Sex With Emily - Single for the Holidays

Episode Date: December 18, 2014

This show is all about helping you have better sex & better relationships over the holidays. Emily answers some listener emails on one night stands, sexual confidence and how to make sex better with an inexperienced partner. Plus, New York columnist Annie Daly calls in to talk holiday hookups, relationships and dating trends.Are you suffering from mistletoe syndrome? Emily explains why it’s okay to fly solo this time of year, and shares tips to help you embrace being single for the holidays.With all the hype this time of year, it might feel like a rough time to be alone. But whether you’re coupled up, or just doing you, this Podcast will help you to survive and thrive through the holiday season. Check it out! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, welcome to Sex with Emily. Tonight's show we're talking about sex and relationships over the holidays. Whether you're taken or single, this show will teach you how to have the best holiday, season, and the best sex yet. Thanks for listening. Okay everyone, but first thank you so much for supporting our sponsors. Let's talk sex toys. Let's talk sex accessories.

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you click on the Good Vibes banner, you can see my store, you can see my favorite toys. I've tried them all. So go check it out. Use coupon code GVMLE20. That's sexathome.com click on the good vibrations banner Use code gvmly20 for 20% off anything you want. Thanks for listening Look into his eyes

They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mark our secret institutions Betrubized they call them in a bag on me Hey Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute The girls gotta understand Oh my The women know about shrinkage

Is it a common moment? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so so proud Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play good.

You're listening to Sex with the Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information go to sexwiththeemily.com. It's a great site. I gotta say, it'll improve your sex life. We've got lots of great posts there, blog posts, we've got videos. And also the second you get there, blog posts, we've got videos. And also, the second you get there,

the first thing you should do is to sign up for my newsletter, because I send you good emails. I do, I don't bombard you with annoying emails. They're actually helpful. I'll help you move your sex life, tell you about the latest and greatest things happening with sex. And I would appreciate that.

Also, let's build the community, let's chat. Let's follow me. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, all of it is sex with Emily. And I love to hear from you. And like my page on Facebook, we're getting so many likes lately, right? And I understand you were impressed by my Facebook status. It's very impressive. Oh no. Thank you. So like Emily, I always hear like banks say like I said, you know, who likes banks? Who likes your bank? Like sex. I don't like who doesn't like sex. Exactly. Like sex with Emily. And people love the page because we do every day put up many useful posts on there and they're funny and they're informative. So check that out. Also, yeah, like I said Instagram, sex with Emily

and Twitter, all that. And review us an iTunes. If you like the show, would really help us if you would just, you know, go there and review us. We always appreciate that. And I answer your questions on the show, blots shows, or just devoted to your emails, so email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. Tonight's show. It is the holiday season, but no matter what holiday it is, it doesn't matter. People, you know, they get a little weird

if they're single over the holidays, they're not sure what to do. It can be kind of a bummer. It doesn't have to be. I'm going to tell you some of the great thing is about being single and what you could actually do this holiday season to make it great, to make it even better, because it's the holidays.

You know, sometimes you're in a relationship and you gotta go to the in-laws and you gotta deal with stuff and what day I get my partner and you fight because you're all stressed out because the cookies got burnt or whatever the hell it is and you know what to get your brother. If you're single or you're your boyfriend's brother, it's a great time because you can spend time with yourself

and do things that you want to do. I'm grateful to be single over the holidays, always when I'm single. I'm like, thank God. Why are you laughing at me? Because I'm married. I know, and isn't it a bummer sometimes? Yeah, because I got a good two families now.

Exactly, I don't have to go to any families. So it's a good thing. You're going to be on a down in Florida. I'm going to be in Florida with my family, yeah. But we don't celebrate Christmas, but I will be with my family. So it's a good thing. You're gonna be on a down in Florida. On a main Florida with my family, yeah. But we don't celebrate Christmas, but I will be with my family. But my family's really chill. It's like hanging out with myself.

What are you doing? Are you like eating pizza or something? Are you like making a point to celebrate or not celebrating? Yeah, when you're Jewish, what you do is you typically eat Chinese food because it's the only thing's open, only restaurants open and you go to movies.

That's what we do. But I'll be in Florida. There must be a lot of Jews because those movie theaters are always packed on Christmas. I know. Well, I think a lot of Christians are looking for a distraction. Yeah. It's true. Who doesn't want to get out of the house? So also we'll be talking to Annie Daly. She was on the show a few months ago. She was actually one of our most popular shows this year. And she's a writer. She's a freelance writer. She writes for the New York Post. She writes for, um writes for a friggin' everyone, she writes for South L shape,

Health Magazine, Time Out New York, and her beat is dating, sax and relationships. So we talk a lot about trends last time she was on the show. And so tonight we're also gonna be talking about different trends and dating this year, like she's gonna be calling in, she's in New York now, but it's about, you know, this almost boyfriend thing where like no one's committing and getting into relationships and just some trends and not to get around that. I feel like, I don't know I

understand, like do you know about this whole almost boyfriend thing that people are just like, there's so many options out there, I'm not gonna commit. Kids are not getting their relationships. That's me. That was me before I got married, yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of, and you know, there's nothing wrong with being out there and playing the field, but when it becomes your lifestyle and you're never meeting anyone. And I think a lot of women don't have models to look at. They're like, oh, go along with the guy because that's what he wants. But it might not be what you want. And we're going to give you some tips around that as well. And I have a... Ultimatums. You can ultimatum them.

No, but you know, it's funny that you say that because I have a really, I have actually a really good story for you. So I was talking to a friend this week and she was telling me she's been in a series of relationships and every day. I don't talk to her that often, but when I do, she's always just broke up with a lot of her life. Like, they've been dating for two months, six months, and they never seem to go her way.

The guys at jerk or they break up, something bad happens, he's married. And she's a really nice, beautiful, smart woman, but it doesn't matter sometimes, you just pick some bad eggs. And she handled this relationship so well that I'm going to tell you this story. So she was dating this guy for about two months and it was instant attraction. They were having amazing sex, he was mature.

They talked about everything, he said, gosh, you know, I love that we don't have to play games and she felt very open by that because a lot of people just play games, which I freaking hate. I am not a game player. Like, if you like me and I like you, like, let's freaking talk. So what is the point? So you can hunt and chase the whole game. Once you establish, you like each other, you should be together, right? So she said to me, you know what Emily, after, this has been going on with guys, we've been dating for two months,

and I got a feeling like the last week, she said, something just kind of changed a little. She said, he just sort of stopped, you know, we used to talk every day and text, she's like, and I didn't hear from him for like a day or two, and then he'd surfaced and say, oh, I've just been really busy, and she said, you know, my alarm went off on my head.

And a lot of times we see these warning signs, and we make excuses, well, he's, and I've just been really busy and she said, you know, my alarm went off in my head. And a lot of times we see these warning signs and we make excuses. Well, I'm just saying this is the male, this happens to men too, women do the same thing, but I'm just telling you the story that we think, oh, he's busy with work or he's probably sick or he's stressed out and we make excuses and we overlook behavior as it shifts.

So she thought, you know what? I'm not gonna deal with this. Like I know something's different because for the last eight months, eight weeks, it's been one way and the last week, it's been just weird and I'm gonna call him on it. So she went to brunch them and she said, you know, just gotta bring this up.

I feel like, you know, in the last week, it's just been, you know, we haven't been talking as much, I just wanna know, like, you know, be honest with me, what's going on? And in first, like many men? He said what he talked about I feel great things are the same What do you mean? I've just been busy and then he stopped he said you know what I Am just getting over a relationship. I feel like I he was married and then he got another one He said you know what I haven't really had time alone and I need some time to figure my stuff out

And she's like thank you for telling me. I'm out. And she said, because she was really, really into him, but she like took care of herself. And she write the second she noticed that there was a problem. She didn't wait, she didn't play games, she didn't pull back because he was pulling back. And she got her answer.

And you know what happened the next day? She's always wanted to move to LA. She lives out of the city, right? Right? She's like, I really just moved to Central LA. Wherever we are. What is it? What do they call it? Hollywood, West Hollywood. The Mexican part. No, Hollywood, West Hollywood. Central. Yeah, it's just like, yeah, she lives by the beach. Greater Los Angeles. Oh, the West Side. West Side. And she's like, I really want to do it in that day.

She called the final verse and was talking he said wow I just heard of this apartment and it's amazing. I know the landlord long story short She she get takes that number but then she goes on Craigslist finds an apartment hits up the guy looks amazing He says I've had 20 applicants calls her friend turns out. It's the same exact apartment This guy is 20 applicants, the landlord since she's got it in, gives her the place, she's moving in a week, he's letting her move in a month early, rent free, and all I'm saying is she's always wanted to move here, this guy delayed it for her by two months, saying by the beach, and now she took care of herself and she's

moving here because she took care of her own needs. It wasn't about him, it was about how he was making her feel. And now the universe give back to her and said, here's an awesome apartment and she's moving to the city. And so I just want to say that if you're in a relationship and things feel weird or funky, bring it up. There is no reason to sit on it and to think that you're going to change it by giving them back

when he's giving you or doing what she does, that's just going to prolong you being an unhealthy relationship. So that's your little inspiration. How's that? Okay, so here's the thing. Holiday parties. This is a little sex in the news.

Big time for holiday parties. And you know what happens to the holiday parties? Everyone has sex. You put a little alcohol. You mix it with people you work with. And you're absolutely positively begging for some kind of disaster. Someone's gonna see put their boss in the intern or something's gonna happen. And people are getting it off.

They're thinking about, they're like, oh, I'm gonna get drunk this year, and I'm gonna hook up with this one. And also, you don't see people all dressed up and drinking. I've never gone drunk with you, Anderson. I know, I'm waiting. I'm fun! I'm a fun drinker. I would bet you're very fun. You think I'm fun now? Wait till I get drunk?

I can imagine. You can't believe a party. Oh, though we're here. And you're very fun. You think I'm fun now? Wait till I get drunk! I can imagine you have a party although we're... And you're probably less stressed. Oh dude. I am... I am... That's when I'm in my bed. I'm not gonna let you drink. I would love to have a couple drinks together. You can be a lot of fun.

Oh wait! When you met my wife. Where are you? I'm in a couple drinks. Yeah, I was! When we were at... At the after-disaster show at the improv. Yes, that was amazing. Are you guys doing that again, right? Yeah, we're doing it December 22nd.

Anderson has a killer podcast, which for whatever reason, it's so good after disaster and I went. Part of the stick is, I don't ever promote it. That's part of the stick. It's so stupid because your other film vault is another amazing podcast and I love them both, but he did a live show with improv and it was so packed. I was so impressed.

Yeah, I was sold out. I was sold out. We're doing the Braia improv, December 22nd. It's a Monday. A lot of people were off work for the holidays. Okay. And actually, they're doing the Braia improv. December 22nd, it's a Monday. A lot of people are off work for the holidays. Okay. And actually, they're opening the Braia improv for us. It's usually closed on Mondays,

but they're opening it up for us. So it's ours for the reckoning. And it's gonna be a Christmas tree on stage. All three of us are dressing in Santa suits. No way. And I would like to have a Santa suit booth for pictures with Santa's at the end. You can have people send your lap.

Yeah, but my caron was worried about people sitting on his lap. And then he gets a boner. I wanted to put fake boners underneath the suit. That would be a lot. So every time people sat down, they'd be like, uh, the sandals are boners. You know that I can help you out with the fake boner thing. Because I've got a lot of deal those. Yeah, yeah.

I can totally help you with that. So okay, holiday parties. This is a study that came out. According to a national survey, 24% of Americans have taken the opportunity of a holiday party to hook up. Either during or immediately afterward to the co-worker. 42% being guys, 27% being ladies between the ages of 18 and 34. In fact, the top three festivities for holiday hookups can be attributed to new years, Christmas, and workplace parties respectively.

So if you are planning to seduce that guy from the sound department, graphic design, whatever, here's how you do it. Here's where people do it. The copy room, 10% of people do it in the copy room. I guess it's good, you have a door. That's the pro, even if it's in lock, you can put some obstacles in front of it.

Get some pictures. Get some pictures. Exactly. The cons, thanks to the movies all the time. You always think about having sex in the copy room. People are going to know that you're probably in there. But the best sex position for there is definitely standing up. Or the lady sitting tall and proud on the copy machine for photo memories of her ass. The other place people do it, 10%, the boss is desk.

Pros, well, who hasn't hated their boss enough to want to have sex on the desk? With some mad, passionate love-making. To watch their boss eat lunch there two days later, that seems kind of gross to me. And that seems risky. You're gonna get fired if you sleep on the boss's desk. If he catches you, they may be in the kitchen. Don't sleep, just fuck, on the desk. Okay, and also the mail room, 16% of people doing the mail room, and the conference room, 18% of people, which I can understand the conference room. That seems a little more benign. A lot of room on that table. Lots of room on the table.

So they do that, but I would just say be careful having sex with someone who's sleeping. Oh, taking a colleague home, 74% of people take it outside the party into their house. That seems to be the safest way, but just remember, you know, I'm not going to tell you what to do, you should or should not sleep with someone you work with, but just remember Monday morning, they're gonna be at the office, and so are you, probably for the rest of the year. And so be careful, make sure you really like them, and that's just the liquid courage, okay?

Can I just say that I wish I didn't say fuck? It was very crass and crude and uncalled for, and I apologize. Okay, why? Cause I don't swear a lot on the show. Okay, I said don't sleep on the glasses desk, just fuck on it, and that was rude. Should've said just bang. It was rude. No, it's okay People understand but I try not to you know, I guess being on the radio what I was first trained

I just I try not to swear very much but sometimes it's appropriate in my in my regular life I swear way too much, but on the air I don't but here's something if you are single for the holidays Let's just be honest You might feel a little bummed. You might feel like it's a raw deal Like you know TV commercials and songs in the radio, movies on like basic cable, they're all dedicated to family and celebrating with a significant other.

But, you know, if you, oh, and then if you're single, you gotta go home and they're like, why are you still single? Don't you want to meet anyone? What happened at once is face. What's your face? When you guys seem really happy, you're not getting any younger.

All that stuff can make you feel really, really awkward. And like, you don't want to see someone's, you know. Honestly, if I see another picture of someone's like, baby, wrapped in your like Christmas lights, really, on Facebook, I don't want to see that. But don't get all grinchy. Here's some positives. Here's some positives, and we're going to take some parks.

We're going to tell you some things to do. Office Christmas parties. First of all, you only have to go to one, not two. You're free to sleep with whoever you want, coworker, like we just talked about. And I love going to parties alone. Like I hate going to my, like I'm not hate. If I'm really in love with someone, I go to your party, but it's kind of fun just to go to holiday parties alone and be by yourself. You also, you know, Christmas day plans. Coordinating with someone's other family, like Anderson was saying, like you gotta go through, we talked about this before, like you're in-laws, you gotta go back and forth and you gotta like see the parents,

you can't stand or whatever. This time you can make the holidays all about you. You don't have to split the time with other families. You've more time to actually hang out with your chosen family, which might be your friends, or your own family, but you don't gotta deal with all that other stuff. And presence, oh my God, I hate shopping for a boyfriend.

It's the worst. It's like, what do I get? I'm messing over. Then you're stressing. Honestly, the holidays are just to be about joy and love and happiness and celebrating. And really, when you have a partner, it can be super stressful.

So those are some perks. Okay, so let's talk to Annie Daly. Annie Daly, she's amazing. She got to check out my podcast with her. It was probably about six months ago. And she's a freelance reporter. We met first, she was working at Cosmo for three years. So she knows a lot about sex and relationships.

And she also, like I said, writes for like time out in New York. She writes for self magazine. She writes for New York Post. I mean, she writes for everybody. She's a great writer. She talks a lot about like what's going on with dating and relationship and all the trends. And we're gonna give her, we're gonna talk to her right now.

So we're gonna get on the phone. Hi. Hey Annie, what's up? Annie, I was telling you that, and I told everyone who you are, is that your episode, you were on, probably, when was that? When were you here? It was one of the most popular episodes this year.

Hi, it was here in August. In August? It was so long ago at this point. I know, I can't believe it. And it was a great episode. So I'm so happy that you're back with us tonight. And I have some questions for you. I am so so happy too. I know, I love it.

And where can they find you? Just let's give out your where people can find you and follow you and all that. Your website, Twitter. Yeah, so you can find me. My website is AnnieDaily.com, which is an NIE, D-A-L-Y.com. And my Instagram and my Twitter are the same.

And it's at AnnieMDaily, and N-I-E-M, D-A-L-Y. Awesome. Okay, and we'll have the cell in our website as well. Okay, and I've got some questions for you because we always talk about trends and dating and stuff like that. Have you heard of almost, almost, almost, boyfriends or almost relationships and almost boyfriend? Oh my gosh, totally. First of all, I love the word almost. Right.

In general, I feel like the word almost is one of the defining words of our time, just because we have so many opportunities to do everything that everybody like almost finishes things and almost has relationships and almost almost because there are so many choices and you end up going in so many different directions that you don't see that many things through to completion anymore. Exactly, everyone's got like ADD, right? And so there's this thing. Exactly, yeah. It's like the almost boyfriend thing is a trend.

When I was interviewed by Elite Daily, actually, and I'm like, well, do you mean friends with benefits? And they're like, this is a little different. So their definition was like, in between actual full time boyfriend, and one night stand, there's this limbo of almost boyfriends in which we all have the makings of a long-term relationship, which has all the makings of a long-term relationship, but we never get to the next level.

And that's the biggest problem. It's the endless cycle of almost boyfriends which won't turn into anything of substance and certainly won't turn into husbands. So, why do you think this is happening so much more recently than ever? So, okay, it's so funny. I used to be the queen of almost boyfriends, honestly. family than ever. So, okay, it's so funny. I used to be the queen of almost boyfriend honestly. I would actually joke about them to my parents and my grandparents as well at family functions

because they would be like, so how's your dating life? And I would just say, oh, you know, failed with almost boyfriend because I think that honestly the reason for it is the plethora of choice. Again, it really does come down to online dating and social media. And when there are so many options out there, people always think that whatever they have, there could be something better. And so when you have someone who is really, really great on paper and in person, then people are just less likely to lock it down and tie it down because

there's always just the glimmer of hope that something could be better, something that they don't even know. Right. And so it just makes people less willing to commit and to lock it down and say like yes you are my boyfriend because someone just like your best friend to break up exactly it is an almost boyfriend if you never really feel the deal then it's easier to kind of end it right and then you never get to any point of and do you know of a

kind of commitment and to the cycle and you know eventually you hope you mature to the point of, I'm gonna meet some on and I'm gonna wanna, but no one's seeing the models of this anymore. They're not seeing no other friends. Their friends all have almost boyfriends or almost girlfriend, so it's not even like it's the thing to do is to be in a relationship.

It's like you have three people you're sitting with. I just don't think, and I think that people also, that neither men or women want to step up. So I think a lot of times women might go along with it or guys because they're like, well that's what he wants. So that's what she wants. And so they just think, you know, either afraid to say it because they don't want to be rejected.

And so everyone's just kind of going along with it. You know, I think that though dating around is so exhausting. Like after a while, you just think you'd be wiped out. You're like, okay, I'll take you. You know, let's just commit. But it is a trend and I don't know what to do about it because i think that yeah it's distracting you mentioned that too because i think that a lot of people do that especially around this time around the holidays i am i wrote a story for

covmo about this last year about the we coined it the holiday boyfriend, which is basically this phenomenon where everybody just wants to have a boyfriend character in their life during the holiday, regardless of whether or not they actually like someone, so they end up settling for like lame guys because it's better than, it's easier to go through the holidays with somebody, even if it's not somebody that you even like. Right. Because you want to like have someone to kiss on New Year's or whatever, and then you dump them on January 1st.

I don't know. But you're right. People get really lonely over the holidays. So I was going to actually just talking about some of the perks of being single over the holidays. But I think you're absolutely right that this is the season i remember that experts there some

relationship there that i broke it called it mistletoe syndrome they call it the what say that again all the romance in the cheesy as in the movies and everything and it just even if you're super smart and you understand that you're being somewhat manipulated by culture and society you still fall for it anyway

What did you call it? I missed it. What did you say it was called the what the Missil to syndrome missil to syndrome. You're like oh my god. There's gonna be Missil to love that is such a great one. That is so true. I mean I So true. I know really strike home. I feel like it's. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. know. I know. I know. know. I know. I know. I know. know. I know. I. know. I. know. I. know. I. know. I. know. I. know. I. anytime. OK, well, that's a fun question. A loaded one, too. I would say the biggest pro of casual dating in general is that it gives you a better idea of what you want down the line, as long as you go into it not expecting

to have each person that you date be like you're everything. So if you have a healthy mentality about it and you know that you're actually just dating around, then it's really fun because first of all, you get to know what it is that you want and you don't want second. You get to just hang out with a lot of interesting people. It's almost like a lesson in psychology because, and also just a lesson in various careers that you can have in the city that you're in because you learn about everyone's jobs and you see how different people live their life. Right. Fascinating. No, it's true. And you never know, too. They might have a friend. Yeah, they might have a friend that you like. Like, I had a guy that was, yeah, recently

we were going, we went out a few times and he was, he was into me and I wasn't really, like I made it clear. I'm like, I'm not really into you. out a few times and he was, he was into me and I wasn't really, like I made it clear I'm like I'm not really into you and I thought like God this is gonna be weird and we won't be friends and three days later He called me he's like I have someone I want to fix you up with it was so nice It was such a nice way to like now we're friends. I'm like listen. I'm a great-wing girl I can hook you up and he like introduced me to someone and I thought that was really nice I didn't like the guy but still it was a good effort. You know, yeah, it's a good effort. And that's also so nice on his part to just be mature

and end things normally as opposed to slow fading you out or ghosting you or just doing something in mature like that or breaking up over cacks or so many other lame ways to break up with him. So many lame ways, the slow fade. I just sure and on his part. I thought so too. I mean, the slow fade is just horrible. Why do they got, you know, so what are the cons, you think, the slow fade? I thought so too. I mean, the slow fade is just horrible.

Why do they got, you know, so what do the cons, you think? The casual dating? The casual dating? Yeah, besides getting harpy, it's not a good attraction. Well, I think that the biggest con is that you just don't get the experience of having someone truly, truly care for you. And that, in and of itself itself is an amazing experience that everybody should get to experience at some point. So you don't get the experience that we've got. Also I think maybe you can become a little gated and a little too hard and like not willing

to accept when love does come your way. If you've dated casually for so long, that you've almost like put up a wall where you're kind of lying to yourself and telling yourself that you don't need anyone because you've just become so accustomed to not needing anyone. Yeah, that's true. That it can be harder to let your guard down when you eventually do find someone that you really like.

Right, no, I think you're right. You don't recognize the signs. They're big fun and I can think of. Yeah, because you're must, like, you get into a pattern of this is what I do. And so you don't even know how to take it. If you like someone, you don't even know. Totally, and you're pattern is,

this is what I do. This is how I date. Right, I don't even know. I don't call them right away, you know, you play games. You're protecting yourself, it's totally. Yeah, it's normal, but then you never get. So, I know you never get... So, I know you've been...

When you're advised by totally understandable, it's just going to get dangerous if it goes on for too long or if you're not self-aware enough to realize that you're doing it. Right, and there are people out there and once you get to the point and you're like, I'm down with this, you can find someone who does want to be in a relationship as well so you don't have to keep going down this road.

So, okay, so Annie, I also know that you've been in a long-distance relationship. I think we were going to have to. Wait, I can't. I'm so sorry, I can't. I can't for you again. I don't know why this keeps. I don't either.

Okay, Annie, we're going to just have you back on when we get the phones working out better. Okay, I am so. Oh my God, you're awesome, Annie. I love you just have you back on when we get the phones working out better. Okay, I am so excited. Oh my god, you're awesome, Annie. I love you. I love talking to you. Happy holidays, and I will talk to you very soon. Thanks for calling.

Okay. Bye, sweetie. That was Annie Daily. Thanks. You can find her. It's all the information to be on my website during this podcast. Okay. So, single, that was interesting though.

I'm a boyfriend. I think it's really true that people just aren't. I mean, I had boyfriend's in college, I always had one every year, I didn't do the casual thing, but sometimes I think I should have done, now I'm doing it. I do it kind of backwards.

Okay, so we were talking about being single at the holidays, and we come back when you give you some tips, things that you can do in your single that I think are gonna be very inspiring, but first, I have to thank you for supporting my sponsors. So, okay, you guys have heard me talk about these massage candles. And I feel like it's so hard to explain until you actually like touch them and feel them. So I'm like break it down for you so you're just going to know that when you buy one,

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You light them, they smell amazing, aroma therapy, so they're soothing, and they make you feel good, and you can just light them all at the dinner table. However, you let them light feel good and you can just light them. They all at the dinner table However, you let them light and then you can blow them out and after that It it turns into the most luxurious of the so the oil pools. It's now wax It pulls into the most luxurious massage oil that you can pour in your partner and give them a massage I use it every night. I light it. I just give myself a massage or my I get using my hand I don't give myself a massage

but it's great moisturizer for your skin, your dry skin, and it just smells amazing. Like I wear it the vanilla all the time you're like, what am I going to do? Smells so good. And amazing sex will follow when you use it. I've gotten so many emails from listeners who are like, wow, I didn't even know how great they could be. And this isn't some crazy BDSM thing where you're going to hurt your partner on. It's going to waxy and it's going to burn them, it's not messy, it's not going to ruin your sheets, it's all natural ingredients, it's coconut oil, soybean oil, and you will have amazing sex. So check out my products there and thank you for supporting the show and my products because you will love them.

So thank you. All right, here is a thing. When you are single, here's some tips for surviving if you're single. Anyone say surviving. If you're single, forget and embrace it over the holidays. Because I know you get bummed out, you're single, you know, maybe you're with your family, and you're not with your family, they can both bum you out, and it can be emotional. So, here's some tips to have you make it work.

Do something that's non-traditional. Do something that's like outside your box. So with all the holiday hype, you might feel like you have to survive rather than enjoy them. But watch a movie you've been wanting to watch. Do something in your town. I'm so excited when I have a weekend off over the holidays. I'm actually not going to be here this year. But when I was last year, I did all the stuff in LA that I never get to do. Take a minification in your hometown. go to museum, go ice skating. You know, go see those friends you never get to see who are there.

Take some time for yourself. Like what's on your to-do bucket list that you've been like, oh God, I never get to go there. I mean, God knows I have a million of them in Los Angeles. I haven't been anywhere, right? Interesting. What were we talking about in Love Line the other night? I was like, I haven't been there.

I've been there. Like there's nowhere I've been. Movie theaters. I don't couldn't movie theaters. Yeah, I'm gonna see a lot of goddamn movies over the holidays. Also, it is a great time to meet new people. Ask your friends, say, hey, you and your holiday parties

invite me when they go out to their co-workers. The best way to meet people, I think, and it is actually true, studies show besides online, where a lot of people are meeting, it's through friends, friends of friends, they're co-workers, everyone's going for drinks right now. So it's a great unta are meeting is through friends, friends of friends, they're coworkers. Everyone's going for drinks right now. So it's a great untapp resource, you know, to be, you know, to go out with people who are working

or also through your friends who have, who are in a relationship. People in relationships always want you to get in a relationship all my married friends are like, oh, when you're getting married, so, you know, why not go out with them and meet some of their single friends? To let everyone you know that you're a single Let's say, oh, let's do something people love include being inclusive over the holidays So don't be shy and don't think no one wants you around

I know that when I've let people know that I'm here. They're like, oh come come with us come to you know I'm sure you've got people like that in your life And so this way you can just go out your on your own You have to worry about everyone, you know, boyfriend or girlfriend and you can actually meet other people through friends that you trust. It's also a good time that you can reconnect with old people, not like old old people, but old people that you don't see that often. You know, your friends, like they might migrate home for the holidays, but people are also around, or people in relationships you think, oh, I never get to see them because they're married again, you should like catch up with them, say I want to hang out.

It's also retouch a family member Just give me call the people that you don't often talk to like you're like crazy Ants in Chicago that you love that you never you know make time to like connect it feels really good You never have time during the year to just pick up the phone so you can reconnect with those people and you can also Like host a party at your house. I know you think everyone's busy and doing stuff But there are so many people who just don't have the family's around, don't have things going on. Have a potluck, you don't even have to go crazy

and go make all the food. Have people come over and you go to people's houses, just get together, can I bring your friends, sure. I mean, I know when I've been alone for the holidays or new years or whatever it is, I always meet the best people because I like flying solo. That's me, I know a lot of people don't. I actually prefer it.

Anderson, why you smiling at me? Is that weird? You like flying solo? That's very strange. I'm being sarcastic. It has another meaning, right? What do you mean? I don't know. Doesn't it? Like flying? I don't know. Yeah, I do. I really... You're a lone wolf. I'm losing a lone wolf.

I've always been that way, though. No one can... He... he... trapper. Can't trip me. No one can hold her down. I know you know many guys have dated there like I just wish I could put you in my pocket like they love that I'm Mr. Free Spirit and then I'm so independent and then a few months under like I wish I could just put you in my pocket I wish I could just continue kind of bragging here. Uh, do you think there's a guy out there? Do you think there's a guy out there that could catch you?

I sure I capture me. You're like a butterfly. Very elusive butterfly. You know, I'm open. I'm open to be. No, no, no, honestly, do you think there's a dude out there that if he walked up, it might work. Do you think there's one out there? Yes, sure. Absolutely.

Forever. What are you in forever? What the fuck does forever mean? I know. Sure, I'm open, absolutely. I have not. No, that's just like you're just saying that you're you're a looting question no i think i absolutely i think there's someone out there that i could

meet and i could say yeah i'd done for for a minute i want that for you i hope that happens for you i know i think my mom does too i don't like the idea of seven-year-old emily you know with the loose vagina seventy a thazed seven the idea of seven-year-old Emily, you know, with the loose vagina. 70, I think it's seven. Now, 70-year-old loose vagina at the gym. Who with Matt is it?

Oh my God. Yeah, no, I think that I'm, you know, I'm your little nice guys. We'll see what happens. I don't trip on that. You know why? Because I just think there's so much to life and finding someone is great. And when you're obsessive about it, and I have to find the one, the one, the one, the one, and you're not gonna find them that way either. So. Plus, the show would suffer badly.

It's like you fell in love, and you're always like with some dude, watching movies, and eating popcorn on the couch. This show would become very dull. I can't talk about it. Why do the crazy dudes endating? Right, you're right. It's true.

I can never be in a relationship. I have sex, though, PS, but. I'm well aware. I do think there could be someone great, and I can't wait to tell you about it. I will tell you about it. Wait, does it count? Does this sex with toys count? It's sex?

No. It does not. It counts. One last time you had sex with an uncut man. Uncut man? Yeah. Uncircumcised man? Right.

I would say about two and a half years ago. You like it? Yeah, I do. Yeah. I mean, I'm telling you, uncircumcised penis. We're going to talk about it like in an episode did yeah, I mean I'm telling you on circumcised penis We're gonna talk about it like in an episode coming up right? Yeah, yeah, you can't it's not so I'm telling you It's actually I like it because I feel like

This super sensitive Less work for you less work and It's you might not have seen one before but when you do it's like nothing you just you whatever I did a whole shanty No, they're fine. Why not I don't discriminate against penises But not have seen one before, but when you do, it's like nothing, you just, whatever, I did a whole shanty. Can't theater. No, they're fine, and we're not. I don't discriminate against penises. So long as there's a penis ready, willing to go that I'm into, I'm down.

Also, you can make a holiday resolution. Plan to do something you always wanted to do and follow through with it. And you can also invite your friends if you want to do it, whatever. Also, whatever. Ha, ha, ha, ha want to do it. Whatever. Also, whatever. What?

Whatever. I think you should make it all about you. If you're alone on the holidays, you don't fight the mall crowds. You don't exchange the perfect gift with your partner, which is so stressful. Like are you going through that Anderson right now? Are you trying to? A little bit. Yeah, yeah. A little bit. I'm trying to. I'm trying to. Yeah. Could I talk to have one seriously? Yeah, of course. Yeah, I'm never going to say, yeah, yeah, yeah, a little bit. I'm trying to, I'm trying to, yeah, could I? Could I have one seriously?

Yeah, of course. Yeah, I'm never going to say no to a vibrant. Hook me up. How is your wife orgasm, literally, or? We don't talk about things like the semoletion no-brain. How am I supposed to know what kind of toy to get her? Do you understand I'm the sex toy? I'm the sex toy whisperer.

When the show's over, I'm going to smoke a cigarette and ride my skateboard around like a juvenile in the parking lot. Okay. You want to come out and we'll talk about it. Yeah, we'll talk about it? Yeah, we'll talk about it after I'll bring you some toys. You can also volunteer or volunteering. I'm telling you, great way to give back.

Be grateful of what you have. Go to a senior center or go to a children's home. Do something like that. You've got free time. It feels really good to give back to your community. So that's all about being single on holidays. And I am excited for it once again. Okay, I've got some emails from the people.

I love the emails. You do. I love this. Okay, so thanks for emailing me. Feedbackatsexwithamily.com. I love hearing from you. Dear Emily, okay. So I had some mind blowing sex on my birthday.

It was supposed to be a one night stand, but like I can't stop thinking about it. I don't even think it's him. But the sex was like 50 shades of gray sex, something I've never experienced beforehand, even after voicing what I want in the bedroom. Since I can't hit the redo button, what is the next step moving on because I'm feeling kind of dikotic? What?

I guess it's psychotic. It's a plan, weren't it? Dikotic. What? I guess it's psychotic. It's a plan, weren't it? Dikotic. Oh, I get it. Close. Thanks, Alicia. Okay, Alicia, that's really interesting.

So you had a one-night stand. It was amazing. I'm part of it could be because it was a one-night stand and people feel that they're more free and open. But typically the sex during one-night stand isn't always what it's cracked up to be. And I love that you had this experience. And so congratulations, you had this experience. And so congratulations, you had this experience. Some people never have mind-blowing sex.

And so now you actually know Alicia that some guys actually listen to what you want. This guy listened. You said you've been with men in the past who don't. So this should give you hope for the future that you'll be with a partner and you'll find someone else that will, you'll be able to have amazing sex with. so many guys don't listen so many women don't listen either

And I've been in those relationships and we think we can change them We think like oh one day. Oh listen or oh wake up some guys just don't care. They don't care about your pleasure I don't have purpose like I don't think that they're being dick dick got it Whatever there's no a lesbian could be di-cotic. She could be di-cotic. Is that offensive? I don't know. There needs to be a movie about a lesbian. You're a guy. You could say die. He loves me and she should be called di-cotic What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian?

What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian?

What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian?

What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? What about lesbian? because you'll see that you know this is showing you. So I think this is all good. And what you can also do Alicia is think about it. Pin point, the things that made this sex so great. And then try to recreate it in the future when you're with someone. Hold on to those feelings that you had. When you're masturbating, think about it. Think about what happened and then expand on it. Think God, where would I want this scenario to go next?

And you'll have it. Visualize the sex you want and it will happen again. So I don't think you should let this be like a bummer and a letdown that you won't find it. I think this should be an inspiration that you will find it and move on from the dudes that don't give what you want. Do you think about colors and shapes and stuff when you masturbate?

Do you think about actual things and people? Everything. Why do you ask color and shapes? I don't know, because I've heard from some girls that they're weird and they think of like volcanoes and stuff. They don't think of that. They're not saying. I mean, I think of, I think that men are more, more,

I don't know. Oh, yeah, I mean, we have to have a little near, right? Like, do you start from beginning middle-line? We can't make up a girl in our head. Like, you show how blue eyes and blonde. No, it's got to be in a particular person. Right. But don't you think of flashes of different people

or body parts? Sometimes, like, she's not doing it next. You know, it's kind of like a revolving, like a swiping left and right with the tinder. It's like tinder exactly. No, I totally get it. I think about a lot of, I think about people I've been with, I think about, or I just think about random faceless dudes.

I wonder if like movies and books and stories are really going to suck in like 10, 15 years when all these kids that are, you know, grew up on porn are going to come into their own. Because you don't have as a male, especially, you don't have to be creative anymore. And thinking about what you're thinking about over there, because you're just looking at pictures on the internet or videos. You think that men during sex, they're not going to be as good because- No, no, no, no, sex. They're not going to be able to tell stories. Because I think that a lot of people find their storytelling ability with the sexual Exploits that they come up with in their head for the fantasies

But nowadays you don't have to do that you just look at their for you. You don't have to be a Trabolano on the internet. It's ruining sex, I think I'm not anti-porn at all. I'm just anti-porn if that's how you Learn technically to have sex and if it is Becoming a problem and you find that like got a masturbating way too much. I'm addicted to porn Then why don't you try just not masturbating in porn one time. I mean, you see, you gotta slowly ease yourself off of it

because it can get, it can be a primary, totally right, it's gonna mess things up. But already has a little bit. Okay, so just watch your porn use. Okay, this one, question, Emily. Next one is about celibacy.

All right, Emily, I've been single and celibate for two years. But after having met a guy through music, we have been chatting online for nearly five months. Have met once, we live a four-hour train journey wafing each other, totally clicked and connected and are about to spend three days together.

We speak on the phone and message all the time and we're excited to take this amazing step forward. But I'm scared I will be a disappointment. We do not sex, but we're very relaxed and open with each other, so I want to make sure I can be everything I would love to be for him. He says our first kiss was so amazing, he knows we're going to be incredible together. Any tips to how we be confident and sexy and relaxed to enjoy him? I'm so nervous, many thanks, Lulu. What does that have a drink? So nervous, many thanks, Lulu.

What is that? Have a drink? That's beer. Liquid courage. A couple of beers. So here's the thing, Lulu. This guy already likes you. He met you. He likes you.

There's nothing to worry about. The more you worry about this, you're going to get inside your head. And you're not there. I know, but I'm trying to get her out of it. Everybody who's having problems actually, a lot of it because they're in their head. They're worried, we're all worried about performance.

What? What do you think about this? It's only gonna happen for the first time once. Like, savor it and look forward to it. Exactly. Don't worry about it. Think about it. Right.

It's only gonna happen once. It doesn't have to be perfect, but it's gonna be great, regardless. Yeah. Just look forward to it. Get excited about it. Exactly. I mean, it's the thing is, it's the human brain. We default towards worry and negativity.

It can't help, but it's our biology. I get it. But every time you start finding yourself stressed and anxious about it, go to the positive. If you think one thing negative about it, think of three amazing mind-blowing things that could happen when you have sex together. You just gotta just, you know, tweak your mindset a little bit. And a huge part of having great sex is being able to connect on an intimate level. And even though you guys have a great connection right now, let's just, you know, let the other stuff fall into place.

And, you know, you've been chatting, I typically do not, you know, like the idea of people chatting for five months and not meeting, but you did meet him once, so I'm going to give you a pass here. You had him at the first kiss, so you're both going into excited into this situation excited. So the best thing you can do is be in your body when you're having sex with him and out of your mind and be in the moment and be present with this guy. And don't town your nervous. I do not push alcohol on my listeners, but yeah, sometimes it can relax you. Confidence is the sexiest thing you can bring into the bedroom. Not cockiness.

Not cockiness. Not arrogance. No. It's a fine line. It is a very fine line if you're cocky, a guy that isn't doing it, and no, be yourself. And the second you find your mind worrying about it, like when you're there and you see them, just go back to your body, what you're feeling in the moment, what how his skin feels, how his breath feels against your skin? The kiss, the touch, his penis, whatever.

Go back to that moment and get out of your head. Be confident and stop this worrying, Lulu. It's gonna be awesome. And if it's not, whatever, it's done. But don't let it be not awesome because of your mind, because of your thoughts. Okay, next question, Emily. First of all, I love your podcast. It's so

informative and amazing. I'm a 24-year-old girl in need of some bedroom advice. The guy I'm currently seeing is 23 and he's pretty great. We had sex for the first time and he struck me as hardly having any experience. How do you give a guy tips to make sex better or is it just a matter of practice? I'm not sure how to approach this. Help. Thanks a lot, Sophia. Okay, you cannot judge a guy or woman on having sex one time. You just can't. Maybe he was nervous, having an off night, you might have been nervous. So a lot of times with the new person, the first time is not that great. Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not. So I wouldn't just start, see, you're, she's tripping to. What does it mean? He's not experienced,

all this stuff. And maybe he's really not experienced. But this is the thing. Practice does make perfect and show him how you like to be touched. Men love direction. Even though they say they don't, if you do it in the right way and you take his hand, I mean, hopefully you know what pleases you, Sophia. You said it wasn't great. And I'm going to put this on you because so many women blame their partners that he didn't bring into orgasm. He didn't deliver it.

He didn't do that. And you know what? It's not about him. You're responsible for your own pleasure and your own orgasm. And honestly, the vagina to men is like the Rubik's Cube of Life. Like how the hell are they going to know what to do when every single one is different? So it's your job to actually be in charge here and to say, you know, hey, I like touch me this way

or I'm not ready for sex yet. Let's make out a little bit more. Whatever you need to be turned on. And again, show him how you like to be touched. One of the biggest complainator for men, the number one is that women don't take initiative enough in the bedroom. And so if you show them and you guide him

or you just say, hey, I really God, that felt so good when you kiss my neck. He'll get the picture. You don't want to criticize them. You don't want to bring up that it was less than you expected last time because that's gonna bum him out. You want to just talk about all the things you like and maybe some other things that you'll like.

So you have to tack it on. Okay, that make-out session was so hot. I let my neck, when you kiss my neck, I got so turned on. So give feedback like that. And if you guys are open with each other, talk about things you like and bet. And also another great tip, my favorite tip for new couples,

mutual masturbation. This is how you let each other learn where your hotspots are. You sit there, you masturbate together. It's super hot turned on. You see how he touches you, himself, he sees how you touch yourself. It's like, it's like a public service now, it's like a public service now,

it's a PSA for each other's bodies. So I think you should try that. And I think that you should not trip on it and that right them off because it's 23. And here's the thing, it doesn't matter about age. There's guys who are a lot older and inexperienced or they seem like they're an experienced, and it's probably because they're not interested

in learning more about women, no matter how many, I've said with guys who have definitely are not inexperienced, and they're not great in bed. They don't listen, or they don't, they don't, you know, if I give them feedback, or I say like, let's try this or that, or whatever, or their selfish lovers,

they're just into their own orgasm, you can spot those guys in my way, and probably the first time you're with them. That's when you delete their phone number. So I think you got to, you know, maybe not the first one, I guess, that second time, third time. If he doesn't listen to you and it continues to be bad, after a few times together, then you can make your decision.

But right now, after one time together, just think about all these things that you can do to make it better the next time. And that is what I have for you on the Sex Family Show tonight. Anderson, thank you for everything and first I have to say to everybody that comes to me in Los Angeles sexual health expo. She sexual sexual health expo.com. She conference. She it's for men and for women and for couples. Gays forever. It's because it's people.

I bet I bet there'll be a lot of hooking up that night. If I was single, I'd be lurking. Dude, I'm telling you. It's all sex all day and it's top by the top sex educators. People I've learned from. There's workshops open to the public. It's like 20 bucks for two people to get in. They've got the latest and greatest toys there. It's gonna be pretty friggin amazing. And where is it at? It is at the Sophie tell hotel in West. Super fancy. I know it's nice. You guys should all come check it out. I'll be there. I'm giving the keynote speech during the weekend at some point. I've got to write that. You do a lot of keynotes. I've got a few. Yeah. You ever do like a college keynote? No. I'll tell the other. I'm doing one though next year. Are you doing one? Yeah. What college? I'm not going to get into that. I don't have the details right now. Is it Harvard? Is it Harvard? Yes. Harvard has that anal sex class now. Exactly. That was, that was amazing, huh? I think that's fantastic. You know what, I think that sex

that should be required in college. It should be because that's when you're setting your sexual habits, it should be required in high school. It should be much better in the college. I took something like sexual psychology classes and college. Did you like it? It was fun, yeah.

I remember they got me up and I had to role play because of the big auditorium. There was like 200 people. I had to role play with this girl and like pretend like I was trying to come on tour and stuff And she had like this super scary boyfriend who was sitting in the front row just watching Oh my god, that's uncomfortable. Yeah, I kind of liked it. No, you wanted to though You did you not have to I ended up picking up with her actually I knew it. I knew it. I knew you out there. Um, I think it's great I don't want to have some more sex ed and I'm telling you if you didn't have it, if you

never had it, this will be the place to go. So it's the sexualhowthxboad.com. Shhh! January 17th, January 17th and 18th. And also Thursday nights, 839, 30 Pacific Standard. You can watch the show live. And also, after that, if you miss it that night, it's on our site. You can watch the video of the show, you can listen to the podcast, the whole thing.

That's what I'm doing for you this year. So thanks everyone, thank you, Anderson. Everyone check out his podcast, the film vault, and after disaster. And also, thank you, Lindsay and Rune for operating the Eustene camera. They have a podcast called The Pretty Oddcast, and you guys should check that one out as well.

And thank you everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? email me, feedback at sexwithemily.com Okay everyone, it's the holidays. You know what? Guess what? It took a good time to buy a gift for that man you love. You should buy him the number one sex toy for men It is a fleshlight. It is Amazing. Imagine if you could have the pleasure of having sex anytime, anywhere, even if you didn't have a partner.

The flashlight, it simulates the feeling of actually having sex. They have platinum material that feels like the real deal is actually invented by NASA. Can you imagine that? Patten of material, and you can also, if you like, have a certain porn star, you know, no. Maybe her vagina was molded, and you can, you know, have sex with that.

Go check out the Flusherite website. It's body-safe. You can use it Fleshlight website. It's BodySafe. You can use it over and over again. It's a male masturbation sleeve. It's discreet. It's portable. And it's award-winning. Oh, they're award-winning Loub because they love you.

They are giving my listeners a bottle of award-winning Loub. So what you got to do is go to fleshlight.com, use code Emily, get your fleshlight, check it out. They've got lots of them and then you get Loub because who doesn't need Loub, right? You can never have too much Loub or too many fleshlites. So check it out, they've got lots of them, and then you get lube, because who doesn't need lube, right? You can never have too much lube or too many fleshlites. So check it out, sexatme.com, click on the fleshlight banner or just go to fleshlight, use code Emily, get the lube, get a fleshlight, and enjoy it. I mean, how it goes, thanks for listening.

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