Sex With Emily - Summer Sex Spice Up

Episode Date: July 4, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is talking about ways to amp up your dating profile because who wouldn’t like a little coaching in that department? Plus, she’s taking your calls.  She gives you a script for telling your partner – who you love and adore – that the sex could use some sprucing up, what to do when your ex has a hall pass and they choose you, and grooming tips to get past the pesky razor burn. Plus, how to reassure your partner when the toy you brought out during sex wasn’t well received. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Promescent, Veritas Farms, SiriusXM, Womanizer Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex advice, tips & tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm talking about ways to amp up your dating profile because who wouldn't like a little coaching in that department? Plus, I'm taking your calls. Topics include, you absolutely love and adore your partner, but you're not sure how to tell him the sex isn't really cutting it for you. So your ex has a free pass to hook up with someone and they chose you. Do you go for it? Razor Burns is becoming a real problem, so I've got some great tips for you on grooming that also keeps you feeling sexy, and you brought a toy out in the middle of sex and it did not go over well with your partner.

What do you do now? All this and more, thanks for listening! Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. It's a lie.

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, but only? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so, so, so.

Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Ebbelay. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information check out sexwithemily.com because you're gonna love our site if you haven't been there yet. You've got a bunch of great blogs to help you have better sex and relationships.

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Online dating. It's a thing. I feel like no matter what age you are, whatever stage you are in life, people are always trying to figure out, you know, should I do it? Should I not do it? If I do do it, how do I do it right? And I think that there is still a lot of stigmas around you worried. It's gonna be like a hook up thing and dead of others, all these things. But I think if you are really trying to find someone, it's like you're saying, Emily, I want to lose weight and I've done everything. And then I say, have you gone to the gym? And you're like, no, I just am not eating them.

No, you gotta do everything. If you're looking for love, I think you really want to find someone. Put your phone down in public. Pay attention to all your friends that you're looking to date someone, put your phone down in public, pay attention to all your friends that you're looking to date and take a gander online, on the apps, see what's happening, hang on online dating apps, right? So Michelle has never done it.

She's never dated on an app before. No, I haven't, it makes me really nervous. Okay, I know she, okay, so I want to help you. So tell me what is going on, how far do you got? So I, which I decided to download Hinge. Okay, Hinge, yeah, that's kind of just based off of the opinions, especially here in the office that Hinge is probably the better one.

It was between Hinge and Bumble and I went with Hinge. I got as far as to putting in my first and last name. Okay. And the next thing it's asking is for my birthday. So I'm going to put that in. All right. Well, I enter this other personal, just easy stuff like emails. I just have to say that I am not good at marketing myself online.

Okay. And it makes me really nervous. Like I just now, maybe three weeks ago, created my Instagram bio that I've had since 2012. So what tips can you give me or any of the listeners to market yourself, but to make it unique and to make it fit to your style? So what would you think, like give me an example of what you want, like first tell me what you would like people to know about you and what are you looking for. So that's where we start.

Right, so, okay, so my bio idea, the first thing. Okay, she just pays for it, okay. Yeah, the first thing I said to Jamie, I was like, because we were thinking about this last night, it's like, I just wanna tell everybody that I'm much better in person. She's like, okay, well, you have to have a little more than that. I was like, okay, well, I like to like go out and dance

and like do fun things. I'm a very smiley person. I like to laugh. And then it kind of just turned into constantly grooving and smiling and way better in person. Let's laugh together. Okay. All right. Got it.

Well, okay. So here's my thing with that. It's true. You are the most smiley, happy, loving, grooving, dancing person. I know. And that is all true and amazing. And so my thing is, one of my top tips is that when you're doing the online dating, like when you're the updating, that you want to, it's better to probably talk, give them a scenario

like you'll probably, you know, you'd find me, you know, dancing to whatever music. Like explain the, explain what you're doing. That's like Saturday night, I'm dancing to whatever music and you know always you know always have a smile on my face I would not say in way better in person. I think that's already like a neg. Like that's already saying like I've looked like a negative thing about yourself like low self esteem or like I'm not as good in mine. It's already like putting yourself down in a way. I see. Yeah. So I wouldn't do any of that. So I would just give an example of like I'm probably I mean

I've been on this app because all the apps are this one to know But I think describing a scenario that you like to do like you'll find me dancing just as much as you will with my Cat, you know, I know you love cats. I don't know about cats. That is so true Yeah families, you know It's like an example of a male profile. That you like? No, I don't know. I just hit the first guy that got up. Okay. He said, I got into a fight.

This is true truth, Sinaly. I hate that one. I'll be trying to answer this though. He said, um, Well, no, but just kind of like to say. I got into a fight with Jennifer Lopez. I turned 25 in jail. I was boot off the Apollo theater stage by a man

and a giant diaper. And that was like, two true Sinaly. This is hinge. So you could answer just that. You could just say So it's fun like I remember my friend said he sent me one and he said Emily, we help me this was years ago And he said and you wrote I like to travel I like this I play piano today I was like one you say and what's the craziest story about travel? What do you love? Because one time I was gotten bit by like a tiger and then was something like we'll say tell that

He's like one time I got bit by a tiger. I know all these and then something like, we'll say, tell that. He's like, one time I got paid by a tiger, I know all these ways to play this on the back and play six different songs, whatever. Whatever song, three different ways on the piano for you. I'll serenade you on the piano. So like describing the things that you love. Describing the things that I love.

Yeah, I love that. So that's where I would say for that. Be descriptive. Yeah, because everyone's like fun and cool and smiley, you know? So. That is very true. That's what I would say be descriptive. So one of everyone's like fun and cool and smiley, you know. So. That is very true. Okay, so that's what I would say be descriptive. So one of the next things that comes up on hand, after you enter your email and all

that good stuff, it says, never miss a message from someone great. Do you think I should enable my notifications? No, no. I had a free answer. No, no one will ever get anything done in this office. And let me tell you something. Here's the problem with online dating. And I love that you're just picking one.

But what happens is people get really overwhelmed. They're on a bunch of sites, or even if you're just on one. And then every minute, you know, Bob says hello, Bob's messaging, you know, Mark, John. And then all day long, it's like, you know, it's like that serotonin in. And then you're gonna wanna go to the phone and just distracting. So I think the way to become the most efficient online

data is you people probably said it's like a second job. It kind of is. Like it's another thing like you have to do if you're interested every day because they don't do they go away your matches on hand. Do they go after a few days that happen? No. But but in some of the apps they do. So I think it's better to address it but just say when I get over work or first thing in the morning because I don't think you want to be another thing you're immediately checking responding what they respond what am I going to say and then you start creating stories about people. Subssessive. Limit your

time but be efficient with it. That's what I'm saying. So another one of my worries. Yes. Okay. She has a big ball of anxiety about this. I really do. I've never seen you so actually. I know I like put three pieces of gum in my mouth before the show because I need to do something. Okay so next one is what happens if I show up to the date and this person looks nothing like they do on the app. Like what do I say anything about it? Do I look at them and leave? Do I?

That's a really good question. Yeah. So my best tip for this, because this happens all the time. You've all heard the stories. Oh, it was an old picture from 10 years ago and all this stuff and it's so misleading. Why people are lying? And I've heard all these stories of people like seeing the person and walking out the back and ghosting them. And I think that's all really bad way to do it. What I do think I recommend highly is face timing ahead of time. Do not waste your

time getting ready, getting all pretty driving cross time, getting somewhere and then being like, no, this is not what I sign up for. Because at least you could see their body language, you could kind of see how they talk, you could see where they kind of were doing the whole thing. Because the words are only very limited. It's like flat communication, you're seeing a few photos, and maybe they're a great texture. But that's it. But the second you put another dimension to it, like FaceTime, which I just think say it

a lot of time, you could even stack up a bunch of it into the weekend be like I'm gonna talk to five guys My today. I'm gonna say I'm gonna FaceTime four five different guys And we're gonna weat him out and you'll know that yeah if you're attractive to that how would I go about Proposing that idea is More common than I think I don't I don't think it's not I think it's I hope so it's not common enough FaceTime dates. Yeah, I think you should be like hey, I think it's save us a lot of time Just let's both face let's face time you've time for a face time tonight at around eight I think you gotta be aggressive and set here's what's gonna happen here's what everyone complains about

Someone says hi, and then you go hey, and then you have your weekend weekend was fun hung out with friends What about you? And then you've got another person you don't even know that you're wasting your life away texting back and forth for days. I think if you find a match, you got somebody like, let's get, maybe do a few flirty back and forths and then say, let's talk. Because then weeks go by, days go by

and you spend all this time being cute, funny and clever. Only to find out when you meet them or you're face to him, oh no, there's no love connection. Yeah. So just the sooner you could be like, let's talk here, let's meet up then, the better. Okay, so you never get those hours back that you waste in your life doing shit like that.

Yeah, so going back to what you said about like being ghosted, how do I get past that fear of being rejected and ghosted because I feel like insecurities will rise. You know, because I always do things in person, that's just how I've always been. I like to meet and it's hard now because things have changed. And I'm not, you know, who's really good at rejection?

Ultimately, nobody has. But we get better at it. I gotta tell you that the good news is that we get better at rejection. That rejection act is actually a muscle. Like they look at the brain wave pattern and people have been rejected initially. And it's like the same, it's like distress.

It's like, it's like fight or flight. It's all those parts of the brain that light up when you're in trauma and stress. However, the more you do it, over time it gets easier, but then also you have to remember, you're gonna get ghosted. It's already know it's gonna happen and it has zero to do with you.

It's usually about the other person and even if it has to do with you, you'll never know and so the sooner You can move on and be like it was one day one thing on to the next the better and really if you have to practice that because we all Like when I have friends you've called me and this has happened like They're like, oh, yeah We went out and this whole thing got it coming out this whole date and then and if the story goes on forever I'm like, well, then what they're like well then story goes on forever, I'm like, well, that one. They're like, well, that any ghost to me, I'm like, well, how long ago?

They're like, oh, it was already a month ago. I'm like, a month ago, you got ghost if a guy you would dinner with a month ago, and you're still talking about, it's still in your mind. Still hung up on it. But you guys, it's really common, because you're not used to it,

we, we, we, we, we, we so easily, the sad thing about our brains and what we got to fix it is that we so easily go towards The negative and the rejection makes us feel bad and we know what to do and it brings us down So I would say expect that's gonna happen and you might you know and that you'll never know and they just keep Know that that wasn't the right person for you not and I'm like, oh not meant to be but truly clearly whatever moment in time There was a connection and the sooner you could move on and not hang on to win We don't assign any mean to meaning to it forget that person and get back on the apps or get back out there, I'm going to tell you that's going to become a lot easier and probably

a lot less likely to happen because you're also going to, the sooner you move through a bad date or a date that doesn't work and you're paying attention to your dating, you're paying attention to how you date and you're literally going home maybe you're journaling after each one, what you like, maybe you have pro-com, what you like, but you didn't like it's gonna be a lot easier to find people that are right for you, than wrong for you, so a lot more of that ghosting and stuff won't happen,

because you'll learn to be a better communicator, a better data, a better advocate for yourself, and for what you're looking for. Yeah, how do I, on the flip side? don't want to leave anyone in the dark. Okay. And I don't want to ghost. I don't want to go somebody. I don't want to be the ghoster. Mm-hmm. So what are some mature ways to say to the person? Hey, like I'm not because I I'm a pretty upfront person, but I'm, of course, getting nervous and thinking, over thinking it, what's a sentence? A way to question. And you guys, if you guys want to tune in,

you guys will have any questions about online dating or anything at all, and you're like, what, you're about me to, I can have you guys break down your profile, or you want to know about, you know, the first message is all the things. So you're saying, what happens if you're like, oh, I'm not into it. I'm like, ghost, I think it's best not to ghost,

it depends, it's one date. Afterwards, he texts you and he's like, that was really fun. I want to do it again. You can just say back. It was really nice meeting you. I didn't feel a connection in that way, but best of luck. If it's after the date and he's like, I'd really like to see you again. That's when it's tough, because it's really easy to be in person.

It's really easy to go, in person. It's really easy. Go, yeah, totally. And then you're like, oh, go. I need text. I mean, I got a talent right as everyone done that. I've done that. So I see myself responding. Yeah.

And you know, you probably well. We all do it. I mean, I think I've still done it in recent years. It's the hardest thing, but it's going to get easier over time. And I think you just can say if if the right, they would be like, you know what, I had such a good time with you. I think you're awesome. I didn't really feel a romantic connection,

I love connection. I don't want to tell your bones, no, it's not. But you know what I mean? However you would say it, but best of luck, great meeting you. And don't even say how we can be friends, because you don't have time for that, you're friends.

I mean, that's what you really think. And that's awesome. And you're like, I want to fix you up with my friend. You seem awesome, and I actually love talking to you, but not you, but I've got this great girl. And that happens all the time too. So I think the more honest you really think. And that's it was awesome. You're like, I want to fix you up with my friend. You seem awesome and I actually love talking to you, but not you, but I've got this great girl. And that happens all the time too. So I think the more honest you are, the better. Because I even tried to have to,

I remember one time I think a guy could tell I didn't want to go out again and he texted me right after he said, I got the vibe that you probably don't want to see me again. He's like, but can you tell me what I why and what I did wrong so I could do better next time? Oh, no. Anyways, I was like, yeah, sure. But you like, you told him? I did. I was like, I could do better next time. Oh, no. And I was like, yeah, sure. What do you like?

Do you tell them? I did. I was like, I don't remember what it was, but it was really what truthfully was about him. I think I was still like getting over someone or dating other people and yeah, so, yeah. But I appreciate that he asked. So I feel that this is pretty important.

How do I stay safe while dating? I think it's most important to FaceTime ahead of time. Don't have them meet at your house. Don't give them your address. Never say pick me up, even though it's easier at your house or whatever. Even if you trust them and they're cool and that, no, you don't know.

And I would say let someone know where you're going. You could also let them know where you're going. You could also like, yeah, let them know where you're going that night. You could also give someone your, you know, your ticket track you. You could share your location with Jamie. I should have locations. I should have locations. Oh God, I didn't know that. I forgot you made me shit.

Do I have your location? Do you know where I am all the time? I don't look at it. It's just kind of like. She's constantly just on her phone. What's in here too? The first thing she's sitting with, she's like, it'll be good.

And I'm like, you're literally the only person who knows where I am at all times. This is the reason why it's because usually, like when I see that, like my roommates at the grocery store, and I like, I don't want to just like text or something like that. I just like go or she's going or something like that. I'll be like, oh, can you pick this up for me?

Just something simple like that. Yeah, but are you ever like- No, I've never looked at it before. Promise? I've put it on like that. Yeah, but are you ever like... No, I've never looked at it before. Promise? I've put it on my life. I don't care because you know, I don't know. No, I'm like, what am I doing? Oh, she's at Whole Foods again.

Crazy. I'm like, it's a bit more like... I'm back home because she left her glasses. Like, you knew I was still at the grocery store. Like, oh, I'm gonna tell her you get this, but like, let me see if she left already. Oh, I would, yeah. You see what I mean?

I got it. But I never... Well, you could share your location with someone. More than me. Let me know your good day. If I'm not busy, I'm like, where's Michelle? And also, it's interesting. So, you know, there was a study that came out or like they said, the safest states and the most dangerous states for online dating.

Sorry, we wanted to go into here. Let's do this. Yeah, let's look at it. Most dangerous states for online dating in 2019 Number one's Alaska Oh, cuz there's a lot of open not many people around Yeah, dark. It's dark a lot Leigh or it's bright a lot. Yeah, Louisiana

Mississippi Georgia, Nevada Arizona New Mexico and then New York, number eight, California, number nine, ten Illinois. So I would, I don't know, but all the majors that, you know, California is the safest place in New England. But the safest place, Vermont, West Virginia, New Hampshire, Maine, Utah, Wyoming, Idaho, Iowa, Connecticut, Montana.

Interesting. There you go. All right, guys, we're going to take a quick break and we come back onto your calls. Okay, let's talk to Tracy, 33 in California. It needs help on how to bring up that she's not enjoying sex with her husband. Okay, hey Tracy, thanks for calling. Hi Emily. Hello.

Tell me what's going on. Yeah, so I'm flat. That's my concept. We've been married for 10 years and I'm just at a point where I'm really not enjoying it. And so, yeah, I hope like he never went down on me. It's like never been his thing. He tried it once and it's like even before our relationship, he never really was into it.

And it's just, it's so humdrum to me. I just don't know how to like open the dialogue. Right, okay. Well, that's what I'm here for Tracy because this is just no common. You know, you said he wasn't into it before you met you he was 23 so he didn't know so this is super common Tracy Where you're at is not a crisis. So I know it feels that way. Yeah, he's actually He's older than me. Okay, 45 I'm 33. Okay. He's 45, but that's still I mean Okay, I got it though. So he would he was never really into into oral sex then okay but Tracy so have you ever talked about your sex life

with him not really I feel like it makes me cringe just the thought of bringing it up because he's still like dismissive and I just don't know how much for where he'd be open to hearing me out and trying something new because what I think the problem is is he's not really into trying new things and I'm just like I got like you said I was really young and I feel like I didn't have enough time to explore my conscious point where I want to do a whole lot of work. Of course you do.

Of course you do honey this makes so much sense. So listen I know that first of all, I know how scary it is because you've never talked about it and this is how I can help you because just know that you're gonna be, it's gonna be a little bit of scary. It's gonna be, but it's gonna help you so much. All you gotta do, you gotta pick a time

when you guys are super comfortable, when you're hanging out outside the bedroom. And you wanna just bring it up in a way. Like, were you guys, or just like, you know, I want to talk to you about something. I know we have never really talked about this, but we've been together 10 years. And I want to talk about our sex life.

Because I, I know I love sex with you. You know, what do you like about him? What tell me what you like about sex with him if there's anything? Well, he's very, well, he's very protective of me. He thinks really good care of me. He loves me so much and I love the way he loves me. And I feel like everything outside of sex is great. I'm enjoying it. Yeah, do you have orgasms? Like if I'm on top, I have to make myself. Yeah, that happens though, but if you aint oral sex,

you aint more for-play or aint more interest. So I think you have to say, babe, I love you, I love our relationship, you know you're my God, you take care of me, but I really think it's time we talk about our sex life. Because you know, I think that it's important for us to prioritize it, we've never talked about it, and you do without blaming, without shaming,

you could even tell me you're nervous, you can even tell them this is hard. And it's not a one time conversation. See, this is what I want you to know that like it won't all get solved in that night, but you're gonna have to continue to bring it up and say, it's so important to me to feel connected and intimate and like I, you know, I want to,

you know, everything can be so hot if you went down on me, like I have fantasies about that. And I'm wondering what you think, is there anything that you've been wanting to try? Because I think if we're in this for a lifetime, we should, you know, be couples don't often think to prioritize or sex life,

and then it becomes a problem, which is why I have a job. So this is common Tracy. So yeah, like no one, most couples I'd say get into this situation at some point in their life. So, but like you deserve oral sex and for playing all the things that you want.

So just because he didn't really do it before, maybe he didn't know what he was doing or he never really had a bad experience once, but you're his wife. So yeah, like all those things. And then you didn't ask for it again, so it's like, great, I'm not going to do oral. So I think, you know, and just be prepared that like he might, he might forgot at the moment, he might be like, oh, I don't talk about it because it's really awkward. But you can't let him get away with that. You can just be like, okay, I get if you want to think about it, it was hard for me to

bring up, but I want you to know that we have to work on this together. I've never talked about this you have in, so together I need us to work to figure out what we can both do to turn us on so we can have amazing sex. I want to know what you think about, you know, and just make it about both of you because it is a team effort. You don't set up to one person. That's really good advice. Okay, good.

I think that's really good advice. Good, Tracy, and I, okay, good, try that, and then call me back and let me know it goes. I'm here five minutes a week. Oh my God. Yeah, totally. I'm here, that's what people do. Just have that first step.

That's one thing, I have that conversation, and let me know it goes. And then it'll be open. Okay, so you're so welcome. Thanks for calling Tracy. It's a great question. I conversation and let me know it goes. And then it'll be open. Okay, thank you. You're so welcome. Thanks for calling Tracy. It's a great question. I think that helped a lot of people. Okay, we have Drew, who's 41 in New Mexico.

And he says he has an ex, has a free pass and her new relationship. And he wants to know from you, if you think he should have sex with her. Hey Drew. Okay, good. So Drew. Okay, good. So good. Okay, tell me about this X.

Like I need to know more to give you my expert opinion. So it's about 15 years ago, we were like a three year relationship. Well now she's married and her and her husband have an open marriage relationship. So he's given her a free pass to one of the you know one of the places out here and i'll put up in in the mechico and uh... well so they're sitting at all

and when he's a way tells her you can be with anybody you want to be just i don't want to know about it anybody but but you know and because he's not about oh hold up hold up hold up hold up wait wait it was sounding so good I was like I love to fuck one of my access from 15 years ago that'd be so fun oh my god I don't want to be with

him but we all kind of put them on the pedestal no so now it's sneaky it's not cool it's mixed up energy she's like he's like cool anyone but Drew and then she called you Drew you don't need to go back. I think, yeah. Yeah. Hang on because they do role playing in the bedroom for the last 10 years as me. Oh my god. Is it so. Okay. Wait. Why is she still with him? He literally, okay. So she calls him Drew like in the height of passion. Well, he'll even say, you know, the Drew do it this way, the Drew do it. That wins you'll be like, yeah, he sure did. And then they get off on that shit.

She's telling you this. I can't part of that. No, Drew, what's your love like now? You don't need to go back, listen. Here's my thing about going back to next. The rest of me a really good reason. Like something has changed. Like you're both in the same page.

This is just, no, you don't want to get messed up in this. I think- That's a hot mess, ain't it? It is a hot mess. Like there's so many more ways. It's so messy. I say run for your life. Like it's been, you got out of it for a reason.

I mean, you have, you have in regular sex right now? Are you in a relationship? No, no, no. Well, okay. No, I'm just chillin' them right now. You're just chillin'. Well, I think this is just, I think even comically, energetically, I mean, that's not a good place to go. No. Yeah. I should just leave it alone. Leave it alone even though you want to tap that again. I get it. I understand. But I know you do. And I at first I really wanted you to.

I did because I was like, well that's cool. And I said, anyone but Drew. I'm like, okay, well, if Drew, like there's a reason, they're like role playing you in the bedroom. Which, what mean no? But I want to know why you're, you know, I think that this is just too easy for you. And I think you should just kind of think of why aren't you having

sex right now? If you're into it and go out and find someone new, someone new. Are you going to listen to me? I can't tell. I think you really want to. What? I did a point on the trauma. We just say you're going to what? Try your what? I just got to the far. I'm a trauma looking for you. Try your luck, too. I'm giving you the confidence now. Go find something else you're going to forget about the act you already did. Thanks, Jail. Thanks for calling.

Yeah. That is just one messy situation. Wild. Wild. Like, anyone butto, there are some other things that I just, yeah. Well, I heard open relationship and I was like, oh, yeah. Like, a hot pass. That sounds nice.

And then, yeah. Then you say anybody butto. Right, not true. And they're-playing him in the bedroom which just to me doesn't sound healthy it's kind of kind of a cuckolding but like a wordplay over a couple maybe well maybe I don't know I was trying to think I was like maybe they're trying to do a cuck thing and it's like a surprise I don't know it's like a mine but it's a mine-fuck kind of thing yeah I'm manipulating like I don't know I don't think it sounds good you think it's like a mine, but it's a mine, fuck kind of thing. Yeah, I'm manipulating like, I don't know.

I don't think it sounds good. You think it's a hot mess. I'm like hot mess like times two. So thanks for that. That was good. That was entertaining. All right. Let's talk to Randy Fordy, Miss Conston,

who has a question about pubic hair. Hey, Andy. Hi there. Thanks for taking my call. Of course. How can I help? Yeah. Here's my question. Um for taking my call. Of course. How can I help?

Yeah. Here's my question. So my boyfriend and I, you know, we like to do sexy things for each other. He can, he's very obliging about trimming his cubic hair for me so that we can, you know, be playful. And I think he could use a blowtorch and it wouldn't affect his skin. I, on the other hand, if I look at a razor, I just turn into a red speckled mask. Oh, okay. And so I'm not sure, A, if there's like a product or a technique that would be better because

I'd like to feel sexy that way. Yes, Randy told me. And it told me. And it told me. And it told me. And it told me. And it told me. And it told me. And it told me. No of those girls with a way to get out of it.

How do I get over it? Wait, Randy Randy. So you're just shaving now. Do you ever do waxing or have you ever done laser hair removal? I have tried waxing, same thing. It just, I'm a mess, I'm a hot mess down there afterwards. OK. I haven't tried laser hair removal, but.

I mean, how about threading? I mean, here's the thing. There's something going on with your skin. So honestly, it's more like you have like sensitive skin. So in the way you're shaving it, like you have to like shave, you're just like shaving the angle of your hairs. There's like special creams and lotions you could put on after to, you know, you're supposed to like exfoliate first.

Like, okay, I've like studied all this stuff. Like if you really, there's like, I'm gonna give you two choices here, you can like scrub that area, make sure to exfoliate first. Like, okay, I've like studied all this stuff. Like, if you really, there's like, I'm gonna give you two choices here. You can like scrub that area, make sure you exfoliate really good, and then you're supposed to like moisturize before you shave, and then you put on like a really good shaving cream. We love Gucci cream.

Gucci cream, it's called, yeah, it's, I think it's on our site. We'll put it in the show notes. It's a great one. It relaxes the hairs. Deotat, another brand, deotat, has a whole shaving thing where you put oil up, pre, oil

and then a post thing. And then you have to shave down with the angle of your hairs. You could try also trimming and not shaving. But that's a lot of work too. So that's why I think maybe lasering out at least the ones that are like, you know you're never going to want back. Like on the sides, like I did that 10 years ago. It's like the best thing I ever did.

And you can get like a group on. They're not that expensive these days to get. And it's worth it, because you don't have to shim. You know, so, but I think it's really just going into a really good product store, going to your dermatologist and just finding out, that happens to women at different times. So it's really about the razors you're using,

like quality razors, making sure the hairs, you know, has enough, you know, you just go right in. So yeah, I would say in the show, yeah, that's what I gotta say. So you could totally feel sexy. Yeah, you're so welcome, Randy. You're so welcome. We put some in the show notes for you too. Yeah, that's a bummer. We know when you get all the bumps and you shave and you don't feel sexy, but we can does work around workarounds Okay, we have Mike who is 48 in Chicago and he says that he can no longer get hard from regular sex after Having anal sex with his girlfriend, so she penetrated him. Okay. Hey, Mike. Thanks for calling

Hey, yeah, Thanks for calling. Hey, yeah. Yes. But that's my situation. Okay. So tell me what happened. So how long have you been together? When did the pegging happen? She ain't leap penetrated you and then you're like, wow, I can't. So tell me what happened. I like, yeah. I would look up. Yeah. I like it a lot. So it's hard for me. It's, you know, now it a lot. So it's hard for me. That's how it's hard for me to get hard,

to have a straight sex with her. How long have you guys been together? How about Pat ears? Okay, and how many times has happened that you can't get hard without the pet? Well, like the last couple of years, at least she started, I started really getting into this.

Her, you know, pocket made about 8-10 years ago. Oh, oh, well then it's just muscle memory. OK, so what happens is, this is what happens, like you're in a pattern right now. You've it's muscle memory, you're neuro programming, and your brain is like used to this pattern, like for eight years. So really, if you would like to get another way, you're going to, you know, it'll just be a matter of of trying without it or starting with it, not ending with it or seeing if you could actually get a

browse again. But maybe you make a night where you guys are just taking penetration off the table and you're getting, you know, you're really connecting, you're being mindful with each other and you're learning to touch each other again in new ways. Is it becoming a problem for her as well? To let it work. No, not at all. She likes it. Does she get off to?

How does she have work out? How does she have pleasure? We're playing our fingers, we're a dildo ourselves. Yeah, honestly, the other thing is you could still have anal ple- like is it more about the power thing? You could still use a butt plug, but I think it's really about reconditioning your mind

if it's not a problem, then it's not a problem. She's into it, you know, but you have to just, it's like people would say I can only get off with this one vibrator. It's like well, then don't use that vibrator. People with porn, they can only have porn, then you stop watching porn. And you have to go

through those uncomfortable days or weeks where you might not get hard, but you're going to learn again how to be hard. You just, your neuro pathways just have to be retrained. Oh, good. Excellent. Okay. Alright, good. No, Mike, you're fine. You can fix this. Thanks. You're so welcome. Thanks for calling. Okay. We have Ashley, who's 34 in California, her boyfriend, freaked out after she brought up using a toy during sex. She is 10 years older than him. Okay, hey, Ashley.

Hello. Hi. Oh my God, so he's 24. And what happened? Yeah, okay. So what happened? Okay, so maybe I'm now that I'm reflecting, I think I may have brought it out at the wrong point, but we were in the middle of sleeping together and I had to take a break to see

the restroom. And I had an idea, I was like, oh, I have this unopened little, it's like one of those little rings that has a vibrator on me. It's like, you can't go on. Amazing. I have one of those that I've never used. Maybe I should bring this out and we can give it a shot. And so I just, I brought it out and I was like, hey, I have an idea. What do you think of trying this? Who's like, what is that? I'm like, oh, it's just a

full toy you like put on. He's like, ew, I'm not, I'm absolutely not putting that thing on my deck. I'm like,'m absolutely not putting that thing on my dick i'm like what do you mean it's you do you don't even want to try it and he's like absolutely not like i really don't and now i don't and i'm just not in the mood anymore i'm like what i'm sorry i didn't yeah he's like are you into that kind of stuff

i'm like uh... i really i think he's not not doesn't have a lot of experience no honey i don't think he has a lot of experience. Here's a thing. I think when people react in that way to anything sexual, that's why I was telling Mike from Michigan, if you're going to talk about cuckolding and you got to go slow, you got to build up. So you have to remember me, people were there at, he's 24, he doesn't have a lot of experience.

He probably didn't even know what it was. And I bet you, if he doesn't have experience, he thought that something was wrong with his penis at that moment, that he wasn't satisfying you and that you were calling the troops because he was doing something wrong because he's so like at that age, if he doesn't have experience, all he's thinking about is am I pleasing her,

she's 10 years older, she has more experience, and so that made him feel inferior but had nothing to do with the toy. Like, you know what I'm saying? I think that he doesn't have as much experience at all of this. Yeah, I totally understand. I get that, but I'm like, what do I do? Now I felt bad because he kind of did.

He actually ended up surprisingly for a 24 year old being a good communicator and saying that, you know, I just was like, I'm sorry, I didn't, I'm sorry about that up and, you know, I should have like talked to you about it in a different way. Yeah, I was talking about it. I thought you brought it out like in the middle. Yes, you can't put it in the middle. In the middle. I'm like, you to you about it in a different way. Yeah, I was thinking about it out like in the middle. Yes, you can't put the middle.

You put the middle in the middle. And like, you're right. Yeah. Sorry, like, I didn't think of it like that at all. Right. No, Ashley, that's exactly it. That's why I say you always got to talk about any change in your sex life, anything you want, a desire, a toy,

a third person, or a third product outside the bedroom. And be like, hey, what would you think about this? When you guys are like chilling, like, I want to say like, you don't want to be hungry, hey, what would you think about this? When you guys are like chilling, like I want to say like you don't want to be hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. You want to be having breakfast, going on a walk, driving in the car, you know, like casual, hey, you know what,

our sex has been so hot, I got this ring. Would you ever be into that? I thought it'd be fun. And that's, you keep it light, you keep it fun and then you see what he says, you know? Yeah, that's all it is. Yeah, I definitely definitely I think I've I definitely made him feel like he was not

I think you just fix it you say oh my god I really just I honestly had no I did it wrong you're right and I it was really I just thought it would be something additive someone gave it to me and a friend said it was hot and awesome and I Thought that that it would be cool to try because you know I heard it was awesome But I didn't realize that that would ever come us. Having sex, it was amazing. We don't have to try it. I thought it would feel good to both of us.

That's what I've heard. And I'm really sorry if I have friends you anyway. And then you compliment and amount all the things that you really love about him that he's doing well. Maybe sexual things that you find hot, that he's doing right, words can help. Some, yeah, I think manage that. I think he's gonna be words can help some. Yeah, I think I managed that.

I think he's gonna be fine. I mean, I don't know, did he say like, it's over like he probably just has to, you know, I think he's letting us. No, he just was like, I'm just not into that kind of thing, at least for now, is what we've got. So like, okay, maybe eventually like he, again, it's still a thing, this comes up a lot. People don't understand that vibrators, it's still a thing that comes up a lot.

People don't understand that vibrators, it's like a little something that changes. Why not? Why not try something different? Sex, you know, penetration, most women need more than a penis to get them off for the truth. Majority women need extra vibrations. Well, I said that education. Yeah, I said, you know, I said that to him. I said, you you know it's harder for a woman to have an

orgasm because you kind of need two things going on exact and he's like well i heard he said i heard it's ninety percent mental and like what he could you hear that that's not even but that you know he has an heard anything like i'm telling you every day we have this conversation and it's only 20% orgasm through in a course. And if those women it's not every time.

And then also like women need clitorals. Like this is no surprise. We, that's how women who orgasm need three things. They need a mouth, they need fingers, or they need kissing. Like one of those, those are the three things that get them off. Penis, phallic object, not in that equation. That's it.

And so he just doesn't know you. Mindset. No, I mean, my face, mind set, that's true, but not sexually. No, it's like literally anatomy. No, I was like, well, if it was mental, I would be having multiple orgasms. I'd be having one right now.

I did squeeze my nipples earlier. Exactly. So actually, yeah. So I think just kind of chilly, he does meet him where he's at. You could be a great, you could learn a lot from you. And then see how he takes it. Hopefully he's mature enough to understand you're so welcome.

All right guys, I hope you enjoyed this show. Let me know. I left here from you and thanks to my amazing team, Ken Michelle, Kristen, producer Jamie and Michael. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com. For you, email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.