Sex With Emily - Squirting, Spandex & Kinks

Episode Date: March 10, 2023

Have you ever been into something so strongly, you couldn’t stop fantasizing about it? Maybe it’s getting spanked or tied up, to name a couple common turn-ons. Whatever your turn-on is, does it arouse you so much that you just have to make it a reality? Or are you apprehensive to take your fantasy IRL? On today’s episode, I’m taking your calls on kinks, fetishes, and everything in between. I’ll teach you how to introduce your fantasy to a partner, especially if you’re turned on by something very specific. From spandex to group sex, squirting to infantilization, I’ll help you understand the difference between a kink and a fetish, how to safely explore your options, and how to communicate your desires to a partner. All this and more on today’s turn-on show!Show Notes:Cuffing Szn Is Officially Over, Here’s Your Sexy Survival KitPRE-ORDER MY NEW BOOK! Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your PleasureOkay, What’s Really the Difference Between Kinks and Fetishes?Yes No Maybe List, Tips for Better Communication & Other GuidesFirmTech Rings (code EMILY20 for 20% off sitewide)FetLifeKasidieLELO SORAYA Wave (code SEXWITHEMILY for 25% off all products)This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/sexwithemily and get 10% off your first month. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Something that brings them into your fantasy rather than, oh, I've been afraid to tell you that. I've got this late text. I think it's weird that I have a spandex, it's fetish, and do you think it's, no, when you celebrate it, your partner is going to celebrate it. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

Question. Have you ever been into something so strongly you couldn't stop fantasizing about it? Maybe it's getting spanked or tied up to name a couple common turn-ons? Well whatever your turn-on is, does it arouse you so much that you just have to make it a reality or are you apprehensive to turn your fantasy, IRL? Well, in today's episode, I'm taking your calls on kinks, fetishes, and everything in between. I'll teach you how to introduce your fantasy to a partner, especially if you're turned

on by something very specific, from spandex to group sex, squirting to infantilization. I'll help you understand the difference between a kink and a fetish, how to safely explore your options, and how to communicate your desires to a partner. All this and more on today's turn on show. Intentions with Emily, free tapisode, I like to start off by setting intention for the show, and I encourage you all to do the same. My intention is to empower you all to embrace anything

and everything that really turned you on, even if you think it might be embarrassing or strange. Once you're comfortable with your own sexual interests, you'll be able to communicate more efficiently with your partners. Explore your sexual boundaries and ultimately have better sex than ever before. Please rate and review sex without me wherever you listen to the show. And let me take a moment to say that it really does help us if you just take a moment right now and rate the show or review it, whatever app you're listening on.

It really does help the show or review it, whatever app you're listening on. It really does help the show. Also, my new article, Cuffing Season is a visually over. Here's your sexy survival kit is up at sexathamely.com. Check out my YouTube channel, social media and TikTok. It's all at sex with Emily for more sex tips and advice. If you want to ask me questions, leave me your questions or message me at sexwithamely.com, slash Ask Emily, or call my hotline 559 talk sex or 559 825 5739. Just include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show and as always you can change your name or choose to remain anonymous. Before we get into the show, I need to tell you about something, some big news if you haven't heard.

I'm coming out with a book. It's called Smart Sex, how to boost your sex IQ and own your pleasure. It can be in your hat little hands, June 13th, but if you could preorder it now, I would be so grateful. You can do it at sexdowne.com. All you have to do is go to the drop down menu and select a new book and it'll be easy from there.

And you can also request that your libraries are pre-order from indie bookstores, like Unabridged Bookstore, that really helps as well your libraries are pre-order from indie bookstores like Unabridged Bookstore that really helps as well as do the pre-orders. If you know you're going to buy the book, so helpful just to pre-order it now. We'll also put this link in the show notes. Thank you everyone. Enjoy this episode.

All right. Before I get into everything here, I just want to start off real quick by breaking down the difference between a kink and a fetish. Because often these are used interchangeably, but they're actually quite different. You always say, like, oh, I've got a fetish for a rice cream. I've got a fetish for, you know, people who have long hair. But let me just explain to you what they actually mean. Okay, a kink is really anything that's not conventional sex. People think that oral sex is kinky

or hair pulling is kinky. So anything that conventional sex is really typically kissing and penetration. So anything that's not that is a kink. And a fetish essentially is a kink that is a requirement for a rousal. So what I mean by that is, you know, a kink is sort of a nice to have, it would be nice to if I had these things around like, trim your hand, but a fetish is a requirement. Meaning, if your partner is not wearing spandex, you're not going to be a rous.

You're not going to be turned on. You won't have an orgasm. If your partner doesn't talk dirty to you, you will not be aroused or turned on. So a fetish like it has to be there for your arousal, okay? That clear? Let me know if you have questions about that. Now let's get into this because our first caller is actually one of my good friends, Kate, and she just had a pretty interesting experience with one of her partners and I wanted to, uh, I wanted to share with all of you so

hi tell us exactly what happened for about a month we slept together probably few other times the last time you did a similar thing so this past time he's about to come and he says tell me everything's gonna be okay

okay everyone's gonna be okay and I said tell me everything's going to be OK. It's OK. It's OK. And then he said, tell me you'll take care of me. I was like, I'll take care of you. Just like that. Like I'll take care of you. OK. So the last time he effects, he also had said, tell me everything's going to be OK.

And I thought, oh, I'm trying to drunk. Maybe I made that up. Maybe you didn't actually make that. Right. So this is the second time he's done that. Afterward, he's like, hey, so I'm sorry if that was like uncomfortable for you to say. And I was like, yeah, I think that's just a very intimate situation. Right. Yeah. And then he made a joke about like,

fair faith. But it's through me. Yeah. A lot. And he didn't want to go, if you didn't go into it after that and I just Yeah, huh, so let me just explain this so you've had sex like twice now three times and both two times You step with him. He's about to jacket like he's going out of your having sex and he says yeah He says Kate tell me everything's gonna be okay Yeah, and then you're like yeah everything's okay. He's like tell me you'll take care of me and you go Yeah, and then he comes yeah And then you're like, yeah, everything's gonna be okay. He's like, tell me you'll take care of me. And you go, yeah, and then he comes.

Yeah. And you're like, wow. Now, before that moment, have you had your orgasm? So I have not had my orgasm. He wants to be trying really hard. The person who reaches this act isn't that great for me,

but I think it can get there. Definitely open for things, but like it's for me, it's not. It's okay. So to me, I but like it's for me. It's not. It's okay. So to me, I feel like it sounds like there's some kind of maybe a fetish, maybe a fantasy, like there's something called Paraphylic Infantilism, and I was thinking infantilize. Remember you I was like, oh, I think it's yeah, he sounds infantilized because you also said that he called your breasts. Yeah, what did he call them? We were in the shower and he said he called them boobies and that freaked me out, it's for free okay so

yeah I said it one yeah he said be-but was he like I like your boobies, he was like boobies, like how did he say it? he was like holding them, I love your in the shower, and he said something like that he made like a cute see thing, and he was it? She was like holding them. I heard the shouting, he said something like, no, no, no, no. It made like a cute thing. And it was like, who said something like, no, no, no, no, booby, something, something, something, something booby.

Okay. Yeah, I mean, it sounds to me like if he wants to be careful and he wants to be nurtured, to me it's some kind of, and you're something maybe with his mother, his family growing up, he wants to feel safe and nurtured. And clearly he likely wants to be dominated. So you would be in the dominant role. So yeah, that's a fun, you say yeah, I, that's the one you say that,

because I had said something the other night, because in therapy, I was talking about how there's some things that I do, apparently that I bruise with these guys. And it's like, yeah, I just recently realized that was not good. What do you do? Okay, keep going. Well, the, I've passed three guys have been

with a text in the picture and there's like a small bruise like near their chest shoulder area and i'm always like get over it like calm down but this has to look okay maybe that's not great but i keep bruising you guys so the last time we have to have a side said something about me being out like oh i can't think i like this don't roll i feel like i should know

i so i did say that i did do you know how are they bruised? Are they bruised for you like, are you biting? Are you? I just like my hands. I think I'm just pushing. I'm pushing very hard on my thumbs. I think I'm just pressing really hard down on them.

Like when I'm on top, I think I'm just like putting a lot of, I'm falling out of my power. And I'm strong. Yes, you are strong. No, no, no, no, you are. OK, so maybe you are dumb right no you are okay so maybe you are dumb so you enjoy having the power in the bedroom i think so i think that is something i'd like to explore more okay i definitely said something about it definitely didn't mention that the last time so that is what did you say yeah

what did you say did you say like to him oh about the blue bruising and you're like oh maybe i like to be that's exactly what i said i said sorry but there is maybe i think i might like the like the domoral situation okay i think that i can see that i'm in the so maybe there is a part of it that he felt safe to be like well she's a dumb that i'm going to say tell me everything is going to be okay and how did that feel

it felt very mommy very like like i was not his partner having sex, I was like something out. Well, it's like a disassociation because I'm not even saying that it's necessarily a fetish for sure, but maybe it's just like a fantasy he has because a fetish would mean that it's like required for him to orgasm. He has to be in that infantile role. But maybe if you like this guy, which I would recommend is just say like

you know you could flip the scenario it could be like teacher student there's other other dumb sub roles that you could play with but if he has to be a baby or have to be taken care of that's different but if it's just dumb sub and maybe he doesn't know yet either because the truth is a lot of us are more flexible than we realize it's just about compromising and talking to him about it so what do I do? So how do I exactly? Great next question. So I would like go to dinner and this is not something that you talk about in the bedroom like before sex or after. It's like hanging out having a drink not over text obviously but just say like hey you know I was

thinking about our sex it's really tell them something you like about it like oh I really love the way you kiss me. Go down to me. Yeah. Turn. Say, and I was thinking about the end, I was thinking about like I know after you're about to, you know, you say like, and you want me to take care of you. And I was thinking about that because I've been a little bit more dominant in bed.

Or you could say, I was thinking about that more. And I wanted to know what, tell me more about that. I would love it. I'm so curious. And so the big thing, Kate, is to come what, tell me more about that. I would love it. I'm so curious. And so the big thing, Kate, is to come to it from a curious place and a relaxed place that's more like, you know, because he's probably, I'm going to guess he hasn't talked about it with anyone or many people. And it's curious to be asked.

And then you could kind of find out, he's like, oh yeah, well, I've always had this fantasy or like being, find out more information. And then you guys could have an actual, like, you're like, oh, interesting. That's, okay, well, I've always had this fantasy or like being, find out more information. And then you guys could have an actual, like, you know, interesting. That's, okay, well, I've thought and then you could say, like, and I've been thinking about being more dominant in what that looks like. And then you could just have a, like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is not from a sexual place versus talking about like, versus, oh, there might be some trauma.

Well, I know I go there too. I'm like, was there trauma? Cause that's the truth though. Here's the thing. If he's not able to meet you at this place, like if he's like, oh, I can't talk about it. He freaks out, then he hasn't, you know, there's some trauma. Like there actually could be some trauma here. I'm telling you best case scenario. He's like, cool. So I'll be the student. And then you're going to

bring me over your knee and spank me. But the truth is he might not be somewhere and there could be some stuff you know that went out with his family, some abuse. And if it is trauma that is untreated, that can be a challenge down the road. Or even now. So. So next step, healthy conversation.

Okay. Yeah. Okay, good. I think it's fascinating really. Yeah. So you know, it happens. You have to let me know what happens after okay, Kate. Oh my god, okay good. I think it's fascinating really. Yeah, so you know what happens? You have to let me know what happens after okay Kate. Oh my god. I'm out. Okay. I'll see you soon. Thank you. I love it Let's talk to Greg 55 in Ohio. I Greg. What's going on? Thanks for calling. Hi, Dr

Holy how are you? I'm good Greg. Tell me everything. Well, I find myself a little bit of last few years really enjoying VDSM play. And I try to figure out a way to bring that experience through my significant other for how they interact with you for that. And I'm not sure how to go about it. Okay, is this your partner, your wife? Uh, partner, yeah. Okay. Tell me about your sex life right now if you talk to her about it

you've ever talked about what you guys are both into and your turn-ons. We have she's very timid about it I find the whole eroticism with media in the bondage and that side a very erotic and very filling and I try to talk to her about it and about my reason. She's been in shock. We found that she thinks that it's kind of taboo, I guess. Well, it is kind of taboo, but that's why it can be hot. Well, here's the thing is that sometimes people here, BDSM,

we're talking about bondage discipline, cytomacicism, which, you know, if you saw 50 shades of gray, which was like a, you know, the PR campaign for FDSM, unfortunately, it's not very accurate. That's not what it looks like. You don't need like a crazy red room of pain and all the equipment. It's more about power play and like, it could be more about just wearing a blindfold, right? Maybe there's a spanking here and there.

So I think that people have all of these different ideas about what it means, but the best part of that is that we all get to decide what it looks like for us. So Greg, how have you guys been together? About four years. Four years, okay. What she might need to do is kind of explain to her what you think it means, like how that would look and why you're into it. You're since we want to talk about a fantasy with a partner. A tip would be to say I've been thinking about this fantasy and I want to continue to make our sex life awesome and grow together and I thought it would be cool if we talk about things that we're into and what turns us on and I have this fantasy and my fantasy is this

and then you get to explain it, Greg, like, walk through a scenario with her because so often we'll just drop these things like, I want you to be rough and bad. And then you're like, what the fuck does that mean? Do you want to me to throw me in the wall? Do you want to speak? What does that mean? Do you have a fantasy in your mind? Do you have a scenario in your mind of how this would go down? Because then you could explain to her. And then you could say, I'm thinking we could do something like this and here's why. And then you have to explain like because it you know why Greg like why it turned you on and then what she might get out of it.

So Greg, if you kind of fought this through. Not to that level, I haven't. I really have been at a loss and out of that. I've played with Intruder and Thought. and tour and talk, and get a full approach, so I backed off on it as you know, furthering that gadget. So I'm just trying to look at other aviders, not that introduced. I mean that makes sense. So you've been together for years. Have you guys talked about your fancies, what you're into, your turn-ons? Have you ever had that at all? Yeah, we have. OK. So her fantasies are definitely a little different than my interest,

but they're her fantasies, which I remember. What's her fantasy? Give me one of them. Well, her fantasy really is she would like to introduce another male in this business. Oh, yeah, that's a little different. Well, how do you feel about that? I will be with it. It just depends on where it would go. I guess. Like I said I'm more in the submissive role.

So I'll be okay. So you want to be the submissive and you want her to be dominant. Yeah. And she would want to be with another man. She's a little bit more conservative. A little more traditional. Yeah. Traditionally. I'd never tell you would go to zero to three some. You really have to sort of ease into that. But what would be really cool and I think very enlightening for both of you is to do something like we have this great thing on our website sexwithemily.com. It's called the Yes No Maybe List. And we can also put on the show notes. But it could be a fun thing one night when you guys are having dinner, No, Maybe List. And we can also put on the show notes. But it could be a fun thing one night

when you guys are having dinner, poor glass of wine. And you can read this list and it literally has every sex act you can think of, right? Like spanking and kissing and, you know, it's like cuddling, domination, submission, dirty talk. And each one of you fill it out, you could either say, yes, I'm interested, this is a no, and this is a maybe. And that could be a great starting point to see where you have yeses.

And then some of the maybe's could also be great talking points. Like there's things on it that you might never even have fought your interest in. I think that you can both get your needs met, but I think she'd have to understand, like, do you think that she could be dominant at all? I think she could, to a point, but I don't think she could, she would struggle with it, I would feel. She could be. Well, to skill.

I mean, you could also switch and take turns, like, you know, you could be dominant, she could be dominant, but it sounds like there's some education, so much about, like, being fulfilling lovers to each other is one part exploration, one part like education And so maybe you could watch some videos together show or some things like some scenes this but be helpful as well You could take any of these great go whatever direction you want But you could say I want to show you what I'm into like here's this Scene that I like and porn or you could read or some erotic and say this is how I picture it who knows like Maybe she would be into that she'd be, oh, I think that'd be really hard

to try that. You could try something with just a blindfold. I mean, this is an easy way to start this kind of play. It's just a blindfold. One person has power over the other person. And maybe you could do some more like thinking about how you actually want it all to unfold. But before you go with your fantasy,

I would again start somewhere where you're both on neutral ground Just trying to say hey Let's really focus on prioritizing our pleasure in our sex life First of all, we can continue to be great lovers with each other and then also help you know evolve because once you learn how to break through these barriers and So many couples have them then you'll have that foundation in place for the time that you're together And then it'll become something fun But you're in the awkward uncomfortable phase where you both have never talked about it. We've got tons of stuff on our website too. Great beginner, BDSM articles and there's a lot of

blog posts there. So yeah Greg. Okay. All right, very good. Thank you. Of course. Keep it posted. Yeah, I will do that. Okay, please. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go.

I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go.

I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. I'll check out the way you go. And there's board games, there's a BDSM game, there's a kink game, there's a talking dirty game, so you could like play together and have the game, believe the conversation. Blame it on the game. Make you have tough talks.

This is from Brittany 33 in Florida. Hi, Dr. Emily. Thank you for offering your services to everyone. I truly believe the subject needs to be spoken about more. My boyfriend and I have been together for six years. We are at an amazing point in our relationship and our sex life is blossoming into an amazing journey. However, my boyfriend is very sensitive. He literally does math in his head to focus and act to orgasm so quickly.

I recently opened up an astrophysic as any fetishes and he showed me the type of porn he likes. We've had great conversations about it, tried it and loved it. I also opened up about the porn I like to watch, three sums. Since then we've been talking about it and hypothetically speaking is if we truly plan on having a three sum. Just as a fun thing. However, his main concern with a three sum is his premature ejaculation.

I don't want my boyfriend to once again have these issues and not get to enjoy this type of play. Sometimes he can go for hours and not have an issue. He can get an erection, no problem, but keeping his erection is the issue no matter how turned on he is, 85% of the time. What can we do? Just talk to the third person about this and see if it's okay to work around it.

Thanks so much for reading this. I truly appreciate it. It's completely new for me. And I've no one to talk to you about this. Exo exo Brittany. Brittany, I'm so glad you found me in the show. I'm here. I'm your friend.

Let's talk about it. That's how I feel. I feel like we're all friends. Just hit me up, right? I got you. First, let me say this. I really appreciate hearing the ways you are having these thoughtful conversations

about having a threesome because there's many reasons I will talk about couples not having threesome like if you don't trust each other, if only one of you wants and the other person doesn't want it, if you're using it to spice up your relationship, you don't discuss boundaries and details ahead of time. Those are all the reasons that like you should never have a threesome, but you're doing it in the way that I highly recommend. You're discussing it, you're dirty talking it, it sounds like, or you're discussing the hypotheticals,

which by the way, that's what I encourage as couples to do is to be like, hey babe, right now I'm picturing a threesome happening. And you know, you're going down and someone, or there's another guy coming up behind you. And believe it or not, like that can be your way to really get as close as you can to having a threesome without it happening and see like, how does it make me feel? What are the boundaries that

we'd want to put in place? You know, even if it's the hypothetical and you're thinking, oh, God, right now I'm picturing my partner making out with someone that made me really uncomfortable, well, that means you might want to take kissing off the table. You might want to take penetration off the table. Should the threesome happen? I don't want your partner's penis challenges to get in the way of this incredible three-some. This should not be preventing you from having a three-some at all. And there's a lot of solutions and a lot of ways to work through this. PE, I talk about that a lot of the show. It sounds like his pre-matured calculation and his direct-to-all challenges are sort of folding into each

other. There's a lot of things that go into this, you know, your overall penis challenges can send back to his health. How is his overall health and wellness? Remember, your ability to get a rec state rec can be a factor of your nutrition and your exercise. If you're not moving your body a lot, you're not exercising, there could be a blood flow challenge. If you're not eating healthy foods or there's a lot of alcohol or a lot of drugs, it could affect your ability to stay as hard as you want to. How about hormones? You might only be in his 30s right now,

but you would never too soon to get a handle on your hormones. I'd also want to know how long has it been happening? You know, how is his anxiety, his mental state? Are there any medications that could be affecting his penis? Because whether it's about a threesome or not, I'd love him to get more info about why and how this is happening for him. There's one thing that I think is really interesting and you guys know that I love penis rings.

There is actually this new technology by a company called firm tech. They have performance and tech rings. So these are like penis rings I've never seen before. They have a performance ring that has this asymmetrical latch and loop design. It makes it super easy to take on and off. So essentially you don't need to put it over your entire penis. You secured it at the base of the penis and the testicles and here's why this is different. It slows the blood flow leaving the penis, which is why we all love cock rings because it helps the blood flow leaving the penis, which is why we all love cockroaches because it helps blood flow and it helps to sustain erections. It helps to delay

orgasms and have longer lasting orgasms as well, which it's just a really unique technology. They also have a tecgring. This is the part that's like a fit fit for your penis, which I've never seen anything like this. Get this. It can track the vital signs of your erectile fitness. So over time, the duration of your erections, how firm your penis gets, the number of nocturnal erections, which indicates your cardiovascular health. Remember, your heart health and your penis help are linked, which is why your sexual health is so important. Get checked by your doctor, get checked by, you know, your yourrologist. So the firm tech is my new obsession. It's splash proof. It's USB rechargeable.

I want to know what you think about it. So you can save 20% with the code Emily20 at myfirmtech.com. That's Emily20, 20% of it, myfirmtech.tch.com. We'll put that in the show notes. It's just a really fun painting string. So, Brittany, for the challenges you describe right now, I just thought this would be something that the firm tech would be great for, but let me just say this. Right now, before you jump into the threesome,

practice with your partner or some of these things. I get a toy, get the firm tech, start to kind of play around, see if you can help ease his anxiety let me remind you that this whole notion that sex is this linear thing like we make out we kiss we eject late we fall asleep or sometimes you have an erection and then you lose your erection so guess what happens maybe like he starts to please you and the erection comes back it is like a dance moved to something else in the moment we're going to go back to a dance. Move to something else and the moment we're gonna go back to kissing, we're gonna go back to oral sex,

we're gonna go back to, maybe we stop and get a sandwich. It's all okay. Especially in a threesome, it's sort of like, threesome's are not scripted, none of no sex is scripted, but at threesome's too, I don't think anyone's going. First off, let me say this about a threesome is that if it's a penis with two vulvas, like first off, penis has a lot of pressure anyway.

Like I gotta be erect, I gotta be turned on, I gotta know what's going on. I don't know who put all this pressure on the penis, but I think that I can tell you that we're all pretty cool. We get it, we don't expect you to always be, you know, at a standing at attention. So maybe you'll get your erection, maybe you'll lose erection. Maybe this is the time for him to please you

or you're pleasing the other person, you're all it's a dance and you're all in it together. You're leading and you're following and you're moving in of it, you're moving out of it. And I think that the less pressure you can put on yourselves and the more you feel comfortable with this third, I mean, let's talk about finding a third partner that you both feel safe and comfortable with.

That you shouldn't feel like we gotta, I gotta show up and I gotta be erect the entire time. You're all in this together and you all wanna have the most pleasure and I'm gonna buy you with a partner as I feel the best with the ones that really, you know, make me feel safe and they're comfortable and they're just happy, we're happy all to be together

and connecting so it's like less about judging everyone's, you know, erectile performance or vaginal performance. It's really about the connection that three of you have and being kind and being receptive and being open to go with the flow and just to have a good time. And I don't think anyone says, well, are the three of them was the best because we all came at the same time and we checked off three orgasms and it was over. Usually it's about, we all got along and there was really great energy and really great flow. And we had a good time. We all all felt safe and we all had a lot of pleasure. That's what it's about.

It's not about checking off boxes about how everyone's just to perform because I don't about you that just sounds really stressful for me. So, find some good partners, continue to communicate and continue to work on your emotional, physical, and spiritual health, and you're all going to be a-okay. All right, stick around because after the break, I'm talking with collars about sporting exhibitionism and spandex fetishes. You won't want to miss this. Let's talk to Carla 51 in Vegas. Hey Carla, what's going on?

How can I help? Hi Emily, thanks for taking my call. Of course. I wanted to know I'm in a great relationship with my boyfriend. We've been together for 14 years and everything is great. We like to try new things. One of the things we wanted to try was I'm somewhat of an exhibitionist. I like that type of thing and I've heard that there are places to go.

Cruises to go on, freaks to go on as couples, but I don't know where to look and I don't know what's real and I don't know what's No, that's a great question. It's funny to say that because there are some really good places, it's funny because I was just at this spot a few weeks ago near San Diego. And the woman who works there said to me, oh, and right over there, we were like hiking up in these mountains. It's near San Diego. She was in over there. It was like an exhibitionist place. I was like, really? Like, I want to go there.

Like, I just think it'd be curious. Like, that everyone knows that it's there. And I wanted to know more about it. I think there's definitely some in California. I would have to look for you because I actually don't have the names of it, but with the sources I could tell you to go to would perhaps be FET life, F-E-T-L-I-F-E, perhaps Cassidy, which is a Swinger website, K-A-S-E-D-I-E,

and what you mean by exhibitionists is let me just explain to you, is that you would like to go somewhere where you could be naked the whole time, or a lot of the time, is that it? Yeah, and I also like the idea of folks watching us have sex. Okay, so more like sex parties. So would you be comfortable,

like would you even just want to go to like a play party somewhere, or like a swing or party? Yeah. So just for a night or something. I don't know why, for some reason I was thinking about this retreat and you mentioned cruises, there's places in Vegas, my friend Holly and Michael, they opened a club in Vegas like a year ago, they invited me to. Oh, you actually want to leave Vegas.

I always tell everyone to go to Vegas to do these things. I'm like, go to Vegas. You can find a third for your threesome, but you live there. You're like, I don't want to see my assistant at this sex club, I get it. So, right, but I'm also of the mindset, well, I'm there and there, there too. So, what have I got to be? Well, that's what I say too.

I'm like, we're all here together. I mean, these are co-play parties. There's like, I would go to the place I said, we'll put it in the show notes. Awesome. Awesome. Of course, Carla, let me know. It goes, please, call me back. I me know it goes. Please, call me back.

I always want to know. Like, how was your first part of the experience? Thanks, Carla. Okay, this is from Tiffany, 29 in California. Hey, Dr. Emily, I've been following you for a while and I love your advice. My question is, how can I squirt more? I've only been able to do it once

when I had my very first sexual experience, but I've not been able to do it since. Does it have to do with hydration? I've had amazing sex, but still cannot orgasm and or squirt. Though I still really enjoy the sex. Could it be because I use vibrators so early on in high school, that's the only way I'm used to having an orgasm, and even using toys. I still can't squirt.

Any tips will be appreciated. Congratulations on your show and all your accomplishments. Thank you Tiffany. I appreciate you. Gosh, what a wonderful question. All right, let's just get into squirting, okay? Let me just break it down. People always want to know about squirting.

Squirting is a real, can everybody squirt? Is squirting pee? So there's a lot of debate over the pee debate. Is it pee? First, I say who cares, throw a blanket down, doesn't matter, does it feel good? That's what's the most important thing is. But yes, there are traces of urine in it, but we also have fluids that are not from

the bladder, include in squirting. But let's move on. What is squirting? So squirting is stimulation internally, having stimulation where there is fluid that is expelled. I just want to say this, that squirting is not always associated with orgasm. You can squirt an orgasm.

You can orgasm and not squirt. You can squirt not orgasm. You get what I'm saying. It's not always related. So squirting can feel like a wonderful release without orgasm, and I don't want everyone to get chipped up on that. They all come together and that would be amazing. And I think there's a lot of pressure right now.

I have to tell you that I've been doing this for over 20 years. And that before porn became like readily available in our pockets because of smartphones, nobody was really asking about squirting. But now I think because of porn, it's become this like pinnacle experience that so many vulgar owners and their partners want to happen. And for some, they do it.

They're like, yeah, it wasn't a big deal or I don't really care. But it seems to be this goal. And so either way, I want to say there's nothing wrong with you. If you can't squirt, I do believe that a lot of Volvo owners can learn to squirt. So let me just break it down for you. First, like I said, throw down a sheet or a towel. And just know that it's squirting, it's gonna get wet,

it's gonna get messy. And I'd like to say that's what sex is all about. It can be beautiful, it can be hot, it can be sexy, and it can be very wet and messy. Number two, yes, you wanna make sure that you're hydrated, that can be a factor. This hasn't been extensively researched, but being hydrated overall helps all of our functioning,

so it can really facilitate healthy sexual functioning. It can help with orgasm, but staying hydrated is great for your overall health, so why not stay hydrated and see if it helps with squirting. The other thing is you gotta give yourself a lot of time to get turned on. You're not just gonna like all of this and squirt all willing really like, oh, we started making it out and I squirted. It is a practice. So first you want to start off by focusing on your clitoris.

Focus on stimulating your clitoris that will help bring blood into the area. So if you notice, if you take a mirror, which I highly encourage everyone with a ball of the take a mirror and take a look at it, once you start to get aroused, you've got to get blood flow, the area becomes more engorged.

And it also helps to stimulate your internal areas, like your G area. So start by focusing on the clip first, and I highly recommend using a toy, especially at the beginning, to figure out your body here, because I know for me, like, I had frequent, penetrative sex, and I did not have G-Sp spot orgasms or squirting until I experienced with a toy because the squirting happens from playing a lot of pressure to the g spot. Okay, so that is internal pressure. Now you can do it

with a finger, inserting a finger or a penis. So Tiffany, you really want to explore here, right? You really want to figure it out and on your own. So yes, fingers or penis, but I say get a great toy. And do it for an extended period of time. Praise a lot of pressure on the G spot. So when you're really turned on, maybe you already have a clitoral orgasm, you can put your middle finger inside, you can use a penis, but I highly recommend, you know, using a toy, but you can start with the figure and you'll feel that G-spot or G-area, which is sort of a, it feels like it's about an inch and a half or two inches inside, it comes with a, they're most, and using your finger towards your belly button, you'll feel

sort of a rough spot, and it's at the front of your vaginal wall. So, when you're pushing on it, it's actually a reptile tissue that is surrounding the re-thra. So, as you're stroking that area, you're changing the angle of the rethra to the bladder. So that makes it a little bit easier for that fluid to be released. But if you really want to have the pleasure and the full experience, I highly recommend using a toy. In fact, most of my experiential work of understanding my G-spot and having G's area orgasms and anxcording came from using a toy. And here's one you can use the Sorrier Wave. I

love the Sorrier Wave. It's by Leilo and if you want to know more, you have to check out this awesome Instagram post I just did because I gave one to my assistant. I was like, check out the Sorrier Wave because we got a few toys by Leilo and she sent me the most epic video of her trying it out and you can see what it actually does. It's a really cool vibe that has an external clitoris stimulator and it's really powerful and then there's a G-area stimulator that it's like this pulsing arm that will deliver really satisfying sensations but it moves in different directions like it moves in circles it vibrates back and forth.

I've never seen anything like it. So check out the video. It's awesome. You want to get one of these. You can get 25% off all LayLo products using the code Emily at checkout. All you got to do is go to LayLo.com, lilo.com, use code Emily back to squirting for a minute. So toys are a great way to explore and really be able to control the extensive pressure you have to keep applying to your G-Spot. And nothing you want to say is you might feel like you're going to pee

when you're reaching an orgasm and you're about to squirt. I say don't stress about it. A lot of times you just got to let go because the fluid that's coming from the skin's gland that's behind the G-Spot is going to feel like peeing, but don't stress about it. I say it doesn't really matter, but that's what you're going to feel. You might feel like you have to pee. You might have to squirt at that moment, go into this knowing that there's going to be mess.

I'm going to have to let go and see what happens. Tensing and relaxing your pelvic floor is also really helpful. You want to have control of your pelvic floor is also really helpful. You wanna have control of your pelvic floor muscles. You wanna kind of be bearing down, like you're pushing out the pee, that bearing down feeling. Having really strong cagula and pelvic floor muscles really helps cagula exercises of that tensing and relaxing,

like of stopping and starting the flow of urine. But that bearing down and push, like you're pushing the pee out is really going to help you in this experience. Don't be hard on yourself. Okay. This takes practice, be compassionate with yourself, that most of these things take several attempts. And so all of you email me, you're like, I can't have an orgasm. I can't squirt. I can't do all these things. Nothing worth happening is going to happen that quickly and without effort. It's going to take you a few times. So just relax, enjoy the feelings, get curious to all the sensations, and just keep going. So Tiffany, I hear what you're saying about, is it because I'm using a toy and I can't square it?

Listen, your toys are not preventing you from doing anything. Nobody, a lot of people think like, am I numb? Is there something wrong with me? Toys are not going to do that. Toys are actually going to be help facilitating all these experiences, but there's so many factors that are contributing to this symphony of pleasure. So it's like we said, being healthy, being relaxed, being hydrated, you're not having all these expectations of what should happen in the moment and sort of following some of these steps, paying attention to your body

are gonna help you experience all of it. Let's have to Joey 38 in New York. Hide Joey, what's going on? Hi, Emily, I'm a big fan of the show. Thank you. So nice to have to you. For the longest time, I've always had like, a fetish for girls and spandex.

I was wondering if that was like normal. Common. Yeah, it's one of the top 10 fetishes, so you're good. Yeah, just I think the sooner you, yeah, you're totally, it's common and yeah, how's it working out for you? Are you able to sort of incorporate it into your life in a healthy way? I want to introduce it in my relationship, but like I'm kind of struggling as to how to do that. Well, I can help you out a little bit.

Are you in a relationship with someone right now that you feel good about and trust? Yeah. Have you ever talked with this person about what you guys are both into? Have you ever said, oh, this is what turns me on or what's good sex to you? Like a little bit.

I think what would be awesome is if you guys have this conversation the next time you're hanging out and I just say, yeah, I realize I've loved to know like, what are your turn on? What are your fantasies about? Ask your partner and then when they ask you, you can say, you know, a few things to turn you on. Say, I have to keep fantasizing about you in this latex cat suit.

I think it would be so hot for it to see you in latex boots. Would you ever be down with that? Can I get you a pair? And then when you bring your partner into your fantasy and say, this is why I think it would be so hot for it to see you in late text boots. Would you ever be down with that? Can I get you a pair? And then when you bring your partner into your fantasy and say this is why I think this would be hot for both of us, like then I'm gonna peel the dress off of you or the pants off of you with my teeth. You know what I mean?

Or I'm gonna give you a massage or something that brings them into your fantasy rather than, oh, I've been afraid to tell you that. I've got this late text. I think it's weird that I have a spandex fetish. And do you think it's, no, when you celebrate it, your partner's gonna celebrate it. And if they have questions, you could say,

yeah, ask me anything. I've had this fetish since I was six or 10, and here's why, and here's what's hot about it for me. I think that that's the best way to go about is to keep it curious and open and explain what you do. Yeah, well, that sounds good. Sounds like you've planned. Let me know how it goes, Joey. I hope that when you call and we talk and you know, we come up with something the next step

that you actually do that. And have that conversation because the things that we sit on and that we let fester and the things that worry us and trouble us in a relationship, I can tell you they don't go away. They get bigger and bigger and bigger. They grow like a tumor inside. You're like, what, first it's a little penny that it's a golf ball. It's like that. That's what happens to repressed frustrations,

desires, conversations, whatever you resist in your life is going to persist. Let's talk to Sarah on 19 in Utah. Hi Sarah, what's going on? Hi, my question, so I'm with a new partner and we're exploring like, this is my last one we never had sex, I don't know, it was just awful, but with this new guy, we're exploring like kings and stuff like that and we recently just started like, people call it a cream pie or like, that's such a weird way to describe it. But like when the man comes in you and I that's something I really enjoy and I

didn't know I would enjoy and I am on birth control the next one on but I was wondering if there's another thing I could add to be even safer and also enjoy this king because I don't want to get pregnant but I also can't get my tubes tied this young just because what I booked up. First let's describe the cream pie fetish or kink where you both get off on him coming inside of you and sort of allowing it to kind of stay there right how do you guys practice it? Because you are on the implant right? So I gonna be implant. So, I mean, that is really safe. And so, just no condom, no anything like that. I mean, the implant is really safe.

Is this a mutually satisfying fetish? Because for some people, because you're calling it the cream bite, like, you know, for people, it is a fetish. So it can also be on other parts of your body sometimes, right? Like if you injected in other parts of your body, could that also help? We definitely do that as well for sure. And yes, we both enjoy it. It's not something I'd

perfect. I always want to check, you know. Yeah, well, you have to tell you also, there is, there's only a few days a month I'd say about five where women can actually get pregnant. And so how much do you know about your ovulation cycle? Not a lot of women do not know much about it. That's the kind of stuff we should be taught in schools. But if you're also on the implant, you're pretty safe, but you could still track it. You could also use a spermicide that might also help, so you just feel a little bit safer.

Those are the things that I would recommend. You know, if you were on like a birth control pill, I'd say make sure you dig it every day and with the next plan on, you're pretty good. But I like that you're coming in about this. So yeah, I think as per my side would be helpful. And then also just understanding those days of the month where you can get pregnant. Yeah, I got it. Yeah, I definitely don't know too much about my cycle. Yeah, I just think it's great for every woman to understand because I know a lot of women call me and they're like, I'm on the pill and I'm using condoms. Can I get pregnant?

I mean, it's very unlikely. You know, I never want to say that you can. Yeah. That it's unlikely because then people get careless. But, you know, I think you're good and then the sperm side is a kind of birth control method that you could use inside of you before you have sex. And that would also be another literally another layer of protection. Yeah, which is great.

I don't know if it's just like my anxiety about it or what, just like that's not something I want in my life. Yeah, no, I think you're right. I think it's great to ask your menstrual cycles, which a lot of women don't really understand because we're just not taught it can tell you when you'll be in the moods for certain kinds of sex. And there's just a lot to learn and I think once women would become empowered to understand their cycle it's just can help them with

every area of their life. So I got it. Thank you for the advice. Sarah, I'm here for you. Of course. Let me know how it goes. Thanks for calling. That's it for today's episode, see you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles

for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationship, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559-825-5739. Go to sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Special thanks to A-Cast for powering the Sex with Emily Podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.

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