Sex With Emily - Squirting, Cheating & Oral Orgasms

Episode Date: October 29, 2020

Did someone say “bonus Q+A Episode”? Oh, right. It was me! Today I’m taking audience calls, and I must say: you’ve been asking great questions lately. Like, what does it mean if your partner can’t orgasm during penetration? Will eating pineapple change the way you taste? And how to get over a cheating ex?I share some tips to help your partner squirt. Plus, I help a caller discover some new positions for plus-sized bodies. If you can’t seem to make sex comfortable for everyone involved, I’m here to review your many options. Remember: there are always ways to open up to even more pleasure.For even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Listen, if sex was contingent, orgasms women would never, most women would be virgins right now. I'm pushing the limits to see if she's able to support. Is that something that every woman can do? Is that something that I should be pursuing with her? You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

On today's show, I'm taking your calls and answering all sorts of questions about positions for plus-side lovers, getting over your cheating acts, squirting, and what penis owners can do if they're struggling to reach orgasm. All this and more, thanks for listening. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a male obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day.

Alright guys, this is our bonus show this week. So I thought I'm just gonna put together a compilation of a lot of the calls I had this week and give you a variety. Keep you on your toes, right? I've even wanna know how you get through cheating, is squirting and think, I have you get so many calls about squirting. I swear to God, I didn't get this many until about five years ago. I'm thinking it's porn.

That's cool, but I get why you're asking, so we get into that. Also, we talk about penis owners who just aren't able to orgasm through penetration. Another question I get asked a lot, and what I find is when those penis owners are with vulva owners, they, vulva owners tend to blame ourselves. Like, oh, a penis is malfunctioning.

It must be my fault. They didn't get erect, or they don't stay hard or they can't ejaculate. I'm not hot enough. I'm not doing things right. Well, we're gonna dispel all those myths because just know that you don't know. No one told you this stuff.

We assume we did something wrong. We'll get into that and we cover a lot on the show. I always love hearing from everybody. And also, you guys follow us on all social media. It is sex with Emily on all platforms your question can be sent to feedback at sexwithemlee.com and stay tuned I have a big announcement coming on November 19th. I can't wait to share with you. Let's do this enjoy the show We have talked to Denise 40 in British Columbia because she's been holding it as an awesome question.

Hi, Denise. Thanks for calling. Okay, so here's the thing. I'm just going to pull it over the truck. We were wine touring and I got a perfect time. I like wine on our trip. Okay. Right.

Right. I love wine tasting. It's the best. Yeah. Well, you've come to British Right. Right. I love wine tasting. It's the best. Yeah. Come to British Columbia. Yes, I do. It's on my list. I've never been.

Go ahead. Tell me everything. So during our little trip, the girls are together and we're discussing blow jobs. If you put your mouth on the penis, Sorry, just a little shy here. And then have sex. Is it still considered a blowjob? Or do you have to do it to completion? I'm confused.

If you put your mouth on a penis, is it considered a blowjob? If they, I mean, yeah. I mean, a mouth on a penis would be a blowjob? Yes. So even if he doesn't finish? Yeah. Yeah. I don't think it's contingent on orgasms.

Listen, if sex was contingent on orgasms, women would never, most women would be virgins right now because they're not having orgasms during sex. So I would say that, yeah. Blowjob is a blowjob is a blowjob. I think it came out because we all have different opinions. The question is, the flavor of the semen. The semen, yeah.

Is that going to be affected by what they eat? You know what? It is affected by what you eat. You know, they say you are what you eat. And I think that if you have a diet filled with soda and burgers and fries and meat and fatty foods and all the things all the time, it's going to leak out of your pores. And then you definitely will taste it in the semen. It's your unhealthy diet, smoke cigarettes and unhealthy lifestyle. It won't be the best tasting semen you ever had. I'll tell you that. Okay. How about pineapple? You know, there's

the whole pineapple thing. You have to eat a lot of pineapple to make sure to have your Simon taste like pineapple, but it can have an impact. Sure, I mean, I'm not gonna say that like, you start doubting pineapple if you've been eating good crap all week and then you're like, but I just had a few bites of pineapple.

It doesn't work like that. It takes a while to get into your system, but sure, if you eat more healthy fruits and vegetables, your seam is going to taste better than if you're just having steak and fries. I feel like my husband's been eating pineapple since I left. Oh, well, you tell me then, Denise,

when you go back and call me. I mean, really, yeah, I'm telling you, I think it does have an impact, but I don't think it's like an immediate thing, but I don't know how long you've been gone, and is that easy on a pineapple diet? Only, I think it does have an impact, but I don't think it's an immediate thing, but I don't know how long you've been gone, and is that easy on a pineapple diet? Only, I mean, for the only pineapple? No, no, no, no, no, okay.

It's a pineapple. Swine apple. A pineapple stuffed with pork wrapped in bacon. No, that would not taste good. That would cancel everything out. Perfect. Thanks, Denise. One more good. That would cancel everything out. Perfect. Thanks to these. One more question.

Yeah, okay. Do you know Dr. Theresa Tam from the Canadian Health Advisor? I do not. Have you heard of her? Nope. I have not. Well, during these times, she has suggested that safe sex between partners that are near to each other,

they should look for a glory hole using a glory hole. So some sort of barrier between them. Have you heard of that? Yeah, the CDC said it here too. Center for Disease Control recommended that you could have sex with some kind of barrier and that could be a glory hole, which I thought at first, am I reading this correctly? Like where are people going gonna find glory holes?

Are they really gonna do it? I pictured it more like it's typically been a thing in the gay community, where they can put their penis through a hole in the wall. That's large enough for a penis to slip through, but they can limit physical contact during intercourse. So it's a thing, It's COVID. Yeah. Right. So do you think like we're sitting on a million dollar invention of like a shower curtain built in condoms?

So you can still kind of hug each other? Maybe sure. I mean, if people are, if they're already taking a shower together, I think getting people to say, well, this is our barrier because we're really afraid of catching a disease might, you know, they might, they might not use it for that. But sure, there you go, go crazy, go, look, go make it. I think that we're gonna be seeing a lot of innovation right now, but if you are with somebody and you're afraid you actually have sex with them, because they're also saying we shouldn't be kissing right now.

You can have sex, but you should wear a mask, you should wear condoms and avoid touching each other. You gotta avoid face-to-face contacts, so yeah, cut away. Get one of those cheap shower curtains and see how it goes. All right. All right, Denise, sounds like you're having a good time. You're welcome. Thanks for calling.

You're welcome. Oh, Denise, that is a good time. It makes me want to be out of my girlfriends having glass of wine. Blow jobs always come up. Sex always comes up. As you can imagine, let's talk to a woman who would like to rename an anonymous 38 years old. Hello. Hi. How you doing? How can I help you? Hi. I'm dating someone who has been alone with his whole life. He's 49 years old and he has never been with a woman before. And I'm his first person that he's been with and he is not able to ejaculate

when we were having sex and it's just, it's making me feel bad about myself. You know, told the understand that. So your partner's ability, yeah. It's just because he's used to doing it themselves, you know. It's true. Yeah, especially at 49. He's been masturbating for a long time and he's been doing it one way. Yeah.

It is nothing to do. I just tell you this that our partner's a rousal level. If your partner has erection or doesn't have erection, if they have an orgasm, don't have an orgasm, it's typically there's nothing to do with their female partner. Or even with women sometimes, like our rouse level, like we could be really turned on but not be wet. So anyway, I think that actually, especially because he's 49, I mean, I see this with a lot of younger people as well that are, you know, new to sex, new to sex with a partner,

that if you are the only way you've orgasmed for God knows, let's say 40-year, I don't know how he's masturbating, let's say 38-5 years has been with his hand in one position and one way. When he starts having sex in a vagina, it's a completely different experience. So it's really about muscle memory. A lot of this is like how we actually have orgasms or how we experience pleasure, what gets us off. We typically have to mimic things that we're used to, right?

We have to mimic our hand or our vagina. So maybe when he's inside of you, you could also take your hand and maybe guide it in and out, like kind of grip it at the base, move it up and down as he's going in and out. He could, I mean, does it feel good? Does it feel good to you? It does feel good, but I think it does it as a him too, yes, but I don't know.

It's like, he doesn't have to listen to me. So many women were like, oh, my partner can't stay hard or they can't, you know, they can't come. And I'm telling you 99.9% of the time that men are having challenges around erection or ejaculation have nothing to do with their partner. It has to do with them watching porn, perhaps it's to a sexual trauma, it has to do with their conditioning and their wiring, but I'm certain that he is having sex with you and that's all he can think about and he's attracted to you

And he's been waiting 49 years for this moment. He just doesn't have the training down yet. So I tell you it's not you. I know this. I'm not even better. Oh, good. That's why I'm here. No, it's not you. I wouldn't put pressure on me there, because also what happens is, and I, before I knew I would do that as well, I'd be like, oh, you're not attracted to me, but then that makes them feel bad,

because it's so not true, right? I mean, they're so attracted to you. And then that makes them feel worse, but then they get anxious and worried, and that makes it even worse. So if you can just be sharing, say, I got it. It's okay, you'll come when you're ready and don't you'll apply additional pressure

because I've told you the truth here. I'm telling you I know. Yeah. Yeah. You're more likely to come what he relaxes into it. But if this is an additional layer, like, and now she thinks I don't even like her, then we've got other problems.

Yeah. All right, so just enjoy it. Have a good time. Get your needs met. All right, thanks for calling. Appreciate you. All right. Thank you. All right. So just enjoy it. Have a good time. Get your needs met. All right. Thanks for calling. Appreciate you. All right. Bye. You guys listen, that is such an easy thing to happen where and common that we are so concerned that our partner isn't responding to us in the way that we think they should that it's confusing and then we

to us in the way that we think they should, that it's confusing. And then we automatically blame ourselves and think we're doing something wrong. I tend to hear this from women more than men, but I know that when men do it as well, but women already start from a place of like, you know, sex is performative. And what can I do to get my partner off? And it's all about the men's orgasm and not my orgasm. And it must be because I gained weight or I don't look good, you know, I'm doing something wrong. It must be me while he can't ejaculate, you know?

And I get it, that chain of thinking makes sense. But if we're talking about medically speaking, physiologically speaking, just not the truth. All right, we take a quick break. There'll be more sex with Emily. Thanks everyone for supporting our sponsors. You know, we only work with sponsors that we enjoy ourselves. And I hope you do too.

Let's talk to Chris 18 in Florida. Hey. What's going on, Chris? Hi. What's going on? Yeah, my girlfriend used to really be into me and now like my friend figured out she's learning so I don't know what to do. Hmm, Chris, I'm sorry.

How long have you guys been together? About five months and now she's starting to cheat and my friend figured it out and told me. Hmm. Well, you know, that is so hurtful. And I'm sorry that happened. And I know, is this your first girlfriend or like your first love? Uh, second.

Yeah, it hurts, huh? Have you heard more than the first one? Yeah, that's a thing. They always hurt more each time. You know, you think I can't be heard and then it hurts Well, so you guys had an agreement that you guys were committed and you were monogamous like just just the two of you Yeah, we were going straight for about two months and then just recently I Figured out that

I don't know how long she's been she but I just figured out and it's just, it just hurts. Like I was trying to hold my nose. Oh, no. Chris, it is, it's the most, it hurts so bad when somebody violates our trust, right? When we're like, this is someone I really was open and vulnerable and it just hurts. And are you going to talk to her? Are you going to like let her know Are you going to let her know how you feel? Yeah, probably. I'm a musician, so I won't talk about these things to get over it.

That's probably what I'm going to do. Yeah, Chris, what I would recommend, I think right now, you're heard and you're angry and you just found out. And you know, you're going to continue to, you will get through this. I just want you to know when it feels like you won't, like I promise you, like it gets you learn from this stuff and it'll get easier. But I think it's good that you were crying and that you're feeling it and that you called me because that's actually the healthiest ways to actually feel your feelings, which isn't fun, but it's the quickest way.

And there's nothing really that I can tell you to do. I mean, what I would recommend, honestly, Chris, which might be hard, is I would talk to her to say, you know, and just let her know, say, this is what I heard, I wanted to talk you. And I would try to do it in the most calming way you can and just be like, I'm kind of disappointed. I heard that you were with someone else. Can you tell me about that? And then see what she says,

because you're also like, I know this doesn't help, because when I was 18, you're only 18, and I'd be like, fuck you, mom, like, you know, but like, there's just gonna be these things. This is gonna be a great learning experience for you. You'll maybe in your next relationships, you'll be able to talk about like, how this felt, and that they could think that it's important to be committed and that if they want to see someone they should tell you first, that's how I feel about cheating.

Because I used to be a cheater of course. Yeah, when I was 17, I dated the school and it was in college at my high school and I fucked up and I had cheating on my own nation. She just blew me up, she didn't give me another chance when I tried so hard. I know how to feel so. Do you remember why you cheated? Yeah, this is all I did. I didn't really do my team. It was just over Snapchat with the mother going and then she got pissed off and yeah, you know, and then you're like, oh, what I do. And like, that's how you learn. Like, yeah, it didn't feel good to me either. I think what happened to me was I didn't know how to tell the guy

Like I didn't know that relationships took work and that actually like I was like Oh, this other guy likes me and that feels really good for my ego And then I'll go sleep with this other guy and I was like, oh, I actually did like my boyfriend I've learned now it took me years to oh, actually, you could talk to your partner before you cheat and say, oh, you know what, I've been feeling a little weird lately and like, maybe you're not that into me or whatever. And then I didn't cheat anymore, you know?

But it's like, we kind of fuck up and we do it and then we learn. So you know that you did it and she's doing it and like, this is gonna hurt right now, but I think you could also learn some really cool lessons about yourself and what's important and communicating. I recommend that you keep feeling your feelings.

I wouldn't do anything drastic, like since you want to write a hateful email, like I just got from a listener, sometimes you want to do something that you might regret, but it's best just to kind of feel the feelings. Be with your friends that actually are cool and support this kind of thing, not the ones who are like, she's an asshole, go fuck someone else. You can have those friends, but I wouldn't necessarily hang out with them tonight. Thank you. I appreciate it.

Of course, Chris. Anything else I can do? I think that's it. Thank you very much. Okay. Of course. I'll be here for you. Just take care of yourself. Okay? You'll be, you'll get through this. I promise. Thanks for your call, Chris. I appreciate you. All right, guys. I'm gonna take a quick break. We'll be right back. Let's talk to James 58 and I know how, what's going on? Hey, first of all, I'm a first time caller and pretty new listener. I really enjoy your show. And when you talk about conversation, it's lubrication.

That's all about relationships. And that's important. I've been married. I've been married for 35 years. Yeah. And I'm a little more adventurous than she is. Okay. But I wonder it often times if I'm pushing the limits to see if she's able to just work.

I think often times maybe I've watched a little too much porn in the days, but is that something that every woman can do? Is that something that I should be pursuing with her? It's a great question, because definitely with porn, this is a question that's come up a lot more, since it's been available everywhere, on our smartphones, all those things. So I never like to say that it's possible for everyone

to do everything, but it can't hurt to try. And yes, a lot of women can after they try to do it. I've heard a lot of success stories. So really, you just want to make sure that she's into it, that she's interested in trying. But some of the steps for it would be just to make sure that she's already turned on, and that she's a lot of warming up and like, for play, kissing, maybe she already has it orgasm,

a literal orgasm or something. And then what happens is once you're already aroused, like once that blood starts to circulate, your internal, literal nerves with a juice spot, as they call it, can become more roused, more gorge, but if you start to insert your fingers inside of her and you start to sort of, you know, you could use your fingers, you could use your penis.

I recommend if you wanted a squirt, I would start with some fingers and you kind of use two fingers and kind of insert them inside of her and you kind of make that motion, like that com-hither, going towards her belly button. And then you just sort of have to stroke and caressing to hit the G spot

and you just kind of keep going towards the stomach. And you kind of know, like do you kind of know where her G spot is? Maybe you do after 35 years. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So when it starts to swell, that's where it comes from.

So that's where the squirting comes from. So the adjaculation. So if you keep applying pressure on it, it might feel like she has to pee, but a lot of times she just keeps going. It is not urine. That could be a sign she's about to squirt. I would start to experiment with your fingers

and put down a towel and see how it goes. Okay. Now, I guess what I'm wondering is, is that something that every woman has the potential for? Well, I think that every woman has the potential. Yes, I think that what I'm saying is, I'm trying to think about if I've heard from women who are like, I've been trying for months and months and months

and it just never happened. I've never gotten that call. I mostly get calls from people asking me how to do it. And like I said, I don't think it's pot. I never like to say, yes, everybody could have multiple orgasms or everybody. But what I found is that if we really want something bad enough, and we're going to put in the hours and the time sexually,

you can probably make it happen. It's really just pair your reethyl fluids when you're rethral glands. It's not all, you know, people think it's just like urine, you know, no, but it's really just when we're already aroused, we continue to apply pleasure to that area because it's right. You're the rethral that can help to have women to expel fluids during orgasm or otherwise. And women can squirt and it doesn't necessarily mean that they have an orgasm but it can just feel like an intense

release but it's usually by I mean what how it can happen a lot is using your fingers and like an intense in-and-out motion like you're fingering her but you're just really really trying to find that two-spot and apply pressure you can also do it with a toy or your penis. I've noticed that there are times where perhaps he for legs together because it seems as though he doesn't want to release something and I wonder if it's just because she's just overly sensitive for the tourist is it acid, overly sensitive. Maybe. Does she have a lot of orgasm, mister?

Her method of orgasm. Her clitoris is the preferred method? Yes. Of orgasm? And she has orgasm, she's up, but she's tightening her legs. She closes her legs up when she orgasms. Are you saying sometimes she doesn't want to orgasm? No, sometimes no.

When they're intense, that's when she does. She'll close her legs as almost as if she needs to be a steezer. Well, you can have you ever asked her about it. And if you told her that you want to make her that you'd love to see her squirt? You know, I haven't really gotten that far in that regard. Like I said, she's a little more reserved, but maybe that's what I'm trying to do. I know, I get it. But I think it's time 35 years together I would say I want to talk about our sex life. I'd love to see it I think this would be let me do this to you could be a lot of pleasure could feel good

You know why not start now right like why not see which if she went into it and tell her why you think it would be hot And you know she could also be a woman who a lot of times we close our legs and we like kind of tense and release our pelvic floor And that is where orgasms happen. So maybe she squeezes her leg together because that helps facilitate orgasm. But what I'm saying is if she already has an orgasm, let's say she already has a literal orgasm, that's great. And then what happens after that, you could continue to go inside of her then with your fingers or a penis and keep you applying pressure and see what happens then.

But I would let her know that that's something that you'd like to see, that you were listening to this show and it sounds really hot. And I think it's important for couples to explore and try something new. Now, was she probably grew up at a time or in a place or in a home where it wasn't open and she didn't talk about sex? So that's why she's less adventurous.

Because she's been with you for 35 years and if you haven't talked about sex and she grew up in a place where it wasn't okay to talk about sex, that's why she's not adventurous, right? But if she knows what else is on the menu on the table, that it's okay to talk about sex, that it's great for your relationship. Maybe she'll be open. So it's all how you frame it.

Give us some information. Yeah, she's a great woman. I love her very much. Very happy that she's in my life. It's not me too. So I really do appreciate the advice. Of course. I'm so glad you found the show James.

I'll be here for you. Let me know it goes. We can talk about more stuff. Alright, thanks. Bye. Bye James. Let's talk to Angela 41 in Ontario. Hi.

Thank you for having me. Of course. How can I help you? What's going on? Hi, James. Let's talk to Angela 41 in Ontario. Hi. Thank you for having me. Of course. How can I help you? What's going on? Well, we've worked with an Irish community for years, and we're looking for some tips for plus signs, plus and a more special position,

because sometimes some of the more typical ones are a little harder for us. Can you, you got any tips? I can. Tell me more about the positions that no longer work and what positions you'd like to do. Or what doesn't work anymore? So, when he's on top, it's a little harder for him. And like, I can't stride it because he's larger so my legs just touch that ball. Right.

Okay. So, yeah. So, it's just a difficult one, but we just can't do. Okay. So, okay. Well, the first thing I would suggest is there's a lot of great standing positions that could work for this. So you could be lying on the bed and then he could be standing and you're like coming off

of the bed, right? Does that make sense? So you're kind of like bodice towards the end of the bed. So he can still penetrate you that way. So yeah, your legs can be like spread open or you could have one of the kind of like scissor. You can kind of be like, could you know play with different positions. So that works.

There's something called a sex in a sling or a swing. It's by sport sheets. I forgot about this. But they actually make a sport sheets is a company that makes the super sex sling. And it actually you could, okay. You could also hold it and you could be like,

holding it's kind of really fun, a sex sling, I should get mine out. It holds from the, it hangs from the ceiling or they're one that goes to the door and then you could be elevated and he could be like picking you up and you could just be like against the door and he could be holding you, but then he doesn't have to be like holding you the whole time so it's uncomfortable, but you still get like the leverage from the door swing. I like a lot of the edging positions. You could also do doggy style with you on the bed

and him off the bed, right? So you could still be on your knees and he could be coming up from behind you. Now, if you want to be on top, you could do, I'm trying to think, well, okay, first let me tell you about an excellent book that my very dear friend wrote, El Chase. It's called Curvy Girl Sex.

And it's a wonderful book. It's got great illustrations that are about this, all these positions that kind of work for this. So for you being on top, I'm just trying to think of, he could be, using the couch is a really interesting way to kind of play with this stuff. Like if he's laying on the couch, it's like doing math and like thinking about all these

equations here, you could be like, you know, the couch can kind of give you like leverage a little bit different, I love sex in the couch because there's like a different leverage like you could use the sofa cushions to kind of, you know, give you, give you some leverage. You could also use pillows underneath you. So it can kind of like elevate your knees a little bit, but you're still able to get out of his penis. So there's also some sex furniture that could elevate your knees. And I say that sounds like the problem is you can't get your body all around him, right?

Right. There's no like leverage. You're like, I can't get up. So I would try that as well. I think I'm going further. Exactly. So if you have something, there's something called the liberator. It's a company that makes these wedges, right? And they're like foam wedges. And so does we just need to be elevated

in different positions? And it just can change a position completely. No matter what you're just to mix it up, it can kind of elevate your pelvic floor so you can experience things more deeply. So I would play with some of those things and I do believe we have a blog on our site about this. Is that helpful? Thank you so much. You're so welcome. Let me know how it goes, Angela.

I'm here for you. Okay, thank you Emily. You're so welcome. Have a great night. Curve a girl's sack said I love Alice. She's dear friend and it really is a good book. Like I love the book just for me. There's just,. Curve a girl's accent. I love Elle. She's a dear friend and it really is a good book. I love the book just for me. I love the way it's written.

I love the way she breaks down some very specific positions. I'll need to mix it up. It's true. Well, that's it for today's episode. I'll see you on Friday. And thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review. And tell all your friends, your partners,

your lovers about the show. If it's helped you, I promise it'll help them too. We've really shows on Tuesdays and Fridays, and look out for a bonus episode every now and then. You can also find me on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. It's all Sex with Emily. Oh, and I give really good newsletter. Sign up at sexwithemla.com. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life,

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