Sex With Emily - Sugar, Spice & Everything Naughty

Episode Date: October 20, 2018

On today’s show, Emily and her team are talking all things Halloween – as well as giving you some sex advice that you can use all year round. Emily, Sarah, & Jamie discuss dates, role-play, and other erotic things to make it the sexiest Halloween yet. Plus, they give advice on ways to cut down your refractory period so you’re ready for round two, how to have sex when there’s a privacy problem, and what the real deal with vaginal steaming is all about. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Foria, CareOf, Good Vibrations, Magic Wand Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily Follow Jamie on Twitter: @GarbagePailJame For even more sex advice, tips & tricks, visit: sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and today's show, my team and I are talking all things Halloween as well as giving you some sex advice that you can use all year round. Topics include dates, roleplay, and erotica omai. Make it the sexiest Halloween yet. Refractory periods, how to lessen the time between rounds. Saving your sex life. What to do if you never have a stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just fling with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. You're listening to Sex with Emily. You're listening to Sex with Emily. You're listening to Sex with Emily. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything between formal information. Check out SexWithEmily.com, which is actually an extension of the show

with useful information to help you out. You can also find us on social media. It's at Sex With Emily, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, across the board, really. Wherever you are on social media. It's at sex with Emily Facebook Twitter Instagram across the board really wherever you are on social. We're there. Same with our podcast you guys. You could find us on Spotify, Google Play, iHeartRadio, SoundCloud and of course on iTunes. We love when you comment and subscribe on iTunes. It's fabulous. It makes us so happy, right team? I'm here with my team. It does. Yay. Hi Jamie and Sarah. Hello. Hello. Hello. We are here today to talk about many things that could help your sex life and help you this month of October which is the Halloween month, right? Like you go into the stores and all of a sudden you're like, really already, like there's the candy corn

and the paper skeletons and whatever happens. So we want to make it, but also Halloween. I think that's what used to paper skeletons remind me of one called Seymour Bones, that my friends' dad for years used to send us in college, one of those paper skeletons that he hang up and we would call it Seymour bones. And I had a very emotional attachment to him.

So anyway, we do a lot of bunch of, and we're kids, it's like the best time of year. Halloween, so exciting. And then you get older and you're like, I gotta go out, I gotta dress up. And for many people, for many women, it was like, oh, I wanna dress something really sexy, something really out there that we might not wear other days of the year so

We're gonna talk to you about how to Maybe find something sexy or something that actually feels true to you and gonna have a dual purpose What are you guys thinking about Halloween anything yet anything on your radar? I don't know I just like this time of year. I love scary movies So I just feel like I have like an extra excuse to watch them during this month. My dad makes the house look really, really cool.

For Halloween. You're one of those homes. I love those homes. He used to do a lot more when we were younger. And now that we're like, both me and my brother out of the house, it's like just these pumpkins, but it's like a really cool display of pumpkins. So it's just, I don't know, it's fun.

And I do like dressing up. Yeah, yeah, it's fun, fun, fun, fun. Okay, so we've got some, um, anything with you, Sarah? You like, how do you feel about Halloween? I like Halloween, it's fun. I like to do spooky things. Pumpkin carvings always cool. I like pumpkin carving.

We could pumpkin carve. I like pumpkin carving. We could pumpkin carve. I was thinking that. I got one on my, someone in, some there's a politician in my neighborhood who every year drops off of pumpkin. Like I got a full blown pumpkin on my porch and I was gonna bring it to the office.

I thought we could make use of it. We should. Well, carve some kind of like vibrator into it. Something we could get clever. We certainly could. But when we're adults, you know, you still can't escape at Halloween's around and I into it. Something we could get clever. We certainly could. But when we're adults, you still can't escape. But Halloween's around. And I like it.

I like going to a fun party with friends. But I think there are some cool things you can do if you're in a relationship or just dating, or even with your friends, it could be fun. Adult Halloween activities. Haunted houses. Do they have fun haunted houses in LA? Yeah, there's a lot.

There are, I mean, well, in LA, it's cool because you can go if you want to, you can go to Universal Studios, or you can go to Six Flags, or not scary farm as they like to call it. Universal is probably the best because it's movie quality. Right.

So those are always really fun to do. Oh, you can go there and see a movie? No, at Universal they do, it's called Haunted Horror Night. So the park closes at like 6 p.m. and then it reopens at night and it's like they have like people dressed up in movie quality like monster scary type things. It's not for the people that are faint of heart. Like literally it's very like people chase you with like, chainsaws and like things and they they don't touch you. So that's like the thing. If you're scared, the thing to remember is things, and they don't touch you. So that's like the thing. If you're scared, the thing to remember

is that they are not allowed to touch you. It's literally just to scare you and you go on these mazes. So you walk through these things and they're like movie themed. So there's like Friday the 13th or there's like, this year they have stranger things. It's fun.

But there's also just random Halloween haunted houses around. Well, what I like about that is because we were, we always talk about how couples who do something like that sort of produces a lot of adrenaline with each other can be like a fun event like skydiving, but you don't just skydive, you could see a scary movie or go to a scary themed event. And that in turn can enhance your connection, fun enough, being scared out of your mind with your partner as like a connecting experience. Yeah, and I feel like if you are really scared and your partner's really good at comforting you,

that's just like a good thing to know in general for other things. And then if your partner's the one running with their eyes closed and not comforting, that's also a good thing to know. Right, because then you're like, okay, like if this was a real situation. Exactly.

If there's a real thing going down, now I know, Carrie pepper stride. Gary pepper spray for sure. Okay. Um, what else do you have pumpkin patches? Yeah, there's some like tame thing that doesn't have to be scary like pumpkin patches can be fun. Hey, rides, things like that. I mean, just going to a Halloween party to dress up. Well, you know, it's funny though when I was in college back up It was not sexy like sexy Halloween is like a newer-ish thing I think that we were more being judged around Like you'd be judged, I think or it just wasn't a thing like you wouldn't walk around

How I did I didn't know that no it was like I I should bring in because now that I'm going through the garage and cleaning out I was a crayon one year like I was wearing all blue and then I had like, like, a blue cardboard, you know, hat. Like, yeah, like I was a crayon. All my friends were crayons. Like the five of us. And then one year I was a bumblebee. Like I was in a black velvet thing. Like, nothing sexy.

Okay. So I wasn't like that in the 90s. It's just funny, because they do make sexy bumblebees. Well, now you could be a sexy bumblebee, but we were not sexy. I was not sexy. There was nothing sexy. There was no skin bearing. Like, it was just not a sexy bumblebee, but we were not sexy. I was not sexy. There was nothing sexy. There was no skin bearing. Like it was just not a sexy time in that way.

We thought I thought I was cute and trapped even maybe at the time, but no. No, sexy Halloween is probably in the last 15 years. Okay, so. Interesting. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, that was not, but right, we all like, but I would like about this is dressing sexy is,

is not to do it just to do it. Just because you're like, okay, I'm gonna go find the sexiest thing I can. I'm gonna wear no clothes. I'm gonna wear these thigh highs and some Boostier, but you don't really like feel like it's you. You're just doing it to go out maybe and be sexy, but I think it'd be fun to find something

that actually speaks to you in a sexy sense because it could also be a great gateway into roleplaying. Like I love roleplay and I think that roleplay is effective for so many people and so many couples, but there's a huge barrier to entry. Like you were like, I would know how to start and be weird if I showed up as the mailman one day, like how do I just show up and do that? So I think if you are, you know, like after I was reading this,

like I texted my boyfriend, I'm like, let's dress up together because I think that can actually be fun to play it together. So. You go out to a party as a couples costume and then you come home and you keep on partying, but in the bedroom.

Yeah, I like that idea a lot because then it's like for the people that are like, well, I don't want to just like go out and get like a costume of some sort for no reason and not that role play needs a costume, but it makes it a little bit more fun. And so this is kind of like your excuse. You're like, okay, like we can get into this kind of role throughout the party in a sense, like because people are like, oh, I knew what your costume is. And then you go home and then you're like, okay, let's continue this. And it doesn't have to be this like super elaborate, like great sketch, I knew what your costume is. And then you go home and they're like, okay, let's continue this.

And it doesn't have to be this like super elaborate like great sketch, I think either. I think people put too much pressure on themselves for role play. No, but if you're like doctor patient, you could be like, I think I feel my forehead. I think I have, I think it's, I have a flu coming on. You know, it's like done, you're in.

Doctor doctor, I think that people just realize once they get over that hump, it's actually really fun. Right, let me. To kind of step outside yourself. Let me take your time. and Dr. Doctor, I think that people just realize once they get over that hump, that it's actually really fun. To kind of step outside yourself. Let me take your time. Let me take your time. I'm behind. What is that?

What is that? Oh, okay, so that's just some, it's another, it's another fun way. If you're just gonna sit home and you don't feel like doing anything, you're like, oh, it's annoying, Halloween, but just maybe even something sexy you already have, like go out and do something fun.

What would your ideal couples costume be? Oh God, now I know I've been thinking about that like because I've tried to think about my couples costume would be. Maybe since we went to Greece this summer, some kind of like Grecian goddess or something, maybe a great guy. Cause I've yes, exactly, Aphrodite.

And for so funny side note being greased, like you'd meet someone, she's like, hello, I'm Aphrodite. Like, I'm, you know, they'd have all the, you know, I'm petrises, I'm like, really? You are all these people. So yeah, that's to be able to do, since it's also thematic.

What about you guys? What would you do? Oh. For a while, I've been thinking about, like doing a Catwoman slash Batman kind of thing. I've been thinking about like doing a cat woman sash fat man kind of thing. Yeah. I'm like, you know, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm not really sure. I don't like, this is going to be like my first Halloween where I have a partner. I don't think we're going to be doing a couple of costume either. But I think I always thought it would be really cool to do. And I know it's this kind of like cliche in the sense of like the friends trope, but I think it'd be really cool to do like the lay, uh, in the, like princess lay in the bikini thing though with like, Han Solo. Yeah.

What do you mean friends trope? They did it on friends. Yeah. Like, uh, Ross, it was like Ross with like, Han Solo. Yeah. What do you mean, friends, Troubles? They did it on friends. Yeah, like Ross, it was like Ross's like fantasy to have. Oh, oh yeah. Fucking what's her name? Shit, I love this show. Rachel? Rachel, I can't even believe I did that.

Shame on me. Anyways, Rachel dress up as it and then she does and he's like, almost can't even do anything because he's so taken aback by it? Yeah, some kind of fantasies that you both have right, like dress up like that could see that happening actually if you're really into Star Wars or something. And if you're not into costumes, you can still roleplay if you don't want to go out

and buy a costume. You can just make up your own scenarios. It's really just about acting as if you're someone having a dialogue that you're someone else. Yeah, just like the thought of it, it's fun. I'm not super into the, I like lingerie, but I'm not super into like coming into a character kind of sense, but I do like the idea of like, you know,

someone comes into your room. It's like this sexy stranger, but in a sense like, it's like an intruder, but it gives you that sense of danger, but it's fun. That is fun. Yeah, dander, master slave. That could be cool too, if you're like, want to kind of test the waters of some BDSM aspects,

do a master slave type situation. Like your only purpose is there, like if you're the slave, like your only purpose is to serve their pleasure. And it's kind of hot. That is hot. That's a great scenario right there. There's also some Halloween fetishes you may never have heard of. This might inspire you in for Halloween or for life. I just go out and even know that there was like Halloween. I know. I know. I know. Here you go.

There's spectrophilia. And this is a parapheria in which a person experiences sexual attraction to and sexual arousal by ghosts, spirits, and specter figures in mirrors. They get really into this fetish and they claim to have sex with ghosts. I mean, if that's your thing, that's super cool. I just wonder, like how do you even know that you're having sex with a ghost? Like how would that feel?

Would it just be really cold? Can they get erections when they're spirits? Right. You can't really get your hands around to me, they're right. Now a lot of cuddling with a ghost. Like do you think it just kind of fills your body as a spirit and then like you have an orgasm?

Yeah, maybe. Like the ghost maybe have that orgasm. It says it's because humans have been obsessed with understanding their place in the world and life after death. And per the nature of fetishes, you know, if it exists, in the case of ghosts, if it doesn't exist,

a human can do up a sexual interest in it. So we just kind of get our brains link up something and then eroticize it. So ghosts, why not? Clowns, I found this interesting, colrophilia, a lot of people free-doubt by clowns and it can get kind of hot.

So this involves sexual attraction to clowns, mimes, and gestures, just to name it up you. So there was an evil clown epidemic that was all over the news. Yeah, the people were like just coming at us forests. That, yeah. See now I have one just reading that. Now I'm afraid of a scary clown. So I'm not into that. But right. But if you are are it's cool. It's just oh my gosh. No, are you afraid of clowns?

I mean I use I'm not afraid of the how I'm not afraid of them now But when I was younger I was terrified of sounds. Yeah same And I just remember going to my neighbor's door on Halloween And he was wearing a clown mask But he was doing like a double headed clown mask thing. Like it was two people and it was scary and he was walking really weird and I freaked out and I ran away.

And he like, the neighbor felt really bad about it. But I'm like, you know, three years old. It's like, it's like traumatic. I was like, whoo. Yeah, you got like the big feed and the big nose. Like who decided that clowns were cool for kids anyway? Like there's nothing, they're just fun. I think they're more for adults.

Because as a kid, you're like, what? Like I like that you're blowing up balloon and stuff. That's the fun part. You know what they blow up and stuff. Yeah. People would hire clowns, they come to bed. But otherwise they're scary. The big feed, the nose, the things.

Okay, there's also what else? Domination, this is another one of Halloween lots of costumes, involve dominatrix or submissive characters. It's the perfect time to experiment with this fetish. Very 50 shades of gray. And we know that there's so much out there that you could get for something

kinky, all of 50 shades. Yeah, when I'm down for that. Latex. That one I'm down for that. Latex. That one I'm down for. I'm down, you know what? I could be like a greashing goddess, be it a dominatrix perhaps. I like combining things.

Yeah, like for many years I was queen mitis. Is it like everything I touch, turns to gold, I was all gold, even though it's not a thing. I like being like, it's cool. No, that's cool. It's like a way to say it was cool. Maybe I'll bring it back you could be like a instead of wearing like a white toga. It's like a black toga Yeah, but whether yeah, oh I have all these things late. I do at home people said I think I'm gonna

I thought you should I know I should it is hot. Okay, I'm really excited now for Halloween. Okay, exhibitionism It is hot. Okay, I'm really excited now for Halloween. Okay, exhibitionism. So we all know people wearing less clothing on Halloween, but if you're into exhibitionism as a fetish, it's the perfect time to do it because it's about getting a reaction from an unsuspecting person seeing you naked,

which is not necessarily consensual, so which is why this is better as a fantasy. This is a really common one, people having sex and public are going to play parties and wanting people to watch them having sex or even in their backyard, because the kind of like lesser neighbors are looking,

but just the thought of like that you could get caught. Yeah, definitely. Are you guys have any of that in you? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I haven't ventured into that in quite some time Well, now you've like 16 roommates. You could just do the living room Yeah, I have had sex with other people in the room right and not Not like cared got so okay

Not an idea. Yeah, but I like this idea too. I do exhibition. It can be, that can be hot and fun. Having sex with pumpkins, because they're shaped like buttocks. They're good for carving holes into. They're firming the outside. They're squishy on the inside and have a hard phallix. Them, Jesus, everything is phallic. You'll find phallic, phallic, instant frozen everything, right? Yeah.

I mean, I bet, I guess it's like squishy. I could see, like, that's why you're bringing the punk into the office? Well, no, no, I'm not bringing punk into the office. Like, no, I don't want to come back and it's all mashed in because somebody had sex with the punk in. I'm like, I just wanted to make seeds. No, I can't, I or tainted, like what happens. No, hands off my pumpkin.

Hands off my free pumpkin. Okay. However, the smell of pumpkin. Good trade, this one. Not just penetrating a pumpkin that turns people on, but the scent of pumpkin. I think that's true. Pumpkin candles smell good.

The smell of pumpkin blindly selling it. Ooh, so the smell according to one clever study had been blindly sell different scents while measuring their penis growth, marking their arousal, and they found that pumpkin when combined with another flavor was the biggest turn on. So rub pumpkin spice in your bucket. Oh, that's what's gonna say,

maybe there is something to this pumpkin spice craze that takes over during this time. Exactly, Starbucks has their pumpkin thing. They're really wanting you to get it on. They drag it on until December, right? Like even after... I don't think so. They're a business that people love these pumpkins.

The only thing that I like, the only thing that I'm obsessed with quarterly are for holidays is Cadbury eggs. Like I get excited when Cadbury eggs come out. And every year, it's a little sooner, like April is Easter, but they come out and she'll like February, like right after Valentine's Day or during

and they're just, I used to hoard, I used to like stock up on them and the day of Easter they're on sale. You can have like, anybody I love that. But pumpkin's good too, I'm cool with that. So basically we're just saying, have some fun with that. You can't escape it.

Like I feel like, and you know what I love that we're talking about this now is because, I think even last year, I don't remember what I was doing is like I'm just not gonna do anything. I'm busy, I'm not gonna go out. And I realize that it's just something fun, it's something different, whether in a relationship or not, you know you're gonna be going to a party,

or going somewhere, even if you go to a fun movie. And it's a night that most people are having fun. They're on board, they're getting outside of themselves. They're acting as something else, as someone else. And it's just, it's fun. Like you're letting go. And I think a lot of us are high-strong, uptight, anxious, much of the world right now.

And if you can just kind of let go and have a good night, and then turn into something sexy, when you're like deliberate and intentional with what you decide to wear and present, it could be a whole different kind of evening. And maybe come home with some milk duds or something. Yeah. That's not it.

It's my favorite candy. That and Cadbury eggs, you gotta say. Okay, moving on. These are the messages most likely to turn people off from dating you. I mean, it makes sense that this is a whole art now and there's a whole theory and philosophy behind texting because it used to be like, what do you say on the first call? Like, what are you going to talk about? Should you call someone? No, no,

no one's even calling. It's like the messages. It's your all about the text messages. So here's six things most likely to put a potential date off in the early stages of dating. But before I get into this, can you guys tell me, have you ever been in a relationship or things are going along with someone new and you're like, oh God, no, not that emoji or not that text I'm done?

Like is there a thing in your mind that you think that could really piss me off if someone texts that or said that or just maybe excite you either way? Yeah, I mean, it really does kind of depend. I think one, you have to get used to someone's texting style because everyone is different as far as texting. But my main thing that when I pay attention to texting

that has been just, I guess it wouldn't be like one specific image or different thing. I don't like when someone uses too many emojis. If they're always, emojis are for specific things, and it should not be like every single text, and then it just gets too much. And then I'm like, what are you really, what are you asking here?

Right, exactly, use your words. Yeah, I'm very into like using the words kind of a thing. Right, anything? You're pretty good, Sarah. With things that I don't like as far as texting. I don't know. Yeah. Is there anything that you're like, eh, we could read some of these.

See if they jog your mind here. See how you made these make you feel. So these are the six things, most likely to put a potential date off in the early stages of dating. Mm-hmm. Okay. Receiving just one answer to a number of questions asked in a previous message, 40%. Root.

So that is rude, but let me understand this. Like, what if you were like, hey, hope you're ever, you know, how, how that meeting go last night with your boss? So I was thinking this weekend, maybe we could go to the movies or the movies you would want to see or maybe get some dinner and she's like, meeting was great with boss. And like that was the end of the,

like you don't answer the other questions, is that what they're saying? Yeah, that's what they're saying. You're avoiding the questions that you actually, or is it that you're busy and you don't have time to answer? I don't know. I mean, I think it depends. I think when this one what they're saying is like,

if they were like, hey, so are we still going to your friend's house next Saturday? And if so, what do I wear? And what time are we going, and they're like, we're going at six. And that's all. That's annoying, and then you're like, what do I wear? Where do they live?

How long does it keep me going? Because then you have to repeat yourself, which is annoying. And then also, I just see this as annoying. I don't care if you're dating or... I agree. Anything like answering my questions, but I would like that. Yeah, I agree. Okay, receiving too many messages, is the second largest offense here, 35% of people.

Too much, like a barrage of texts. Like you wake up, you had a great day, and like, I'm gonna see you again, it was really fun. I think this could be two different things also. It could be one, receiving just too many messages in general before you've responded. And two, some people, that's just how they text. So it kind of depends.

Like you, like I said, getting used to people's text in style. So they're just like, it's something that could have been in one text. That I hate. And like four. My friend used to do that. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Each word was a yeah. And especially if you're on the phone and you're doing something else and it keeps popping

up and you're like, oh my god, it's getting so annoying. Like, so I think that's a good point. I think it's good to be mindful around you. Like, I don't do this, but I would like to be more mindful about it. Okay, no, but think about it beforehand, rather than just like, oh, and this and this and this and just kind of think about what you're gonna say and then text it along.

It's not too many. Cheesy selfies, 34%. That would be weird. Yeah, I don't know. I've had guys send me cheesy like we've said before I think that women are just a lot of us we know the art of the selfie we know the light we know how to do it I think guys sometimes they're not like they're okay I've been on the apps the swiping and you're like really like you could have tipped your hair and your hair and your hat and sunglasses and your backs to me.

Like, what, they don't know, or they all have their earbuds and so just like, you know, cheesy selfies, a random cheesy selfie. What is the body building? I don't know. I think it's like, hey, I bought milk, like cool. Right. Nice to know.

I don't know, I think this is also maybe, and I'm just speculating here. If it was like one cheesy selfie, that's fine. But if you're like, always sending me cheesy selfies, I'm gonna be like, okay, this is kind of weird, bro. Right. Mm-hmm. Okay, so taking too long to reply to messages 33%,

will you hate me, will you take too long? I know. It depends. It depends, because I sometimes take a long time, because it depends, like, I get it. Like, when you're doing something, you're busy, you see it, you're like, I'm gonna get back to it, you don't get back to it, or you're busy, you're like you see it or like I'm gonna get back to it you don't get back to it or you're busy and you're like I'm definitely I'm gonna get back to it and get

back to it but if this is constantly you're constantly taking forever to respond to me I feel like you're doing it on purpose and I don't like that. I think in the early case so I have to remember that we're talking about the early stages of dating. Yeah so in the early stages of dating. Yeah. So in the early stages of dating, if you're into somebody, you're going to text them back. Like we all have our phones with us 24 or 7. And so I have to think that unless someone's working like in the emergency room or they're flaunt, you know, doctor, the emergency room or they're flying somewhere, but even then you can text and they have a pattern of like waiting a few days or a few weeks, the message that anyone would get is like, you're not into it or you're dating a bunch of other people.

In which case, I wouldn't say just bail on that person but have a conversation and be like, for me, what's important is like to hear back from you. I'm like, don't wait like six days. It just feels bad. It does. It's disrespectful. If you're into someone, like I do that with friends, I don't text them back, but they know. See, they know my texting style. They know that I'm not gonna hear back from her. I might need to call her, I might need to send smoke signals and maybe she'll get back to me. But when you're dating someone like, text back.

Poor grammar, 32%. Yeah, I don't like that. Right. In my cases, everybody that has had poor grammar that I used to talk to, they were terrible people. Oh, really? Look at that. So bad people, bad grammar.

Maybe I would. Wow. Wow, interesting. I never heard that one. So poor grammar, yeah. That's tough when like the there and the there, if they get those wrong. Using pet names such as Bay or Babe.

Not in the early stage. No, don't prematurely babe me. Like, if we just, if we went on one date, you're like, hey babe, I had a guy do that once he rang the doorbell and it was our very first date. I was in San Francisco and he rang my doorbell and he's like, and I was like, I had an intercom, I'm like, oh, I was like, hey babe, I'm here.

I'm like, you don't even know me. You can't babe me all night. And then I said goodbye to him at the end of the night and that was it. He could babe the next one. I understand, okay. Top five most off-putting emojis, the poo face. I like that face.

You do see? I don't know about it. I don't know about it. I don't know about it. I don't know. What context is the poo face? Exactly. Exactly.

Why are you sending me the poo face? Right. That, yeah, I mean it's an interesting one. That, yeah, this, I mean, it's an interesting one. Yeah. Um, um, the, oh, Eugene, which is the eggplant. Oh, why don't they just call it eggplant? Apparently, the, oh, the, oh, Eugene is the color. Oh, 17%. I had to look at it.

I think it's funny, but I get it. The devil smiling 8%. These are off putting the arm muscle 8%. A lot of guys do the arm muscle. They're like, bad, a really good day. Arm muscle, like, I'm sprawled. I don't think I've ever had a guy send me that. I think it would be off putting that I'd be like, okay, yeah, I'm so nervous. I'm like, I'm gonna be like, we can do it too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm gonna be like, we can do it too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, the stick out tongue wink face. Yeah, I feel like I don't like that one. That one keeps me out. My friend Mary sent that to me all the time and she'll just be like, that was funny. Like Mary, that creeps me out. And I don't know why. Anyway, that's friend. Okay, used to flirt. These are the top ones used to flirt, which I agree with. I feel like these are the top five. The blowy kiss face, the blowing kiss face. That one's pretty like benign. Like I do that to friend. I do that to lovers. The love, heart eyes, the winking face, the lip kiss, the stink, the stick out tongue wing face.

So 13% like it. So other people think it's off-putting. You never know, just so you know. Yeah, I feel like people put that, the whenever I think of the stick out tongue wing face, I think of someone like saying something kind of snarky and then looting it. That's what makes me think of.

That's what it is. So that's what Mary, because she's not doing it to be, like she'll say something funny. She thinks it's a funny one. And then I'm like, I don't know. Yeah. It's all about the crying laughing emoji. That's my favorite one.

That is the best one, because that just says it all. It really does. You're like, this is a funny thing. I mean, it's be funny. Or I love when someone does it back to me, because I was so funny. Exactly. I love earning the crying face emoji.

So happy. I'm like, I've had a good day. Our work here is done. I've been funny. One more thing I want to add is about texting styles in a relationship when you're dating someone. I think that these days there's nothing wrong with saying, like, hey, just so you know, I don't often get back right away.

Or it's so much easier to pick up the phone or during the day it's super busy. Or like just because text can also be misconstrued, right? You can think that, I mean, I've heard from so many friends, like, what do you think this person meant by this? I'm like, probably that he's going to the store and we'll see you soon.

Like, what else could that mean? But people are like, but he said soon, and you know, just all these things. So I think, no, I agree. It's like everyone has a different texting style, like the guy that I'm seeing, I had to ask him just because of he's very short in his text messages.

But sometimes I feel like, I don't know, and maybe I was just also just feeling needy at the time. But I asked him, I was like, do you, are you annoyed? Like do you think it's annoying when I text you? And he's like, what do you, what do you mean? And I was like, I don't know, because sometimes I've text you something, and I think it's really funny. And you're just like such a dry response or just like a ha. And I'm not even a ha-ha.

And so it's like, to me, that makes me feel like I texted you, and you're like, what is she saying now? And he's like, no, no, you know that. I'm not very like a texture. And I was like, I guess, I guess. I was like, no, no, like that's just, you know, they I'm not very like a texture. And I was like, I guess, I guess I was like just add another Ha. Or at the crime face emoji. He doesn't do any emojis. He's never once in his life.

I don't think he's gonna be okay. Oh, okay, got it. I think you're right. I think that's a good conversation to have though. Let him know. And he was like, no, it's fine. Yeah, I did that too with Ben. He would always send me things all day long that were funny and interesting and lots and lots of texts.

And I was like, I just can't. If I'm texting all day, like I'm not working I can't get back to you. So I finally said to him, I said, are you cool that I'm not gonna text you? He's like, oh no, I've been in your memory, I sent those. I was just, it's you do you. So it was like a really good, now I see text from him

and I don't always feel like, oh, I gotta get back to him. I'm like, he doesn't, and I'll just keep, it's fine. So we clear it. You guys bottom line, the more we can communicate about these things, the better. All right, guys, let's move on to some emails. Yeah, how do we go about that? Let's answer some questions from the people.

Thanks everyone for emailing us, and thank you for supporting our sponsors. We're gonna take a quick break and be right back. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Okay guys, onto emails. I am on with Sarah and Jamie. Sarah is the newest member of our team. Hi. Hi. It's just fun to have you here. And Jamie just celebrated her three years at sex with Emily yesterday. I did. And it's been a wonderful three years. Just want to say, dude, you're just, I just, and Michael has been with us. How long doing sound? Two years. Just want to say, dude, I just, and Michael has been with us how long doing sound? Two years.

I mean, this and Ken, three years almost, like, I'm just telling you guys, it feels amazing to be, to have such support and such an amazing team. It was a dream of mine to someday build a team that was actually people that I look forward to working with, that were smart and creative and brought so much, and we're just as excited as sexually as I was, and that has happened.

So I am grateful. Thank you. We are grateful for amazing team. Thank you. So fun. Okay, so now on to your questions. I love answering them. So if you want a question answered on the show, text Ask Emily all one word to 7979.

7979 felt the short form. Check yes if you want to be called or go to my website, sex withemily.com, click Ask Emily tab, include your name, your age, where you live and how you listen to the show. Okay, who wants to read the first email? I'll do it. Go ahead, James. Okay, so this is from Anne 37 in New Jersey. Hi Emily, my husband and I are working on marital issues in counseling.

One thing we've discussed is not enough frequency in our sex life. I've started listening to your show, Master Rating More, and we've had good sex recently. Now I feel turned on every day. Only my husband said he can't perform that often, he needs a few days to recharge. Is that normal? Okay, good question. So, first of all, I want to say to you, Anne, I love that you're masturbating more and that means that you want more sex

because sex is type of bind. So I think that's great. So your husband on the other hand, he's saying that he's just not ready. So here's the thing about the refractory period in men, unless you're like, under the age of 22 or 25, many men can just keep going again. The refractory period takes a lot less time, meaning the age of 22 or 25, many men can just keep going again.

Their fracture period takes a lot less time, meaning the period in which he can get an erection again. So after orgasm, so he might not be saying he's ready mentally. I'm not so sure you're 37. He's probably about the same age, I would think. Technically he should be able to go again, but maybe if he really feels he can't, like, if we're talking about number one that he can't get an erection, like he's like, baby, I want to have sex every again, but maybe if he really feels he can't, like if we're talking about number one that he can't get an erection, like he's like, baby, I want sex every day,

but I can't. Well, then that's something I would say he should go talk to his doctor, get his hormones checked. I mean, I mean, I mean, when they hit 40, their testosterone does take a nose dive. I don't think there's nearly enough information about hormones, the hormonal impact on men and women and the impact on sex drive was something I'm personally delving into so I can start to bring more information to the audience. So that could be one thing. If you're taking a few days, you know, that is a little bit longer.

So I would say get a hormones checked and then you could still, I mean, if you still want to connect sexually, it doesn't have to be penetration. There's a lot of other ways you guys can connect intimately. You know, you can't sector that penetration or all sex. All that stuff. He is saying that he says he can't perform that often and needs a few days to recharge so it could be the refractory period, but I think you're right. It could be also mentally, maybe he just has a lower sex drive. So it's not just that he physically can't get an erection. He's just, his sex drive is lower,

which so you just kind of have to think about, because maybe he's like, hey, how about you just go down to New York and you at least hold a vibrator for me or whatever, and he's just not into it. Right. Well, that's a good point. There might be some other things going on,

because typically he probably can get hard, but what I think is also for men, a lot of times when there's a lot of stress or anxiety, especially around money, or their career, or their job, that's going to have a direct, it's like a direct link to their penis. They're like, I'm stressed, I'm anxious, I can't feel I'm not into sex. So that's going on that could also be it as well, but I think that if you guys talk about it and and you're like, hey, listen, babe, I want sex more frequently, what can we do together? And I think some of these intimacy building things, massage could really help.

Okay. Sarah, why don't you read the second email? Okay. This is from Sean 30 from Australia. Hi, Emily. What is your opinion on sex workers? Is it a good way to scratch your urges if you don't have a partner? Thanks. Okay, Sean my thought on sex workers are you know, that's a personal choice. It's a personal decision And it's definitely not for everybody. So just make sure if you do see a sex worker, you know, you know all the necessary

precautions that there's someone that they're you know, they're tested and there's no abuse going on and it's all consensual and all those things. I'm wondering if there's something going on with you. Like, I'd love you to scratch that itch with somebody, you know, with someone that you actually like, someone that you know and that you could build a relationship with unless that's something that you're not looking for right now.

There's not a place in your life to kind of build a relationship or to meet somebody. I think it's a real way to do it. Like you definitely could hire a sex worker and you could have sex and then temporarily that it should be scratched. But what happens for a lot of people is they go to see sex workers and they want more and more

and more and it could become sort of a, I don't think it's often just a one off thing for many men and women. It's a way to have sex without intimacy without emotions. And so I'm just wondering if this might be something for you to look at right now about you Sean and what you really want and if there's things that you want to work on for yourself to be able to build a healthy relationship with someone. But I'm not going to judge you you know if you to go see a sex worker, I mean people do it all the time, but you're young,

you're 30 years old and you know I think it'd be great if you could find some, some lasting connections with people. And you know, it kind of just depends on really, I think like you said, what that's for? Like if you, if you can just like if you just do it once and then you're like, you're urges scratched and then you go and find and meet someone that's great. But if you're trying to look at it as an alternative to meeting people in general, I mean, that's still your decision, but you shouldn't give up on just trying to find an actual real connection after a while. Like, don't make it become like a huge, huge habit. But,

and also, I like that you brought up that it's consensual and there's no abuse going on in the mixture that it's like the sex worker, she or he, whoever you're trying to look for, is someone that is doing it by choice and wants to be there. Right. Exactly. So all those things, you know, under consideration, Sean. So, yeah, go ahead and scratch that it's once, maybe. See how it goes down, but then kind of turn the lens towards yourself and see what you

might need to work on. Okay. I could read the next one from Shannon 22 in Pennsylvania Emily do you have any experience with vaginal steaming? I recently heard about this and want more information How to get into it with what spices to use if any at all what products are needed etc Does Yoni steaming live up to this height? Okay, it's funny because so Does Yoni's steaming live up to this height? Okay, it's funny because so vaginal steaming or vaginosteaming did sort of come into the, you know, press, I think, with Paldrow.

And good. I think she talked about sitting on her throne. It was like a throne and she got her vaginosteemed. And, you know, apparently it depends on what they're using to steam your vagina. It's controversial. Because anything that you put inside of your vagina, you gotta be careful. We don't know what herbs and spices and you can Google it and there are some ways to like do vagina steaming at home.

But there are lots of things that could impact your pH balance, but there is no scientific evidence that it works. Like it has all these claims that it could help with hormones and improve fertility. And I don't know that that's true. It could again, anything that you intentionally are doing to your vagina. Here's what I'd like about it. If it's like a pretty innocuous place and they're not blowing a bunch of stuff up you and you know it's clean, focus on our vagina, then our vulva, since we're so disconnected. And you're like, I'm going to do something special for myself. And I'm going to put some steam up there to increase blood flow and, you know, and just

kind of feel better and feel like I'm connected because I could feel some action going on down there. Like, that could be, that could be helpful. But not because you think that you're somehow, um, disgusting or don't smell right or there's something wrong with you and that you need to go clean up. But I think if it's a way to connect spiritually, it's fine, but I've heard mixed things about it. Yeah, I mean, I don't think I personally would want to do it.

I just feel weird about having, I don't really like having a lot of like heat down there. Like if, if I use, like I like to cool things down, like I like using ice cubes, like using like cooling loops and glitteral gels and stuff like that. And yeah, I think you would have to really research what they're blowing up there.

Right. But I think that if they're doing it at a reputable place, like I like the V-spot, MediSpot, it's in New York. And I know they do vaginal steaming and I love these women and they know what they're talking about. They're like queen v's. So if you want to try it out, I would check that out

or check out their website, see what they use. But I don't think it's gonna hurt you but I don't think it's gonna be the answer to whatever you're seeking. Jamie, you're the next one. All right, this is from Tim, 51 in Indiana. Emily, great show and I look forward to listening to them every week.

On the differently disabled show with Andrew Gerza, a 27-year-old virgin guy from Kentucky wrote in about having insecurities around having a small, flaccid penis. This is a huge issue for some men. Guys are not erect all the time and many men, myself included, do not like our penis is being seen while it is not at its best. So, especially the case when we are growers and not showers. I know that women do not think about penis size nearly as much as men do, but as a man, it's hard to think that a woman will laugh at us or leave us if they see our small shrunk in flaccid penis.

How can we, as men, overcome our insecurities? I read somewhere that 85% of women are happy with their male partners' penis, but only 30% of guys are happy with the one they have. Well, I think just knowing that stat clearly isn't enough to him because you just read, like you understand that 85% of women are happy with their guys' penises, with their male partners' penises. So you already know that and you know that men aren't happy.

So you have all the data here. So I think that there is a lot of, there's a lot of stigma. There's a lot of talk and emphasis around penis size, but I can tell you, because you're asking basically, how can you overcome your insecurities? And I really think the best way to overcome your insecurities is to truly be vulnerable. When you're with a partner, you could even say something. You could even be like, I know, when it's flaccid, look, I mean, I think that when we're

vulnerable and we're real about our biggest insecurities, I think that's how you overcome it. Other than that, you just kind of biggest insecurities, I think that's how you overcome it. Other than that, you just kind of keep telling yourself, like, looking at your penis and when you're masturbating, you've got to look at my penis, I love my penis. It's all these messages. It's really just falling in love with your penis and sharing your insecurities with others, and having confidence in yourself overall will help with everything. When you're in your next sexual experience and you're confident in yourself regardless

of your size, that's going to, your partner's not going to notice that at all. And if they do, there's something in themselves that they need to work on because if they're going to be rude at you and throw that at you, that's something that's on them. Yeah. And I got to say, like seeing somebody grow is really cool. It's hot.'s on them. Yeah. And I gotta say, seeing somebody grow is really cool. It's hot. It's hot. It is hot.

Like to me, so the reason why we were talking about this on the show, and it sounds like you're saying on the Andrew Groza show, we were talking about it, but you still didn't, it sounds like it still didn't resonate with you. And so I just think, yeah, the good point, to the woman that you're with, she's like, oh my god, it's so flat.

That's not your chick, that's not your person. Because it's true, I've never in all the pain, and I've seen a lot of pain, you know what, hey, I've done a lot of research, and I've never once been like, oh my god, it's a plastic pain. It doesn't even register. I don't know any female friend or gay male friend that I have had that has ever been like that guy's penis was so small when it was soft.

It's also like what are you gonna do with a soft penis? It's like, right. What am I gonna do with it? I'm not gonna, I mean, I'm be so trying to get it hard. I'm gonna do it. And then when it's hard, it's bigger.

And even if it wasn't, it's like, you know, it's not all. We just put, it's just crazy how much pressure we put on the penis itself. And it's just same thing. Women have insecurities about their boobs or their stomach or stretch marks or whatever. We all do. It's just kind of like bear through it.

Eventually, you've got to love yourself. I like how you said, look in the mirror. Mm-hmm. Yeah, look in the mirror. And it's just kind of like really. Look at it and be like, look at. Yeah, look in the mirror. Yeah. And just kind of like really. Look at me like, look at my hard, beautiful penis and myself. That's what you're saying.

Yeah. Look at me when you're masturbating. It's really hot. You guys, I think we downplay the importance of like watching ourselves have sex. Even when we're masturbating or with a partner, like, it's really hot when you see what your body can do and just like learn to like fall in love with your own, with your penis right now. Like, that's what it.

And once you love it and you're with someone, you're gonna be like, you won't even be thinking about these things. You're just not with someone right now. And so it's so easy when we're not with someone to think about all the reasons why someone won't love us. Like it's literally the way our minds, our brains are wired, unfortunately, and it's not like, you're so great.

That's why I have my show. That's why we all have each other, and therapists, because I think our brains just evolutionarily speaking were evolved to think about what's wrong so we can protect ourselves from the environment. So we can constantly be thinking of what's wrong because there could be a wild boar

coming in and seeing our family. So do we see something, you know, and eating our kids? I love that. No, but seriously, like, there could be something happening in the wild, and so we have to constantly, as our roof gonna fall in. I mean, you have enough water for the kids.

And so that is why we are adapted towards finding what is wrong. And so we can keep flipping, and those are our own stories, and they're not necessarily true. So we're here to tell you flasad penis. Well, it's a thing, it exists, like a flasad balloon. Like, I'm not looking at a balloon

that hasn't blown up, saying, you will never blow up to be it. You will not be a good looking balloon. I would never give that to anybody you believe terrible balloon. Like I didn't even try to believe like it's just the same. So yeah, and most guys I think are growers and not showers are do you remember that sign fell when he's like, oh, is in the pool. Do you remember that?

Yeah. When George gets out of the pool and there's just girl he's dating and she sees him out of the pool and he's like, I was in the pool. I'll get shrinks. I'll get shrinks in the pool. Okay, so I think that's gonna flaccid penis for the day, you guys. We love your penises. Way more than you do, we just want you to catch up with us.

Okay, you want to be the next one? Sure. Sarah. This is from Carly32 Orange County. Emily, I'm a divorced mom of two little boys six and three I got divorced just over a year ago three months ago I went on my first day in ten years a mutual friend of several other friends who I had never met before and We've been casually dating ever since I actually really like this guy, but when we see each other we go out restaurants bars

this guy, but when we see each other, we go out restaurants, bars, concerts, and all different things. We usually end up spending 48-72 hours straight with each other. Going out, hanging at each other's places, movies, and bed, everything a couple would do. But then we won't text or call for like a week at a time. Then another 48-hour session. This seems to repeat over and over. I haven't dated in 10 years. Is this a new normal thing? Or is this just one dude? For all I know, he could be dating other people or no one.

I want to enjoy the ride and be chill, but I really enjoy this guy. Do I just accept that this is how it is and let things unfold naturally? I would like this to turn into a more exclusive relationship, but I refuse to be that girl who asks all those questions. Help, I would love to know your advice on what to do. Okay, Carly, all right.

So first of all, I get it. When you have been dating for 10 years and you popped out now and like everyone's on the apps and there's texting, like it is a different world. So yeah, there are some guys that are like this that just kind of want to hang out and not text, but not all guys. So I don't think it makes you like uncool to bring it up. You've got two kids, I'm sure you're a single mom

and you've got a really busy life. So when you see this guy, like you can only make time for certain people in your life when you have kids in a full life. I think that you have to let them know what you expect them, what you're into. If you guys have been spending a few 72 hours together, a few different times, and then you don't hear from them, I think it's told okay to say, oh, okay, listen, so love these weekends we're spending together, and let's talk about what else we're doing.

Like, are we in this exclusively? Are you seeing other people? I just think we have to talk about it. And if this isn't okay with you, is like, yeah, of course I'm seeing other people, then you know, like I think right now is when you have to ask these questions and find out. Because if you haven't discussed it at all,

he might be wondering why you're not contacting him. He might be wondering if you're seeing people on the weekends that you're not together. So I think just saying like, this is really fun. What are you looking for right now? I'm having a good time with you. You're looking for a relationship. You get your information by asking the questions.

But I wouldn't say this is normal. I say this is typical. Like it can happen with certain. Some guys are like this, some women are like this, and some are more like, hey, let's nail this down. When am I seeing you again? So I think it's across the board. Yeah.

Don't think that you have to hide how you feel and what you want. Yeah. Just seem like you're cool and chill because then you're not you're doing it to service to yourself and your kids. Carly, you have to know like what weekends are planned? What days are going to see him? Like it's just not as loose for you. And it is cooler to I think it's actually cooler to be like, Hey, so what's, I used to think that. I used to think, I spent a lot of time thinking about or not wanting to be needy.

I mean, I really wasn't needy the truth is. I really was busy and independent, but I was not the one to be like, what's the status? Or I was like the cool girl. And just because I just never, it was always my biggest fear to be that needy person, but now I realize like a different stages of life that it's actually just big so much more mature.

And there's no game playing. There's no wasted brain space wondering what it all means when you can just find out. In the good thing about asking someone, what does this mean, what's our status? Are you seeing other people? You find out right then and there so much about the person, the relationship, if they're like, no, oh my God,

I'm saying dating 10 people, this is none. Then you know, then you're out. So you just find out, I wish I would have known better communication skills early on because it just really helps. Because there are things that you think I could never. Yeah. You're sleeping with someone. Why could you never ask questions?

Exactly. And then you know, you're in or you're out. Exactly. And then you know, like, you're in or you're out. Exactly. Okay, the last one, this is from Alex, 24 in Los Angeles. Hey, Emily, I love the show and it makes for an insightful car ride every day. So my girlfriend, 23 and I just finished college and our sex life was amazing. We share a strong connection mentally, emotionally and physically and shaking the sheets was more frequent.

Now, they're about home. We have yet to have sex and it's mostly because we don't have a private place, but she sees getting a hotel or going on a weekend trip as tacky and a waste of money. Not to mention her grandma is a major cock-pluck. Oh, those grandma's, because it is improper for a lady to be alone with a man if they aren't married, how can we get our sex life back on a track? Well, I think, you know, I understand the grandma. aren't married, how can we get our sex life back on a track? Well, I think, you know, I understand the grandma.

There's a lot of parents and grandma that they don't want their kid, they don't want them sleeping with someone else, but I think, first of all, a weekend away or a night away is not cheesy at all. Long weekend. That's fun. That's like the fun part. It's tacky, I guess, in the sense of like,

you're doing it just to have sex. If that's how you feel for me, that still sounds like a great weekend, just to get really just to have sex in a place. But it could be just like a fun thing. You go into new environment, you guys are going out and having fun, and then you go back to like a hotel room to have sex.

Right, like that's totally, even if it's like a whatever you can afford. Yeah, there's an Airbnb, you can try to get a room for a night in LA. And if you're truly from LA, there's so many camping places and cool places you can go to. Yeah. There's this little spot in Refugio where you can see the Milky Way and the stars at night.

Ooh. Why not go there? And you can bang under the stars and the Milky Way. That's kind of hot. Yeah. That's cool. I didn't even know about that. That's really fun. That's a really good idea.

I think that you guys could have, yeah, get creative here. And also ask friends if they want you to house it, dogs it, cats it. I think people also like Craigslist, or wherever they're always looking for people or friends will put it out there. Like I'm way willing to do that. And then you can have sex in someone else's bed.

Yeah. No, mine. I guess plan around, like when people are gonna be home They can't be home all the time. Maybe the grandma is But like you know, there's got to be out of the two places that you have Sometime when someone's not home. Um, you can also just I don't know like if you're up for it because this is the thing the alternative right now is no sex at all

Which is obviously not fun. So tries sex in public. It might not be as like amazing and might have to be quickies, but you're legal. But you could get it. Yeah, it's not legal. You got to be smart about it. It's not legal necessarily, but.

I want a truck if you got like an SUV in the back. Yeah, I've done that. I've done that sound. Like I slept in a boyfriend's SUV. I don't know where we're you got like an SUV in the back. Yeah, I've done that. I've done that. Like I slept in a boyfriend's SUV, I don't know where we're camping, like put some blankets down. It's gotta get creative. She should be part of this talk with you too,

and not just shooting things down. So maybe you guys could brainstorm together. Yeah, because also the only other thing, it's like if she's like not coming up with ideas, like there might be some other issues that you don't know about. Right, so you guys in the same town, is she in LA as well? Is she seeing other people? What's the deal? I don't issues that you don't know about. Right. So you guys in the same town, is she in LA as well?

Is she seeing other people? What's the deal? I don't know. We don't know. Make sure it's important to her as well. Mm-hmm. So much easier that way when you both have the same goals for sex. Okay, guys. That was fun. It was. It's already over.

All right. Thank you so much to Jamie and Sarah and Michael and Ken, who's not here. Thanks everyone, it was a good for you. Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.