Sex With Emily - SWE: Special Guest Ted Travelstead

Episode Date: November 16, 2012

Ted Travelstead, Vanity Fair reporter and co-author of Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk, joins Emily in this throwback episode. Emily and Ted discuss religion and sex, Betty White, the gag-reflex, and the New York City versus San Francisco dating scene. Also, how nice is too nice for a "nice guy"? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Cogin, I don't know if we should be exploring all bad sinclerc property like this. Cogin, now help it. Old man sinclerc's death is a coup. He won't hear us. And besides, this is what friends do. Go on adventures, and find out the secrets of better sex together. Who's that? Who's that last part? Be careful, this is Old man sinclerc's landmine field. Ah! Cogin, I'm caught in the band trap. How for you, dummy? Now old man's enclave will help us for sure. Who's that out there?

No remove. Cut your head off. Over here. Hey! Look. Oh, is that Hilbert and Corgan out there? Yeah. I sure know you do things some funer seals out here.

Here. Then we help you out of that trap. Oh! Oh! Oh! Hey! No! Oh, God, you're going to Mr. Sinclair!

Give me that, you dummy! Oh, here you go! A table of time, Sinclair. Now, take us to your locker full of sex tips and secrets. He's now! I don't want any trouble. I'm just a simple man, trying to make my sex tips. Don't be rough in it, Siles.

We just want to know where your world went in sex-ploration series is. You can buy it on SinclairInstituteonthe.com, like every other sucker. That SinclairInstitute.com. S-I-M-C-L-A-I-R. Institute. D-O-T-C-U-M. Oh, Jen, I just found the tags! Who made was hiding here in this giant box that says tags! We're gonna be sack masters!

Help what you dumbass? Yes. I-N-C-L-A-I-O. Like we say, where I'm from. It shouldn't be murdered or have better sex. Let the good folks of Sing Clare Institute take you on your next sexual adventure. So y'all come back to Sing Clare Institute take you on your next sectoral adventure. So y'all come back to Sing Clare Institute.com and use coupon code Emily50 for 50% off

anyone item. My favorites, the DVD about G-Spot Pleasures and the misses like the Benoit Balls. Thanks for listening and Thanks for supporting. Thanks for the Emily. [♪ music playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing. Hey, Abelie, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my. The women know about shrinkage.

Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry? It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know, Abelie's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information about sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to our podcasts, sign up for our mailing list by Sex To toys, and check out all the fun stuff happening on our site. And please sign up for our RSS feed. Then you'll never miss a show again because we're doing several shows a week now, and they'll just come right into your inbox, right, Menace? It'll come right to you, yes.

It'll come right to you. And the best way that I listen to the show is to Stitcher. So if you download the Stitcher app for your mobile device that's for an iPhone and a droid, you can stream the show right there. It's such a sex with Emily and all the start playing. And it's really cool. A lot of people listen on Stitcher. Even myself, I listen on Stitcher when I listen to the show.

But sometimes it's hard to listen to. Yeah, so how's your week going? My week is good. So this is my week two of grad school. Yeah. And I'm in grad school for human sexuality. I'm gonna be a doctor of human sexuality in the next nine months.

And we've been watching porn for about five days and lots of porn from the 70s. And it's their educational films are not really like calling them porn, but they're these educational films at the leaders of the school made like How are you? Everybody okay, so thank you. I've never seen so much hair on the men and the women and like they're Bush it like bushes craziness hair everywhere and it's

It was so nice to say oh it's not a big deal Well, no, I'm saying that women don't have to go through painful Brazilian bikini waxes if they want nothing there. Like, trim, we should all trim, but these were like crazy, Harry. Hair man people. And then there were porn, so you're really, I mean, you're one after the next. And then they did this thing the other night at school called the efforama. And it was an efforama.

And they basically were trying to, they put about 15 porns on the film up on the wall at once all playing and different All playing at the same time and so you're just watching sex and watching all these hairy people having sex and it was supposed to Just show you they're trying to open us up to all the kinds of Sex that people have and we saw people and we are tochairs having sex, like sex people with sex and disabilities, there was someone having sex with a horse. Really? Well, I'm gonna be an expert in sex and people are gonna come to me and talk to me

and I can't be shocked by anything. So they're trying to not shock me. We also have a guest here today, Ted Travels' Ted, right, that's how I say that. So Ted wrote a book called Our Sex, Our Bodies, Our Junk. And it's with the association of the betterment of sex. Conan O'Brien said, it's possibly the most irresponsible book

written on the subject of sexuality since the Bernstein Bears host a key party. Really? Yes. And so Ted is an actor, writer, working for Vanity Fair. You've written for VH1, you've been published in S.Q.A.R.E.R., radar, premier, maximum, and McSweeney's and you're an actor and you're great and you're here.

Thank you. Thanks for having me. Yeah, sure. We're going to get into your book and all the details and everything you learn later. And just feel free to just chat with us here. Just pipe in. So it's been a very interesting week because I'm learning a lot and there's students from all over the world.

I'm the only one of the only Americans who got someone from like Poland and Australia and Israel and Thailand. Really? Yeah. And you just sit in a room and watch a lot of porn and then people come in and speak to us about different things. It's interesting. I like it so far. It's really good. And I brought you this old penthouse forum from 1975.

And really, it's not so different than what we talked about. Remember, headhouse forum was made for women. It was like the for what it was a groundbreaking thing that talked about was helping women, groundbreaking magazine, helping women to orgasm. How to make them, these are the headlines from 1975. How stress effects sex, helping women to orgasm, how to make marriage work, this actually liberated female. So. I like it. It sounds like a Cosmo. It does sound like a Cosmo.

It could be Cosmo, but it's great. It's pictures with lots of, you know, things. Sexual stuff. Yes, so it's good. How was your week? My week was good. You didn't show it to my birthday party, but that's fine, you know whatever.

Are you mad about that? I'm sorry. I saw you there. Okay, I was really coming. I know you weren't coming anyways. No, no, no, I was gonna come, but I felt like it wouldn't have even been special. You had 500 RSVPs.

You wouldn't even talk to me. What are you talking about? You would have came up to the VIP. I would have allowed you to. Oh, you would have allowed me into the VIP. Was it fun? Did you get hammered? Yeah, I got extremely hammered.

It was really fun. I had a couple of bands there that get like national radio play and my friend who's a big time DJ, he's like, did his first like public set in five years and it was amazing. I got kind of sick. I saw you, we were recording the show and then we went to dinner and then I started getting this hot flashes and feeling kind of nauseous and I had to go home and go to sleep. Yeah, after how many drinks? No, I had one drink.

You know me, I'm not a big drink. I had one drink and I got kind of, and I had to go home and sleep. Really? Yeah, I swear to God and it wasn't because I was with the guy, which I know you were probably going to say, but that's not it. Really? Yeah, I feel bad. It sounds like a bunch of malarkey to be able to buy a little drink.

No, it's so true. I was a dinner with all his friends, this guy. So I went on a date with this guy. And it was like our second date. He came in from LA. And he it's so true. I was a dinner with all his friends this guy. So I went on a date with this guy And it was like our second date he came in from LA. I wanted out so quick Yeah, I wanted out of what the date, but go on I did I did you met the me here the excuse on how you got out of this thing When you mean how I got out of the day you okay hold on. Did you hang out them the next day? He left um he left the next day, but did you hang out with him? No. No, okay, cool. So you wanted out of the date. I didn't want out of the date. I just know I really didn't feel

well. I was like I was like I I was and just got like just you know when you get I know I swear that like I started sweating. I started like getting nauseous and it was just like the dinner with all friends and I couldn't talk He's like you are really quiet. No one's ever accused me of being quiet. I'm not the quiet one table Yeah, sex you know whatever and and I was quiet and I was I said yeah, I'm not feeling very well have to go Yeah, no, I didn't did you think I wouldn't like them? I don't know. I don't know. Okay, I'm just saying like that's kind of odd that I'm so sick that I can't.

Yeah, no, I really think it's it. Yeah, well, it wasn't because of the date. No, it was real. Yeah. Yeah, you don't give me, you give me crap, but it's true, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not kidding. So, are you gonna go on a day with the sky again? I don't know, yeah.

I don't know, see? You know, why you live? You can't listen to me. And it's just be real, why you live? Yes, I might go on a day with the sky again? I don't know, yeah. I don't know, see? You know, why you live? He lives in LA. And just be real, why you live in LA? Yes, I buy Michael without, he's okay. I like him, I do, but he wants to come back now. There's a butt. No, there's always butts.

I mean, my whole life is filled with butts, man and then butt, man and this guy, I'm not that butt. So I like him and he's great and we have a good time together and he wants to come visit next week. But I'm in the Sc school intensive sex grad school program. Yeah. And I literally have no time, I have no life, no time. It's nine to nine every day.

So I really wouldn't fail to see him. Of course. So I told him no. Of course. So I'll see him. It's not because I don't like him. I guess that's what I do when I really like somebody. I make sure I'm extremely busy.

Yeah, I can't have no choice. I have no choice but to be busy. I have no choice but to be busy right now. So, okay, something I wanted to talk about though is that, okay, so I said last week since I'm starting grad, I have nothing else to say about the guy now. Okay, I think, oh, we've milked that. Like, we have twice, nothing happened.

I got sick for a result, and that's what happened. There you go. So, okay, so I said last week, I'm like, I'm starting grad school, and I want to educate everyone as well, along with me, because I'm learning so much stuff, and I wanted to share. So this is something, I mean, that you, this is something that, just today,

we were talking about, because we have a lot of people who have gotten their degrees there, like their PhDs, and they come back, and they do their dissertations for us of what they did their papers on. And so this guy came in and he did what I'm religion and sex, and you just realize that we kind of touch on this on the show, but we never really get into it. And I always think that so many of people sexual hang-ups come from religion.

And you realize that a lot of the sex spurts and sex therapists out there are happen to be Jewish and I'm Jewish, but like a lot of them, like the majority of them are. And it's because when you look at Judaism, we don't prohibit sex. We don't have a lot of hang ups around sex. We're not told if you masturbate, you're gonna go blind and you're gonna get everyone pregnant. Which is what a lot of,

if you're a great Catholic or you're raised other religions. So you realize that a lot of you have hang ups to around sex. They've guilt and shame around masturbation, because they're told, like if you raise Catholic, for example, you're told that it's bad to masturbate, birth control is evil, pre-marital sex is wrong, and you're going to hell if you do any of those things.

And even if you were raised, you went to Catholic school and you hated it and whatever, that stuff is still pounded in your head. So a lot of people's issues, we were talking to this famous sexologist today, and he was saying that a lot of his clients, that you can trace, they come to him because they're having sexual issues and you can trace back a lot of their issues back to their upbringing around sex because we don't talk about sex at home

and you're told if you have to go to Sunday school whatever and you're told like don't masturbate it's bad for you or your parents push your hands away if you're playing with yourself. I mean so I just thought that was interesting and there's's lots of, you know, and I think that, there's not a lot of places to go for sex information. That's why people come here. And then people have hang out. And I think it's interesting for people to look at their upbringing.

And what are you, because for example, I was talking to a friend the other day. She's 30 years old and she was, she slept with this guy, she had a one-night stand. Big, F and D.O. So what, but she was feeling all this guilt and she's like, I just feel bad. I was feeling guilty.

Like, why did I have to hook up with this guy? And I was like, where is this coming from? Like, where's the shame in the guilt? Like, who's gonna, who's gonna be mad at you? Like, who's gonna come down on you? And I really think it's just like old messages that were told that it's like a bad thing to do to have sex. So that's just my, I mean.

Well, if you're a woman to have a one night stand, yeah. Yeah, but not a man. No, not a man. But do you feel like you religiously, when you were brought up, if you're a woman to have a one-night stand, yeah. Yeah, but not a man. No, not a man. But do you feel like you were religiously when you were brought up? Do you remember learning about sex? Religously? No, just in general. Yeah, I know you weren't raised really religious, but did you ever told masturbation is bad?

Or, I mean, I know your mom was like, don't have sex because you're going to get someone pregnant. Yeah. So that's a perfect example of how you were shaped sexually. You didn't want to have sex for what you wanted to But you didn't have sex for where I'll get you afraid you were gonna get some impregnate and then I'll come us for our upbringing all that stuff Yeah, but every a Catholic girl that I've been with super freaks and bed right Yeah, that's everyone's I don't know how it happens But every time and it's funny because every girl that end up dating in San Francisco all went to one school

It's just like this Catholic all-girl school And I don't find out yeah, and then I don't find out to like a couple weeks later after like hanging out with them Like oh by the way, where'd you go to school? And it's always the same one. Why do you think that is? I don't know all Catholic school girls. Yeah, that's funny all- same one. Why do you think that is? I don't know. And they're all Catholic school girls? Yeah. That's funny. All girls schools. Do they all know each other?

Coming, finding out later, a couple of new each other. Okay. What are you doing? You dated that girl? Yeah. That's weird. I don't know why I met her. I don't know why you're attracted to these girls.

I don't know. Because they're great. Because they're really, I have a lot of friends who are Catholic too. They were raised, and I met them in college. Like freshman year, we all got to Michigan and they were a few of them were raised, my best friends who are Catholic too. They were raised, and I met him in college. Freshman year, we all got to Michigan, and they were a few of them were raised. A few of my best friends were raised Catholic schools, and they were just one of my friends.

She was like, I'm saving it till marriage, and we had all, we're all Jewish girls. We'd been having sex for a few years, and I was like, really? We didn't even heard that. She's like, oh yeah, I'm waiting, and then we talked her out of it, and she had sex for six months.

Oh, that's nice. We're like, are you kidding? Are you kidding? You're really a virgin? No. She's like, oh yeah, I'm waiting. And then we talked her out of it. And she had sex with me six months. Like, are you kidding? Are you kidding? You're really a virgin? No. But what about you, Ted? Growing up, did you have any sexual sex? I was raised Catholic. Oh, okay, there you go.

That explains everything. No. Yeah, exactly. That explains why I'm on the cover of a jockey sex book. But, you know, it's funny. I, when I was, when I, I was about nine or 10 or ten my parents divorced and my mom was kicked out of the church basically So oh right cuz you're not all the divorce you say together and suffer You can receive communion if you don't unless you get your marriage annouled, and you know

So we stopped going to Catholic church and then it was just kind of on holidays and Episcopal but what about like you know, I I don't remember, my parents were pretty good about like, there was no shaming involved and I wasn't ever told, you know, don't touch yourself and blah, blah, blah. And you know, I mean, it wasn't, they weren't like walking around naked. Right, right, right. They were like in the other side.

They were in each other long hugs or anything, but it was, I, you know, I don't remember a lot of shame. So they didn't mess you up. No, that's that's good yeah maybe other ways you got messed up but not but not sex yeah yeah well yeah right just enough messed up but hopefully perfect just enough to be a creative uh to be writer wrong not stop right writers artists we've not been tortured in some way and strippers a lot of strippers A lot of strippers. A lot of strippers. Have issues. To that.

That's, yeah, we all do. Everyone is a stripper. You either be a writer or you be a stripper. Yeah. And sometimes I was writing, yeah. Diablo Cody. Oh, yeah, yeah. Right.

Right. She's had great success. She wrote Juno. And did the movie. It's awesome. Exactly. So what, with this book, is this your first book? It is.

It is. Yes, I wrote it with four other guys. And the whole premise is that we're the association, the association for the betterment of sex. And I mean, it's characters that we kind of created that are just these really overconfident, bumbling idiots that think they know a lot about sex, but everything in there

is wrong. How do Conan O'Brien get his hands on it? Well, one of the writers, Todd Levin writes for Conan. Oh, okay. And so, you got quotes from like John Stewart, right? What did John Stewart say? John Stewart said, finally, someone has managed to find the hilarious flip side to the unspeakable tragedy. We all know as human sexuality. Stephen Colbert said the perfect coffee table book for people with sexually inadequate house guests. And we already read Conan Orion's. So it's a joke.

I mean, it's a joke about what did you have to actually read sex books? Oh, yeah. I mean, it's kind of it's based on, you know, in a lot of ways that Alex comforts, you know, the joy of sex and the masters and johnson and those books. And those books that some of us might have seen around the house and tried desperately to get turned on by, but those were whatever books that were very erotic, even as a kid. They're still not. Their bodies are self, which is that kind of place. We were talking about that today. Harry hippie, you know

Like the 70s porn, but not you know, right. No exactly. So um, well, we're gonna get into this more later, but we're gonna first do a little bit of sex in the news Okay, and some letters and Okay, so the there's the world air sex championship And okay, so there's the World Air Sex Championship, 2000 to 20. I really like the guitar. Okay, exactly.

So the World Air Sex Championships is like the US Air Guitar Championships, but it's less fake guitar and more fake orgasms. So the air sex tour is gonna kick off in San Francisco in June. Never been to an air sex show before. Here's what you gotta know. It's a lot like air guitar,

but instead of rocking out with an imaginary guitar, you're making sweet and or filthy love with an imaginary sex partner. You choose a clip of music, you show them whatever sort of word or you like, and you compend stage and show everyone how you do it, or how you wish you could do it, or how you once had it done to you, and oh my god, was that a bad idea? And while it's embarrassing to show that act to a room of strangers, you know that you need to do it now in order to make sure that no one else falls down the same rabbit hole you got stuck inside. So other than that, you're free to do whatever takes impressive judges. All orgasms have to be simulated though. You can't actually have an orgasm on stage. I forgot.

The air sex championships. We have to go. I forgot my buddy was in this last year. Really? Yeah, one of my radio teachers. What is he doing? He's in the air. So he has simulated the having sex. Yes. And I think he dressed up as like a tomato or something. Hot. Yeah,

and then eventually he became like a catch up. I don't know how he did it, but yeah, it was like a big deal last year. Yeah, so this is happening now. Well, I guess we should go. I think we should go. Okay. So also this big pull came out this week There's been tons of press on it and it's about Americans and their sex life sex Americans like variety not condoms So vanilla sex in the US not so much We've got at least half of the commissature down according to one of the largest national sex studies ever conducted from Indiana University Which is where you know Kinsey came from so there's a big sex institute there. In their most recent sexual escape, Americans practiced more than 40 combination

of sexual acts in the bedrooms. So the survey was tracked, sexual health and behaviors of 5,800 adolescents and adults between the ages of 14 and 94. So here's what it says. The WAM band thank you, MAM, type of sexual encounters are not as common as sitcom jokes would have us believe. Adult men and women rarely engage in just one sexual act when they get intimate.

And their last encounter alone, people reported over 40 different sexual combinations. For instance, 40% of men and women between the ages of 25 and 59 reported engaging in anal sex during their lifetime. Really? Yeah. Unfortunately, it tells me everyone was fully satisfied. This is great. This is my favorite part.

Only 64% of women reported having an orgasm during their last romp between the sheets. Perhaps someone unexpectedly, the survey found that many men were in the dark about this because 85% of men reported that their partner climax during their last sexual section. So imagine that. Women are faking it.

Or men thought, men just assume that she's having orgasms. Why would they fake it anyways? Why do women fake it? Yeah. There's so many reasons. Well, women should never fake it. Don't fake it if you're listening, don't fake it

because it's disservice to men because you're sending the wrong message because men are walking around like, you know, padding their chest. No, they just think that they got the drop down. At least 85% of them will. 85% exactly. Well, the reason why women, I can tell you personally,

I mean, the reason why women do it is because, okay, A, because we're just like done, and we're like, it's not gonna happen. I know it's not gonna happen, and I want you to think it happened, and I really just want this to be over-worthened, I'm tired. So I fake it. The next one is, we really, we want you to think

that we are more pleased and sexually turned on than we are, and some women can't have orgasms during intercourse at all. They just get to this point where they're like, I need clitorial stimulation, I need oral sex, they need other things. If you're first with a guy and they don't know that, then you're just like fake it. It's so easy to do. Because you're close and you're like, I know what I need to do, but I don't do it anymore.

I've totally sworn off faking it. I was gonna put a proposition on the ballot that was like no one owe, like no one faking orgasms. So everybody in the nation could not fake orgasms anymore because it really is, it's the service. Speaking about fake orgasms, I was watching a movie last night because I couldn't sleep, it was too hot.

And this is not a movie that you would watch. So you need to watch it is a spanklish with Adam Sandler. There is a ridiculous orgasm scene in that movie. Just like over the top hilarious. What happens? It's just an actress she's pretending to have a sex scene with Adam Sandler and it's just hilarious. She's like faking an orgasm.

Yeah, yeah, and it's just like over the top. That's so funny. Ridiculous one I've ever seen. Like what, you know, Harry and Met Sally. Yes, yes, that's the most classic thing. That's a classic, yeah. But this one's even tops that one. So you gotta check it out.

Okay. People in Netflix. Netflix. Netflix, I got something. It's in the UK now. So all our UK listeners can check out Netflix. Okay. Exactly. They. Netflix. Netflix. I got something. It's in the UK now, so all our UK listeners can check out Netflix. Okay. Exactly.

The nod of sponsor. Okay, as for safe, safe sex, adults over the age of 40 have the lowest rate of condom use. Since the survey findings also show that condoms are used twice as often with casual sex partners. So people over 40, but kids, kids, young adults age 14 to 17, 80% are using condoms. It's like the older we get, we're not using, or we're thinking we're fine, or we already,

rather the diseases we're gonna get, or something. I don't know if people aren't using condoms. And in case you didn't know this, all guys masturbate, unless they're under the age of 16, or over the age of 70, all men in the study reported pleasuring themselves at least once in the past year. However, only 40% of women reported masturbating within the past year, though, which means we're likely, we're as likely to get ourselves off in a single year as we are to engage in anal sex throughout our entire life.

I know you don't care, but what about your friends? What about them? Do they care if their man masturbates? No, but that is a very common issue in relationships. Women and men, the women don't understand why their husband or why their long-term partner needs to masturbate if they're having sex on a regular basis. And men need, I'm just saying, it is nothing to do with the women, men need to masturbate. They need a release. It doesn't matter if they just had the most amazing. So, if someone's having a lot of sex makes you want to masturbate more, right? Ted's nodding his head. It's

not a bad thing, but women, a lot of women who don't understand this, I think, are threatened by men's masturbation because they feel like, well, I wasn't enough and something. Why do you ask, minus? Because I was in a relationship where the girl that I was with was upset if I masturbated. Because just because I would last longer. That's why you pregame. Yeah, but she didn't want that. She didn't want that. She didn't want it because it didn't take her that long. The Catholics don't want that either.

Yeah, because your waist is firm. It's true. It's all about procreate. I learned all this stuff today. I mean, I knew it, but I learned it more today. Okay, more sex than this. Betty White, you're never too old for sex. She says sexual desire doesn't melt away with age.

The 88 year old says that her third husband was still alive. They'd be spending a lot of time in bed. She doesn't have a felon now, but if Alan or Robert Redford were around, we'd have a very active sex life. So yeah, people what? It's the year of Betty White. I know why. That was my question because she was on Saturday live. And then I think it's her off. Was it? It's start off with Facebook. There's like something of the campaign to get her on Saturday Night Live. Yeah. And then just after that, she's like all over the

place, but she's always been like in the sexual realm. What even with the, I mean, watch the Golden Girls, it's all like sex references all the time. Is it? Yeah. I haven't seen it. Yeah. The other, uh, the Blanche. it? Yeah. I haven't seen it all the time. Especially the other, the Blanche. Yeah, yeah. She was a whore in the show. Yeah.

I don't remember the golden girls having sex. What? I haven't seen it. I haven't a TV in 15 years. Oh, excuse me. No, I mean, I didn't. I don't when they went off the air. I know, but I, I mean, I'm not a mom.

I'm just into MPI. No, I don't. I'm not the view. You understand that it's not that I'm home reading important novels. It's just that I'm busy and I never thought to get cable or anything. I just, I'm going to though. It's cool. It's on my list of things to do here.

No worry. TV will be on the internet by that time. Everything I watch TV on the interweb. Yeah. Sometimes. Okay, let's move into mail. That's all the news. Okay.

Good. Good. You love mail. Yes Emily, I really enjoyed your podcast with Lauren. I really dig your 101 Q&A sessions. I am a single 41 year year old divorce guy and always looking for tips on what women like. Typically, I listen to your shows while I'm in the car two in front work. I enjoyed the discussions with you and menace. This episode I was listening to at work and was really getting into your discussion. When you know twice I had someone walk up to my desk, asking for help, and I had to pretend not to be distracted. Keep up the great work, Robert, from Canton, Georgia.

So Lauren was this episode, so I'm doing more episodes now where I interview, I'm trying to do once a week, and every student in my class is gonna be interviewed, so I'm gonna have like many of them. But I take a woman, our man, I haven't done men yet, but I will do men, And I interview her for 30 minutes about her sex life, which she likes, her turn-ons, turn-offs, how she first orgasmed,

how she masturbates, all that stuff. So people really like this show. I like that you've done all women so far. Why? I'm just saying. I bet you do. We're gonna do you next. Oh great.

No, Ted, that's what we're gonna do with you. Did you mind? No, I'm gonna break down your sex life. No, no, no, no we're new to you. Did you mind? That's why you here. Start off with your first sexual. Okay, so tell me your first sexual experience. I wouldn't do that to you. So anyway, everyone should check out those shows. I listened to the Lauren episode and you let what you people key. I don't remember. I didn't listen to it after I did it. So I forget. I thought it was great. You just, you learn stuff, right? Yeah. Yeah, it's nice to see one person's perspective on that. Yeah, it was titillating and informative.

It was, right. It's good. That's what we're going for. And then next slide, the same thing. I heard the show where you interviewed Sexy Lauren, and it was awesome. Good questions and great answers. For me, I like hearing different viewpoints of women and what they like and don't like. For me, I like hearing, all right, your podcast

helps give me knowledge on my never ending quest for a well-rounded sex life. Your show rocks and I look forward to hearing more in the future. By the way, I find your show when I type sex in a search box on my Stitcher machine. Yes. Scott in Minnesota. What I want.

Stitcher. Okay, dear word. Stitcher. Stitcher, it's sex. Well, Stitcher. And then people search for sex. Yes. I love the name're the one. This is the number one keyword. Stitcher, it's sex. Well, Stitcher, and yeah, it's sex. And then people search for sex. Yes. I love the name of the show.

Yeah. Even people like how you find it, yeah, sex. I just recently started listening to your podcast. It's amazing, and I love it, but I'm gonna be honest. I'm only 18, and I've only had one sex partner thus far. So I have terrible gag reflexes and whenever I'm giving him oral sex, I can't hardly last. I feel really lame because I can't satisfy him

Enough and I can't take it all in. I was curious if there's any methods of getting better at that Thanks a lot. I certainly appreciate the advice. P.S. My no we knows always gets running when I go down there Is that weird would there be any reason for it or is a terrible immune system? Signly immune system. I don't know no I'm just a gag reflex. That's why your nose runs exactly. It's the gag reflex and I think it's just practice Yeah, that's why it you're the expert here, but practice makes perfect practice You know it lets you relax doing the shower for easy cleanup. I mean, yeah, no Is running no but that happens when you're before it but sometimes great

No, but I mean I think you can practice you can open up your your, you can like do things where you're like opening up your throat more. Epananas. Epananas practice. But I think it's normal. She's 18 and she's new at it. So you'll get into the vibe. Once you, the more you do it, the more you learn how to do it better as all of this. Yeah.

I'm sure he's not going to mind that he keeps on practicing. No. Exactly. Just keep practicing. It makes perfect, sweetie. I promise. Because that's where I'm at now. I'm perfect.

Just kidding. Hi, Emily, I love your show. I download the podcast on my iPhone and listen to it during my 45-minute commute to work. When it comes to grooming, I like it all gone. I get very uncomfortable as soon as hair in my pubic area gets longer than a few millimeters. I started doing the Brazilian a couple months ago

and really love it, but it would be awesome if I could laser it and never worry about it again. So here are two questions. How many times do you have to go for the treatment to become hair free? Are you completely hair free? Or do you still have to tweez here and there? Take care and keep with the good work from Jen.

Okay, so I said a few weeks ago that I lasered. I got laser hair removal. And so I didn't get it all, then remember that when I talked about that? Are you used to face like I lasered. I got laser hair removal. And so I didn't get it all, then remember that when I talked about that, I used to face like you didn't know. No, no, no, I just didn't know it was in that region. It was in that region, no. No, that region, like I let laser,

I have a friend who was like a laser, like we did like an advertising trade and he's like get free, so you go six times and it's not that painful as you think and it's this laser machine and I got like most of it, not, I still left some because I figured what if the bush comes back? I don't want it all gone.

It's permanently, your hair's permanently gone down there. Wow. So it's a lot of it is gone, and I don't have to shave that much. But yeah, sometimes I got to like, tweez and shave and do stuff like that. Well, without getting into too great detail, how do they, what's the machine? Well, yeah, I mean, are they just, what's happening?

Okay, so they put like this like, like liquidy stuff on you. And then they use, it's a huge machine. Like, and they take this like laser wand and it basically burn, like, and you put it on, it sounds really painful, but it's not that bad, but it burns your hair follicle so they're permanently dead.

Okay, all right. So the hair follicle's dead and nothing goes back. So they're dead for life. And I have a friend who's a stripper, former stripper, and she got it all off. And I really couldn't commit to that because I was like, what if the bush comes back? I don't know if it will,

but what if you ever want hair there? I don't know, it just seemed like a lot to me. I don't know if that trend will ever come back. Oh, okay. I assume it meant, I think it meant what if it grows back. And then you met the trend. I met what if like a someday I want hair. I mean, it'd be like a hundred years old

and have no hair down there. You know, you've got mworkin shopping, you know. Exactly. Exactly, right. Exactly, mworkin, right. I, what color was the beam of? It was a red beam. Yeah.

No way. And it beams off your hair and you have to a red beam. Yeah. No way. Yeah. And it beams off your hair and you have to go six times. And even after the first time. Six times? Yeah. Six times they cover the same area of six times. Yeah, six times. And you go like every two months.

So you can't you wait in between. And or maybe every six weeks you go for six months. They laser my eyeballs and it took 30 seconds. I know. But this is seriously scary right now. And you can do it all over your body. I mean, but this is the serious area right now. Yeah, right. And you can do it all over your body. I mean, you can do it all your legs, you can do under your arms, you can do it everywhere.

So you never, ever, ever have to shave again. And it's pretty amazing. And you're done, you've done the same. I'm done, I did it. I did it like two years ago, it's amazing. Find a good person if you're gonna do it though, because I watched Oprah and I saw some bad ones. Bad lasering?

Yeah, bad lasering. Yeah, find a really good one. Email me if you want my committee. Come to San Francisco. I've got the best place in San Francisco. But I got offered by this guy who started this place and he was like, Emily, you should come in and do it. And I'll give it to you for free because you'll tell people about it.

I was like, okay, it's called Smooth SF. If you live in San Francisco, Smooth SF, it's on Union Street and it's amazing. Sweet. No more hair, no shaving, one less thing to do. Don't have to get the Brazilian anymore. The Brazilian wax would rip off everything. Painting.

It's out of my life. Out of my life, never have to make an appointment to get a Brazilian. I wonder if he has a lot of male clients. He does. He does. No, he does have a ton of male clients because of the back.

A lot of men have like back hair that they don't want or that their female partners don't want them to have. And I think like a lot of gay clientele, menist maybe you'll go in. Maybe because I'm done with bleaching, so. Do bleach. No. Just kidding.

Okay. Question for menist, That's the subject. That's great. Emily, no, this one's not too bad. Emily, here's a question for menace. You can use on the show if you want to. Menace, is it possible to be too nice to a girl? Many girls seem to like the bad boy image,

which is the impression I get of you and you seem to be doing okay. Is there a happy medium between a gentleman and a bad boy or is it all or nothing either way? Troy in Las Vegas. Troy writes this all the time. Troy, let me tell you this. I play the nice guy role and it doesn't work.

You don't get laid. Even when you get in relationship and you're nice to them and you do everything for them, they'll just start taking a advantage and think you're boring. You have to mix it up. They need the drama. They need something to call their girlfriends

about does call you a dick. You know, they need that kind of stimulation. You can't be nice. I can't. But you can't be a dick like 24-7 because, and you can't be mean to people for no reason, but you cannot be nice all the time. Okay.

I'm just going to say this doesn't work. I think that there's something to be said for the guy that is independent and has a life and has a lot going on and he's not calling you every five minutes and being like, I'm madly in love with you and I think you're so great. There's something to a man keeping his independence when you first start dating and to not be all A. I'm in love. Can we see each other? Can we see each other Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday? into a man keeping his independence when you first start dating and to not be all-way. I'm in love. Can we see each other?

Can we see each other Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday? The guy that takes a distance and takes, you know, isn't totally just all over you, I think, is attractive. Who has, who's independent and has a life and doesn't make you his whole world. So I think you're so good. But I know guys that you're talking about. But on top of it, they're just nice. And then they're, they they're I want a nice guy

I don't want to guys after like 14 years. I don't want to guy. I I think you can be too nice. Yes, but I don't think you have to be a dick on the other side. I just believe you have to be a dick Okay, I just I guess I can't really say anything But what do you think Ted? Well, I'm just I'm not a dick I'm a door I'm the worst you know I was the nice guy and I went through many many you know Friendship zones every time yeah every time I mean I'd love to say that you know menace is wrong So kind of saying menace is wrong. It's my favorite thing. Well, because it's really still hard to believe

that that you have, that's how you could get a girl is by being a dick. And it sucks. And I'm not saying, I've seen that happen a lot. And I'm not saying it's awesome. Or, you know, this is just like the thing to do. But there's, there's women that I wanted to get with for like 10 years. And I was just nice to them.

Whatever they wanted, I would do it for them. And the minute I stopped doing that and start not caring and just talking crap to them, all over me. But see, I don't think that you're being a jerk. You know what I think it is with you, men? It's like you really have your own life that you're very busy. you're really committed to work,

you sleep here, you live here, you are always working and that's your number one priority. And a woman might want you to make her your number one priority and that's just never gonna happen. So she's constantly like, your work is the other woman, I think, for you, that's your dynamic that plays out. Yes. So I think if you're not that you're a jerk, you're sweet, but you're like, sorry I got to be flying here and I'm for you, that's your dynamic that plays out. Yes. So I think if you're not your direct, you're sweet, but you're like,

sorry, I got to be here and find there. I'm doing a concert and I'm interviewing Lady Gaga or whatever you do. Kathy Griffith the other day. Kathy, how was that? That was cool. I liked her. Good. She's funny.

So I think that's what it is. It's more like just trying, just being like an, like, just having a life and being interesting. Yeah. I would say be independent and have a life versus, like, purposefully trying to play a game and be a dick, you know? Yeah, actually, you know, another thing is, you don't have to be a dick, but don't be a pussy, you know? Stand up for yourself.

If you don't think something is right, say something about it, you know? Right. And if she doesn't like that, then you know what? There's another girl out there. Yeah. There's plenty of women. You know? Right. Okay.

There's holes for days. Holes for days. Okay. Hey Emily, I'm 21 years old and I love your show. I absolutely love your outlook on sex and actually agree more with you than menace most of time. I just finished listening to the real tips from real women podcasts.

Last week I was with a girl that I frequently have sex with and you talked about in the podcast how in dressing your girl and warming her up doesn't happen much anymore. Well, this girl and I have really passionate sex and it always has to do with how we first start off. I remember that night taking off her clothes and just feeling her boobs while I kissed her neck.

There was so much passion in there and it was a great moment that contributed to how amazing the sex was. Thanks for all your help and keep it up. Us, Men, Need, All the Help, we can get. PS, Kristen Davis and you've seen My Denicle to Me. Signed, Razz. Who?

Kristen Davis, the actress from Sex and the City. Where's she? Which one? Oh yeah, yeah, okay. Signed, I barely watched it. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You kind of kind of do people some people say we look This you know height. That's not bad. They she's beautiful. Oh, yeah, oh, that's nice. Okay, thanks. I love that. That's my favorite thing

What oh, yeah, yeah building up the you always say that you can have a tell a woman that she's beautiful enough like really you can't Yeah, every set your watch like every 10 minutes. We're fine. That's good. That's only after you get with them. Don't tell them before because then... Well that's how you get tell them a little bit before like you look really pretty. No because then they know they can get you and then they're not interested anymore. Oh, nice. You look like black and white on this topic. I'm just saying. Yeah.

It is black and white. It's that easy. It's not that easy. It is easy. So you never's that easy. It's not that easy. It is easy So you never tell a woman that she's beautiful not tell she's my girlfriend Really, how do you get her to be your guy? I get you know what there's some women that aren't that upset like don't need to hear that Yeah, they don't need the ego I need the ego boost. Yeah, so that's me Yeah, okay One more dear Emily. I just came across your podcast while searching for sex talk radio I must say your show is quickly become one of my favorite shows

Thank you for giving me something look for to now that 24 has been canceled Oh being compared to 24 that's very nice So here's a compliment as well as a question rolled into one So I thought you had an incredibly sexy voice and then I saw your picture and I was like whoa. She's gorgeous That week and I started listening to your show my girlfriend. I had great sex, but I must confess I did picture you during the encounter. Don't get me wrong, I love my girl and I'm a chapter. So the question is, is it okay that I sometimes picture other people that I'm a chapter do well with my girlfriend? I have so many other questions for you, but again, but I shall save them in hopes to get asked to ask them the future.

Again, I love the show, thanks for what you do, Anthony. It's okay that you thought about me during sex. No, yeah, I think it's really, really common that men think about other women during sex. Don't you guys, I got two men in the room. I mean, I know you're married, okay, you don't, Ted. But you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've been, you've. I mean, you know, it's not you're not yeah, of course you think about all sorts of things during sex I mean there's times when you're very focused on your partner, and there's other times when you know You're mind-wonder something She's right

I really want to order pizza after this Right, but do you fantasize about other women exactly? You're like You got one hand on dominoes calling dominoes. Is that what happens? I have sometimes I have a slice to pizza in my hand. Exactly. Is that's wrong? You're wrong.

You're thinking, man, I hope she really leaves right after. Right. Okay. And brings back a pizza. That'd be perfect. Go. But do you met a fan of size by the woman when you're with a woman? Uh, no.

You don't? I know. I don't. You just think focus on the woman that you're with a woman? Uh, no. You don't? I, no. I don't do that. You just think focus on the woman that you're with? Yeah. Okay. I know what a lot of men do. I know what a lot of women do too.

They just depend on... Maybe I've done in the past when I was younger. Right. Because I wasn't really into the person I was having sex with. But, uh, not pride for a really long time. Not that I can remember. Yeah, and I think, I mean, I'm not taking back what I said,

but I think lots of things cross your mind sometimes when you're having sex. But I can't recall ever like, focusing on another person while I was, sometimes it's just images though, right? But just like, yeah, you might think, I mean, isn't it like images? I'm not thinking about Jessica Alva or anything like that?

Right. A lot of people do. I was thinking about, I got to mode the lawn or something. Right. That's hot. That's hot. Oh, baby, I came into mode a lot after this. So no, but I think it is edge of whatever. I think it's common that people are people think of like an amalgamation of different sexual things like images of women or like it's not even face, it could be faceless women, but I think men and women

are size men. What are you guys thinking about? I'm usually thinking about- I'm usually thinking about work. I'm usually like, when is this gonna be over because my blackberry's going off, and now my droid, which I'm having a love-hate relationship with?

And I've gotta make a phone call. Okay. Yeah, that's hot. I know. Not always. It means it doesn't mean to hit, but then, you know, I don't know. Okay, so let's talk about your book.

I want to talk more about the book. Nice. Yes. Our bodies, our bodies, our junk, the association of the betterment of sex. So like, what, tell me, how did you get into this? Well, there, we all wrote together in different ways and worked together. And Mike Sachs, who also works with me and is a comedy writer, a very funny guy.

He had had this idea for a long time and we used to write for a writer magazine together when that was around. We did the back page for a couple of years and we all figured out we could write really well together and this was a project he thought about and it's just so ripe for I mean sex is funny. It's funny it is. So what's your favorite parts of the book? What was your favorite parts of it? What would you learn in what's your favorite part? Oh wow. There's so much funny stuff in here. We should read the stuff. Yeah well I like to say that it answers every question that you could possibly have about sex.

It just doesn't answer any of them correctly. But I like every chapter. At the end of every chapter, there's a section called, Did You Know? And it's just like just facts about sex that are completely ridiculous. For instance, did you know the first marshmallows came from vaginas and were a byproduct of stress or or that the marquee decided invented genes what let me see hold on tell me read me some funny reviews some stuff that you like and early an early form of birth control was having one self struck by lightning.

Haha. Um, most sexually transmitted diseases can be easily cured through time travel. Nice. Yeah. I need to get a delorean fast. Um, so yeah, you know, I mean, it's, it's, it's pretty comprehensive. Uh, just 10. What do you, what was, it was, what's the mission of the book?

You just have fun. Yeah. I mean, you know, I could, yeah, it's just not to educate. Well, it's funny because we just read, I read somebody reviewed it recently. I think it was for college paper and she actually thought it was supposed to be a sex manual. She's like, this is terrible. I didn't learn anything. And you know, it's just like, they're so joking about it. I mean, I was kind of astounded because it's, I mean, come on. Our bodies are junk. You know that it's a joke. But it's a, yeah. And so, but I mean,

it's a parody of a sex manual, so I just think. I mean, we all have a similar sensibility in that we just like to... Well, you know, people in college are so serious. I know. I hate everyone in college. Oh, come on. I'm in college right now. Yeah, but you're looking at porn on stuff.

That's fine. But like people, they're so judgmental about... They're so serious about music and you know, all the issues and stuff like that. They're formulating their sense of self in a way that they haven't had a chance to do. So when they read something that's funny, they don't think it's. They don't get it. Yeah. How did you all write together? I mean, that's kind of a hard process. We think it would be really hard. And you you know, I was daunting at first to think, like, oh, how are we going to do this five people?

But actually, it was great. And it was, you know, you're all like funny. Like, you're all like, the list here is like, you're all like writers for like John Stewart, Conan O'Ryne. Yeah, yeah. Scott Jacobson, he's used to refer Delhi show Jason Roder writes for the onion. Todd Levin writes for Conan.

And so, yeah, the great thing about writing with a group of people is that when you're writing by yourself, you're accountable just to yourself and maybe an editor. But when you've got four other people that are really funny, you want to be as good as them. And so you're trying to, and you also want to turn your stuff in on time, because you've got four other people that are going to be like, what are you doing?

So that's kind of an incentive, you know. And it just, we all have a similar kind of weird sensibility in the first one. Right. So you were all matched. Yes. Did you have to read other textbooks, though, to find, I mean, did you like have like a pile of textbooks? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Masters and Johnson, I have the joy of sex. I got the original, like, first edition of the joy of sex that has the line drawings of the couple. That was really controversial that first Masters in Johnson's book, just coming out, if people hadn't seen pictures like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, and then the Master of Johnson, and then the Alex Comfort one, the joy of sex, you know, yeah, obviously now the joy of sex, you pick it up, and has photographs and stuff, but then it was, uh, I know. It's about tax. Yeah. Yeah. But, uh, so, you know, it's, yeah, we have a lot of fun. So where do you, you probably gone over this now. I'm assuming where do you live now in New York City?

I'm in New York, yeah. New York City. So, uh, I know you're married now, but from people that you hang out with, is it a good dating city? Because people will talk about that all the time. Is it good or bad? You know, I think it's what you make of it. You know, I lived there from 93 to 98 before I met my wife. And, uh, well, actually I met my wife in 96, well, actually, I met my wife in 96, we went out a couple times. It didn't happen, and then we didn't see each other

for two years. Oh, really? Yeah, and we were cast in a play together, like just by chance, and then we, I don't know if the timing is right. So sometimes it's all about timing. It is. But, you know, I'm just, I'm just such a pussy

when I was like my first five years in New York just in general I think you know just really bad so afraid of rejection afraid to talk to women so and New York can be hard because it's everybody has this armor up You know so you go out to a bar and you want to talk to somebody and you know if you're like me You just end up like going home and Taking care of yourself. Exactly. Which really sucks. So, but it is what you make of it. Have some balls and get out there and don't be afraid to talk to people. You got to just keep talking. New York people, but that's the thing about New York. I have like this. Every city's got their their their known pattern of dating and it's like New York.

They say that women do get asked out in New York a lot. They're more aggressive and they're asking you out. And then in here, men don't ever ask you out. They're like, let's just maybe some time we'll run into each other in the park again or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I remember hearing on this show how there was no actual dating. It seemed like it's a good thing to do.

Yeah, no one dates. No one dates. But New York, my friends are always going on like serious dates and like going dinners and whatever. Yeah. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, it's so, you know, I mean, if you, it can be a great place to date people, but where are you originally from? New Mexico.

New Mexico. Oh, yeah. I can see, I've driven through New Mexico. They don't even have a radio station out there. Like, what's the population like 30? Like, I can just imagine the culture shot going from there to, well I didn't go straight, I moved all around this kid. So you know I went to high school for junior beach.

But yeah, a lot of different places. I'm bad at dating scene in New Mexico, just crazy. It's going off right now. Yes. So what are you working on now? I need other books. Are you free for any fare? Yeah, we actually the five of us are we've kind of branded ourselves into the name the pleasure syndicate. So we're working on

we have another book that we're pitching that kind of takes place in the corporate environment. People sleeping with each other and the club environment. No, it's not sexual. Oh, I'm like, I'm my brain. Yeah, everything everyone does. They're like's not sexual. Oh, I'm like, I'm sleeping. My brain, because everything I'm doing, they're like, how is your day? Did you just say you want to show me your dick? No, but it's not about sex. Okay. No, but I mean, we like to think we covered the gamut with this.

You did. It's funny. It's great. Everyone should pick it up. Sex, our bodies, our junk. Where do they find it? Do you have a website? Oh, yeah. Our bodies are junk. Where do they find it? Give a website. Oh yeah, our bodies are junk.com.

That's perfect. Yeah. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Better relationships equal better sex. St. Clair Institute, the leader in sex education products for adults, has been saying it for over 20 years. I've seen some of their DVDs and I highly recommend them. Find St. Clair's ad on my products page on my website,

sexwithemily.com, and say 50% off any one item when you put in Emily 50, a checkout. Enjoy the show, I promise your sex life will improve.