Sex With Emily - SWE: The Vagina Lady

Episode Date: July 16, 2013

Emily gets up close and personal with The Vagina Lady. What’s the Vagina Lady's mission? To help women overcome any shame they experience for having a vagina. Women are extremely self-conscious about their, um, lady parts. They're so ashamed they don't even want to say the word vagina! But vaginas are awesome for so many reasons. I mean, they have about twice as many nerve endings as the penis. So the next time you feel like vaginas are the inferior genitals, just think about that! This podcast is important to listen to no matter if you have a vagina or not. Many men feed into women's insecurities by making them feel like they don't measure up. Women get Labiaplasty to fit a certain standard of beauty perpetuated by porn. But every woman's vagina is different and fine just the way it is. But if you do want to improve your vagina, do your Kegels! Emily and the Vagina Lady walk you through how to do your Kegel Exercises to feel tighter and healthier down their. Men can also do their Kegels to last longer during sex! Emily also asks the Vagina Lady, "If a man could ask a vagina a question, what would it be?. Also, "if a woman could ask her vagina a question what would it be"? All your vagina questions answered in the podcast! Listen up and love your junk. Special Offer for Sex with Emily: The Vagina Lady Listeners If you want to change your love life, check out my good friends: Crazy Girl, Max4men, Masque, and Good Vibrations, and Adam and Eve. Use coupon code Emily for 50% off anything at Adam and Eve + free shipping + 3 free DVDs + a free sexy gift. Use coupon code Emily25 at checkout for 25% off your purchase at Crazy Girl or Max4Men. Use coupon code GVEmily20 at checkout for 20% off purchases of $100 or more at Good Vibrations. Enjoy, The Vagina Lady! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're listening to Sex with Emily, a talk show about sex, relationships, and everything in between. Check us out online, sexwithemily.com. If you love sex with Emily and love sex, go to atomyve.com slash Emily and you'll get 50% off just about any item. Like toys, a Rodic DVDs, Loobs, and more. Go to atomyve.com slash Emily and get 50% off one item, Ademeeve.com girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, though?

What do you mean like laundry? It shrinks. And we not talk about sex so much. Are you kidding me? Hello, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Emily and you're about to hear an interview I did with Julie, the vagina lady. You can check her out at vaginalady.com. And for more sex with Emily, you can check out our podcasts, videos, and blog

at sexwithemily.com. Hi, Emily, nice to be here. Hi, Julie, thanks for coming. We found the vagina lady. She's on your Myspace page and you're blogging, your photos. So tell me a little bit about yourself. How did you become the vagina lady?

Because there's a lot of vaginas out there. How are you the vagina lady? There are, there's a lot of vaginas out there. How are you the vaginal lady? There are, in fact, billions of vaginas out there. Not that mine is any better or different from anyone else's, but I'm trying to champion the cause artistically and especially on the internet. I've built my little internet empire dedicated to vagina art and the intangible sexual awareness. It's certainly not a pornographic thing. I think the vagina is a beautiful thing,

but my work isn't photographic or pornographic in any way. It's just a feminist endeavor to make people more aware of their body's sexual health, sexual satisfaction. OK, so you obviously, you devoted your life to this. Did you feel that there was a need out there and they you know that the vagina people just don't get the vagina it's misunderstood. How did this come about? Well it certainly is misunderstood and not spoken up frequently. I've been involved in sexual health education for years. My older sister actually

became a midwife and that was when I made my first piece of a jina art for her. And the popular response was overwhelming. I mean people loved it, even these totally square people who I would not think would be into it. I make lots of little fluffy upholstered things. And anyhow, people loved it, so I started making more. And then one Halloween, I decided to make a costume. And that was the end of the story. I mean, there is no more attention getting outfit a girl can put on.

Then a vagina costume. What was your coming out of a vagina costume? It was, you know, similar to my current costume. It was about, oh, I don't know, I'd say a three-foot-large vagina, you know, similar to my current costume, it was about, oh, I don't know, I'd say a three-foot-large vagina, you know, with outer labia, a flesh-colored and bright pink inner labia, and always when I make a costume, my face is the clitoris, there's a little hood that comes down over my head, but you know, look into my eyes, this is where the action's at.

I love it. So I wore it to Halloween in the Castro and oh my goodness, I mean everybody loved me there. And I had not in fact decided on the name of the vagina lady, but people kept calling me that. So there's that vagina girl, that vagina lady. Exactly. So the next day I was like, I wonder if that domain name is available and what do you know

it was? So I am the vagina lady. You are. How long did you start the vagina lady? Oh, that was about five years ago now. And since then, I go out to a lot of major San Francisco events and my costumes and continue to get lots of attention. And I'm not looking to make people uncomfortable

with my costume either. So, you know, I don't go to Sunday school events, for example, but if it's gay pride, if it's beta breakers, if it gay pride, if it's beta breakers, if it's Halloween, if it's the love fest, I mean, this is San Francisco. There's no shortage of crazy costume events. A lot of friends I have here,

they actually have costume closets, wings of their house. But why do you think the vagina is so misunderstood? It's a taboo. Because people never talk about it. It's something that we've been trained to not talk about. It's maybe a little dirty. Maybe there's something bad about it. Certainly it's kind of mysterious

and it's very private. It's your thing and so don't talk about it. Do you think the penis has the same issues? Well, to a certain extent, it certainly does, but not quite to the same extent, no. I think that women are raised to a large extent in our society to have a certain shame in their vaginas. I don't think that men experience the same thing unless perhaps they have a small penis and, you know, God forbid that happened. God forbid. We just brought up two things that we will get to. We're going to talk about smell.

And we're going to talk about vaginal reconstruction as far and penis size too. We can put that in. Absolutely. I agree. It is more of a taboo growing up. And do you think by doing your work and things like the vagina monologues, I mean, they're saying it on TV vagina, do you think it really is changing as far as how women are feeling about it and men?

Well, of course, I think it's really changing. I'm not pretending to be an unbiased observer here, but I feel like I've had women come up to me and tell me that my work has made them feel more comfortable about their bodies and their vaginas. In fact, one of the most moving experiences I've had as an artist, and it was fairly early on in my career, one of the first times I was showing my work, an older woman came over. She was probably in her 60s. She said to me, you know honey, I love these. I love what you're doing. She paused for a moment and she pointed to the clitoris. I'm

one of my pieces and she said, but what's that? Oh my goodness. I mean it was like a door opened and I happened to have a book with me, so I pulled out, you know, the book and showed her a diagram and explained that that's the clitoris. And she looked at me wide-eyed and said, so that's what that thing is. And that was such an influential moment for me where I really was like, oh my goodness, I am making the world a better place if I just taught a 65 year old woman what her clitoris is. How about education now with...

Well, I am taking out the shame. I would hope so to a certain extent. I actually have a cousin who's in her early teens and her friends actually really appreciate my artwork. I like that a lot. I was at Beta Breakers this past year wearing my bright pink costume and a little girl who I walked by, tugged at her mother's sleeve and she said, Mommy, Mommy, look, it's a princess. And I thought that's great. She can't tell exactly what it is, but I definitely want it to look princess-like because hello, it is. I'm gonna talk about vaginal reconstruction.

I was like in theorist site you have a lot of vagina information and you could ever want. There's lots of links, lots of important information and one of the things that we've been, I get a lot of letters about this in emails, just in the last few years. It's everywhere. Dr. Neymt, you know, what is the deal with that? Who's doing it? What's it about? Yep, labia plastic is becoming a big business. I have to say I object to the term vaginal reconstructive surgery. Now if a woman has been in a horrible accident, or if we're talking about a transsexual,

then that is perhaps a valid term. A woman who was born with a fully functioning vagina doesn't need it to be reconstructed. Now, she may choose, and increasingly these days, she is choosing to have cosmetic labia plastic, but there's nothing medically necessary about that. Nothing at all. Sometimes though, I would think like there's some problems I have with organiser. After having, giving birth, there's issues.

There are certainly medical cases where a woman may require a vagina surgery. Certainly, victims of female genital mutilation may require surgery to correct those problems. But to a large extent, that's not what we're talking about here. When we're talking about Dr. Nihil 210, we're talking about women who are made to feel that their labia are ugly.

The primary issue going on here is women whose inner labia extend past their outer labia and or women whose labia are not symmetrical. Now, apparently this is absolutely disgusting, appalling just a gross societal trend that we must do everything in our power to reverse. I would disagree with that standpoint, but that's what a lot of people are selling these days. So it's like a chicken and neck thing, where women, you know, what came first,

were women saying, God, I hate my vagina, or what guys going, you know, you don't look like the porn star I'm watching right here, you know, you don't look like the stripper, or whatever it is, you really think it's... To me, there's no chicken and egg. To me, women would feel fine about their vaginas

if they weren't getting negative feedback from men. And the fact of the matter is in today's society of pornography, yeah, men expect the porn vagina. That's become fairly standard in a lot of men's minds. Now, to a degree, that's not even the faults of those men. They probably don't even realize that they've been indated by these images. Exactly.

But it is also their responsibility to realize that not every woman's vagina is going to look like that, particularly if she's not white, if she doesn't shave, that sort of thing. So it is cosmetic. So a lot of women are, you know, I don't like the way it looks, and my boyfriend didn't like it, but is there anything else around that?

Like, there's, you know, after I had a baby, I felt like I was too loose, you know, I'm wanna be tighter or, I mean, is there any, what have you heard of you heard success stories, negative stories? Well, I personally haven't heard success stories, not the double-chopping kind of. I'm looking for I'm talking now. She was such a thing as a successful,

I mean, the fact is the matter is, yes, a woman's vagina will often be looser if she's had a baby. The fact of the matter is, Kagle exercises are a great way to deal with that. Kagle exercises are like, like the push-up. You don't push-ups are good for your like, things, certain things you can do. They help with orgasm. They're great in all kinds of ways.

They help with incontinence. If you know you're having urinary incontinence. Exactly. That feels birth. And they're easy. I mean, heck, we could both be doing them right now. I was, were you? I couldn't help it.

You're sitting here and like, I'm going to do exercises. That's actually a good mission right there. You know, strengthening your muscles, you have more powerful. How would you do it? How do you do one? Can you describe it? Well, some people might not know. It's the muscle that you use when you stop yourself peeing. If you imagine that you were peeing and you stop mid-flow. However, it's not actually really good for you to do it while you're actually peeing. So it's best to do it, you know,

when you're just, for example, sitting around doing a radio in the view. So let's get to another big issue with vaginas these days. The smell of the vagina. Ah, smell. Yes, timeless issue there. Sometimes there are some odors. Well, okay, yes, right?

And your vagina is not supposed to smell like roses. It is supposed to smell like a vagina. Yeah, so guess what? It's going to smell like pussy. Deal with it. Now, it's not supposed to smell like rotten fish, and you know what? A healthy vagina doesn't. An unhealthy vagina might.

If a vagina smells really, really bad, get the to a doctor, toot sweet, because something could be wrong with it. And even men should realize with partners that if there is something terribly wrong with the smell, then that's a health issue that should be addressed. Beyond that, there's a natural musk that women are going to have. And frankly, if you can't deal with that smell, then you probably shouldn't be having sexual interactions

with a vagina. Okay. Hear that that everyone? But there's no shortage of products and companies wanting to sell you. And they're not good for you. I mean, you're sending free vagina. Yeah, no, it doesn't tend to actually be good for your vagina. Tell me if that's anything or vagina.

Right. Very careful what you put in your vagina. Everybody. Okay, this is Emily. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm talking to Julie, the vagina lady. Hi Julie. Thanks for being here Julie. Let's get back to, we were just talking about smell. There's a lot of shame and you know around I think that the smell or women are told that the

little girls it has to smell differently. But I mean there are a lot of things that can affect the smell, let's say semen. Certainly? Certain kinds of condoms or lube. There's much that can affect a woman's smell. I mean, women start out with different smells to begin with, and some women will have a naturally stronger smell than other women. What you eat also will make a difference. I'm not sure if it's true. I haven't done, you know, in the field research, but vegetarians claim that vegetarians taste

sweeter. I've heard that as well. I've heard that, and I've heard that, but I have a friend though, he was dating a woman who's like a health nut, and she was like vegan and I get a million vitamins a day. And he's like, I didn't like the way she tasted. He's like, she tastes like vitamins. So you never know. Well, certainly, you know, what you eat will come out in who you are and... She's burgers. Yeah, but

beyond that there's also pheromones, you know, maybe you like what's down there and maybe you don't and to a degree it's just this sort of like primal animal thing that you don't really have control over. Well I have a question for you Julie. What do you think if a man could ask a vagina one question? What do you think it would be? What do I do to get in there? Now of course that's not gonna be true for all men. Gay men especially.

But I think to a large extent, men straight men at least have given a vagina this mythical power because frankly, they're so interested in it. They want a piece of it. They don't quite know how to get it so it takes on this otherworldly status almost. Well it does have mythical about too and if you go back to, you know, every, the version of Regina, certainly the life-giving power. Even a gay man can appreciate that. If a woman could talk to her vagina, what do you think she would ask her?

Is there anything wrong with you? I think that is the paranoia that so many women, at least in our culture, have about their vaginas. And all it takes is one thoughtless comment from a male partner when you were 15 about tuna fish, and a woman will be self-conscious about her vagina for the rest of her life. And that's what I'm here to counteract. It's a good, strong mission.

Let's talk about masturbation. Let's say a woman is's never had orgasm. What could you teach them up with their vagina maybe? What would you tell a woman who's like, I've never had an orgasm? Well, I'd like to emphasize that I'm not Betty Dodson. I'm not a professional orgasm coach or what have you. But to that woman who's never had an orgasm, I would want to suggest to her that there's nothing wrong with her vagina and there's nothing wrong

with her trying to explore it herself. She shouldn't put too much pressure on herself. I mean, if you've never done it before, you might not get results the first time. But I'd like to take away the shame of the vagina in all its ways and masturbation is certainly included in that category. Right, just play with it.

Yeah, don't make it a whole, I got a master right now, just explore. Yeah, I mean, if you want to, it's yours, it's there for you. What do you think about the trends in grooming with women in their bikini lines? Well, I think a woman should be free to groom herself however she wants. It does seem like current trends might be a little heavy on the taking it all off. It's a woman's choice. If she is into a Brazilian, go for it. However, I don't think she should be getting a Brazilian because he told.

Okay. Just like everything was sex. Because you want to and it feels good. There was a great quote from Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live not long ago and she said something about how time was when a lady garden was as big as a piece in New York Pizza pie and now everyone's just got these tiny skinny little sideways John Waters moustaches and I have to agree I think the landing strip looks kind of stupid, but whatever it's a woman's choice When you make your art do people know right away like when you had me

I know you're the vagina lady when you had me you're the vagina art piece that you gave me. You can't tell right away, right, with everything. They're kind of like, oh, that's kind of cool. You can't exactly tell. I'm not going for strict realism. I like to interpret it in a Barbie pink sort of way with lace to suggest pubic hair and that sort of thing. We don't wear my vagina. Most people do know what it is. Most people recognize the costume fairly quickly. What was your first piece? What was it? The first piece that I ever made was actually an interactive vagina pillow that you could put your hand inside. It was lots of fun and people definitely enjoyed the interactive

aspect of it, which I've actually continued. My current costume is, in fact, interactive. You can reach inside and I normally, when I go out, I keep her she kisses inside. It's fair sweets. The sweet honey pot. It's actually chocolate milk. You have a thousand new fomisms for vagina here? Oh, more than that. They've been around for a long time.

I could talk for hours. The word vagina, I believe it's from the 15th century, it's really not a very old word. And the remarkable thing is, is before that there wasn't really a word, like a medical word to describe the lady parts? No, there was nothing. What would they say?

Well, perhaps they would call them the lady parts, or her honey pot, or her dirty flower, or whatever the euphemism of the time was. I, in fact, well, I'm a little biased here, but I love the word vagina. And part of it is because it is a somewhat medical term, it's somewhat formal and official. And in that way, it's free of the connotations that so many of the euphemisms get. And the euphemisms themselves tend to fall into a few different categories. You know, words for desserts or other sweets, words for animals, particularly kittens or cats,

words about dirtiness, words about smell, words about meat. Yeah, there's a lot of different categories. So, an interesting, how did you feel about the whole vagina monologue? I mean, wasn't it when it first started? They couldn't say it, they pulled ads, they couldn't say it on the radio or TV. God bless, Eve Ensler, for bringing that word out of the closet. I mean, people really did not say the word vagina, particularly in the media before that. Never.

And it was really remarkable from a linguistic perspective, alone, how the media was forced to confront the issue of the word vagina. And you know, some media outlets actually tried to not say it, which so ridiculous but for the most part people got comfortable saying it and it's remarkable if you pay attention to the media now certainly I notice when I hear the word vagina on TV. You hear that word on TV kind of like all the time these days and you never used to but whether you're watching the daily show or reality show people just throw it around and I think it's fantastic Vagyla, what is your top turn on? Oh

For me, I'm gonna have to give it to the neck touch my neck and I'm like dead in the water What is good sex Sex where you're actually both really comfortable with each other. That's kind of corny, but that's what does it for me. What's bad sex? The kind where you're afraid to look into each other's eyes. What's your top turn off for a giant lady? Oh, that whole like adolescent peer pressure for sex kind of thing? What is up with that? Aren't we adults now?

And what is the sexiest word to you? Hmm. That's a good one. Oh, that's a good one. My own, but no. Yeah, I'm really not sure. I can't say vagina. Really a word that's near and dear to my heart,

but it's particularly unsexy. I like to, hmm, I like the way you said that. Yeah, I'll take that. I'll take that as my favorite if I can. Yeah. Hmm. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. I like the way you said that. I'll take that as my favorite if I can. Yeah. Mmm. Mmm. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily.

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