Sex With Emily - SWE- Sex for Grownups

Episode Date: February 21, 2013

Sex is your birthright, use it forever. Emily interviews celebrity psychologist, "sexpert," and wise elder Dr. Dorree Lynn about how to have amazing sex after 50. While you might not be able to do it on the kitchen table anymore, you can still have sex on the floor. Emily and Dr. Dorree give advice for men and women with low libido, sex after menopause, and talking to your partner about changing your sex life. Do not settle for a life without sex. The golden years are for getting it on. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey guys, can I see a question? How are your balls feeling right now? Are they super clean and dry? Does your partner complain or is not always willing to go downtown? If so, I've got something for you. I've just launched a new product called Down Under Comfort for my brand Emeline Tony. It's really unique. It's a cream to tap yoga powder formula that is designed to keep men fresh and clean

down under or wherever they need. And girls can use it too, under their brush, the lower back, anywhere they want to stay fresh. So how keep this podcast free and your balls dry? Use code Emily to get 20% off your first purchase. Check them out today at Emily and Tony.com. Trust me and you're welcome. I Look into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex

Eyes that block our secret institutions Betrubized they call them in a bygone way hey, Emily You got a boyfriend because my man you hear you just got his heart broke and he thinks you're kind of cute I've got everything oh my The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common though? What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much?

Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm off here. I'm gone. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. Your list means a sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information about sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com.

We can listen to our podcast, send it for our mailing list, our SS feed, and all that great stuff. And you are going to want to check out the sex with Emily's site because we are making some changes in the next few months next few weeks which is very exciting and I'm here with menace. Hello. How are you doing? I'm great. It's good to see you. You too. It's been a long time. I know you were off Where were you the East Coast New York New York City one of my favorite places in the world? Oh my god. I had the best best time. Yeah, I love it there and I want to talk real quickly about today's show We have a special guest. We have Dr. Dory Lynn

She wrote a book called sex for grown-ups. She reveals the truth lies and must tries for great sex after 50 and I think it's 50 It's 40 I think people think that sex is gonna wane after while you're gonna be in a relationship You're gonna get older you're not gonna have good sex and I get a lot of emails about this topic So I'm so glad she's here and we're're going to get into that in a few minutes. And talk about her book and all that stuff. So Menace, yeah, oh, and I have a new iPhone app out, Kegel Camp. And I have to say, I have another iPhone app, 101 sex tips from Sex Family, and I've been getting tons, I got great feedback from all of them, but Kegel Camp has been like, through

the roofs, because Kegel exercises are the most important exercise that you're not doing. And I know how to sell it, that's why. And you sold it for me last time, but it's doing really well, and I'm getting tons of emails from people who say the cagals doing the exercises are actually working. It's helping them, it's helping them to better sex, it's helping men with sexual issues they might have and women, so it's awesome. It's all good. And yeah, New York was amazing.

It was like 78 degrees, It was beautiful good looking people I think wherever you go everyone just looks better You kind of do better. It's like new your eyes are open. It's like here. I'm like I know everyone but when you go to New York Huh, men the people you kind of stop the left. Oh, you didn't tell me. I know. I hate by the way I'm going to New York City. I had to go from fair important meetings. Okay, the IP meetings Which I'll tell you all about. Sweet. Yeah, and then we also have a survey on our site that I want to mention this because we are again doing some changes to the show and I'd love to hear from you. You'll see a little button in the right hand corner and you can just fill the survey

I'll take you five minutes and just tell us what you like and what you don't like about the show. We totally appreciate it and that'd be great. I've been having a lot of listeners hit me up on Facebook lately. I know you say that every week, and I don't ever hear, I come bring in everything I get. What are they saying to you? They just say they love the show. They never go in depth with me. Oh, they don't go in to depth.

They don't say, these three-page emails like I get. Because they know that. They're too long, by the way. I can't read them. I can't read them. I don't have time. And also, I've explained this many times before before I used a program that updates all my networks So you might think I'm on there, but I'm really not

But if I am responding Yeah, but if I am responding like on a chat or something I am talking to you, right, but there There was a guy who's really Really into letting me know that he likes finishing on his girl's face. And he's really happy that we talked about it and he likes to let me know every time he does it. Oh, really? That's interesting. That's very nice of him. That's what he's doing. He's like tonight's scored. I had a couple email me if I was actually

since some of the emails that we're going to read on the next show, but they were saying that he's like, I just had the most amazing. He'd like to describe detailed by detail of the entire sexual encounter. He had just a wife of 20 years. And the amazing it was. I'm like, well, great.

Good for you. I'm home working and writing about sex. I'm not actually having sex. So I appreciate hearing everyone's real sex stories. That's good. Yeah. Love hearing it. Nothing else new. Yeah, lots of new things. Oh my god. No dinner parties. No, I always have dinner parties, but okay, so I've got been going out with some people. And I went out with a guy, a British guy that I met, and I know this might seem superficial, but I love the accent.

Like I didn't even remember really much about him just that he had the accent and he was smart and he was cool and I went out with him For 20 minutes. I should just start faking it accent. It's hot. It is. I went out with him so that was fun But it wasn't it wasn't my he's not my dream man That's hope is the option to use her. I think Americans automatically give British with accents 20 IQ points with accents 20 IQ points. Just on the Madison. I just want her. I'm like, he's funny.

He's a nice guy. And I may be else to him again. But I was like, you an accent that's so hot. Is that ridiculous? And then another thing I just needed to bring up is that is about, so I was staying with my friend in New York, my best oldest guy friends. Ties one, get your opinion on this.

10 years. OK, what? No, we've never hooked up. Why are you laughing? Why are you laughing? You know the best word. We never hooked up. I knew you were gonna ask me if I hooked up with it.

We've never had sex best friends. Live with them in LA for two years. Like we talk every day. He's got a new girlfriend. I was coming to New York. He's like, stay with me. And then he realized that he had asked permission of his girlfriend.

Yeah. And that did not go over well. And she was like, I don't know this girl. She's hot. I looked at her picture. I don't think she should be staying at over well. And she was like, I don't know this girl. She's hot. I looked at her picture. I don't think she should be staying at your place. And he's like, you need to understand that women get jealous and women are like this.

And I end her, and he's like, women are like this. And I'm like, you cannot link it. All of women, all of female kind and saying, I'm not like that. Like, I've met the most amazing women from my, I think it is a lot when a guy has girlfriends. A man who has no women friends, to me says more than the guy's got a lot, which says that he can handle women.

He doesn't have to be sleeping with them. He can appreciate women for things other than sex. We can have a real fulfilling friendship and she didn't get that. And he was trying to explain to me that most women would feel that way and I've never felt that way. So I would say 95% of women would feel that way.

Yeah. Me staying there. So I couldn't say there. Oh, you can't say? Well, I did eventually, but he wasn't allowed to sleep there. So I just want to know people think about it because I'm not that girl because one of my very best girlfriends is my ex's best friend. She's part of the group that I always hang out with and I never wouldn't matter. So I thought that was interesting that went the jealousy of way out. I'm not a

typically I've been jealous not typically a jealous woman though. I would say overall. Uh-huh, and so when he was trying to say that I women like that I didn't like it Well, it's not true. Well, it is true Not all of a sudden. You think 95% women would have freaked out. I don't think That they would be extreme about it Say oh no, and they would be like putting their foot down, but I would say it would bother them. Yeah, maybe you know Okay, I don't know how far they would take take it to express that but Do you find that most women you date are more jealous than not if you had to say like I'm a scale one to ten ten being super jealous? What would the average be? I

Make sure not to try to date something like super jealous. Okay, maybe they fall through the crack sometimes But I tried not to at all because it's a pain to deal with, you know me, I don't like dealing with things like that. And especially someone that used a public personality and myself too, we get a lot of feedback. We have a lot of Facebook friends or fans and people are like, which my fan pages are sexually lonely, by the way. People are like, you know, a guy has to just have a lot of confidence and we have a lot of strength within himself today. I think.

And, you know, we're still looking for that. So okay, let's turn to Dr. Dory Lynn. Hi. Hi there. It's so good to see you. Okay, sex for everyone. And by the way, I do think most women get jealous. They do, huh?

Yes. More so than men. And a doctor saying that. I know. See? Yes. More so than men and a doctor saying that I know see yes more so than men because women are just more complicated that's true we are complicated you've such a great voice I can't even stand it it's amazing voice I say I say women are the rubik's cube of life is that true or not true I would say that's a good way to put it yes thank you thank you. I love her already. I know.

We've only had it on the show a few minutes. I know, it's awesome. So let me just give a little background here on Dr. Dory. Dr. Dory. Fine. Okay, she's a PhD as a practicing psychologist and life coach with more than 40 years of experience. She's the founder of the website, DrDoryLin.com. That's two Rs and two E's.

And this is all on the website. She's also AARP's media sex expert and has her own Segment sent to you. She's been on MSNBC, CNN, Facts News, VH1, Good Morning America. Oh my God, so many things. And she has this new book and sex record ups. And the reason why I thought this was such a great show

is because as you know, I get tons of emails sent to feedback at sex with Emily.com. And a lot of the questions I get asked are, we've been in a relationship for 20 years. How do we keep the sex life hot? I'm not really desiring. You know, either my wife doesn't want sex anymore. I don't want sex anymore. Generally, over 50 are people having sex. How do you sex? What are the challenges? And this book talks about all that stuff. And I think it helps and people of any age, really. Well, I love to say it's for everyone over 50 and anybody lucky enough to get there. Exactly. And I'm going to do a series after this.

I love it. With all kinds of ages. You should. Yeah, it's really fun. So what are some of the challenges that, let's talk about the challenges. Like there's a myth. First of all, I think people, first of all, I think there's myths that people think that, like, oh, you don't have great sex out for 50 or every, but what are some of the challenges

that do arise for people when, as they get older? Menopause and... Well, exactly that, we say, reveals the truth's lies and must rise for great sex after 50. It is a myth that people stop having sex, and if you want proof of that, the fastest growing, this is not great proof, you know, not the happy proof, but the fastest growing rate of STD and HIV are women over 50. And in nursing homes, and you don't get that in the news on time. And you don't get that from sitting on a toilet bowl.

No, so someone's going on somewhere. Yeah. Right. And the reason for that, oh, it's two-fold. First of all, the divorce rate after 50. You know, the kids grow up. You look at each other. You don't know how to renegotiate a relationship. You're out on the dating scene. And you don't know to use condoms because most people grew up thinking they were just for rights and

procreation and kids at any age still can't imagine that their parents or grandparents are doing it. Well they're not. Well they're not. Let's just I'm here. I'm here. I like to say my husband, dumb, is proud there's some pictures in the book and he loves to say, well, he had to lose weight for the pictures. Well, I can see this happening because I stay home during the day sometimes and there is nothing good on TV.

So you have to be doing something and that's having to say. You're assuming I win. You know? I wish. But you know, you've got two, you've got two kinds of people over 50. First of all, women hit menopause, and that's a wake up call. And sex is not the same hormone driven sex

that you have when you're a kid. I mean, nothing stays the same. Things sag, things move, you change. This is going to happen to all of us, everyone. Every time. So, people, women get menopause, and they get vaginal dryness, and they lose libido. And unless they do something proactively, sex can kind of go down the drain. So ladies, don't just settle, you know, do something. But in my opinion, and I may be the only woman in America

who thinks this, so men as you might be interested, I think men have a harder time than women because the ads are all geared to them. And you know all that little fine print at the end of ads and the biagrae. Right. Well, there's a reason for that. And that is 40% of men stop using biagrae, C. L. S. Leietra, or they can't use it because it interferes with other medication. So, but men don't really have the opportunity to talk about sex very openly. You know, it's still kind of John Wayne, they lie a lot, you know, my my saying man. And they think they're the only ones out there.

So I'm out here to say, talk about it, communicate, tell your doctor, and not, you know, doctors are not always the very best people to talk to. Very interestingly, just to go back to HIV and STD, an estimated 40% of cases, people over 50 are misdiagnosed. Young people are afraid, young professionals are afraid to ask. And older people kind of say, oh well, you know, it's done in overwind. So, doctors are good. Talking to your friends is great. Talking to sex with Emily is fabulous. So go to my website, DrDoryland.com. Got a lot of information on your website. Time is a great place for people. We even have an eStore that sells great products.

What kind of products? Well, sexy products for- We've got sexy products. I am a huge believer in vibrators, especially big secret. The largest group of purchasers, of vibrators, are people over 50. And you don't have to go to porn shops. Amazon carries 28,000 or something. Right. Products. And I sponsor the Adam and Eve,

which we're going to give a shout out to. Right. And if Adam and Eve- is great. I'm pushing the product right now called aloe cadabra which is a looper can that is completely organic. Oh great. Stavulus. Love it. Um, Loube is so important and so underrated. Oh, people should always have a bottle of Loube by their bed with their condoms.

Absolutely. Lube's, you know, there's saliva lube and then there's a little extra lube. Right, exactly. And use what works. But the thing that I love about talking about vibrators, sexy, lingerie, all this kind of stuff, but especially vibrators is we have a big myth. You know, when you go to Wal-Mart and you go to Neiman Mark, it doesn't matter what level, and they show all these massagers. Well, we all know they have multiple purposes and everybody pretends not and as you get older you need eyeglasses, you need curing aids, you need to, you know, cane sometimes. Why not? You want a vibrator? I know and this is like more than half of Americans have purchased

vibrators right now. There was just something in the paper. Yeah, so are there any certain vibrators that you endorse or that you like? We love talking about the anything that you recommend for women. I do love Lalo. I think Lalo is so cool. And Lalo. Lalo, I think it's a little pricey for some people. Rabbit is always great.

Rabbit's great. And I think you go into a store or online and you stay away from the porn sites. That is true. People are afraid to go shopping because they think if they're on a porn site, they're gonna get spam and they will. So you go to a legit site like one of ours. Exactly.

And you, they'll be afraid to experiment and use the one that works for you or you and your partner. So we're talking about their cock rings for people. Yes, so we're talking about... And they're cock rings for people. Yes, exactly. I love our rings.

So let me give a big shout out to our advertiser, Adam and Eve, just as long as we're on this topic of sex toys. It's time. Buy a vibrating ring. How great are vibrating rings, Dr. Dory? They're great because they're women and men, right? They help. They please the women and the men.

You can get a vibrating ring, you can get the rabbit. It's the time. If you're going to buy sex toys, we so appreciate you supporting our advertiser, Adam and Eve, and they're also offering 50% off most items to all of the loyal sex-themmy listeners, they'll even throw in three adult DVDs and a free gift and free shipping, which is I love. So you go to AdamNive.com and your coupon code Emily at checkout. It's that easy. So take advantage and go buy yourself a ring today. Okay. So yes, I asked a question. Yes rewind just back a little bit For a really younger listeners who might might not know what metapause is

You know what you know, I'm telling you if I probably It picks some kid off the streets right now a young kid and said hey do you know what metapause is how does it happen when does it happen what's going on you know that's that is such a great question I know that's what I do thank you thank you menopause happens to all women period and it you know women used to die at age 51. So we never had an issue. Now we're living longer. We have all these sexual challenges. And men and paws is the cessation of the production

of eggs so that you can't get pregnant anymore. And what happens is you lose estrogen. Estrogen is your sex home hormone. So it really, it's almost like a drug withdrawal. Some women go smoothly through it and some women really have a rough time. It affects their moods, it affects their libido. It can be really rough for women and I just beg women not to give in. There are so many things that you can do. And you don't have to do hormone replacement which may be dangerous. There's so many other things.

Because I was watching Sex in the City and one of the girls thought she had it and she was freaking out. But they say 50 but it can start in your mid 40s, right? Well, the average age is 42, but there's something called paramedics that starts to affect women when they're in their 40s. Sometimes they get hit in their 40s. They don't know what's happening. Right.

They have low libido. We get so many emails about women with low libido. And what would you say? And doctors confuse that with depression and they pop them with pills. Ladies, take charge of your own health and don't just go on antidepressants. Yeah, let's talk about that for one second

because antidepressants are like the biggest killer of your sex drive. And so many people are on, I always say to people when they're emailing you, I'm like, well, are you on, a lot of men write in, let's say by their partner, she has a little sex drive. And so many people are on, I always say to people when they're emailing you, I'm like, well, are you on, a lot of men write in, let's say, by their partner, she has a little sex drive. And I'm like, is she on any medication? Like, it's just simple, like, you have to address that. It's how many people are on any presence now? It's like one, two, and a kind or something. That's why I say, and I'm, you know, very grateful

that we have the medical profession. But that's why I say be very careful who you talk to and what they do, because not everybody is trained in sexuality, and they'll often give what the latest drug company has just been using. Exactly. So it's the same drugs, you know, they've been talking about the female biographer so long now. There's male fat, wasn'tn't there a female biograph.

And it's because really, it's sex with women is more complicated. That's to do with their brain. So can you talk a little bit about, you talk about the brain as a sexiest part of the body? Like, how do you engage that with women? We talk about that a lot on the show. How do you think? For both men and women.

Because the big secret about stuff like biograph, if 40% of men stop using it, it means it's not working, or it interferes with antidepressants and all the other stuff. Or if you remember that great Jack Nicholson movie, something's got to give. Yeah, something's yeah, and they say, you know, are you on my apron? He says, no, and he says good because we're going to give you nitrates and we'll only kill you and he just jumps off. That's kind of our society. So to go back to your question, which was female, yeah, was it? I asked you to buy back and then the brain, the use of the brain because it's because brain is the brain is the biggest sex organ and we all know and of course

This is kind of generality that oh and we say women Have sex in order to talk men talk in order to have sex and it's Kind of true. I love talking after sex. I can get it before they fall asleep, right? Right, right, you know, so It's really attitude and especially after 50 when your hormones aren't going WAM bam, thank you, ma'am, you know when you're 22 you don't think about it. So What I tell people is it starts in your brain, it starts with attitude. You have an opportunity as the hormone-driven sexuality wanes, the opportunity for real sensuality

gains. And it's a very different kind of sex for most people. And if they're going to equate their sexuality to 14 times a night when they were young studs or studs, excuse me, they're going to feel like failures. It's the process, not the goal. Can you talk a little bit about that, the process, then what you're talking about, that what women have to do if let's say it's not working for them. So what is that process? Well, the biggest trick is really intimacy and communication. Women just get so turned

on by the relationship. It doesn't mean you have to get married. It doesn't mean you have to have your special partner. It doesn't even mean you have to have the same sex partner. But we want that connection with somebody. They want, the women are just built differently than men. So any partner should be aware of that. The other thing is women can't expect a guy, you know, that's old fashioned to just take charge. You have to take charge of your own sexuality. You've got to tell your partner what you like,

what you don't like in long-term relationships. And if you're a little bit shy, you could show them or those high heels that you used to wear that now hurt your feet, that does happen when you get on the floor. Well, they don't hurt you when you're lying down. Right? Exactly. Put on the heel.

I love the heels and bad. I can have a little bit of fun. But what I think really messes up long-term couples is they get involved, they give it the office, and they get involved with work, kids, houses, mortgages, all that kind of stuff that scares people to death and prevents them from getting into a relationship understandably. So I am a huge believer in things like date night where you just get out and the two of you, whether if you have money, go to a hotel. Hotel sex is best.

Love hotel sex. Someone else cleans up, it's awful. This is fabulous. And there's something about the newness. You know, change. Exactly. The whole thing. Love hotel sex. It's always sexy at any age. You've got to get out of the routine. But people forget in a long-term relationship to just connect with each other. You know, you go at the end of the day, you see each other in your sweats, and you kind of throw whatever is on the table,

and you're tired after the kids. And the job you have is to get out. You make time for everything else. Make time for yourself. Yeah. Make time for each other. You don't prioritize it and they get into these ruts and their relationships, I think, and they don't, they let sex fall by the wayside and they think, oh, but everything else is okay except for sex.

And it's like, I think you can't do that because you're not connecting that. You're not truly 100% intimately connecting if you're not for sex and it's like I think you can't do that because you're not connecting that you're not truly 100% intimately connecting if you're not having sex. You have hidden anger and you are resentful. You are, it's going to show up in the bedroom. Really. So it's, a lot of it is teaching people, you know, how few people have really seen good relationships? Are you used sex for the city? Sex in the city? Yeah. Sex for the city, I don't care.

There should be. Contrary city, whatever. Most people get their education from all kinds of weird places. And then they evaluate themselves against these unrealistic expectations Like we say pornography. Yeah, right and Interestingly, there's a whole I'm sure you know this with through Adam and Eve and I talk about it on Dr. Dorylin.com

I even talk about it in sets for grownups. We have a chapter called the Great Joyride There's now couples, Uratica. We no longer call it porn. And it's storyline and pictures, which is a fabulous combo. Because women want storyline more men, one cut to the chase and have pictures. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, couples kind of watch porn. I think the couples think that or women think it's a more of a guy thing, but there are special porn that you can find. You can even go on Adam and Eve or any website and you can look at for couples porn, porn for women, porn for men. It breaks it down.

It makes it easier for you. You know, when I talked about process, I have to, one of my favorite stories is, because you do have to slow down. When you get older, I don't know about you, Hefner. I don't know what he's doing. He's not doing it. I don't believe he's got a stand in.

I don't know what he's doing. But anyway, you do have most people slow down. You've got to exercise. That makes a huge difference. At any age, yes. And another reason for vibrators is if you don't use it, you lose it. So it keeps the body going. Sex really does start in the brain both emotionally and physiologically because the brain pumps

the heart, the heart pumps the blood, the blood capes, the genitals going and all the rest. So with women, you've got to just change your attitude, be a little bit adventurous. And go after it. What are some of the adventurous things that we, what are some secrets on grade sucks, would you say, age 50 to 100? I mean, let's think about, can about King King of Couples they've been together for 20 25 years or who knows maybe it's the first date and they haven't dated anyone else in a while or they're widowed or something but how do you bring adventure and excitement and fantasy interrelationship. If you've never done it like let's say you've been with your

partner for 20 years we're like we've been having stagnant sex it's not great I want to spice it up and they think it's so daunting because we've been doing this having sex the same way for 20 years or 10 years. How do you bring it in? Among other things, there's lots of positions in the book. Great. You bring it in slowly because people forget that sex is part of intimacy, and intimacy is part of relationship. If you're in a relationship,

so a lot of people just get into the, as I said before, you know, intimacy your partner comes last, that's ridiculous. If you as the couple don't come first, you lose it, and that's one of the big reasons there's divorce. Communication is key. Sharing activities makes a big difference. Slowly introducing new positions,

lingerie, nights away, and you may not be an acrobat anymore. You may not be able to do it on the kitchen tape, but you certainly can use the floor. Sure, you can use the floor. Love it. Always use the floor. And the other thing I was going to say as you get older since you asked about men a pause and I want you to go back to something about men. But a lot of people as they get older and get on medications turn their bedrooms into medicine rooms. And I think your bedroom should be a sacred place. Keep it, you know, redesign design it, we decorate it.

Whether you have money or not, it doesn't take it. Get the clutter out, get the CV out of the bedroom. Get that clicker out, it gets the bad TV out. And then it's a guy who's TV, I don't think couples to people. I have a friend who's getting a new one. I always have a TV, that's why it's so hard to keep the TV. I'm going to get one that was on the list. But you're not living with someone full time, right?

That's true, but when you do, you gotta get rid of TV. Yeah, now, you've gotta be very careful about the TV. TV is amazing. I know you've seen it, but it's pretty awesome. What do you think I am? Ninety? No, I'm just kidding. No, I'm just kidding.

I don't see it. I don't see it. I have it. But you've gotta be really careful, because it's addictive, and then you forget. Yeah, and you've got to be really careful because it's addictive and then you forget Yeah, and you're like oh you and you forget without Communication and without sharing

Sex goes the other thing I was gonna say is you've got to stay away from the blame game and couples get into the you Did this you did that or they get into silent resentment right and one of the things you can do is start Or they get into silent resentment. And one of the things you can do is start shifting the way you talk to each other. And it becomes very sexy. Like how? Exactly. Instead of saying, why didn't you do this? You made me do feel this way.

You say it'd be really nice if, or I feel it. I feel very nice. I feel very nice. It's always great. I feel wonderful when you caress my hair. Because for play begins the morning. It begins the morning when you say I love you. If you're in a long-term relationship,

don't glaze over there, menace. It's really true. If you do a long-term relationship, it begins in the morning. It's part of the whole thing. It is. Women and men, but we need to be, and I know this is like a nightmare.

Some men can be listening going, oh great, I thought we were already talking enough. I don't want to talk men hate the dreaded talking, but women were saying we need that for sex. So how's that guys? I know what you're saying. We need to talk to you. It translates into us having better sex.

And, sorry. When do we have something to say? Well, you know what, you know what, I think. Don't have it in the bedroom, right? Exactly.'s the worst place worst place in the bedroom worst place in the Go out get for a stop, you know Have a glass of wine a couple of marquee. Yeah Have some fun. You know go to a concert do something that's fun and sex will Will happen more spontaneously.

Sponsor-native. Yeah. True for every age, really, a lot of the stuff. And it's really great. It's so true that couples get into a rut and they just need to. And it just seems even more difficult. But the kids and the big and dinner going to school and the activities, they think that they just, they don't, can't make any time for it.

And it is so important. Like, say, get tickets to a concert If you're buying a month out two outs do something fun two months out Do you think a lot of it though, too is? People don't want to change their attitude though. Just if you're in the rut you're in yeah They're just like they're just stuck in an attitude and they're not willing right that's a change of conversation But that's exactly my that's what keeps people like me in business. Of course, people always tend to go into a comfort zone.

And if you hit a wall, you know, and suddenly, let's see your bit older and suddenly your secretary, long legs, look fabulous, you don't cut your fantasy. Why bother cutting fantasy is a great but you don't have to act on it. You bring it back home and you start saying well why do I have to do to change? And I'm with with you Emily you know guys don't really like to talk but if it's going to get you to the end point, and there's a great stressor to say through two things, I want to go back to. The reason I think men have a really rough deal as they get older, and you may not like hearing this, is they

lose testosterone, and that's why their erections aren't as strong and as long and the minute they stop performing, they men are the ones who have performance anxiety and stop. And unfortunately in our society, nobody tells them this is a natural event, and you can do something about it, including working out, including taking testosterone, including taking natural supplements, there are all kinds of ways. And this is men in their 40s too, right? It starts, like men, they have more issues at start around 40, right?

They do, and then they start looking and saying, well, if only I start with a newbie, it'll all be better. Exactly. And it is for about five minutes. And then they say, one newbie after another, and I have no judgment about this at all, it's still you. It's like changing your car every six months. You know, you still have to drive something

So don't ditch her for your secretary everyone. You can do that Okay, yeah, we can ask a question. Oh, no, okay, so thank you so much. This is great This is very important with her any last what's your favorite part of the book your favorite tip in there anything you want to share My very favorite tip is sex is your birthright. Use it forever. I love it. Thank you so much Dr. Dory Lynn. We can find you. It's Dr. Dory Lynn, so it's D-O-R-R-E-E-L-I-N-N-D-C-M.

And this will all be on the way to the website. It's sex for grown-ups. And thank you so much for being on the show. I appreciate it. Thank you for having me. It's great. Everyone, thanks for listening. Was it good for you?

Email me. Feedback at sex with Emily. for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at Sex with Emily Dahl. So you know I'm obsessed with candles, right? Have you ever heard of misogyny candles? Okay, so get this. I always like candles when I'm enjoying glass of wine with friends. And recently they were over and I lit three candles from my new line called Emily and Tony. My skin felt really dry. So I went ahead and poured some of it on my hands and I gave myself a quick massage.

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