Sex With Emily - SWE: How to Attract Women

Episode Date: March 1, 2014

How do you attract women? You have less than 30 seconds to get a woman's attention. Don't blow it! Have an amazing sense of humor and complete confidence. Or you can use Jason Capital's methods to attract women....Dating coach Jason Capital shares how to be a combination of fun and challenging to attract women. If you don't spark an emotion in her she'll make up an excuse to get away from you as fast as possible. But if you become a playful naturally attractive man, women will want to be around you.You can learn how to be this way. It's not just something you're born with. If you didn't come out of the womb a complete stud you can still learn how to attract women.If you want to know exactly what to say, check out this free video of Jason demonstrating his deadliest pick-up line. And no, it’s not cheesy. No one one falls from heaven in it, I promise.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So you know I'm obsessed with candles, right? Have you ever heard of misogyny candles? Okay, so get this. I always like candles when I'm enjoying glass of wine with friends, and recently they were over and I lit three candles for my new line called Emelie and Tony. My skin felt really dry, so I went ahead and poured some of it on my hands and I gave myself a quick massage. My friends were stunned that I did this and immediately were obsessed.

And here's why. See, these candles are really aroma therapy massage oils that when warm like a candle, they melt into the most luxurious body oil that is super hydrating, leaves your skin feeling and smelling amazing, and it's perfect for massaging your partner. Or yourself. You can use during for play and you know me. I'm a firm believer in for play. They come in delicious flavors like creme de vanilla,

cocoa and fujero. Not just that, they look great in your home. So help us keep this podcast free. Check them out today at Emily and Tony.com. And you're welcome. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Betrubize they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. Hey, the world's got everything. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, all right? What do you mean, like laundry? It's drinks? Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Abelie's not the kind of girl you just play with. I'm not going to be a bad girl. I'm not going to be a bad girl. I'm not going to be a bad girl. I'm not going to be a bad girl. I'm not going to be a bad, I feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemle.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts, sign up for our mailing list. Oh my God, and right now is the best time to go to sexily.com because I've got a new special report on my website that you all have to get. It's free. Five biggest mistakes, women are making a bed and five biggest mistakes, men are making

a bed. And you know, you know, a mistake is kind of a negative word, I'm not saying you did it on purpose, but there are some things that you're doing and I'm telling you how to improve them. Just go to my website, check it out. We've also got tons of videos and I've got hundreds of podcasts, subscribe to the podcast and iTunes. And also, as always, check me out on Facebook and Twitter, which is Sex with Emily at Sex with Emily in Twitter and Facebook.com slash Sex with Emily.

I'm really excited for today's guest. It is Jason. He is a dating coach, but he's a satire everyday dating coach. He's got some game. He knows what he's talking about. He knows how to get the chicks. It's amazing the story that he has. He blew my mind.

I met him and I was like, holy moly, you've got to come to my show and share all this knowledge that you have with my listeners. Because he teaches men how to be their best selves with women and how to get the women you want. And then how to sleep with them, which is what I know y'all want anyway, right? That's why you're listening to Sex with Family.

But we're gonna give you some good dating tips and some tips once you get the chick, what to do with her. And it's gonna be a fun show. Hi Jason. Hi. Hi. So glad to have you on the Sex, what to do with her, it's gonna be a fun show. Hi Jason. Hi. Hi. So glad to have you on the sector that we showed today. I'm glad to be here in the studio with you as well.

It is amazing. Okay so tell me how did you, how did you get into this? It is. That is a very good question. So I was born out of my mother's room with game. I just came out and knew what to say. So I was like I need to share this gift with the world. That's entirely false. Actually, it's room with game. I just came out and knew what to say. So I was like, I need to share this gift with the world. That's entirely false.

I actually, yeah. Actually, it's the exact opposite of what happened here. I was actually a virgin until I was 20 years old. Which is fairly late. For most people, it's not like incredibly late. I'm not like Steve Correll in that movie, right? But all my friends lost their virginity when they were teenagers.

And I was a basketball player. All I did was play basketball every single day. I ended up playing college basketball. I was literally a college athlete who wasn't getting laid. I see you face right now. I didn't know that it exists. Shocking counts. That's why you become a college athlete just so you didn't get laid.

For the girls. I was weird. I actually became a college athlete because I liked the sport. It's totally backwards. But the reason was because I was so obsessed with basketball that freshmen's off-mere college and my friends are going to college parties and meeting girls and I swear in the show about that. Absolutely.

Okay, go to parties. I just like that, I'm like, and they're going to like fucking girls and everyone's having fun and shit. I'm in the gym Friday night shooting hoops. Like that was what I did. I didn't mingle with girls because I was so focused. So while that made me a really good basketball player, it did nothing for my more important game,

which was, of course, talking with women. So when I became really burned out in basketball at the age of 20 and I stopped playing, I was like, you know, I'm like 20 years old. I probably have some urges here, I should probably figure out. So I first started going to parties with friends and stuff. And I'll never forget the first college party everyone to be walking, it's like this big frat house right and there's drunk guys and drunk girls everyone everyone's partying right college is like the best

parties ever right so I walk in for my buddies and immediately they like dart over to this group of like eight girls who they like knew or whatever and they're like picking the girls up and the girls are like laughing and everyone's like kissing and dancing and flirting and I'm sitting there like and I walk in and I Literally, I'm like how are you doing that? Like what are you saying to them? It was like watching It was literally because when I like they went over there I didn't just stand away from them like after 20 seconds I was like oh you know I should probably go talk to these people too when I walk over and

It's like the girl will talk to them. She'd be giggling laughing flirting attracted and then she talked to me and it'd be awkward and boring And then 10 seconds later she'd be like oh my god talk and then she talked to me and it'd be awkward and boring and then 10 seconds later She'd be like, oh my god talk to the people who make the joke right? We're gonna be in another dream. Yeah, I think I got all right So I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do and Of course, you know me. I'd like to success a personality to figure everything out that I'm interested in I was like, you know this I need to fucking figure out so Started hanging around guys who are really good with girls. I got a mentor

I started reading books in the subject and then you know one thing So, started hanging around guys who are really good with girls. I got a mentor. I started reading books on the subject and then one thing I do another. I got deeper and deeper and deeper and now almost five years later, this is all I do. So this is like, so you could say like my teenage years, I was obsessed basketball in the minute I hit 20 and since then I've just been obsessed with everything male, female. And now you have a really successful, bit dating coach business, and you have products and all the stuff. And we're just so cool, which you just told me that you're gonna be giving away

to our listeners, a free report, which is the deadliest pickup line of all times. Yes. So it's actually, it's not a report, it's gonna be a video. It's a video, okay, good. Even if you don't need it to read, you don't have to read,

you don't have to do it to the second. You gotta talk reading, huh? Right, once to read. So that's gonna be at sexwithenley.com slash Jason, which is so easy. Okay, so you can check out all what Jason is about, because if you're going to want to know more about Jason, believe me, after you listen to this interview. Okay, so you became obsessed with women and studying women. So then when did you lose your virginity then?

So that's a good question. That took maybe six weeks or so from that point when I said, right, that was pretty good. And then of course it was like the first domino fell and then it's like, you know, you start to pick up some momentum and some steam and the game just keeps getting better and better and better and better and better. So by the time I left my college campus, I was holding these in prom two seminars at like different frat houses and stuff, teaching these guys game, I'm like a whiteboard. Like in this situation you should be saying these kinds of things and approach the girl this way and if you want to take her home here's what you should say. I was literally like, I had like groups of like 10 or 20 guys like listening

to me teach this stuff which was great. So give me an example. Okay so when people hear a game they think of like you know Strauss, the pick up, like you say you're not a pick of artist but like I feel like every pick up because you're not like you're more of like a dating coach and you do it with more of a heart, perhaps? Or you don't? Yeah. I'm not gonna look at things up. I certainly do, because here's the thing,

I think the term pick up artist implies certain things that I don't like or embody. I think it implies you're manipulating someone to do something that they don't necessarily want to do. What I'm teaching guys is two things. Number one, how to become the most attractive version of yourself. Okay, so you don't need to manipulate anybody, but simply by being this most badass, awesome version of yourself, you're going to naturally attract all the women that you want.

And then two, I'm not going to teach you how to manipulate a woman, but there are certain things you can say, and certain things that you can do, to make her want, to come home with you, to make her want, to sleep with you. So you're not manipulating her, but you're just like pushing these buttons that she wants you to push. And I'm kind of giving guys a blueprint, like push these buttons, like they want you to do it.

And that's what you were drawing on the Whiteboard in college, where the buttons. Exactly, certain things like that. So what are those buttons? That's what I want to know. Sure. Well, it's what we're talking about.

Well, as a woman, I try to think about like, God, because now that I've met so many people do, I've been doing this for a long time, and I've met a lot of guys who are professionals and dating and getting them in all this sort of stuff. But then I started thinking back about my past and like, wow, why was I attracted to that? All the guys that I would get,

I would get hit on a line call. I just talked to a waitress and I was like, you know, a million guys. I was like, what were the ones? It was the ones who were funny or who were smarter, were confident, all those things. I was like, how do you teach that? Like what? So I mean, right, because like the common dating advice is just have a great sense of humor and be really confident, right? Right. That's it. Right. That's it. Right. That's what I was like, yeah. Right. That makes it. Right. Doesn't help.

I can take a guy who's not confident and be like, all right, dude, just be confident. But bye. Have a nice day. Yeah. Exactly. So instead, what I'm teaching is my formula, like, generally speaking, to attract any woman. And not saying that you're going to make any woman sleep with you, because there's a lot more that goes into that. But just, like, even when you're in a relationship, you still meet guys and you feel, like, attraction towards them, like, guys, they might be dating one girl, but if they meet someone else, they're not necessarily going to fuck her or pursue her, but they'll feel, like, you still feel like attraction, right?

It just happens. We feel attracted all the time. And the combination for guys, it's not necessarily on a fucker or pursuer, but they'll feel that you still will feel like traction, right? It just happens. We feel attracted all the time. Mm-hmm. And the combination for guys, it's not necessarily looks It's not money. It's this combination of I call it being fun and challenging at the same time And if you got can be fun or playful that's not a human right, but you can also be challenging to her at the same time That's going to create this like this opening in her that's going to feel like I'm intrigued by this guy. So I want to feel something different. Like, another guy is hitting on me. I know he's doing that, but if you like elicit some kind of emotion in me, that's like, and we all want to be challenged, we all want to win or whatever it is. So we're like, oh, he's doing something. So how do you teach that then? Okay, well, let me ask you a question. Like, when you were like

really single and guys are meeting on you all the time. I am still single. Yeah. So I mean really single but you know I'm never really single but I've never really committed either but go ahead. I like that. I feel the same way by myself. So when a guy hits on you and it's you get one of those feelings you're like I need to like get out of here and excuse myself to go to the bathroom or something. What what the things do you like what is usually happening? What is your question? I'm I'm because I've I'm trying to like channel back to the time I was like at parties I was like oh I'm gonna get a drink you know. I'm usually just like bored. He's asking me where I'm from what I do for a living. Like he's just but it's in a way that I'm just there's no attraction. I'm not

interested. I'm just bored. I'm like and I've got like eight you need to get my attention you about 30 seconds and if you I can tell already, and I'm just, I'm not interested in it, I'm nothing sparking in me, nothing's interesting. Not even if he's cute, I'm not even a girl, I was like, oh, he's got to be hot, that it's the comp for me. You know, women, the brain is our largest sex organ.

So you need to turn our brains on. And so these guys were not turning my brains on, they were boring me and I, you know, head to the fake bathroom swoop, like, got it all the bathroom, gotta be their friends. Yeah, and he wasn't doing anything. Right. And you say the brain part, I mean, it's the emotional brain part that needs to be, that's where guys need to hit. So when guys go up to a girl and they're getting this reaction of like, like, I'm not interested, I'm gonna go, um, you know, floss my cats teeth or something there and hour,

or something like that. Like, that happens because he didn't spark any emotions in her. There was purely a logical conversation. When a guy came up to a girl that he just met and he can push a button or spark some emotion in her, something different, a different feeling, she's going to be intrigued. There's just, she's hooked now. She wants to know a little bit more. But you can go up to a girl and you can spark an emotion in the wrong way. You can go up to her and be like, you know what, you're really ugly like if that's gonna get an emotional response out of her

That's gonna put in therapy for the next 20 years It's probably not gonna get you laid though, right? She's really the self-esteem, but If you go up to her and you are playful and you're challenging to her at the exact same time So give me an example pick me up right now, so one of my exact same time. So give me an example, pick me up right now. So one of my, one of my favorite things to do, okay, that I always tell guys, is like one you can just test that and this will probably work for you. Is I go up to a girl and I say, hi, I'm Jason, what's your name? And she goes, hi, I'm Emily.

Hi, I'm Emily. I go, nice to meet you, I'm psychic. I'm just like, you say I'm psychic? Yeah, I'm psychic. Did you know that? And she'll be like, like, it's weird, right? It's something all the wall. I just met you and what do you mean? Right, and I'll be like, yeah, it's weird. You know what happened last week I got hit in the head with this football and I've just I've been psychic ever since you do like do you run a psychic power like you make it But I don't know I mean I've been just like it's before I'm like it powers But you probably felt like at one point where like there was some weird like ESP thing that happened right? Yeah, totally like you someone called you that you thought was gonna call you think about someone and they call

like you've run into them at the street right okay so one we just were being playful now we're just connected that's something totally random but also right now at this moment what I would do is I'd say okay now because so now we're being playful right right but now I want to challenge you at the same time so I would say okay well let's see how good your psyche powers are and then I'll turn to the rest of the room and I'll say him right there. What's his name? Bob. No, I think that's entirely wrong. Try again. Mark. Okay, that's probably a little bit better. What does Mark do? And now we're gonna go back and forth. We make up a story about him.

Right. And his phone conversation, he hasn't gotten late. Ever three months, he's way too drunk right now and he needs to wear a different shirt. Yeah, he smells. I don't know if you know this is a little... Yeah, does he? That's why he's standing alone. I see. So then we're creating a dialogue and it's fun and you're not asking me where I live and what I do for like... Well, here's the thing. Like, please don't ask me that off the bat like guys. Well, here's the thing. Why? Okay, why would a high value like naturally attractive dude

be interested in those personal questions about someone he just met You know what I mean like she's done nothing to To make him be like wow, I need to know more about you tell me about you like that should happen after she's She's invested some and she's earned it a little bit and you should be doing the same for her like it should be equal amount of investment Like if a guy goes up to girl and he's just like what do you do? Where you from what's your job? What's your favorite color like all this bullshit? He's Why would he be so interested in someone that he just met? Like, does that make sense? Yeah, because I'm just thinking you want to sleep with me. Exactly. That's why you're talking to me. Exactly. You've done nothing to prove to him that you're something more than just a pretty face.

Right. And he clearly doesn't... Like, you could be basically saying you could be anybody. I'm just trying to make 15 minutes of conversation so I can say give me your phone number. Mm-hmm. Which is total bullshit. Instead what the guys should be coming up to the girl with is this mindset of I'm gonna play with her, we're gonna have fun, we're gonna flirt, and then I'm gonna find out if she can hang with me or not. If she does, she can hang with me and we can actually vibe on some level, then I might be more intrigued and interested in inclined to learn a little more. But until then, I'm not, I'm not, I don't give a

shit about that, I just want to have shit about that. I just wanna have fun. And she just wants that fun. You know, and then what's gonna happen is you go up and you're playful with her and you're challenging with her. She's gonna start to feel those emotions. She's gonna start to get attracted to you and she's gonna wanna know those things about you also. And now you guys can actually have like a real dialogue.

So you start with something that's kind of playful and conversational, but guys have a hard time with this. Like you can tell them this, but they're like, they're nervous, they see a woman. They get shut down. She's hot. I want to talk to her and it's like You know, I guess we always say like being observational notice something that she's doing and make a joke But some people just aren't naturally right well. There's okay So the reason I mean this is like a long-term process But the reason guys are so tight and they're like what she she's really hot. Like I can't do that with her. Right. It's because everyone is so fucking outcome dependent nowadays.

Everyone is so obsessed and attached to getting this one outcome. And the problem is when most guys, when they see really hot girl, the outcome that they're so attached to isn't fucking her, which is totally scary. The outcome that they're so attached to is not getting rejected by her. Right. Which is even worse. Because you're going to get rejected.

If you're thinking, I don't want to get rejected by her, what's going to happen? You're going to get rejected rejected. If you're thinking I don't want to get rejected by her, what's going to happen? You're going to get rejected. Of course. You're going to manifest whatever you're thinking. Exactly. So instead, first of all, instead of thinking I don't want to get rejected by her, you're going to think about an outcome. It should be, you know, really when I go to a girl, the only outcome I have in my mind is I'm going to have fun. Right. Let's have fun. I'm going to entertain myself. Right. Exactly. I'm going to entertain myself and by me doing that, I'm going to create this fun and playful

energy around me that she's going to feel attracted towards because she's going to want a part of that. That is so, I want everyone to pay attention to that because when we're talking about building confidence, that's what we're talking about because that makes you feel confident and also to think that I'm just going to find right now. It's about me. Because it really should all be about us, right? Like in the end of the day, yeah, no,

like we're born alone, you die alone, people hate it. When I say that, I mean, whatever I believe in together, and the truth is, if you don't feel good, no one else is gonna wanna be with you, if you don't feel good about yourself. So the fact that you're turning out, you're taking away from her, like giving her all the power,

you're like, I'm just gonna go have fun. This is gonna be fun. You're not even thinking about rejection and the worst thing that's gonna happen. You're like, I'm gonna party, I'm gonna talk to check and make it fun. I'm gonna have fun. Exactly, and what's ironic about it is happening. Like, I'm at a party, I'm at a talk to check and make a fun. I'm going to have fun. Exactly.

And what's ironic about it is when you know I'm going in there, I'm just going to fucking entertain myself. I'm going to say what I want. I'm going to do what I want. That's going to, that's like self-charging. Like that charges you up because now you're not worried about what she's thinking or what he's thinking, or what anyone, you don't give a fuck.

Literally having fun in your own world, in your own body, whatever you want to call it. And that's gonna Draw people in that's that is what attractive energy is when we see someone doing what they want and saying what they want And they're free and they're happy we want to be around that person because we want some of that we want to be freer We want to be happier. We want to be more excited about the shit we're saying so that's gonna Tracking to people like that of course we're attracted to people who are free people a free happy passion excited Whatever you want to call that's what we want to be around we want to be around those people all the time

Right, and that's what I'm talking about when I'm saying like becoming naturally attractive version You're not going up to a girl like I could say lines to you that would be little like button pushers like little lines That would like so we all know that the old-day is like people want what they can't have right? I would call that like transient attraction because you I can say something to a girl like Like you know, she tells me she's from Pasadena and I'm like a pet girls from Pasadena or trouble like we definitely can't be drinking buddies anymore And I take the drink from her something like that like that is like a button push right and that's gonna make her feel like she can't have me for a second And she'll feel pulled towards me and that's great But that's not gonna that's not gonna make her want to fuck me right, but that's just like a fun playful thing

But if you are this guy who has this masculine, attractive, doesn't give a fuck, he's free, he's self-entertaining, you have that energy about you and that's lasting. And you can teach that to people. Yeah, of course. It can be learned. Everything can be learned. People think they don't have it and they can't get it and they live in the worst town to date in and everywhere they live, they can't meet anyone.

And I'm just like, you've got to work on yourself you've got to be work on becoming the best version of yourself. Of course. So these are some some great ways to do it. It all starts with you. It all starts with you. It all starts with you. So if you're not feeling good about yourself you're in a bad place you're in a funk you're

not feeling good about your job all that stuff you got to do things right now like don't focus on the women right now or the man if you're a woman listening don't focus on the man like focus on making yourself That whole you know happy. Yeah, I mean if you if you're just look at your days like How many of the things that you're doing every day are things that you wanted to do for you and how many of the things You're doing our things for other people like I mean you we get into these like if all day long You're doing stuff for someone else or for the approval of someone else or to please someone else because some boss told you to do it whatever it is you know you get stuck in this pattern of that that's your pattern you do the fault

pattern is I do stuff for other people but if all day long you're doing stuff for you and you're saying things for you and you're saying what you want all the sudden your pattern becomes I'm doing what I want so when you go out at night nothing changes you're staying doing that exactly and that's what we're attracted to. So what creates so then this what creates the traction between two people then, that would be when they're seeing you, when they're seeing you being your most positive side. What else is it like,

what else is it like, let's get a little more. Something weird just happened here. Hold on. Something just, okay, we're up. Got it. So, yeah, I mean, let's a little more like specific here. Yeah, so We're good go okay

Yeah, what was your question? What what creates attraction between two people sure so What is it about who is it? What do you think the big part of attraction is we are usually attracted to people who we feel are of higher status than we are. Okay, it's higher status or higher value, whatever you want to call it. And a lot of people think that the way to like demonstrate a convey that you are a high status human being to someone else is like your cars or your clothes or where you live or your house.

And we don't trust that. Like we know that someone could have been born with Rich parents. They didn't earn that money or we know that someone could have gotten lucky on some dot com Bubble burst or something like that and made like we don't trust those things on some subconscious level If we made a guy who drives like a kick ass car and has a sick house or something like that like but he's that he's a like a Faggot or he's a nerd or a douchebag or whatever it is then none of that shit means anything He's still a low status person to us. Okay, which is good because for the guys you don't have a lot of money or stuff like that, that's just not something they're like. Let me just say we have one point, little segue here. I've had guys who come to me and

like in the first three minutes or so, they're telling me about the Rolls Royce, it's parked in their driveway. They're like, I've got this Rolls Royce, I'm kind of stressed because I left the driveway. I'm like running out of there so fast, I don't give shit that you have a Rolls Royce or what you have like to me Another one might feel differently, but I don't care like what you own what you do what you have It's about probably what you're gonna say what I'll ask you What is it say about that guy who feels the need to be so insecure these leading with those his Rolls Royce and he probably has no penis Right, right not even small one just none He's not right

Great castrated no, but guys would feel like what they do and like how much money they have in their cars You know that they're not a confident man because he's like I have to tell you all these outside things about myself Finding himself communicating that they don't see themselves as high-status the communicating they see themselves as low status They're literally telling you they're going hi Emily. I'm low status. How are you? Do you like me now? Right, but they're saying so wonder doing that, they're doing that wrong. And two, they're selling you. Right. Okay. The ideal way to do it, if you want to pick up a girl, is you may curse sell to you.

You flip it around. Right? And they're, I mean, it's ridiculous. They're doing exactly the same things. How do you flip it around? Flip it around. Do it to me. So, we call it qualf.

Do it, do it. Right. Yeah. So, I would say something to you. I would say something like, you know what? You, like, clearly you have like very like type A, like high energy about you, But I'm sure there's other times where you can like chill and relax. I'm like chill. That's since I moved to LA No, you're very okay, but see what you're kind of like You're like opening up here, but I'm I would say to you like but I'm sure there's times where you are more chill and like vibing and like back

Like that would be true, right? Right. So like what, like, when are those times happening? I'm just curious. When do I chill and vibe? Yeah, when do you find the time to chill and vibe? Lately, no. You know, with friends, exercise, running yoga. Yeah. And like, when you're doing those things, like when you're doing yoga and you're starting to like

mellow out, like what changes? Like in your mindset for you things like when you're doing yoga and you're starting to like Melo out like what? What changes like in your mindset for you like when that happens? I guess I just clear my mind and I become calmer and I focus on my breath and I let all my thoughts go and I just become a more Chill person. I think my friends too surround myself really people I love and people who are funny and smart They they kind of like rub off on you. Yeah. I just I know like I love it during yoga like that moment at the end like I think it's called javasana. So you're like you just disappear into your mat. That's that's me is one of my favorite feelings. I mean too. Right? Mine too. Okay. So do you see what just happened here? Yeah. So I opened you up right because I'll explain exactly

what I did. But I kind of opened you up because I'm present to the moment as I would do that. And then I kind of went deeper into something that you really enjoy and had you explain it to me what it feels like. Right. And all those things. Feelings you ask you out of what it feels like. Right. Of course. That's key. Of course. And but what that's doing is you're now you're investing something personal into the interaction. Right. Did you feel that way? Yeah. Absolutely. So that's I mean you could call that you selling yourself. But it means no, but I even felt at this moment, even though we're doing this interview or practicing, like I did feel more connected to you, like I felt like, oh wow, they're just connecting this false thing.

Oh, it feels like connected. But like, but that was that was you investing into the interaction. And that that's how you flip it around. So it's not you saying, I have a fucking Rolls Royce. It's no, you're the one talking. I'm listening and I'm leading the conversation in the way that I wanted to get, which this is a big key. I was just kind of a segue and we'll get to the honest signals thing in a second. But we talk about it that guys usually ask, there's like two types of questions that people ask.

Okay, there's data questions, and there's process questions. Data and process, okay. Data versus process. When a guy asks a data question, it's, what do you do, hold it, where do you live? The answers are pure data, right? They're not open-ended questions, they don't lead anywhere, and there's no emotional investment involved with them. But a process question is me asking you what the process is like. So when you say you do yoga, I say, what is

it like for you when you enter in Chavasana, and you just totally just like relax and dissolve into the moment? What is that like for you? We're talking about the process of what it's like. Exactly. What's your favorite part about it? What do you enjoy most about it? When did you first discover that this was something that was really important to you? Like we're talking about the process as a porous data. Data is like a dead end. From Michigan, I live here, I do that. And now we have nothing to talk about. No, we're not. Right. But now you're, now I'm asking process questions. You're telling me what it feels like to dissolve into the mat or whatever. And then I can now, now that you've invested, I can relate back. You know, we can connect because you told me about this emotion where it feels like you're into the mat, whatever. And then I can now, now that you've invested, I can roll it back, you know, you can connect,

because you told me about this emotion where it feels like you're dissolving. And I go, you know, like that's my favorite part of yoga too, is when I'm sitting there, and I just, and I describe my feelings to you. And now that's how an emotional connection is made. But you don't, you can't emotionally connect and I'm from Michigan and I'm this old.

We're both from Michigan, by the way. Funny, I know very odd. Okay, so, right, I got a data versus process. So guys should focus more on the process. Yeah, ask, don't ask data questions, stick by the way. Funny, I know very odd. Okay, so right, I got a data process. So guys should focus more on the process. Yeah, don't ask data questions, stick to the process. Not even process questions, like process questions are great, but you just have a process conversation where, like when girls talk about the midi guy

and their friends are like, what did you like about him like doing the conversation? And she's just like, I don't know, we just vied. We just clicked. That's what happens when you're having a process conversation. You're both sharing related experiences, funny stories, little anecdotes, and it's just like, it's this constant vibe going back and forth.

And no one's like trying to like, I'm trying to pick her up, I'm trying to get something for her. She's trying to get something from him. It's just pure viving. And that's where chemistry is. That is chemistry. And it's emotional. It's like, you're going to have emotional.

Totally emotional. Yeah, emotional question. Now, what about subcommunications? Okay, so this is what I want to talk about. That is chemistry, and it's emotional. It's like, you're going to be emotional. Totally emotional. Yeah, emotional question. Now, what about subcommunications? Okay, so this is what I want to talk about. This is the honest signals. I was talking about before. Honest signals, okay.

So we have it, we have it totally laid out that people are attracting things to people of higher status. Right? Yeah, I want to go back to that. Is it really like, can we be equals too? Don't you think we're equals? Some people, are you think initially we're talking? I think we're all born equal, but then I think. No, I'm saying, but in life couples, do you think that couples all born equal but then I think.

No, I'm saying but in life couples, do you think that couples are never equal? You're saying in the attraction phase we're attracted to. I'm talking about earlier. I'm sorry. But the thing is, if a girl ends up committing to a guy for a relationship and it starts off where he's like higher status than her and she's attracted to that,

she doesn't want him to go down. I would say she wants it. She wants the biggest badass. That's what I mean why would she right? And he wants the same thing out of her. So honest signals or high stat like so I say honest signals are the signals that are communicating what level of status that you are. Okay. False signals would be cars, clothes, you know, like where you live, how much money you make. That's all false because that doesn't tell us about a person. That can be false.

The honest stuff cannot be faked. The honest thing is, for the most part, eye contact, body language, vocal tonality, energy, things like that. And we call those the sub communications. Everything that's not being actually said. But because the thing is, like, we're taught from a very young age how to deceive and mislead and misdirect with our words Like that's not hard. We know how to do that

Mm-hmm, but we're not taught like we trust what we pick up on other people from their body language their vocal tonality and their Accounting those are the honest signals and those make up like 80 90% of attraction So do teach that to man like the right honest commit like how do you yeah? So when they when they download the deadliest pig of line of all time when they go see that they're gonna see a video of me actually demonstrating this line oh really conversation on a girl on a okay they're gonna see the whole thing so I'm it saxobendly.com slash slash Jason watch him do this okay yeah so we'll see it live and the reason that I was like like gives it to deadly's pickup line like you can do that on paper Or like an audio, right?

But the key thing is and this is what I talk about in the videos you guys will see is it's not the words that really matter Because you ask a girl like a guy she just met and she was attracted to you You're like what did you talk about she won't remember right? She's no idea. She just remembers the feeling remember the feeling Of course, so in the video that way you can see my body language You can see my eye contact you can see my body language, you can see my eye contact, you can see my vocal tonality, and you'll see her, she'll start playing with her hair at a certain point. I didn't tell her to do that, but because this is, like attraction is hard work, we can't help it. If we meet a guy, if a girl meets a guy and he's conveying these qualities about himself,

she will feel attracted to him. So she starts playing with her hair, her pupils become dilated, her foot starts like moving around because she's a little nervous. So you can see all of these things happening while I'm in front of you. And it's all about, I mean, the line is almost, it's almost meaningless. Like, I listen, I mind fuck for like the professional. That's what I always say. Like, I'm a professional mind fucker. Like I teach people out of mind fuck because it's fun for me. And I like the words and it's not manipulation, but it's like, it's leading people to do things that they wanted to do, but didn't necessarily feel like they had permission to do. Like a one-night stand or something.

Like if a girl, here's the thing, like if a girl goes out with the intention of like, like I'm a girl who doesn't have one-night stands, but there's this huge part of her inside that's like, yeah, it would be so much fun to meet a dangerous guy and just wait one time. You're that guy? Yeah, I'll tell you what to say to open her up.

So that part of her comes to the surface and it's like, fuck it, I wanna be free. I wanna go do this. But you're not gonna make her do it. You're part of her comes to the surface and it's like, fuck it, I wanna be free. I wanna go do this. You're not gonna make her do it. You're just gonna bring that to the surface and then she gets in the side. What would you do if you want to like tell me? Okay.

I wanna know. Okay, so I bet I can almost guarantee that this has happened to you in your past. Like the guy didn't know he was doing it, but it did still happen, right? So if there's a girl who's like, you know, I just like, I'm so stuck in my head and like, what my friends think about me if I like, I don't want to stay with

you. I just met, that's how most girls are, like for the most part, they're worried about being drunk. They're going to care what if the guy doesn't call, what if their friends judge, right? Talks about her, they only know when it's sad, right? Exactly. So I could say something to her like, you know what, like I can tell that you're like a very like rational person and you make a lot of smart decisions. But there's also the side to you that is spontaneous and adventurous and independent and kind of does what she wants.

Right. And you'll say, yeah, I know that's on the phone. Yeah, and I'll be like, yeah, you know what? In my life, personally, I like to have all my friends. I call it ASI. That's the most important quality that someone home and spend time with can have. It's being adventurous, spontaneous, independent. Those three things to me, I feel it ASI. Like that's like the most important quality that someone home and spend time with can have. And it's meaning adventurous, spontaneous, independent. Like those three things to me,

I feel like the happiest people are always ASI. The people are always neurotic and worried about shit aren't like they can't live in a moment. They can't go with their feelings. They can't trust themselves. They're so worried about everyone. Thanks like, how fucked up is that? So messed up.

And now all of a sudden, I've laid down this frame of our conversation. I'm like, oh, I'm fond of spontaneous. Exactly. So now that person, next thing you know are our conversation. I'm like, oh, I'm fond of spontaneous. Exactly. So now that person, next thing you know where the bathroom, and I'm like, on my knees or something. But I didn't make you do anything you didn't want to.

It's like you're subtly giving someone permission to be like, you know what, like dude, you can be free. And it's under the assumption that every all of us have that part or aspire to be more spontaneous. Well, here's the thing, because I'm type A, I'm like, don't come into A, like I'm not spontaneous, right?

Right, everyone does that. That's a thing, everyone has a conservative side, and everyone has a more adventurous side. And it's always going back and forth. But when we're like, I'm sure you have friends where you hang around and you guys act really goofy. Right. Then you've other friends where it's more like serious and full

self-clarate. Right. Right, because they bring out those sides to you. So if you're a guy who wants to pick up girls and go for one-night stands and you need to be the guy who can bring out the adventurous spontaneous independent side of her. ASI, I like that. Love the acronyms and I'll remember. Okay, so what about making... Okay, well first of all, you're sort of legendary. It's such a young age. Yeah, but I have heard like, I heard you've some crazy sex stories. I do. I just want to hear what

comes to my when I say that. What's your crazy sex story? How does it happen? Can you probably do the science of what happened when you got together? Yeah, okay. So I'll tell you a lot of alcohol. I'll tell you a local story. Okay. Okay. Alcohol always helps. Of course. Local, is that mean like it happened to them in say Santa Monica? Okay. Yeah. Because I travel a lot of them like speaking and coaching and stuff. So like some of these stories were like San Francisco. Actually, there's a story that happened on the trolley the late night Trolley goes around and I'm right I know Yeah, so there's one there, but they're like How to pick can you come in New York my Emmy Vegas?

Austin. Yeah, I mean we can go all day, but let's go Santa Monica. Okay, so Recently I was at this bar in Brettonwood. Okay. And there is like a bunch of people there and there was this girl's birthday and she had a lot of friends there. And I meet this girl there and we start talking and immediately like we're not having a boring conversation. It's immediately, it's flirtatious from the start. Right? Like, I think, I think what I said to her was like, she was like, at the bar watching the television it was like a hockey game. And I went up to her and I was like I was like you know like you don't have to pin the like sports to impress me Like I just like you for you like something totally for T. She's in play for right so we were instantly we're bansering reviving

And then she started telling me that I was just like a normal L.A. Do she probably didn't read any books That was what she said I thought was funny, but this is good because if I know how to respond to that then the tension is just gonna rise and rise Right, so she said you're probably an LA douche. She doesn't read books because no one here reads books. They say you do anyway, but right. Right. So I mean, which to me is awesome because I'm not only. We're so not that guy, right? Right. So I can be everything.

So I said to her, I was like, that sounds exactly like a girl who doesn't read books. That sounds like something she would say, like to make up her own lack of book insecurities. Right. So we start playing on that and then we start talking about like Ayn Rand. Because we both turns out we both love Ayn Rand and we connect it on that, right? We're talking about that. So that's like 20 minutes of that. I'm like, this is how I usually get a girl to leave the bar like to start. I'm just going to say like we had the adventurous spontaneous, we had all those conversations, but I said there I was like listen, it's like 130, like really crowded and hot in here like let's

go for a walk. So I'm always let's go for a walk. And she hot in here. Like let's go for a walk. Oh, I'm always, let's go for a walk. And she's like, done, let's go. Right? Cause spontaneous. We already established that. So we're walking down the streets of like, it was Wilshire Boulevard, I got me down in Santa Monica and you're like 26 and then we're like,

I'm like taking her behind like the Verizon parking lot. We're like making out there. One of my favorite things to do is like slam a girl against the wall, like, protect her head, make out. That slammer, like yeah, he protects her head. Okay, of course and like a dominant but like protect a way Yeah, so we're like maybe like that of course a lot of women Yeah, and you take you take your hands you put both of them above her head you hold them with one hand like yeah

So I'll do that for 10 seconds and then I always this is like a big key you guys out there for like building sexual tension I'll just let it all the treasure chest. Oh, yeah, you're living it all out. Okay guy He usually charges a lot of money for this. Okay? I just love sharing. I really have plus I'm bragging right now. Right. And it's under the confines of I can do this.

So this is cool. So one of the best things you can do is when you like you're making out with there and you do that, like the first kisses, be the one to pull back first. Take it away first. Leave for wanting more. So I'll push against the wall and hands above the head We're making out and then after 10 seconds I'll just suddenly just slowly pull away and start walking away

I want to be turned around to look at her and I'm just and then she's like what you just do? What are you doing? Start chasing after me, right? And I'm she grabs up She's like what did you just do and I'm just like come on? Let's go keep going. Right. So we're going right now She's like she's like she goes right you're keeping on her toes totally unpredictable She's no idea what I'm gonna do next. Right, which is what you want. Which is what you want. Exactly. So we're walking down the street and I'm thinking to myself, so this is, this is recently

when I live in Santa Monica. So I was like, how can I get her home? Okay, one of the most important things you have to remember is when you are taking a girl home, it's almost always better if you can have a reason why you're going there besides we're there to have sex. The first time at least. Because that way she can rationalize herself. Oh, I'll be my dog or whatever. Yeah, whatever. This video I have to show you where we're hungry, let's make fruit smoothies, whatever it is. So smoothies. Yeah, but I want to push it. I wish for me every time. Right.

If it doesn't want to fruit smoothie, it's one of the two of them. Everyone does. Yeah. It's healthy. All right. It's like a very easy. So, but this is not a normal sex story. This is a crazy sex story. Okay, so I like I like to push boundaries I like to take chances and stuff so I said to her it's like two in the morning. I'm like if you ever And you know what I said I said are you a spontaneous person? That was like the first thing I got it would you like consider yourself a spontaneous person? Of course she goes. Yeah, I'm like all right. Let's go to the beach then Boom got everybody hand tech tell on the cab You went straight to like the Santa Monica Beach, okay?

So she's already, she's spontaneous, this is what she's doing, she's committed. So immediately we go to the beach, we, it was really funny, because we were walking down that, over that bridge down to the beach in Santa Monica, and we're walking around the sand, and she stopped me like a hundred feet from the water,

and she's like, wait, I need to know right now. She's like, are you just having fun? Are you looking for something more? Right which is she was thinking about this? This was basically her saying if we have sex right now what should I expect? Okay, and this is something I teach all guys okay? Never fucking lie to a woman ever just be like here's the thing guys think if they lie like and they tell her Which she wants to hear that's gonna somehow be better one One, it will always fuck you in the ass if you do that at some point. She knows she she all right she knows in some love when you're telling the truth like she'll

always know. And they love it when you're just blatantly honest. Like it's it's so rare and refreshing nowadays that it's actually an attractive quality. Exactly. So just be blatantly honest. So what did you say? I said no I'm just I'm just having fun. Like I like I make no guarantees about what's gonna happen after but I know right now

I'm like really enjoying this moment with you and I want to keep building this adventure with you And she's like okay cool great. I'll just need to know there. Okay. She knows where to put me in her emotional compartment Where it is, which is fine? So? We get towards the water. I just start taking all my clothes off. She joined we get naked We go in the water. It's three in the morning now. It's freezing too, right? Or no. Yeah. Okay. I mean, water.

Well, the water was cold. Well, that was my thing. I'll just be totally honest. I was like, how am I going to get a boner in freezing cold water? Yeah, that's the first thing I thought, okay. No, it was fine. Okay. There was a very little.

Okay. There was, I think, the whole experience was just really hot, so it made no problem. But when the water, we did things, and then at like like four we get out and we're like walking so here's the part we're walking out of the ocean now we've already like been asleep we're already fucking right so on the same okay I was trying to understand like do you blanket no we're in the water you had sex in the water in the ocean like in like the shallow parts the water was like up to our waist let's say with the stand and everything though no protection this isn't good everyone use protection okay I usually it was I thought the salt and the water would help

okay it doesn't people protection go ahead carry your pocket 99% of the time I always right this is the first time he's ever not use protection ever so safe sex safe sex with them like yeah I actually do agree with that yeah so we you know we're walking out of the water and like our feet are now wet and recovered in sand and like door close on each other, like we're still kind of wet in my apartment's four blocks away. So I'm like, all right, let's go shower. Let's go straight to my place.

We go in the shower. Now we're like washing each other off. We spent the whole night fucking and that it was an amazing night, right? And a huge part of that whole thing was, there's two things, okay. I always say like if you're gonna have a one-night same with the girl, one, you need to always be leading okay, she will not take

Initiative for you to have for her to have a one-night stand like unless she's like I need to have sex tonight She's not gonna do that you need to the one leading you need to the one saying all right Let's go for a walk how spontaneous you let's go to the beach. Let's go take a shower Like you need to be leading her on this fun exciting unpredictable adventure And then I mean that's that's really the big thing. That's good. That's good. It's giving her permission.

Did you over seeragam? Yeah. Did you date her? Not serious. She's in your rotation. Sure. If you say that. She's much more than a rotation girl to me.

Oh, she is. She's more than a rotation girl. She's the ocean girl to me. She's the ocean. The ocean rotation. So what would you say? How do you make her want to like rip your clothes off? Like how do you create like that sexual energy?

Okay, so there's two parts of this. Number one is the subcommunications. So you can like turn a girl on just with your eye contact. Most guys don't realize this because they never let the girl on. Guys who look down and like they don't look at the woman in the eye makes me crazy. Yeah, well you're the thing is those guys like you guys like if you're out there listening to this like stop doing that You're telling her that you don't consider yourself worthy of her when you won't look her in the eyes That's literally what you're saying so if you don't consider yourself worthy of her How the fuck is she gonna think that she that you're like she should be attracted to you?

Mm-hmm. You don't think that you're worthy. Why would she think so and this is something that I contacted something You have to folk you have to like practice it. Now I mean I do it with everyone now, I have to learn it, and when I don't do I kind of, even if it's a business meeting, I notice what I'm not, because I'm so self-aware that I contact is so important with every kind of community. Do you ever notice what situations where it comes up more together? Well, it's usually, I actually, when I'm really trying to focus on something or think about like right now, like I close my eyes and I think sometimes I think it's a lot more. What's the situation? It's usually, I actually, when I'm really trying to focus on something or think about, like, right now, like, I close my eyes and I think sometimes, I think it's a distraction, but

it actually comes up when I'm, like, thinking I look up to think. And then I'm good to access my brain and then I go back down. That's what it is usually. When you're not making good acting. When I'm making good acting. Oh, good. Otherwise, I really like try because then I feel like it's just a false connection with someone. But anyway, everyone just feels better

You built Clinton was the most amazing. Yes, I'm amazing. How did you do this reality distortion feel? Yeah, exactly. Well ironically Like I so my I don't I don't read like I hate like non-fishing books like I they bore the fuck out of me I think this guy's time like eight steps. I'm just like fuck you get out of here I learned best from reading biographies. Those are my favorite things to read and The last like five books that I've read of biographies of great men, great leaders, and every single one of them, there was chapters dedicated to their eye contact. Seriously. So it was Clinton was one of them.

Okay, I'm Jewish, but I read a book about Hitler because I wanted to learn more about that. And he would pierce people's souls with his eyes. Steve Jobs was known for his fucking stare down. I'm reading a book on Russell Brand. He talks about eye contact and there's like one of my favorite people in the world. But it's like all these guys, every like badass dude has figured out that the way to get what you want is the amazing with eye contact.

You know, David's great with it too. Yeah. So our friend David Wagon, yeah. So it's like, it's so important. It's so fucking important. It's so important. I contact it's Something anyone can learn but you got to practice it and it's hard to realize right now You're listening to this even if you're like, you know ordering your coffee at the coffee shop this morning Are you looking at the bristo when you're ordering your coffee like most people aren't not even make like wherever I go

I just try to make eye contact. It just makes a connection with with everyone. It's totally does. Yeah, it's much it's much more like I don't know I think you just live your more in touch with your heart and more in touch with your life Like when you really are connecting with everyone you come and contact with Yeah, and because when you, when you're like looking someone dead in the eyes and they're looking right back at you you There's a part of you the reason that you probably don't feel comfortable doing it right now It's because you feel like there's some part of you that like you normally hide that they can see now right because the eyes of the windows of the soul

Right, so it's like you look someone dead in the eyes of the windows to the soul, right? So it's like you look someone dead in the eyes, it's like you're being totally vulnerable, you're putting it all out there. And that makes you uncomfortable right now. But the truth is, is that if you're a guy, you can just look at a woman in the eyes, just totally open and free and nonchalant

and don't care, that's attractive. Because you're putting your saying, this is me entirely, I fucking own it. Like I know you love it, and that's it. that's that that turns her on right there so you want to talk about sexual tension you we could be talking about socks right now but if we have this strong eye contact going and I'm like I just love black socks like just like like our guy all socks or something about that you know but we're just holding his eye contact the tension just builds exactly so it's like you

don't know can you feel it yeah but it's like you don't need. It's building right now, can you all feel it? Yeah. But it's like you don't need amazing lines. It's like turn someone on. No. It's all about lines. And be there. So what we're saying here today, and we're

going to have to wrap up, but if you want to hear more from Jason, go to sexwithemily.com slash slash Jason. I think that's where it is.com's Jason, J.S. to win. And you can get, they're getting your free video. The deadliest pick of line. The deadliest pick of line. It's awesome. You guys have got to check this out

and you'll just learn more about Jason. When it's like, I think this is really awful that you're not, you gotta learn this. Because you will think, I think so many men and women spend time like beating themselves up about like, why can't I do it, why can't I do it? But it's like a learned skill. Like everything you want to be good at in and practice. Well here's the thing is

I just heard this quote the other day and I thought it was fucking awesome but it's like everyone like everyone is self-created but only successful people want to admit it right? So like exactly where you are right now like you made yourself that way so like accept it don't get mad about it just accept it take it for what it is and understand that that also tells you that you have the power to create whoever you want to be A week from now a month from now a year from now So this is a skill like you've just you've taught yourself how to make bad eye contact with someone And now you can teach yourself how to make good eye contact Exactly. I love that every single biography you wrote is by eye contact because I think that's so important

It's amazing. Yeah, I know. It's really good stuff Okay, Jason you're the best. Thank you biography, your always-by-eye contact, because I think that's so important. It's amazing. I know. It's really good stuff. Jason, you're the best. Thank you. Thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Again, please check out Sex with Emily.com's last, slash Jason. Why can I say slash today? Slash today.

My Michigan accent just came out. Slash, Jason. Also, check out all of my podcasts. I've got hundreds of podcasts. If this is your first Sex with Emily podcast, you can find them on iTunes. You can subscribe. Go to my website, sex with Emily.com. And put in your email address and get my free report of the mistakes, five biggest mistakes. We have one for men and one for women that you

are making in bed. I guarantee you will see yourself one of those profiles. It's little tweaks here and there you can change it so you can rock his or her world. Also check out my book, Hot Sex, over 200 things you can try tonight. This is all my website. My iPhone app, Kagell Camp. Hello, men and women. You want to have stronger orgasms. Check out Kagell Camp and check out my other iPhone app, which is Sex with Families Sex Drive, which is for couples that helps you enhance your sex life

and do all those crazy things that you want to do, but you're afraid to ask. So, thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. It was a good for you. Email me, feedback at sexwithemily.com. Have you guys heard my news? I have a new sex gig. I'm not a porn star, it's better.

I just launched my new premium skincare brand called Emily and Tony. These products are tried and true to help spice up your sex life, which is what I'm all about. I'm talking about massage oil candles that are one part candle, one part body oil, and check out these flavors. They come in delicious scent, like creme de vanilla, cocoa and fujer. And they're hydrating, and they leave your skin

feeling super luxurious. We even have a product for the guys called Down Under Comfort that helps keep their balls smelling fresh and clean and dry all day, which is exactly what you want, right? So guys, if you take care of your balls, your partner will take care of you. So help us keep this podcast free. Use code Emily to get 20% off of your first purchase at EmilyAntoni.com. Trust me.

You'll love them and you're welcome. you