Sex With Emily - SWE: Bringing Sexy Back

Episode Date: March 6, 2012

Emily talks about self-esteem, its effects on your sex life, and how to get your game face on. Earthquakes, sexy shoes, ruining sex for others, enjoying masturbation more than intercourse, and Emily flirts with her exes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I Look into his eyes Then the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mock our secret institutions Betrubized they call them a lie Hey, Emily you got a boy drink because my man E here. He just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute The girls got a hair standard. Oh. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge?

What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks. And we not talk about sex so much. Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm off here. So, I'm gone. Being bad feels pretty good.

You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play good. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. Your sex life will improve when you listen to sex with Emily. That's all I'm saying. So become a friend with benefits member. Right now, this moment, and you'll get three shows a week plus lots of benefits plus better sex.

That's a pretty bold statement. You're sex life improves. If you listen to the show three times a week and you take our tips, it's guaranteed or your money back. If you listen to the shows and you take my tips and you become a friend's benefit's member, it's 4.95 a month, it's like 20 something cents a day, you'll become a friend, you'll be able to better sex. How could you not?

If you listen to everything or your money back. If you do everything you do, I'm going to make that promise now. That's kind of bold. That is free bold. But I think it was a measurable thing that you really did. I think you just blurred that out without thinking. Okay, I can't give you your money back. But I think it's, if you really listen to everything I tell you,

which is a lot every week, you'll have better socks. Yeah. What up, menace? How you doing? Happy Monday. Happy Monday. Uh, everything's good. I had a really fun weekend.

It was beautiful in San Francisco, which is epic. We don't get, we don't get a lot. We have really warm days at random times of the year. And don't get, we don't get a lot of, we have get really warm days at random times of the year. And when we happens, everyone freaks out because it's amazing. It's like 75 degrees. Yeah, it's supposed to be like super cold and then it's just warm. All of a sudden it's warm. And now today it's freezing again. And not freezing, but it's cold. And I went to the park, Dolores Park is like, do you have a girl out there?

Yeah, I got invited like five times this weekend. But I knew it would be like crazy hipster heaven. I was just like, no way, it's gonna be too packed. It was fun, we were drinking and hanging out. But I did go to the park because it was so nice. So I said, I have to go to the, I forget the name of it, but the one that full house, you know,

open the full house. Oh yeah, all the pausa. Yeah, it has all the houses. Yeah, but it's got point essential, you know, all the pausa. Yeah, it has all the houses. Yeah, but it's got quintessential San Francisco, the vista. Yeah, so there's a there's a park there. And that one was still packed too. Yeah, all to that.

That's the one that a lot of tourists go. It's called the painted ladies. Yeah, and it's the full house house from the from the series of whole house. Was it fun? Yeah, it was really fun. I got to take pictures of all the full house houses. I saw your picture on Instagram. Yeah, it was really fun. I got to take pictures of all the full house houses.

I saw your picture on Instagram. Yeah. You could find minstagram. Minstagram. Minstagram. Minstagram. Yeah, it was really. White menace on Instagram.

It was really fun. I did a lot of touristy things over the weekend because I feel like, you know, I'm really exhausted over the weekend. I usually stay home a lot, and then I'll go out at night. Right. And just rest during the day, but it was so nice. I'm like, I know you have to be out.

I gotta go do things that I never really do. I live like super close to, um, quite tower. Right. Love quite tower. It's a big like lighthouse in San Francisco. Never, uh, never been there. Well, I, I've been like outside, right outside of it. I've never actually been inside it.

Oh, good. So I've done that and just like drove around. It's good, you. That's so fun. I want to go to a classy place to eat over the weekend called Fresh Choice. It's just great. It's delicious. That's a chain, right? Yeah, but I love it.

That's classy. It's good. I'm sorry it wasn't, you know, French laundry. Oh, I love French laundry. Now I've never been to French laundry, which is an amazing recipe. But you just told me you wanted to go to my friends restaurant, Flour and Water, which is because you can get me in. That's right.

I can get you in and it's hard to get in. Okay, so today's show, we are going to be talking about sex and self-esteem, bringing sexy back. So one of the biggest issues and challenges that people have around sex is low self-esteem. If you're feeling like you don't want to have sex, so your sex life isn't quite clicking for men and women, self-esteem can wreak havoc on your sex life. So we're going to talk about what some of those telltale signs are of self-esteem and how to get sexy back.

Bring in sexy back. We'll bring in sexy back. That's what we do here. Oh God, what? You said before we started the show that you had a hangover. What's going on with that? Oh, my friend. Okay, so yes, so Saturday I went to Jelores Park,

which is this crazy park in San Francisco where everyone's outside, like people are selling like pot cookies. People are like naked selling pot cookies, doing mushrooms, just drinking like crazy. It was really fun. Yeah, a lot of people wanted me to go, but I was just like, no, it was just, it was there. It was packed. It was packed, but I live, I walked.

I live right now there. I can walk there. So it was really fun. And that was, that was Saturday. But then yesterday, my friend has this amazing house in San Francisco, probably one of the most beautiful homes in the city. And he's lucky. I'm lucky that he's one of my very close friends.

So we had a little day party. That's what we have. Like once a month at his house and it was just beautiful out. So we had like tons of food. But we started with mimosas, like, noon. And I'm still a little blurry today. Why wasn't I invited? I love mimosas. Really? I wasn't I invited? I love him mostly.

Really? I would've totally invited you. It was really fun. It was just a good group of people and we were chilling on the deck and drinking with Moses, but I don't drink that much, so I'm thinking of a little fuzzy today. Oh man. It was awesome. And then Friday, we did our killer show on Playware Radio Friday night.

Oh my God, that was so much fun. They're repeating it too, like today and every day. But yeah, it was so much fun. We had so many collars. And I told you this during that show, I'm playing with radio and series XM, but we shot this video for Kegelcamp, right, which is my app in the iTunes store, helps women, met for men and women to improve their orgasms and their sex life. You should all go download Kegelcamp app right now. But besides that, we shot a video, a fun video for it. And I posted pictures on Facebook of all the interns, so all my hot interns and their tight,

white little sex with them in T-shirts. And apparently one of them got like 50 requests from guys wanting to be her friend on Facebook. Because of her rack was on display. So it's kind of bad, like it's sort of an occupational hazard maybe, that I posted photos. But you should go to the sex family page and check it out I wish I got 50 requests from the show, but I don't yes you do you get a lot of people love you

We have a lot of friends in common and I'm assuming they're all fans of the show So you can find me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram sex family and you can find menace of white menace everywhere everywhere and Also What else I can take, earthquake this morning. Yes, there was. That was crazy. I totally woke up.

It was at 5.33 a.m. and then my dog, an hour before, was freaking out. So they always say your dog knows. So Daisy was like trying to get in the bed and I was like, push her down because I just was, because she has her little bed. But then when the earthquake happened, she jumped into my bed and she was really scared and I feel bad that I pushed her out earlier. But they do know that dogs don't, it was kind of scary.

But you were already awake, right? I was already awake. Were you at the office? No, I was at home. Did it freak you out? No, no, I knew what was going on. I'm like, you just kind of wait there for a second and you see, okay, like how far is this gonna go?

Right. And then it was just how long did it last? Three seconds? Two seconds? Yeah, like three seconds. Yeah. A little swaying motion, a little bit. It's freaky. It's a little freaky.

Because the wake woke me up, so I don't know how much of it I felt or missed or whatever about. It's, I don't know. Luckily, I think I'm lucky because I was here for the big 89 earthquake. Oh, right. So, I mean, anything that's, nothing compares to that. Right, that was crazy. What were you doing here?

Huh? Where were you? Luckily for me, I was actually in the middle of a field with a bunch of other kids. And we're just like playing the middle of this field. But it was so scary. Oh, you were young, right? Yeah. So people, if you want to recap, in 1989, the Bay Area had a massive earthquake.

Right. I forget how big it was. But luckily for me, I was in this middle of the field. But the ground was shaking so much that dirt was shooting out from the ground. Oh my God. It looked like when you're watching movies when rockets or bullets will hit the ground and then dirt would shoot up in the air. That's crazy. That's how it was like it was all over the place like dirt. Did you know it was an earthquake happening? No, I had no idea what was going

on. How old were you? Oh man, I don't know. 10 something. It must have been in like fifth grade. Yeah, yeah. That is crazy. That is crazy. Earthquakes are scary. So, but I was fine. I mean, I, you know, obviously I'm here. Yeah, but all the earthquakes now. I'm just like, yeah honey, but it could be a big one It could be a big one. I heard my friend called it yesterday the park. He was like Our Saturday park. He was like those would mean earthquake because we ever get to warm earthquake weather That's what happened. Okay, but don't ever tell because I'm really a good friend with a a TV weather lady And I always mess with her and I go earthquake weather earthquake. Oh, there's no such thing as earthquake. Well, there's not that's what she said. Oh,

that's just like a urban a San Francisco myth or something. Yeah, and I tell her all the time she gets so upset. That's so funny. Okay, let's get into some sex in the news. Okay. Larry Flint offers reward to anyone who is slept with the politician. And I was actually going to answer it because it's a million dollar award. What? Foreign mogul Larry Flynn asked all Americans in a full page ad in Sunday's Washington Post to come forward with any information about infidelity, sexual impropriety, or corruption concerning any prominent government official. Damn, we need to, we need to prove for such information, one million dollars.

Damn. But he's trying to bring someone down. I have sub with the politician. I'm not who shall remain nameless, but I'm wondering if I would be eligible for the $1 million. I don't think I didn't think about it to make some money over here. We got to make some quick cash.

You can text with that number. I would like a million dollars, please, thank you. I know, that would be awesome. I mean, I have good stories, but I'm not gonna share them. So if you've sub with the politician, I think it's mostly he did it last year this stunt He was targeting whole president of a Rick Perry with no takers in that front He's now casting a water net to bring hostile magazines to the political realm Yeah, so he's trying to get someone to confess a whole scandal. Oh my god. I know you know how many girls out there a million dollars?

Yes, they like it. I already said yes, but my guy doesn't qualify. He's not like a federal official. He was just a local official that I banged years ago. Okay, so clever Texas inmates has access to cable porn for months. Really? Inmates in Liberty County, Jail, have been treating themselves since December

to a nightly dose of cinematics, soft core porn by unplugging their TV cable boxes and plugging cable lines directly into the TV It took Comcast the cable provider Three months to install scramblers to blocks and other channels According to inmates to late-night porn was a pencil for a lot of fights and even more uncomfortable situations into the showers post viewing nice What does that mean they're all masturbating the showers? Yeah, or they alternate? They're massing each the showers? Yeah. Or they all turn up, I don't know. They're massing. They're banging each other, whatever.

That's kind of good bonus when you're in jail. You're like, wow porn. Yes, this rules. That rules. Okay, a penile fracture is more common during stressful sex. Have you read a penile fracture? I felt like I almost got a penile fracture. I felt like I fractured a few penises,

but I haven't really officially, but a penile fracture in which the erect fibers of the penis are suddenly bent, requiring immediate surgery to correct is one of the most painful things a man can endure. I can only imagine. Thankfully, a recent study of victims of the University of Maryland has found the best way to avoid. It stopped cheating on your wife.

Here's why. Half of all PNL fracture victims have an injury during extra marital affair. While the other half were out in the already, were just out of the ordinary locations or attempting risky positions. So like the reverse cowgirl, which a lot of men love and the woman is revered.

It's like, woman on top, but she's reversed. That can do it because you know your penis is she bends forward too much. Your penis can bend. So that's a tricky one. But I think it's funny that it's during extra marital affairs. It's another reason not to cheat people.

You're gonna get your penis in a cast. Your boner's gonna break. Your boner's gonna break. And that would be a total boner bummer. How do you explain that one to your wife? Yeah, I mean, oh, I got kicked in the nuts or something. You can't, you can't get out of it. That's another reason not to cheat peeps.

I'm just telling you, don't say I never taught you anything here. Okay, woman sues college because of former roommate sex life. So there's a 21-year-old former student of Stonial College in East and Massachusetts. She's suing the Catholic University for 150,000 because it failed to curb a roommate sex drive which drove her into suicidal depression. So the roommates in question, Laura, which is not a real name, engaged in a riot-skipping session with Lindsay in the room, several occasions it's actually the boyfriend will

Lindsay tried or at least pretended to sleep when she relocated on campus her only options was a small cubicle-like space which is a party dorm so she moved to hotel and set. So her roommate was doing in this college in front then protector. It's a college just to pretend you protect you from your when she's telling roommate to fucking take it outside. Yeah. That's just a rude roommate. This roommate. She's suing everyone wants to suit, make some money.

I seriously, just that seems silly though, but it's a Catholic private school. There's a John Edward sex tape that's going to be destroyed. Unfortunately, if you were dying to see that. What? Former presidential candidate John Edwards will not be going the way of Kim Kardashian's and Paris Hilton's in the

world. As video evidence, Laysons, former mistress, real hunter, it's been ordered to be destroyed. Dammit. I know. Didn't you want to see that? I didn't want to see that. No one really wanted to see that. But he could have gone that way.

She could have gone that way. He was the golden boy. No, he's a sex tape. What? Don't think I'm not thinking about it, okay? Seriously. Yeah, man, he was the golden boy and then he was cheating on his wife that cancer. Yeah, oops.

Cheating and she has cancer, ding, ding, two things against them. Okay, so also another thing not in the news is Christina Hendrix from Mad Men. Her breasts, her phone was hacked into. Yes. And she had a bunch of pictures of her breasts, which are infamous, right? Like, that whole show is about her breasts. Amazing breasts. They're amazing breasts. So do they show the pictures online?

Like, you can see their actual breasts? Um, I don't have to see them now. But she's Mad Men is a really popular show and they accentuate her breasts at every turn. Oh, yeah, because they're amazing. And she, I'm Tony, she's the next one that's gonna dump her boyfriend. You think? She's got boyfriend. She has a boyfriend that's like He's like a B-level actor. I'm like you know him if you saw him men Manus maintains that every successful woman dumps her boyfriend. Do you think you mean if she moves beyond madmen?

Oh, yeah, yeah, well she started getting she's recently started game really popular in the past couple months Guaranteed she's's going to dump her man. Okay, let's do a bet on that. Let me see. Oh, Annelivia Munn also has naked photos. Cool. It's a good day in America. Yeah, it is.

And the world wide web, right? Yeah, but they're both claiming, of course, the photos are not them. Yeah, right. Oh, because their faces aren't touched. But they hack into a phone. So when can hack into your phone so easily, can't they? Yeah, but they're both claiming, of course, the photos are not them. You're right. Oh, because their faces aren't attached, but they hack into a phone. So when can hack into your phone so easily, can't they? Yeah, they can. Well, thank God I don't take any naked pictures.

I really, I mean, never say never, but I really think it's a bad idea. I know that I never have, and I don't think I ever well. She should be more embarrassed of having all these photos that do not have, what? She doesn't have any makeup on. No, really.

But it is her. Yeah, it's Tully Her. Okay, so check out her boobs if you'd like. Okay, we've got some emails. All right. All right, everyone, thanks for emailing us at Feedback at sexwithelme.com. You know, if you're a friend with benefits member, we answer your emails right away. Right away, we are like your personal sex coaches right here on relationship coaches.

So here we got Emily, please help. I have a huge problem. My girlfriend of five years does not like having sex. She never has says it. It just doesn't feel like she never has. She says it just doesn't feel good or it isn't her thing. The only reason we do keep it, with the only reason we do, is to keep me from straying.

It's horrible. I've heard everything I could think of, nothing helps. I'm to the point I want to marry this girl. I can't see myself with anyone else, but I also can't see myself being so unhappy with our sex life. I've been with several other people and I've always had great sex, even been praised about being good, but then talking today she told me something that really made me wonder. She said before we had sex, she used to get horny, but now she never does, because she said sex wasn't as good as she thought it was going to be. I took her virginity four years ago and it was awkward. I thought it was just, I thought it was just her, but now I think it's all my fault for making her not like sex. Is there any way I can help my mistake or do

something to save horrible sex and have a happy life together without constantly wondering how good sex again. Please, please help. Sounds desperate. Steven. Steven, I would not say you're taking all the blame on this. I would not say it's totally your fault. I don't think you're bad and bad. I'm sure that you took her virginity. She doesn't have any other experience with it. If she was horny before and she's done horny now, it's not because it's anything that you did.

I'm sure you're not doing anything wrong. She might be having some hormonal issues, she might be having some psychological things that go in on with her, self-esteem, which is what we're gonna talk about in today's show. Does she masturbate? Does she know it makes her feel good? Does she ever have orgasms I want to know?

All the things that are very important. If you took her virginity, I'm just wondering if she's ever played with herself because that's what women have to do before they have sex, they have to get to know their own body. So if she hasn't done that any of that work, it's totally not your fault. And I'm wondering if she's on meds, if she drinks, smokes, there could be a lot of things that could be impacting her in her desired, her undesired of sex, her lessening desire of sex. Or you could say, you know what, that's women. What, they don't want sex? Not true. I don't hear this at all. Out of their mind. No, they're not. But I feel like she's kind of being psychologically abusive to Steven. She's telling Steven

that it's his fault. She's telling him that she used to be horny and she's kind of being psychologically abusive to Steven. She's telling Steven that it's his fault. She's telling him that she used to be horny and she's not anymore. I don't like this. I don't think she's got. Gary got what she wanted. He's saying he wants to marry her, but she's not having sex. And that's sex. Couples who go, couples who get married because they think it's going to improve their sex life

or it's going to improve anything in their life is a big mistake. And I would not be walking down the aisle just yet. That's what I say about that. You got to keep your hulls in check. Right. You feel me? I feel you. Keep those holes in check. You got to keep them in check. Okay. Hi, thanks. Please don't feel weird about this email. My name is John. I'm 25. I'm going out of the girl for two years and I have a foot fetish but never told anyone about it. I want to tell her but I don't know how to tell her. I don't know why feet is a turn on for me,

but I guess it is. I heard you guys were talking about foot fetishes a lot on the show, but never getting the details about foot fetishes, like licking feet, sucking on toes, foot massages. I think it's very common fetish disease, but don't know how females would react to it from Mr. Foot fetish.

Here's the thing, there are many men who find women's feet arousing. We talk about this all the time. Since there are plenty of women who enjoy having their feet massaged, it's likely he can satisfy her needs by massaging her feet. Like I would love a full massage. If that would do it for my guy and he's like, I'm going to get off by massaging your feet, I'd be like done and done.

So there are ways you can do it, but I would not lead with it. The first time ever in sexism, I wouldn't be like, show me your feet. Yeah, you got to move into that. Exactly. I would think that it could hurt the feet. Yeah, you got to move into that. Exactly. I would think that it could hurt the relationship or turn some woman off if you do it right away. But if you do it for a while, I think that you should show the fetish with her, pay attention to her feet during lovemaking without the foot fetish getting in the way.

I think there's ways to do both. There's ways to incorporate her feet without making it awkward or weird. And people have foot fetishes that originate from a lot of different things. People say it's childhood fantasies, maybe like it could be like your fifth grade teacher, wore sexy stockings and you have fetishized that. I mean, wherever it comes from, I'm not sure what your hat passes, but it's common and it doesn't have to be that bad of a thing in your relationship. And women love shoes, so I'm sure if you threw a of pairs of shoes in there, you'll be good. Totally. Tots. Tots. I saw amazing pair of shoes. I think if any chick was wearing them.

Let me see. For women. Obviously. I took a picture of it. Hold on. You met the woman wearing them? No, I wish. It's your favorite. Armez. Oh my god. Armez. Oh my god. Those are awesome. Oh my God, Armes. Oh my God, those are awesome. Oh my God, we're color the heels, silver. They're chrome, yeah. They're chrome, they're tan. Like, what are those? High boots?

Yeah, where'd you find those? They're in the ones. I like the ones in the corner right there. Yeah. Then the booties. Those are hot. You gotta find somebody to buy those. I would find someone to buy Armes boots for me. Do you want to me air med boots, email me feedback at saxwithendly.com.

Look at the price tag first though. They're like about $5,000. Ridiculous. I don't even wanna. I tell all my friends that are girls, I go, I'm like the gay, a straight man you'll oversee. I know. I respect women's fashion.

Even though I'm not like a fashionable guy, I don't wear likeest straight man you'll ever see. Cause I respect women's fashion. Even though I'm not like a fashionable guy, I don't wear like, you know, name brand stuff. I like women that have like style. Right. And I pay attention to that kind of stuff. I think it's hot. Yeah, I do too.

I think that's awesome. But I like women that can wear that kind of stuff, but not talk about. Right. What they have. Exactly. She's like, oh, I've got this in that. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

Name dropping her brands that she's wearing. If she can wear it like quietly, then I think she's super hot. Right, like I'm not gonna talk about the fact that I've Chloe Bootson, which are really expensive boots that I got in eBay for a lot less expensive. Like I'm not gonna talk about that right now. Yeah, I'm not gonna. Do you want to see him?

I'm gonna hold up the camera. I'm gonna totally be turned on. Do you know that these shoes can, I mean, do you know that these people watch this show? Oh, you flip that, guys. Check out the cam. Check out my feet. These shoes, these boots are friggin' hot and awesome.

They're Chloe. And I got them. They're my favorite boots. Chloe Kardashians? No. Chloe. C-H-L-O-E. They're very popular.

I love them. They make me really happy. Okay. Hi, Emily. I'm a huge fan of your show. My question is, I enjoy masturbating more than intercourse. And the only way I can get really excited is through oral sex and dirty talk.

I've never experienced an orgasm with a woman unless I masturbate. What should I do? I'm 25 years, I am 25 currently married and it's rooting a marriage. It's another person rooting their marriage and advice, please. Thank you. Well, you get to take your pound town forever, but just never get there. Right.

Right. Exactly. Oh. Well, how big is your return? My ex-boyfriend just sent me a picture of us. That's cute. What? Remember that they used Carl Salsman?

Yeah. He just sent me a picture of us. Of you two together? Yeah. Look. Sorry. In the middle of you. What did you say us together?

Instead of us, it sounded like you were saying that he had a picture of you and I together. No, me and my boyfriend, X, boy. Why would he do that? Cause he loves me still. It just popped off my phone. It's a picture of us making out. He just sent it to me.

Okay, so sorry, I'm really just really excited. I'm gonna call him and text him and flirt with him all day, right? No. Of course you are. You're smiling right now. You got to get more. That's sweet though. He found one of those pictures that you take in a photo.

Is it? There's like four photos and talking to each other. But then we break the sound to you, fellas. This is what kills me. All right, check this out. She's gonna text and flirt with him all day long, right? No, I wasn't. But didn't this guy, didn't he like cheat on you?

He didn't cheat on me. He just gave me his old cell phone where he had text messages to other girls. Oh yeah, yeah, but it wasn't confirmed that he cheated on me. Okay, because you know, I never text girls that I had sex with or want to have sex with because I never do that. It was long distance. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, doesn't it kill you fellas that women would still do that even though they had a bad history with this person? I just would just kill them. I love him though. We're still really good friends.

That's cool. Then once you have from Maryam, I've been telling you for years because I'm not into him like that. He still likes me because he hasn't met anyone else like me. Which is not sounds really difficult maybe, but he hasn't met anyone that he feels the same way with, same way. So does he say that he messed up and he wants to be with you? I mean, he knows that that's not going to happen because I'm not moving to LA and I don't

think that we'd be together and I don't think we're right for each other. And he knows that I feel that way. And he tells me like being this Brazilian chick last week like we're good friends I don't know how it's explained our relationship because ever that we're really good friends And that he just sends me those pictures. Yeah, it's cool man. We get it back to Dante here I love that if I was dating you and you're talking to your ex boyfriend all the time I'm not talking while time just I don't even talk to him. He just sends me pictures Yeah, it's nice. Okay, so he enjoys masturbating more than intercourse.

We've got to read this again now. Because it's less work. Here's the thing, he gets excited through oral sex and dirty talk, but I've never experienced an orgasm with a woman unless I masturbate. So I think that it's psychological, a lot of this is psychological. So when men have issues around, you know, the way they can orgasm, the way they can do things, I think a lot of it can be in your head. And you have to learn to take that thought like that, oh my god'm not going to orgasm not going to orgasm and remove that thought

and place it with erotic thoughts while you're having sex right as we talked about this the night. It doesn't even have you don't even have to think about the girl you're having sex with think about other shapes. Think about Kim's color. Exactly think about something else. But I think that you can do it and you know that dirty top turn do I need you know that oral sex turns you on and And if you need to masturbate there's nothing wrong with that like if you was or having sex She is an orgasm then you put on masturbate on her stomach or something. Yeah, for example chicks love that stuff Yeah, that's not a problem or her face First if you would jack the interface I'd like you to ask her first

There's like vine men vine men's and minerals in there and stuff would be good for your skin, right? They'd never said it's bad for your skin. Not bad for you. No, same as good for you. So I would practice though, I would stop. What happens if you stop masturbating for a while as well? He just, he just build up a lot of you. Yeah, but you think that maybe he'd be able to

if he stops masturbating so much. Yeah. Yeah, he's just going to have to really work at it. Yes, yeah, I mean, cut down on the masturbating because definitely because you're you're making yourself orgasm in a way that you like, but you got to figure out different ways that orgasm with other people. Exactly. So. And you're young. He's only 25 and he's married. So it's like you'll still figure it out. You've probably been masturbating like crazy, and that's what happens. You can just like last forever.

Right, so you just gotta learn to practice and shift your thoughts. So when you're in your head, like I said, and you're thinking like, oh my God, I'm not gonna be able to, just push that thought away, think of, replace it with an erotic thought, and eventually you'll be able to have an orgasm. I think Dante.

A lot of guys would like to be in your shoes, because they're like two-minute men. Right. And then women are more allowed to do that. Yeah, don't take time. It's not all bad. Okay, let's move into our topic. And the topic is self-esteem and sex, bringing sexy back.

All right. So, one of the biggest issues is people, men, and women alike, when they have self-esteem issues, they're not feeling good about self. They're feeling fat. They're feeling ugly. Guy doesn't have money or job or same with the woman, they will wreak havoc on your sex life. So studies have shown that having a body mass, this is just some of the physiological effects first, studies show that having a body mass index of a BMI that is either two hour, two

low, messes with your sex life. So all this stuff, if you, you might need to go to a doctor and get checked out. When you gain or lose body fat, your hormones are thrown out of whack affecting your sex drive, and also high cholesterol can lead to a plaque build up in the blood vessels that supply the pelvic region, showing blood flow to the clitoris and the general. So genitals. So if you have high cholesterol, your overweight, your underweight, you might have some issues with your sex life. That's the physiological effects. There's also psychological effects to self-esteem.

If you're insecure and focused on the way your body looks or what your partner's thinking about during sex, you're not going to be in the mood. So a lot of women we talk about this have sex in the dark or they feel fat or they don't feel great and they are going to, it's going to affect how you can, because the brains are the largest sex organ, right, for women, especially. We need our brains to be fully engaged in erotic thoughts and being connected to our partner, but if you're thinking, like, oh my God, it's my ass like fat right now, you're not going to have an orgasm and you're not going to want to have sex.

A woman's libido is strongly linked to her body image, more even more so than men, specifically your perception of the areas of her body that can be easily seen by others, like thighs and stomach, and don't you have women who are like, don't you like my stomach, I'm fat. No. You've never dated women like that. So you're eating. But I heard about women that won't like take their shirts off.

Right. Have you? Yeah. Still? I feel like that's a young thing, but yeah, I'm sure a lot of women go through this. So you just. Yeah. They shouldn't like look, women, I hate to break this to you, but

a guy is going to sleep with you no matter what. Don't worry about it. Women just trip on this stuff all the time. So if you have not had the best sex of your life yet and you're thinking what's wrong with me, it could be some of these things. It could be physiological, psychological. Your eagerness to get it on depends on how you feel about yourself naked. So if you don't feel good about yourself naked, you're not gonna be wanting to have sex. People lose their self-confidence when they gain weight, but in the insecurity can stem from something

as subtle as feeling like you don't have muscle tone. So it can be like you gained a bunch of weight or you're like my, you know, biceps aren't as ripped or whatever it is. There's also performance anxiety issues. So beyond the standard anxiety of penicise, like a lot of men have that, guys feel pressure about giving women orgasms. They worry that they can't maintain an

erection or ejaculate too soon on one occasion. They fear this will happen when they have sex and they can they have that whole self-fulfilling prophecy that we talk about. So you are insecure that you can't mean you maybe one time you ejaculate too soon you couldn't maintain it or maybe a few times in a row and then you think that's your lot in life. You think, oh my God, this is going to keep happening over and over again, and so you just have to start stop obsessing on it and just like really relax and not incorporate concepts of failure or victory into sex. So this is all about like you're worried about her getting pleasure and having orgasm, you're worried that you're not lasting long. You've got to learn to change your thought patterns that you are having

during sex and all I can tell you is that you need to replace those thoughts. It's almost like in your brain, when you see it, when you, okay, I'm going to use a meditation example, even though we're in Northern California, and menace thinks that I moved here and started to meditate. But what they say in meditation is when you have a thought that comes into your head, you're just still notice it and let it go, right? Like a bubble floating in the sky or like a cloud. You look at that thought and you let it go. You look at that thought you let it go. So if you have this thought in your brain that's like, I'm not going to perform, I'm not

big enough, you got to let it go. You just got to have it let it go and then you replace it with a more positive thought or an erotic thought that in that moment you can bring your self-esteem back and not be focusing on the negative. So show your partner that you can turn about giving them pleasure. So if you also are a man and you're insecure about premature ejaculation or not saying hard, just make sure that you are focused on giving her pleasure.

Just because you might be having some, you might be struggling with that right now. You can get over it, but you can also still focus on getting her off. Yes. Right? Even if you have that issue. it, but you can also still focus on getting her off. Yes. Right? Even if you have that issue. A Ractyl defunctions, that is another big thing that can factor with stuff.

It seems like I'm saying it can be caused by many factors. You should talk to your doctor about it. If you are having this issue, talk to your doctor, see what you can do. There are drugs you can take, but you should try toys. You can try other things with your partner. But you could also, like I said, you could try toys, you could try other things with your partner, but you could also, like I said, like you could try meds, get checked up your doctor, or there's a great book called The Multi-Orgats of Man

that I always talk about on the show, Camera, the author, by the end of Amazon, it helps a lot of men with their erectile dysfunction challenges. So, some things that you can do, men and women, so we talked about some of the issues that men and women have. How do you bring the sex back? How do you bring the sex back? How do you bring in sexy back?

Okay, there are things you can do to bring back in libido. You gotta work out. Working out is huge. Working out is huge. Working out is huge. It's so big. Studies have shown that women who exercise feel better about their bodies

and have more energy for sex. So this is even another reason why you've been putting off that workout and you haven't been working out and you don't feel comfortable with your body, it's, you just got to get your ass to the gym. You just got to do it. It feels really good. Working up sweat increases your sexual sensation.

You can get revved up more quickly and have more intense sexual experiences if you go to the gym. It's a proven fact. Bisexual super foods. Foods that are rich in antioxidants, fatty acids, and zinc can boost your libido. Research shows that the Mediterranean diet, which is lots of fresh foods and vegetables, olive oil and fish is ideal for sexual health.

I mean, this is the pain in the ass because you're on it and you want a pizza. I'm not saying you've changed your whole life, but if you want to really have increased your libido and increase your self-esteem, you have got to eat right and you've got to work out. Get used to work out. Get used to your body. Don't hate yourself. Don't hate your body. It's always changing, growing. But if you learn to love your body, and if you know, you spend too much time thinking people who spend too much time thinking about their flaws, their sexual pleasure is going to decrease. So, men's to laugh may preface this, but try doing your ritual of looking at yourself

in the mirror every day. All right. Get naked, look at yourself, walk around your room in the mirrors and make sure you look at your whole body and get accustomed to your body so you can't, don't have to focus on it when you're having sex. So you can focus on like how good you look.

Like you can celebrate your body. Like you, we're so hard on ourselves and we think our body's so bad but it's not usually, no one else is looking. You are just going to want to sex with you anyway, right? Yeah. Don't know. I mean, never with a woman and you're like, you don't answer this if it's this in the positive, but I really got you so fat. I mean, or she's so I wish that she had more muscle tone. I mean, you're having sex though. You're like, you're attracted to her, right? Yeah. No. If I don't point. You're not picking her apart. Yeah. By that point, no. There's no way.

So women like, don't worry about it. Don't, because you just become less attractive because you're not as confident. Right, exactly. Guys don't wanna hear that. They just, they wanna get down, they wanna bang. They don't wanna hear about, oh, I don't wanna hear. I don't wanna hear you whining and all that stuff.

They don't wanna hear about it all. So when I'm saying that you get naked and you walk around the house, this is to help you get more custom to your naked body, so you can focus on it when you're having sex, but not just your problem area. So look at your whole body. Like maybe you really love your arms,

but you don't love your thighs. Like focus on the things of your body that you like and celebrate those positive parts of your body. You can also get it on yourself, giving yourself an orgasm when your partners that around will help get you in the mood for the real thing. For women, you can get a vibrator, for increased desire, arousal, and more intense orgasms. If you would like to get a vibrator ASAP, you can go to goodvibes.com.

That's goodvibes.com and you use Cubanko GVM-15 and you get 15% off anything from good vibrations. And they've got everything. Buy yourself a little clitoral vibrator, buy an insertion vibrator g spot vibrator get the high touch you magic wand for now having great sex that we'll take it to the next level at the at the website sexlamy.com yep we got it all there and finally you just need to stop obsessing about it and have some fun there's a large disconnect between people think others notice and they're trapped to and what your partner actually thinks about your body. It's a major turn-off

to be that person who's like, I'm so fat, I'm out of shape, blah, blah. Stop focusing on it. Just like literally you have to change your thought patterns, change what you're thinking. I know this is you're said than done. If you can't do it on your own, then go see it there our best because it's going to continue. If you've low self-esteem in the bedroom, you probably have low self-esteem at work, you've low self-esteem at other places. And it's really something that should become your life work. I think my life work too is about feeling good about yourself. Because if you don't feel good about yourself,

it's going to wreak havoc in your job and your life and everything. That's what I could say. That's what I got for you when self-esteem. What, do you do anything to add? No, I've been saying this on the show for years. And it goes to being shot down. If you do get shot down, you're not going to die. Nothing bad is going to happen to you.

You're not going to die. Exactly. Men, you have to take the risk. I've got 100 women, someone's going to say yes. Yeah. You get shot down and doesn't kill you. It's not. No, it might hurt for a little bit.

That's what your job as a man, it makes you stronger. Yeah. Don't worry about it so much. Everyone's so obsessed in your fine. I like to shoot you down just because they feel they can. Not like they're not interested sometimes, but they just feel like. And it's never really about you. Maybe it is, but it's usually thrown issues. If they have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, we can't take things so personally.

Someone else is thinking, you've got to just focus on loving yourself. This is all about loving yourself. If you love yourself, you will bring sexy back. That's like app for you today. Check out the website, sexandonly.com. You have a recap of everything that we talked about. Everything we talked about is gonna be there on the show and you can also watch the show.

You can listen to the show and yeah, that's what you can do. Check us out on Stitcher. Stitcher, stitcher.com. Stitcher.com, download the app for free. And then once you download the app, all you gotta do is search sexandonly. You can stream the show wherever you're at. Wherever you're at, baby. Yeah. And we love Stitcher. We love everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. It was a good for you. Email me. Feedback at sexwithemlee.com.