Sex With Emily - SWE: Ask for what you want in bed

Episode Date: January 8, 2013

If your 2013 hasn't been full of mind-blowing sex and amazing relationships, this show help get you there. Emily discusses how to change your sex life in 2013 with powerful vibrators, sexercise, more foreplay, and lots more oral sex. Emily confesses what she wants to change about her sex life, and explains how to tell your partner exactly what you want in bed. Emily also talks sex trends in 2012 and answers listeners emails about irrational pregnancy fears, dating shy guys, and dealing with really big penises. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So you know I'm obsessed with candles, right? Have you ever heard of misogyny candles? Okay, so get this. I always like candles when I'm enjoying glass of wine with friends, and recently they were over and I lit three candles for my new line called Emelene Tony. My skin felt really dry, so I went ahead and poured some of it on my hands, and I gave myself a quick massage. My friends were stunned that I did this, and immediately were obsessed.

And here's why. See, these candles are really erromotherapy massage oils that when warm like a candle, they melt into the most luxurious body oil that is super hydrating, leaves your skin feeling and smelling amazing, and if perfect for massaging your partner or yourself, you can use during for-play and you know me, I'm a firm believer in for-play. They come in delicious flavors like creme de vanilla, cocoa and fuzera. Not just that, they look great in your home. So help us keep this podcast free. Check them out today at Emily by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a bygone way.

Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry?

It's shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts, Center for our mailing list. Please do sign up for our mailing list. We've got lots of important things to tell you in the new year

and we're just out wishing you a happy new year. And I'm here with Menace. Hey Menace, what's going on? Hello from San Francisco, Emily Morris. How you doing? Hello from Los Angeles. I'm good. I miss you.

We just tried to FaceTime this, but I feel like I know you. I feel good. I miss you. We just tried to FaceTime this but I feel like I I know I feel like I know what you look like Yeah, and you were pouring the camera at your boobs the whole time and are you back on? No, I didn't are you back on birth control because they look kind of big? Oh my god, they do look big don't they? But maybe is it a great shirt? Are you wearing a great shirt? I'm wearing a black shirt. Oh Huh, dude the birth control was like the best boob job ever. I mean that was crazy That was like the fit I mean they grew two sizes. Do you remember that?

Wow the two sizes Two sizes I was a ginormous and I was still small So like my axe was like those were the good day Like he was so upset when I went off of it. Oh That sucks. Oh whatever So no boobs always look big in gray shirts for some reason. I think it was like a black Yeah, maybe it was a lighting. It made a little bit gray washed out a little bit I was trying to set up the microphone and face time so the face time was pointing at my boob, I'm sorry about that, I'm sure it was horrifying for you.

Yeah. So, hated it. It was terrible. Today's show, we're going to be talking about sexual resolutions that you need to make in the new year, that you must do something different and medicine at the end are going to give you our own menace, so you have some time to prepare what your romantic, okay, so it doesn't have to be sexual it can be romantic resolution it can be something that you'd like to change about your love life in the

new year but I'm going to give you some tips about some things that you can choose we're also going to be talking about some trends in sex that in 2012 some of the big trends and also reading your emails that you send to feedback at sexwithelm.com now here's the thing it's important to always mix up your sexual bag of tricks. And I'm not a big like, Res, I know I'm saying resolution, but really this is just about doing one thing differently, you know, maybe a week or a month

that can kind of spice up your relationship. So that's what we're gonna talk about, Menace. Can you think of one thing right now that you'd like to do just spice up your relationship? Probably just talk about more, you know, just more what I want and stuff like that, maybe. More about what you want, do you know what you want? Yeah, I'm drinking beer by the way.

So if I sound a little bit off, then it's really. You are? Should I have a glass of wine? Yeah, go ahead. All loud. Except for I'm doing a cleanse. I'm doing a juice cleanse. A wine cleanse? A juice cleanse.

I'm not juicing from bad things necessarily, but I thought that it would, that would also be a good new thing to start out the new year fresh. Yeah. Well, then. And I live next to a juice bar. Well, the way that we're doing the show right now, I can barely hear myself and I'm drinking beer. So if I sound a little bit funny, I apologize. Okay, you also sound a little sick. Maybe you're not sick. You're just

no, it's tired. Just a little bit tired. I get it. I get it. What did you know? You were in Vegas all weekend. I know. How was your new years? My new years was so much fun. My friend Charlotte came to town to visit and it was awesome and we just went out to some random bars and just like, just did our own thing. It was really fun. We just met some people and went to parties and I don't know, just hung out. Oh, you're gonna hate this. So I went to Vegas.

I saw the Red Hot Chili Peppers, you know, did the whole Vegas New Year's thing. It was amazing and fun. And then the next day we hit up all the shops around Vegas, right? Oh, no. And they have all these shoe stores where they don't have them pretty much anywhere else. Oh, they probably have Christian Louis Vuitton stores in Los Angeles, but they don't have them in San Francisco where where I live. And they had all these sales because of the the new year. Those like half holy moly like half off Christian Louis Vuitton shoes. You would buy your girlfriend another year. You would have died. No, she bought her own pair. Oh, she got a job. Oh, she did. I'll have to. She's got a job. Oh, my bought her own pair. She got a job. She did. I'll have to she's got a job. Oh my God She did I need to go there. I really do. I need to go shopping but I just I can't but that's so nice that you've got to those for Christmas Yeah, and then I'd say you don't have to you don't have to yeah

I say you're doing well in presence in the New York Yeah, okay, and then what what else tell me? And no just it was just a good time. I brought my, I brought my sister and all her friends and her boyfriend. And I got them big suite at Cosmopolitan. And they just party it up and had a good time. You're such a stud. I do what I can. That's really fun. What, what, did you see a show too? Did I see a show? Didn't you see a show music music? Yeah, so the red hot chili peppers already said that. Oh, is that you just said? Okay, I know dude. I should do you think that a juice cleanse? I mean wine is like I mean grape is a juice It's a fruit. Yeah, this good for you like

Yeah, I should open some wine. you want me to go get it? Then I have to stand up and move. Well, check this out. Although it's section. Well, go ahead. Well, check this out. Actually, I was talking to the trainer because I start with a personal trainer on the eighth

on Tuesday for the next couple of months because I hooked up with muscle milk and their pain for me to work out, kind of like, you know, Jessica Simpson on Jenny Craig or something like that. Exactly, they're paying you? Yeah, they're paying me, they're paying me to work out. So I have to work out with the personal trainer.

And I was asking the personal trainer, like, you know, what should I drink and stuff like that? And they did recommend wine that I drink. You did? Yeah. Did I drink wine? He did? Yeah. I mean, not get crazy. I wish I was there for that moment. Immoteration.

Immoteration. So you're going to switch to wine now, no? A nice zip and Dale. A zip and Dale? No, you should have like a... Well, I don't know if you like red or white. You don't like either. It makes the man who always makes fun of me that I like to drink wine so much.

But that's cool. When do you start the trainer? That's on the eighth of January. OK. And it's once a week. And then how much weight do you train? No, it's three times a week. Is that what you said three times a week?

That's a lot, men. If you're going to go from 0 to 60, you're going to go three times a week. Yeah, I can do. I'm that type of person, though. You know me. If I just want to do something, I just do it. I know you do do it. Remember that time you were gonna eat Starbucks every day for 30 days. I want to but then you just made fun you were the only person that made fun me and then I just didn't do it. Well it's not healthy. What are you gonna get like a muffin

for breakfast and like a croissant? No they have they actually have like fruits and like chicken. I know now they do, but then they didn't. I don't think anyway. They do. I don't know. You're oblivious. So I'm oblivious. And I'm living here in Venice Beach, California, as you know, for a few months. And it is friggin' amazing, menace.

And I got to tell you, you have to come visit. It's like, you do. One does get asked out here more than San Francisco. All things being equal I lived there for a very long time it's not that people always say when you're in a new city and then you carry this energy and people just know no it's like random people every time at a grocery store I told you that like literally like it's a joke and then just random like my neighbor I think I told you that

some these guys the bar the other I knew your Z We met a bunch of guys on New Year's Eve that were really like fun and cute and local This doesn't happen anywhere else. I swear to God No, and you know what you're in a good area now. Do you know why? Check this out Google Opened up an office in Venice Beach, so that's what I heard some young hot millionaires walking around beach. So that's what I heard. Some young hot millionaires walking around. How can we find them? There's got to be like a millionaire spotter or something. I can't they wear something so I know. Look for the guy that doesn't look like he has any money that's hanging out by the people. Exactly. That's the problem. That's the millionaire. Because those guys

those calmers. But he doesn't have money. Yeah, they got the ones that have money don't trust like they have money and the ones that want money drive the really fancy cars and wear the nice clothes. And they're the ones that are not making that much money. No, that's true. That's true. That you're right. Well, I'm fine. I'm not really looking for anyone. I don't have any time, because I'm busy. Busy. OK. What I like being as I appreciate it.

OK. Let's get into sex trends from the year. OK. So I wrote this blog post. You can find this on my website. But I think it's sex and dating trends in 2012. So here's just a few things that came up. 50 shades of gray.

Although that was a big phenomenon this year. It become more mainstream in 2012. We won't have to hear about 50 shades of gray. As much in 2013, but I think the movie is going to come out this year. So that was huge. It wasn't just like a popular book. It was like people's relationships changed. People saw that and they just started. It was, they used it as a tool to talk to their partner about what they want

bad or they used it as a tool to get divorced their partner about what they want bad or they use it as a tool to get divorced because they realize they weren't getting what they wanted. But it's pretty amazing. You know, I spoke with a library about it and I'm actually read both of them. There's three of them. I read two of them. So if you see a degree big phenomena, you know, you're a girl didn't read it, right? No, no, no, you'd fungly killer. Okay, so there's also, uh, what was just going to tell you something else? Um, well, there's, you know, what, you know what I, what I think kind of died in 2012 is the whole, what? Tell me, let's talk about that one.

discussion of, uh, anal sex. I think anal sex was really big in 2011, 2012. Yep. Kind of not as trendy. People didn't talk about it as much. People didn't talk about anal sex. You're right. And no, no, what would you say the biggest, I'm trying to think about the most popular emails we get. I mean, usually for a while we go through stages. We received a lot from virgin. Well, I'm looking, well, I'm looking through mainstream media and Well, I'm looking while I'm looking through mainstream media and the the sex toy was Really big in 2013 I think was you know with Bravo also with the real house wives a always every single like not even candy on

Atlanta there was like all these different shows that were I know that's true. I know that's true. I know that's true in the mix and that was always that was really big and bringing it into the mainstream audience. I think so too. And now they say more than half of all American women have owned a vibrator and then most those 40% of those women have used it with their partner. And so that just means that they are becoming more mainstream for sure. And I mean, you can buy sex toys. I mean, well more now this is

brought to you by Sinclair Institute. Let me just say today's show is brought to you by Sinclair Institute. Friggin loves Sinclair Institute and their DVDs are so awesome. Go to my website, click on Sinclair Institute and they make these DVDs that are educational DVDs that are really smart, that are really like but they're really like, but they're hot and they're people having sex, but they're informational, they're educational. Just like I told you, I ran into that guy when I was doing those interviews and I said, how did you learn about oral sex? And he said, I watched a DVD and it was probably from the Sinclair Institute.

So people should check that out on my website. Click on Sinclair, Sinclair Institute at the helm, but you get a special discount. If you click on it through my website, click on see our just go to St. Clair Instagram, but you get a special discount if you click on it through my website As far as resolutions go Pick one of their hundreds of DVDs on any topic and learn that new trick Anyway, I had to say that and they're well. What will you say? Okay, yeah, there's two other trans I know too and one of them is So good. Yeah, and one of them is guys and guys becoming more introverted And don't even

That guys just guys in general guys in general are becoming more introverted. Yeah, we're there just like I don't even want to deal with it. I'll just stay home and masturbate and watch porn And that's becoming you think that people are delaying This would be coming a problem around the world, you know, because your women are just too hard to freaking deal with. Oh, God. Do you think there's a movement that people already just they just realized that women are hard to deal with? So, you know, my hand doesn't talk back to me, you know, God. It even gives me a high high five later. And then I do think that'll yeah, what else? And then another trend that I noticed

over in the gay community, because I have a lot of gay friends. And this, the garage, it was the year of the grinder. Grinder just went this everywhere. That was last year. No, but I think even this year, it was just even bigger. Like for the mainstream audience, for people outside the gay community to even be a wear of grinder

Like it went really really big and if people don't know what we're talking about is a gay location based app where You have an iPhone or a smartphone or whatever and just turn it on and then it tells you all the other gay guys that have the same app on and you can just start chatting with them and hook up with them. So many of my gay friends. You're up with them on the spot. Yeah, just like right there. And it sucks that it wouldn't work for the freaking straight community, you know, because- Yeah, it wouldn't work. It wouldn't be like, you're hot. Let's go home and bone check.

Yeah, right there. So next to me- There'd be like four girls for every 5,000 guys on there. It sucks. I know. I know. I know. I know. I just that's just a gay phenomenon. But that's what a lot of the young or old, whatever gay men want to do. They just don't want. They know that they want to have just have sex. Yeah. Like they hook it up. And then yeah, Grinder, that was a big one. And then dating apps, my app, Sex Drive came out this year. Oh, you did. Last year, Sex Drive. I know.

I have to talk about Sex Drive. You guys, it can totally improve your sex life. You have to do it with your girlfriend, I know you won't, but literally, there's a tip because he doesn't do anything like this. But every day you get a tip, so it's like your sex drive, like how's your sex drive? You can pledge, you can pledge at the drive that you want to do a sex drive anywhere from one to 30 days. You can pick the number of days.

It's called Emily's Sex Drive Check it out. They give you one tip a day, like give your partner a massage and it's like one thing you can do every day that will change your life. Your relationship life. You know me, I'm very harsh on apps and I work for, also, work for app company. So yes. And this app, it's weird. It feels like we haven't talked about this app in a really long time.

I know. We haven't. It's done really, really well. It's super clean. And I do recommend it. Do you recommend it? Yeah. Good.

Thank you, Menace. Sex with Emily's sex driver. Emily's sex drive is what it's called. Yes. So, and you can play with your partner. You both pledge on your iPhone to do it together. And it's like a fun little thing. And, you know, why not? Search Emily's sex drive in the Apple App Store. And check this out. You're never going to give any love to the Android users. There's always there's so many Android users out there. No, dude, I just got an email from a guy who wants to do my Android. I mean, if anyone knows, if anyone listening develops

Android apps, let me know. I've had a really hard time finding a good developer. It's uneasy. Try finding a Windows developer. That's even harder. Why so hard is it because we live in the Bay Area or like what the hell they're just don't exist? No, they the people just the people that know how to do it. They got really High-paying jobs, you know, they're not gonna do you know, we're not Millionaires, so they're not gonna do anything for us, you know

Right totally totally Okay, what wait what were you know? Right, totally. Totally. OK, what were you saying? I said, totes. Tots, dude. Tots. Let's get into, oh wait, no, so some more trends. So I'm sorry, I'm all over the place,

because I just wish I was with you right now. Yeah. Missed you, terribly. OK, so I guess dating apps tweeting, people are tweeting away, they're dating woes. So everyone's like breaking up and doing everything online and Twitter and Facebook and social media and they say that that Facebook number that people more marriages are affected by Facebook

and get divorced. Do you think that's true? Like three out of like one out of five marriages. Oh yeah, the number keeps on getting lower and lower every year. I remember two years ago when we first started talking about this it was seven now. It's down to four to five That's wow Facebook drama and I mean it's so true. It's I think it's true Oh, yeah It's totally true because people just get super jealous and you're connected with people that you really want to talk to you and real life if you you know if you didn't have this connection with them online. And some ex-girlfriend makes a comment on your photo

and your significant other ex-cellus. It's so true. I mean, it's just weird to me that I can see, except for the ones that have defriended me, that I can see every guy I've ever dated, I can see their Facebook page. I can see what they're doing, the vacation, the new girlfriends, except for the last few

have de-friendered me after, which I don't know what that says about me. They didn't, they didn't all go down that well, I guess, the relationships. It was a while ago. Anyway, it's funny when you realize someone defends you. It's kind of a funny moment. You're like, oh, I thought we were, I guess not.

I thought we were cool. I thought we were meeting you. We're going to, you know, I thought we were going to say friends. I said, let's be friends. Still, I only feel for you like a friend, whatever I said, it didn't work and they defrended me. So that's OK. OK, so we can move into some emails

before we get to some changes. I'm not going to use the word resolution anymore, but I'm going to give some suggestions to you about how you can truly improve your sex life and your romantic life in 2013. Because it's time. Man is going to the gym and I'm juicing and I'm also going to make a pledge about my sex life and so is minus when we get there Okay Ready yes emails

Hi Emily. I recently discovered your podcast and I love them. I can't stop listening My question isn't exactly a question my hobby and I've been together for 12 years and we are perfect together in every way But we don't we sexually don't match up He's his large penis hits things that hurt me fairly often, especially when I'm in any sort of doggie style, but that is a position that works best for him. Missionary works best for me, but not very well for him. He says he doesn't get enough grab for him this way. Yes, it takes us long to figure out why we've never seen, seem to be great in bed.

Any suggestions on positions that would work for both of us, any help I would really appreciate since we're only in our 30s and hopefully have many more years of sex ahead of us. So he is a large penis. This happens. This is the same. My man's penis is so big.

Oh no. What's your name? No women experience serious pain. It's not a joke. It's a laugh. Okay, no. Okay, so this is what I got to say about the big penis thing. Okay, it's hard when you just feel like you want to just get the first of all this happens. Okay, man, I know a lot of men like, oh my god, really? Like, oh, I'm too pretty. I'm too thin. I have

too big of a penis. It's like falls into that category. But this is a serious medical thing. Like, this can really hurt women and they can't have sex with their partner and it's a total bummer. I mean, you think it wouldn't be as a guy, but it is. So if you, you got to communicate with him more, that it hurts, let him know when it's, and you should also spend a lot of time having four play before you have sex. Most women don't only not only love four play, but they also need to get ready, they need it to get you have sex. Most women don't only not only love foreplay but they also need to get ready they need it to get ready for sex. So

once you have you once you're feeling aroused and you're ready to have his penis inside you so you need to be really aroused because then you'll be more lubricated. You can also add in a lubricant. So you need to use lots of lubricant and pick you're asking how positioned so pick positions that incorporate a shallow thrusting. So shallow thrusting is great because he won't hit your cervix, which is what's happening right now with his giant penis. And it will hopefully be considered less painful and plus the outer third of a woman's vagina is the most sensitive. So shallow thrusting

can also stimulate the G spot if you orgasm that way. Also women on top position, very good for shallow thrusting because you can control how DP penetrates. You can move in circular motions as you go up and down as penis. And yeah, that's what I got to say. Those are a few shallow positions and I would just say, keep communicating about it. If you need to use a vibrator during sex, you can go to goodvibes.com and check them out on our website. Good vibrations check out my store and all the toys that I recommend

because there's some amazing toys that you can use during intercourse on your clitoris which is how most women need more clitorial stimulation. So if you use one of these little cute high-end vibrators and you put it when you want even know you're using it not Not that he cares. He shouldn't care But it will help you get there Menace, what do you do about your big penis? I slow down Even though I don't want to you know, you just slow down for a long time You gotta slow down let them get to where they want to be and then you go to pound town

Then you go to pound town. Oh my God. Menace, that's probably I get more credit from pound town. Like everyone says it now. I don't take the credit. I attribute it to you, but I think it's the best thing I've ever heard. You got it. Do you have Emily? What did you say? You got to take him to pound town. I know. I know. I want to go to pound town.

Maybe I'll go tonight. It's the weekend. What are you doing tonight? Tonight. I'm going to go to downtown. Maybe I'll go tonight. It's the weekend. What are you doing tonight? Tonight I'm gonna go have steak at Ruth Chris. Are you jealous? I'm so jealous because I'm drinking my green juice right now. I'm gonna be really healthy though Okay, cuz that's how it goes. Okay dear Emily I've been wanting to date this guy for years now, but he's very shy and I don't know how to break him of it. Is there something that I could do to help him not be shy? He's a really nice guy. Any tips?

PS. Love your podcast. Okay. Fred loved Diane. Okay, Diane, here's the deal. Shy guys, I think that you have to make the first move. So first, you have to just, it takes a while sometimes for people just to get comfortable. You can find out what he's interested in,

engage in relevant activities. For example, if he likes comic books, you can go to comic book store together, he likes motorcycles, whatever. And then that will give him the chance to talk about a subject that he likes. And then you guys can start engaged. You can most shy people when you say menace are shy,

but once they're with their friends, they're not shy. So you have to get them to a comfortable place. Yeah. And you might be shy because he likes you as well. When you've died, when you were so shy, menace and like a girl asked you out, I mean, they didn't as much, right? No, not at all. And then they should.

I mean, if they know, girls know that a guy likes them. Come on. And they just sit around and wait for a guy to make a move. But if a guy is shy, he's so stupid. He doesn't know. He doesn't know if he likes them or not. Just give him a window, hold his hand.

Just like, just like embrace him and say it's OK. Oh, that's all. Oh, men. That's all I know. That's all you've got to do. And guys will then be confident enough to make a move. But if you, you know, this, we're oblivious, okay. I'm sorry. I know men are oblivious.

They can't read the sides from women. We've heard that. I've said this a million times in the show that men, literally a scientific study came out that showed a psychological study or whatever, that men attested men and women. Men can't or not as good as adept at reading cues from women.

So if you're a woman, check listening to this and there's a guy and you're like, why doesn't he ask me out? Wherever he might not even know. He might not have to occur to him that you think he's cute and that you're in. Like, he just guys don't know know I'm not saying all men but many men and you're right a lot of girls we can just wait

for the guy to ask us out but that's not always the case if you're super shy I mean how many times did you kick yourself in the head men as when you were younger and you were shy oh my god so many miss opportunities so many and thing is if you take a chance, Hannah girl says, no, you're not going to die. Nothing bad's going to happen to you. You're fine. And you don't want to be that girl's friend. Anyways, you want more than being a friend. So don't say, Oh, I

might lose my friendship. Shut up. You don't even want to be a stop. You don't even want to be a friend. Stop. I agree. Especially when you're young, like men and women are not like a friends to be friends. Like they want to bang. So it's if he's talking to you and he's giving you anytime, I would say that he's probably interested in

you got to make the move. You would like to put your penis in a vagina. What? You like to put you would like to put your penis in a vagina. Yes. I should. I should put your penis in a vagina. I should drink more beer

while doing the show. What do you think? You should drink more beer. Where are you getting beer at the office? Yeah, it's Friday. I want to work there. I see J.F. baby. I'm so glad it's Friday. I'm so freaking excited.

It's going to be warm here. And I'm going to ride my bike. And I'm going to go to yoga. And I'm going to go on the beach. And I'm going to walk my dog. And it's going to be awesome. Oh, hey. OK, I just tell my

Hey, okay dear Emily, I recently started listening to your wonderful podcast my boyfriend of I've been dating my boyfriend And I've been dating for six months. We had we first had sex after two months I was his girlfriend and first time having sex before the fun. He was firm on saving sex for marriage But he caved that one night now Now five months later, he is still terrified of having a child. He was raised very Christian and I feel as if he wasn't educated well about sex. I've tried telling him my opinion, but he is strong self-control. I feel as if every time we're hugging up, I crave penetration and I can't get it off my mind. How can I let myself be satisfied without the sex? At this point, I feel so sexually frustrated.

I don't know what to do. If you've any advice for my lacking sex life, I'd be forever grateful, sincerely longing for intimacy. Wow, so you know, the way people are raised, people, it's as related, in this case, she's specifically stating that it is this religious background.

It can really have a huge impact on our sex lives, on how we view sex, how we out off we want to sex, how we feel bad about it, or good about it. And a lot of it has to do with religion. There's a lot of other things that can mess people up around sex, but if his background and he was raised that way, I mean, I guess you just have to respect it. Does he, you know, you may want to talk to him about your actual risks of getting pregnant as well. If you're taking birth controls and he's going to condom,

it's unlikely that you're going to become pregnant. So if that's really the reason why he's like, I had a boyfriend like that. He said he was so terrified until he was like in college about having sex because he was afraid that if he like sneezed near a woman, he was going to get a pregnant. Like if he just fooled around with her, he was going to get a pregnant like if he just fool around with her he's going to get a pregnant and you were afraid of that too.

Well, I was the same. That way I was like, was I your boyfriend in college? Because my mom scared the hell out of me because my mom right. My mom was a teenage, you know, team mom. So she didn't want me to do the same thing. So she's like, if you're gonna have sex, you're gonna get a girl pregnant and you're gonna have to pay for that child for the rest of your life. Oh my God. Oh, did you, did you scare you? Did you scare

you from having sex? It did scare me from having sex because I could have had sex a couple times before I actually did. And you were literally afraid they were going to get me. Yeah. It sucks. So I feel like, I mean, I don't know if she doesn't mention how long longing for intimacy. I don't know how old you are. But I just think that, I mean, let take it so you don't want to pressure him into doing anything. But if it's really like, I wonder if it's impacting other parts of his life too, as well, if he's more close down about things. So if he's got problems with it or conflicts, he could also see a therapist and talk about it because if he's got problems now with it, like I'm wondering, does he do everything but penetration?

And I don't know, I mean, there's some literature he could read and you might just have to wait until you get married if you get married. But if you get really frustrated, like, I wouldn't suggest that you can talk him into it again. I would suggest that you just explain the thing about pregnancy, taking the pill, 99% effective and using condoms. That's what I said about. Yeah. Right on, condoms, baby.

Okay, that's my resolution. I'm going to use more condoms and no, I'm kidding. Okay, I always use condoms. 2013, what do you want wanna change about your life, your romantic life, easing into the new year, what do you wanna, what do you want? What do you wanna see differently?

If you look at your relationship right now and you think, you know, I really wish that we had more sex more frequently or we went to the movies more or that I dated online. You know know any of that and just like what is something that you want to change about where you're at right now in your life? so I Call it the year of asking for what you want because I think we should all just Get what we want in the air so madness is gonna tell you what his isn't a minute, but so this is one tip online dating This is a huge one because it comes up every it remember when there was a stigma madness with online

dating. Yeah, not anymore. Not anymore. No stigma. Everyone's doing it. I buy some of my friend Charlotte who was here over the holiday. She went out. That was her her commitment in the new year. She was going to get online and she already has gone on two dates with guys that she met. I'm plenty of fish. How many people have she slept with so far? Two. None. She's not slept with any of them.

She hasn't even kissed them. One she didn't like, another one she liked and she's like, I don't know why I never did this. I always thought that and she works a lot. So I just think if you're gonna do it, the stigma's gone. Join any dating site and you're probably not, you know, you just, isn't that that's a numbers game, you know, maybe meeting more people, so I think you should do that. Okay, my next thing, commitment that you should all, you could all explore as, as you are

enhancing your, your romantic life in 2013 is sex toys, like we talked about earlier, more than half of Americans own a vibrator. So some of my favorite suggestions, if you've never owned one like and you could get these all at Goodvibes.com go to my website the Mimi rechargeable water poof vibrator remember the Mimi I talked about it for so long These are like my favorite ones from last year the Lilo Siri pleasure object and then those are two really good ones for having sex and then there's the i-vib pocket rocket I love pocket rockets or a mystic wand vibrator and then of course Jimmy Jane We love Jimmy Jane the form too that those are all great to start with They're great for you to start masturbating with if you've never used one

But those are also great to use during intercourse So that could be one of your resolutions for the new year one thing that you're gonna change Okay, the next is to communicate So that could be one of your resolutions for the new year, one thing that you're going to change. Okay, the next is to communicate. If you're unsatisfied with your sexual relationship, talk to your partner about what you want in the bedroom. Tell your partner what, because telling your partner what you want in the bedroom is crucial for good sex. There's nothing else that matters than communicating because men are not mind readers, women are not mind readers Just because a guy's last girlfriend like something doesn't mean he's gonna they're gonna like it now And I just think and I thought this is my admission

Menace this is my right. This is what I'm gonna work on in my romantic life in the New York Okay, and I'm this is a big this is a big admission. I'm gonna make right now. All right It has to do with communication So I'm just gonna give mine up now. I think it's ironic, but maybe it's not because those who can't teach, do, or whatever, those who can't. The point is, I'm not great at communicating about sex when I'm in a relationship. I'm okay.

I do it more than the average person, but I still, Emily, such a Emily who's been doing this for eight years and has read every sex book and teaches people to do this, I still get uncomfortable every time and I probably don't do it enough. Talk about what I want in bed. Because I'm telling you that it is a very hard thing to do and I'm going to pledge, pledge that I'm going to every month

bring something up if I'm with someone or even if I'm with someone new, I'm with so with month bring something up if I'm with someone, or even if I'm with someone new, I'm with so with this guy, but if I'm with someone new, I'm going to tell them straight out what I need. I'm not even going to mess around. No waiting time before you tell. Why have one episode of Bad Sex? Tell your partner right away what you want. And it's hard, that's all I'm saying, that's what I've admitted that I have a hard time

with it too. But I do it. It's like ripping off a band-aid. Honey, you need to go down I mean more. You just like that. Honey, pass assault and you need to perform a role sex on me. Menace, did you want to chime in with yours yet? Or would you still like a few more minutes to think about it? No, no. I probably communication, of course. Okay. I think that would be big for me in 2013. Yes, I agree. And the bedroom is usually just like a hand signal,

it's not actual verbal communication. Right. And then I think just better time management with you're ejaculation? Think, you know, just better time management with, you know, with your with your ejaculation with my ejaculations. Yes. No, no, I Well, I don't know I I'm trying to figure that out Because before I'll just like go forever and then I was like, oh, I don't really have to go forever anymore, you know?

I don't really have to I don't really have to do that. I don't really have to Show that I can go a long time. No, not if she has an orgasm does she have an orgasm? Yeah, so I'm like, all right because you know, I used to like I used to be put in work But now I don't have to I don't I don't have to put in that much work. No, honey, if she can have orgasm quickly, a lot of women, it has been what you're calling work, but women, it's not as easy for women to have orgasms. So men have to sometimes work at it, but that's why I'm telling you, bringing a sex toy if you're with a guy doesn't really want to work either, but hopefully most guys want to. But that's good, men. You need to be with someone who can orgasm quickly

Yes I'm sorry. I don't mean to talk about your sex life like that publicly that everyone knows shit orgasms quickly, but I think no No, no, I mean No, I don't mind having sex for a long time, but I don't like it where it feels like I'm going a long time because I'm trying to get her there and it's taking me too long to make that happen. That's where it becomes work, you know? If we're having sex for a long time,

or we're both having fun, and then we both get to that point, then cool. But it feels like, oh I'm I'm really putting in efforts to try to make it happen and it's not happening then that that sucks you know yeah that you feel bad like that she didn't orgasm right but does she get mad or anything does she have her say anything if she doesn't no she always does okay well these are the kind of conversations what you know who you're dealing with? I'd run things around here. I'm just kidding. Okay, you're funny.

Okay, so the next thing on our list of things that we can improve on, these are suggestions that you can enhance your romantic life, is sex or sex or sizing. So we know our favorite caggle exercises. I've got an iPhone app called Caggle Camp and you can buy it in the iTunes store. Eventually we will have it for the droid

but it reminds you to do your sex. It's my voice. Walking you through your exercises every day for five minutes a day. They're for men, women. They have women have longer stronger orgasms and men. They have men last longer. Men isn't at that problem but so check it out. You can also do them on your own. You don't need me but they every you don't need my app but every doctor will tell you that it will improve your sex life to do these Kegel exercises, squeezing your PC muscles, you know, it's like your peace-stopping muscles when you're stopping and starting the Floyarn. Also, in the sexual size category, it would be health. The healthy you are a man is, I bet you're going to be banging up a wall in a good way, whatever that means. When you start working out three days a week, you're going to feel awesome.

Oh yeah, too. When I was working out and I was fit, I was banging like all the time. Was that like 15 years ago? No, it's like four years ago. Yeah, see, you're going to want to, it's going to be amazing. Because you've got to be healthy, so part and you'll notice this, if you're in a relationship and the sex life is stagnant, you might be because you've, you know, you're not that healthy. You're not eating healthy. You're not exercising. Another commitment in the New Year for play.

Kiss more, touch more, make it all last longer. Remember, most women not only love for play, but they need it. So those are some of my suggestions for you in the year. I've got a few, we'll go in a play, but they need it. So those are some of my suggestions for you in the year. I've got a few, we'll go in a second, but I don't think I was thinking about it. Sleep with people who make you feel good about yourself. Make that decision that you're just not going to sleep with someone, to sleep with someone, but someone who makes you feel good about who you are.

And try to have oral sex more. This is particularly for our partner's mask, yourmask.com, M-A-S-Q-E. These friggin' listerine, they're like listerine strips that you put on your tongue, man, that's right, you know them, and it tastes like strawberry or watermelon or chocolate. You literally, if you're a woman that doesn't like the taste of semen,

or you don't like the taste of a penis in your mouth, you put like a list, you put one of these strips in your mouth and it tastes like like a chocolate cake. It's like taste like you're having a strawberry parfait but oh his penis is in my mouth. I didn't even know it. So it's like try out my mask your mask.com it rocks and I would say more oral sex for you in the new year could be a good thing too. You could also try out a try new positions like we talked about earlier that woman who was having problems we talked about them varying up the missionary position and there's just get by my book hot sex over 200 things you can try tonight and I'll give you lots of ideas because I'm not gonna get

into that right now. Okay that's what we got we got time for today. How's that menace? I love it. You love it? I love it. I want you to come back soon, even though I don't think you are. I miss you a lot. Oh, one more, I'm sorry. Can I say, I want to say one more tip before we say goodbye. This is all over the place.

But I think that you should watch an adult film together. It is, he might be watching porn without you. She might be watching it without that you, she might be watching it out without him, but watch a sexy movie together because just like Fifty Shades of Grey, just like listening to this podcast with your partner, it stimulates conversation. So it's like you have to sit there and just watch it and not have sex or have sex. There's no rules. You can be like, oh, do you like when she does that or do, and you could learn things from it? But, but it doesn't have to be a solo activity. And there are study, I just read a study

yesterday that talked about how porn helped women who have lower sex drive. It can help get them going. So my suggestion is Sinclair Institute. Their DVDs make you better at trying new things and pleasing your partners. They've got this Sex Exploration Series and expanding sexual boundaries, you cue Cupid Unquote Emily 50 for 50 off that's at the Stinclair Institute. And I had to try to mention that because I've been watching a lot of porn for school. So I'm really into DVDs right now, sexual DVDs. And I'm beginning warning, but thank God I have all my sex toys here. All right, that's really all we have time for now. Alright.

Okay, menace. I love you. Thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me. FeedbackItSexWithEmily.com. Hey guys, can I ask you a question? How are your balls feeling right now?

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