Sex With Emily - Sexy & Stress Free Valentine's Day

Episode Date: February 3, 2018

On today’s show, Emily and her team are talking all things Valentine’s Day – from unique and sexy ideas to their favorite toys to ways to take the pressure off planning AND expectations. The team talks about what makes a great Valentine’s Day, why it’s beneficial to exchange ideas on what you want instead of being surprised, and why it’s important to carve out some time for self-love. Plus, they give tips on how to up the dirty talk “ante,” embracing your kinkier side – no matter what your experience level is, and the best positions to enjoy a well-endowed man. Get ready, because this is not your typical V-Day discussion. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Sportsheets, Womanizer2go, JO Jellies, Magic Wand Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on today's show, my team and I are talking all things Valentine's Day. But this isn't your typical Valentine's Day discussion. Topics include unique ideas to do it the sexy way, tips to up the dirty talk ante, the benefits of exchanging ideas about what you really want, without holding back. I promise, it works every time. We're also getting into how to embrace your kinky aside no matter what your experience level. Why it's important to carve out me time with a few of your favorite toys, of course. Thanks to consider if you're dating your coworker. Best positions to enjoy sex with a well endowed man and ways to take the pressure off Valentine's

day planning and expectations. All this and more, thanks for listening! listening. are broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got to understand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemlead.com because it's a goddamn party there.

We have a lot of fun at SexWithEmlead.com. We've got a lot of our blogs and posts and things. They're going to help you have better sex and relationships. Just like my team, they're with me here today for a very special show around Valentine's Day. Because it's happening. You can't stop it. Whether you love it or hate it, we're gonna help you make the best of it,

whether you're single and a relationship, you don't care. It's a day of love. And we're gonna reinforce that today. So my team is here. Say hello everyone. Hi. Say who you are.

You do. Jamie. Hello. Hi Shannon. Jenny. Hi, hi guys. Okay, so the first order, we got some things to clear out here,

the way so we can get on to the meat. We love hearing from you guys. You guys read all the emails to the comment on our feedback and the US send. We love your questions. We like helping you find your G-Spot, navigating your mismatch libidos, how to spice things up in your relationship.

And we've answered these questions a lot. They're all on the website. They're everywhere, They're on podcasts. And I was thinking in this new year, like, what kind of new, is there any like new questions you have or things you're like, oh, I really like to know, there's a lot happening in the news right now with, you know, hashtag me too.

Sexual harassment. Is there anything you want us to clear up around that topic? Because we can do that. We will do that. I think the world is a very exciting place now that it's actually not going away. It's a movement and it's a change. And I think we're feeling that change.

And we love to talk to you about that. Technology insects, VR porn. I just have my first VR porn experience. We can talk about that. Oh my God. Oh my God. Like navigating modern relationships, you're for an alternative relationship, polyamorous. What to put over that is we can talk about it, sex and spirituality, fantasies, kink.

Anything you guys that you feel like. What do you think? My biggest suggestion is it's a safe place. We are here to support, not judge, so go forward, ask us some intimate questions, and Emily will, I'm sure, very happily answer. I will, we are safe. It's a safe spot. I think come up with you guys. Any other topics that you think we've covered?

What are you guys. Any other topics that you think we've covered? What are you guys to see this year? Anything come up a lot? You're like, wow, another question about rimming, for example. Yeah. Yeah, just don't waste a communicate with your partner, which is always important. And we can't not stress that enough.

However, it's like sometimes it's true. It's like, think about it. There is this whole website. We take take the time to like listen to your questions and then, you know, get Emily's feedback and we try to write blogs and things that we think are going to help you guys out. So I'm not saying that your question is not valid because your question is valid, but at the same time, it's like use our website. Like just type in. Like you can't find your G spot. I guarantee if you type that in our website, you're gonna get hundreds of things

that are gonna help you find it, podcast, blogs, different things. So just, that's what I'm saying. If you have a really intricate question, go ahead and ask it, like Shannon said, it could be the weirdest thing ever, but we like weird. Exactly, we love weird.

And I was gonna say to that, if you do have a specific question about like your relationship, I had to deal with a specific situation, what I love about those questions is those are perfect for the Colin shows because I can really help you dissect it, get to the bottom of whatever's,

whatever's on your mind and we can walk through it. And those are great for those shows. I enjoy those. Okay, so thank you guys. Also, I'm excited for, and I hope you'll join me on February 6th. We're going to be doing a Facebook and Instagram live. Same time because you can do that stuff. It's 3PM Pacific, 6PM Eastern. So get your sex and relationship questions ready.

Marker calendars now when you're hearing this because these are fun. We have a lot of people, you know, who have been, when we've done them in the past, and we're going to answer your questions. If you've been anything additional about Valentine's Day, we're here to help. We have a lot of people who have been, when we've done them in the past, and we're going to answer your questions. If you've been anything additional about Valentine's day, we're here to help. We're going to be showing you some cool stuff we got into the office. So, yeah, February 6, 3pm Pacific, 6 o'clock Eastern. That's all at sex with the Emily on Facebook. And Instagram, I guess, what Facebook.com slash sex with Emily. Yeah. And then we're doing a color show on February 8th. We're taking your call. So, again, if you're sending in a question, or even if you've already sent in a question,

but you didn't check the box to be called, we're happy to make an taking your call. So again, if you're sending in a question, or even if you've already sent in a question, but you didn't check the box to be called, we're happy to make an update to that. So you can just say, hey, here's my question and call me, because I love those shows. That's really fun. And it's always join me on social media everywhere and anywhere that you are wasting your time on social media.

Does kidding, is not a waste time. Sometimes it is, we all get a little distracted, but it's all at max with Emily, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat and Twitter. Okay, you guys, let's get into Valentine's Day. The big V. The big V. The V.

The big V. Okay, so I just want to go around and say, I want to ask you guys, what is your most memorable Valentine's Day? And why? My most, it's not that I, oh look, I haven't had any like super amazing, extravagant Valentine's days. However, one year my boyfriend at the time came over and I was wearing like full and lingerie

the house to myself, which was, you know, I live, when I live with my parents, it's not always easy to have that. And then he surprised me with a fish. And like, I was like, oh my God. I'm trying to be sexy over here and then all of a sudden you're super cute. And I have a fish and then I kind of like was like, oh my God. I'm trying to be sexy over here. And then all of a sudden, you're super cute. And I have a fish.

And then I kind of was like, oh shit. Like, can we wait to have sex now? I really want to name the fish. Like I want to. What was it with that fish? Was it the fish? Was it the prize? Was it the prize?

What cause one is it'd be? Had you been talking about a fish for a while? No. OK. And it was just interesting. Like he gave me like, you know, first like a big is box of chocolates I've ever seen. Which I love chocolate. Was was he competing for something just kidding

He was actually Jewish, so you know how they're penis. Oh, hey Inside jokes we can't do it Inside you baby Anyways, but no it was just because you know my boyfriend at the time wasn't like, he was necessarily the best boyfriend, and I was just actually very surprised by that. I thought it was very thoughtful. It was something that wasn't gonna last just for that day. Like, it was gonna be like this thing

that I could also take care of, we could take care of together, you know, and it was a really pretty beta fish, like blue and red. And it was just like, I don't know, it just felt like it was unique. A surprise and unique and thoughtful. Yeah, exactly. So. If it comes out as a overthinking, yeah, that's a good one. I like it was just like, I don't know, it just felt like it was unique. It was a prize and unique and thought. Yeah, exactly. So if it comes down as overthink it, yeah, that's a good one.

I like it. Just like good one. Anyone else? I had a scavenger honey with my, I mean, to be fair, I had a lot of time on my hands because I was trapped in Maryland without a car. But when you have a lot of time on your hands, I had, or a gummy, a couple of boxes with glue.

I was like, oh my god, yeah, literally hand or gummy. You just have some time in your hands. I had a couple boxes with clues. Oh my God. Yeah, literally hand origami. You did it some time in your hands. I had a lot of time. And I had clues hidden in them. And then I was just in lingerie. And there was lingerie in the origami boxes and snacks. And obviously tips for where to find the rest of the origami

boxes. But we never found three. So because you were somewhere there, I hated them like, but it took a while to plan. So you like forgot where you're going to be. Yeah. So good. I don't have to.

The next people found them and they were like, what the hell is this? What are you going to do? That's what we're going to be. You can't fold. I like the idea of playing a game and doing some stuff. You can be eye-folded by towels. Okay, it's not good. Anything with you, Shannon?

I mean, mine's not that exciting, because I've never put that much stress on Valentine's Day. So, for the most memorable, and I honestly have is, it was the first one with my now boyfriend. It was two years ago, we had just started dating. We stayed the night together, we had a late morning, then didn't even realize it was Valentine's Day. We had a late morning ganna, had a brunch, had a nice walk, down

Ebott Kenny, just like a leisure day. I think we went and saw like a movie later that night. I think I stayed the night with him again. And the next morning, I go home and I looked at the date, it was February 15th, and I was like, oh my god, I just spent Valentine's Day with this guy. He didn't have like the cutest day ever and didn't even realize it. It was no pressure when you did it. It was no pressure. And the cutest day ever and didn't even realize that.

No pressure when you did it was so much. No pressure and we just, we honestly didn't think about it. We just, how did it ever be just enjoyed our time together and it just kind of naturally happened. And I really liked that because we didn't play and we didn't stress. We just enjoyed each other. Yeah. That's a good one.

When you didn't know, you didn't, yeah. Yeah. There was no hearts everywhere and people didn't know that. Guys, yeah. You guys were just so into each other. Maybe. Can you don't, when you didn't know, you didn't, yeah. There was no hearts everywhere. And people had dinner with her. Guys, yeah, you guys were just so into each other. Maybe. Can I share a friend one? I just remembered. I used to be a way more creative at Seam's.

But I'm one of my friends. You were like, create your ooze cream. I know. I'm kidding you. Or gummy boxes. Step, we literally got like fresh chopped. I think it would like to my Instagram. But then fresh chopped fruit as well.

And turned her bathroom into like a basically a jungle because they're Austrian for some reason, this makes sense in that justification, but they had huge palm trees in their house in London, and we put them in the bathroom and steamed their huge showers, so it literally felt like a sauna with like fresh snacks and like a palm tree in it. Wow. In London. That's amazing. That's so funny. That's so funny. I don't even know any palm tree or something. But, okay, so mine was, well, the first one I remember

was when I was in, you remember when we were, this is when it was a simpler time. When you were a kid and they give you those little, you know, give everyone your class a little card, like, little peanuts, I don't know what they did in your, cards. Yeah, cards, cards. You were a little once, the little card grams little peanuts, I don't know what they did in your card. They were all time cards, right?

You were little ones, the little card grams, and you came to be out. You came to everyone in your card. And you had to. And then I was in third grade. I had a really big, I got all the little ones, and there was a big card. It was like one of those giant hallmark cards.

I opened it, it was from this really cute guy. It was like third grade Chris in my class. And it was a card, it was like, you're terrific, and then there was a dollar inside of it. It was like, oh, a dollar bill. So I was excited about that. And then I remember, I was dating. And this just frees you back to like, when Valentine's Day, I think that we put a lot of pressure

on ourselves or, you know, to do the perfect thing and do the dinner and the night out. And I really, we're going to focus on some other things you could do, which I think is just like taking the pressure off yourself, but really putting it on your relationship and doing something sexy and intimate. And I love this. We were, it was the first and last time I ever cooked. I just remembered this. So when I say I've never cooked anything, I once made a stir fry.

It was chicken stir fry. And it was at my house. I had roommates, so we had to go into my room. And I created this whole picnic and we had stir fry. And I was wearing laundry Can we all just wear a laundry? We're just always wearing a laundry And so I made him dinner and I had I don't remember what I got him

But I remember he made me this scrap album of we'd been going out for a year And it was our entire relationship and he and he was an artist So he drew all these pick he put photos in it and then he drew all these pictures. He put photos in it, and then he drew all these pictures. Like, when we were camping, he'd take a piece of birch bark. And he had, like, wrote, like, little poems on it, stuff. And then he made a sculpture of me of how it's done. Oh, my God. I know. With, like, a heart that was, like, a removable heart

that came off my heart. I don't know. And it was from Hamie's, like, that's my heart that you hold. And it was really sweet. So basically, everyone needs to date in hardest. Yeah, I know. But I mean, I don't know you guys. I think that we just got to think outside the,

you know, the traditional, spend a lot of money and expensive meals. And let's put your partner on. Let's put your partner on the money. I feel like it's the one, I mean, obviously I think every day should be Valentine's Day, but let's be honest, be get busy. So if you can focus on the love that you feel for your partner

and doing something like this is the one night legit, if there's something you've been wanting to try that's like sexy or just different or have a talk about something you wanna try. I think the best thing also back up is that if you're feeling pressure, I wanna take the pressure off your Valentine's Day because talk to your partner,

if you're like, oh, what should I get him, what should we do? I think save your money, talk together, save Valentine's Day is coming up. What's something we could do together that would infuse those elements of surprise, sexiness, maybe switching up locations, doing something that's just a little bit different that signifies your love and something that you want to share and do together. That's a little bit different. Although I like candy is great, if that's what your partner's into, but I feel like there's all this pressure.

I just don't want people to feel that, this year. Yeah, have fun. What do you guys think about that? Is there anything? No, I definitely agree. I think you need to tell your partner, just going back to the, again, communication. Like don't expect them to like know exactly

what you want for Valentine's Day. Don't just give them little hints. Be like, babe, I want chocolate. Or want flowers. And when he said, let's go do something together. Don't put pressure on the person you love. Just have fun with it. It's supposed to be a time of love, happiness, enjoying each other. Not about the expensive dinner that he took. He did not about the jewelry or whatever he got you. It's about him, it's about her.

Yeah, playing around with each other. Yeah, and her her. And whatever, everyone. Yeah, I think- I think the people, if you don't have anyone, is well- Yeah, well, like if you're single, let's talk about that.

I don't know people get bummed out about being single on Valentine's Day. And I think God, this is a great day to like do you and do something special for yourself. Yeah. Say treat yourself. Yeah. Yeah. This is the best day to treat yourself. Yeah. Like, be relaxed, do whatever you want that day. In fact, there's, and you know, there's

all those things when you go out, it's like, oh, yeah, a couple of steals for Valentine's day. Like, take your best friends. Exactly. And just be like, hey, let's pretend to be a couple and get all the free stuff. Exactly. That's fun, you know? Like completely agree. You can be, and like you can be just like,

it's just like, it's any other day, but it's like, you know how we get excited for like holidays. We're like, yeah, holiday, let's go. It's like, just be the same way. Go hell, never drink. Have fun. Like, who cares? Again, masturbate a lot.

Forget the pressure. Buy yourself something. Buy yourself a toy. Buy yourself a toy. If you're single, I get the pressure by yourself something by yourself a toy side yourself a toy if you're single I like the idea of doing something with like all your friends having a single a game about your friends over go out to dinner with your girlfriends in fact I think it's a great night to probably meet some money you know what it is actually like that's who's gonna be out go to your favorite and sing a pop up have you even want to have a party your your place, it's hard for you to bring a single

person and bring some food and hang out. But it's most importantly, like, it's about love. So I always just think for my friends, send them parts and I'm notes. I love you. I'm thinking about you. I think that's really cute. Like I would be so ecstatic if I got like a note from like just a friend being like, hey, like a Valentine's day card, like way more than if a boyfriend did it I would like really I would probably tear up and be like oh my god. I love you Hey, your friendship love is strong. Yeah, it's a super strong and you gotta remind them that you love them too Also, you know what I think would be fun just popped into my head. Third wheel on someone else's Valentine's Day.

It's crashing. Just for you. Yeah, it's like, I'm a great third wheeler. It's fun. I'm proud. I think it'd be fun. You love me. I bring you round for a good time.

Absolutely. I can do, then, like, you know, if it ever gets awkward, whatever on your Valentine's Day date or attention start to rise, you can be the comedic relief, you know. Jamie says, exactly. So, okay, I have to be broken down. What did you say?

It's a don't listen to me. Long term relationships. So, I think we need a long talk, because we really want to bring you some things that are a little bit different here. And we're talking about long term relationships, and about sex, and long term relationships, and communicating.

So, let's break it down. And it's like, if you're in a long term relationship, I think that this is a great day to prioritize. Sachs, if there's something you've been wanting to try in a relationship, we always talk about like creating that bucket list. We spend a lot of time prioritizing your sexual resolutions this year.

This is a great day to be like, what should we do that's different? Make that your drop dead day. I'm gonna finally tie you up or fulfill that fantasy like on that night. You've got a hotel room if your like kids are home, like just that, that's like the night. Like that is your time to try that

or you know create a list of things you will want to try all year round. You know, when you can also focus on it, if you guys aren't in a great place, they're like, you know what, our relationship has been kind of shit lately. You get to choose how you want to spend that day. So if you're like, I really don't feel like doing anything

but like really talking to my partner about some stuff that's been going on and that I want, I'm okay with that too because that's a day of enhancing communication with your partner about whatever has been going on with you guys. It's been holding you back. Totally. Yeah.

And get to be weird with it. I mean, I felt the last turn of communication. Laughter as well. Like if you, even if you're not communicating very well, like if you don't feel like doing a really intimate, like energetically connected situation, like get really weird and wear different onesies, you know what I mean, like finding

a different, like a laughing one. Like matching ones or something that like, you would never do together and like, introduce some laughter and like weirdness back into it to kind of loosen up the old patterns and like allow for a new feeling of like lightness to be there. You know what I mean? So just like, we must connect. Yeah, and to add on to that if you are not maybe not the best of places right now

Take this time to just be like, you know what this day. I'm gonna be in that great mood I'm one I love this person. Yeah Just be like I'm gonna be in a good mood. I'm gonna make this a great night Even if it's just you guys finally having a like you said a great laugh together It's a great night, even if it's just you guys finally having a, like you said, a great laugh together. Like, put yourself in that mindset of being happy and positive instead of letting, for at least that day, let the arguments go. Yeah, concentrate on the, you know, communication, openness.

Better not have the conversation before Valentine's Day and then that date do something different because what I'm hearing about all of our like favorite days that stuck out was that it was like different. It was like different. It was a surprise. So Jim got a fish, did it, the origami, like you guys didn't even know it was Valentine's Day with my love.

And she didn't notice that everyone's like staring at the right. There's like parts everywhere. But that's no idea. I like that. But in a way, it's like, I think that the elements of like, of I'm talking about like you should know what you're part of what, but surprise, doing something different.

Surprise goes right along with Doing something you guys don't normally do getting outside of your comfort zone of your relationship Try it try something like that you guys keep putting off and if you Again, that it doesn't have to be about money either it can be like the scrap I mean, I don't think that ever gets old doing like a scrapbook or putting a framing a photo and right telling your partner How you feel like what you love about them? Because I do think that we, a lot of times, focus on the negative things

and this is just an important exercise I think to do. A lot when you feel like you can only focus on the negative things to write it down and let them know what you truly appreciate about your partner in a card, however you want to do it. Because I think that we, especially, you just, you forget sometimes

that the things that you love them, why you love them, why you're in it. And I think we all like to feel appreciated and know why we're loved, even though we might know. Sometimes I'm like, why don't you even like me? Like if you've ever been in that situation or you love them, why you love them, why you're in it. And I think we all like to feel appreciated and know why we're loved, even though we might know. So I'm like, why do you even like me? Like if you've ever been in that situation, or you're like, why do you like me? Absolutely, we do.

We all wanna hear it. It's not like just ego. Okay, maybe part of it, but that's okay. I wanna know. I'm always good to hear some nice things about yourself. I think that's also very useful, actually, you know, when you are kind of been in a bad place and you have been like maybe negative

or like not like being frustrated with each other lately is when you start you write down all the things you really do like about them and love about them. Like just even writing it down and seeing it, like it'll bring a smile to your face. Like you'll calm down a little bit. Like you'll be like, oh, okay, like this is why I put up

with all the other stuff. Like this is what got to be here in the first place and you kind of bring to you back to that, like, oh, okay, this is why I put up with all the other stuff. Like, this is what got me here in the first place. And you kind of bring to you back to that, like, for even just a moment, maybe like that little, like beginning time of relationship where everything was fresh. You're just like, okay, this is what I initially, like, felt about you.

And I'm like, I, and you can decide then and there, I'm gonna get back to that place. You know what I'm saying? And that's what I'm with recreating the first date. I think that's funnier. That's here, like a long-term relationship. Like, go back to that place. Right. And get back to the line with recreating the first date. Oh, that's fun. That's cute. Like a long-term relationship. Like, go back to the place that you met.

Isn't it funny when we start dating someone we often, don't you often go back like, I remember when you first saw me and we first saw me. It's just fun. Because we're trying to get back to those feelings we had. So I think what if you actually can recreate it? That's cool. Oh, actually.

I know. Right? We're the same thing. We're the same food. I mean, I think that would be kind of like, oh, yeah I'm ever would we we did that you think that would be good like kind of like also dirty talk to like It's like describe the first time you saw me like what you thought. Yeah, that's brilliant. I think that's great I know that would get like someone is telling me Mm-hmm, but they first time they saw me and that they want it what they wanted to do to me the first time they saw me

Yeah, no. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. What the guys want to do to me? What girls want to do? I'm like, oh, yeah.

That's making me feel good. That's so good. Right. Ready to get down. Prack, yeah. I love that. How can we think about sex differently on Valentine's Day? I'm so into like slowing everything down.

You know, my like one of my top tips is like go five times slower than you think But like slow sensual sex like take time at the foreplay give each other massage Just get one of these amazing candles. We are burning the Donna sex candles the sex candles massage candles Might as well be sex candles I used to obsess about them when I had my own candles years ago But I do feel like now these Donna candles, first of all, we talk about enhancing your senses during sex.

They smell amazing. You light them, then you blow it out and it says warm massage oil that you can pour on your partner. Who doesn't ever want a massage, it takes away the stress, you relax, and then you rub up against your other bodies and you want to use these candles? I like them every time I go home, I'll pour it on myself at night. You like, you like, you like, you like to do it myself to my own massage. I do. It's like a two. I like them every time I go home. I'll pour it on myself at night. Yeah, I'll do myself to my own massage.

I do. It's like a two, I love. I like some moisturizer too. Yeah, it feels good on your skin actually. So it's like killing two birds with one stone. You're getting relaxed. And you're doing your skin a favor. I also are gonna add not just a back massage,

but also take in mind like a good foot or hand massage. Right. So that's easy to do while you're just sitting, watching TV, watching a movie, like give a little hand massage. You'll be amazed if you give or receive the reaction. Yeah, it's great. And some really like passive things you can do,

is like fill a tub with ebbs and salts and warm water and put your partner's foot in them and then you don't have to do anything, but it literally when someone did it to me, I was like, I'm gonna cry. It was like so nurturing too. Yeah, and then they gave me some tea and I was like, I don't understand what is happening.

Right? Right? It's a lot of work. It's a lot of work about you. Yeah, it's so simple. You know, they didn't even have time to do other stuff. And that was more than going out to dinner and doing any of the fancy stuff?

I was like, Oh God, I really need this part. Just like sit down. I think it's like that they consider that they think you're about to do that. That's something that you kind of need it because it does get you grounded when you're in a bath or you don't warm anything in top of you. I like that. What about some kinky sex? We'd have a lot of stuff on our site about blogs, about are on the Kinky Side, first steps to do that, how to communicate, set rules, consent. Let's walk to a sexy Kinky scenario. Maybe pick a subject.

Okay. A theme. Walk with you. Walk with you. Okay. I know, Shannon. What do you think? A bondage in rope ties.

You can do blindfolds. You can do a little spanking. You can do a little slapping. I mean, I always say number one, go with a blindfold. Yeah. Taking away that sense is just the unknown and the anticipation just from that blindfold and taking away one of the, like, our main senses is great. And then you can go from there, give a little tie in the wrist up.

That's very simple and also very sexy to have someone do that for you or to do it to someone else. Feed him chocolate. Feed him chocolate. Ice. Ice and chocolate. I'm gonna use the candle.

Use the candle. Use the candle. Use the candle. Then use some ice cubes. And a lot more. And if you get some hot water, maybe mint tea or something, just swish it around your mouth.

You can manipulate the temperature of your mouth with ice or tea. Absolutely. It has such an impact on giving head or giving kisses or anything like that. It's really fun to play. Yeah, that is fun. Mint tea and the cold.

I like that. I have to mention here, though, too, that like, Sport Cheese just came out with this new S&M line. Yes. They revamped it. They made it all like burgundy, which is such a sexy color.

They have like all these cool things. And something that I thought was like super interesting that's like so simple too, that I never thought of. We went to Amni a little while back. Which is a sex toy, trade show. Yes, sex toy trade show. And they were showing us, you know,

because we love sportsheets, you know, we have so much fun, we talk about fun. There was, I wanna say it was like a, it was kind of like three little chains on the end of a stick. I don't remember what it was called. The middle ball chain, the middle ball jackeler. And she was saying she's like put this in a bowl of ice cubes and it gets super cold and it trace that across

your partner's skin, like it gave me goose bumps, just thinking, yeah, and then she said, put it in hot water and it gets hot too. And it's like, just something so simple like that, but can feel so amazing. Like I was like, I'm gonna do that. Absolutely. That's a really, yeah, it is a sexy like that.

Before we continue on with the kinky sacks, I always have to mention, if you guys wanna take it to more of the choking or spaking or slapping or everything, make sure you communicate before. I would actually say, like Emily said, a couple days before, so that then the day of you're not like, okay, going down the list, like make sure you kinda already know,

and know each other's limits, and then you might be able to have a bit more fun with it. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that.

For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that.

For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. For consent, like say, I'll just let you know that. It's always a classic way to continue on with it, but... You don't have a little... Have some fun with it. Just like the one that we were saying, like, don't let it slip your body. Don't let it slip your body. The whole body is basically your playground.

So like you could have like 15 minutes only dedicated to arms and get to know what part of your partner's arms is really, really sensitive. Mine's like the creases of my knees and my arms, like you could stay there all night, I'll be dying, hubby. And that's like four, but I mean, that's the part that like, like discover new, a Roger's own,

that you never have, like when's the last time you really slowed it down with your partner? And I would say the kissing is the first thing that goes and four play and it relates to it. So bring that back, let it extend it out, you know, like and tease be like, and the morning only 15 minutes of, I'm gonna just like play around with your legs

and see what gets you off and then not get you off and then walk away till later, which is the fun. I mean, this is like, yeah. More teap. Yeah, it's awesome. That's fantastic. What about some gifts? So this is coming out, like, you know,

you guys have like, 10 days, 12 days, to get some things that would be cool for Valentine's Day. There is some stuff on our site that's really fun, the Unbound, I love all the Unbound jewelry. That's the Unbound gift. The Unbound like handcuffed bracelets, the... The Lou Shooter. I love the Lou Shooter.

I just wanna Lou bet. I'm gonna wear that. Oh my God, I remember Shannon was looking on our site. And she was like, she was like, oh my God, there is an ice cream vibe Lou Vile next to me. And she's like, yeah, we have it on our site. She was like, oh my god, there's an ice cream vile, loop vile necklace. And she's just breaking out. Yeah, we have it on our side. And she was like, oh my god, I need this.

How about the vibrating necklace? It's so beautiful. Oh, right, the crayon, the best one. It's so pretty, yeah. It's amazing. Oh, there's so much that the necklace whip. Oh, yeah, that's cool. It's like a choker whip.

Exactly, it's really exciting. And it's beautiful. There's one that's a chain and one that's, I think, leather. You can choose between them. I think the like Emily said the handcuffs bracelet. Yeah. It's so pretty. So also what I like about this, if you've been wanting that from your partner and you're like, don't ought to ask where those bracelets to wherever out that night. And then just like you've already got your handcuffs on you. And it's exactly like your bangles and your bondage. Really good conversation starter by the way.

Yeah. Yeah, these do. And can I just add a little something if you're gonna wear the unbound handcuffs to dinner or you see your partner wearing the handcuffs to dinner, make them put the handcuffs on either wrist as you walk out the restaurant. Release your handcuffs. Oh yeah, well, you're talking off the restaurant.

Yeah. Yeah, little tease and cares is someone sees it. It's very minimal. They're small. It'll just look like you're holding your hands together. But it's a little tees and it's a little excitement in public. Yeah, and they're so pretty.

I like it. And then the Unbound Box is cool too, the subscription box that you can get four times a year. If you're part and you open up, it's like, what? Four-planned box. And that? Our subscription box. I see it's beautiful.

I know. We have that we have. We're going to show it on the Facebook Instagram Live because if you're in a relationship and you're like, we need to spice things up, it comes in the mail. And there's like, every month it's different. Every few months and it's like, vibrators or loops has little like games and things

that you can play that you're like, it's in the box if you can't think you're at what you want to do, you're like, we're going we're gonna do this right what Emily plan your night I I am unlike the sex toy was you just asked me what you need it's gonna come in the box and um that's gonna come in the box and if you don't your stuff is when you say it's gonna come in the box you gotta come in my box but don't send it back to the box I'm glad you put that in there

but don't send it back to them. Don't. I'm glad you put that in there. Do we have you on the box? I love people between me. They're like, is it okay that I listen to your show and then I masturbate? I'm like, do you baby? That's what the show does for you. I'm cool with that.

Don't send me pictures of it. Glad you're listening. If the screen's fired, touch yourself. Great. And the last roundup tips for Real Tense Day. And we have stuff on our site too. Yeah. If you're single, I guess this kind of depends on what you already have,

or if you wanna go on a spending spree on yourself, for me, because I'm single, I think I might just have a field day and try out all of the toys that I have. Let me just gonna, you know, go to town for now. I get something out. Yeah, you know, why not? It is on hump day after all.

Hey, exactly. What would be your favorite toy? If you're in a desert island, you could bring one like, Oh, you know, already. Yeah, you know, why not? It is on hump day after all. Exactly. What would be your favorite toy? If you weren't a desert island, you could bring one. Oh, you know, already. Yeah. The womenizer. The womanizer to go. The to go.

Although, although the new small one, the starlet, the new commer, it's surprising. You are. But Jamie's the only one who has that, by the way. She's served me now in the top of the moon. I'm losing. I'm losing. Okay, I don't get one, but for sure. I was just because you know, I fan girl all the way. She's served me now in the top of the moon. I'm always like, okay, I don't get one, but for sure. I was just because I fangirl all the time over it. I'm just like, oh my God.

If you don't know what we're talking about, I nicknamed it the Clint Whisperer, because it literally speaks to your cl- if your cl- if your cl- it was good talk, it would say do what this toy does. There's no other toys that do, but the womanizer does. It looks like a lipstick, it's awesome. I actually can't believe it isn't more dominant in the

entire industry because I haven't been desensitized by it. It's just like glorious and it's just just. I know. So we just came out a few years ago. Two years, three years, hungry time to go out. Yeah, like a two and a half maybe. And it was like in all these years of doing this, it was the one product that was like, whoa, it was like, it did it to what? Like, indirect stimulation, my clitoris, like pleasure, air technology, what? That's the thing, it's indirect. So if you have like some people, you know, everyone's got different sensitivities when it comes to masturbation and like touch. And like some people have a really sensitive clitoris. And that's what I like about this,

is that on the low setting, it's indirect, it's not going to be over overstimulating. Yeah. God, I want not gonna be over stimulating. Yeah. God, I wanna go try it now. Just coming as far as like all the four play I need it. All right, it shows over, sorry guys. It shows over, yeah, yeah. I'm so done, gotta go. What if you just started dating someone?

Monthends. That's a good question. That is a good question. Again, take the pressure off. Yeah, it doesn't have to mean anything. It can just be like a fun excuse to go and do something new. Call it out too, if you're a pressure, if you're just a thing about everything about communication, Yeah, it doesn't have to mean anything. It can just be like a fun excuse to go and do something new. Play. Call it out too.

If you're a pressure, I hear the thing about everything about communication. You guys, whatever you're worried about, that you're afraid you're going to be judged, that you're afraid that this person's going to judge you, they're thinking it too. And they're like, I know it's Valentine's Day. We've only been together a month or a few times.

It's just be like, you could even just say, call it out. It's Valentine's Day. Let's do something. That's fun together. And then you go, what would you want to do? You could get tickets or something. But I don't think you have to believe that pressure to surprise. Yeah, I know it's Valentine's Day, let's do something. That's have fun together. And then you go like, what would you want to do? You could like get tickets to something, but I don't think you have to really put that pressure to like surprise, you know?

You know what's Valentine's Day? And we just started seeing each other, but let's go have fun together. I would definitely recommend just do something simple and together. Just enjoy your time together, get to know each other a bit more. And like Emily said, communicate, maybe talk about

what a fantasy of yours are talk about, like the type of sex you wanna try. Right, I'm saying it's never, ever, ever too soon to talk about what kind of sex you're into. And what is your concept? Absolutely, maybe it's so long until it goes awry or there are knees, what did you say? Maybe the sooner the better.

The sooner the better. I agree. Because I think we still all of it, like we assume that they're gonna figure it out or they'll come that right time. And to talk about it and that just that time is never going to come until you. Until you break it.

Yeah, and I always say like, you know, if you get married before you find out that your partner like really loves dressing up as a giant squirrel, like you probably will have a giant squirrel. Yeah, like you probably have a little of it. It's a no beforehand for your credibility

because now it's a lot harder to like, not take it personally in play and like take that as a playful invite. Whereas on the first date, if you just really flat out on this you can be like me not into that or like I'll try exactly and I have to say that of all the stories I've heard about like oh my god I can't believe that I remember my friend was dating this guy It was only like the first or second date and he was like I Like to cross to like throw away what's underwear and she was like okay?

Time to do it then right like she was like open like I feel like I think that he was a sheep herters we called the cross-dressing sheep her okay, do it then, right? She was like, open. I feel like we think that. I think that he was a sheep herter, so we called him a cross-dressing sheep herter, but which was fun. I did. It's cool though. That's amazing.

I know, I love it, I love it. What I'm saying is our fears are like, oh my god, this person would freak out, but what, I think most time people are just like, wow, you know what you like, they're curious, that's different, I've never heard that. I'm into that too, and you realize that when people are vulnerable and showing you what they're into, it opens up space for you to either say, God, that's interesting.

Let me, what's that all about? Like, show me how you're into that. And I'm not really sure what I'm into yet, but I'll get back to you on that, or I want to know maybe you could help me figure out what my thing is. But I think our biggest fears that we have that's going to happen when we tell someone we really want, we're afraid we're not gonna be, they're gonna reject us, they're gonna leave us and we're not gonna be loved.

Ultimately, I think is our greatest fear in every situation. So I think that you'll be surprised if you haven't had this conversation yet about what you're into, this is another great night to do that. This is like a win-win, because either you're gonna find out that your person's not down with it, in which case maybe they're not the person few

if they're not as open and also what if they really are? And all the time you're holding this in, this secret you have, and they're so cool with it. I think that's cool. I think they're not as open and also what if they really are and all the time you're holding this in the secret you have and they're so cool with it. They're cool. Absolutely. Happy with it. And when they'd be better to do this early on instead of like wasting months or years or something with this person and then finding out I can't live with that.

Yeah. I can't. I mean, it's better to find out early on and be truthful with yourself and your partner. Yeah, it's also like, it's interesting to me how we will accept each other's genitals inside each other, but we can't talk about it. That's such a good point. That's the thing I should think about. We are so much more comfortable just having the run of the mill sex than we are about actually

talking about what we're comfortable with doing and what we want to try. I just think it's kind of fascinating if you think about it. I feel like that's why Emily's always like, no, talk to each other, communicate. Right. It's true, that's all I want. I want that. And I think that now, I feel like people are getting more and more comfortable with it. But it's again, if you haven't done it, that's why you so much fear around it.

But when you do it, it's kind of haven't done it, that's why you so much fear around it. But when you do it, it kind of just like, yeah, it's all flow. It's all this energy too. And like stimulation from all the quote-unquote nerves and stuff like that, like you end up getting kind of like excited about getting that energy back. Because you're like, oh, I don't know what's going to happen, you know? I would say to the guy for an entire year, we had a like just just not great sex. Sorry for listening. But then we were up for like six months, and then when we got back together sexually, it was like because we had nothing to do

because we had the best sex ever for like, for like, example, what happened. Like we were too cautious and tender and polite when we were actually dating each other. Not even polite, because we really wanted it to work. So there was all of this pressure to like, energetically connecting like really be, just there was all of this pressure to like energetically connect and like really be Just there was no freedom to be like

Ronshi and to be kind of like just whatever comes up that day and to just like have it be messy and funny and like whatever It was even if we tried it was too much to lose and then when we had nothing to lose It was like suddenly we realized we had this exact same kinks a whole year without talking about them Oh, you're dating each other. Without knowing that we are like, you're only as weird as a child. What was the weird thing? Like dirty talk.

Like let's say, okay, I have a good example with that particular person as well. It was like he respected me too much. He would never just let himself go all nuts. And instead when we like, he had nothing to lose, you would just go way out of our normal comfort zone and describing things that he would want done to me, which was kinky enough. And when we were dating, he was like, no, never because you're right.

But then when we weren't dating, he was like, oh, fuck it. Dirty talk is hot. A dirty talk describing what you want to happen. And I found this a lot like there was, when someone like, let's say there's the threesome fantasy. I think that's a great, right now, a picture and there's a girl she's going down and use. Right, she's licking you, she's all over you, you're like going down on her, I'm whatever, right? You describe the scenario.

You wanna do that, Shannon? Do you? I'm thinking of be good at this. Well, no, I do think that Dairy Talk is fantastic, especially throughout the day. This is another thing you can do on Valentine's Day because it's on a Wednesday, right? Yes.

So it's on a holiday. I think this is another great opportunity to start kind of sexing each other. Imagine that you just started, you just met again. You're gonna have so much fun with it being very sensual and soft and Loving or you can take it a bit more intense and talk about throwing you around or I can't wait to grab a shoe Really into it. Don't hold back and you'll be amazed how Just oh when you get home from work, you're gonna just have to rip each other's clothes off.

And practice, like if your partner isn't showing up in a way that you feel it is like just the way you want it, like give them some guidance, feel like, you know, I actually really didn't like that one tiny comment but everything else is great. You know, because if they don't know what you like and like if you just want dirty talk, everyone's like very sensitive.

And the clearer you are without massive repercussions and where you guys get to know each other specifically and that's fun in itself. It's like trial and error and teaching. So you go through like, and at the text, like babe, love these texts today. I'm down with this, I'm down with this now. I don't know about the gang bang tonight.

Yeah, I agree. I'm like, you know what, let's keep that for like, for like, not into that, yeah. Like, yeah, nothing to lose you guys. This is the year of sex. This is the year of take hold of it. Get what you want, get it keep that for like three. I like it. No, it's in that yeah. I like it. Yeah, I'm not into reaching eyes. This is the year of sex. This is the year to take hold of it. Get what you want, get it filled. Get it fulfilled.

Unbound time's day or get it fulfilled and get filled up. What's up? Okay, you guys, let's answer some emails. Let's give a shout-out to our amazing sponsors. We love you so much. This is the biggest time of year for our industry. So I feel like go sexy, go shopping on a website. We've got a new sport.

Yeah, that's amazing. It's the Christmas season. And just the Christmas season. Just the Christmas season. Okay, I love you all. We've got a new sport. That's amazing Okay, I love you all. We'll be right back to answer your questions. Happy Valentine's Day Emails, okay, we are going to thank you my trusty team here. Thank you to Jamie Shannon Jenny Let's answer some emails if you have a question you want me to answer on the show, that's amazing. You could text it, text Ask Emily all one word to 797979. You get a form back and then you enter all your question and contact details. And if you want to be called, especially on the color show coming up on the eighth, let me know. Check the guest box.

You can also submit a question via sectrathm.com using the Ask Emily tab. And as always, include your gender your age Where you live and how you listen to the show? This is from Tammy 52 in Iowa. Hi Emily. I love your show and I'm so glad I found it after a 26-year marriage Then divorce and six years of working on myself. I'm finally dating. It's a little freaky the last time I was I was in the dating world was 1984 I met this totally hot guy. I'm really into he's devilishly good looking and very well hung. I've never been with a man of his size and I really want to please him. I was wondering if there's any techniques you could share for oral and anal. Thank

you. Tammy, I get it Tammy. You haven't dated since 84. You haven't seen a hung man since ever. It's a good question and And it's funny that I've said this, and I just want men who are going goddamn it. I wish the girl was asking me about my big penis, because my I don't think mine is big. I actually get more questions from women who are confused by big penises and like hate a small penis, and I dumped them for the whatever.

I just think that people trip on it. And large penis as well, they seem like that's the holy grail. I think sometimes we're a little confused by it. So when I hear big penis, I just think, Lou, Lou, Lou, Lou, you gotta use a a lot of loob make sure that you're really turned on Tammy because you don't want to have any like pain And the more turned on you are the way you're gonna open up more lubricated you're gonna be but also always add

Loob and be sure that like you know sometimes it I don't know how big it is But sometimes you it's you don't want to have to feel like you have to get the whole thing inside of you So again go slow. Let's start off with blow job to large penis. Don't put feel the pressure. You have to put the whole thing in your mouth. And this goes for any penis to be honest. I think when women talk about men who are getting blow job, you get really tired.

It's like your hands, like every blow job was like it was an infant with a hand job once, right? It's kind of all starts as a hand job anyway. You can start, like your hands are like your best friend, your hands, your tongue, your mouth, use your hand a lot, use the loose loop, you can, you know, stroke it, you can get the different areas that your mouth might not

be able to get to with oral. So what are some good oral sex? This goes for any peaches really, but like she just wants to please this guy. What do you think guys? I say first and foremost, especially with a big large penis or a hung one. Remember that the tip is one of the most sensitive parts.

Use your tongue play around the tip for a good amount. That will get it very, will get them very excited. And like Emily said, don't worry about trying to get the entire thing in your mouth. Hands are your best friend and work your tongue around the tip. So that's one of my biggest like, the tip circle around the tip, circle around the tip, tongue around the tip. So that's one of my biggest

tips around the tip. Circle around the tip, play with the head. And you can also use both your hands, your fingers, add a certain amount of texture. So if you're super lubed up on your hands and then you use them both, like you wrap both hands at the same time and then your mouth and while you're going up and down your twisting your hands because it's so well lubricated, it's like a tornado, so that's pretty fun. A tornado of the penis, yeah, it feels like a tornado. Don't neglect the balls. Don't neglect the balls.

Honestly, like, be gentle, because also some guys are very, like I feel like guys' balls are range and sensitivity, like so much, so to be gentle, but you know, don't forget about them, play around with them, put them in your mouth, like pay much. So just be gentle, but you know, don't forget about them. Play around with them, put them in your mouth. Like, pay attention to those kinds of things. Kind of also, like what I like to do at least in the beginning, and this is for all penises, but is that like start like using like just your breath, like as a tease, you know, like when you're

going to go down, even before his pants are off, like do it over his spots or over his pants, like really just kind of like use that. Like it's the same thing with women. The more you tease them, the more they're gonna want it. And so it's actually going to like arouse them more. So you're not gonna have to spend as much time with the penis in your mouth. Right.

And essentially. And then also I just love doing using ice cubes. I was gonna talk to you about that. Talk to you how you put in your mouth. You dragging it like in your mouth and then you spit out the ice cubes, your mouth is wet or you drag the ice cube along the shaft. You do all of that. Also, another thing depending and you also, you have to be careful like you don't want to choke on the ice cube. I'm just saying, I'm like

disclaimer here, you don't want to choke on the ice cube, although it will melt. So just keep that in mind, you're not going to die. But like Shannon said, the tip is so sensitive. If you keep the ice cube in your mouth, and you kind of have it somewhat in the back of your throat, and you press the tip into the ice cube, while you kind of use your mouth to suction a little bit, like I've only gotten good results. Yeah.

Again, five stars in the out for that. Another. Another. Another good tip is something you can, this is a bit more plan ahead, but if you get warm water and put a cloth in warm water to make the cloth nice and warm, wrap his penis in the cloth. Create his, get his penis a bit more more warm put an ice cube in your mouth and That'll give an extra temperature sensation to him. So it's even more warm and warm and the cold in your mouth so you can use your breath or like Jamie was just saying with the ice cube in your mouth

Give a little second, but the making his penis a little extra warm will give a bit more Sensation or temperature play. Oh, I like that. I'm gonna try that How about anal? anal with big penis go slow. It's by same tips Like even more like more leo breathe that you want to relax I mean you want to get you want to go slow and make sure that like start with fingers I don't know how experienced you are with anal Tammy, but This is where it helps to have a you know have you have your orgasm first have a clear orgasm So you're look open up and you're relaxed and you're really like breathing and it's just like slow

Breathe Slow and answer you more and more and more but then play with your club while Like play with yourself or have him play with you while he's slowly trying to open up the backside. What position do you think? People with stuff that's probably easiest all you sell to begin with, especially because that gives you... You can back up, you can control.

Yeah, it helps give you control. Or on your back too, with your your legs back if you can control. Just be communicating about it and don't feel the pressure if it hurts. Like you always want to. Yeah, stop. Like let them know. Like, this person doesn't want you to be uncomfortable, but also may not be able to pick up on your clues, especially if you can't see your face.

Like if it's doggy style, you need to be vocal. Be like, hey, whoa, whoa, slow down. Take a second. I think also, especially depending on how experienced you are, like maybe just like shallow thrusts, like not, like you don't have to be like a full in and out every time. Right, exactly. Yes.

Shally thrusts. The tissue right there is so super sensitive. So another thing is just getting yourself completely relaxed, maybe using vibrations to relax the muscles around that area. Using a little vibrator, or teezae, use a butt plug. Yes, I have a butt plug right now. Using a good butt plug, Saley. Yeah, up T London G-plug.

G-plug. The new ones, remember? Those are bits of...oh, she should get the F-T London the new big ones. The bioskin. The bioskin. Those are some... Not a fan, personally, just because I'm not a fan of, of anal stuff on me. But they're big, right.

I got it. But these are big, big butt plugs. We were like, it might have been a big, it's, you get it. You get it right. You get it right. Absolutely. Work your way up. Okay.

Good luck with you. Tammy, I'm so glad you found a good, good, honky, honky man. Okay. This is from Jill, 25 Chicago. Dear Emily, I love listening to your podcast during my commute. And I've been thinking about how to spice things up in the bedroom. I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year, and things are starting to get boring. I really don't turn down.

We talk sturdy to me, but I feel like we say a lot of the same things and it gets old. What are your favorite or dirtiest things to say or hear in the bedroom? The dirtier, the better. Thanks so much and thanks for an awesome podcast. Thank you, Jill. You're awesome because I love, we were just kind of earlier in the show talk a little about dirty talk, but I feel like,

I don't know, I know it can be really intimidating if you've never done it or even the fact that you're trying to get old. I've had these moments where I'm like, I still, even though I teach as I'm being honest, I have moments where I'm like, oh my God, I don't know what to say right now. I really do.

Sometimes it happens to me and it comes back, but I feel like can't talk about enough especially now because sexting is, you know, it's kind of all the same thing, like what you say in a sex, you say it in dirty talk. So I feel like some basic tips we've given them, we can get into some specifics, but describe the sexiest time that you had sex. So wherever it was, it could be in the first time you had sex or the first time, you know, you're in the elevator at your, you know, friend's wedding or whatever.

I just, that happened to me once. I was going up to the wedding and made sex in the elevator. But describe like a fun sexiest time you had together, something that you want to do, something that you're feeling in the moment. But how do you get really dirty? Like, I'm gonna assume that you've already done all that jail because you're asking next level dirty.

So I'm gonna turn this over here. Shannon was whipping out her phone. Although, the last one is sexy, but okay, but sex thing or dirty talk, right? Um, I think a great, like you said, a great thing for dirty talk is, yeah, talk about one of your sexiest encounters, or sexiest times, with that partner, or your first time having sex, how amazing was what they were doing, kind of like talk about that, be like, remember when we were in the elevator, and we were so nervous that someone was gonna open the door and walk in on us.

You can talk about that while you're having sex, you can whisper in each other's ears. I think this is also a great stepping stone into fantasies. Maybe bring up, oh, like I have a fantasy of, I'm going to say being dominated. Okay, maybe your partner isn't quite ready to do that. This is a time to, you can kind of be like, what if you turn me over and like, spank me right now. You can kind of start talking about little fantasies. And maybe as a fancy, you guys won't even do, but the talking about it might turn

you on or talk about your partner's fantasy and be like, what if I was like spanked you or what if I, I don't know, put on ladies underwear or whatever it was, something that your partner, their fantasy kind of whisper in their ear and that'll really turn them on. Yeah, I just think dirty, dirty, dirty. If you, I mean, descriptions are best friend. Like, even if you don't know how to

start doing it or whatever, just think about you can even like watch a porn that you think is like what you want. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, watch a porn. You're reading a rod together. And then just describe it, you know what I mean with them instead of the porn star. And it gives you endless material, really, you can look anywhere and then describe that during sex before sex on texts, see what they like, what they don't like. Or if your partner really wants something kinky, you don't have to necessarily do it, even just describing it to them, like, my get them there and be really exactly.

Yeah. And you can get creative, like, you know, if you watch a porn or whatever, maybe, like, if it's like a themed porn, like get into that kind of roleplay, like, make it, like even if it sounds cheesy, it's actually really hot when you do it. Like, as cheesy as the like, you know,

the prisoner and the cop can be like, it's actually really hot when you do it. And you get into it. You get into it and that's the thing, it's all about confidence. It's like when you second guess yourself, that's what stops you from talking. You're like, oh crap, I'm gonna sound stupid.

It's like, you know what, you're in the bedroom. No one's gonna know. No, like it's not gonna be like the next day your boyfriend's gonna's like, you know what, you're in the bedroom. No one's gonna know. No, it's not gonna be the next day your boyfriend's gonna be like, oh my God, she said this, this, this, this, and this. It's like, no, it's gonna be just between you guys. You just say whatever you want. I mean, it's difficult.

Like I had my... But she's like dirty, dirty, dirty, and she's saying you're favorite or dirtiest. And it's like, I think that's like, I can't objectively tell you, like it's so subjective, that I think what you find. And I think that if you're kind of stumped, again, I think we try to solve a lot of our sex challenges alone.

And if you are in a relationship, I love the idea, like put on porn together, right? Like Jenny just said, read Arotica. I found the sexy story babe, let me read it to you. Like I love like taking a bath. I haven't done this in years. This is something good. I'm thinking myself again.

We used to read Arotica to each other, like in the bathroom, like a bath job. bath tub and bathroom he's like on the dirt and I mean like it's good and adjectives are your best friend I will say that adjectives are your best friend yeah look them up you can look them up maybe not durian sex but before before I... Babe, I need the... I need the disorder. Let me give you a social quick. The adjectives are your best friend. That's one way to definitely get creative and dirty and just find different descriptive words for big. Right.

There's nothing new. Right. Gigantis. That's a wall-way. I think you also, sweetie, Jill, if you want to practice, like I'm serious, like there's nothing wrong with like reading something erotic and finding something that you're like, I'm just gonna take a shower, whatever you're doing and when you're going to work

in the more, I think to yourself, what did I just see and describe it? Practice, here, practice yourself saying it and then when you say in the bedroom, it won't be like, oh, I've never said this word before. And auto-bore. That's my first. I forget what book it is,

but there's a bunch of erotic stories. There's a while you're driving, you can listen to somebody reading off their own like fantasy. There's so many, There's a podcast. There is a podcast that's really good. It's really good. I can't believe what it is.

I was looking for something for somebody asked me and it was something I was putting like a rottica podcast in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really listened to them be like, oh, I'm practice. Okay, this is from Sarah 24 San Diego. Hi Emily, I'm a huge fan of your podcast and I love everything about it. I'm currently dating a coworker. It's been about four months and we're still unofficial.

I'm 24 and he's 34. He's high-roping the company. However, we don't work on the same team, department, or floor. We have very little or no interaction at the office. I already knew what I was getting into before we started dating and I recently asked to marry Sob's was going. He gave me completely valid answers.

He needs to make sure our work will never cross paths since he's older and would like to get married. He's been cautious that he doesn't jump into something. He's not 100 answers. He needs to make sure our work will never cross past since he's older and would like to get married. He's been cautious that he doesn't jump into something he's not 100% sure of. While I understand where he's coming from, even though I believe he's overthinking, my issue is that we've only had sex twice in our four months of dating. He seems to be completely hung up on the fact that we work for the same company. What should I do or say to ease his mind again to be more intimate, more often?

This is a great question, Sarah. I don't know what's going on. He's higher up in the company. I think that it is tricky. It can be tricky. I don't know if there are, you know, maybe there is some kind of policy with your work that you shouldn't be dating people in the workplace, but also you got to think about it if you guys break up. I mean, he's maybe been there a little bit longer. He's worried about his reputation. I feel like, you know, you can let him know that you'd like to see him more,

but kind of get some understanding behind it. Like, is it a real fear that he has? Has he, is there some kind of policy in place you don't know about? Because right now, well, it seems amazing, but as chemistry, you don't know what's gonna happen. If things go south, Jenny, you were gonna say something. Yes, I have a lot of experience

in between people through this, actually, because I used to work for nonprofits. It's like a big sensitive point. If you have an HR department, definitely go talk to somebody. I'm pretty sure, depending on your industry, it's absolutely confidential and you're actually doing it to protect the company. So they could draft up a document

that basically, you guys just kind of talk about it. You know, it's like a written consent of like, what you will and won't allow to bring into the office and yada yada, and it might let him relax more, especially if he's more senior than you. And also you guys have it on paper, you have permission and you're outside the company. Like it just, it is definitely sensitive

for older men in a company. And because there's nothing that can happen, absolutely. I think that you just need to ask them straight up. I was like, literally, you can let him know what you just asked me when you next time you guys are out together because you know, you're saying he gave you valid answers and it seemed like you only had sex in two months. So there's something else going on here.

It could be fear of the company. He might be dating other people. I don't really know what it has to do with, but I feel like you don't want to push this to go somewhere that he's not ready to go. So I just think it's more communication. But at the same time too, it seems like, did you tell him where you saw it going? You have a say in this too.

You're half of the relationship. So I think that's eventually you're going to be like, look, I understand your concerns, but you need to kind of tell me soon, we don't have to get fully together, but you can't keep stringing me along for what if it's another four months and you're still not official and you're still in the same spot. I'm not saying giving my ultimatum, but it just kind of make him know that the way that you feel is also valid. I think it's just an important thing to mention. And it's just hung up that you guys are in the same company. Maybe that's valid, maybe there's some other... I can't be some other things going on here. Yeah. Yeah. I think if mention. Right. And it's these hung up that you guys are in the same company. I mean, maybe that's valid, maybe there's some other, I can't, there could be some other things going on here.

Yeah. I think if you guys were having sex all the time and you was hung up about the company, it would make more sense. I guess I would ask him, like, why you're not seeing more of each other even in the casual room? Yeah, it just kind of sound like there might be something on the phone. Yeah. I would just, I would just keep asking and again, don't, you know, you don't want to pressure

him either. But I think that you got to let him know because if you're sweet if you're looking for something else right now Maybe looking for more of a relationship or more commitment. It's been four months It's enough time I think to to know how it's gonna be people kind of show you who they are and where they're at So you don't want to talk them in something he's not ready for but it's important to get more information So thank you. That's all we have time for Thank you guys That that was super fun. Happy Valentine's Day, my love.

I'm the best team ever, so thank you all, and thank you to everyone for listening. Happy Valentine's Day, just remember today of love, and at the end of the day, really love yourself first. Yes. So important, you guys. So mastery. I'm now dancing at the very least.

I'm asking you to do that. But thank you all. Thank you to my amazing team here. Thank you Shannon and Jenny and Jamie and thank you to Ken, producer, Lark and Michael and thanks everyone for subscribing to the show on iTunes and reviewing it. We love that and thanks everyone for listening. It was a good for you. Text Ask Emily279-7979.