Sex With Emily - Sexually Confident w/ Serena Kerrigan

Episode Date: July 3, 2021

Confidence is everything. It affects the way we perceive ourselves, how we interact with others, and definitely shapes our sex life. On today’s show, I am joined by Serena Kerrigan, the ‘Queen of Confidence.’Serena talks about what she has learned from going on over 50 online dates with men during quarantine, how to make the post-pandemic “whoring twenties” fun, and her passion for masturbation. Plus, we answer your questions like how to feel confident after hooking up for the first time and how to feel sexy no matter what.Find Serena here:serenakerrigan.comInstagramFacebookTwitterFor even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you got in front of your mirror and said, happy to shit, you're thinking about yourself, you'd be like, oh my god, that is so right. But me, you would never. So that's why I'm like getting in front of your mirror. Even when you're having a bad day, even when you're not believing in yourself, even when you get fired, anything,

getting in front of that fucking mirror, talk to yourself like you're best friend, and see what happens. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubize they call them in a fight on days. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Confidence is everything. It affects the way we perceive ourselves, how we interact with others, and definitely shapes our sex life. Want to be the confident in the bedroom as well, right? On today's show I'm joined by Serena Fucking-Garigan, the queen of confidence. She shares the power of confidence, intuition, and manifestation for shaping the course of

your life. She talks about her passion for masturbation and what she's learned from virtually dating over 50 men during quarantine and how to make the Horing 20s fun. Plus we answer your questions like how to feel confident after hooking up for the first time and how to feel sexy no matter what. Intentions with Emily. For each episode, join me in sending an intention for the show. I do it, I encourage you to do the same.

So what do you want to get out of listening to this episode? How could it help you? My intention is to remind you that confidence lies within. When we release our limiting beliefs and negative thoughts, it's gonna help us in every area of our life. We have a new article, you're gonna love it. 10 steps to revive a stale sex life. If you wanna ask me a question, I love that.

Just call my brand new hotline. It's 559 talk sex, or it's 559 825 5739. Just leave me your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com slash ask Emily. And just include your name, your gender identity, location age, and how you listen to the show. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. Today's guest is Serena Fucking Carrigan. She's created the first ever Instagram live reality show, Let's Fucking Date.

The show streamed Serena's virtual blind dates to her audience of followers. What started as a way for a single 26-year-old who's now 27 to entertain her followers in quarantine was immediately dubbed by the Today Show as quarantine's new must watch. Hey Serena, welcome to the show. Hi. Tell me about yourself. Tell me about Serena fucking carigan. So I'm Warren raised in New York City in February 2020, I quit my job and decided to really

build my brand full time. And then a couple weeks later, the pandemic hit. And I was alone in my apartment, I was slated, but really fixated on the fact that I was single. And my whole brand is, I'm the queen of confidence and I save to see for you out my throne. My whole brand is about empowering women. And I was fixated on the fact that like,

I felt so alone. And it really complicated my identity and my narrative of not meeting anyone, but myself to be happy. So I started talking about this a lot on my Instagram, my content, I started going live every day, drinking a bottle of wine in my couch because I had nothing else to do.

And then I set out to normalize virtual dating and I started dating men on Instagram live every Friday during the pandemic. And I dated a total of 50 men over the course of the year. I did three seasons, sold it out to sponsors and I created two car games from the show. Let's fucking day and let's fucking fuck. And I'm still single.

50 men. That's like so many more men that you probably dated or in the pandemic than most single people. Let's just say that. 100%. You know, I think like the main

part of the show was to every date was blind. So I'd go on two dates every Friday. And I did this on purpose. I had a producer, I had a whole team that I like quickly hired because I feel like when we go on

dating us, we have a really preconceived notion of who that person is. We stalk their Instagram, we Google them, maybe a friend knows them, we heat their photo, they're wearing sunglasses, they're holding a fish, oh my fucking god, now, right? Don't wear the sunglasses, we wanna see your eyes, what the hell?

These, we need to see it. So I felt like it was important to not have any idea of who was on the other side to really go in with this just open mindedness and this curiosity. And granted, this was live in front of thousands of people and front of my parents, family, exes, you name it, lie commenting during the episode. But what I, what I loved about it was that like,

I really did go in with an open mind. And I didn't know, like the people say, what's your type, I know what it is now. Yeah, I always say people like, first of all, I think your 20s are not for getting married. I mean, if people do that's amazing, but I think wait till your 30s do the dating figure out who you like, so I'm thinking 50 men,

like what did you learn about? Who's Serena fucking Carrigan wants to date? Who wants sleep? So much, you know, someone who's super ambitious, like myself, great personality, great sense of humor, but drive is really important to me. Drive, yeah. Also, this cool factor, which I can't really quantify,

but I grew up born, raised in New York City. My mom is an immigrant from Argentina, she's a TV producer now that had a development, like I'm fucking cool. So I need someone, but also major, some of the feedback I got from my producer and from these to people in search, you're very intense, you're very intimidating.

And that was always something that I was trying to shrink myself to a piece with the man would feel comfortable with. And I realized over the course of the show, the main draw that 50 men came on my show. I mean, it was intimidating for them, right? Was the confidence? Was the fact that I was on a polygetically myself and that I should not tone myself down and the right guy will not be intimidated because he won't be in secure. Right. 50 dates, any second dates?

Yes. We had a villain season one, season two. We had a really great guy from LA and then season three, I, the last episode of the show the winner. There've never been a winner. Okay, season one I picked myself as the winner. season two is like whatever like because I don't settle and I'm not going to do the bachelor thing where I'm going to just like they have him like no that's not me just like you said not your not where your twenties are for And I really wanted to challenge that notion of like success in dating. Why does it always have to be marriage

or this commitment? Like my parents got divorced and I was too live a block away from each other and my best friends. So that's success to me versus being romanticly together. Right. And that was the way I really was trying to show my audience. And then season three, I did decide to let the audience vote for winner.

And I actually ended up having feelings for the winner. What happened? Okay. She surprised me in New York. It's like we just was going to lie like our last date and like there was a knock on my door at the start of the end of the year. Okay.

And we spent the weekend hanging out together and he was like, this is the start of something amazing. And then I got to LA and I never revealed this before, but I feel like I gotta do it with you. Do it. You would not fuck me. Why? Did you guys talk up when he was in New York?

We made out, we held hands, like, you know, I have to say, I learned something recently, which is like paid so much attention to that first real date, not the virtual. But like, what are they saying? Because they're gonna tell you so much. And I remember, wow, I'm spilling so much data. Like, I don't have time to pass that I get to see you.

I remember we did the show and she wasn't like, very touchy with me on camera, which is fine. Like, you just flutting out whatever. And then we show ends and then we go out to get a drink. And then we're walking back to my apartment. And we're making out. And my lobby, and I was like, you know, he's out from here.

He's never been with his first time in New York. So I was like, come upstairs and I'll call you in Uber. And he was like, we're in my lobby. Like, we're not in bed. And I'm just gonna close up. He's just like, I'm not gonna sleep with you. And I was like, was he joking? Because I've had guys go, don't you think I want gonna sleep with you. And I was like, Was he joking? Cause I've had guys go,

don't want to think I want to sleep with you. Nope, like very like, this isn't gonna happen. And I was like, I wasn't gonna sleep with you either. I was presumptuous. Right. And I remember like I went home and just had like the worst like healing in my stomach, like something like that.

That's the moment that that's not right intuition in the moment. That's the stuff we listen to, but we don't. We override it all the time. You don't wanna believe it at all, at all. You're like, oh, what's that pesky feeling telling me? It's no. And I was like, you know, you know, he wasn't from the United States,

so maybe it was different culturally. He's younger than me. Like, and also so valid that you don't wanna sleep with someone the first day, especially like, you know, sex is whatever. But it just felt a little like I felt predatory. Yeah. Would he fool around, but he would like hook up, but he wouldn't have sex. He's like, wouldn't, what do you mean he wouldn't fuck you?

Like, you stand there going like, yes, like exactly like that naked naked. And I'm just stringed towards my vulva right now. That's what I was trusting it essentially into the air. What part of this naked sexy woman is not your jam and then what did he say? He said I don't have a condom which like that's what my prom date said. I mean that's I was like I flew all the way. It's Los Angeles got a fucking nice ass hotel for you to not bring a condom when you know you're seeing me for the weekend. Like it just felt so like, okay. And then it went to, and I said,

I was like, you know, I'm on birth control. Like I have an sex in forever because we're in a global pandemic. And like I know I'm safe, but I can go downstairs and ask for the front-end I was forgotten. Like that's not forgetting a condom is like not like the world's world's world.

That's a problem, right? And then it was, I don't wanna get you from that. And I was like with all due respect. I don't want to be pregnant with your child. So so immediately like barrier up and also like it's ironic because it's like I'm usually the one on the other side to the guy being like no I want to be slow. And so all of a sudden it like was like you can convince someone to want to have sex to you like it you can scrub the gross feeling and it makes you feel extremely unwanted. And I felt very duped, to be honest. But I'm a very caring and understanding person and I'm not someone who's going to pressure someone

to have sex with me. Right. From New York to LA, there's a lot of face times and texting and 70 flowers on my birthday. And I thought this guy was fucking boyfriend, right. And then I just remember that feeling of like, all of a sudden that intimacy we could never get to the next level. No, he blocked me beyond and I was like, this isn't going anywhere. Yeah, it does sound like a healthy person.

Yeah. Right. Or not a healthy person, but not a great communicator. And that's what you learn. Confidence is so important. We'll get into your confidence platform. But what about when what areas do you feel not confident? It's not that I'm insecure. It's that I get I have moments of insecurity. Does that make sense?

Like I'm not an insecure person because I see myself like my best friend like I really look at myself and I'm like You are my best friend are there days that like the same way my past roommate like she comes in just kind of annoying me, yes, but do I stop loving her? No. Are there things that I want her to improve, yes? Like myself, there's always ways to improve yourself. I think that I grappled, you know, I became strain if I can care again,

the Queen of Commons because this persona really helped me with the fact that like I didn't feel like I had this body type that maybe was marketed towards us in the Paris Hilton Lindsey Lohan, Marquette Olsen era, you know, I wasn't stick then. I had curves, I'm Latina. And that was something that I really struggled with for a while, but you know, the more that I just talked myself in or through that relationship with myself, like I would say the things that I get insecure about are more career. Like I believe that I should have, like in destined to take over the world,

but should have done it like yesterday. Like everyone should know who I am because the message that I have is so important. So sometimes I get insecure and like why isn't this happening faster? And then as much as I know not to tone down my personality, I feel like I have to. Like when people, when if I go on a date with a guy,

he doesn't know anything about the show or anything about who I am. And then he asked me what I do for a living, I say make hard games. Right. Because can a woman be successful and have as big as a personality or milling be fucking? And a guy's going to be like, for sure. Yeah, cool.

Yeah, but let's say meet someone out. Right. I'm like, I don't want to get into the sex thing because immediately they're like, my. I'm a producer. Exactly. I'm like, I produce, I work in media. What do you do?

And then I bring it back. Because then the second you say sex, they're like, but I think that confidence can be like that as well. Like, oh, you're so confident. Or, you know what I mean? I could feel like they could be super judgmental in that way. Did you get that? Yeah, more about the fact that like I had a dating show.

It's like, that's the thing because it's like, they get to, if they want to snoop, they can see me dating, but it's under this, it's like a television show, right? It's like, it's a produced thing that I did. Right. So it's not, you know, and it's authentic and vulnerable as I tried to be on that show.

Ultimately, it was entertainment. Right. So now, because now the world's opened up, like, you're show ultimately, it was entertainment. Right. So now, because now the world's opened up, like, you're going out. I have a days night. Tell me, how do you meet them? How do you meet this person? I have to be fed up.

The dating apps don't work for me. One of the prompts on my hinge is dating me is like, and I respond not like my Instagram. You can judge me at IRL, finally days. But this is the thing. That's what people do. They make these assumptions on the apps, and that's me IRL finally days. But this is the thing, that's what people do. They make these assumptions on the apps, and that's why I don't think now,

I think during the pandemic they're great, right? Because I really wanted to normalize face time dating and that you can still create connections online, which is true, I did create a lot of connections with the men in my show. That being said, now that the world is opened up, like I wanna meet people spontaneously organically, and I want my friends to vouch for

me. And that, and the number one thing I get from people is like, she's actually way more chill and real life. Okay. Yeah, exactly. So I get that. I mean, there is a person, you know, for sure, if you're doing content all the time. Also, I'm wondering with your confidence, like, how does it transfer into the bedroom?

Oh, my. So I'm not only confident, I'm in areas. So I've been masturbating since I was, as soon as I could stand up, I guess. I'm an only child, I had a lot of time on my hands, clearly, a lot of walls to stare at, and I literally masturbated so much as a child. Like, the point that like, you know, the teachers, like we're like, Strena's like literally humping chairs, surfaces, tables, like, and like,

do my little face, and I'm like four years old, not getting the fuck. That has been who I am since very little. My parents are super liberal, super open. They're like, listen, we love this. Get in touch with yourself, but you literally cannot do it. You have to do it in your room. But I've always been very in touch with my sexuality and to answer your question like in high school,

I was desperate for intimacy because of my insecurities. I'm not feeling beautiful and want to do whatever. So I thought that that meant just having sex with someone like that was that gave me that confidence and it actually made me feel pretty empty because when you just have sex with someone that you don't have feelings for who doesn't care to get to know you beyond that, it's pretty pretty shitty. It doesn't feel great. It doesn't feel great. And I remember my psychiatrist in high school, it's like you need to get to know a guy like with your clothes on first. And I was like, I don't really understand. I'm got to be short. And so now like I keep a list, it's called groceries, obviously. And I have all of her guys left with. And it's interesting, it literally every year just gets tiny or tiny.

It's a tiny year. Like at the high school, it was like, that was my motive feeling, confident. But I really did gain confidence myself. Now I'm very picky in terms of me being in the bedroom. I'm a bad bitch in the bedroom. I'm just a sexual person. And I know that's not definable,

but like, I watched tons of films growing up. I love sex scenes. Like, I was a horn kid, you know, sex in the city. Like, I never felt more connected to a character than Sam Jones. And in high school, I created a Twitter account called Sam Jones' daughter. And I would tweet like her.

The fact that I'm 15, 16, and I'm that connected to Samantha Jones, I mean, like, that's insane. Yeah. It's confidence. Like, I know I'm 15, 16 and I'm that connected to cement the Jones, I mean, like that's insane. Yeah, it's confidence. Like, I know I'm sexy. I'm not, you know, I get a lot of messages from women and girls being like, I'm scared. Like, I'm like, how do I be confident on top? I'm like, that's how I come. I'd better be on top.

This might be a soccer better switch. It's like to me because I'm wanting to grow. So you do, when you say a bad bitch, you're like, I'm getting on top, you know how to have your orgasm. I will always orgasm. If the guy can keep up, you know, like it's like when they like get all like Jack Hammer and Switch Physicians, I'm just like,

let's calm down here. But yes, I know exactly how to make myself orgasm. It's literally because like I hum tables from like 98, like they got it. Confidence is just, how would you describe it? Yeah, like, it's a state of mind. It's just a state of, it literally spills into every thousand of your life.

And that's why it's so unfortunate that we live in this capitalist society that is predicated on us feeling insecure. Cause when we weren't here, we buy shit by makeup, layoffs products, and women especially, like, it's just like thrown in our face. And we are born with confidence, but if you really begin to treat yourself

like your best friend, like that same kindness, or it's honestly, you don't always love your best friend. You can not like your best friend one day, or disagree with them, or think that they can have done something better. But regardless, you will never be nasty or demeaning to your best friend. You'll always try to make them feel better

whether they're getting ghosted. You'll be like, fuck that guy. That kind of dialogue is something that I literally say to myself in front of my mirror, mirrors everywhere. And that is really how you do it. And it will spill into everything because when you hear your best friend, if she came in and was like, I'm not feeling sexy,

what would you say to her? You'd be like, yeah, you're not sexy. It's so, it's probably something that too. No, you've never said that. You've You're like, yeah, you're not sexy at the top. She probably suck in that too. No, you've never said that. You're like, oh, how do we get sexy tonight? Which do we do? She put on some lingerie, listen, beyond type. So that kind of support you need to give to yourself.

And it's exactly right. It's not about experience. I think that that's a question I get a lot. I'm not experienced enough, so I'm not confident. I'm like, it has nothing to do with that. Because like, I wasn't experienced in starting a business or a card game, but that doesn't stop me from doing a great job.

It's about having the confidence to do it and believing that you will get the heck out of it. Right. What was your step, then? You said, like, looking in the mirror and when those negative, because the limiting beliefs is part of the human condition, negative self-talk.

And I think, you know, the suffering, most of the suffering comments from our thoughts. I would say the, in the, in the, in the, in the, that, and it's about verbalizing them. Because if you got in front of your mirror and said, happy the shit you're thinking about yourself, you'd be like, oh my God, that is so right. I mean, you would never. So that's why I'm like getting in front of your mirror. Even when you're having a bad day, even when you're not believing in yourself,

even when you get fired, anything, getting in front of that fucking mirror and talk to yourself like you're best friend and see what happens, that's stuff that I'm gonna want. And this is something you have to do every day, every night, all the time. If I'm like walking by like, anything with a reflective surface, it could be a water bottle, you bet you're awesome,

winking, it's a puddle on the street, I'm winking at that girl, right? Because I would wink at you or say hi to you, if you were on the street and I recognize you, so why aren't we giving that same attention and love and recognition to ourselves? One, two, you can never speak badly about yourself. The way that you speak about yourself is becomes who you are. So when I used to say I'm the Queen of Confidence and any press article from two years ago would have been like Serena Karrigan, the self-proclaimed Queen of Confidence. Now you look me up, it's Serena Karrigan, the Queen of Confidence, because I manifested that for myself. I literally, people will just react to how you present,

you really do write the script of your life. And so if you're like, I'm the baddest bitch in bed, you become the baddest bitch in bed. That's just how it is. So when I hear like my apartment, like my company, like no one's allowed to speak out of the above themselves, you can say feeling, because feelings go away. They're temporary. So do you teach the difference between that?

Saying like, I'm feeling a little bit. We have bloated. I'm not feeling sexy, right? Feelings, feelings go up. They're temporary. I'm feeling sexy, right? Feelings, feelings go up for temper. I'm feeling sad, right? Like you're not feeling sad yesterday. But when you say I am, that's it. Like that's it.

And I think it's so funny because growing up, I heard that phrase like, Sticks and Dunes made break my bones, but words don't ever hurt me. I'm like, who was, what were they smoking? Because words carry so much weight. I mean, like we're storytellers. Like that's what human beings are.

So the way we verbalize things, and especially ourselves is how the world will see us, because we decide, it's us, we are the baseline. Like there's one person that has been with you your entire life, I guess with Vege, it's you. And that's it, so that is the one. Yeah, that's the one. That's true.

So what is the difference between you, when you were doing the dating show and then I found my date with you? I'm there to make people entertained. We're not doing the usual, like, you know, deep conversation. Like I think I was trying to get them to talk about sex, talk about, you know, the worst sex they'd ever had or like, you know, like when have they masturbated in public or like chill like that because that's what keeps people, you know, entertained, but that's not me on a date. So you're not going to talk about, when do you talk about sex with someone that you're

dating? I'm so open about sex. That's why I knew I was going to love you. It just bothers me how puritanical this country is and how we're supposed to feel so ashamed. And I found a journal entry from when I was 12 years old. Was it 12? Yeah, it's 12 years old. And I gave a die-hand job for the first time. And the guy told everyone, like he was my best friend at the time that I had feelings for. I said, please don't tell anyone. I'm not going to school tomorrow, but of course, you told everyone. Principles found out, they call my parents, my mom, literally looks at me, she goes, just use a calm them. Last love her.

But I remember writing in my diary, and I have it. It's the incredible that I wrote this at 12 years old, but I literally said, I don't understand why everyone is calling him a pimp in a good way, and me a slut in a bad way. Like that, noticing that double standard when I'm so young and had the first sexual experience from anyone in my grade, I noticed immediately I was being treated very, very, very differently. And so I feel like it's kind of my duty, like I'm sure maybe you feel too, to normalize it. It should be so normal. It should be like, what the fuck?

Yeah, what's bad set? Like what, what's the scenario where, yeah, where you're with somebody and you're like, the jackhammer move, like what the fuck? Yeah, whoa. Even me were so anti-jackhammer. Whoa. Because they don't know, because of porn

and that's what they show, you know? Oh, also the making out for three seconds and then just sticking it in. Yes. Do you say no, are you like stop? Well, yeah, I obviously do. And hopefully they've listened to my show so I don't have to deal with that.

Where's me saying no? I say, first of all, where's the fucking condom? Like, whoa, and like, it's just so elementary. Like, it's just like, are you a kid? Like, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, Yeah, people don't know this. Because they watch porn and that's what happens in porn what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, masturbation wasn't talked about. I love that your parents didn't shame you. I think this is probably part of it being confident that you don't have those issues. What I'm talking to people about all day long.

And I would like, hop my copy table and my mom would be like, doing her work and I'd like, like, free, like, how do you masturbate now? I have vibrators, you know, I'm not gonna lie, like, I still like furniture, like I'm sorry, I grew up that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pillow's furniture people, no, people. Like, I love a table, I still like furniture. I'm sorry, I grew up that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pillow's furniture people, no, people. I love a table, okay, just go. How do you do rent a table? I'm serious, it's hard. It's like, you're gonna normalize this because you're not the only one is where I'm saying people are like, I have a pillow.

It's like this. So it's the corner of the table. It's the corner of the table. And people are like, that hurts. And I'm like, it literally like, it hits your clip. Like, right, it's just a really good pressure point. I'm just revealing so much, but you're like, I'm like, why is it, why is it a big deal?

Centronalizing sausage is killing me. This is it, I know. This is it, right? It's killing me, but it's like, every one of my hands is like, what vibrator you use? And I'm like, like, I have them here. I just, you got your thing. I grew up pumping tables, so why would I stop?

Yeah, you just go to a key or something or maybe a restoration hardware, right? I think it's on the edge. Maybe you might have it. And honestly, when I was like, it just moved into the department, and my interior designer was like, I'm thinking around table for,

and I was like, oh, round table, we don't do round tables here. Corners only bitch. We're gonna take a quick break, but we come back. I asked Serena how she approaches someone, she's interested in. How? How? How?

How? How? How? How? How? How? How? How?

So you call it your Horing 20s, or we're all going in the Horing 20s? Well, you just paint a photo for you like a paint a picture. Um, last Wednesday I threw a party called the Horing 20s, then like out all night, best night, like on a Wednesday, like no one who hard is on a Wednesday, people are partying. People are partying all the time now. Everything's open, everything's everything's everything's everything. Yeah, Thursday I take an ice cream truck, like literally I'm riding on ice cream truck

two marquee to see test out Okay, I want you bathroom. I meet a girl there. She brings me to her table I ended up going on with the guy now not sleeping with him. Okay, no judgment No, no judgment, but I do Like there's some degree right do want to know there needs to be like more like we want the emotional Connection sometimes are you a good guy? or you someone that I actually want to be with am I really drunk and making this decision right now based on that correct then the next night I with a bunch of friends make out with someone on

the street literally don't care making out is like what I really like no one are honestly like have the sniffles but whatever time and then but it's post COVID baby and then a Friday went to a lava which is like a club heading to high school to see DJ Paul Lee DD. like then I helped up with the guy made out with the guy that night. Walk me through you hooking up with these guys do go up to them and you're like I'm stream of fucking care again we're making like how do you how do you do that how do you go up and just start making out. Now I don't I don't go up to the rise I don't make the third through the

prizes don't chase winners so. So they come up to you? Yes. I'm telling you confidence is so fucking telling me let's get into this. So would I think there's something about approachability like I'm smiling like I'm one of the most positive people I know I'm the girl that's going to guarantee be happy not to say I don't have my downfalls but like when I'm in a party environment like I'm smiling I'm saying I'm very social outgoing and I think that because they're

feeling insecure, maybe, and guarded, they reject before they can get rejected. So they reject the environment. They're like, this is like so. Right? Because they're afraid that if they were smiling, that's one of the people who are out of your hands. Which way doesn't work. That's not how it works. If you were smiling, you're having the best fucking time and you're just dancing because you wanted to dance and you're gonna shit about what anyone else is doing, people just become obsessed. And people like, aren't obsessed with me, is that right?

But true, I'm not even apologizing because I'm there to have fun for me. Right. I'm not there with you. If you're not having fun, right? I mean, they'd have fun wherever you go, right? Or when you show up there, like, be in the moment, be present. That's my pet peeve when I hear, like,

get all these questions, like, how do I get a boyfriend? Like, how do I get a guy to notice me? See, that's the thing, it's like, you're going in with the subjective to get validation from externally when your validation should come from within, you should be noticing you, how much fun are you having, are you with your friends,

are you feeling good in your skin and what you're wearing? Like, that is all that happiness comes from within, from you, but more importantly, beauty comes from within. That's what my mouth always told me. It's like the most beautiful person, if they're not happy with themselves, and then as a result, they're not fun to hang out with,

they're negative, they're nasty, they put others down, they're cocky, but they're really insecure. They're not funnying out with, they're negative, they're nasty, they put others down, they're cocky, but they're really insecure. They're not that beautiful. I have a very low tolerance for women that are very insecure. I just don't want to be around it because it just sucks the life out of everything. It really does. I'm sorry, I just like, I shouldn't have said that. really does. It's like they just are like, I'm sorry. I just like, I shouldn't have said that. Like, oh my god, it curls over there. Like, whoa, dude, like when you are happy with yourself, you're just happy with everyone else. And you want everyone else to be happy. But if you're not happy with yourself, you're going to fucking tear them down to lift yourself up.

That's what you're about. Exactly. So where do you start? If people are listening, they say, well, I wish I could, I want to be happier, but if I only lose 10 pounds, or if I get this job, I get the guy. So what would you, where would you start with people? Look at yourself, I can mirror and tell your best friend that you love her. And the other day, someone came and being like, I'm scared.

I'm like, you're scared? You're scared to look in the mirror? You don't way scare your shit. Taking the SAT to scare you, having a baby is scary. Going in this podcast, no, it's not really scary. But there's so many things that are so scary. And the fact that you can't confront your own image of this consistency in your life,

the only one that's guaranteed to be with you through your whole life, that is very problematic. And that is something that you need to just fucking work right through. There's a lot of things that we don't want to do in life. I don't want to do any taxes like I don't sometimes want to suck dick But like we do it and we do it smile. So you're gonna do it Well, it's funny when you're talking to me or you could say empire there You should just kind of move the mirror down and take a look at your between

I love it. So it's like I know I love that full view Literally do the work Please when you're talking home because that's what I'm saying all the time They won't they won't look at their face. Now I don't feel as bad that they were like, I can't look at my vulva, they're not even look at their face. They won't even talk to themselves in the mirror.

We got a lot of work to do here, Serena. I've heard comments from younger men, I'm talking 24, 25, being commenting on vaginas the way they look. It's so vaginashaming. It's so vaginashaming. It's not sting to me the shaming. I don't know if I have a pretty objective, I don't know, but I love that practice of like you see

when you look at your face and say you love the body, the whole of the body. I'm spreading my life after that. See, this is good. This is great. I love this Serena. But I think like it's that and and really being as disciplined with that. And I've had 150 clients that confidence coached,

ranging from 14 to 60, and the women that, it was the majority of the women that really did this, became confident and happy and were like, whoa, they saw the books completely different when I said six. They stick, that's awesome. We're moving. You can never see value that result. The feeling, not like the being, you know, like you can say,

you feel whatever feelings go, but you can, you just can't, you have to, you can't. OK. But I think like going back to the horn 20 years just for as long like, yes, blow sex with them like horn 20s. I'm just curious like what is going to happen after this summer? Because I think this summer is about like making up for last time and not giving a fuck and you know, being half naked

and making out with guys that you know, Lava and Marquis Batheram. But what's the shift when it gets colder for some? And like, cut things season begins. You know, because it's weird. It's like, I'm in the camp of like, let's do whatever the fuck we want, hook up with who we want, nothing matters.

But at the same time, I've never seen where people being getting me engaged on my new speed, like in my life. Yeah, not everyone's gonna feel comfortable. And that's the thing going out and having sex. And if you weren't comfortable with it before, I think for some people who are always doing that, like I'm sure you were probably going in a bar

as a kissing, making out people before. So I think it's a people who are like, like the penthouse, I literally can't go out and make out with someone. But I also want to say to listeners that if it's not your vibe, that's okay too. Like don't feel that you have to go out and be a have a horn 20s. I call it the summer of Fox. And this is why because it's like the summer fucking for some, but the summer of not giving a fuck, you know, and just living your life.

Okay. Or doing things that fuck, which is what I say, I say, like this fucks, like card game fucks, your podcast fucks. So really like, it's, I think it's the summer of just, like living. Yeah, and let it go all the, because what holds us back a lot is our beliefs

about how we, how do we, we're gonna judge us, what do they think? Am I doing the right thing? I'm not thinking about us. They're not, no one's thinking about, no one gives up, no one is thinking about it. No one gives up, fuck. Nope, no one does.

So we got a few questions on Instagram. So someone says, how can I not feel awkward after hooking up with someone for the first time? Like, like in the morning. Yeah, she's like, yeah, how can I not feel awkward? She probably woke up in the morning, felt awkward. I think, well, what, I think the really, the question is like, what is making you feel awkward?

What is awkward about sex? Like, you know, I mean, personally, this is what I do. When I wake up in the morning, I don't look like this. I don't look like this when I wake up in the morning. I'm like, I'm like a chameleon, okay? Like I just, like, I don't look, I maybe look a little more just different.

Not bad, just different. I don't, I maybe look a little more just different, not that, just different. I get very insecure about my breath and just like my drool and my, like that. So I, I, and this is so funny, I'm sure it's either, but like I wake up and I'm like, I got it. Go to the bathroom. Like I just got to like get there. I'm like, that, like it takes me a minute to get comfortable to like, we's on out. But when I do,

like that is kind of my way of like not feeling, like getting rid of that awkwardness in the morning, maybe like after you've got like you kiss, like well, go to that and find that list, and if you find two face, you can go like this. It just makes me feel more confident, right? Wash your face, brush your hair if you can find one. I don't know what three in one champion that guy has,

but whatever. That's what makes me feel better. And then there's the kind of like that break already where it's like, okay, that was it that. And then you can see from there. And then you can even go in the mirror and talk right now. I feel like I'm fucking awesome. He's lucky, you know, got to fuck me.

What helps you feel sexy when you do feel down? How do you feel sexy? I need to be honest with you. Like I believe fully and like getting out that like outfit or lingerie or like getting dressed up to go see your friends going out, like putting on that outfit that makes you feel really good. Blasting Beyonce throwing on lipstick and dancing in front of your mirror. Like, and just being in the hotest pitch at the club. They're like, look at me. Like, that, that's really what does lift me up and what really did for a while.

Like I had videos in me and like college, like doing that. So. Yeah, no, it's true. Yeah, prime music, touch yourself, get to know yourself masturbate, bring circulate the sexual energy. Oh, yeah, sorry. Maserading is like a, like, a happens all the time.

So like, yes, masturbation for, maybe that's why also it helps you. Because I just, I'm such on the masturbation. But I'm always telling people, Matt, the more you masturbate, the better you're gonna feel sex because the masturbation. But I'm always telling people, Matt, the morning masturbate, the better you're gonna feel. Sex, because sex, like, into sex is just like, you know what I like.

Yeah, you go to the club, you're just masturbated, like you're feeling in your power, you're circulating that energy for a lot of people, they're waiting for their partners to give an orgasm. It's like, give yourself the ol' orgasm. Yeah, we're speaking the same language here. Serena, thank you so much for being here. Serena fucking care again. I'm gonna ask you the five quickie questions weena, thank you so much for being here. Serena, fucking care again.

I'm going to ask you the five quicky questions we ask all of our guests. Okay, here we go. Okay, what is your biggest turn on? Maybe a big turn on. I love a backwards space. All cap or like calves or arms or like a big dick. How are you big though?

I'm like whispers in the ear. Wow, I'm getting worried. Does that happen on your pockets? Yes. All the time. What's your biggest turnoff? Turnoff. Trump. What makes good sex? Communication. What would you tell your younger self about sex and relationships? Came ass rating, bitch. What's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex? That it's the least shameful thing ever and it is the one fucking reason we're on the planet. Mr. Fuck.

Wow. Thanks, Serena. Serena, fucking Caraghan. How can people find you? Serena Caraghan on TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, you name it. And let's fucking date. If you want to buy my card game, let's fucking pop. Congratulations on all of that.

We'll also put this in the show notes. A link to all of your materials and your information. Thank you so much for Serena for being here. Here's a shit. I had so much fun. Literally so much fun. Such for being here. I had so much fun, Lily. So much fun. Such a good time. Good luck.

That's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to podcasts and share this with a friend or a partner. Believe me, if you got something out of this episode, they will too. We released two to three episodes a week, find me on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter.

It's all at Sex with Emily. If you'd like to ask me a question about sex or dating relationships, email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com or sexwithemily.com slash S-Emily. And check out my website. We have so many great articles that I've deep into into topics like, How do I have multiple orgasms? How do I less longer in bed? How do I stop thinking about my ex? What sex toys should I try?

And so much more. Sign up for weekly emails. I've been told I give really good emails. I do. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com. I do. Was it good for you?

Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.