Sex With Emily - Squirting Setbacks, Threesome Hangups & Other Sex Anxieties

Episode Date: May 26, 2023

We all have fears around sex, whether we’re aware of them or not. Maybe you’re worried someone’s not going to like your body, or that if you and your partner try something new, it’ll be awkward or weird. Maybe you’re worried you’ll never have sex with anyone ever again. I’m here to tell you this: your sexual anxieties are completely normal. Listen in as my callers and I work through theirs and develop actionable solutions to take the next step. When you’re a vulva owner, and something comes out when you orgasm, are you peeing or squirting? When preparing for a threesome, how can you get over the fear that your partner won't want sex with just you anymore? When the sex has fallen off entirely, how do you start initiating again? All this and more in today's sexual anxieties episode.Show Notes:Sexy Summer Pack List: The Seven Essentials4 Penis Problems and 4 Ways to Solve ThemMEET ME ON TOUR! Sex With Emily Book Tour: SMART SEX Event DatesPRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK! Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your PleasureSMART SEX PRIZE PACK (submit your pre-order proof of purchase at the bottom of the page, be entered to win the prize pack and everyone that enters receives a copy of my new and improved Yes! No! Maybe? Guide)VIIA Hemp Co’s Lowdose 2mg Delta 9 Microdosing Gummies (code EMILY for 15% sitewide + Free 2pc High Love THC Libido Gummy Sample Pack) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Start kissing again. Maybe you take, like, maybe you don't rush through intercourse, but you like give him a massage and he gives you a massage. You start making out again. It's been so long that you could actually dip into that nudist factor again and get to know each other where you're at now, which could be really exciting and hot. You could look at it that way, like we have a great opportunity to build something here and to get connected again.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. We all have fears around sex. Whether aware of them or not, maybe you're worried someone's not going to like your body or that if you and your partner try something new, it'll be awkward or weird. Or maybe you're worried you'll never have sex with anyone again. I'm here to tell you this.

Your sexual anxieties are completely normal. Listening in as my collars and I work through theirs and develop actionable solutions to take the next step. When you're a vulva owner and something comes out when you orgasm, are you peeing or spurting? We're preparing for a threesome. How can you get over the fear that your partner will want sex with just you anymore? When the sex has fallen off entirely, how do you start initiating again?

All this more in today's sexual anxieties episode. Intentions with Emily for each episode, I want to start off by setting an intention for the show and I encourage you all to do the same. My intention is to help alleviate some of the anxieties you may have around sex, whether it's your body, making the first move, trying something new, or even just experiencing pleasure itself. Trust me. You deserve it.

Please rate and review sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show, my new articles, sexy summer pack lists, and four penis problems and four ways to solve them are up on sexwithemily.com. Check out my YouTube channel, social media, and TikTok. It's all at sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. And if you wanna ask me questions, leave me your questions or message me at sexwithemily.com.

slash ask Emily or call my hotline, 559 Talk Sex or 559 8255739. Always include your name, your age where you live and how you listen to the show. Alright, big announcements. Okay, this is a big deal for me and I hope you're gonna join me on the road. I just released dates for my upcoming smart sex book tour. This will be the first time in almost two decades I've done live events with you. And we're going to be adding some more book events this summer. But this is what we got so far. And I want to say if you'd like me to do an event in your city, Just get in touch with us. Feedback at taxa.com.

But for these upcoming events, tickets are unsale. So please join me. So New York on June 13th. Get tickets of that. Virtually on June 15th via crowdcast, which is so cool. So I can talk to all of you.

Like join me, virtual event. We can all chat, talk about the book. I can answer to all of you like join me virtual event. We can all chat talk about the book I can answer your questions live and then I'll be in San Francisco Bay area on June 17th So we'll be doing photo op some moderated discussion panel live Q&A's I literally can't wait to answer your questions live and in person and when you buy a ticket You'll automatically get a copy of my new book smart sex So we have an article on our site with all this info, which you can also find in the show notes.

Don't forget, if this episode speaks to you, I do have a whole chapter on the pleasure of theaves in my book, Like Anxiety, that are standing in the way of your maximum pleasure. Lastly, this episode is brought to you by Via Hemp Company. For anyone struggling with anxieties around sex, cannabis might be just the thing to calm your nerves. We did a special 420 episode on cannabis and sex that you all should check out. Listen, although cannabis is not for everyone, it is super helpful for a lot of people to alleviate stress, especially when combining THC with CBD.

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and a free two-piece sample pack of their high-love libido gummies. Just click the link at our show notes and use code Emily at checkout. Artebone, enjoy this episode! This is from K8029 in Florida. Dr. Emily, when I masturbate, literal stimulation with the vibrator, I find that I always urinate when I climax. It's like, I can't do one without the other.

I've orgasm during sex with men, but I do not often, and I think part of the reason is because I'm afraid I will pee on them. Have you heard of this happening before? And is there anything I can do to help the situation? All right, Katie, great question. This is what we like to call squirting. Squirting is kind of the new anal.

I feel like when I started the show years ago, anal was a new blowjob. No one was talking about anal as much 15 years ago, at least in the straight community. And then now squirting has been a whole thing, I believe it's because of porn, but this is what we're talking about. It is not urine, it's traces of urine, just so you know.

And it is common for women to release fluid during orgasm. It comes from the skin's gland actually, the uthra and there's there's traces of urine and it's like periorethral fluid And so it's really not a big deal And this is what I want to say to Katie because what I want to circle around to yes people always like oh But is it pee is it not first? I say who cares? How does it feel and let's deal with that put a towel down get a waterproof blanket on Amazon for 20 bucks the fact that women often feel shame and worried and I'm messy and now she doesn't want to Orgasm with her partner because she's afraid I'm like listen, we have to deal with the jacket

There's a jacket that in our lives. There has been a jacket. We deal we swallow we spit We do whatever we do. It's in our face only it's consensual But this whole thing about squirting I love that women are realizing that they can, and it can feel really amazing. Here's the thing about squirting. It doesn't necessarily mean an orgasm. I already know what you're thinking. You're like, what does it feel like? Is it an orgasm? For someone being, yes, some women squirt with orgasm. Some women squirt without orgasm, and obviously women orgasm without squirting. And so it's just part of one of the beautiful tools

in our toolkit, you will, that's so masculine. What's it got in other good? I had a carnalty, we were talking about sex, I like toolkit, like here's my orange, but you know, it's really just another thing. And I think that many women have, they actually have the ability to squirt, it's a practice.

And so, you know, usually it's from internal stimulation, extrailing with a vibrator, but using a finger, a penis, a dildo, there's a lot of different ways to make it happen. And it's more of like a direct pressure on your G-spot, which is another thing we should cover because I don't love calling it a G-spot, because it's more of a G-area, like a grir-area,

like a gray area. Anyway, that is squirting Katie. I wouldn't trip on it, and I hope that you can get comfortable with it because this is my recommendation. So next time you're with your, is she with a partner or you know, you know, a partner where you're with someone, you're like, oh, so I get really turned on and sometimes I, I squirt or it gets wet or it gets messy. Whatever you want to say, so let's throw that out of towel.

And then that's it. That's all you say. There's no apology. There's no, I'm sorry. There's like a, hey, it's like, it's gonna range should we bring an umbrella? It's that kind of conversation. And I'm telling you that most of the things that we are tripping out about,

what's my partner gonna think of my uncircumcized penis, or what do they gonna think of my squirting or this weird thing? First of all, when we are confident with it, and we're like, yeah, this is how it happens. This is what feels good to me. That is when you find your match with lovers. I think that what we're all looking for is somebody who actually owns their sexuality and they're into themselves and their bodies and they know how it works and they know what makes them feel good. And let's say you are with someone though, okay? And they're like, oh, God, it's messy.

I'm really not into this thing. I would say that maybe that's not your person. I believe that every time somebody is negative or they shame us or they come after us for something that is just our own bodies and the way we act sexually and things that feel good, I think they're doing you a favor because they're showing you that they're not your person.

I think it's hard, especially if you're in love or you believe the sex was amazing, but if someone's gonna make you feel bad for something, this is what I get concerned about because I hear from all of you all the time, somebody might have shamed you once, like, oh, my vulva's weird, or, you know, woman, you know, sometimes, yeah,

like my vulva's weird, or I feel like no one ever goes down to me, what's wrong? And then I hear from men a lot. Like, they could have gotten chained. Someone said, like, oh, I'm not good at oral sex, or I'm not good at performing. I'm not a good kisser. This is what I've heard from men.

And it's like, first off, these are all things that are skills that we learn and we hone over time, especially if you're in a relationship with a lover that you can kind of say, well, all right, if you're not into my kissing, like, show me what you do like. And I'll show you what I like. In fact, one of my greatest, one of my, well, all right, if you're not into my kissing, like show me what you do like, and I'll show you what I like. In fact, one of my greatest, one of my best tips I believe for kissing, because this is something else that

pisses me off too. I'm of the school belief that if you are with somebody, and I used to do this, so I know, I'm like, oh, he's a bad kisser. Oh, they're bad kisser, I had to end it. I do not believe that's grounds for dismissal. I believe that's also something that you can say, you know what, babe, let's do something, let's play a game. I'm going to show you the way I like to be kissed. And then I want you to show me the way

you like to be kissed. So then you get to show them what you do and then they do their thing and then you get to decide, like, then we create like an amalgamation of kissing. I feel like it's like dancing. How you can follow someone, like, then we create like an amalgamation of kissing. I feel like it's like dancing, how you can follow someone, someone leads, someone follows. And that's what it is, but suddenly it's more nervous, maybe it's the first time we kissed, or you know, whatever's happening,

we're at our breath smells. There's a million things that could be happening. And so I think just casting someone aside because of kissing is unfortunate. We got Trevor, 43 in Arizona. Hi Trevor. Hey, how you doing? Great, how are you?

How can I help? I'm really good. My girlfriend of almost two years and I, we're thinking of possibly bringing other people into the bedroom. And my girlfriend is early 20s. I'm early 40s and we fantasize about it, we talk about it and we are considering maybe making plans for it, but I don't know if it's a good idea, even though we like the idea of it.

I'm wondering what your take is. Okay, well thank you Trevor, this is such a good question because you did say some of the things I recommend is for couples to make Because you know we don't know until it happens and I try to set couples up for success in this way and one of the things I say is fantasize about it like do some dirty talk when you guys are just the two of you and talk about picturing that third person there So it sounds like you've done that and and it's never a good idea to like, try to talk our partners into it. Like we should have a threesome, right?

So tell me where you're both at with it. Like is it the kind of thing that she brought it up? You brought it up? How did it come to be? You know, it's been over a year that we've actually talked about it. And so I'm trying to remember how it was brought up, but it was very casual and it wasn't a surprise

to either one of us. And you know, it kind of goes both ways meaning I kind of am curious about male-to-male contact and she's curious about female-to-female contact too. So it's like we're all kind of like up for, let's see what happens kind of a thing. You know so we're either one of us to have a lot of bugaboo's. We're just kind of you know trying to feel it. And I just wanted to know if there's any pitfalls or things that we really need to be weird. Yeah, there's always pitfalls,

but the thing you know, I mean, there could be. So you're asking all the right questions. I mean, the first thing is to decide like, is it gonna be, what kind of partner you said you might be interested in being with a male, she might want a female. And then also setting as many boundaries ahead of time as you can and rules for example like talk through You know, is there anything that's off limits for example or anything that is a requirement like we got to have

We got to use protection You know, or there's certain sex acts. What are you doing? It's over. Do you want the person to sleep over? How do you find the person? I mean, I think it's great to have someone that you're both attracted to. Also, having a safe word. You never know how you're going to feel until you get into the situation. But then you could think like, what's your safe word? Like, is there a word you could say or something? Because if one of you get uncomfortable and you want it to stop.

And I think talking through these things with your girlfriend and saying, like, what do you picture? How do you guys, like, elaborating on the picture? How do you guys like it? Labrating on the fantasy. How do you actually picture it going down like what where is what's what are the things that are happening? Have you guys covered any of those bases? Is there we have we have we started to kind of plan it out, you know, so to speak and I guess my biggest concern is Is it a recipe for disaster for my relationship with my girlfriend because that's above all else?

Tell me when you picture there. Tell me, okay, so what would be the right, because everyone's recipe for disaster is very different. So Trevor, what to you would mean disaster? I guess honestly, if she were to lose interest in me sexually by myself and just want that type of scenario only and kind of get away from her and I being able to be intimate together and have that level of intimacy, you know. Yeah.

You know, I want to do it like in addition to not a replacement. Right. You know, that's always a risk, right? Like, I think that I think you just nailed it. The biggest fear that we have is like, oh my God, I bring in a third and my partner falls in love with the third. You know, I think it's unlikely, you know, so totally, you're on the right page. Have you talked to about your fear around it?

Are you concerned? A little bit, a little bit. You know, I haven't done these terms quite yet. So, you know, I, or enjoying the fantasy and we're enjoying the talk and then we do the dirty talk and, and I'm like, you know, I need to ask Emily what should I do is it is it something where she just says absolutely not this is a recipe for disaster entirely or are there a safe way to go about it and still have a relationship. So I think just that having that conversation with her and expressing my concerns is that

that's my first step in no I'm never gonna tell someone oh no terabyte there are some people that are like, oh, that's a terrible idea. Now, if you cover these grounds, and again, maybe another recommendation would be like, you know, keep it a shorter session. You don't make it at all, if you can, or say, like, we're not going to see the same person twice.

And then kind of having an aftercare session where you discussed it, and you really kind of break it down into how you both felt, because if you both feel like you got something of break it down into how you both felt because if you both feel like you got something out of it, then you can even make the next one better. Cover all of that, but I think you guys are pretty close, you know? So keep listening, let me know how it goes Trevor. We're rooting for you. Thank you for the help.

Of course, thanks for coming. I appreciate it. Stay tuned because after the break, I'm helping scholars work through anxieties, initiating sex and the sexless marriage and practicing self love after divorce. Hey Carrie 47 in California. How you doing? Thanks for calling. I'm doing well. How are you? I'm good. Thanks for calling. How can I help you? Okay. I feel like there's a lot of unpack. I'm going to try to give you as much as I can.

My husband and I haven't had sex. And I think clearly I know for sure it's been over a year, probably a year and a half. We've been together 10 years. We had a very healthy sex life. We ran into some fertility issues. My daughter's five now. So for the two years it became very clinical, it became very time, it became, instead of fun, it was, you got

to be home at this time during this hour and this one on for two years. Once I had our little one five years ago, I had an emergency C-section, so then it felt like it took me months to get back into even wanting to. Then I put on a lot of weight, and so then it felt like it took me months to get back into even wanting to. Then I put on a lot of weight. And so then it became once a year. And that's kind of where we are at. Okay. Wow. Carrie, have you talked to about it? Have you guys talked about your sex life?

Okay. People. We both went to. I went to a doctor. I felt all of everything tested. I said, is my sex drive of my, everything tested it, it's my sex drive, my pre-medipause, what's happening. He said his vitamin D levels were low and maybe that's it, so he's taking vitamin D, but I feel like it's so far gone. I don't know how to

get it back, I don't even know how to make the first move at this point because also our five year old likes to get up in the middle of the night and jump in bed with us or have me stay with her and we're trying to work on that with her. But we're still when we hold hands or kids I still get excited. Oh, it's cool. Awesome. Carrie, that's great. You still feel that connection tone. Yeah.

But I feel like I don't know how to get it that I don't know how to make the first move. I'm always embarrassed. I don't know how to get it that I don't know how to make the first move. I'm always embarrassed. I don't know what to do anymore. So it sounds like you got into a pattern of like sex even though you know it sounds like it was great at the beginning right? Like before these five years your sex was hot and good and you enjoyed it. Yeah. Okay.

So that's great news. All good things. And the fact that you still get turned on and excited when you hold your hand also great carry. So how this works is it's having a conversation with them next time you guys. I hope you have date night. Do you guys have date night? I'm so worried.

I'm so worried. We try. Okay. I'm so worried. So yeah, I mean, that would that's really it. And I know like, so you're right. I understand by making a move right now would be weird, but what wouldn't be weird is saying, you know what?

I'd love to have a date night with you. Like, let's make sure it happens this week. You get the babysitter, you make it happen, and then when you're out, say, I've been thinking about it so much, and I realize our sex life has sort of been non-existent, and I really miss it. I would love to work on our intimacy, and I would love to work on our sex life, and you could just be honest and say, I've been wanting to make a move, but it seems weird, and I feel like it got really militant when we were trying to get pregnant and I just want to get back or I want to recreate it right now because sometimes we want to get back to something and like I think that's really tough. Not that you can't get back there but kind of saying like, let's create, we're right

now in our late 40s, you know, you're in there. Like what does sex look like to us? Let's talk about you can ask them like some of the questions I love couples discuss is like, what does sex look like to us? Let's talk about, you can ask them, like, some of the questions I love, couples discuss is like, what was the hottest time we've had sex that you remember? And I can tell you some things that I like. And then I think it'll be important for you guys to kind of just start doing it again. And also, like, just start kissing again. Maybe you take, like, maybe you don't rush through in a course, but you like,

give them a massage, then he gives you a massage. You start making it out again. It's been so long that you could actually dip into that nudist factor again and get to know each other where you're at now, which could be really exciting and hot. You could look at it that way. We have a great opportunity to build something here and to get connected again. I would actually recommend a vacation if you haven't had that with a five year old because that's where many couples all the time connect again. And I talk

about this all the time vacation sex. So that's some things carry is taking the pressure off of yourself to make the first move make it perfect. But to say let's do this together because our intimacy and our love is really important. Well, I feel like having a kid we've tried to do one night will go away and there's so much pressure to make that one night great will get no fight and like okay we almost needed second night to make up for the pressure

we put on each other to have a great time and one night away. Can you do that though? Can you take two nights? Can you take you guys need five nights away? As parents. We're trying. He. She works so much. The room was too shifth passing and the night was very hard for us to come out.

And I almost feel like is this divorce territory? Are we too far gone that we're just friends and roommates? Well, this is the thing. This is why I want you to have this conversation with them because then you could make this move again after dinner. You could be like, you know, get a babysitter. you could make sure that, you know, she's sleeping and is she ever with anybody? I understand what you're saying about her walking in, but maybe you just, you know, she's not allowed to come in the room at a certain time. I mean, she's five. I get that, but I also think that you,

I don't think that you guys are done yet. It's divorced territory. What would I do think is having a conversation about it in a really real way and letting them know how important it is for both of you and then kind of figuring out how you're going to make the move and what you're going to do, I think, is really important to reconnecting again and just saying, like, I want this intimacy, I want it. And remember in the past about what worked for you, like, how did you guys connect? What was hot about it? But you tell them that you still, your stomach, still, you still get butterflies when you hold hands. Well, I think I also, the part I may have left out is I've gained 80 pounds with a pregnancy and for some reason I'm having a really tough time taking it off on super self-conscious and he's like, me too. I'm the same boat as you. So we're trying to work out and take

steps to lose the weight. So we're on, we're, we talk about it. We understand it's a problem, but it's this weird wall that someone won't make the move to sit there.. So we're on, we're talking about it. We understand it's a problem, but it's this weird wall that someone won't make the move to disappear. It's kind of like, oh gosh, what do we do now? Like, where are we with that? I see what you're saying. Yeah, working out together is so important. So I love that.

Could you guys get a babysitter once a week where you go do a class together, you go for a walk together, you do something, a hike. Because couples who play together get the adrenaline going and work out together are actually that's one of my other tips for enhancing intimacy. You both want the same things. So I get it that our body,

when we're not feeling good in our body, we don't want sex, but it's almost like it's imperative right now. You have to start healing the relationship. I promise you, once you start having sex again, it's actually just like working out. Once we get to the gym a few times, we can't imagine that we never went to the gym. And it's the same thing, you know, for sex.

So, you know, you guys need the bonding, you need the intimacy. Like that's what is missing. Like that is the part that you actually are craving right now, but it's probably manifesting in all these other things. You're angry that he's working all the time, or he's upset that you're doing other things, but what you realize is once you bring back the intimacy and the dopamine and the hormones and the connection that comes from having sex again, it might solve a lot of the other problems.

You know? So. I think that's a lot of hearing this because I feel like if I tell my friends which at this point, I mean, I won't be able to buy even mention it. They everyone is a year of summary. What's happening? Don't talk to your friends. Honestly, I don't think that you know, you just got to make the move.

Don't be be a perfectionist about this. And it might not be perfect the first few times, but if intimacy is your goal and you guys are going to work together and how do we prioritize your sex life, it could be scheduling sex and that is not negotiable. We are having sex on Sunday morning. We're getting a babysitter or Saturday night and it's going to happen. So just give yourself a break. It doesn't be perfect and just start talking to him about it. I make you'll get it back.

Thanks for calling. Best of luck to you. It does have to be goal oriented. Terry 60, how are you? Hi. Hi. Hi. So I'm really divorced and starting a new relationship and have never really had a wonderful sex life.

I've always been really shy and nervous and not comfortable with the whole thing and starting over. I'm just not sure if I'm ever going to feel comfortable with it, but just wanted some suggestions on what you think I should do. So sex has never been something that you have enjoyed. Correct. Have you ever done any self-exploration? Minimal, just for the vibrator.

Okay, well that's something. There you go. That's more than a lot of people. And how's that experience for you when you masturbate? Well, I mean, I could live without that too, but I just wanted to see what an orgasm felt like because I never had one prior to that. So I was just kind of curious to see, I don't even know if it's just weird. To me, it's just like it being electrocuted.

Is that what I was actually feeling? Wait, when you have an orgasm, you feel like you're being electrocuted. No, maybe you're actually being electrocuted. What kind of vibranory are you using now? Well, okay, so your goal then is to, and you just got out of a relationship, you said? You're divorced. How long have you married?

How long have you married? A long marriage. 25 years. Gosh, married? How many married, yeah. A long marriage. 25 years. Gosh. I would love you to, I mean, I think it would be about upping your, your exploring and masturbating and listen to some erotic car, you know, read some books, watch some porn, get educated around sex. Because most of us, and I don't mean educate, like a lot of us just don't know about sex,

right? Like I, I wasn't having great sex until a lot of us just don't know about sex, right? Like I wasn't having great sex until I actually made it my job to study sex and to learn about it. And so I think just being open, buying yourself, taking time for like taking a bath, like having yourself love nights where you were just exploring, do you ever fantasize?

No. Okay. Did you ever have any sexual trauma growing up? No. Okay. So just sex would just never that interesting to you. Right. Exactly. What I love is that you're calling because that means that you're interested in. I know. I listen to you all the time. When I'm driving and I start with that I ask you to be honest. I get ideas from other people but I thought she should just find out. Yes, I'm so glad you called. Well, you know all the things that I talk about and that it is a journey of exploring and saying,

like, what would happen if you said, okay, I hate telling people to do something every night, but three nights this week, I'm going to have a Terry date and I'm going to draw a bath, I'm going to pour a glass of wine, I'm going to leave my phone outside the room, or you know, take a bath, do something that makes you feel the most connected with yourself and I would recommend getting some lube and just kind of touching yourself and tart to really explore and breathe do you have any kind of mindfulness practice? No, I don't okay Just a little bit of like breath work a little bit of just really being present. What makes you feel the most relaxed?

I would even recommend a glass of wine, or which I don't often recommend, like for sex, but I'm like to get you into your body. Is it after you work out? Is it? All I'm saying is the practice for you would be sent 20 minutes for three, you know, a few nights a week where you are just getting curious about what it feels like to touch yourself. Maybe get a new toy, get something that, you know, allows you to feel relaxed into your body where you

can just start to get curious and explore. Because going out there and dating like that just makes some of it a little bit harder harder But if you start to bring introduced like working out or exercise Introducing that back into your sex life You'll start to kind of feel those stirrings again And maybe you it's never too late to learn about sex on your own terms out of this long marriage Yeah, I mean, there's a great book by Betty Dotson called Sex for One. I love this book. Trying to think of what else you could do to kind of get back into it. If I did a course for women, would you take it about getting to know your vagina?

It's just something I'm thinking about because a lot of women are like not in touch. They don't understand their bodies. We're just so disconnected. We don't look at them. And I couldn't know that it's just about this getting thick. Hello, vagina, hello, body. Like, what do you want? And so for so many women, we're oriented towards serving our partners and sex is performative, that we just have our shutdown.

Our pelvic floor is tense. We don't allow pleasure. Maybe we had a really stressful, anxious upbringing and we just clenched down and we just don't allow pleasure into our body at all. I think, you know, I don't like that our body at all. I think you'll go and take that. Okay, cool. I think you'll take that. I think you'll take that. I think you'll take that. I'm going to give me ideas. Let me know it goes, Terry. Thank you for calling. I appreciate you.

I just so appreciate all of you for calling in and being so so open and real and honest and vulnerable because we all learn from each other. And the fact that you all just feel safe to share it, you realize that your stories are inspiring others. And talking about these things, you know, I've always been about talking about sex, like we're talking about the weather, I want everyone to feel comfortable talking about sex,

but you know, our mental health challenges, whether it's anxiety or depression or feeling lonely, I mean, that's just as important because then without our mental health, we don't really have anything. Like if your mental health isn't a great place, it's gonna be really hard to have an intimate relationship. You can make the time right.

Remember, I think a lot of you are like, oh, we don't have time and I'm busy. It's like, you just have an hour in your day and that's a game changer. The people in our lives are so important. And so if you've been feeling lonely or you've been feeling, you know, depressed, remember to cultivate the people in your life and the friendships and the relationships that matter to you. But I think we could all learn that like your thoughts are not the truth. And the more we can ground ourselves

in the present moment, and for me, like I said, it always really helps to do that with my breath. Sometimes I think I'm taking deep breaths and I'm not. I'm like, and I'm like, oh, that wasn't deep. So I do like a three in and three out. And I'll do that like three or four times. And I just, and then I realize that whatever negative thoughts I was having, wherever I was worried about, just it resets you. Because remember when we're anxious, we're worried about the past, the fearing, the future. And those are just your beliefs about something could happen that happened before, or something terrible is gonna happen in the future.

But that is not present, and present is being mindful, what's in front of you, your feet are on the ground, your breathing, you are hearing my voice. You have food on the table, roof over your head, you have someone you love. Those are the kind of things we have to remember. I appreciate all of you.

That's it for today's episode, see you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline, 559 Talk Sex. your pleasure.

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