Sex With Emily - SWE- What Works & What Doesn't

Episode Date: January 28, 2013

A show on breast play, friends with benefits, dirty talk, and threesomes-- when they work and when they don't. Emily answers listener's questions: How long should you make out before going for the breasts? How long can you play with her breasts before it gets creepy? Do friends with benefits ever work? How do I talk dirty without offending her? And last but not least, can I have a threesome without completely destroying my relationship? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I Look into his eyes They're the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mock our sacred institutions Betrubized they call them in a fight on me. Hey, Evelyn You got a boyfriend because my man E here. He just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute The world's got a standard for mine the women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean like laundry?

It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I'm so drunk. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. This episode is brought to you by one of our amazing sponsors, Masks Sexual Flavor Strips. They enhance your sexual experiences with a taste of strawberry, mango, watermelon, or chocolate. It's kind of like a mystery and strep, but for sex.

So if you like sex and you want to make it even more enjoyable and you like hearing sex with Emily for free, check out Mask at sexualflavors.com. Enjoy the show. I promise your sex life will improve. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information about sex with Emily, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to our podcasts, send up our mailing list, do that fun stuff. Also check out I'm on Twitter, Sex with Emily, change it to Sex with Emily, which is what should be and on Facebook, Sex with Emily. I want to first give a big shout out to our advertiser, Adam and Eve.

We got some emails today too, asking us about what are some good beginner sex toys, what are some great sex toys for couples. If you go to Adam and Eve, you can try any sex toys you want. AdamNeve.com, they are giving 50% off most items to the loyal sex with Emily Listers and they'll even throw in three adult DVDs and a free gift. Let's just go check it out. Go to beginner sex toys. If you've never had one, go to their section,

like label beginners and get something new. That'll be fun. Get some sex toys. I like it. I gave you a retweet on the other day on your app. I know. Oh, and I have a new app. It's called Kagel Camp. And if you don't know what Kagels are, it's those muscles that you, okay, so Kagels exercises. First of all, let me say one thing. People think that they're just for women. Kagels. They help women have more intense orgasms.

They help women before and after pregnancy. If they have some issues with whatever helps them strengthen those muscles. How about pickles? No. No exercise for pickles. But men to help us men with premature ejaculation, and it can also help with men with other issues they might have surrounding sex. So the kegel exercises which we talked about in the last show are just those like peace stopping muscles when you're going to the bathroom and you stop and you start the flow of urine.

You just tense and relax those muscles for five seconds at time. This apple walk you through it. There's a reminder you can set in your iPhone and have a swell time doing your best. You're missing the best selling point of the entire app that it's your voice. Oh, it's my voice. That's guiding people. And there's pictures. And we're going to update it with a video soon. It's awesome. Reminding people. It's reminding people and I'm going like this. This is what I'm saying.

It's awesome. Reminding people. It's reminding people and I'm going like this. This is what I'm saying. Tense. Relax. Tense. Relax. It's kind of hot.

See? That's what you need to push. Like forget the whole like, you know, you know, you know, it benefits you to say you can hear my voice. But I think that people want to better sex. And if you want to better sex, you can instantly down an app and you'll have better sex in two weeks. And I'm going to say that honestly, it's like, you know, when you go to the gym and you

haven't gone for a while, these are the most important, PS, the most important exercise that you should be muscling. If you want a better sex. I think that it's also only two bucks too. I thought you would, it would be like nine dollars. My last step was a lot more. Yeah, I know.

But it's only two bucks. Which I was surprised and I was happy to see. We're getting lots of downloads. People that would be got good reviews. Mm-hmm. I haven't downloaded any of those. Everyone's asking whatever you suck, but people are asking me about the Android and stuff, we'll be coming out on the Android

and all those other versions that people need. Good. Because all these Android people have been pissed at you for like the past year. I know, but I just need a developer. Can you just hub that up for me, baby? My developer costs a lot of money. A lot of money.

I got it. It's my grand minimal. Well, we're just going to do a short little show here for everyone. And as we said, there will be more shows coming. But right now, we're going to read your emails that you send to feedback at sexwithemily.com. And a lot of people will be doing more discussions on my Facebook fan page, which is Sex With Emily. And you can also go there and post questions. You can email me.

You can tweet. Sex with Emily, whatever you want. Hey, Emily. Love your show and can't wait for your new episodes to come out each week. I just wanted to write this email to thank you and menace. I've listened and tried out your breastplate tips and my long-term girlfriend went nuts. I spent 30 or so minutes under breast and she was actually able to orgasm like that. The tips have indeed enriched our sex life and she can't get more. She can't get enough. It's what he meant to say. Just a small note on the handout debate. I totally

grew with menace. I have tried and tried and failed minister really. Women can't give a handout better than the man himself. Emily, you are more than welcome to prove me wrong on menace. You guys rock your fan. Nam Siu from Pakistan. Okay, I don't want to get in the hand job thing just yet. We tried to kill it a year ago, but go ahead. But no, no, can we go into the, the, the boob play? Oh, please. Okay. Favorite thing.

Favorite topic. Favorite topic. Favorite topic. What are your feelings about you? This is the thing. Personally. Yeah. Okay.

Well, you know my feelings about this personally. Is that? Do I? I think that. Explain. Okay. Men, typically, go for two hydrogen zones. Briefly. Mm-hmm.

They will briefly go to your breasts and they will briefly go to your other hydrogen zones. Briefly. They will briefly go to your breasts and they will briefly go to your other hydrogen zones. They're obvious to hydrogen zones. They're two areas, basically go up, they go down. They're like, okay, we're gonna flow around, I'm gonna release something, we'll rip your clothes off, and then we're gonna do it, and the next thing you know, you're having sex.

And there is no foreplay. There is no playing with the breath. Men are like, I kinda know what to do. I don't really know what to do. So we actually had a whole show where I gave a lot of tips about how to touch a woman's breasts, and there was a lot of women who might not even know it themselves who can orgasm through the breast play and I think it's important And I think the 11's men just we've talked about this. They're afraid they're gonna get shot down

They're so used to like I'm on track. I'm on track. I'm gonna get laid I'm gonna get laid I don't really have time for the breast now and then they're doing something and they're like oh like the breast They reach up one hand and they kind of casually touch the breath There's just so much more that you can do with these erogenous symptoms. And you're trying to ask me, what I personally like, is that what you're saying?

Yeah. I like, yeah, I mean, sure. No, see, okay, this is always the big issue though. There's always a timing issue. What do you mean? Uh, you know, how long do I have to make out with you before I can touch your breasts, you know? That's your question.

And then how long can I touch your breasts for? How long becomes too long? It's not necessarily like a certain kind of... You mean you can start like a diagram. I could give you a diagram, but I would say, I mean, it depends, case to case, but if you start fooling around with the woman, there's a lot of, oh, this is the most frustrating thing too. If you just start fooling around with man and a guy, whatever, and he skips your breasts

completely all together and it's just trying to unbutton your pants. And you're like, we're going to have sex and you're not going to even touch my breasts. I think that's because they're afraid. I know. Right. Men are afraid they're going to get shut down and they're never going to get laid. So they keep going, going, going, going, going. And I'm saying just slow down and pay attention because it's going to come back to you.

Why? Why is four play so important? I know you've heard this a million times. It's important because women can't go from zero to sixty like men can. We're not warmed up like you are and we need some more, you know, play time. When can they fix that about themselves? They can now are fixed. It's all going to happen, man. So I think that men and I'm telling you I've done my own experimentation in life and I feel I've been with you know, if you guys and I do think that men do not,

they typically touch them and do what they think they know what to do, but they don't really know what to do. So some tips I gave are using your hands, using your mouth, it's a very expensive podcast, you can find it, search for breasts, unsexy family, that's how I feel about it. Okay. Did you want to get no hand on it? No, next one. Okay. Unless you want to go hand it off.

No, they're wrong because they agree with you. Bottom line. Okay. Hi guys, totally love the show. I'm 18 about your graduate from high school and I'm still exploring sex but your show is definitely helping out. I'm currently planning on doing a 30 day challenge to masturbate every night to try to achieve the ultimate orgasm, which is what I've proposed.

I have orgasm before through masturbation through sex but I want to find a way to orgasm, which is what I've proposed. I have orgasm before through masturbation and through sex, but I want to find a way to orgasm every time. I just wanted you to know what menace or any of your guests thought of friends with benefits. I've friends with benefits. I recently started a relationship with a guy that is purely sexual and I'm really enjoying it. I know that many people don't like the idea of friends with benefits or always think that it will turn into something more. Well, thanks for reading, keep on being great, Chale. Okay, Chale, here's the thing. What I talked about a few weeks ago was a friend of mine, menaces, or the story lot, whatever, who spent 30 days, she was unable to have an orgasm and she decided that she was going to spend 30 days just figuring out her own body. So she spent 30 days every night, 15, 20 minutes, half hour, just trying

to make her own self have an orgasm. And so I think that's what you're talking about here that you're going to try that challenge. And I think it's a great commitment to do, just like 30 days. Hardest sex with different people and then you'll have an orgasm. No, that's actually the wrong way to do it because typically women don't have orgasms through intercourse unless they actually know what they're doing and what makes it have orgasms. I don't think you ever know when I'm being so fast. I do, but I just know you so well, and I know you just say already and we're doing the conversation,

and I'm like, I don't want to hear that. And so, I'm just going, okay. So, friends of benefits, can I tell you this is like probably one of the top questions we get asked? Because I really do think there was a trend out there that people are having more and more friends of benefits than they are, marriage, commitment, relationships. You don't believe me, but there's already another movie

about friends with benefits. Where is the contest? Where is the contest? It's with Justin Timberlake and Milla from Black Swan. Right. And it's basically the same thing with Asun Kutcher and now the former. I think it's a great concept in theory.

What will it be? The movie is a good movie, bad movie. I haven't seen you, that one. I mean, just, again, I can't, I can't tell you I don't know your situation. Typically, friends with benefits works when you both are really honest and you're great communicators and you discuss it and you say, okay, I'm cool with that. Just sleeping together. I have no expectations or just that we're going to have sex and it's not going to be anything

else. You're not coming home. My family over Thanksgiving and I'm not going with you to your work Christmas party. Like, that's thing. But typically, what happens is, a lot of the oftentimes in these situations is that somebody wants something more. One person in that friends with benefits arrangement

wants more of a relationship than the other person, and you can no longer fend for it. I believe it's some good success. Some get 50, Bill. What do you mean? It works. 50, 50 works, 50, 50. Success rate and failure. I think it's some good success. What do you mean? It works. 50, 50 works, success rate and failure. I think it's success rates. Yeah.

I've had like long term ones at work, but. I've had some that are like, uh, so when are we boys and girls from like you are the one that said the whole friends with benefits thing. But the other thing that doesn't work is when somebody eventually meets someone else. So it's like, we're cool. We're sleeping together, you know, it's using,

and I'm kind of bored, come on over, well, you know, it's using an item kind of board, come on over, we'll have sex. But then one of the, one of the people actually meet somebody and they get into a relationship. And then that kind of thing. I'm like, I'm like, so we're not having this friends with us. So it's tricky.

It's a risky situation. I just say be open and communicate. Communication is a lubrication. And keep talking about it. Love the show. Oh, oh, this is great. Emily Menace. Love the show. Constantly checking iTunes for a new episode with regards to the topic of learning to learning dirty talk My wife enjoys it and I was not good at it

And though I am still getting better getting getting over the initial step and was all about finding out words were hot Okay, and not okay. For example Is the C word okay? Yes, of course not necessarily with every woman that she like the C word okay? Yes, of course. Not necessarily with every woman. Does she like the P word? What is the best way to describe my equipment? Do I use the word F? Once I found out what she liked and what to avoid it all seemed to come together. Hope this helps.

Well, you start with Weiner and then you work up to junk and then you work with my meat missile and then you kill it to... He's basically saying that he listened to our episode about Dernhakk and it's working for him. And you some women are okay with certain words, and some women are so not okay with certain words. And some men are okay with certain words. And I think the best thing to do is start out describing, you know, it's really hot. I think it's really hot the way you do that to me,

or I love the way you hold me like this. Or another thing to do is describe the last time you had sex. It was amazing when you did ABC. That's a good way to see how your person reacts. Or just watch like Pope Fiction while you're having sex and then just copy whatever they're saying. I did it. Yeah.

Yeah, years ago, but I don't remember that part of it. Okay. Okay. So I think that's great. I think you get a ease into it. Some women I know I think that's great. I think you I get ease into it some women I know I I personally like dirty talk. There's a lot of women who are Adam Lee opposed to an every word will offend them. So move slowly. Yeah I'm had that happen before have you have you you like yeah, I don't do that

Like right Yeah, yeah, like no, I don't talk like that. Okay cool All right, we bummed mental note. No, no, it's fine 30-tack. We didn't the brain is our largest sex organ and the reason why dirty talk works so well Oftentimes for women is because it is we want to hear things like it makes us turn to Zan That's the biggest problem is like trying to figure out your brain is like I know honey is like the root of your life That's why it never ends. Yeah, it's why there's always stuff to talk about okay Check it out, your brain is like, I know honey. It's like the root of the scuba life. That's why it never ends.

That's why there's always stuff to talk about. Okay. Hey, I'm Liam Ellis. I love the show. So I'm going to get straight to the point, which I love, by the way. My boyfriend and I have been discussing our fantasies. One of my fantasies is to have a three-some-worth another woman and him, but I have rules.

I wanted to be with someone who we don't know, no kissing, and she has to leave as soon as we're done. Pretty much no emotional attachment. Am I asking too much? How do you initiate a threesome and how do you find a ready available and attractive female without having to pay for it? LOL. Michelle.

Well, Michelle, I'm not sure where you live. If you live in San Francisco, for example, I'm invited to three swing parties tomorrow night, which I would happily take you do. I'm not going to them, but I'm invited to them. But you know, there are communities. I'm, again, you didn't mention where you live, but there are, you can go to Craigslist, has a lot of people looking for third partners.

You have to be really careful and you have to be really safe. And there are Swingers clubs. There are websites, which you can email me feedback at sectionelmy.com, and I can send you forever you live what the right websites are that you could find like minded couples and like-minded women that are looking for a good time. Just know, oh okay, never mind.

I was gonna say, she wants another girl. I was gonna say guy. What about that? I was just thinking like no guys with ponytails. That should be your rule. It's hard to find the guy without the ponytail. Yeah, the three of us are the ponytails. They do!

They have. They don't. Comprehensive and ponytails. No, of ponytail. They do, they have. They don't. Comprehensive and ponytail. No, not so much so not true. And maybe sometimes like burly beards. And no Michelle, you're not asking. And they all know yoga.

Like what is that about? I know, is that a problem? Yes, it is a problem. They're not all like that. And they're all parties. Like come on, get a real job dude and cut your hair. And it's cool you're still a swinger, but come on. And he's not necessarily swinging. He he's actually looking for a woman here.

And you can also ask around. I mean, there's a lot of women I think who would be. Down for it. Yeah, totally. But she doesn't want it to be someone that she knows which I understand. Yeah, you don't want to get all attached and junk. And I don't think you're asking too much

about not wearing an emotional attachment and asking her to leave after, which is kind of cold, but she's in it for that. And what's cool is- And you just gotta lay out. Here's the most important thing about a three-sum. Hands down. The most important thing is that you have to establish the rules ahead of time.

If you do not establish the rules ahead of time, you're going to get in trouble, especially if you're in a relationship and you and your partner. It's risky. It's very, very risky. I know couples have broken up over it. The guy gets tracked to the woman. The woman can never recover from seeing her partner within another woman. It's very tricky. I'm not saying you should do it, but if you do do it, you should communicate about it. Maybe like higher referees. So he can stand there and like if any of

the rules are broken, he can throw one of those flags down and say, hey, and he blows a whistle. And you're good. And you say you're really good. Exactly. That's why it's a great suggestion, man. Well, he's like 50 bucks. Like those guys that go out on the like regular, you know, just hire one of those. Hey, you're gonna try something new tonight. You did, but you didn't like it, right? The, no, I could just never get everybody to agree on a time. I never actually done the threesome.

You could have had people, I've had people down for it. Of course. Of course you have. Yeah. Okay, this, the timing issue, you know, you're like, oh, you know what, it'd be really great to have a threesome right now at four in the morning. No, you can't get the third person up out of bed. They're like, oh, that would have been great. But next time, I'm planning early in the evening, yeah, call me maybe

around. I can't just be honest, the best threesome scenario is when it's not when there no one in this, no one is committed in the relationship. It's all sort of friends or people who just met each other. They know they're not like strangers on the street, but you kind of meet your friends and it's kind of cool because no one's more attached to someone than the other person. That works too. Okay, that's all we have time for.

Thanks everyone for listening to Sex with the Emily and remember to check us out at sexathelemy.com. You can download our app check us out at sexathelmy.com. You can download our app Feedback at Sex with Emily.com. You can also, you can email me Feedback at sexathelmy.com. The app is Keel Camp and my new book is Hot Sex, a graphic guide to Central Adventure and you can find it on Simon and Chuster and on my Facebook page and on my website. Thanks everyone for listening. Was it good for you?

Email me Feedback atwithemily.com. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Remember, your biggest sex organ is your brain, so learn something new to doing that. Click on the Suclair Institute ad on my website and check out their adult sex education DVDs, sex toys, adult DVDs, and other sexy products. You'll save 50% on any simpler item when you put an Emily 50 at checkout.