Sex With Emily - Sexy Texts & the Art of Phone Sex

Episode Date: December 12, 2019

On today’s show, Dr. Emily is talking about the benefits of phone sex – from upping your sexual confidence to creating your dictionary for dirty talk. Plus, she’s answering your sex & relationship questions.She discusses the proper ways to navigate a phone sex or sexting conversation, how to help your partner find their confidence in being more dominant during foreplay, and ways to work on your relationship maturity.Follow Emily on all social @sexwithemilyFor even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and on Today's show, I'm talking about the benefits of phone sex from upping your sexual confidence to creating your dictionary for a dirty talk. Plus, I'm answering your sex, dating, and relationship questions. Topics include the proper ways to navigate a phone sex or sexting conversation in order to keep things hot until it reaches climax in the bedroom. How to help your husband find his confidence in being more dominant during four-play? So you feel like your level of maturity isn't up to power for a new partner. What do you do? And ways to bring back the spark when you are no longer sexually attracted to your lover of 10 years. All this and more, thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

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The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, but only? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, check out sexwithemily.com, our website is chock full of information to help you have

the sex and relationships you're looking for. Plus, find me on social media, it's at sexwithemily across the board. All right, guys, enjoy the show. I'm gonna talk to you a little bit about the ancient art of phone sex and why it's important. We have to call it ancient now. I can check it out.

Well, it feels ancient because technology that people are always wanna know about sexting, and I gotta be honest with you, I think sexting, well, it can serve a purpose is way less effective and kind of lame. Because in my experience with it, it's like, I'm maybe I'm sexting, but then I got distracted or I'm sexting, but not really sexting because I'm like at work. Right. Yeah.

Yeah, babe, that'd be hot. I want to suck your cock and then you're back to like, Jamie, so on the show today, although that'd be actually funny. I'm just saying, because it's my work, I'd be like, I'm sexting and I'm actually read this transcript on the show.

But I feel like, I feel like the great thing about it is, is maybe if you love sexting, I think that can work, but it just feels like it's just not as you're like, you have to think and cognitively be writing and then your brain's thinking of something else and I just think that bone sex is great because it actually, especially if you're in a long distance relationship, which a lot of people are, and they often call in about it, and you want to spice it up, you want to be able to kind

of share fantasies that you have indirectly. It gives you a certain anonymity because you're not face to face and have to stare in their eyes and it's just, it can be really hard to hear your partner's voice But I think and also the thing about phone sex is you can share your fantasies In a safe place you don't have to make eye contact and it can help with your dirty talk when you're actually Together because people also get tripped up around that like where do I even start? I'm gonna sound weird. I'm gonna laugh. It's gonna be awkward Well, just know this at any time you do try anything new sexually,

even the dirty talking or anything, it's, you might laugh. But I feel awkward. It might not be perfect. But there's no such thing as like perfect anything. And if it's something that you'd like to work at, just you know, you want to feel comfortable with your partner.

So, I think that, yeah, you guys, some few tips about it. I mean, I feel like, I've actually never had phone sex. Never had phone sex. I was gonna ask. Go ahead, she's the her gender. I would think that you missed it. Like, you would be texting.

Yeah. Because of 26. Yeah, so I mean, well, sexting. Yeah, well, I never had it with like a casual sex partner because I don't really like call, like I call my friends all the time on the phone, but I don't ever, well, I never had it with like a casual sex partner because I don't really like call, like I call my friends all the time on the phone, but I don't ever, like, wear my mom or my dad,

but I don't call like the people that I'm like, unless I'm like with them, you know, and I, so I do a lot of casual stuff. I think a couple times it could have happened, but I like was like so oblivious, I just didn't catch on. Right. Yeah, that makes sense. So, I sex did, but.

But is that really, were you getting off when you were sexting? Like once. I was actually like, you're actually doing it. They're in bed, all the stars aligned, you were both sexting at the same time, you weren't like making dinner and like, yeah, the other times I'm doing other shit.

Yeah, right. And it's hard, it's a connection, but it's not the like real, you know, I don't know. I think you guys could, we could learn a lot from it. So, yeah, you guys, some tips for it is I think it's good to like discuss it beforehand. You could text and say I'm thinking about you, like let's try the phone sex later. You don't just want to be like, like zero to the answer to the phone. They're like, I'm thinking about fucking you all day.

Like you got to like warm it up, like for play. So and then yeah, you want to build it up just like any sexual situation. Think of it this way with dirty talk, phone sex, getting kinkier with your partner. You don't just want to like jump to it. You want to like build it. Like everything kind of needs a little warm up and a little bit of for play. And it's going to be awkward, like I said, you guys. So laugh, it's okay, get back to it, get back to the business of the phone sexing.

So I think it's something great, and this is what I tell you guys when I talk about dirty talk is to kind of practice your voice. So it doesn't, you don't have to sound like a porn star or somebody else that you, you know, you've heard talk, it's like you find your own voice, which is typically a little bit slower, a little bit like deeper, throedier. Yeah, I was teamier, breathier. So find it, like find what you're, you know, practice. I love practicing all this stuff in the shower.

Kind of do my best work in the shower. Oh, that's such a good tip. Do it in the, I never thought to do that. I do work in the shower. Oh, that's such a good tip. Do it in the, I never thought to do that. I do everything in the shower. Wow. Wow. That's mostly what I do. And I top three of myself.

And I shampoo and stuff. Wait, I'm totally gonna do that tonight. I'm gonna talk during my self-fresh hour. Yeah, get it, go right? Yeah, that's a great idea. I never thought to do that with her. Exactly, to practice it or just to, Yeah, not just to turn yourself on with it.

Why not both? I'm gonna practice it and I'm going to turn myself on. Oh, good. Have you had phone sex? Yes, multiple times. I had a long distance relationship for like on and off for a long time and that's what we did a lot with phone sex.

I mean, this is the age before, you know, the camera. Can I put the camera on your? Right, right, exactly. I mean, I remember him even buying. He's like, oh, you know, there's this thing called a webcam. Yeah, the camera. Can you put the camera on your right right exactly. I mean I remember him even buying. He's like, oh you know there's just this thing called a webcam. Yeah the webcam. When you had to buy them from like logitech. Exactly. Yes. It wasn't like he just like could have on your computer. They didn't have those back then. So it was something like I remember him buying it for me and sending it to me and I remember like

telling my mom, oh this is just you, you know, for me. This is the package. And then I'm like, yeah, I forgot about that. I don't think you can do that. But yeah, this is before then. So I remember we first started out just with phone sex and then we started doing like camera sex. So weird, webcam, like,

oh, webcam. And how far they've come now to be on your phone. Yeah, now you can just like do, you know, FaceTime, we're just doing it. Or, you know, you know, you know, had people FaceTime you? FaceTime sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I have.

But like, yeah, definitely. Yeah, well, they are FaceTime. Yeah, and you can do it that way as well. You could even do it in FaceTime. But if I guess if you're FaceTiming, then you're going to do some like masturbation. Right. Some playing with each other. Maybe you would use a toy like the one of the Unweave I've toys which you can use with

the WeConnect app which when you launch their app, it's kind of like FaceTime and you could see your partner and control their toy which is awesome. So the thing is you guys, but you're like, what do I say? What do I do? How do I do it? And so I think if it's someone that you're already, you know, head sex with and it's your partner or even if you get sex with them once, just replay something that happened. Like, talk about, there's a few options.

You can talk about like what? I mean, there's many options that your body go wild, but talking about how hot it was when something happened in the past, like that was so hot, I would like touching myself right now thinking about when you were going down on me and what you do with your fingers and it was hot and I want to, and I think typically, I think you can play both ways and then you talk about what they did to you and then what you want to do to them or what you did to them. I remember having cock in my mouth and when you came and just kind of replay the scenarios together because you were both there.

So it's a great like you're not making anything up. You don't really have to be using your imagination. You're just sort of doing a play by play of a really hot moment when you were together. Or a few times, you can kind of put them all together like, here's the five hot times we had sex. I've been thinking about it, kind of narrating it. So that's a great way to kind of work it through together. And it's like a dialogue, but another way to do it is to also what I love about phone sex is there's so many benefits. Is that you can think about a fantasy that you actually want to happen in the future. And so you can kind of, you know, play it off them. Like a trial run.

Yeah. And also, if you haven't been able to really talk to your partner about sex before, but you're like, well, we're not actually looking at each other. It's a little less awkward. And I even want to tell him that I want my partner to spank me, for example. So when we're phones, when we're having phone stacks, I'd be like, picture us together, and you walk in the house, and you, like, let's say I want to be dominated by my partner. And I haven't really been able to explain what it means. I could say to them, like, okay, I come in, and you see that I have my support sheet handcuffs on the bed that are already there.

I under the bed restraints and they're velcro straps. Then you take those and you put them around my hands and my ankles and then you flip me over so my ass is up in the air and you come towards me and you start to tease me but you don't touch me. You could just go and then you start to like spank me and you start to tease me, but you don't touch me. And you could just go and then you start to like, spank me and you start really light with the spanking and then I can see that you're getting really hard and turned on and you won't let me touch your cock because my hands are all tied up.

Walk through a fantasy and then let them join in with it. That was like all, like honestly, really great by the way. Yes. That was just the problem. That was like in the flow. Yeah. I was like, like honestly really great by the way. Yes. That was just like in the flow. Yeah. I was like people are listening. I was going over and there was like, I was like, yes.

Definitely. I thought that was, oh my god, I was so in it. I was like, I was like, I'm picturing, yes. The scene. Yes. And you've been in my bedroom many times, Jamie. So yeah, so I'm picturing that. And like, would you like to ask questions? So what would you do next? And then you can have Jamie. So yeah, so I'm picturing that.

Would you like to ask questions? So what would you do next? And then you can have me like, yeah, that's hot. I picture, you're wearing that little red dress that I got. You're okay that I know. My partner wants me to wear that red thing. And we're going to take out that toy and use it on you. And you go back and forth.

And then my partner, whoever, this is a fantasy partner right now. And then he could be, maybe that would be a great time for him to say, like, I'm picturing you, tell me, you know, I want you to call me daddy. And then I could be like, hmm, I've never really wanted to call a guy daddy, but maybe I could, I'm like, okay, daddy. And then I'm playing it out with him, right? And we're role-playing it, we're throwing it around

and we're kicking up ideas and also know this. Even if your partner says something like, I'm not sure that I'm into that, it's okay to keep going with it because the sweet spot would be in playing these fantasies back and forth and being like, I don't want to call you daddy, but I will call you this. Just kind of like new things will come up for you when you walk down this path and it's a great way to kind of explain what you want.

Go back and forth. Talk about fantasies and if you don't have any, I guess you could think about things that have happened to you in the past that you liked, maybe this recent partner doesn't know about it. I'm picturing really long oral that goes on for an hour and a half hint hint. Yeah, but like, yeah, working the things in that are, you know, around you. So props that you have, outfits you want to wear,

places you want to have sex. And again, you guys, there's two kinds of fantasies, absolutely, like there's the ones that we just wanna, like, fantasize about. And actually, there's the ones we just wanna keep to ourselves, like, I guess there's three. There's three kind of fantasies. There's the fantasies that you wanna actually happen

in real life that are possible, or that we wanna happen. Then there's the ones that are only in our heads, for our heads only, like, I never, oh my God, if anyone could see inside of my head right now, and then there's the ones that, like, just kind of want a dirty talker with my partner but I don't actually want it to happen. So yes there's three maybe it's one and then yeah you guys can call us with any questions about phone sacks or any of your sex questions triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven. I like that making it a dialogue too

because I feel like sometimes like especially if someone's trying to drive it more than the other 247 8277. I like that making it a dialogue too. Because I feel like sometimes, like especially if someone's trying to drive it more than the other person, they're like just doing all the work or they think they have to do all the work or if the partner's like, I really want a dirty talk.

They just like shut up and look at you and wait for you to do it all. It's like, hey, this is a back and forth. This is a back and forth. You don't want to just be speaking, you know, be a monologue. Very talk is not a monologue. You caught me monologue.

Derby dialogue, yeah, exactly. So I think, yeah, exactly. It is a dialogue between two people and you don't have to say, it doesn't have to be elaborate. You like, want to know what I was thinking about or what's the hottest time we've had sex? Tell me right now, like when you get on the phone, maybe your first thing would be like, what's the, you know, what do you remember most about when we had sex last time? Yeah, that was hot.

Tell me more about why you liked it. You know, you just kind of ask each other questions back and forth. And I think to hear your partner's voice, then just being descriptive, get the juices flowing, and it's going to make it easier for when you want a dirty talk together. When next time you have sex. and it's gonna make it easier for when you wanna dirty talk together. When next time you have sex. I think that it's the same kind of thing that you have to also build up to it. So I always remember that sign fall episode.

When he has that awkward dirty talk with someone, do you remember this episode? I don't know if you guys do, but he said, he said, he doesn't know why he did it, side-fell. He was with this woman. He's like, right now, he's like, talk dirty. He talked dirty to me. He's like, I'm picturing the underwear, the panties that you're, that you daddy laid out for you. She's like, what? Oh, Chris, you're thinking about my dad, my dad. And then he was like, I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why.

I don't know why. I don't know why. So we... It's really good stuff. Yes. Oh my god, yes. Yeah. So I think, I think yeah, you know, start with like just some things that have already happened

if you're feeling it out with your partner. Um, it would be a little bit, you know, start with like just some things that have already happened if you're feeling it out with your partner And we little bit, you know, let's play around and I'll see you guys use toys. I think toys are awesome. It's fun to To like if you are actually because I think if you're putting the effort into phones X you should actually be masturbating doing it together So it's really fun like I said to use the we vibe toys which have an app that is called we connect and your partner You can control it partner can control it. You can control it. You could both be using the toys and controlling them each other. You can launch their app, play with it. It's a good time.

Okay, we're going to take a quick break and we come back. We're going to get into your questions. All right, let's serve as Katie. She's 39 and 10 to see. She wants to know how to teach her husband to be more dominant. All right. Hey, Katie. Tell me what's going on.

Hey, how are you? So good. Thank you. How are you? Good. Good. I'm good. Thank you.

Love it. So, yes, I would like from a us to be more dominant in the bedroom. And I think he confuses it with being like an asshole like, hey, do this. Like, do that. I'm like, no, no, no. I need you to be more caring and like instructive versus domineering and like being in aggressive about it. Got it. Okay. Not his personality. Right. Well Katie Have you let him know? Do you kind of know like if you had closed rise right now Could you run through the whole roleplay like fantasy in your head of what you want when you say dominant?

Oh, yeah, oh Perfect. And we've done it well like one time. He did it fantastic Oh, that's it. But I think outside of the bedroom where he's like maybe when he's trying to start or playing then he's kind of confused about how the caring aspect of a dominant would be to a submissive. Okay. Well, he just needs some information. Yeah. Well, me what you want. Do you want it to be like? Like what would you want in those moments when he's doing something cringey when we've all been there? What would you like instead because then you could just tell him that and say you could be like,

Baby, I love God that one time you nailed it. Maybe he needs to be reminded honestly. I don't remember everything that I do Like if I did something great six months ago, my boyfriend was like, what about that time? I'd be like tell me what I did so maybe you could be like that time was so hot. And now I know that you've been trying. But what would be really hot is if when we're in the kitchen, you say blank. And then what would that be, Katie? That would be, you know, I don't know, like, they love you like paid on me in the end. Maybe tell me to get on my knees and say, yeah, yeah, sweetly. So you could say either you could

say, I can direct him like online or something. I would find some point. This is where I think porn is useful. You could either find porn that has like you could literally put in like dominant if you feel like going down that road or you could just roleplay with it and be like, I want you to be like, babe, I want you to be like, whatever you just said, you're so, you know, you're sexy, let's have sex, but at first you got to get on your knees and I, you like, you want a more like, okay, babe, now pretty, like you want them to like grab your face and be like, hey, pretty wife, like, I want you to get on your knees now and I'm more like, okay, now pretty, like you want them to like grab your face and be like, hey, pretty wife, like, I want you to get in your knees now

and I'm gonna pull my pants and then you're gonna suck my dick, right? That's what you want. No? Yes? Yeah. Oh, yes, okay, good. So that, I mean, okay, right, that's what it sounds like.

You wanna be like, hey, now some women would want you little slut, like, to put my dick and choke, like, so it's all different. So he's just doing the best he can. Now Erica Lust is one of my, now you gotta pay for her porn. Maybe she's a free whatever, but it's totally worth it. And one of my favorite is she's got a dumb sub, she's got hundreds of movies on her site,

porn it's made by a woman, for a woman. She's, I think her porn is a hot, so maybe if you could find a scene in there, it's called X Confessions with the, as we say the letter X, letter X. It is the letter X, X Confessions.com. We're gonna put it in our show notes. So Katie, I think just being playful

and telling him that, and then he'll get it, you know? Cause he already got the other part down. It's just that cringy wrong part that you're like, oh, oh. So I think just either telling him or finding a little clip and sending it to him. You know, because he already got the other part down. It's just that cringy wrong part that you're like, uh-oh So I think just either telling him or finding a little clip and sending it to him and saying this is what I want But you just have to go to like one of the porn hubs or go to air colust, okay? You got your clothes Katie you're so close It's just not nor you know any pavi hasn't done it the other way Maybe doesn't remember that he did it right the last time and how he did it to remind him.

I loved that time when you were in the bedroom and you did ABCD and then say, and. And your information helped, yes. Your information helped tremendously because when you search for the dominant stuff, it's more the act of the sexual act versus the role play for play before he is. Right.

So if Eric and us just got kind of from start to finish, then that's what I'm looking for. Right. She does. She's got the plot, how they met coming in, but it's not too long. It's so really hot. So that's why I love her because she's more speaks to what we want. We want to know how they met.

We want to know their relationship. Yeah. Well, I'm glad it's been helpful. And we do have some information on our site for for beginning kink beginner dom sub. We've got great stuff on our site. It got to say just search it. We'll find it. So for dom sub and all that, well, let me know how it goes.

Now I'm going to be dying to know. Keep me posted. Thanks for calling. Yeah. There's this particular one on Erika Lust, because I love her porn. That it shows not exactly like down to the tee, what Katie was saying,

but it's very much like the endearing parts of being a dumb to sub like very much. He's like, what do you want? Like tell me what it is that you want me to do to you kind of stuff. And then also like being like, you're gonna do these things. But like being very sweet about it. Like it's not like you're strong and throwing around

and all of that. It's super hot. Super hot. Okay, now I want to go home and watch it. It's actually in my account, in my schedule. We have a bin, 25 inch cargo. He says, his relationship started with a dick pick and he needs advice.

Hey Ben. Hi Emily. Hi, so you're the one that it worked for. Yeah, I heard you stay on a podcast if it ever works for you. I'm so glad to hear from you. So what happened? Okay, so you sent a dick pick and you're in a relationship from you. So what happened? Okay, so you sent a dick pic and you're in a relationship.

And now what's happened? Not in relationship so over just to get that out of the way. Okay, got it. I think it was a big relationship. It was a what? It was a great relationship. Okay, good. A little great.

Okay. Yeah, I want to, yeah. I started that. Where do you want to go here? I kind of want to know. Yeah, well, I want, yeah. Where do you want to go here? I mean, I kind of want to know, just like I know I want to know, I want to know how that happened. You just sent a dick pic like out of the blue. And so, yeah, that's the whole thing of the story. Oh.

We met on Zomzom, all ended up becoming friends on Snapchat, just in App Chatting. And I've heard this story time and time again of your girls getting dick pics and just being like what the hell like I don't like this and it's just not does a period in girls don't like it and I've heard it time and time again but for some reason I just I don't know why I had this urge to want to do it I thought for some reason that girls would be attracted to it it would turn them on.

Me having somewhat of a nice body, that would be a good thing. So it was never anything about dicksize or anything like that. So I ended up sending, it was actually like a Snapchat video. And of course it was unsolicited, I kind of ran them. And when she opened it, she was with all of her friends. So it wasn't just

her that solid her friend solid as well too and I guess they like recorded the thing so it was saved and then I got the nickname big dick bin which was the first I ever heard of that okay it's not a bad name I guess it wasn't like like a small dick band. You might wouldn't be calling right now. Yeah, I've never heard that before. So that was the first of me ever here at two. And I never really went anywhere with that. We just ended up talking. She finally ended up hanging out with me.

And she just kept telling me that she thought my dick was big. I was like, no way. I've never heard that before. She's like, you're telling me, nobody's ever told you this before. I'm like, no way. I've never heard that before. She's like, you're telling me, nobody's ever told you this before. I'm like, no. And she just wore by it. She did all her friends' thoughts though.

And I was like, okay, so ended up becoming friends with benefits for a little while. It was great. And that ended up with great. Got it. So you got it, okay. Got it. All right.

So great. And that would happen. So you are the exception. Let me just say this. I don't want to guys to start taking, because I can just picture a bunch of guys right now, taking out their phones and snapping pictures. So I just need to stop before you ask your question right now

and say this is the exception, not the rule. Put your phones away and your penis back in your pants. But Ben, what's going on? What's your question? You wouldn't do it again. I get it. I will never do it again. I get it. I would never do it again, but it wasn't a success story. Okay. All right. So how can I help you so that it ended?

It ended. I'm not laughing at that. Yeah. I think it just ended due to a maturity on my end, lack of compromised and hard work in the relationship. And I just wanted some advice on how to match the maturity of your partners when there's so much more mature than you. And then looking at other successful relationships, I see lots of very strong young women, typically with older men, because I feel like it's just like their maturity. Levels and math. Ben, Ben, you sound very mature for your age and that is so insightful because it is true. Like it's you, they men and women just mature at different levels, different paces. Women typically are a little bit more mature.

And if a woman says to you in big actor a, you mature, you don't even know what they mean because no one really even taught you maybe probably not. There's not a great model, a great role model. And we don't even know what's normal. And maybe what was normal then accepted, like maybe it was more toxic or it didn't maybe the way your dad was didn't feel quite like you, you got to figure it out on your own. And it's tough to know. And I think the first step is just really starting to like ask questions. I mean, the first step is just really starting to like,

ask questions. I mean, the other thing is don't be hard in yourself, Ben, either because the thing is it's like, and I was two in my 20s, I was like, why don't I know more about this or that? Or I should be a certain way. But the truth is like, you haven't lived enough. Like part of the wisdom and part of the emotional intelligence

comes from actually like going through stuff, experiencing things, and having real conversations with people. But if you haven't, in your life's been pretty good, there hasn't been a lot of crisis yet, Ben. No one's died in your family. You haven't been to therapy yet, right? You haven't had trauma. You've had a pretty good life so far in Chicago.

So the thing is, I feel like people who go through sometimes stuff earlier in life, it could be divorce, it could be death, it could be death, it could be anything at all. These people typically have a little bit more of emotional depth, if you will, because they've had to experience like loss or change or trauma or something that was really disturbing

so that they had to like deal with their feelings. And it doesn't mean they're superior to you in any way. It just means they've had to like feel things more. And sometimes women feel a little bit more than men. We talked to our friends about our emotions. From a young age, and this is an agreed book by Luanne Brissey and called the female brain, and she talked about her, there were babies, just like six months old, a boy and a girl. And the girls at a very young age are making eye contact with their moms, and they're wanting to communicate and talk about things with the boy babies are just not. They're not as interested in that at a very young age are making eye contact with their moms and they're wanting to communicate and talk about things where the boy babies Or just not they're not as interested in that at a very young age. So yes, many women are different

But typically we express things to our friends So that's another pathway to emotionally getting yourself more emotionally in shape if you will so Ben I would suggest for you just like asking questions when you're at the women like paying attention saying well, what would you like more for me? Or asking questions about them, how they feel about things. And looking at yourself, like, how do you feel about things? Like, how do you, you know, do you ever, you know, have you ever been to therapy or been interested in any kind of self-improvement, if you will?

Like, what do you do for a living? Ben. I pay train dogs and I'm a logistics broker. Oh, logistics. Okay, logistics broker. So you're into, like you can kind of figure out systems, just like you don't smart guy, but you're good with animals.

Like I feel like it's the thing about emotions is really just, is there anything you can do in your job that would help you advance or learn more? Like could you take a course? Could you, do you want to stay as a logistics manager? Yeah, just constantly learning, problem solving and staying ahead of the curve being proactive and stuff like that.

And that's the way I'm looking at this breakup as just as a self reflection and trying to become a better person. Exactly. So that's how at 25, just ask questions reflecting and knowing that like, I feel like in applying things that you're learning, like at work, like your brain to your real life situation,

like how would you solve problems in your life? But I'm also telling you that you do like out of this relationship, it ended. Think about what, this is what I can tell you how you could become more intelligent, at least on a date or what you want is think about and write the stuff out then. What did I really like about that relationship?

What made me feel the best about it? And what did I like? And what did I do well? And what could I do better in the next one? And I think that we often go from one relationship to the next, we just swing from one limb to the next. We're like, oh, relationship relationship. And we never stop and think about it what we want.

And then we just end up ending in relationship for a long time with someone we don't want until we do this, you know, that we don't even know ourselves. So take the time to figure out what you want now Ben and you'll feel figured out. I promise. Okay, so we got a woman from Instagram here. She's 31. She says, I've been with my husband for 10 years and I'm not sexually attracted to him

anymore. He's 63. Okay. All right. So obviously the age difference makes this one a little bit trickier. But let me start with this. Many people are with their partners for 10 years and they find that their sex life wins.

It just does. They're attraction wins because you know when we're in that honeymoon phase, everything feels amazing. But that is a pretty big age difference. And so what I think would be great is if you talk to your husband and you let him know that there might be some other things that you guys would like to try together, maybe his sex drive is slowing down a little bit. Maybe he would be cool with you opening up

and experimenting and maybe trying new things with him. I mean, I would say for 10 years it's been great and you guys haven't talked about any of this stuff. I think that in every relationship there's a new time, it's always a good time to start saying like, okay, things are getting a little stale. Whether you've been together for 10 years, there's an age difference, are you been together for five years or five months? There always come to time in a relationship, and my advice is to do it sooner than later when you're like, okay, let's talk about our sex life. Let's figure out ways to keep it hot, to keep it interesting,

just make sure that we don't get bored, right? And like, what turns you on, what turns me on, what are some of your fantasies? Let's go to a sex toy store and go shopping. Let's figure things out. Like, let's just, and then remember you guys, they're like, micro-conversation. So it's not a one-time conversation.

You're having it all the time. So, you know, with the age difference, I don't want to make assumptions here, but I'm going to say that like 63, 31, maybe he would be cool with, I don't know what, open it, he'd be open to whatever you think it would take for you to be sexually satisfied right now. Maybe it's with him, maybe it's with others.

I'm not sure, but I would think that with that age difference, that's just a very big time separation, you know, year separate 30s of on years. 30 years. I mean, it is such in different points of your life at that point. Exactly. And then do people think about, I mean, I don't want to get more bit here, but they expect like, you know, you're obviously he's going to go before her. Yeah, to hospice, right? And take care of them. I just feel like that's like, is that when age difference becomes a problem? Yeah, I do think that a 30 year, I mean, granted, if she was 60, he was 90. I don't know if they made it to that point, but still, like, that's right now,

they're at that 30 60 point. And they're, and I think that this is where it means just you guys all know you, you have to understand that your sex life is going to change in your 20s, your 30s, your 40s, your 50s, your 60s. So we all have different theories about, you know, sometimes age differences work for people. You hear stories all the time, but knowing that your sex drive, your interest, your energy level, and everything's gonna change with each decade, the more decades you have separating you, the bigger challenges is gonna be. And I don't think that people often think about that. They're just like, oh, we can make it work,

we'll be making it together at 21. She's 21 now, she's 31. Now, he might be slowing down. I mean, now that's 63, and anyway, it doesn't't people in their 60s have amazing sex. So eight people in their 80s and 90s. You can have sex for a long time right now, but she might be surprised that by talking to him about this, maybe there's places they haven't even gone yet. Couples re-spark their sex life and the relationship all the time and a lot of them do it by listening to this show. I'm gonna say it or listening to our podcast. We released three podcasts a week.

A lot of couples have found that like they thought it was over, it was gone, they were never gonna get it back and then they start getting their sexual confidence back together by listening to the show. If you like this show, gosh, I love when you rate us. It really helps if you rate us. Five Stars is great. Wherever you listen to the show, especially in I love when you rate us. It really helps if you rate us. Five stars is great. Wherever you listen to the show, especially in iTunes, it really helps us, because we released three shows a week

and we love doing what we do. So thanks for doing that and email me any topics you want to hear more about or any feedback on the show to feedback at sexwithemily.com. And thanks to my epic, incredible team for another incredible year. Ken, Kristen, Alisa, Brennan, producer, Jamie, and Michael.

Was it good for you? E-Malmy, feedback at sexwithamilique.com.