Sex With Emily - SWE: Breastgasm

Episode Date: December 4, 2013

Some women can have orgasms from breast stimulation alone. The same part of the brain that brings sensations to the vagina brings sensation to the breasts. I'll show you how to give her immense pleasure with nipple nibbling, breast cupping, light pinching, and licking. Don't twist her nipples, jiggle them, or slap them, unless she's into that sort of thing. It's time to play with breasts like a grownup (motor-boating being a sometimes fun exception). I also answer an email from a guy who can't orgasm during sex (it can happen to guys too!) and a man who wants his wife to be more adventurous in bed. Use coupon code EMILY for 15% off at Good Vibrations: http://bit.ly/19rLghs. Use coupon code EMILY25 for 25% off at crazygirlproducts.com and coupon code EMILY for 20% off your first purchase at Emilyandtony.com. Check out my new vibrator store: www.sexwithemilyovo.com/.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, I'm Dr. Emily Morse from SexWithEmily.com. Do you want to last longer in bed? Promessant is the only FDA-approved treatment for premature ejaculation. One in three men suffer from premature ejaculation, but they don't have to. Go to promessant.com to give the desensitizing spray that will allow you to have the sex you deserve. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them a lie-gone-day.

Hey, Emily. You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got every stand. Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Emily?

What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so gone. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information. Go to sexwithemely.com. We can check out all of our podcasts, sign up for a mailing list, which you should do. I'm not gonna spam you, I'm not gonna give you email address, I'm just gonna give you really good information

that's gonna rock your sex life, just like I do on the show. So yeah, thanks everyone for listening, subscribing and iTunes, following me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, sex with Emily, and everywhere else here, social media, mind, Rome, you will find me. I'm here with menace today in the lovely city of San Francisco. Hello. Hello. Thank you for visiting my city.

It's great to see you. I know. I'm sad. It's actually in my cars outside. I was here for the new opening of the Good Vibration store in Palo Alto, which is a beautiful store. I was in town for another work thing and I thought, this is it. I've got the rest of my furniture in my mini Cooper. There was a few things left, and I'm out of it. I'm not a citizen of San Francisco anymore. And it feels, you know, I don't know. It feels good.

It feels like the year that I've lived in Los Angeles has been really, really good for me, like good for business and good for my life and good change, but I love this city. It's so in my heart. And I love seeing you. But you did get reminded how much it costs the freaking live here. It is so. Oh my God. That was a stir call. We were outside and we both had to put money in the meter. It is 25 cents for every four minutes. Okay. Yeah. Do people, can you, okay, people because I know my mother like in Michigan, like I go home next week to Michigan. Okay, yeah. Do people, can you, okay. People, because I know my mother like in Michigan, like I go to home and actually do Michigan.

Like, like, you get like an hour for a quarter, or 30 minutes for a quarter in my head. A quarter, four minutes for a quarter, like it's, yeah. Oh, we have to go down and plug her mirrors again. We do. It's ridiculous. Anyway, San Francisco and it's blowing up, right?

With all the tech stuff happening. So, you know, it sounds pretty in Los Angeles, it's not as whatever, but, you know, it sounds pretty in Los Angeles, it sounds whatever, but you know. I feel that Los Angeles is actually, they stop making buildings there after the 70s. Everything looks so throwback, at least the areas that I go, I go to like Fairfax and stuff like that to the shoe stores.

So, by Jordan and stuff like that. But, and you know, it's, it's crazy. The amount of money it costs us live in San Francisco. And for what you get, I was in Florida just recently in Orlando just talking to people and they're, I was just telling them about the plastic bag situation where you can't get past the plastic bags in San Francisco or paper bags. No, back no, no, no, no, you can get paper bags, but you have to spend 10 cents per bag. Right. It's crazy. It's crazy. They outlawed the outlawed bags.

So I probably be moving in Los Angeles soon. No, but even in Los Angeles, they outlawed bags. Not in every town like West Hollywood, you can get bags, but in Hollywood, you can't. But yeah, targets like 10 cents for a bag. It's like I forget, and the problem is my car is filled with those goddamn bags, but I forget to bring them upstairs. And the most time I have stairs to target in LA, it's upstairs, it's

thing. And I'm like, I don't want to go back down. And then I pay for the bags, it's really annoying. But you know what, it's just like, like relationships, there's like pros and cons, everything. Yeah. Like the traffic and like, there's certain things you, you know, you just learn where you can live with and what, what, what kind of lifestyle you want, what kind of person, is that partner you want to be with, make you happy in all the ways they need to be happy? And in the ways that they totally bum you out, can you live with those things? And that's how I feel about the cities. Yeah, I think I'm just gonna have an affair

with both cities, so for a while, but that's me. But I was in Orlando and some sex with Emily listeners tweeted me and said welcome to Orlando. They did? They listened to the podcast, yeah. So what's up to everybody in Florida? I love that. Yeah. They saw that you were tweeting about it. Yeah. I'll be in Missouri soon. So what's up to everybody? Missouri. That's amazing. I love that they tweeted you. Yeah. You're

a menace on Twitter and then menace on Instagram. And yeah. And I'm sex with them. Land all those places too. I'm going to do Michigan. Yeah. Are you free? Go back. I'm a little bit. Exactly. I'm so afraid. I got really sick this summer in Michigan. I ended up, I was home for five days. I said, a month. Why were you, is that why you were asking me why I'm afraid? Or were my afraid because of the weather? Well, I totally forgot you went back to Michigan and you got sick.

I'm sorry about that. And when you were talking to me and you got sick, I didn't really think it was a big deal. When you were texting me, it wasn't really big deal. But it was, it was a big deal. When you were texting me, it wasn't really big. But it was, it was a big deal. That was huge deal. Yeah, the pneumonia. It was serious. I would have flown out there. Oh, you're so sweet.

I swear to God. I dumped the guy I was dating because he didn't care. And he would not have flown out there to see me. Yeah, I was a wild elf. When I was talking, you were just playing off. I know. But I got sicker and sicker. But why would he be?

He's an I say, I'm afraid to go back off like I know, but I got cigarettes here. But why was it I say are you afraid to go back because you know, you were on the television show bravo on bravo, right? Miss advised and I I assumed that you haven't been back since. And you know, all the stuff. And then there was this guy that you were hanging out with. Yeah, David, right. And I'm going to see him. I'm going to see him in Michigan.

Yeah, because we go to this. Oh, do you know that he just texted me and asked me to go away with him on occasion? A, B, I go to Michigan every year and there's just a party that happens this time of year that everyone goes to that I know. And I think he's probably going to be there. But I thought he was, I honestly, if I was him, I might have been a little bit upset on the way I was portrayed on the show No, he's he was cool with it. Yeah, in fact, which is so I was just so interesting

I made him a star and I'm gonna. No, do understand and Michigan. He have like a hundred women hit him on Facebook Okay, so he okay if you guys see this I was in the show in bravo called misadvised you can download an iTunes for like Five box right if you want to watch season, and sexy, interesting show, reality show, if you want to see how I live my life. And he was this guy, my crush from when I was like in fifth grade and we get, we hook up and get, we get back together, we reunite after all these years, he's going through divorce, whatever.

Final scene, we kind of blow out. I shouldn't tell you everything that happens, whatever. So, more so friends, and it was kind of a weird thing. However, a lot of women objectively say, that guy look like an asshole, like a lot of people. Like you're asking me right now. The dude got like a hundred chicks on Facebook were like, hi, are you the David?

And then he like bang two of them. So I'm like, good for you. He totally hooked him up. I hooked him up. I'm like, you look so bad, you look good. And then you got laid, you got your dick sucked because you look like an asshole. Because those are the women who date the bad boys.

And I don't understand why I've never been that girl. Like if a guy is a dick to me like you're a bad boy like not attractive I'm not hot I'm not turd on it's not interesting but a lot of women go for that and I'm not saying that David is a bad boy the guy in the show with me he's not but he looked that way I'm sure he was you know what just like you told you hooked him up because he he was just recently divorced when exactly you put him out there now he became and you know if he was just recently divorced when exactly. Exactly. You put him out there. Now he became, and you know, if he was stuck here in San Francisco, he might be a little

bit miserable because it's a, you know, it's a big pond, but in Michigan, he was probably a superstar. Oh, superstar. He's so happy. He's so happy. He's like, I'm putting him on the goddamn map that guys should be happy, right? Even if he was a map too, we had fun on that show. It was good.

So long ago. Not so long ago. It feels like it was a long time ago. It was in this room, actually. Stitcher Studios. Download the app. Listen to it on that show. It was good. It was so long ago. Not so long ago. It feels like it was long time ago. It was in this room actually. Stitcher Studios. Download the app. Listen to it on your iPhone. The podcast is really easy that way. Okay, so today's show I'm just going to read the emails because I've been getting so many emails lately from all of you and I'm trying, I really want to answer every single one. So thank you for emailing me at feedback at sexwithemlee.com. Okay, men who can't orgasm during sex.

This topics come up a lot lately, so dear Emily, I just started following you and the podcasts are great. I'm a 20 year old male, and I find it hard to climax during oral sex and sexual intercourse. For example, my first time that ever that ever had sex, I could not climax at night or the morning after. I've heard that masturbation affects climax, and also I read on men's health that you should masturbate at least twice a week. I've conflicted reading.

So what should I do? Thank you, Emily. Sign Cody. Okay, so Cody, if you orgasm easily during masturbation and you become a custom to that experience, it can affect when you orgasm during intercourse. However, it's totally fine to masturbate, especially two times a week. I mean, most guys lie guys masturbate every single day. Maybe you can practice masturbating and beating in different ways to orgasm. For example, instead of moving your hand, quickly up and down, try slower movements and mix it up. You may also need to find the right position to ejaculate in. Most people, most guys have a favorite position and a moment that's this easier to orgasm in like doggie style for example

andville position, which is missionary position with her legs over your shoulders. A lot of guys can orgasm that way. So maybe you need to have sex with someone for a bit to figure out how to orgasm you're 20 years old. I'm not sure how much experience you have, but in the meanwhile, when you're with a partner, don't be afraid to explore mutual masturbation and using your hand, well, she gives you a blowjob, so you can also do that as well. So if you are, like you said, that you're able to climax no problem when you're masturbating, so I would, like again, just mix up the different techniques that you're using. I think you're still figuring out your body and maybe during sex, you know, it's just,

it's harder for you to masturb it because you're so used to one way. So I would just again start adding some variety to your master patient, master patient practice. And yeah, what would you say to that? Use your human brain, come up with fantasies. Your fantasies, your most crazy scenarios in your head that probably will take you to that point.

When he's with art, when he's having sex with her and you can't masturbate, is that what you do? So, they come up with the crazy supermodel or whatever chick you're having, whatever guy, what do you guys think about? What? You're like, here he's so funny. No, but you're saying come up with some fantasy

to get in there and he's like, use your imagination. That's a great point, minus, because I don't have a penis. I don't know what goes on with you guys, only I can like rent your penis for a day. I would love to rent your penis for a day. Would you let me? And also one more thing, if you have a problem, if you have the opposite problem, which a lot of men ejaculate sooner than they'd like,

they can also check out ProMesson. It's the only FDA-approved treatment for lasting longer in bed. So if you go to ProMesson.com, you get more information, click on the ban, you just click on the banner on tax with Emily, it actually, and the thing is that a lot of men they eject they too quickly, but it's not even that some men just want to last a little longer than like, they might not be a minute man, but it might be like six minutes, but the girl fun takes 12

minutes orgasm, so you can use this spray on your penis and shoot, she doesn't even know you're using it, and you can feel everything and just stay hard a longer. So check out from us and if you want to do that. Which is pretty cool. For some people who have that issue, you don't have that problem. Do you miss? No.

Would you tell me if you did? Probably not. Not at all. Okay. Oh, oh, I have to read this. Okay, so everyone's been emailing me. This is crazy. So thank you everyone.

You know that I started my new product line, Emily and Tony. Emily and Tony.com, which is cool because now it's gonna be in store soon and stuff, but I had a contest, first month I launched, and I said every show I'm gonna give away a candle, or I'm gonna give away the down under comfort, which is the interesting, a ball of information for men.

So I'm wearing it right now. They're wearing it right now. And I love that you wear it because you're not like necessarily a product, dude. I don't think, but you know that it helps keep you fresh and all this stuff. So, but here's someone who won the massage canals. So, I want to thank everyone for sharing your stories

with me. We got hundreds of emails from people. And I read all your emails why you think you should win the aeromatheric candles or the Downer comfort, the cream-to-powder formula that keep your intimate areas fresh and clean. So, here's what someone who just won the vanilla candle because there's what they said.

Good morning, Emily. I'm writing you to try and receive the cocoa scent. Oh, they won't win the cocoa one. I wanted, I'm writing you to try to receive the cocoa scented candle. I just purchased the vanilla candle this morning, but I want to mix and match. My girlfriend have been fooling around with her girlfriends, and it would be nice to have an extra massage or I'll to go around. I'm excited with the fact that you said it doesn't mess the sheets. I've just recently replaced two sets

fooling around with chocolate body paint. I guess it's just a puzzle to be careful in the moment. Great show, long time listener. So he's getting lucky here without even my help, but I'm sent him a cocoa candle anyway, because he won, because he is hooking up a check. So he's getting lucky here without even my help. But I'm sent him a cocoa candle anyway, because he wants, because he is hooking up a check. So he should need to. But basically these massage candles are, they look like regular candles are really beautiful.

But you like them. And they don't, they're not waxy, they're not hot. They turn into this like delicious luxurious massage oil that's like warm. And you pour it on your partner's body or in his case, these two chicks bodies. So you love the guys like I'm kicking up for their best friend too. And you pour it over their bodies and you give on your partner's body or in his case, these two chicks bodies. So you know, the guy's like, I'm kicking up for their best friend too. And you poured over their bodies and you give massages and it's like delicious,

it smells delicious. Keep just, keep just smooth. What are you laughing at? This guy's like, I've got two babes so I need another candle. What? No, I was just thinking about the, so you gave me a candle, right?

Yeah. And I, I mean, I used the down under stuff and the other stuff you gave me, but the candle I always forget is in the trunk of my car. Thanks. Yeah, I feel good about that. No, no, no, no, I'm sorry. No, I'm something in honest right now. So I always forget the candles in there. I want to take it into a flight somewhere and I always leave the car at my girlfriend's parent's house. Okay, okay So every time I go to leave the car I leave I give them the keys to the car and I park it in the garage and I'm always taking the stuff out of the trunk

And I always see it in the trunk and I have to like like hide it Tony, but it looks like a bit open. There's a thing. The thing about the products are, they don't even say miss out. You can't tell. It looks like a regular candle. It's like, it's a great gift for the holidays. You don't use it as a candle.

It doesn't look like, it doesn't say like XXX on the side of it. No, no, no, no, that's why it looks like skin care products, right? It totally looks like skincare products. But I, it's the parents. Because the parents, right. They're going to see, you know, I have something like I gave you like the the tango masturbation sleeve. One thing is like I, you know, one day I'm going to forget and it's going to

be there on the truck. They're like, oh, this nice candle is going to be like burning in the middle of their house, you know, somewhere when I get back from trippers. Right. You just take it right in and I'm talking bring it with your girlfriend. You'll love it. Women love candles and I've had a lot of great four-place situations with these candles. I have a bad memory that it's in there. I'm sorry, but the other products

love. How are the socks from the Kardashian. Oh my God. The Arthur George from the love Kardashian love it. Good. So glad. Okay. I love it anytime. That was a warm all the time and they're very comfortable. I love that. That's one of the Christianer show. Okay. Hello, Emily. I've been following your show for a few months

and I can really see that my sex life has improved. I've been together with my girlfriend for a while now and since I'm a nice guy, the hardest time for me is when she has her period. She loves giving BJs and she keeps me very happy but I want to return the favor. Until now, I give her a, but I want to do more. You've talked about some breast orgasms, and I've searched your archive for information about this,

but I don't feel like it gives enough information. Can everyone have a breast orgasm? How long until you get there? How do you move your hands and mouth? Keep up the good work, regards Larry. Larry, I'm so glad your sex life has improved from the show. That makes me so happy. Okay, and I love that when she has a period, I thought you were gonna say the hardest time she has a period because she's gone in Vinovitch and she's bloody, whatever.

But you're saying, you're such a guy, Larry, that you're saying she's giving me blow jobs and I wanna please her and I might wanna give her a nipple orgasm, which is the second most common type of orgasm. Did you know that? I didn't know it was the second. Yeah, second most common orgasm is breath. And not every women can have them know.

So she said you hate those women. I hate those women. I hate the women who are just like, oh, oops, I had an orgasm within two minutes. And that's the way I was riding my bike when I was eight and I had one and I even stopped over since some women of orgasms really easily. I'm just not one of those women. It's hard, but it's not like easy, no problem. And I know I've not a breast, but I'm working on the breast orgasm.

In fact, I got some nipple clamps from good vibes. I've never played with them before, but I like different sensations on my nipples. Like, this is what I think about the nipple thing. Well, I should get back to the answer and then get back to my nipples. And after this, I will talk about my nipples. So stay tuned. I'm going to my partner rub it, or I'm gonna do it myself, and when you use vibrations, I mean, play with your breasts and your nipples

and figure out what turns are on. So she might be able to, she might not, but you might as well try. I mean, I believe if you do the right thing to them and every woman is different, she might just have one. How long until you get there? Again, different with every woman. Some woman can have a breast orgasm after 10 minutes,

you might want another woman, you might have to work on her for an hour. And then how do you move your hands and mouth? Again, this is really different with all women. But the trick to the breast is that you always want to start a lot slower. So like I always tell them, and go five times slower than you think you normally would.

And softer. So maybe you want to cut her breasts first. Like, cut them on the sides and start rubbing the sides. That feels really good to women's breasts. And then slowly, like, start moving your fingers, like around her ariola, around her nipples, and see how she starts to react. You could, like, like, your finger or you can use some lube and make it and see, like, if she likes a little wet, you can blow on it. So I would say you can, you can nibble nibble on the nble. A lot of women like that. And then see how much she can take.

Like is she moaning? It's just she say, ouch. If she says ouch, don't do the nibbling, then just do the licking, you know. But some women really like their nibbles like pinched. And in some way, we can just have orgasms from you. On their nibbles, if you just go around and around with your tongue.

So I'm telling you, you got to experiment with everything I just said. You little you lube, you some fingers, and don't squeeze them, and don't like really hard and plumb, but the nipples can take some more, some more toughness, but the breasts just start off soft and gentle.

So the same part of your brain that gives you sensations to the vagina actually brings sensations to the breasts, and that's why women can have breast orgasms. So, may also there, you can make the nipples tense by placing your fingers on each side of the nipple. Push down slightly and slide your fingers apart.

Move the breasts in slow circular motions. Start gentle, take her knee and how she likes them touched. And then also like I said, you can use her tongue and then when her nipples get her act which happens as you know, man is with women's nipples, you can harden your tongue and flick it back and forth and slowly take it in your mouth and then begin to suck and nibble. This also, you can, this is what I like, people like, I like, suck and release her nipples while inhaling. So, it creates this like, icy sensation.

You can also put an ice cube in your mouth and you can suck on a nibble. Those are a lot of nibble tips. Okay, also check out the Nip Lip and Tingle at classicorodica.net. So you know crazy girl classicorodica. Go to my website and click on the crazy cold banner. They have this erotic lip nip and tingle. It's amazing. I did a video about it. It's rock candy crush flavor 23. It's a sinfully sweet temptation to tease and please. There's raw sugar crystals that mingle with a blast to delight and excite. It's sugar-free body safe, no animal testing, and use coupon code Emily and you get 25% off all the real, they have like really like, they've like products for your nipples, for your lips, for your butt, for your like everything, cool icy products, check them out.

So, yeah, have you ever met the woman who had a nipple, had a breast orgasm? Yes, I have. And what were you doing, Tor? Do you remember? It wasn't that much. You're right, she just had it, right? She just, yeah, someone who can just, just have it.

So it didn't really take that much work. Really, like, would you just touch it, or did you just like, do you remember what you did? Yeah, just, you know, touch it, you you know pinched a nipple and stuff like that and the thing is damn it What? I don't know if she's married or whatever, but I really wanted to ask her because since then she had breast enhancement. Oh, and you want I will never if I could have an orgasm through my breasts I would not I would not yeah I just want to know if if it's I mean it might be you know kind of weird after you know many years saying oh

Hey, I just want to call and ask you can you still have a nipple orgasm after your breast implants, but um Maybe I should I'll have you could like yeah, why just tweeter? I Hey, baby, you get those new blur. But I'm done for some women. Once they, they get, you know, involved with the guy that they totally forget about, you know, the internet and all that kind of stuff. So, you know, it's kind of hard to keep tabs on what's going on.

Right. She might be insulted if you want to know. And I always, I always know the instant A chick has become single again. Yeah, then they're all over the internet. They are right that day It is disappear For years and then suddenly there okay the profile picture like the whole thing right that's what happened You got to read the whole now men do the same thing and I can tell when people are about to break up too. How? I can tell because when they first get together, there'll be a picture of both of them in the photo, then the timeline will be always pictures of them, like out somewhere, and then slowly,

it's like back to the future. When Marty McFly started disappearing from the photos, slowly the guy will start disappearing from the photos. I noticed that too. And then boom, he's gone. Yeah, it's gone. Yeah, exactly. Relationships status, game over.

Exactly. That's why people, you should not put your relationships status on Facebook. You don't want everyone's going to know. Although I said it came out two years ago, it's funny, I got interviewed by the New York Post the other day, they wanted to know why it's so common that people break up off the holidays in December.

And there was actually a study that came out. The most recent study I could find was a Facebook study that came out in 2010 that said that the two weeks before Christmas were the all-time high for people breaking up, because Facebook measured, you know, people's, like, most of them relationship status, all-time high, the entire year. And the 25th was like the lowest, like, no one is doing it on that day. You're either going to dump them before the 25th, they're going to They're gonna dump them after. But it is a big time of year. Like people, the motions run high.

They, they, they, they don't want to buy a presence. They don't want to go home with their family again. Or they just like, they're like, is this the part they're re-evaluating? They're like, yeah. If you know, they walk in, you know, do you want to go into the new year? Yeah, with a nuke with someone.

So what were you gonna say? You're a thing with a different. No, that's what I was gonna ask you. It's probably like the gifts and stuff. Yeah, exactly the nuke with someone. So what you gonna say you're a thing What I was gonna ask you is probably like the gifts and stuff Exactly the gifts I love With you all year and I still didn't want to be with you. I'd still get you a gift That's just the guy. Okay, how many months do you have to be how many How many months do you have to be with someone before you to buy a gift or how long do you think like if you're dating someone for three weeks

Do you get a gift on Christmas? I tell stories to you. I feel so bad. What did you know? I feel so bad. So it's like one of my like really first real girlfriends in like high school. We get together a week before Valentine's Day. And I just like, I want to be before Valentine's Day. We're barely even together.

She got me all this stuff of Valentine's Day. I didn't get her anything. I feel still. But today, do you remember her name? Send her some flowers. Tina, what's up, Tina? You're in high school. She's in Florida, I think. Right. But you were just there. You could have brought her something. Yeah, I should have brought her something. I think she's buried. Oh, well, it happens. Yeah, I know. We all do stupid things when we're younger.

But I feel bad about it. I know I feel bad about it. It's okay. That's good. You feel bad. Yeah, you probably won't do that again But it's hard what I'm saying is though like right now like I've been dating someone for A month Yeah, oh, you still got you got it. What do I get on? What what a month gift? But guys don't really care. No, some guys care some guys here. They're for ginous I'm a really committed you know, I mean I just I want. They're vaginas. I mean, we're not like committed You know, I mean, I just I want to leave the country for a month. That's what I want to do. No, I just get them

I'm gonna go away though. I think by myself on a occasion over Christmas. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's what I think okay Are you serious? Yeah, is that where um, I don't know. Yeah, I actually no, no, no, no, no, not a month I'm gonna go for a week. Go Jamaica. Yeah, why Jamaica? I don't know When oh you want me to come with you on your trip. Let's go to Jamaica. You hardly want Jamaica? I don't know. When? Oh, you want me to come in through your trip? Yeah, let's go to Jamaica. You hardly want me to come with you in a trip. So are you really going to go there? Yeah. Okay, cool. Okay. Oh, okay, this question. Okay. This is a common question. How do I get my wife to be more sexually open? Dear Emily, my wife and I have known each other since we were 18 and I've been married

for 17 years. Ever since we started having sex, my wife has never liked foreplay and only wants vaginal missionary intercourse. Hell yeah! In 20 years of knowing her, menace of sight, give her a minute of give her a sonar. I think she's let me go down her twice, never for more than a few minutes, and very rarely lets me use my hands and fingers on or in her. She sounds like a gift. She used to go down to me or give me hand job from time to time, but now

rarely touches my penis at all. She never wears any of the laundry I've given her over the years and very rarely makes a move. I'm me. Sex is pretty much arranged and agreed as we brush our teeth and get ready to say goodnight. Although she's beautiful, she's petite 5 325 pounds. I know she has a lot of body image issues and sees herself in the worst light. I also know that motherhood really makes her physically immensely tired and she constantly suffers from a lack of energy I tell her all the time how wonderful and beautiful she is and I think how sexy and desirable I find her But I think she thinks I'm patronizing her. She never talks about sex But I fear she's not enjoying our sex since I all I do is enter her and orgasm several minutes later

She commented a few weeks ago that it makes her uncomfortable when I tried to go down and do other things. That conversation started when I asked her to give me a hand job. My request did not go well. I just feel like our sex life is so limited and that she would enjoy it more if she'd let go a little. Selfishly, I also wish she'd show more desire towards me and interested in doing things to pleasure me. What can I do to help her loosen up and get her to enjoy sex? Thanks, Steven. Well, Steve, this is the heavy one because first of all, this is probably the most common question I get asked. And this is a show I just did a few weeks ago with Dr. Drew Pinsky. His wife, Susan Pinsky, came in my show and actually talked about their marriage.

It was a very insightful, open interview that she did and she revealed a lot because basically the show was about mismatched libidos. This is what we're talking about. He wants it more than she does. She wants it more than he does. How the hell do couples reconcile the situation? It happens, and of course, the first, you know, six months to a year, you're with someone,

you're in the ripping your clothes off each other, can't keep pants on my God, sex is amazing, I'm sex every day, but it doesn't last forever. So what do you do? And then things settle into place and you realize, oh, I need it every day, she needs it once a month, what do we do? So if you wanna listen to this podcast, it's very interesting because Susan's in with Dr.

Drew for 30 years and she went through a lot and did not want sex for about 19 years after she had triplets So she went through so but that's a whole other story A little bit because her thing was about hormone replacement theory but the first thing I have to say to you is you guys have been together for 17 years since you were 18 so if I do the math your 35 I think so for 17 years since you were 18. So if I do the math, you're 35, I think. So, Steven, you've never talked about sex. So there's a lot of time that has passed with you guys. I mean, I think that this is sort of in crisis mode because it sounds to me that, you know,

you're not even saying that everything else is great in your relationship and all this stuff. But the fact that she doesn't want to have sex and she's not open, that might just be who she is. But I also think that you have to, that if it's been ever since she got kids and she's tired or body image, she might need to go into some therapy.

She should first think she should do is get checked out by the physician. She might have hormone drops after kids. This is what happens when she's in Pinsky is that she had early menopause and her hormone levels are often. She didn't until she had hormone therapy, pelvis, pellet therapy, she all of a sudden started feeling, you know, amazing image. She's married to a freaking doctor and they couldn't figure it out. So there could actually be

something medically going on with your partner, with your wife. And that's always the first thing, like is she taking meds, is she taking birth control as she had any depressants, all these are libido killers. So we have to first rule out or figure out if there's any physical thing going on. Okay, so then once you rule out that out and she just says, no, I don't like sex. I believe that you have to also then, Steven, spend some time talking to her in a way. Now when you just ask a woman for a hand job, you just say, hey, baby, want a hand job? Of course, she's going to react reactive way because you haven't warmed her up and you don't know what she needs for me.

She doesn't want you to go down under, she doesn't give her, ask her what she does want. Maybe she wants a foot rub, maybe she wants a back rub, maybe she doesn't feel appreciated by you because I'm making this up. Maybe she used to bring her flowers all the time and you don't bring her little gifts anymore.

And to her, those gifts meant the showed love. It's different in every relationship. Or maybe you never ask about her day or maybe you don't take the trash out when you say you are, I don't know what it is, but there's something going on here where you guys are not connecting and you've been together for so long and you've never talked about sex. So I do want to say that I do believe it's time for couples therapy for you guys. And maybe you should even see a sex therapist, but I would start with couples therapy because usually couples therapy, usually the sex issues in a relationship stem from some underlying

thing has happened. So you started to pull away. Maybe it was after kids, you know, maybe the kids it was to understand. You kids, it's really hard to like, you know, make time for sex. But it sounds like this is lots of years and lots of miscommunication. She doesn't like the same things that you like. Maybe she had sexual trauma when she was little. I mean, we don't know. I think that if you want to save this marriage and you want to stay together, you've got to get

intimate and serious in your conversations with her before you can get that way sexually. So I would recommend therapy or if you feel that you guys have good communication on your own, which I'm not so sure about by your email, you can start talking to her about, you know, you know, what what what does her on sexually, what are her fantasies? Does she ever have any, does she ever think about sex? And you know what a simple thing to say to her is, babe, what's the most memorable time that we've ever had sex together? What what what one time six center had and she might say that time that we were away and Jamaica for the way, well knows maybe you need a vacation. So find out where she lives on the sexual compass and start to find out more information.

Yeah, I was just going to say two things kind of going back to doing things for maybe being more spontaneous and surprising her, not really playing out things like, Hey, you know what, I want to take you, we're gonna go do this, we're gonna go do that. I know every couple of money might be tight, sounds like you have children, just be creative and come up with different ideas and just have a couple surprises in your back pocket.

It's true. And then also, it sucks because he only talks about sex. I wonder what her demeanor is Exactly, it's just like the day to day and I mean if she had a she is a bad A bad attitude at home in like and with what he's talking about. I'd be so miserable right miserable and it's kind of hard when a person has a bad

Bad mood constantly like to turn that around. Exactly. Well, that's why I'm saying because there could be some kind of depression she's going through, it could be some, I mean, there could be so many things going on. I mean, it could be diet and nutrition.

I mean, I don't know what it is, but yeah, if she's a bummer to be around and he's not getting his needs met, couples just like brush us under the back bar and that's why I love people emailing you about this because I really wanna help people because I do think, and again, listening to the Susan Pinsky show,

I mean, it was so interesting how she, I mean, they had triplets. Can you imagine I mean three kids at once? And then like just like not, you know, like trying to work on their sex, like having kids and having all this stuff going on in their life means it's really, really hard, but they stuck together and they found a solution

and I'm just like, how do you do it? How do you do it? Because so many couples can't. They have too much time passes and the issues get so deep and they don't work on them and then they're like, yeah, I hate. So when you go on a cruise, yeah, you do lots of sex. I hope you just got back to this. I just want to cruise.

Yeah, I want to cruise through the Caribbean. And when you go on the cruise on every cruise line that I know of and that I've been on, they pair you up with different couples. Like I guess they go through your profile and like how old you are and stuff like that. So every time you go- Like for swinging?

No, they pair you up with couples when you go to have dinner. Oh. So you don't sit at dinner by yourself. You sit at dinner with other people. Okay. And so we were two other couples. And one of the couples, the girl, the girl in the couple was such a downer like everything which is. You can change tables. I mean, if we wanted to, but like the other

couple we were with were cool. And then the husband of the girl was, he was really cool. Okay. Just her. What you really cool. Okay, just her. What she did, just negative about just everything like, you know, oh, things, what, how, how much stuff cost or like she's not a cruise. Like what do you complain about? Our vacation. You're so lame. You're bringing me down.

It's just like you're a bus kill. I'm like, how, I mean, how can you be around something that's just a bus kill? Exactly. Isn't interesting. The day to turn it around. Right. And if I couldn't be around something that's just a bus school? Exactly. It's an interesting thing. It's like wanting to turn it around. Right. And if I couldn't turn around that person's mood, I'm sorry.

I would be out. Right. I couldn't be with anyone with negative energy and brings me down. Maybe it doesn't even realize anymore. Maybe some people they get off and like trying to make the burn happy. He's like, I'll make her happy. Just like women are like, I'm going to change them. Guess what people, the person who are dating right now, they're not going to change.

They're absolutely not going to change. The only way they might change is if they say, do you know what? I'd like to change. I'd actually like to change in this one area. But if you're thinking that you've got some Jedi mind trick that's going to change them and it's not going to happen. It's the same thing with drug users. People don't do drugs.

You can't tell them they need to stop doing drugs. They have to realize that they have to. They have to realize that they have to realize that they have to they have to they have to hit the rock bottom. So I think that's a really important message. So that's what we got time for today. Everyone check out everything I got going on at sex with Emily dot com. Tell your friends. If you guys are liking the show and you're enjoying and you're loving say, hey, guess what I learned on sex with Emily? We'd love to have more listeners. We'd love to hear from you at feedback at sex.com. And also you can also get me on my Facebook page,

like my Facebook page, sex with Emily, Instagram, Instagram, Twitter, sex with Emily. What else is there? Google plus. I mean, do you use all that stuff, Minnes? Snapchat. I'm on everything. What's the other one? Oh, Vine. Have you started doing Vine yet? I will find old man.

No, but I'm doing Vines now. Oh, you are? I mean, it's old. I mean, it's been around for a while. I know, but now it's not. It's not? Okay, well, I'm doing some Vines. What if?

People that do do Vines are really creative. I know, they're super funny. I know some people in LA, so I'm gonna be doing some stuff with them. So anyway, check out Menace, MENAC. Yeah, on Instagram and Twitter. Instagram's always my favorite, because the visual aspect. And if you want to see the Caribbean,

I have over 20 beautiful photos of that. Oh. And check out our other stuff. I'm, oh, I'm going to be doing really cool. If you're into big bands like Arcade Fire. I love Arcade Fire. Who else is going to be Queen's Stone Age, AFI, who you just hung out with?

I just hung out with them in the live live live. And just over like 20 other bands, Lord, who she has a giant song right now called Royals, on December, or just follow me on Twitter. I'm gonna tweet out. Where? Here in San Francisco. San Francisco, but I'm doing a national webcast

where I'll be interviewing all these bands live backstage at a concert for two days. So, oh, that's cool. I'll tweet it out. I know it's not sex. Maybe I'll ask some of the bands. People on the show listen to music. You don't just care about sex, right? Yeah. People? I know. Oh, yeah. Big bands like Phoenix, like huge bands. No, I'll be here. If you want to go. But they're having the same concert in LA. You should just go over that one. Okay, but yeah, if you want to check that out I will between out some links be give away free tickets or anything Maness. Yeah, I do I'm going waste tickets if you live in the area

If you live in the bearer if you're if you don't just watch it online you can you can tweet me questions and I will ask The band the questions Multi-purpose functional I try multi-functional man. Okay everyone, thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemley.com. Hi, I'm Emily from sexwithemley.com. What if giving oral sex tasted like strawberries or chocolate?

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