Sex With Emily - Squirting, Threesomes & the Sex Skills No One Teaches You

Episode Date: September 4, 2026

Let's talk about the sex skills nobody teaches you and why most people are still waiting for their partner to figure it out instead of just saying it out loud… because that's exactly what today's callers are done doing. In this episode I'm taking live calls from people who are done leaving their pleasure up to chance. We've got a 27 year old who wants to learn how to squirt on her own without relying on anyone to do it for her, a couple who wants to bring others into their play but can't figure out how to find the right people, and a woman whose new partner flat out refused to try to make her orgasm. I promise that last one goes somewhere really good. If you have ever felt like you were the only one carrying the weight of your own pleasure, this episode will change that. ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex. CONNECT: Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/⁠ X: ⁠https://twitter.com/sexwithemily⁠ Facebook: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily⁠ TikTok: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily⁠ Threads: ⁠https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily⁠ WANT MORE? Visit the Website: ⁠https://sexwithemily.com/⁠ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: ⁠https://sexwithemily.com/guides/⁠ Text With Me: ⁠https://sexwithemily.com/text⁠ Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: ⁠https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe⁠ Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to ⁠http://sexwithemily.com/coaching⁠ to apply! This episode is sponsored by: Bellesa: EVERYONE who signs up wins a FREE Rose suction toy with their order! ⁠https://www.bboutique.co/vibe/emilymorse-podcast⁠ ============================= Chapters: 00:00 Introduction 02:19 Call 1: How Do I Learn to Squirt on My Own 04:30 Squirting vs Orgasm: Are They the Same Thing 06:30 What Actually Helps With Squirting 09:00 Teaching Yourself Before You Teach a Partner 11:30 Call 2: We Want to Open Things Up But Can't Find the Right People 14:00 How to Find Partners for Ethical Non-Monogamy 17:00 The Conversations to Have Before You Start 20:00 Call 3: He Refused to Try to Make Me Orgasm 23:00 What That Tells You About Someone Early On 26:00 Why Talking About Sex Early Saves You So Much Time 29:00 If You're Naked With Someone It's Time to Start Talking 31:00 What Sexually Healthy Actually Means Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One question I'm asked all the time is, Emily, what products do you actually recommend? And that's exactly why we created shop sex with Emily. Every product in the shop is something my team and I have personally researched and tested or recommended because we genuinely believe it can help you of better sex, stronger intimacy, and just more confidence in the bedroom. Whether you're shopping for yourself, your partner, or both of you, we've made it easy to find products that actually work. head to shop sex withemly.com and discover your next favorite bedroom essential. Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation walk.

Challenge yourself, friends, and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world, From the Fear of Cancer. Register today at pmcf walk.ca.ca. To me, he did your favor because you're like, oh, well, then you're clearly, yeah, you're right. You're not going to be the guy. Like, you don't want to quit her. No, no, absolutely not. Like, it's too important to me. I was just curious, like, you know, I guess in previous relationships, too, like, guys usually want to go for the toys quickly because they do make me come faster. But, like, I want the person that I'm with to be able to make me,

you know, have an orgasm themselves. always have to use toys. Hey everyone, welcome to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily Morris, and my mission is to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Whether you're looking to improve your relationships, have better communication, explore your desires, or simply have your best sex ever. You are in the right place. Before we jump in, make sure you're following me everywhere. It's at Sex With Emily on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, for even more sex and relationship advice and more resources. Go to Sex Withemly.com. Sign up for my free weekly newsletter, I hear I give a really good newsletter, shot my curated sexual wellness products and

picks at shop sex with Emily.com and explore hundreds of articles, download free guides, and everything you need to have the best sex ever. And one more thing, I'm taking sex with Emily on the road. My new live show, the best sex advertor, is coming to cities across the country. It's basically live coaching meets comedy, meets audience Q&A, and we're getting into it. There has been magic happening in these rooms, you just have to come experiencing. There's real conversations about sex and dating and relationships and we become very close by the end of the night. Visit sex withemly.com slash events for dates and tickets. And thanks for listening or watching and for being here. And thanks for prioritizing your pleasure. We all want to grow and become better versions of

ourselves, right? But nowhere is that more true than our sex lives. Well, that's the mission of today's call-in-show, I answer your questions all about picking up new sex skills from a fun-loving couple who wants to incorporate others into their play, but they just can't find the right people, to a 20-something who wants to learn how to squirt all on her own. Well, these brave callers questions offer something for everyone to learn from. We have Ava 27 in Boston. How could I help you? What's going on? So basically to like sum it up. So I've had, let's say, but 10 partners in my life, only two have made me finish, which I feel like is a pretty low statistic, although I know it's easier said than done and everyone's different. But the main thing

that I don't like is, so I've been relationships all my life and now it's like the first time I've been really single. And I hate the fact that if I want to squirt, it's up to a man. I have to find a man. I have to have him know what to do. I have to rely that he knows what he's doing. And it's just like for so many reasons, I don't want that. I wish I, you know, could take that power and be able to do it myself. And also like when people ask, they're like, oh, how do I do it? I'm like, I wish I knew, you know, the two people who have helped who have done it, I don't know what they did, you know? So I just don't like that dynamic. Got it. You don't want to be reliant. Okay, well, thank you so much for sharing that. Well, first I want to say,

this is that it's actually pretty common to have been with two partners, three partners, several partners where they're not giving you an orgasm. Because you're responsible for your orgasm, right? We got to figure out what we like. So you can figure out, well, what feels good to me and then have to like take the time and explain to these guys like what you actually like and what feels good. Because I am only telling you because I was the same boat as you. I used to be like, that one didn't make me orgasm, you suck, didn't make me orgasm,

me orgasm. And it wasn't until I was like in my 30s. And I was like, oh, I don't even know how to do it myself. I used to believe that like men were shipped off to some secret school where they learned everything about like my body and they knew like they'd like, he knows what to do. If only. But they don't know. So you got to teach them. But as far as squirting goes, so what I'm hearing is you're asking me like, how how do I skirt? What do I do? It happened in the past. Do you remember what happened in the past? Yeah. So what I'm as much. as I know. I know, again, everyone's different, but for me personally, it's like the exact G spot. So up and curved. I know that the tricks and everything, I have yet to be able to do it.

I've used toys and they don't help. I also, from what I recall, I don't like the feeling of vibrations, which I know I'm in the minority of that. Maybe I just haven't had a good one or I haven't had a good experience, but from I've tried a few times. They were years ago, but like, I just remember not liking that feeling. And it's also like the clit, I feel like a lot of people, that's where it's at. For me, I'm like, yeah, for a little bit, but it's mainly just penetration and penetration only and specifically fingering. And what's interesting, I know my body so well that if I like squirt from this.

Yeah. So if I squirt from fingering, I will be able to squirt again from penetration, but it needs to happen from a finger. And it will happen like many times after that first time, but that's how. So what you're saying is vibrations don't feel it's great. And this is also common too that for some vulva owners, vibrations, like they're almost too sensitive. It's too much.

But what you're saying is the most of your pleasure and your orgasm are coming from penetration from either a finger or a penis inside of you. And you actually have an orgasm. And sometimes you've squirted with that orgasm. Okay, cool. Well, that's the thing. So that's the other thing that I didn't know. I didn't know if like squirting and orgasm were like hand in hand or they square and circle.

Like I. They're hand in hand. You can orgasm and that squirt. You can squirt and not orgasm. But there are cases where you orgasm and squirt at the same time, which is just wonderful. But they all, yeah, they're not mutually exclusive. Yeah. So that's why it's even more confusing because I definitely know I've squirted.

But I honestly don't know I've ever had an orgasm then. Oh, what this is. Okay. I don't think so, but I know I've squirted. So I feel like I've gotten at least close or maybe it's been some overlap where there's been a case I orgasmed and squirted, maybe, but I don't know. Okay, okay, this is good. Okay, so you would probably know if you orgasmed, but you're saying you tried a vibrator and it was too sensitive. It was just like, it just wasn't doing it for me. Then again, I just maybe wasn't doing the right, like, one or like the right way. This was many years ago, so I don't really remember. Okay, well, let's, let's just forget the vibrator for a second. Have you ever masturbated? Have you tried on your own with your fingers and some lubricant and just like sat down and you're

like, I'm settling in. I'm going to try to do this. Yeah. And I'm definitely still like in the very early beginning stage of it just because since I've been a relationship up in my life, I don't know how to do it very much. I have zero experience with it. So I'm still figuring it out. I have a toy that doesn't vibrate and that helps, but it's still like,

I can't get that, you know, exact spot that I know will help me. The come hither motion, the come hither motion. It says like you would dildo because dildos are don't vibrant. So how you do it is with a finger is it's about two and a half inches inside. And it is or an inch and a half two, depending we're all different. It is stimulating the G spot with it a come hither motion, right? With either one or two fingers, like towards the belly button. And what really helps first is to be really aroused and to have a clitoral or

orgasm first, which where I would recommend is basic masturbation practice where you are setting aside time to just sort of breathe, like a little mindful masturbation practice where you're just kind of breathing and you take time, like you turn off your phone and you just sort of focus on the sensations on your body that you feel just with your hands and making sure that you're using lube and you want to start like outside of, you don't go right for your clitoris, but externally like the labia, labia majora, the vulva, the external part, you're inner thighs and you start to like use a light touch with your fingers. Oh, maybe this is a good time for a roll of a puppet. So there's your clitoris, right? Your clitoral

hood. So when you get a rouse, this goes back. But I'm talking like this kind of sensation. We're just like using fingers and you're teasing yourself like outer labia inside and you're touching like really light. Like it might even be over the fabric of your underwear. And you always want to use lube. Just saying, I love playground lube. They're a company that I'm just obsessed with. But water based lobe and just start to use your fingers and then just to see like get curious, what am I feeling right now? Does that feel good? Does that feel bad? And then you want to start to like escalate the touching and you'll start to, you can even help to tense and relax your pelvic floor. So you're, do you look like a kegle or a few of those because that's

stimulating it and you just kind of breathe and start to see if you can get sensations. And because how you're going to find the G spot and squirt is when you're already or aroused. It helps to already have a clitoral orgasm before you go inside and try to have another orgasm or squirt. So that's why I'm saying like, let's just start you teasing on the outside, play with the clitoris. If you want to try another toy, maybe you could get like a vibrating toy that just is like, you know, most of them these days have a bunch of settings that like maybe it's just like a really lower setting toy that you need to use. I love Juju products. Like one of my favorites was the Juju Mimi that I was like my first toy ever. It fits in the palm of your hand.

And for me, that was one that I like really learned my body on. And then I would like tease yourself with that. then once you have that orgasm or beat your aroused, then you can go inside with a finger or a toy. I could give you some recommendations for some dildos that might hit your G-Sput better. Yeah, that was the other thing I was wondering. I didn't know if there was like specific shaped toys or like generalized towards that I should like aim towards for this specific purpose, two squirt. Yes.

So there are G-Spot toys. I would recommend the Hera, H-E-R-A. It's by Jezu. It's like the rabbit simulation. so you have the internal and the external stimulation. It's like made of like body safe materials. They have like deep rubbley sensations. I totally recommend that one.

And being patient because it takes some time to figure out your own body. But then once you get inside either with fingers or a toy, you just continue to when you're aroused, apply pressure to the G spot. Like straightforward pressure. And then that's where the release happens and where many vulva owners squirt. Yeah. It's crazy because like the time that I've squirted it a lot. it's violent. Like the amount of like how fast and how hard you have to go. I swear people are like scared to go that hard because it looks and feels like so I'm being hurt. Like I don't like how like

aggressive it is. It doesn't have to be that aggressive. So I understand why because they're hitting the spot and it's going really fast and I totally understand what you're saying. But that's just because the experience you've had with a partner. But the great news is with one of these toys, you won't have to go that hard. Okay. It'll be my. It'll be my. more like gradual. And here's another tip. Like I don't know if this work for you because again, everyone has to remember this that literally every single Volvo owner is different. And so like I know they've worked for many people, not just me. So I feel good about my recommendations. So Magic

Juan's been around forever. They have this mini vibrator. It's called the Magic Wand Mini. But the Magic Wand is a very powerful vibrator. And now they've made it mini size. But either model that you get, the bigger one or the smaller one, there's a lot of women who have reported Squibrate, It's an external toy, but when you place it over your pubic mound externally, there's indirect stimulation to your G spot. And a lot of women are squirting because of that toy as well, because the vibrations are so incredible, intense, and deep that it can stimulate you and hit your G spot. You can squirt that way.

Very common. And then you've got to call me back in a month and let me know about all your squirting and orgasms. Yeah, I hope there's plenty to put another port. But be patient with it. Just keep communicating. Awesome. I really appreciate it.

Thank you so much. Of course. Bye, Eva. Have a great night. You too. I always recommend remember that you are responsible for your own orgasm. You do your own work on that. And yeah, remember toys, fingers, hands, penis.

However you get there is all good. Just keep trying. Keep getting to know your own body because you're going to become the expert of your own orgasm and your own body. We have Alex and Autumn and they're calling from Florida a couple. I love when couples called together. Tell me what's going on. We are looking to open, I guess, our sex life's up with maybe partner play, three sums and more sums.

And more sums, yeah. But the other, I guess, aspect that we also want and we're struggling with is we also want like friends, if that makes sense. We want more of a friendship first, then have fun in the bedroom. Yeah. We were on SDC. We had some luck there, but then it kind of got rocky. We started a group chat.

We thought things were going well and great. And then we set up a date to go have drinks. And then it kind of went downhill going into that week. They were kind of pushy. And I'll let on them explain more. Very, very pushy. There was like a clear question of boundaries and what boundaries were to be set and observed. And those boundaries were constantly being pushed by the female half of the couple.

I've already suffered from anxiety. And it had just become so much more at that point where I said, I'm just not comfortable. going and spending time with these people. Like I don't even want to continue conversing with them. So I talked about it to my husband when we got home. And he said, oh, I'm so glad you feel that way because I feel the same way too. Let's just kind of call it quits. We did that.

We had another couple actually just ghost us. We were in a group chat with them and they just kind of dipped. It was kind of like a pick collector. And I was like, okay. Like I really put like a bad taste in our mouth. And we're trying to figure out how to navigate like, I guess that dynamic of. what we're trying to look for, what we're looking for

and looking to see if you can guide us in that aspect. Okay, yeah, absolutely. Well, first I want to say I think it's awesome that you both are being really closely communicating about it

because usually if you got a weird vibe about someone, and you got one, like it's just good to say it. And mostly, and that goes for life too. Like our intuition is very strong and a lot of times we override it.

So if someone's giving you drama and you're looking for a play friend, like we don't need that in the bedroom at all. So maybe you could paint a picture for me again. Like, what's the vibe? Like you also have times where you just hang out, but there's no sex. Right.

Correct. Yeah. Like a friends with benefits type situation, we're not going into it where it's just we're looking for like a one night stand or just some random fun. We'd rather have a friendship first for the foundation and then to build from there. With a couple, right? Not just with a single one. Okay.

Preferably a couple. But. Okay. Preferably a couple. I'm just curious, do you have any close friends that you guys go out to dinners and hang out with already? That's the other part of our. Our relationship is we work crazy schedules.

We don't really have that. Capability of going to dinner on. And I guess I don't, we don't really feel comfortable doing that with work partners, if that makes sense. Yeah. You know, eight hours.

Yeah, we have a good reputation with friends from work. Yeah, you don't want to bring this into work. Yeah. Another boundary you don't want to cross. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That makes sense. We're not there yet in this world that we can all talk about it at work. Okay. So what I'm hearing is that you're looking for the friends with benefits, but in your real life, you don't really even have time right now for friends, which I get it. We've all been, I've been there at times where I'm like, what happened to my friends? All I do is work.

So the dynamic, this dream scenario of like a friend that you can hang out with, you might not really even have time to because that takes, you know, how you make good friends usually is you spend time together, right, repeatedly, consistently, whether it's like you talk to them once a week or you see them once a month. And so that would have to be like a carve-out time that you guys makes time for. You're like committing like, we want this person to be in our life. Like, what does that look like for you? Is it once a month?

Is it, you know, once a week? I mean, I know it's going to depend on the person, but it's really thinking about that. Like, and then making space for it, like, everything in life where we put our attention on. It's really what we're going to manifest, what's going to happen. It's so fun to do that. I know, like, manifesting or just knowing, but missing that words so like, you're like, what do you mean? And manifest, I want to dream about the couple and they're going to drop down the chimney. But just getting clearer, they might.

Well, the clearer you get and like, this is what you want. This is what the person's vibe. Like, this is what they look like or what we do. with them. There's another app I worked with a few years ago called hashtag open. They were a sponsor and I really liked the people who started it. They had really great intentions around it. So I think it's just like a numbers game like everyone who's like, I'm on the app so I can't find anyone who's cool to even date. You guys have had a few bad experiences, but you're going to learn from all of them and just saying like, where else can we expand this network? I think some couples

also use Bumble and Tinder, but that's mostly I think for a third. I'm not sure people do couples, but maybe they do. I actually don't like have a specific rec for that. But what I can say is like, what's the friend's part you're going to do with this friend? Like, are you going to go to movies? Are you going to play tennis? Yeah. I think it's all aspects of that. Like, we live fairly close to the theme parks because we're in Orlando. Um, so we could always do like theme park dates. We could do like movies. Um, we could go shopping, grab coffee, grab ice cream. There's like a, there's a lot to do. It's just, okay. The other aspect is because we live so close, we get a lot. We get a lot. lot of transit on the app. Yeah. So like we'll match, but then they're like, oh, we're only here

until, you know, X amount of date. And it's like, well, you know, it's not really something that we're looking to do. So that's the other struggle that we're having as well. Okay. Well, what do you guys may be some good goals for your relationships to like start things outside, like on the weekends. What do you guys do when you're not working? Do you guys like? Huh. We spend time with family. Yeah. Spent a lot of time with family. Yeah. Takes up a lot of our time. So I, we live. Well, I live for my family, I live about an hour away. And they're always like, well, why don't you come over for dinner? And usually on the weekend, I'm off and she's at work. So that's the other done. That's the other struggle is trying to get on the same schedule. Yeah. Listen, I think another

reason you had mentioned why we were interested in exploring with a couple is because if I'm always not available, there's something to do something for someone for him to spend time with as well. So that's another aspect of why we would be more interested in building a friendship first and then from theirs because we have people that we can spend time with when we can. Yeah. Outside of our norm. Yeah. Got it.

I mean, I think meetups are the best place to go for some of these things. And just like thinking about like, how would you make friends if you were going to make friends? Because that's where like, you know, they always say like we also meet some of the best partners for us when we're out doing things that we already like doing. There's also like what other might be a great thing, like find a play party or like a swinger party near you because you don't necessarily have to swing. You can go to these parties or play parties, as they call them now.

You don't necessarily have to take your clothes off or upset with anybody, but you might have fun kind of exploring and you might meet a cool couple that's in your area because these parties are more exclusive. And I don't know who it is in your city, but usually you can find it through the apps or just literally. Yeah, cool, Google play parties in your town. Like, okay, we just found this. My producer just found Polly Dating, Florida, Orlando.

Polly, Polly, Amory. Yeah, I've heard that. Orlando Pollyamory, right? So if they have groups or lunches or whatever, like go to one of those events and meet those people and see if you like anyone. And that's a great, non-threatening place to do it. Like you're not walking in there and everyone's naked. They just want to meet other cool people too.

That's the other part too. We've been asked to go to an adult club or a lifestyle club, I think is what they call. Lifestyle club, yep. Yeah. That's been kind of intimidating, at least for me. And I don't know, maybe you. We haven't really gone down that path, but intimidating for us because we don't want to get that bad experience what we first had where they were pushy and wanting us to go into a room. And yeah,

it's kind of like intimidating, I guess, would be the best way. I have no problem saying no. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there you go. Okay. So I feel like, I feel like you should try it again because it just I've been some fun lifestyle parties. I've been to some that I'm like, no, there's no one in here. I also, in those I've not with couples. And it was just early on in my career. I was like research. And then I've gone with partners times. We just want to check it out because it's kind of hot. So there's really no pressure, I think, in a lot of these places. And you just kind of, like, have boundaries. Just be like, we're not interested.

And then you'll start to get your confidence because you realize, like, oh, there's no pressure for us to perform. And I found in most of these places that you go in and people are also pretty like there's strict rules and people usually do follow boundaries. But that's just where I've been in California. So I'm not sure how it is there. But I would just kind of like how you know the people you want to hang out. You'll get a good vibe from them. Cool. All right.

Definitely check it out. Yeah. Okay. Good. you got this, but don't mean, I understand why you're discouraged, but just, you know, keep trying if it's what you want. You'll find those people. Why not explore? Monogamy is great for majority of couples, but for some, it's just not. And we don't see great examples in our culture about how you can have a different kind of relationship. It can be really discouraging. So it feels

good to me that we are just hearing now from couples who are much more open to seeing what else is out there. Don't hang up. I'll be right back with more hotline. calls after quick break, but real quick, I want to tell you about one of my long-time partners, Promescent. Promesit makes the one and only delay spray that I recommend. Truly, it's the best out there, and I recommend it to any penis owner looking to delay their orgasms, because it helps penis owners last up to 64% longer in bed. It's really long-lasting, it doesn't transfer to your partner, you just rub it on at the beginning of sex, wait a little bit, and boom. It's perfect for anyone who struggles with premature ejaculation, or they just want to practice edging or having longer

sessions. They also have this incredible warming arousal gel for vulva owners, which I love. You just rub it on your vulva, you also wait a few minutes and you start to feel this really cool, tingly sensation. And it just helps you get ready, aroused, turned on in the mood. I put it on before partnered sex, solo sex, or even during the day, it's awesome. If you want more pleasure for both you and your partners, go to permissant.com slash Emily. to say 15% off your order. That's PROMEScente.com slash Emily. Or just click the link in the show notes and get 15% off.

All right, everyone, we'll be right back. We have Kelly 27 in New York. Thank you so much for calling in. Thanks so much for having me on. I feel a little starstruck. Me and all my friends listen for years. Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. It's so nice to meet you.

I'm glad the show's been helpful. tell me everything so i'm not seeing this guy anymore but i'm still just so curious because i feel like it's happened to me like before in the past too so i was dating this guy for a few weeks um and sex was like good and all but like i wasn't having an orgasm yet so i took your advice on like tone-turf timing and like i brought it up when we were like having some wine and and dinner on the couch like very calmly and was just like you know like i gave all the compliments i was like i really like you like you turn me on, like everything you've been doing so far feels so good, but like, I haven't come yet. So, like, I really want to do that and, like, gave some, like, tips on, like, what I think that I need.

Like, I need more for play. Like, I need you to play with my clip more. And his response, like, his tone wasn't, like, angry or anything. Like, it was still a calm conversation, but he was so adamantly saying that he would never be able to make me come. And I was like, I don't understand why you feel that way. Like, we're still getting to know each other. like I know we can get there. And he was just so adamantly saying that he could not. What do you mean? He was like, back up.

He was like, you're telling him. You're like, this is what I need. He's like, I'll never make you come like that. Like I'll never be that guy or like, I'll never be able to do that for you. Like, you're always going to need toys or something else. Like, it's just not going to be me. I know that I won't be able to make you. It sounds to be like he's had a previous experience where he wasn't able to, you know,

make someone come or his partner wasn't giving. him great instructions or he felt inferior in some way. It probably was not about you. I just side note, I want everyone to know this that when you're dating someone and these things happen or maybe they go or they decide not to see you anymore, it's typically not because of something you said. It's typically because of their past history. But anyway, yeah, like, I don't know. Like, to me, he did your favor because you're like, oh, well, then you're clearly, yeah, you're right. You're not going to be the guy. Like, you don't want to quit her. No, no, absolutely not. Like, it's too important to me. I was just curious, It's like, you know, I guess in previous relationships, too, like, guys usually want to go for the toys quickly because they do make me come faster.

But, like, I want the person that I'm with to be able to make me, you know, have an orgasm themselves and, like, not always have to use toys. I'm not really sure, like, what I can be doing differently to just be more direct about what I'm looking for because I feel like I already kind of am. That's a great question. Well, first you have to be with somebody who's open to feedback and who's open to talking about sex. It sounds like you checked that up a few weeks with this guy and he wasn't your guy. But I think that going forward, it's like, I mean, it's really, it's practice. But just first finding out early on, like, is this someone who's going to be comfortable, like talking about sex or they into your pleasure?

And then when you're talking to them, you're like, you know, I, people always blame me. I can listen to sex with Emily. And I've decided that, like, in my next relationship, I want prioritizing sex to be really important. Like, I want to know, I want to make you come in a way that you've never measured. what do you can say? I want to be like your best lover. And you're like, yeah, and I want that too. And so, yeah, would you be open to that? Are you cool with that? Like, let's talk about things that make us feel good. You could say, so I really want to figure out how to orgasm with a partner. Would you be down with like exploring with me? I can show you some things I like. What's your fantasy?

What turns you on? And so it just can be more like, I guess it's just more casual. It's a give and take. And that's the vibe, though. It's like, hey, like, would you want this? I would want that. I mean, sometimes, perhaps, when you give specific feedback about sex, people do go into their, like, fight or flight mode. I think oftentimes because people think, like, I'm a bad lover. You're going to reject me. It's really hard for people to take feedback sexually. So I think the more chill and neutral you can make the conversations and then kind of get into specifics is always better. Maybe this happened with this guy, but I think showing him what you like and saying, like, would you be open if I moved your hand and showed you what I'm into? You

Yeah, it's always a little awkward and you're like just beginning to date somebody to have these conversations because like you're not really sure. So getting to know each other in so many different ways. But I was just so taken aback that this guy was so adamant. And I was like, this cannot happen again. Yeah, that is so strange to me that he was so adamant. All I can think it was a past, it was a past experience or he just, I don't know what. Like it triggered him in some way. But I know it like this is the other thing.

But I like want this so badly for your generation. Like I just, I know that it's awkward and weird. And I know that nobody's talking about it. the second date. No one wants to be that girl or that guy because it's like, oh, we can't. But like, why not? Like, why not find out, like, do you have a growth mindset around sex? Like, what do I mean with that? Listen to sex with Emily. Like, do you want to talk about it? Like, do you think sex is important? And I think by your age, like you're, right, 27, like you're dating people, maybe who've had one relationship. And I just hope they know enough right now in 2023 that, like, talking about sex is how

you're going to continue to have great sex and understand each other. Partners on a mind reader. Everyone's different. You're not going to orgasm the same way as their last partner. Their penis doesn't want the same thing as your last partner. Like, I just want this to be like a, let's not make it so awkward so we can find out if we're compatible. So we don't spend the next year together. And then we talk about it. Then I know it was a waste of time. So I don't know the happy medium, but you seem super cool. And I feel like, I feel like, Kelly, you could probably be the one who does this and just start and be like I know and you can even admit it. I don't people assume like she's really into sex. It's like, no, I'm into like quality sex. I'm into efficiency. So that's the energy around it.

But I think the sooner you do it, the quicker you're going to find out if someone's a good match. Yeah, definitely thought that that conversation happened earlier on in the relationship then. Yeah. You know, it hurts at the time, but then you're like, oh, good, favor. Not to the next. Like you did. I'm out. So how are you fighting people now in New York? How's it going? I haven't gone on another date since, just like taking some time off for a personal, you know, life. Just always gets in the way. But dating apps is really just like where it's at. I mean, just got to keep going out, trying to meet people in real life.

It's cool. I don't mind the dating apps. Okay, good. They're fun. They work right. They work. I always tell people, I'm like, you got to just keep trying. And one more thing I want to say, though, Kelly, going back to this is that.

So another great thing in this time that you're just dating is to spend more time on your own figuring out, like, how do I orgasm without a toy? Or how do I think, like next time you're masturbating, how would I explain this to a partner? So, which is a lot easier too. Like, think, like, pretend there's someone here with me. What am I doing? And how would I explain it? So when the next lover comes your way, you'll kind of be practiced more. And you be like, let me show you this cool thing I learned. Like, it's really fun. Like, for me, like, I'll show partners I'm with. Like, look at this. Like, I'll show you, like how my clitor swells or my vulva does this. When I touch it here, like, look at arousal. Like, get them into it, right?

Yeah, I feel like neutral masturbation is probably like a really good idea with a partner. So show them exactly what you're looking for. Exactly. Huge fans. Do that early on. Then they'll learn right. You don't just use the words. They'll see what you do.

You're watching what he does. And then it's all information. Great. This is so helpful. Well, I'm so glad. Yeah. Keep me posted. So glad that you listen.

Say hi to your friends. Thanks so much. Okay. Have a great day. Thanks. Bye. Kelly. All right.

I love. when people show you who they are early on in a relationship. So you don't have to spend too much time with them. So first, well, it can sting and you're thinking, why doesn't this person want to be with me or why wouldn't they want to try for my orgasm? It hurts for like a little bit. But then you have to look at the big picture and go, okay, on to the next. And so what can we learn about this case communicating about sex?

And I think the more we actually think about what we want, how we're going to explain it. Everyone right now, like, think about it. If you are, it doesn't matter if you're in a relationship or you're looking for a partner, how can you have a healthy conversation about your sex life today? Or, you know, if you're in a relationship, like, what are you not saying right now? What are you hoping your partner is just going to figure out? Because that doesn't happen. And then if you're dating someone new, like, what are you waiting for?

Like, I think if you're naked with somebody, you've already been naked, which is really friggin' intimate. It's probably time to start talking about what you, like, do. when you're naked, right? You don't like sit in a restaurant and not talk about the food, right? You don't like, you're like, oh, how is that? Would we want to get Italian again? Would we want to get dessert or dessert doesn't really sit well with us sometime? Like, just like, you talk about everything, but sex, we're just like, let's wait until there's a problem or let's wait till like I'm miserable or resentful. No, like, do it now. Great time to do it is when

you've already been into it with someone. Or if you're brave, do it before. Find out if they are someone that you is actually interested in being sexually healthy and being sexually healthy is all about communicating about sex and your desires so let me tell you about magic wand it is the original wand style massager and time magazine named it one of the most influential gadgets of this century okay if you don't know about the magic wand you've got to check it out there are a few products there's the original that's the one you might have heard of when it plugs into the wall, but then they made the rechargeable, which is cordless,

and I believe it just is powerful. It has the silicone head, multifunction, variable speeds. They also have the Magic Wand Plus, which has the plug-in power. But let me tell you about the Magic Wand Mini. I'm obsessed with the Mini because the Mini has all the power of the other Magic Wans, but it's minier.

It's great for couples play, no matter what your body part. And it is a massager, so you can be giving your partner a massage and use it all over their body. And it also feels great on all those fun nerve endings. Check out the magic wand. Go to sexfamily.com slash magic wand. I have an article about all the ways to use the magic wand, which you're going to love

to get you inspired. That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram. Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex with Emily.

Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sex withemly.com. And while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline, 559-9-8255753739. I'll go to sex withemly.com slash ask Emily. Was it good for you? email me feedback at sex with emily.com