Sex With Emily - Sexually Awesome with Jason Ellis

Episode Date: January 11, 2020

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is joined by radio host, MMA fighter, and author Jason Ellis to talk about his book, Still Awesome – and how to make your sex and relationships awesome, too!The two discuss why it’s so important to embrace your sexuality, and why opening up about it will make you so much happier, ways to make an open relationship work – and what it’s actually like, not what you think it’s like, and why doing your work and going to therapy is vitally important in maintaining relationships with everyone around – including yourself.Follow Emily on all social @sexwithemilyFollow Jason on Instagram @wolfmateFor even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What do you think that like deep fear is? Like people find out you're bisexual and then what? Like what does goes beneath that? What happened? I want everybody to love me. Right. And if I tell you, it's so pathetic, but I at least I can admit it.

I wish everybody loved me. I wish I had a billion followers on Instagram and everybody told me how great I was all the time. I would love that. No, I mean, not a billion, but enough. They do enough quite frankly. The way I react to people loving me, it's enough because the ego is embarrassing as well.

I've learned that from the radio. It's in the book from where I thought I was. The show is really big and I'm like, you know what? I think I might actually be the greatest radio host that ever lived. And so it was from being feeling really small to thinking you're the biggest person in the room.

And then I realized, man, you're really fucking annoying. And that shit is too much sometimes. People don't need to hear how sensational you are all the time. Maybe you should just do your work and not brag about it. So when you're really saying that out of the show a lot, you'd be like, I'm the most. Oh, yeah. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily.

And on today's show, I'm joined by Radiohost MMA and author Jason Ellis to talk about his book, Still Awesome, and how to make your sex and relationship awesome too. Topics include Embracing your sexuality, why coming to terms with it and opening up bad will make you so much happier, ways to make an open relationship work, and what it's actually like, not what you think it's like. Why doing your work and going at therapy is vitally important in maintaining relationship with everyone around you, including yourself. And how to talk about what you like sexually without freaking your partner out.

All this and more, thanks for listening. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my!

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Ah, my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. Find us on social media everywhere. It is Sex with Emily across the board, and our website, sexwithemily.com. You're going to love it. There's a lot of great information there to help you have the sex life that you want, especially this year. Happy 2020. All right, enjoy the show. So Jason is here and let me just say this. We're going to get into it because Jason wrote a book, Jason Ellis, and I don't do this often, Jason. I'm busy. And I have an attention span of a nat sometimes, but I sat down and devoured your book last night. So I think I've lots of things to talk to you about.

So it's called still awesome, the trials and tribulations of an egotistical maniac. Yeah, a bit of a sarcasm thing, but. I understand. You know, we'll get to that. We'll get to all of that. And you can also send you can send your questions also through Instagram.

I know some people don't want to call in. You know, some people don't want to call into a radio station, Jason. I get that. You get it. And it's like this new thing where people just want to DM you about everything. Exactly.

Yes. And they do. They DM the questions. So what I, when I say go to Instagram, what I mean, I'm glad you brought that up. We actually, every night on the show, if you go to the stories, you click on the little, you know, my face is a little circle around, it's some people don't know, you click on it,

and then you'll see, ask your question here, and then you ask your question, and then we answer. So you can do it there. It's smart. You can also email me feedback at sexwithmly.com. See, Jason, we can learn from each other, right? Yeah, I didn't know that until right now.

I'm gonna steal that from you. You can do it. We learn from each other, and I've learned so much from you, Jason. Who you are? learn from each other. And I've learned so much from you Jason, this is this book. Yes, I learned more about you. Oh, okay. Because you're kind of, you're an enigma.

Yes, everybody says that to me. You are, but now I understand. And I feel like we have a lot in common too. Oh, yeah? Yes, a lot. So. Oh, now I'm very interested. Yes, there's a lot.

Well, I mean, it's not as sexy as you think, but well, maybe, maybe some of the sex stuff. Yeah. But let me just say this, they could find you at Wolfmate. Yeah, yeah, on Instagram yet. Ellismate Twitter. Yeah. And then this book is still awesome.

And you can go to our show notes, sectionelme.com, click up, you'll have a link to buy it or buy it on Amazon or where. Jason Ellis book.com is where you get it. Get it from there, only. Yeah, I'm like, yeah. Jason Ellis book.com so we can actually probably mix the it from there. Only. Just Alice book dot com. So we can actually probably mix the money on it.

Yeah, we're keeping this one. We I had a New York Times best seller and that was more of a, can you believe, I can't even read. I am. I've only read one book my whole life and I have a New York Times best seller. So that was so mind boggling for somebody who has no education and almost a literate to pull that off. I mean, obviously, Tully helped me with this, but just to know that somebody cared enough to want that book to come out and

enough people bought it to us at New York Times best seller. It made no sense to me, but the victory is done. Now, I just want to make this book get out everywhere. I don't want to do one tour. I've cupping Jude. Jude's done his hummingbird thing and he just keeps going around to different cities. Right. Doing book signings and showing people his book and he keeps all the money. And I thought I've had a record deal before and then we did our own record label and the money we made from our own record label versus the record deal that we once had. Sure, we were on the

billboard charts and that sounded cool. But once I was on it once, I don't need twice to be the twice. Exactly. You need the money. Right. No, you're right. That's really smart. It's actually these days. It's so much easier to self-publish.

Do your own shows, do your own podcast, even do whatever. I get it. That's great. Well, that's really smart. So the first book, I'm awesome. Yes. Still suck at it. Why am I so kind of a quack?

Well, I understand because what I saw on this was kind of like your journey to get your like a low-self-esteem to self-acceptance. And I think maybe self-esteem is something that we always sort of work on. It's not like you're ever like super hot, where you're like, this is, I'm just super confident today, but realizing how much your self-esteem was so debilitating. And then having to like, you know, really open up

so much in here, I mean, you, you, that you, I guess what I think I could identify was with all that negative self-talk, because you open the book, you go back to your first marriage and like, opening up about like, you're like, she should leave me. I'm an asshole on piece of shit. Like, when you've low self-esteem, this is how you deal. Yeah. I also was not a person you would want to live with as well.

There was, I mean, I'm a nice person, but I was not ready for a relationship. So sometimes when I talk badly about myself, that's sort of the coach in me. I've always responded to, you're not gonna stop me. You know, so if I say something bad about myself to get up and get something done, it's worked for almost all my life.

That's worked in a positive for me, where I'm like, listen, I'm not gonna cast here, but I'm like, listen, you piece of shit. You fucking, but I'm like, you get sped. Listen, you piece of shit. You fucking nothing if you don't get up and do something right now and that would make me get up. I now are experiencing other people and seeing how people like words of encouragement and-

Words of effort. And they do great things when you give them words of encouragement, I'm like, man, nobody ever did that for me. Right, well that's because you had a self-parent. Right, but these days I'm not, I catch myself being mean, but I really do try to not go there as much because it's still that animal that lives in me where I can just go down that dark road and make things that aren't true, feel true

to me. Right. Exactly. Because our thoughts are not the truth. Mm-hmm. Check you out. Right. Well, I, yeah, dude, it's right. The, the, the right. Like the negative self-talk, which a lot of us think are motivating us. And I see the coach in you.

But for me, I realized like, I didn't know there was any other way. I was always just so really hard on myself. And there was this one part where you're talking about your fight, because it goes back, you don't have years in it, which I really wanted context. I'm just saying, I didn't know the years. It's like 15 years, 20.

No, I mean, really, just go back a little bit here and there. But the first book is from before I had a radio show up until I had my first MMA fight. And then this one is from that day before I got divorced and all this other stuff happened from the radio show being so big. And then me sort of finding a new person that was okay with this sexuality part of me that I've always hidden. And to the point where she kind of brought it out of me and I became more less concerned

about other people's opinions of what I've really liked and then that sort of brought out this other side that is super recent to me where I can gladly tell anybody at restaurant or anywhere that I'm a, you know, pansexual man and, you know, I'll suck Dix, baby. What's up? Exactly. But that's even since I'm showing you the right, you'll suck Dix.

But it is, no, but I don't, I'd say it and I know some people get grossed out by it or they think it's a bit too much, but I just think that there's so many people out there that hide being me. And it's not, I know there might be a bit blunt, but that's me. If you listen, I'll show you catch it a little bit. A little bit pushy when it comes to saying stuff, but the, my theory is that if you hear it enough from a guy who's, I could probably beat your ass. I probably got as much, many guns and I can jump cars and motorbikes. I do all the things that that don't usually come with this and you, that's bullshit. There's no, you can be a man who loves tattoos

and guys and you can be vice versa and everybody needs to get over it and not be like, look man, don't put it in my face. No, that's bullshit because there's kids that are here in this and you say, I don't wanna hear about it, keep it to yourself. That means that it grosses you out.

That means my existence grosses you out. I'm okay with that because I'm confident with who I am now But you're talking I think about the people that DM me that are 17 and 18 that are thinking about Odin or a bite in the bullet because they don't want anyone to find out that they're bought that right that they're by or that they're gay So if you had a lot of people come up to you or DM you saying thank you You gave me permission to now come out about the fact that I'm bisexual or I want to be with men or a lot lately because it's like I said I would say the last six months I've sort of got a little bit more of a I've really thought about it like okay now that you found the things that you're happy and you're living this life what does it all mean and how can you help

other people feel okay with it because some people don't realize I listen to a video There's an audio book from my last book that's out on podcast to promote my new book and tully found a bit where I was talking to him pretty much admitting that I have had Gay encounters and he just brushed over it like thought I was being sarcastic and he's listening to the tape again I was listening to it yesterday and it almost made me cry on the radio because I thought, I'm trying to tell him. I'm trying to tell anybody, but I'm so terrified at the same time. So when he didn't catch on, I just let him not catch on because I thought maybe he doesn't

want to know, maybe this is going to make our relationship wrong. Like I have to worry about people not liking who I am anymore. It's stupid. It is, it is, but what are you, so when you get to it, what do you think that like deep fear is? Like people find out you're bisexual and then what? Like what is goes beneath that? What happened?

You know, I want everybody to love me. Right, yeah. And if I tell, it's so pathetic, but I, at least I can admit it. I wish everybody loved me. I wish I had a billion followers on Instagram and everybody told me how great I was all want to. It's so pathetic, but I at least I can admit it. I wish everybody loved me. I wish I had a billion followers on Instagram and everybody told me how great I was all the time. I would love that.

No, I mean, not a billion, but you know. They do enough quite frankly. The way I react to people loving me, it's enough because the ego is embarrassing as well. I've learned that from the radio. It's in the book from where I thought I was. The show is really big and I'm like, you know what, I think I might actually be

the greatest radio host that ever lived. And so it was from feeling really small to thinking you're the biggest person in the room. And then I realized, man, you're really fucking annoying and that shit is too much sometimes. People don't need to hear how sensational you are all the time, maybe you should just do your work

and not brag about it. So when you're really saying that I'll show a lot, you'd be like, I'm the most, oh yeah. Okay. I wanted to find, I didn't meet you until like, for the time of this, four years ago.

I just got the blueprint from how it's done. I just saw, I didn't know, I didn't listen to radio. Right. Tony Hawk got me on the radio show because he thought I'd be funny. So I was his coach. That's an amazing story. And then Sirius XM said,

Holy shit, would you like to have a job talking? And I was like, I'm not going to be a good skateboarder for much longer. Yes, I would like to try that. And then listening to Howard Stone, and then he was arguing with OP and Anthony. And I'm like, who is OP and Anthony? And I'm like, they're fighting each other. They don't like each other. And he's trying to steal my shit.

And I'm like, okay, so that's my thing. I'm in and I'm looking for, I'm a competitor. Right. So this sounded like an exciting part of radio to me where maybe there'll be a guy as big as me that wants to have a fucking fight. Wow. And we can talk about it, maybe we can step outside because I'm from a place where that was, I grew up where that was okay.

And that was kind of a way. It was like a Melbourne. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People fought a lot. I know it sounds like it. Your childhood, it was kind of a way. It was like a Melbourne. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People fought a lot. I know it sounds like it. You're childhood. It was not an easy childhood. And then that was pretty easy, but some parts were tough.

Well, right. Well, that was the other thing is that, well, first off, being a radio, I guess it's so different. I never think I'd, I hope I can fight other people around here. But I do think I want to be a great host and help people and be vulnerable and be real and open to be myself. See, you caught on early with that one, and it took me a while.

I wanted to win and I wanted victories and then I realized that's not the, yes. Right, but it's not the objective at all. The most important thing to me now is, I didn't think that I could actually help anybody. At first someone said, Hey man, you know what, you get my day to day, you make it easier because you're funny.

And I'm like, that's kind of helping. That can kind of consider that as a helping thing. And now when people are talking about another level of, you're not helping And I'm like, that's kind of helping. That could kind of consider that as a helping thing. And now when people are talking about another level of, you're not helping my day to day, you're, I was thinking about killing myself. And now you're saying this and now I feel better about existing.

I'm like, okay, this is another level. This is almost like, can I raise my kids good level? This is the most important thing I'll ever do in my life. How the fuck did I get here? Well, I think it's because you're willing to, what I see is you're really, you're not afraid to keep peeling back the layers of the onion as they say. Well, it makes me happier every time I find more out about who I really am and then admit it to somebody.

I'm happier. Right. Because you feel like you're holding this. I'm happy first. I spent too many years in the dark and being happy with being angry and dark with myself. And now I know every time I meet somebody who's a positive person and isn't full of shit, this makes my life happier. And then it makes me want to help other people, which I have found makes me happier.

And I just want to live happier day to day now than I did my time in the everyone who hates me. I just want to be happy. That's such a terrible place to live too. I think everyone hates you and you got to keep keeping up. You got to keep reinventing yourself. You got to keep going. And now you're like, oh, the more real and authentic I am, people are going to resonate

with that. And then, you know, people do love this to the show, and then that drives you, because you're actually helping them. I get it. That's why we're here, right? Tell people to change their lives. So I also think that the thing about therapy, I thought that you really, because I talk a lot about it in the show about how everyone I believe needs therapy. And I think that I have to be, I think that that's message after a while, be like, they people have to just stigme around it. Well, it means that I've really broken or they're going to put me away. Or I can't afford it.

Like, I think even for men sometimes, maybe I should say you should go see a coach because maybe men don't want to go to therapy. Yeah. I'm just trying, but what I love is that you detail like where you were and how it got you there. And therapy, whether it was going to rehab or, and I love to your recent ayahuasca journeys, all the stuff that you've done, but especially it sounds like the talk to therapy early on really just helped you realize, you know, the patterns and having a place to go.

And I feel like you were just really able to demonstrate in your book that fucking therapy is the way it is the way. Like it is, you have to find a good one. Yeah, that's, that's very important too. So I feel a lot of people when they first get one, if it's not the right one, then they go, oh, therapy, I tried that, it's terrible. I'm like, hmm, that's, that's not the case.

There's somebody for everybody and there's doctors, just like when I was a pro skateboarder, there was other guys that used to be at the bar on a Saturday night that would tell and girls they were pro skateboarders. And yeah, they might have received a couple of checks for riding a skateboard, but they weren't on our level. And that's the same as doctors, the same as psychiatrists, everybody.

There's so many bad therapists, which you've also said, it's like, you don't, you find two and you say a lot that you're gullible. And I feel like is someone who's always like seeking, I had a childhood of trauma stuff too. And I'm always trying to find like someone who could help me. And you might be the, the guru of the helper. And then I think that the further along you go on your healing journey, you realize that a lot of people are full of shit.

Yeah, that one does happen a lot, right? Especially in this game. In the radio, in the entertainment, yeah. Right? I'm just starting to realize that. Like it's taken me a while because I was very trusting and then I'm like,

oh, just in a lot of ways, people are not what they say they are. But I think you can't go there and tell you do the work. I just have found that one to be, that was new to me. I didn't know that that was the case and that found that I was butthurt by that. Same as business. I've never been a business man before

and then the radio show, all of a sudden I'm in big business and I'm doing business deals where there's real money involved here and I was just a scapeholder that can barely read or write and I'm doing business deals where there's real money involved here. And I was just a scapegoat or a completely free to ride. And I know thing, if you want to be good at something, you better be in it. You better have your head in it and you better love it. So you were kind of trusting people you're saying for business that you didn't know. And then you make a mistakes. Yeah. Well, I think you make a mistake by saying, I don't know.

I think I'm just worth a lot of money and someone goes, I'll help you. You just said you don't know what's going on. You know, just help me pay my bills. And there's a lot of money and someone goes, I'll help you. You just said, you don't know what's going on. You know what I mean, just help me pay my bills and there's a lot of money coming in. You can't, I don't think, it's the average bear, especially if they're like an agent or whatever, they probably got this other alternative. I'll tell you about it.

I'll tell you what you think. So like 10%, or 15%. So Jason, we're gonna take some calls here. Okay. I like people. Okay, let's talk to Waldo 32 in Pennsylvania. Hey Waldo, thanks for calling. What's going on? Hey Emily, how you doing?

Good. I love what you guys do. Thanks for having me. Thanks for having me. We put you guys on the jumbo tron and just let you guys beat that shit out of each other. It was awesome. Wait, what? Oh, you got one, Jason? Wait. It is no way you're beating the shit out of each other. It was awesome. Wait, what? Yeah.

Oh, you got one, Jason? Wait. There's no way you're beating the shit out of each other, I am. Oh, no, no, no. I don't know. Whenever we would watch you guys on the MMA fights. Oh, okay. Got it.

You put him on the jump-a-tron. Got it. Okay. I was like, were we fighting? Cool, Waldo. I don't know. Got it. Jason's the best.

But anyway, you should have a fight, Emily I know I'm fighting, Alice, Mania I would I've been wanting to fight I've been wanting to somebody the right side. I've been wanting to find someone to drink Yeah, I'll train you Stop I'm not I'm not I will train you to be a killer fucking dream Yeah, and then you should beat the shit out of some bitch at Ellis Mania and we'll film it and have a big after party. He'll be cool. Waldo, will you come?

Get a trophy. Okay, man. Okay. I love you. Dude, don't just say that shit. I'm not set. Okay. Don't test me.

You will be punching people like an aunt. No, all of you. I'm in. Waldo, what's going on? Thanks for calling. How can I help you? Well, actually, I called it in last weekend you held me on the basically communicating with my wife about making her I wanted her to pick me

more and all of that and I actually talked to her and she went for it. I mean, she told me just like you said, she didn't want to hear it in the heat at the moment. She wanted more of like a plan thing with us having kids. It's not exactly something that can be like that. She just went about start pegging on the sun, right? Okay, good. So this is great because Waldo you called in saying you you were told or that you want to pegged.

She did it once, but it wasn't happening at the frequency you'd like. So then you, right, good. Are you washing before and all that? Oh, of course. What kind of thing do you use to wash yourself out? Wash it out. Just like clean night area. Not everyone needs an animal. Yeah, but you eventually are gonna have an accident

and that I find can maybe throw some people off. Some you might feel like maybe Sunday night, pegging is a little bit more hesitant. If I'm just saying, look, it's not that big of a deal to wash out. I have a thing that's on my shower. I think the ones you have, whether you put their pump, the water bottle up your butt, I don't think those

work very good unless you're like a pro that does it all the time. But for me, there's ones you can buy in the sex store, and it's like a metal one that connects to your shower head. And you just switch it from shower to the thing, and you put a little bit of lube, and it's like a metal thing that goes to your shower head and you just switch it from shower to the to the thing and you put a little bit of lube and it's like a metal thing that goes up your butt and it's just washed two times and you are super good super good super safe. Thank you for that Jason Ellis. Anyway, well done. This is great. Okay, so thanks well anything

that so it's always good you guys got so really just a matter of communicating and finding out that she's totally down but she needs a little bit of warning you got to set it up you got to like be in the mood to peg especially when you got kids at home and you're busy awesome okay anything else going on well well thank you I'm so glad that worked out I love that you called back to let me know okay it's the advice and I really enjoy your show and whenever I Do I just came on and saying about being like bisexual and I my hats off to you because I was kind of in the dark about that for a while and That kind of came out to my wife one day and just said hey, I think I might be and this I can I dick

Okay, right and she was okay Yeah, she dick. Okay, right, and she was okay. Yeah, she just kind of looked at me and she was like, okay, and she just kind of like went back to what we were doing, but... Alright, well, I think there's a more conversation around that. I'm gonna second-click what's for dinner. It's kind of how I do that. Yeah, well, that's how we learn. Okay, thanks, Waldo. I'm so glad.

It's so glad you found the show. Thanks for calling. Awesome. Take another call. Dave, because he's been a holding, we got to know Dave 56 new Jersey. He wants to know if his wife is falling out of love with him. Uh-oh. Dave, tell me everything.

Why do you think she's falling out of love? We've been married for 25 years. I'm 56 and she's 51. Okay. And sex was good, but she's suffering from, well, she's a little bit overweight, so she's a little self conscious, and she's being tested for fibromyalgia. So her body does hurt a lot and it just seems that she has absolutely no interest in having sex anymore. And I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do because when we talk about it she just gets frustrated and pissed off. Right. Okay. So she's kind of out of shape. She's 51. And so to me, what does that, do you say she's 51? She's not in great shape and she's might have fibromyalgia and all these things.

So you guys been together 25 years and she's not really moved for sex. Dave, here's the thing. I don't think we're talking about love. I think we're talking about the human condition. We're talking about being married, being with someone for 25 years. And she's gone through menopause like the end. She's not feeling great about her body. So I think it's more about figuring out how to connect with her and find out what would she need to feel good again.

And how, you know, when you get her back on board with sex, it's not just about like the frequency, it's more about getting her to remember that she's a sexual person and masturbating and figuring out because when women get on board with sex and they're excited about it again she'll be back. She'll want to do it. So have you talked to her about any of this? And let her know that like how important it is to you. Yeah, we have. And you know, once I get past all the negativity and I finally get her like when she's really tired or first thing in the morning. And she's not really into saying no right away. Like don't touch. She'll get into it and she really enjoy

herself. But she's just so negative right now that can't even get past the jump. She's depressed. She's depressed. She got put on a bunch of weight and got disease. Has that supposed to make you happy about your day? That's heavy stuff. Is she getting help for that? Yeah, we're getting help. It's been an interesting, an emotional ride. We have a couple of kids that have special needs and they're getting into their upper

genes now. We've had a very emotional ride, but we've been together and I truly think we love each other uneditionally. I know that this is not the answer, but a better diet. I'm not sure about the fiber of my elders, but I feel like there's a lot of plant-based diets

and a lot of even Dr. Drew Pansy, who only has meat and eggs and did something where he cured himself. There's a lot of plant-based diets and a lot of even Dr. Drew Pansier who only has meat and eggs and did something where he cured himself. There's a lot of different diets for different kinds of people. And I feel like if she does feel she's overweight and she eats a cleaner diet, at least she would lose more weight,

but you might even find she has a lot more energy and she might not even, she might not be in as much pain from stuff like that. And then there's CBD creams and there's a bunch of other stuff that you can do if you use that Google button. And there's a lot of stuff that you could make things easier for it.

Maybe not into sex, but at least not in as much pain. That would, that's, that'd be good. If you help her on her journey, she might need you to help out nurture and help her figure out the steps to take. And then she'll feel like she has a partner of this and then she might feel more connected in loving. But I think what Jason is saying, like we just, you know, help her get through this. It's not an easy time.

But I think, yeah. Okay, Dave. I think that sounds great. And I have one other question that has to do with the human anatomy. What exactly is in when a woman squirts is that your nervous that's a trace of your like on another note on a lighter note there's traces of your unit it's from the period rethral fluids you find that it's some urine it's not all urine but even if it is I say so what if you see the

ones in poem where it goes flying really far that's pay Yeah, well now I I just feel really awesome when I can do that, you know And and she feels that good. That's great. I think as long as she feels good And you feel good doesn't matter what's coming out of it just throws some towels down, you know our tarp Thanks Dave. Thanks for calling keep us posted him here every night Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and we come back even more with Jason Ellis. Jason Ellis, you just gotta come stop by here often after your show and talk about everything, but you're busy because you've got this still awesome book to promote. Yeah.

And you are really awesome, Jason. So I'd love just how, even since I've known you and I barely we've gotten to know each other better But like you when I first met you just MMA fire have your show your tough and then you were on my podcast a few years You're like oh, yeah, and I sometimes get blow jobs in the steam room and I'm and sometimes I'm like okay Good and you're just so and I know that this hasn't been an easy journey for you. No. But, you know. I'm getting there. Yeah. I know a guy that I make out with now.

I never used to kiss guys. I know you know. Wow, do you enjoy it? Yeah, I like making out with him. What about with him? I don't wanna just go around making out with everybody now, but it's easier for me to kiss girls. I like kissing girls.

I don't think I've ever kissed a girl. I'm like, you know, this isn't working. But most of the time, a guy ever tried to kiss me. I feel like I'm like inappropriately kind of pull away a bit. I've always felt like you ever seen that Boondock saints movie where the guys are carbon. He's gay, but he doesn't really act like one. I don't think so. But I don't know. Anyway, I just could relate to that movie. I've always thought, because I was always very confused with that stuff.

I mean to it, but there were certain things that I thought were too much. And now, from sort of slowing it down, and now I kind of like, I would like to know a guy that I like mentally. He's my friend, and we can hook up whenever my wife thinks it's okay. Because I love this, too.

This is the thing now with Katie, so in finding a wife that you're both open, like being my dog is never, you know, made sense to you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, being single or being with somebody that was gonna be okay with me living that kind of lifestyle. I just wasn't, I have no time for lies anymore. I just don't, I hate myself. Right. Like if things don't get the way, that don't go the way I want, it's only a matter of time. You know what I mean? I'm not, I'm kind of attractive. I'm funny. I'm someone's gonna want to sleep with me. And I'm gonna do it. I'm not that good.

What are you guys supposed to do about it, right? Yeah, I would rather just go. The hardest thing for me is to say, because the out there is you gotta ask first. And sometimes most of the time, especially with girls, I don't know when a girl's gonna like me, and that's pretty freaking rare these days. And when they do, I'm like, whoa, what, really?

You wanna, what, wait, I've gotta text my wife and say this is okay, it's like a weird, uncomfortable, inappropriate thing for me to wanna do. I'm like, I don't wanna just stop the way this is going and get on the phone with my wife. She's like, who, what are we talking about here? And I gotta break it down, but I've just found that if I go, I just do it.

And if she says, if she says no, I'm so lucky these days where with what I can do, it's too much, quite frankly. I get away with absolute murder. She's like, this girl really likes me. Have fun. She's like, I got my nose things getting bored out, so I'm not really that good to you anyway. And I'm like, okay, that's the sweetest thing ever,

but I should say thanks, baby, but I'll probably just come home anyway, but I take it sometimes because I can do that now. But here's the thing. Okay, so in reading your book, it's like, I think, yeah, you said that it's, if you want to be monogamous or that anyone who thinks that they want to sleep with other people and they're married, that's just not, it might not be for you to be. When I was 19, I remember thinking, I can't fucking imagine sleeping with one person

for the rest of my life. That never seemed like it made any sense. And then through my 20s, I kept dating people two years, two years, and I was like, and then I went up cheating. I was like, this does not feel good to me. Am I broken something wrong with me? Like, why am I cheater?

So then I was like, I'm never gonna commit until, until it actually works for me, and I realized I haven't really committed since then. But I mean, a little bit here and there, but it's been open, or it's been just, going to commit and tell until it actually works for me and I realize I haven't really committed since then. But I mean, a little bit here and there, but it's been open or it's been just because I want to, but the second I don't, I realize I don't want to cheat. So what I'm saying is, do you think, and that wasn't easy? I thought it was crazy, but now more and more people are opening up.

There are, then people are just kind of, I feel like in the last few years, and I've been in this realm for like 15 now, and it was insane. People like swinging would break up a relationship or opening it up. People are just insane. All swingers of ponytails or all the things that people believe. And now people are thinking, oh yeah, this can actually work. So you actually are an example of this. You're having a successful non-monogamous relationship.

I do want to add though, because I feel like sometimes it's hard work. I feel like I stress each other out with this stuff sometimes. I don't like it if a guy's too friendly and texting her all the time. I'll lean over and be like, what are you texting that guy again? And now I'm on a little jealous thing. But I could, if I went and I added up who's fair here, it's I'm getting away with murder. I should be letting her text anybody she wants. But I'm I'm protective. I'm jealous. And I'm getting away with Murdoch. I should be letting her text anybody she wants, but I'm I'm protective. I'm jealous. And I'm like, that's pretty insulting that you're the jealous guy who's like, oh, you know what, what's her name? Once me and I hang out with her tonight.

That okay with you. It's usually five seconds. Sure. Yeah. And she was like, who's this guy? Joe. Yeah. If it was some dude named Joe wanted to hook up with Katie. I'd go show me photos. Okay, but here's the thing. Yeah, no, right? Show me photos. I want to see. What does a dick look like?

Do you ever do that? Do you have a dick thing or no, you're pretty confident. No, I'm alright with that. Okay, that's good. That's not one of your points. Is that one of your... No, it does he have bigger muscles or hair? But he has hair.

Yeah, like I, because I don't have hair and some people, if they lift a lot of weight and they look buffer than me, then maybe I care for like three seconds about that. Yeah, but I, but you know, I'm pretty sure I can knock him out. So that's okay. The thing is, right, you're like, long as I can beat his ass.

Yeah, don't sleep with anybody tough with him, that'll be tough. That's it. But it still can be hard though, but the thing is monogamy is really hard people and it's not that not monogamy is for everybody it's just more like I love that now people realize they actually have other options if it's not their jam Diana 38 in California wants to comment on

open relationships okay hi Diana thanks for calling it's Emily and Jason Ellis here hi Emily and Jason thanks for taking my call so my husband and I have been previously married and we were both in monogamous relationships previously before our marriage. And now that we have an open relationship, our marriage is so much more better. And I know that people don't understand that. But we're both just so much happier. And you can just tell in our relationship that openness just allows us to communicate more. And you also feel a little bit more attractive with each other

and that flirtatiousness and being able to go out and say, hey, honey, so today I was pretty with X-guy. And it was fun. And he can ask questions pretty with, you know, ex-guy and, you know, it was fun. And he can ask questions that we take it home or we go somewhere and take that relationship somewhere else and take it to the next level or have fun. But we find that we have had so much more of a better marriage this time around than we did last year. And we've been married for seven years now.

Wow. See, that's really impressive. And that's pretty cool. It's easy when you're a little mature mature too, I feel like we get into it when you're young, because it always sounds so glamorous when you're young. Like, yeah, let's be swingers. I can sleep in the guys again. I can sleep with a bunch of girls. That's all he's thinking.

Exactly. He's not ready for the other side of that. Because Mike has been him being so confident, helped so much, you know, that he's just comfortable and he is okay with, you know, his wife being looked at much, you know, that he's just comfortable and he is okay with, you know, his life being looked at and, you know, and just makes me look at him like, wow, you're even more sexier. Right, and he keeps that tension going, so you're not going to be one of these couples that get so bored of each other.

Can't it keep you on your toes? Like you said, keeps it exciting. Keeps it hot, but you still know you come home to each other. Diana, thanks for coming. I love it hot, but you still know you come home to each other. Diana, thanks for coming. I love it. Keep doing you. Awesome. Jason Ellis is wolfmaid on Instagram.

And Ellis made on Twitter. And you can get his new book, Still Awesome. Which I was ribbing today. Last night at home, I never do this. They know. I don't go home and just read. Too fucking busy and tired and hungry. It's interesting, right?

It is weird stuff in there. Dude, let's get into it because I literally have two. I'm so overwhelmed with my notes. Like, when you talk about, here's the thing. You talk about the patterns that you have and for me, there was a big moment at the end. When you talk about patterns, you've had relationships and you realize that you, when Katie broke out your, your, your wife now. But when you first, I mean, the first year you were dating, she leaves, she's like, has us, she says something to you. She says, you shut down Jason. You've shut down completely.

And I'm out of here. And then you had this light bulb moment. You're like, I've heard this before. Yeah, exactly. So for 30 years, maybe women, high school, you said in high school, women have been saying to you, you shut down. You have this pattern in relationships. And I kind of think we all do, but most of us don't do the work to kind of realize if you hadn't gone to therapy and gone through all these things,

you wouldn't have had that life up moment. You could have been going into your 70s and a woman would be like, Hey, Jason, it took three generations. So the third time when the third love of my life said that, I thought, wait, you're wrong. You are wrong. This is not, this is not her. This is for sure. You, because all three of them were not the same. They weren't, I'm not the kind of guy that actually goes out, I don't have a time, you know?

Yeah. So they don't have, they're all three of them couldn't have anything less in common. Yeah. But they said the exact same thing. And I'm like, it's you, dude, you do this thing where you build resentment and then you switch off until they leave. Yeah.

Cause they're like, I don't what's the point of even being here. You're not even, you're not even home anymore. Exactly. And it's that resentment and then not being able to communicate that resentment and then convincing yourself a story, then trying. And then when she leaves, I realized that this is the person that you wanted to be with for the rest of your life, and you pushed her away because you can't have a conversation.

And then that's when you went back and did the therapy. My friend and my idea friend, Joel Madden, who I trust, said that he had met a therapist, that had really helped him with his life. And I, Benji and Joel were really good friends to me. And they had a lot of positive things that I took from them because they were very positive people that had also been through some, some, some tough times when they were kids. And I believed them. And I just, and I knew that Katie would

not even consider taking me back if I didn't see this particular therapist. So I just was all in 100% and then you had to go in and it was like once a week for. Still is still is right you're just not done so let's talk about because you actually you were molested you write about that you were molested as a child by your dad yeah which. Is devastating yeah and and you know a lot of people are dealing with sexual abuse sexual child. molested as a child by your dad, which is devastating. Yeah. And, you know, a lot of people are dealing with sexual abuse, sexual trauma, and it really does have an impact on your life.

I blocked it out. I blocked it out my whole life. I took a bunch of crystal meth and acid after a skateboard demo, and then I had an imaginary friend, and the imaginary friend told me in a hotel swimming pool that my father molested me and I was probably 26 when that happened and my girlfriend at the time who witnessed that told my mom, my mom was like, I thought he forgot that. You know, I thought he'd never remember that, that was when he was, you know, three or four or something. And then they were like, it wasn't your father, it was, It was the neighbor. You got it mixed up because he had red hair.

And the next day I went back to my father's house and I came out of my bedroom that only lived there like half the time because I was already, I think I was going to America. I'm not sure. But anyway, I, he said, I walked in. He's like, hey, how's it going? I'm like, hey, and he goes, do you think you got molested?

I said, yeah. He's like, you think it was me? I was like, nah. He's like, oh, all right. And then I just walked down the door. I got on a train and went to the ramp. And then many years later, when I was 40, and I went to rehab and I did some, uh, what is it? Man, it's something where they make you something. I don't know where you kind of remember your childhood a little bit and I started to recall some stuff and then it wasn't so much that it was more, I recalled that conversation when I was an adult

where he said that and now I'm a father of two and I know that if my son said that and said that he, and told somebody that he thought it was me, he'd be a lot more of a fucking discussion than do you think it was me? No, sounds good, never bring it up ever again. And then I also found out that the neighbor guy,

he went over there and yelled at him. And I've seen my dad knock people's teeth out for cutting him off on the freeway. I've seen my dad almost kill people for looking sideways at him. I mean, he used to be a pretty violent guy and to know that this neighbor supposedly molested me and he just fucking rolled that guy.

It just didn't add up. And then I saw a doctor that put me on MDMA therapy. You ever heard of that? Yeah. Huh. So I was reluctant because I used to do a lot of drugs put me on MDMA therapy, you ever heard of that? Yeah. Huh. So I was reluctant because I used to do a lot of drugs and I didn't want to do those kind of drugs ever again, even though it's kind of cool, but I was just like, I don't think

you should do XC or MDMA or cocaine or those things you should just always stay clear of. You're too fucking old. So I did it and then I retraced a bunch of stuff. I could just remember all these things. Well, you were on the MDA with the therapist. He walked me through it. So it was like two or three hours of hit with me, like remembering, you know, my father

coming in with this heat lamp and like being on top of me while I was, because I would sleep on my stomach and I just pretended that I was asleep. And then I remembered being underneath my mattress of my own bed, hold with my fingers in the cage stuff in the spring and my toes in it. So my back was off the ground. So I was underneath the mattress and I see the heat lamp coming again.

And then when the heater got right up close to me, I just said, please stop. And the heater turned around and went out. And then I started to feel like my father knew that I really didn't want that to happen to me anymore. And he realized that he'd done something really bad. And then I started to feel sorry for him in the same like hour or two realizing he knows he fucked me.

He ruined my life. And he had to live with that. And I know that his father probably did it to him. And my kid ends here. You know what I mean? You might have done that to me, but I'm on top of shit now. I didn't fucking tie. You didn't kill me and my kids are fine.

And nobody's touching my fucking kids me and anybody else. And if they did, you'd be dead. There's no, and I knew my father to be, I have the same gene, don't cross us. You know, there's a point we will go that you won't. So I just, I added all that up and thought, I don't need to do any more MDMA therapy to run any more of like what could have potentially happened

after that. I just know that that's enough. It was really painful to know that it happened, but it's, but I'm better for it now. Yeah, you had to, what, that's so powerful. I mean, that you actually were able to, I've had that in some EMDR therapy, which is like trauma therapy.

I've remembered shit that I didn't remember before, and you're like, but you were, yeah, we just, it's so, so many of us are walking around, so just numb with whatever we can. I think you described that moment. You're like, I left after my dad's that day and you're like, I stuffed it down as far as it would go. And I think a lot of us walk around,

especially with things like trauma, sexual trauma, and we just, where there's nowhere to go that safe? Like, where would we go? And then we wonder where we have challenges sexually. And- Right. There's a lot of reasons. I felt like I didn't get tough enough to have,

to, my body didn't let me know until I was tough enough to handle it. Yeah, that's my theory. I felt my buddy was like, dude, you don't, you're when you were a pro skateboarder, a flight around the world, getting paid a ride a skateboard, we don't need to tell you this right now. You need to like maybe get a wife, get a divorce, have a kid, and then we'll tell you about what your dad really did here. I like the way of looking at that. It's true, and then you also went and did Ayahuasca therapy? Yes, I got a fan of depressants because of that, because I was on an depressant after the divorce.

I really tried to hide from doing those, and the doctor where I said, I did it for a year, can I get off it now? He's like, why do you want to get off it? I'm like, because I don't want to be on any depressants. Is that not a good enough argument? He's like, you know, they don't do anything to you. They don't hurt you. I'm like, I just got this feeling like,

you're spinning shit at me. Right. And now I'm, and then he told me the statistics of when you get off any depressants, the stats of you getting back on them. It's very high. It's almost not worth it. And I'm like, okay, this guy is making me want to fight it.

And then I've got friends from honor, or Remarkis. And I've always heard about their ayahuasca journeys, but I was terrified I'm like wait, you see death you die. I don't want to fucking die. You're hippie like you've lost your minds But then I would hear it about the people Angxiety depression people that were far more worse off than me that went to this thing and did it and we're cured Cured and I just thought you know what I'm just gonna give it a go Wow and it worked and we're cured. Cured. And I just thought, you know what, I'm just going to give it a go. Wow. And it worked.

And when did you do it? How long ago? It was about a year ago now, I think. But I have been off the meds for over a year and I've never been happier in my whole life. And I got twice my energy back. I started training. That's why I had a couple fights again.

I got like, I can train five days a week and not be so tired that I would get run down and feel sick. Now I have energy back. That's amazing, the story. But when you talk about that offline, I want to go try all these drug therapies. Because you're going to try everything once. I've tried everything. I don't know about everything, but I feel like these ones are really groundbreaking stuff.

Okay, well, you're doing great work and your book is so inspiring and real and authentic. Jason Ellis, still awesome. Check out his book at jsonalesbook.com. Thank you all and thanks to my awesome team, Ken, Kristen, Alisa, producer, Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemlee.com. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUT