Sex With Emily - Stop, Drop & Cuckold

Episode Date: April 18, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is giving you the ins and outs on a fantasy that’s been becoming a lot more popular lately: cuckolding – and she’s taking your calls. She gives you some pro tips on cuckolding, then gives advice on what to do when your spouse turns into a jerk every time you come back from vacation, why writing your own erotica can be incredibly hot (and help with initiating sex), and how to get over the jitters when you want to take your husband to a strip club, but you’re a little nervous. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Woo More Play, Boston Scientific, Care/Of, SiriusXM Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm giving you the ins and outs on a fantasy that's been becoming a lot more popular lately. Cuckolding, and I'm taking your calls. Topics include. So your spouse turns into a jerk every time you come back from vacation. What is the deal? Writing your own erotica. Why can be incredibly hot? Okay, you want to take your husband to a strip club, but you're a little nervous. How do you get over the jitters? All this and more, thanks for listening. joke club but you're a little nervous. How do you get over the jitters? All this and more thanks for listening.

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You can slide into my DMs. All right guys, I hope you enjoyed the show. I'm gonna break down some fantasies for you. Just one tonight. But I, in this continuing education that we do here on the show, it's fun to kind of highlight a fantasy every now and then. So this one is called Cuckolding and it's been around for a very long time. What is this, it's like cuckolding is essentially when a penis owner, or a man,

but we're trying to be more, can we? You can tend, it's specific. You can be fine. You can be more gender neutral here. A penis owner gets off and seeing the partner of sex with another penis owner. Usually one that's larger and mostly has to do with the humiliation aspect of the other person

being able to give more pleasure. So, an example might be like, you really want to see your wife, you love seeing your wife having a lot of pleasure so much so that you want to see someone else give it to her. Someone that maybe can do it more than you can. Maybe he's even a greater lover. And there's something that we can be an observer, and not the person involved that just turned you on. There's certain taboo aspect to it.

You know, and maybe your wife's giving you the go ahead and you found someone who agreed to do this. And while the new person's having sex with their wife, you're staring at her, she's staring at you. She's vocalizing how amazing this person is making your feel. And that's kind of what the fancy is, part of it. So there's some reasons why this is popular.

And it's also become gain some popularity, recent years in the gay community, which it wasn't as much so, because gay men don't have much of restrictions around monogamy, like as far as like people in gay relationships had more open, had to have, you know, more partners. So it's not as taboo,

it's like lifelong monotony isn't essentially a thing as much. But there's something under the umbrella of cuckolding for about like fantasies and voyeurism and group sex that can also reach in the gate cuckolding like with your partner and kind of include all of those things. So here's why though, it's popular like there's

lot of reasons. The humiliation taboo, it's taboo, it is taboo right? I mean that's a lot of our fainting have to do with doing something that we're not supposed to do right? So for heterosexual couples that can kind of break the whole non-monogamy thing because monogamy is our standard here and we all think that we should just be monogamous. But to kind of think, well, it's not really cheating, or it's not really, it still is monogamy if I'm in the room, and I'm watching. For same-sex couples, done, yeah, more about group sex and voyeurism, and so, compilting, there's some, he usually just means that there is some humiliation, degradation, denial

aspect to it, whether it's in our minds or set aloud by our partner. So that's what it is. And here's my tips for it. Because this is a 58% of men, it said, have this fantasy in like 20 something percent of women. So it's common. I thought this, and we've had a lot of calls about this on the show and people even have this fantasy

and they feel some guilt about it or shame or that it's really wrong. But the truth is like couples who have actually practiced this have had healthy, healthy sex life in the port of that it actually was really went down well. It was executed well. And there was positive side effects to it. But so first you guys talk about beforehand. You might think of this fantasy.

More people than you think have this fantasy, but for some, it's a fetish, which means that you have its required each time you have sex. So you gotta discuss it. You gotta be like, it's just the thing I wanna try out or let them know what part of it, what you think it means to you and how it would go down and setting boundaries and understand why you're asking for it, why you want it?

The best you can, because the more you understand it and the more you don't filter yourself, if you actually've gotten up the courage, which I hope you do, to talk to your partner about any fantasy, that's not the time to be like, I want to check a cuckolding, and then she just said to tear wife, and she goes, well, what do you picture?

What's the person look like? And you've thought about the man's penis and what it looks like. But at that point, you just had to shut down and then you're left her scrambling for the details. Like, if you're going to talk about it, talk it through in great detail in depth, what does it look like to you? Because I think this is why a lot of sex conversations with our partners, we try and we're like, it doesn't go anywhere because we say it, we really need to have more sex. And then, okay, what should we do?

Well, let's just put our calendar and then you don't do anything else. There has to be a lot more discussion, a lot more work involved. And don't do it, listen, you don't wanna do it because let's spice ourselves, let's spice us up. Let's invite over some dude to have sex with that. No, you don't do any of these things or have a child to make just spice this up. Let's invite over some dude to have sex with that. No, like you don't do any of these things

or have a child to spice up your sex. No, but I would say child, because people use it, go, you're gonna have a kid to make things better between the two of you. So don't use it to spice it up. And make sure that you're always using protection, you guys, you got a protection

and you got an exit strategy. You want to have condoms on hand. Make sure the person's joining you has been tested, have a safe word. All the rules I have are bringing in another person or a few people into your relationship. And like, know what it's going to look like after. Like what is the person leaving?

Are you guys, you have to do some kind of aftercare with your partner to feel more intimate again with each other. So I think that's something that people don't think about enough. Aftercare in general. Because like I've always thought about so when, so it's done. The completion has happened. Yeah. So what happens next? They're like you're we're we're here in two minutes.

Yeah, like how do you, is there a way? No, I mean you have to side yeah, yeah Because I guess I've always wondered like when we especially in these kinds of situations So it's like a couple looking for a third So obviously the couple are very invested in themselves and the third is like the person that's coming in to aid in some way But I always think about like how how does the third person feel? Right, well I think that if you do it in a healthy way, no matter if it's a threesome or cook-olding or swapping,

whatever, you have to like, talk all of this through and you want to know the person enough. Like if it let's say it's someone you're like, that's a, you've decided because there's a thing, James, it's different every time you bring someone in. Like, you might have, let's say there was a third and you all had drinks together before you Went in or something you met up before and you're like I actually like this person Maybe hot to like take a hot tub after and just have a few drinks and then you tell me you don't want sleep overs

But still hang out or maybe it's someone that you just met Online and and you talk in the phone. You're like we're just gonna have you there. And then we're gonna finish up, and of course, then we're gonna continue our evening, and you're gonna leave. You're going to leave, let them know. So I think you gotta break it down. Oh, so you have to, because you talk about it with your partner,

but then you also, like, talk about the third person. Yeah, like, let him know the plan. I think we're not good at that stuff. I think we just are like, well, we got the person here, and now we don't know. So I love that you ask that question, because him know the plan. I think we're not good at that stuff. I think we just are like, well, we got the person here and now we don't know. So I love that you ask that question

because that can be awkward. If you thought the person was gonna stay for a while for dinner and your husband's like, no, get him out of the house. Yeah, because I don't know why, I guess, because I feel like I would never be if I was going to engage in something like this and I don't know who knows.

But I feel like I would always be that third person. Like I wouldn't be the couple looking for Yeah, so I would want to know like what what you on stage Do I just like Irish exit like grab my clothes and leave? Well, this one I think it depends. It's one time I hooked up with a couple. I did go home with a couple from the playboy mansion um, your story by the way, what the hell? I've never told you that story?

Maybe. It might maybe. So anyway, it was fun. And I didn't know them. And it was a long time ago. But I went on with them and we ended up being amazing and I slept in their bed in the between them. And then I woke up in the morning and left.

So I, you slept in between them? Yeah, it was cute. I, yeah, I did. Oh, what the big? Because I was so cuddly, I, I, I did. Oh, what the so cutly I So were they both big spooning you? Or was it like a chain of spoons like big Spoon little spoon everything all the spoons all the spoon. Well think about that think of all the options

Usually there's just two spoons when you add a third spoon the possibilities are endless There's just two spoons. When you add a third spoon, the possibilities are endless. Hahaha. So, that kind of sounds fun. Yeah, too bad we can't go, yeah, well we could go to playboy. So what if you just had a threesome for cuddling?

Literally, that's all I want right now. My tummy hurts. I just wanted to bite over all my ex-boyfriends that were good cuddlers this weekend. Hahaha. And like there will be no dick, there will be no dick, there will be no penis, just cuddle me. Cuddle me, cuddle me.

But then they'd want a below job. No, okay, so the other thing I want to say about Cuckolding before we get back to this is that if you are somebody, like do not try this at home, here's this announcement. If you are someone who has a lot of anxiety in your relationship around abandonment issues, you're worried, you know, you don't have great communication.

You're like, acting on a, like, consensual non-mandogamous fantasy might not be your jam. It could be a negative experience. So this is, this is like, when I say you talk about it beforehand, your partner might be like, no. And there's different kinds of nose though. There's the like, hey, I want to watch you have sex with another man. And she's like, ew, no, what there's different kinds of nose though. There's the like, hey, I want to watch you have sex with another man. And she's like, oh, no, what do you mean that's crazy?

That's probably going to happen. Unless you sit down, you explain it. You talk about why it's hot to you. Why it turned you out? Like, you need to do some work on your own before you bring it up. So like, but then once they think about it, you walk it through. And then there could still be a, hmm, I don't think I can handle it. I think I'd be due jealous, or I think it would be. So these are the conicov conversations you have to have. Oh, okay, yeah, because I mean, I figure, maybe that's really what it is people are like.

So we never talked about sex, and then it brought up our sex life, and I was like, I want you to fuck another man. Boom! I would be like, what the fuck, hold on. Yeah, yeah, boom, exactly, this is the problem. So, that's what it means to do. Because this, okay, hold on. Yeah, yeah, boom, exactly. This is the problem. So, that's what he's gonna do. That's what he's gonna do.

Okay, thank you. This is not like, hey, we've never talked about sex life in 22 years, would you mind having sex with a gardener? He's hot. Oh my God. Although I would, my gardener is hot. I swear to God. Yesterday when I was sick, he was gardening,

and I was sleeping sick on the couch with the light. I was sleeping in the middle of the day. Sick sleeping. Sleeping. Slipping. Slipping. Sick and sleeping. The sun was coming in. I think I looked beautiful and sick because the sun was coming in and the curtains were open and he was gardening and I could hear him and I looked up and he looked at me and I'm like, no, he didn't me yet I mean I didn't we didn't make a contact but he's super hot garden Anyway, anyways, so Someone's trying to have that sexual fans Loving this I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this.

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Okay, this is how you do it. You're like, you realize you're like Tim, right? Who called you want to spice it up? You haven't talked about it a while and it's been 22 years. He can't be like, you know what would really help? He has to say, let me, I really, this is what I was gonna say to Tim Tim is that and everyone who's been a relationship where you've never talked about it I gotta put this out there love our sex life love you you're beautiful you're amazing our sex life's awesome I happen to know I've been listening to this show every night it's like brainwashing me and which he's taught me is that like, oh, sex doesn't get great.

Sex isn't actually even gonna work. There's, you know, unless we prioritize it, we talk about it, and I've never been in a relationship babe that I've talked about it, if you know you're neither, okay, cool, we're in the same place. And I don't even know what that really looks like, because I love you, and sex is great, but I know that we kind of get in the same page with it,

we got to prioritize it, and I want to find out, like, what turns you on? Like, do you have any fantasies you want to share with me? You know, there's two kinds of fantasies, babe. There's the kind that you don't have to share with me that you'd like to just think about. And there's the ones that you actually want to try. Like, do you ever think about being with another woman? Have you thought about that?

Have you thought about having sex outdoors? Like, let me know. And she's like, well, yeah. And then you just start having it. And you're like, I want to prioritize it. So that's it. And then you can even do a thing where you say, let's swap a bucket list. Let's each write down three things

that we want to try in the bedroom and swap that list. That's a great place to start. And then you've started your conversation. And then you keep talking about it. You keep talking. And then you're like, you know what? One that I didn't have on the list. Now that we're getting off frisky and we're getting more sexual and we're opening up

and we're prioritizing our pleasure and we realize that sex has unlimited potential and that only can our friendship get better in this 25 year relationship, but it's actually possible for our sex life to get better in 25, 30, 40, 50 years. If we just talk about it and prioritize it, what I want is too cuckold.

That's when you bring it up. No, I mean, I was continuing. But yeah, but you build it. You don't just drop it and prioritize it, what I want is too cuckold. That's when you bring it up. No, I mean, I was continuing. But yeah, but you build it. You don't just drop it, but you. So even on the... But this doesn't take long, you guys. It's okay if it's been 20 years or 10 years, or even six, you've never talked about it.

You can start too night when you're driving home. You can have that exact conversation. It's like, gee, I don't know, it's somewhere, but it works, I guess. Even if you want to do it preventively, because you don't want to, like, you know it's great now, but like, you see what could, what happens to people don't talk about it, bring it up.

So you wouldn't put it on the initial sexual bucket list. You like, you're like, start basic. Do that put it on the initial bucket list? Is what I'm gonna, for most people, if they've, because most people don't know cuckolding. They don't, they would be like, what? Also, fun fact, there is no H in that word. Cuckolding? Yeah vote cuckolding. They don't. They would be like, what? Also, fun fact, there is no H in that word. Cuckolding?

Yeah. Cuckolding. So a lot of people think there's like an H in it. All right. Like you're holding a cuck. Cuckold. That's quite a cuckold you got there, although it should be a word.

OK, we're going to take a quick break, and we come back. We're going to get into your calls. MUSIC OK, let the fact to Sheila, she's 41 in Colorado and her husband's being a jerk and she doesn't know what to do about it. I hate that. Hey Sheila, thanks for calling. Hi!

Hi y'all! Good! So good. Okay, tell me everything. Everything. Okay. First off, I love you guys and I hate one of my kids in the car with me because I can't listen to you because I know what happens. I'm like, what? No, okay, so anyway, I went on vacation for nine days with my son and we had a great time.

Everything was awesome. Came home and you know, did my unpacking getting ready for school world, and then, you know, got a shower, got myself all nice and shaved, I was like ready to roll with my hub. And we had the most amazing night. And then today, he's like being a total dickwad, and I'm so over it, like he's just, he's like, you wouldn't even hang out with me on Sunday. And I was like, what, I'm just, wait, okay, okay. Yeah. He's been a jerk.

All right. He's been a jerk and just like going on with, I'm like, dude, we had a blast. Sunday night. Okay, Sheila, wait a minute. So you were gone for nine days with your son without your husband. Okay, so you came back in the first time you saw him,

which was last night or the other night, right? Sunday night you said? You had amazing sex. You had amazing sex and oh my God, it was great, great, great. Because you guys, that's like the chemistry, that's like the bonding thing. Like you had to do that, it was like eating. Like you had amazing sex and oh my god, it was great great because you guys it's like that's like the chemistry That's like the bonding thing like you had to do that was like eating like you had to have great sex Cuz you've been separate, but it sounds like there's some now he's like okay. We got that out of the way Something happened was he pissed he was an invocation was did he find something where you were well?

Well, is he never not been this jerky before? Yeah, well you got it. Okay. So is he being a jerk in a way that he's not, he's not been a jerk before? No, he kind of does this almost every time he go on vacation, but I'm at this point right now because I went with my best friend on vacation with her kids, Mike, and we had a blast. And it was all awesome. And he's planning a vacation on his own.

We do step together too. Don't get me wrong, but like, this was just happening to me, it worked out, and I feel like, yeah, I'm a huge, I kind of feel weird and used, and I feel like something's going on, I don't, we live in tiny, tiny towns, so I know he's not like messing around on me, I know that's not the thing. Has this happened? Right, exactly. Has this happened, has this find out about that. Exactly. Has this happened?

Has this happened every time you go away? Pretty much. It's either while I'm away. He turns into a total weirdo when I go or when I come home or before. And then is it go away in a few days? What's his love languages? Do you know his love languages?

Is his love language quality time? Now his love language is... Honestly, he's just selfish little man. Well, here's a thing. I'm just wondering... I know you do. How long have you guys been together? We've been together for 17 years. Oh, okay, so it sounds like there's some needs that might need to be filled when you're gone

and you need some extra attention right now because you were gone for nine days. And you might know how to tell you that. He needs that from you. And you might get bummed out when you leave. Maybe it's quality, maybe he, listen, when people really, when he craves time with you, even though you've been together for so many years, 19 years, you said 17?

17? Yeah, my brain. 17 years? 17 years? Like, he cra- I mean, right, that's a big change. Like, to be gone for nine days, the house is full with you and your son and then you're gone. So he's having a reaction to that. And he needs something that like most of us, we don't articulate the things that what's

going on when you need to. He might not even know what he needs. Maybe he just needs some extra time with you. Like just the two of you, something special that's just, I don't know, I don't know. I mean it sounds like, I mean what I love here is that there's a pattern. Like you didn't call me before the trip and say it was being a joke. I needed to hear this. Yeah.

This is exactly it. He just, there's some adjustment. I'm going to the grocery store right now because I was like grocery store right now because I was like I'm going to the store I'm yeah, oh it just happened. Okay, perfect listen you got to go back Okay, well he doesn't even know either he's probably cranky you were gone you missed whatever we don't know what is but go back Do you I'm glad you're leaving because you can now you can go back and breathe you breathe in the car in my home like deep Brust like for in, four out, inhale, exhale, like that, and then resets.

And they're just going to be like, you know what, I don't want to fight this, like I'm so heavy back, like let's just tell me what you need right now. And they're like, I don't know, they'll tell me like try to have a different kind of conversation where you're listening and just kind of, you know, I'm well enough

if you let him talk and let him figure out what it is that he needs. You gotta listen, you gotta listen. I know we don't do that in an item list enough either. I get it. We gotta listen. I mean, I listen to you. It's my job.

Otherwise, I don't listen to anyone. I just listen to you all. You're lucky. Yeah, you got it. Sheila, I feel you. It's a pattern. I see it. Listen and then, like, literally call me back

because I think that's what it is. And then he'll figure it out and then you'll be fine. And you'll actually have a breakthrough, I think, too, with him. Because it's going to be a different. It's not going to be one thing. Anything. Anything to see tonight. What did you say? Excuse me? Intimacy? and you'll actually have a breakthrough, I think, too, with him, because it's gonna be a different, it's not gonna be one thing. Any intimacy tonight? What'd you say?

Excuse me? Intimacy? I said tonight, try to introduce. Yes, I'm sure that that intimacy tonight well, not don't lead with that, because then you'll never have the conversation that you need to have with him. I'm not leading with it, yeah.

Yes, of course. He's your husband. If you wanna have sex with him after 17 years, two nights in a row, yes. Have sex with him tonight. Have sex with him tomorrow night. I'm not gonna, it's never tell you not to have sex them after 17 years, two nights in a row, yes. Have sex them tonight. Have sex them tomorrow night. I'm not going to never tell you not to have sex unless you're in pain. Okay.

All right. I love you, girl. I love you, Tushila. Thank you. Thanks for talking and out with me. Yeah, girl, that's what I'm here for. Seriously, that makes so much to you. Bye, Sheila.

Thanks for calling. Let us know what happens. Honestly, that's what it felt like talking to Sheila. That's because when I'm not with you guys, I'm talking to my friends and having they're having the same conversation. Michelle, you came over the night before I left Mexico. Yeah. And I think three calls in a row where friends were like,

this happened, that happened. I talk it through. So in a way, I'm your best girlfriend here. But I kind of know what I'm talking about. I do know what I'm talking about, unlike your best girlfriend who have thrown a agenda sometimes. Yeah, you have better advice. Yeah.

I do have to say real quick to Sheila that she is not alone in this situation. Whenever my mom goes out of town and my dad, and I'm with my dad, he is such a brat, and he is a completely different person when my mother is not there. And then when they're together for 25 years. And then when she gets home, I mean, he's not a jerk to her, but while she's gone, he's a jerk to me and my sister. And it's a completely, when they're separated, it's a different, yeah, brain chemistry. Okay, let's talk to Kenny, 34 in Arizona.

And he called in about a month ago about his fantasies and he wants to report how it went after telling his wife. Hey, Kenny, this is what I'm talking about. Hi, Emily. Hi. Now this whole sex crisis, this whole sex crisis actually kind of affected me back in the beginning before I started listening to you. And I kind of went out on the limb. I went out on the limb before and like and my wife and I had had good sex but you know you can always make sex better.

So I went on on the limb and I bought a vibrator for Christmas and I'll write and then we kind of start moving forward. And then I called in about a month ago and told you that I was writing down all these fantasies that I had. Yes. And I told my wife about it and I let her. She asked to read the book. Okay. Okay. And I come home from work the other day and I see her how I presented it and everything and I'm like, oh my God, I know what to do from here now. And it was amazing. Like she was set up. I don't think any of this would have happened. Wow. If I didn't listen to you. Oh, Kenny, I'm so happy.

That's amazing. So she was reading like, yeah, keep going. She was reading, she, she wrote it in a way. In a way, you wrote her, I remember this. Yeah, it was the best thing ever. I was the one every man to be like, every person, human, write down your fan. It's so hot, if you were a writer,

even if you're not, just, you explained to her something that you wanted, or you wrote a book, Kenny, you're like the next 50 shades, who knows. I mean, I probably wrote about, yeah, I wrote about 20 different things that I just had in my mind. And like I said, I come home from work

and skis, I mean, it just played out verbatim. you know things that i just had my mind and i could like if i come over work and she's uh... i mean it just played out verbatim like everything that i i'd i'd love to tell me what can you either you're gonna have to read part of it right now which i actually want to hear it if you have some on you i do i'm not kidding can you call back pick a chapter uh... but or tell me what the scenario is if you don't mind because you keep

saying you she was like wishy like on the bed waiting for you you know what was the scenario that you knew that that meant she's down for sex right now DTF. So I came I get home and I walk in and she's kind of like propped up on the in the corner of the couch on the section all and everything and uh... she's wearing a black lace bra with black lace panties and her hair down and it's in its over her chest and it's it's kind of it's kind of just the governor breast little bit and everything and and she's just got this this this seductive look

and her in her eye and there's uh... you know the obby on the fair the candles are going there's with music in the background is there the candles are going there's music in the background which kind of threw me off when I walk in the door right because she's never done this before and I don't know if you guys been to yeah you guys been together how long uh we've been together for going on nine years

been married for six okay keep going we're with you so you had written about about her sitting on the couch wearing black. Yeah, wearing black lingerie and everything. And then, so it started out on the couch. It started out with four play on the couch and everything. And then, then, and then, sex started out on the couch. And then, we moved then, sex started out on the couch. And then we moved from sex into into the bedroom. And in this scene, I guess I, you call it, I wrote about how she got her

vibrator out. And then there was like mutual masturbation going and it was Hot, oh my god This is genius G me way anyone's ever gotten their partner to use vibrator because you made it hot You wrote about it and you could bought it for four months ago And she never took it out of the drawer and keep going this is good you guys do you guys all following what happened here? That he wrote it out at a happen cake? I'm like, I'm not going to read it too. She studied it.

She studied it. She studied it. Yeah. I said, Emily, she didn't miss a step that I wrote. Wow, that's really hot. That could be. And after the musical masturbation, she reaches under her pillow and grabs a pair of handcuffs.

Oh, wow. Was that in the story, too? Yeah, that was all part of it. And everything. She did the whole thing. Wow, and it was hot for both of you. Everything that I read out. Yeah, it was amazing.

And then afterwards, when we're just both completely exhausted, we actually talked about it. Wow, about how great it was and how much fun it was. It was fun, wasn't that hard? It was fun. You guys got to play together again. You did something different than, you know, whatever was happening before this, probably just.

Yeah, I mean, we were just, you know, like, happening before this, probably just. Yeah, I mean, we, we, we, we, just, you know, like, it wasn't that before art, before, it, it, it, it, it, it definitely wasn't that. No, but, um, before it would, um, I was, like, 98% of the time, I was always the one who had to initiate sex. Yeah. And everything. And, and I, you know, if, if that's the way it was going to be then you know

okay I'm fine with that but I told her you know it's okay for you to you know want to have sex with me right you know yes we want we both but she didn't know how to initiate it so you gave her the plant you gave her the tools you like wrote it up a story and she could have and she was like yeah I actually agree that's hot I think a lot of us, we all just want to know what to do. We all just want goddamn instructions. How do I initiate sex? What is it turned on? What feels good?

How do I give good oral? Like, we just want an instruction manual. And essentially, you wrote out what felt good to you. And now I'm hoping, Kenny, like, you've, she is permissioned out to figure out what her fantasies are. I mean, maybe that was part of her fantasy you know who knows you guys talked about this right and and i i thought her if there's if there's stuff that you know if you have your

fantasies and everything you can you know we can swap this and turn this all around again yeah i think it's a new world that's it is and uh... like before taught before you came on the air you know there wasn't a lot of what of this like sex talk and everything i was to a degree i was a little intimidated by my wife and like what what she doesn't want sex tonight but i really want sex and everything i'm not gonna force it on her because that's just rude

right you know so um... it was kind of like okay do i do this? Do I not do this? Or and everything else too much in my head. Yeah, exactly. That's our head is our worst. We all cockblock ourselves, you know, essentially we're in our heads. We really do. We are all in our heads. You're so right. You're like, you want to be good to husband and you want to force it. So that's what was going on pre-sex with Emily, pre-November, I guess, when you started listening, right? Yeah.

So you had been buried, and it was just kind of like, you were nervous to come home and what's gonna happen, and then you were, it was good. You were having it once or twice a week, or she wasn't initiating, and now look at you. Christian Gray. Yeah, and it was, yeah. So I mean, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was,

It was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, Thank you, Kenny, this is so inspiring. I hope, I hope everyone's inspired by this. Thank you. Go write it down, share it, 50 shades of Kenny. Thank you Kenny. This is so inspiring. I hope I hope everyone is inspired by this. Go write it down, share it and she was cool. Yeah, thank you Kenny. That was Kenny's my hero. I was amazing. That was amazing. That was AAA 947 8277. So back up if people got a rap, let me explain to you what happened. So Kenny called in a few months ago. A month ago. A month ago.

And in December, he's like, I don't know what to do. He started listening to the show in November. He never heard anyone talk about sex. He was in a relationship like you. I'm gonna say you, like you. Most of you were in a relationship. We're like, ah, sex, it's good. We're doing it.

I love my wife. I love my husband, I love my partner. But it's okay. And he started hearing me talk about it and then he thought, well, I'll buy her a vibrator for Christmas. So he buys her and I might buy her some of this, but he bought her a vibrator for Christmas, he did.

And he calls in early March, so he probably calls some month ago and he says, Emily, I want to do a vibrator, she's not using it and I'm trying to spice it up. And so I decided, I'm gonna write it out And he started writing fantasies He started writing down his fantasies like erotica and then I think at the point when he called that he'd just given a tour He wasn't sure what to do. I'm I'm not even gonna get there

But I think he said to her. I think he was asking do I just give him to her? And I said I think you don't just land. I don't think you just say like here you go I didn't know it was a novel at the time I think you just first opened up and say you know what? I really want to talk about our sex life and making like all the things I tell you don't just land. I don't think you just say, like, here you go. I didn't know it was a novel at the time. I think you just first opened up and say, you know what, I really want to talk about our sex life and make it, like all the things I tell you on, make it great. And I guess she probably said, yeah,

I'd love to read what you wrote. And then she had some, in fuel, an ammunition. She had some instruction. She had some guidance. She knew how sex works. That in a way, this is why everyone loved 50 shades of gray. For example, Aronica is totally underrated. I think, they're not enough of it because and you could write your own you guys No one's caring about your spelling arrows. You're great right no one can like you could speak it out into your phone and it's

zero you Whoever can do it for you when I'm saying is that we 50 shades of gray it wasn't that it was Amazing, you know well written book or novel masterpiece It was that women were reading it and they they were able to on the road and they were Hearing things and reading words about being you know many women have fantasies the feminine fantasy to be Submissive in the bedroom that that we want to be locked up and using it until sometimes we do we want to be spanked But we want someone to be dominant over us.

Just fancy, we have. And so in that book that happened, you saw how good all have is very romantic. It was just accessible. I think it was the first book erotic on the iPad or whatever it was that you could hide it, but people got into it. And it was words. Brain is the largest sex organ. And so when we're just coming home to our partners, and I have to have a night and we're

like, trying to figure it out, and you want to part and initiate, we don't coming home to our partners, and after the night, we're like, trying to figure it out, and you wanna part on initiate. We don't know what to do. A lot of times, your partner's not initiating or they're holding back, because we're in our heads and we're worried. So Kenny, he had to do all the initiating, and he was worried that he had to do it wrong

and still in this head anyway. So there's a lot of responsibility often on one partner over the other. The other one's just worried that they're not, and one's worried that they're doing it wrong. We're all fucking in our heads and we are keeping ourselves from, we are putting ourselves in this sex crisis dungeon.

Yeah, and I think the cool part about Kenny's situation is that he wrote it as kind of like about him and his wife. Yeah, exactly. So she was able to read it and literally put herself into that situation and like think about it from her own imagination Because I think with watching with some people who don't prefer watching porn It's because they don't find the right kind of porn and then it's hard for them to see the people and then put themselves in that place Yeah, that's it. Thank you, Jamie. He was like

Where that black underwear and bra and put your hair in front of your breasts? And I picture coming walking in the door and you're sitting on our couch very specifically. And then we go up into the bedroom and there's hand cut. And it was heard, their names in it. So she didn't have to think worry that she wasn't blonde or she wasn't, particularly skilled in some place.

It was like about the two of them, which I think that fantasy you guys is so healthy. It's actually people who have healthy fantasy have a healthy sex life. It gets up there intertwined. And so I think if you can, when I say to you, talk to your partner about your fantasies, and you don't know, this would also be a great jumping off point with Kenny to say, maybe you're right with your partner together. Why don't you guys, if you're right with your partner together. Why don't you guys, if you guys are that kind of couple and you don't know,

maybe together you figure out what the fantasy is. You're just trying to come up with ways to do that. To Kenny Eyeset. All right, should we take this email? Yes, I have one in to read this. Okay, so this is from Michelle, 50 in Wisconsin, dear Emily. I'm happily married to my husband for almost 30 years and want to take a two-strip club, where we'll both get lap dances.

We've discussed this for a few years, so why not actually do it? I have gone before, but never had a lap dance, and I always end up feeling uncomfortable, because there's not that many female spectators. I'm not into women, but I think it could still be a turn-on. I feel bad for the women working there, et cetera. How can I get past that and just have fun? Oh, okay. I like this question.

Okay, Michelle, it sounds like you guys have a really great relationship and I love that you've been talking about it and that you, you know, that you've discussed it and you want to do it together. I think that's great. So I think as far as like, here's a thing, go to a strip club, think of it as like an experience. Like they are there, like you're helping them. They are there to make money.

They make money by getting lap dances. If you could just be connected with your partner, your husband is possible when you got there, and just enjoy it. And just not work, because during your head, what are we gonna think? And you know, you're the spectators.

There, no one there is looking at you and looking at that. Everyone in a strip club is there, believe me. If they are looking at anything, it is not you getting a lap dance. They're looking at the women, they're looking at the dances. It is not about you. So that's one place where I think

you could let yourself just get into this really fun, new experience that you've never done in 30 years. These are the kind of things that can truly spice up, these are the things that can spice up a relationship. One thing like this, and then you guys could try something else. The next time you've sex, you'll be talking about it in the bedroom, so I don't think it'd be bad for the women working there.

I mean, these days, you know, she's a lot of strippers. I know, and dancers. It doesn't have the same connotations as you used to. You know, I think that they make really good living. And they're enjoying, maybe they're there because you don't, I don't know. I don't think there's a lot of different reasons, but most people I know dance, they look back at those years when they were doing it as like fond years, they made the choices, they made good money, and then they get out of it. Are they're in

forever? And it's a beautiful way to express themselves. I think you can't know. You can't know, and you can't bother yourself with, I think that this is probably one of the things that you probably do in your sex life overall, and you're probably at your pleaser, I'm sure, and you're like a very caring woman with an open heart and you're worried about everyone else around you, but your own pleasure. So you guys need to go to this Chip Club

and relax, have a couple drinks, just get into your body with your husband and have fun with it. Where are you that sexy thing that you haven't worn in a while that you've been kind of holding onto, you've been waiting for a night, and I do do you, because let me tell you this. Couples who try new things together and play together,

they say couples who play together stay together. And it's true, because what I mean by that is like, you guys need the novel team to keep yourselves connected. And when you do something novel in a relationship, whether it's skydiving or going to a strip club or, you know, cooking together, that's all gonna fire those same love hormones, chemicals and the sex chemicals that are gonna connect you,

the bonding, and it's gonna be thrilling, the dopamine. And so that's what you need, and this is kind of, I love that you're a little nervous about it, but let's just get you out of your head into the moment, that there's no risk you're going for a night, and then you're gonna laugh down, so what if you really like it, and then you go home and you guys can talk about it,

and bad, and it becomes like your dirty talk. And it becomes like, remember that time we went, and then maybe you'll go back, or maybe you'll learn how to give him a little laugh dance. That's really hot to learn how to do it. That's what I was doing in those strip dance, the Sheila Kelly, who does the dance workshops for women that I was talking about earlier,

like they teach you how to, it's all women, but they teach you how to move and be in your body. It's made out of like the S curve of your body and learning just how to walk and talk and feel sexy. And so that's what it's about, like being in your body and being in the moment. And it's hard to give your partner a strip tease. Give them a lap dance. That'd be perfect.

Just they're going to appreciate the gesture and something different. This is another great thing to practice on your own. Like, give yourself a lap dance. Like, when you're at home and I'm telling you to look in the mirror and like, be sexy and look at yourself. Like, how would you move?

How would you dance? Yeah, I don't think you should dry run. Don't dry, yeah. Don't dry run. Don't dry run. Because then you'll get in your head and feel the feelings about it. Yeah.

Practice. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, take those notes, you know, just like little mental notes of what they're doing on stage or on a lap dance and be like, oh, I liked what she did when she was moving that way. Let's see how it looks like. Yeah, yeah, take it into the bedroom and do it.

Exactly. When she's getting the lap dance kind of, it's like, oh, what she do here that feels good. Because really, a lot of it is a feeling thing and what to do in the moment. So I think the more into what you can be and the more turned on you are in the moment, the more your husband will be,

and it's gonna be an awesome night. Michelle's a list, no out of ghosts. Karen was constant. All right, everyone, I hope you enjoyed the show today. I love hearing from you. So let me know what you like, what kind of shows you'd like to hear more of.

What are you into? You should have a question, just let us know. I'm always trying to make it show that feels good to you and to everyone here, the Sex Family Family. By the way, they're awesome. Thank you to my amazing team, Ken Michelle, producer Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you?

Email me feedback at sexwithaml.com you