Sex With Emily - Shaming, Blaming & Somatic Sex Training

Episode Date: September 9, 2016

Ever wonder how the experts improve their own sex lives? In today’s show, Emily and Menace check in with Emily’s Somatica coaches Celeste & Danielle to reflect on her experiences with somatic sex therapy so far. Then it’s on to your emails!   How do you keep yourself from getting stuck in the friend zone with a new crush? What’s the best way to share your STI status with a new partner? What do you do when the source of your relationship insecurities also happens to be a good friend? Emily and Menace tackle these sex and dating difficulties, and Emily opens up about some of the most important things she’s discovering about herself as a lover—because everyone can still learn a thing or two! From relationship revelations to lube etiquette to choosing “man’s best friend” over your girlfriend, this podcast is chock full of lessons to help you become a better lover (and friend). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Today's show, we're going to teach you how to overcome some of the most common relationship roadblocks, whether you're lovers, friends, or somewhere in between. And we'll also be checking you with my sex coaches Celeste and Danielle, discussing some of the amazing revelations that have helped me become a better lover. Believe it or not, I were always learning, and I know they're going to help you too. So stay tuned, thanks for listening. I'm not typically the type who likes to be tied down, but there's one place I will make an exception.

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Trust me, I've had mine set up for three years now and it still gets plenty of use if you know what I mean. Plus, there are three levels now and it still gets plenty of use if you know what I mean Plus there are three levels of restrained systems to choose from giving you the option to explore at your own pace Just check them out on our site click on the sports sheets banner on my website or visit sportsheets.com That's spoRTS H-E-E-T-S dot com and use code Emily at checkout to save 20% off your order ets.com and use code Emily at checkout to save 20% off your order. Book into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex.

Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Emily. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common, all right? What do you mean, like laundry? It shrinks? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so, so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can do so many amazing things in our website. You can go shopping, shop with Emily. You know, I always talk about my favorite toys and products and you can get them all there. And you can also just subscribe to the podcast. So easy. I'm here with Menace. He taught me that you can get them all there. And you can also just subscribe to the podcast. So easy.

I'm here with Menace. He taught me that you can. What, right reviews and rated or what? That you can, not only, yes, please subscribe. It helps us with you two shows a week, but you can rewind. You can, it keeps your place in line. The podcast, if you're subscribed

and you listen to podcasts and then your mom calls and you go back to the podcast, if you're not subscribed, it'll go back to the first minute of the podcast. If you're subscribed and you listen to podcasts and then your mom calls and you go back to the podcast, if you're not subscribed, it'll go back to the first minute of the podcast, you'll go back to the second. But now, it can go back to minute 17. That's great. And then review us and menace. Everyone reviews us when you tell us to do that.

Sweet, yeah. There's like so many more reviews. That would really help the show. If you can just write a little review, I don't care the amount of stars that you put. If you don't put five stars then Emily cries I just cry for like a minute. I'm trying to let go of things a lot quicker But also the shows on many different platforms not just iTunes you can go to

sexamely.com you guys are on SoundCloud Google Play Stitcher Spotify podcast one Google play, Stitcher, Spotify. Podcasts, I don't know. I didn't work. I know everyone is trying to be the podcast. Everyone's podcasting now. You remember when you wanted to podcast and everyone was like,

what is that? Now everybody, everybody, it's crazy. I know what you're supposed to do. Literally everybody has a podcast. It's cool, but what's going on in your life? But one more thing, quickly, snap us. This is important. Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram, all at sex with Emily.

And because because we could do some fun things there on the Instagram. Yeah, we can. Like, people still talk about the bikini photo, but as they're saying, I listen to the end. I've never had so many likes on a photo of my entire life. And also Facebook.com slash sex with Emily. You see what's on your. See what's going on there. On your Instagram these days. Ooh, sex with Emily. You see what's on your. See what's going on there.

On your Instagram these days. Ooh, sex with Emily. Mr. Skin podcast. I was on the Mr. Skin podcast. It was so fun the other day. Yeah, he's got a new podcast. Everyone should check that puppy out. Let's see, so that's that.

There's a photo of you on a computer with a dog. Yeah, little Helen man. He's here. There's a lot of pictures with me. The dog always tries to hump my leg. Oh man, you love it, you love it. So yeah, go there. Go there. Go there.

It's true. And also before I forget, I'm gonna be in New York, September 24th and 25th in Brooklyn. Nice. Sexual health expo. You guys, if you've been listening, you know for the last year and half, we've done four shows around the country. The New York one York one was I think by far one of the best last year

Your sauce your kills it and then on Saturday the 24th of September I will be doing a live podcast at one o'clock and Just check it out go to the sexual health expo site or go to my banner on the website and do that and also It's still September we're in September well into it now. We are celebrating back to sexual confidence month instead of back to school, back to sexual confidence. So we're gonna give ways all month to help you better sex. And it all starts with confidence. Cool. Yeah, that's it, man. So what's

going up with you? Up with you, down with you. Down up. Well, I mentioned that I was getting a new dog. Yes. I got a new dog, Jimmy. She's so cute. I love her. I can already tell that I love her. She's all black, French bulldog with the white belly. And she's very, very cute. And my other dog, Cheryl, is very happy.

So, Chimmy and Cheryl. That's really cute. And they're cute together. Can you bring, you can't bring her out yet, though. I can't bring Chimmy out yet. She needs. For how long? Like a month. Probably yeah three or four more weeks and then she's all good and then she can run around and pee all over the office. Okay nice.

I wouldn't even care. Yeah. Because your dog's my dog. They're a dog can pee. You can pee all over the place if you want to as well. Yeah. So that's going on. My dad's having his 60th birthday so I'm going to Reno. Reno? I love it. My aunt lives there, so we're all going there. Okay, that's nice. I wish I was going to the Bay Area. But nothing against Reno, it's just, it's a little bit of a trek.

I got it. From Los Angeles. It is, right? Yeah. I know. I was gonna go, my friends were going to Burning Man, and I was gonna go, but. Burning Man.

Well, because you go and fly into Reno, and every year I'm gonna go, because I went 10 years ago, but I don't go anymore. Wait, isie man this weekend? Yeah, it was last week. It was last week. It was last week. It was a labor day labor day Okay, I was about to say I'm not driving through all the no birdie man stuff No, no, no, no, no, you've been a birdie man. I guess I happened to bring man people know a birdie man It's a crazy party in the desert. Yeah, is it really that sexual or what? No, it can be. Here's the thing.

That stuff going on. Unfortunately, I didn't see any of the sex stuff happening. I would have partake. I mean, it's everything. I mean, it's like a whole city. It was like 50,000 people. Like, you just yes, there's sex parties. Yes, there's lots of drugs.

Yes, there's lots of everything. But it's really what you find. I mean, I did hook, but you know, my biggest regret about my burning man. I went twice, but my burning man experiences that I got damn ran into my ex boyfriend like the date first day Ah, and I ended up looking up with him the whole time I could have gotten some new D. Yeah, and I was with the ex and I like still loved him We broke a hop and was like oh my god, so passionate and then the douchebag We were we were there we had this passionate weekend and we were dry and he's like, well drive with me back to San Francisco

We're driving back and we're going over the Bay Bridge and I'm like, so like, what does this mean for us? He's like as far as I'm concerned, nothing's changed Drop me off of my house. I was so hurt because we had like all these experiences and we cried It was the temple. There's like a temple there that they burned and he was the greet emotions and feelings and then that was it. But it wasn't amazing. You were causing us fines, whatever. So that was something I learned.

Yeah, I learned from that. And that was fun. And then also later on the show, we're going to be talking to Celeste and Danielle because you know I've been taking my three months, I've been taking it so far, my somatic training, which has been really transformative for me as a sex educator because I just think in life that you are never done learning.

Like you really are not, I think that that's just what keeps you, you know, you're never done learning about yourself and in relationships. If a relationship isn't constantly moving forward and you're not growing, it's going to die. If you don't keep challenging yourself to grow and to learn, you're just going to like, what's the word? You're going to stabilize you're just gonna like, what's the word? You're gonna stabilize. You're going to, what's the word I can't think of it? You're going to, you know what I mean?

Whatever, stagnate. Stagnate! God damn your turn is making me, yeah. So one of my favorite quotes is from Woody Allen's Annie Hall. And even if you hate, you know, whatever, Woody Allen, because you know, the whole child molestation thing, you should check out his Annie Hall Manhattan. But what he says about relationships,

he says relationships, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or dies. And I think what we got in our hands is a dead shark when he's breaking up with Annie Hall. But it's true that you want to constantly, you know, people, this is why people stagnate in relationships and they stagnate in life. So you got to keep growing.

So that's why I'm taking this course. And I have to say it's, I've gotten so much more out of it than I ever could have expected. You know, I've had a lot of therapy and all that stuff. But even after, so last weekend, when I was there the last weekend was about, with the focus was on female sexuality. And you know how you're always saying that the vagina

is the root of this cube of life. And I always do have compassion for men in that area, but I had so much more compassion for men after this weekend because you realize that not only is the vagina difficult, but female sexuality is so complex because so many women don't understand their own sexuality. They don't, not only do they not understand their own bodies And what makes them feel good, but they don't even know like what they want like even if

Sometimes they know what feels good like they're not even sure like really how to explain that to their partner They have some shame around telling their partner what they want and they just don't know how to communicate their needs and ask for what they want and We're so like disembodied meaning like we're not really connected to our minds and our bodies are not connected. And it just tell me see what's possible for women. And we had to do these, um, these exercises. So I was with this man, I was paired up with this guy. And there was an exercise where it was all about touch, right? So our clothes are on. But he had to start just touching me in my arm. Like, you know, it feels good. Touching me, we where up like I was my back or my wherever you want them to yeah, and His and I had to tell him like

What would make me feel good like and he just started touching me was like too hard and then he'd be like using it And I felt like my first inclination my first instinct was like oh, it's fine. Don't worry You know how we do like oh don't worry about it, but I had to like really that actually I was like no no no don't use your fingertip like don't use your nails Use your fake notes slower slower no that doesn't feel good on the vein You know I had to really like direct him and in my mind because I'm thinking myself Well, what does it feel like when it does feel good and when it does it and like it was such an interesting Exxuotize because we actually finally got there. It was like a ten-minute exercise and I was like oh, he can make me feel good. But if I had hooked up with him once, like, let's say I was

went out with him one night, I'd be like, this guy is not my guy. But now it's like, you realize it like maybe his last girlfriend wanted to be touched with deep claws into her arm, you know? So then, you know, you just learn how to communicate and you also learn that like, it's so confusing for men. Like it and it could change from woman to woman and Um, the woman's job bottom line is to figure out, you know, what you want and to have to learn to ask for it Which is what we talked about last weekend when I was now just because we're getting you listeners all the time Samatica, do you have a quick brief? Yeah, so Madica is all about Slesa and Danielle teach it. I think their website's Samatica Institute and

is all about sless and Danielle teach it. I think their website's Sematic Inst too. And Sematica is the practice of becoming embodied. And that is that a lot of us are so disconnected, we're so in our heads, we try to think our way through life. And so a lot of the information we have is in our bodies and in our heart and in our breath. And a lot of times we get all these anxious thoughts, but if you really just like slow down and our usually the thoughts come from our bodies and we get a stress response

something and then we start thinking thinking. So it's a way of just dropping into yourself your body and your emotions and what's happening and then learning like like what's happening with you and this has to do with it gets more of a sex coaching thing. So for example, for in a relationship, I might not be able to explain to you, like in my head, I might be thinking like, God, you know, it doesn't, like I said, it doesn't feel good what you're doing in bed

or I might be trying to placate you or I might be trying to please you. But if I'm really in touch with my body, and I know what I like, then in the moment, like I'm gonna know what feels good, what doesn't feel good, I'm gonna be able to consent to things that I do want and that I don't want.

So it just doesn't matter. It teaches you how to actually connect, because we have all the answers we need and to figure out what you want. And a lot of it is about figuring out what our core erotic theme is. Like we all have these things that turn us on, but a lot of us don't even know what that is.

Or we've repressed it because we have shame around sex. So it's just really figuring out like what pushes your buttons, what turns you on. And learning that for yourself and then how to express that to a partner. I mean so many women don't ever fantasize. They don't ever think about, you know, things that will turn them on. And it's okay to fantasize like that's completely healthy. It doesn't mean you can tell your partner, but that's part of being embodied and having a fulfilling sexual experience. And then it also, well, you'll hear on the call

because I want to talk to Celeste and Danielle more about it, but that's really what it is, somatic cod. They kind of, it's somatic therapy, but there's this called somatic cod. They kind of trademarked it. So that's what it is. Good. So I'm what it is. Good. So I'm very connected.

Nice. What else do you go to? I feel you. I feel you. I feel you. A lot of things are going on. Let's see. I'm going to Michigan, because you my family.

Nice. I miss them very much. And I've been just, I don't know. I've just been like working and playing and not really dating a little bit, having dating. Oh hey. Hey. Actually just how?

Well I was doing the tinder thing your fault because you were swiping for me. But I don't know, I'm just meeting people in the real world that I like, but nothing, okay, there's nothing that I can talk about right now, but I think that there's somebody that I like. Oh really? And it's somebody that I like. Oh really? And it's somebody that I've known and more to come. Okay.

Yeah. It's a cliffhanger for everybody. For Xbox. Okay. Let's get some sex in the news. All right. Because that's really what's happening. Okay.

This is for you, menace. All right. People Instagram their dogs more than their significant other. True or not true? Do I Instagram my dog more than yeah of course. Okay well dog owners love their pets more than their significant others maybe. Rover.com a site used to find pet sitters and dog walkers they investigated this they did some deep investigation. So it showed that those surveyed care more about their dogs

than work significant others and traveling. Who knows about that? I don't think that you would. I know definitely do love your dog more than your girlfriend. No. Dogs and not more than traveling. But I love my dogs. I know. But I'm definitely not that over over the top, you know, dog lover like my coworker. His dog passed away and he was crushed for dates. I mean, that hasn't happened to me yet, so God forbid. But he was crushed for days. He has a tattoo of his dog's name. That'll be you. Yeah, maybe that'll be me one day.

But at this point in time, no, it's not. Right. Okay, but I mean, oh, you know that I, I baby those dogs. But like, I know, no, I love it. Because even when I dogs it, I realize it, if I look at my Instagram, it's mostly pictures of me with other people's dogs and with vibrators.

Yeah. So that's my Instagram feed and the occasional sexy shot. But it's a 65% of those surveyed admit to taking more photos of their dog than their friends or significant others. And 51% believe it's hard to find the perfect dog walker than it is to find a spouse. And 83% dog owners met someone during their walks. These are over the top dog owners. Okay, but dude, you have an Instagram account for both.

Did you just start a new one? Yeah, of course. For change. Why couldn't you just change it to chimimmy and Chunga or whatever? They, they have their own personalities. They don't need to be caring. You think you're not going to be like tattooing both of their faces on your face when they die. I mean, really?

Like you could do Chimmy and Chunga. What is it? Chimmy and Chiro. Chimmy and Chiro. They had to have separate. So now you got to log in to different accounts. Yeah, but Instagram finally made it easy where you can switch betweeniro. They had to have separate. So now you got to log in to different accounts. Yeah, but Instagram finally made it easy where you can switch between accounts.

They did. Can you help me do that? Yeah. I only have one, but just in case I want to start one for the my dog, well I'm dog sitting. Yeah, so Chimmy is Chimmy the Frenchie on Instagram. That's CHIMMY, the French F-R-E-N-C-H-I-E. And then Cheryl is my dog, Cheryl.

Right, thank you. If you like to follow that, let's do it. So that's my sex and new story, you know? Right, okay, God, we'll follow you. I follow you, I follow you everywhere you go. So, but no, I definitely, I don't have to clean up my girlfriend shit every day. No, yeah, we're not sure, like, 95. Shit and piss, so I don't think that I'll be loving them more than her.

No, but let me say this about this. I know this is like kind of a silly study, but I have to tell you just, like, having it, just, I'm just dog sitting, right? Yeah. The cutest little dog, Halerman. And so last night, I was walking, this was actually really funny. I was walking Halerman down Melrose. It was after work, I was getting some food. It was like, not a clock at night, and, I was walking, this was actually really funny. I was walking, howler, mandammeow, rose.

It was after work, I was getting some food. It was like nine o'clock a night, and then I was walking and like, all these, there's like, you know, there's lots of bars. And there was a ton of guys were like, hey, hey, cute dog, what kind of dog is that? I mean, it's a great way to meet people. It's like conversation piece.

Man magnet. Yeah, and it was funny because these two kids stop me. They were like 19 and 20. And they were like, hey, hey, excuse me, come here. Come here, you're kicked out. Listen, I'm texting a girl, they don't know who I am. It's like I'm texting a girl right now, and I need to know what to say next.

And I was like, well, he's like, well, I'm gonna see her, she's coming back from France, and I would like help them. I'm like, he's texting some stupid Jesus. I just about to send her a dick pick, I think. I think I stopped a dick pick mid-send. I was like, just say this. I would have to tell you the whole context.

It's like, no way, you're a genius. Can I get your number? Can we hang out, not in a sexual way? And I was like, no, you just stopped texting. Don't do that. Just tell her it's a surprise. Because I told her she had a surprise, but I think it's good. I'm like, no, don't talk about your penis.

And then they're like, let's be friends. I'm like, how do you think I am? They're like, I don't know, like you 24. And it was actually that made my heart feel good. I was like, no guys, keep, keep, keep going. Have fun. But I thought it was interesting, all the people, I forgot, because I used to have a dog that you just meet.

Like, so if you're someone who's like, homebody or you feel depressed or you don't meet people, great way to meet people. Even if you don't want to meet people, they're gonna come talk to you. So that's my little dating tip. Get a dog or borrow a dog because I had borrowed a dog. Okay, menace, so we're going to take quick break.

We're going to give a big shout out to our sponsors, you guys. Thank you so much for supporting our sponsors. You know I only talk about brands and products that I've tried and that I believe in. And you know, you help the show. Keep it free when you support a sponsor. So thank you and we'll be right back. If there's something I've more than toys, it's cosmetics. And it seems like I don't even use half of them. My makeup counter looks like, well, you can probably guess because I bet yours looks similar.

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And it smells amazing. In fact, I wore it to my office last week. And everyone's like, hmm, what smells so good? What smells good? It's you. Yes, it was me. I smell amazing because the melt, oh, it's delicious. Thanks to Kopari, my skin and hair look amazing.

And so does my counter. Sex with Emily listeners can now save 20% on Kopari products. Just go to Koparibeauty.com slash Emily. That's k-o-p-a-ariBeauty.com slash Emily. That's K-O-P-A-R-I-Beauty.com slash Emily today. So we're going to call my sex coaches Celeste and Danielle and you've heard me talk about my experiences with the somatic and student San Francisco with Celeste and Danielle. And back in July we actually had Celeste call in to check out my progress. We had a great discussion. It's been two months.

So it's time for another check in for my favorite sex teachers. Hi, Celeste and Danielle. Thanks for calling in. I am. We thanks for having us. Of course. We're very excited to talk with you again. I know me too, because that was

thank you for another transformative weekend. I have to say, I'm really looking forward to the next one. And God, there was a lot there. It's taken me a long time to process. I came back, I had to sleep for days in a good way. In a really, really good way. So thank you so much. And I wanted to, I don't know, I wanted to talk about some things.

I mean, I've been talking about it ever since I came back because I can't stop talking about it. But there was a few things that I wanted to talk about with you both. And Celeste, during the workshop the last weekend, I love when you said women need to be greedy, selfish, embossy during sex, but oftentimes they feel like they can't be. And I thought that was so powerful. So can you talk more about that?

Yeah, well, I mean, I know I said it, but I have to say I learned a lot of that from Danielle. No, you both. No, no, no, don't get me wrong. I talk to you guys are like connected. Well, first I want to say, I mean, you guys are, I love how non-judgmental you both are and everything you said. I mean, really, I was so inspired. I was so taken at both of you. So I just remembered this one quote from you, but of course, you're both brilliant.

Well, I mean it when I say it because I think, you, but of course you're both brilliant. Well, I mean it when I say it because I think you know, we were all socialized to be good animals and to not be sexual. And it teaches women to not really ask for what they want and to not focus on themselves and sex. And, you know, and I think that that does a disservice to everyone. Right. Like, one of the examples that you gave was that you bring your vibrator on the second date. I do. I mean, I love it. I bring it to my first day. You bring it to your first day.

I can't, I mean, really? Like, right? I told you. Just in your car, right? Charging. Don't be caught without it. I write. That's why I have like my best for necklace like around my neck all the time. But I mean,

I think it's that we talked about women often think that they're too much and that they're going to feel judged by that. And that being more like taking charge of it, you know that you need a vibrator or an exact, so you bring that. And how was that for you the first time? Yeah, and I mean, some people need some, some people want them. I want a vibrator during the fact that I can have it or two without it, but I can have 12 with it. So, you know, that's the greedy part, right? And I feel like I just pull it out of my purse.

I don't ask anybody, can I use this because anybody who I want to date has to be willing to have that be part of their sacrifice. And if it doesn't work for them, then they can tell me that and we can move, you know, go our separate ways, basically. So it's not even asking permission, because I can't. I can't.

Imagine pulling the, he touched you magic wand out of your purse. That has been a pure answer. I know. Well, that's the thing. It's not like you're bringing up a little pocket rocket. You're like, here I am. And me, my vibrator, you know, it's like your third. Yeah, the big one. The big one. Yeah, and then you look for a plot, you know, right. It's in the pure answer. Right.

Right. I'm saying it because I see many women, you know, in the coaching and they just like, can't even imagine themselves pulling something like that with like not even asking. It's like, yeah, of course, I do that. That's what I do because I want to have fun here too. I'm not doing, I'm here because I want to have fun. It's really about a commitment to your own pleasure that we're not trained as women to approach sex in that way. We are trained to approach sex in a place of like, oh, I'm here to satisfy you and for us to be okay and connected and related

and all of this is wonderful. But I'm here for my pleasure. And this is a big statement that most people are not feeling good to say. Exactly. Women, especially. Right. I mean, even I've realized it because I've been with, you know, several men in my life, several partners, a few.

Now, and I even realize that since taking this course, where I think I'm very empowered, not spoken about everything, but even when I've been with people lately, I'm thinking, does this feel good? Because so much about somatica is being in your body, realizing what feels good. And I just realized how often I've done this. I know so many other women that I don't really,

I'm really paying attention to how things feel. Like a guy was like performing all sex on me and I was like, okay, and I know a lot of times in the past I'd be like, you know, obviously I've been doing my show I'm a little better, but I've gotten even more vigilant as you would appreciate. And thinking no, that actually doesn't feel good, I'm going to tell them exactly what I need. Like stop, no fingers yet, do not use your fingers yet. Keep using your mouth, go soft, or go lighter. You know what I, I'm very conscious of it

because I hear you're both of your voices in my head. And I'm paying attention to how I'm feeling in my body. And I'm like, this is okay. And I know that they appreciate it. People we all want to give to write. You don't want direction because we're all trying to figure it out. Well, yeah, I'm so honored to be in bed with you.

You're always in bed with me. Yeah, me too. Talk about a chororotic theme. You guys are in my chororotic theme. Let's bring in your air. Okay, after what you want, show them to go down on you. That's right.

It's true. I was like, with a guy and I was like, no fingers yet. It's true. I'm actually thinking about this because I'm taking it. It's all, it's been very, it's like every time you visit them, you've gone on a spiritual journey. It's true You come back. I do everyone's like a new person, right? I have you guys really I can't believe there's even gonna be more like what's gonna happen?

I don't even know but even and last weekend you know last weekend was all about women and I I came back with a lot of compassion for men, feeling like, God, I really understand now how, confusing it can be for men because women, we're coming out from, so we're so confused about what we want and how to ask for it. And it changes. And so there was just a lot of emotions that came out for me that weekend.

So. Yeah, and next weekend, we're gonna talk about about men and I think you'll get even more compassion. Even more compassion. God, I've got a compassion, the vulnerability. Another thing that I was thinking about was when you guys talked about that, that we, a lot of times we've bad presentation when we're talking to our partners because we don't want to hurt each other. And I remember when you guys were talking about this and you both

cracked up one of you said like I think it's so funny that people say oh we never want to hurt each other and then you just started cracking up and you're like that's hilarious we're all gonna hurt each other it's gonna happen expect that you're gonna hurt your partner not in purpose, but it happens. And most, yeah, they're gonna. And it's about repair, right? It's not about supposed big perfection or avoiding ever assembly on somebody's toes,

because then you don't get to do it yourself. It's about when somebody gets hurt. You stay connected with them. You listen to their feelings. You share what was going on for you, you know, but you can't avoid it. It's not a, it's not an option. Right.

Exactly. And that being said, while you cannot avoid it, and it's important to realize that and embrace it, it is presentation is really important. It's amazing how important presentation is and how being gentle and loving and not corrective and unless that's your correct theme, right? It's like you actually like to be corrected. Right. and not corrective, unless that's your correct theme, right?

Like, you like to be corrected. Or, you know, like, be very gentle in the way that you say what you need and how you need it. Right. And we don't learn that, you know? So what would be some of the tips that you would, like, most people do it, they're just kind of, I hear this, fighting about the same things

over and over again and having the same conversation. But the way that you guys teach it is just like, you know, narrating intimacy, you know, narrating what's actually happening in the moment and keeping people in the experience. Because people are just talking about the problems and the issues, but they're not really getting into

what's happening with them and what's really happening. Right, and the fourth weekend, we go really deep into how to listen for people's underlying emotions and how to get to the bottom of these fights because usually people are fighting very much on the surface. It's like, you know, noise, really. Nobody's getting to like, I'm terrified that I'm not good enough for you or I'm, you know, fearful that you're going to leave me. That's what's really going on when people are protesting

and having the same fights all over and over and over again. But we never get down there because those things are so vulnerable today. Right. And that goes back to the vulnerability thing that a lot of us spend most of our lives avoiding, you know, vulnerability. And that vulnerability is really, is powerful. It's not a weakness.

And that's something that, you know, we tried, I mean, I took me a long time to learn that message as well because that's not what we're told. So I found that to be, so like, I mean, I just feel like it's already helped me with myself and with people that I'm giving advice to that people are just, yeah,

they're having the same conversations over and over again. So anything I'm trying to do? It's usually never about the top layer topic. Topic is usually about the deep feelings. Oh, I feel this empowered here when you fix the dishes outside, put them in the dishwasher. Right? So there can be small things that look completely stupid

to fight over, but people fight over them because they're way bigger things that are underlying as a cruising charge. And I respect it. It's my voice heard in our relationship. Do I matter? So when we start to relate to this from that place and able to connect, and it creates a much longer conversation and we don't get any training or demo or modeling on how to do that. So when we are coaching people and in the training, we teach to narrate the intimacy, right?

Like really start to go, what underneath, what's happening underneath, so people can actually connect them to those levels and not just on the surface and then get stuck on it again and again and again. Exactly. I mean, that's the thing, that it is like Slas just said, that's the things that it is, like Celeste said, both of you say that it's about, it usually is about something that's happened maybe,

or our core issues that's happened from childhood, that we're afraid of being abandoned, or we're afraid of being less than, that we're not lovable. I mean, really, it could be that you didn't take out the trash, but it really goes back to feeling like you're disrespecting me, which means you'll probably leave me and I won't be loved. And I'll be left alone. Which is really how a lot of them just kind of break down.

But getting couples to that place, you know, that's what I love about somatica is that you really, like everyone could get to that place if they just do the work, you know, I think so many relationships don't have to dissolve if they really, if everyone in the world went to somatica, that's my mission. Yeah, and a lube on every night stay up to my mission Right So that was really helpful. Is there anything you guys wanted to bring up?

I forgot a few more points, but anything you wanted to talk about How was I good student? I anything you wanted to talk about? How was I a good student? I was, I was only one for six minutes. Thank you, thank you. Thank you, I just want to feel good. I want to feel good. You love me, right?

I need a fun work, Emily. And she was only, she was only late once, that's great. First thing to spend your homework. Have I done my homework? Yeah. Yes. I've done all my homework. It's not, yeah, I didn't post all my homework,

but I've done my homework. Uh-oh, am I gonna fail? Here you go. Thank you. Oh no, don't hang up, don't hang up. No, I have, and I've had somatica. I've done sessions with other students on the phone, and I'm meeting with someone next week.

And no, I've been into it, like I'm digging in. Digging in deep. That's wonderful. Yeah, it is wonderful. Well, I know one thing that I'm excited to bring up is that we are teaching our first ever flirting workshop, flirting first success in October on October 1st. And we're gonna do the embodied flirting,

like really getting to the deeper level of what is flirting all about. You know, not just having like, oh, with my pippy one liner or how do I throw my hair the right way, but like, what is, what does flirting really mean and how do we do it from a place that's depth and connection, presence and authenticity, and we're going to have people practicing with all of their different brands of slurred and helping people find their own unique flirting style. So I'm very juiced up for that because that means I also get to flirt which is one of my favorite pastimes. You guys are just so, I know, right?

I know. What were you going to say? Danielle. I want to say that it's not only for people who want to date, it's actually really important for people in long term relationship because relationship without flirting is ends up being a sexless relationship and the best way to avoid it is to do some good flirting ongoing. I think that's great because all these people are running around teaching

like pick-up lines but you guys are teaching like the real deal that we're really stick with people and then they'll really be flirting people that they're interested in you can tell right away I'm sure by what you're teaching there you know they won't be wasting their and it's something that can definitely, like, I see what you're saying in long-term relationships, because that's what we're always hearing, no more connection, no more, you know, sexual energy, and that sounds like a great way to bring it back. And people can do this in Berkeley?

Yep, yeah. And how do they find out about? October 1st. October 1st. And on your website, Celeste Danielle. Yeah, they can find out, play it on our website. It's on somatica.com. It's under our training section and it says somatica skills.

Okay. The somatica skills. They put it on the site as well. Yeah, but I have to say there was there was just so much for me there. I mean, I've been talking about it. So I can't really like shut up about it on here, but it was it was it was a very special weekend. And I had a lot of breakthroughs. So thank you for that. And I just love, you know, so much of what you I've shared about how you talked about, you know, that we all have the psychotic optimism

that everything is supposed to be perfect on relationships and everything's going to be wonderful. It just kind of breaks all that down and I just, I love watching you both. I love watching how you teach and how you lead and like everything's kind of okay and you're not judgmental. Everything. I know I appreciate it. pleasure of watching one of your sessions and it was so beautiful to see you come into like a deeper, slower presence, you know, find that like grounded, you know, sort of warm, slow, quiet, and believe because you have so many different personas, right? And the one I think you show out in the world is very like, bouncing smart, which is a beautiful part of you, but there's also this very deep and slow and sensitive part, and it was just really beautiful to see that. Oh, thank you. Yeah, I was so happy you were there. That was my last session and I love that

you were able to witness that and it always comes down to me slowing down, taking deep breaths. You're like, you know what? Because we were doing this, well, was it? It was taking our sexual inventory or was it something like, I think it was in you- Did you reveal your sex number to them? No, no one should reveal their sex numbers, stupidest conversation ever. But I think what I love that it was just so funny because it was, there was the other thing, there were so many things so that's,

but when you were sitting there, it's like, everyone's getting their message and your message to me is like, no wait, Emily just needs to slow down and breathe. And if I can tell you like, that's been my core, I mean, messages that I've gotten for many, many years and then after you're sitting with me for this, but the way that you said it in that moment, I'm like, this is, this is it. Like I know that that's what I need to do. And everyone always tells me I talk too fast on the show as well, but I guess here

I'm trying to get a lot of information out, but no, that was really powerful for me because I'm like, of course, of course, I need to slow down. So. I wanted to, it's not that this fast, you know, excited, motivated part of you is a bad part. It's like one of your most beautiful parts. You just have other parts that maybe you have spent less time in. And so it's beautiful to see you brought in your horizon. Well, it was wonderful to have you witness that. Thank you very much.

And I'm trying to think what else. I mean, there was a few. I don't know. You guys are amazing. Thank you. And I think that for once you were taking this, I'm trying to think what else I mean, there's a few, I don't know, you guys are amazing. Thank you and I think that everyone should be taking this. I'm trying to think there's a few other things, but I feel like the other thing I actually, there was one more thing I wanted to bring up. So, I often, when I'm giving tips, people are calling the showers emails, I often say, if you want to have a sex conversation, something's going on that you want desires, better to take it outside the bedroom because if you're having sex sometimes

it could take you out of the moment and maybe you're like in a heightened state of arousal you know what you're saying could become misconstrued but I know that during the workshop you were saying that you know there's no right time to tell someone how you feel and if you feel it in the moment like it's okay talk about it in the bedroom can you talk more about that? I think that it depends. I want to say it depends because if you are able to talk about in the bedroom, and because it's very vulnerable to talk about things like that in the bedroom, it can be more effective because you can show in the moment what's needed.

But if you know yourself to feel like very defensive when something has happened or you feel like you can't do it in a gentle way, it's better to take it outside of the bedroom and talk about a little bit and then bring it back to the bedroom. Nothing better than actually learning in the moment when something is happening. But you need to bring extra gentleness

and extra sweetness and extra sexiness in the experience because it can be a high sex of a high, you know, like sense of a rarer for one person but not for the other. So, you know, and one person sitting there all clenched and not happy with what's happening. So, like, all clenched and not happy with what's happening. So like, bringing this experience into a different level can be very difficult. So something that is important to start outside of the bedroom, but again, like gentleness and talking about feelings instead of blaming or shaming or stating, you doing it wrong for me and stuff like that is really important. Right. Yeah. I think the biggest way to avoid blaming and shaming is to stay things early, me strong for me and stuff like that is really important. Right.

I think the biggest way to avoid blaming and shaming is to say things early, which is one of the things that women are taught not to do is like, we just like hold and hold and hold and wait and hope it gets better. And then by the time we actually say something, we're so fed up that we're just like, ah, you're getting it wrong. And if we start teaching early, like right away, then we can do it in a much more gentle and sexy way. And I think our partners are also more open to it in the beginning, because they're like, yeah, I don't even know this person. I want to see what it is they

want. Whereas, you know, if you have this whole pattern and then a year later, somebody says you've been doing it wrong for me at the whole time, not the big blow. And I've been in a relationship and it's really hard. Right. Exactly. Well, you guys have entangled many couples, many relationships for many people. And I tell everybody, I've even gifted your book to several people, making love real, the intelligent couples guide to lasting intimacy and passion. I think every couple should own this book. They could work through it together. They could come up with you both, the

Sematic Institute. So thank you so much. And I look forward to seeing you soon. You're both wonderful. I love your both inspiration. I love your both inspiration. Yes. It's also really, really important to give feedback that someone doing something right, don't tell them when they're doing something wrong,

tell them when they're doing something right, a nice bone, a nice positive feedback and go a long way. And that if you say something's not working it's much easier today, just it. Such a good point. I know, typically we don't think to say the good parts to praise our partners.

Great point. Thank you. Thank you, Danielle. Much love to you both. Thank you for calling in. You too, Emily. I'll see you soon. I can't wait kind of the days.

Bye. Have a great hug. Bye. Bye, bye. OK, now. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye But please tell us your age in your location and how you listen to the podcast. You listen on sex to Emily dot com. Do you listen on iTunes? You listen on SoundCloud. How do you listen sex to Emily and what location you are in?

And age always helps because that we know what point. Yeah, what point you are in life. Exactly. And also the other great thing is you can easily do it through the website now. If you want to, which is great actually is you can easily do it through the website now if you want to, which is great actually because it asks you all these questions. You can answer just two seconds and it's easier. You go to the Ask Emily button and you can just send your email right from the site.

But also, that's not all we have voicemails. We are going to be, we've done a few shows already where we're, we're leaving a message and we answer your question right here. And that number 818, one, eight, ask, S-W-E-1. That's eight, one, eight, ask, S-W-E-1, or eight, one, eight, two, seven, five, seven, nine, three, one. And one more thing that we're adding, menace, you don't even know this, that.

If you would like to be considered for an actual phone call, include that, if you leave an email, or you can say in your voice mail, let us know that you'd like to be called. We'll set up a time and we're going to be calling people directly setting up a time and just breaking down their problems. Because for me, it's like, it does help to get this context hearing your voice message. But I could actually have to talk with you. Like, I could help you so much easier. It's so much quicker. And we could get to the bottom of it. I mean, not that we don't have people anyway, but I love this. Change the things up.

Okay, first email. Hey, Emily, I met this new guy several months ago. My sister actually sort of picked him out for me as she knew we'd hit it off and man, did she do well. He and I have an incredible amount of comment. I'm impossibly attracted to him. He makes me smile and laugh like crazy. And overall, we just have a lot of fun.

I'm 100% sure he's the one. He's affectionate when we're together and everyone around us thinks we're either already dating or we should be. Here's the issue. He got out of a long-term relationship earlier this year, and it was a very serious one, and he's still trying to sort that. We're good friends, and I want to be respectful of what he's going through, and I want to be a supportive friend, whatever he needs. But I don't want to fall into a solely friend zone

during the time it takes for him to sort through his feelings. What could I do to be a great friend and still stay out of the friend zone? Thanks, Kristen, 34 in the Midwest. Mm. Well, Kristen, here's the thing. You're attracted to him. You guys are hanging out a lot.

He's affectionate. It sounds like it hasn't gone on to the sexual terms yet, but I think the less that you act like a friend right now. Yeah, don't be available all the time. Don't be doing favors for him. Don't be acting like his girlfriend yet in the sense of like, let me pick up your dry cleaning and cook for you and nurture you and hear about all of your problems with your ex. Just act

as if, like act, I mean, without like, I don't think you should jump as bones, but don't make yourself so available. Don't make yourself that friend. Like, how would you act if he was your boyfriend? Like, what, what would you be talking about? What would you be doing? I mean, it sounds like you guys are flirting with each other, but getting into the friends on is when you think, you know, when you're like, oh, I'll pick that up for you, or let's talk more about how sad you are about your acts. I mean, I think you just gotta like keep putting out

that energy that you want more than that. Definitely, I also was gonna say like, just, yeah, it's kind of cut it off and see if he comes to you because then he know I and I absolutely hate playing games, but it is a good indicator if you stop hanging out with him way less and see if he hits you up the sea that he's actually interested. Right. That's a good point.

And let me say this about what you're saying. And it's not even playing games and I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why, Kristen, because even when you're dating somebody, we should all have really full lives, right? You don't want to give up your whole life for a guy or for a girl that you're dating. You know, people fall in love with you because you of your full of your life and who you are

and what you're about, your job, your friends, your interests, your hobbies, all that stuff. And if you're just spent spending all your time with him, then that just makes things a lot less interesting for you and for him ultimately. So I would just keep on doing what you would normally be doing with your friends and don't be there for him every single time. If you're really not available, don't be breaking plans with your friends and keep on living your full life.

Because I'm sure he's into you, but just don't give up that independence. Definitely. Okay Another email dear Emily. I've been a long-time listener on iTunes in Montana I'm 35 and I'm in Montana what I'm a 35. I'm in an exclusive relationship for about a year I really appreciate and adore my girlfriend and I feel we will be intimate very soon I love her completely and I feel we will be intimate very soon. I love her completely and I'm hoping to go the distance. Before we go, before we go too far, I feel that it's my obligation to be honest and sincere and talk to her about my situation.

Unfortunately, if he years back, I contracted the HPV virus. Emily HPV virus. Emily, I really could use some advice on which words to use to express my sincere feelings For her and give her the choice if she wishes to continue in a sexual relationship with me Thanks a new fan male age 35 Okay, first off, I'm reading this and you've been together a year, but you haven't been intimate yet I'm curious if that means you haven't had intercourse or if you just haven't had like if you've if you've fooled around and you've done everything but Because that actually makes a difference, but here's what you need to know about HPV. Here's some facts

Nearly all sexually active people will get HPV at some point in their lives In fact, 75% of sexually active women will contract it. Like, they'll have it. Or they already have it and they don't know it. And it's very confusing for people because they don't know. Like, obviously, if you've heard the easy other STD, like, you need to tell your partner. But since it transfers so easily from person to person,

and most women contracted eventually, some doctors say, you know what, hey, keep it private. You know, your partner, like it doesn't, like there's no way of knowing if you're the one who transferred it and how she got it. And most HPV infections do go away without causing any problems. So, you know, since it is a very, you know,

commonly sexually transmitted infection and you can also transfer it through oral sex, through anal sex, you know, through all these different ways that she might art, first of all, she might already have it before he started dating or if you guys have already been fooling around, she might have gotten it already. So, you know, it's your choice.

I mean, it sounds like you want to tell her and then you should tell her because it's gonna be, you know, it's on your mind. Here's the thing, it doesn't have to be this deep, heavy conversation. Just let them know. It's not that serious. No, it's not serious at all.

In fact, like, I'm loved, like, all the time, Drew was like, no, big deal, no, big deal. Don't worry about it, just keep going, it's fine. And the truth is, it's really not. Like, most people have it, right? So, if you want to know you just say, you know what, I have HVB, I want you know, it's really common. You know, I have no symptoms. If I ever do get symptoms, I'll let you know because if you did just say, you know what, I have HVB, I want you to know it's really common. I have no symptoms.

If I ever do get symptoms, I'll let you know because if you did get warped, something came out, but I just want you to be aware of it. And it's a common that you might already have it, and I just want you to know. And see what she says. And if she doesn't know a lot about it, you can, you know, you guys can read some stuff together and you can have her listen to the show if you'd like. But I think it's great that you are being so thoughtful and you're being considered over feelings,

but it's not a big deal. I promise you, it's like, it's really common. And again, some doctors are like, you know, you don't really, you don't have to talk about it because men can't even really get tested for it, but it sounds like you had an outbreak of some point. So of some kind. And I'm sure she's going to be fine with it.

So just be, just tell her that, you know, you were a little, you know, you wanted her to know because you love her and you care about her and you're going to be intimate. But really, there's, there's no great risk for as long as she continues to go to the kind of colleges and get checked up every six months. You know, we like, as she should anyway, six months through years, she's fine. Just make sure she's educated on what it is. Exactly. Because you don't want to put it at the same level as like, chlamydia or a conor, or anything like that. Exactly.

Exactly. And the truth is, I feel like the problem with it is that it's so tricky because I feel like there needs to be a better PR movement for it because people just have so much misinformation around it and they don't understand like what it really means I think like that's one of the dangers is that people are ashamed of it It's you know, it's an STD and no one wants to admit it or talk about it

But if you knew that almost everyone at one point is gonna have it, you know, I think that there'd be a lot less shame around it so I think you're a sweetheart. I think you're a talk to her, but I wouldn't trip on it Okay, dear Emily. I love your podcast. Thanks for all that you do to help people have better relationships and better sex. I'm 25. I've been with my current partner for three years. We have a great sex and love life. The only issue I'm plagued with is my constant anxiety over another woman. My partner, I share a mutual friend group and in this group is a woman he is good friends with. They usually only hang out when we're all together

in a group, they occasionally text and very rarely speak on the phone, so I shouldn't be worried that he has feelings for her, but I can't help but be anxious and worried every time he's with her. Oh, man. She's caring, beautiful, athletic, and I think much of these feelings

are stemming from my own insecurities and feeling that she's better for him than I am. This is starting to negatively affect my social time in this friend group because whenever the two of them are just talking, I feel miserable. Please help, Caitlin. Oh, Caitlin, Caitlin, you're right. This is absolutely has to do with your own insecurities.

And that kind of stuff causes so many issues and relationships. It does. There's always going to be another woman that's with you. I'm with the person that I'm with because she doesn't care. Right. And it's funny because people around her were like, you know, whatever I'm doing,

there would be women around whatever. And they're always saying stuff. But thank God that she's trying to not know what's perfect for you. Need here. Here anybody else's feedback. You know, right. No, it's true. I mean, that's a thing.

Caitlin, this is starting with you. He loves it. Sounds like everything's great in your relationship, but there's always going to be that woman. We all have run across those women. I'm sure men is maybe you've had guys around and you're like, he's a good looking guy. Maybe you don't get insecure about that stuff. I don't know men is.

But you gotta keep this at check, Caitlin. And because this could be a self-fulfilling prophecy if you bring it up and you get jealous and angry, it's gonna make him frustrated. And throw him away. Yeah, he doesn't sound like he's doing anything wrong. And I think that if she's in your friend group, I think you just gotta become, you know,

step up your friendship with her, make peace with it. And if you can't, hey, it's back to sexual confidence month, back to confidence month, whatever these insecurities come from, you know, they often go from something a lot, a lot deeper with inside of us. Yeah. And the sooner you get to what those vulnerabilities are and what those fears are, maybe it's around

him leaving you, maybe it's around the way you feel about your body or your job, or I don't know what your insecurities are in particular. But he loves you, he chose you, he's with you. And I think that our minds often scan the environment. A lot of us for things to worry about, things to stress about. And this is your trigger, right? So you know, for someone else, maybe God, that guy, a guy, maybe like, oh, he's got a nicer car than I do, or you know, here he is, a bigger dick than I do. We all could do that all day long, and that would just make our lives miserable. So the more you keep this in check, and I'm just

know, you know, all the things that you love about yourself and appreciate about yourself, and just try to, in the moment when you're with They're like honestly like killer with kindness connect with her I think that it would take some of the charge out of it. Yeah, I mean, I don't believe this is the situation but When I was dating somebody and they went off and dated somebody else I At that point I always said you what, no matter what you do, no matter how many talks, what you do to prevent, you put a GPS on their car or whatever, like no matter what you do,

if a person is gonna cheat on you, they're gonna cheat on you. That's it. That's it. That's it. It's just up to you on what you're gonna do when if you find out that information. Exactly.

I mean, because so many other things can happen. But you can't live your life trying to prevent something. Right. That's just gonna cause, because A, either that person's not doing anything at all, and then you're causing unnecessary drama in your life, or two, they are doing something. And then that's somebody you don't want to be with anyway. Exactly. So luckily you're finding out this information.

They're doing, as crazy as sounds, they're doing you a favor. Right. Because then you're saying, okay, well now I can go find somebody better for me. Exactly. And it's really hard when, and Caitlin, I think you guys are great.

I'm talking about what you're talking about. When you break up with someone or a relationship ends or something happens, you know, it's, I've gone through this. It's like so many times with these feelings, like I want them to choose us and I don't want them to be happy or I, you know, but you realize like people break up for a reason

and even if it is that he chooses someone else or she chose someone else, yeah, they weren't meant to be, it wasn't for you and it just opens up your life to meet the right person but we so many times get in our own ways. And right now I feel like you guys are in a good place. I'm glad you were able to email, and I'm glad that you're so in touch with this.

So don't trip on this. Don't trip on anything. Everyone's gotta just chill out. I just want to sprinkle like some volume across the universe, we could do that, right? Okay, hey Emily, I just recently started listening to the show, and I love it. Firstly, on Comic Con and Cosplay,

I've been to several different conventions and of Cosplay every time. So the reason I love it. Firstly, on Comic Con and Cosplay, I've been to several different conventions and have cosplayed every time. The reason I do it and I believe a lot of people, particularly women do it, is because it's extremely empowering. While many costumes do tend to be on the sexy side, it's about portraying very strong and incontrol characters and it's a great reason to own thigh-high blue go-go boots. I agree. I have white go-go boots for Bernie Mian, they're so hot. I agree. I wait go-go boots for Burning Man. They're so hot. Secondly, my boyfriend I've been having sex for several months

and both he and I were virgins at the start of our relationship. I found I'm naturally drier and would like to start using Loub. How do I introduce that to the bedroom and is there any Loub etiquette for lack of a better word? Is there an incorrect way to apply? Can there be too much? Does it go on me? Does it go on him? Thanks so much. Once again

love the show. Aaron, age 20 Virginia. Okay Aaron, this is a great question because you know my dream. Loop and every night stand. So I get that you guys are ver-vergians and so you haven't been with other people and it could seem like this big scary like how do I bring out the loob? But I think, you know, you're overthinking it. And so what you gotta do is, next time it comes over, just say, God, I was listening to the Sex Family podcast, which I love, or I heard it on the show, and I have something really fun to try.

And just pull out the loob and what you do is, you pull out the loob, you don't even give them time to think about it and you sprinkle just a few drops, you can put it in your hand, or you can put it right on you, so you put it on you, first put it on him, okay? And rub it on his penis. I don't know if you guys are using condoms, I hope you are.

You can put it over his penis, over the condom I mean. And just a few drops is all you need, just to get it, you know, lubricated. And then you just take a few drops in your hand, and then you rub it like over your clitoris and stick a little bit inside, because you said you're a lubricated. And then you just take a few drops in your hand and then you rub it like over your clitoris and stick a little bit inside because you said you're a little dry. And then he's gonna know,

he's not gonna need any more explanation except for how amazing it feels. And just say, this is really fun. Let's try this because if you're like, we need to talk, I bought some lube. That it's gonna become like a whole thing. And lube is like such a normal part of sex. And in fact, studies have shown that when you use Loub

in a relationship, both partners are actually more satisfied. And you're saying you're a little bit drier. That's some women are drier to certain times a month or they're just drier. And B.D. because Loub exists. But also, even if you're somebody who's, you're like, oh, I'm more than enough, people are like, I don't need Loub.

People are always like, I always am like handing out Loub like, I don't need loop. People are always like, I always am like handing out loop. Like, I don't need it. Guess what? It's not a need thing that it's just a little add something to your, the mix of your, of your sex situation because it mimics your natural lubrication and it just makes everything the slippery sense that no matter how wet you are,

it doesn't feel as good as Lube. And he's gonna love it. I don't know, I don't know, hates Lube. You'll love it, love it, love it. I would just say put a few drops on you, him, go for it, I do not think we could be putting up a fight. Who's gonna argue with Loub? No, he doesn't care. I know, but I can't do what she's doing. She's doing sex so I get why she thinks it's the thing. This is why. You bring a toy in. That will be a big deal either, but what? You know, men are

disgusting pigs. All right, I'll just admit it. And all this, a lot of stuff that females bring up and emails and things like that, guys don't care about, you know, overthinking it way too much. Right, just like how Celeste, my teacher brings a vibrator, a magic wand in her person, she goes on a date. Like, I mean, really, you gotta own your sexual,

if you listen to that and you hear the interview, like, we're gonna have to like, own what they want in bed and be out there and be outspoken and be like more aggressive and ask for what you want. And you just freaking bring out that loop. I mean, don't worry about what you think is about it. I mean, I will admit, like if a girl is blessing

on a magic wand on the first time we're hooking up, I go, wow, that's kind of crazy, but it's not gonna stop me from having sex with her. Right, and if she's like 16 orgasms, I go, wow, that's kind of crazy, but it's not going to stop me from having sex. Right. And if she's like 16 orgasms, you'd be like, that's friggin hot. One from you, 16 from the vibrator. That's fine. That's what happens. So yeah, don't trip out at Aaron, but I get where you're asking, I love the emailed and I'm glad that you love the show. And let me know how it goes because I don't think I'll be bumped. Oh, and try Joe Loub. It's like my new favorite Loub. And Joe Loub, love you, love you, love you,

love buying it on our website. So you can buy it at sex with Emily dot com So that's how we got time for menace my love so good to see you so much. I know I'm congratulations again I'm being a proud father. Yeah, my little baby Chimmy Chimmy Chuka and then also Again people the school sex at only dot com is a great site you have so much that you can see and do there also Go to sexelome.com, it's a great site. You have so much that you can see and do there. Also, click on that Ask Emily button. Yeah.

And make some phone calls. That's fun. I mean, again, you don't have to use your real name. Yeah, don't use your own name. We don't care. But again, we'd love to hear how you listen to the show, what are you from, and what your age is. Exactly, all that stuff.

So, thank you, menace and fellow menace and his dogs at menace. Yeah, just menace, M-E-N-A-C-E, me and AC, e check them out on the Woody show on the Woody show, money through Friday at noon. We have a podcast. It's about pop culture and news and it's just a fun morning show. We do here in Los Angeles. Exactly.

Okay. So thank you, menace. Uh, thank you, producer Madison and Lori and Jamie and Eddie and my amazing team. And you can also follow us on YouTube. I want to mention that we put videos all the time. And God, I love you all. Thanks so wanna mention that. We put videos all the time. And God, I love you all.

Thanks so much for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ All right, people. It's time to introduce you to something that combines two of my favorite topics, oral sex and lube. If you're not a fan of going down, no judgment, this is going to change the game for you.

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