Sex With Emily - SWE: Do You Need a Sex Coach?

Episode Date: August 9, 2012

Celeste & Danielle, "sexological therapists," talk about how they coach people to better sex. They stress the importance of men getting involved in their lover's emotions, sexual spontaneity, avoiding rejection when talking about sex with your partner, the G-Spot, and their book, "Cockfidence." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Isn't it common, though? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here so proud. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in

between. For more information about sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to our podcast, sign up for our mailing list, RSS Speed, find out how to follow me on Twitter and Facebook, and all that good stuff. I'm really excited for today's show. I'm here with Menace, of course. Hi honey, how are you? Good. Well, we have two special guests and they are very special guests. They've been on the show. This is our third visit. Celeste and Danielle are sex and relationship therapists in San Francisco, Bay Area. And they just wrote a book. I'm so they've had them on the book a bunch because I've always been so fascinated by their work. They're not just any kind of other sex and relationship therapists, but they actually do hands-on training for men and women teaching them.

Not just talking, talking here is what you do, but showing them how to get the most and how to get the most sexual pleasure and how to have heightened sexual experiences and they just do amazing work and I've been dying to take one of the classes forever, which is on my list to do before I die. And hopefully sooner than that. So less than 10 yelled word to book. So we are talking about the book. I'm so proud of you guys. Congratulations. The book is the extraordinary lover's guide to being the

man you want to be and driving women wild. So, what, uh, Hi, Lesson Danielle. Hi. Hi. Good to see you. What's the real title of the book? The real title of the book is Coch fidance. Do you love it? I love it. I love it. Not that you need it, but no. Every man needs it. Here's the thing. I was reading this and I was like, oh my god, I want to give this to every single man I've been with.

That is because I've hit a lot of bad sex lately. Just that's a side note. And I don't know why. Just like me. I was like, life's curse. Like, I know everything about it. And of course, I can take control and do all that stuff. But everything you need in one

straightforward guide experienced the power of having men admire you and women desire you lead women to the heights of their orgasm on the book heights of their orgasmic potential master your sexual function get hard stay hard last longer I love this one this is so important for every sex book should have this in it, and I don't know why they don't. Know how to effectively help women process their emotions. Yes. I'm going to start this chapter for you, flag it, man. Keeps seduction and sensuality alive in long-term relationships, get the most out of every second of your sexual experiences. So we're going to go through some of the chapters of the book.

Thank you so much. Okay, so tell me about this book. How did it? Or first backup, let's do a little briefing. If you haven't listened, you can search my website for Celeste and Danielle. They've done a bunch of shows about the work they do. But tell me a little about your practice. It's a booming sec I read for so many people to you. I'm always like you got to go see Celeste and Danielle if you're having any kind of sexual concerns you want to heighten your sex life so talk about what you do. Well I think you've talked about it so well and you know I have to be tell you that I'm so excited to be on the show today specifically because I had an amazing couple in my office today and they found out about us on your show. Oh yeah that makes me feel so good. Such

good timing. Love it. Kind of a review your listeners are so awesome because they were just like the most awesome couple on the planet. Oh, God. That makes me so happy to work with that. That makes me feel really, that makes me feel just good. Love it. What do they say about us? I'm just kidding. It was all about you. So anyway, you know, the work that we do is very experiential and like you were saying, and we really help people communicate around sex, communicate around relationship, intimacy, desires.

We help them actually practice in experiential ways with everything from touch to bringing passion and desire to each other. So it's a very wide spectrum of people coming to us whose sex life has completely died to people who want to just enhance an already wonderful sex life to people who are like, okay sex is doing okay, but we need to talk about this relationship stuff because there's a lot that's not the gears aren't going smoothly here. So it's sort of the full spectrum.

Okay, that's, I mean, so because you are your therapists as well, it's not just sex, but it's sex and relationships and the two are so intertwined that I think that so many couples are, they're just going to relationship counselor. And these are the ones I'm always saying, you should go see a sex therapist if that's really your issue. And you honestly, you look at, I don't know what the percentage is, you would know better. But how many couples would you say when it breaks down and they're having issues that a lot of it, you can kind of tie back to sex issues?

It usually goes back to sex. Most issues, right? You know, sex issues, yes. If you really break it down, they might say, it's the kids and we don't have time and that, but really, it could be, right? It's some kind of community. Who's causing the most issues? The man or the woman?

The kids. Exactly. The kids are paying the ass. You tell me, I don't have him, but I'm telling you. Who's talking? Right? It's all about the kids, you know, never have time to have sex, never have time. So you're saying don't have kids in your relationship with our kids. No, I'm the last one to say, I have kids, I have a relationship. I love them. Yeah, it's just really, when people kind of get married, they get excited about the marriage and being a family.

And that's wonderful, but they start raising kids and they completely forget themselves. They wait for, oh, I'm just going to, they leave the laundry, comes before the sex. We put the kids to bed, we do the laundry, we do work on our computers, we write some emails, and then we're going to get exhausted. So they don't actually make time know, make time for sex and sex needs time.

People think it's going to be spontaneous, but it's not going to be spontaneous. And I think what you said to Emily about people coming in and going to relationship therapists and really working, they can have their whole relationship ironed out, they can be the best domestic partners and co-parents and all of those other things on the planet. But so many therapists don't have training and sexuality, which is an entirely different set of skills than it takes to run a household. Exactly.

I remember famously having an old friend of mine saying, well, my wife and I, we've been in therapy, talk therapy for eight years and this relationship. And I said, well, and then he started, of course, like everyone opening up. He's like, but we really have these sex issues. And I'm said, well, and then he started, of course, like everyone opening up, he's like, but we really have these sex issues. And like, well, what is your therapist? He says, oh, I've never brought up sex.

I said, for eight years, you've been in therapy, shelling out money, you never talked to, he's like, oh, no, I never seemed right. And it's like, oh, it's so obvious. So that's when they need to come see you. Hey, everyone. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I want to tell you about one of our amazing sponsors that helps keep this show free. Jimmy Jane does adult products like

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and check out everything they have to offer. You know, just as a way to thank them for bringing you sex to them. Just use coupon code Spring spring it, check out. Thanks for listening. I promise you're sex life will improve. And also, communication around sex is very different than communication around domestic stuff. You know, just a different set of communication people need to develop. And it's different.

It's not like texting, okay, who picked up the kids and when are you going or when are you coming home, what do you want to have for dinner? It's passion and looking at each other's eyes and spending time together, so it's very different. So that's a lot of stuff that you cover in the book, which I think, I was reading through just that you have excerpts and tell me your website. So people can check it out. www.solestandaniel.com. That's C-E-L-E-S-T-E-A-N-D-D-A-N-I-E-L-L-E. Okay, great. And this also will be on my website.

And so I love that you break it down into the nine qualities that allow men to reclaim their sense of power and freedom, understand and express their sexual desires, and drive women wild sexually. So what are some of the categories in here that I like like you just said the huge one is spontaneity. That is one of the crucial factors that is missing in relationships that that a lot that prohibit people I think from having good sex. Spontaneity is one of them. So how do you bring spontaneity back?

Well, I think you know, how do you even bring it? Yeah. And even before that, why is it important? What is it? Exactly. Let's start with what is it? What is it? What is it? What is it? I mean, we all know, like, oh, all of a sudden, you're up close off and we're in the kitchen table, but really, like, intellectually, spiritually, what is it represent? Well, we really break it down in terms of, like, the definition, and we break it into two different qualities, which are creativity and flexibility. And I think you need both of those things. So you need to be willing to bring all of your ideas and, you know, bring newness into

the experience. But I think that's what of those things. So you need to be willing to bring all of your ideas and bring newness into the experience. But a lot of people, it's like, they don't want to do that because they're afraid in some way that their idea is going to be rejected. And that's why flexibility is important. Because you might bring an amazing idea,

and the person just isn't ready. Your partner isn't ready to receive it right at that moment. That doesn't mean she never will. That doesn't mean she won't even like five minutes later. But if you feel rejected when you bring something creative, you sort of pull yourself away. And if you also have flexibility, you turn around and you go, okay, you don't want that. Let's try this. That's spontaneity. You need to be able to have both of those qualities to really roll with the punches, and keep going even if something gets rejected. It doesn't mean you're getting rejected because she's right there with you, you know?

It means that the thing isn't what she wants at that moment. So then what do you tell people, what's the right, I mean, there is no right moment, but just like don't get discouraged. If the first time you bring it up and she's like, oh, that's weird, you know, it's kind of like there's other ways to finesse it, it doesn't mean that it's not a conversation you should have.

I started something here twice. So I love that you said if you go, this is about like, when you know, for play, when you're starting out, if you go too quickly to the kiss, you don't allow any attention and excitement to build. When you wait, you allow yourself and heard a build into a frenzy of desire where you can't rip each other's clothes off fast enough. So can you talk more about that? Like, because I always talk about that, that the men just, it seems that the men and women with the people, they just want to rush right to the act. They're skipping over the kissing,

they're not making eye contact, they're not doing those things, they're not letting it build. And that's what so much is the sput, is but the building and the tension. Why don't people do that, Natalie? It's time consuming. It's time consuming.

All comes to time and kids after all. If you don't want to do it in front of the kids, yeah. So when we talk about spontaneity, a lot of it is about creating it as part of the relationship. When people kind of like, look at spontaneity as surprise. And I think those two terms are actually not the same. There's no need to surprise each other all the time in order to create spontaneous, fun, sexual relationship because sometimes creating times and knowing that you're going to have sex can allow a lot

of spontaneity. So that's about just a little okay. My issue is that it is an asshole or something like that. I just think spawn 90 is like cheesy. But maybe I'm thinking that it just seems fake, you know? Like if you're in a relationship and it's kind of dead and then well, I gotta be wild and crazy to be able to have sex with this person or get them interested. Doesn't it seem kind of fake or does it seem, does it seem fake to you at all? Or am I going anywhere with this?

It just seems that I got to do all this extra work that is not really real. Right, so we never tell people to fake it because people, you know, your partner can actually tell if you're faking it. So, you know, it's like how do you, I mean one of the qualities that we talk about in here is passion. And it's sort of like how to live a passionate life and when you're living a passionate life in general, you feel more passionate, you sort of like that feeling of spontaneity of creativity, of flexibility, it's sort of alive inside of you and you want to bring it because it feels good to you.

If you're like, your relationship is dead and you're not enjoying the person, then you need to think about like, okay, is this really what I want? But it might be that you're just sort of like not living a passionate life. You're not being true to yourself. And I think that's the other part of this book that we really emphasize is that it's not just about pleasing women. It's about how men can really get in touch with who they are and what they want. And so that these kinds of, you know, these qualities sort of come from this internal place of connection with themself and not like, okay, I need to do this now. I don't, you know, like a puppet show where you're like, okay, we're going to stay like that's not that, you know, women can feel the difference. You can feel the difference. It's not fun for anybody.

Right. It's not so mechanical like that. There's much more integrative. Yeah, it's all about the win-win situation when men become much more connected with themselves and then women are attracted to them. Because women are attracted to passionate men. They are attracted to men who are interested in things and not just like all about them. You know, so it's not only about passion about your woman, it's also about being passionate about your things and what you want in life. And unfortunately, many men compromise throughout their lives because they think that that's better for their relationship. And it's not like relationship do not demand compromise, but it's not about losing yourself.

Yes, you can compromise about maybe when you eat breakfast. But if you start compromising about the stuff that's most important for you, you kind of like slowly collapse inside and that's when death happens in relationship because people kind of like start losing their essence. Right, right. And you talk here also in the same chapter on Spontanadee, that there's some pitfalls with passion.

You may fear that desiring women in this way is objectifying, and that she'll feel like you only want her for sex. And this is a great point that you make is on the contrary, being desired intensely is one of the most common female fantasies that women, common fantasies that women have. So, and at the same time, so she wants to so she's desired, but she also wants to know that

you're connected to her. So this is when you talk about the eye contact, saying her name, telling her things that are passionate, because that stuff is so, that it's not a disconnect. Like a lot of times you feel like men are having wanting to have sex, and it's just like this, it's just, they're just in their body, or they're just in their mind, but they're not connected as one, and so it's just a mess, and they're just in their body, or they're just in their mind, but they're not connected as one. And so it's just a mess, and they're just trying to get your pants off and have sex,

and there's no connection. So you're talking about life as a for-play, right? Right. Because that's what it is about, right? Life is, that's when women feel desired. When they feel that men create, their partner create eye contact with them during the day, and not only when they wanna have sex with them.

Exactly. And we call it connected objectification sometimes for shorthand because it's like of course the woman wants to know that you think her boobs are great and that you love her hips and you want to grab her butt. But if that's all you want, if you're not really there with her in a more present way, you know, interpersonally and emotionally, it doesn't mean you have to be like, I love you or want to be with you forever. But, you know, there's an emotional connection that's created and women really want to feel you or want to be with you forever, but there's an emotional connection that's created,

and women really want to feel that. So there's a lot of some. Yeah, I mean, so in here, there's a lot. It's not just like, this isn't a book that you're going to pick up from you. There's all these sex tips. It's also really a therapeutic book. I mean, it uses some tenants of therapy, right,

to help men get more connected with themselves, because men are tend to block out their emotions and not be as emotionally open to helping to women to come connecting with women and empathy and all the things that you talk about. So it's really goes there. Menist, you should read this book. And I don't want to scare men because it's not like it's not scary touchy-feely weird. It's not practical to say that. It's very straightforward. It's very down to earth. Like we spateate, you know I sort of like channel my inner heterosexual male, you know Daniel channels her female goddess and we we create this in a way that I think men can really relate to and a really grounded kind of

There there's just one picture of a vulva so you know Menace just let's try this for a second But you can check the cover Let's pretend we're all right every time you need a sniff of something, you know go back to the cover The less pretend that menace is one of your clients. He's slightly disconnected I think from some of his emotions and I'm not sure that he says Connected with one, but what would you know, how would you work with that? How would you fix me? Well, what do you think?

What are some of the questions? Like let's just demonstrate the book here. Okay, go ahead. What do you got? Well, first of all, men, just you're not broken. You're not broken. And I think that that's a really important place to start. It's not about like, it's not about fixing.

It's about how you get in touch with who you are and what you really want. And sometimes men do get really out of touch with that because there's a lot of ways in which men don't pay attention to their emotional responses to things. They did a study and they found that men are actually more emotionally responsive than women. But they also have a much more immediate way

of blocking that response. So there's the immediate response and then there's the immediate blocking of that response. So men aren't necessarily paying attention to their emotional responses, and they aren't necessarily following their own needs. And so, you know, if I was working with you, I would help you get more deeply in touch with who you are and what you really want. I wouldn't be like, how can we fix menist to make him use something like that?

Nothing's wrong with him. I really. I really. The problem is with me, when I do have a problem in a relationship I don't like to elaborate. I like to you to say what is wrong? This is what is but they always feel that there's more than what I'm saying and then that's where the That's exactly He's like very scared of us. That's what it's like.

Thank you for being a stereotypical male right now. What do you mean? If I say what I mean. Well, yeah, and you feel like they're trying to drag something more out of you, and you've already said it. I've already told you what the problem is. Is there something more of an explanation that I need to make up to make this conversation longer?

So you can have an argument that you can talk about with your girlfriends later. But a lot of this is about skills that are important to women like connection and empathy and showing that you actually really like care about her in her needs and in a way that's real and hard felt and deep. I hope I would show that every day. But I, and if there's any issues that come up and I tell you what the problem is, I don't need to keep on being poked to bring out more because there isn't more. Yeah, I think, I think, you know, we have sort of a patented like seven step, I can't remember seven eight, like sort of like how to support women when they're emotional because Let's get into the how do you support women? We're mostly draining on the main right that's why you got to do it to get a blow job

Because I think it gets emotionally draining because you see the way that they're escalating and men sort of like freeze They think okay. What do I need to do apologize? Do I need to explain myself wait? This isn't logical at all like why this isn't making any sense and they get into this freeze, they think, okay, what do I need to do? Apologize, do I need to explain myself? Wait, this isn't logical at all. This isn't making any sense. And they get into this place where they feel really distanced because of the way that she's responding. And it's like, there's actually very little

that you have to do in that moment. And I think that's what we talk about in the book. We sort of break it down to like, so you don't have to get so overwhelmed by the experience. There's not really something to fix there. But if you can stay present and connected with yourself and not feel like you have to, you know, you know, you still pulling stuff out of you, you know, which is one of the things that women do when they get stressed, I call it interrogating.

Um, so you can just say something like, oh, sweetie, you really want to hear much more, huh? Yeah. Just acknowledge that there's a lot of it. Yeah. We don't want you to fix it. I mean, that's such a, that's such a good point to bring up is that, and this is such a common dynamic that I've had in so many relationships, and I've heard all the time, is that, you know, men, they're just wired that way.

It's in their DNA. A woman crying, woman's upset, woman's got an issue, I need to fix it. And then a lot of times they can't fix it, because it's just an emotional thing that we're having, and it's an experience, and we had a bad day, and we just want you to listen. OK. All right. I'll want you to listen. Okay.

Okay. Alright. I'll do what you say. For example. Okay. But can you have a meeting with women and just let them know when a man asks them what is wrong, they respond with what is wrong, not nothing. Seven, eight thousand times. And then when the guy drops it then they're upset because

They really want to say what's wrong? Can you guys have like a First we have like a million a million woman March First of all we talked to women we do tell them this But I mean there's something about the playing field that you're talking about here But it's really important right? Yeah, and one of the things we do is we break down like why is the playing field the way that it is So men can have a little compassion if what your taught is to be nice all the time and make sure everything else is okay And everyone else is okay before you deal with yourself and somebody asks you something's wrong You go nothing because you don't want to rock the boat because you've been taught your whole life

You're not supposed to so that's part of female training and it sucks it sucks for women It sucks for men. We're gonna stop the training. I know I wish we could stop the training We're doing now. That's what we doing. That's what we have the book out And and you're doing the Lord's words. Thank you so much. I think the world, you know. Well, let's talk about also one of the chapters. I thought it was really interesting that I learned actually some new information was about G-Spot orgasms. The elusive G-Spot orgasm. I think that,

you know, women are taught, you know, they have it or they don't. They have a G-spot or they don't. Some people say it doesn't even exist. Some women try to find it and then over their life they go, oh, I'll never be able to get a sensation that way. And you actually talk about the fact that the G-spot could evolve over time in a woman. Can you talk more about that and learning to find the G-spot? Yes, completely. So you're right.

There is research that shows that some women has G-spot and some women don't but they actually kind of like Saw that some women have more sensations in their G-spot and then and therefore the G-spot is more expended Physically and some women don't but they didn't make the right conclusion out of it They said, okay, so some women have it and some women don't. But actually, the G-spot can be developed. So women who seems like they don't have it can develop it over time with usually manual stimulation, that's the way to do it because the fingers can get much deeper and more refined

stimulation. And women over time can really develop sensations in this area and a lot of them. And they can do it themselves or their partner can help them. They can do it themselves, but you know, if they have a partner. Right now, it's time to go. We're going to have a friend with strong hands. Exactly. It says that in detail, locating and massaging techniques in the book.

Yes. Is that where the one picture is? Is that where the photo is? Is that the beginning of that chapter? Yeah, yeah. So you know I defined it. Yeah, yeah. Hold that.

Yeah, there's a roadmap. And so I can personally attest to it. I mean, I was a click girl my whole life, you know. Yeah. And in the last three or four years, my G-Spot has been developed in like a waken and it's like, boom, you know, the click is like the fuse, but the G-Spot is like the bomb. And when you get them both together, it's like, this wonderful explosion.

So even you sex therapist sex relationship extraordinaire had to, you spent, did you spend three years doing these exercises or the last few years? No, no, these last three years my G-spot has been engaged. So it just had that bomb. Right, it wasn't like you were massaging every night, but that helps. Okay, wow.

Yeah, that was happened. I hope your house had good foundation. I don't helps. Okay. Wow. Yes, that was having a home-beer house at Good Foundation. It was noisy. I can do it. But that's amazing. And that's how we learned to be great sex therapist because we experienced it in our own bodies. Exactly.

You have to experience your own bodies. Another thing that you guys included in here, which I thought was great, because this really is a top question I get asked. And this is a question that you got asked, or that you said it's from Men's Health blog. My wife and I want to spice things up, but she says she doesn't have any fantasies she wants to fulfill. Is that possible? Because I always say to men and women, I mean communication is so important, ask your partner what her fantasy is.

And there are a lot of women who don't emit the traditional fantasies, or they think that there's a quintessential way that you have to fantasize. And you kind of break down that women fantasize and may be in a different way. Just they do. If she's fantasizing about another man, it's a thing.

Now, usually actually women fantasize above more like romantic encounters, someone opening the door for them, bringing them you know taking them for a walk on the beach So they're much more Romantic I like that you made the distinction between the romantic and the sexual like we're not thinking about pounding 16 women and Think about Fabio Cover of some exactly Some book you find out kind of high no really

Exactly. So, some book you find out about. Kind of. Kind of, really. But these men are more romantic. So many women who have some. Many women who don't think they have fantasy usually have romantic fantasy. There are also other women who have very passionate fantasies and many other women who have very dominant fantasies.

But the ones that usually don't know that they have fantasies have romantic ones. So, yeah. And you suggest to the man just to say or to the partner just to say, so what is your idea of a perfect date? Yes. I thought that was a great suggestion. A few times in the past couple of years that fantasies have changed a lot. Like they've gotten a lot more hardcore with media and stuff like that.

Instead of the whole gone with the Wind fantasy to very dominant fantasies, or is that just me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and romance movies. And so there's a real combination. I feel that it's going to change a lot. It may change a lot. And I think we're not seeing so much the 20-somethings right now, because most 20-somethings don't go to sex therapists. People don't start to identify things as problems. Although, if God, I wish that some 20-somethings would come

who are dealing with not being able to orgasm or dealing with not being like I have worked with some clients, some male clients, who either were having a reptile dysfunction or couldn't control their ejaculation at a younger age and it's like thank goodness, you know, if you don't let it get entrenched for 15 years, you have a much better, it's much faster process to deal with those things. But, you know, I think we probably will be seeing different fantasies as the porn generation grows up because of, you know, the internet. It's so pervasive.

We have clients that are fathers to teenager, teenage boys. And they wait for the book to come out to give it as a gift to their boys. This would be a great gift for men. Yeah. Every single man I date, I'm going to give it to them before. I'm going to need a lot of copies. Before we go any further, can we say something about our party? Because I really want...

Oh please! That's the first place to get the book. Yes, that's the one to me. So the book is coming out on February 5th and we're going to be having a party at 111 minute called Central Alletay. I love that place. Yeah, it's a great day to have it. It's a beautiful venue and we've had two of these Central Alletay parties before and they're really sexy, great music. Sushi and Afro-Dijakward Derbsbs, and for Lesk, and Belly Dance, and Acrobat's, and so it's gonna be a really fun.

Oh, I'm so excited. Okay, so that's February, this is in San Francisco, so you gotta come San Francisco, if you're not here with Big Party. And then otherwise, where could they buy your book on your website? They can buy it on Amazon. Amazon, awesome, okay.

Yes, well, so they can just look it up. Is there gonna be in a digital form. We are going to get it into. Kind of. With the times. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. So today just, you know, today the book went to print. So we're going to have it out. Oh my god. I'm so excited to see it. And then one more thing that I wanted to say was you talk about confidence. That's one of your, yeah, one of the elements that men, one of the points that they should learn. And I think it's interesting when you say that that men doubt their competence in sexually, they begin to lose confidence in themselves, which can lead to performance anxiety. So I think that there is so much about men who don't want to feel like they're

letting their partner down, they're letting themselves down, they're something wrong, and then just gets exacerbated. So how do you teach men to really embrace that and to build their confidence? So yeah, performance anxiety is something that men deal with all the time. And I think one of the things that's really different about this book than other books around technique or being a great lover is that we actually address directly like how to master your sexual function in terms of ejaculation control and erectile dysfunction. We deal with it directly. And so a lot of it is actually, if I have five sessions with a guy, I can make him able to control ejaculation. That's the bottom line.

It's really not that hard. And I break down the steps in the book, but it does take some practice. It's when you... That's the thing you got to commit to the practice. You have to commit to the practice because it's like you can't pick up a baseball bat and hit a home run. Right. You actually have to... It's an embodied learning. So embodied learning happens in layers.

Just like when you first learn how to drive a car. It's like you can barely just keep your hands on the steering wheel and then five years later you've got a sandwich in one hand, your phone and the other, you're changing the radio. So you would actually have to pre-act as so that you can keep connected with yourself and feel your partners arousal and be able to do all of those things multitask at once and learn how to breathe correctly and learn how to relax your body in certain ways and places in order to be able to have that kind of mastery. And the anxiety, getting in your brain really pulls you away from it.

So the more we help people get back into their bodies and connected with their sensation and their breath the more that they sort of let go of all of the thoughts that are taking them out of the ex. And then there's exercises in the book. Right. Yeah. There's no yogas. I think I'm going to do that. And this is got a name masturbation chapter. Check. Check one. This is great. I love it. Anything else you guys want to add that we need to know? I'm thrilled for you guys. I think if anyone's reading book, you guys should read it.

So exciting. So I think everyone should read it to lessthand Danielle.com and I'll be in front of my website in the name of the book again. Confidence. Confidence, love that I decided. OK, the extraordinary lovers guide to being the man you want to be and drive a human while. Thank you so much, Lesson Danielle.

I totally appreciate it. I appreciate being on the show and it's great to see you. Thank you. I'm by so fast. OK. I know. It's so great. OK, everyone.

Thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. I know. It's so great. Okay everyone. Thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Remember, your biggest sex organ is your brain. So learn something new to do that. Click on the the See Clear Institute ad on my website and check out their adult sex education DVDs, sex toys, adult DVDs, and other sexy products. You'll save 50% on any sim clear item when you put in Emily's 50th Checkout.