Sex With Emily - SWE: Best Places to Meet Someone

Episode Date: July 7, 2013

Emily shares the best places to meet someone, because sometimes it feels like there's no one to meet anywhere. Where are all the single hotties at? If you want to meet someone, get ready to drink a lot of coffee, get sweaty, and climb a mountain! You will be rewarded with lots of sex (hopefully). Emily also talks with Dossie Easton, author of the Ethical Slut about relationships. People go from one relationship to the next, without giving themselves time to grieve the person they broke up with. How long should you let yourself cry over your ex before moving on? Emily and Dossie also give advice for people who are dying to be in a relationship. What's blocking you from being in the relationship you want? And what are the best places to meet someone you can actually talk to? Alternatively, if you've been married forever, how do you get your sex life back? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is brought to you by one of our amazing sponsors, Masks Sexual Flavor Strips. They enhance your sexual experiences with a taste of strawberry, mango, watermelon, or chocolate. It's kind of like a mystery strip, but for sex. So if you like sex and you want to make it even more enjoyable and you like hearing sacks of that only for free, check out Masks at sexualflavors.com. Enjoy the show. I promise you're sex like Will & Pro. Look into his eyes.

They're the eyes of a man of stress by sex. Eyes that mock our secret institutions. Bit-promised, they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. Hey, girls, gotta have a stand. Oh, my.

The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so drunk.

Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. It's sex with Emily. I'm here with Dossie Easton. She was voted the best couples counselor in the Bay area, but San Francisco Bay Guardian. Psychotherapist and author, she's written some very popular influential books over the years, including one of my favorites, and she just came out with a second edition. It's the ethical slut, which is the most comprehensive guide I know to

alternative relationships and out there. You can find more dossieeeston.com. We've got a call waiting. We'll talk to Jane. Hey Jane. Hello. Hi. Hi. Thanks for calling. You're on with Emily and Dossie. Yeah. I have a question. I've been with a woman for several years who had never been with a woman before and identified I said, identify herself as straight. And she just recently was like, I love you. And you're one of my classmates, but I really want it a husband and a half kid.

And I want to have you, too. And I broke off the relationship because I just I don't see myself being able to do it, but I also feel like she's really one of my classmates. So I being able to do it, but I also feel, you know, like she's really one of my soulmates. So I'm just, you know, I'm really struggling with it because I'm like, I don't want to lose her, but I also just can't imagine being able to handle watching her get married to someone else and have kids, you know.

Yeah. I'm talking to the right person here. I know. So I go, I'm so glad you called Jane. Okay. Yeah, it sounds like a real heartbreaker in a lot of ways. Oh, yeah. But I do want to encourage you because with time and it does take time,

there's no reason why you and your friend cannot form a relationship whether it's a love or ship or a profound friendship. It almost doesn't matter, but that you cannot have the relationship that you have. There's no reason why not. You can. I think in our culture, however, this position is very difficult. And one of the reasons is because our culture is sexist. And the truth is that a lot of women worry about winding up in the position, in your position,

worry about being there, being less important and less valued than a husband, than a man. Because you're supposed to get a husband and that's your status as your husband and you're supposed to, you know, people kind of tiptoe around men in certain parts of our culture. And so I think it's a scary place. I think that not only your lover, but her male partner would have to be able to put out the energy to also welcome you. There's no reason why not. I don't, if you ever see a movie called French Twist?

No. I recommend it very highly. It's about a through a triad with a man and a woman who have kids and a woman who is very obviously a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a serious heavy drama. So Jane what do you think is that something that you think that you might try to stick it out? Well I mean it's clear this person is gonna be more gonna be best friends I just really feel like for me part of my journey is to have an intimacy space with one person and that feels like I haven't fully gotten it completely built yet. And I'm open if it feels right, but to me,

it feels like I just want to let her have that. And I don't feel like I can be a part of it. At this time, at least, I know she will be best friends forever. I just, it's just too painful. Yeah. And this is sad to say, but I want to make a point here that is a therapist. I know very well that grieving, something we have lost, not only what we lost,

but also the dream of the future that we lost with it. Grieving is a healing process. It takes time because when we have a loss like this in our lives, it leaves a sort of hole, a very painful home. And it takes time for us. I think it takes time to honor what's no longer there and to kind of explore the love that we did have and what we value about what we've lost.

And to go on from there and figure out, well, what do I want to put in my life? But don't ever leave out the grieving party. It's painful, but it's worth it. Okay. Good luck to you, Jane. Thanks for calling. Thank you. You know, I think that's such a great point because I think a lot of us just

don't want to be alone. So we skip the grieving process and we go right from, okay, I can speak. I've done that. I've done that from one relationship to the next. They always have a little overlap. Yeah. I overlap. I have a day off, and I'm gonna take a few months,

or I'm gonna be celibate for a month or two, or three or six months, never can do it. I go right to a least, I know my issues, but the grieving process is so important when you break up with somebody. It really, it really, really is. Yeah, I mean, it's really... I've always jumped to relationships.

I know, that's the hard part. Because they're like, oh, the best way to get over somebody is, you know, hook up with another person or, you know. That's what feels instantly good to you. Yeah, like the man terms, like go home and in the gutter and get another, you know? All the best. Yeah, and when you're hurting that bad, the next person that just walks in the door looks real attractive. Yeah, but next person that just walks in the door looks real attractive.

Yeah, but they could be just as bad. But who knows? I mean, that's a kind of, there's a kind of fallacy. I see a lot of rebound romance. And, uh, and so I said, Oh, I said, there was someone after you break up with them. Oh, no, rebound. Oh, no, no, no. That was, that's what's in my mind. Yeah. I'll be following this. I'll be following this with somebody when you're on the rebound. Right. Does that work?

You think? Um, a lot of people do sort of three three month crash and burn relationships in there somewhere. And I think it works for something, but not longer relationships very often. That's true, because you need that grieving period. I love the way you put that. I really think that's a beautiful thing that I have really missed out on a lot of grieving. I've just had a lot of serial monogamous relationships. I mean, don't cry too hard about it though.

What? No. When you break up with somebody, because you know some people, I know some people that have broken up with somebody, and it takes them two years to get over that person. Two years. And they're like, they have this all-enough thing where they're contacting them, but they're not together, and they go through all this drama. I don't know, I feel that they waste all this time. It's okay. Yeah. Have some grieving time, but don't. Well, two years.

Maybe. Don't say months. Months. There's an extreme. Maybe months. It's too long. Well, men, I think what you're talking about is a particular situation where people are not leaving and not staying. They're, they're sort of leaving and then they go back and they leave and they go back. And I had a friend once I had to say after, I can't remember if she was saying she and her partner were getting back together or we're separating again,

but anyway, I said, do you want me to offer condolences or congratulations? Exactly. I know I had a buddy, a buddy he broke up with this, I swear to God, broke up with this girl probably No less than 30 times every time I know he was single again He would his he would make a new Myspace page And he probably had like 15 of them and but guess what he did do know what he did to fix it. He married her

Another together For right now at least What do you think about that people breaking up? I mean, I know we can't generalize here, but it's kind of fun to do it anyway. But what do you think about getting back together or so typically if you break up with somebody for a reason, do you think getting back together? There are certain I don't want to be judgmental about this because you know, if I've broken up with somebody, some of my best friends are my exes.

Right. And the truth is that, you know, we have now together done the worst thing you can do. We've seen each other at our worst. We know exactly what we're capable of. And now we're still friends. That's pretty good. It's good to see you. You can rely on a friend like that. Yeah, exactly. You've seen me my worst, right? And we still like each other. And then for some people like your friend, you know, maybe they need to sort of bite the bullet and say, Hey, I guess we want to stay together because we can't seem to separate. Yeah.

So maybe we should go for it. For it, you know. Yeah, what do you, okay. So after breaking out with somebody, what do you think is a good grieving time? Because I, I mean, like, I just want to, I know what I want to do is to give you a date. Like, I need a time, I need a time period because I always tell my friends like, okay, yeah, you do need a mourn, but you don't want to waste your time crying over somebody that doesn't want to be with you If it takes a really long time

I think it's real important that people start looking in themselves and saying what's going on inside right? Yeah, not what's going on with him or her But what's going on inside me that I am so so attached to this situation That I can't walk away from it. That is really so well put. I'm glad you're here. That's a good reply. Well, because it's true, I think we end up

when we break up with someone, and we have this trauma, and we're like, what are they doing? And we're so worried about, like we're playing the relationship in our mind when really the grieving process, a lot of it should be, is grieving but going inward. and what do I want?

Looking at ourselves and beyond that we have to recognize a rather harsh reality Which is that for most couples who break up there's one person who chooses to break up before the other one does somebody And somebody is feeling not always totally one-sided, but somebody is somebody feeling dumbed. Yeah And that's a real painful place to be in. It's hard to put your self-esteem back together again. After you get... Dumped.

Dumped. I mean, I've been dumped. I didn't like it. Yeah. It took a while to feel good about myself. I feel like this is a terrible thing to say, but I feel like I need to be dumped because I always do the dumping. How do you do it, tell me?

How does Emily break up with somebody? What's the game plan? Everyone wants to hear this. Yes. I think that I, do you send down? I have my relationships trying to get out of them. All right.

And I know I'm just like, we should talk. And then it's all been different ways. But usually it's just I'm not sure this isn't working I need space I'm you know and I usually need space I need to figure it out that's why keep doing it's the same thing crazy really not that beautiful yeah because I feel bad I'm very close to it right now okay so this stuff went on in my life. Let's talk to Grace and Santa Rosa. All right, number two. Grace, what's up? Oh, hi, hello.

Hi. Thanks for calling. Well, my pleasure. I don't know if my question is quite on topic. I know that we're discussing relationship. Yeah, you're on topic then. Okay, I'm not in a relationship. Nor have I ever really been in one.

Okay. And the question I told the girl was, how does one get into a relationship? Okay. I think the thing that you want to look at is kind of where are the people that I like and then I have stuff in common within that I enjoy doing things with. And then what I've recommended to people, if you go to some social group or you go to a club or you volunteer, say for some theater group or whatever, that's always a good deal by volunteering for somebody. Then you look at where are the people, not the person who might be my ideal opposite

number, but where are the other people here who are like me? And who might be looking for the same kind of thing? Because they're not the competition. They're your colleagues, they're your collaborators. And if you get together with them, they probably have met some of the same people you want to meet. And now you have a little core group of matchmakers. And, um, and this can work very nicely. But what I suggest is that people go into in person.

I have no faith whatsoever in online. You know, I know some people connect that way. Frankly, there's too much fantasy in it. I think people have to bite the bullet and go out there and actually meet other people in their bodies. Because you can be whoever you want to be online. Yeah. What have you been doing till now? Well, I'm 46 years old and I've never been in a relationship. So if there's something, you know, something blocking me from being in a relationship with

somebody. Yeah. Do you have good friends? I don't have much, huh? Do you have good friends around you, a good support? Well, I'm in recovery now, so I guess I have a couple girlfriends in recovery. I live in Santa Rosa downtown. There's a bar scene here, but it's all 20-something. I don't really have much occasion. I don't really have a core group of friends in the front. Do I really know how to get one. All right, what do you use?

OK, last time, what happens when you usually go out with a guy? Do you go out with guys at all? No. No, never? Not so far. OK, what's the last time you have? Have you? Have I ever?

Yeah, a couple of times. OK, so what happened then? What? Let's see. I went out with one person that I met at a 12-step meeting and it just didn't work. We just didn't click. But 12-step meeting, I would say that that's a good, I have a lot of friends in recovery meetings. You know, that's where a lot of them meet.

Those are people who are already in the same path. They have issues also, so it might not be as easy to get out of this. I'm not finding it a very good place to meet people. Yeah, so they might have their own thing going on. Do you always go to the same meeting? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, sometimes maybe go another meeting. Go another meetings. No, I just don't find a good place to meet life. I'm not really sure. Yeah, you need to find connections for people that like to do some of the same things you like to do, whether it's some group that meets to play board games or card games or chess

or bridge, or whether it's something like volunteering to help out at Renfair, or Renfair, by the way, the Renaissance Fair is sort of the annual polyamory convention for wherever it's at, whether it's to volunteer anywhere that people, maybe people your age might be there because you're more likely to succeed with people who are like you and who are interested in the same things that you're interested in. The other thing that I think would be really good for you

is if you could find a woman's group somewhere that works on self-esteem and start valuing yourself. Start spending some really serious attention on what it is that you have to offer another person because you know what you love in yourself. I know it's hard and I know recovery offers a lot of support in that department. Sometimes you just got to pick up and move. You know, sometimes it's just area. I think I might have to need to move. Yeah, sometimes it's the area of the train.

I don't think that we're going on in Sonoma County. I really don't. I'm not seeing it. It sucks up there. Come down here. Have some more fun. Good luck to you, Grace. Good luck.

Thanks for calling. Yeah, I don't know, because I was like, I was in a bad area. I mean, not bad area. It's an awesome place to stay in Carlos. And but I wasn't meeting because I was like, I was in a bad area. I mean, not bad areas. It's an awesome place to stay in Carlos, but I wasn't meeting anybody or doing anything. And sometimes you just gotta pick up and move and find some new surroundings.

That's true. What are some, so, so, Dossie, I'm talking to Dossie Easton. If you're just joining us, she's the author of the Ethical Sluts. She was voted the best relationship council in the Bay area. So if you have any relationship questions at all, and she's, her here focuses on alternative relationships,

polyamorous relationships, but she can talk about anything. If you have any questions, comments, 800, 400, 3697. And Dossi, what I wanted to ask you is, are there any just basic, like you see a lot of different couples, but there must just be some basic relationship issues

that come up over and over again that are just like the core Issues that you deal with with the couples. Can you share any of those with us? Absolutely the most what the first course I ever took in couples counseling the most profound thing I heard anyone say is that intimacy is based on shared vulnerability Not necessarily the good stuff or the easy stuff, but the stuff that is about what it's like when we're in pain, what it's like when we're hurting. Most of us hide that stuff. Usually that's when we want to leave the relationship because we're hurting so much.

But you're saying that share it. What I see is when relationships, couples, try-as in my office, often I'm working with somebody and I'm working to find a safe way for them to talk about how they feel, what their emotions are. And most often they want to talk about what the other person is doing, not what they're feeling inside themselves. But when we get there, I mean, I am so amazed by how profound it is when someone who's had such a hard time suddenly is able to talk about how sad or scared or nervous or guilty or whatever they feel and all of a sudden their partner sees that vulnerability and wants to support them. I mean,

it's a place of love you get to because we all have terribly scary feelings. And part of the compassion and open-heartedness that we can share and love that leads to passion is about having in common these deeply difficult journeys that we go on. And a lot of times, you know, our instinct is that we want to run maybe from it. We don't want to share with our partner. We think our partner is going to judge us and not going to accept us. And the funny part is if everyone who's listening just remembers the last time somebody asked you to listen to them about what a hard time they were having.

And did you want to run away or did you feel like a valuable person because this person chose you to confide in and chose your shoulder to cry on? That's how you really, that's the good stuff in life. I think you can really connect with people on that level. I mean, they say there's also joyous stuff that that's all wonderful. But we have to be willing and ready and have the information and and be willing to work on talking about the stuff that's hard. And you help couples. I'm sorry, you've seen amazing transformations. But you had those couples. So here's the other top question I get asked is that,

you know, we used to have amazing, we talked to this earlier, but we used to have amazing sex, and everything was wonderful. But now we have kids or now he travels all the time or she's to into her, you know, the kids, so whatever it is, can we get our sexual, can we get our sex life back on track?

We haven't had sex in years. We used to really be a track to each other. Yes, yes. People don't even know why not. What happens with mature relationships is that they tend to get stuck on all this everyday living, raising the kids, the baby screams at three in the morning. Where's the money coming from? What about the bills on my God?

What if I lose my job? We're getting downsized. They want us to take a cut, you know. Everyone's getting laid off. And all this difficult stuff. Well, this is not very fun stuff. And what I find is that couples do all the work first. And then we sort of expect after we've done all our work and answered all our email and

Looked at all the sites we need to look at and sent our resume out everywhere and it's 11 30 or 12 We're gonna have to get up at six in the morning and now we're supposed to have sex. Yeah, it's like it's So I talk with work with my couples not putting their relationship last on the agenda couples not putting their relationship last on the agenda. A couple of people have kids. Sometimes I say, well, why don't you actually look out and see if you can find a babysitter for every single Saturday night for a while. Whether it's a teenager or a grandparent or whatever, but let's see if you guys can have an evening of your own. We always talk about, yeah, day night are the many vacation. Yeah. Uh-huh. That's what bed and breakfast and medicine were for. Yep.

Exactly. One couple of minutes. I sent them out to go out on a process-free date. They weren't going to talk about any problem. They're going to go out and do something fun, anything fun, and not talk for that time about any problems. They can talk about problems tomorrow. They're only going to talk about the economy, you know?

Not about politics. They're going to focus on doing something pleasant together. So they went out to dinner and dancing and they decided to pretend it was their first date. That's really... That was so sweet. And they actually rediscovered each other. Oh, that is a beautiful story.

They had to do those things. My buddy was calling me the other day and he's like, how do I spice up my life? And you know, my sex life with my wife and I go, I asked him what area he lived in and I go, go to Newark, Newark, California, they have the W Hotel. I'm telling you, have a great time over there, you know?

Yeah. He's hanging out for a night. Go back to that place. Go back to that place. But you can remember, make the time to put energy into your relationship. We put, we don't live in a pleasure positive society. We say we have to do all the work first and then we can have fun. And I say that if you're going to stay alive and energized and

passionate and happy and joyous, you have to make room for the fun and put it on your schedule. You put it on your calendar if you have to. It's like we think we don't deserve it or something. That's where our minds work. Like in this capitalist side, we have to do our work. Check everything out for our list. We don't deserve it. And then you feel like when you're taking pleasure, like, I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't. But it's like making the time for it. I think that's great advice.

That is great advice. Okay. So, men, how much of time do we have for? Sorry, I turn off my mic. We have about four more minutes. Okay, perfect. Okay. So, I did one other suggestion there.

Because I just remembered in the new edition of Slut, we wrote a section called Keeping It Hot. Okay, good. There's a lot of useful suggestions there. There's a lot of useful suggestions there. There's a lot of useful suggestions there. There's a lot of useful suggestions there. There's a lot of useful suggestions there.

There's a lot of useful suggestions there. There's a lot of useful suggestions there. There's a lot of useful suggestions there. There's a lot of useful suggestions there. There's a lot of useful suggestions there. There's a lot of useful suggestions there. There's a lot of useful suggestions there. There's a lot of useful suggestions there. There's a lot of useful suggestions there. some tell me some anything good, keep it in a hat. Well, it's pretty much the same stuff. Yeah, it's like how do you connect? I don't think there are, if you want to, you can take workshops and go to very sexual environments, you know, in sexual places where people talk about sex

and stuff like that, if that's what you need to do it. But it's also just a lot about sharing intimacy and connection and touch and, you know, you wanna feed it, you have to nourish it. And you get sex stuff that we can talk about? What sex stuff are we allowed to talk about? We can talk a little bit about sex stuff and good sex stuff. It's a sex with Emily Show.

It's a sex with Emily Show. I'll keep it tame. He'll dump it if you say anything that's bad. No, but is there... Yeah. Any, I don't know, couples who have things, their sex life's gotten a little, you know, they haven't changed anything up in a few years.

We have an exercise in here that's to write the best sex you and your partner ever had. Oh, write it out. Yeah. Well, you remember as being the best they ever had. That's a great idea. And then share your stories. That's one. That is such a great deal. But, are we in with each other not past relationships?

No, with each other. Okay. With each other. No, no, no. No, no. We're in a sex overhated. We're in a sex overhated. That guy, you hate other. Okay. With each other. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no.

No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no.

No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no. No, no, no. No, no. No, no. Maybe you can write about it and write about it. And it's a challenge to write explicitly. What made that so good? What touch? What place? What body part? Was it a tongue? Was it fingers?

What was it? Whole body connection? What was it that made that so special? Try to write about it like you're a great writer or a poet. I love it. Find a way to express how juicy it was. That's the language you need. You need juicy language. Juicy language.

Wow. I feel dirty language. To write a writing. Juicy dirty language. Could you imagine writing that up? Can you remember your best sex you've ever had, Menace? I can, but me writing out, I'm a horrible speller, so it'll take me a while.

Honey, we're not looking at spelling. We're looking at juiciness. Content is what counts. You're content is king. We don't care about spelling and ultimately write a script for three not one but three dates you would like to have with your partner. Six dates. Yeah. Six dates. Three. Not one because then they will we do it or won't we? Two because it'll be either or so you have to have three to be a real pluralist. Okay. And then if you each of that now you have six dates.

Wow. There's bound to be one of them you might actually try to do. Now do you put them in envelopes and put numbers and then say pick a card, pick a card. That's a good idea. You could but mostly people talk about them and talking about sex is very sexy. It is. Talking about sex is sexy. And when you know what your partner's fantasy is,

then you're on very short grounds, instead of wondering what you're doing is okay, you're thinking like it. Is there any couples don't talk about the fantasies? Like they don't, or they don't, there's a lot that don't, they don't think to talk about it. And you're like, then you get them to talk about it and it opens up a whole new.

Yeah, people don't talk at all about fantasy and it's... I think it's because it's so embarrassing. Fantasies tend to be kind of juvenile, okay? Just get that accepted. Right, it's not going to be like, like, head-y stuff here. Yeah, I mean, it's not like we're supposed to have clever sophisticated fantasies where what we're supposed to be is hot and they're often very essential.

They often look like movies because movies are supposed to look like our fantasies. That's why we pay for them. Right. Exactly. And it's okay. We approve that. We've time to take one more call. Alan Oakland. What's up? Al. Hi. Hi. Hi. How are you? Hi. Hi. Yeah. I have a quick question. You know, I made it for three years before I used to work at two jobs. Mm-hmm. And, you know, money was coming from everywhere, so it was not a problem. But you know, every time my wife saw whatever she likes, she buys it, you know. She doesn't walk.

And right now, it's economic since it's tight and I have a business, I own a business. And every time I go out with her, she does shopping. We go to LA and do shopping even when to Canada to do shopping. Okay. What do you do with that nice way? You know, how can I explain how that feels? I've normally done to save money. Well, there's a couple of ways to do that, but one couple of mine did a very good job with

something that I kind of liked. Before you go shopping, you take out however much cash money you are willing to spend on that shopping expedition. I don't care if it's $20 or a thousand. You put it in envelope and when it's spent, it's spent. And then when you go on another shopping trip to somewhere else, you put in however much money you plan to spend, you put it in envelope and you leave the credit cards at home. Can you do that, Al?

Actually, I don't mind spending money, but every time she goes, she just buys clothes and stuff, and she hardly wears them. That's the main problem. Well, I said, I don't think you need to stop shopping. and they stopped and they should have the real them you know the main problem well you know i think i said i don't think you need to stop shopping you need to stop spending more money than you have yeah if you can afford it it doesn't matter anymore and if you can't afford it then you need to set a limit and make a budget

have you said have you talked to her and say hey i'm not gonna give you money and that caused you problem i talked to her you know that and then then it helps up that she gets mad at me. She does. She does. She doesn't make problems. Yeah. Well, I think the two of you might need to make a budget together.

Yeah. To look at how much money do we have, how much can we spend on what do we need to pay for, what's the mortgage, all that good stuff. Do you have kids? I have two kids, one is three and a half and one is three months. Man. Money is tough in relationships. Money is a hard thing to talk about. Oh, you bet, you better learn how to budget now because those kids are going to become teenagers. They're going to cost them a lot of money. They're going to buy Al, but they're going to buy all kinds of stuff. You think the

wife costs money? I know. Yeah, let's like having those hard talks about money. I mean, money, when you say money and sex are two of the big issues in relationship. Yeah, no, no, no. It's really difficult to talk about. So I would just start the conversation with her. Thanks, Al. I like the budget idea. Thank you.

Have a good night. Bye, Al. Thanks for calling. We're over our break. So we're gonna take a break. Okay, we gotta take a break. Okay, we gotta take a ride. We gotta take a ride.

We gotta take a ride. Okay, we gotta take a ride. We gotta take a ride. Okay, we gotta take a ride. Okay, we gotta take a ride. Okay, we gotta take a ride. Okay, we gotta take a ride. Okay, we gotta take. Thank you so much for being on the show. They could find you DossieEaston.com Uh-huh And if you want to have a fun experiment just google ethical slot and see what you come up with there The phrase will be found all over the place. Yeah, it's an amazing

It's an amazing book and I hope you'll read it. Thank you so much for joining us. Oh, thank you so much for having me Spend delightful. Okay. We'll be right back with the best places to meet a guy and some other sex tips. Hey, everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I need to tell you about one of the great companies that's keeping my show free. Who doesn't want to spice things up in the bedroom?

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When you select your one item and 50% off you'll also receive three free adult DVDs for a little inspiration plus a free extra gift. So sexy, I just want to surprise you with it. And at the top of it all off, Adam and Eve will throw in free shipping on your entire order. So check out Adam and Eve.com today for this special offer. Get 50% off one item when you type Emily for the offer code. Upon checkout, when you do, you get three free DVDs of free extra gift and free shipping.

So just use offer code Emily at Adamineve.com. Thanks for listening. That's right, it's actually Emily. Thanks for listening to us tonight. Here's the thing. Are you eating cookies? I'm eating cookies. OK, because we have to thank last week our guest was Crystal

Bougain from Bliss Connection. And she sent us thank you cookies for being on the show. Which means I think we share her back next week. These cookies are amazing. They are pretty good. So she wrote, dear Emily and Menace, thank you so much for having me on last night. I could talk sex for hours and hours.

I had the same feeling I get when my radio show ends. I'm so high and pumped up from it. I wish I could do another hour. You're both so gracious and I learned so much from both of you watching you in action. Thank you. Blissfully, crystal. And but this became a huge issue.

What was an issue? You were giving me so much crap before the show because I was like, oh yeah, I forgot. Could you tell me she said those cookies? Oh, I can be. He ate them all. No, I didn't. Almost. It's never two of them that I need now. Lying. She said, Oh, she sent me cookies. I'm like, okay, could you share them with me?

Please, Mattis. Thank you very much. And I didn't have time to eat dinner. And so I just had two peanut butter chocolate Reis are so good. Listen, this would happen. The package came the rest to you and I. Okay. Whose name was first? Your name was first. But I mean, the Secretary Lady brought it to my office and said, here, I got a secretary lady and said, Hey, the, the, whatever. It's a secretary here. I got it. That's CBS.

It's funny. And she brought it to me and she's like, all you got a package. I opened it. There was two packages of cookies. Okay. Two packages. There was two names on the box. So that means one of the packages was for me, but it became this huge issue with you. I want to know

was the first package just chocolate chip. These are chocolate chip peanut butter, which are a little, which are tens. I didn't get any of the chocolate chips. Okay, I didn't know that they were different. I apologize. I'm sorry. Got them in the beginning of the week. At least you remember to tell me this time. All right. Remember my water? Oh, my mint. Would you think of that mint water that my friend said? It was good.

I liked it. I want more. Was it mint or hint? Hint. This is like, I should remember this. Nothing was mint. Anyway, it was good. I like when people send us food and candy and chocolates.

Thank you. We appreciate it. I like beverages a lot. Menace likes beverages. Okay. So thank you to Dossie Easton for being there. And this is our last half hour of the show. You're welcome to call and talk about anything.

If you'd like, 800, 400, 3697, relationship sex, what's going on with you. I'm going to tell you, we're going to go through the nine top sex tape scandals of all time plus the best places to meet a guy. We're going to do the meet the guy first. If you're on the prowl, check out these hotty spots we've mapped out. They're saturated with the male species. Okay, because people are always asking me like, where do I meet

someone? Where do I meet someone? And we say best way to meet a guy, but if you're looking for a girl, you can find them here. These are, these are non-exclusively male or female. The Apple store, which I always say, I always say go to the Apple store. They are so many men and women in the Apple store to pick up. Oh my God, there's so many hot women that actually work for Apple. Like, I would date them just because they were for Apple. Because I love Apple. Are they just love Apple? No, I just love Apple so much. I'm like, oh, we have some, like, common interests, you know, because we, I swear to God, I love Apple. My stepmom worked for Apple when I was a kid. So I like would go there to the offices and stuff like that.

So I'm all about Apple. Okay. And I would totally date a girl if she worked at the Apple store. Yeah, I'm telling you, because you're there, you're hanging out, you're at the genius bar. So the Apple store is the first one. It says most guys are natural gadget lovers and with sales of iPods and MacBooks skyrocketing more men than ever, stopping by the Apple boutiques. The vibe with the store is conducive to man meeting too. You can check your email among cuties. Take a free workshop on anything from Photoshop to podcasting. You know, that's a great idea. They have workshops like every night of the week that you could take for free. Oh yeah. I always want to go, but I never do. Do you view gone? I've gone to those. Yeah. Are they good? Yeah, they're really good. There's one here. It happens. It happens all over the place. There's one here. That's a great place. It happens all over the place.

There's one here in downtown San Francisco. Yeah. I know I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose,

but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose,

but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure there's some in San Jose, but I'm sure that you're taking a class at the Apple store. We're talking about the best place to meet someone. This one, I don't know that I agree with the weight room in the gym. When I am working out, do not talk to me. But I know people that have met people. I think you know, a lot of people meet people at the gym. You're right. I can't do it personally.

Don't talk to me at the gym. But according to many gyms, the majority of people pumping iron are men. If you prefer a cardio fix, some classes are seeing an increase in male participants. So it says male crunch members with the crunch gyms, they get the hearts racing in martial arts classes such as boxing, jujitsu, and kaporia, a gold gym. A capoeira. A capoeira. A capoeira.

What is it? It's a martial arts work out thing. Excuse me, I don't know how to say it. I'm like capoeira. A gold gym, more than 600 facilities in 43 states, body, pump, and boot, gamut the martial arts work out thing. Excuse me, I don't know how to say it. I'm like, cap away. A gold gym, more than 600 facilities in 43 states, body, pump, and boot, camp, classes. So anyway, find a near-use sports clubs.

I don't know, it seems sort of like. I've heard stories, it hasn't worked for me, but. I dated a trainer once actually. Yeah, but you didn't meet him at a gym, did you? No, I did. Oh, you didn't meet him at a gym? Okay. I was like 18, I slept with a trainer.

Wow. I don't know how do you, what's the opener at the gym when the person's working out? You have to catch him like in a space like a water fountain. That is a good point. What's a good opener at the gym? 800, 400, 36, 9, 7. So, you're like working out? Like, what do you say?

Hey, look great, all sweaty. Hey, you're sweaty. I don't know what you say. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I would want to know what you say. I feel like, guys, I just feel know what he said. Yeah. I don't know. I would want to know. I feel like guys, I just feel I personally am into my like

iPod and my working out, but but I actually did sleep with the trainer once. So awesome. And all the people that listen to it. I was in the best shape of my life. I was telling you, I got free training. And I I got free training. And I actually worked out with instructor once too. Did he have ponytail? No, he did not. He had long hair, but it wasn't

long enough to put it. It wasn't long enough to put a ponytail. He attached to his jewelry though. Oh, sure he did. Nothing wrong gets yoga, but just, you know,

nothing wrong in yoga. But seeping with a yoga instructor is interesting. Okay, so the next best place to meet a guy or really a girl woman, a Fortune 500 or tech company, the draw, how is this for a fab job perk? 22% of people met their spouses or long-term significant others on the job

according to a survey by Vault.com. But all careers are not created equal. If you're searching for a new position, consider working for either a Fortune 500 company, 75% of incoming full-time associates, tapping many Witcher and Fortune 500 are guys, or a tech company. I don't know if you're gonna change your whole career up

just to meet a guy, but... No, no, but you can't go to their parties, man. Techparties.com parties are some of the best parties to go to. You have so much fun. It kind of sucks for being a guy going to these because it's mostly, it's all dudes, but there are some hot girls there, but the girls there, they have a lot of options. You can invite it if you're a girl. How do you get invited? Fight for it. You're a girl. That's it. of options, you know. So. Happy you invited if you're a girl, how do you get invited?

It's five or five. Oh, you're a girl. You're a girl. That's it. That's all you need to do. Yeah, you need to. So, well, here's a good suggestion. You don't have to go work for the Fortune 500 company, but let's say you've got a buddy

that works at a fortune. Ask for a guy or a girlfriend to ask them to go with to the Christmas party. And some of these guys are like, they're like 23 years old and worth like $17 million, you know? I'm going to go to the party. I'm telling you, the dot com party that I go to, there's like these young 30 somethings and they're like worth millions of dollars. And not that we're all about money here, but you know what, hey, Simon, yeah, if they

can pay for the meal, I'm not going to knock it, you know? Money. It's just as easy as fond love is a rich man. Yeah, but the only thing, okay, yeah, okay, I'm just saying that, you know, it's added, it's added benefit, but I'm saying a lot of these, these guys are really, really cool too, you know, I'm not just saying. Yeah, they're cool. And they're rich.

The cool ladies have me read rich. So okay, so so far we've got the Apple store. These are the best places to meet a guy, the Apple Store, the weight room in the gym, a Fortune 500 or tech company. Okay, the next is, and again, this best place to meet a woman too, this is not discriminatory here, we can do either, a political rally or campaign.

The hottest political organization these days is the Saved-Fork Coalition, which is dedicated ending the genocide in Defore, the Western region of Sudan and Africa. So it's the stars like George Clooney are getting involved in the movement. There you go. So maybe you'll meet George Clooney. It says the best part, many senatorial and gubernatorial teams are male dominated. Oh, it says if you work in a political campaign, that's true. I used to work in politics. You might not know that about me. I did that for like six, seven, eight years, it was mostly men.

Yeah, and well, we just went to outside lands, which is the music festival here in San Francisco. And you see a lot of the political people that have stands and stuff like that. Yeah. You know, they're good looking people. But the only problem with me that I don't think I could date somebody like that, that is so, it seems like it consumes their life.

You know, I don't know. It does. I worked for it. It was my life. I worked for so many politicians. Yeah, so it seems like you have to date other people that, I mean, if you have to be like totally devoted to something like that. It's good if you're as into politics or as into things.

But you look over the rally and maybe you meet someone else who's not working for the politician, but they're just at the rally and they're politically motivated just like yourself. Yeah, I just, yeah, some people just, they're going to get obsessed and you work in politics. I did, I was, I was 25 years old and working my butt off and it was my life 24, 7, 7 days a week. But I'm like that now about work too. I obsessed about work in this show. You send me like 50 emails a day. I have stopped sending you 50 a day.

Because you know that is don't read them. I just delete them all. Oh, it's very ridiculous. I just read you 50 a day. Well, send me a lot. Sometimes you get in these modes. I'm only going to read the last one. I'm not going to read the ones before that. I told you, but I didn't know that there was going to be three other things I had to tell you. There's something called over communication. And even Marcelina's like, stop sending me email because I go, look, it just call me on the phone or send me a message. I'm not going to read all these emails. But you know what I love about us menace that we do our Blackberry Messenger chat.

Yes, we do. That's so cute. Okay. The other thing. That's how you go. Like, oh, menace chatted with me. I love my Blackberry Messenger. It's awesome.

A lot of my LA friends are into it. I mean, this is an Apple area. It is an iPhone area. A lot of my LA friends are all about Blackberry. And so we text back and forth through the, I got both. You you you messenger with other people to besides me. I'm sorry. I know. So upset. Okay. So here's another place.

This is kind of obvious place to meet the right one. A sports bar on a Sunday or Monday night. So football season. A lot of a lot of a lot of hot women. I mean, you can say guys to a course that are in the sports right my X-girlfriend really hot works for the Giants totally in the sports me. I know nothing about sports. I can't even I can't even name a guy on any baseball team right now or any football team. I just asked you on who you were on a football team and you looked at me like I was like, yeah, I don't know.

And I had an X-girlfriend for like three years that totally into like sports. Really? Yeah, there's a lot of what? Do you think that was kind of hot that she was into it? No, because I'm not into it. But I mean, there's like hot women that are like,

oh, they're all about the Raiders or they're all about the 49ers and stuff like that. But those are the women that are already probably going there. These are women who are saying like, you might not be that in sports, but if you really wanted to meet someone, you should go to sports bar. Yeah, I hate sports bars personally. You should just go to actually you should just go to a game. You shouldn't go to like a sports bar.

Because yeah, the guys that are the giants game with the fit. Yeah, the guys that are going to sports bar kind of. I hate the sound of men talking about sports on television. Yeah. Like my ex boyfriend, I always like my ex boyfriend. It's not always the same one. I hate the sound of men talking about sports on television. Yeah. Like my ex-boyfriend, I always say my ex-boyfriend. It's not always the same one, PS. But my ex, he loves sports.

It made me crazy just the television. The sound of men talking about sports on TV all the time. I can take it every once in a while. But just they're like, oh, does it replay in the sport? It makes me crazy. Yeah. I mean, you can, I mean, you see all these beautiful people at games. Yeah.

I love going to games. I'll go to games. I love the food at the games. I don't know what's going on, but I'll go. I can't. I almost feel like I have dyslexia or something when it comes to watching sports. Like there's some kind of learning disability

that I have when watching sporting events. I know how you play. ADD or dyslex like to see how. What are you talking about? ADD, well, it's almost dyslexic in a way because I certainly have some form of ADD, I'm sure. But dyslexic because it's like I can't understand. I know the baseball, I know how to play baseball,

but I see it in reverse almost. It's hard to watch It's I don't understand the game like I'm watching it and they're running around but like I don't get whose balls going where Is that weird? Yeah, so I like to eat a lot of games. Yeah, I like to like popcorn and pint some ice cream and and stuff It's fun to go to games basketball games are really fun. I'm ladies need to go out there You will find some guys. There you go. Just make sure they're not all about the game. Right, exactly. Okay, the next place is a volleyball league.

What? A volleyball league. Where the heck is that? You can probably find them at like, junior colleges or city colleges or something. Yeah, okay, here's another one. I'd grads, this is the best place to meet guys. A grad school coffee shop. Certain grad school programs are heavily male dominant.

82% of engineering degrees, 78% of computer science degrees, 58% of business degrees are awarded to men. The dearth of chicks combined with the little free time these studious dudes have to play the field. I mean, they're thrilled when you seek them out. So stop by caffeine near campus during exam time. No, they're gonna be studying. But maybe that's not a bad thing. In California, the coffee being in T-Leaf near UCLA, and then here we would have one near Berkeley. Yeah, did you see like a couple of years ago,

more people were into hanging out at coffee shops, but not as much anymore? I think they still are. They are? Well, it used to be all about Starbucks, but I never see anybody hanging there anywhere. I think they're going. They are? Well, it used to be all about Starbucks, but I never see anybody hanging there anywhere. I think they're going to other places now. Yeah, they're finding little smaller places.

I feel like everyone's hanging out at the Loris Park right now. I'm telling you, every God, okay, I did that for the first time ever last weekend. Did you? Did not? I mean, I didn't go, I didn't go hang out at the park. What do you think? But I couldn't, like- The Loris Park in San Francisco, it's on 18th and Dolores and it is totally rocking whenever the sun comes out

Yeah, I didn't understand it because I'm like what are people doing, you know, but there was like so It was like filled filled with people and so many different kinds of people from like all different walks of life Are there yeah, and they're kind of all segregated to it's a good school. Um, lunch room I wonder if there's like something similar like that in other parts of the Bay area. I don't know. I wonder that people hang out like parks or wherever. I haven't heard that. I mean, I do travel everywhere, but I haven't seen something like that where some like masses amount of people hang out at a park like. And so many different kinds of people. Yeah. Like you could go to the Marina green maybe

and that would be more marina in San Francisco. But I'm wondering if there's diverse and so many different kinds of people. Yeah. Like, you could go to the Marina Green maybe, and that would be more Marina in San Francisco. But I'm wondering if there's diverse spots like that in other cities. Yeah, well, I know in like, in Union City, there's this place called Union Landing, and it's like, there's everything there. There's like Fridays, the movie theaters,

and ice cream places. Oh, right, right, right. Tutti Bell and actually one of my favorite places to do the math. They just opened one up. No way. Half of black for my house. It's the best place Oh, right, right, right. Tuti Bell and actually one of my favorite places. Tuti Bell. They just opened one up. No, half a block from my house. It's the best place ever, right? Yeah.

How do you know? The yogurt ice cream. Yeah. Well, there's like a bunch of them, like across the Bay Area. They just opened it. My favorite one is in Union City. Okay. And I mean, there's like young people there hanging out, hot girls.

There's a bunch of guys. They're nice. Yeah. And it's like open till there hanging out, hot girls, there's bunch of guys. And that, yeah, and it, it's like open till midnight too. Yeah. It's an awesome place. And then they, they gone to know me there. So then they're like, oh yeah, they give me the little. They give me free stuff.

No, they don't give me anything free, but they give me a little discount. A little discount? Because they're like, Menace gets everything. Menace gets lots of perks, but it's a lot of perks being menace. Yeah.

Okay, the next one, which I actually have a personal experience Everything. Minus gets lots of perks, but it's a lot of perks being menace. Okay. The next one, which I actually have a personal experience with, is a rock climbing center. I used to be a really big rock climber. I started rock climbing with a friend of mine. And I used to go to the rock climbing gym here, Mission Cliffs in San Francisco. This was like 10 years ago. And I have never met so many guys in my entire life that I don't know if you've ever gone rock climbing before No, but I see hot friends of mine hot girlfriends that they tweet about going to that mission cliffs place

Yeah, it was ridiculous I used to go with my friend Noel a guy friend of mine He was we were just friends and we would go we started rock climbing together and He would joke okay, so what happens is you go in mission clips and there's all these different climbs that you do. And each one at the bottom of the climb has a name on it, like with a piece of tape and they're like, they're called,

like, you know, Billy's climb, Billy's building, Billy's whatever. It's named after someone in the gym who designed it. So it's written and my friend was like, Emily, is your name, because then he sent them to go without him climbing. And every guy in the gym was like, hey, Emily, hey, Emily, what's up?

Did you write your name with the bottom of every climb? So they all know you, I'm like, no, I just, everyone guy there is so friendly, they all offer to help. I, my phone was a little bit ahead. Of course, because they want to check out your butt, walking, and we're like, I almost stopped climbing because I've never met so many guys in my entire life rock climbing.

More than any other sport I've ever done. I've like run marathons. I've, I've done other things. What else have I done? I'm biking, I used to be to other things. This rock climbing was literally to the stage. It was like a joke. It was fun.

It was staggering. How many of them I met? There's some rock climbing place in Freemont at City Beach, which is around one of my hometowns. And it's fun. Like anybody can rock them. You can get that. It's the kind of thing where you really do get better at it if you work at it. And it's and you don't have to take the really hard climbs and it's great work out. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, that's number, that's our last tip for you. We're the meetup guy. I was looking for more places to meet guys,

but that's all you got. I'm telling you, any of those places, do you wanna do our nine sex scandals? Tapes, do you have time? Should we do this next week? Yeah, we're gonna have to say that to next week. But we had an awesome week together. We did an awesome week together.

Outside the show, got to hang out. That was good. I know. I want to do it more. We will. Promise. We had fun together. We could get a little drunk. Yeah. Hang out. We will. We don't do it enough. But outside the show was fun. And then we have Treasure Island Music Festival coming up. Would you be fun? Yes Yes, very very excited about that actually my friends The limousines who is a local group. They'll be performing at outside land So you people check those guys out. They're really good friends. There's a lot of good people coming Yeah, we hang out all the time. It's good. Yeah, it's an October. Are they cute? They're they're good looking guys Yeah, the limousines looking out one of them single the other ones married. What I like them. You're good looking guys. Yeah, the limousine's looking out.

One of them single. The other ones in America. What I like them. You don't even know my type. You would dig them. You know my type. If you saw a room of like 10 and you big, oh, that's amazing. I can maybe pick out your name.

I don't think you know. I can maybe pick out your type. I can. I can't. Well, you want to run a test? Yeah. All right. We will. I'm going to show you some pictures. We should do that. Will you run a test? Yeah. All right, we will. I'm gonna show you some pictures.

We should do that. What's Emily's time? Okay. We got it. All right. So yeah, give out all your stuff before we go. Okay, everybody listen.

I appreciate you listening to Sex and Family. It's so great to talk to you tonight. And thank you so much to Dossie Eason for being here. And her book, The Ethicals Slight, you have to check out her latest and greatest copy of it,'s second edition. A practical guide to paliarmory, open relationships, and other adventures. And thanks to menace.

Thank you. Thanks to my blog real quick. Yeah, plug your blog. Plug. www.menace.fm. That's me. And but you have your amazing website. Oh, yeah.

You can check out sexthemely.com. You can check out our blog there and more information about guests and myself. And you can also find me on Facebook, Facebook.com slash Emily Hope, Morris, M-O-R-S-E and Twitter, Emily, Morris, M-O-R-S-E. People don't know Morris, I think it's Morris. And you can also email me feedback at sexwithamily.com.

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