Sex With Emily - Sexy Self Improvement

Episode Date: December 31, 2021

Anything worth having takes time, whether that’s a better sex life, a deeper relationship, or an awesome relationship with your body. But staying consistent is hard: we get bored, we get rebellious, we want to cut corners. We’re human, after all! That’s why, if we want to meet goals - ANY goal - we have to create rituals. And the key to sticking with them? Identifying your “why.”So on today’s Best Of show, I’m talking to Max Lugavere, host of The Genius Life podcast, and Jennifer Cohen, host of Habits and Hustle, to give us the lowdown on sexy self improvement. Max gives me the scoop on food addiction (and its similarities to porn addiction), how daily sunlight improves our health, and how processed food short circuits our satiety signals. Jennifer tells me the three habits successful people all have in common, how to get your partner on-board for working out, and the correlation between exercise and sex drive. Get out your grocery lists and gratitude journals, because after this episode, you’ll be totally inspired to start small habits for big self-growth. Show Notes:Max Lugavere | Website | Instagram | Facebook | YoutubeJen Cohen  | Website | Instagram | Twitter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When people crack open the pint of ice cream or the bag of chips and before you know it, the pint is gone or they feel like failures. They're like, why didn't I have the self control? But the truth is those foods are not designed to be consumed in moderation. The basics get the results. It's not doing all this fancy shit. What gets the results is weight training and cardio period. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize

your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Anything worth having takes time, whether that's a better sex life, a deeper relationship, or an awesome relationship with your body. But staying consistent is hard. I get it. We get bored, we get rebellious,

we want to cut corners or we're human after all. That's why if we want to make goals, any goal, we have to create rituals. And the key to sticking with them, identifying your why. So on today's best-of-show, I'm talking to Max Lugabir, the host of the Genius Life podcast, and Jennifer Cohn, host of Habits in Hustle, to give us a low down on sexy self improvement.

Max gives me this scoop on food addiction and its similarities to porn addiction, how daily sunlight improves our health, and how processed foods, short circuits, are satiety signals. Jennifer tells me the three habits successful people all have in common, how to get your partner on board for working out, and the correlation between exercise and sex drive. Get out your grocery lists and gratitude journals because after this episode you'll be totally inspired to start small habits for big self-growth. Intentions with Emily for each episode join me in setting an intention for the show. I do it, I encourage you to do it so my intention here was to help you find a healthy relationship with the things that give you pleasure. So we're not repressed but but also not addicted. And to do that, it's all

about creating self-aware habits. Please rate and review sex with Emily wherever you listen. My new article, What's Your Favorite Sex Vision, says about you, is up on sexwithemily.com. Also check out my YouTube channel for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask the questions, just call my hotline 559 Talk Sex or 559 825 5739. The mere questions are message me at sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. All right everyone, enjoy this episode. Max Lugovir is a filmmaker, health and science journalist and the author of the New York Times bestselling Genius Foods. Become smarter, happier, and more productive, or protecting your brain for life.

Publish 8 languages around the globe. He's also host of the number one iTunes Health Podcast, the Genius Life. You can find him at Max Lugoveron Instagram at the Genius Life Podcast, and or ever you listen to your podcast, it's the Genius Life. Thank you for being here.

And congratulations on your new book. Thank you. The Genius Life. That's the name of the book. That is the name of the book. Following your New York Times bestseller genius foods become smarter Happier and more productive while protecting your brain for life, which was really a wonderful book that you wrote. I know because you found that your mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and you went on a journey to really heal her.

Yeah, now you end up healing yourself. Yeah, and millions of people. Yes, my mom was sick. She had a young age developed dementia and I had a background in journalism. Yeah, Alzheimer's is the most common form of dementia. Yeah, okay. It can get confusing. There are different types of dementia. There's a vascular dementia, which is the second most common form.

My mom actually had a very rare form called Louis Body Dementia, but because there's a relative dearth of information on Louis Body Dementia, I kind of focused on Alzheimer's disease and in my research just because there's just a bounty of it. There's more of it. But yeah, my first book was a nutritional care manual to the brain. And the genius life is really more of a care manual for the body.

So for people looking to optimize their metabolic health, you know, prevent things in accordance with what we currently know, the best available evidence about dementia prevention, cancer prevention, heart disease prevention. It's sort of like a guide to that, while also helping you get your body into the best shape possible, with the least amount of obsession and effort. It's going to take some effort, but it's all about efficiency. Yeah, that's what I like. That's how I felt when I read your first book. I was like, oh God, we were all reading it in here.

We really tried it. We felt really good. I learned a lot. I ate more eggs and avocados now and everything. But in this book, it's like, you actually made it easy for me to understand why lights could be, like my lights could be so harmful in my home. Yeah, it's super important.

I mean, nutrition is just one part of the story. I mean, you could be checking all the boxes, dotting all the eyes, you know, crossing all the teas. But if you're not cognizant of the fact that the environment affects our health in a profound way in a way that most of us aren't even conscious of, you're really ahead of the game. It's such a major, major part of having good health,

of feeling good, even feeling energized and feeling happy. I mean, the environment plays such a huge role. Exactly. In that. You say that food addiction is much like porn addiction. Porn addiction is a relatively new area. You know, I mean, we've only had the kind of mass proliferation

of porn that we currently see just over for the past couple of decades. But when I was doing my research and writing the book, and I was looking up anecdotal reports of how people kind of experienced this porn addiction, what they were saying about it was so similar to how people feel when they're addicted to hyper-processed junk foods.

And I was actually shocked by that. So when you think about it, ultra-processed foods that line our supermarket shelves, they trick our brains like they send off our reward tripwires in the same way that porn does, right? I mean these foods are hyper palatable. They bring together these flavors, these mouth feels these these sensations that are You know, I mean to say that they're Delectable to the human brain would be an understatement and so what that does is it creates over consumption

You know it creates this this Insatiable appetite the same way that you kind of feel sometimes like when you're exposed to pornography. And I'm not placing judgment on either of them. There's a time and place for both, right? Like time and place for Cheetos and a lot of porn. But we all have those moments. However, if it's too often too much, too many processed foods and too much porn, you're never going to be satiated and you're always going to have a craving and then you're overall you're never gonna be satiated and you're always gonna have a craving and then you're overall you're not gonna be sexually healthy, or physically healthy. But I thought it was great and I love hyper-palatable.

Hyper-palatable. Yeah, for me, I mean, because porn is hyper-palatable. Like, when in human history would a male have, I mean, not to say that women don't appreciate or can't appreciate porn either, but when in human history would a male have access to like the kinds of, like all, just all the different permutations of porn that there are. In all the ones.

Yeah. And by the way, like I'm a male, okay. I'm in my mid 30s, so it's like I've watched porn. Like I will confess. And there are times in my past when I've watched porn. And while I, and I think this is pretty common because I have male friends, I've got younger brothers. When you're watching porn, you're already thinking about the next video that you want to click on.

While you're watching the current video, yeah, like what else can I go, where can I leap from? To, you know, from here. Before you leave, okay. And that's the same thing that I think happens when people are hooked on these ultra-processed foods. They're like eating, they've got one mouthful and they're already thinking about the pleasure that they're going to get from the next mouthful. Like you can't eat just one. Yeah, you can't eat just one. You're going, you're going, you're right.

It's the same thing. And you're not satisfied. You're absolutely right. So then what the hell do we do when everything is processed? Like what do people who say like it's a lot of work, but I'm in a rush, I don't have time. That's what's available to me.

What I like to advocate for are essentially a diet that excludes these ultra processed foods. For the most part, I think an 80, 20 rules fine, but then you can have planned indulgences. So I actually like to call them planned indulgences, I don't like to call them cheat meals. Because they don't just feel bad. Because they don't even feel bad.

Cheating, bad branding, the cheat day. Good, take that back. Yeah, I like it. Exactly, so the plan indulgence, so you can have them in moderation. But generally, what I think is so important that most people don't have, and that's what I'm trying to drive home,

is that it should at least be informed consent. I think oftentimes when people crack open the pint of ice cream or the bag of chips, and before you know it, the pint is gone, or they feel like failures. They're like, why didn't I have the self control? But the truth is, those foods are not designed to be consumed in moderation. And I think with porn, it is informed consent.

It's like, I know, I'm gonna indulge a little bit right now in this thing. There's another one, another one. So how can you learn to be healthy? Like, where do we start? Well, I think there's a few easy things to do. First of all, realize what these ultra-process foods are going to do to your willpower, to your fragile finite resource that is your willpower and try to avoid them as best you can. And the way that I think that is most effective to do that is to, aside from those point

in indulgence, is to not even try them, you know, to just cut them out of your diet. You're not a failure if you cheat, or if you, you know, have that plant indulgence no way. I'm not placing moral judgment on this, but just to have that informed consent so that you can kind of build your diet around, around minimally processed foods. The other recommendation that I make that I think is pretty groundbreaking in the book that the fitness community has appreciated for a long time is to prioritize protein. So protein is actually the most satiating macronutrient.

It's very hard to overindulge in protein. When was the last time you binged on chicken breast or fish or whatever? I ate the whole roast chicken. Yeah, it doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. It like snipes your appetite in a really powerful way. So at every meal, make that the centerpiece. I mean, if you think about the last time you overindulge on carbs and fat,

which they're so good. To hitify. Yeah, they are good, but it's basically pure energy, and your average person is walking around. I mean, you're a pound of fat carries about 3,000 calories, worth of energy. So, I mean, when you look at statistics, one and two adults by the year 23rd,

you're on track to be obese, and I'm not shaming anybody here, but we're all carrying a little bit of extra weight for you know statistically for the most part that that's essentially energy Focus on protein And you're gonna be less inclined to eat you know all the other stuff and protein by the way It's it's super important for building and maintaining lean mass which we know is important as we age you lose lean mass It's got a metabolic advantage. Actually, protein is like, there's an

athermic effect, so actually a third of the calories that you consume via protein, you just burn off via digestion alone. Because I want everyone to be healthy, right? And again, you guys, I have cookies, I have sweets, I do things I'm not perfect because if you run that line of being like a monk about this, you're going to fail. Well, here's a thing, what? Just like, how do we get people to, because I think your book, like I said,

I'm so into your book and we all, the genius foods, and it's really, I'm amazed when things really actually stick with me, so thank you. Well, thank you, wow. But I want that for everybody, because I feel like a lot of what could be, you know, sex is, stress is one of the biggest killers of our sex drives.

Yeah, yeah. Sex, anxiety, stress, so. Well, stress is a huge killer of the sex drive, but also at the end of the day, I mean, I think food, when it comes to sex, is super important. Like when you're healthy, you're horny, okay? I mean, seriously, like nature doesn't want to... Healthy and horny could be the title of the show,

I'm just gonna call it now. There you go. Okay, okay, we have fun, funs and names, yeah. I mean, I talk about foods in the book that are actually gonna improve blood flow to the brain, but those same foods are gonna improve blood flow to your nether regions. To your penis, right? Doesn't end your vulva, your footrest.

And the analogous organs in the female anatomy as well. It absolutely does, right? So this is, we're talking about blood flow and so much of the problem with sex, why you're not getting turned on and aroused is because of your restricting blood flow, your diet through not exercising. Yeah, and by the way, reduced blood flow, erectile dysfunction is one of the earliest signs of heart disease.

That's just exactly. Yeah, I mean, so you really want to get a handle on this. And just to leave some foods for the audience if you're listening, and you could eat like foods like beets and arugula, which are the top sources of dietary nitrate, seriously boosts levels of nitric oxide, which enhance vasodilation. Yeah, okay.

One single meal actually. One meal. One high nitrate meal actually can improve blood flow to the brain, which is incredible. And also watermelon, and the brain up top and the brain down below as well. Have you noticed a difference since when did you get start changing your diet? Around seven years ago or? I've always been very health conscious, but I was health conscious in accordance with like I was health conscious on the surface level, like I did what they told me to do.

I ate the food pyramid, recommended six to 11 servings of grains per day. And it's no secret. I talk about this in the book that my energy levels were like a roller coaster all throughout the day. I was starving in between meals. Every day I felt like I would need a nap. And this is because when we're eating foods that are very high in refined carbohydrates, which are what typify the standard American diet, it basically sends our blood sugar.

It's like a rollercoaster, essentially, and we have periods of being hyperglycemic, periods of being hypoglycemic, and it's just a really uncomfortable state to be in. So once I cleaned up my diet, and I really started building my diets around, building my diet around foods that were high in nitrates, like beets, dark leafy greens, micronutrients like magnesium, folate, iodine, things like that, my energy level subsided,

and I just, you know, I've never... And you crave it, right? Like, then you're like, why would you go back? Why would you kind of make this? Yeah, cause it's good nutrition. I mean, you know, I've never And you crave it right like then you're like why would you go back when you kind of make this good nutrition I mean, you know, it's sort of like you I guess like an evolutionary switch gets flipped where it's like your body knows What's good for you? You this you know wisdom of the body honed by millions of years of evolution I think too frequently the signal gets lost in the noise of modern life and the cravings and the poor sleep and all that stuff But if we just are able to better tap in, that's not something that a smartphone is going to be able to tell you.

We literally just need to learn how to better tap into our bodies. And they'll tell us what we need. Do tell us what we need. You're so right. Yeah. And we can still do dark chocolate, which I like. Yes. That's a genius food.

Genius food. You're right. You slow flow. Blood flow, all of that. But. It's genius food, you're right. I remember. Blue slow, blue slow. Blood flow, all of that. But not a lot of fruit, right? I'm not big on the high sugar fruits, like tropical fruits. Like I'm not a big banana eater.

I don't even know. I know we're talking about like no more bananas. I'm so sad, but I get it. Yeah, it's just like, you know, these fruits are cultivated to contain more starch and sugar than ever before in human history. They're flown to our supermarkets 365 days a year from various tropical climbs. And from an evolutionary perspective, fruit was available for the majority of our evolution

seasonally. And also, they looked a lot different than they do today. So it's an onslaught of sugar into the system. And it really disrupts what's called homeostasis. You know, like at any given moment, your entire blood volume has about one teaspoon of sugar in circulation. The minute you drink a glass of orange juice or eat a banana, you're basically putting

three to four to five to six teaspoons of sugar straight into that system, and your body's got to play clean up. There's essentially garbage men in the system. It's true. Yeah, that have to come out and get rid of that sugar because otherwise sugar is toxic. It damages proteins. Yeah, that have to come out and get rid of that sugar because otherwise sugar is toxic, it damages proteins that it comes into contact with. And it's just not a good rollercoaster to be on.

So I think it's a better idea to build your diet around low sugar fruits of avocado, blueberries, strawberries, bell peppers, tomatoes, things like that. That's an easy way to start. What are some other simple things we can do? Because I know when we move, I love that you have the cracks for easy exercise in here. Like I was like, oh, I can do it in like 10 minutes or less. Yeah, ways of getting of making your workouts more efficient

with high intensity interval training. This is great. I mean, I love reading this study because I personally hate doing cardio. That's a shame people who love doing cardio. I know there are those people, but I am not, I've never enjoyed getting on a treadmill and doing those like long runs.

So, you know, to do something like high-intensity interval training, so taking something like sprints or getting on a bicycle and giving like an all out, you know, giving it your all for 10 to 20 to 30 seconds and then resting a little bit and then doing that again. Studies show that you can basically achieve the same boost in your cardio respiratory fitness as 45 minutes of doing 10 minutes high intensity and low training compared to 45 minutes of steady state cardio, which is amazing.

That's like five times the efficiency. Exactly. It's like running stairs, like running spins, you can do that anywhere. Exactly. That's why I love it. Okay. That's good. That's easy.

We can all do that. I really want to talk to you about how the light from our screens are With our health. Yeah, what what what do we do? Yeah, I know the glasses and turn it down, but like how bad is it? Well, it's super important. So I mean light is an important time setter our bodies are we're rhythmic beings You know, there was that new that new radical song you've got the music in you. I love that that song But yeah, so you want to basically make sure that you're getting bright light from the sun, you know, in the first half of the day, before noon, getting that bright light. So about a half an hour of 1,000 lux of light, so I actually have an app on my phone, it's called Lux, and you can basically measure light intensity in your ambient surroundings.

And even on an overcast day, the light from the sky is at least 1,000 lux. And so what that does basically activates proteins in your eye, that then activates a region of the brain that's sort of like your body's master clock, and that primes you for daylight associated activity. So, feeling focused and happy and energized are really going to be encouraged when you get this bright light in through your eyes. But if you consider the fact that 93% of our time today has been indoors, it's a major reason why people, I think one of the many reasons why people are walking around almost zombified, you know, they don't feel super happy, they

don't feel super energetic, you need light. The other thing is that people who are older, there's a natural coloring that occurs to the lens of the eye as we age. It's just an inevitable part of aging, but it's going to make us less light sensitive as we get older So you might actually need more time in the sun in that morning as compared to like a much younger person And so this is one of the reasons why I think it's so common to see older adults say I just don't I don't sleep as well

As I used to I mean that is such a common complaint I think it has something to do with the fact that we're all plunged into this always indoor kind of lifestyle and I think our older something to do with the fact that we're all plunged into this always-endor kind of lifestyle. And I think our older adults are suffering from it. But then also your ability to synthesize vitamin D tends to falter as you get older. So it becomes even more important, I think, as we age to spend time getting good quality light

into our eyes in the first half of the day, making sure that we're exposing our skin to sun, not burning mind you, but just getting enough exposure to the sun on our skin so that we'll have healthy levels of vitamin D, which I define in the book as being between 40 to 60 nanograms per milliliter. You can get that tested with, you know, via your doctor.

It's a very simple and cheap blood test. As we get older, we need a little bit more TLC. In terms of making your bedroom optimal, optimizing your bedroom for sleep quality, you wanna make sure that it's cool, you keep it at a temperature of around 65 degrees, give or take, I mean, that could be pretty cool for some people, I mean, you get under the covers,

warm yourself up, but that ambient cooler temperature has been shown to actually encourage higher quality sleep because our body temperature actually drops while we sleep, so that kind of supports that But then also there was a really interesting study that found that when people Slept in an environment that was cooled to 65 66 degrees That they saw a proliferation of a kind of fat called brown fat now brown fat is actually very good fat Oh god, it's so hard to remember that okay brown fat good brown fat is good

It's not the kind of fat that we gather on our hips and on our waistlines. It's a very, it's very sparsely located in the body, sparsely, sparsely. It's basically metabolically active fat. So it actually burns other fat. It burns the kind of fat that we don't like and it burns sugar and calories. So by sleeping in a cool room,

it's actually really good for metabolic health and it's good for sleep quality as well. You wanna make sure that the room is dark. We're now seeing studies showing that even even like low light like candlelight almost can affect next day cognitive function. So blackout curtains are great and if you don't if you can't put up blackout curtains for whatever reason a good i-mask works as well. We're going to take a quick break but stick around when we get back we're going to talk in Jen Cohen, all about the secrets to building habits that don't need to burn out.

Jennifer Cohen is a best-selling author, brand strategist, international speaker, and educator. With a specific focus on building healthy habits to drive positive behavioral change. She was named the 100 most influential people in health and fitness, and she's also the podcast host of Habits and Hustle and co-founder of the Good Human Foundation. You can find her on Instagram at the Real Gen Cone. You have so many businesses, several businesses, you're a mom, and you still work out every day. And so my question for you is, I feel like it's such a huge struggle for people.

Like, I have no time, I have no time. It's like, well, we all have the same 24 hours in a day. So like, what's the first thing that you say to people who like complain that they don't have time to work out? First thing, I'm gonna say this, I think that you make it a priority. So do you have time to brush your teeth? Do you have time to take a shower? Do you have time to eat a meal? I mean, it's all about creating a routine or a lifestyle that you work within. So for me, or for people who don't

like to work out, I get it. Like, it. Especially if it's the hardest part of the beginning and the starting. So if you build something into your schedule and you have it down that you are going to do something, it's much easier to actually implement it. And once you do it over and over and over again, it becomes a habit. And so I'm all about creating habits and rituals to be successful, right? So like anything else, you have to create fitness, you've got to create exercise as a habit. It's a non-negotiable for me

because of all the other benefits that come with it. Here's the thing, it's funny when you were saying that, I always say to people about sex though. I'm like, I understand, you're dreading it, you're not in the mood, but honestly, you guys, it's like going to the gym. I'm like, the hardest part is getting your shoes on and getting out the door, but what you start having sex,

you're like, oh, so glad we did do that and then same thing goes for working out It's actually exactly the same thing. It literally is the same thing. You're like oh god This time then you get there. You're like you're never like I wish I didn't go to the gym for an hour ever Absolutely and the problem is once you stop doing something right that becomes your new normal right? Like it could be with sex it could be with anything anything so let's talk about it Tell me what are some just core things like how do you build a new habit? I think the best way to build a new habit is starting small and not overwhelming yourself. So you don't want to start with, I'm going to do this, this, this, and this and that.

Pick one thing and make that the thing that you're going to focus on and do a little bit of it. So let's say, for example, it's exercise, right? So say, you know, before I leave my house or whatever, I'm going to do 10 minutes of working out. And there's no excuse anymore. You can go onto YouTube, Instagram, there's a bazillion workout videos, right?

And commit to yourself, commit that you're going to do 10 minutes of exercise. Chances are that 10 minutes will turn into 20 minutes or 30 minutes, and it becomes, like I said, over time, it becomes something that you want to do, or it's, it becomes, you feel weird and uncomfortable if you don't do it, right? So starting small and picking one thing is really the to answer your question the best way to get started. And it seems like typically it's like all the stuff I read about have it's like do it in the morning like build it upon something else you already do. Absolutely. Like if you brush your teeth, then do 10 squats after you brush your teeth.

That's why I always tell people though with the best time to work out truthfully in the morning, the first thing because the truth is as time goes on through the day, you get more tired, more things pile up and chances are 50% of the time you're going to not do it. I say, you know, wake up 30 minutes early, it clears your head before you open your phone. So for me, I like to exercise even before I even like check my phone because that will be the biggest time stock of your life. Okay, the phone will time suck you where then it's like, you look at six o'clock, it turns

out to be seven o'clock, doing nothing. It hasn't benefited you at all You're gonna look at someone else working out. You're gonna look at someone else doing something when you could be taking that time for yourself and Doing something that will benefit you and help you. Okay, so I've been a workout person You know, I probably my whole like for 30 years. I really I didn't grow up working out But like I went to college and then I just realized I slowly started running 10 minutes and then 20 minutes and then I You know ran marathons and I've been very much into exercise and I know so many people though friend's listeners everyone and they're like no matter what I try it I do it

But I'll never like it and do you think there are those people who just never will enjoy it But they have to do it or do you think if you get to a certain point that everybody's gonna learn to love it? So I don't think so I'm not someone who loves to exercise. Okay. Let's just be real. It's not like I'm like dying to be on the, you know, doing my interval sprints for like three minutes, but I will say what I love about it is the after effects. Right. So if you get to that point where you kind of put yourself in that space long enough, you will eventually get the other benefits. And for me, I'm not exercising anymore for the physical. Like, I'm fine with my ass the way it is.

You know, I'm maintaining it, let's say. But really, it's the cognitive functioning. Like, I feel like I am way more on point. I'm way more productive. I have way more energy. It's all those things that are, that make it addictive. Exactly. That's why I'm not like psyched to get up in them.

I mean, it's like, yeah, it's the after-effect. Exactly, that's what I'm trying to say is that I know how I feel when I don't. Right, have the other effects. Like if you're not exercising, you're gonna be less healthy. You can pick your poison. I think everyone has to find their why, and then from there, they can move forward.

They can find, like, their why they're working out. What the benefit is, do they wanna be healthier for their family? Do they want to be more alert and productive for their work? Or is it a combination of both? I mean, the benefits of exercise go way beyond. Like I said, just having a nice house. I'm going to get people inspired

because then we're going to give them some tips to get into it. Absolutely. There's a reason why I'm not going to say everyone, but I will say there is a huge correlation between people who are successful and people who take exercise seriously. There's a huge correlation. It basically makes your brain healthier because of the productivity, because you're more alert, because of the more energy. I think there's like, I mean, I'm not a neuroscientist, but there are synapses that kind of become stronger

in your brain when you do something repetitively like that. I think the combination makes you that way, especially also goal setting, discipline, all those things to push you past other boundaries. So how you do one thing is how you do everything in life, in my opinion. So with exercise, what it taught me was that the goal setting, the discipline, feeling that like nothing's impossible. If I came this far, I can go this a little bit further, right?

So that like drive to be better, which again, you can use that towards any aspect of your life, right? And I think the confidence that you feel, I mean, I think the physical gives you the mental strength and the mental confidence. Yeah, it all works together. It all works together. And I think we all know that. This is not a news flash.

No, it's not. Oh my god, I should work out. Oh yeah, I know. Exactly. But is there an easy way? I love the idea of ten minutes in the morning. That's how I even get myself sometimes. I'm like, walk around the block.

You know, just do it at the house. But is there something that you have found that has been like, if they're like, but I haven't exercised in ten years, like, where would you start? I say give yourself a 30 day challenge of doing a few things. I mean, listen, fitness now, there's so many, it's a multi billion dollar industry, right? And every day, there's a new hybrid of fitness things that you can do. You could do yoga, Pilates and acrobatics on one, like, you don't have to be fancy and people don't like to hear this,

but the truth is the basics get the results. It's not doing all this fancy shit. What gets the results is weight training and cardio period. Or, I mean, most of the time. And that's what it's, you can do it at a time of competition. So kind of be like Pilates or yoga, but you gotta do the weight, you gotta hold the weights in hand.

I think you need to, it build muscle mass and lean muscle mass. And bone density is good for your bone density. I mean weight training, like when you see somebody who looks really like the, I mean, what people think is a great body, typically, you know, either they're like a ballet dancer who dances for like 15 hours a day or a yogi who does 15 hours a day,

that I'm not talking about that. They're not going over crazy more, but they're, they have a very particular weight training program that they're, they're, they're following because that's how you build and tone and, and you have like a tight body. Right. For somebody who's just beginning having a 30 day challenge of doing the basics, some squats, some pushups, some, some, some planks, and call it a day. Like say, I'm gonna do 50 of this, 50 of each one.

Push-ups, squats, and I can give you a little workout and give it to people. Yeah, we should say this where everyone can find you. Go it on my Instagram, the real Jen Cohen. The real Jen Cohen. And I put up fitness videos, a circuit workouts that you can do anywhere. I saw those, they're amazing.

Cause we need that, I think that when we're on the road or we're doing something, it's just easy to have the... Right. Oh, I don't know what it's like. I've been in a gym and we're all so like, where do I even start? I know how to do things, but just to have like, yeah,

go see a video, like that's gonna get you going. It's, I mean, like, like teasers. Absolutely. And the reason why I say not walking around the park, I'm saying if someone lives in a very cold climate, not you and I, because we're here in LA, but that will be another reason why they're going to say no. So don't give yourself a reason to say no.

So then that's why you can go onto your computer or whatever, and you can just watch like whatever, a five minute video to get started. And you go to the real Jen Cohen, and I have all these circuits, you can do the best work because require either body weight or just some basic dumbbells and some bands and you're good to go Yeah, I love the bands. I love balls. I love all the things Yeah, I'm outside it wherever I have my outside of my house, but you just you just do them right So I hear a lot from people like in relationships and you've probably seen this like maybe one person's working out and One is in and they're like my partner. I hear this from couples my partner won't work out

They won't do it and now I'm even like, people even emailing, they're like, I'm losing attraction to my partner. Yeah, absolutely. I'm not making the effort. Do you have any tips or if you work with couples, like how do you get them on board together? Is that absolutely true?

Do you think it should be a better, it should be separate? No, okay, that's actually a great point. I think I see it all the time because what happens is one person gets really into it and the other person's not into it, that it's inevitable that the person will lose attraction and then it puts you on a bad path. I mean, that happens all the time.

Like, again, there's enough reasons for people like not to like each other and get along when you're with them for that long. So let's not give them extra ammunition. Right, exactly. So like I always tell people, they do it together. Number one, it gives you an activity besides eating. Right.

That you can do together, that you can get good at with each other. You know, you can help each other be accountable. You can push me. I can push you. It's a great way to kind of help elevate your relationship. You know, like me and my husband, what we used to do all the time is we would take Dan's classes all the time together. Number one, it gives you,

it gives you, especially when everyone's so busy these days, right? You know that you're gonna be doing something together at a finite period of time, at a certain time, that it's non-negotiable, it's no excuse. And you're doing something that's very active and it's interactive and it's fun. You can even, like I said,

that could be something for someone to take a dance class. That's still active. I love the idea of that, because I always talk couples, you gotta have date night. Like if you have kids and you don't have date night, date night has been proven to help so many couples. Like you know, they always say like,

for habits like make your bed, that's a good one thing. Yeah, that's one, yeah. The one thing for couple, the number one habit I feel always for people to talk about mindset and changing habits is like make your bed in the morning. My tip like that is have a date night and people don't often do it like well busy

We can't get a sitter But just think about if your date night happened to be something active like a dance class or class at the gym at night And you guys do it together right and babysitter is way cheaper than a divorce You know it's true. It's true, right? Like, I totally agree with you because that's what happens and that's how people tend to grow apart, right? It's because you end up like not doing anything together. You do what you have to do to kind of get through life, right? Like, you do your job, I do my job,

and then we do stuff for the kids, and then like, your whole relationships get, your relationship becomes diminished and there is no relationship, right? That happens, I would say say 99% of the time. Absolutely. That's why you need to be much more cognizant of how to stop those things from happening. And unfortunately, you have to be mindful of that and create a calendar. It's not very sexy, but to have the schedule.

Like, people have schedules to have sex. People have schedules to have a date night. Like, for this exact reason. But like, we were saying that people get into their habits and becomes the new normal. Richwell, yeah, because of the new rules. Like, oh, I'm not working anymore. I'm not working anymore. Well, I'm not a workout person.

Oh, it's gonna be so hard to get back to it. But if you started and you stick with it now, that'd be so much helpful. And so around yourself, people like like minded people who wanna do that stuff. Like have friends who wanna do that with you. Become that person. By like, by reading about it, hanging out with people like that, doing it with your husband

or your girlfriend or whatever. What about kids getting kids involved? Yeah, I mean kids mimic what their parents do, right? So my kids are super active because I just did like a squat challenge with my six-year-old the other day. So maybe I'm not a great example because I do, I come by it more honestly, maybe than other people, but I think you start, right, kids love, you have to,

because love an iPad, or they love TV. I mean, it's impossible to take a kid away from one of those things. So you have to kind of make it fun and interesting and teaching them early and when they're young, is really the best way to do it. Right, exactly. And they're watching you too.

It's funny because I didn't really work out with my mom going up, but since I was a kid, she was always getting up and going to the gym. She was taking ballet and then she'd go do like aerobics and all this like Jane Fonda and all that stuff. And I was like, and then I somehow, I just saw that.

And she's still on the way here. I was talking to my mom, she's 78. She's like, I just took the best Pilates class and there was this move I couldn't do anymore. Well, now I'm in the plank and I can move my knee, like the thing I can, I'm like, mom, you're amazing. Like that's her whole conversation

was how this new movement Pilates and her whole life. I just like watching her do that was like in my head, like, oh, that's a different thing to do, even though it didn't like in for me until I was out of the house. But I love the idea of showing your kids these things when they're younger, we'd start to think about it. Because your kid A, your kid's mimic what you do,

what they see around you. They're paying attention. They're paying attention. I mean, again, like I'm not telling my kid to live weights with me technically, but if he sees it, I'm constantly moving and going, it's gonna like penetrate some level of his brain, you know, besides a squat challenge

or a burpee challenge, what do we do? I want besides a squat challenge or a berp challenge. I want you to squat challenge. I want you to squat, there's just be the perfect exercise. Well, squat is a great. Yeah, exactly. It's like the king of all exercises they say, but I mean, yes, I tend to agree. But I will also say I should make a little caveat here. For people who don't like weights, I would not just not do anything.

Find what you like. The best way to make something a habit also is trying everything, do everything and find something that you like the most or that you hate the least. Right, exactly. That you hate the least. So you've trained people, I mean,

you've done it all in this industry. Have you ever talked to couples or individuals who were like, my libido's gone, I'm not into sex, and then once they, Oh yeah, first of all, 100%. Right? Exercise is huge for that, because it helps increase your testosterone number one. were like my libido is gone, I'm not into sex and then once they, oh yeah, first of all, 100%. Right? Exercise is huge for that because it helps increase your testosterone.

Number one, women have testosterone as well, as you answer, you know, right? And it gives you more body confidence, right? Yes. And more body and more self-awareness of your body. So like, like I said, it was not like the, it's not like for the actual mundane part of exercise and then to helps, but there's a huge connection between exercise and sex, right? Because a lot of people like don't have the interest anymore, right? So if this is actually something that helps, you know, build your testosterone level, and as you age, you lose your testosterone, you lose that, you lose that hormone, obviously, as you age.

But weight training is a great way to keep it kind of pumping. as you age, but weight training is a great way to keep it kind of pumping. And specific kind of weight, like, is it only like, a certain number, a certain times a week or a certain amount of days a week or... Minimum, I think you have to do a minimum of three times a week. For like, 20 or something.

Yeah, and also, yeah, like, I say 30, but... 30, I say 30, but I also feel like you people tend to do like light, light weight, right? I'm saying to kind of like get that like that Rrrr thing you have to kind of challenge yourself by doing more weight than you normally would normally do, right? So like a lot of people get stuck in like doing the women. They're like, I don't want to get bulky That's a set set set. They do three pounds. Exactly. You're not going to get bulky. First of all, not gonna happen. You know, like if you move it from three pounds to maybe 10 pounds,

you may actually see some definition and tone. And that will help you lose the body fat and gain the lean muscle mass. Yeah, and you could do all this stuff at home as a thing. Yeah, everything around. Yeah, I mean, I just feel like even just going, the walks are tracking how you can gamify it too now. A lot of it is gamified.

Yeah, make it a fun thing to do. That's it for today's episode, see you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles

for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739. Go to sexwithemily.com slash AskEmily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. email me feedback at sexwithmleaf.com.