Sex With Emily - SWE Quickie: Breaking Bad Sex Habits

Episode Date: April 7, 2017

Life is busy and there never seems to be enough hours in the day to accomplish everything we need. It’s a miracle we ever find time for love and sex. That’s why we’re bringing back the Sex With Emily Quickie-- a shorter show that’s—trust me—just as fulfilling. The SWE inbox was flooded with many loyal listeners trying to kick their bad sex and dating habits. On today’s Quickie, Emily is reading her favorite responses to our Spring Cleaning contest and giving her thoughts. From getting rid of the ex, to breaking free from dating apps to taking the TV out of the bedroom, these listeners are committing to a healthier, happier sex life! So tune in and get inspired! One lucky loyal listener will win a Magic Wand! Could it be you? Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep this podcast FREE: Magic Wand, System Jo and Intensity. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Today's show we're bringing back the Sex with Emily Quicky. So a shorter show, but just as fulfilling. I love that you're also committed to kicking bad sex and dating habits, so I'm reading the responses to our spring cleaning contest. I think you'll be as inspired as I was just reading them to make some changes in your sex and dating life. Thanks for listening. As a my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean like laundry?

It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm on for a sec. So, I'm going. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can easily subscribe to the podcast, check out all our social media, it's at Sex with Emily across the board. I love hearing from you. And hello to all the sex with Emily listeners. So welcome to this week's Quickie, Super Satisfying Podcast, but a little quicker.

What this is going to be about, we did a contest. We just spring cleaning contest. Thank you to Magic Wand. Someone's gonna win the Magic Wand. And our question was, we put out to my listeners, I said to you guys, what bad habits are you gonna give up and how? What sex and dating habits do you wanna get rid of this year?

Do not wanna continue with this behavior. And I was so blown away by your responses, they were so good that I was like, this should be a show. And I wanna read these. And I was so blown away by responses, they were so good that I was like, this should be a show and I wanna read these and I was inspired and I think that they're, they all kind of check these boxes of things that, I think a lot of us could kind of take away and might, you might hear and think,

yeah, you know what, I wanna get rid of that too. So I'm gonna read them and then we're gonna do another quickie next week and I'm gonna announce the winner. So thanks everyone for emailing me and sending in your responses. Okay, so here's the first one. I'm a serial internet app data and always end up having sex with guys straight away.

This hasn't been working for me for years. You think I get the message already. So this is my bad habit. I wanna clean out and try to slow down a bit. Former connection and then have some mind-blowing sex. Love Nicole from New Zealand. Okay, I love this one because I think it's important in dating and sex, you know, in relationships to make the rules that work for you.

I love Nicole that you recognize what wasn't working and you made the change. Because people always ask me, I had a woman ask me other night, I was out and she goes, do you think I should wait, you know, to sleep with someone, you know, I just started dating again, she's divorced and I'm like, they're on a rules. Like how do you feel when you wake up in the morning and you slept with someone, you know, I just started dating again. She's divorced and like, there are no rules. Like, how do you feel when you wake up in the morning and you slept with someone when you just met him? For some people, men and women, they're like, it's amazing. I love it.

It feels great. There's no strings attached, great sex, and now I'm going to go for hike. And I didn't think about it. And for other people like Nicole, you thought, it's not working for you and you're making a change. So remember, we get to set our own rules and what works for us. And I love Nicole that you were able to self reflect and make that change. So remember, we get to set our own rules and what works for us. And I love Nicole that you were able to self-reflect and make that change.

So love that one. Okay, here's another great response. I met a guy a few months ago and after sleeping together, pretty early on, I realized he was different. He took me on dates, met friends, co-workers, we cook for one another, all the deity-type things. He was open and honest about how he doesn't want

a relationship and how he couldn't be emotionally vulnerable to me. I realize in that moment that emotional vulnerability is something I want to find in a partner. I want the chance to find someone I want to open myself up to with as much I do with him and I want to receive that back. The biggest part of my goal is recognizing and letting someone go who doesn't want that emotional vulnerability with me. Rose. Okay, Rose, I love this. It sounds like you had an aha moment. And I think this is great because maybe you were at a point when you did just kind of, you were like, you know what? I'm going to be the cool girl.

I don't need emotions for anybody because I don't want to be vulnerable. And you realize I think this comes with dating and growth that you're like, you know what? Actually, that's not working for anymore. So I just love that, you know, you're like, wait, wait, stop. Ah, no, I want a guy who could be emotionally available. I got it, I've been there, I love it. Okay, next one is, I have recently gone out of a very abusive manipulative relationship

with a man to whom I was engaged to. I'm only 20, but we had a house together and we were trying to have a baby. I had a few days to myself to breathe, think, and listen to your podcast. My head was full of all these ideas about being single, discovering myself, how I deserve to have sex, and shouldn't be stuck in an engagement with someone who with held sex for me as it means a control, and overall enjoying life, my sexuality. I immediately

started the long, long, long, lots of gzier, break up process, and I'm just starting to feel free from it all. That was major declutter number one. Next, I completely decluttered the house. I asked myself what brought me joy and what didn't, and I sold, sent to charity, and dumped so many things that were just cluttering my life. I've now immersed myself in the things that made me happy.

I'm meditating, I brought some sex toys, and I'm in the process of moving a house to somewhere that's really central. I just want to thank you for your podcast. You generally and truly are one of the initial reasons I had the courage to end the relationship. I am thankful every day found the strength to stick up for myself and follow through with it. I listen religiously and I'm hoping you start doing a third show soon. Gas water, Liz Smith from Australia. This is the third show. I don't even know that you said that there. That's so funny. This is the third show. So yeah, thank you. This was amazing. I'm first of all I'm so proud of you. It is not easy to leave a house and

engagement with the guy and especially in these abusive relationships oftentimes, you know We're in them. We don't realize that we're in them. So I'm so so proud of you and that you know all the steps that you've taken and that you Were able to get out and pull back and reflect and the podcast helped you and figure out like what is next for you. Because breakups are never easy and you know being in this you know vulnerable place and you know emotional abuse all that stuff the fact that you were able to stick through it because remember you guys I know so if you might be this might be triggering stuff for you guys maybe you're like I'm gonna do it. It's not gonna be easy but if you think that you need to break up with someone you're

probably right so thank you Elizabeth and keep me posted and how it goes. I want to hear from all you guys because also here's nothing I want to say. There's a lot of power in writing things down and like like the fact that you took the time you said this is what I'm going to do I'm going to ditch these habits and you sent to me. I actually want to hear from all of you and I want to know did you stick with this how's it going? If you need encouragement we can talk about it on the. But I think just making that verbal commitment now that I'm reading it, hopefully that I'll solidify it for a lot of you who made these commitments and also for people who's listening. Next one is what I need to clutter my sex and relationship life of is my ex. I'm always going back there. Why? Why do I do it? I'm always going back

for ex-sex and it needs to stop. I need to dump them for my life completely, but I just can't help sleeping with them. I don't know how to get rid of them for good. Amanda, 30, Queensland, Australia. God, all of my Australian listeners, you guys are amazing, I have to come visit you. Okay, Amanda, I hope you got rid of your acts like dump them. Why do you go back to it? Because it's the last person that you're with,

it feels good, it's comfortable, and like a very like, it's almost like an addiction. Like it's an unhealthy attachment We have to something that just we thought that made us feel good or it made you feel good with good at one time And I've been there I've done that and then that you know sleeping with the ax I've like thought about the ax and so the more distance you get from it the better you'll feel I promise you and I mean

I've even gone through this with friends like you're still checking out his Instagram page And I she's like my friends have me, stop for a week. And I did. I thought about her. I made the commitment. And the more I stopped looking at stuff and reaching out to him and not returning his tax, this is a while ago. It really did help me. But it's like quitting anything.

If you've ever quit cigarettes or any kind of habit, it's the first few days are hard. And you need to develop circles around you of people that make you feel good about yourself. But you can do it Amanda, I know it. Hopefully someone else is going to delete, de-friend, and declutter their ex now too. Okay, I love this one. Emily, I'm gonna stop trying to have sex with my girlfriend

of four years without the presence of Loub, Omar. Omar, yes, please, please, please stop doing that. Got it, I love it. You are helping me Omar, or you are helping me get one step closer to my dream of a Loub on every nightstand. And you know the loob I love. I love Joe Loob. You guys, we have all of them on our website. We've got the flavored loobs. We've got the silicone loobs. We've got the water-based loobs. Check them all out on our website.

Why have sex that loob? You guys life is too short. Here's another one. I must say, well, you do make it sound easy. Some old habits do die hard. However, I know that a substantial part of the battle is having the mentality to rid oneself of those habits that no longer serve us. With that being said, the one profound habit that no longer serves me is self-doubt. I want to rid my mental psyche of all two paralyzing habit of not believing in myself enough. If I can do that, everything in my life will improve, including better sex, Eric. Eric, you're so right, you're so right.

Self-doubt. It could be, it's a process. It's easier to have than done and, you know, here's some tips just to get rid of it. I just was thinking about this. I was like, what do I do to get rid of negative thoughts and self-doubt? So I think all of us can really affect it. We have these think voices in our head

that say like, you'll never be good enough. You're gonna fail. You know, and it can torment us. Like when we're trying something new, there could be a voice that says, oh, you won't do that. You won't follow through. And I could say, you just think positive, happy thoughts, you know?

But sometimes I don't always work out either. We need a little bit more. So the first thing I would say is identify yourself doubts. Like help to write them down, reframe them. I think writing things down, you guys are so much power. Like I said, like writing down these goals that you have. Think about it. Like when you're writing down this negative thought

and you're like, okay, I'm gonna fail if I asked this girl, you could say, or you might be thinking, I'll never meet someone. You could change that thought and say, I haven't met anyone yet. And then you can keep reading these, like, right down when you have these negative thoughts and then reframe them. And get rid of the negative people in your life, the people who bring you down, the toxic people. Recall times when you've succeeded in your life too, this is for Eric and everybody. Like if you have these thoughts top of mind, it'll help lift you up when you're doing all the self-doubt. But I did get through this and I did, you know, I had my boss gain me a raise. There's a lot of successes, right? Even

that they're little things. I'm so glad I'm happy. It took me three months to get my car fixed, okay? I had to end in my car and I was like, I gotta get a fix. It's driving me crazy. I finally did it. I feel proud. Went to the post office. I'd package my car and I was like, I did it. You know, sometimes it's just little tiny things and finally did it. I feel proud. Went to the post office. I'd package my car and I was like, I did it. You know, sometimes it's just little tiny things and you're like, I got through today, I made these things happen. Write it down. Make it happen.

You guys can get it yourself out in the negative thoughts. We can all do it. Okay, here's the last one. I want to kick the habit of having sex and bed while the TV is on. It feels so impersonal and it becomes a habit of having dinner, getting to bed and watching the tele and then if the TV show finishes, we fall asleep. Georgina. Okay Georgina, this is a great one.

I think everybody can't write out the TV in the bedroom. So many couples, they just kind of cartel up the TV instead of, you know, cartelling up to each other, and we all know what that's doing. It does kill a lot of our sex lives. I know you love the television. There's nothing wrong with watching your favorite shows together on the couch,

but let the bedroom be the place for intimacy and sleep. And another thing I want out of this is the cell phone in the bedroom. That's also a bad thing. I've just started to actually charge my cell phone outside my bedroom and I bought an alarm clock because I realize that I'm into me. Even when I'm dating though, I've done that. I'm on my phone and I'm staring at my phone and it's distractions. I think all the electronics out of the bedroom will help will enhance your intimacy and you also have better sleep. It's much more

relaxing. So everybody, if you're TV out of the bedroom or at least or Gina, I love this commitment. Let me know how it goes. See you guys, I really love these because you guys were so all these responses were amazing. We're gonna do another show with this next week because you guys were like so reflective inside full and you're ready to throw out these habits. And I just think again, I was inspired and I hope you were as well. And our winning response was not highlighted today and I'll be sharing the winning response with you next week during part two. So now that you made this commitment, please let me know how it's going.

Email me feedback at sexwithathammy.com, keep us up to date, include spring cleaning follow up so I can quickly locate your updates and I will report back to all of you and I'm here for you, I'm your champion, I'm your coach and I'm right alongside you. So yeah, you guys, life is all about self-improvement, we just want to keep moving forward. The promise is, it's good for us. It's good work.

So thank you everyone for emailing us and sending in your responses and thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Helena, producer, Lark, Jamie and Michael. They're awesome and thanks everyone for following me and all social media and listening and talk the new listeners We've just had so many new listeners the last few months. It's amazing. Welcome to the Sex with Emily family Thanks so much for listening was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithfamily.com

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