Sex With Emily - SWE: One Ball Wonder

Episode Date: September 28, 2012

Today Emily helps out a male listener who's severely lacking in confidence, as well as one of his testicles. After returning from a 4th of July trip to Michigan, Emily starts pondering her single life. Good thing she has a "Group Sex" seminar coming up, even if it doesn't involve group sex. Menace takes on short-haired women and feels the wrath of San Francisco's ladies. Topics from listeners include the problems of asking girls out, handjobs, and sex with pregnant women.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you sure it's like the ghost blocking down here, cauldron? So, thank, Helbert. I've been down here plenty of times. What's that? Oh, it's nothing. Just people setting off dynamite. You were 16 months. Now you're 46. That's a 30-year difference. That's a kill for you! Oh, no, we're trapped! Calvary, we're gonna die!

Now it does hold on, Osset, Helmet. This is the McCafferate National Seaman Cave System. Yeah, you're so... So, you dumbass, that means we can lick our way out of here. It's only 30 or 40 feet of crystallized seaman to the surface. I wasn't born yesterday, Calvary. I know we can lick our way out of here. I just can'taman to the surface. I wasn't born yesterday, Codjim. And now we can lick our way out of here.

I just can't stay in the taint. Hell, you dumbass! Why do you think I packed our months up and apply our massed sexual flavor strips? It tastes good. You can choose from four delicious flavors. Strawberry, chocolate, mango and watermelon. Good Codjim.

I can't decide which flavor I want to try. Don't worry, Helmet. You'll be down here a while. Get licking. Masked sexual flavor strips are designed to deliciously disguise the taste of semen. In four exciting flavors, they're bound to get you out of the stickiest of situations. Go to sexualflavers.com today to find your flavor. Hey coach, how about we whistle while we're up? No, out of luck, music. Music makes me sick in the stomach. Oh, all right.

Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Betrubized, they call them in a fight on day. Hey, Avaline, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common, Avaline? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so so grown. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. We're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information about sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to all of our podcasts.

Sign up for a mailing list and check out what's going on there. So thanks everyone for listening. I'm here with Menace. Hello. How are you doing? I'm good. How are you, Menace? I'm good.

You left me this weekend. I know. What are you doing? Where the hell did you go? I'm good. You left me this weekend. I know. What's going on? Where the hell did you go? I went to Michigan to see the family. I like, I like Midwest chicks. They're nice. We are. We have like good Midwestern stock.

You come up and you talk to a man. You you cook them dinner. I did. I don't cook dinner, but I do talk to a man. Well, see, you've been on the West Coast too long, but if you find a girl that's in the Midwest and stays in the Midwest, you're gonna be taken care of. That's true. Like my sister-in-law takes care of my brother very well.

It was interesting to be with the family and the kids. I got three, I have three nieces and my family, my parents and the whole thing. And we're at my brother's lake house and doing a bunch of Michigan-type things, Fourth of July, barbecue fire. Oh yeah, I'm sure it was very American. I was on a inner tube.

Yeah, there was like up. There was a boat show that was coming around. Oh yeah. It was so Americana. It was great. But it's you know going to Michigan always brings up so many things for me because I left you know, for California a long time ago. And I love California.

And I'm definitely a California person. But you go back and it's like, oh oh this is where I was supposed to be. This is where I should have been. This is where most people from my high school are and I've just chosen this very different route and then I start thinking about kids you know my mom's like you know my nieces are my little nieces are like when can we be in your wedding and when we can have a new uncle and like never I'm on a medatorium I didn't explain that when she was not to the nine year old but um no it was it was really fun. It's just it just really I think

Did you make out with anybody? No Sometimes they feel that I have two lives though. I have like my family life in Michigan and I come back to California Where they are you know my family thinks I'm like crazy California girl. Yeah, what you are which I guess I am So how was your fourth of July? It was good Consumed alcohol of course course. It was amazing. And I went to a concert and. Did you watch fireworks? So they can't do that here, because it's too much.

No, yeah, no, no. No, I was in San Jose, California, which is a lot more heat and clear weather. People don't understand that we don't have a summer in San Francisco. Unless you live here, are you visited in the summer? No summer. It's called microclimates.

And it could be foggy on one side of the city on the other side, it could be totally sunny. Right. It's terrible. Other things I did though, I posted on my blog last night, which is whitemenist.com, and I got so much crap.

I'm still getting crap right now that I'm saying that women with short hair are not as attractive as women with long hair. Okay. And and and I say that I am saying the large majority of men prefer long hair. I'm not saying that women with short hair are not going to get laid and they'll never get a date. Right. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying. So why was this coming up and and why why were you even talking about a? Because I had to write a blog and I ended up having the conversation over the weekend with a friend who cut her hair short.

Oh, and you, that's hard. She's probably totally having long hair envy right now. And no, but she doesn't believe me that men prefer longer hair, right? Did you tell her she didn't look as attractive as her hair? And I said, I said, you look better with longer hair. And do you know what she'd let me do? She'd let me take two photos of her, one with long hair and one with short hair

and let me put it on my blog. Oh, that's great. You gotta check it out. I wanna check it out. So everyone's to check that out. So what happened? What did the poll say? 80% agreed with me, long hair.

Like theoretically, I can understand that men would say that 80%. But if you're face to face with the chick, you wouldn't be like, oh, I wish she had longer hair. Like theoretically I can understand that men would say that 80%. But if you're face-to-face with a chick, you wouldn't be like, oh, I wish she had longer hair. Like if you find a woman attractive, you find her attractive. It's not if she's a woman or a long hair. And I was saying that they enhance her beauty with long hair. Exactly.

That's what I try. I try to do that. I try to have long hair. I've always had long hair my whole life. Except for one time when I wouldn't brush my hair when I was little, my mom may be cut it. And ever since then, I've had long hair. Longish, yeah.

So. Keep it that way. Thank you, honey. So today's show will be reading your emails that you sent to feedback at Sex with Emily. And some of the topics include asking girls out why you should just do it. What happens if you have one testicle,

hand jobs, sex and pregnancy, and a few other things that you're gonna hear about. And also, we have a seminar coming up. Man, this is gonna be very exciting. Yes. It's called Group Sex with Emily and Girlfriends. Whoa. Wait, what's going on in this seminar?

It's a seminar. We're not really having Group Sex, but basically it's me and three friends of mine that we are in experts, that you can just kind of, people can be a fly in the wall, well, they get technical, well, we get technical about what women really want in bed.

So it's a seminar and I just figured after reading thousands of letters from other listeners and I just thought it was time to offer my sex tips and relationships advice with a session, it's gonna be a webinar, you're gonna be able to see me and it's dedicated to you and your questions and we're also gonna be giving like the real tips that men want and it's $199 for the seminar and spots are filling up

So where's it located? It's located in well anywhere you can be anywhere. It's because it's a web oh, okay anywhere So it's not a lot. It's it's a web webinar So they'll be able to see me and you can do it from anywhere in the world that you live nice And it's gonna be in the next few weeks So if you want to sign up go to my website look under seminar on the homepage and in the next few weeks. So if you want to sign up, go to my website, look under seminar on the homepage and just email me feedback at sexwithmly.com. I'll make sure to have a seat in front of my computer for that. It's just like, you know, when girls are talking about sex, it's like that's the stuff that you really want to hear because women are brutal. When they're together, they, if you really want to hear

the honest truth on how they feel about something. Yes Just be around them. It's true. I mean the other day I was actually talking to my friend We were prepping for the show. We were thinking about it and Jessica who's been working on the show and doing some producing We obviously we were waiting for you last week. We're talking about orgasms Yeah, and we just came up that like how does she orgasm? We both orgasm in a very and not gonna get into the details of it right now But in a very similar way like that was very weird that we both needed the same exact thing to happen she orgasm? We both orgasm in a vera, and not gonna get into the details of it right now, but in a very similar way. Like, and it was very weird

that we both needed the same exact thing to happen to orgasm. So I'm just gonna tease you back. You have to get your ass laughed. And that in a way, not talking about it, but I couldn't believe that another woman had the same thing. So it's just, I've heard this before, but no, so we just, women,

we talk about the real stuff that you wanna know. All right. Now I'm very interested in what it is. I know, I'm not gonna tell you what it is until you go to the seminar the seminar I know do I get to learn how you Orgai's on with it. Yes, you can listen in on the webinar. Okay. I think so all right I think you should minus I think you can't talk but you could listen. I'll have a month a muzzle on

Yeah, exactly so um, yeah, so it's good to be back. God bless America. Thank God. It's over the fourth of July Yeah, it was fun, but I'm happy to do back in San Francisco. I am a workaholic. I love being back at work. No, you are aren't you. Okay. Well, let's get into some mail. We're going to read mail.

We've got sex in the news and we've got tips today. Okay. Which is very exciting. What you got. I got some letters here. Thanks everyone for writing. Is it a hate mail? No.

I don't read those. No, I don't get a lot of hate mail. But if you have hate mail that you want to send me, you can send it. And I will read it. Hi, Emily. My name is Mark England. I have just one testicle, and I'm not so well-hung.

I tend to compensate with generous for play and good stamina, but I still lack confidence. Any tips? PS, love the podcast. Cute, the good work. Thank you, Emily. OK, one testicle is not a big deal. I actually have dated a guy with one

testicle. You can't really have. Yeah. No way. Yeah, he had testicular cancer and got it removed. No way. Yeah, like at a really young age. Tom Green had that happen. Who else? Not a big deal. Women are not, I don't even think you notice really. You just, you really, it's not like you look bad, operates. They kind of blend in together. Anyway, usually, I think the testicles. And so I don't think that's a big deal. I don't know that's anything to be insecure, insecure about. anyway, usually I think the testicles. And so I don't think that's a big deal. I don't know that's anything to be insecure about.

Mark, and I think, and you're not so well hung. Again, we've talked about this in the show. This is gonna be inconclusive argument forever. Does it matter? Does it not matter? Sure, there's some women that are size queens and they're gonna care what most women I talk to. Most women that we've come in contact with during this, the life of this show are not that hung up on the fact that you are not well hung. Yeah, I

Don't say penis size does not matter as much as a matter. It just It's just a time that you put into Pleasing them basically. Well, he says that he compensates the generous for plain. He's got lack of lack of any He has good stamina, but he still lacks confidence. Only the only way you're lacking confidence is because you're thinking about it. Exactly. I was just gonna say that's total choice, Mark, that you are thinking about it.

Lacking confidence is a choice that you make every day to just start to tell yourself more positive messages. I mean, you have to rewire your brain when you've got lack of confidence. It means that you're sending negative messages to yourself, which aren't true. Yeah, I have, I lack confidence in body image, like I'm a fat mess, but I'm still getting

laid, you know, it doesn't, it doesn't matter. Right. Women are not that into, and you're not a fat mess, but women are not, women are not that into, I don't know, maybe there's our women who bring to the bodybuilders and whatever, but I feel like men's bodies, it's so much more about personality and about confidence than it is about like anything else. Then let's check in out your abs. Yeah, I had this perfect example of this girl. She was going crazy over some guy that's like, totally fit washboard abs, whatever.

But do you know what? I was banging that chick. Exactly. It doesn't matter. Right, it doesn't matter. Right, exactly. It doesn't matter. Mark, I'm just saying, just turn it around when you find yourself self-criticizing,

you just have to say five positive things about yourself. Yeah. That's what my mom used to make me do when I was little. When I was negative about something, she'd say, now you have to say five positive things. I like your mom when we're gonna get her on the show. We'll get her back on again. She's awesome.

Okay. Okay. Hey, Emily, I've been listening to your podcast for a while. Very fun and informative. I'm 19 years old, and have always been quite shy and lacking in self-confidence. So I've never really been able to pluck up the courage to ask a girl out in a date. Anyway, today I was getting the bus home from work, and I saw this totally beautiful girl spellbinding. Brown hair, pale blue eyes, only about five feet on five seven. So shorter girls are better. Blah, blah, blah. Beautiful. So as we're on the bus I thought about what you said on the show about girls liking it if guys are confident enough to just go up and ask them out and

that we shouldn't be afraid of rejection. In my head I kept rehearsing what I was going to say to her and deciding that this was going to be the time that I was going to be man enough to actually just take that step and not be telling my friends later in the day about the how girl in the bus that I let go by. So after a minor delay due to breakdown and as I was about to get off, I told myself, just do it. And I turned her and said, hi, this is my stop. And I don't really do this much, but I quite like you and was wondering if I could have

your number. She smiled and seemed surprised, but also flattered and said, mine, I told her yes. And she said that she had a boyfriend, but she thought it was nice that I asked. I said, thanks, sorry for bothering you, and God off feeling so happy and proud of myself, that even though I got turned down, I didn't care because I'd been able to ask her in the first place.

So finally, thank you so much for helping me get out of my shell and start getting involved, and also for your helpful tips, you're amazing. Love the show, Adam 19, Peggswood in the UK. That is awesome. I love that letter. That is just so perfect. That's what we preach all the time. All the awesome. I love that letter. That is just so That's what we preach all the time all the time. You just got to ask about you just and it's like a game

You're gonna get better at it like Adam next time. It's gonna. You're not even gonna do the probably the pre-thinking about it You might just do it so look he didn't die. He was able to write his He loved it. No, he got rejected. That is just how you're gonna build confidence. Just keep doing it I love this letter Adam email The phone letters even though no one writes me letters, but you could write me a letter Okay dear Emily wow great TV show better than sex in the city way better is the show being picked up plus great Podcasts and I think that you are gorgeous. Thanks for all the good voice John the French guy

Hey, Johnny's talking about this TV pilot that I have that I shot I don't think I don't know where it's gonna ever air on television, but it's cool You can see my life in San Francisco. It's called chasing Emily and it's on my website. It's really really good I was actually talking about it upstairs. I was at TV. Okay Because where we do the studios there's TV studios above us and I was talking about how good it was to them Really? Yeah, they should look at it and pick up the CW I don't know if they have enough money to shoot because it's a really Wow, yeah, pilot. I know so I don't know I mean I still get interested in it

But if anyone wants to check it out you can go to Vimeo and chasing emm in look for chasing Emily or my website chasing Emily Anyway, thank you for writing about that. I appreciate it. Okay, dear Emily Well, I've never had more success with online dating than some hook-ups with some exceptions I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. to talk to some friends, you know, like, they're really bad for straight people. Like he says, he says, maybe not in San Francisco, but in Chicago, there are tons of

haddies. A lot of them have Midwest. A lot of them have kids or 18, neither, which is particularly appealing to me, but the quality is there. I've been on a lot of dating sites and though friends and activities are the great way are way to go to meet people. I'd say, okay, keep it as the best I've seen. I've been a member since 2005 as someone I've been a side I run a music podcast and I'd be curious to think what you think is the best music for sex

For sex work and technology and going conferences death metal and such there are often literally no straight women so in my activities Okay, so okay, Cupid. I don't know. What about you? What do you preach? I mean, what is the website that I preach? Yeah, I think that match calm and nerve seem to be really popular. At least in San Francisco Bay, I'm nerve. Never heard of nerve. I don't know a few years ago. Nerve was, you know, in people like eharmonia, I guess, but it's not I mean, but I have heard these stats and it's true. I mean, I think it's even in one of the advertisements for match and I think it again It's regional so anywhere you're living in the world. It's just gonna be the niche websites that are right for that But that one in five one in four people meet online now and I believe that that number could even be higher than that

Like two and five because I swear to God every time I'm hearing a story about someone now Meeting and falling in love and getting married. They met online. Do you hear these stories all the time? Yeah, you know, Facebook. Way more than you used to. Yeah. I never met anyone on Facebook or I know you did on my space Facebook. And Twitter. Of course.

I have conquered them all. I have not done that. My mom said to me though because I think she's worried that I'm not dating and I don't have a boyfriend. She said to me we were leaving. I was flying back yesterday. We were having lunch and she said do you think that maybe you should check out one of those online dating sites Emily? Yeah, and I said I you know, I'm not really looking right now So I'm not interested in doing that but I at least want you to adopt a baby now No, she's cool. She's got three nieces, but I think she'd be happy.

I think she's getting a little worried. Yeah. Yeah, just about marriage alone or she wants. Just just wanted to be alone and she doesn't understand, I mean, everyone there in Michigan where I grew up is married or divorced looking going on their second marriage, but pretty much that's the deal. So, and then, yeah, so it was pretty funny and kind of sad. I felt sort of sad for her because she was sad for me,

which she shouldn't be sad for me because I'm totally fine. Yeah, totally. So, when I seen fine? Yeah, totally fine. I'm on a Manatorium by my own. How long is this Manatorium going to last? Well, that's it. I'm glad you asked that question. Because I really think that we should have an end date to it soon.

At least in mine, you know. What's the date today? Today is July 6th. July 6th. Okay. And this podcast will probably be July 7th, whatever. Okay. So it should end by July 10th.

Why don't we say the end of July? Then in July. All right. Sounds good. And July. Okay. I mean, I don't want you to go, I don't want to force you to go find somebody right now.

I've got to go, because I want you to run into like some terrible guy just because you have to end your mandatory. I know. And I'm really not, it's funny. It's like when you quit something or you're on a diet the first three to four days are hard for me. It's like the first three to four weeks were weird, but now I'm like, I don't really think about it that much.

I just kind of like my space, my home, doing my things, you know, but if I'm at someone, I'd be ready to go out soon. Cool. July 30th. Okay. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Remember, your biggest sex organ is your brain, so learn something new to do that. Click on the C clear institute ad on my website and check out their adult sex education

DVDs, sex toys, adult DVDs, and other sexy products. You'll save 50% on any simplair item when you put in Emily's 50th check out. Hey Emily, I'm glad to say I finally donated to the podcast for the first time. It felt so awesome to donate 50 bucks to more than a more than worthy cause. Wow, thank you so much. I've donated more, but we've got all got bills to pay. I can't thank you in minus enough for everything. I'm still single and looking, but thanks to you both, I'm not such a right about it.

I always thought there was something defective with me since I was 28. And just as as single as I was when I was, I'm just as single as I was when I was 16, I was actually very depressed about it and was actually sure I'd end up alone forever. But your show has taught me that I'm not the only one and I'm not defective, a bit unlucky than most baby, but definitely worth being loved someday. Well, I'm stationed in San Diego now. Maybe Mrs. Wright is here. Oh, hell yeah. And all of that is due as finder. Just know without doubts that if when I get married, I'm reserving you menace and both of your plus ones is seat next to my family.

We heat for all that you've done. That's where you both belong in the first place. Like I said before, don't you stop and you ever stop sincerely, Jamal, our own Neil, US Navy. Thank you so much. Jamal, I am so jealous of you right now that you are stationed in San Diego.

There is endless supply of chicks there. It sucks here in San Diego. There is endless supply of chicks there. It sucks here in San Francisco. I would kill to be in San Diego. There are so many beautiful, beautiful people. Beautiful people in San Diego. Yes. So whether they're better than LL, it's like 85 degrees all year round

and everyone's into bodybuilding and working out and it's hot. Jamal, that was really one of the sweetest letters I've ever received and emails. And thank you so much for the donation. If everyone, when we are taking donations, there's a donate button on my website, donate through PayPal. If you want to do that, that'd be awesome.

And Jamal, I'm glad to hear. I know you were feeling depressed. I got a letter from you a few months ago and you were stationed overseas, but now that you're in San Diego. San Diego, dude, it's on. You're 28. People should be getting married to their 30.

Go downtown San Diego. Just go party. on your 28 your people should get married to their 30 go downtown San Diego Just go party don't get in trouble exactly don't go to Tijuana stay in downtown And you'll be good. I know exactly. Yeah, watch out for Tijuana. Maybe you've redated anyone from San Diego I got dumped After a girl went to school in San Diego Yeah, but I've party in San Diego many times I've been a great student after a girl went to school in San Diego. But I've partied in San Diego many times. I've met a girl.

Actually, yeah, I didn't meet a girl from San Diego. I think the people think wherever they are, it's bad. Because we know everybody. I feel like I know everybody here. No, no. I've talked to many men that are from outside the area that come to visit and they say, dude, it's slim picking too here. That's what they say about San Francisco. Terrible.

My LA friends come here and they're like, really? Yeah, this is awful. Okay. Well, we like it here. I love living here. Don't get me wrong. I'm just saying it's not like crazy where there's just women everywhere compared to other places like go. I'm sorry. There's not a big going out night scene here where there's always places

and there's populated streets with people walking around. I mean, even downtown is sparse at night, you know? So. But I go to Arizona, there's beautiful women there. I go to love Chicago, San Ego, LA. I even go to freaking Boise, Idaho, and I see better looking chicks. I just think you're used to it.

I think there are beautiful women here. And you gotta get out more then. What do you mean? I go out all the time. I mean, my better looking chicks. I just think you're used to it. I think there are beautiful women here and you gotta get out more then. What do you mean? I go out all the time. I mean my friends. I don't know where you're hanging out. Oh man. Do you want to date your friends?

Okay. That would be hilarious. Dear M, I love your show, but I've won issue. You are always talking about not getting serious young, which is what I was just talking about. I'm 20 years old and I'm madly in love with my boyfriend of two years who is 30. And just talking about. I am 20 years old and I'm madly in love with my boyfriend of two years who was 30.

And yes, of course, I have doubts in my mind, but in my heart, I know that he is perfect for me. Instead of telling women to wait till you're older, maybe try saying that if you find someone you're truly in love with, age doesn't matter. It drives me crazy when you say to wait. I don't want to let things go because people think I'm too young

and I don't need to sleep around to be happy. Your show of show seems to be tailored to the frivolous life, though. What is wrong with being in love in a long, happy, and agnus relationship? I love the show, but sometimes I feel like I can't relate to what you talk about. Science, Tierra. What, Tierra? Listen to me talk. I totally, fully support that. Menace believes in getting married young. Honey, I feel like Tierra, congratulations. I'm happy for your 20. I'm not saying these things don't work. They absolutely do. Sure, there's many stories about couples have been

together for a long time. I'm just saying typically, if you look at a woman, you look at a man, there's a lot of mature and growing that needs to go on in your 20s. And it just happens that you go through a lot of changes. And hopefully, you know, maybe you found this partner that, you know, he's 30, you're 20, which is this very significant age difference especially when you're 20, between 20 and 30, different than 30 and 40. So I would just say, you know, what is the rush?

Maybe you can just be engaged for a while, but I don't think that there's a rush to get married. And I do really believe that waiting to your older, you go through a lot and you learn a lot about yourself and your 20s. And it's just really hard to be in a relationship sometimes and change when the other person's not changing and stuff happens. But I appreciate you being so honest about the show. And I am not just about a frivolous lifestyle. I'd like to say that I do celebrate

people who find monogamy and it works for them. But, you know, I happen to lead a frivolous lifestyle. It's, I don't know, the people kind of that are married get down on me for saying this, but I do believe in divorce. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. But if you believe that you found the right person that you want to be with, then you know what, age doesn't matter to me. Right. And I would say go for it then. You're 20. I just, you can't even drink it. I mean, that's so young to me. I just think 20. I mean, it's like that is, I just look at myself

at 20. I was being wasted and end up cheating on your lover. Right. I would just say, why don't you give it another year being engaged at least. And when you're doing that year, I would try to find out some important things about yourself and about him and what you want in a relationship and live together. Live together. Live together. Live together. Yeah. That's controversial, but I think you could live together. A lot of people say that living together doesn't help you get married. It's kind of helps you. People, you find out about that person. I don't think it's important. Just like people used to not have sex before they got married. Okay, that's dumb. Can you believe it? That's what our parents time. Now that they didn't, they kind

of probably did, knowing my mother she probably did. Yeah, so okay, another letter here. What do you got? What's up Emily? You and Menace both make very valid points about hand jobs. You're both correct. I've personally experienced both good and bad hand jobs and let me tell you, when they're good, they're awesome and when they're bad, you'd rather be getting dental work done. Menace hits the nail in the head when he points out

that because women don't have penises, they have no clue what they're doing down there. But just like anything in life, it takes practice. Emily, you're right about them being an awesome change of pace. In the past, I've had women do with the deed and movie theaters and other such public places that anyone around having a clue. Can you say awesome?

The bottom line is that hand-ups can be great if performed well. Enthusiasm and lube are the key and under the right circumstances. If we are at home together, a handy one, a handy should only be a precursor to things to things to come or performed with a blowjob. Cute for the good work you guys are making the world a sexier place, one listener at a time, insane trainer in Paris, California.

I'm telling you. It's some different debate. Our hand job debate has been going on for months now. It should be a company by a nice flascio. Right. Little things in the flascio and the hand job never heard. I'm not saying that this shouldn't be. Yeah.

No solos. No solos. Yeah. But I do just think it's a nice change of pace. The hand job. Well, we don't have to talk about the hand job anymore today, Mattis. I've been getting some flascio that lately that there's a vice grip, a vice grip on the bottom of the shaft and it's cutting off circulation. Wait, wait, back up. You've been getting a couple of job versus using

our hand to tie it. Yeah, to tie on the lower part of the shaft. Does she have your testicles of these things? No, just like, yeah. Yeah, really, yeah, really tight cutting off the circulation I'm like look yeah, did you say anything to yeah, we've discussed And she still does it she must be no this maybe I don't know Don't you usually tighten your grip when you're nervous? Yeah, but Jesus Christ and she just leaves it centering there tight holding yeah No, no, yeah, she's moving it out. She does But it's yeah, but it's just too it's just too much and

it like It cuts off the circulation, you know, and then you have to wait a little while to get back to rise to the occasion, you know Wow, and you still want to have sex there? Yeah, it's just that's the only part like hey look ladies, you know calm down Right, like you have to be really excited to be with me, but you gotta loosen the grip. You gotta, yeah, yeah, you gotta be able to move the hand. It should have meant, and it should never be that tight, right? Never. Yeah, you should be able to pull it out. Like, I'm holding a pen out. It almost got ripped off. Right.

We like, oh, did you yell? No, but it's just like, okay, let up a little bit, okay? The best way to do that is to take your hand and loosen our fingers. Yeah. What did you do? I got a pair of pliers and pull it off. Yeah, you could do that too. That's another option.

I know this super hot chick that wants to go to the tool show in San Francisco. Yeah, what is it? In a couple weeks. I want to go. Yeah, I'm sure you do. It got sold out like within 15 minutes Never hook me up with tickets, but that's full minutes. Oh, because you're not giving me philatio

Philatio and I knew it. I would not hold your penis too hard. Okay, I wouldn't I've got a good grip Look, I'm not giving any chicks tickets if I'm not getting Flaatio. I'm not having chicks hang around with me if they're not. Do you like Flaatio? Yeah, I like Flaatio. Who doesn't like Flaatio? Do you find that these girls are performing Flaatio and not doing anything else?

I feel like women just don't have to go down. No, no, they're doing it all. Yeah, they're doing it all. Look, I've been preaching this lately to a lot of my guy friends. If the girl is, I can't, I've been preaching this lately to a lot of my guy friends. If the girl is, I can't, I'm not really gonna say what this means, but you can look it up. If they're not DTF, I'm not hanging out with them.

I'm not gonna have them around. Downtown friendly. No. What? Down to F. If they're not down to F, okay. I don't wanna around me. I have enough friends.

I don't need more friends. You don't need more women friends I don't need yeah, and how long do you wait for sleeping with these women? How long do I wait? Sleeping the first night if they if they want to have sex then I'll have sex with them What if they're down to F but they want to down to F after three dates or four dates Then I take a mindates probably no, I take I take women on dates sometimes, but I'm saying I'm like, I'm not going to waste my time and my money and just to hang out with you. So have you found that there were some women that you thought were down to F and you go out with them and they're not down to F then I'm pulled the rip core.

Really? Check please. Yeah, see you later. Wow, you're getting a lot action lately. I'm just saying, like, like my friends they get into the friends They get in the friend zone with women too much and they and they look back and they very hung out with this this girl for four or five months And gone out and done all these things and they didn't even have sex with them Some women some men actually appreciate women's company as a man. Now they, oh God, that's a lie.

So. No guy wants to hang out with you just to hang out with you. Emily, I'm sorry. No. Yes, they do. No, they don't. I believe that at one point, all my guy friends wanted to sleep with me or I slept with them, but there's a point that does

come a point when you're in my point right now. Guys, stop wasting your time. That is a great. But so your friends who hung out with the chicks for three to four months, where they kept time. That is a great, but so your friend who hung out with a chick's for three to four months, where they kept thinking that this is gonna be the night, this is gonna be the night and three months go by, that's crazy.

But three, four months is a long time at this day and age at our age. It's cool to like, you know, have acquaintances and you know, girls that you talk to here and there, that they're your friends. But not girls that you're gonna take out on a night, on a town and not hook up with. I'm sorry, it's crazy.

Well, I think that if you, that's what your goal is, and she's not saving me the after three months, she's probably not going to. Yeah. Unless you get a really drunk, which I don't recommend that. I don't recommend that. I don't recommend that at all. Now that that ever works for me, either.

Ever. Ever, oh my God, never. Okay, sex in the news Sex in space Houston. Let's get it on have you heard about this? Oh wait, I think it did Plenty of odd things have happened in space animals have taken flight the Hubble telescope has captured Photos of mind-bending light shows and our interstellar ventures have sparked more than a few flying saucer tails But in low-earth orbit, we now know of one thing that isn't happening.

There's apparently no sex allowed on the International Space Station. No, I thought that you... That worked. Super professionals, he said. Alan Point's Dexter, a NASA commander, would have us believe he says we're a group of professionals. Personal relationships are not an issue.

We don't have them, and we won't. There's no word on how many astronauts may have wanted to, and you know what happens, and you tell you, well, they can't do something. And think about it. These are people who spend months crammed together in a confined space, and they're likely to experiment with science and mechanics. Surely they must be curious how zero gravity would work. So they're saying, though, no sex in the space station. I don't believe it. They've had to test this out. They've had a science. Yeah, but people are watching them the whole time too, when they're... Yeah, that's probably like cameras on the whole time.

How would you do it? Didn't they masturbate? Can you masturbate in space? No. Who wants to do that? Who wants to be caught masturbating in space? But don't you kind of have to masturbate if you're up in space for a while? Like, how often do you masturbate?

How often do I masturbate? Yes. I don't know. You? Yes. I don't know. You do know. I don't know. Three times a week. Three times a week, not when you're having sex all the time. I mean, some people do masturbate more when they're having more sex.

Just, there's no normal. You don't have to get so, uh, What, how often do you masturbate? I'm not being picky. I'm not just, what's the word? I couldn't even think of my brain. I, I masturbate, it goes, I go and fake it. Did you masturbate on the plane over here? I'm not being thank you. So what's the word? I couldn't even think of my brain. I'm Mr. Braight, it goes, I go and face you.

Did you master bait on the plane over here? No, but I did master bait last night when I got home. Just really. I want me just full disclosure. Yeah. Yeah, because I was in my family for. What did you use the master bait? I used a vibrator.

What kind? I used the fairy wand. No, it's like the... Is there a unicorn on the side of it? No, it's like a fairy wand. It's like the... Is there a unicorn on the side of it? No, it's like a... I don't even know how to explain it, but I liked it. I do. But you know what I like? My favorite is the pocket rocket.

Yes. Yeah, pocket rockets are a really good one. It's a vibrating thing, clitoral simulator. And I was psyched. I walked into my apartment. I hadn't been home in five days, and I just turned out the little lights were as dark. And I was like, turned up the lights, turned on lights turn on candle lit a candle I candle I love candles my apartment is conducive to it I've got

a great a candle for myself for yourself to masturbate you that's kind of weird well it was like I got home it was dark my place was just like whatever I any music no music television on in the back no I don't have a TV. What? I haven't had a TV in a long time. I'm going to get one though. I've no watch TV. I know one of those. I'm too cool for TV.

No, I'm not. I don't watch TV because I literally don't have time. And when I'm home, I'd rather be doing other stuff, like working. I'm always working. Is that weird? But you lit a candle. I lit a candle.

Well, my apartment smelled funny anyway. And so it's a scented candle. Because whenever I come in from out of town, the windows were closed, it's like musky. So I lit a candle. I put my sum stuff away and I masturbated. And it was awesome. OK, great.

So speaking of masturbation, this is about masturbation. But I'm going to segue into the next story. All right. It's about sex. Carolyn Cartwright, British woman, taken to court again for noisy sex. We talked about this a few months ago, but she, this woman has gone to, she has been taken to court because she's so noisy in the bedroom.

48-year-old Brit, Catherine Cartwright, ignored a court-ordered ban on her noisy sex and has pleaded guilty to making love with sounds described as a murder, unnatural, and capable of drowning out her neighbor's television. She's been banned from her noisy roms after hundreds, not like dozens, but hundreds of complaints, even her postman and a woman who walked her child to school past Cartwright's house complained. And she says, I don't understand why people asked me to be quiet because to me it's normal. I didn't understand where they were coming from. I've tried to minimize the situation by having sex in the morning, not at night, so the noise isn't waking anybody, she said.

However, the BBC reported a neighbor statement about the lovemaking. She said, the noise, the neighbor said, the noise sounds like they are both in considerable pain. I cannot describe the noise. I've never ever heard anything like it. Oh, there it is. They're just haters. How does she not know though that she's so loud?

She's just so high-pitched. She's just drowned out. She must really be in the moment, which I have to give her credit for being in the moment and not even realizing it. Because like, when I make noise during sex, I'm a way, sometimes it does feel like you can't really help it. Sometimes I'm like, oh wow, that was loud, but I'm conscious that I'm making the noise. Uh huh.

Yeah. Yeah, just cover her mouth. It's something. Put a pillow over it. They, uh, maybe they're, she's not as fortunate as these rappers, but there's a rapper named Nas and, uh, well, his ex-wife, now, Kaleese. They actually, they were so noisy that they bought a house

out in the middle of nowhere just to have sex. You know what, more power to him, I think that's a great idea. I was thinking that, because I live in a apartment building, I have neighbors and I know they can hear, because I can hear them. I don't actually hear them having sex that often,

but then sure they hear me, because the walls are super thin. Anyway, and our bedrooms are right next to each other. And that bothers me. Like, I don't wanna have to think about someone who's in the exact- Do they ever smile at you? Like, hey.

No, I don't see that line. There are lesbians. I don't hear them. I don't know. Last night was good, huh? They're like, yeah, they see the guys coming in. Yeah. It's been very quiet, as we know,

since I've been on a mandatory and, but I wonder, like, it is pretty, it's pretty, it's exactly. There's cobwebs on my everything. There's cobwebs on my everything. That's gonna change in a few weeks, because I think I a pretty, it is a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty,

it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty, pretty, it's a pretty, it's a pretty,. Make a mental circle, two inches around the outside of a vagina and don't cross the line while you lick, kiss and caress. This is what we talk about all the time. Just take focus on her thighs and lower belly. Don't move to her vagina just yet and kiss, lick and caress, lick and caress and do that two inches outside of it, the vagina.

What about if she wants me to... No, you want her to bet. If they're trying to... Not yet. They think, just No, you want her to be a vagina. Not yet. They think just say, I'm, no, I'm just taking my time. Yeah. You're not going to have it. So important. I can't take time if they want me to,

but if they want, they want the D, you know, I might just have to give it to them. The D. Yeah. What's that? The penis, the D. The other word, yeah. Oh, sorry.

Jesus. I don't like using words like that on the show. That's filthy. That's filthy. You have a filthy mouth Emily I'd every time I try to like suddenly slip something I say it you just just go ahead and say Try to be a nice girl. Okay. Give her plenty of time if you want morning sex set your alarm at least 20 minutes early time. If you want morning sex, set your alarm at least 20 minutes early. A woman won't want sex if she's hurried and she'll probably need about 20 minutes to reach orgasm. That's how long it takes people. 20 minutes. 20 minutes. That's the average. Guys, you must masturbate a couple of hours beforehand so you can last 20 minutes.

Some guys can last that long. No problem. Some guys last a lot longer than that. Some guys last a minute. Yep. The minute man. You don't want to be the minute man guys last a minute. Yep, the minute man. You don't wanna be the minute man. You don't wanna be the minute man. But if you know, if you know your minute man, pre-game did, pre-game.

But some guys, even if they pre-game, they still, because it becomes psychological and become anxiety, if you're premature, a calculator, you can work on it. It's a lot of it is psychological. Yeah. We can talk about that in their show. Gotta get in the Zen mode, man.

Okay, exactly. Okay, talk about that in their show. Gotta get in the Zen mode, man. Okay, exactly. Okay, grunts are better than nothing. She'll give longer and more enthusiastic oral sex if you give her a verbal response. Even appreciative grunts are better than silence. I so agree. I was with this guy having sex with him few years ago, and this guy had dated for a while.

And so whenever we had sex, he would orgasm, and he was like, this is the noisy mage, right? Did you hear that? That was it. That was it. It was like a nothing. It was like a half a grunt.

Like a swiled grunt. No way. It's so hot when a guy makes a noise and I know that guys are some of the stuff conscious of it but it's like that or not. That would be weird but it'd be better than nothing. This guy, like you'd think that nothing even happened. I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it.

I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm not gonna be able to do it. I think you're an ego maniac in bed. Yeah, I'm not. I don't remember what I'm like in bed,

because it's been so long. Oh, no. OK, very the stimulation. When you're all the way inside her, add side to side movement or up and down pelvic pressure against her clitoris to vary the stimulation. So when you're inside, like a milkshake. Yep, add side to side movement or up and down pelvic pressure

against her clitoris. You've got to always pay attention to the clitoris., side to side movement are up and down pelvic pressure against her clitoris. You gotta always pay attention to the clitoris and side to side is good too. You don't think it's not it's more less intuitive to go side to side. So I think it's important. Okay, find her G spot. Have you been curious with the G spot as much? Not really, but you know what? It seemed to find it sometimes. Use your thumb to press under G spot as if you were making a thumbprint on her vaginal wall. You're shooting for the area about two inches inside the vaginal opening of the front side. So do you know what that is? The inside you may just come Heather thing and it's the you can Google it. But hopefully you should start putting diagrams on your website.

I really should. There's a lot I should do. You should. Diagrams of... I should find the g-sp spot. You're right. Top 10 sex tips. Top 10's people love. I've been doing those lately on my site. I gotta do that too. You should do it. Top 10, it's really easy.

It takes me like half hour to figure them out. That's it. You do research a bunch of stuff and then you. No, it's just top of the head. I've got a lot of sex tips. I've got like top 200. You've read so many books that it blows my mind and I'm sure you can come up with the top 10 You're right. I'm gonna do it. It's on the list. Okay, use your tongue wisely when kissing don't use your tongue like a dart in and out and in and out

Instead try varying motions and amount of pressure. Do you know those people who you kiss and they just like With their tongue darting it out they just like with their tongue darting it out. It's bad to very. Like a snake, like a reptile. Yeah, exactly. Have you been with those reptilian people? Yes, they bite, they look, they do that. And then like the teeth, like seems like

it's gonna bite your face off. Right. Until it knew, you think I'm like trying to be funny, but I'm telling you the truth. They're teeth, she tried to bite your face. It's like, it's weird, like it seems like it's something out it seems like it's something out of a movie where they somehow know how to dislocate their jaw and like almost consumes

your entire face. I haven't been with anyone like that. Do you think it's more for chick thing? Maybe. Like some chicks don't know how to kiss. Yeah. I think I almost have lip bitten off. Wow. But don't you like when a girl, like when a woman nibbles on your lips? Yeah, but sometimes they just bite too hard and they pull on it. Who are the women that you're with? I'm just telling you. You like that bruises on your penis and your lips. Now we've heard.

I have some more wounds. Where do you make these sex wounds? Sex wounds. Just a little reason you come around town. I don't know. Kids today. I'll be like, don't mess with menace. Yes, please. Oh poor little menace is penis Okay, tell her what she wants to hear

Where is that she loves to hear? Ego, I go I want to make you feel good. It's so true when a guy says What feels good? I just really want to make you feel good. That's so hot I can't tell you how many guys like don't act like they care if you have an orgasm or if you are pleased. So just say, just to say those simple words, I want to make you feel good. No, I want to give them orgasms and I want them to be pleased because I want them to tell their friends about it. That's what I want. That's my whole goal.

Because you want to sleep with their friends. No, it gives I want their friends, but you know, it's kind of a ego boost for me to say, you know what, I did so well, she tells her friends about it. You know, that's interesting. I hope they don't talk about me. Why not? Do you think all guys talk? I don't think guys do. I think girls, yeah, they get really deep. Right. Into, like, every little, every little, every seminar we're going to have.

Yeah, every little aspect about it. Guys, not so much. I never go into details with my guy friends. Right, well, guys don't care that much. But girls are like, okay, so what did you do? You were on top and then he put his finger where and then you went down there and then I gave him. I didn't even tell my guy friends who I sleep with. The only times they, no, I'm sleeping with somebody because like, there's a girl with me on a day or something.

But I don't call them up and like, hey, check, you know, go on. But you used to when you were younger, right? Well, boys in high school, you used to. No, I never really like to say, hey, man, you know, go on. But you used to when you were younger, right? Not even then. At school, you used to. No, I never really like to say, hey, man, you got to go online, check out the check out his bank. I don't do that.

You got to keep it on the. I want to see the picture of the girls squeezing your little penis too hard. I don't mean little, but you know, your cute penis too hard. I'm assuming it's cute. Okay, ease into dirty talk slowly. It's best to test the water a bit, rather than immediately going for your deepest, kinky ass dirty talk, start off with telling her how good she feels. That's a nice way.

Baby, you feel so good. Maybe you feel so good. Do you talk dirty? Uh, yes, but not in that way. But you, didn't you say that you wanted them to initiate it first? Was that you? I want them to talk dirty. Yes, I want them to talk dirty because I'm more comfortable.

Right. Because she might be like, what? I'm more than or something. Yeah, because I did have one person where I try to just talk dirty And she kind of shut me down. She's like yeah, not really into that. I'm like whatever. You're still sleeping with me Shut up Would you say that she wasn't into just like she just wasn't really into the dirty But a lot of girls are into it. I'm totally into it. Yeah, I can't get enough. I love it anyways We gotta wrap this up. Yeah, okay, I'm gonna wrap it up it. Anyways, we got to wrap this up. We got to wrap it up. Oh, yeah. Okay, everyone. Wrap it up every time, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you so much for listening to Sex with Emily. I appreciate it. You can find me on Facebook, Emily Morse, MO-RSE, Emily Hope Morse. Slat. What is it? Facebook slash Emily Hope Morse and Twitter, Emily Morse and Menace. White Menace Stocker. WhiteMinus.com. Thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? E-Match. You're back. It's really good. Yeah. Ford makes all natural sexual enhancers called forda for men and for women that help with imponence and premature ejaculation, vaginal drying is low libido and they even intensify

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Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I promise you sex life will improve.