Sex With Emily - SWE: Kinky Massage

Episode Date: November 12, 2013

Pro Dominatrix and Author Jaeleen Bennis shows you the ropes on bondage play. She mixes massage with kink, showing couples how to have more adventurous sex. She created the practice of Bondassage, which mixes erotic massage with bondage. Start by lighting up my Emily & Tony Massage Candle (when lit it turns into the most luxurious, warm massage oil) and pour it onto your partners body. Relax them with a back massage... and then the real fun begins. Bring out the straps and floggers, and start exploring your partner's erogenous zones. We explain how you can tell if your partner likes what you're doing. Hint: If their toes are moving around like crazy, you're doing something right. Jaeleen also gives tips on how to give men an anal massage. Gentleman, it's time you invited someone into your backdoor. Remember to always establish a safe word like "pickle" for when things get out of hand. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, I'm Emily from SexWithEmily.com. What if giving oral sex tasted like strawberries or chocolate? Mask makes these delicious strips like a breast strip, only better. They make oral sex tastes like chocolate, strawberry, watermelon, or mango. Make sex more pleasurable for you and your partner by going to sexualflavors.com. Book into his eyes. Then the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend?

Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kinda cute. The girls got a hair standard, oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here.

So, I'm gone. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between for more information go to sex with Emily dot com We can read our blog this into our podcast watch videos sign up for goddamn mailing list for listening to the show You should be on our mailing list because that's where you're gonna find out all the interesting things happening with sex

Emily we're gonna give you a free report if you'd like this five top five Mistakes men are making bet and women are making bet and I won't like spam you or sell your name or anything I'll just email you things that'll improve your sex life and your relationship, which is what I think you want. That's what I was gonna show. So thanks to all my listeners, it's been amazing the last few weeks. Like our numbers are crazy on you

or downloading the show. So thank you and please share the show with your friends and like it on Facebook and like me on follow me on Twitter and Facebook, sex with Emily. And I just love listening. I love hearing from you all. So thanks for your emails to feedback at sexwithmley.com. You do, you must know, I do read all of them.

I can't always read them all in the air and answer them. But know that I read them and hopefully someone else will have a question like yours and help get it answered. And if not, we will, we'll get back to you soon. Just keep listening and all your worries will be gone. So today, I have a guest, special guest in the studio. I have Jeylene Bennes. She wrote a book called Bondessage. You love that clap, that's a good one.

Kinky erotic massage tips for lovers. We're going to get into that in a minute. I loved reading your book. I was so excited by it. It was awesome. And I'm here with Anderson. Hello, sex. Hello, I love the you call me sex. Like if you call me sex with Emily, like when I see them out and about, but you just call me sex. Sex is easy. Yeah. Sex easy. It's great. But you know what? The problem is though lately, this is what's happening. Like two to three times in the last few weeks. I've been pretty social for me. There's a lot going on. And I've had parties to go to events, things like that.

Swing or parties. Swing or parties. I'm not going to any swing or parties yet, although you know what I do. I will fill you in. I, you know, I'm single, as you know, you're a single lady. And I really don't want people to lead when they meet me

with if someone's introduced me to someone, I don't want to say, oh, Emily, she has sex up right now. Like, oh, she's sex with that. She's a record sex with Emily. Because instantly they're thinking with, if someone's introduced me to someone, I wanna say, oh Emily, she has sex off right now. Oh, she's sex with them, she's called sex with them. Because instantly they're thinking like, you know, she's a great sex being, whatever it is, or it doesn't matter, but you just don't wanna leave with that, right?

So I try not to, so when people ask me what I do, I'm like, oh I do this, I do that. I say I go and producer, I just don't, I try not to bring up the career thing at least in the first five minutes. The last few nights I've been out, one time this guy comes up to me and he's like, I was at this party. It was a wedding party actually. Friends of mine got married in other country but they had a big party here

and in obviously San Francisco in LA where I live now. And the guy says to me the groom goes, Oh, Emily, you're here watching my friend because he's been telling you about the single guy friend that he really wanted me to meet. He's like, come over here. He's like, me and Emily, she teaches people how to give blow jobs. Like Andy Dick and that one. Like friend Mike. And I'm like, Oh, that's I almost wish you led with the sex of them. Was he drinking? Yeah, he was drinking drinking. He's the

girl guy that you want to fix me up with. I mean, maybe you do if I wanted to just have sex with them. But really like, so I just walked away. He's like, really? You do that. So interesting. I'm like, I do more than that, you know, anyway. And then another thing happened. I was out last night, and another guy says to me, you're the sex therapist. He yelled really loud at a party. And I don't remember meeting him and then everyone turned around and then started asking me sex. I was just getting a little awkward daily. I don't know why, but I just like that you call me sex. That's what I'm gonna call you. Well, you're in a precarious position with what you do. It is. I realize I didn't, it wasn't like premeditated. Like it wasn't like, I thought, oh, if I you know and get well you're in a precarious position with uh... what you do it is i have i really i think it was a pretty meditated like i was like i thought

oh if i become sex and english to back for them to be you know tonight i was leaving early and i had to hold up a lot of i said i'll leave like really really tonight it's wise that i have to go do sex with them that that that that that that's so sex with them we have to get the one who keeps your balls fresh because your ball exactly she's like all the ball lady. At least no one's calling you the ball lady. That's true. They do some time. No, I have this new brand. So Julie, I was telling you because I was reading your book and and it's massage and I have these massage

candles that I just launched a new brand called Emily and Tony. So everyone good Emily. So yummy. Aren't they? They smell so good. It's amazing, right? Because I know that you're talking your book too, use coconut oil and all that stuff. So they're all vegan and they're coconut oil. So I mean, I'll be back. So it's not totally vegan, because it's good. But all great ingredients.

And so I want everyone, if you love me, you love the show, and you want to support the show, then go buy something. I've got this. Also, I have Down Under Comfort, which is for men for their balls to keep them clean and dry. And you might be complaining because your partner doesn't always go down or whatever it is, and it'll keep you fresh.

Women can also use it on their lower back, anywhere they sweat. But the candles I'm obsessed with, like a massage candle is how great are they for? We're gonna get into why I made these candles too, because I think people hear massage candle, and they're first to think is, oh, it's a waxy, you're gonna pour out wax on me. It's like, you go.

Yeah, we're going to get in that a minute. A lot of people want that. But some people don't. And these candles turn into oil, massage oil and it's luxurious and delicious. And I use it as a moisturizer every morning. So if you want to get some, go to emilyandtoney.com. Use coupon code Emily. And I believe you get 20% off.

I shouldn't know that. 20 or 15%. You get a good percentage off. And you know what? Don't complain because I'm giving you free podcasts for the last 10 years. So you should just love me and buy something. And also, I'm not making you buy something that you won't love and use. And there's also lubricant, you can buy.

So, okay. And do they come in different different? Yes, we have cocoa, vanilla, and fougère. It's fougère. Fougère is like a, it's more of the kind of a woodsy, like pachouli, really nice. It's more for guys. It's more, a little moreouli, really nice. Yeah, it's more for guys. It's more for a little more, yeah, male centric.

You should get chlorine centred. Oh, chlorine would be hot for what, the swimmer's the most. For the guy, because it smells like semen. Oh, just semen smell like chlorine? Yes, yeah. Leach, chlorine. It's okay, so some guy asked me that. I've swallowed that.

You don't teach low jobs very good, apparently. I, okay, yes, I've come in contact with semen in my life many times. I'll swallowed that. You don't teach blow jobs very good apparently. I, okay. Yes, I've come in contact with cement in my life. Many times. I'll admit it. But I never thought chlorine. I thought, I, I could tell you what it tastes like. I go just telling a guy what it tasted like, but I never thought it smells like chlorine.

Okay. Really? Does it, does it know one thing? Okay, we have learning something here. I'm going to learn a lot. I taught sex somebody. I, you know what? At parties people are going to say, hey, that's the something here. I'm gonna learn a lot. I taught sex somebody. You know what? At parties people are gonna say,

hey, that's the guy that taught that sex lady something about sex. That's what they're gonna say right now. They're gonna say, who the hell? Okay, so that's what I got. What else do I have for you this week? I'm trying to think if there's anything else important that I have to tell you.

I don't know, just thankful I see the show. Let's get into dominatrix and lips. I got whips out of it. I just thought there's something else. Okay, Julie, your book, bondessage. I don't know. Just thankful for seeing the show. Let's get into dominatrix and lips. Okay, I got what sounded like. I just thought like there's something else. Okay, Julie, your book, Bondessage. Okay, so that's B-O-N-D-A-S-S-A-G-E, which is a combination of bondage and massage.

Very good. Which I love. Kinky erotic massage tips for lovers and your website where they can find you. Because we're going to be talking about anything your book is going to be like flying off the Amazon shell for wherever you're selling it. Amazon. Okay. Yeah. Um, is that your website then bondessage bondessage.com. Yes. Find such a comment. Okay. I love this book because I thought I think you would give amazing tips and

I think that massage. I always say this like massage like it should gateway to intimacy for so many couples and a lot of people who, um, I think a lot of couples who are maybe struggling sexually, they're not connecting anywhere. I always say, just take sex off the table and start giving each other a massage and explore each other's massage. Arrogant, I was a massage nurse, a rogantist's own. But I love that this is more for people who just want to, tell me about how you got started.

So let's get into that before I try to explain your book better than you could. So tell me about your background in your history and how you even came into this. How this came about? Yes. Thank. That's a great question.

I was, I've been a massage therapist for 25 years, and I still do therapeutic work, and I've been kinky my whole life. And this is the type of play that I do with my partners. And I think about 2005, I started doing some professional dominatrix work. And my main niche, so BDSM has really changed lately, and you can do whatever you want, right?

You don't have to be the caricature of an old dominatrix, right? So I really specialize in body play, right? So sensory deprivation, bondage, and playing with the body. Corporal, it's called corporal punishment, but it's like the slapping, caning, flogging that kind of thing. And I wanted to incorporate more erotic massage into it, and one day I just combined it, and it totally took off. And people were coming up from L.A. They were coming out from New York. They were, they wanted me to come up to San Francisco. And bond massage can have, it doesn't have to but it can't the way

I do it has a lot of Chachki stuff right has a lot of has a lot of choice so I slept everything up to to the city once and then I said forget that and I started training people in it. So right now we've got over a hundred practitioners worldwide in Australia and Canada and Europe and so I train practitioners that's practitioners, that's my main gig. And then I also work with couples. And I do a lot of couples coaching too. Oh, okay. So it's touch therapy and...

And touch care of their children. And spoken word that, you know, whatever other traditional therapy as well. Not really. It's more somatic, right? Right. Because with bondessage, with bondessage, what we do is lightly tie you down to the massage table

to the bed. The sensory deprivation part is a blindfold. And I brought one. I know. You told me, she texted me. She said, she brings some treats to the show. I'm like, yes, bring some fun stuff. So I was just really soft blindfolds,

how mind-defold. And the artist, Alex Gray, came up with them. What's great about Mindfolds is that it's really cushy. It's very light and you can open up your eyes inside and you still can't see right so there's no pressure on your eyes that won't screw your makeup up. I'm gonna be amazing. I love this. And they're cheap they're like 20 bucks. This makes that mind-fold okay that's so much sense. Like because you're always at a comfortable with the blind but I'm like I always think I always thought the blindfold are partner like it's so easy and comfortable that's really nice. So you can use a scarf or you can use, you know,

hosiery nylon or something or you can just tell them to shut their eyes, but you know, I feel the guys tend to be so visual, right? And, and in their head and a way to get them into their bodies to take away their sight, right? And so, and it also coming from, from kind of a sex play part, it frees, it frees me up. So I'm not so self-conscious about you're looking at me and you're staring at me and how I'm looking

and I got to perform for you or whatever. And so just putting on a blindfold makes it so much easier for the giver. Exactly. So they don't see you fumbling around for things or it can even heighten the anticipation because they don't know what you're getting. Exactly, they don't know what's coming next. They don't know what's coming next. I like to use

wireless headphones connected to some specially selected music that's in the book. I put the links to the book. I know I saw that like some playlist because the first I was like, oh what music. I love that. And if you get the e-book, the links go directly to the albums on Amazon. Are you serious? I love technology. I know. They can download the e-book from Amazon as well. Yeah, if you get the ebook from Amazon, and I think they might be linking them to pretty soon, but you get the ebook, it all goes to that. So the music that I use, and it took a while to figure this out, but I use slow beat, right, because we want to rhythm, especially for like like vlogging or body percussion things, and we don't want any English lyrics, because anything English, your head will start,

your mind will start clicking onto it and start distracting, right? So non-English lyrics and kind of a slow beat. So we've got you lightly tied down, blindfold, headphone, and then we start off with some really yummy slow massage. And people tend to get intimidated by massage, but you touch all the time, and it is something really natural.

And I think for me, being kind of shy and I don't want to get looked at, kind of having them blindfolded. Yeah, I mean, I'm introvert too. Having them blindfolded really takes the pressure off. And you can just go very slow. And when you take the site and the sound away, everything is intensified. So you can go very slowly and you don't have to go hard. You don't want to go hard anyway. You always want to go slow. I love that you said that your book uses something like slow is an art. Slow is an art that we've lost.

I always like whenever people tell me which your number one sex tip I say go for men especially I'm like go five times slower than you are. It's slow. I love how you wrote it. I think you said slow itself is an incredible art. I highly love it. It is. It really is.

We've come up with a second bond massage type massage called Lissium, which is just the massage without all the sensation play of things. It's just massage. Different music, slower music, and the main thing that I try to teach the practitioners is to go slower than the music. It's very meditative, right? It can be really meditative to see if you can go, see if your movements can be even slower than the music. Because we tend to be so fast in everything. Oh, everything. Everything. Yeah.

So everyone, so not everyone, so tell me about your typical people come to see you. So the typical client that I would have Tends to be men they tend to be between 40 and 16. They tend to be adrenaline junkies, right? So the mountain climbers the the you know the bike the you know jumping out of airplanes that kind of stuff people that thrive on adrenaline high middle-level to high Executive in charge all the time right and so bondessage can be another kind of thrill ride for them. Right. So walk me through their session.

So their session, they come in, they come in, and then I generally have them get naked and kneel down in front of me because it's kind of a dumb thing. Right. But this is before we go into that, I just want to say that I like this because it's more vanilla BDSM if you will. It's very, it's great. That's just a great trick. It's like Andre, anyway. It is a nice it's great. That's just a great treat. That's just a great treat. It is a nice, it is a nice, a nice, a little gateway. So generally, I'm, I sit on the table, I have the kneel down in between my legs,

I have them put their hands behind their back because people don't know what to do, and I put a little collar on them very slowly, and I talk to them, give them some little breathing instructions, tell them, you know, if something comes up, just let me know, this is in a typical BDSM session, so I'm not going to give you a safe word, but if anything comes up, just let me know. And then I put these really yummy cuffs on the risk. Okay, what kind of cuffs? I get really thick leather cuffs from, can I say the name on the, yeah, I get most of my stuff from GT Stockholm, which is Stockholm, right down here on sunset. I get most of my stuff from GT Stockroom, which is stockroom right down here on the sunset.

Lather cuffs on their wrists and ankles, and then I have them stand up and then get onto the table. Now I really push out my massage table, so I put a temperedic foam thing, and I've got the massage silk sheets on them, and I've got the temperedic face craters, so it's really soft and cushy. And then they get on and a very lightly take rope

and then tie the cuffs to the table leg. Now if you're gonna do this at home, you can get, I think King Club puts out the under the bed restraints that you can just put under the bed once and they are always there. Or you can slide some rope just in between the mattress and the box spring.

Right, we're not at sport sheets. Do you have sport sheets? Okay, any of this stuff that we're talking about, you can also get it good vibes, good vibrations, we love. Good vibes. So good vibes.com, use coupon code Emily, and you can get just about everything

that we're talking about here. Wonderful. Yeah, great. So yeah, so we got to, so generally I like to start face down, face down with them, and then I start doing just some really slow, sensual touching, touching, stroking, rocking to kind of connect with the body, get them down into the body and get them out of the head and just connect and slow them down. Then I'll start to do some sensation play with some really soft things. So like today I brought some for myths. Okay, let me see the for myths. You kept writing about the for myths. I'm like, I want for myths. Yes.

Okay, so let me just back up to this guy who comes to you. He's coming to you because he is desiring what, he could just go get a massage at the corner placed, but at the spot on the street. But he comes to you because he has some desire to be. Should you either, he's had a little bit of kinky play or he wants to try some kinky play, doesn't want to go to a dominatrix

because it's too scary and it's going to hurt the majority of the people that come to see me have done some kind of essential massage or tantra based things before want to try a little bit of something kinky and again don't want to go to a dom because it's you know kink dot com it's too scary it's going to hurt you know you're gonna have marks and right her you know you're gonna have marks and right. Right. Fuzzy, let me see these.

These are fuzzy, fuzzy mittens, fuzzy gloves. So I get these. Oh cool, okay. I get these from BunnyFlogger.com. He's a Damon makes them for me. He's in San Jose. Oh, okay. And they're washable too.

Oh great. You can throw them in the wash machine. Okay, love that. Right, so it's always like how you're gonna clean that. You can throw them in the wash machine. So this is that right? So it's always like how you're gonna clean that you can throw them in the wash machine What he has on these fuzzy guys. No, no, no, I do You could do before you put the lotion oil on yeah, so I do everything that's gonna be soft Okay before I put the lotion on right, okay, so cuz you don't want to just get all crap right? So for the vegan

Conscious people I got a I got a Calvin Klein Plushie please blanket and I just made some potholder. Okay, they're really nice. So they feel really good. Okay, so I'll use that I might Your crunchy crunchy. I know crunchy bag. You should see this bag of trick. Oh my my ooh vlogger Yeah, okay, too hot pink and this is made out of bunny vlogger. He's all bunny too Wow, okay feathers featherathers, Feather Dusters. You know, there's so many things that people can use right inside their house.

Pervertibles, right? It's called Pervertibles, yes. You know the term, yeah. Yeah, and- I was talking to this in Love Line a few weeks ago and they looked at me, they're like, is that a real word? I'm like, pervertibles.

They're like, what's a pervertible? And then in my mind, I like spatula, like I couldn't think of them all. Feather Duster, Spatula, Spatula, Spam Booskewers. I have three pages of per all. Fabulous, forks, spatula, things. Bamboo skewers, I have three pages of pervertibles inside the book. I think on page 93 or something.

Got it. So these are things you don't have to go on go shopping, even though you can, oh, I didn't say this, if you go to goodbibes.com, and you use coupon code Emily, you get, I believe it's 15% off everything that you want to get there. Okay. You know what's a fabulous date night is to go to

William Sonoma, or to go to Home Depot or to go to The drugstore and go find things that might make great sensation play. Oh, I love it I'll pull this out too. So you go No, no, it's fine. It's good. Okay. No, no, no, no, leave it on the side. I gave her one of my Yummy, okay, so that's funny. I'm actually have to go to Home Depot this weekend. There you go And you walk around up and down up and down the aisles and say how could I use this? How could I? It's so yummy. Okay, so that's funny. I'm actually going to Home Depot this weekend. There you go. And you can walk around up and down the aisles and say, how could I use this? How could I...

So give me an example of something Home Depot. Okay. Here, are you crafty? Sometimes. If I have time, I would be super crafty if I had more time. I would just sit around and beat all day. It's so fun. Alright, so...

Ooh. I got this ball chain flogger that I made. Of course, you can buy one. You can buy one. You can buy one too. But this was really fun. I just got that ball chain that you use for dog tags or key chains. Yeah, yeah.

I got 70 feet of it. I cut them into one foot lengths. I wrapped them around popsicle sticks with duct tape. Oh my god, DIY bonded. I swear to god, this is so amazing. If I could have you stand up and stuff. You're going to snap. Well, no, no, no. She's going to spank, slap me. No, not with this. Where to go this is so amazing if you if I could have you stand up and so you're gonna say you're gonna well No, no, no, no, it's gonna

Spank slap no not with this. It's it's a really heavy implement. You wouldn't do that No, you wouldn't but it's but it feels like mercury Oh, cuz it's like the cold and it's cold without doing anything to it, right? That's really cool. How'd you come up with that? We're gonna take pictures of this you have to see this you know It's just you just know I've been doing this for so long like what would feel And you walk through Home Depot and you're like, hey, what can I do with this? And you know what's great is you get really devoted clients who walk around and make all this shit for you I love those clients. You must. Okay. Who you know, how's it easy?

Do they just fill out like a form before they come in or what they're into what they're not or you just kind of not? Not for bondessage. You know, with SNM sessions, they're into what they're not or you just kind of not not for bondessage You know With SNM sessions there are a little bit more structured because you talk about what you want but with bondessage There's really nothing that's that's that's problematic I check to see about rotator cuff injuries because when they're face up I like to tie their hands above their head. Okay. It's a more vulnerable position. Right to be open But it's also stressful on the shoulders, right? So if they have any kind of shoulder injuries, I'll just tie their hands at their sides. Okay.

One great thing about bondessage is it gets them from grabbing you when you're working on them. Because people like to help or something and guys tend to be used to running everything. Exactly. This is a really great way for me to just say, you know what, just calm down and let me do my shit. You know, and just- And these are like the exacts, the CEOs,

running their company, running their business. So, we said the guys you hear about, like the businessman, diaper, right? He wants me to get a diaper, right? What's down on your chest? But it is a stereotype, but it is kind of true. I mean, I have, know a lot of friends too, or men and people, and right,

fuel right onto my show. Right. And you think it's because these men, they're their entire life, they're in control of everything, So this is one hour, one hour, one hour where they can just receive. Right. And so some of them come in to receive, but some of them are just so conditioned to not. Yeah, they want to grab you and

they want to. Oh, yeah, and they're just not used to receiving. You know, it's really hard. How? Like a learn skill. Well, it helps a lot when you time down. Right. Time down. You're going to learn this tonight. I'll tell you that. Okay. Okay. So, time down, you're gonna learn this tonight. I'll tell you that. Okay, okay, so then you do the soft stuff first. Do the soft stuff first and then. And then what I do with bond massage,

in a traditional bond massage, I said just they do a little bit of massage and then a little bit of kinky things, right? And so I split it up. And I came down to work with Jialast Summer. She was writing a kink book and she is a big kind of research geek. And she said said oh my

god there's so much science behind this that you build up the endorphins and then you spread it out around their body and I was like okay but you know what do you mean the giver? No the the yeah as the giver I'm I'm creating I'm intensifying I'm building up the sensations in their body. For the receiver you're building up their sensations. There are sensations and then you spread it out within the body. So I might use some soft things to start. First I'd start with my hands and then I'd start with the soft things. Anything before I put the oil on or the cream on. Okay. And then who knows? Then I vary things up. Sometimes I don't. When I get into the kinky part, what happens? What do you do? I generally start. I always start with my hands. Okay. Right. So I then I start with my hands on the butts. There's a real sweet spot on the butt that I don't know if you've talked to your clients

I mean talk to your Tell me I know but tell me it's a sweet spot is generally like the bottom third of the ass kind of on the inside Towards the thighs and that's directly connected to the genitals and so if you concentrate on that, it's a little bit, the whole butt is really pleasurable, but that tends to give the more bang for your buck. So I might do a little bit of spanking, but just soft, because with everything that you do, especially hitting and percussion, I'll just call it body percussion,

there's such a variety, right? And you can do, you can, I always start soft, and then I get a little bit harder and I watch the body if they're arching their butt up. It means they want more, if they start clenching too much with guys that's really easy to tell if they like it, right? But also guys, and conversely, guys can also be really stoic because I have gotten clients and women too,

that it's just kind of like they're frozen. And you're not in, it's like you're not getting anything back. And with bond to such, when I use headphones and live, I'm not talking to them, right? It's not talking. I'm reading their body. So a trick that I've learned was to watch their toes. Interesting. Because guys, they'll be down there and I'll be doing something to them and it won't be

anything. I won't get any feedback, right I'm like are you liking this? Are you not liking this? This is and then I'll look at their feet and their toes are growing crazy and that means Yeah Closing for you, Jillene right or it's getting really intense right or it's getting really intense So do women do that too with their toes? I think so okay, I wonder I'm saying because I'm always telling people to pay attention to your lover So you know what you're doing feel good as a rest. I wonder the toes were like wonder, I'm saying because I'm always telling people to pay attention to your lover, so you know if they're what you're doing, feel good as a rest. So one of the toes were like a direct, not everyone.

It could be. It could be. I think you always hear like toe-clinching orgasms and stuff. Right. Well guys, I think are just, many, many men are trained to just be stoic and not show any kind of reaction, right? And I remember some of the first clients I started doing this with and it was like afterwards they were like, well, I was like, did that work for you? I mean, that was not the end of it. And he's like, I was screaming in my head. And I'm like,

really? Okay, well, next time let's do a little bit of, it really feels good to me. If I have some mones or some, you know, size or something. Exactly. And that goes for women when we're sleeping with a man, and he doesn't make any noises, and you don't even know the orgasm, like he goes like, that's like, I've talked to him in the show, and I've seen the skywinds. And literally, like when you orgasm, it was like,

hmm, it's like that, it's like, hmm. I'm like, did you, I didn't know, like, my sneeze on missing. If I turn my head like, did you just orgasm really? Like, I don't know why guys just, they start, maybe, I think it's maybe because maybe because they started masturbating their bedrooms and they're younger and they don't want to make noise or Again, they're just so it can the right either shine or they're not Whatever so yeah, I mean make noise sexy. It's hot. It's nice and it's and it's great. It gives feedback Yeah, right right and not only in feedback and it also gives reassurance to the to the person that you're liking what they're doing.

Right, exactly. Okay, so you start doing some spanking and then what are they're thinking? And then I'll do and then I'll switch back and I'll switch between massage. So I'll generally do the left shoulder arm in hand and then I'll go down and I'll play with the genitals a little bit. Do a little bit of spanking. Then I'll go get that all warmed up. Then I go to other shoulder arm. How much play with the genitals do you do? Um, I like playing with generals. I do. I do. I do. I like playing with it a lot. And so men and women when you see women too or do you see women clients?

I do see women clients and most of the time when I see women clients it's in a couple's kind of situation and what I'm doing is I'm not doing the actual playing with them or touching them. I'm directing'm doing is I'm not doing the actual playing with them or touching them I'm directing their partner on how to touch. Okay that's so good I wish you could direct every partner how to touch. On how to touch. Exactly. So the man you play with their dance channels okay. I might do that, do that then go back and do a little bit of massage and then go back and do a little more sensation play. You know we've got some other kind of and I didn't bring them because I'm teaching a listen

this weekend so it's all all the soft stuff but you know we've got some other kind of and I didn't bring them because I'm teaching a list in this weekend So it's all all the soft stuff, but you know, we've got like Whartonburg wheels which are like the little pizza pinwheels vibrating electric toothbrushes from Costco for to a pack for 1399 are the best fricking sex toy Oh My god the electric toothbrush like years ago we were like, you know before vibrators even but Oh my god, the left or two years ago, we were like, you know, before vibrators even, but we're not telling them. They are so crazy. Are they battery operated? They're battery operated.

They're battery operated. You could throw them in the dishwasher afterwards and clean them. They last for six months or so. You can change the battery or I just toss them. They are the best because especially with blindfolds and headphones, no one knows what they are. Right. And you can use the backside of the vibrating toothbrush.

Has a different sensation than the bristles. And it's enough vibration. It is enough vibration? It's enough vibration, sure. It's great. I love to use them on the nipples, on the balls, around the asshole, you know, inside the thighs, in between the toes. Why more than like a pocket rocket?

Or just because they're cheaper and they're easier and they're disposable? Absolutely. And there's more to them, right? You've got the bristles, you've got the backside of the toothbrush, you can turn it around and you can put a condom on and insert to them, right? You've got the bristles, you've got the backside of the toothbrush, you can turn it around and you can put a condom on and insert the handle, right?

Okay, so this is another thing that I, when I play. No, no, no, no, that it's better to limit the number of items that you're playing with and kind of exploring what you can do with each item rather than having 57 million things out there and do two seconds of this and two seconds of that. That's a great point. That's a really great because that's what my

night stand looks like and I always think I'm going to get someone over and we're going to do a bunch of stuff. Right. And then you have too many themes. And then you know you're you're doing something and then you're looking around going oh what should I do next instead of focusing on what you're doing now. So like yesterday when we were at, when I was playing with Jaya. So we used this, right? And so you could use the feather duster, you can hit with a feather duster.

You can use this to tap. You can use it to roll kind of sensation play. I did an entire session one time with a wooden hairbrush. Kind of thing the same thing. You do like a dry brush scrub with the bristles or you can hit with the bristles. You can do smooth rubbing with the back of the brush or you can hit with the back of the brush. You can turn around and hit with the handle. It gives you a completely

different sensation. And then of course you can put a can, you know, put a condom on and insert it. Okay, insert it into the man's... Whatever. What do you think about the a-nits? Let's talk about anal sex. The a-nits will play for men. Yes. So, I talk about this a lot in the show. Good.

People who are being said this, I think it's just a lot of men, straight men, have issues with it. And all the gay men too, they don't always have a anal sex. And the last straight men are thinking, you know, it'll make me gay. It's a problem. I'm always there. You know, I just don't want it. I don't like it.

One time a girl stuck a finger in my butt and it was bad and they said. like, how sad if this is like could be the most amazing sensation you could ever feel like a prostate massage or something and you're never going to feel it. And on your deathbed, someone you'd finally do it or something and then you're like, oh my god, my whole life I could experience it. I am. So what do you found with me? Well, because myself, with a partner 30 years ago, accidentally slammed in to me the wrong way, and I didn't let anybody touch my bottom for like 20 years. I was just, so I understand.

If you have a bad experience, it's like you're not going there. And so I am really cautious, and I really like to, and this is what I teach too, is make them want it, make them want it more. So better to stay on the outside and tease them on the outside.

You in, there's a whole erotic massage training out there called sexological bodywork. Yes, I almost did that at my school. I heard about it. I know I should do it. So amazing. And it's intense. So, but they teach you to do a two hour animal massage. One hour outside. That's why I didn't do it. One hour outside and one hour inside. And I didn't do it. But many of my practitioners have gone through sex spot. It's called sex spot. And when I watch them, they go so slowly, right? It is very meditative. You think about like if you've taken a nap in the middle of the afternoon and you wake up and you're kind of in that ruggie state, that's kind of what you want to tap into or after you've had an

orgasm and you're in that really soft kind of meditative. That's the place that you want to work from. So when you're saying when you start with someone's anus, but you should go slowly around the room. So slowly around the room, I work the outside inside of the thighs really slowly. We do a lot of, I do, I talk a lot about about, there's a whole chapter in the book about it, about different strokes and massage techniques that you can use, going using a really like your ring finger is a very light finger to use with lots of glue. Lots of it.

Just around the outside, you could do a clock, you could do spirals. A really effective one that people tend to respond to often is just doing like pressing like a doorbell, right? And you're not going inside, you're just staying on the outside but you're doing some pressure. Okay. And that's great. And that's all you need to do for maybe the first couple times you play, make them ask

for more. Okay. Make them raise their butt up. Kind of feels good. They're like, yeah, right. It feels good. You don't want to go two seconds with this and then stick your finger at it. That's what everyone is drawing. Also, everyone does. Men and women, you're right. We think we got to rush it. We think we're running out of time. And so much again about sex is slow sex. Absolutely. And then you talk and then, you know, and porn doesn't help, right? Because you see things on King Tokam or whatever, or I don't want to say King

Tokam, anything. Like fisting, right? And it'll look really aggressive and hard, but when I fist, it's so soft, right? And it's minute and it's tiny little slow movements and it's pulling out instead of pushing in. And it's just so different than what you see. Right. You're not really learning well when you look at that. That's why you should read your book and take your classes because people understand right. People should not learn, don't learn what you see, don't learn from porn really. And a lot of the practitioners now are doing outside, doing, uh, teaching, starting to teach classes off the book. The book just came out in last part of August, but it's a really good book because it's so, I mean, it's really,

it's, it's really like, um, it, it goes through like every step what you need. It's very like easy to read, easy to get through, you cover everything in here. I feel like it's through like every step what you need. It's very like easy to read easy get through you cover everything in here I feel like it's oh, I got that like feel like I could do this. I'm like I could go give this guy a massage Skive and dating. Oh good. Yeah, maybe okay He likes me massage, but I should give him a massage. No, but I'm saying I mean, I know what I just like I love that you give the music. That's amazing and what I didn't want to do was give specific sequences because I you know you really want to be kind of improvisatory and and And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact.

And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact.

And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact.

And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I've never known is a fact. And what I kind of go with a flow. Right. Right, because if you have this whole script, script it out and then it's not working.

So talk to me about the copper work that you do that because that's what you're talking about, more of the people planning sequences and being like, because I think this can be really overwhelming, like I talk about all the time, like just grab a blindfold and you know, play with your partner, pour some, you know, like I use them, they use like my Emily and Tony massage candle

and you know, which turns the muscle on the luxurious massage while you can port on you. It's like, you put, it's amazing and it's amazing and now stays really really supple I mean it's got a really great consistency so it's yeah it's not too trippy or tacky or sticky but it like the massage is it yeah I love it and so and so and like oh just blindfold your partner and use a candle and such it up me as ice gives I think people just get overwhelmed with like, I like what you said about it,

doesn't have to be a whole thing. It can just be like a fat, if you never do anything. Right, so that's good. Okay, that's a great, so that's a you, when you're a partner, you want to give me such pick-through things, get like a feather duster.

Get a feather duster, get electric toothbrushes from Costco for this 13th house. I'm actually going to Costco and Home Depot this weekend. I can move. So you've got, and then get something, and then you can use your hands, And Home Depot this weekend. Right. I just moved. So you've got to get something, and then you can use your hands.

You know, for spanking. For spanking. So spanking, but it's not only spanking, right? You can do spanking. You can use your nails if you have nails. You can do little flicks, right? You can make a fist and pound, right? So see how many different things you can use.

The back of your hand to slap is different than the front of your hand to slap. Right. Your fingers are different than your palm. Right. Right. So there is a lot that you can explore. And just in our culture, we're so bombarded with so many choices. That, what do they say, a confused mind says no.

So just limit it. Pick three things. Don't plan a whole three hour thing. Because it's too much. Just plan 15 minutes, 10 minutes. Just try this and just see where it goes. And do you think it's better to say tonight honey I'm giving you massage and to give me a massage? I just like to focus on one person one at a time because

otherwise it's like okay I'm done now you're turn you know. Right exactly and it's such a bummer you get in the massage like I gotta get them to do this after. Right. So what do you think that the giver gets from this then? I get really turned on. I really get turned on. I really do. It really works for me. I have a hard time receiving. You know? So you don't have people do this work to you? Oh fuck no. Oh, that's hilarious. You have to. Never? I've had parts of this. I used to play this way with my partners and things. Right. People that with that that I would trust, right? Like I'd have sex with blindfolds on. Right. like ear buds, headphones, something would be really fun.

But even, I have a practitioner, a couple of my practitioners are dorms and one of them I was said, you know, have you ever had this? And she's like, oh, fuck no. And she said, have you? And I was like, oh no. I can't let it tie down, I freak out. Right, okay.

So, I run, not really that I run. Is that funny though, you know? Yeah, I know, I totally get it. I mean, I totally get it. It's I thought a lot of times I never want a relationship. I mean, I get back really good advice. I don't want to commit to anyone. Yeah, but I get it. So, so, so are you okay? So couples come in and how do you think this can be healing for couples? You know,

they're how do you see it play? I see it in what what what kind of feedback do I get? Women women so many couples and so many women that I know Start to get hate to get touched because even the slightest touch means oh god now you want to fuck me right exactly So they just don't even want to get touched because it's never just gonna be about giving you a shoulder rub It's always gonna be like can I fuck you right exactly? The we're after the honeymoon phase is over, they touch you, and you're like, fake sleep or something. Yes, totally.

And so this is a great way for women to show men how they like to get touched. And so, honey, let me just do this to you. And let's have you receive, right? And let me play with you. Because I know in my, in a lot of my relationships, I would start with this and then they get all turned on and the next thing I know, it's all about me, right?

Or whatever, you know, and it's all about the fact that I can get things. And this is really great. It gets the guys out of the way and restrained. And then you get to go down and play and show them and tease them and show them what you like and it's not all about the end game. Exactly. Now what if she doesn't know though what she likes because she's never had a central massage but you're teaching her. I teach her how to give to him. But then how she's doing it is how she would like to be touched.

Correct. Okay. And so generally that's the touch that we give is generally the touch that we like to get for the most part I mean there's times when you want it hard and slammed up against the wall and that's kind of thing but not In general, right? You can show them how you like you can play around and just play around with different things A lot of a lot of times things that you would see that you'd be like, oh fuck no, I'd never do that Once you're blindfolded and you don't know what it is It's like wow that feels really amazing. Exactly. So some people either go into the stinging thing, stinging category,

the study category, right? Oh, stinging your studying. Stinging your study. So and I'll just make a general, a generality, but really skinny people tend to like stinging things. And big people are people with flesh tend to like 30 things. Okay, so give me an example. And so stinging things could be like a small really small branch or be like a rubber band snap or it could be like a cane some stinging kind of things or it could be the pinwheels. Right. Or bamboo skewers if you want to use some poke things or a comb vibrating toothbrushes, it can be like steaming. I'm like going to Costco tonight. You can get along or CVS and get them

at one at a time. But then, and then 30 things could be, steaming could also be spanking. It just depends on how you do it. If you do it with your fingers, it can be stinging. If you do it with palm of your hand, it can be 30. Okay, got it. Now what is it about spanking?

That has been like, I feel like, what's your theory about why men like sticking women or women like the spanking or women like speaking? I'm like, whatever it is, I mean, it gets different for everyone, but does it go back to, what do you think? It could go back to childhood. Childhood, right?

And if you're, we're no, or if you're an age of like my, like I'm 53, I mean, we used to get, we used to get sent to the principles and get us spanking, right? And if you're no or if you're like an age like mine like I'm 53 I mean we used to get we used to get sent to the principles and get a spanking right, you know So it can be kind of this erotic kind of connotation where your first kind of exploring or figuring out about sex play and things like that And then it gets tied in right and it just could be that you're using a lot of Impact on the and it resonates to the genitals, right? And you're bringing blood flow in there in circulation, and it's stinging, and it feels really good. Now, what about a guy who loves spanking,

but doesn't want to be spanked himself? Why would? That's fine, but because he's feeling your energy from spanking you. Right, right. He doesn't just want to hurt you. I had a friend ask me this other day. She was like, I don't understand, I don't understand.

I'm like, well, it's probably just turn to him on. See, you turn on, you turn on, but she said, I am, but why would he want to? I'm like, I don't understand, I don't understand. I'm like, well, it probably just turns him on. It's a U turn on, a U turn on, but she's like, I am, but why would he want to? I'm like, it's hard to explain the milk to you. I mean, we don't know the smells, right? It appears. Exactly. No, she liked it.

So get what he likes. I'm like, who cares? If you like it, he likes it. It's fun, you're on the devil's house. Oh, she doesn't understand what he likes. I mean, look, she's lovely, bent over a slap. Her butt looks great. It's all getting all nice and pink.

She's wiggling around. She's getting wet. What is not to lie? Exactly. It's like, I'm like, really? Do we have to break everything down? I get emails all the time. Like, can you explain this to me? I like it.

I mean, it could be like this daddy fantasy or something. Or it's just hot. It is hot. There's a great video out there. It'll be up on the bodhisattva site too. And there's a whole guy that has, I think he has five or six gorgeous women's bottoms up there. And he's playing percussion on them.

Oh, that's great. I love that. It's all spanking. And it's just really hot. That's amazing. So when did you, when you talked about that you in your earlier, before you started this, you were really into like kinky play. Tell me about that.

Like what, what, how did you know? Were you always kinky? I was always kinky. I was always kinky. I like, like, what happened? Like, how did you, but how would age? Well, I think it was my very first kinky Kind of thing that I remember was watching the three stuages

Okay, and having the beautiful woman tied up in the mad scientist You know office with the gorilla in the cage next door and that was like my hottest fantasy when I was five Wow, right when you were five, okay? You know, it was like being tied down and having people do nasty things to you Right was a real big turn on even though that's hard for me to do in real life. Right. But fantasies aren't always reality. Exactly. You don't know what's up to act out your fantasies.

It's not, it's, it's some things are meant to stay fantasies. And I have these come to Jesus moments with several people that want to do like forced to buy or something, because they think, oh, I really kind of want to suck another guy's cock. But I don't want to actually do it. But if you tell me to do it, then it takes a responsibility, right? Right. And I have these come to Jesus things saying, you know, this is a really hot fantasy for you.

And if you like it, that's great, but most of you guys are married. And what are you going to do with that now? Exactly. And if you don't like it, then that just kind of wrecked it. Right. So some things, you know, like gang rape scenes are meant to be found as a use or not meant to do this. So real quick, what is the come to Jesus thing? That's new to me. Oh, come to Jesus talk. It's like, oh, you're going, no, no, no, no, it's just

kind of like, let's sit down and really talk this out. I mean, it's the come to Jesus is, all right, this is fun to kind of talk around and stuff, but let's sit down and dissect this. Because really, if we are going to do this, there could be some repercussions. I had a fabulous, I had a fabulous client that came to me. But just saying that you say like in life, like if you and I are revving an issue, you understand, but it's a need to come to Jesus, come to Jesus, come to Jesus, where I want to tell you that you've been messing up this whole night. Right. Okay. But you haven't been. No, you've been fabulous.

Oh, thank you. I was sitting here quietly good. Good. Do you need questions so far? Like as a man, like are you hearing it? Come to Jesus with the main thing. I was wondering if you had anything. Okay, that's a whole thing.

Nothing about your anus or anything? Yeah, I thought the two hours was excessive. Oh, two hours is excessive. Yeah, two hours is excessive. Something a bad time in prison. Yeah, two hours is excessive for what? For that class. We want to learn from massage the inside for all the work.

Oh, the two hour anal massage. That's a sexolastic body work. Yeah, two hours. We won't make the inside for our work. You all are anal massage. We want to hear about that. Okay. Okay. So you started out. So, okay. So in your relationships, we're all kind of kind of. Kind of kinky and I like to talk. I like to talk about my boyfriend's. Yeah. Okay. That's good. That's right. Okay. And then so when your couples come in, they both usually consenting and they're like, they're always consenting.

But is it ever like he is it, is it, is it, both of them like sometimes the woman comes in or the man or or gay, straight, whatever it is? Typically what happens is the guy will contact me first. And I never set anything up until I have a conversation with a woman. OK. Because sometimes it can be, I'm only doing this because he wants

to. And I'm like, you know, you don't have to do this, right? Right. Right. And I, in my first goal is to protect the women right it's it really is it is about them so I have a conversation we talk about a lot of a lot of different things about what they're doing in their play what they kind of want to explore some people just don't know how to vlog or something you know I mean it's not something to warm up right how do you even we should do we're gonna do a little

video a little video after this you're gonna show me how to okay we're gonna do a little things after this okay check out the website check me how to, we're going to show a little things after this. Check out the website, check theml.com. And we should, because the spanking thing, I know I've had people, it's like that up motion and the buckthorzer, it does depend. You're going to hit the lower back by mistake. People can do things they can get hurt,

it injured if they do the spanking wrong, right? Or some people want to be injured, maybe. I know it's taking. No, but it would take a lot. That's why you want to spank the buck, because there's so much muscle there, right? It's kind of difficult. You don't have to hit really hard.

I bet you get carpal tunnel before you hurt somebody spanking them. Okay, really? What are the bruising and stuff like that? So bruising, some people bruise easily because they're taking aspirin. They have blood thinners. Okay.

That kind of stuff can make you bruise easily. Hands, things that you're hitting with larger surface areas, aren't going to mark as much as something small and tiny. So if someone thinks they don't like SNM and they're not into that or BDSM, they could still enjoy Bonsage. Absolutely. Because you start kind of soft. And then they can see, they want to take it to another level. Absolutely. And then not everything is going to work, right? I mean, things that you thought you might like, you try, and you don't like.

And also, if you stick to only three or four things during your playtime, you really get to explore. So maybe you don't like the vibrating toothbrushes on your nipples, but maybe you like them in between your toes. Or maybe you like them on the back of your neck, or I don't know. Just keep exploring. You never know. Right, people don't know. That's the thing is that I think about massage and giving your partner massages that

there's so many more rod-to-zone that you don't even know about. Like, who knew the back of your knee felt amazing with the left tooth brush? You might never know that. You didn't wouldn't know if you didn't give your partner. And when I was doing research for the book, we found this whole ancient 2,000-year-old thing about primary, secondary, and tertiary, rodrogant zones, and they had a whole sequence. So your nipples and genitals are your primary, and then the secondary would be kind of like the nape of your neck or the inside of your knees, and then you have like tertiary ones which are like the

outside of your pinky, and so they have this whole thing where you start with tertiary, so you start with the far away ones, and then you go to the secondary ones and you go to the first ones and you go to the first ones and you go to the third ones. You know, so it's this whole kind of formula where there's just so much more. There is so much more. You did and you talk about the different books. On the book, Vonis Lash, everyone should check it out. It's a B-O-N-D-A-S-S-A-G-E and it's J. Lean, Benis and you can check the cell at our site.

And what are your upcoming classes and trainings as well? I'm doing a practitioner training, the Saturday down here in Los Angeles. I train people one on one, and then there's some group trainings that's all on the website. Okay, so they can check this on. And then quick question,

I have to ask you, I have 50 shades of gray, because do you think that that has, what do you think that says about culture, culture and women who are like are devouring the book and men? I'm always saying like my, my male is there's like, you should read the book then if you're curious, if you want to know why your partner or every woman you date so it's turned on by it, that's one thing like men should educate themselves as well, but what do you think

it is about women? Because that like a very poorly written book. It is, but it's got some hot sex scenes. Yeah. It's got some hot sex scenes. And it came out the right time because right, you could read it under Kindle and nobody knew which are reading right, so I don't have the cover. hot sex scenes. It's just a hot sex scene. And it came out at the right time because you could read it under Kindle and nobody knew which you're reading right, so you don't have the cover.

And it gets people talking about this. I think it's really, really fabulous. It has helped your business a lot. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. You know, I have a lot of the practitioners work with couples too. And some people are even doing Skype consultations with couples and things like that. I think it's so smart.

Skype, do the cover to your home. Yes. And then you could figure out what to do. Or if you're curious about, you know, spicing things up, changing your relationship, like maybe this is a, you don't have to come see me or person, you can come get a Skype consult. Get a Skype, get a Skype consult with you.

Get your book, watch the videos. And the conversation. And the conversation, you know, what's your fabulous. I'm so glad you like them. And so perfect. I was like, this is for you. But not only could you use it for massaging, you can use it for temperature play, right? Right. I'm still going to do like a day. You know what? It's a perfect idea.

But not only could you use it for massaging, you can use it for temperature play, right? Right. So you can drip it on the skin and you know with, have you talked about candle play? Talk about it. Yeah, a little bit big. Go ahead. So you don't want to use the birthday candles because they're too hot, right? And so the closer you are to the skin, the hotter it's going to be.

So you want to start it high and drip and drip it lightly. And this is so wonderful because you can just drip it over and then you can just just. It's not even hot. It's warm. It's not even if you're, yeah, I can never get. You're not going to burn your partner. Correct. Right. So unless you get the flame too close to their pubic hair. Right. Don't do that. I'm going to hold it in the flip. He's going to go in and flamethrower. Well, thank you so much for being here.

I've found the sides of the book. Check it all on my website. Thanks to Anderson. Anything else that you need to share? You're excited to get a massage. I want to massage your excited to get a massage? I want a massage, yes. You're going to practice vlogging on who? We are. We're going to vlog you after this. I'm down for whatever for the show. OK, good.

I love you. OK, everyone, check me out on Facebook and Twitter, or a section of Emily Instagram, section of Emily, and thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. Hi, I'm Emily from SexWithEmily.com. Do you want to less longer in bed?

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