means to be a confident woman and Menace shares the male perspective on the same issue.Emily also answers emails from listeners: what to do if your wife loses her sexual confidence due to weight gain, how a woman can learn to orgasm during intercourse and is it possible to masturbate too much? Find out the answers in this week’s Sex With Emily podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, I'm Emily from Sex with Emily. Good vibrations carries the hottest toys and vibes. I love the Jeju Mimi because it's discreet yet powerful and great for couple sex. Find out how much pleasure your body can really handle. Use coupon code Emily for 15% off at goodvibes.com. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that block our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them a lie on day. Hey, Emily, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken.

He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so, so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. What do you mean like laundry? It's drink. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information go to sexwithemily.com where you can check out all of our podcasts,

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And today's show, we're going to be talking about confidence. A lot of the emails we got from you had to do with confidence and an increasing for men and for women and we're gonna talk about that Be reading your emails and I'm here with menace. Hello. How you doing in the lovely city of Los Angeles? Yes together again, it's so good to be here with you again You're talking about Facebook and all that kind of stuff and you you apparently had something that blew up on Facebook. I want to hear about it. Oh my god. We Facebook and all that kind of stuff and you apparently had something that blew up on Facebook going here. Oh my god.

We posted something on my Facebook page and it's, what is it? It was like, it was a funny little quote and it said, what is it? A camping? Hold on a minute, we find it. Jesus, it should be in front of me. Oh, it says, ever have sex while camping? Question mark. And then it says, ever have sex while camping, question mark, and then it says, it's fucking intense.

Really? It's intense, intense. We got literally, you did you get it? You had to read it. But we got 29,000 shares, 120,000 people liked it, and 80,000 comments. People like crazy. It's funny.

Yeah. It's funny, but I do things that are a little meteor on the page too, but people went crazy for it. And if you haven't liked my page, you should, because not only are you going to get funny little things, but you're going to get useful blogs and information for improving your sex life, which I know you're listening to the show because you'd like to have better sex

and relationships, right, Manus? Right. And another thing I got to talk to you about, you saw over the weekend, you were battling with one of our listeners on my Instagram page. So last time we talked, a couple podcasts ago.

Oh, right. I was like, oh, I bet you're still having sex with 20x boyfriends and you said, yeah. And one of the listeners was really upset by that. And she was making all these comments on my Instagram when I'm like not even talking about that, I'm posting pictures about- Like your burger, hamburger, something.

Like hamburger at Disneyland or something like that. And then she's like just going crazy. I can't believe you were responding because you don't really get into that kind of stuff. Well because she tapped me. So I look, you know, in Instagram, you can tell, it's at sex, I pull it up and she was like, menace, I'm glad you're back on the show

because you keep Emily and her toes or something. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, are you making me tell the truth? I'm like, I don't tell the truth. And then I had this, so she's like, yeah, you answered and a whole thing. But what was it about? You keep her real.

It's just like, yeah, because I just like called you on, like having sex with the exes and stuff like that. Right, so if you guys want to comment on menace's Instagram, which is menace, you can do that. And then I'll respond to you there too. Right, so if you guys want to comment on menaces Instagram, which is menace, you can do that. And then I'll respond to you there too. Yeah, I don't know how to think sexy on there.

It's just you. A music. When it is you being sexy. Well, I can't do stuff. Yeah, that was funny. I do. I see that pay attention. So I hear that you're going back to San Francisco.

I'm going to San Francisco. Probably to have sex with the exploit for a little bit. Well, here's why you said this funny. No, I'm going to San Francisco because Probably to have sex with exploit friends. Well, here's why you said this funny. No, this is, I'm going to San Francisco because I have to go for work, but I also have, it happens to be my birthday. No, my birthday happens to be Monday. What?

You're so lucky because my birthday party's actually gonna be in San Francisco, so you don't even have to make up an excuse while you didn't come. And I'm having a dinner for 15 people. Hey, San Francisco friends, yeah. No, you don't even know them. I'm having 15 people, I'm having dinner for 15 people. You don't even know them. I'm having dinner for 15 people and there will be Jesus.

Oh, you know what? There'll actually be three ex-boyfriends at the table. Do you find that strange out of 15? For you, not strange at all. They're my good friends. They're good friends. They're guys that I love in a door and I have them back and so long. And it just happens to be that I will be in San Francisco to shoot a porn, actually. What? I'm gonna be in a porn film, an indie porn film.

Okay, break it down because, I mean, this is something that your listeners have been waiting for ever for you to see. I know, I'm not gonna be naked. I'm playing myself and with some other sex educators, but it's an indie film. It's like a seven day shoot. It's this highly financed porn

that actually has a plot and a story and I play myself having at a dinner party with other sex educators and you know what else is gonna be on it? Well Nina Hartley who's a famous porn star. She is having sex in the film but not in my scene. They said there will be no sex in my scene and it's a film. I don't know they sent me this script. It's like 200 pay. I'm not reading this script for porn, 200 pages. But all I know is I'm in the food scene and we're going to some good restaurant and they're giving me a good meal. But I didn't really think about like, is that I wasn't thinking like good or bad choice

to be in a film. I just thought, it's an indie film. It's porn, it's fine. It's film San Francisco. But then this guy, oh, so this is funny. So in my office space, my office space is crazy. I love it. It's, you know, in Hollywood, you've been there.

But now all the offices are filled in. There's like a bunch of different kinds of like entertainment PR graphic design There's a bunch of You know nonprofits and so there's this dude down the hall like literally a catty corner choice kitty corner Catty corner catty corner. You say kitty corner in the Midwest. You say kitty And so the other night. Oh my god, but we were having a party at the office They always have parties there Friday night, there was a party, and there was the door, the guy from the doors was there. Rob Krieger, was that his name?

Come on like that. He's living member of the doors. He's singing, playing music. And there was a big party in the office afterwards. Everyone's walk-on. So there's this guy around the corner for me. And he's like, long blonde hair. He wears a baseball hat.

He kind of has like one tooth. And he just, but he's really sweet. And he looks interesting. I mean, he was just high and everyone walks past our office and they're always like, that's sex with only office because the name, it says sex with only on the door. So Revan's party and then after the party, he says, come to my office for a second

and he shows us he does PR for all these celebrities and they're all on the wall. And then he has something from Bad News Bear, is he ever Bad News Bear? Yeah. Turns out that he actually played Lucas in Bad News Bear. The lead guy in Bad News Bear.

Yeah, which I found to be very interesting. But there was a reason why I was going into that story about the party. But I don't remember what. But just that my office was interesting. And then he'd be like, yeah, is that crazy? You remember that movie? Yeah.

And now he's like growing up. And he's just PR. He's very smart and whatever. But he does PR. but that was a crazy film Did you see I mean I mean I don't remember you know, but he played a little boy, but he says he can't even play baseball So that was interesting. Oh sure you're going into it because you're probably it's a party and met a bunch of guys And they see sex on your door. Oh, they know it's oh my god. That's another part of it. Thank you They know us as stabbing cabin

Of course, I can already tell you the story before I even know it. I love you, Manas, because here's what happened. So I don't remember how I got on that, but it's okay. Yeah. But we had this party, and it is true that everyone comes to this with a beautiful penthouse, you know, office, the whole floor, and there's much people could also rent desks for a day. It's like one of those live workshare.

We also have an office. So, yeah, there was a big party, and in our office, which you haven't seen since we fixed it up, we painted it, we've got shelves, we've got all the Emily and Tony products, and all of our like, vibrators and dildos and fleshlates on things. So you walk in and you're just like, whoa, like there's sex toys everywhere.

So bunch of guys in the office have secretly been coming in and being like, so what's up with the fleshlite? Like I've heard about the fleshlite, I want to know. And so I had a few drinks and I walked out from the office and there was a big room of like the guy who runs a building and the woman, a bunch who worked there. And I was like, okay, you all wanna know

what the flashlight is? And I don't know, and all these people. And I started like taking out the flashlight, the guy from the doors is there, the whole thing. And I'm like, look, it's you put it under, actually simulates the feeling of having real sex and I'm they're all feeling it and this one guy who owns his face is turning red and I was in barricade because I don't I forget that some people are a little uncomfortable

about and I think I went a little too far because I said something about like you can some and you know what like imagine that like you might want to sometimes have sex with your wife and then sometimes you just might want to feel something different. We've got hundreds of sex toys and you can, anyway, it was a little embarrassing but it was funny. And they do, it is funny because he's taking people on tours. There's like a church group, two doors down in the nation. They look at sex with Emily and everyone wants it.

But I guess it's good policy that people come by or not. They love me or hate me and the building. They all seem to like me but if you want to move in, you might not want to move into sex with Emily because, oh, the guy said to me goes, the guy, the looop is, Lucas guy from Betty's Bayer. He's like, I thought you were a prostitute for a long time. Oh, I'm taking the story back. So the porn film. So I go in and I said, oh, he said, do you know Nina Hartley?

I used to represent her. I said, actually, I'm shooting porn with her this week. And then he turns to Lauren, I think. My assistant says, I didn't know she was in porn. So the way I said that he thought that I was actually going to be in a porn, I have to be careful the way I say it, because I'm not actually going to be naked I'm just warming and I'm pouring and let's they talk me into it. What do you think?

Geez just kidding. I'm not gonna do that. I don't know I mean you should put out your own. Don't be part of somebody else's Right, I should put out I mean if you want to make money off of it I totally should put out my own form. I think it's a little late now if I was gonna do that I should in that years ago. I was trying to get more traffic late now. If I was gonna do that, I should have in that year as I go and I was trying to get more traffic. And now what we're doing well. Yeah, we're doing well.

I'm, you know, you can at least like, at least a blowjob video or something and make some. I am gonna do some workshops though. At the Hustler store, you should come the Hustler store on a Hollywood Boulevard soon. Oh, God.

I am trying to come up with, it's gonna be like a blowjob workshop, which I know you think only men should teach, but I think I know, I happen to know that I gave a really good blowjob. And we're gonna be doing tips and all that there. But yeah, I'm excited to go back to San Francisco and some of the things I've realized that are very different here. Obviously LA is very stereotypical about appearance and how you look and all that stuff. We were talking

about it before the show. I found that like I mean it was kind of like that when we lived in San Francisco, people were kind of area snobs, but here. Oh, yeah. Where you live? Or it's all about where you live. And people, it depends on, you know, what area you live in, but it doesn't matter what apartment you have.

If you live in that area, it's cool. People live in shitty apartments, but if they have that area code, then they have a better place in you. Exactly. It is ridiculous. And all that stuff, like literally every single corner, there is a tanning salon, a car wash, a beauty, you know, a hair salon.

It's like, it's all about appearance. So the thing about the car thing is, what I was talking about, is that in San Francisco, there's like one car wash, right? And it's like 50 bucks, takes an hour. And you just, no one cares about your car there, but here, it's about, is that in San Francisco, there's like one car wash, right? And it's like 50 bucks takes an hour. And you just, no one cares about your car there, but here, it's like you gotta get your car washed every week. You gotta get everyone cares about your car.

So I keep getting my car as a nice car. My mini, it's fine, it's a few years, five years old, but it's like in good shape, except for that it's very, very dirty because I don't have time to get it washed. The last few days, or the last two weeks, I've gotten, and I'm not kidding you, eight notices, I'm like our little car's hey, junk. Anytime you're ready to junk this car,

we'll take it because it's frigging dirty. They're like making me feel insecure about my car. You need to be a car wash. I don't have time right now. And there's lots, and, and. So you guys, why do you need a man in your life to wash it for? I know, see, I've been thinking about the good uses

for men in my life, and that it might be a lot easier if I had one. But it's just funny that people here, like, you're junk car, and then I start getting insecure about my car, and then I feel like I have to, because there's a dog, the dog, there's lots of trees in my neighborhood. Now there aren't trees in San Francisco, but for some reason the trees above my car where I park, the birds all poop on it, even if I get washed.

That's why you got to go hybrid. I recently got a Prius, it's the Prius 5, so it's fancy. So fancy. And I haven't even got gas since I got it. I can't believe that. Hydratex life. Sex life's good, I'm like fully healed from all the surgeries. All your penalt injuries. So I'm good, I actually feel like I have more energy.

I'm back to it. Oh good, because it really took you out for a while. Yeah, I'm back in the swing of things of you know My schedule and stuff like that in your new show being disciplined. Yeah, so I heard minutes on the radio the other The morning. Yeah, I moved to Los Angeles to do a morning radio show. It's called the Woody show on all to 98.7 so I was a boner when you say what he is every time like a boi-ner. Yeah, so I mean if you live in Los Angeles Area you want to tune in check it out. And they can also check it online. Yeah, so I mean, if you live in Los Angeles area, you wanna tune in, check it out. And they can also check it online?

Yeah, I mean, we do have podcasts, but it doesn't, it's not. Well, that easy, okay. It's not- So if you live in LA, I was driving, listening to Madness the other day, and they called you stupid. I didn't, I know it's a morning show,

but I didn't like it. I mean, you might be stupid, but it wasn't nice. I didn't think it was- We all call each other so- I know, it's a morning show. And then you were- My feelings don't get hurt.

Okay, good, I was hurt for you. I was gonna call in and say men. This isn't that stupid You're not so okay today show we're gonna be talking about confidence because Confidence is one of the biggest killers of men and women sex drive have you ever had insecurities like I know you have X in fact when I tuned in to your show the other morning on all 97 98 7 whatever it is What is it all nice? It's called the Woody Show. The Woody Show, the Bones Show. So they were saying that wait, someone said that they were called in about their wait

and they were insecure about it. And you're like, I used to be insecure about it, but now I'm just like, here's who I am. You had a friend come to town and you would avoid them because you didn't want to see your wait. So the whole reason it came up is because it was big in the news that Rob Kardashian, of the Kardashian family, went to the wedding is because it was big in the news that Rob Kardashian,

of Kardashian family, went to the wedding of Kanye and Kim, but he didn't stay for the whole wedding. He just met with the family, and then he came back because he didn't want to see everybody else because he gained a ton of weight. And then- But didn't you know that on his way to the wedding on the airplane international flight?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But- He's not like 10 bags of M&Ms and gained weight on the flight on the way. Yeah, no, he, yeah, but he just wanted to go there and be with his immediate family, but he didn't want to see everybody else. Because again, I was telling him, I was like, yeah, you know, you're skinny, you're in shape, and then you're not in shape, but you don't see people for a long time. And you don't want to be that person where, you know, you don't see people for a long time, and you don't wanna be that person where you haven't seen somebody for like a year or two,

and then you're like really out of shape, and you see them, and they're like, wow, what happened to you type situation? They did it, yeah. And then it all went back to, and then it trickled down to, hey, you know, if you happen to be overweight and you're on Facebook, like do not try to hide it, like,

by putting different photos of yourself or just like face-up or something. Like just your eyeball or something. Yeah, and it's just like. One rest. If you're not a face-up. And I'm speaking from a man that is fat myself, it's like, this, have people love you for you.

Just, just, just let it go. Don't try to hide it online Don't catfish people if you watch catfish all the TV show It's only somebody that's overweight that doesn't want put photos of themselves So they take somebody that's super skinny or super attractive and they put those photos online and trick people Like those people are not really falling in love with you right they're falling in love with the person that you're putting out there online is. Exactly. So, if you really want somebody to love you, I guarantee you, you will find somebody, especially

if you're a chicken. It's a lot easier than a guy. But if you're chicken, you're overweight. Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know. No, that's not true. That's not true. Women don't care about men and body and all that more than women women have so It's such a

Seems to be a lot harder well for for men than it is for for women that are I Disagree I disagree. There's such a higher standard for women's body type. You might Okay, I'll give you that. Yes, there is. Oh, this person has to be perfect and skinny and look like a model on whatever Photoshop kind of crap like that. But I'm saying if you are happen to be larger or whatever, not in shape, it doesn't mean you're not going to be able to find. Exactly.

You can totally find love. So that's why we're talking about confidence because confidence, I always tell you, is the sexiest thing to men and women. And it will also help you in the bedroom. And people are like, what do you mean about confidence? How do I get confident if I'm so insecure? Because for women, one of the biggest killers is women's sex job is that they feel insecure about their bodies.

And so, you know, they don't care. They're not looking at like a wide, you eat that extra bag of it, but you're not, you're, they don't care. They don't care. They're not looking at like a wide-cheat, they're not going to eat that extra bag of it. You're not going to, they're in bed with you, you're naked. So, he chose to be there with you. So, and it inhibits women and prohibits women in the bedroom, and it also prohibits them

from having the kind of sex life they want. So, it's your life work to cultivate confidence. And what does that mean? It means that we have to go through all of our insecurities because a lot of our insecurities that we have that make us insecure, not just physical things, but things from childhood. Maybe we got teased, or there's just things that build up.

It's not just about your physical parents. Like we might just have insecurities in life, which we all do, right? So over time, it builds and you have to work on it. So you have to work on the messaging and confidence will also come sexually when you get to know your own body. Especially for women, which is why we have like one day left of masturbation month, why

you should spend some time getting to know your own body because the more you know your own body and you're going to learn through masturbation, you can tell your partner what you want and bet and that will be empowering because you'll actually get what you want and have those orgasms. So take some time getting confident in know your body, use a mirror, women should look at their vaginas and a mirror and figure out, well, make something good, because a lot of, that's what may masturbation mouth those all about. So, you know, women, like sometimes they like, you know, they, you know, ask guys,

they didn't the lights and all that. I mean, do you have that? Like, women are like, turn the lights off. There's like, you know, women that wouldn't get in certain positions because they felt, you know, insecure about their bodies and stuff like that. So this is something you need to work on. I mean, I'm not going to tell you to go to gym and do all this stuff. I mean, tell you it's an inside job and you got to work on yourself. And for men, men, when it comes to confidence, they're really worried about their penis size, money, and power. And lasting in the bedroom too and lasting long in the bedroom which is why they could also use a promising the real deal is when it comes to being sexually attractive to women

is is confidence as well for men men need to seem confident to women because that's what we love a guy who walks in he looks you in the eye he owns the room it's an intox it's like an effort to jack for women like a confident sexy man I don't think that many women care as much as about weight and i like that guys of data hot chick for years and not care that she he's doesn't want to talk to her outside the bedroom yeah it's crazy i i don't know the name of the youtube video or anything

like that but you you probably can search it and say you know fat guy picking up chicks or something like that we're a guy he went and he wore a heavy suit. He's like, I'm telling you, it's all about confidence. He goes, watch, I'm gonna get these girls numbers. And he just went there and just like was straight up. And he got women's numbers.

It was all hidden camera stuff. And yeah, it's true. So guys, women are not, look, there are some women, like Lauren, my assistant, like Skies with the abs and all that and bodybuilders. But, you know, to me, I've never been though. I've never been into like more of the personality and confidence and all that stuff. So, I can feel that.

More of those guys that can barely put a sense together. Yeah, but who cares? She's smart. She doesn't need, she has her smart friends. So, I think if you're a guy and you're working to build your confidence, think about things in the past that have given you confidence. Maybe it's like hobbies or work, athleticism, eletathism, whatever kind of sports you play.

Harness those feelings. Like I feel confident when I'm doing this and then just brush up on your techniques and remember when you're out there, you're trying to meet women or you might get rejected. We've talked about this, doesn't kill you. And so anyway, some of the emails we're going to get into are going to get more into confidence. Yes, the number one thing, and you know, if you've been listening to this podcast for years,

that I've always been saying, and I know you've gotten so many more to listen or since you've moved to LA. So I'm just going to repeat it. I'm sorry if you heard it before. Again, like you just said, I had to get over this hurdle. If a girl says no, that she's not into me, I'm not gonna die. Right, you're not gonna die. Nothing bad is gonna happen to me. You're like, oh, I might lose her as a friend. You don't wanna be a friend anyway.

So why do you care? You wanna be more than friends. And don't get trapped in the friends zone. In the friends zone for years to say, hey, I would like to take you out a day. I would like to do this with you. And she says, no, then fine, then it's cool. And then eventually, I mean,

if you can't be friends after that, that's fine. You'll meet other women, right? Exactly. But you can't then, oh wow, like, that's the one what you want. And if you want to be with somebody. Yeah. So focus your energy on that.

Right. And also feeling, yeah, and being confident and feeling good about yourself and not beating yourself up so much. Which is what we all do that, those kind of things. But you're right. And oh, and I was talking to another thing is a lot of people, men and women who haven't dated for a while. So let's say you've been in a long-term relationship and you just broke up with someone.

I have a friend who just broke up with someone after eight years. And he's like freaking out. He's on Tinder and he's's calling me every five minutes. Like what do you think this text means? He am helping him with the whole, he's so confused by it because you realize that dating is actually like a muscle and if you don't use it, you lose it.

And he forget, it was different years ago and not everyone was texting as much. And so he's just so confused. I'm like, no, it really looks like she likes it. He's like, but the way she signed off it, there last time there was an X-X and this time there wasn't. Does that mean we had a bad date last time? People go crazy. And so again, dating is something that, you know, when you're getting back on the horse, you just got to, you know, have that

confidence. It might not work in this first woman on Tinder. They went out of the one she didn't call me again or she responded. It's fine. There are so many people out there. Oh, well, it makes you stronger and more confident. It gets you better. Super crazy. So you're the one, you know, it's been pushing Tinder. I mean, like talking about, I don't have, I don't have Tinder because I'm in a relationship. So, you know, it's not good to have a relationship. I'm gonna end.

Is that me? No. Okay. And then, so I don't have it on my phone. So what I did was I went to a wedding and all the groomsmen were single And so we're at like this bar and I'm like Tell like someone like kind of her to Tinder didn't know anything about it and I go guys got it

You got it downloaded so I can see how it worked Oh, cuz you would never been seeing it, okay? Yeah, so then I so I mean you show me a little bit But I just like I haven't seen it from the mail perspective. And I go, so there was like four guys, I made them all download it and like try it out. And one guy like within the first hour was already talking to me. Oh yeah, and especially, I feel like it's really good for when you're traveling too.

A lot of people when they're like on business trips, they just need someone to nearby. Yeah, yeah. But it doesn't have to be a hook, nothing has to be a hook up app. If you don't, or hook up dating site, if you don't want to hook they just need someone to hook up. Yeah, they want to hook up. But it doesn't have to be a hook, nothing has to be a hook up app. If you don't, or hook up dating site, if you don't want to hook up, you don't hook up. Like to me, that seems silly,

because if you don't want to, you just don't. Yeah, the wedding that I went to, they met online. They met like on something called like Zeus or something. Oh, Zeus, yeah, I always see that advertised. See, exactly, I only know I know it because there's like Facebook ads about it all the time. Yeah, and they met and now they're married It's like crazy like how People are just meeting online and getting married. I know all the time. I mean, it started off

We had a few good blog posts about that sex tell me dot com check it out. My online dating tips It started like my space my space started even doing like Married by my space and people would share their stories Yeah, because how else you can can meet your other desk all day It makes sense. Yeah, it's like yeah, I mean you get yourself like this huge profile of people and And then you get the medium like Okay, my space is like made it so much easier than Facebook because that you could say oh, I want to I want to find people That's within five miles of me and they're from this age to this age. You can even put like, you could do that

on my space. Like, they're height, all kinds of crazy stuff. I didn't know that I'm with a my space. Yeah, but I don't, for some reason, Facebook never did that. But, uh, yeah, so a lot of people were like, hooking up off of my space back in the day. Yeah, people nerve with the the first dating sites And now like now in the gay community is like grinder and all that Which is like what Tinder was taking off of yeah, I mean I just think that if you're not dating online in your single and you're listening to the show and you're like I can't meet women or men and there's no one in my town that you've got nothing to lose You can post a profile and not go out, but really

It's it's another great way if you're someone who just takes a stay home and you don't go out that much I could tell you a million ways to maybe people which I've done on the show, but Just part profile. So it happens and it increases your chances It is a numbers game the more you go out the more you put yourself out there That's what happened to my buddy He just like just said, you know what? I'm just gonna do it and then he just Started meeting people and then he you know, he met his wife online. It's crazy and my other friends are just too much of a post to I'm like look you live in a crappy area. There's not a lot of women where you are so you guys do they need to you need to do something online

Are you gonna be those sad people? You have everything you have your house you have your you know, you already have a good job all the stuff But you just don't have that person in your life because you're not making the effort to go find them. The only reason you are single is because you are not making an effort. That is the bottom line end of story. What have you done lately?

Different in your life to meet someone because people, you know, they complain, they can't, but they're not making efforts. It's not gonna, like, your magical perfect lover is not gonna drop down the chimney, like Santa Claus. It's not gonna happen. Okay, let's give in some emails, because I love hearing from the people.

Yeah, especially on my Instagram. Oh my God, I know, yeah, you really, just get to me through a minute. But first, I'm gonna read some, some email here, I mean, a message from our sponsors, who we love. So, I wanna thank everyone for listening to the show, and I love being able to have you have the sex life and relationships you deserve and I want to give you the very best show possible. So I appreciate you supporting our sponsors who help keep the show free.

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I think you'll love it. I'd like to even just see that. It's under-flesh-flushed light. Apparently, it feels, yeah, it's on their website. It feels amazing. I don't have a penis like seriously. I always said if I had a penis for a day I get a blowjob I'd have sex and I would use a flashlight because there's all these different ribs and textures It looks amazing. I mean you see you know what's awesome. You've talked so much about sex toys

What a sex toy topic came up on? The what do you show you show me? And then well, it was just like some quick thing. Okay. But I was to be funny, I was able to rattle off all these different sections. No way. See, you've learned something. The magic wand, the, the, oh my bod, and you know, the, What do you like menace?

What have you been doing? The bullet, you know, all this crazy stuff. And it was pretty funny. That is pretty funny. Thank you. What? You're welcome, honey, for educating me. Okay, and one more of our sponsors, I have to tell you about Promescent.

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So, promising helps you last twice as long as you already last. Now, thousands of urologists are recommending promising. It's the only FDA-proof treatment for pre-prepater ejaculation. Go to promessant.com. That's PROM, ESCNT, to find more. It's not rising to the top. That's a challenge. It's staying there and so yeah, it's a good spray. It works And I'm going to get into the emails now, but there's actually the first one actually happens to be about promising So dear Emily, I don't suffer from PE But I am a six minute guy and she's a 30 minute girl tried everything and each thing worked like the little kegels

Definitely made progress, but I'm okay. Kegel camp, my iPhone app, definitely made progress, but I'm only up to level four now. Promessant. Wow, it changed everything. She had so much anxiety and so did I about having her having an orgasm, and now I can just rock and roll all night. Every guy in the world needs this. If you can last 30 minutes, it will make you last all night. We once did it for for an hour and then you put promising explanation, ex-miss, and it does not reduce pleasure for me at all. In fact, it has a very subtle tingle. My marriage has been saved, Bob and SoCal. Wow. I know. That's crazy. Talk about confidence. So we're talking

about confidence. People don't mend, don't last long enough and they have insecurity. So try for mustn't. If you'd like that. and here we are going to go into the emails now, feedback at sexwithmlle.com or wherever else you want to find me. Okay, hi Emily, my wife is a little bit of a bigger woman. She's five foot zero and 215 pounds. Which is fine, but we really just don't have sex that much. Sex happens maybe once every one to two months. It's come to the point where I feel as though maybe I'm not doing well enough in bed for her to want to have sex that much. Sex happens maybe once every one to two months. It's come to the point where I feel as though maybe I'm not

doing well enough in bed for her to want to have sex. She tells me this, it's not me, it's how she feels about herself because of her weight and that she's not comfortable having sex. What if anything can I do to help her want to have sex or even masturbate like she used to? I just don't know where to turn. Thanks for all your advice, Tom.

So as we said, self esteem, huge killer women sex drive, and the bottom line is she doesn't feel sexy. So I suggest, Tom, that you guys get healthy together. I mean, I'm sure she's tried a lot of fad diets and exercise and stuff, I hope. But what if you guys started hiking together, just taking walks around the block after dinner,

join a gym, get the adrenaline going. And in fact, couples that work out together actually tend to have stronger relationships, because the adrenaline they bond over that experience. So, and it can also help her get more connected to her body and just feel better about having self-sacred. I was gonna say that, because again, when we were talking about earlier,

guys don't really care about her weight, no matter how much women want to believe it. They really don't honestly. He wants to have sex with her. And I totally agree that if she really wants to do something about it, then yeah, then you guys should do something together to work out. She's not in her own. She's not in her own.

And don't like badger, don't buy her like a mem gym membership or work day. Yeah, and say, go for a baby. You want to do something about her? Let's do it together. Right, exactly. And if you don't want to do it after that, then I can't help you much. Exactly. I mean, the thing is that you can't convince a woman also, as those stuff is seen in her.

How many times she's telling her she's beautiful and she's great and he wants her, she still feels bad. So he could also try doing romantic, non-sexual activities together, go on dates, so she can become more comfortable and confident. You could also, you said she's not masturbating enough one of my favorite moves, is mutual masturbation, love it.

So when you mutually masturbate, you masturbate, she masturbates, and you can see exactly what she likes and how she touches herself and she can see you. I mean, you've been married for a while, but it's kind of a fun thing. And then if you said that she doesn't masturbate anymore, maybe she'll do it in front of you together. Also, take a sexual inventory, ask her what she likes, what she wants in the bedroom, talk about trying something new and exciting that maybe she's wanting to try, like positions or toys, and definitely compliment her on what you think is sexy about her.

That's what I gotta say to Tom. Yes. How about that? Okay. My next email, hi Emily. I was wondering if you could help me out. Whenever having sex or performing other sexual activities, I can't have an orgasm unless I masturbate.

I can't come unless I'm touching myself and I wanna help learning how to have an orgasm with a partner. Thank you, signed anonymous. Okay, how would you feel if I told you that you're like 99% of the female population? Most women need more clitoral, I know, right? Most women do need more clitoral stimulation than they get from an occurs.

It's just the way our bodies are made. So why not masturbate during sex, touch or clitoris, use a vibrator? I mean, I think that you, it's okay if you include your masturbation in an of course, and then maybe eventually you'll learn or he'll touch you in a way that you can have it. But for a lot of them, they can have the G

spot orgasm, but mostly they need the clitoral. So just be touching yourself. Don't feel bad about it. I'm definitely helping you out here. And at least you can have an orgasm. See, that's great. The fact that you know that you can have when during masturbation means that I am certain

that you can have one during intercourse. There's so many great sex toys out there that you can just, if it is for her clitoris, like, you know that I talk about all the time that you can put on the J.J. Mimi. There's some great new Lilo toys Ellie L.O. um things like that so I would I would try that and um also if you want to buy toys you can go to good vibes.com and use coupon code Emily if you'd like to do that

because they're sending me so much toys and just practice it exactly. The thing about Texas isn't she doesn't say how old she is but I feel like it there is some truth to I always heard this like you older women are we the older you get you Learn your body more and you get more confident in the bedroom, but I don't think you have to wait I don't think that I knew in my 20s that I you know so many women are socialized That sex is all about pleasing you the man and it's not about our own pleasure So we don't prioritize learning our bodies and our pleasure. So I think that um Well, I just yeah again, I think in your 20s you have no idea what you're doing

You really don't you think you do and oh you only hear from your other friends that don't know what they're doing either And then when you get older you kind of figure it out by yourself, but that's why the sex with Emily podcasts is here to you know Fast forward you just a little bit. Exactly. That's what we're doing. We're trying to have to fast forward. I would love women in their 20s to be having rock and sex. And it all goes back to knowing you're buying it.

Me too, because women in their 20s are hot. I know. Don't you want to bang all of them here? Everywhere? Not here. Okay. Not here. No, because you were girlfriend.

No. You're so loyal. I love that about you. Dear Emily, I love your podcast. I also love masturbating, as I imagine most men and women do. Sometimes I'll binge masturbate, meaning masturbating and orgasming three to five times or for a few hours a day. Sometimes I can go too far and I find myself in pain later.

How can I scale it back and enjoy masturbation without doing this binge practice? Is it possible to masturbate too much? Yes. Thank you and happy masturbate too much? Yes. Thank you and happy masturbation month, Michael. How old is Michael? Does he say? He doesn't say. He's probably in his 20s.

It's all about moderation. Well, it's porn, the whole thing. It's all about moderation. It's key. So just maybe try to skill back a little bit and allow yourself to just do it once or twice and take out the porn. Can you do your mind so canaking guy still use their mind?

If there's like a 20-year-old and he's by himself, he's probably master-beating like three times a day. Yeah, that's what he said. He's hurting himself. So when people email me and they're like, oh, do I have a problem? And you don't have a sex out of here's the thing. There's only a problem if you have consequences.

Like if you're master-beating five times a day and it's fine and you don't have any consequences, but you do because you're actually in pain. So if there's a consequence, you have to alter your behavior. So you are no longer having that kind of pain. So, you know, I hope it doesn't affect your relationships and just try to skill back. And the binging thing makes me nervous

that you use that word. I'm wondering if you've a lot of stress and tension going on in your life right now and you're using it as a release when really you should maybe looking at yourself and what's going on right now because anytime you've been done something it's usually to distract yourself from feeling your deep down emotions. Michael, how many times do you miss? Do you still miss your girlfriend? Like that you have a girlfriend? Yeah, I probably do. Like with the second she leaves are like Well, she leaves town sometimes

She's right she went to Las Vegas this weekend without you Yeah, and then you went to Disney World without her. Yeah, Disneyland. What is it here? I grew up in Michigan So it was all about Disney world. I know it's weird because I met these people from Florida and They go oh, Disney world. That's that was the first one, right? I'm like, no, Disney Land was- Wasn't? What? I guess I knew that. Disney Land created here, I know I knew that.

But anyways, yeah, she went to Las Vegas. I want to go to Disneyland with you. And it's just because your girlfriend wasn't there, she wouldn't want, what, you shouldn't buy me next time. I don't even know why I say that. I was with some, no, I was with like, I was with two kids, by the way. Kids?

Kind of confirms that I do not want to have kids. Really? Yeah, I mean, it's just so much work. I went with my buddy and his wife and they're two kids. And I, because we were like, you know, we're good friends. We're freaks about Disneyland. And.

Do you go on the rides, minister? You just drink and eat like corn dogs? I go on the rides and yeah, we eat and drink and Just have fun. I mean we like we have a system down So we don't really wait in line for it. Right. You're like the fast past. Yeah, yeah, so but the thing was you know we were We're getting ready and sometimes like oh the kids would be ready and I'll be ready first because of course

I get up super early in the morning. I'm used to getting ready really fast. So I take the kids with me to breakfast and I'm like, I have kids, like five year old and a nine year old and you just look away for a second. They're gone. They're gone. They're catching up all over their head.

And kids are disgusting when they eat. I hate it and they wanna know everything and they wanna touch everything everything this girlfriend feel the same Yeah, I'll totally feel so good. So you guys are that's good and Kids are hard man. It's a huge huge huge I mean, I feel for people that that can go through and just still I live a comfortable life But I think we're parents are heroes. Yeah, I think we're just I just too selfish and wanting to have our own. I know. I think

that's true. The more you delay marriage, like many people are right now and the more you learn that like God being independent and not having any responsibilities. It's kind of nice. But you know, kids are amazing too and I have nieces and all that stuff and got you. But no kids or dogs anymore. Okay, I think what? Yeah, no, but I was just like, yeah, it was an experience. Yeah, and were you nice to them? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God, they love me. They must love you.

Yeah. Because you're cool. Yeah, I'm totally cool to them. I mean, I make them stand right next to me and not walk anywhere. Right, that's good. You did a good job. Yeah.

You did a good job with the kids. Okay, I think that's all we got time for today. We do, but we're gonna do another podcast. For sure, men's and I were doing podcasts together. We're doing lots of fun things. So everyone, I get to shoot your first porn since I went to film school and I think we should do. I should do naked porn. Can I do one where I'm not totally naked? We can do like, no, we can do like the software where you're not

really having sex, what it looks like you are All right, I can do that. Okay. Let's work on it. I want to do the full thing What do you guys what would you like to see me do in my foreign email me feedback at section only dot com So thank you so much menace everyone check about menace and Twitter and Instagram and everything Yes, and me and ASC some people think it spelled wrong No, not S, M-E-N-A-C. A-C, sorry, I just spelled it wrong. But people spell it M-E-N-N-I-S, like Dennis, but it's not.

It's like menace to society. Yeah, there's a lot of sex zombie listeners that always hit me up on Twitter and Instagram. I'd love it, like, same that they're listening. They quote the show and stuff like that. They quote the, I can't make a quote the show to me. I don't know. Because it's your quote, it's probably. But thanks everyone. I so appreciate you they quote the show and stuff like that. They quote the, I can't really quote the show to me. I don't know. Because it's your quotes, Pally.

Yeah. But thanks everyone. I so appreciate you listening to the show. And thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemlee.com. I'm Emily from sexwithemlee.com.

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