Sex With Emily - SWE: Guest Dan Abrams

Episode Date: January 23, 2013

Emily discusses why women are simply better than men with television host, legal analyst, and best-selling author Dan Abrams. Abram uses research to invalidate sexist cliches about the differences between men and women in his book, Man Down: Proof Beyond a Reasonable Doubt That Women Are Better Cops, Drivers, Gamblers, Spies, World Leaders, Beer Tasters, Hedge Fund Managers, and Just About Everything Else. Emily corroborates Abrams findings while her co-host Menace is skeptical, wondering if Abrams just wrote the book to get laid. But Emily doesn't think Abrams needs to write a book celebrating women to do well with the ladies (she used to date Abrams herself). Contrary to popular opinion, Abrams argues why women are better at driving and making decisions. Men on the other hand are better at parking and getting hit by lightening. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I Look into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Evelyn You got a boyfriend because my man E here. He just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute The girls got a her standard. Oh my the women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean like laundry?

It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm so proud. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Better relationships equal better sex.

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You can download my new iPhone app. It's called Kagel Camp. And Kagel's exercises are actually really good for men and women and they help you have better sex. So I think you download it now and not only that, you should give it five stars and rate it. We'd be so psyched. We're doing a huge push right now and everyone's loving it. We're getting great reviews.

It's very exciting. Today's show, we will be reading your emails. We have a special guest. I'm going to say that first. We have a special guest on our show today. I'm very excited to have Dan Abrams here. He wrote the book, Man Down. Proof beyond a reasonable doubt that women

are better cops, drivers, gamblers, spies, world leaders, beer tasters, hedge fund managers and just about everything else. He's hard to say all that one. Right. He's rolled that to get laid, right? It's a long. Exactly.

That's what everyone else is. That's the first question. Yeah. It's the first question I've been getting. And I'd say in half the interviews I've done. That's been neat. That's a new, you'd say that. It's been the first question.

We'll talk about it later. Yeah. I'm just throwing it out there. Yeah. The answer to come. Yeah, stick around. Stick around. Yeah, yeah, stick around. Okay, uh, real quick question on your app. When people go to the iTunes store, what are they searched? Did they just? Kable camp K E G or a sexual Emily. Sex, you know, pop up. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. And my other app is 101 sex tips from sexual, then if you have not yet downloaded it, you can do that as well. And so, Manus, it's great to see you.

You too. Yeah. Okay, so I'm gonna put it out there right now. I've got something to say. All right, go for it. My phone rang last week. I was driving home and it was about one o'clock in the morning on Friday night.

I don't even know what time it was. I was talking to you, because it was after we were drinking after the show. Manus and I'm sort of shocked and I haven't really processed it and I just, I just, I just want to process it with the listeners. Men is called me and he's like, Hey, what are you doing? I know it's like one in the morning and I'm like, I'm driving home. I was driving with my party.

He's like, I'm having sex right now. There's a girl here and I'm having sex and I know you don't believe me and I know you don't think I have sex in someone's here. And he, he yeah held the phone up And the girl got on the phone and then he took a picture and took it to me Because you know what I think he was blacked out. Yeah, I was blacked out like a lot of that night, but I'm just saying that I Think going back and thinking about it is the reason I did that is because everything that I share with you You never believe me like 90% of the time.

You're like, oh, you never get laid and blah blah, nerds just bold, you know. I never say you never get laid. I just, I just, I never believe anything. So what I told you, I'm going on. I was a deep, you know, the problem is my mouth with the gap I'm driving going this and then I realized I was listening.

I actually listened to you have sex and then it was uncomfortable and then I just hung up. I was like, I'm done. I got nothing else to say. I don't remember know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that.

I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that.

I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't even know how to do that. I don't with. That she was cool. You take a picture and sit talking to me. She said, she said, you wanted, she wanted you to call me or something. I don't remember. I don't know.

I don't remember how to play. Anyway, thank you. That was really entertaining. I feel a lot closer to you now. Good. Yeah. We shared it into a minute moment over the phone. I know.

I really appreciate that. Okay. So that doesn't always happen. See what happens when you hang out with Maddie from Stitcher. I know. That's what happened to me. It was his going away party. Yeah, he was going to launch a network. You can download an app called Stitcher and listen to the Sex of the Army Show and he's

doing something with Kevin Smith called Smartcast, so check that out. That's very cool. Yeah, so it was a very good week, very interesting week. Lots of things happening. No more drama, no more men drama. I ended it all with all of them. Right. Right. Okay, so what happened there's something it was stupid it was stupid someone says you know you're not gonna get away no really remember how many are we're last day

Friday you went out to some player something like that right oh right with a chick no with the girl yeah it was not a date. Oh, it wasn't a date. And then before that, there was a date. How that ended it? How many, how many wine tasting places? I think any wine tasting places. What did you do? Tell me. I don't. Oh my god. Come on. No, we went to dinner. We went to dinner. We went to dinner. And then nothing happened. And I ended up. What kind of dinner place? It was just like some nice conversation with Abby.

The conversation happened that I was not ready to move into the next level. Oh my God. Okay, we have something to do. Okay, okay. Why, why you, I know you want to talk to the guests really badly, but we talk about this every single time the guy wants to commit, you don't want to commit. No, I know. That's why I'm saying when you get into a relationship or you know,

start courting a guy or a guy is courting you, you need to tell him, look, I do. I tell him not right away. Look, you can be my boyfriend, but I need to hook up with other guys too at the same time. And that thing is good. I know there. That's dream. Doesn't happen.

I want to hear him. Doesn't happen. Doesn't work. It's not going to work. I tried it. It doesn't work. I want to hear them doesn't have to work that can work I tried it doesn't work. I know I am from the beginning. I'm being honest. I'm like, hey, you're not the only one Yeah, so anyway, but no, it's not like that now and now it's I cleared them all out I had to clear this lake because I got kind of messy Dan so Dan okay, Dan is also significant We're gonna put this brings out there. Yeah, I'm people wondering why. Why did I need room? Why am I doing mission?

He was just like on the view last week. He was like on Good Morning America. I think he's got a huge, like what, you're the legal analyst now at ABC. Yes, I'm. He's on TV every day. Mm-hmm. I thought you were familiar.

And people are wondering. I'm not a sex with that, I mean, big, big, you know, but Emily and our old friends. We're old friends and we actually dated. Okay. We got fixed up in a blind date. Oh, I'm sorry for bringing that while I mean, big, big, you know, but Emily and our old friends. World friends and we actually dated. Okay. We got fixed up on a blind date. Oh, I'm sorry for bringing up all I was pushing. No, this isn't care. This is 15 years ago. Okay. I don't know. I don't know about the number. It's fine. A long time ago. A long time ago. I got fixed up. And I think and we got fixed up on a blind date. And it was a really fun blind date. I made you a friend.

It's great. A great time. How would you guys do? What? I, you know, I, I remember dropping you off. You dropping me off at the door, like some, like your friends, your friends. I meet a great time. How would you guys do? What a... I remember dropping you off. You dropping me off at the door, like some friends of mine. For some time. Yeah, this is a long time ago. No, a long time ago we went to a bar. We went to like three bars and grabs. We had drunk, we had dinner.

It was fun. We just couldn't stay friends ever since. Yes, we were. So if you've had any questions for anyone who's dated me, you can. All right. I have a question. Did you actually listen to what she had to say during the conversation?

Because like she can go like a mile a minute. Yeah. Did you actually like take in what she was saying? Uh, you know, I think I listened. I think, you know, I think, you know, I mean, I know I listen now. Yeah. So, you know, but this is a very different. I'm an interesting girl, men. I'm like the women that you date that are uninteresting and you can't wait to get their clothes off. Yeah. I'm an interesting girl, man. It's unlike the women that you date that are uninteresting and you can't wait to get their clothes off. Yeah, I'm actually too far. I'm actually smart and cute. Cool. This is true. Yes. So anyway, but Dan has this very important book that's out that we're gonna. I know. I want to know I why do you have the you're already on TV? You don't need to write a book like kissing women's asses. Yeah.

Together. Yeah, yeah. And that's a fair point. Yeah. And as a result, one would say, you know, then why write the book? Yeah. And, you know, the book was kind of an accident. Meaning, I didn't go out and say, I'm going to write a book about women.

Oh, I, you know, I was happening, I came upon an article about women being better than men, and I actually didn't believe some of the stuff that I saw in there, and I went and looked at some of the underlying research, I'm a lawyer, so I wanted to see what's the evidence, what do they have, and some of it was anecdotal, and some of it was like, studies, I was thinking, wow, it's kind of interesting, it's been all these studies.

I mean, who knew if they do studies comparing the amount of soap used in public bathrooms to see if men are women washed their hands more. Right. And I'm like, who's doing these studies? It's kind of unbelievable that all these studies are out there. So I started looking at more and more studies and I started finding more, some of them totally light and ridiculous and some of them really serious about how the evidence shows that women

are better than men in a lot of areas. So I put it into a book and hence came man down. Man down, It's good. And we appreciate the fact that on occasion, when I want to send something to people about the book, it will end up in their spam folder because of the term man down. Yeah, it seems pornographic. Yes, I had to change my email. I have to use my personally, my most time because it does get. Yeah. Now, my

question is, did you find out in this book or through that research that women can't make decisions? So never ask them where do you want to go eat? No, you know what? The book found that women are better just to make. That's impossible. I'll give you an example. One of the areas was, I'll give you an example.

It was giving directions. All right. Yeah. The problem is the guys will wing it, right? The guys will just say, oh yeah, you know, it's about a point six miles and then you make a right a woman will pause the the study show that women to pause and give landmarks say would say all right hang on a sec

you know if you go to the McDonald's on the corner and you make a right turn etc so women are more deliberative they take a little more time because they think about it guys will just come up with answers whether they know what the actual answer is or not But that's still doesn't answer my question. You said you said it but not yeah, like about dinner right now I already want to eat tonight. Oh whatever and then you go. Okay. How about we eat at Chili's and she's like you know what? I don't feel like I don't feel like Chili's tonight. I and then And then I don't know

Most of the women I know are quite that indecisive. Yeah, they're not. I don't mean this. Menace. Maybe the way it is. It is a sandwich. It's a wherever you men is. Dates thing. You know what I like in the side tag some things here. I like that women are better at because

this is a section. We got women are better at fate. We're just going to go in this and we'll re-mail later. Because that's how we fly women Women are better at faking attraction. Yeah, one of the chapters in the book. Okay, so what does that mean exactly? We're better at faking that we're attracted. They did a study of speed dating and they had men and women watch people going on these like really quick dates to see like do you like someone or don't you like someone in

like a few minutes. And the people watching both men and women very regularly got wrong whether the woman was into it and they didn't get wrong whether the guy was into it meaning the women were telling to be more polite and they were acting as if they were interested but then you talk to them afterwards and they'd be like, no, actually, I wasn't interested at all and both the women and the men watching

just nice are were fooled by that and also, you know, but with that said, women, and there's another part of that same chapter, with there's another study that shows that women actually know their partners better than men do. And I guess that's not particularly surprising. Yeah, but that's more trickery that women do

because check this out, all right? I'm gonna blow your mind here. All right. That's why guys can never figure out if a woman was like seven. Well, there's actually studies that came out that actually men are missing perceptors that actually allow them to decode what women are thinking. And obviously it's confusing. It's confusing. But I think a lot of it is two that men decide in about, oh, I don't know. I think it's about two minutes

if they're going to sleep with a woman or not. Two minutes like five. I know right ever. I'm being generous. But women actually take a lot longer than that to decide if they're going to sleep with a woman or not two minutes by five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five five stuff in the book, which is, and it goes to your point about decisiveness, which is that women would rather have like time to make a decision and make a smart decision, and guys will just wing it. Guys will just go for whatever it is in the decisions that they make without taking the time. We see it with investors. Women female investors do better than male investors because they want to see the data, they want to see the previous years returns, and guys will just be like i have a feeling i have a gut on this etcetera and it leads

to less uh... less productive returns and another thing that brings up is that's why any woman can get laid because guys will just go for it you know no matter what yeah i don't know if that's the reason they're there maybe i'll be that i'll be able to hurt Emily on that one but then there's, no. But then there's something that I found out that was written by your book and it's like, yeah, okay, so these are some of the bullet points that behind the wheel that women are actually better drivers. They say that women use Zoom, women are horrible drivers. That assumption.

Right, but this one, the insurance companies don't lie. I mean, the bottom line is on average men pay seven percent more insurance rates then do women why they get more accidents more drunk driving they die more at the wheel i mean that this this one is the the the statistics are are entirely clear that uh... women are safer drivers that are actually in australia there was a major bus company that petitioned the government to uh... again exception to their anti-discrimination laws they could have more

women uh... driving buses they could literally make that one of the criteria in deciding who drives the buses they got the exception so they can hire more women because they thought they were better drivers and treating the buses better that's so it's a that's all you debunked all these myths to right that's part of the book like is it kind of like there's no book like why men are better like I already feel like we are better. Well you know that's the interesting thing is when I was shopping this book around a lot

of the women you know a lot of the people in the publishing industry decide on books are women and a lot of the women who I took it to were like yeah well we know this who's going to be you know who's going to be surprised by a lot of this? And the answer is, you know. It's ego building though. They're like, yeah, you know. It is, it's sort of like, who am I y'all to welcome together? I mean, we are good. But you know what? We can park.

They're bad at parkers. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no say. No, I also want to ask you, okay, then why do men make more money in the workplace? That's why we need a book like this. No, that's an important question. And I think that the answer is in part, still vestiges of sexism. And in part, because women are more single parents, and as a result, they have full-time jobs taking care of kids And they can't devote the kind of time But you know how many women that I know that call and sick more than anybody else over over guys Like seriously, you know what that's the study show that men complain more when a man when man as a headache

He's more likely to call it a migraine when a man as a cold, he's more likely to call it a migraine. When a man has a cold, he's more likely to call it a flu. So chill. Men can't be sick. They're not wired that way. The studies show, the studies show men lying around. Are they still, that's cool if they, they wine, but are they still showing up to work? I don't, I don't know the answer to, to the number of seconds.

Beanie, look into that one. I do. I know. I've been doing my own study. Another thing you say, you know. It's okay. Women are also better at working the room at a cocktail party because they're better. Of course, they want free drinks. Shut up shut up minus you're being annoying right now. No, I'm not a little bit. I love you

I know I'm debatable. Okay, women are significantly better remembering words faces and everyday events according to recent studies Yeah, so that's why we're better working on the memories the memories again There's a horrible memory like I'm notoriously bad. there's another recent study that again shows that women have better memories. It's eight. I don't know. I mean, it's not, you know, people will say to me, you know, like part of the book says women are better world leaders or politicians. This is what I was saying.

Well, you know, what about this person who's like some crappy female political leader? And you know, the answer is, well, yeah, it's not about anecdotes. It's about trends, you know, it's like some of the studies in here was like a 93 country study that showed that legislatures that have more women or less corrupt, that police forces, I believe that, that police forces with more women are less corrupt. You know, that doesn't mean that you're not going to be able to find corrupt female politicians or corrupt female cops. You'll find them. So far. So how do your guy friend?

I'm like, dude, why are you ready? Look at this a little bit. I get the menace I get the menace response sometimes, you know, I'm not I'm not knocking Yeah, okay. Yeah, no, I get a little bit of that. You know the security guys did a a GMA former cops When then one of the chapters is women make better cops every time I walk out they call me a sellout Exactly exactly. I mean it's like I mean, I don't think it's hindering them from getting laid, you know? I just like, no, men. Oh, that'd be complaining about that.

Yeah. But it's just sort of like a trend right now that like going towards like man hating like boy men are already feeling like they're sort of. Honestly, yeah, I mean, look, I happen to, it was when I started researching the book, like in month three, an article came out in the cover of Harper's, I think, or the Atlantic saying the end of men, then News Week after I announced that I was doing a book called Man Down, two weeks later did a whole

article called Man Up about what men need to do to compete, etc. So, you know, there's definitely, it seems, this trend out there, but a lot of it is focused on like the fact that women are doing better in school and universities and the fact that, I mean, it's kind of amazing. There's some allegations that literally Ivy League schools are trying to skew the numbers to get more men. Like affirmative action, affirmative action to make sure they get enough men go into these Ivy League universities which is kind of unbelievable that is a really well worth the man going straight to the workplace yes straight or there you know they're kind of the still the sort of sensibility that i'm a guy slacker is kind of cool

and so as a result they're not being forced to sort of study or uh... and i think that starting to fade though yeah because women when they're younger, for my observation, they love losers. They'll deal with losers. They're better and better. The guys who don't have a job in their slackers are always the ones who are better and better,

but unfortunately, the ones who are more. Yeah, so that's why girls go to sleep around with a thousand losers and then they wake up and they're older and then they get a guy with a career, and then they call it a day. You'll notice silence on my microphone. Anytime you guys start going veering off into the hardcore stuff, you're here. You're gonna start hearing like radio, quote unquote,

radio silence from me. Okay. Just saying, but I'm enjoying listening. Can I really quote about you though? Yes, I think. Okay. This is about damn, just because we gotta get into this here, because they said, okay, first of all, you are on the view. And the first question that one of the chicks,

I don't watch TV, but except for you. And Joy Behar asked the exact same first question. She said, did you write this book to get laid? And you said no. And then you said you had a girlfriend or something, and she's fine with it, you know? Who was fine with it? You were fine with it?

Are you girlfriend? Are you happy with her life? That my girlfriend was happy that I wrote the book. Or something like that. Yeah. That, that the point was that I didn't, I was defending myself against the allegation that I needed to write this. Dan doesn't need a very book to get laid because another quote is, Abram just embasing you this on his own studies of gorgeous actresses. If I had any unique insights into women, I'd be married. I don't. This is a fun book written from the perspective of a lawyer making a case. A lot of people will be surprised I what we found. I love Joy, by the way. I think she's a good interviewer. She's great. Yeah.

She's no, she's I gotta say that's you know, I don't get to I don't get to watch the view and the talk as much as uh, no, did you do her solo show? I did that too. i did that too i did that go or did she was good she had an anthropologist uh... in anthropologist on with me who you know sort of made it sort of took the bigger picture of you yeah on women because the truth is look that i i'm not the person who's gonna change the world in this book is not a

world this is a fun book uh... that points out and i tried to write it with a lot of fun quotes at the beginning of every chapter and Do they do they sorry? In a row. Do they do they ask you what you want to accomplish with the book or is just What is your why why did you write the book? You know again? It wasn't this is a accomplish anything. It was it was because I thought it was really interesting And I do think that they're that it's important. I think that you know, but again, I don't want to be too preachy, you know, I want to be careful that it's interesting

because when I first wrote the book, I was going to call it the case for women. And I decided because I'm a lawyer and I wanted to keep the legal thing. And I decided that a lot of women would hear that. And they'd say, you know, we don't need you making the case for us. Yeah. You know, thank you. Thank you, sir. Take a look at yourself. Exactly. Exactly. We don't need you. And so I you know, I think that was the point is to say look I am not, you know, I'm not out there Fighting the cause here. I am a guy who I think enables me to stir it up a little bit more. No, it's a great angle and it's a fun like written it. It's a fun Right. It was fun. It's like dudes are fun. I think it's like a it's a good gift. If your woman's feeling kind of being down, relationship, you can be like, no, honey, I think you're great.

And this book says so. And all the ways that you are great. What's your favorite part of the book? You know, I mean, there's the light stuff that I thought was really interesting. I thought the fact that men get hit by lightning so much more than women was kind of amazing. Why is that? Because they do risk your stuff. They do.

They'll play that extra round of golf when there's a storm coming or they won't leave the roof when they're fixing the antenna, even though there's a thunderstorm coming. And women will say, okay, there's a thunderstorm coming and we should probably go inside. So guys just engage in more reckless behavior. And that's your favorite.

That's right. No, but on the light, on the serious side, I think the focus on hedge fund managers and investors. That's right. No, but but on the light on the serious side I think that the the focus on hedge fund managers and investors. That's so interesting That's so interesting to me. 37% of men of their of heads of heads. I can't say hedge fund I had fun to hedge hedge fund managers I know 9 different 97% are men but women are the highest performers. That's right. That's right. So the women beat the men by about a 3% on average. Yeah, that's amazing.

In terms of returns. Yeah. Did they say why there's more men that are millionaires? Like, if you look at all these dot com, dot com stocks, it's all men. Yeah. It's a tech world. I mean, look, again, engaging in riskier behavior is what men do. Right. So that allows them to hit the home runs, so to speak. But if you're looking for consistent returns, you go for the woman, which is, you know, the guy as a hedge fund manager is going to be probably the ones who are at the super, super high end, but they're also going to be the ones who totally strike out. And so if you want a better batting average,

the singles and doubles, you go for the woman. Makes sense. I've always thought about that too, and you answered my question. Really, there you go. Okay, but what about, see, nothing I don't agree with there, it says that women,

see women are better at, appreciate a good joke better. Yeah. But necessarily funnier. Right. I mean, I think men are kind of seen to be funnier, but they may be. They may be. I mean, I actually talked to a sort of comedian a couple days ago who has sort of looked into some degree and he is convinced that that men probably there's probably a way to convince people that men are funnier. But look, I wasn't, the interesting thing is I was looking for that.

And I found an article that said, a researcher proves that men are funnier than women. And I was like, okay, I'll put this in the book, sort of the other side of it. You read the article and what this guy did is, he wrote around on a unicycle to see who would make fun of him. And this is in England. And more men made fun of him than women.

So he said, he said, oh, so this means men are funnier because they're all like, hi, you know, and then like there was this analysis done by this, this, this psychologist who said, well, it makes sense because that man on the unicycle is going to be seen as trying to attract mates. And as a result, yeah to attract mates and as a result the uh... and as a result other men are gonna view as a threat and i'm like i mean you know anyway so the point is that the the article that i found that suggest indica you know christopher hitchens wrote a story about how women are funny and vanity

fair and that's mentioned in the book but right but when it comes to a pretty funny i'm funny the ucicle thing disproved that men are asked right now that's right that's right now it's like that not as But when it comes to appreciating, I think the unicycle thing just proves that men are asked for. Right, exactly. No, that's right. It's like that men, that's right. That's right that men will do, men will be the jerks. Yeah.

And they'll be more obnoxious. So why are women cooler in your first chapter? Women handle, handles, handle, failed relationships better. Yep. Why is that? Because they keep their core group of friends once they get a guy's, guys tend to turn to their partner more and they give up their friends.

And when there's a breakup, there's more loneliness for guys. And the studies show that women still have their core group of friends to turn to so they're able to navigate. All my guys friends don't, I'm the only, I'm like the girl that every guy goes to if the FM friends with a man they will come to me But mostly men are like I'm until I haven't talked about it yet. I haven't really woke up Like they don't know how to they don't know how to deal with it, right? And so you know

It's interesting because they actually did a pretty significant study that showed that post break up women suffer more depression men suffer more from substance abuse But that when it comes to dealing with the the downhill slide that women are able to just cope with it better. Yeah, I mean, if you follow a woman online when they break up, like, you know, the first thing is, you know, change the status to single. And then they're like, they're, say, hey, girlfriend, we need to go out. We need to get drunk. The men are doing that too. And they play. I don't know, but yeah, all that.

No, I don't feel that they do it. It's not as public as like women really put it out there like, hey, I'm single now and this is, you know, I'm happy about this. Right. We just don't. And then more just keep it to themselves. Right. Well, but I know also, but it makes it harder.

I mean, you know, if you view a long-term breakup is equally difficult on a man and a woman, and sometimes, you know, man breaks up with someone, sometimes woman breaks up, the guys just don't have that coping team to help them. And I feel bad for men all the time, because I have so many good guy friends that have gone through things and they literally, I'm the only one that they will talk to about, the breakup, about the issues, about what's going on. You guys just don't share it.

You went through a whole thing last year. You barely talked about. Yeah, because what? Right. Whatever. I mean, it was over. You know, it's over. Then there's nothing can do about it.

Yeah, but you can feel with feel and talk and express. I don't know. I just think that's a kind of a waste of time. Yeah. I know exactly drinking more. See the substance abuse. Exactly. I just wanted to go party. Yeah. Have fun.

I was happy to see when I got your phone call that you were drinking again. Yeah. Because I'm like, he's obviously hell of wasted. Yeah. But anyways, I was drinking the Dan Acroid's school vodka. What the hell is that? I can't get Acroid has a vodka out and it's a school. It comes to the skull and you drink it. It's quite tasty. Is he a sponsor of this program? No, I wish. Oh, sponsors.

That's what I was drinking. Yeah. I'm going to give a shout out to our sponsors. Now that you mentioned that. Yeah, you should. Okay. I mean, tune in media is awesome. I've been talking about tune in media for a few months.

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And it's awesome. Yeah, it's very cool. It's very cool So that's the one sponsor that I know. Where's your home base New York New York? Yep, and you feel They're more direct out there We always have like an LA and yeah, like California, New York like dating in New York and dating in LA. Like I'm like, I was born raised here, but I feel that guys are bunch of policies. You know, and then when I get to the East Coast or even women are more approachable because they will,

they will talk to you. They're more open to. They're women are more open to talk to you in New York. In New York City, I mean, in Chicago. Do you ask women out on dates in New York? People, men don't ask women out here in San Francisco. Yeah, what do you mean? Like, do you, if you mean, you're gonna go dinner? Yeah, why, what do you mean men don't ask women out? They're like, oh, man, what do you mean up?

They'll text you for a ball of, and then you'll have a drink. It's like six of my friends, age exactly. Yeah, right. Right, I mean, it's like, the town is very collegiate. Yeah, it's like back in college. It's like, yeah, we'll meet at the highway. Yeah, it's sort of the same thing. It's like, it. Right. The town is very collegiate. Yeah. Yeah. It's like back in college.

It's like, yeah, we'll meet at the highway. Yeah. It's sort of the setting of the trail. But New York people are like serious data. It's like they take it seriously. I feel more so. Yeah. I mean, if that's the dating scene in San Francisco is people just saying, let's meet up somewhere

than yeah, the New York is more, I mean, but look, then again, you know, I don't know what the kids are doing these days, you know. You know'm, you know, I'm, yeah, I, Do you think that this book taught you something more about women? Did it make you, I mean, it made me appreciate certain areas that I don't think I, I would have. I mean, it's one of these things, again, getting back to the point you made before, but like you kind of know it and then you think about it and you think about why and then you start thinking wow. It's kind of consistent in all these areas that women are better and sort of more deliberative and thoughtful in all these different areas.

And it sort of makes you think about areas when you're like loan officers, right? Who would think about like the difference in a man and a woman loan officer. But you know, they did a 10 year study in one country of every single loan in the entire country based on gender, thousands of thousands of loans and the bottom line is the women loan officers were more careful and they were better at susciting it out right about who'd be a better risk but i think it's great you said you are to show recently with the

anthrop at anthropologist because i think a lot of this is anthropological that it goes back to women have just more of the the compassion that compassionate gene the more caring, nurturing genes that help them to be more, to be better in many situations. And that is reactive, fight or flight, like men. Right. And the researchers, it's interesting. And a lot of these studies, the researchers have come to these very hunter-gatherer conclusions.

You know, I'm a little reluctant to reluctant to jump too much on that bandwagon because there is a little something about it which feels kind of sexist and a little bit makes women out to be just the ones who are staying at home and- But if anything, it's scientific. Like it's general, right? Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Very well, maybe the case. I'm just saying that because of the more professional areas that I see women excelling in based on the book, I don't think it's necessarily fair to attribute all of it because I think a lot

of it may be the women are behind the April and they have to work that much harder to succeed in particular areas. They end up being better, like universities. Why are women doing, it's not that they're necessarily inherently smarter. I think they're just studying harder. Why are they studying harder? Well, probably because they have fewer options

in the workplace or probably because they get paid a fraction of what men get paid for the same jobs. And they feel that they have to do more. So I guess I wanna give women more credit in that way, rather than just attributing it to the sort of hunter gatherer genetic action. But a lot of the explanations in the book kind of a tried tie back to the fact that women are more invested in. Yes, no, no. But I know you're saying.

There's no question. It's great. But you'll see in the book that I will constantly question every time the lead research or on a study will say, well, you know, it goes back to the you know the days and hunter gatherer and I'll say maybe But the bottom line is that women were better than met I love it. I mean cuz I knew it. I feel like of course finally a woman are better than men Do you have any that really stuck out as the the oddest finding? Oh, and I think the bathroom the fact fact that women wash their hands so much more after

going to the bathroom. Really? Yeah. I think this thing that was obvious. Really? But you know, you know, you know, you know, you know, the, the, the, I don't know, you feel that way when you're shaking some guy's hand. Yeah, guys are dirty, man.

Like, no, you're right. So when you guys look at a rush, like, you don't do it. No, just like guys don't care as much. You don't wash your hands. No, I wash my hands, but, you're like, you don't do it. No, just like guys don't care as much. You don't wash your hands. No, I wash my hands, but I'm just saying, I don't think it's surprising that when are more dirty. One study showed that women, when you put a sign in a bathroom

in that says, please wash your hands. Women will be reminded and wash their hands more. It won't change men's behavior unless you put up a sign that says something like Wash it now or eat it later and then the men will respond and then they'll actually wash their hands. So fascinating. Yeah. Yeah Well, yeah, the show like danger right right. It's like the dentist right like you know You don't go a lot of guys won't go unless literally your tooth is falling out. Yeah Women are so much more efficient

You have ruined many months for me now Yeah, and the bad news is that every week there's new studies come I have a website called manda and the books called Mandan The website is called man down news and it just sort of lays out all the latest and the newest studies Yeah, they're anything new You know there's a new study that shows that women are better scuba divers because they're more care again, they follow the rules more what scuba diving is like one of these things where you got to like follow really closely. You don't want to end up going too fast too deep, you know, and the guys don't follow the rules as closely. It was a study that actually didn't

make it into the book that women put together i key a furniture better than men no that was my mind because my co-worker is my building and she's a woman and i'm over there every god damn day building some kind of shit i'm sorry like i had to build her bed i had to build her because she kept on messing it up we need to focus when i think when women really sit down and they focus on it, and they're like, I'm going to do it, they just assume.

I think there's a lot of laziness. We can call it right now. It did not make it into the book because it's a lot. No, because you know, it came from like the number, the head of, I think it was Europe and the Ikea who made the statement that they have proof that women are better at putting together Ikea furniture. And we called, then the headquarters was in Germany or something we called and like they

couldn't actually send us what the proof was that women put together IKEA furniture better so it didn't make it into the book. But you made a lot of really really good what guess we covered the book has a lot of good things into it. Yeah, I know there are a lot of fun. How can we and there's like a whole disc case or tell me how we can find you. How you can find the book? Like everything. Well, you know the most important.

Well, it stands everywhere. By the book. I mean that's you know, by the book? Like everything. Well, you know, the most important. Well, Dan's everywhere. By the book. I mean, that's, you know, by the book. Amazon wherever. There's a digital version. Yeah, it's digital version. And, you know, it's a fun book. It's a great gift book. It is. See, that's exactly what I was thinking. It's a great gift book because it's just inspiring and uplifting. It's actually a viewer woman. And sometimes might you be feeling, you might be feeling like life's getting you down. And it's been rough. You're like, hey, I am For a parent to give to a daughter

Like in spite of graduation Values, you know for whatever it is, but it shouldn't just be for women I hope that it's you know the guys I've talked to after they make fun of me And when they actually read the book, they're like, you know what? They agree with the vast majority of the stuff in the book. You know, look, you can debate certain things in the book. I mean, there's no questions. There's certain findings in the book

that people would say, oh, well, there are other studies that show acts. Or, you know, for example, the chapter on women are better cops, right? I'm basing that on the fact that women defuse violent situations better as cops and that women are less corrupt. And so so but they

would say well guys are strong right they are stronger guys are stronger i i would rather a suspect put his hands behind his back and allow someone to cuff him rather than having to beat the crap out of him in order to cuff him right um but you know look there you can have debates about about what's the most important thing um but, look, some of the stuff is indisputable. Now, is this your first book? It is. How long did it take you? You know, it took me probably four months, five months to put it together.

Because, you know, the hard work was done by the researchers. I come sort of compiled research. Oh really? You just delegated? That's all? No, no, meaning the research. No, I didn't mean researchers for me. I meant the people who did the studies. No, no, no, no, I meant the people who did the studies right Emily loves delegating Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm working on it. No, it's one of my things for 2011 Yeah, it's to do more of it yourself more delicate

I'm delegating so much So so you decided hey, I've done everything else to read about I've done so many things You know it's like media figure for a long time. And yeah, and it was, you know, it's sort of fit. Yeah, it fit with what I'm doing. And what about your other stuff? You've like your website, he's a whole, it has a whole media empire.

We have seven websites. He's a media empire, let's talk about that. I'm trying to think of which ones would be most relevant to your audience. It's okay, my audience is everything. All right, the biggest one is called Media It Media Ite, which is about media and politics. Got a site called Stylight, which is about style and fashion. Geek-o system is a tech one.

Our newest one is called the Mary Sue. It's a female. I've heard about that, so what is that for? It's a female Geek site. Okay. It's like female nerds. And women actually going back to the issue of women, a lot of women feel harassed online when they go into like geeky Tech site because the guys are all sort of you know sexually harassing them verbally. Well that in two

They go all you're not really into it. So they have to prove themselves exactly. I have a lot of geeky girlfriends like they're like super nerds Yeah, no and but they always like constantly have to like I'm not just a hot chick I actually like this. Right. No, and that's what the Mary Susa bat. It's like a place for geeky female geeks to go. And we have a more male skewing version of that too called Geeko system. Got a sports site. We've got a site called gossip cop which patrols the gossip sites for all the stuff that get wrong. Nice, I like to. So holding the accountable. You can check that out.

Yeah. And we're starting a site called Mogolite next month. Set all other mobiles. Yeah, moveers and shakers of industry. Yeah. Danny Rums, thank you so much for being on the show and sharing your book, Man Down. My pleasure.

It's fun. So fun. You know, everyone should buy this book. It's great. It is a great gift book I think I think so and it's a smart book right and it makes everyone feel good all around it's less than 20 bucks so it's a hard cut what's the best place to get it um you know any I think any any of the Barnes and Noble Amazon any of the any of the places or your local bookstore if they don't have it demand your man down yeah Yeah, because I will.

Yeah, damn it. Okay everyone, thanks for so much for listening to Sex with Emily. It was a good for you. Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. Thanks for tuning into Sex with Emily. One of the reasons you're able to listen to us for free is because of being credible people at Good Vibrations. Good Vibrations is a sex-positive company based in San Francisco with an amazing website. I got my very first vibrator from Good Vibrations, so I hold the soft spot in my heart for that.

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