Sex With Emily - Stop Faking Sleep to Avoid Sex (Let’s Talk About It)

Episode Date: May 26, 2026

In this livestream recorded on April 23, 2026, I’m diving into one of the most common and confusing issues in relationships: what happens when your sex life changes over time. We’re talking about ...desire mismatch, low libido, and why the “honeymoon phase” passion doesn’t stay the same forever(it’s completely normal). I also break down the real factors that impact sex drive, from stress and body image to emotional connection and communication, and how couples can start having honest conversations about intimacy again without blame or shame. This is about understanding your body, your partner, and how to rebuild connection in a more intentional way. ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex.  CONNECT: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/  X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily  Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily WANT MORE? Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/  Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text  Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe  Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply!  Chapters: 00:00 The Desire Discrepancy Nobody Talks About 01:27 Why Every Long-Term Relationship Hits This Wall 02:36 Moment of Silence for the Honeymoon Phase 03:02 Why You Can't Just "Turn On" On Demand 04:05 Sex Is the Missing Piece of Longevity 06:54 Is Watching Romantic (Ethical) Porn Together Healthy? 11:00 The Case for Roleplay and Alter Egos 15:10 "My Wife Has Zero Sex Drive" The Most Common Question 18:22 How to Become a Sex Therapist 19:29 Advice for a 35-Year-Old Starting Her Sexual Debut 22:17 Unlearning Shame from a Religious Background 23:31 Rewriting "Virginity" as Your Sexual Debut Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 In every single relationship that I've come across has a similar scenario going on. Whether they've been together two years or 20 years, when they met, the sex was incredible. But now we've been together a while, and there's so many other factors that go on in our lives that are related to our sex life, right? Like, what if you're stressed? What if you're worried about, you know, money or your job? Or what if you don't feel good in your body? Okay, so if you've been listening to this show for a while, you know I'm not about random sex toys or games. I'm about tools that actually support your pleasure, your communication, and your connection.
Starting point is 00:00:34 Well, that's exactly why we created the shop, Sex with Emily store. Everything in there is curated by me and my team. And these are products I trust. I recommend to clients. And what tell my friends about. I do tell my friends about. What I talk about all the time. Whether you're exploring solo pleasure, looking to reconnect with a partner,
Starting point is 00:00:50 or you really just want something body safe and beginner friendly? We've organized it so you don't feel overwhelmed. People love the dame pillow for supported sex. The Magic Wand waterproof. Oh my God, it's so good. Cray Vesper, massage candles, Joe flavored lobe, We Vibe Touch, clitoral vibrators.
Starting point is 00:01:07 There's just so many things on there because pleasure shouldn't be confusing. It should feel empowering. You can check it out at shop. dot sex withemly.com and find something that supports where you are right now or just click the link in the show notes. Also, keep an eye out for curated collections coming soon.
Starting point is 00:01:23 The Madamy Holmes bike for brain health supporting Baycrest returns on May 31st for its fifth anniversary with a new start and finish at the Aga Khan Museum. Join thousands of cyclists as we take over the DVP and Gardner Expressway in support of dementia research and brain health. Riders of all abilities are welcome, and both regular bikes and e-bikes can participate. Bring your friends, family, or corporate team, and make an impact.
Starting point is 00:01:45 Register today at fight for brainhealth.ca. Okay, I'm here to talk to you about what the fuck is going on with people's fucking, to be honest. Like, okay, if you're new here. So for 21 years, I've been talking to people, educating people about their sex lives, right? And I just landed in Miami at the airport and I run into somebody I know. And she says to me, you know, I've been with my partner for a while. The beginning of our relationship.
Starting point is 00:02:18 Sex was amazing. We had sex all the time. It was so great. We fell in love. Now we're together. We got married. But right now, just not feeling as much in the mood for sex. They've been together like eight years.
Starting point is 00:02:31 What do I do about that? I love him. He's my best friend. Everything's, you know, our relationship is great. We like doing the same things. Can't imagine my life without him. But I've just not in the mood for sex when he's in the mood for sex. And it's like, she's wondering like, what's wrong?
Starting point is 00:02:46 You know, is it me? Is it him? What should we do about the relationship? And here's the thing. Let me lay on this plane for you. In every single relationship that I've come across in the last two decades, has a similar scenario going on. Whether they've been together two years or 20 years,
Starting point is 00:03:04 when they met, the sex was incredible. They had passionate sex. They were so hot for each other. They couldn't wait to rip each other's clothes off every time they saw each other. And they're like, this is my person. You know, I just couldn't wait. My body shook the way they touched me,
Starting point is 00:03:17 the way they looked at me, you know. It was incredible. But now we've been together while we've got kids, you know, or we just both got really busy. And I'm just, you know, we don't always want it at the same rate. This happens. What I'm talking about is mismatch libidoes or desire discrepancy, right? In every relationship, this comes up, but we don't know what to do about it, right? We don't know how to get our bodies back on board.
Starting point is 00:03:40 We're like, why did I want it? And then we beat ourselves up. But here, and then we're thinking, is it our partner? But here's the truth I want to say that we are responsible for our own pleasure. We're responsible for our sex drive. It's not about our partners. It's like, do I actually want to have sex in this moment? What can I do? So, yeah, maybe something. thing with my friend's husband or her partner. In every relationship there's going to be differing desires, okay? And you're not going to want sex at this. Can we just take a moment of silence for the honeymoon phase? That's what I want to do. I want to start up by saying, okay, so my sex drive is going to change over time. I don't have the same desire I had early on the relationship.
Starting point is 00:04:16 That's going to happen to everybody. Okay, so let's talk, let's just say that that's a fact. But now what do we do? We have this expectation that we should just, you know, we should be able to be aroused and turn on on demand. Like the second we see our partner, all the time. But there's so many other factors that go on in our lives that are related to our sex life, right? Like, what if you're stressed? What if you're worried about, you know, money or your job? Or what if you don't feel good in your body? Right? What if you're like, ugh, I gain weight, or I don't feel sexy, then probably not going to want to have sex at the same frequency. You might not want to do a lot of things. But sex in particular is the one area that you're all like,
Starting point is 00:04:53 I should just magically be turned on. I should just want to have sex in this moment. And that just doesn't work that way. So that's what I want to say about that. So it's not necessarily about our partners, you know, usually it's us. Usually it's all the ones who are like, oh, I feel, you know, I have shame around sex or if I had grown up in an environment where, you know, it wasn't okay, talk about sex. Well, wherever you're all at today, there's probably some unspoken, there's probably some areas of your life where you need to look at your sex life. I mean, I'm here for a women's conference, okay? Longevity conference. How do we live longer? How do we feel good at our bodies? How do we, like, what do we do we do right now and a big part about that is our sex life right so you could be taking all the supplements
Starting point is 00:05:33 you could be on the peptide you could be working out every day you could be in your dream job you could have everything that you want right now but if you're not taking care of your own sex life if you're not living a life where you're like i understand my body i know how to ask for what i want i know how to ask for consent i know what my turn-ons are i know what kind of birth control i should be using i know what my partner likes, I know what I don't like, then you could be doing all the optimization things, but if you get into the bedroom and you're like, I don't know what to do, I don't know if she likes this,
Starting point is 00:06:06 I don't know if I like this, then you're not optimizing anything and you might not live as long as you would for longevity purposes if you don't deal with this sex stuff right now. So I'm in Miami as I said. And Miami is a very sexy city right now. Okay, everyone's talking about how sexy Miami is.
Starting point is 00:06:21 But I don't go out to it. I want to go out and I'm like, just because they might look good, I feel like people are like and they might be working on themselves and it's like a bunch of people who are like the land of like beautiful people. Sexy people. Do you think they're actually having good sex here in Miami? Is it better sex because they live a certain way or they're living by the beach?
Starting point is 00:06:40 I don't think so. I don't think so. I think that most people going back to longevity just because they're having sex and they look amazing doesn't mean that they're necessarily getting to the bedroom with their partner or having sex that they actually want. Like are you guys having the sex you want? Do you feel like you're having sex at the rate and the frequency and the pleasure level that you want it? Like right now, last time you had sex, how was it? Did you get your needs met?
Starting point is 00:07:04 Was it hot? You know, tell me that. Very few people come up to me and say, because people come up to many people all the time. They're never like, I'm having the most incredible sex and let me tell you why. My partner and I communicated about what we want. We decide when we want to have sex and what turns us on and what we need to feel the most connected and the most desirable. We know what times a day we want to have sex.
Starting point is 00:07:27 There's never that I got to fake it. I got to roll over and pretend I'm sleeping to avoid my partner. No one really says that. To my point earlier, it was amazing in the beginning. And now I'm like, when we have it, it's really good. But I don't really know how to make it really good every time or I don't really know because they have questions about it. So that brings me to you.
Starting point is 00:07:48 The reason I hear is because you guys have all these questions I know and all these places that you might be stuck. And so if I come on once a week and we talk, we can get you one stuck. That's the goal. We literally just landed and just got to the hotel room. So I'm like, usually I've been in my studio, got it all together, talking all of you.
Starting point is 00:08:04 I gotta say, though, it is really nice in Miami, even if no one's having great sex. I think I'm gonna go out tonight and just, like, take a poll. So should I get into your questions that you asked earlier? Let me do that. We're using a pillow as a little bench here,
Starting point is 00:08:19 a little table. Okay. So I'm gonna do that one. Okay. You guys want to have a porn question? Is it healthy to occasionally watch romantic porn during intercourse? I don't often hear the words romantic porn together, but I like it if this is what they meant. When I see romantic porn, I think about ethical porn. There's certain companies that make porn by women for women for the female gays. Because if you think about it, so much of porn is made by men for men for the male gays. So I think it'd be really hot to, if I'm a man, you know, often we see like dominating a woman or seeing the penis go in and out and, you know, a lot of things that men find sexy, right?
Starting point is 00:09:02 There's not a lot of story, and this is not all men, but this is what I'm saying. There's not a big storyline or plot. You just kind of cut to the thing, watch it for five minutes and you get off. That's a lot of the porn we see. And then you see some extreme stuff, like, you know, dominate submission, all that stuff. But then there's romantic porn or ethical porn, female-friendly porn. And this porn has more of a plot. You know, there's more of a, she doesn't just have sex with the pizza guy after he brings
Starting point is 00:09:29 doorbell, but we know, you know, when she placed her order. Maybe she knew him from him before. You know, she kind of knew it was going to happen because it was the second time we delivered a pizza. You know what I'm saying? There's a buildup. We're getting attached to the characters in the moment. And then they have sex, right?
Starting point is 00:09:44 And then usually the sex they have is more about, it's a little bit slower. It's a little bit more seductive. You know, maybe they're, you know, flirting with her a little bit. They're teasing her. They're making her feel sexy and appreciated. Maybe they're going down on her, right, for a while. Maybe they're using sex toys, right? And there's all different types of bodies, right?
Starting point is 00:10:06 All female bodies are represented in this romantic porn, typically, you know? So that's what I'm thinking. So what I want to answer your question is, is it okay to watch romantic porn during intercourse? Yeah. If you both find it really hot and it's a turn on and you enjoy watching it and maybe you together pick out what porn you want to watch, it can be really fun, right? It can actually help you have more ideas and inspired about the sex drive. You're like, that's a really cool position.
Starting point is 00:10:38 That's a really sexy roleplay. Maybe I'll be the nurse and you'll be the doctor and you'll be the teacher. I'll be the student. You're like, we could do that. Or maybe we should buy that toy or you could tie me up in this one. way and, you know, it kind of sparks ideas. It's like creative and there's also less pressure. Because the other thing that happens, what I like about adding porn that you both like, if it's not replacing your connection, if it's not, well, we're both going to watch this porn and we're just
Starting point is 00:11:05 going to pretend with someone else and, you know, and, you know, that happens too sometimes. But if it's, if it's to numb out or avoid the person you're with, no. But if it adds to your connection, I'm not for porn watching with a partner. In fact, since So many of us get really, really distracted during sex or we get, since so many of us want get like we disassociate. We leave our bodies during sex. We are thinking about the text we didn't send our boss back or the laundry or something or God, I don't want to be having sex right now or I don't like how I look at my body. Sometimes we're thinking that during sex, right? And then we're like, God, I hope the sex is over? Or we're thinking, is my penis look okay?
Starting point is 00:11:49 Do you think she likes how I look? And we're not thinking about sex at all. And then we're wondering why we can't make great sex. So if you're watching something that you both are turned on by, you're both focused on something else rather than being in your thoughts and thinking the things that are not making you feel connected. Because, you know, we're our own worst enemies in the bedroom. We beat ourselves up.
Starting point is 00:12:10 We tell ourselves stories. My penis isn't big enough. Does she really like me? Does he know what I want? And so most of the sex we're having isn't really that satisfying because we're in our head. So that's why I think we like adding things to it. Like if you're watching porn or you're playing with toys or you are role playing. And don't knock role playing.
Starting point is 00:12:27 Okay. Everyone's like, oh, I could never pretend that I'm the bartender and she's the that comes into the bar and orders a drink. Yes, you can. You can. And in fact, I highly recommend it because when couples, like imagine this. Okay. Riddle me this.
Starting point is 00:12:41 Instead of just sitting home and strolling on your phone, you say to your partner, you know what? Let's go down to the bar tonight that we always go to. I want you to go there 30 minutes. early instead of the bar. And then I'm going to show up 20 minutes after that. And I want you be sitting there and we're each going to pick a different name. We're going to pick our alter egos, you know, instead of Emily, you know, I'm going to be Hope because that's not the middle name. And Hope is my alter age. She's super, what would Emily be? What would my opposite be? Well, this isn't about me.
Starting point is 00:13:09 But maybe she would be less, she would be more open or I would wear something I wouldn't normally wear. Maybe I'd put a wig on, right? Maybe I'd wear some really short skirt. I've we're something that is not typically me, something that makes me feel like another part of myself. And then I tell my partner to do what dress be someone different. When we both show up, we're going to change our names to that alter ego person, and we're going to just come up with a different story about it. And then my partner comes up to me and approaches me, right, at the bar or at the thing, where we always go. And they're like, hi, you know, I'm John. He's not really John. It's really Ben. I'm John. And I'm like, I'm hope. And then we just flirt, we order the drink.
Starting point is 00:13:47 even if it's funny and hysterical or we're like, oh, this is so weird. At least we did that for 10 minutes. We pretended we were someone else. And I can't tell you how many people I know, once they live, they get over the weirdness. Like, that was the best night. That was such a fun date night. I was a blonde tonight and my partner wore this suit
Starting point is 00:14:04 and we pretended we were someone else. Or you could do that and recreate your first date. You could be like, just come up to me and pretend, like, let's pretend we've never met before. I mean, it's just a way to chat. What I'm talking about is playing again with sex. and getting ourselves out of our head because I am telling you the reason why you are struggling
Starting point is 00:14:23 in some way with your sex life. Like right now, maybe you can't have orgasms with your partner or there's something wrong with your libido or, you know, you, what are all the other problems you have with sex? You come too quickly. You don't know if your partner likes you. You're not in the mood. If you were like, let's just have sex and play tonight,
Starting point is 00:14:42 like let's have a plan for our sex life where we're trying this new toy. we're watching something, we're playing something, we are being intentional about it. Together at the same time we're deciding that we're going to play with sex tonight, it'll be a lot better and a lot more satisfying, I think. So talk about these things. Yeah, so someone said here, I'm on the comments here. Someone said the fake snore is a bummer.
Starting point is 00:15:05 I'm telling me, like, I was just talking about that. So this fake, like, oh no, my partner's home, I have to fake sleep. So they don't, like where else do we fake? Are we faking going to a job? Am I faking? I'm making dinner. Am I faking? I guess if we're cheating. But otherwise, why am I fake?
Starting point is 00:15:21 I don't fake that I ate dinner. Like, but we are faking sleep so we don't have to have sex with our partner. Like, why are we doing that? We both want to have sex at some point. We want to have a certain kind of sex. We know that sex is good for us and it turns us on. But why am I faking to get out of it? What is it like your math test?
Starting point is 00:15:38 Like, how does sex become like that? So yeah, the fake sleep is I want to get you all so you're not fake snoring or fake sleeping. Have you ever been trying to fully? enjoy the moment, but then your brain interrupts with the least sexy thought. Wait, what about the mess? And suddenly, you're running through a mental checklist of how you're going to clean the sheets afterward. And just like that, you're out of your body and back in your head. That's why I love common confidential. They've thought through this exact scenario for us. If you love their massage butter like I do, you already know how good it feels. It's silky, rich, melt into your skin and
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Starting point is 00:16:53 You're no longer young people. You're just people. And people are either productive or dead weight. It's my first day of work and I need to make a big impression. Were you just checking me out? No. It's too bad. I see at least 15 ladies I need to talk to before my beta block wears off.
Starting point is 00:17:09 My coworkers don't take me seriously. It's not a human. It's just a piece of meat. Someone bring a gurney. So someone else said, I always thought, yes, I always thought one of the greatest catalyst for spontaneity and a natural trigger for sex is surprise. The hug kiss are squeezed. It comes out of nowhere. Yes.
Starting point is 00:17:34 That moment of like, I just see you and come up from behind and give you a hug without a pressure of there's a dick in your back, you know? Or like, she's all over you and you don't want sex. Like we don't want that, but touch, a surprise, intimate connection is arousal. That doesn't have the pressure of leading right to sex. That's exactly the moment we're talking about. Why does he have to eat the pizza now can it be a plumber? Is that right about the role playing? It could be anything you fucking want, truly.
Starting point is 00:18:04 So, yeah, the fake story is about more. So this is why I like romantic porn. I'm totally down for that. Anyone else have any other questions? I'll go into the questions that you sent earlier. We already covered sex drive, didn't we? My wife has zero sex drive and mine is through the roof and won't change help. See what I mean.
Starting point is 00:18:20 That's the question every day. To sum it up, desire mismatch. The most common thing in a relationship. Instead of trying to fix her and get her to want to have more sex with you, like I'm going to do things or I helped around the house or I did all these things and why doesn't she want to have sex with me? The best thing to do is to understand what might be impacting her desire. Why doesn't she want to have sex right now? Is she stressed? Is she worried about something? How does she feel in her body? What's going on with her? Because when you get curious, you're like, I'm just curious. Like, let's talk about it.
Starting point is 00:18:56 You know, let's talk about what might be impacting your desire. How important is sex, you know, in our relationship? How important is to both of us? I think we both agree that, you know, we fell in love. We are each other's, you know, everything, partners. We're parents together. We live together. We're sharing our life together. And, you know, when we're we're we walk down that aisle and we commit to somebody, we are essentially saying, I'm going to love you. I don't know why in the honor. What do they say in the, um, what is it the oath? What's the wedding oath? I've never been married. By choice. You don't say by choice. Never want to get married. But the vows are like, what do we say? And I promise to like prioritize our, our sex life and our intimate life till death do us part. No, they don't. They don't, but they should. Because he's saying
Starting point is 00:19:43 my wife won't change and she won't do anything about it. And I think part of the agreement of being in a relationship with somebody is that we're going to agree that we will prioritize our intimacy and how we can continue to say connected for the for our relationship. And so we can't just duck out of it. But when he's saying that she won't change, let's first start with getting curious. Because she can't like what I'm saying is if we're in a relationship with someone, we can't decide that we are just done with sex or we won't talk of it.
Starting point is 00:20:13 about it. That isn't okay. We have to talk about these things because it's unfair to our partner. I'm not saying that your wife has to continue to have sex with you all the time. I'm saying it's both of your responsibility to think about prioritize and work on your sex life together. It's both of your responsibilities. But she might be deciding like right now I'm in a season of life where my hormones are out of whack. I'm feeling really depressed. I'm trying to think of why else your wife, I've never met her, but why she doesn't want sex. Maybe she doesn't feel as close to you. Maybe resentments of build over time in your relationship and she feels resentful. And so she's not turned on. We don't know why your wife won't have sex with you, but you got to get curious about it, right?
Starting point is 00:21:00 So maybe she just needs to feel intimate and more connected. It's an ongoing conversation, right? Usually we don't talk about the desire discrepancy or the challenge in the relationships until it becomes a problem. So that's why right now, if you're in a relationship and you're having sex with anybody, I highly encourage you to go and talk about your sex life tonight. How are we doing? What would feel good to us? You know, what do we want to try? So that's that question. I'm looking into studying sex therapy. Where's the best school to do this today?
Starting point is 00:21:31 Is there an online class that you recommend? Listen, we need more sex therapists. We need more sex educators. it's so important, I would look at programs that are credited by ASECT, the American Association of Sexuality, Educators, counselors, and therapists. Go to ASECT first. Some great options. C-IIS, the Center for Integral Institute for Integral Studies.
Starting point is 00:21:53 Weidener University is amazing, and I can't really recommend any online places right now, but this is more of an offline. We can, I'm trying to be used to have a post at sexwithemly.com that talks about this. But like it's, yeah, check out a, let me know if you have questions. It's really been hard to find some great programs, but there are more emerging all the time right now, which I love, but I don't know who you are and what your background is not to recommend you where it started that.
Starting point is 00:22:21 But if you go to the website, check it out, you'll get more information that will, like, allow you to be like, oh, am I interested in what kind of sex therapy I'm interested in and where do I want to go? Yeah, yeah. Do you really say, here's another question, you guys. This is great. do you have any suggestions for a 35-year-old virgin finally starting to sexually explore with her boyfriend
Starting point is 00:22:42 outside of the constraints of conservative Christianity? Okay, should we talk about that for a minute? Yeah, first off, nothing wrong with this, late about this, you're not behind. I get a lot of questions from people who have never had sex before at all different ages, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40. and there's always this shame attached to it.
Starting point is 00:23:05 Like, I'm behind. I should already have been having sex by now. What's wrong with me? You know, and I have so much to catch up on. And there's so much I haven't learned. And is someone going to shame me or is someone going to make me feel bad? I'm like, what do I do? I feel like I'm behind.
Starting point is 00:23:19 And we all start our sexual journey when it feels right for us, right? That's what matters. So what you're asking is this is the time that I want to start in my journey and you're ready. I think that's amazing. In fact, many of us start on our sexual journey, and it's not necessarily the right time. It's not actually when it feels right for us. We thought we were in high school and our partner wanted to have sex and we weren't really ready. And honestly, we didn't know what we were doing.
Starting point is 00:23:47 And then a lot of times we have sex in our 20s or, you know, even our late teens or whatever, early in life. And it's more for our partner's pleasure. It's more performative. So anyway, I love that you thought about it. You waited until you were ready. And now you have a boyfriend. And, you know, you grew up in a conservative home. So a lot of people grew up with very, you know, religious Christian backgrounds where sex wasn't openly discussed.
Starting point is 00:24:14 And when sex was discussed, it was usually through a lens of if you're going to have sex, you should only do it to make a baby. And any other kind of sex you, and you should be married first. You should be married, have sex to make a baby, to please your husband, but that's the only time you should have sex. And if you do it any other time, you are shameful and you're going to go to hell. Basically is the message you get. So then you grew up with this message that sex is this, you know, thing that I got to wait for and I got to do one of these constraints. And I don't even know my own body. I don't even know what sex is.
Starting point is 00:24:53 I've never even felt my own body because also masturbation is often, we're often told that we can't touch our body. So I'm just guessing where you came from. The question is, do you any suggestions for a 35-year-old virgin starting to sexually explore with her boyfriend outside the constraints? So there's nothing late about this. I'm so glad you're starting your sexual journey when it feels right for you because that's what matters. Number two, you are unlearning shame-based messaging that came from a religious background that you grew up in. So please go slow. Please be gentle with yourself. Please start to look at rewiring your brain around. So the fact that you're even asking me this question, you've come across my page. I think this was asked
Starting point is 00:25:32 through Instagram, you guys. I've answered for 20, over 20 years a lot on my Instagram. If you check sex with Emily everywhere, my podcast is sex with Emily. And so you've got to go slow, you got to be gentle with yourself. And if nerves come up, that is so normal. Like your history to sex, up until your third, for the last 35 years or since you can remember has been a different way. And so for your body to catch up right now and your body to fully be on. bored with sex and to actually feel sexual energy move through your body is a whole new concept. So it's not just about sex with your partner. I would say first it's important to figure out your own body, you know, like have you
Starting point is 00:26:09 touched yourself yet? Do you know what feels good to you? Have you given yourself an orgasm yet? That's just something to think about. But I understand that right now it's the container of your boyfriend. So, you know, we got to rewrite your relationship to sex now. So the key thing is communicating with your boyfriend and letting them know exactly where you're at. There are zero things to be shamed about.
Starting point is 00:26:27 you know, let him know, I don't know if your boyfriend also came from a conservative background, but letting him know that this is new to you. And here's the other thing. Here's what I want to say about the word virginity. The word virginity also has sort of negative connotations like you're losing something, you're giving something up, you're a virgin, you're sacrificing, right? What if we rewrite it as your sexual debut? This is your sexual debut and your boyfriend is invited, okay? And so if it is your debut and it is your coming out, then it's really about you communicating your, curiosity, you know, what feels good, what allows you to feel safe and connected. This is about exploring your sexuality for the first time.
Starting point is 00:27:05 This isn't about a performance. This isn't about being good in bed. This isn't about, oh, I hope that I look good and I move the right way and my partner thinks I'm sexy and he feels good. This is about you saying, what would feel good to me? Do I want sensual touch? Do I want slow kissing? Do I want to explore each other's bodies?
Starting point is 00:27:22 You know, let the pleasure and not the pressure guide you on this journey, okay? that's what it's about. But go slow and communicate and be honest with your partner because I think again so much pressure and it just doesn't serve us and go easy on yourself and be kind. It's not easy just to like be a sexual just to have all this pressure from years built up on you and I honestly think a lot of us would do well taking all this message and thinking how can I be more intentional about the sex? Do I feel good in my body? Am I having sex that's consensual? Do I know it feels good? We can learn that message at any time of our lives whether we're launching into our sexual. debut or not. So good. This is great. So glad you'd like the podcast. The live version is great. Guys, I'm so glad. Hi, everybody. Thanks for being here. You know, this is the live version that I want to do. I just want to come on and talk to y'all and talk about anything. Anything that comes up for you, you guys, because we need this, right? Like, I need this. And I need to tell you, we need to be talking about this stuff so much, like, even if there's something that you pull from this tonight, you're like, yeah. Actually, when I'm going to go on this first date tonight, or I'm having
Starting point is 00:28:26 sex tonight or I'm doing whatever, maybe I'll just take a moment and get curious about what my body wants right now. Like what would actually feel good to me right now? Do I need, you know, a glass of water first? So I need to go for a walk. Do I need to talk to my partner? Do I need to like, do I need to share something with them? Do I need to talk about our day? Like what would feel good to me? Not in relation to my partner, but it's for my body, for myself. You can just think about that for a minute. Because I guarantee you there's so much pressure around like it's date night or it's sex night or I hope I look good or it's never around the actual thing that's going to make you feel like a lot of things we're worried about sexually I guess are not the things that are really going to make it that satisfying and pleasurable for you. Right, Alps? Right. Facts.
Starting point is 00:29:10 Aubrey's here with me. We're traveling to a women's conference. But men could come too, I think. Maybe not, though. Maybe not. Not because we don't love you, but I don't know that there'll be a lot of men here. But there are men in Miami and women will find out what happens. Okay.
Starting point is 00:29:24 Anything else here? Yeah. Well, I love you all. What else do I want to tell you? I'll be back next week. I'll be back next week. I'll be back next Thursday this time. Next time I'll be in Michigan.
Starting point is 00:29:35 Yeah, I'll be in Michigan. I'll be in a whole other location. Check my social media, sex with Emily. Subscribe to my newsletter. You'll love my newsletter. What else is coming up? Anything else? I'm going to be going on tour.
Starting point is 00:29:44 So absolutely check out my Instagram. Sign up for my newsletter because it's a good newsletter. and come back next week and I'll tell you everything. Some of your questions here, DM me. You guys, the tour is going to be amazing. It's comedy. It's all about you. So my live tour is going to be like this,
Starting point is 00:29:59 but we're going to be in person. And I'm going to going to be talking to you. We're going to answer your questions. We're going to have a real conversation about sex. Without shame, without blame. We're going to have a ton of like giveaways, sponsors, sex toys, all the things that actually make me feel sexy and turn me on. I want to share with you.
Starting point is 00:30:17 And I want you to feel them experience. them, meet other people who are like chill around sex and want to feel good in their bodies. That's a tour. Sex with Emily Live. So find me there. And thank you all for spending time with me on this evening, on this lovely Thursday evening. It's Thursday. Okay guys, bye. Have a great night. Was it good for you? Let me know. Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust.
Starting point is 00:30:51 CA. Way fair, every style, every home.

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