Sex With Emily - SWE: Dating Deal Breakers

Episode Date: July 9, 2013

Emily shows you how to tell his or her endearing flaws from dating deal breakers. It's easy to ignore the red flags and dating deal breakers when you're sipping on a Margarita and someone sexy is telling you about their summer villa. But the fact that they just got out and/or prison or keep staring at that bosom of the woman in the corner, is probably not a good sign for your future together. You're not going to be able to change anyone. People have to want to change on their own first. The only one you can change is yourself, so start by NOT making these dating deal breakers and dodging the one's that do make these mistakes! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I Look into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mark our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a bygone way. Hey, Emily You got a boyfriend because my man E here. He just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute The girls got everything. Oh my the women women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean like laundry?

It's shrink? And we not talk about sex so much. Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexethemely.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts.

And also, the first thing you can do right now is sign up for our mailing list because you will see a video on the homepage and a box telling you that if you give us your email to email address, we will not spam you, but we will send you the five biggest mistakes that men are making in bed, or if you're woman, the five biggest stakes women are making in bed.

After 10 years of doing this show, I wanna give you a free report that I wrote out. So just check out my website, okay? Do that. And listen to all of our podcasts. We've got Plainware Podcasts coming. And I also want to say that I'm here with Menace, and I couldn't be happier. Hi Menace, I'm great.

How are you? I'm in Michigan and my mother's very large walk in closet. And it's something that I envy, but I figured it would have good sound. You know me always thinking like a radio person. No, I think the clothes, well you said, but it is a beautiful closet and it is my dream. You know, remember a sex in the city when the movie, did you see the movie with Carrie and then big buys her the okay okay so this is one movie I've seen that you haven't and it's actually probably the only movie I've seen in the last few years but

that's the big thing she always wants to cause it because she's too obsessed that by a house together and it's the most gorgeous closet you've ever seen in your life. Anyway, that is a wet dream to me to have a walking closet that's a massive. So that's why I'm recording. So it's sort of sentimental. I'm home with the family, Fourth of July hanging out and it's been really good few weeks. Yeah. How have you been? I've been good.

I was in Vegas about two weeks ago and then I was in Disneyland Los Angeles area this weekend and now we have fourth of July coming up. I don't think I'm gonna go anywhere. I've been traveling too much. I just really want to stay home and probably drink all the champagne that I have because I'm a member now. Did I tell you what happened? So I went to a music festival You get arrested again. No, I went to a music festival. Not too long ago. That was in Napa. It was all the bottle rock music festival and I had some time to kill. So me and my friends, we went to the shandon winery that people that put out, you know, Moette and stuff like that. Well, they have a winery in California. And you know, when you start to drink, you think everything's a great idea.

Well, I signed up to be a member. everything's a great idea, well, I signed up to be a member. Now I get bottles sent to me every couple of months in the mail. So I have like three bottles of tea. You don't even like wine. Did you tell them that you only like two buck chock from Trader Joe's? No, it's, it's, well, it's sparkling wine. It's not, you know, they can't call it champagne, but it tastes just like champagne.

It's spark, I'm telling you. It's not bad. Champagne, sparkling wine, Prosecco tastes just like champagne. It's sparkly. I'm telling you, it's not bad. Champagne, sparkling wine, Prosecco, all that stuff. It's good. Yeah, so I end up. Menace, you're maturing right before my eyes. So I'll just come a lot. I'll just play. Have that and probably watch fireworks on TV.

I don't want to go outside. It's just too crazy here. They pass the law that same sex couples can get married. San Francisco has been a non-stop party ever since. It's just party in the streets, though. You know they pass the law that same sex couples can get married San Francisco has been a non-stop party ever since it's just party in the streets for everybody I so wish I was there for gay pride this weekend. Oh my god And everyone and the crazy thing is it's when I look at my Instagram. It's more straight people partying than there is gay people It's insane. I know well Well, because it's a big because everyone's got gay friends and we're all really excited and hey San

Francisco is love a reason to party. Yeah, San Francisco just loves party. We love parting and we love dressing up. That's just that's just kind of our thing. I and then I was going to tell you oh yes I'm not there so it's very exciting so to all my gay and lesbian listeners so happy for you all especially in California and so goes California So goes the nation as they often say You might not all know this but my background is actually in politics I was a respectable human being before I started to go on sex just kidding. I am respectful. I'm doctor now as you know

I have my doctor in human sexuality Also everyone you need to Follow me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram, which is at Sex with Emily. And Menace is at Menace. And basically speaking of wine, I believe your last 10 Instagrams were artfully placed bottles of liquor. Is that correct? Yes, I think my last one was a bottle of Dom Perillon and a bottle of Moette. Right. I know. I can never really down. Before that, I found a new drink at Disneyland. If anyone's ever at Disneyland in California, go to Disneyland, California, the Cove bar in order a fun wheel. It's a secret drink and it's layers of alcohol.

It's amazing. Yeah, minus loves anything with layers of alcohol. It can never be too much alcohol. You're never like, whoa buddy, stop pouring, right? That's not you. No, no, no, let's keep it going. I just can't drink that much. But I do want to come with you to the Disney Land thing

at some point, but whatever, you know, when we see each other again, it might happen. Madness, I've gotta be, okay, so we don't, here's my question, before I pick a B for you. Who did you go with, who did you go with to Disneyland this weekend? Couple of my friends from Pixar and... Okay, and what about your girlfriend? Yeah, she came too.

Okay, so Madness, I've got a huge bone with to pick with you and it's been simmering. All right. And I'm so glad that we're talking because I really feel like you've been hypocritical. Why? Because you and I have an ongoing conversation for ever since Facebook was invented. So I don't know how many years it's been now like, you know, sex or something. Yeah. Or since we started talking about it. And we always talked about Facebook status, relationship status. And I always said, I don't care if I'm dating or not dating, I don't want everyone to know

my Facebook status. And you would say to me, you're a disciplinary, you're a disciplinary, you want to leave your options open. If I'm in a relationship, blah, blah, blah. Menace, if you own your Facebook page right now, what is your relationship status say? It does have one. Oh, interesting, but you do understand you can select it from a drop down menu. Yes.

And Menace, question number two, how long have you been with your girlfriend? Uh, there hasn't been a, uh, uh, I don't think there's like an anniversary date or anything like that. So I couldn't exactly tell you the actual time. Okay, so I could tell you because I'm friends with you and I've been following from what you tell me which is basically nothing but I think it's been at least two years. Really? Yeah. So I'm just saying, minus, if you would like to defend yourself on the Facebook status thing, because I think, you know, for all people that want.

You need to know what? No, you're not coming up with this by yourself. It's either some listeners emailing you or your dumb assistants or interns or whatever bringing this up. Now, I'm telling you, I. Why'd you say my assistance bringing this up. Now, I'm telling you, I... Why'd you say my assistance bringing it up? Yeah, it's not you.

You're not thinking about this. How do you know? I know for a fact, because that's not you. You don't care about that stuff. I do care. Madness, we talk about this all the time. Okay. I, my situation is a little bit more complicated because of...

Uh-huh, more complicated, okay. Because it involves work and stuff like that. That's why. But if it did not, it didn't involve that, I would totally put my status up. Are you sleeping with your intern? I think that. I would totally put my status up. Are you sleeping with your intern? I think, yeah. I am not. But I totally think that you should.

You should totally put your status on there. Oh, OK. So how many, after how many months of dating do you think someone should put their status on? What do I mean, whenever do they feel comfortable putting it on there? I think unless you're married and even then I don't care who the hell needs to know your relationship status I just you're just putting this on me because you're probably dating somebody and they're probably pressuring you to be in a relationship No, I'm not dating anybody. I was date and you're you're projecting onto me. That's what's going on

I was dating somebody but I'm not anymore. Yeah, why that why that happened because they want to get serious or no? Yeah, I mean kind of it's funny how my life is groundhog day. I mean literally You know, but I think we all have issues in life patterns and relationships that we're trying to break and honestly the best thing And I've been seeing him that long few months, but the best thing to do when you do break up with someone or when you do is to not just jump because a lot of guys and women start, you know, just like banging someone else right after they're done with that person just so they can numb the pain. I think it's good to stop and think about what did I learn from this person? Why? It's a good relationship. Why is it bad, what do I want in my next partner?

Because we have all those answers, which brings me to a very important point. Today's show is about red flags and deal breakers. One of my all time favorite topics because it first of all comes up all the time about people are like, do you think, because women and men, we talk about it, we're like, well, do you think this, you know,

does this have bad sign, does that have bad sign? And I'm here to tell you, and if you've been listening to Sex with Emily for years, you know that I always say, my mom says the issues you have in the third date you have forever. And I do believe that's true, maybe it's in the third date, maybe it's the first month, but we're gonna try to show you some sex deal breakers, some dating deal breakers, and just what you should look for some signs.

We're also gonna be reading the emails that you sent to feedback at sexwithemily.com. I love hearing from the people all the time. And just to recall, just to recap, I would like to say that I believe if you're perfectly happy in a relationship, you should totally put it out there who cares. Right. But menace is not perfectly happy. I'm not that I'm not happy in my relationship,

but there's outside forces hinder me from putting all my, my relationship stuff out there. But I totally would if I could. Okay, so you really want to your actually upset that your Facebook said, okay, let's just move on from this. Yes. But let's us know what you think of Facebook statuses, feedback at sexfilming.com. Because to me, the worst thing in the whole world is when the day they change it, you know

what I mean? Everyone's like, whoa, they're not together anymore. And then you are telling every single person you ever met that you just broke up with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Why do they need to know that? When you do that, when that happens, you know dudes are people break up and they don't want

to get in their roommates to know. Do you know what? It's perfectly awesome because then it makes it so much easier for the transition because so many people hit you up, they wanna go out, some guys that have been like pawning after you forever. They're like, been pussy's the whole time they never wanted to, they never had the balls to talk to

you now, they're like, all right, I'm going to stop wasting my time and then they're just going to hit you up. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah, it's free advertising. Yeah, it's like online data. Yeah, it's like using Facebook to get laid. I got it. Okay, so I've actually met us been traveling a lot the last few weeks as well I was in Chicago. I had a little bit of work there But I also met up with which I know you love Chicago because I always think about how you love the women in Chicago They're amazing, but I met up with I know I met up with three my my best girlfriends from college and we always meet once a year

even though we all live in different places San Francisco and Chicago and Michigan and I'm in LA. So we met up and it was so interesting because they actually, they're all married, shock and they all have like two kids. And it was fun to talk about it because they are actually having all, after 10 years of marriage, they're all having like good sex, not their marriages, and perfect marriage takes work, but they're having sex.

One of them for her husband's birthday, she's learning how to squirt. Women can learn how to female ejaculate. I get that question a lot. It's your end. We've had sure. That, to me, that's very thoughtful. That's the gift that keeps on giving. Okay, the other one said, oh, oh, this same one,

who's learning to score, it says that she's done the whole, like, they go to the bar together and they pretend to pick up each other as someone else. I know that to everyone that sounds really silly, but it's kind of hot. Like, you're like, hey, what's your name? And I know, because menace, you haven't been in a long-term relationship, but it works. But the other friend of mine was upset because, and this is so

interesting, or this was only her gripe with her husband, they still have amazing sex. But she said to me, the problem is, sometimes he comes home from work and she's been like with the kids all day and cooking and he just grabs her and he goes, I want to eff you. And she's like, he's like, I just want to eff you. And's like he's like I just want to eff you and she's like and the kids are hanging on her and she's making meatballs and She's like you need a new vine. That's what she said to him And then he starts grabbing her and she's so not warmed up and she said she's told him time and again that she needs him to kiss her neck Her massage whatever the guys don't remember so again big theme of sex family is like, like, for play and warming your partner up, especially if she's a woman, we, we don't go from zero to 60. We are not warmed up right away. And

they've been together 10 years and she was like, should I be, he was trying to be nice and by saying like, I want to FU. And she goes, get a new line. So here they are not communicating. He's feeling rejected. It's not that she doesn't want sex. She just wants to be warmed up Hmm, so hmm interesting, so I thought that would be just what I? Tony right now you're gonna hate me for this but They they spent an entire week on this on the Howard Stern show. You gotta listen to Howard Stern's hilarious. It's on serious XM.

I listen every single day. And they did a whole thing about squirting because when the guys on the show, he absolutely loves it, right? And they did an analysis. They brought in a doctor. They got a girl that can squirt and the outcome was that it is the same consistency as P, that it is P.

It is not, it is not, it is not P, it is totally not. Who was this? It was a doctor. I'm a doctor too. This is, I don't think you're the same kind of doctor that can go in a lab and then do it now. I understand it is not the same consistent I mean there is controversy over it but it's not the same consistent women can sport that it's P2. Okay well of course you would manus because that's your knowledge but it's not true. Another thing I think you'll appreciate,

which we haven't talked about in a while, is my dog, my dog, my dog, my dog. She went away for the summer. No, she went away for the summer. She's with her baby daddy at camp in San Francisco for the summer. Yeah, too much going on and traveling a lot. She's never coming back.

She's coming back, she's coming back in two months. But I thought you'd appreciate that. And also, anyone who's going to AVN in Las Vegas this year, have you ever been in medicine in January? I have never been. I'm going to be the keynote speaker. What?

No way. Yeah, dude, you got to come. Hang out at porn start. It's the adult video awards or whatever. It's pretty cool. That's one of the three is two, I believe. Exactly, it's always the same time as the S or whatever it is. So yeah, that's cool.

And then I want to say, so I have to move again, I've been in two apartments now and Los Angeles, but I have to find a one. Yes, you haven't seen my second place yet, but I have to move again in two apartments now and Los Angeles but I have to find a one Yes, you haven't seen my second place yet But I have to move again in two weeks and you know that all my sex toys that I get every single day in the mail Like literally I've been getting shipments. I had to get a five foot by five storage unit filled with sex that's just filled with sex toys in In LA because I couldn't fit in my house anymore So I just shot a video. It's on YouTube, go to my YouTube channel,

youtube.com slash slash slash Emily. We're gonna start putting up a lot more videos but it's frigging hilarious. All the stuff I get sent to me and all the random stuff I get sent to me. But some really cool stuff. I show you my favorite favorite toys from Good Vibes. That's where you should buy your products.

Goodvibes.com. Use coupon code GVMLE for 20% off orders of 100 or more. And I'm obsessed with the Lilo line right now. I love the J-J-E-J-E-J-O-U-E. Remember the Mimi I loved? Well now they've got a rabbit. It rocks my world.

But you guys can just email me if you want to know what toys they want. Also, if you go to my website and click on the Good Vibes logo, it'll take you to my picks page on their website. Because there are so many friggin' amazing toys coming out. Yeah, I'm going to another sex conference called Anme and Burbank next week in two weeks, which I'll even have more sex toys coming to me. I don't know what to do.

Like I need a two bedroom apartment. Next. Just store toys. I can't believe you're moving so much. I know what I'm almost done. It's crazy. I'm almost done. I know. Well, I'm going to sign it. I'm going to sign a year. I'm going to sign a year lease right now.

So that is the thing that's going to happen. Yeah. And you'll come down and say with me, it'll be super, super, super fun. But, um, yeah, so there's that. And that's all I got for you. We can move on to the emails from the people, which I love hearing from the people. I'll see you back at sexwithmley.com. Okay, here we go.

I am going to read them when my computer doesn't. Once you get them. Lock. Out. There we go. Done. Okay. So, emails.

The deal is, here we go. Deer Emily. The deal is, I'm a 32 year old widow. It has been over a year since my husband's unexpected death and now I believe I'm ready to date, or move, or more like have sex again. We had an amazing sex life. I don't want to be in a relationship just someone to have sex with who won't want to take up all my time.

I have 2 kids. And someone to go to when I get my urge. I honestly don't remember how to be single and get guys or even attract them. I don't consider myself ugly, I do attract them. I see them looking but somehow they don't come up to me. Here are my dilemmas. Number one, I work at a company with mainly girls. Number two, when I'm not at work, I'm with my kids. Number three, I like a guy, a potential hit, but I think he's married. Number four, I think this hit likes me too. so I asked if I could have one of his guys check a problem in my home.

He offered to come and check it himself out. He's offered to come over himself. I feel really attracted to him and really want him. What do I do to let him know this? How do I ask when he comes to my home? How can I tell if he's digging me and not just being nice? P.S. he's really hot. Thanks, Deb. Okay. So So the deal is with this. I know

you want to have casual sex. We didn't say in here because when I read it earlier, unless this guy edited that he's married, it didn't say that, but oh, he's married. Sorry, it's a sin. For some reason, okay. So here's our guy to say to you, Deb. I'm sure he's hot and he's married. I told first of all, I'm gonna break this down. You're 32 year old widow. And you had amazing death and you're probably amazing. Sorry, you had amazing sex and the death of your husband is traumatic and I'm glad to hear that you're ready to date again, but I just the last thing I want you to do is to beat yourself up for not feeling like you even know how to date again. Because you feel like you don't have to track them, but that's all in your mind because

the truth is you can learn those skills. You are out of practice. You are in love. You're married and the dating muscles and the how to attract someone muscles, how to get guys muscles that all have to be like exercised again. And that comes with like, you know, the atrophy after a while, you're married. Like, you know, you think about the people who are married

for 20 years, they get divorced, they don't know what to do, or whatever it is. So I would say just start, you know, being more approachable, start to commit to three times a week, you're going to, I like to say every day, but you're just just gonna start talking to a guy it doesn't matter if it's the bus driver or someone you're interested or not You're just gonna start practicing or better yet if it's someone you're interested in do that But put yourself in situations where you can even just smile say hello How's your latte whatever it is lots of traffic today, huh?

It doesn't have to be any pickup lines It's just that you have built all this fear and put all this energy around talking to men and that's going to be really scary, which it might feel that way at first, but you will get used to it. And make yourself approachable, and here's another thing that people who single listening to this and you're wondering why you're single. If you're on your cell phone, i.e. like menace, although he is a girlfriend, so it doesn't matter. 24, seven, whether you're out socializing or wherever you are. If you're on your cell phone, you've got your headphones in, you are not approachable. You're not going to meet anyone. Those guys are probably staring at you because you're looking down at your feet, you're playing with your

iPhone and you don't look approachable. So, smile, keep your head up. Pay attention to what's going around you. Observe your surroundings. That's the best way to strike up a conversation with someone. Wow, I've never seen a dog that big or whatever it is. You know what I mean? Pay attention and put yourself on down. However, I love Deb that you wanna have casual sex, thumbs up to you, but he's a married guy.

So, I don't like that he's married, and if he's not married, go for it. You think he's married, he probably a married guy. So I don't like that he's married and if he's not married go for it. You think he's married, he probably is married. So I wouldn't say that would be the guess best guy to have casual sex with. What do you think menace? Yeah, I think, yeah, definitely that that's not the greatest choice out there. And also not the best choice. Yeah. And then also just you know, never be afraid to go take some risks with people that are not married.

Okay. That's true. Oh, and another thing that works, and this is crazy, you're going to like crazy girl. You're going to laugh at me, but like I swear to God, this has happened to me. So, you know, crazy girl is one of our good friends, crazygirlproducts.com. You can check out their website or just click through my website. So they have this pheromone infused body spray for women, right? And I've had it for a while and

like they have their for sheets and like pheromones, people like really does that work blah, blah, blah. Well, I've been using it in, I've used it over time, but never consistently. It's like you spray down. It's like really luxurious oil. And I'm telling you every single guy that I come into contact with Tells me that I smell amazing and I feel like there's been more men coming up to me And I've not changed anything else if anything I've gotten older But I smell really good because of their fair-mode and few stuff so check out crazy girl products.com Use Emily 25 for 25% off any of their products, which you will love all of them. And their diva dust is like sparkly and you put it all over your body and you look amazing.

Okay, dear Emily, my wife does not feel any excitement during intercourse and does not enjoy it, but she loves my sex with fingers. She gets orgasms with finger play and sucking the nipples. After a long foreplay I'm highly roused and can't last longer than a minute. How could I make her happy through intercourse rather than finger play? I love to get and give the oral sacs but she hates it. Please help. I would appreciate your response. Thank you Matt. Wow. Okay. We've got a lot going on here. First of all, she doesn't, she doesn't

feel any excitement during intercourse, which is common for women to, not if they don't feel excitement, but they don't have orgasms because their clitoris is not getting enough rub, it's not being rubbed enough, it's not being, you know, either she could use her fingers or a sex toy, You could use your fingers. So, I think why not incorporate your finger play and knuck and nipple sucking into intercourse. So, you could be having sex with her and play with her nipples and she can have a nipple orgasm or you can put the finger, do it all during intercourse. Rub her clitoris while you're having sex.

That will make her experience more pleasurable and as far as oral sex If she likes finger place so much stick your fingers inside of her to stimulate her g-spot While you lick her clitoris which is pretty freaking cool and it can feel amazing so You said that she loves to get and give the oral you said that you love to get and give oral sex, but she hates it get and give the oral you said that you love to get and give oral sex but she hates it. Again, not talked about all of our good friends but I can't help a mention you know what menis, mask, sexual flavors which I honestly believe is going to is going to be the greatest invention in the world when people discover it and actually realize that men are starting to,

okay, if I could tell you that you would start getting oral sex menace on a daily basis or any guy listening who's not getting it because of this one invention, when you go out and buy it, when you want to know what it is, what could make you get more oral sex? You'd want it because that's what dudes want. Mask sexual flavor strips, M-A-S-Q-E, they mask the taste of semen. So giving sex oral sex is more pleasurable. So maybe Matt, your woman, doesn't like performing oral sex

because she doesn't like the taste of semen. There's a lot of women who don't and that is like the number one complaint of women. So comes in for flavors, it's like a breath strip. You put it on your tongue and she can't taste salmon. Fine, and you'll get moral sucks. So those are my things for you. I would not get upset that she,

I wouldn't say that she doesn't feel excitement during intercourse again. I would try to do what you can so she is feeling excitement, especially if she orgasms through her nipples. I mean, that is the second most common orgasm and I still don't know many women who have had them that way. I mean a lot have but I certainly haven't so I'm jealous so

I'm working on it. I am working on it. I have all these sexual goals that I'm doing so um And nipple having a nipple orgasm is one of my goals for 2013. So I will um I Will let you all know when that happens. Okay, dear Emily, I have a sex tip I want to share. When you go down on a girl, whatever you routine is mixed up now and again with this. I will suck on the clitoris, drawing it into my mouth, and will lick all the way around it, and as I move my tip of my tongue to the tip of the clit, I will slide the flat, rougher, bumpy top of my tongue to the tip of the clip I will slide the flat rougher bumpy top of my

tongue to the top of the clip. And depending on the girl and her likes sometimes I will gently hold the clip between my teeth also. I've always gotten, oh god what are you doing? What did you do? That was so amazing. Thanks a lot for your show love it Tim. Okay Tim that's amazing. Yes, yes, yes, you have to mix it up. Every woman is different, we are like snowflakes, and every single thing that you mentioned there like turned me on. Because a lot of guys, or women,

who has ever performed an all-sex interview, they kind of stick to one thing, and I love that you go all the way from the bottom to the top, the tip of the clip, to the bottom of her, her vulva. And you slip your tongue around. This is all amazing. I'm reading it again.

I love it. He puts the clitoris into his mouth and licks it between his teeth. That's so friggin hot, but don't bite it. Anyway, I love tips from the listeners. So send us your best luck, anytime Feedback at sex that may calm Minus I'm sure you've a lot of oral sex tips you want to share too Oh, just a lengthy list. I'm working my book so I don't want to give away all my secrets right now Okay, it's exactly you don't want to give it away. I know

Okay, so dear Emily I cheated on my wife about 10 years ago my My wife found out and I denied ever having sex with the one. We went through marriage counseling and we sort of mended our marriage. But recently she has started to ask me probing questions again as insisting we go back to counseling. I suspect she thinks counseling will bring out more of the story, but at this point, I feel it wouldn't really help our marriage, only hurt it. We also have a couple of kids together. Do I couldn't fast more or stay the course with my previous story?

Thanks, Donovan. Okay, Donovan. Here's the thing. I do not think you should tell her it's been 10 years. But a lot of resentment has built up from her. Obviously, whatever you did, you thought she was convinced of it, has not. You've never been able to rebuild the trust in your relationship. So I would say, go to therapy. If she's dragging you to therapy, there must be other issues going on too. It's not

just about this instance 10 years ago. If you have kids, I understand for a lot of people that's an impetus to stay, but I don't know if it's the best. I mean, I just think that you have to go into counseling. And again, I don't, I think you should say to her, I've told you what happened 10 years ago. Not that I'm telling you to lie, okay? I just think that it could, it happened 10 years ago. It does, you didn't tell me that you've been cheating for the last 10 years.

So I assume that you haven't been cheating. But I can't tell from your email if you even want to be in this relationship. But if you do, I would go into therapy and say let's start working on the real issues, not something that you perceived to have happened 10 years ago. What do you think menists do think you should tell her? No, it's 10 years ago. It's not gonna do any good what what is it going to do and she's going to be like oh you've been lying to me for 10 years yeah yeah exactly I mean that's going to be that I mean if you think she doesn't trust you now you've never done of it you've never for 10 years you have failed to build up her trust

you failed she doesn't trust you and I'm not saying in your fault she might be paranoid maybe her dad she had her mom who knows maybe she's got a issues, whatever it is, you guys have issues that you have to work on in therapy. And let me tell you this, this is a service announcement for every single person listening to the sex that we show. If that's, if you say to me, oh, we went therapy once, twice didn't work, whatever, that doesn't count. That's like saying I went to the gym twice this year or why is my ass still fat. No, therapy is the kind of thing that you have to commit to for at least six months to a year with your partner to work through issues.

Therapy is not a magic pill. It doesn't happen overnight, it doesn't happen with two sessions. I'm getting off my therapy soapbox now. That's what I got to say. Well, another thing is, what do you think men is? I've never met any man in their entire life

that has gained anything by giving any women any extra information. I'm sorry. It's, they've always totally gotten burnt. We've all gotten burned. Data's used to be so funny. I got to see for the rest of your life. It is the worst, it is the worst thing,

especially that number's thing. Oh, it's funny.. It's a good thing for the rest of your life. It is the worst thing, especially that number. Oh, it's funny. So also everyone just so you know, I'm on Love Line with Dr. Drew and Mike Catharwood every Thursday night, 7 to 10 p.m. Pacific Center time. You can check it out online for free at LoveLineShow.com. And then there's podcasts available and stuff. So it's really fun. We get collars and all that,

but the other night I went off on my rant, and I was like, love line, if you don't know, it's a radio show. It is on a lot of stations, so check your local listings in San Francisco, it's on your station, minus right at midnight. It's all across the country. It's all over the country,

but the point is, I went off on my rant. I was like, okay, I don't know why people ask how many number of partners you've slept with. It is a lose-lose situation. You are never going to win this conversation. Your partner will always hold it against you. They'll thank you slept with too many, too little. You're a slut. You're not experienced. And men, they cannot picture that many penises being inside you beside their own. They don't want to hear about it even though they ask. It's like a masochistic question that I think nobody should ever ask. Yeah.

I don't want to know nothing about your past at all. Dr. Drew, agree to me. I don't want to know the past, past people. Bye-bye. If your partner asks you this question, a lot of people ask me, just say, you know what, honey, I'm focusing on the amazing sex that we're having now and what's to come in our future. My past is past.

That's what you got to say. So let's move into our topic that I adore because it's just like I feel like I spend so much of my life, which is my choice because I love what I do. I help people with sex and relationships. Hearing about, oh my God, I saw this at the beginning. Why did I pay attention to the red flags? Or here's my deal breakers are not even knowing what their deal breakers are until after they date someone for two years. And they're like, oh, I should have seen that comment. So we're going to talk

about some of the common ones and how you can recognize it. I mean, I've been guilty. I've dated people for at least I think I've, you know, at least the gap of time, like it used to be like I would date someone for two years that was wrong for me, but now it's just like two months or two weeks. So I think I've gotten better. But, you know, red flags do breakers, you know, you're probably not taking your friend's advice

and we always say this mindset, like we all ask our friends for advice or many people do and like nobody seems to listen to their friends. Agree? Agree. Like, especially with my female friends, I've spent hours at nauseam telling him like talking about the relationship and maybe the fact that he cheated on you once is not

a good example and that he querched and you once is not a good time. And the fact that he has failed to pay a child custody and that he has a restraining order against him or whatever it is. And they're like, really? But he's so nice. They don't listen. So you don't take your friends advice,

but my mother taught me early on that the issues you have on your third date you will have forever. And I didn't want to believe her, but I've dated the more I date, the more I've been in relationships, I realized that she was right. And yes, maybe it's not the third date, the more I've been in relationships, I realize that she was right. And yes, maybe it's not the third date, maybe it's in the first month, but people just pay

attention to the red flags. Real life is not a friggin romantic comedy. If you hated the person in the beginning, you're going to hate him at the end. And the same thing that bugged you in the third date when they made just split the check and give him, you know, $12.62 for lunch, you know your lunch date and you head over to Turkey sandwich you're still knocking you're still gonna be cheap or she's gonna be cheap. So the problem is the reason why they say love is blind is because it's easy to ignore the red flags when your new love interest seems attractive and easy to talk to. And we also make up excuses and it's blind because our the chemicals are going crazy in our brain

Oxytocin we're having great sex and Haven't you done this man? It's like like there's been like glaring red flags that you've overlooked No Never you've never ever broke up with someone and said oh my god She was that same bitch at the beginning. Why do you know, never? No, I know. Seriously, you've never, okay. So why did you break up with your last girlfriend?

Why did I break up with my last girlfriend? Because she's crazy. Okay, and was she not crazy until the week you put till the day you broke up with her? Uh, no, she was a little bit, but not like initially in the beginning. I think I disagree. Okay.

Anyway, whatever. Typically, it's just like the things that are bothering you, I'm not saying you can't work through them, but you know, you're drawn to the person, and another mistake is people say, well, you know, I love this person, but I think I can make them change. If only, well, you know, I love this person, but I think I can make them change. If only they were, you know, had a different job or if only they said I love you more or if only they gave me back

messages every night. Well, if only they grew up, we got a stable job, we got their roommates to move out. Here's the thing, a lot of people think that they're going to change their partner, but people have to want to change themselves. People do not change on their own. a lot of people think that they're going to change their partner, but people have to want to change themselves. People do not change on their own. So an alcoholic, for example, might say over and over again, they're going to quit drinking to please other people, but it will never happen unless they really want to. So if they talk about how miserable their life is, they're probably not going to be any less miserable when you're together.

But the only difference is that you might be miserable too. I mean, haven't you been with a complainer, Mattis, and they're like, always a complainer? Yeah. This is what I'm saying. And then you're like, no, I'm going to make them happy. I'm going to take care of what everything he's complaining about. No, you're not. They're complaining. We all want to be someone with someone who's positive and brings out the best in us, and you actually wants to be with you. So if they tell you on the first date, they're not looking for anything serious, believe them because everyone's going to show you who they are. So here's some of the common first date deal breakers or deal break red flags, whatever

you want to call them that you can look out for. And menace, do you have any that you'd like to add? Like what comes to your mind? You have a date with someone and she shows up on the date or you go to pick her up and blank. What happens? Why is it a deal breaker?

She already shows up. I mean, if she's running like super late, I would cut it off too. Really? I can't know a hate-ladeness. I would totally not. A lot of women are late. A lot of women are late a lot of women are late. I just and man, but we take longer to get ready. Yeah, I just kind of blow it off. Okay. So some of the things

are dealbrickers here. She has low self esteem. How can you tell? Well, you can tell by the way someone talks, holds themselves talks about job, talks about their life. Um, here she brings his mom to your first date. Do you remember that happened to me? What? Years ago, I had a blind date with a guy who was coming in town to San Francisco from LA when I lived in San Francisco. And he was like, um, he called me, we had a date to go to the museum and then he called me back 10 minutes later and I didn't answer. And he's like, oh, do you mind if I bring my mom on the date? She's in town too. And of course I said yes, because I thought it'd be great for the show.

And it'd be good, you know, you can tell a lot by how a man treats his mother, how he can treat you. But anyway, don't bring her mom on the first date. Poor hygiene. That is the number one killer killer state poor hygiene that is the number one killer killer killer for people's sex drive and why they're interested in people. No common interests. Drunk gets too drunk on the date has bad breath answering the phone during the date. Tardiness doesn't have a plan rude to the waiter my mom always told me that too. If they're rude to the waiter they're probably rude to other people asking inappropriate questions such as have you ever had anal sex now I had that asked me when I was on the Bravo series misadvised on my first date if you recall oh no no he said to

me what's up with everyone in anal sex's sex. And yes, I have a sex talk show. But that was hilarious. OK, so other deal breakers for these are relationship deal breakers. Not in food. These are, here she cheats on you. Doesn't want to spend weekend nights with you. Lies constantly neglects you in public or in front of the

friends. Doesn't introduce you to their friends, has weird friends. Now, that one is an interesting one that people, there's a debate over that. I believe you can tell a lot about a person by their friends by who they choose to spend their time with. So I'm saying weird friends, maybe you just don't click with their friends. If they're cheap skate, they split the bill with the calculator, they don't spend any money on you at all. Anger management problems. This is a huge one. They get mad at strangers, they get mad at you. Obviously if they're abusive, physically or emotionally, a drug or alcohol addiction, not a good thing. Someone with underlying issues, like I said,

Kyle, we say, you know, issues with insecurity, confidence, is sexy. Okay, so these are some sex deal breakers, menace. We're so good for people because people might break up and they hear this show, they might be like, oh my god, this is a deal breaker, and I didn't even notice it. And you can you could pipe in if you disagree, not enthusiastic. I've heard that the number one success to a successful blow job for many men is enthusiasm like are even anything in bed by a woman and a man is that we want you to be into it. Would you say that is true? Yeah So if you're not enthusiastic that could be deal Baker again bad hygiene never wants to have sex or give a roll sex No for play going right to the sex

Thank you for all sex. No for play, going right to the sex. Always wanting to do the same sex positions, never changing it up. Again, I don't think that's a total deal breaker because that comes with communicating with your partner and buying my book, which is amazing, called Hot Sex. Over 200 things you can try tonight and you can buy it on Amazon. Go through my website. Ajaculation etiquette. What if you get a surprise facial?

That could be a deal breaker. You should just welcome, no, that shouldn't be a deal breaker. If they don't ask first. Oh, come on. What? I, I, I don't want to guide a con. Is it going to be a deal breaker for you? I think on the first adjaculation, if he gave me a facial, as they say, that would probably be it. I had to pens. Probably not. No, probably.

I mean, unless we were like into some like crazy, kinky, amazing chemistry and he was like, you know, we were caught up in the moment, not that it's bad to to to to ejaculate under partner's face. I'm not saying that's bad. I'm just saying, you know, without asking or pairing the person. Okay. That's what I got to say about that. And then we have a funny post that we use. I love this. This is that we ask a lot of bunch of people on Twitter and Facebook. And some of the decisions, some of the things that people were saying, never date someone whose idea of a good time is taking your might all after all the booze is gone. And never date someone who won't make a decision without consulting their mother,

never date a man who hates his mother, and never date someone who's broke, but can somehow pay for large quantities of weed. So, I'd love to hear from you. Let me know what you all think and Menace what else with you anything else you'd like to add here in this moments in time so good to talk to you today Yeah, I the only thing I like to add like I always like to say on the show is just just go for it Nothing bad's gonna ever happen to you You know, I used to be a shy person, but you just get over it. You know, if somebody gets over, just just go for it, you're not gonna die. All right. I'm sorry. You're not gonna die

and you're not gonna die and you're gonna save yourself a bunch of time to Exactly. Because there's men that go through their 20s,irties their forties they can't talk to women it's like their biggest fear it's like public speaking and the only way to get over it is to practice practice practice. So you meant it's your shy guy and now you have like a million ladies who want you. They do they're always like men is hot men is hot men is hot. I guess I don't know. I don't act like that. But I just I'm just not afraid to talk to anybody anymore It's my I know but you got up your confidence by practicing and you got rejected right men It's before it and it hurts at first for a little bit

Maybe it maybe it feels stings, but you get used to it life goes on Everything in life is breaking old habits and learning new patterns and learning new behaviors So that's how you're gonna to find the person you love. And one thing I want to say earlier is that someone said in the email and I wanted to get back to this. This woman said she has two children and she can't date. Why don't you start taking your kids to like kid friendly groups to the park and talking to people?

You know, everyone has excuses and I don't believe anyone's God damn excuse why you can't meet anyone because there are so many single people out there. It's your fault if you're not meeting someone. That's my story Okay, man is so good talk to you It's always as always love you much Lee. Thanks everyone for listening to sex the only remember support our good buddies here Support good vibes dot com go on my website buy a sexy toy if your partner Mask oral sex trips if you want oral sex. That's sexualflavors.com. And crazy girl products.

Great gifts for your partner. She smells amazing and you're gonna want to sleep with her even more than you already do. So thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com. email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.