Sex With Emily - SWE: The One

Episode Date: December 22, 2011

Emily explores the notion of ‘the one” and if it really exists. Emily thinks that there isn’t one, but a few. People come into your life for different reasons and fulfill different desires and purposes. However, the idea that there is one person out there, who will complete you and make everything better, is perhaps more pervasive than ever. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithelene.com where you get all your sex questions answered. Like seriously, if you have any issues, concerns, anything about sex, you just want to know more about it. You go to sexwithelene.com and all your answers. All your concerns will just be followed by the wayside

because we answer every question that you ever had in your entire life. It's true. We've answered a bazillion questions over the years. I know. And everyone, like, they, and they fall into a few general categories. It's orgasms. Organisms. I feel my penis is not big enough. We just got one.

Some guys painted penis six centimeters, he said. Right, Kels? No way. It was nine centimeters. I swear to God, I have it right here. Anyway, we'll get to that number. Nine centimeters? Eight.

He's really bummed. Man. We get a lot of penis-sized questions. And I tell them all the time, and we don't care. Some women care. Just like some men want a woman with large breasts. Same kind of thing. Well, if you have a small penis, you just got to go down on them for like two, three hours.

That's true. You can compensate that way. You can totally compensate that way. But, um, so today's show, we're going to be talking about the concept of the one. So, does the one exist? Do you believe that there is one person out there that's going to complete you and make you whole or is that a fallacy? I'm really interested in what you have to say about this. Yeah. Okay. Good. We're going to get into it shortly. And I'm interested in what you have to say about it. Yeah. Yeah. We find like soulmates that whole concept. So that's what we got. And I'm trying to think what else I have to tell you.

That's been happening lately that you don't know except for the fact that this boy's coming. And now this is still amazes me. So I've got a guy coming to town and he is the sky from Michigan that I've talked about in the show that we had a little fling. We went on a few dates and I kissed him. How was it? It was nice. How long did you kiss him for? Remember a while. Like did you grab his package? No, I never touched his penis. I don't know how many centimeters it is. And I've not touched his penis. I don't know how many centimeters it is.

And I've not touched his penis. There was no physical, like anything like that. But we made out. Wait, how long did you make out? We made out a few times. We went to dinner and had a few drinks in Michigan. And then we made out in the bar that we went to after. Oh, that's classy. I'm a classy chick. What kind of face? Did you, how did it go down? Did you hold his face? Did he hold your hips? I don't remember.

Oh, come on. It was nice. It was like, yeah, it was a really, it was a really, all I know is that it was a really nice kiss and I wanted to keep kissing him. So it was a short kiss. No, we kissed a few times throughout the evening. Just like pecs.

No, like, kiss, like made out. Oh really? Yeah, I made out. But you don't remember who was touching who, did you grab your ass? No. No? I love when guys grab my ass too.

I don't think you did. I didn't tell them to grab my ass. I didn't mention it. But we'll see what happens. So, do you do your grab girls' asses? Do you do that? I bet you don't. Not in the first.

Men's is like the no man. Like everything asks and is like no, no. What no, no, I'm just saying initially, if I just started making out with the girl, I'm not gonna grab her ass right away. That's not respectful. Not the first time, but like maybe the second time you grab her ass.

Yeah, maybe, maybe, yeah. Second time. I think it's hot. Yeah, it's cool, but I'm just saying, you know, you gotta be, if I'm really into the chick, I'm not gonna be grabbing her ass right away because I wanna be respectful. What are you doing right away?

If you wanna be respectful. I'll make that with her. Yeah, and maybe I'll hold her face a little bit. Oh, I'll do that. That's sweet. I like the holding the face. That's so nice. So he's coming, he's coming for a few days,

and I don't know what we're gonna hang out. I'm in charge of the plans, which I always say like we're gonna hang out. I'm in charge of the plans Which I always say like I love when the guy plans and I'm in charge of the plan this time Yeah, I see it that part going horribly wrong if you have to plan. I know, but I think it's just gonna be I'm casual Like I think we'll see how it flows like are we still into each other? I only went out with him twice But this was a guy that I had a crush on which as I said like For a while when I can come up with any plans because I've got which as I said, like, for a while, when I was a kid. Can you come up with any plans because see you?

I've got plans. I've got like a bevy of plans. I just haven't committed to any of them. And they're all loose plans that can sort of happen at any time. And he has a hotel room. He has a hotel room. Yeah, yeah, he's not staying with me.

I don't want to stay with him. That's a waste because why don't you just stay at your house? I don't want a guy coming into town that I just met to stay at my house. I would never do that. Yeah, but you know him since the fifth grade. Yeah, but I haven't seen him in years. I hadn't seen him in years

until I saw him in Michigan. Well, that's good because you have the dog over there and the dog, you know, the dog farts and rips up everything. One time the dog's ever farted in a farted in a minus. And I don't know what that means. I don't know what that says. He's never farted. She's never farted at anyone else, but you.

And I mean my dog. That's ridiculous. I don't know what that says. He's never farted. She's never farted at anyone else, but you. And I was disgusting. That's ridiculous. I don't even think it happened. It did. You were there. You smelled it. I don't remember smelling it. It was terrible.

But I believe you. You know, so okay, we're going to get into the one. But first let's do some emails unless you have anything else that you need to add. No. Okay. I'm just excited about this guy. It's gonna be cool.

You're gonna meet him, like he's gonna walk in the door. Tell me, like for reals, how nervous you are. Because you know, you're always, oh, I'm so confident, you know, guys just follow, fall all over me and all this stuff. Yeah, I say that all the time. No, I'm being sarcastic, but you know this. I'm a little nervous because but you always, yeah.

I'm a little nervous because he's flying out here and we had a good time and it's just like a big responsibility that he's coming out and I like him. I mean, from what I know, I like him. I like him, I do like him, I like him. I'm excited to be nervous, yeah, I'm nervous. I'm nervous.

Can you tell? This is new territory for Emily Lawrence. You never heard me like anyone. That's what's so shocking. Yeah. It's just like, oh, I'm dating this guy. I found some weird Ella, some weird sex class, and we're going to hang out for a couple of weeks and then stop dating.

That's not my experience. But now this is a guy that you had a crush on, and you kind of like them, and then you're nervous. This is so weird. This is like not you at all. I'm telling you about it. This is so weird. This is like not you at all. I'm telling about it, it is weird, it is weird, but I'm good, I'm totally gonna be fine. Yeah.

Yeah. After you have sex with them. Stop with the sex thing, everyone's asking you about the sex thing and I feel like it's a lot of pressure and I don't know. But you're sex with Emily, you have to perform. You know what? Maybe I don't, maybe I'm all talk.

Yeah. I don't know, we never know. All right, what do you got? Okay, this is what I got. I've all talk. Yeah. I don't know. We never know. All right. What do you got? Okay. This is what I got. I've got this.

Dear Emily, since I've listened to your show, my eyes have been opened up to a whole new world of things. Your show is like a class, but with two super cool instructors. I love the sex talk, which is interesting and freaking hilarious. You two have great chemistry. But what I value most about your show is that even through all the jokes and craziness, you still are helping people on the relationships of your listeners, which brings me to a point. I am getting into my career and I'm ready to settle down,

not for marriage, just a steady relationship. I've had many girlfriends before, but there was just one major problem. I drive them away with jealousy. I have a very serious jealousy problem, and I know I do. I just don't know how to fix it. I drove away my last girlfriend who I had bought an engaging ring for, and is e-me ever since because she was my ideal girlfriend.

Any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated, thanks and sincerely, John from Alabama. Okay. Jealousy is a serious concern. That's a real issue, and he's got, and so joy to say that it's great that you John it's great that you Have admitted and that you've recognized what your issue is because a lot of you go through life like not knowing There's that no I'm not knowing what their issues are so you know that your issue is jealousy And now you've to learn to deal with that so

First you have to look at the origins of jealousy. Did your dad cheat on your mom? Did your mom cheat on your dad? Did your first girlfriend cheat on you? Like, where does it come from? And usually comes from your own insecurities. No matter what, I mean, a big part of it is they feel that somebody's cheating on them. No matter what you do, no matter what you say, what actions you take, somebody will cheat on you. So you just have to trust.

It can happen, right? So if somebody's gonna cheat on you, they're gonna cheat on you. You just have to trust that they're not going to. Right. And I hope it doesn't happen. I hope it doesn't happen too. But if you constantly are jealous, you're gonna just push that person away for no reason.

Exactly. I did it the guy I went to was super jealous all the time. And it was like the biggest problem in our relationship. Because first of all, I'm not the person that you should date if you're jealous. But I'm not the right girl, but I really wasn't flirting Like I was really into this guy. It was someone that I was I was probably out of all the guys I've dated the most into in my life really, but you were there You were there flaring all the time in that made it I wasn't starting though

I wasn't he was like you were looking at the waiter for a little too long. I'm like, oh, whoa I didn't even know that's crazy. Yeah, where's your phone? California California I was looking at the waiter for a little too long. I'm like, oh, whoa, I didn't even notice. That's crazy. Yeah. Where's he from? California. California? He's not different to school. Really? Yeah, I did that.

Yeah. That's odd. Yeah. You must have had some issues. He did have issues. Yeah. When we broke up, it was very sad. Cool.

But it was a long time ago. Okay, let's get into our topic. All right. Your favorite topic, right? Well, it's your favorite topic because you believe it. Why do you think it's on your topic? You totally believe in this theory. You believe it.

In the theory of the one? I believe that there's one person. Yes. No, I don't. I know. I'm being sarcastic. Okay. Okay.

So what we're talking about is everyone talks about this elusive one that they're going to find the one once I find the one is he the one is she the one and does the one exist. And I want to know what people think about it. And I want to know what people think about it and I want to know what you think about it. I personally don't believe that there is one person for everyone. I believe that there are many people that we could be with. Many people that could feel amazing

and you could be with them for 10 years, 15 years, five years, five months, five minutes, doesn't matter, that person could be the one at the time. But to think that there's this other half and it all starts with like the Greek origin of it is that Plato Plato Plato I'm like Plato Plato believed that we are all separated at birth and there are other halves that we're supposed to find and then once we find our

Half will be complete so it's like this whole searching for this half that will complete us and to think that any person is Is going to complete you is is just the wrong way of thinking because you have to think that any person is gonna complete you is just the wrong way of thinking. Because you have to be a complete person yourself before you can attract the right person. You have to do your work on yourself. You have to know who you are. There's not gonna be one person's gonna show up

and you're like, oh my god, I found my missing half. Oh look, we just fit right together. And we have one. Do you believe that never happens? I believe that you think it happens. I believe that you're with someone and you're like, oh my god, this person's the one. But I don't believe that it was like set out from the beginning of time that this one person was put on the planet to just only

be with you. And you guys finally found each other after years of searching. I know that's kind of out there and ridiculous on that part. But I believe you can still find one person that you can be happy with for the rest of your life. I think you can too. I totally think you can too. Yeah, but no, you're like a forstance. You're like, oh, 10, 10 years, 15 years. Yeah, or 50 maybe, but it doesn't mean that there's only one person. Like I've been in love at the same time also with so.

Why do you need to find more people? Well, you don't, but what I'm saying is just the notion that there is just this one person. And you're like, that's not the one, that's not the one, but I'm going to find that person. I'm going to know, yeah, you might feel like that person's one, but doesn't mean that there are other people out there. So everybody's beginning of time is incorrect and finding somebody to stay with for the rest of their life. So you're trying to change all that. Yeah.

I just believe that if you're like, I haven't found the one yet, I need to find the one that it just seems like it's limiting. And that also, let's say you get married and you're with someone, you're like, this is one, I found the one, I found my soulmate and then you get divorced. So what does that mean? There's no one left. You already found your one. And that was the only chance you got. There can't be another one. Yeah, there could be, but not to go ahead and say, I'm never going to find the one or the one isn't out there. I'm just going to find the one or the one isn't out there. I'm just going to run through all these people is kind of ridiculous.

Well, I can't just search for somebody that you believe can be compatible with for the rest of your life. It's great if you find that person, but I just don't think that that one person that there's like, that's like the notion of the one person existing is how we should be living our lives. So how should we be living our lives? If we shouldn't be looking for a person to spend the rest of our life. No, I think it's okay to be spending the... No, what I'm just talking about is that whole concept that this person already exists.

They're wandering the planet right now. They are existing. They're eating. They're sleeping. They are working. They're doing everything. But they haven't found you yet, Madness. And she exists.

And there's one person that's like pre-dustin to be with. I hope that's true. That's nice. It's nice to be helpful. But I don't really think that that notion is true. Okay, then how should people live their lives? I think that you live your lives thinking that they're going to find someone, but I don't believe that there is just only one person for everyone. I think there can be multiple

people in your life. And it's like the whole concept of soulmates that like someone completely, like I feel like I have a lot of soulmates in my life. I feel like I have lots of friends that are soulmates and people I've dated that are soulmates that I'm still really close with. Like we connect on this like soulful level, but I don't believe that I'm still alive. Then I don't think you really know the meaning

of a soulmate. I do. In fact, I have it right here. Would you like to know what the definition is? Okay, tell me. Tell me. What's the definition? Okay.

So reincarnation. Some people believe that a soulmate is someone with whom a person has shared other lifetimes through reincarnation. Mm-hmm. The soulmate could be a friend, a business partner, a parent, a child, a sibling, a spouse, or other family member. These soulmates can be of the same or opposite sex. And then it talks about Plato, what are you saying, Plato?

Plato. Plato who said that a soulmate is a person's other half, where the idea of split apart, searching for one another was explored. People all over the world believe that we are all searching for someone to make us whole and to share our journey of life with. And what's wrong with that? It's just people that are... That I've been split apart at my origin when I was born and there's somebody so... It's just a belief in love.

That's it. And then there's a dictionary definition. One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity. Someone for whom you have a deep affinity, a person temperamentally suited to another. Yeah, I believe in so many. I believe that you can find like a different lots

of different soamets, like people that you can find like a different lots of different soulmates, like people that you can connect with on all these multiple levels. It's kind of like a theory of Santa Claus, tooth fairy, and the Easter bunny, right? Soulmate is? Yeah, you kind of say like, it's kind of like the same theory. It's just, yeah, okay, maybe it doesn't really exist, but it just, it's just there to make people feel better about things. Right, and I'm just telling people they shouldn't feel better because of this's just there to make people feel better about things. And this is it.

I'm just telling people they shouldn't feel better because of this. Yeah, they shouldn't feel better about it. They shouldn't believe in love. They shouldn't believe in finding something that they can spend their, but to believe that there's one person, I think, is wrong. See, this is where you're so jaded on.

You think there's just one person for you that you're gonna find one person and that's it? I hope there's one person out there. Do you think she already exists and do you think you know her? Maybe she's there. No, maybe. Do you think you're just one person for you that you're gonna find one person and I hope there's one person out there Do you think she already exists and do you think you know her maybe she's there? No, do you think you already know the person you're gonna marry? I Might I don't know. I don't know exactly. I'm just gonna see how you met the one Don't you think you know like like you'd be like oh my god. You're the one. We've been searching for each other our entire Life it goes back it goes back to fixing yourself and knowing that you're ready for the one.

You have to be ready. And I'm not ready for the one. You're not ready. I'm not. That's so true. I'm so glad you said that. You're really not. Yeah.

Why do you think you're not? Because I still, all my personal life things and work and places I live and stuff like that. If I ever want to have a family, you have to be financially ready for all that kind of stuff. And I'm just not ready for that. That's all, that's the only thing that's stopping me from the one, you on the other hand, I have no F and clue.

Like why? You know clue what I'm gonna find and what's gonna happen in my life. I'm neither, I don't either. I know that it would be awesome to find somebody and it would be great, but I don't know that I would believe that, oh, there's one.

Well, this is why I'm excited for this guy showing up because a you say like him, b, you already had a crush on him. 3, you made out with him already and 4, you're excited that he's here? Or did I already say that? You didn't say that. I'm excited that I don't know. I lost track. It's a lot of numbers.

There he is. No way a lot of number. There is No way, oh my god. Come in. Hi. No way Is we are we gonna put them on a show? I don't know she put on the show. Hi, we're on the show Hi, oh my god. Are you serious? Oh, they're already making out in the studio ladies and gentlemen? Wow Wow, hi you guys on ecstasy right now or something? So now this is Venice. This is David. Alright, we got to continue the do a show David. Thank you for coming in. What's going on? You can sit there. You can keep it high in here for a reason. Yeah, it's always hot. We get naked eventually because no, it's just always hot in here. We got to keep the show going.

But I'm going to have you sit down over here. He wants to stand next to me. He can enjoy it. Okay. Wow. No, it's okay. He gets No, no, you can do whatever you want man. Man, this makes me nervous too. I never know what he's gonna say Sure, David You just we're just gonna have him sit there. I'm gonna get the microphone I wasn't gonna really have you on the show Okay, no No, it's a show we're still doing a show. All right Okay, anyway, Emily was take a while. Show we're still doing a show. Okay. Anyway, Emily was just saying how she doesn't believe in the one.

Yeah. No, I wasn't saying that. I don't believe in the one. I don't believe in the one. I don't believe that there is one person in the gun. Oh, he's not really here. He's not here. Okay, go ahead.

That's my number one thing though. What? That there's not one person for anyone person. Oh my God. It has already started, lace and tone. It's true. It's true. There isn't.

I don't believe that. I don't believe that the concept that there's one person, and there's only one person for everyone. There's many people they could be for you. And think in a lifetime, you can meet many people along the way, but to think that there's one person that you are separated birth, and that you're going to come together and find them as wrong.

That's very jaded of you and not jaded. Not believing in love at all. That's cool. I'm not saying I don't believe in love. I'm saying I don't believe in in that or soulmates for that matter. Wow. You're just winning over people left and right. Do you even go see romantic movies at all? I don't see movies.

A bunch of crap. Super busy. I'd love to see movies, but you know me. What anything romantic that you're into at all? Like, what sort of stuff like that? Well, people, the books are based on this theory that you might find somebody to spend their rest your life with or what? Are you just not into it? You're like totally off-board. No, I mean, I love romance. I think it's amazing. I think romance is just a beautiful thing.

And I think it's great when it comes to people's lives. But what we're talking about is just the fact that people think that they haven't found the one yet. They haven't found the one yet. And they're on this constant search for the one. And I believe that there are many people like either one. And someone could be the one for a while.

Like, you were the one all month long, but not next month. There's someone else. And you're, I'll see you're saying, you believe all those people that believe in that are assholes, too. I didn't say that. You said that. I did not, I would never, man, it's only you would say assholes.

I would never ever say assholes. They're for ginas. Ah, don't say that word. Hey, Lee says vagina. It's so annoying. I'm using it as an adjective. I'll be having a lot of ones. That would be the romantic. No, that's not the romantic. No, no, that's so annoying. I'm using it as an edge to be having a lot of ones. That would be the romance. No, that's not the romantic. No, no, that's not romantic. No, that's you being

a player. No, experiencing different things. Maybe like five years, 10 years or more. You never really had you guys are just men for each other already. Jesus, age Christ. Jesus, age Christ. So the notion, okay, so here's more about soulmates. Yeah, so people say the notion of soulmates has been around a very, very long time. However, there are several viewpoints and then we got into all the viewpoints of soulmates and then there's a challenge and they talk about that once you find your soulmate or the one, you think that all should be perfect in the world and your relationship should just flow and it should be great.

But the truth is there are challenges. So even when you find the one, it doesn't mean that everything is going to be perfect, even if you believe in the world and your relationships should just flow and it should be great. But the truth is there are challenges. So even when you find them one, doesn't mean that everything is going to be perfect, even if you believe in the one. Man, you can't do this. I can't do this. But how is that going? How is that going? How is that search going?

We already talked about this. Yeah. It's just, I need to work on myself first before you do that. When are you going to start doing that? It's going to be a while. I chose the wrong industry to ever be stable in your life. I understand me too, honey. I totally get it. But I just automatically going with that theory of, oh, there's not the one or anything like

that. I think you're setting yourself up for doom and gloom. That's all. Me? I know there's a hopeful person on the planet. I'm optimistic. I'm hopeful. I'm just saying that- What is talking about this topic, you didn't seem very hopeful at all. Oh, absolutely. I'm just saying that I don't believe that everyone searching around, they're looking for their other half, they're looking for the one, they're thinking like there's gonna be one person that's gonna complete me,

and that is the biggest fallacy, and then I'll tell you why. And I said this already, because I believe that you have to be a complete person when you wanna find someone and you're looking for love. Like you just said, you have to really work on yourself, you know who you are, and then you'll be want to find someone and you're looking for love. Like you just said, you have to really work on yourself. You know who you are and then you'll be ready to find someone. But to think like, I'm kind of half a person. I'm going to find this other half person we're going to come together and make one.

It doesn't happen. Well, have fun with this bundle of joy. I think it's interesting. I don't think there's anything negative about what she's saying. I think it's 100% true. Well, well, you guys are high. Okay. I wish. It was at the ecstasy we wanted to do. Well, well you guys are high. Okay, I wish

Totally okay, so I think we covered that yeah, just good We should wrap up the show You got a man in town. I got a man in town. I know this is very this is very Yeah, this is a medicine never heard me with anyone I have never heard say that she I Don't want to bust you out and say don't bust me out. Oh, what we gonna say Well, she she at least told me some information that she had a crush on you back in the fifth grade I assume you know that information. Yeah, that's nothing new. Oh, okay. Well, how seems confident

From the fifth grade, don't she, we had talked about that. We talked about that. We've covered that information. Yeah. All right, let's use some emails. All right, what do you got? Okay, this way I got. Hey, Emily, I've been seeing this guy grew up with Phromus eight months, and he is wonderful,

but I feel like now we want different things. When Clay and I got together, it was very clear about what I wanted. Just fun. I made it very clear that I didn't want marriage kids or anything remotely serious, but here I am with this wonderful man who won't stop talking about marriage and kids. Any other woman would love to have my man at her fee, but because of the constant marriage and children talk, I'm thinking of breaking this off. Is a man wanting to marry you a deal breaker?

And that's from Angel in Atlanta. Well for you it is, of course. Why? Oh stop. Just in the... Just true. Okay. Here in the just true. Okay. Here's the thing. I totally understand Angel what you're saying about the one about I mean the one about about the fact This guy wants to get married and have kids because and you don't want it

But he's a wonderful guy and he's amazing and he's great on paper and all the stuff But the truth is that you guys don't want the same thing like you're telling me right now that he wants marriage and kids and you don't want that So I would say that you are not in the same page and she says that he's wonderful. What's wrong with that? I know like he's not like amazing and in love and he's wonderful and he's good at what's gonna happen is she's thinking oh I should just go date more people and then she's gonna run through a bunch of other guys and it's gonna be a horrible experience and then she's gonna reflect and say I could have been with this

great guy that really such has a massive view. It's so not true. I don't know too many women that are like that. Yeah, because your friends are fucked up because you know why? Why? I don't think that you should have my friends are fucked up. You should take a look at your friends. I don't think that I don't believe that relationships that you should have any regrets when it comes

to relationships. So I don't believe there's anything as mistakes. I mean, you can do things at our mistakes. You'd be like, oh, that was an error. But I don't believe that when you break up with someone, that you should go back and feel like, oh, because people always ask me that, they're like, do you have any guys that you regret

that you should have married, that you should have been with? And it's like, at that time, I didn't want to. For whatever reason, he wasn't right, it wasn't the thing. So I'm just to go back now and be like, oh, that was really right. Like, hindsight is 20, whatever. But I wasn't, my emotional state, wherever I was at, whatever I knew at is 2020, whatever. But I wasn't there in my emotional state. Wherever I was at, whatever I knew at that point in my life,

I wasn't ready to be with this guy. So why would I regret it? Like, regrets and relationships just aren't safe. You can definitely regret it. I think regret is a waste of time. What do you think is a waste of time? It sucks. It sucks.

But if you have opportunity right there to be with a great guy, you should at least give a chance and not just run away because you want to get married and have kids and he does game over. Why are they together still? He's ready to get married and have kids. Why don't she just talk to them and say, Hey, this is not what I want and see how he feels after that. I think she will.

But she feels like she's breaking it off and she says, is a man wanting to marry you a deal breaker. And that's so ironic. Could be a deal breaker. You know that I've broken off relationships because guys want to marry. I think it's a deal breaker. And that's so ironic. It could be a deal breaker. You know that I've broken off relationships because you guys want to marry me. I think it's a deal breaker. You know that's how most of my relationships ended

was when they, a lot of my relationships did and when they were like, let's move in together and let's get married. You've heard me say that. So I think that that angel should honor what she thinks that she wants right now. And you know what? I'm gonna see Angel in a bar 10 years from now,

sad in the loan is what I'm doing. So wrong, because this one guy wants to marry. And I get me like holding up the email and then I'm gonna have a recording of the show and then I'm gonna be laughing. No, I don't think so. Okay, next topic, bad and bad. Oh.

How do you tell someone that they are bad and bad without being blessed? How are you in bed? Are you good? Are you getting bad? Um, I've won, you know, I don't know. I feel like I've got a good feedback. You sound confident in that.

Good feedback, that's awesome. Okay, this is for me. I'm amazing. How do you know? He doesn't know. I can show you a video tape. He does make sex tapes, but he blacks out when he has sex most of the time. No, I don't. I can show you a video tape. He does make sex tapes, but he blacks out when he has sex most of the time.

No, I don't. I remember at least half of it. He doesn't really remember. Okay. How do you tell someone that you're bad and bad without being blood? That's a great question. Don't be blunt about it. And you have to start with positive encouragement.

So you're like, you know, it was so hot. It was so hot that time that you were kissing my neck and then you slowly addressed me. I really like that. So you reinforce the things that they they've done that are really good. You just like anything life. You start out with positive. And then you could say, you know, it would be really amazing if we tried this or that or show him show him what you like. Like show like it's the same thing we're talking about kissing. Like show your partner what you like. Like I want to be kissed this way. I'm going to show you how I want to be kissed and you show me how you want to be kissed. So I think that you should

to talk to your partner and be like these are some things that I've been wanting to try or maybe you just start doing them and you just, you know, and you just kind of reinforce a good thing, tell them that was really great. And then you introduce new things into the relationship. Maybe you want to bring in a sex toy or maybe you want to. I don't know what makes some of it. I always, that you see one of the questions that we asked Oliver Gas, like, what's bad sex. And I think it's a really interesting question because what, what I want to know more,

like, why are they bad and bad? Like, does it mean that they, doesn't care about your orgasm? Does it mean that he's not attentive to your, any of your needs, that he never kisses you? Like, I don't know what that means for this person, but whatever, whatever it is that you're needing and you're not getting, I think that there's a kind way to be like, you know, it would be really great

if you would go down on me for an hour. An hour. I'd like to say that to have sat you in. I do this Christ. 45 minutes. 45 minutes. Menace always wants to know the time that he has to stay. I just need to get through.

I want to turn over the hourglass and know, all right, this is how long I got. You're like, really? Okay, only two more minutes, thank God. For just that or anything. Just anything, life, I just want to know when I can go to bed. I think this is your ex-girlfriend writing.

That's what he got. I think so, yeah. Okay, I'm not going to read the penis size one because it's just a blessing. I just don't want to read it. Because I don't read it. I want to hear about the penis size thing. Okay. You can help this guy out. Okay. Let's just tell him it doesn't matter. Okay. Hi, Emily. I'm a 19 year old guy. I'm serious already. You just said that. It doesn't matter. He's fine. All right. Let's go. Let's start from the beginning. I'm not going to make him feel bad.

I'm not. I'm not. We're going to figure out. I'm not gonna make him feel bad. I'm not we're gonna figure out we're gonna work through this together Hi, Emily. I'm a nice to do a guy and I have some serious confidence Confidence issues regarding the size of my penis. I do not know if this is common But I have an 8 to 9 centimeter long penis. I haven't had the guts to go to the doctor or tell my parents in fear of Humiliation so what do you think? Well, I still have a good love life Allen So Alan here's a deal. I think that you are way too obsessed with the size of your penis. And that many, they're just like men, there are some men who love large-breasted women and smaller-breasted women. There are women who really enjoy large penis and they're women like small

penis, sort of whatever, they don't care about the penis size. A lot of women actually, there are penises that are too big for them, and they actually need a certain shape penis to reach orgasm. And I just think that for you going into it, you just like sounds like yourself, a team has taken a nose dive,

and I would say that it's just not as big of a deal as you think it is, and that you should not, it's clearly not a big deal. It's clear not being a... Oh, really? That's mean. But no, I really think that you should not trip on this. I mean, you can talk to your doctor if you want, there's nothing you a big deal. It's clear not being a... Oh, really? That's mean. But no, I really think that you should not trip on this.

You can talk to your doctor if you want to. There's nothing you can really do. You'll have a great love life. Because let me tell you something. There are lots of men who have smaller than average penises. And they have... Does getting really good at going down? Well, that's true.

A lot of them have mad skills in the bedroom, otherwise. So there's other things that you can do to be a good lover. It's not all about the penis. I mean, that's, that's the big, one of the biggest problems I have with sex. Is that people, when they talk about sex, they think that sex is only about penetration. Like that's it. Like, did you have sex? Did you not have sex? Did you have panic? But there's so many other things involved with sex. There's oral sex. There's, you know, touching and kissing and massage. And there's just so many other things that constitute sex that to think that you are already failing because of your penis and you won't be a good lover is wrong.

You will be a great lover, I'm sure, and I wouldn't worry about it. Is it tall? He should date somebody really tall because I heard taller women have smaller for genus. That's what I heard. What about hell do you get your information? I got it from the internet. I heard that taller women have smaller vaginas because they have more room to have kids.

And then the shorter women have larger vaginas because they need more room. I swear I read it somewhere. Yeah, please don't share that information. My information is usually correct. So he should date a really tall woman because they have smaller vaginas. Menace.

I fix this problem right there. You did not. That's some dumb. That's not true either. How do you know? You can't say that's like seeing guys with big hands, big menaces. Do you know for a fact that taller women don't have smaller for gynas? Yeah, I do. How? Because I don't think that there's anything factual like that. You don't think, see? You know nothing's true.

I know there's not. You can say saying that every guy who's tall has big penis or every, you know, it's not that. That's pretty much true, right? So natural. Here to tell you. All right. Love your show. Some of a 28 year old female and they've been doing the friends with benefits thing with

a guy for almost two years now. It's somewhat off and on and we sometimes go to movies, dinner, etc., or always followed by sex. We're in the same circle of friends and are constantly around each other because while my friends are his friends and my first life, we've had many talks usually ending with agreement with we should just be friends because I want more and he doesn't. And we'll go for a few months, no sex, but we always end up back in bed together. I know I need to just stop, but it's extra tricky because not seeing him means not seeing any of my friends at all. I need, I need your help. I'd love both of your perspectives

on this. Thanks, Susan. Okay. So here's the deal your help. I'd love both of your perspectives on this. Thanks, Susan. Okay. So here's the deal, Susan, we actually just did a show on Friends of Benefits this week. And I think that the Friends of Benefits Relationships, they can totally work. They totally work, but you have to be great communicators and you have to communicate about it. And you've talked about like, well, are you seeing other people? Are you not seeing other people? Like what are the expectations? Now, I'm concerned with your friends with benefits relationship because you want more and he doesn't, which is the downfall

of all friends with benefits relationships. When one person wants more and the other person wants less, which is eventually what happens, I would say eventually that happens in these relationships. That one person wants more and that one wants less and that's already happening to you. So now you're saying that you're seeing him

because you're friends and whenever, and I just think that you're not going to get what you want from the sky. He's telling you very clearly that he only wants to be a friend's benefits. And so there's another big mistake that women and men make in relationship is they think they can change the person. No one's ever going to change. Like unless they want to change, they can change. But you're not going to change them. He's not going to all of a sudden come around and be like, you know what, I think this friend's benefits thing, I think we should just come in. It's not going to happen. I think you're fooling

yourself. And I think that you should get yourself out of the situation and start dating someone that you really want to date. But Friends Benefits works again if people are both in the same page. And ultimately, usually at least one person ends up changing their mind and one wants more and one wants less. And it's become BMS. I mean, I've had some very successful Friends Benefits relationships and they worked out because we were always on the same page, but this one already sounds like it's doomed. Yeah, let me ask you guys some questions. Let me get you up on the mic. Oh, great.

What? This is my friend David. He's on the mic now. Yeah, go ahead. Let me ask you guys some questions because obviously from our conversations earlier that you don't believe in the whole soulmate thing. So do you think friends with benefits

are a better relationship to have then? No. No, it's not bad. I'm saying there's not one person for every one person on the planet. Like you could have different relationships with different people that can all be fulfilling and great, but the relationship is gonna be so-

Yeah, like a friends with benefits. You just hook up for a while and then you just move on to the next one. No, that's not what- No, that's true as well. That's a different experience. Yeah, I don't think that you have to choose Like I you You can meet somebody that has a whole different background that somebody that grew up on a farm and Your relationship with that person is gonna be so different than somebody that grew up in New York City It could be both be wonderful and great. It's just going to bring out different things in each person.

So, friends with benefits, though, is just another form of relationship, but it's nothing like that. So, it's always challenging. So, but do you think that's a better relationship? No. No, I think it's more of just a temper, it's like the minor leagues. Yeah, it is kind of a temporary thing. It's just like you know except for I mean I've done them for a long time How long have you been in the minor leagues Emily long time?

I've been in the minor leagues a long time So what does it take to get out of the minor leagues? Well, I Got a Michigan. Oh God Yeah, I'm miles Yeah, no, I got Skype these days don't miles. Yeah. No. They got Skype these days. Don't worry about it. No, but friends' benefits, I think, are we just like did all show on it that I think that

you just have to be on the same page and you have to keep checking it with each other. And it sounds like she's getting hurt, so. Yeah, she needs to just cut her losses. Exactly. She's got a bell on it because it's very clear. Okay. We already read that one. Okay. I think we are. Okay. exactly she's got a bell on it because it's very clear okay um we already read that one okay I think we are okay do they want us to worry about are we done I think we're done Nance said that was all I just heard you did yeah where

how'd you hear I got it in my mic you did not what's going on I don't know are we wrapping let's wrap let's wrap do they keep it this hot in here in purpose? No, it's so hot in here. There's a lot of lights in here. We got a lot of lights in here. It's just really hot. It always is hot though. Do you got to get naked in here ever?

No. No. I'm usually fine. I like it hot. So I keep it so you have like 80 degrees. I have not got naked in here. Not yet, at least. I mean, I can leave the studio if you want. There's a camera here.

I can just get naked and we get a lot more subscribers. Oh yeah. I don't know. All right, let's uh... Let's wrap it up. All right. for it. That's all you're gonna say. Yeah, because I was talking the same time when you're trying to wrap up. So that's all. You're gonna say go for it. Yeah, let go. I thought you were gonna say something else. I think you guys kind of like each other.

No, oh my God. We don't like each other at all. No, I mean, we love each other. We actually love each other deeply. God. Okay. And this now. Okay. Thanks everyone now. Okay.

Thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. You can follow me on Facebook and Twitter, Sex with Emily. So thanks for listening to the show. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemely.com.