Sex With Emily - SWE: Divorced Dating Tips

Episode Date: February 28, 2012

Emily has a sexual dream about 80-year-old Oscar winner Christopher Plummer. Menace goes to Disneyland again and drunk dials Emily's assistant. Emily talks about America’s pubic hair trends and how to start dating after a divorce. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Look into his eyes, then the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions, bit-rules. They call them a lie-gone-day. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage.

Is it a common moment? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks. And we not talk about sex so much. Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so proud. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play good.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. We can get all your sex information, improve your sex life, millions of people have, and you should join too. You should become a friend's benefit's member is what you should do.

So you can receive four shows a week of sex with Emily, and I'll answer your emails right away if you're a friend's benefit's member, your emails go right to the top. We get hundreds of emails, thousands of emails from listeners, and I'm your personal sex coach when you become a friend's benefit's member. We love all of our listeners and happy Monday.

Happy Monday. How you doing? I was just laughing a little bit because every time you don't hear yourself loudly, you talk quietly. Like you bring it. A little bit of technical issues every day. Yes. I hate when you're on your eyes at me.

So the listeners know what's going on. I understand. I understand, monos. I must explain it and laugh. Ha ha ha. It's going on. I understand. I understand, I must explain it and laugh. That's my favorite. It's hilarious. Okay. Nothing.

Well, today's show, very excited. We have David Misne. He's the author of, not the author, he has a website called DivorcedDatingTips.com. And it's helps men. And I guess women can learn from this too, but it's most of your towards men getting back into the dating pool after they've been single for a while.

And they don't know how to negotiate and get into the dating pool after they've been single for a while, been divorced for a while, and now they're single, and they don't know how to negotiate and get into the dating pool again. So he has really great tips, because we get a lot of emails from listeners who are like, I've been with one woman for the last 20 years. What do I do now? So he's got a really robust DVD series that he sells,

you can also stream an online, and we're gonna talk about that shortly. Do you have a subdomain of shareyourmissory.com? No, you should pick that one out. Go Daddy, nine bucks. Exactly. How you doing, men? I'm good. I had a wonderful weekend in Disneyland or Anaheim, I guess.

It was amazing. I got to go to that thing that I was talking about. A lot of listeners from the Sex and End of the Show follow me online. I saw all my photos from Club 33. And if you didn't hear before, Club 33 is this private club at Disneyland where you get to go to this restaurant slash bar and it's not open to the public.

And it has, I mean, if you want to try to become a member, you have to wait 14 years. Wow. And it was amazing. You're so VIP. And so VIP. I had the best steak in my life at this place. It was so good. It was such a fun experience. Did they treat you to dinner? Or did you have to buy dinner? Oh, we we all paid right? Okay, I'm the bill is like 450 bucks, right?

That's nice. Yeah, it was really did you get arrested this time? I did not get arrested. Oh, I thought you were gonna get arrested I was I be a good story. I paced myself really well. That's good except for you called me drunk on Saturday night Yeah, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, I was thinking, And we were at the Tiki bar right at the Disneyland hotel just drinking and Our intern was drinking a 40 on Instagram and he's like, oh my assistant. Yeah, who's that chick? Well, blah ask her if she wants the D so I called you to get her number and what's the D means does she want the D my deck? Yeah, okay I wasn't clear on that. Sorry. I didn't know the link of you kids today Yeah, I was like no, I'm not giving you Kelsey's number and then I did this gives me me. It's good to me So like she got a boyfriend whatever just give me a moon like you're gonna get rested really good my That was hilarious and then you called me again by didn't I was watching a movie?

Oh, I'm sorry, but it was an amazing. It was an amazing weekend That's good. It was one of the best weekends I've ever had oh my god I love it. I know my Instagram was pulling up without your your shit. I know what are you doing? I was watching movie You know a movie I watched would have had never seen closer. Do you ever see that with Natalie Portman and Julia Roberts Clive Owen and Watch this face who cheated on What's her name? What's his name who cheated on? Santa Miller Don't know what the hell's his name

Never even never even heard the movie right exactly It's good it's like five years ago. It was hot. She's like a stripper plays it's super keep it's very disturbing because they all cheat on each other Yeah, and um what you would totally be I know, but it made me feel bad about my cheating past So I um I actually was like relating and then repulsed and relating and then repulsed Yeah, it was kind of a deep psychological torture, but it was a really good movie. And I did that and I watched movies and I watched, what else did I do? I watched a lot of Bethany.

I've been kind of watching a lot of the movie. I'm not in love with her. Why? I don't find her a little annoying. The whiny. Why? I don't know, I'm just a little bit. She's funny.

She just makes fun of things. I know. She's not whiny. A little bit. So I was watching that and then I was, I tried to watch the Academy Awards last night which were painfully boring Billy Crystal. Please like like so boring. I just learned something right before the show. What? I thought the Academy Awards and the Oscars were two different things. Yeah,

you just learned that. I just learned that. You've been in media for how many years? Yeah, you mentioned oh yeah, did you watch the Academy Awards and I was like it wasn't that the Oscars? Yeah, same same. I know it's confusing. I understand. I didn't get to see it, but I was watching clips. I was in the car on the phone. And everyone was like live tweeting about it. I hate live tweeting, by the way. But so I unfollow those people, but like the new sites will like post video clips.

Right, exactly. I was watching it. And Sasha Barracone, did you see that with Ryan C. Crest? Yeah, we did do a Port Ash's on them or something. Yeah, it was like one of the funnest things I've ever seen. Oh, I've never seen it yet, but last time.. I know it's like everywhere, but I had a time. I've been like prepping for the show and doing other things.

Yeah. But I had to dream. So Christopher Plummer, do you know who he is? He probably wouldn't. And he won Best Supporting Actor. And he is, do you ever see the movie Sound of Music? The Sound of Music? No.

Years ago. I came out like in 30 years with Julie Andrews and he played the father and it's all about the orphan family and Austria like his family's orphan, not orphan, sorry, his wife dies and then and then not Julie Roberts, Julie Andrews. I said, Julie Roberts, Julie Andrews comes in, she becomes nanny and they sing like, climb every mountain, follow it. Anyway, it's my favorite move of all times and Christopher Plummer, he's like 82 when he won Best Sporting Actor.

He's never won it before. I had a dream that I kissed him last night. Wow, you know what I'm saying. And I told him that my favorite movie was, was so into music and it was really disturbing that I kissed him. But I loved him, he's my favorite movie. So that's, that was my highlight that he won.

So you really, I wanted him to get up and say, I am 16, going on 17. Do you know any of these songs? No. Okay. Okay, I did, I did, I did, I did, I did the touch of and sing I am 16 going on 17. Do you know any songs? No, okay But I did I did I get to touch a table that was in Mary Poppins That's that was very cool. That's a very very pop it sounds like a good time what you're explaining right now It is very rare pop it's like I can't believe it's not here movie but when I was younger But I think there's something deep in that dream where you're like maybe you're into like really old guy Yeah, maybe I want like 82 year olds, you know,

maybe I've been fit, you know, fishin' in the wrong pond. Maybe you have. I don't know, but I like made out with Christopher Palmer. You know, huh? And you wanted to have a threesome. It was weird, it was totally up to him. You know, you know, they have a lot of life experience. They can probably show you a couple things.

Yeah, exactly. He's old and he think his wife profusely and cried. I mean, like he's married and whatever, but I don't know why I had that dream which is disturbing, I just wanted to share it. Okay. I gotta tell you about our sponsors, married and whatever, but I don't know why I had that dream, which is disturbing, I just wanted to share it. Okay. I got to tell you about our sponsors, Adam and Eve, is awesome.

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We love Adam and Eve and We love you too and want you to better sex. We also love Stitcher. We're at the Stitcher Studios right now. You can download the app. I did that Many years ago, but I over the weekend I used it and I I played some old shows for people to listen to and stuff. Our shows. Yeah, really? Yeah, you just download the app. It's free. They're not our sponsor that we just hang out at their studios and you just type in sex, then Lee and it streams right to people like our show. Yeah, they enjoyed it. People like us. And we're going to be in playware radio this Friday night. So if you get serious XM, we're going to be on at seven o'clock Pacific 10 o'clock Eastern and Yeah, and we're also going to be on extreme top 165 at 6 o'clock.

We're like taking over a series XM this weekend. I know, and then also it's cool that we just got to figure out but we're gonna have live calls. I know a lot of people record the show during the day and working and you can't call in but it's gonna be at night and you have no excuse. No excuse not to call at 7 o'clock. We'll give you more information as the week goes on.

So I have the results of our latest poll and I would have to say I was quite shocked. What was the poll again? Okay, how do you take care of your hair down there? What? I'm glad, because I just remembered, I had such the great conversation about hair down there. But people get, okay, fill me in after I read the results.

Okay, how do you take care of your hair down there? This is related because last week we did a whole show about grooming, what? The trends in grooming, what people like, what they don't like, you can check that show out. So, okay, here's what people felt. 4% said, wait, people do that. 11% said, pubic pattern, they did like a landing strip

so they'd like a little hair. Only 15% said, oh, natural. Oh no, I guess that's not surprising. I had this wrong. Forget it. No, no, no, this is what was surprising. Oh, natural. So, so 15% that want a bush, which is fine.

25% said boldly bald, nothing, and 45% wanted trimmed and tasteful. That's what was surprising. Is it, I thought boldly bald, nothing would win, but 45% almost half the people wanted a little trimmed. They wanted a little hair. I Think times are changing. Yeah, I Times they are changing. Well, I was drunk at the Tiki bar at the Disneyland hotel which you should If you're down there always go to okay Some of us called trader sands. I know there's like restaurants out there called trades. What the name of the the spots called trader sands

I was there with there was three women and It's called Trader Stamps. I was there with, there was three women and seven guys, right? I don't talk in them. I don't know why, but the whole thing came up about trimming down there. And the girls are like, well, what do you guys prefer? Right. And all of us were like, oh, you know,

maybe a little bit down there, but that's about it. And these girls seem shocked about that. What did they say? That guys thought that way. Like, oh, this is like what we prefer. Like nothing or just like maybe a landing strip. And what did they think? They think like, what were they expecting you to say?

They're thinking guys are guys that don't really care that much. Oh, they were surprised you had just a strong opinion about it. Yeah, that we were very passionate about. Either no hair or trimmed and tasteful like our people say. Yeah, that's funny. It's a good topic of conversation. Anytime you're sitting around dinner table and gets dull, just bring up grooming down there.

People love it. It's sort of something you're intoxicated off, like crazy glowing drinks and stuff. Glowing drinks, is your inside's glow, after you drink it? No. That'd be really cool. It should have been that. They should. They probably do.

I saw a glow in the dark toilet, which I thought was an amazing invention. I don't know why. It just seemed to miss a toilet. Yeah, I'm like, why wasn't this around before? I don't know. You could just put glow sticks around your toilet too if you wanted to. Yeah, it seems like too much work. A little bit cheesy.

I know, I'm not going to do that. But it's a good thing. So we've got a little bit of sex in the news for you here today. The history's worst Oscars is what the news has been saying. This year's Academy Awards were the most boring in modern history. Apparently, host Billy Crystal's hearing aids were causing some sort of feedback sound and it was an annoying glitch. He started off the show just like he did in previous times and he does a tape segment where he insert some,

it was so like insert some stuff into the movies and to the best and he had just been be burn. He's like, I'm trying to get the 1824 audience. Like it wasn't that funny though. Like Billy Crystal, it's not he admit that it in his day like comedic genius, but you come back every year. It's a ninth time hosting and he's the same jokes. It was so lame. Yeah. And also, I mean, I got to give him some credit. They, I mean, they didn't have that much time to prepare with him because it was supposed to be Eddie Murphy.

You know that right? No, what happened with Eddie Murphy? Well, the producer of the Oscars made like a gays slur in an interview. And the producer of the Oscars also did like tower heist or something, some movie that they just did together. So the producer like back down. So then Eddie Murphy back down.

So that's why they got Billy Crystal. Oh my God. They're like, who can we find? And they're like, find him in the like, Jerry Attercom. No, I'm kidding. He's not that old. But still, that's mean, right? Little mean. Yeah. Well, he kept making old jokes and like, it was just not funny. It was depressing.

I really turned the channel and watched other stuff. So I mean, this, the Sasha bearerone thing, which you said that you have not seen with your club before the show. I know that it's just, he spilled some ashes. Yeah, he dressed up as a dictator and he was carrying around Kim Jong-il's ashes. And he was doing an interview with Ryan Seacrest. And during the interview, he spilled the ashes all over Ryan Seacrest. On purpose though?

Yes, all over Ryan Seac secrets in his tuxedo. And you can just see that Ryan's secrets was pissed, but he didn't lose it because it was live television. And it was pretty hilarious. Well I saw the wrap up. Later Ryan's secrets came back to like the red carpet desk with Julia, with what's it? Yeah, and Kelly Osborne, who's so, and she's also doing the red carpet.

Kelly, yeah, because she's on. That's because she cares. Who cares? Because she's on a fashion show. Okay, whatever, stupid. So anyway, he was like, oh yeah, so here's what happened. He was like, playing cool. He's like, it was really funny.

And at least I always have a second jacket with me because I come prepared for the Oscars in case I spill anything. And he made it so like it was hilarious. But at the time moment, if you watch it, he's annoyed, right? Yeah. Yeah. So he says that he, you guys have to look it up on YouTube.

To dictator. Yeah. Just look it up. Okay. So also the new survey, Americans prefer brains over beauty. I don't know if I believe this, but George Clooney did not win the Academy Award, but remains the darling of Americans young and old according to a new survey released today by smart USA. Turns out Americans rank brains far higher than beauty or bronze and also agree that less

is more in terms of conspicuous consumption. The Academy of Awards is not the general public voting, right? Yeah. No, it's not. No, it's not. It's not the Academy Awards, but it's a different smart. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Megan Fox or Alex Rodriguez, just because they're good looking. I'm glad to hear that we like brains over beauty. Yeah. I don't think they'll let a men agree with that.

You didn't win the Academy Award. George Clooney. Do you know who got it? Yeah, I do know who got it. Best actor, Jean Dujardin, from the artist. Oh, God. Did you see it? No.

I don't even see it. You never will. No. Why? Because it's just cool to like it. That's why. No, I think it was a great, artistically acclaimed film, which I did not see.

I didn't see any movie except for Monster. I don't need to watch it. What are the comments? Money ball. Just thinking it's why. No, I think it was a great artistically acclaimed film, which I did not see. I didn't see any movie except for Monster. I don't need to watch it. It's called Money Ball. Just thinking it's cool. That's why. No, minus get over it. It's a really good movie, I think. I think. I haven't seen it, but I think I really like it. Because all your cool friends think it's cool. Yeah, my friends are cool. Country to your friends. Okay. Okay. One in ten couples sleep in separate beds for a better sex life. Yeah, that happens on the Kardashians with Scott and Courtney Kurnash. Right, right, right. One tenth of couples who live with each other sleep in separate beds and with a fifth doing stucco for a better sex life a study is found.

While the most common reason for separate beds was excessive, snoring volume was 24%, other reasons included leading it to getting better sleep, 23% and better sex, 19% while other said it's because of arguments. But the studies show that 77% of people found it strange that couples don't show the bed every night. But half stated that they, 57% stated that they argue with their partner they would see been separate beds. But if it helps improve people's sex life, they don't say why I guess it's just the distance Mm-hmm. You know, maybe you every night you're together and you're like, oh really we're in bed We're reading books.

We're not having sex anymore. I can see if it's really helping your sex life, so I don't see a problem with that. But I love the cuddling and the sleeping with someone. Yeah, I um, but I totally understand the snoring thing now. Holy crap. Over the weekend, my buddy. It's a war. It's the loudoring thing now. Holy crap, over the weekend, my buddy. Ugh, it's a worse. It's the loudest snore ever, ever that I ever encountered

in my life. Yeah, that's annoying. I can't date a guy like that. I, we were in a giant hotel room, right? So I decided, you know what, I have to go to the other side of the room. We had like this little hallway and then went into like another small room. I went all the way go to the other side of the room. We are like this little like hallway and then went into like another small room

I went all the way down to the hallway and slept on the floor In the other room and he was still so loud that I cannot go back. You got to travel with earplugs That's annoying like I can't sleep with someone who snores and makes me crazy. I really I snore I don't know that but I guess it's not that bad right Right. But I should like, you should try the nose thing that I was saying. Yeah, those things celebrate your nose. Yeah, I do that.

Do they really work? I don't know. I think they do work. Yeah, because you don't know that you're sleeping. Exactly true. But if someone's snoring, I can't fall asleep, it makes me crazy. I'll kick him out of my bed and tell him,

send him home. Here's 10 bucks for a cab. Seriously, it makes me forget and say. Yeah. Okay, let's get into some emails. You can always email me. Feedbackitsectorthelead.com. We love getting your emails. You can always email me, feedback at sexwithme.com. We love getting your emails.

We love hearing from you. You can also find me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram, sex with Emily, and you can follow white menace in all those places at white menace. Yeah, do Instagram, it's my favorite. I know. You were like a little too much with the Instagram, though. Oh, did it? Yeah, you do a little.

No, it's just scenes because you don't follow that many people. So all you see is my photos. Yeah, I'm like really menace again. The sweet head for breakfast and lunch and dinner, do I care? You just don't follow enough people. That's why it just seems that I post a lot. You do post a lot. No, like what?

I had six photos for almost the entire weekend. Okay, got it. Maybe something like that. It's a fine. I mean, I appreciate you, Madison. I like your photos. I'm just saying there's a lot of them, but you know, you take great pictures and they're interesting and you like people like you. Okay, I think we're just going to read since our guest is so interesting. He's so much to say today. I'm just going to read the email that is

relating to your topic and then we're going to get into you. Okay, cool. David, okay, dear Emily, life after divorce. I'm a new wish listener and a new friends with benefits subscriber. Love the show and love you and menaces banter back and forth. My question, I'm 28 years old and recently divorced. It's been over a year since the separation, aka over a year since I've had sex. I've had a couple dates here and there, had some fun, but I haven't had sex with anyone since my divorce. To complicate matters more, my ex was the only person I've ever sub with.

Now as I re-enter the dating pool, my nerves are racked. I don't know how to bring up my divorce to guys a date, should I? If so, one and how? I'm afraid being divorced so young will scare guys off. Also after seven plus years marriage with the same guy and only one sex partner, I'm nervous as hell. I want to have sex but I've mentally, but mentally keep getting in my own way. Any advice and getting past my mental roadblocks and getting back to having fun the young divorcee

She's from Raleigh, North Carolina and she's a premium friend's benefit's met a member Which is why we're answering your email. So let's pull the camera back You know you can watch the show you can watch and listen to the show you can watch a video there's David Hi David I'm really have David moving a little closer. He's been so quiet. I know. Yeah, it's not like any of you saying just listening to me. Okay, so David Misney has a website called divorcedatingtips.com. Yes. And it's mostly geared towards Matt, right? It is.

But I think that you could help us answer this question here. Yeah, this is a great question because it goes to like the heart of the product that I've developed. Right, because you would make it up. Right, not that we ever have. Basically, it's all about like realigning yourself with getting ready to get back into that dating pool again. Divorce is a terrible thing. You go through all these heart emotions, your sad, your angry, your insecure, and how do you get back out there? And she's saying she was having a hard time, you know, getting her head in the right space.

And I mean, to go to the product, the first chapter is basically all about that. It's about getting back in, getting your head in the right space, you know, moving past the bad emotions, all that's happened to you, and just freeing yourself up so you can date again. What are some ways that you do that? What I recommend is putting it down on paper, like making it real. Yeah, I always have to write down what you want, what you've been through, what your issues are,

kind of taking like a personal inventory of where you've been, where you wanna go, what your future looks like, what kind of person you're looking for. Absolutely. And I just wanna say to you, young divorcee, that you are feeling all the normal things that you're supposed to be feeling. And it's OK that you're feeling a little nervous,

and it's OK that you are feeling like you're getting in your own way. And we're going to teach you today how to get out of your own way. Because again, I'm so you spelled this out completely like so many people could really, this could come from so many different people who are divorced. I think they all experienced it.

So we hear from men and women who are like, I don't even remember how to kiss someone new. I've been with one person for 20 years. Like how do you have sex with someone else? How do you open up again? And so let's get into that now. Let's get into your product, okay? So it's divorceatingtips.com.

And okay, the mission is offer divorce men who haven't been in the game of while an opportunity to get back in the saddle with as little with as little of a learning curve as possible. You need to educate and assist in becoming a successful online data without having to learn the hard way. So you really focus on online dating. Yeah, that's that's a great way to do it today. I mean, if you don't have time, if you're divorced, you have kids. It's a great way to meet women.

Really? So you don't even talk about like how to approach a woman at the grocery store? I mean, well, I do talk a little bit about part of building that sexual energy up and getting back in the right head space, is, you know, smiling at women. You see, you might see throughout your day. Don't be creepy, you know? No, don't be creepy smile. No creepy smile, but you know, smile, get that smile back,

and that helps to build and kind of bring out that confidence again and get you back into it. Okay, got it. But when do you think people should start dating after divorces? Is there like a show at a certain time that they should wait? That's real individual. I mean, that's how depending on how you feel. Say the next day. I say get on, get on.

Yeah, throw them in the gutter and get another, as they say. Throw them in the gutter and gotta get under to get over. Yeah. Um, yeah, I was always like hesitant about online dating, like actual dating websites. And, but I keep on meeting more and more people because it's so common these days, like, oh, wow, you're not a weirdo at all. You're like, you're cool.

And I actually met like this amazing woman over the weekend who was part of the group of people that I was with. And she is a lawyer, like super hot, right? And just got engaged, they met on okay, cupid. And her fiance is a rocket scientist. Like these people, like, is like a power couple already, you know, and just through online dating.

Before that, I was just like, oh, it's all Craigslist, Weirdos that just want to get laid, but it's actually, it does work. And for your website, the divorce thing, do you find people, like the main advice I would give, though, is not carrying the baggage from the past relationship into the new one? I think that's the biggest problem.

Yeah, that's huge. And that's why you make that list. And I recommend burning the list, burn it, bury it, whatever you want to do. Right, like write down all your baggage, and then burn it. Move on. The way I have an airplane, my friend did that.

She threw her list out of an ice-jumped out of an airplane and wrote a list and threw it in the air. It's so hard for people. There's literally nothing. They just can't let it go. They think the stuff that happened in the past is going to happen to them with the new person that they're with. It's hard to get rid of that stuff because you literally your brain becomes wired and you become trained to think a certain way that every

guy is going to treat that way or every woman is going to treat the same way and they don't, which is something that you and you are working on. What's no, not that. And I hate to use this as an example, but it's such in the public eye that It's perfectly what we're talking about but on the Jersey Shore There's a Forced dating tips not advocate the Jersey Shore. No, no, no, but there's this girl J. Wow who's actually the least craziest one on there She's dating a guy, but she has such bad past history of dating crazy

screw up dudes that it's affecting her current relationship. And her current man called her on it. It's like, you know, I've heard that, you know, the mind is a better follower than a leader. Yeah, and it's hard like getting in that space where you're actually controlling your thoughts because you get you get you move through it and it takes a little bit, you know, whatever you need to do, you meditate, whatever the process is. And you get rid of those types of thoughts and you slowly like begin to open up

because when you're feeling good about it, it's seamless. You're just gonna meet people and it's gonna be great. You're gonna have fun with it and it's supposed to like, oh, I'm thinking, like in the email, she was saying, she wish I bring up my divorce. Right, I was gonna ask you that because that comes off a lot of people like,

think it's a horrible thing that they went through and that everyone's going to judge them and I don't think that people judge on being to what maybe some people do but I mean you shouldn't judge on someone being divorced do you think things I would want to know if a girl told me that she was divorced are you still in contact with that person or something that you that you're going through like I don't know, alamoni checks or something like that. Or do you have actually, do you have a child with this person? You know, there's a lot of things. I would say that weights to weight on.

You know, don't throw it out there in your first date or even when you're chatting online. You know, there's no reason to do that. Yeah. And build a little chemistry first and see how it's working. Exactly. You don't need to share all that stuff at the beginning. In fact, I always say you should never talk about your past relationships on a first date Ever like whether you love them or hate them. I best runs my ex. I hate my best. I hate my ex whatever it is

Shouldn't even bring it up like get to know the person you're sending costs when the past doesn't matter Like talk about your interest your mutual interest whatever's going on in your life currently I do want to know this information though like eventually maybe third date. Yeah, but I The only thing I would be hesitant with is if you still had a relationship with that person. Right. But I don't know. That'd be kind of hard for me to go through

to be like, oh, my girlfriend is talking to her ex-husband again. Yeah, but it's like some people are cool because I know that you have relationships like that all the time and it's great. I'm friends with all my exes. I'm friends with my exes. But you gotta think about the other person that you're with and how they feel about it. No that's true. You always gotta check in with them about that.

So, how do you really advocate finding the right dating site and how to meet women online? So, how do we start with what do you do? How do you find the right site? Yeah, there's hundreds of thousands of sites. So many, it's overwhelming. Yeah. If you're just general, it's good to go to some of the bigger players. I use a bunch of sites, and I'm currently on several. I use one of interesting sites is speeddate.com. Because you can do, they have pop up little date windows,

like chats, you can do writers, you like it. Oh, it's like speed dating online? Yeah. Oh, that's cool. I like speed dating. Yeah, so that works well. But there's also specialties. It's like be dating online. Oh, that's cool. I like it. Yeah, so that works well. But there's also specialties. There's all kinds of religious concerns.

Or you like a certain ethnicity. And so you can go to the specialty sites. J-date. Yes, I started there. ChristianMingle.com. Yeah. What's the other one that I was, there was the Mormon one that my friends are always on. Just for fun?

Are they Mormon? No, they're Mormon. They're like, oh yeah. There was like a term for it. I forget what it's called. Right. But they, like, you talk date.com. Not, no, it was like, it was like three letters.

And then that you would put in your profile so people would know that, oh yeah, I'm, the code. Yes, the code that I'm a Mormon, I'm looking. Oh, okay, there's a code. Okay, so you talk about in your video that you've like a little intro video on your website or a big intro video, when you talk about reg your video that you've like a little intro video on your website or a big intro video,

when you talk about regaining confidence and loving energy, I'm just gonna love this, but I love energy. I thought you were gonna judge me on that. What do you think, what is that exactly? What do you mean? How do you gain it? You think as you've lost it and you need to bring it back

because you're probably feeling insecure and meeting yourself up and... All that. Yeah, it's tough to go through a divorce. I mean, anytime you leave a relationship or you're with somebody and you really cared about them and you know, things kind of deteriorate, especially there's infidelity or something really bad happens. So, you know, just it's focusing your energy, just, you know, doing those things, making that list, throwing it out, meditating.

Talking more about the list, you keep bringing up the list. Okay, so I want to write a list. I just got divorced. What are I down first? Don't trust them. Don't trust I want to write a list. I just got divorced. What do I write down first? Um, don't, whatever you're feeling. Don't trust. Don't trust them. I hate so and so. You put my heart. Yeah, never again. Yeah, I'm sorry. Whatever, you know, all the stuff that you need to get out of you like all this. Purge it. All right, write it all down. Okay. I mean, sorry. Whatever it is, get rid of it and then get rid of it. Yeah. And then like get it all out. Talk to your friends, go to therapy, I always advocate therapy after everything, but after divorce for sure, therapy's really healthy to fit,

because if you're not sure, I have a lot of friends who've gone through breakups and they're like blaming, blaming, blaming their husband or blaming their wives. And I think takes two to tango, as my mom used to be saying, my brother and I were fighting, she'd be like, I've been in kids' his fault, she'd get takes two to tang, anyway, whatever.

The point is, is that you do have a part in why the demise of the relationship. So the people who are just blaming my crazy ex-boy for my crazy ex-husband, and they haven't looked at what their part is, I think that such an important key is to like really go deep and be like, okay, well, maybe I could have been more loving or spent more time at home or made more of an effort, right?

I find that when I'm dating, no matter what I do actually, it's like if I'm in a good place and I'm not like focused on negative things, things will just flow. Like I'm saying things to women, I'm like, well, where's that line come from? Exactly. I thought it's a line, but like, you know, natural. You got to just get out of all that negative. So get, so maybe you're not ready to date if you're still in anger, hate mode. And so by writing down can help or therapy can help.

Okay, so you talk a lot about the do's and don'ts of online dating. Yeah. Okay. And this goes into some of the things you do, like setting up profiles and your profile photos. I've signed up as women just to kind of do research and kind of have fun and see what happens.

And you see a lot of pretty lame photos on the line. I agree, my friend, okay, so I was out with my friend the other night and she's like, oh my God, my brother is dating a lie and okay, keep it. And he came to me and said, he said to me, shelly, can you look at my profile and tell me what is wrong? I am, I am sending out all these emails to women and nobody is answering me. Like, I'm not, and she's like, well, let me take a look at it.

Let me take a look at your picture. It's a picture of him dressed as a zombie for Halloween with blood coming down his face and he thought that would be funny. Funny is huge. I mean that's what you want to do. You want to be funny when you're on your profile and you're posting photos but you know. It shouldn't be your main photo. Yeah. Yeah. But that's not a lot. So anyway that was like one thing that I was like oh my god. She's like thank god he showed me. She's like that's why he's not getting your response. It's your zombie. She's like, well, I think the right girl would find that. But no, you so what are the more we like, okay,

Cupid, we had the founder on a few weeks ago, okay, Cupid. Sam Yegan, he was saying there's certain ways like picture like they've done like this study. How women should be always looking right at the camera. I meant should be looking away from the camera. Have you heard about this? Um, I have heard it. So what do you think about profile pictures? Um, have you heard about this? I have heard of this. Okay, so what do you think about profile pictures? Do you look at theory? My theory is like edit them. What do you mean?

Like light editing, not too crazy, but like get a good photo made or you know, to have a good photo that you have taken previously and just do like a little editing, you can use all kinds of software. Right. That's a big deal, bring out the contrast a little bit, make sure the feature is kind of pop, and show the musculature in the face.

Yeah, okay. But when I see him, person, they're like, yeah, where's the contrast? Exactly, the rainbow contrast here. It's gone. You don't overdo it. Yeah, don't overdo it, but don't underdo it. They call them like the Myspace angles.

I've been on dates where I had my phone loaded with her photo, because I never met her before. She walked in and was like, is that you? That's so impressive. That's the best bummer, right? So don't overdo it. Okay, what about the dosing nuns of the first date? First date, I would say the first thing to do is to do it

during the day if possible and do something fun on the weekends. You do something fun together. You've got all these happy chemicals floating, you're enjoying yourself. Yeah, they say that when you have adrenaline on the first day, that's really important. You could do something kind of fun and maybe adventurous during the day. What would you recommend?

This is good because I recommend on my dating is because you can read profiles of the people your of the girls you're looking at. So you see what they're into and then if you're into the same thing you can choose or, you know, let's go windsurfing. Windsurfing, archery, snowboarding, whatever it might be, and that's something that's exciting. But I've heard also that you shouldn't just say like, I like skiing and jumping and swimming and running and biking, like you should make it more interesting the way you write your profile. So can you, if you suggestions for that? Well, yeah.

How do you not just say that? Like everyone likes hiking and swimming and riding and biking. Yeah, I travel. I never do this. I don't want to go hiking with a chick at all. Yeah. I say a little prose. Write a little story. Tell a story about something.

Oh, that's a good idea. Write a story and integrate all that stuff into your story. Or pick out one of them. Like this time I was snowboarding and this crazy thing happened. Yeah. I saw a bear or something. Okay, and then what about like, so for writing a wedding profile,

okay, what do you talk about screening a woman's profile and reading between the lines? I thought that was kind of creepy. No, not creepy, but that's interesting. So I mean, I think women are like, why are reading between the lines? Like what are some of the signs? What are the things that you read

between a woman's lines? You know, starting with the photograph, like, you know, just she still look like that. We all want to post a picture that makes us look like her, like, in our best shape and doing good things. And then what you write on your profile is your impression of who you think you are.

And I think people put their best foot forward. So you have to be careful. And you ask yourself, okay, if half of what I'm reading is true, when I still date this person. Right. Is usually everyone, does everyone lie in the reading profile like everyone lies in their resume? Yeah, of course.

Lying, fudging the truth. Fudging, not lying. But you know they say everyone lies, everyone fudges their resume. Yeah. So, rude in a lines and what do you mean, like what if she says, like is there something like trigger words?

You know, I like pets or like animals. Like she writes that a lot. Well, you know, I like pets or animals. She writes that a lot. Well, you know, you might be okay with just a cat or a dog, which you might be having a cat. She might have 25 cats. She's the crazy cat lady. I don't any shake with an animal. I mean, like a dog no way.

Not going to do the whole thing. It would really, really have to like her. But if I'm halfway into her and she has a dog, I'm out. Why? Because she always goes home with a dog. She has to go home with a dog. We've talked about this many times. It's a pain in the ass. Yeah. Having a dog.

She can't just take off for the weekend. There's dog hair everywhere. The dog is on me. I love animals, but I do I want to deal with animals 24-7 and let them control my life. She might as well just have a kid. This is why they don't like. So you can see that ahead of. Yeah, animals X done. Yeah, I while I can see it in their profile because usually the people are like Animal lovers if they're animal obsessed they get her in her dog Her cat. She's a picture of her to fluffy kitty. What do you think about that pictures with their animals? Same thing. I think you shouldn't put a picture with your animals. They never get to date. Yeah, but then people

People would see that. I'm not into the, you know, I like kind of bigger dogs. Yeah. So if I saw like you with your like German shepherd or something, I'd be like, yeah, that's. Oh, I have a little dog. I'm gonna rule people out. I'm not putting my dog in the profile.

Okay, what about the first message? First message to a woman. Hey, what's up? Yeah, no, what's up? It's pretty, that always works. What up, yeah. So women are getting hundreds of emails. Hundreds.

Can I take it a pound town? You want to stand out. You love sharing that story about all the time, about how your, your friend got 45,000 weeks in blah, blah, right? 278,000. Oh, great. You love sharing that story. Tell me what happens to you.

You just said I love sharing it. Why do you want to hear it? No, but I just, No, my friend was at Mats. calm for like two years and it tells you how he loved you your profile And it was like just like 207000 people have looked at my profile like that's insane like there's so many Now that they've all messaged her she didn't get two hundred and so eight thousand But it's just kind of like awesome your ego. You're like that and that they didn't contact me So it's kind of like they look at my picture. They didn't want to contact me But what about the first message?

There are some do's and don'ts. I've heard that you should, you should just be like, you should never comment on a woman's looks. Yeah, I don't do that. Don't be like, hey, you're hot. Well, of course you think she's attractive, that's why you're emailing her.

But don't say that in your first message. Say, pick out something interesting from her profile and be like Oh, I was in Nepal as well, and I did this and that or make fun of them about something They love that start with the subject line because you know That's what she's saying she might close it never respond to you and you know So a clever subject line go to what she her interests are like if she's into surfing be like oh I was at it ocean today. You know, because I had something like that.

I had this chick just like fall in love with me over the weekend because there was like all these guys around, right? And of course, they're like all trying to pawn after her. And I just did the thing where she was like saying what her drink was. And she goes, oh, I want to evac-a soda, you know, the trendy thing to get. I go, oh, I wanna Ivanka soda, you know, the trendy thing to get. I go, oh, that's very trendy of you. She's like, what do you mean?

I go, oh, that's just the popular thing to get. That's not very interesting at all. And right there, she didn't talk to anybody else, but me the entire time. I know, like, you play the dick move and then she, the dissing. Yeah, so like, I don't know. I don't know if you gently have something

you like talking about that too. Yeah, I do love talking about it because it always works. He thinks like don't pay attention to the hot woman in the room because everyone's hitting our, you've heard that before, right? And you should kind of ignore her and then she's gonna come around.

I've heard that. It works. I find this sometimes. Did you bang her? What, did she go to the weekend? No. Why? Because she's engaged. I'm not trying to bang her. Oh, well that's what she talked to you too. She's engaged. Why did she talkigar of the Weekend? No. Why? Because she's engaged.

I'm not trying to be a member of the show. Oh, well that's what she talked to you, too, because she's engaged. Why did she talk to you all the other guys? Because you were funny. Yes. Okay, so how do you ensure a second date? You're just like, what about the first date? You're going to first date?

What about the first date? Okay, the first day during the day, maybe you're just doing fun. But how do you make sure that you get a second date? You can't make sure. You can't make sure. You can't make sure. You can't make sure. You can't second date? You can't make sure. What can you do to? You gotta end strong. So what you gotta do. How do you make a strong ending?

This is all feeling it out. You go on your date, everything's working out. Have a little backup plan by the way if it doesn't work out. If you know the neighborhood and she doesn't like the restaurant, you know, she was vegan or whatever. Right. So go to a fun place, have a good time together,

and then at the end, end strong, if you're feeling a little bit of like that romantic energy between you. Now this is key because you maybe you haven't kissed another woman in like 15, 20 years. Right. So yeah, we're going to get into the sex part today. Yeah. But, you know, end strong kiss. And, you know, maybe you're not feeling there, but it means so it may not go that far.

Yeah. But just, you know, tell you how to great time and move forward. You're not guaranteed to get a second. I know. And then the thing with the, with the kiss too, like I, I, I know tell you how to great time and move forward. You're not guaranteed to get a second I know and then the thing with the with a kiss too like I I Know I come off as a dick, but I try to be a gentleman at the same time and the first like The first day I don't go in for the kiss right but women are such horrors these days They expect the kiss like every single like first date and if you don't kiss them on the first date

Then there's a problem. I think you guys I think if guys try in the first date, they're gonna get kissed. I think that a lot of women do kiss on the first date and I think it's good to go in for it if you're getting the vibes. Yeah, but if you're nervous about it, then you can make it into a disaster. Yeah, you do the weird stuff. Is it okay if I kiss you? Yeah, women don't want you to ask them if it's okay to kiss them. I know. Don't ask. to ask them if it's okay to kiss them I know don't ask exactly it I think it's hot if you just go in for it. Okay. What about sex then and getting back into sex when you've only had sex The one person for a long time. What do you tell people about getting back into sleeping with someone new?

So that's all about building that chemistry on that date like you're sitting there get a little close, you know Kind of don't have to, don't go for a person, not creepy, but like get close and you gotta feel it out. And you gotta touch it, they say, touching is really important, right? And then you can feel that. And she touches you back. It's, I think that's really important

to build the fair moments of the chemistry, to be touched. I don't mind if I'm out with a date, if a guy touches me, that's not totally not into him. And then I'm like, check, let's get out of here, check please. Okay, so, and then, so they have for anyone else and then, SACs, what about like, like the first time, like, I would say like, check, let's get out of here, check please. Okay, so, and then, so they have for anyone else and then SACS, what about like the first time? I would say like, just like our listeners said,

she's nervous, then she shouldn't do it yet. She's not ready. Absolutely. And just like ease into it. Like start by kissing. I have a friend who was married for 10 years and she literally waited like three months before, like two months before kissing a guy.

Maybe it was a month before kissing guy and like three months before sleeping with them and there's nothing wrong with Maybe it was a month for kissing guy and like three months before sleeping with them. And there's nothing wrong with that. Like the guys stuck around and really got their two years. But there is no timeline or rush. You should never feel pressured into sex unless you want to do it.

So I would just say like be kind to yourself. It is kind of strange being with someone else after you've been with one person for a long time. And just don't just go easy on yourself. Don't be so hard on your, because it will come back to you. It's like riding a bike. It's like riding a bike. It's like riding a bike, but for guys, you know, if you're thinking too much

and too much in your head space and you're thinking about your ex or whatever negative things, it can have a physical effect. So you have to make sure like, how do you get out of that then? Do you like, comes like meditate? I meditate, you know, I meditate. I, when my last break up, I developed a mantra.

I was like, always look forward. And anytime my thoughts straight from that, I would think always work. I do that too. When I sit in the past, I'm like, move forward and move forward and go forward. Not even just with men, but with everything in life. Like when I'm obsessing about the problem or whatever,

you just gotta keep, you gotta insert a positive thought. If you're having constant negative thoughts, you just gotta like make yourself. Like it's like a mantra, or it's like say five things positive. Like when I was little and I would ever complain about something, I would be like, okay, I'd like to say mom, I hate this toy or whatever it is.

You're like, I need you to say five things positive right now. And then I have to think of five good things. Like, okay, I have a bed to sleep in. You know, as I know, annoyed by it, but it's really true. Like you find yourself so bogged down with negative thoughts all the time, that if you just kind of think about the good things in your life and you can train your mind to like,

catch yourself, because our mind is really hard to control. And that's what we started talking about at the beginning. Like it's hard to kind of change your negative patterns, but you can, it's doable, we can do it. Part of the process is, because it's, that's very interactive, so there's a lot of lists you're gonna write, not just like writing that with the negative and throwing it away,

but like there's instructions to write a list about, you know, validating yourself and writing things that are great about your data. This is all in your series. So it's devorestatingtips.com and they can download it, they can stream it. You can send them a DVD. No, it's just streaming. But it's 39.95, which is the price of one month at a dating site. That's for unlimited use. And you get technical aspects too. I'll show you on videos how to actually log in set up profiles. That's really good for people who haven't been online or dated online for a while so you walk them through the entire like everything we've talked about

you walk them through it. And I have a little gift for your audience. If you go to the second page and you type dating into the coupon code you get a nice discount on it. Oh, dating you get a discount. Nice. That's awesome. Okay.

Well, thank you so much, David. I think this is really going to help people who are divorcing for men and women, right? I mean, it's for men, but I know men have different issues than women, but overall, getting back in the dating pool. It's a little bit harder for a guy. Yeah. Okay. Well, I think you're doing a good service for men out there.

Divorcingtips.com. David, thank you so much for being here. Thanks for the Emily. I'm glad you're here. Medicine, anything else you'd like to add to this information here. No, just a life. Just a download stitcher. Download stitcher?

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you get 15% off anything in give-a-rations and they only sell the very best stuff. So check them out as well. Well, you have the coupon code up at sexcelemy.com. It's up at sexcelemy.com too. Right, just go to sexcelemy.com and follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, sex with Emily. So thanks everyone for listening to the show. It was a good for you. Email me. Feedback at sexwithemely.com. for you, email me feedback at sexwithendlin.com.