Sex With Emily - SWE: Spice Up Your Sex Life

Episode Date: July 26, 2013

Signs you need to spice up your sex life: Your idea of a great night is watching TV and then doing it in missionary position, you haven’t had oral sex since your birthday, you don’t remember the last time you had sex, and you’re pretty sure the best sex of your life happened a long, long time ago. Well, don't despair, sex can get better over time. You can reignite the spark in your relationship if you’re proactive about your sex life. Your relationship isn’t going to magically transform overnight. You’re not going to suddenly do it in a public restroom (unless you schedule it on your Google Calendar.) Emily tells you everything you need to do to have more exciting sex, more often. Get a box delivered every month from Spicy Subscriptions with fun sex toys and goodies to spice up your sex life. Or go skydiving with your partner to get your adrenaline up. Okay maybe you don't have to jump out of a plane, but at least go to the gym with your partner. Emily also shares the best sex position for the female orgasm. Hint: She's not going to be suspended in the air in a pretzel. Plus, what can men do to prevent premature ejaculation? No guy wants to be compared to Anthony Weiner right now. If you want to reignite the spark in your relationship, use coupon code "Emily" at checkout to receive a Free Deluxe Toy and 5% off your order at Spicy Subscriptions. Try out a 4 or 8 month subscription, which I highly recommend, you’ll get a Free Deluxe Toy + your first Spice Box for free. Spicy Subscriptions will make reigniting the spark in your relationship so much easier. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I Look into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a bike on me. Hey, Emily You got a boyfriend because my man E here. He just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute The girls got a hair stand. Oh my the The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry?

It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm off here. I'm so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. You know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're the scene to sex with Emily.

We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sectionemelie.com where you can listen to our podcasts, sign up for our mailing list, and you really do need to sign up for our mailing list right now because we have a free report to give you the five biggest mistakes men are making in bed,

and the five biggest mistakes women are making in bed. So check that out. And today's show is about reigniting the spark in your relationship. I get so many emails and questions from my listeners, and they're like, what the hell? What happened? We're together a long time or we're together anywhere from three to 20, 25 years. People are like, you know what? The spark isn't there. It's not what it once was. So today we're going to give you some really solid solutions about how to bring the spark back.

I'm here with Menace. Hi Menace. Hello. How are you doing i'm i'm good how are you i'm good you're you're making a bunch of content by yourself correct correct with with that without me because listeners are like afraid that i'm not around anymore because they've been tweeting me and saying menace are you not doing the sex with the only show anymore but i'm here you're here menace is here well i it Well, it's been harder to connect, but I actually got sick the last month, which I was totally wake up call. I've never been so, I don't even get cold.

It's like I'm a super healthy person or so I thought, but I got really sick. So there were, I've been some shows that were delayed. I was in the hospital, Manus, you know this, I got sick. I got a, I had like crazy pneumonia, but I feel like when, you know, in life you get sick sometimes it happens to you. It slowed my ass down. I had to sit. I had to I couldn't do anything I couldn't even check my email for a week in the hospital for a week and Um, people don't even understand that you were in the hospital for a week in In where were you Montana Michigan Michigan? Where's your one of those one of those states that I'm from right yeah you're in

Michigan in the hospital you were supposed to leave and you ended up staying in the hospital I you but the way you're texting me You're it was like no big deal and then I call you're like oh, I'm in the hospital in the hospital I thought you just went to the doctor, you know, no, I was to fly back and it was crazy I was flying back I go home to visit my family like I normally do for you know five days Which is about all I can take I love my family You know how much I love my family, but five days is a really is a really good visit, right? So I'm driving to the airport and I mean my mom's taking me to the airport and I'm the morning I'm supposed to leave and I'm like mom

I really don't feel well This is like we were leaving her the house and I said I don't know what's wrong and that I just started getting these chills And we went to her doctor and the doctor was like, I don't know what's wrong but you should go to the emergency room and then I went and it turned out I had pneumonia and a bunch of other things. But yeah, and I realized that I never do get sick but there's it's just it slowed me down and I they kept testing what was wrong and I found out that like I really have been working so hard the last eight years on size of them and not haven't like slowed down take a break

apparently I don't eat I eat like I'm an eater but I don't eat enough I need to eat more healthier foods menace you could learn everyone and I'm like I know people who are way unouther than I am but I feel like it was good because I got all my tests done and I feel like I'm like a hundred percent I feel like I'm a new person now so So I'm not drinking caffeine anymore. Do you know what that's like? caffeine withdrawal Don't even I'm serious. Yeah, it was yeah, but I was on some serious painkillers too because I was in so much pain So it sort of helped me get over caffeine because you get these really bad headaches, but then I had painkillers Which were you know kind of fun actually, but no don't ever abuse painkillers. They're really bad for you But it was you know, it wasn't fun. it was painful, but it helped me get over caffeine.

So now I'm like, and I have more energy. Yeah. So there's that. Anyway, I'm better, and I don't know why people think you're down in the show, you're always on the show. I've been doing content maybe without you written stuff, but not show as menace. Maybe once.

Look, this is sex with Emily. It's not, you know, sex, Emily, show, you know, because menace doesn't talk about yourself. I know, but I miss you. I know, but I don't like doing things that you menace. Tell me how you're doing. What's new? What's up with your life? I'm good. I am getting ready for a world wind month and a half of travel. I'm going to be in Las Vegas this weekend, the weekend after I'm going to be in Chicago. Then I'll be back in San Francisco for a little bit. And then I'm gonna go to Monterey to another festival. And then I'll be in Philadelphia. So listen to all our listeners in those states. And yeah.

In cities. That's fun, Mattis. You're close to me. Yeah, so it's a big music festival. Oh right. This is the summer. It happens. Stop going on, yeah. I want you to come. That's what's going big music festival. Oh right. This is the summer. It happens. Stop going on.

Yeah. I want you to come. That's what's going down with me. Nothing else. Free. Nothing else. Free. Okay.

Well, I miss you terribly. And we're talking about reading this spark, minus I know that you're in a relationship that you never tell me about. But, you know, don't have you been in a relationship where you feel like, you know, the sex isn't as frequent as it was in the beginning, like the first six to 12 months when you can't, you just want to rip each other's clothes off. And it doesn't happen. Yeah. So, I, what we're going to talk about, and I'm going to talk about, the reason why I got

inspired to do this topic is because I get emails about it every day, but also, I got this amazing thing in the mail. So you know, I get a ton of products, and everyone's heard me talk about my storage unit filled with sex toys, which I actually consider video you can check out my YouTube channel. It's all about my storage unit, but it's called spicy subscriptions. And it's kind of amazing because every month you sign up for it. It's like a monthly plan. You can do like four months or eight months and they deliver a box to your house. Like a little box, it's intimate, really pretty box, and it has things in it like, it has like a sex toy, massage oil, candles, games, bath products.

They include mask sexual flavor strips sometimes. You know, mask your mask for the oral sex strips that help they massacetize a seamen anyway. Here's a deal. It is a little sexy box that you and your partner can sign up for and every month it just gets delivered to your house. So you don't even have to save your partner like, hey honey tonight we should try this position or we should do that or we should do this. It's like delivered to you. You open it together and you can like play with new toys and

it's like it instantly is like you're just gonna let sit there and collect dust and then you can't complain to me that you're not spoising your sex life. So everyone can check out spicysubscriptions.com. I'll get into it more later. If you use coupon code Emily, you get a free deluxe toy and five percent off your order. And I'm telling you, I use this when I was dating someone who I just broke up with,

but I was like, oh my God, this is so fun. And because a lot of times I think why people's sex life doesn't improve and why they, even though they want it to improve or they want to spice it up in it is because they figure sex shouldn't be something that you have to talk to your partner about. You shouldn't have to dress it. It should just be natural. And it should be easy.

But I'm here to tell you that it's just sometimes you got to work on it. That the after a while, the rush of a new relationship, it slows down. And if you get something in the mail every month, that's pointing you both in the face, and it's addressed to both of you, you would be who you would open up and give each other a massage using massage oil, or do something different.

So I think it's a really cool thing, and you don't even have to conversation about it, you just put in your credit card, and then it comes to your house every month, and I think that's awesome. So, okay, we came up. Wow, the biggest. The way home of the biggest question is,

why do you stop dating somebody? Oh my god. Thank you. So I was dating someone and Okay, so I feel like In sickness and in health is a really big like you know when you get married to someone and they say in sickness and in health That's part of your vows. I was really sick and granted, I was sick. I was like, the sick has ever been in my life. And I feel like there was other things wrong with our relationship, but he just wasn't there.

Like, he was always there and then he was like, I'm not, like he didn't understand. Maybe he didn't get it, but that's not the only reason. I feel like actually I'm breaking my own rule here because I think when you break up with someone, there's never one reason. But it was sort of a combination of I did things to him that didn't make him happy. He did things to him that didn't make him happy

He did things to me that didn't make me happy and I just felt like I'm so clear right now and I my life is just in a really good place And it just wasn't going the way. I wasn't getting stuff I needed and he wasn't getting what he needed and it was an amicable break Let's just say that Is that all right? Yeah, but I feel like, you know, I felt like I needed someone to be there and he wasn't, but whatever, I wasn't there for him apparently. And we fought it out and it's all fine and we're friends and now I'm single again. So, which is good because I've got a lot of sex twisted around that I need to use and I'm in a new city.

So, okay, so that's what I have with that. How's your love life, Menace? If you're going to, can't you just share me one detail? I'm in New City. So, okay, so that's what I have with that. How's your love life, Manus? If you're gonna, can't you just share me one detail? Like some juicy something. Juicy something. I had, wow, I, nothing's huge. I'm my wild and crazy, really.

I know, you should get a spicy description. I'm gonna send you a spicy, would you use it? You don't have to use a sex toy, because I know you feel about that, but like don't you think it would be good? It, in theory, if you were someone to use a stuff to comment your house every week a month

and be like, oh, this is something fun, or what if I'd be like porn in it, or something, I don't know, that's what you're into. But I mean, I do, but I don't. I don't think you're really into the in and out. But. I'm into, I don't know. I'm nothing wild and crazy is happening.

And I don't, but at the same time, I don't feel like anything wild and crazy needs to happen at the moment. So, okay, that's good. So you guys are gonna get some. Yeah, I mean, just like, yeah, you hear about all these people that are married, imisable, and they're like, oh, you know,

all they have all this drama and all these problems. I don't just don't have any problems I'm miserable and they're like, oh, you know, they have all this drama and all these problems. I don't just don't have any problems or any drama to share. That's good, men. It sucked. I know it sucks for a radio show and I apologize. It does suck.

If we were talking about like Taco Bell or something, you'd be really psyched. But no, I feel like that's good, men. I like that you're in a good relationship in a healthy place. There's nothing crazy to share. I'm not gonna make you share anything. Okay, so let's get into emails.

But if there was, I would definitely do that. You would not, you would tweet it or something. I'm sorry, but I would. You would friggin tweet it before you would tell me. I guess. I don't know. But you can follow me on Twitter at menace, M-E-N-A-C. I love how people butcher your name,

because so many times people are like, you, like they spell it a million different ways But it's and I'm a sex with Emily on Twitter Okay, I'm gonna get into some emails from the people before we get into reigniting a spark We love hearing from the peeps. It's feedback. It's sex with Emily dot com That's how you can email me your questions Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, yes, I got you have something to share. Sorry. Tell me everything I had the funniest conversation with a friend

of mine the other day, and I'm sure you'll love this. So my friend's married. He's having problems with this relationship, and he is going to counseling, right? And then to, you know, relationship counseling. And he's like, look, I'm good. I'm happy with my relationship. She's the one, you know, that has all these problems, blah, blah, you know, she wants to be together cool and she doesn't then fine.

He goes, I even go to counseling by myself and, you know, try to work on myself. He goes, I go to all this and she's still, you know, screaming to hollering, having all these problems. She's still screaming to Hollerin to have all these problems. He goes, he goes, if you really think about it, we have only been married, getting married for love for only 150 years. All that before was like some trade. Probably women became property. Like, yeah, and that's why people got married

He goes we have only been doing this 150 years He goes and death to and death till we part right People only live to like 40 years old 30 40 years old back then so of course It's so true. It's true. I've heard this. Yeah. He's like, man, it just takes so long. It does take so long because no, it's true.

It's true back then. It was like, whatever until death, I'm dying in 10 years, 15 years anyway. Now we're living till 100 and you're with the same person and I just commend people who stay together because it's really hard. And let me just say one thing about couples, couples therapy is that I'm just, and I just commend people who stay together because it's really hard. And let me just say one thing about couples couples therapy is that I'm just and I think it's true that that couples need when couples go into therapy for their relationship. I've seen amazing things happen for couples and you have to commit for longer than like six sessions or eight sessions or even I think couples need to go for six months to a year. Couples who go like three times a therapy, this is just like my biggest beef because people are always calling in,

or like I do love line, you know, the love line radio show on Thursday nights. With Dr. Drew, if anyone wants to listen to that, you can, it's in a lot of different cities. You can check out the listings. But people are like, yeah, I can't go, I can't afford it. Therapy is like the number one thing that will heal your relationship.

So if you've come to your wits end and you can't figure out how to get out of it, a lot of therapists have sliding scales. I know people think it's really expensive, but it's it's probably you're not going to get out of your rut that you're in. If it's a really deep rut, unless you commit therapy for a long time. So that's what I say about that. That's my issue. People go, though, we went twice, you can't say go into the gym twice.

Like, what does that do for you? You be in shape now. You went to the gym twice. No, you need to go to therapy for months and months to figure stuff out. And it'll help you fast-track your relationship and you'll know if you should be together or not. So I appreciate you giving your friend's story, the minus. That's a good one. It is true that marriage is a new institution, fairly new. And it's tough. So that's why we're always trying to help people here. Okay, emails. Dear Emily, what's a crazy sex position to have orgasms in?

My boyfriend comes fast and he won't do anything else after that. Plus, I never had an orgasm, but we still have sex all the time, Stacey. Okay, Stacey, before I can answer your actual question here, there's a few issues in this, okay? You want to know about a crazy sex position to have orgasms in. You never have an orgasm. Your boyfriend comes fast. These are all problems.

These are all challenges because the problem is women, men who come fast, and it's all relative, right? If a woman can have an orgasm in a minute and he comes in three minutes, you don't have a problem. However, if you, if you want to last longer, that can also be a problem. Plus you never have an orgasm and you have sex. So women take at least on average between 12 and 15 minutes to have an orgasm, and men can take anywhere from, I don't know, men, that's what he, you know, like three in five

minutes or five in seven minutes. So, men have to learn to last longer. And if they don't last longer, that is a problem. And he's got to work on that. I'm going to give you a solution for that in a minute. But if you've never had an orgasm during intercourse, I'm wondering if you've ever had one ever stacey, have you ever had one during intercourse with someone else? Or is it just because he doesn't last long enough? Because that could actually be why you're not having an orgasm. That said,

I will give you a great position that increases your chance of having an orgasm. And it's the cat position. If you want him to last longer because he moves slow and you have a greater chance of orgasming. So basically it's a great position to get clitoral stimulation. You have him, it's a missionary, it's a twist on the missionary. So he scoots forward about three inches from his usual missionary position. He should rest his body on you moving up and down instead of in and out. So a lot of men are like pounding in and out in and out. You know what I mean, men?

Is that pounding? Yeah. Go up and down. Up, you like the pounding. I'm sure you do. Up and down, up and down instead of in and out. And it'll rub your clitoris, wrap your ankles around his calves, and then you're securing him in the position, and you have the greatest chance of experiencing an orgasm with your partner. Now, here's something new. If he orgasms too quickly, there's this great new product that I've discovered,

and it's literally like one of the only things that helps pre-mem with premature ejaculation, and it's called Promescence. It's spelled P-R-O-M-E-S-C-E-N-T. And it's really freaking cool. And it's a spray that man can spray on. You don't have to get a doctor's, you don't have to get a prescription for it.

You can just get it and it sprays, and you spray on your penis. And it doesn't have any taste. It doesn't bother your partner. And she doesn't have to know you're using it. But it helps people with premature ejaculation. which is another top question I get asked about. So see if that works, but you can also try to stop and start method. You can see as doctor, if there's any problems, a lot of times premature

regulation can be a physical thing or it can be something, it can be mental, it can be a combination of both. So I would have to check it out. Yeah, or just, you know, Patron, Silver Dequila, maybe Don Julio. Um, man. Um, all that kind of stuff that works too. Yeah, that can work. That's what I hear from men. The old alcohol thing.

Or pre-gaming. Menace loves the pre-gaming. Would you like to explain what that is? Yeah. Okay. If you ever seen the movie Something About Mary, they have a whole scene about this. Right. Pre-gaming. Pre-gaming is when you you know master bait before you have an big event that you maybe go out on a date and stuff like that.

So this way you're not as excited than you would be if you are getting in bed with somebody for the first time. And then he kinda just like, you're just too excited then. Right, you gotta master it, exactly, there it goes. So you do it, right, before you go on a date. I like it, those are my theories. We just give you a lot of things, Stacy, good luck to you and help it all works out. So, next question, and then we're gonna get into our topic,

do your Emily, I don't know what I'm doing wrong I started online dating. I get a lot of views ladies like my picture But when I write them I get no reply. Not sure what I'm doing wrong. Thanks Dave Okay, man, you've dated online more than I ever you pick up chicks wherever you do But I think online or Twitter whatever you'd Facebook and even online. But when you write a woman, this is something that I know you have to Dave. The thing you got to do is obviously they're interested in you. So that's cool. You got a good photo. Um, try to pick something specific about her profile that you can relate to. So if you share a favorite booking comment, um, tell her how much

you enjoy a certain part of that book. Not just like, Hey, I like that book too. Oh, wow, you've been to Bali. I've been to Bali try to engage her in a conversation before trying to meet up with her She needs to feel comfortable before agreeing to meet up So I'm not sure if you were just like hey great like glad you like my picture. Let's get together Tuesday at nine No women need you need to do you need to like do some little you know seducing some little like getting her interested and You need to do some little seducing, some little getting her interested and getting her engaged in conversation. The brain, largest sex organ, especially for women. We want to be intrigued by you.

You guys say some smart, top your friends, ask your female friends to help you write up, but don't just do a generic response. What would you say, Menace? What do you think he's doing wrong? Women love it when you talk shit to them too. I mean, oh god. Okay. Go away. I like Like you talk talk bad about About them or like physically do not say anything bad about them, but just like

They love it like if you clown on them for For taking too many self portraits and stuff like that. If you just because everyone is kissing their ass, right? So if you're the one not kissing their ass and talking a little crap to them, they love it because they want to win over your, uh, they want to win you over, basically. But okay, it's parks, it's parts are interest and then you can be the normal guy.

Give an example, give an example. I don't think the first message should be dissing a woman, but what would you, what would you, give me example what you'd say? What if you, like my profile, like think of what my profile would say, how would you, you love ripping on me, and I'd just go for it.

What would you say to me? I gotta go to your profile. No, let's just say you're you're emailing me. Imagine I'm asking like let's say you see let's just see uh let's just say you see a girl that goes to nightclub a lot right. What you do is you would say I can't believe you go to that crappy nightclub boom There's one right there See I think a lot of women would find that insulting but if she's playful in her in her description on her online dating profile maybe you could you know rip on something that she already like says oh I have a hard time focusing to write this

You know you're like hey if you can focus long enough on this email I would not pick out something new I I wouldn't do that, menace But a lot of guys do believe in that theory that you're saying menace They do it's it's true. Okay. We'll see if I want to your profile would say I Just don't like the third picture of you on your profile Right, and then it's gonna drive you crazy.. You could say, like, you look sad. You're like, I'm just like, I don't know. All your pictures are great.

Just a third photo, it's not good. See, I had my picture in these paper ones. I don't like that, men. See, I don't agree. But I think you gotta be engaging and be yourself. Okay, okay, just step out of the box for a second. Okay. Okay, okay, just step out of the box for a second. Okay.

What would happen if I said that to you? Would you go crazy? Yeah, I'd be like, you're an ass. Why do you not like it? Or I'd probably say, oh, I didn't like it either. Or you're right, I wasn't sure that was a good one. But I think what you could say, men, let's compromise here.

I think you could say, yeah, but I love your photos. You talk crap to get in, Let's compromise here. I think you could say yeah, but I love your photos. You You talk crap to get in and then you follow up with compliments. I Don't know what if she never gets back to you because you talked crap I think you could say the third photo looks kind of sad. You look sad or something. Yeah, but you're so used to guys Just kissing your ass all the time. You got to stand out from the crowd. I am not used to guys kissing my ass. Those days are over, I think. Hahaha. No, I don't know. I don't know, Manus.

But that is a theory that women like you to be, I think rather than dissing her, you can be more sarcastic or you can be more edgy. Let's just say that. Okay, so let's get into the topic. We have time for two emails to say, but let's get into, because this is like one of my favorite topics,

is reigniting the spark in your relationship. So I think that you have to remember that couples that keep the spark alive do it like a lot of times they need intense planning. For example, people hate to hear this, but this is one thing. Well, first of all, let me back up. There are two reasons, or three reasons they always say, which I say too, is the lack of spark and intimacy in a relationship, okay? Number one, not enough time. You feel like you don't have time. Number two, you're tired.

Number three, there are unresolved issues in the relationship. So, I think that you can look at those a lot of times, you know, he's been upset about something. You heard him a few months ago, things build up, and eventually he just doesn't want to have sex or she's upset because you're working too much and you don't talk about it. Or you're just exhausted.

I hear this a lot of times, couples who have children or you just don't think there's time in the day, you're both working, you come home, you're on different schedules and you just don't seem to make the time. So a lot of times, you know, this starts renaming the spark because couples are like Emily, how do I go back to the time when it was amazing and it was hot? And so it's not gonna happen, couples are just waiting for it to happen magically and I'm here to tell you that it does take work.

And if there was a spark once, we can reignite it. You can reignite that spark. If there was never a spark, if you never had great sex or even a great connection, I'm here to tell you to, that's a little more challenging. Couples who were like, you know what? I never really was attracted to my husband or I never really, we never had great sex. But now I want to have crazy sex.

Well, you might have mismatched libidos. You might not have married your sexual equal, you know, as far as what you need. So that's another problem. But that's, that's, if you did have it, we can get it back and we're going to tell you how. So one of the things is I'm saying that couples need to plan. You can't take your sex life for granted or it's not gonna happen. Now, I, people always poo poo, scudgling, sex.

In fact, I've even been interviewed by like reporters and they're like, don't give me the scudgling sex tip, you know? Like they're always like Cosmo or whatever. I'm like, no, really? It sounds really lame. Like, okay, Saturday night is sex night. But here's the thing, if you're in a relationship where you're not having sex I'm like, no, really, it sounds really lame. Like, okay, Saturday night is sex night. But here's the thing, if you're in a relationship

where you're not having sex in every Tuesday night, you're getting, let's say like he wants it more. And like, Tuesday night, you're getting shut down. Wednesday night, you're getting shut down. Thursday night, you're getting shut down. Like, let's say you're trying to have it and she doesn't want it or vice versa. If you know that every Saturday night

is the one night a week that you, you know, take a shower, you shave, you get dressed and you know what's gonna happen that night saves you a lot of friggin time and you're ego being bashed and a lot of disappointment because you know that you've both agreed that Saturday night is a night that you're gonna you know do it so I don't think that scheduling sucks is such a bad thing okay so you had a plan for it like I said okay so it's sex life is constantly changing right in your 20s 30s 40s you have to find time to adapt. So maybe you're with your partner

in your 20s and in your 30s, you might feel a little different. So just you have to adapt to find out what works for you. The same thing that worked for you then might not work for you now. So it takes, you know, conversations. So, you know, what, what's going on with our sex life? What do you want? And we're going to get into how to talk to your partner about it. And if you have kids, I always want to say, have sex in the shower, they can't hear it. You can lock your bedroom door. Also, you can make your bedroom an off-limit zone to the children. And that would be another way to do it. So, number one thing is plan on surprising your partner sexually. How do you surprise them? You know, you can try a different position. We talked about the cat position earlier.

If she's used to having missionary sex, say, honey a different position. We talked about the cat position earlier. If she's used to having missionary sex, say, honey, so I want you to sit on top of me. I want to look at you. You look beautiful. That's why women on top position is a great position. You can play with her breasts. You can check her out.

A lot of women have orgasms better when they're on top. And couples just kind of fall into that missionary right. So try to have two different positions. I love the tying your partner up thing. Try some silk ribbons, get some bondage tape, tie her to the bed post, perform a roll sex on her. I'm telling you what woman does that want to be like you don't have to tie her up a gagger or do anything crazy. You can use your neck tie, you can use a blindfold. This goes both ways. She can tie you up, You can tie your men. It doesn't like being tied up

because he's afraid his wallets can get stolen. But I don't think that's going to happen anymore. The house is going to catch on fire. Exactly. If I tied you up in my case, I yeah, exactly. And the number one complaint, this is for the women. I hear from men. Men always tell me the number one complaint they have is that women do not initiate sex enough. So if you're a woman try taking the lead. Men I don't know every guy talked to in the world would love to walk in the door and get oral sex have oral sex before I'm down I'm right. Would you like that menace? You walk in the door and your girlfriend whips on your pants like yes. Right exactly. Who doesn't want that? Exactly everyone wants that. So another thing you can do is you can discuss and live out your fantasies.

So before you even go near acting out of fantasy, you got to be comfortable in your relationship. So I'm not saying this is for the second day, again, this is reigniting the spark. So have a conversation with your partner. Tell them what they're asking what their number one fantasy is they'd like to try and you share with them. Now again, there are some fantasies we all have that we don't necessarily want to try. Don't share that fantasy. Share the one that you think would be really cool to try with your partner. Ask them other provocative questions like what do you like, what don't you like to figure out their fantasy? Or you can just start with the yes and no questions or either or questions. Do you want to be seduced? Or do you want to be dominated?

You can try domination submission. You can try the nurse and the doctor. I don't care what you do. Dress up in a costume. Do something fun and different and talk about your fantasies. Because if you do something to what? I want to be sedated. You want to be sedated.

You want to be seduced and dominated is sedated. That's a good combination of those both. You usually are sedated when you have sex, right? Yes, of course. Plus alcohol, anyway. I don't know how this enhances everything. It doesn't, Manus, you don't remember it. It blacks you out, but in the moment you think it does.

No. It's amazing. You and your alcohol. Okay, so another thing that you could do is outside the bedroom, try things you could do outside the bedroom because I like to talk about four play all day. I think that women kind of need it. A lot of women, there's you walking, you want it, she doesn't. So try new things outside the bedroom.

Try engaging a new activity. Jumpstart your adrenaline and your arousal. When you're first in love with someone, you've got all this adrenaline and your heart races and you get butterflies, but after you're with someone while you don't walk in and get the butterflies anymore, you're like, why the hell are the dishes not in the sink?

So studies have shown that arousal that's created through adrenaline activity can get transferred to your partner in your relationship. So you guys can learn a new activity together, exercise together, go surfing, go skydiving. I don't care what you do, but do something. Go to a theme park. Sound silly, but adrenaline is linked to attraction and try something like that. Do you guys ever do anything in your relationship, menace?

Adrenaline-ducing things or do activities together? Beside eating drinks. We go to Las Vegas. That's fun Yeah, we go shopping That's another shopping hire. I think that's a good one We want to all saints the other day. I love all say I love all saints Did you buy her a lot of stuff? No She buys her own stuff. She gets a job.

She's got a job, you don't have to buy her things, but still it's nice to buy her things. Okay, so you can engage in your activity, jumpstart your adrenaline, okay, take a vacation or a staycation. So even if it's only, I say getting out of the house is great. If it's only for even a night, it allows you guys to experience new things and make new memories together. And a lot of times you're having sex in the same way in your bedroom, in the same bed, in the same position with a TV on, get out of your normal routine.

So even if it's a vacation and you're like dog sitting a friend's dog, because you can't afford a hotel room, it doesn't matter, just get out of your bedroom. Or you can do it in the living room, do it somewhere different. Or have a staycation where you decide that you're staying home, but you're not doing laundry, you're not paying the bills, you're not watching TV, you're not cleaning, you're not talking about work,

you put a bunch of stuff off limits and it's a staycation in your house. I love doing that. That's one thing I love staying home and staying in bed. You could also touch more often, touch produces arousal, comfort, and support, both physiologically and psychologically. So a lot of couples need to be touched more, and they're not. Usually there's one person who wants it more than the other one,

so you might need to just touch each other more. Another thing is you can add in, like I said, sex toys earlier, I was talking about spicysubscriptions.com. I'm obsessed with them because I just feel like feel like it's a great thing coming to your house every day. Spicingsregcriptions.com. Use coupon code Emily and you get a box of toys and massage oil and candles and really cool things that you can just say, oh, let's open the box and see what we can do tonight

to spice it up. So another thing is Cosmo, oh, yeah, spicingsreg subscriptions.com. Use coupon code Emily. So Cosmo Magazine interviewed me and they want to know what the dirtiest questions you should be asking and better, how you can spice it up in the bedroom when you're in there. And I suggest, Amanda, tell me if you would do this,

you could play, would you rather? Do you remember that game? Would you rather? Okay, that can easily return into a sex game. You can allow your both both explore your sexual boundaries, understand each other's wants and desires, the answers are fun, but they can be revealing. So you can be like, would you rather have sex

while someone's watching you, or would you rather watch a couple have sex in front of you? So you could say, this is a fast track way of finding out if your partner is a voyeur or exhibitionist, or would you rather have me perform oral sex on you or would you rather have sex outside? I mean just start having a conversation or would you rather be blindfolded, would you rather me blindfold you? Would you rather orgasm, will I'm performing oral or during intercourse? Just talk about things that you already do and put that into the conversation. Isn't that good, Menace? When you want to know those questions, those answers to those

questions? No. So, um, okay, Menace, what would you say it was your high school fantasy? Did you have some celebrity or something that you were obsessed with? In high school, man, I don't remember any in high school, but I would say, you know, back in the day, full house, DJ Tanner, I really like DJ Tanner back in the day from full house. DJ Tanner. But that was it. Okay. I went to high school.

Okay. Well, I don't even know. I never have celebrity crushes, but it can get them thinking about the sexual frustration they had in high school and how they can realize fantasies with you. You can say what does it feel like when you orgasm, is it okay if I perform oral sex and you play truth or dare? Truth. What kind of foreplay would you like to have next time or in bed? Dare. Eat a piece of fruit in the most central way possible. Let me just have fun with your partner. So these are some suggestions. I think that if you try even one of these halfway you're going to be spicing it up because remember sex

Something that you got to work on sometimes when you've been with someone for a while And I don't think you should throw in the towel and start having a fair and start surfing porn more But turn inwards to your relationship and try to spice it up So that's what we have for you today Menace you rock. It's so good to us. See, talk to you then. Thank you. And I missed you terribly. And you can find menace.

Where can we find you menace? On Twitter and Instagram under just menace. And check this out. I am recording in San Francisco at the Stitcher Studios. So make sure you download the app. Do us a favor. It's totally free. It's STITCHER for Android, your smartphone,

you know, whatever, your tablet, all that kind of stuff. I love that you brought that up, because people are always asking me, how can I listen to your show on my phone? And I'm always like, just download the Stitcher app, you can listen to other podcasts as well. I don't really recommend it, just kidding. But any podcast you wanna listen to, you can listen to on stitcher. I'm upset. I love stitcher

I listen to it all the time especially in traffic here in Los Angeles Yeah, it's totally free and you can find me and it's totally free free free and you can check me out on sexathomie.com Twitter sex with Emily Instagram everything Facebook sex with Emily like my page and Yeah, we have more shows new shows shows coming. Everyone wants new shows. We'll be bringing you two new shows a week, right, menace? Promise, swear. OK, swear to God, it's all common.

OK. OK, love you, love you, menace. Thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. Thank you.