Sex With Emily - SWE: How To Be Confident

Episode Date: April 30, 2013

Everything in sex comes down to confidence. Sex is awkward. Two naked bodies with pubes and protruding flesh, bouncing around and making strange noises. Not to mention, finding someone to bounce around with can be even harder. Emily breaks down how to be confident: what you should say when you meet someone, how to always avoid the friend zone, and how to get back in the game. If you're interested in how to be confident and improving your sex life, check out my sponsors: Crazy Girl, Masque, and Good Vibrations. Use coupon code Emily25 at checkout for 25% off your purchase at Crazy Girl. Use coupon code GVEmily20 at checkout for 20% off purchases of $100 or more at Good Vibrations. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Thanks for listening and promise your sex life will improve. Look into his eyes. Then the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our secret institutions. Betrubize they call them and apply it on me. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, Emily? What do you mean, like, laundry? It's shrink?

Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm off here. I'm so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between.

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and your problems and whatever you're going through. And we've heard it all, right? Menace's here in Section Emily. Correct. How are you doing, Emily? I'm great. How are you, Menace? I'm good.

I went to weekend one of Coachella. I'm back in San Francisco for a few days before I go back for weekend too. Oh my God, that's crazy. Was it fun? Yeah, it was a lot of fun, but it was really windy on Sunday. No, I would hate it. I'm so glad I wasn't there.

I hate the wind. It's crazy, but I spent a lot of time in the casino so I didn't really go to the festival too much. Oh my God, do the second person. I talked to them. I didn't even go to the festival. Then why go to the festival? I went for a day, but I just,

there's so much other parties and things to do around there But if you want to see all the photos that I posted they're pretty amazing on my Instagram just follow me on Instagram Menace one word just menace M-E-N-A-C-E I make it easy for you Follow them now follow now and follow me too sex with Emily Instagram, although I don't update as much as I should. But I'm doing better. Man, this is pictures are awesome. I met the mayor, this guy is running

for mayor of Los Angeles. He's like the front runner, it's the runoff, and he's really cute. I went to a fundraiser for him last night, and I met him and I talked to him for a while, and I was like, you know, because I used to work in politics for like 10 years, and I was like, the over the elections in five weeks. Anyway, and I was telling him I worked at politics, I worked for him for a while and I was like, you know, because I used to work in politics for like 10 years and I was like, the elections in five weeks anyway.

And I was telling him I worked in politics, I worked for, for really brown and I worked for Barbara Boxer in California. He's like, who are you working for now? I'm like, um, I actually have a sex talk radio show. And then he was like, okay. And I'm like, it was funny because I was like, oh, I'm gonna, oh, and then his publicist was like,

she can tweet you, she's got a lot of Twitter followers. And then he's like, great, what's your Twitter handle? then I was like? I'm not sure if you want to follow me I'm like you don't have to follow me. I don't know if I was gonna help your political career. It was funny. Yeah Anyway, so I'm against it was a good time You were totally ruined his career his name is Eric Garcetti Eric Garcetti if you live in Los Angeles I like I like the career mayor of Los Angeles. He's cool. He's always on. Oh, Antonio. Yeah, Antonio, he's pretty slick. I like that.

Oh my God, dude, let me tell you about Antonio Viego Rosa. He is now the mayor of Los Angeles. And when I worked in politics 12 years ago, I went with him on a trade mission to South America, to Brazil, Argentina, and Chile. And then he was the speaker of the state legislature in California. And he was so cool. Yeah and then he was the speaker of the state legislature in California. And he was so cool. Yeah. And he was so cool. And he was like, we spent two and a

week together. We were buddies. He'd come to San Francisco. We'd get dinner like he's the coolest guy. He's a total ladies man. Yeah, he like got constant fair a few years ago. Yeah, I know. He's awesome. But he's not going to be mayor anymore. And now the way in New Mayor. But I know I'm he's cool. Yeah. Back in gonna be mayor anymore. And now they'll be a new mayor, but I know, I'm gonna be cool. Yeah, back in my former career, before I became a sex expert. Wow. I worked in politics.

I've always been serving the world. What either one voted at a time or one orgasm at a time. Nice. How nice, I give back, I give back. So, but it was interesting to be in Los Angeles, after being in San Francisco for so long and hearing the issues that people have in Los Angeles and all that stuff They're very different than San Francisco like a lot of it is about, you know

Well schools is also a big issue all over the world. But anyway, it's interesting. Okay, so Coachella. I got tickets to do it I could go, but I'm not gonna go this weekend because I'm going to Stay here and do some other stuff and work Because I kind of feel that I'm over festivals. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, this is the first time ever I went to a festival as a spectator and I didn't know what to do with myself. I was kind of bored at some points.

But yeah. Yeah, you're such a guy with a purpose, because how many years have you been working in radio now? Like, I just wrote your bio for that thing. Oh, you're this? I said 12. Okay. So 15 years in radio, you've gone to a gazillion concerts.

It makes sense you wouldn't know what the hell to do. Because you're always like recording or running around, or you've got places to be. And menist, can I be honest? You like to be the guy that has somewhere else to be be so you don't have to talk to anyone very long. Yes I love it. I know you so how well do I know you? You know he's like you you you you you you you you you you you you like oh I gotta go film something Oh, I gotta go backstage

Oh, I gotta go and now you know where to go and you sit down with your friends You realize are boring in your board. Yeah Just yeah, exactly you should you should hang out with me more because people like me who have ADD make it very fun Because every second is different So yeah, so today's show I just got to give you a preview We do a lot of different shows in sex with Emily and lately menace and I are still always doing our shows We're gonna be doing more shows a week with menace, but sometimes menace since you know we're in different cities now, I have to do shows, not have to, but I choose to do shows with some other people, I do interviews,

with some really interesting people lately I did a show with David Wigan about seduction, they're all like experts in like seducing women and approaching women and like all these different things like summer pickup artists which are controversial. I just interviewed this woman who's coming out soon, Marney, she's a wing girl, she like helps guys meet women. Bottom line issue is with all of these things that everyone wants to learn, they can't approach a woman, they don't have sex with a woman, comes down to one thing.

Do you know what that one common denominator issue that all these people have is menace? What? Whether it's in the bedroom or it's approaching that hot chick that you see it at, you know, Olive Garden. It's confidence. Yeah, true. So I think that it's, and I always say that the most important thing that you can do when you're dating is to cultivate and when you're as a human being as a human on this planet is to cultivate confidence. And so I think that people are, you know, I'm always telling you to live more confidence in bed and in dating and meeting people. And I just, I'm going to give you some tips today because what I did was, you know, we get so many emails from listeners at feedback at sex. We're getting hundreds, hundreds of emails a week. And I'm trying to pick a theme in them

because I want to answer them all. And these, they were all lead back to confidence. So I thought, let's just, like I say, like it's so easier said than done. Just be confident, just fake it, so you make it. But I'm gonna give you some concrete tips today to really improve your confidence. Menace, you probably don't need it

because you're so confident all the time. Not all the time, no. Right. Like this weekend, I know it's a good place. Everybody is insecure. Everybody's insecure, okay? I have insecurities, we're all of insecurities, but you have to learn to live a life

where your insecurities do not lead. You, your personality in your greatest strengths lead in any conversation, any situation, but you don't lead with your fears and insecurities. That anyway, we'll get into that a minute. I just went off on a rant because I felt like it. So, also, I am doing love line now every Thursday still until for the next three months. Nice. So anyone can check me out Thursday nights, which is a legendary show.

Yeah, if you're in San Yeah, if you're in San Francisco If you're in San Francisco listen to it on live one of five point three at 10 p.m Yeah My station and it's also at Loveline Show dot com. It's with Dr. Drew You can watch it or you can listen to it or you could listen to it on the radio at your local place. I just had to get that in, because I forgot to mention that. Okay, so what else I wanna ask you, what do you want to do this week?

Are you coming back to Coachella? Yep. I have to admit, even though I'm over concerts and I really am the crowds, the thing it takes forever, you gotta get tickets. And I VIP tickets, I just don't wanna deal with the people. What does that mean? Is that bad? Is that a bad, is that bad?

No, that's not bad. You didn't even have fun and you're the second person who didn't have fun. My neighbor just walked up to me. I'm like, I'm like, oh my God, how was Coachella? She's like, it sucked. And I'm really like, she, oh my God. And then, well, they didn't have that, oh my God, moment that they usually have every year that makes it all worth it. That one thing that happened, like the year before they had a freaking hologram of two-pock. A guy that's been dead for years. That's what your mind. That's what your mind. And then, you know, there's always, there's always that one thing that happens each year, like Kanye West performs or, know something crazy happens and what

happened was this year there was so much hype that Daft Punk was gonna play and Daft Punk was seen in the area and they're like no they're not playing they're not playing but then there was like this video that played of Daft Punk at the show so there was all this hype like, oh my god, they're gonna play right after Phoenix, right? And the moment comes where everybody's been waiting to see if Daft Punk plays and Freaking our Kelly walked on stage and did a song and people Almost People were not happy. They almost booted

people were not happy. They almost booted. And it sucks. It sucks because it sucks because people actually would have been excited if our Kelly came out on stage. If there wasn't all this daft punk hype that was going on, but this the daft punk hype just overshadowed the whole weekend. And now everyone everyone was just disappointed so they didn't have that's a star bomber what a mistake yeah yeah so child by the way I feel like people not everyone knows that it's a festival in Palm Springs in the desert every year and it's really fun and they're well it used to be fun and this year they extend it was fun the year that I had sex backstage which I talked about in the last show and I don't mean to keep bringing that up did you have sex anywhere no not backstage no did you have sex anywhere no I don't mean to keep bringing that up. Did you have sex anywhere? No, not backstage, no.

Did you have sex anywhere? No, I didn't. Because I was with a group, I was with like a big group of people. Speaking of sex, I've got a really good thing for you. OK, so you know how we always talk about these mask or mask sexual flavors? You go to masksexualflavors.com. That's M-A-S-Q-E and they're like these flavor strips,

kind of like those listarine strips that you put on your tongue and they mask the taste of semen, right? So the whole purpose or so the whole man can get more oral sex. So maybe this weekend it can help you, but I've learned more about, I've been talking about mask forever because I think it's a great invention because there are men around the planet who suffer and do never ever ever ever forget oral sex from their from their partners because she doesn't like the taste of semen or the gav reflex the whole thing. So not only does math come in for flavors like we always talk about chocolate strawberry mango chocolate, but it has a they all have a little minty taste like beneath that so when the woman was a when you're performing oral sex

The tingle feels good on your penis Like she puts it on her tongue and you can't even feel it like it dissolves on her tongue It takes 20 minutes you cannot taste even but it'll taste minty like that. Oh, do you remember Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky? Do you remember that whole thing when she did the milk that she did the al toy in her mouth and then performed oral sex on him? Uh huh. It feels good. I'm just telling you,

that's an extra bad thing for masks. Have you ever tried one of those mint condoms? They feel crazy. Crazy good or crazy bad? Yeah, crazy good. Right. So everyone has to order masks. You have to go to a mask.

Or go to my website, sackswithonly.com. Click on mask. You can get free samples, the giving way free samples to everyone in the world. So do that now. So yeah, so you didn't have sex there. I, that's cool. And you're going back to the first.

What's going on with you? What's up with you having sex? What's up with the bone? I'm having sex. I actually, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm ball having sex? What's up with the bone? I'm having sex. I actually I I'm I'm falling. Would you say am I bowling you're boning? Boning boning and I'm falling I'm I am I am having sex with somebody really I'm having sexual relations

Yeah, with a cool cool dude that I met and This a new guy, this is not a past guy. Is somebody that you knew? No. You're liar, you're lying. No, what do you mean past guy that I knew? No, somebody that you knew. I mean, months ago, you know it, you know it changes every few months,

so I don't have to be talking about. Okay, is this somebody that you knew from the past? Like, this is not just some like random person that you just met by being a- No, no, no, it's not my ex boyfriend who lives here. No. No, but I'm still saying,

is it somebody that you already knew before you moved to LA? No, it is not. Would you like to ask me any more questions? Why don't we play 20 questions? I'm lying. Oh, why are you not nervous? Okay.

20 questions go. Okay, ask me two questions. All right. So you've been boning right? How often do you bone? How often do I bone this particular person? Yeah, how often do you bone this particular person? I haven't been boning and long enough to have a pattern of boningness. Oh, okay. No, anyway, he's a really cool guy. And he's, and he, you know what? He actually, he actually has been obsessed with sex

since he was a young kid. Like, he read all his parents' sex books about how to please a woman. And he knows a lot about pleasing a woman. And I have to say that in my life, it doesn't happen that often. I start, and I'm not saying most men don't know, they know some stuff, but it's very rare that you find someone who knows a lot of stuff. And that's why I do my show, Sex with Emily, because sex education in

the world is not good, not it sucks, because especially in America, because guys are the 11 year result and they're watching porn, which we all know is not a good place to learn about sex because porn You only see it's creative for the man by the man lots of times and you see the in and out She's not having real orgasm that position doesn't feel good to her and people are even porn So bottom line is this guy studies and reads and lords and researchers and like he knows it. It's cool So I have to say that I appreciate his skills. Does it work in entertainment? Sort of. Oh pornography

He's not a porn director nor a porn star. Anyway, whatever it's new. I'm having fun I'm in a new city guys in LA ask you out a lot more here a lot more often like they just don't's like that whole approach thing. That's what we're going to get to in a minute when we get to your emails at feedback at sexbelling.com and talk about confidence. Is it, I hear from so many men who just are like, I, it's not, they're like, I'm, I forget the sex. I can't even talk to a woman. I can't even approach a woman. And so, you know, it's interesting that I think like, and I don't know what it is about this town or I know it's a personality thing too. It happens in every city's, but in San Francisco, and I don't know what it is about this town, or I know it's a personality thing too, it happens in every cities, but in San Francisco, it just doesn't happen as much, like there's like the whole food, like you know, I'm gonna get hit on it, there's one whole food, like at least three times, and

they're like, cute, normal, whatever, I haven't given out my number, but I'm just saying to people, the guys, they don't go, just start talking, just start talking, you don't need to pick up line, you don't need anything special to start talking, it it doesn't offend me and I'm not creeped out So I like it. I like I like when people ask me out Although I still think my dog gets more attention than I do here, but that's cool It's a dog She's so cute I mean you don't want to get rid of her She's crazy she's good good. Nobody's funny. People freak out on my dog here.

It's the weirdest thing. They're like never seen a fucking dog like my dog. They're like, is she this? Is she that? And I don't think it's not just like dudes eating. I mean, or whatever. It's like people are like really truly think she's adorable and interested in her. And I'm happy that Los Angeles is her new home.

So annoying. Anyway, so we can get in some emails here. Yeah, go for it. I like here from the peeps. Oh, so we can get in some emails here. Yeah, go for it. I like hearing from the peeps. Oh, do you know what? We have reminded people to like just, just when you send an email to the show, can you just, you don't have to say your real name,

but can you say what city you're from, what state you're listening from, and how you listen to the radio show? Like is it through iTunes? That's a great idea. So through Stitcher, is it through sexwithamily.com? Do you get a text translation from, you know, some funky website?

Exactly. We want to know how you listen, how you consume it. And we should mention the Stitcher app, STITCHER, which is an awesome app for your smartphone that you can literally listen to any podcasts in the world, but specifically it's actually only just by plugging in your earphones on your smartphone and listening to it anywhere on the go. People think like to some people still think you got to download it onto your IEI to your

iTunes and then blow a blow, but it's so friggin easy to listen to it wherever you go now. Right? Yes. Okay. So, okay,, this is funny. Someone just started this email, hello, Dr. Emily. And as we know, I am getting my doctorate at the end of this month. So, it's almost like it's happened to me. So, I'm going to be a doctor in 10 days, but he's the first one who's called me doctor. So, I love him already. This is from Ian. Dear,

hello, Dr. Emily first off I want to say you have an amazing sight here the fact that I learned so many things I'm Pleasuring woman is astounding. I'm an 18 year old guy. I'm a virgin, but I want to keep learning ways to Pleasure women that I may end up with and hopefully show some ladies that there are men who know what they're doing I am tired of being a virgin, but I have not approached any women and tried starting convos with them. The thing is, I just can't seem to start talking to women. I've gone on long enough, but I don't want to ask a generic question. What is the mindset I need to truly believe that I can attract women? Thanks Ian. So this is a question that's a common enemy Ian. I hear you, man. First of all, I want to like clap for you.

I love that you want to learn to pleasure women before you're even with a woman. It's like the guy that I was talking about that I'm with, like he studied women before, which is something I think that sounds crazy. But honestly, women are confusing. We're all different. You learn from every woman and the more you know, the more knowledge you can gain is great. So I love that you're doing that. But before if you are going to lose your virginity, you're all right, you do have to start talking to

women and approaching them. So you're you're not going to sleep with the woman until you start talking to them. So just start practicing. Okay, it's all about practicing because I believe that the approach is is a muscle and it truly is a muscle that you have to exercise. Like I even know people who've dated for two years and they break up with someone that are like, I don't know how to talk to a woman or a man or I don't know how to date. But once you start doing it and practicing, you get a lot better at it. So just practice talking to every to five women a day or three women a day. It doesn't mean anything.

You just high in the bus, high at the coffee shop, high at work in the hallway. Start talking to women and then you can engage in conversation. When you walk in, let's see, you walk in the coffee shop in the morning, right? And there is no creative pick-up line. You're standing there and you observe something. This is a great tip for guys who are having a hard time talking to women. Make an observation. Let's say you walk into Starbucks and there's a really long line. Just go, wow, the line's long today. See what happens. This helps you engage. And this can be very, no one will say anything first time. Second time, people like, it's like you smile and be like,

does this always happen here? You can just observe what's going on around you and people will want to chime in to the conversation. It might even be men that chime in, but then the women around you see, oh wow, this person's got personality. He's a leader, he's talking. So just start to, you know, start to,

just practice talking and be relevant, be specific, show that you're interested in her as a person if you start talking. You can ask her opinion, wait, you always get the lot easier, what do you like? And just start building confidence that way. I think you've got to practice, practice, practice talking to women so you get over the fear. You might get rejected a hundred times, but eventually you're just not even going to

think about it anymore. Right, Menace? You're a man. Yes. I think I know And you have to practice. Yeah, you definitely have to practice and you just talk to anybody, you know Anybody anybody anybody anybody just anybody anybody. So you figure things out Exactly and also it's just like I also want to say one of the big things about About like trying to build your confidence you will always ask me.

And the first thing is, I just want to say to the sky, and to everybody, since this shows about confidence and kind of weaving the topic into the emails here, is that you need to recognize your insecurities. So what is that voice in the back of your mindset? What is that one thing that makes you ashamed and uncomfortable? It can be anything to regress you have, that you haven't finished that last semester at school, a past traumatic experience,

the zit you have on your nose, I don't fucking know what it is, but we all have something that makes us insecure, right, Matt, it's don't you? Yes. Yes. Do you wanna say something? My thing is, I've said this on the show many times before.

You just need to practice talking to people and it builds your confidence. It's like, I've said this on the show many times before. You just need to practice talking to people and it builds your confidence. You see somebody, the person that's checking you out at the grocery store, you know, ask them how they're doing that day. You just practice conversations and it totally builds your confidence. You don't have to worry about what you look like or what you wear. People don't see that. They look at you in the face when they talk to you and you just, you know, project confidence.

They're just going to fall in love with you. It's easy. Right. Easy people. Easy, easy, easy. But you might not succeed the first, second, third time. You may have like, like, the hundredth time, but it takes practice. So I mean, again, like I said, we all have insecurities, but the thing is figure out what these things are.

Like what are the things in your mind that are holding back that you feel bad about? And then you could write them down, like you could like literally like make a list, and then you could like tear them up once you start feeling positive about them. And you also need to remember that to be thankful for what you do have.

So a lot of times when I'm feeling negative, it would be these negative cells. First of all, so the first thing is like writing them down. Once you write down all these things, and you can look at them and go, you know what, I'm really not that bad at this. Or this isn't really that bad, or I'm whatever. And we realize that we tell these stories all the time,

and they perpetuate, and they make us insecure. So like start that, we're gonna get back to some more tips after we read the next email. Yeah. Okay, because don't you think, man, you got to recognize what's holding you back. And then literally the end of the game, like I could say nothing else about confidence, but I'm going to is you is that this whole journey in life is about accepting yourself, loving yourself for all of your strengths and all of your weaknesses, because we all have them.

And until you learn to love yourself, you're really not going to find anyone else to love you. So that's the kind of work I'm trying to give you today to do. Okay, next email here. Dear Emily, it has legit been so long since I've had endings, any sex. Hook up buddy, boyfriend, or anything that I feel like a virgin once again. I've always been the girl who never had any trouble getting a good guy but recently I've had nothing and it's been awful. Any motivating tips for me to get back in the game with some sexy confidence. So this is a woman having the same issues. I mean, you know, different issues. He's approaching but she's got to feel confident again back into the game. So I would say, first of all, recognize what your insecurities are and identify your successes.

Here's a big thing. Our mind are trained a lot of times to go off on the negative, but really think about all the good things in your life. Like think about the things that you are grateful for. What is your success? What do you focus on your talents? Focus on what makes you feel good every day.

Give yourself credit for your little mini successes because we've like this inferior, inferior state of mind which we've declared ourselves to victim or bad or not good or insecure. So whatever it is start to express yourself through you know you can write it down through art music writing find something that you enjoy. Now this is what is most attractive to people in general. Like I love like to me the most attractive thing about a man is not like how tall he is or what car he drives, but it's a guy who has passion about his life. And he loves what he does. Like I don't care what he does, it's not about that.

It's like he's not passionate, he has interests, he has things that exist beyond me, he's not going to make his whole life about me. He's got good friends, you know, he loves barbecuing, I don't care, he makes me a mean steak, love it. But he's passionate and he doesn't leave with all the negative things. So I would say, start working on yourself. Like really, that's where the confidence comes from. It's recognizing your insecurities, working on yourself, celebrating things you are good at, and like finding new passions in life. Because again, that's what attracts people to you friends and lovers is someone who's passionate about life. Right, Mennos?

I totally agree. Yeah, good. And so she wants it. So I feel like Kim, it sounds to me like you've just been in a bad place. Because you said you've always been the girl who never any trouble, but recently it's awful. And so I want to know Kim, what's changed in your life? Did you lose a job? Did you move to a new city? Are you going through a break-up? Did you have a death in your family? A divorce? I mean, you could have had a trauma you're going through. I don't know, but sometimes it's probably, there is probably something holding you back, some kind of fear, and I would get into that. You know, if you need to go see a counselor or talk to some close friends, because,

you know, if you're a chick who had all these guys, and now you don't, I'm sure something's happened with maybe the attitude, you're maybe you're putting all these guys, now you don't, I'm sure something's happened with maybe the attitude, you're maybe you're putting an attitude out there that you don't even know. A lot of women put an attitude out there that they're unapproachable. I know so many women. Oh yeah. We hear this, so successful, so smart, so attractive,

blah, blah, blah, can't get a guy for the sake of their life. And it's because they are not approachable. They have their headphones in, they're not smiling, they're walking down, they're on the phone all the time and they're walking to get their lunch. They look very smiling. They're walking down there. They're on the phone all the time and they're walking to get their lunch. They look very different. They're gonna get off the goddamn phone and talk to people on your smile people on the street.

I mean, the smile all sounds super cheesy, but seriously, how the hell are you gonna meet someone if you're listening to your goddamn iPhone all day? True that. When you can also, you want sexy confidence, you could take a pole dancing class. Just kidding. We're taking one. But I do have women feel sexy. Oh my god Ridiculous Ridiculous. Okay, you got it. Other you better never start doing those pole dancing classes Cuz I want to do a pole that I've heard their great workouts. I'll barf in my mouth. I Think they're so dumb

my mouth. I think he's so dumb. So dumb. I had strippers. I had strippers one time. And Mitchell brothers and San Francisco teach me how to be on a pole. And it's all about your shoes. It's all about the shoes. Oh, shoes really. Christian. Yeah, he needs to have this no dude. Christianly batons would ruin it. You need to get the stripper shoes like they have stripper stores where they sell stripper shoes. They're super high with the hat. You're always like how the hell is she doing that eight and heels because they have this rubber Soul that you clamp together and then you coist yourself up the pole. I could be a dancer. I know how to do Go make go make that money then why are we poor? Doing a podcast. I mean poor why are we poor, podcasts or radio show people? I don't know, Menace.

I should have been, I should have been a poll dancer, slash call girl, long time ago. I know, we would have made so much money. I would have, I know. Looked out to your finances where you are something. Really? Or like, wash your car. I don't know.

Wash your, your Mercedes. I mean, we're poor, but we're happy and and we're helping people with better sex, so I don't feel that bad. No, we're getting rich. Okay, soon. It's hot. Menace is the year of the money. This is the year of the big green stuff.

I'm talking money. Dear Emily, I just started listening to your show recently, and I love it. I've had a lot of bad and mediocre sex. I lost my virginity to a boy I was in love with and it used to be so incredibly easy for me to finish, meaning I have an orgasm, since then it's gotten much harder. A lot of times I feel like I hit a wall at 70% and I just can't get past it. I'm now dating a boy that I'm completely in love with. We only have sex once a week, twice if I'm lucky, and I'm sort of half finishing. From what I've read in order to have better orgasms,

women really need to know their own bodies and I feel like I don't. I have masturbated before, but I've never had any toys, never known what I was doing, and always felt ashamed. How can I get over that signed Lucy? Okay, Lucy, first off, totally normal. I mean, you are in a place, I don't know how old you are. A lot of women don't even have their first orgasm till they're like in their mid-twenties, early twenties, till they experience with their body. And the truth is, 100% you have to get to know your own body, and you just said that you haven't done the work yet. I wish that everyone could have the experience that I had because I moved to San Francisco.

I was 22 years old and I had never, I sort of had an orgasm but not really. I didn't even know about masturbation until I was like 20. It didn't even occur to me to masturbate, which is why I've gone into hypersextra. I've now been a sex educator, but the point is, you went into good vibrations, and they're amazing. And I don't know where you live, Lucy, but they have a storm Boston, and they have three stores in San Francisco and one in Oakland. And maybe where you live, they have a really cool, like, sex shop. You can probably look it up.

And a lot of them are going the way of good vibrations. But at the time, good vibrations was like legendarium was like very unique because they, you can walk in, I was nervous, right? But it's like great, it's like a beautiful store and it's really cool and there's like vibrators and toys everywhere and like a sales clerk comes up to me and says, how can I help you? And it's like, I'm like, well, I'm kind of looking into like, I don't have that many orgasms and like she talked me through like, clitoral orgasms and g-spot orgasms and like, I bought a g-spot book and I had to find my g-spot and so like I Did that work now what I'm saying for you Lucy's that I had to do that work

I could not I think that I would not have been able to Have an orgasm with a partner had I not done the work now, so again I would say like and don't make it work like we say it's work like I should start saying it It's pleasure like you can give yourself the most amazing pleasure But you got to put in the time and I know it's like everything it's like going to the gym But this is way better than the gym because you get to lay in bed and and find out your origin of zones So I would suggest yeah, I mean start with your fingers You know one night like draw a bath you can get in the bath start touching your body

But also yeah, if you ask me about toys specifically, um, toys are great. I mean, I know a lot of people who never are able to do it with their fingers and they use toys. So, um, I, again, good vibrations, you can't, if you don't live in the Bay Area or Boston, you won't be able to have that experience of going in the store, but you can go to their website, which is goodvibes.com and they have 24 hour people you can talk to. I actually don't know if it's 24 hours, but I think it is. It's a car line where they can actually help you in the same way they help you in the store. You can be like, listen, I'm not sure. I've tried this one. I've tried that one or Clotoral Vibrator and they can help you find a good one, but I can also help you right now find a good one. A lot of women,

if you're not used to it, they start out with a clitoris. Even women who have gspot orgasms, which are located two thirds inside of the vagina, need to have a clitorial orgasm first. And then they take their gspot gets engulfed, it gets, it gets, it expands. And then it's easier to have gspot. So a lot of women start with clitorial vibrators. I love the J-Zoo Mimi from Good Vibrations, J-E-J-O-U-E, and it's a great one. It's the top rated vibrator now at Good Vibes, and it's so small, and it's not intimidating at all, and you could also use it during intercourse, because 80% of women need extra catorlal stimulation when they're having sex with a burner. So this one fits

in the palm of your hand. Like you can't hear it, it's like silent. It's rechargeable and it's awesome, but they've got a lot of clitoral vibrators. So here's the deal. Go to goodvibes.com, use cuban code GVMLE20 and you get 20% off orders of $100 or more and that is GVMLE20.

So I would recommend for you that, Lucy, that you check out some that you could use during intercourse through boyfriends and you can get there and finish and also stuff to start exploring your body. That's what I gotta say to that. That's all I need. I'm going off, I'm going off today. Yeah, yeah. If you noticed, I did not tell the story about my friend who masturbated for 30 days. I know. A billion times. You knew, you like, you like left the room and got to say how much because you thought I was going to tell that story. Yes. But I didn't tell that story about my friend who masturbated heavily day for 30 days in a row and she was 21 because she

couldn't have an orgasm and she finally did. So sometimes you need to make a commitment and you need to commit. I think you just told the story. I think you just told me because I couldn't have an orgasm and she finally did. So sometimes you need to make a commitment and you need to commit. I think you just told the story. I think you just told. I know because I couldn't help not time the story. I feel so bad that I wasn't time the story. I was like, I always tell this girl damn story and it's all story. Okay, man. So you agree with me there. I do. Don't you feel like a woman? And let me just say this, man. Do I I feel like a woman? No, no, no, no. You have intercourse with women, correct? Correct.

And I'd say you've intercourse with a handful of women that if I ask you a question right now, you could answer, answer with pretty good data. Yes. Would you say that women in bed who show you what they like, either by taking your hand or using their own hands on their themselves or telling you Has has been recieved how has that been received by you that behavior? What say to you if a woman if you've been in bed with a woman and she knows what she likes

And she can show you what she likes, and she tells you what she likes, how do you feel about that? I like for her to take control. In big cities. Right? Yeah. Exactly.

So you're not like, oh, you know your body so well, you must have be a slaughter. Oh, you know your body so well, you did. No, no, you're like, thank you. Thank you, because I would have just spent the next freaking months trying to find your clitoris and it would it would have been disaster yeah so thanks for telling me that's all I gotta say about that yes okay yes mess all right hey Emily an old friend of mine from my childhood just moved back into town we've

been talking on Facebook but I hate talking on. And it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. I'm a bit of a shy guy, but what is the best way to rekindle this relationship and not end up in the friend zone or be that guy? Down the street she knows. Thanks Tom. Oh, so he said in quotes, I don't want to end up in the friend zone or be that guy down the street she knows. What? Tom? He doesn't want to be in the friend zone. He's shy. Yeah. A chick.

He's got an old childhood friend just moved back to town. They're chatting online. It's not going anywhere and he wants to make the move, but doesn't want to be shy and wants to rekindle it. But doesn't want to be the friend zone. So let me tell you something, Tom, get off a Facebook. Stop bringing going back and forth and sending emails because that annoys the hell out of me. If you're like, oh, we're in a relationship, we've been chatting on match.com for three months.

Like, meet her already. I want you to definitely say next week you're coming with me to the whatever, some cool event happening in your city. I mean, next week you have to come with me on Wednesday night to the museum opening or whatever it is. Just be like a sort of women like that like I like when guys tell me like I'm seeing you next week You have to be a dick about it. You can just be like next and then take it off there Then you take her out go somewhere that you're comfortable that you like that maybe even your friends are around that can make you feel comfortable Or you know not too many friends. I think you're taking her on a friend day, you know, like a date with all your buddies, but like go somewhere that's comfortable to you and then meet her and I would

have to say that you got to just start being yourself and be confident with her. Don't start talking to her about her problems and troubles and issues. The first date show you what you're passionate about. Show you are as classic questions about herself and don't let yourself be in the friend zone because people let themselves women don't just decide I'm gonna put them in the friend zone it happens because of the behavior that the man is doing and what the man is doing is he's not standing up to her he's not acting like a man he's acting like a friend he's like listening to her issues he's like oh yeah run errands with you or

I'll come over and fix your life Bob you know it like yeah like you could but you could also you know you're interested or I'd start acting like a man who is interested in someone. Don't waste time. Man, that's what do you say? I say just go for it. And a bottle of probably I'll go with Don Julio on this one, silver. You know, we'll give you enough. I'm kidding. No, I, yeah, just just go for it. Do or die. You don't want to be in the friend zone. You don't want to waste your time. You, you know, you want something more than a friendship.

So go for it. And, and if it doesn't work out, then fine. It's not going to be the situation that you wanted anyways. So just, just get it over with, man. Go for it. Exactly. And remember, remember also you have to go back to confidence. This wasn't one wasn't specifically about confidence, but I'm telling you the thing that that makes you feel good is again

is just be like a positive person with her and like even if you don't feel that way, like maybe you're feeling insecure, you're feeling like the shy guy, but people really are attracted to positive people. So don't feel that way, like maybe you're feeling insecure, you're feeling like the shy guy But people really are attracted to positive people So don't let people make you feel intimidated or feel inferior and don't be afraid when you're on this date Whether to project to her your strengths and your qualities like it sound like you need to brag Like I just bought this new car would be like yeah work is great and I'm doing this and doing that I'm like just be excited and be positive in life that helps build your confidence and helps build your confidence talk into checks feel good about yourself right minus god knows you feel good about yourself yeah of course

I mean it's the only way to get by you don't want to be at home and be depressed. I don't really don't do. Don't be depressed. Um, okay. Well, I think that's what we got for today, dude. This is our show. It's a wrap. Thank you for listening. Thank you.

Everyone for listening to sex with Emily. I so appreciate. There's a few things that you could do if you would like to help support our, um, brand, our show, sex with Emily is you could go to my website. It's actually on me. our brand, our show, Stocks of the Emily, is you could go to our website, sexcelamy.com, sign up for my mailing list. I never share email addresses. I only say, I only will send you things that will improve your sex life. How's that in your relationship? That's all. No wasted things, no naked pictures of men, unless you want those. That's separate. But that's always any of you. And also

follow me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram, sex of the Emily. And you can also write a review on iTunes. Go to the Sex Family podcast and say how much it rocks and give us five stars. You can find menace menace you keep changing. So what are your menace? I'm just menace on Instagram menace on Twitter. Follow me there. Okay.

Also one more thing. I've got amazing iPhone apps. Kegel camp will will improve your sex life for men and women, five minutes a day. Kegels, yes, they're for men. You can do them. And sex drive, great for couples. And my book is Hot Sex over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight.

Love you, men. I love you too. Thanks everyone for listening. For just sex with Emily, was it good for you? Email me. FeedbackItSexWithEmily.com. This episode is brought to you by one of our amazing sponsors, Masks Sexual Flavor Strips.

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