Sex With Emily - SWE: Porn Star Sex (It's Not What You Think)

Episode Date: August 24, 2013

How does a porn star have sex when he's not on a porn set? Does he pump away for hours with his chiseled abs glistening with sweat? According to porn star Joey Ray, porn star sex isn't all it's cracked up to be. No one wants it to last that long, that hard. Porn focuses on performance, not pleasure. You might learn some fancy moves from porn, but you're not going to learn how to truly pleasure a woman. So, how do you please a woman? Ray is all about female pleasure. He talks about how to last the right amount of time during sex. Hint: It's about how long it takes her to orgasm. He also talks about how to find out what turns on different women. The same techniques don't work with every partner. You have to pay attention and really get to know her body, instead of obsessing about your own performance. The more you make sex about her, and the less you try to act like a porn star, the better the sex will be. The take home message: Have sex like a porn star, but only when they aren't having sex for the camera. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. We've been doing a live show for about a year and you've been listening to those podcasts, but we also started this show several years ago with the format that you're about to hear. It's a one-on-one interview with one of my guests. And if you like this style, you can also check out our earlier shows at sexwithemlee.com. Sex is Emily's unplugged. These are new people in the panel. He's a pro. He's a pro. Tell me your name. My name is Joey Ray. Hello. Hi Joey Ray.

You're very cute. Cute. Wow. No, you're your handsome. So, I just witnessed my second day on the porn set. I'm just watching a really hot sex scene. And I'm sitting here with one of the actors. He was not in this scene, but he actually had sex with the actress earlier this morning.

And he's a pro. And I'm going to. A pro. He's a pro. Tell me your name. My name is Joey Ray. Hello. Hi Joey Ray. You're very cute. Cute. Wow. No, you're handsome.

So I came in tonight and I've never really seen the actual sex in the room. Last week I watched it on a monitor and you're one of the extras in the scene. And you came up to me and you already shared a lot of advice. So you been doing this for how long? Pushing, it'll be nine years very soon. Nine years very soon. Okay, and now you had been doing this for how long? I'll be, it'll be nine years very soon.

Nine years very soon. Okay, and now you, you had sex with this woman earlier today. This is around 12 o'clock-ish. Okay, around 12 o'clock. So I want to get closer to you. Because it's my little recorder here. Yeah. So, okay, you said that you learned a lot about keeping your erection by magazine shoots. Like there's a lot of men listening. Are there any tips you can give to Matt about that? I don't know if I want to give all my secrets away, but maybe a little bit, you know.

I'm Italian, so I'm a lover, so it really doesn't matter to me, but I don't think you can teach a man to some guys either come quick and some, you know, some people are selfish. Like I have a lot of girlfriends that are like, you know, my guy comes, he just doesn't care. Like some men don't really care to get women off or to turn them on. I think that's true. And here's my question for you. Do you think it's at those, I've known those men not for very long, but I think that's true. And here's my question for you. Do you think it's at those I've known those men,

not for very long, but I've known those men. Oh, they don't get the phone call back, yes, I know. Oh, no, definitely not. And I'm wondering, is it because those men really don't care or they don't really know what to do to turn a woman on? I think that's, there's two parts to that. They don't really care. And they don't really want, I think they're selfish,

and they don't want to really put effort into it because it doesn't turn. I think whatever you do in life, and you excel at it, you thrive it, and it makes you better, just like when you want to turn a woman on. I'm very into turning a woman on and pleasing her. I can go for hours, but the best sex is usually 30, 40 minutes, some great four-playing kissing, oral sex, and you know, you don't have to be, you know, who wants to start and

fuck for hours. No one wants to do that. But some intensity and pay attention to the person you're with, and to ask questions, especially new people, that you don't know, you get to tell each other, who likes what and how you like it, not everybody likes it the same way. That's true. That's true.

The communication is key in everything. If you're not gonna say anything to your partner, then you're just gonna go through having sex with that person and not exploring and having fun or in better sex. Okay, because I was asking because I always think, you know, men, they want to think that they know what they're doing and if they don't know and they've tried to please the woman, they're like, oh, I just can't do it and they don't try again.

They don't ask. But I see what you're saying. It's part of a whole overall personality. Maybe they are more selfish if they're not asking. Okay, so nine years is a porn star. So I would think that you've learned a lot about women. I'm before I got into porn. I've, you know, I've always been,

I think as you get older, you get even better. But, I mean, you know, I'm all about the woman. I'm all about pleasing. So it really was an easy thing for me to do. So what have you learned though? Let's say you want to get rid of down here. I actually come back to the basics now. When I first got into business, it was more just like, yeah, you know, err, and just

trying to conquer and being a man. Now it's more like a pay attention. And I don't like, it's like a roller coaster ride. You want to almost like a DJ spinning. Like, it is moments in every part of the sex you're having where it climaxes and it comes back down and the intensity because you can't just be in six gear all the time or first, you have to, it's like a little roller coaster ride and it's fun. I mean, now I pay attention to how she moves her body, how she racks on it where I touch

her, her nipples getting hard, she might get scoops, goose bumps, you know. So you picked this into her body so you know I'm doing this right, I'm doing, you know, she needs a little more of that. I just love every inch of a woman's body. I'll suck on your armpit. I mean, you know, I mean, it's, we're animals, natural smells, like I don't get turned off by anything. I mean, this one time, like I have a girlfriend in Florida

that we, that she doesn't do porn. But for the first time, this really happened and she didn't believe me. She's like, we had, she had been drinking all night and she's like, I got a pee, I got a pee and she was riding me and I was like, pee on me while you're having sex with me. She says, no, I'm not one of those porn girls

you have sex in movies with. I'm like, I go, I've never done that. She's like, I don't believe you. I'm like, I'm telling you that's so fucking hot. Do it while you're fucking me. And maybe stand up and piss on me and then jump back on me. She's like, that's disgusting.

And then she thought about it five minutes later. And then she was like, it's turning me on. Is it so dirty and wrong? And you want me to do that? So then she's like, okay. And then she couldn't pee. You know, we're sitting there. It's a me on, it's so dirty and wrong, and you want me to do that. So then she's like, okay, and then she couldn't pee. You know, we're sitting there and she's like, it's a stage fright. So I said, you know what, just don't think about it.

Like just keep going and then just if it happens, it happens. And it happened and literally, there was a puddle under us. She pissed three times and it was so hot. And I never did that before. She's still a girlfriend right now? No, she's just a friend friend.

Okay, so do you sex with lots of different women at once? Relationships. Besides the job. To be honest with you, a lot of people, a lot of, I have a lot of friends. The friends that I only really hang out with in porn, I usually, other famous male porn stars that have been doing it for 20 years. Mark Davis, Dill DeBond, these are my closest friends. I don't hang out really with any of the girls So porn who what I do for a living and what I I'm off work a two different things people and

Then when I have my regular friends that don't do porn are like you are a soul name you never get naked You never bring fucking girls these porn girls the, and you're never trying to mack on girls. And I'm like, because like, is when I want to find somebody, then I find usually one girl that I want to have sex with all the time. And that does not do porn. I don't have, it's just, it doesn't, you don't shit with you eat right it doesn't work and And sex to me is the easiest thing to do. I need someone to stimulate my mind Because you can't have sex fucking 24 hours a day Right, so you want to be so you will be monogamous with someone sexually, but then you for your job

So have you found a woman that's cool with that like that you go to work You have sex with women and then you go home and have sex with her. How's that work? I put my job from when I was married, I mean, because we had problems. Was your problems at your porn star? That I couldn't separate. I was my peak of my career, and I couldn't, I cheated on her, and I couldn't separate me being a porn star and at home.

Right. So would you cheat, I mean, are you okay, for example, this, um, what's her name? Madison? Is that her name? Yeah. Why are you looking at me like that? Exactly. You've read her name. Okay, you had sex though this morning on the shoot and she was, I mean, that was like an hour they were going there and this morning you had sex and I'm so sorry, Mr. Shoot, but for example, I mean, are you really turned on in the moment when she's a hot woman? I'm turning on. I'm very, well, see,, well see I have a thing for women with red heads. Yeah, she's hot. I mean, she's a beautiful color hair.

I like white, I like everything, but I do like, I am attracted to girls that have white pacy skin and red hair, but I also like, I mean, the other day I had sex with this gorgeous black woman, like, and I'm really picky when it comes to black girls and she was like gorgeous. Like I would definitely impregnate her in Marriott. Really? Have you seen her since? Oh, yeah, I mean I worked with her yesterday. Oh, yesterday. So you, you bet sex them with two different people in two days for work. I did her first, this girl downstairs. I did her first boy girl.

She's been doing this for four years, but all bondage stuff and girl girl stuff. I did her last week. I did her first boy girl scene. And then I did her second one here. Oh one here and he did the third one. Wow. So how'd she do for her first time? Oh, I made girls feel very comfortable. I'm always about what turns you on, what doesn't. If you don't feel comfortable, let me know. I'll say something to director because a lot of the times the girls are afraid to say stuff because you know, they don't want to get in trouble or they want to keep working because you know, there's a lot of politics. Me being a veteran, me and men do control this business, I've said to directors, no,

she doesn't want to do that. I'm not going to do that. What kind of things don't women want to do? What if they don't want Duanol or, you know, just certain things, a certain position they're uncomfortable with. Some directors will make girls cry, I've seen the make girls cry. Wow. And I'm like, yo, I don't do that. Okay, so you're a good man. I've been raised by women my whole life.

Okay, here's another question I have for you. So I thought earlier I came in during the, you know, warm-up scene, you know, they weren't rolling yet, but Madison and the other actor were down there, like, it was a scene in a, it was just to be a art studio, and then there's a bed in the middle. So everyone's like looking at the art and then kind of looking at them.

It's like a voyeur scene, voyeuristic scene, and so I'm wondering, but then before that, they were like, cameras were on, but they're like making out and getting each other hot. What is that part of it? Like how Well, do you know the woman before you do the scene with her? Do you like five minute hi? Hi? I'm you know Joey. I'm how does that work? So for playing everybody's different, but this is how I operate I usually I'll leave the girl Well, at least unless I know them. I've worked with them and they're there another

Someone that I've worked with numerous times they're another someone that I've worked with numerous times and I don't, hey, how you doing? Good to see you, you know, just like if you go on a work and you work with someone all the time. But if someone new, I'll come up high, I'm Joey, nice to meet you. I guess, you know, we'll be having sex. And like, what do you like and what don't you like? You know? Okay. And I want to know what turns you on and what doesn't turn you on because if you don't say at least that, that you do something to somebody that's like, say you grab her here or do something that's tragically she's been like molested or raped or something, boy

friends done to her and you do something and they trigger that and then the energy is so negative and it's like Fuck's the whole vibe up of the scene So do you have like forms that you fill out so you can tell her like or she say okay? I like when you put my hair so how does it? Oh, do they always play really up to the performers to talk to each other And I don't like some guys would like try to mac on the girls and bring them the bathroom try to fuck them and A lot of the guys just don't they're're just, I don't know, I don't, I like to wait. Because I'm, I don't, this is,

they have sex with them before the actual scene, just to warm up. Sometimes they just, yeah, they need to get their stock grab in them and, you know, I want, you know, some, some not all, but some, but I've personally, I've never done that. I've done it with like, like people, I've had like, I've done stuff where

the civilian we call them civilians you're civilian like they'll be a strange or makeup artist or somebody there that I like I'm macking on right there and like we're falling around the bathroom and it's happened a few times I mean I've done at least 3,000 movies in my career, at least. See, but sex with over 3,000 women. Yeah, I've done over three or 400 magazine layouts worldwide. I have four avians have been nominated. I don't know if you know what the avians are. It's, it's, avian is the adult video news. It's a magazine, but they also in Vegas in January, they do the show. Right, I was just to go to the sheriff, but I couldn't tell. It's pretty nuts.

Wow. If you win an AVN award, it's usually for whatever it is. It's a male performer of the year, actor, best blow jaw, except they have it award. So what would you win for? Well, one numerous awards for the AVN of one. Best couple, sex scene in a film. Best three way, best group, and something else I can't remember.

Okay, so you're, okay, so you've had sex with over 3,000 women, move 4,000 women. What I wanna know is then, like, how do you separate it then? I mean, when you're having sex with someone. I'm all fashioned, I still love it. I still love women. Right, so what have you learned so you can read women's bodies you know what turns them on I mean there's a lot of men

like I said listen like your famous porn star women get intimidated they know girls that don't do porn get very intimidated by me they come again what do I do I just mone like this and do I need to tell them I just be yourself I go you're you're actually you're no different from the women and intimidated by me. I think, oh my God, what do I do? I just mown like this. And do I need to tell them I just be yourself? I go you're actually you're no different from the women and actually it's more of a turn on because it's more real for me. So you know in that scene, I'd down stare, so when I'm like an hour and then finally she was gonna have an orgy, she was gonna climax and then you then you're and then she was like max the doctor says, well do you want to show what you need to do and you're like, hey, those are the G-spotas. But my question for you is, is do women tell you beforehand

like this is how I orgasm? Sometimes they'll say, well, well, you know, she knows where to hit it. So she said something to them. That's not the wrong way that. No, I'm saying, but with you though, in the past, like, do women tell you before the scene, or do you just figure it out? Because some women don't they all orgasm differently? Yeah, I mean, sometimes they fake it too. I mean. So they fake it in the camera? I mean I never ask it. It's not really I could. Can you tell if a woman's faking? No. You can't tell. That's the only thing. I can do everything else. And you can't tell. Wow. And do you have a fake it? Fake what? Or you can't. But I've heard that men do fake it. Oh, oh, all right.

Abyn, one month they had a thing. It was called the men of porn. They had, you know, all our faces on the covers and stuff and they had categories for all the famous male porn stars in the world. And mine, while I was in, and one of the categories, it was for the most to come. Like I come a lot when I come. So there was only eight guys on that one list, and I was under Peter North. I don't know if you know who he is,

but very, I kind of have been around 20 years. He comes a lot too. So it's kind of like, I like that, that I kind of got like, like, you have many orgasms, or you've a lot of it, you've a lot of ejaculates. It's easy for me to come. Okay, you can come like several times.

I don't need to jerk my dick to come like I can fuck the coming and the girl can make me come That's good. That's a good um well, I think it's because I've come full circle now. I want to challenge myself So how do you challenge yourself? like like I want to like maybe Do reverse cowgirl and then come while we're fucking and shoot and they it looks hot you know or or just something that normally you don't do you know what haven't you done guys never do they want you to do guys they've asked me I just not for me okay how do you steal and I have I don't knock it I get a lot of gay friends and bisexual friends and if whatever

you're into, you know, it's just not. Okay, when the camera's rolling, are you conscious that the camera's on or do you just kind of let it go sometimes? I could probably do everybody's job in that room better. Really? What do you mean? I have camera work, lighting work, directing, I have directed to, so it's... So what do you like about the...

When I'm hired as talent, I'm not the chief. I'm the Indian. I'm there to do my job. What are you thinking? Like, oh, this would look better. This angle. I mean, you have to do that. You can't do that. You can't.

You can't be thinking, oh, there's a camera there. I might ask, this white cheek is better than the left. Ask cheek. No, this is you. Well, you just, I know where the lights are. I know where the cameras are without even doing anything, of course. I'm going to make the girl look good as possible. And myself is good as possible.

But I'm not not gonna break character. Not gonna say stop and this is how we should do it. No. So you're doing another scene tomorrow? Yeah. Okay what's that scene? I feel like I want to come watch you. I have sex now. Really? Oh you want to have sex? I want to watch you have sex. I don't know actually. You don't know you're just gonna show up. I've been doing this so long I don't even

remember the girl's names or what I'm doing. I mean 3000 pounds. I mean I do some modeling, I do like commercials and stuff and I kind of get that coming on set and you all become friends with the micapartis and the catering truck and then it's like you do so many commercials you just don't really remember and that day you all feel like best friends and it's like but- Model is a tough business. They make you feel so like fat and ugly.

Yeah sometimes I show up and I'm like, I was a well-amena model when I was 20 years old and I was 175 pounds and I could have made millions of dollars and I walked away from it. So how you doing, Starrou? Better money and porn. No, it just wasn't from my friend, it was a huge model, he got me into it in New York.

You're hot, I mean. No, no, no, I'm old and ugly now. How old are you? I'm 37. I was like. No, no, no, I'm old and ugly now. How old are you? I'm 37. I was like, you'd look and be like, well, he's beautiful. Like, Elmo like a statue gay, beautiful. I'm more of a man now, kind of rugged now, but I'm happy. It was never for me.

I did it for six months and walked away from my side doing steroids. I was a chip and deal stripper. You were? Yeah, I was 240 pounds shredded like a goddess. And they were like, you just fucked yourself. I'm like, I don't pounds shredded like a goddess and they were like You just fucked yourself. I'm like, I don't want to be a model Right people say that it means you cuz I've done some acting and some modeling like well, you know You're in the sex thing now. You know what you're second like I'm really interested because I'm not an expert like you are But I'm learning I can see you're I think I'm good. Yeah, I can see I would definitely do you what? Oh, yeah

Okay, I know I could just I've been around I can see you know, I would definitely do you. You what? Oh yeah. OK, and that note. Well, I could just, I've been around. I can sense things from people like, I can just see it in your eyes. What does that look like? I'm not going to tell you everything. I got to know, I'm giving out that look that I'm, I'd be good.

No, I can tell. OK. No, it's an energy. Like, I can go somewhere and not wanna, like be attracted to anybody and then I can sense this like be drawn to one person, definitely. All right, thank you. I thought you were one of the extras.

You did. I'm like, who the hell was that girl? You know? Yeah, I don't, didn't wanna be in it. I just wanted to watch my first vaccine. So tell me where people can find you. Website anything? Well, my website will be up soon. You can look on MySpace.com, Joey Ray, our Joey Ray triplex.com, which is coming soon.

Okay, because they got to see pictures of you. Or you can just Google me. Joey Ray, adult film star. Are you why? Are you why, yeah? Okay. And like, 3,000 films will come up on IMDB. Well, I mean, all different from the company. Every company has a comp on a million comps on me. You can actually go to Vivit and get a comp of Joey Ray and see me in like, a hundred scenes

and, you know. I'm going to go do that right now. Okay, Joey. Thank you. Yeah, right now. Why? I gotta see you. I mean, I that right now. Okay, Jerry, thank you. Yeah, right now. Why? I gotta see you. I mean, I'm curious now.

So let's get a drink. What? Let's go get a drink. Okay, we'll get a drink. You can show me off to your girlfriends and you go on a meet later. I'm like, I just found this hot porn star. I am gonna go meet my girlfriends.

They would love it if I brought you. Well, bring me. Oh my God. I love this city. You'll come, okay? Yes. I'm gonna be like a present for my friends. You can tell me to do anything and I'll do it. I'll spin on my head, naked,. Oh my God. I love this city. You'll come with me. Yes. I'm going to be like a present for my friends. You can tell me to do anything.

I'll do it. I'll spin on my head. Nick it. I don't care. You can use me entire. I'm single. I've been single for two years. How's that going?

It's, you know, it's not good. I mean, I would love to be in a relationship, but I'm not going to settle anymore. Yeah, I know the feeling. And I don't want to, I really don't want to be in front of the camera'm not going to settle anymore. Yeah, I know the feeling. I really don't want to be in front of the camera much longer to be honest with you. What do you want to do? I'm working on it. I'm directing photography work.

I don't want to jinx anything but I'm one of the biggest magazines in the world. I'm going to be doing some fetish photography work. Wow. Yeah. Keep me posted on everything. Okay, thank you so much Joy Ray. This is Sex with Emily. You can check us out at sexwithemily.com. Let us know what you think of this. This is our new Sex with Emily Unplugged podcast. Thanks for listening. Send us an email feedback at sexwithemily.com. I want to tell you about one of the amazing sponsors that is helping keeping sex with Emily free to my listeners. Promescent is the world's first and only FDA-approved treatment for premature ejaculation.

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