Sex With Emily - SWE: Date me Online

Episode Date: February 10, 2012

okCupid founder Sam Yagen shares online dating profile secrets, Louis Vuitton condoms, breaking up with someone on their birthday, the Don Drapers of the world have low sperm counts, icy hot for your clitoris, is bad sex a good reason to get a divorce? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I Look into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that block our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Emily You got a boyfriend because my man E here. He just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute The girls got a hair stand. It's a lie. The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common? What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks and we not talk about sex so much You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexathomely.com where we guarantee your sex life will improve

if you listen to this show every week. We've got three shows a week. We appreciate all of our friends and benefits members. We'd love you to become a friends and benefits member. Just go to the website. We'd love your support. We need your support. We appreciate everyone.

And thanks for listening to the show. Okay. Today's show is about how to successfully date online. We have got the founder of OkayCupid Sam Yegan. We're going to be talking to him a little bit. Okay, Kupid has just taken off. In the last few years, it's become like a really popular dating site. And for mostly younger people, I'm thinking, people in their 20s and 30s, I'm not positive.

That's what we've heard. We're going to talk to Sam about that. And so we're going to be telling you about the right things to do, what not to do. And we'll also be talking a little bit about Valentine's Day because we've been talking Valentine's Day the last few days because as you know, Valentine's Day is coming up shortly.

And we hope that you all visit Adam and Eve.com. If you're like, oh, damn, Valentine's Day really? Go to Adam andave.com right now and you can totally order stuff and get it there on time for Valentine's Day. If you enter coupon code Emily, you get discounts, you get a free gift, you get free shipping. You get the Kim Kardashian Sex DVD.

I don't know if you wanted or not, but you get it. And I think it's awesome. I've never seen it. I actually am thinking of ordering something just to get the DVD, but they've got tons of stuff. I recommend, if you're a dude and you're looking for a present for your girlfriend, I love the vibrating panties. Adam and Eve has these vibrating lace panties that are perfect for Valentine's day. Basically, you, they have a secret pocket in the panties that high, high little vibrating

bullet. And then you're, the guy, your partner guy, your partner, you can control the panties. She can be walking around, you can be at a party, and then the panties can start vibrating. It's a fun thing to do all around. We'll talk more about that a little bit because I have a story about my own vibrating pantie story, which I will tell you. Yeah, our Valentine's Day Contest spread. The love was sexual to them, like go to our website for details. And so yeah, then our Valentine's Day contest spread the love with sex with Emily.

Go to our website for details. Basically, just follow us on Facebook and Twitter, which is sex with Emily. And all you got to do is like us, retweet us, reshare us. And we have got so many gifts in our office, so many prizes to give away that we just, we have to give them away. So you got to enter the contest. It's like you can't walk through our office because there are so much stuff going on there. So everyone should check that out.

And I'm looking forward to Valentine's Day kind of sort. I'm not a huge Valentine's Day person because I think every day should be Valentine's Day, but remember, it is a time to do something special with your partner. We've been giving you lots of tips this week and we'll continue on tomorrow's show, as well as next week's shows.

Just up until Valentine's Day. So you're all prepared and ready to go. So, okay, is the camera on both of us here? This is Steve. Hi. Hi, Steve. So, you know you can also watch the show. Steve is a new intern.

He's our male intern. How do you feel being with all these women all the time? Are you having fun? Yeah, you guys haven't picked on me too much, so. Just wait. Okay. We're being nice to you the first weeks. Oh, you okay, weeks uh... you can get you know reason you into it but then who knows what's gonna happen so we've got a little bit of sex in the news here

okay condoms give new meeting to knock off louis vitton bags so i guess an artist from the republic of george a has designed and is now selling condoms wrapped in louis vitton signature packaging without the consent of the campaign company so they're going to get sued soon. Bottom line, they're 68 bucks. Who the hell is going to pay 68 bucks for a condom that's going to last about eight minutes? Hopefully longer, but let's be honest, some guys, who's going to pay?

Girls like the company. They like it. They're like, oh, he's got a Louis Vuitton condom. He must be good. They don't even care if you're good and bad because you have a Louis Vuitton condom. You think that's what it is? You know, it depends on the girl. And also, yeah, there are label hoars.

There are label hoars out there. If you leave the receipt out, they're like, oh my god. This is the most ridiculous thing ever hurt. Okay, proceeds go to AIDS. I appreciate that. Blah blah blah. But I'm not impressed with the guide run. Like just give me the 68 box okay. Okay, 80% of single women admit to having sent themselves flowers on Valentine's

day. A recent survey of date.com has shown that 75% of women have at one point invented a pretend valentine. Of those women 80% have ordered themselves flowers and 13% have bought them Self-boxes of chocolate and signed it signed them from a made-up secret admirer Who does it to are these people? I mean I guess to because they're feeling really bad And they want to press their office mates or their friends or whatever, but I just I just think that you shouldn't get all choked up about valentine's day I don't know. It's kind of makes me sad. I wouldn't even release those results if I was date.com. I know, I know, it's kind of sad. It would, it does ruin my morning too. I just feel like, but I guess a lot of women

really take it at heart. And I just think if you are single on Valentine's Day, we've talked about that a little bit. And yesterday's show, we'll be talking about that next week, but if you're single on Valentine's Day, it's a day of love. You can love yourself. It's okay to buy yourself something,

but send the card from yourself. Be like, I just bought myself some flowers. There's nothing wrong with being single and being alone on Valentine's Day. Like, that's into the office too. To the office, right? That is weird. Oh my God, it's from Jack.

You know, like everyone in the office knows it, you're not dating. So, they're gonna ask you the next day, how was your date with Jack? And you got to, it's just, it's going. It's going, it's going. It's It's like oh what's Jack doing for your birthday? What's Jack doing for Christmas? I just think it's up and you're leading a double life and it's just It's just not good for anyone. I totally agree

So um that just shows how much women so if you are dating someone right now and you are in a relationship a lot of women do I Would ask her beforehand what she wants because there's a lot of women and I friends this, they get bummed out, they get the wrong gift, or the wrong thing happens some of Valentine's Day. I've not been that person, but I think, hmm, do I want to say the majority of women, I want to say a lot of women are expecting some serious Valentine's Day stuff going on, right? Has that been your experience with women they want stuff?

With me, I think February and March are sort of like the Bermuda triangle in my love life. Like, nothing ever happens then. Oh, that's smart. You've saved a lot of money. I have. Think of all the money you've saved on Valentine's Day dinners. That's awesome. When I sense a birthday coming up, I got to run too.

You got to run. Break up with her like a week before. I broke up with a guy who went to Anna's birthday, which I'm not proud of. It was a long time ago and I just, it was just... Was it like a decade birthday? Was it a big birthday? Was it just a throwaway one? No, I think it was, it was a throwaway birthday. So it wasn't, yeah, you might have been turning 26,

but I feel bad, I felt bad about it afterwards, but it just, it was just, you know, we got into that fight and it was timing and it was birthday, I broke I dumped him on this birthday, but I'm sorry if you're listening. I doubt that he's listening. Courtney Cox is not ready for post-diverse sex. So on the Howard Stone show this morning, Courtney Cox spilled the beans about the whole lot of nothing that has made her a

post-diverse sex life. Since her breakup at David Arcatt in March 2011, she admitted she's only had one makeup section session. No guys asked's only had one make out section session. No guys asked me out. It just makes me nervous. I don't like going out in general in general. I have sexual feelings and there's ways to deal with that. She means she's playing with the vibrators out. She means you're masturbating.

So that's good. She's taking care of herself just like you all should do if you're alone on Valentine's Day. But I'm surprised Courtney Cox isn't like hucking up with Hollywood. Are you think guys are scared of her? I don't know. Do you think she's a little intimidating? Yeah, I've never met her.

Right, but if you see her, like, what you know of her, if you know anything of her, I don't know. It's probably hard to approach a celebrity. If you, people probably like, do I say a line from friends? Right. And get her attention.

Exactly. Hey, Monica, are you Monica? Right. I don't know if it's true though. I don't believe that she hasn't gotten laid since any year. Wasn't she dating that guy from her show that she does? What's her popular show now? Cougar Town.

Cougar Town. That is a funny show. My friend is obsessed with it and she's like, you got to download Cougar Town. So I like I watched it online and it's funny. Have you ever seen it? No, funny, funny, not funny. I think it's funny. Okay, deep, deep, voiced men have lower sperm count. While every man wishes he could sound like

Don Draper, he might not want the sperm count that goes along with it. A new study has shown that higher levels of testosterone, which gives men more muscle mass, prominent jaws, and deep sexy voices can have adverse effects on men's sperm production. The theory is that when a man's genetics puts more energy into making him more masculine and sexually attractive, they may suffer deficiencies in other areas to sperm count. That is surprising. That is actually big news because you think all the women are going for the down drapers, but then you might not get pregnant or whatever. I mean, it might be a problem.

Sounds like a big problem. Sounds like a big problem. There's even no one to say talk like problem. Sounds like a big problem. Sounds like a big problem. There's Steve at Never Not, is he Jack like that? Oh my god. OK, so yeah, but that is a really interesting thing, because the women are going for the hot, hunky guys, and they might not be getting it right now. No babies.

That is a good study, though. Very important study. OK, half of women carry sexy underwear in their handbags just in case, just in case of what? A survey of single British women has found that 43% of ladies make sure they have a pair of sexy underwear in their purse as just in case a date goes better than expected. It would appear that most women have learned from the embarrassment of Bridget Dones, whose granny panties were exposed during a hot date.

Wow. Yeah, I think I do remember that scene. She was on a date and then she was, this is a full run. Her pants are gonna come down, yeah, and she's got the big panties. Oh right, the big panties. I've had issues like that where I was not, I wouldn't shave or I wasn't happy with what the underwear is wearing and I think I just didn't go there.

But I never think to carry them around because then they're gonna fall out because my purse is always like dumping on the ground. You gotta be careful. Right, the only time I've underwear my pants in my pants, the underwear in my bag is when I sleep over at a guy's house and then I don't feel like putting a mind in that I put in my bag and then then take them to work the next day. Does anyone ever do that? You probably do that. Do you want to run your bag right now?

I actually have some socks in there. You do? I think that's because I forgot to take them out. Okay, that's cool. I don't know if girls notice socks. No, they don't. Not as much. Not as much. So that's what we got for some sex in the news for you all today. That was very prolific, sex in the news. And okay, we've got some emails for you. For you from feedback at sexwithemily.com, you know, you can always email us at feedbackatsexwithemily.com

or you can also go to our website and there's an ask Emily button there that you can just click and send away your questions. And if you're friends with benefits member, we answer your emails right away. So that is, it's like, I'm like you're on call sex therapist. That's what it is. If you become a friends with benefits member, which we hope you all do. Okay. Emails.

Organism and enhancing cream. Emily, long time podcast listener and first time email, I'm also a friend's with benefits member. I bought your hot sex book for my wife of 30 years and me to study together. It's really enhanced our relationship and I thank you and Jamie for writing it. It's helped us move away from the more vanilla aspects

of our sex life and gave her new choices. Now my question. On the freaky Friday show with Jamie, you try and orgasm enhancing cream, I believe, called Shenga or something like that. I've been trying to guess how to spell it and find it on the interweb. Can you help?

Thanks again, and thanks for keeping our married life alive. Brad from Beaverton, Oregon, he's a premium friends of the end of its number. I love the email. Okay, it's called Shunga enhancement cream. It's SHUNGA. It took us a while to find that. So we just found that out. We were looking for that. So Brad, first of all, thank you so much. I wrote this book. So this is another great Valentine's Day present and I'm not just saying it because I wrote it. However, my book hot sex over 200 things you can try tonight. You can buy it on

Amazon and some local bookstores. It's a really freaking good book. Like I don't, I know I wrote it and you're like, yeah, whatever, but it's like seriously 200 things that you can try that are not difficult. You don't have to be able to flip your leg over your neck and do weird shit. It's like seriously, like little tiny things that you can do to spice up your relationship, just like Brad and his wife who spiced up their bucks. So that makes me so happy. That this, the same old makes me happy

that they read my book and it's enhancing their sex life. Because that's why Jamie and I wrote it, we're actually, we actually had dinner last night. We're gonna write a second book. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness, it's all for men. Brad get ready. It's for all for men.

So Brad, wait for that. And I hope try the Shunga and Hanson cream. We had him was Steve. This was before your time. Right. But Jamie, my co author came in. Yeah, it's exactly. It was very dark. But Jamie, my co author, my book came in and she had this Shunga, Shunga enhancement cream for women that just to help you. You might have felt left out this day because we all have to put it on. Okay. Not we didn't get naked, we just stuck our hands on our pants and put it on us. And it was tingle-y, right?

It was like, it was a tingle-y kind of sensation. And I don't, it's supposed to enhance women's orgasms. I didn't have an orgasm, I just did the show, so I don't, I just felt tingle-y the whole time and kind of excited. It was like icy hot. It was, I see hot, yeah, exactly. It was kind of like that. And I guess what it does is it, the blood, it helps engorge your clitoris. So the blood rushes to it and it helps you enhance orgasms. I actually want to try it during sex. So I haven't done that yet, but

I'm glad you brought that up. So thanks Brad and that is a shunga. So try that out. Okay. Dear Emily, this is about younger women. I've recently become interested in a younger woman. Long story short, she's in high school, but when I met her online, her profile said she was 19. So I assumed college. Note, she's not 19, but she is legal. She had dropped out.

You do the math? She was 18, right? It doesn't really bother me, but she's in high school. It doesn't bother me that she's in high school, but I am worried about her parents. I don't want to be that could be old guy, 26 years old, but I don't want to let a good girl go just because of some stupid social convention.

Signed Doug. Doug, I'm afraid you are that creepy older guy. That is, yeah. She's in high school. You're going to college. You did beer bongs. You've lived a life, and she's an eight, she's a cheerleader or something.

That first part of the email sounds like an excuse on to catch your predator. I know. She said she was older. She said she was older, and I didn't know. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. He says I've recently become interested in the younger.

I don't know. I mean, that's seven years is not, this is the thing. Seven years is not a big age difference when you're like in your 20s. Like if I was 22 and I was dating a 29 year old, that wouldn't be so weird. But when she's 18, and he's 26, you gotta go to prom and stuff.

Yeah, he's gonna have to go to the prom and get into talks. I'm just thinking, he's gonna have to read all the yearbook entries. Yeah, he doesn't even ask me a question here. He's just letting me know. That's why I'm gonna say David. I don't know how to say that.

I'm gonna say that you are that creepy guy. No, I'm just worried about like, why do you let me, of course, I've men love beauty, men love you. Have you ever dated anyone younger? A lot younger? No, like two years, I think. Two years, that's about what you do with that age. You date maybe the, you know,

when you're a sophomore, you get a senior or whatever, but you're doing freshman, you're a day to junior. I was still like freaking out that I would make references that would go over her head. Right, you probably would. Yeah, because I'm a little much. Right, exactly. Oh, you don't remember that Teenage Mutant Ninja

Chardle's episode when I was six and you were four. Exactly. We can't be together. Right, right. So yeah, no, and she's legal. I don't know you were four. Exactly. We can't be together. Right, all right. So yeah, no, Jane, she's legal. I don't know that worries me, Doug. I would just keep looking. And I want to say that today, just to refresh,

we are going to be talking to Sam Yegan and a little bit, the founder of OKCupid, which is a super uber popular online dating site right now. We're going to give you all the tips, how to successfully date online. OK. Okay. Oh boy. Oh boy.

It's a big one. It's a long email, huh? Okay. Reasons for getting separated. Hi Emily. I separated with my husband because after 12 years with my husband, I am 30. He is 38.

I got bored with our sex life. He would usually get on, he would usually get on F me orgasm and maybe finish me with his fingers or tongue. When I grew up, I realized there was more than, there was more there than simply having sex and deciding to ask for it. My husband declined to have a three person boy or girl join us in bed. It didn't take like me taking pole dancing lessons.

Didn't want to go to the sex shop to buy anything for me. Didn't want to buy any sex toys online. Refused to kiss me before sex. He said that only happened in the movies. And did not support my idea to go and see girls dancing naked. He wouldn't shave his pubic hair. I haven't seen his balls in the longest time. Today, I find myself separated not knowing how to kiss anyone because I have in French

kissed a person in more than 10 years and with an unbelievable feeling of guilt to my heart. I left two months ago, found someone else who's too, who but still may, but maybe the separation is my fault. Do you think bad sex is definitely a good reason to separate? Ellen in Vancouver, Canada. Wow, Ellen, okay, so here is the thing. I'm just, I feel like you dodged a bullet. I'm glad you got out of this relationship because you were together for 12 years

and you did all the things that I would recommend that someone does, and I would say, sex toys, I would say you have a threesome, I would say, make out more, because the first thing that goes with couples is eventually they stop making out, but the fact that you're asking them to make out and you wouldn't make out, I think Ellen, what you're experiencing right now

is just a little like, since you're alone for the first time in 12 years and you're starting to date, it's really hard. I actually, my friend has a site that I was gonna mention actually on today's show, it's called DivorceDatingTips.com. And it helps people going through divorce because you really are out of the game.

It's like you don't have the muscles anymore. Like you kind of haven't been exercising your dating or obviously your kissing muscles for a while. So I would just like stick with it for a little bit and I know that you have a feeling't been exercising your dating or obviously your kissing muscles for a while. So I would just like stick with it for a little bit and I know that you have a feeling of guilt in your heart and you might feel like regret. But I do believe that it sounds to me like you tried everything and that you were right to leave

and soon you're gonna find someone and you're gonna have rockin' bangin' sacks and you're gonna feel amazing. And I feel like you did the right thing. It just sounds like maybe he was depressed or he had stressed levels. She did all these things. They're not shaving the balls rule. And so yeah.

Shave your friggin balls. If your girl wants to shave your balls, shave your balls. Like what? Yeah, he's got some dark secrets, I think, that she never had that. I think so too. I think so too. I mean, he just wanna buy sex toys and lie.

I mean, it's like. And he doesn't want you to, he would get on you. F you orgasm and finish you with his fingers. I like that's just so lame, no kissing, no shaving, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I get that it's hard and I'm just saying that you will get through it. You're going through the early stages and I do think that bad sex is a good reason to separate.

I only think, okay, this is because this was her question. Do I think bad sex is a good reason to separate? I believe that if you try everything and nothing works to get it better, then it's a good reason to separate. However, if it's just bad and you don't try and you dump them, I think you always have to try. Whether you're a sex therapist or a regular therapist or you talk about it, you've always got to try. Because don't leave at the first sign of bad sex. Because bad sex can get better. But if it just stays bad and you try all these things, it's been 12 years. I think that was a pretty good, you know, you had a good information

there. You're a patient 12 years of God, no ball hairy balls. Not that I care about hairy balls, but some women really do. So, okay, let's call Sam Yegan. Sam Yegan is the founder of OkayCupid, which is a really popular online dating site right now. It's free. There's a fast joining process,

automated matching to what you want exactly. There's no ads and integrates with Facebook. And the ratio is almost one to one ratio of males to females. And I just had Tiana who was on the show yesterday. My other intern, she just went on, okay, QB yesterday and she had a ball with it. Like apparently the questions are like amazing. Like some of the, like they make you go, like she was actually working on it too long. I was like, can you get back to work?

Because some of the questions are like, do overweight people annoy you? Would you consider having sex and a graveyard? Would you date someone who lives with his parents? Imagine that while past, this, these are the questions that, okay, Cupid asks you when you want to register. Imagine that while passing by on a walk, you see another adult kick their dog. Hard. Which of the following would be your closest to your response?

Isn't that funny? It's very specific. So, the very specific dating site. So, we're going to talk to Sam who's like ruling the online dating world right now. It's a worse kind of sandwich. That is so funny. Okay. Beaker.

How we do it? Yeah. Do you want to get in? My brother's going. Sorry. Sam, it's Emily. Hello. How are you? Good. We were just touting all the virtues of OKCupid. It's like taking over the world or something.

Oh, thanks. I appreciate that. We're doing our best over here just trying to make love. Yes, just try to make love happen. Make love and make love happen. I'm a touch of love maker. Yeah, you are. I mean, it's crazy.

Actually, all my interns, you sure do you want to come over Kelsey? OK, yes, one of my, yesterday. So we were preparing for the show. And one of my interns, Tiana, she's like, I'm going to go on, OK, keep it. And I'm going to do it. I'm going to sign up.

And like, she was on there all day, I was like, can you get back to work? Like, literally you get sucked in and obsessed. And she was like, loved the questions that you ask. So, first, how be how okay, Cupid got started? There's so many dating sites out there. Like, what was your idea behind okay, Cupid? Well, the okay, Cupid found this

with just a bunch of math majors. Just for, I don't know anything about of us who don't know anything about psychology. We don't know anything about dating. But we sort of just company called the book No It's Deforestation. We had some experience in building really great web products. But we thought we'd spend a bunch of time thinking about online dating or headening kind of psychology back then. But we looked to look at the types of route there and you know there any kind of psychology back now. But we look to look at the types of route there, and there were types of like general personnel, any harmony, whatnot.

And we said, I think we can make a site, it's better, and when we think about better, we think about three things. We think about being cheaper, how you're being free. We think about having an algorithm that works better, and we think that based on math and data rather than psychology.

And then we thought, getting should be fun. You should have seen it. Getting should feel more like going to a bar than going to your shrink. So we said if you could make a site, that didn't take itself too seriously. And didn't feel like you were visiting your shrink. That'd be a much more fun experience.

So free. You want to be free. You want to be fun. And we wanted to be effective. That was kind of our benchmark. OK, got it. Well, it's totally working because that's all I hear about is okay, keep it.

Seriously. And so, what makes it so, so why do you think it's so it's unique? Because it doesn't take it so self-succeriously, it seems like it's just fun and people can really have fun with it. It's not like this dreaded process of your profile and doing all this stuff.

I think so many sites out there they've been trying to, they have this promise of, you know, we're going to find you a soulmate. Like, just kind of for our site, we're going to look into your soul and we're going to get you married in, you know, seven days or whatever. And that's not how dating works, you know, and I think we just try not to take ourselves too seriously and we try not to take dating too seriously and that is, I think, what makes it feel good.

And whether it's our blog which is very tongue-in-cheek and very reverent, we're just kind of the things, you know, your use of the site is just, you know, it's true that all of us are very disarming and we try to be funny and, you know, opportunity to take you into serious roles, you're going to cry. Right. Well, we love your blog because you have really good tips on there and trends, like, you know, the trends of what's happening in the dating world and stuff like that. I think it's a great brand that you've built.

I remember we talked a few years ago and like when I first started my show, you were starting, okay, Cupid, I think. Yeah, really. I'm so proud of you. Thank you. I'm really proud of you, Sam. Now, why do you think, is it more younger people? I know, Kupid, what's the age range?

Sure. We are, I'm 18 to 35. Okay. That's really what we rock. I think we're that, I mean, can't today I was in the beginning site for 40 people to 35 girls in the US? About the size of the target to people over 35. We have a bunch of them, the re-users over 35, but our offer is 18 to 35, which by the way is the most usable people are young, right? When you think about it, it's the very thing that they know.

Right. It's not a misuse disproportionately, but We're pretty reflective of tingles in America. All right, that's true of who's dating online. So give us some tips. Like, what are some, like I told people that we were gonna give them the tips today for successful online dating, not, you know, as opposed to unsuccessful online dating.

What are some good, a lot of people are trying to under-accessual dating. No, I'm just kidding. Exactly. What are some good, yeah, what are your basic like profile tips? Guys, no, it's so big. I'll just kidding. Exactly. What are some good... Yeah, what are your basic like profile tips? Guys, no, it's so many. I'll just start taking them off and you guys can stop me when I get more ink.

Okay. I'll ask you any follow-up questions. What does hang up on you mid-sentence if you get boring? I won't even notice all this. You're talking to myself here. Okay. One of the most important and easiest tips is when you're choosing a picture, when you're choosing a picture of yourself, don't use a flash.

Maybe it's the flash of your camera. We found that some of those that have a flash make you look seven years older. So if you have a 25 year old building and your picture has a flash, you would be allowed to track. You would be allowed to track it as a 32 year old building who doesn't use a flash. Wow. You want to move down to, it's a super easy thing woman who doesn't use a flash. Wow. Do you want to look younger? It's a super easy thing to do and it has a huge impact. So that's an easy place to start.

Didn't know that. Yeah, that's what my favorite finding for this so easy to fix. One of our favorite photo themes when guys are choosing a photo is they should be wearing not to stare into the camera. They should look kind of off camera. And we think about it. That's kind of a true, way to world-of-wrestling about it. If you're a guy, you're a star at a girl. That's very intimidating and aggressive, and that's not really going to engage us, going to intimidate her. So don't look straight to the camera guy.

They should look off camera and that's going to be more inviting to a woman. On the other hand, when we're choosing a photo, they should look into the camera. Wow. The psychology of the others, of course, guys are in here, and we're jealous. And if a girl is sort of looking off camera, there's going to be a meeting, you know, one one door for your ocean looking at. She's not looking at me and I was getting a bunch of the next. Oh my God, that's so interesting. Is that fascinating? Fascinating. I love it. So if you do that, those are different things you need to do. I think when you're choosing your picture, I would have to say that the pictures were in the thousand words. I didn't, you know, someone said that said that. And the concept there is you should choose pictures

that start a conversation. So you want your picture to start a thousand word conversation. So if you just have a close-up of your face, and you should have one of those for sure, but choose photos of you doing interesting things in interesting places, with interesting people. You ain't come to that, say something about it. So you make a concert of your favorite band.

Maybe if you are a writer or a singer, maybe a drag or a certain team. If you just try to film interesting, you know, you know, you know, something like that. You don't care, or whatever. The lines are easy ways to start a conversation. All I see of you is just a headshot. What I would say. Right, right, right. I have a conversation.

Yeah, or how about like the ones that people are drinking? Like all they're doing is beer bongs in the photos. I think that's not a good idea. Like even though everyone drinks, like the guys, like the people are just like, they always got that big red cup in their hand and they're with their friends. Like I think those pictures aren't probably the best.

Yeah, it's okay to drink, but they shouldn't all be like party photos and I'm wasted. And I think there's a little bit in terms of how many pictures you have. probably the best. Yeah, it's okay to drink, but they shouldn't all be like party photos in a moisted. And I think there's a little bit in terms of how many pictures you have. All you have is one picture that you're doing at least in the specific signal of what you're doing. Right. And one is you only a lot of people. That's probably, you know, that's a great, different image across.

So you don't have to think all the photos together and we think them that way. OK, got it. Those are some of my favorite photos. Those are great tips. We're going to write them on a blog today and post it. Yeah, that's awesome. OK, so what about the profile?

Writing like, yeah. When you get the profile to have a bunch of things to think about there. The first is what I call, you know, brush your teeth and comb your hair, which is use good grip. It sounds boring in a sounds lame, but if you don't take the time to, you know, capitalize, and it's just simple things. Capitalize your sentence, use pureing spell, so you're always correctly. It sounds dumb, but it's just as you would never,

you know, you wouldn't go out for a big night without looking in the mirror and, you know, making sure that you, you know, you smell good and look good. You're totally, basically, you know, how you smell. And if you're, if you don't even take the time to present yourself in a different way, then some people aren't gonna spend the time going to spend the time in putting together a good

letter, a good message for you. So that's just a really easy one. Just be careful and be careful in how you present yourself. What we found also is, is the longer your profile is the better. If you... The longer it is the better? Exactly. The more you write, so... Okay. People who found a match, I don't think you've been being a nourishing trip with someone,

they had an act of profile that will one-third longer than people who did. Wow. And on the side of giving me more, the idea there is you've got to give people, just like in your photos, you want to get people that close to certain conversation. So, you know, right and more, and these specific, my very example is, when people think they like travel, that's one of the worst things you can put on your profile.

I mean, everybody loves to travel. Who doesn't? Right. I'm trying to explain that you like to travel is useless. But if you stay, I like to, you know, I like to. I like it. South America. That's my favorite trip. That's totally different. Right. It's really unique. And if I like that I can be like oh my gosh I was hiking in South America, you know, left

not to go up. I mean, we're hiking in Africa or whatever. I can start a conversation with you. If you're specific, if you're super general. Right, lots of details. Exactly. The arrow is out of detail. Another one of my favorite is different for people who are in these versus people who are in a rural area. And that's how positive versus negative you should be in your profile. If you live out in the country, do you want your profile to be very positive?

You should be about things that you like. If you live in big cities, people are a bit more jaded. And you actually learn as much about someone by what they don't like. And so we found that in big cities, it's more effective to have a bunch of negatives in your profile. Seriously? You have a few speakers for you. Yes. I don't know why that is because we're more, I don't know what, we're more jaded. I think because there's so many more options in big cities, people tend to have stronger feelings being said a lot of things to hate.

Well, if you were going to, you know, I thought of the person telling in, you know, in the middle of a court deal, they're probably the best thing to do. There's much more, you know, you know, you did more of theity in that. Okay, that's so interesting. So you just got to be like, I hate this and I hate that. You know what really bugs me when people are on the phone, on the bus. It's just so be positive. You know, and it's just really important things you like to. But again, you can take much more extreme positions if you're a city cat. Okay, that is really, that is so interesting.

I guess we're all a bunch of jaded folks here in San Francisco. I know. I'm just sitting here in New York. But like literally, it's so funny, Sam, because all of my interns, we did this a few months ago. And one of my interns, they all did. One of them sitting right here are Kelsey.

But the first one, Michelle, when she got to the Michelle, was like one of their first weeks. I'm like, okay, you guys all got a data online because we're doing an online dating show. I mean, if they were all single, she met a guy in OkayCupid like the first week. She was working for me and they're still dating. It's been like seven months they're still together. I know, I love it. Do you have a lot

of stories like that of like people getting married? I know, okay, keep it and stuff. I'm gonna eat kind of stories. It's not all about marriage. Right. Right. Because we have good, because we're the other user base, a lot of know, could you pay it in self-resolution? It's not all about marriage. Right. Because we have, because we have a younger user base, a lot of people will find it should we have been not going to be in terms of marriage stories.

We have baby pictures, that's weird, by the way. Right. The first time I got a baby picture, I was like, I felt almost like some kind of a god. I was like, oh my gosh, you know, this baby, this life exists because of a kid's future. Exactly. You should feel like that, yeah. I see no, no, no, no. But, you know, one thing is, well, we have lots of mirrors, but we don't just have lots of people who, especially

with people who move to a town, it's just, it's not like we can't kind of friend, and we're like, you want to do the meet people. Right. You want to go on 10 days, and even if none of them leave to marriage, you know, that's too long great experience because you're meeting new people and you're kind of getting engraved in the kind ofved in the area. Right. I mean, that's what I feel about O.K.C.

but it seems like it's more, and I haven't done it because I just haven't. I'm in a relationship sort of kind of sometimes. But the point is, is that people, it seems like it's just more casual. Like, it's not like as serious, you know, that it is more like, hey, I just want to meet someone,

like maybe we'll grab a drink one night. It's not like this serious, you know, that it is more like, hey, I just want to meet someone, like maybe we'll grab a drink one night. It's not like this, like. It kind of like, you know, it's kind of like when a bunch of girls, you know, have a group of a bunch of your book. You know, dating is, you know, like, you don't want to be guys, but that's not like, not if I don't need a guy tonight to this familiar, you know. You have a son of the Buckethamman. And that's going to be the attitude we want to convey, is that, you know, that desperation.

So many other sites, you know, they tell you how to steer, that you're getting old, and, you know, if you don't get nearly, you know, you're a loser. And, body, I think that food, I call that post-agglacial game, of making people sort of tell you how to steer and desperation. And if you want to talk to them, we want it to be OK. We, we, we, we, we, we, we, we just want to know the way to meet people. And I think that's just such a more positive message that I think you attract a much cooler, much more interesting group of people.

Yeah, definitely. I think that's, that's, that's so true. That's why I like it. You've created like this, like, bar online kind of for people. If only we could figure out how to do digital movies. It's coming. It's coming, it's coming, dude. I know, I hope you invest it. Okay.

Yeah, I think that's great. Any other tips for people who are just starting out? I mean, I don't think I'm ever gonna see Tiana again, my other intern. She literally was like, your questions are so great. We were just reading some before we called you. Like the questions that people, you know, how interested you be in knowing your part, details

of your partner's sexual history, and would you ever use a sex toy during love making? I think it's great that you include all those questions in there. You can kind of... Yes. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and,, even on the 10th date. Like, you know, that's just stuff that sort of comes out over a much longer time. Yeah, exactly. I think you're doing a great job, Sam. Yeah, thanks so much.

I'm so proud of you. Because I remember we talked, we got introduced by someone like years ago. But I'm a fan of it, and everyone who works with me or a fan of it, and everyone it seems that I talk to is a fan, so. Yeah, I have a bunch of friends who go on- Scalcy. Hello.

Just go on, okay, Cupid is like a hobby. We're just looking people up and matching and seeing how they match. Me and my girlfriends will just match each other up and see what our percent matches. I'm in a relationship right now and both my boyfriend and I have one. It's funny. Like it's fun. And like most of people I know they're like, I would never do this. I would never do this, but like it's fun.

And it's just like it's just like meeting people and also just getting messages. It's nice for your ego too, you know. Yeah. It's true. Well, that's, yeah, it's funny because like when Tiana started yesterday, she was like, I don't know. I don't want to seem desperate because you know that used to be the stigma with online dating and I think it's really changed.

Now, I almost have no, I almost, I always don't know anybody who hasn't dated online. I feel like everyone has now, so that's certainly changed. And then she was just within 20 minutes, she was like hooked and sucked in. It's like, yeah, so that's really cool. Yeah, I think it's just really appealing for like, like, I don't wanna say hipsters,

but just kinda like a crowd who, like considers themselves not taking them too seriously and just kind of, having fun with it, I don't know, I've, there's a bunch of people on there that just seem like, you know, there are people who definitely take themselves seriously on there, and it's kind of fun to look on their profiles and laugh about it.

Now, that sounds terrible, but yeah, I've had a bunch of fun with it, just getting messages and answering the questions and all that stuff. Yeah, that's good, Sam. You're providing entertainment. My intro, no one's working in my office anymore. They're just on OKC. But that's cool. Thanks for nothing.

No, OK, Sam. Well,'s cool. Thanks. Thanks for nothing. No, OK, Sam. Well, thank you so much for being on the show. I appreciate it. We'll have to get you on again soon. I know it took us a while, but I'm so glad we finally connected. What do you mean, you can't film?

OK. Thanks, Sam. Have a great day. Bye. Sam Ye and founder OKCupid. That was awesome. That was awesome, because literally, I cannot swing a can this time without hearing about OKCupid. That was awesome. That was awesome because literally I cannot,

you can't swing a can this time without hearing about okay, Cupid, everyone talks about it. Okay, so he gave us some really good, those were some interesting tips about like the pictures and like women, I think I read that in one of their blogs that women should be staring at the camera, looking at the camera and men looking away. That's a very interesting, did you know that?

I didn't, but I can see how that would work that way. I'm men looking away. That's a very interesting, did you know that? I didn't, but I can see how that would work that way. Right. Okay, so a few more things that we can talk about here for a second is your first message. Like what is the first message? Like did you, what about you Kelsey? Like did you get any good one?

Can you remember any good ones and then the bad ones? Yeah, there are some pretty cheesy ones. I want to, your princess, I'm going to wear you like a crown. Are you serious? And just stuff like never, never tell the person that they're attractive in the first time. That's what they say here. Avoid physical compliments.

I do not want to be told that. Like, if you're messaging me, I'm pretty sure you think I'm hot. Exactly. It's obvious you thought you're serious., I'm pretty sure you think I'm hot. Exactly. Like it's obvious you thought you're, you don't be like, hey man, nice rack. Like don't do anything like that. Unless you're just having fun. I mean, then it's still kind of offensive.

You use the term rack, but it's all good. But yeah, I know I would say the only people I've ever responded to are people that were super witty. I know that sounds kind of mean, but also people who... No, you got to have a little edge. Yeah, they would take something that I set on my profile, like an interest and say they also had that interest, or my picture. He was saying I picked a picture of me in Switzerland, actually. Just kind of, I was laying laying down, there was like mountains

in the background, and a bunch of people were like, oh, where is, where are you sitting in that picture? Oh, that one on your Facebook. Yeah, and then. And then. I love that picture of you. There's another picture of me, it was kind of embarrassing. It was like a gnome with like a large nose,

and it was kind of phallic. Oh, good. So I got a bunch of like messages about that, which some of them were like, oh my God, this is so stupid. Like I get that it looks like a penis. I was probably subconsciously trying to tell you something that I didn't realize, but I mean, just like. Right, you wanna do something that pictures

that kind of show a part of you, you know. Yeah, I mean, I think I did have a picture of me holding a beer, but. That's fine. I just mean that when you did, I think I did have a picture of me holding a beer, but that's fine. I just met with the... You did. I met the ones that are all party picks, like stuff like that. Yeah, like beer bongs and weed, like an actual bong.

Right, right. It's fine if you smoke weed, but just don't put it in your pictures. And you probably shouldn't do that anyway, because you might run for president one day and then you're screwed. Okay, use an unusual greeting. The way you choose to start your initial message as someone is your first impression. So the top three most popular ways to say hello were actually bad beginnings, they say.

Hey, hello and hi. Yeah, just go right into the message, like go right to the point. Yep. And another suggestion I would have is to never try and start a meeting, or like have a meeting with someone and actually meet up until you have an extensive conversation with them, especially for people who are new to online dating, no one's going to want to like actually go out

on a date with, it's hard to go out and date with a stranger until you feel comfortable with them. So you mean like have a lot of, talk to them on the phone actually? Or not even talk to them on the phone, but like message back and forth for a while, try and figure out who they are. Like I've been talking, I talked to some guys and I would message them back. And then the second they be like, let's meet up, I'd be like, I'm out, you know? Right, right.

After like maybe 10 messages, got me to feel safe. And also there is a thing about safety. Like you have to make sure that this person seems legit. They're not going to be psychokiller. So anyway, yeah, everyone be really safe when you're online dating. And just have fun with that. Don't take it seriously too seriously.

Don't take it personally. You know, I've had friends who've data online and she was like, okay, she's on match. And she was like, okay, my profile has been viewed 300,000 times. Like it tells you how many days do they do that and I'll keep it to. They actually even tell you who's visiting your site. Which I didn't realize, because I felt like I was stalking this one hipster, dude.

And I would click on his profile and I'd be like, yeah, dude, this is the guy to all my friends. Oh no, and then you saw that you were clicking on him a bunch. It like pops up, like, you know, like, skater boy 25 is viewing you, so. Oh, I don't want to, I see that to me feels like then you don't have as much freedom too. I think you can go on like private browsing, or anything. Private browsing, I would for sure private browse, but I'm just having fun.

Hopefully this helped everyone if you want to get it online, if you're feeling like, you know, it's, I think it's time, I don't think there's stigmas attached to anymore, I don't think you're desperate. I just think it's like, okay, keep it, or any site that you find, it's just think it's time I don't think there's stigmas attached to anymore. I don't think you're desperate. I just think it's like okay, Cupid or any site that you find it's just like, you have some fun and own up to it too. Like so many people, you know, right, I never do this. Oh, don't ever say that. So unlike me, like I'm not desperate. Like you other people, but just be like, yo, I'm having a good time. I'm online. I'm, you know, this is the modern world. Exactly. You're

online anyway, right? I mean, on Facebook or wasting time doing stuff you might as well waste your time and okay, QB. Sounds good to me or wherever match whatever you want to do you harm any Christian single make Christian angle J date if you're Jewish person like myself, which I never done J from isn't there from star to I heard that was pretty big for like it's like people who are like have like a very religious and they like, I don't know, my friend is on it. She does J-Date and from Stur. Her parents actually pay for her J-Date and her online dating sites.

They do, that's how, like, we're cutting you off except for your online dating sites. They pay for my highlights and my online dating accounts. That's hilarious. That is funny. Well, parents, you know, they wanted to hug up. So she wanted, they wanted to find someone. Okay, everyone, you know, they wanted to help out. So she want they wanted to find someone. Okay, everyone. So that's what we got for today. Tomorrow's show is great. Tomorrow's show we've got

a lot of Valentine's Day tips for you. We've got the Jimmy Jane founder, Ethan and Bowden talking about fun things to do. How to play with sex toys. What else do we talk about? What else do we talk about? Sex toys and how to incorporate them to relationship and to Valentine's Day tips. And we talk about hand jobs too because we love hand jobs around here. And also one more thing, if you still are one of those people who have not bought your Valentine's Day, give go to Adamaneeve.com. Use coupon code Emily at checkout. You will get 50% off most items.

You will get free shipping. You will get 50% off most items. You will get free shipping. You will get the Kim Kardashian sex DVD. If you want to see it or if you don't, maybe someone else wants to see it in your family or your friends. And you get a free mystery gift. I think we should all go into the office with the vibrating panties, including Steve.

I love the vibrating panties. On Valentine's Day. That is a great gift. Even you could give your lover a pair of vibrating panties. And you could, if you're taking order dinner, that would be a great pre-dinner gift. Yeah, or you can get the purple Venus butterfly. I wore it on the boss actually. And she did. Yeah. One of her first weeks working for me, she wore a vibrator on the boss just to see, just cause she can. It's called the Venus Butterfly. So there's blessings up.

My things up on the bus. The meeting is so boring. Exactly. Who needs to read on, you know, Bart, when you can on the bus, when you can read. You can read and you can get one of those romantic cheesy books that grandma's read. One of those is romance, not all. Right. Her, the Quinn.

Yeah. They still make her, the Quinn. Okay. So anyway, happy Valentine's Day coming up soon, everyone. And we will talk to you soon. Thanks, everyone, for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me.

Feedback at sexwithemlee.com.