Sex With Emily - "Summer Sex Hacks You've Never Heard Of"

Episode Date: August 12, 2025

Join the SmartSX Membership : https://sexwithemily.com/smartsx Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse. List & Other Sex With Emily Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/ Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides. SHOP WITH EMILY!: https://bit.ly/3rNSNcZ (free shipping on orders over $99) Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ In this fun and informative episode of Sex with Emily, Dr. Emily welcomes sex educator and author Elle Chase for a summer-themed exploration of mindful sexuality, body-positive positions, and creative outdoor adventures. Plus, psychological astrologer Dr. Jennifer Freed returns to help you align your sexual energy with cosmic guidance. We dive into mindfulness techniques for sexual anxiety, including 4-count inhale, 6-count exhale breathing to calm the nervous system and 5-senses grounding exercises to stay present during intimate moments. Elle shares creative summer sex ideas from car sex nostalgia to pool noodle hacks for outdoor comfort, plus body-positive positions like "Threading the Needle" and "The OM Position" that work for all body types. The episode features listener questions from Trevor about threesome safety, Michael seeking position alternatives for plus-size couples, and Bill concerned about his wife's upcoming hysterectomy. Dr. Emily provides medical advocacy advice about getting second opinions and exploring less invasive alternatives like uterine artery embolization before major surgery. Dr. Freed's astro forecast highlights courage as this month's theme, with personalized guidance for each sign—from Aries learning to pause and attune to others' desires, to Capricorn embracing daily masturbation for stress release. We also explore alternative intimacy techniques like yoni/lingam massage and the importance of breaking the "penetration as goal" mindset for deeper pleasure exploration. 0:00 - Intro 8:27 - Sexual Liberation & Breaking Free from Negative Self-Talk 9:41 - Threesome Planning: Communication & Boundaries Guide 16:00 - Body-Positive Intimacy Tips 23:00 - Hysterectomy Alternatives: Getting Second Opinions 27:37 - Summer Sex Ideas 32:00 - Massage for Connection 37:22 - Female-Friendly Visual Content & Arousal Discussion

You just had me realize that the full moon is like the divine orgasm. It is actually the big O of the cosmos. It totally is. How did we not realize this? Well, I always trip out with you, Emily, because you like get my mind going. I'm like, this is all about the orgasm. The full moon is like when we're exploding with feeling, what is better than that sense of being full, completely full and satisfied?

You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Today's show is all about mindfulness, summer sex, and getting out of your head so you can get into your body. I'm joined by two incredible guests, certified life coach, sexologist, sex educator, and host of the reveal podcast. L. Chase and renowned psychological astrologer and bestselling author Dr. Jennifer Freed, We're diving into why mindfulness isn't just meditation. It's the key to better sex. I'll walk you through simple breathing exercises that can calm your nervous system and get you present in the moment.

Because let's be honest, most of us are living in our anxious thoughts instead of our pleasure-filled bodies. Elle and I are taking your calls about threesomes, sex positions, and summer adventures that'll spice things up from pool noodles as sex props to car encounters that'll make you nostalgic. and Jen's breaking down exactly what each zodiac sign needs to embrace courage in the bedroom this month. My intention is that this conversation reminds you that pleasure is your birthright, presence is your superpower. And sometimes the best sex happens when you slow down, breathe deeply, and remember that your body holds infinite wisdom. Also, be sure to check out Elle's new podcast, The Reveal, wherever you get your podcast. All right, let's dive in. Hi Jennifer. Jen is an expert. She not only comes on our show every month, she's the psychological

astrologer to Goop. And to many people, she's been doing this for over 30 years. And we love Jen. Because we're so excited she comes on every month, have some questions of their own. So producer Christina Rosa has a question. So my question is, hi. So my question is, my husband and I have been looking at buying houses, but we don't know if right now, a good time considering he's a Gemini. I'm a Libra. And, you know, I've, you know, I obviously very much look into astrology as a guide for me. So is it a good time for us or should we think about it? Because he's also thinking about another job. So I don't know if that's something we should even think of. What's your exact birthday, Christina? October 16th. I was born at night. I was born at

9.25 p.m. Okay. Here's the bottom line. The whole world for the next five months is in a complete overhaul. And if you two feel very secure in your jobs and in your trajectory, then there's no reason for you not to buy a big house. But you, I'm big, just any house. But on the other hand, know that there's going to be so much upheaval. Do you want to be buying and moving when everything is up in the air in the world? Because it's a time of incredible duress. So I guess what I'm saying is if I were both of you, I'd wait till January or February and see how things shake out before I would get involved with a big change. Okay, cool. Thank you. I appreciate that. Okay. Thanks, Christina. Ovi. Ovi's got a question. Hi, Jen. Hi, Ovi. Well, I was first

going to ask you, I have two kind of questions. One of mine is I have an Aquarius sun and moon. And I was kind of wondering, like, how having a sun and moon in the same sign, like what that means. Well, the sun is your basic outer identity, and the moon is your inner self. So if your sun and the moon are in the same sign, it basically means your inner and outer are the same, which is both fantastic because you know who you are and you feel who you are. But sometimes it gives you a narrow view of other people because you're so. enclosed in yourself. So with a sun and moon and Aquarius, which is, in my opinion, a great combination, it means you're very much in touch with the world and with ideas, but you would

have some work to do to really get more personal and much more subjective because you think more in broad terms. So you want to learn how to get into people's small lives and understand them as well as the big picture. Thank you. Okay. Awesome. Thanks, Ovi. Okay, we've got one more. Megan has a question. Our call screener about... Hi, Jen. Hi, Megan. Hi, Megan. You've got a great smile, by the way. Oh, thank you. Okay. Thank you. So I'm a cancer and I've had like a pretty big year, like a lot of big changes. And I want to know what can I expect with the full moon coming up. Okay. Tonight's the full moon.

that means the sun is in the opposite sign of the moon. So we have the sun and Leo, the moon and Aquarius. Whenever there's a full moon, this is a fact. There's more crime and more emergency mental illness things because everyone is in a heightened state of emotional intensity. So what I like to do on a full moon is ground in what visions and what life I want to create for myself. So instead of acting out or having big conversations,

take that moon, that full moon energy and put it within, and really concentrate on manifesting the desires and the life that you truly want. And maybe even write it out like candles, bring out the crystals. The worst thing to do on a full moon is to get too high or wasted because it's so intense or to have some big conflict conversation. A full moon, if you think of it metaphorically as like the mother coming way into existence and then pull her into your heart and say, this is what I most wish for my life. That's amazing.

I'm going to do that, Megan. Are you going to do it? Absolutely. I am so writing shit down tonight. Thank you, Jen. Yeah, it's a great time to reflect because especially we forget this. Go out at midnight tonight. That moonlight is just like drinking heaven.

It's so beautiful. And put it into your heart and make wishes on that. full moon. Yeah. I love this. Thank you, Jen. Yeah, I'm going to do all that tonight. I just love the full moon ritual. And I always think people think, oh, what's Emily talking about sex and astrology? You know, there are so many. It's not even just like some wooy thing. Like, I actually have learned so much from you, Jen, but there's really lot to be safe for the ritual of a new moon. You know that it comes every month. You know that it's going to happen. And for me to really recognize it, it's been very busy last few months. And I haven't as much. But when I do make an intention

on the moon. It's just something to kind of set the month by the intention to really get grounded. Even if you just do it for 10 minutes, it really makes a difference. And I'm going to stay up until midnight tonight. You just had me realize that the full moon is like the divine orgasm.

It is actually the big O of the cosmos. It totally is. How did we not realize this? Well, I always trip out with you, Emily, because you like get my mind going. I'm like, this is all about The orgasm, the full moon is like when we're exploding with feeling, what is better than

that sense of being full, completely full and satisfied. It is a cosmic orgasm. Wow. And it's a moment. It's a moment. Okay, Dr. Jen Freed, thank you so much for being here. I'm so thrilled to be your guest. I love it, Jen.

So people can find you at Jenniferfried.com and at Dr. Jennifer Freed on Instagram. Thanks, Jen Freed. I love getting these monthly updates. Now I know what I got to do. Okay, we'll be right back with Elle Chase. After 20 years of helping people have better sex, I realize something. The real magic happens when you feel safe, informed, and confident in your own body. That's why I created SmartSX, a private, sex-positive community where we explore desires,

build confidence, and feel more connected in our bodies and relationships. Whether you're single, partnered, or just curious, SmartSX is like your VIP clubhouse. You'll get live workshops with me and other experts, full access to our event library, and a safe space to ask the questions you've never felt comfortable asking anywhere else. And trust me, amazing sex isn't just about technique. It's about feeling empowered, informed, and truly connected. Inside SmartSX, you'll learn to communicate like a pro, discover what really turns you on, and even score exclusive perks and giveaways.

Yes, from books and toys to some of my favorite games for couples. Your pleasure is worth prioritizing. Join us at sex withemly.com slash smartsx withemly.com slash smart the letter as the letter X. I'll see you inside. So you guys may remember that July is sexual liberation month. Part of sexual liberation, it's like you get to choose what you're into sexually. How do you open that up? Like we're all free to make choices for ourselves. Lead the sex lives we want to have, have the relationships we want to have. And we might make all these choices in our life, but we're still not liberated if we are constantly being controlled by that negative self-talk in our head. And we all have it. I have it too. And that goes something like this.

And this is why I'm so excited to welcome my guest because, you know, we get to the bedroom or fooling around with someone in the moment and we're like, all we can think of is, oh, I hate the way I look or hope they don't notice this thing about me or can the kids hear me, whatever it is, we're in our heads all the time. Think about it. What if you were free from that voice? What if you could learn to embrace your own pleasure, right? And to engage in activities that truly give you pleasure.

So my longtime friend and fellow sex educator, El Chase, is here. She is the author of the acclaimed book Curvy Girl Sex. Welcome to the show, Elle Chase. Hi, thank you. I'm glad to be here. We have a call, so I'm going to take it. We got Trevor 43 in Arizona. Hi, Trevor.

Hey, how you doing? Great. How are you? How can I help? I'm really good. Well, my girlfriend of almost two years and I, my girlfriend of two years, we're thinking of possibly bringing other people into the bedroom and my girlfriend is early 20s, I'm early 40s, and we fantasized about it, we talk about it,

and we are considering maybe making plans for it, but I don't know if it's a good idea, even though we like the idea of it. Right. And I'm wondering what your take is. Okay, well, thank you. Trevor, this is such a good question, because you did say some of the things I recommend is for couples to make sure, because, you know, we don't know until it happens. and I try to set couples up for success in this way.

And one of the things I say is fantasize about it, like do some dirty talk when you guys are just the two of you and talk about picturing that third person there. So it sounds like you've done that. And it's never a good idea to like try to talk ourselves, our partners into it. Like we should have a threesome, right? So tell me where you're both at with it.

Like is it the kind of thing that she brought it up, you brought it up? How did it come to be? you know it's been over a year that we've actually talked about it and so I'm trying to remember how it was brought up but it was very casual and it wasn't a surprise to either one of us and you know it kind of goes both ways meaning I I kind of am curious about you know male to male contact and she's curious about female to female contact too so it's like we're both kind of like we're both kind of like up for yeah let's see what happens kind of a thing you know so yeah yeah Yeah. Okay. Where neither one of us have a lot of thugaboos. We're just kind of, you know, trying to feel it out. And I just wanted to know if there's any, you know, pitfalls or things that we really need to be wary of.

You're asking all the right questions. I mean, the first thing is to decide, like, what kind of partner you said you might be interested in being with a male. She might want a female. And then also setting as many boundaries ahead of time as you can in rules, for example. Like, talk through, you know, is there anything that's off limits, for example? or anything that is a requirement, like we got to have, we got to use protection, you know, or there's certain sex acts. What do you do when it's over?

Do we want the person to sleep over? How do you find the person? I mean, I think it's great to have someone that you're both attracted to. Also, having a safe word. You know, you never know how you're going to feel until you get into the situation. But then you could think, like, what's your safe word? Like, is there like a word you could say or something because if one of you get uncomfortable and you want it to stop?

And I think talking through these things with your girlfriend and saying, like, what do you picture? How do you guys, like, elaborating on the fantasy, how do you actually picture it going down? Like, where is, what are the things that are happening? Right. Yeah. Have you guys covered any of those bases? Yeah, we have. We started to kind of plan it out, you know, so to speak.

And I guess my biggest concern is, is it a recipe for disaster for my relationship with my girlfriend? because that's above all else. That's the most... Well, tell me what you picture there. Tell me, okay, so what would be the... Because everyone's recipe for disaster is very different. So, Trevor, what to you would mean disaster? I guess, I guess, honestly, if she were to lose interest in, you know, in me sexually by myself

and just want that scenario type of scenario only and kind of get away from her and I being able to be intimate together and have that level of intimacy, you know yeah you know i want i want i want to do it like in addition to not a replacement of you know well that's always a risk right like i think that i think you just nailed it the biggest fear that we have is like oh my god i bring in a third and my partner falls in love with the third you know i think it's unlikely you know so totally you're on the you're on the right page have you talked to her about your fear around it or your concern a little bit a little bit you know not i i haven't not in these terms quite yet so you know i i or

enjoying the fantasy and we're enjoying the talk and we do the dirty talk and and uh you know it is getting to the point where we're starting to kind of consider plans and and uh so i was like you know i'm able to listen to you like once a week and i'm like you know i need to ask emily what what should i do is it is something where she just says absolutely not this is a recipe for disaster entirely or are there safe ways to go about it and still preserve our relationship so i think just that having that conversation with her and expressing my concerns is yeah that's my first step and I'm never going to tell someone, oh, no, terrible. I know there are some people that are like, oh, that's a terrible idea.

Not if you cover these grounds. And again, maybe another recommendation would be like, you know, keep it a shorter session. You know, don't make it at all, you know, if you can or saying like we're not going to see the same person twice. And then kind of having an aftercare session where you discuss it and you really kind of break it down into how you both felt. Because if you both feel like you got something out of, then you can even make the next one better. I have another sex educator with me. El Chase, any other recommendations that you. recommend? I think the communication is a great idea. And I also think of maybe sitting down

and coming up with what the rules would be, what you would feel uncomfortable with, what you would feel comfortable with. Some people, I know, will say, we can just have sex. We can't, you know, we can't go out and have, you know, drinks with them, or there's no kissing or there's no penetration or something like that. You come up with a really sort of a clear line of what's okay and what's absolutely not okay. And then how you're going to communicate at the time if something comes up that you haven't talked about.

That's a great. That's definitely something I haven't thought about and doing that safe word like you were saying too. So that's huge. Cover all of that. But I think you guys are pretty close, you know. We're rooting for you. Yes, ma'am.

Thank you for the help. Of course. Thanks for con. I appreciate it. Okay. So I first, you know, I think we can get into an email. This will just, this came in. We want to answer it. And I thought, you know, I'm just going to have Ellen talk about this. Because we always talk about your book, Curver Girl Sex. And I thought, let's help Michael 24 from Washington. And you guys know that you can always email me feedback at sex withemly.com. So Michael says, my fiance and I are a little on the bigger side. We pretty much do the same position all the time because I just feel too small to do the other positions like dogies. etc. Any advice? It's a very common question about doggy style, about receiver on top, all of those kinds of things. What I usually tell people is utilize pillows first foremost. And I'm not just talking your bed pillows and kind you sleep on. Use something that has like industrial foam in it,

like your living room couch pillows, something that can take weight or get a liberator pillow. that is meant for sex or pillow by dame, I believe, has a great sort of wedge pillow. And that will prop you up a little bit. So when you have someone who has a bigger stomach, say, for example, they can put this wedge under their hips and it lifts them up a little bit. The stomach moves backwards towards the head to make the access a little bit easier. And then you want to make sure that the general area is. nice and open so that anything can go on there that you want it to go on with a toy or a penis

or whatever, hand. That's sort of really the key. So pillows strategically placed, and that is great also for doggie to lay down on that wedge with the thicker wedge side towards one's stomach. And then the giver has the whole backside to play with, to open it up, to make it more available, as it were. So that's a really good way to play with different positions, whether it be a modified missionary position or receiver on top or, you know, bent over. Anything like that is a wedge pillow or pillows are your best friend when it comes to plus size sex or for anyone, actually. It's so true. I always, I mention pillows, but I love to bring them up because it's like, everyone just take a pillow i love the idea of a pillow from your couch yeah because they are that

better the better um elevation a little bit thicker yeah so what about you know what i love about your book there are some i just love that there's just some other positions for people who just might even just want to be mixing it up it's not just like curvy bodies it's like for all bodies it's for all bodies yeah so for example when when he says that he feels like you know that he might be too small for doggy style, for example, like you've got this, like, what about something like, I love this, like threading the needle? I'm going to show this to the, to the threading the needle. Yeah, that's a great one. That is the receiver on their back with their legs together and moved to one side on top of the giver's shoulders. And that leaves the giver some hands to work with.

So by having their hands free and available, they can spread open the thighs, spread open the cheeks, the vulva lips, all of that. And also it puts the receivers positioning makes it easier to get into and makes it also a lot tighter so that it feels a lot snugger. Right. And then also you have it like with the side set, like you could even move your both of your legs to the other side of the other side of the side of the. of their head even and then be squeezing like the thighs together so it is a little bit tighter I love all these there's a position in the book called the ohm oh hm and it's really meant for people who are using their hand or feel that they're on the smaller side of the penis range and what it is is it's that receiver laying down on their back with their legs together swung all

the way over so that it's laying on the bed. So you're kind of twisting your side a little bit. And it really closes up that canal or that anus, whatever you're going for. Whatever canal, whatever you're going into. Whatever, whatever whole works. Pick your office. Yes, whatever. And I have heard, I've heard a great response from people that it's not just a wonderful feeling for the receiver because it's such a different angle, but it's also a great way to get into a deeper position for those of those penis owners that really like to go deeper. Because this is really what we're talking about is that when we feel like we just can't

feel it enough, we can't get in enough, it's just altering the positions that we just might not have thought about it. Like I must picture like Curvy Girl sex like cards that you could be like a deck of cards. Like let's pull out this position to keep it by your bed even. Because even sometimes I'll be like, what was that position? What can I do? You know, we're so, we're such creatures of habit. We go into like missionary, we don't think for the variations, which is why I love, you know,

in your book that you have all these other ways. I even look at sometimes, I'm like, oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Like even making them all just a little bit different. Yeah. And I always think to when in doubt, use your hands more. Yes. If you think about it, your fingers have way more dexterity than we give them sort of credit for. and they can do so many more things.

And if you incorporate your hands to give pleasure along with everything else that you normally do, it just makes it sometimes a little bit more tactile and sensual and different. Yeah, our hands, man, they're just, it's funny because the other night we were talking about, you'll appreciate this, we were talking about a woman emailed and said that she was her, jaw was hurting from oral, you know? And it's just like, are you doing the deep throat thing that you think is just expected of you? Exactly. Be like the, like I have to choke on his piece. Use your, you could give a blowjob with hands. You could give oral with any kind of oral with hands. It's just, we forget what great tools they are. And also, I think, I think, too,

what we forget is that our mouths are not meant to be opened that wide. You know what I mean so of course it's going to it's going to feel uncomfortable so you know or for that long use what she got you know you know we got another call here um we got uh we got bill 60 from colorado his wife is having a hysterectomy what should he expect hi bill thanks for calling hi thanks for uh thanks for being there sure i'm here for you situation is i'm sure the situation is i'm 60. My wife is 51. We just found out she's got some uterine fibroids, many, and some of large size. So a hysterectomy has been recommended. And I'm just curious, hormone-wise, sexual-wise, what can I expect? Well, I would also get a second opinion. I feel like sometimes

hysterectomies are kind of like a go-to thing. And it's not always necessary. You might be able to avoid it. Like, there are alternatives. There's a, there's one, like, fibroids can be treated with a non-surgical procedure. I'm just reading about this called uterine artery embolization that cuts off the fibroids blood supply. And then another option is a myomectomy, which removes fibroids, but spares the uterus. And I've just been hearing about, I'm not a medical doctor, Bill, but, but what I've been feeling, I've had hearing and reading, maybe Elge, you can back me up on this, is that we need our Western doctors. Our doctors work hard. They're essential workers. But sometimes they rush to

hysterectomies, and I just don't think it's the most suitable solution for everybody. Yeah, I agree, actually. I do a lot of work with menopausal women. And I find that hysterectomy is the go-to for most gynecologists. And, you know, it actually does, um, it does a lot of good to do your own research and to get a second, even a third opinion. Yes. Because a hysterectomy is a major surgery and it has, uh, it has repercussions hormonally that will possibly affect her for the rest of her life. And, and we'll definitely have some sort of repercussion for, um, for sex as well. That can all be mitigated. But if you don't have to have one, if there's something,

else that's not as as drastic that's something to look into i think okay um it was discussed that it would try to be i think i'm pronouncing it right because i was on the speaker phone uh laparoscopic first yes just remove the the fibroids did i did i get that right yeah laparoscopic surgery it's a newer surgery you do need general anathisa but it only causes like tiny incisions it can cause blood loss, and it does, I believe it has shorter hospital visits. Okay, because my wife has experienced severe cramping and very heavy bleeding. Yeah, I mean, I feel like, yeah. And some of these are the size of a kiwi and a line from what the doctor said from the MRI.

Yeah, I mean, that's probably true, but I would still, like, that's the doctor's like, oh, it's big, we got to remove it. And I'm just feeling, you know, Bill, you called in. I would just try to find another doctor in your area. I would maybe Google, like, Women's Health Clinic. You're in Colorado. I would do some research, you know. And I just think from what I've been hearing lately that we can just kind of, I wouldn't rush into it.

And I'm sorry if she's having pain. I would really love you to get a second or third opinion. I think definitely if they're saying laparoscopic first just to get rid of the fibroids, I would try that ahead of time to, to, trying to get rid of the fibroids and keep the uterus is what I would go for. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Just keep going. There's no, there's no rush with it. I would go. Look up with something embolism? It's called uterine artery embolization. E.M.B. Okay. And so it's a uterine artery emplization.

And so, or a myomectomy. We can put this in the show notes. We forget about the show notes. We've got a website at sex withemly.com. And everything we talk about in the show, we actually put in the show notes there. So if you ever like, what is that thing Emily said on the show the other night? You can check it there. So we can put some of these terms in for you as well.

But I'm going to send this to. I appreciate it. Of course. Thank you. And let me know how it goes. You know, I'm here every night. So if you get a second opinion, you can call me back. We can discuss it because that's how I like to work with everybody.

Okay. All right. Have a great night. All right. More with Elle after the break. So, Elle, this summer is, we're midsummer. I don't know, this COVID thing, it's like, I don't know what, I don't know what's happening. But what I do know is it's sunny out.

It's summer. A lot of us have been cooped up at home with our partners. And maybe sex has just been like less than stellar lately. We don't have the highest libidos. We just, ugh. So what can we do? do right now to kind of reignite that flame. I know. It's hard, right? It's challenging. Yeah, it is. It's hard to think of new things. But I think, you know, one of the things I've been telling

people, some people are going on road trips now with their partners. And so they've been camping or whatever. And it's, you know, what can we do when we are camping? If we want to have sex, it's uncomfortable. It's, you know. And so I think an interesting thing to do if you're taking a road trip or even if you're going to have sex in the backyard and you want to be comfortable is, you know, take some pool noodles and tie them together to make like a little pyramid. And there you have your wedge and you can bend over it. You can do many different things with it. You can also sort of tie them together to make a little, it'll look like a raft, but it'll be something that will, that you can lay on top of or put into a sleeping bag. So pool noodles are your friend when you go to

have sex outside. Because you can bend them and they kind of are like the wedge that we were talking about. You can bend them. You can also cut them. So, you know, you cut them into, you know, equal legs and stack them up and tie them together. And you've got yourself your own travel sex pillow. I will never look at a pool noodle the same way. Curvy girl conalingis, carolingus, convalingus, curvy car convalingus. Curvy car conalingus. You don't have to be curvy to enjoy this one. I personally love car sex. I have a thing for car sex. And so in the book, and you can just do it anyway, is just laying on your back. whether you're parked in your, at your campground or in your garage or someplace where maybe someone

will come in, but probably not. You have your partner lay down in the back seat and you've got a wide berth there and just bend down and start a suckin or start a lickin. And it just adds this sort of almost a nostalgic feel to it, like when you're a teenager and you're kind of making out in the car. And also, it's just a new place to have sex. And that does a lot for people who are bored. It sometimes is just like a different, it's a different view. I mean, we just, obviously the bedroom's easier and you have all your things there and you can just get naked, it's comfortable. But that's when the boredom sets in because there's no variety. And you're

like, here we are in the bedroom, doing the thing. But I love the idea of right now, especially because, you know, can't really go many places, but you can go into your garage and I just got turned on that. I'd be so fun to have sex in the car. Maybe someone's going to walk by. Maybe we'll get caught. Maybe not. Shopping malls are closed now. So maybe driving to the top of a parking structure at a shopping mall. I don't know. I'm just spitball here. Oh my God, but there's still security. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Well, I remember being home in Michigan for the summer right after I graduated from, college, but I was back home in Michigan visiting my family. And I think I'd moved to San Francisco at that point. But I came home for, you know, holidays. And I was with my boyfriend. And I'm like,

oh, look, here's my high school. And we pulled into the parking lot. And it was dark. It was like holiday time. And we started having sex. And the cops came up. And it was not like, I'm like, I never got in trouble in high school, really. But here I am having sex in the parking lot. if you're going to get in trouble that is exactly having sex in the parking lot so what else can we do what about some things we can do that don't involve penetration we've still like an idea that sex is all about the old in and out it's not massage is another great way to sort of connect with your partner and to not rush right to the penetration that we talk about like what if you each take 10 minutes and you set an alarm if you're like I can't massage try 10

minutes, I promise you, I don't know about you, L, but every time I've gotten a massage, even times, you know, I've been like, oh, no, I'm too stressed or I just, let's just get to the second, like someone puts their hands on me and I don't have to do anything but lay there and breathe and feel it. I'm a different state. Like, talk about changing your state and getting yourself in the mood and letting all the tension drift away because our, like, the number one killer of our sex drive is stress and anxiety and worry. And on our own, it can be really hard to shake that off. So saying we're going to shower,

we're going to use some of this, like buying yourself some beautiful, like massage oil that you look forward to using together. Like, oh, can't wait to try this scent. It's like shopping for toys together. You just, you really feel like it's, it's like when you get a new shirt or your new jewelry, you can't wait to go out and wear it.

I feel like getting yourself, treating yourself to a new sexy toy, laundry, something that makes you feel sexy and something to share with your partner, a toy massage oil, something like that can be just that thing we're talking about. It's not like you need a major overhaul. Like your sex life might not even be broken. It just might need a little bit, a little tweak.

Or you want to get closer to your partner. I think that that massage is a really wonderful way. You know, that Tantra practitioners have something called a Yoni massage or a lingam massage. And it's basically a vulva or a penis massage. And it is, it is, the idea behind it is that the person who is giving the massage is just giving it and not there to receive anything that evening. And the person who is receiving it, all they have to do is receive pleasure and do not have to reciprocate in any way. And then the next evening they switch. And it's like when you know that that's your evening and that there is no goal to the evening except to receive pleasure, it is, it, it,

really is sort of revolutionary. You kind of look at your arousal in a different way, don't you think? Yeah, absolutely. I love that idea because also sometimes we're not even comfortable with receiving. I know I was like this. Like even when partners, like, I love when someone performs oral sex on me, my favorite thing. However, there's still those moments. I've had to train myself to be like, oh, well, I guess right after, you know, he's done going down to me, then I'm going to go down him because I'm going to owe him. I owe you something. If you're giving me, I got to give to you or worse yet, we can't even receive. I can't even say this person wants to do it and settle into it.

So the idea of splitting it up and saying, tonight's just about you, tomorrow's about me, gives you the freedom to settle in and to just feel and be embodied. And by that, I mean, in your body, connecting your mind and body. Because so many of us, how we started talking about tonight, is that we're so in our head. We're so worried about everything else. but the pleasure that we're receiving.

Yeah, and because we're in such a weird time right now, I think that getting our sex drive back is really, really challenging. And doing something like this that doesn't have penetrative sex or even orgasm as an end result is a great way to really sort of reinvigorate that part of you and start to rediscover it. and then maybe apply it in new ways. It'll just be, it's a way to shake things up and also a way to really become even more intimate

with your partner, I think. I think so too. And I think now after we've been in COVID and for almost four or five months right now, and it's the summertime, and we are just wanting to, I don't know, I just, this is what I'm hearing from all of you and my friends.

They're like enough already. I'm over it. So, I know, know that might sound silly, but for the summer sex, you know, this is, it could even just be about trying something different, having sex in the garage, taking showers and you get hot. What's one more thing for summer? Oh, there's, um, washing the car together. Ooh. See, now you can bring the car outside, um, anywhere. I mean, even if you have an apartment, you know, just get that garden hose and wash the car together and maybe wear something that'll stick a little bit and, you know, play with the

suds and get really sort of sensual and sexy with a stream of water and really let yourself go. That's a task that can be made very sensual. And it will cool you off in the summer and then you can go back in and dry each other off and then go at it. I love it. Because you got to wash your car anyway, right? You got to wash it anyway because, you know, by now, at least mine's getting gross. Yeah. Mine too. I was just like, oh, God, I realized that my hose and my My backyard does stretch to the front. And then I was like, I don't even remember how to wash my car. Maybe I should have a date, invite someone over to wash my car.

There you go. You are full of ideas. You little seductress, little minks. I am. It's true. Elchase, thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. I love you and I appreciate you so much.

Check out her book Curvy Girl Sex and The El Chase Everywhere. One more thing I want to mention, I would be remiss if I didn't mention your legendary site, which was down for a while because Tumblr porn couldn't be a thing. But she started a site called Lady Cheeky 10 years ago? Yeah. 10 years go next month. Okay. And it is really like it was voted by Cosmo Magazine, the most female friendly. Cosmo, Huffington Post, glamour, the most female friendly porn site. Right. So people, you always, you guys are always asking me and it's really an excellent curator if you check out our Instagram or social media. She, trusts and knows what is kind of hot. And so the Tumblr thing is, it's ladychicky.com.

Yeah. It's, it's super erotic images that, that, that are more geared towards women. But a lot of men like it too. How do you explain that process of, of, it's a lot of gifts, right? It's not necessarily on videos. It's a lot of gifts and a lot of, um, photography of what I like to go for is anything that turns me on. And usually what turns me on is something that's very passion driven and where you can feel the desire and you can feel the attraction between people. And it's not just sort of cut and dry sex, although there is some of that because everybody has moods. But I sort of, it's, it's, it's used a lot for couples to look at together to get aroused and also talk about what they like when they, what they see in it. So, so that's another way to sort of break

the monotony and sort of build up your sex drive a little bit. I'm so glad you. I'm so it's back online. And one more thing. I have a question that just came up. And then what is the most, if you could say, popular image that's ever, is there like one image that through the course of time or one genre of image? Yes, tell me. There is one little video that gets hundreds of thousands and I will post it again. And I will post it actually on my Instagram. Okay. It is a man giving his girlfriend kisses on her neck. And it goes on for a very long time, and people go nuts. It is the sexiest thing I've ever seen.

Yes. And every once in a while, I will play it. This person who filmed it only did two videos, and this is one of them. And it's on Vimeo so you can find it, but I can't remember it up top of my head. So I'll post it on Instagram. Yeah. Yeah. I'll post it there.

And then I want to share it. And then I want to look at it after the show and get turned on. Yes. Okay, thank you, L Chase, for being here. I'm so appreciate you always. Thank you for your time. That's it for today's episode. Thank you so much for listening to Sex with Emily.

And if you love the show, please like, subscribe, and leave a review wherever you get your podcast. And hey, share this with a friend or a partner. It might just spark something. It usually does. You can find me on Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and X. It's all at Sex with Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sex withemly.com for free guides and articles and more ways to prioritize your pleasure.