Sex With Emily - SWE: Morning Sex, Naked Pictures, and Orgasms

Episode Date: December 21, 2013

I'm answering your biggest sex and relationship questions on my show. What do you do when you just can't give your girlfriend/wife/lover an orgasm? How do you ask someone to be in a polyamorous love circle?Should you send naked pictures of yourself to anyone? Are swingers healthier than monogamous couples? What do you do when you're partner loves morning sex and you just want to sleep forever/chug coffee? Use coupon code EMILY for 15% off at Good Vibrations: http://bit.ly/19rLghs. Use coupon code EMILY25 for 25% off at crazygirlproducts.com and coupon code EMILY for 20% off your first purchase at Emilyandtony.com. Check out my new vibrator store: www.sexwithemilyovo.com/.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, I'm Emily from Sex with Emily. Check out my new vibrator store at SexwithEmilyOvo.com to check out vibes as low as $15 from the Germany company Ovo that's OVO. These sleek, well-designed and inexpensive vibes make great gifts for yourself and others. Go to SexwithEmilyOvo.com to get one tonight. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions.

Betrubized they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry? It's shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much.

Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so dumb. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between for more information, go to sexwithemily.com. Well, you can listen to all of our podcasts. Sign up for our mailing list because you

get amazing emails from me with not only some really good tips, sex tips, things that will change your life, but also some great discounts and some toys and some products and some books and some porn and whatever you might want to enhance sex life. We just probably want you to listen to the show. I hope and I've heard from everyone, so it's so great for everyone emailing me, I know that your sex life is improved and it's getting better from listening to the show and your relationships and happy holidays to everyone. Tom and Lister's and I'm here with Anderson tonight. What up Anderson?

What up? What up? How you doing? I'm well. I'm crazed at the end of the year and radio people have to work. They have to do a full month and two weeks every year. Every year they do this to. I know that's why radio was tough.

I mean, I was in, I mean, because I still am in radio, working on love. Turns out you're in front of a microphone right now. I haven't heard of a microphone in the love line studios. People don't know. Hey, watch this though. Not a face for radio. Not me?

Yeah, you. Oh, thank you. We have a pretty good looking crew over at Love Line. We do have a good looking crew. I haven't had to work with the heinous people that tend to. Grab a tater. Radio. I know. You're right. I guess, but I do some television, but you're right. Radio. I love radio is my favorite medium. Absolutely. You like the free speaking of it all. I don't love the people though, because you're right. They make you work and do crazy stuff and then I'll pay you.

The people on air. Yeah, I like you. Right. Okay. They're they're all, you know, totally into themselves and maybe maniacs, but you find some good Oh, okay. They're they're all you know, but totally into themselves and my little maniacs But you find some good ones like Dr. Jerome Mike's okay, right my cat through it right exactly I'm okay to but the people that lord over radio some of the worst human beings in the history of the world I know it's so true I had some traumatic experiences which is why I know I just do my podcast But I also do love line if people don't know love line. It's been around for 30 years podcast You can download it. It's also a live show in

many cities. So I don't know where you'll where you'll live, but you can check out lovelineshow.com and I'm on the show every Thursday night. So you can listen to the Thursday podcast and you can hear and understand it myself and you can listen to it five minutes a week actually. Okay, so one quick adjustment to what I just said. The people that lower over this show and love line and all the other podcasts currently they're great. Right. It's fantastically in radio. Not the kind I just in my early experiences. Not the kind of people, but love to everyone. Right. There are people that are too dumb to get in the TV. That's what everyone says. That's true. People are radio. But I truly just love the medium of radio. Like I just love talking to the peeps. I

like it when people use their own words and not things off cue cards and tele prompt us. We just talk because we're quick. We're quick, we're fast and apparently I talk too fast, but I think that's why I can get a lot of information and for people. So this is what Anderson and I are going to talk to you. We've got a little bit of sex in the news and stuff that I have to tell you about. And we also have some emails from the people because I love hearing from you all at feedback at sexwithmwe.com. And some topics include, Guy who wants to become polyamorous,

doesn't know how to talk about with his partner. Also, what does a woman do when her partner wants morning sex and she doesn't? These are emails. These are emails from people. What did I say? I was still stuck because you talked so fast. I still thought you were talking about sex in the news.

These are emails from the people. And the polyamorous guy should not be going to news. Exactly, sorry. I'm just reviewing it so people know what tap is going to cover. Another thing is a woman who can't have an orgasm Guide in his wife never had an orgasm and we're gonna get into some other things. It's a fun show tonight Does her husband know?

Well, we're gonna get to that see you're gonna have to wait. Okay, so I first have got to tell everyone Podcast one is another place where you can find my podcast and Anderson's podcast, which is the film vote the film Vault if you're interested in film anything about you've got to check out his podcast. Right, Anderson? It's absolutely true. We do at the top of each show, we talk about the three films we've seen most recently, which are usually films in the theater. And then we do a top five list of certain genres, like top five debut performances by actresses.

And we talk about films dating back to like the, as early as like the 20s up until like, you know, today. That's good. I love that. Yeah. See, I love that because like I never know what to see and I don't trust movies that I aren't reviewed well. And I see like six movies a week. So I'm kind of crazy. You are crazy. Um, okay. So I just got to pick quick read here. So podcast one is the place for its hosting our podcast now. We love hearing from you. So keep on sending your tweets and comments.

We do read every one of them and don't miss a chance to take a very important listener survey at podcast1.com. Your responses will help to make the show the very best it can be. It'll only take three minutes of your time and you'll get the instant gratification that comes with knowing. You help us out. So do it now podcast1.com. That's podcastonie.com and let us know what you think of all the shows and all that stuff. So, oh, hey. Hey, guest for next week is here a week early. That's amazing. Yeah. Hey Brad. Next week Brad Williams is on your program. Brad Williams, amazing. He's gonna be here. He's going to talk to him. Okay, so Anderson, I thought that we could talk about real quickly. There was an article that came out that said, couples

who swing are healthier. Now I get tons of questions about swinging. People are like, that's so messed up, even though a lot of you on their mind are like, I want to swing, or I want to swap, or whatever. But an orgasm is directly connected with the happy mood and mental strength of both sex partners. So in swinging couples, both of these factors are more present as compared to monogamous couples.

Flexibility, creative capacity, adaptation of changing circumstances, and indefinable thinking. So they're very open, they're free-spirited, and they're having more orgasms, and they're saying that they're healthier because of the brain chemicals that are released during sexual arousal and all that stuff. What? I know. It sounds crazy. Where did this come from?

Did you cite the people that you came from? This came from Swinger's.org. No, just kidding. It came from the examiner. But it was a study done. By Europeans of it. By Europeans, no. Risk of heart disease is for people who are having infrequent orgasms.

Okay, who did this study exactly? I don't know. But it's like, you know, it's a legit study. I'm not lying to people. I'm not telling you stuff that's not real. But here's a deal. Is that people always ask me if you're, they're like, do you think it works, sweetie? None of those people who swing or polyamorous, they can be healthy at all. And I mean, I tell you that you're a monogamous man. You're married. How, how easy is marriage?

It's, I mean, I'm just barely over a year. That's right. It's so, it's so far so good. Okay. I mean, that's still, is that like perfect? Right. I'm just barely over a year. That's right. So it's still you're so good. Okay. I mean that's still is not like perfect Right, I'm just saying there's struggles in monogamy and there's struggles in open life. Yeah, yeah Here's my thing with open relationships and swingers and not to like Broadstroke it, but I have not met one swinger and I met a number of them in my job Not met one that I would want to hang out with Really they're not cool people you wouldn't want to think out with. Really? They're not cool people. You wouldn't want to swim that. They think they're cool.

They think they're way too cool. That's the problem. See, okay, and Menace who's also, he has things, he thinks they all have ponytails and they're all like, right? They don't have. They all look like they used to be like the security guard at a strip joint. Okay, that's a stereotype. I know.

There's a lot of, like, what about a Holly and Michael? Remember Holly and Michael from the Playboy show? They were here. They do a show on the swim. Yeah, I got them in my app survey. They were good. She was in Playboy this month. He just sent me hot pictures.

Very beautiful. I think they want me to hook up with them or something. Not that I'm going to know they do for sure. Do you think they do? Absolutely. Because he sends me naked pictures of his wife. So that could be a sign. That's like, that's like bait.

He's like an angler. I know exactly. I get baited. Oh, and then this guy, that's a long story. But weird men hit on me that have nothing to do with my life. Like other than like, there's a guy that I hired to do something for me to help me with some Technical stuff and and he I barely know him I did one assignment with him and then I said I'm going out to take something to the wash or whatever He goes, oh my mind goes crazy thinking about what kind of things you're washing like men assume

He's a terrible pick up. I imagine what you're washing and i'm thinking you think about my laundry like i've never met you yes you're working on my sex at least i put that's an appropriate that's just a dumbtack dumbtack guy who has no idea it's in your sex with emily he thinks that you're open door saying imagine what you're washing right now what were you washing i was watching i was watching my jobs clothes i swear to god it wasn't even that

so not sex maybe i had some other things thrown in there. Okay, and then the other thing I want to talk about is, okay, so Dylan Sprouse, he's the former Disney star. Did you hear about this? He has nude selfies, a nude selfies that leaked on Twitter. And he's 21 now. And usually you think that all these Disney stars

that have crazy things going on with their lives and their lives fell apart are women, but he's actually 21. So, and he did some selfies and they've got pictures of him. And I just want to say that I've said this before and I've even gotten some people who are angry about it, but I don't think that anyone should say negative pictures of themselves with their face attached on a text message, do Facebook, do anywhere. I'll go, however they'll say do it.

But just some bodies, okay. I mean, I don't even improve our bodies because I'm like, however, they'll say do it. But does some bodies okay? I mean, I don't even improve our bodies because I feel like, first of all, a lot of women, I think, grow up, younger women now, maybe even teens, once they get their cell phone, they start sexting and sending pictures because they think it's just they live in the bubble and no one's ever gonna see it.

However, I'm here to tell you that most of time, guys get these pictures of you and they're gonna show it to ever say next to them. Yeah, you know what? That's absolutely true. Most guys are dirt bags and the first thing they're gonna show it to ever say next to them. Yeah, you know what? That's absolutely true. Most guys are dirt bags and the first thing they're gonna do is they're gonna brag to their friends. Exactly.

And I've dated girls who like we may or may not have made some movies and then like, like within a month, she's like, so how many of your friends have you shown? I'm like, none. I would never show my friends that. Okay, what was the truth? None.

I would never show the movies. But I know most, most, most, I'm great. I'm great. I'm fantastic, yeah. But most guys would. Right. Because I have friends who show me their't be the truth. And none. I would never show the movies. But I know most, most, I'm great. I'm fantastic. Yeah, but most guys would. Because I have friends who show me their shit all the time. Exactly. Back in the day, it was Polaroids and they show. Right, right, exactly.

So I'm seeing next to men, guy friends all the time, they're like, look at her. Look at her, look who I'm banging. Oh, wait, I can't show girls. So I have shown girls like videos. Oh, that's okay. Just don't show your dude friends. I think that's bad.

Really? She doesn't want to see other I have your girl girls seeing see what I mean. You're just as bad. So what I'm telling you people is do not sex do not say naked. I'm the least conservative person on the planet. I just think when you're applying for your first job or something It's gonna come up and bite you in the ass with the picture. That's kind of weird. But people get mad. You're in a job interview And the person that you're trying to get a job. Like like, look at this picture of you naked on the internet. Exactly. It happens, right? He ever has. No, I have no naked pictures of me on the internet.

I do not think. I mean, I don't. You don't think. Well, here's my one issue. Now everyone's going to look for it. And it doesn't exist. I've never, ever sent a naked picture of myself. I've never taken nude photos of myself.

However, about six, seven years ago, I was, I acted in a film called I'm a Sex addict. You should rent that too, it's on that one. You get hopeless? It's an indie film, no. Okay, so I do not get, one bunch of awards, you'd appreciate this actually. Were you a sex addict? I was not a sex addict.

He was a sex addict, he's named Kavay Zahidi, he's done a bunch of independent films. I don't know if you heard of him, but anyway. I have one sex addict movie that is my go-to sex addict. Shame, shame's a great movie. Oh, okay, yeah, I haven't seen it. Steve Mc them, but anyway, I have one sex out of a movie that I, it's my go to sex at that shame, shame's a great movie. Okay. Yeah.

Steven Queen. Okay. Yeah. Steven Queen directed it. He's a black guy. It's different. Steven Queen. No.

So, you got a body double there. No, I didn't have a body double, but he wanted me to get naked, of course, but I said when I read the script and it was about his sex addiction. It's actually, it's a good movie. Well, they got the road and directed it. Yeah. But he's a recovering sex addict. So, he's, you know, been in been in sex addicts and not SLA for.

It's great place to pick up later. And he's married exactly. So in the film, I play his girlfriend. He has three girlfriends in the film. And there's a scene where we're supposed to be having sex. Or having sex. And he's like, I want you to take off your, I'm like, I'm not taking out my shirt.

You're supposed to be having sex. So I was supposed to be having sex, exactly. But I had like a bando on over my, so you couldn't see, that's like, goes over my breast. so you couldn't see, but there was like a slippage during like the after like in the deleted scenes on the DVD, but he put a bar over it. Like, that's like the only thing I can think of. Like, if they, that ever came out, I'm telling you this such a long story for me, telling you that you could dig for it and find moving. But that exists somewhere, that editor definitely has it at his house.

I know, but I'm friends with the editor, and I hope he never reveals it. Anyway, the point is, I'm careful, and I have many experiences to do this, and I do not reveal new photos. So I just wanted to show everyone. Smart. Hey, Anderson, so shopping online, always convenient.

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Every time I buy anything, if I don't have a coupon code, I feel like I'm getting screwed. Yeah, me too. But a lot of the time, they don't work. You're right. They don't work, OK? So it turns out trying to save money could be come a second job.

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Coupon code. Okay. Got some emails from the people that I'd like to talk sex bell means pray to you too. Coupon code. Okay. Got some emails from the people that I'd like to talk to you. It would chime in. The listeners. We love when you chime in at feedback at sexelme.com or you can email me, you can find me on Twitter, sex with Emily and Facebook and Instagram. You got two emails here.

I have, what do you mean? You got two that you bring into the program? Feedback at sex with Emily.com? No, two emails that you're about to do right now. I know there's one lady in orgasm Yeah, and then there's a dude who wants to be polyamorous But he's not a great you well, there's the first one. I'm just gonna read this is funny because it happens to me all the time Dear Emily, I just started listening to your podcast and I love it I wanted to share with you a recent funny experience that was probably great promotion for you

I was sitting in a very quiet intimate coffee shop writing and suddenly your podcast came on. Super loud. It was promoting some of your sex toys and was hilarious because my phone seemed to lock up and wouldn't stop. Everyone was trying to pretend like they didn't hear it except one girl who was laughing or ass off. Anyway, just thought I would share thanks to your podcast best Sarah.

So that happened to me. I was thinking, first of all, a lot of you will, this happens to them. Sex only podcast comes on or they're like talking about sex or I'm sitting having a meeting with someone and I talk about like butt plugs. It's like really loud. I go all the time. All the time.

I go, so did you get that butt plug I sent you? However, my landlord, so I have a, I live in a guest house behind another house and I got all these butt plugs in recently from Good Vibrations. And I also had these huge plugs in recently from good vibrations and I also had these huge thunder sticks that were sent to me. They're kind of like touchy magic ones and they were all laid out in my apartment because I was doing a photo shoot and he kind of knows what I do for a living but he's like 65 years old like old like douche man from

Russia came in to fix something in my apartment and I have my hot sex book post. It was just looked like a sex dent and I was like my, my face was so red. And literally, you can't deny, oh, and I flashlights. He wants an old senior watching machine. Exactly. Now he wants to go. And there was a little embarrassing. So Sarah, I understand what you went through. And I was just tweeted this yesterday that like, my house is not only kid safe because my friend wanted to be a kid over. It's like, it's not even like human safe, human proof. Like I can't have a normal person walking to my apartment. Absolutely. Yeah. So you can't. The worst is when you're in line of the supermarket and you can't get in or out of the you're already in the line. Those people behind you in front

of you and your thing pulls out and the word cunt very loud comes off your phone because you're listening to a filthy podcast. Oh, is that happened to you? That's really embarrassing. Right. Exactly. And you're going to stand there like, yeah, yeah, okay. Everyone can, everyone, and there's been all this news to speak about what people can really find on your smartphones. Like, did you see this? All this, people can find just like what your last sites that

you went to, all the fear that people have, like their Facebook things and like, if you're, like a record, like a history of everything. It is a history where people don't realize. I think people can get a big trouble just like if you check the little map app and figure out where they're going. That's what I saw in the news the other night that if you don't have location services turned off on your phone for photos that even if you take a picture of her your kid your

child in her bedroom and night and you post it or something people could find out exactly where your child is or where you are at that moment if you don't turn this off on your phone. It's dangerous. But then how are you gonna look at your picture years later and see all the different spots? Yeah, my wife. If you're in your house, if you're in your house, it doesn't really matter. Right? It's true. Just don't post it. Don't post anything. I know that's how I feel. I regret everything I've posted and said, just kidding, not really. I love my podcasts. Okay. Hey, hello Emily. I've experiencing a little dilemma with just kidding, not really. I love my podcasts. Okay, hey, hello Emily.

I've experiencing a little dilemma with my wife lately. She's never experienced an orgasm and doesn't seem to have any interest in trying to know how. So, needless to say, it's been frustrating on our sex life. I wish I knew what I could do to please her. I understand that it's common women can't orgasm with penetration, but is it common for women nearly in her 30s not to have experienced an orgasm at all?

I put a lot of blame emotionally on myself because I can't seem to please her. She says she's pleased, but it's hard to believe that we only have sex about once every two weeks. I would think or imagine she would want to have sex more if she knew what an orgasm felt like. I really want to help her, but how do I get her emotionally charged to want it? I would assume she needs to have interest in orgasm in first, right? I really hope you can help with my situation.

Your reply is very much appreciated. Signed vets. This is a huge dilemma. Vets, and I'm so glad you wrote me. So first of all, you're both in your 30s. She's never had an orgasm. So first of all, I want you vets to do one thing right now. Take all the emotional blame off yourself.

Has nothing to do with you, your penis size, what you're doing, what you're not doing, not a thing. The fact that she has never orgasmed probably means she's never masturbated to success and by guess by success would mean having orgasm. So a lot of women believe and they're raised to believe that they're going to have sex with the man and all of a sudden their orgasm is going to happen. Someday my prince will come and so will I, is what a lot of women believe. But the truth is that she's got to do some work on her own, and since you guys are a couple

you could help her, but mostly I tell women who have never had orgasms to spend some time, spend some time with vibrators, with yourself. It could take you a month, it could take her months, it could take her a year, but she's got to figure out where her hotspots are, it feels good. But he could do this with her as well, since they're together. He could use his fingers, Vince, you could, you could buy a sex toy, I'm telling you,

like a lot of women cannot have orgasms unless they use a sex toy, so go to goodvibes.com and use coupon code Emily and get any toy you want there. I love the pocket rocket. That's a great starter for clitoral stimulation. Not in the car though. What? Not the pocket rocket?

Don't use the pocket rocket in the car. Did you do that? No, but I've known girls that have crashed. I was really? Because there's such a thing as a girl that a female that can never orgasm. Yes. There are women who can't orgasm, but it's very, very rare. Usually, the reason why I was going to say Vince also is she on any

Medication because a lot of times women on birth control pill women on antidepressants, which is like more than half the world They can't have orgasms as easily women just that just had kids women just had kids So there could be she could have emotional trauma growing up. I mean Vince There are so many things here. So I want to give you like practical and technical support But I also think you need to sit down and take a sexual history with her in a loving way, of course, and say, let's make this fun. And don't make it about the orgasm with her. Like, have some nights where you might just, you know, give her a massage and warm her up and start exploring, because it sounds like she doesn't even know her body. So maybe you just start massaging her and see what turns

around, maybe like kissing her earlobes and her neck and just getting her warmed up. How much do you experience? Do you perform foreplay on her? And so give her a massage candle, like one of my lovely Emily and Tony massage candles. Seamless. Seamless, right? Anything like that. So again, toysexfellate.com slash good vibes.

You get 15% off for coupon code Emily. I would suggest, here's the way you could start it. You could go to goodvibes.com and say, babe, do any of these look interesting to you? Would you ever want to try this or that? Or after you're exploring for a while? Because again, a lot of women, I didn't have my first one until I bought a vibrator

at good vibes in San Francisco. So I will tell you what, I was like 21. Wow. I know I'm a late bloomer. You're like one of those comedians. It's like I was shy until I quit college. Totally. I was approved too. I was not 21. Wow. I know I'm a late bloomer. You're like one of those comedians. It's like I was shy until I graduated college. Totally. I was approved too.

I was not a slot. Everyone seems like I'm still not a slot. I don't see that at all. I'm open. I'm more open. I've had more experiences, but I definitely was. I didn't even know about orgasms. I didn't even, I did start to hear about them in college

for my friends, but it just didn't work for me because I never masturbated. It never occurred to me to masturbate. I would be. Well, because they don't talk. They in schools when they teach sex education, they don't get siblings. I have a brother, older brother, but we didn't hate him. I mean, he loves me now. He had nothing to do with me. I just annoyed him. I never got over the fact that I was born. He's two years older. You're the baby, the family. Exactly. But I do think he was just like, but he never really like he never, he was just like, she, I he by my mom, brought me out for the family. Exactly. But I didn't think you were just like, but he never really, like he never, he was just like, I, he by my mom,

brought me on from the hospital. Life was perfect and then this thing came. Exactly. He, he, she came on, brought me on from the hospital and he, she left the room for a minute and I was in my little bassinet and he pushed me behind the curtains and put the curtains over me.

So she couldn't see me and that's how he felt about my entire life. Like I wish she would just go away. Not anymore. Just stay behind the curtains. So he never said, Emily, are you masturbating? No. When I was 18, he never said that to me. Fair enough. So so Vince, I would say there's just there's just so much here, but I would you would also I wouldn't put pressure on it.

I wouldn't take emotionally be emotionally feel like you're on the spot for this because it is her responsibility. But since you guys are married too, you guys can work on it together and make it fun. Make it a project. Make it like the two you are gonna sit together and you're gonna figure out her body. Use your fingers, use your hands, use your mouth. At least she's not faking. Exactly. She could be faking. I've had emails like that too that people who find out that they're wise have been faking for 50 years or something. Have you ever heard those stories?

Yeah, yeah. I watched Seinfeld. I saw it. What is it in Seinfeld? Yeah, Elaine was faking with Jerry. Oh, right, I remember that. She was faking with everybody. Exactly. Yeah, women all fake it at one point in their life. I think I believe I have.

I've faked it. Men fake it too. That was one of the most amazing things I learned when I started studying sex. I remember hearing this early on that how the hell does a man fake it? Because you're a lady this too. What about Jack? When you're condomin. When you're wearing a condom, you can fake it? Because you're a lady, this dude. What about Jack? You just... Hey, when you're condominium.

When you're wearing a condom, you can fake it. Condominium helps the fake. So why do you think you didn't orgasm was because you were too drunk? You were drunk, right? Drinking drugs, non-interest, boredom, guy just finished earlier, not long enough with refractory. Right, they're refractory, got it. Yeah, guys, fake it too, we all fake it.

But girls take it real personally if you can't finish. I know. So I've fake that a few times just to not deal with that. They do. We all take it personally, but most time has nothing to do with the person that's taking a person. 98% of the time. So Vince, it's not because you're being a bad husband, it's not because you're penis,

like I said, and same with everyone else. So women who are faking it and men are doing a disservice to their partner because they're thinking they're doing everything great. So if you're not having orgasm, you should make it your life work to figure out how to have an orgasm because, what else is there? Got a sex surrogate and brought her home

and then showed his wife how to give that woman an orgasm in front of her. Would that help? People do that. Yes, that would help. There are sex counts. Sex counts are, I would not recommend that. I would think she would.

No, but I do know men who's the I know guy who intuously to the guys' wives to show them. Like the cuckolding thing? Yeah, exactly. You got to be into that thing. I would, I would maybe recommend a sex therapist, but not a sex surrogate. Yeah, I don't think do sex surrogates even exist anymore?

Yeah, they do. Do they? For sure. I mean, when I was in sex school, when I was getting my doctorate, yeah, we eat a sex surrogate, speak to us. So they're like, we go out of the blue and say, oh, totally. I totally should have one on the sure. I mean when I was in sex school when I was getting my doctorate Yeah, we eat a sex target speak to us and so they're Relationship you know I'm saying to totally should have one on the show. I know I should and she's the one I had she was in San Francisco, but I when I live there But I have her come on the show my dad is a psychologist and he was one of the last psychologists to use them on a regular basis

My dad was into it. Yeah, he used it for his patients. Yeah, and himself. I'm sure once they left right exactly It's like hey, would you mind? I think my dad will be a bit of a sex addict himself. Really? Yeah. He said, you know, now he's just old. Okay. But he was sex addict. Interesting.

He's one of these guys. He had sex for the first time when he was like 10 with a prostitute. Are you serious? Yeah. I can Pittsburgh, but he had like older friends and they used to just get prostitutes and they brought him along one time.

All right, hop on, Donnie. See, that'll mess you up for like 10 years old. Jesus Christ. That's why you're on that stuff. Anderson that explains so much. Okay, dear, here's another one. Wait a minute. Okay, dear Emily, I've become a huge fan of yours. Thanks to you and the cable TV. I've discovered a whole new world that I would like to be part of. Polly Amory. I just have a question for you. How would you go about approaching a female to see their view on polyamory and see if they'd be interested in a polyamorous relationship? Thanks, Scott. First thing, Scott, you got to grow a ponytail, right? No, that's swingers, and that's actually not true. But polyamory, I would not lead with

it, Scott, I would not leave it on the first or even the second date. I would, if you've met someone that you're already dating, let's say, you could say, have you ever, how do you feel about monogamy? I would say 99% of the world would like monogamy. You might want to share some of the stuff you've seen on cable if you ever see, what is that polyamor show that everyone's watching that I know I should be watching?

Big love. Big love. No, no, yes. Big love, but there's like a reality one too. That's one more one. Yeah, big love, but there's like a reality one. You could watch the show with her with someone and say, hey, would you ever see the show and kind of see what they think

about it, kind of using outside source? How old is Scott? He doesn't say how old he is. Because if he's like in his mid 20s, that's kind of just the norm. You just stayed around. Right, we're up. Yeah, maybe he's a little older than that.

I don't know, but yeah, you just have never once polyamorous because you're sleeping with everyone, but they're pretending they're monogamous. So the difference with polyamory is that you, a lot of times have a primary partner, and then you see with other people, I would try to find like-minded polyamorous people where you live, Scott, there's lots of different groups,

websites, even if there's like a local sex toy shop or college campus or like in the back of all that those magazines, they had, the one, the free ones, like the SF, the weekly, political, the LH express out here. And SF weekly, there's like a lot of different organizations. The first stuff on line, too.

But it's probably, there's gonna be a bunch of horny dudes. Yeah, exactly. So I would say that just kind of lead into it with like some random things. You could even, this might sound lame, but it's so easy. My friend and my, he's actually

in a polyamorous relationship, meaning that out, what do you think about that? Oh, I can never do that. That seems ridiculous. Or I'd be open to that. I mean, that's how you find out. You throw in a third party source. But Scott, I'm just curious also like why, you know, I can see why you're interested. I'm interested in too. Like I think I

am polyamorous, but not really like I haven't, but yeah, I have. I think you're commitment. Folk because you're an infomerate. I'm human. But as a result, I, polyamory works for me. What, what causes polyamory? I mean, I understand dude, they want to spread their seed, I understand you, say what? Spread their seed. But like, when would it be a good thing?

I think it would be a good thing if you are interested, if you're able to, you want to be the one person and you love this person and they're your primary person. You live together, but however, you also like to have sex with other people. But everyone does. Exactly. But why don't they? Because you commit for the rest of your life, I'm only gonna sleep with one person, and that's my wife. How happy are you about that, Anderson?

I'm fine with that, that's why I'm married. Right, now you are, it's gonna year. But really? I know it freaks me out, it does. It's different. I'm at the gym and girls, I make eye contact, I'm like, yeah, I'm not doing anything wrong. Right, but yeah, I mean, a year and a half ago,

I might have like, you know, asked that girl out or something. Now I'm not going to, but that helps my, my wife and everyone else's relationship. That strengthens it. Exactly. That trust behind that. That's there. There is a great trust. Exactly.

And the, you got to, uh, with, with sacrifice, sacrifice has a lot to do with any meaningful relationship. I hate it too. I compromised. But you need it. I know. I get it. I totally get it.

You're right. I mean, I don't hate sacrifice. I do it. But the thing is that there's a girl's a gem today I was I know but see you can't but what if you were in a polyamorous relationship and you love your wife and everything was great But you were so open thing about people in polyamorous relationships Which we can all learn from is that they that they are unabashedly truthful about everything they speak like there is Nothing that is a secret. I think one of them is always gonna be hurt though Not that's not the one side. I think one of them is always gonna be hurt though. Not that's not the type of thing.

One side of you. I know a lot of polyamorous couples and sure, sometimes they get hurt. And they might lie and say, they transcend jealousy. No, but they don't just jump into polyamory. That's another thing. Usually you establish it with your primary partner

and then you open it up, but you talk about it, you're like, well, this night on Tuesday nights, we're gonna do this. I'm never gonna have a sleep over your established rules that work for you. You say, I'm not going to do this, I'm not going to do that, but I'm going to sleep with this person. And then you think in your mind, I can never get over this. And this isn't for everyone. But some of you are like, oh, yeah, I just wanted to sex. I can

act with this person, but I love this person. Or you might love all of them. But there's just one that's your primary. It's for people who just find like-minded people that just are not okay, having sex with one person for the rest of their life. They're free, they're open, and they talk about everything 100% honest. There's no cheating, there's no lying. There's no cheating, there's no lying, and there's jealousy, but you deal with it in the moment, and you actually learn to not have the jealousy. There's going to be lies. There's still going to be white lies.

Like if she asks, like, who do you like having sex with more? I mean, I think I said- That's super question. No one should ever ask that. Oh, it's so clear. Am I better than your last girlfriend? Like, those are super questions that everyone's going to lie about. So Scott, but it seems like you've been doing some education about it and that might

seem like where you're at. So I would just do some more work around it. And once you find, even if you find one or two polyamorous friends, they'll open up. I don't say where you live either, but for example, if you're in San Francisco, I could help you out more Scott. But if you want to email me, tell me where you live. I can maybe help you out with some organizations and stuff. How are we doing here on a?

Yeah, we should probably wrap up in about 5, 10. 5, 10, okay, I'm just curious. I think that's amazing, but yeah. Yeah. In the whole polyamory thing, I guess I'm kind of, it'd be like, it's almost like you're alone, only allowed to have one friend. Imagine that, like you're only allowed to have one girlfriend.

I'm only allowed to have one guy friend. Exactly. It never, right. And I can't go to like, you know, golf's real. I mean, I think that the women won, like a few hundred years ago, and I don't think that I, maybe a hundred years from now marriage, it's just because I think it'll be obsolete. I think people won't be getting married. I think it's a lot of people who are not going to be able to get married. I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only way to get married.

I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only way to get married.

I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only way to get married. I think that's the only real. I mean, I think that the women won like a few hundred years ago And I don't think that I maybe a hundred years from now marriage

It won't I think it'll be obsolete. I think people won't be getting married in on born in the worst possible I mean, I think that that's what people think they blindly this is my problem that they blindly sign up for monogamy And they never have the discussion What would happen if I was attracted to someone else or what would happen if you know this or that or how do you feel about it or you know I have a friend of mine who was getting married and he was really anxious super successful conservative guy and best and banker the whole thing So like five years ago and he was like I don't know what to do because I want to get married But I have this thing like I just want to know that I like one day like a lot of guys feel that I could

Sometimes maybe go outside and do something so he brought I said you know what talked to her. See what she says Oh you ruined that man. No she actually gave him a hall pass and said, I don't want to know. And, and, and, and a few years in, I had filed off with him. And he's like, that made me, he never had cashed in on his hall pass yet, but he said that made me feel so much better, just knowing. Yeah, it's like anything.

Like knowing that I have a bottle of whiskey at home makes me okay. If I don't have the whiskey at home and it's after 2 a.m I will start to get a little twitch. I don't have to drink it No, you have it exactly So there's a lot of that and I just think that monogamy a lot of people suffer through it That's why we hear about so much cheating so is cheating so much better. Yes, you're monogamous and everyone I mean outside things your life is perfect But your you know husbands you know being strippers and you're sleeping with your boss or something

So, you know, I don't I'm not saying there's the right answer for anyone, but before you jump into a relationship, you're having all this anxiety about being with one person, you know? Explore it. Talk to your partner about it. It works. Okay, dear Emily, love your show and never miss it. My question is this, what are your thoughts on morning sex when one person isn't a morning person? Basically, my boyfriend and I have great sex and even have introduced a vibrator into the bedroom. He gets up early for work and sometimes tries to initiate morning sex. I've never been a morning person and until I get my first cup of coffee, I'm not the nicest person. We have it morning, so it was great, but I feel that he would like to have it more often.

What would you suggest? That's a great question because a lot of men do love morning sex because you wake up with the boner anyway and you're like, oh my, I might as well just stick that inside you and we'll have sex. A lot of women are like, oh my god, I want to get up, want to get a gym or I want to get a coffee or whatever it is. So this has come up before for sure. I would say it's compromise. I would say you could say to them, you know, you, if you said it was great and he wants a more, I would set expectations with them. You could even say, you know, you, if you said it was great, and he wants a more, I would set expectations with him.

You could even say, you know, Fridays or on the weekend or two days or in the week, I'll, you know, we'll do it. But just so you're not anxious every day that he's going to try and stick his bone on your back and want to have sex with you, and you don't want to. So I would just say that I really enjoy it, but I can only do it once twice a week. Then he'll know, then he won't try every day. And I'll say, you know, maybe you could have coffee, get up a little earlier, get coffee, and get back in bed.

Although his bone might be gone by then, maybe guys aren't as interesting as sex. And he'll have coffee breath. But then she's morning breath. You know what's even better than more sex? What's better than that? Middle of the night sex. That is.

When you're both asleep, and then you wake up, and things are already kind of happening. Yeah. That's some good shit. That is some good stuff. I feel like that happens in new relationships relationships and that doesn't happen when you're with someone for a while You might be right. That happens in the first three months you're dating someone because you can you're so excited about Other no, it's actually happens to them. I'm married. Yeah, you woke up. Were you drunk? No, she doesn't touch me if I'm drunk If I've been drinking she's out really good for her. Oh, bad for you bad for me

But because usually drunk I have the breath the whole thing thing It's like not the best thing in the world Um, so you know, I would say this is like one of those compromised situations That he it also is there's something that you wanted to trade for this Liz is there some kind of sex that you like that You're not necessarily getting from so you could say for him for example I'd love when you perform or all sex on me that'd be great Maybe you could do that once in a while. Let's see he hasn't been doing that, or you could do that more. Or if you woke up in the morning and went down to me, I promised that I would, you know,

I'd go, that's close though to what you don't like. You don't like it when you're towing the line there a little bit. You're walking the line, I can say. About like holding sex hostage. Oh, I know, I hate holding sex hostage. I don't know.

I don't mean trading favor. Okay, you're right. And I don't believe in trading favors, but I just mean this is a great time, Liz, for you to talk about your relationship. Just open it up and be like, is there anything else? Like I'm sure all couples have other things. So maybe there's something Liz that you've been wanting to and you haven't asked for. What's the question though? My boyfriend likes morning sex. I don't like it. What do I do? So I'm like compromise. Do it every once in a while. Take X to see like when you wake up. Right.

No, I don't really think so. Take X to see in the morning. On a Friday. Right before you go to bed late and then you wake up and you're, oh, that's the worst when you wake up on trucks. All right. Anyway, I would just tell him that you love having sex with him. Sex is amazing. It's the best sex of your life. You, oh my God, the orgasms are crazy. But the morning is going to get for you. So once a week, you'll have sex with them. And then if you guys are talking about sex, and there's something else that you would like, I wouldn't say it's a bar or thing, but you

might want to mention it. Because everyone's got things in relationships that they, I'm sure you've something with your wife that you prefer, you would do more of. For example, blow jobs. I don't know that for sure. Maybe she gives you a lot of them. I'm just saying that. No, she does everything that I want all the time. She's the perfect wife. Right. Except banging a wolf. You got the perfect wife. Except for banging a well-drug, which kind of sucks.

Okay, we are going to say goodbye now, but don't turn the music on yet because there is one more thing that I have to say. This is what I want to say to you all, is that you have to check out, oh, Emily and Tony, so I have these amazing massage candles that smell delicious and you can pour them on your partner and turn it to it's coconut oil and soybean oil and they just make my apartment a smell amazing I use them if they look like regular beautiful candles but I also like put it on your body is like a warming moisturizer and it's not hot and it doesn't burn you and it's not waxy or anything and you could also give your partner

massage which is a great way intimate is, it's a great gateway to sex. So go to Emily and Tony.com, use Keep on Code Emily, get 20% off. Have you ever thought about product placement and porns with those? Because I just thought of a great idea where there's like a natural disaster and there's a bunch of co-eds that need to like light candles because the power went out and then they're like, wait, these are those sex with family candles. That's a great idea. You're right. And then they all start banging.

No, I have not yet. I just launched my candles. And there's all this stuff to the ball ocean. All that stuff, check that out. Okay, that's what we got time for today. Thank you, Anderson. Thank you, Anderson. Thank you, Anderson. And thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily,

Femi, and Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, at SexWithEmily, and thanks for emailing me, and thanks for listening to Sex with Emily, was it good for you? Happy holidays. All that stuff. Email me, feedback at sexwithemily.com. Thanks. good for you, happy holidays! you last longer in bed. Go to sexwithendly.com slash fleshlight to see my fleshlight recommendations and get one tonight. Thank you.