Sex With Emily - SWE:BDSM with Guest Sex Nerd Sandra

Episode Date: November 16, 2013

BDSM means six things: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism. My guest, fellow sex podcaster Sex Nerd Sandra, and I are ironing out the kinks in your relationship, whether you’re new to the BDSM or waiting for the perfect time to whip out the ropes and assless leather. First, we discuss women having less orgasms than men during one-night-stands. SHOCKER. We talk about why women aren’t orgasming like crazy, and why some guys don't know how to please women... yet. I know guys talk about their penis a lot, but how often do they talk to their friends about how to pleasure a woman? Le sigh, if only all women could orgasm at the drop of a hat or click of a camera. Wait, there is a actually a woman who insta-orgasms when she hears the click of a camera. She must really like taking selfies. If you can’t give a woman an orgasm by whispering sweet nothings in her ear, we will tell you how to do it. Next, Sandra and I take callers and give our advice about BDSM and humping inanimate objects. Then we answer the question, should I stay with my boyfriend even though he loves me a lot more than I love him? When should you cut your ties... and when should you get tied up? Special Offer for listeners of Sex with Emily: BDSM with Guest Sex Nerd Sandra If you want to change your love life check out: Emily and Tony, Promescent, Crazy Girl, and Good Vibrations. Use coupon code EMILY for 20% off your first purchase at Emily and Tony. Use coupon code EMILY25 at checkout for 25% off your purchase at Crazy Girl. Use coupon code EMILY for 15% off at Good Vibrations (some restrictions apply). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexathemy.com. You can check out all of my podcasts. You can sign up for the mailing list, but you've got to damn shut sign up for the Godday mailing list. Because let me tell you something. If you're on the mailing list,

I'm not going to spam you with annoying things. I'm actually going to send you useful information to improve your sex life and give you a report. Five biggest mistakes you're making in bed. We have one for men, one for women, so go there, sign up, and then also check out everything. And follow me on Facebook and Twitter or a section of Emily. So I have a very special guest in the studio today. I have tonight, I love that it's night here.

Sex nerd Sandra. All right, also known as Sandra Dordy, and also known as Sex nerd Sandra. Whoa. Hello. She is a podcaster. She's got an amazing podcast on iTunes. You can check it out. You probably just search for sex. I bet both of our podcasts come up. Yeah, sex nerd sex nerd. Yeah, just sex nerd search for that. And I was recently on your podcast, which was just posted today. So everyone can check that out, which I haven't listened to it yet, but I was it was so fun. Oh my God. It was great to have you on talking about love and stuff. I love all the feeling about it was that it was deep and emotional. Not like I get on here. Sometimes I'm more now. I don't like emotions and Anderson's here with me too. Hi. Hi, Anderson. Wow.

How are you doing? I'm doing well. Thank you. Oh, good. I want to know what you told your parents don't need for real and how they've acted. Yeah. I had a person that loves his parents and told them that he's doing work these days. So you're saying they're cool with it, but people are sort of weird about sex sometimes. Yeah, you know what it was. My mom was talking about candles. And then I'm like, oh, and then I had already said too much before I realized what I was talking about,

but I wanted to tell her about how cool your candle is. Oh, right. And this isn't a spot or anything that we planned or anything, and that's how it came up. And then I realized I was going down this path to talking to my mom about a sexual candle. So I started from the beginning, which is working with you.

Got it, I understand. You had to work backwards or backwards. It's not a sexual, it's a massage candle. My mom started from the beginning, which is working with you. Got it. I understand. You had to work backwards or backwards. It's not a sexual. It's a massage candle. My mom would love you though. My mom for Halloween. She went to West Hollywood for the big parade. She did.

My mom's that kind of lady. I love your mom. I want to meet her. That's so fun. Yeah. Hollywood was crazy. I didn't even really want to be there. But I know a lot of people do like to be there on. Did you do anything

fun for Halloween? Oh, did I go blank because I there was a zombie apocalypse party. I was dressed as Frida Kahlo for like the end of it. I, there was a lot of Unibrow's going on in my life. I'm really a lot of Unibrow's. Yeah, apparently it's scarier than zombie makeup. Unibrow? Yeah, I, I, I, I, I, I, everyone's face looking at me.

It was really interesting to me. Yeah, that is fun to be like, I don't want to do it that. But that's so interesting. It's really great. I love that. We're so interesting. Really great. I love that. We're going to be doing some a little bit of sex in the news today. We're going to be reading some emails from the peep.

So thanks for emailing me at feedback at sexwithmwe.com. And I love that Sanders here because she's going to allow me answer them today because I feel like two sex experts are under them one. And we might be taking your call. So here's the thing. I've got this studio now. I'm doing the show 839 30 Pacific Standard Time on Thursday nights. If you ever want to call in and ask a question, the number is what the hell's the number? 1-800 Love 1-91. 1-800-LOVE 1-91. See you in calling and say hello. Which we would love to hear from you. Anytime. That doubles as a love line number two because you're on love line at night. I love it. I'm on love line at night. Oh yes.

I do the love line radio show from 10 to midnight Pacific Standard Time. That doubles as the love line number two, because you're on love line at night. I love it, don't. I'm on love line at night. Oh yes, I do the love line radio show from 10 to midnight Pacific Standard Times. That's cool. I know it's in different cities, so it is a syndicated show, but you can also watch it and listen to it. LovelineShow.com every night, five minutes a week, which is pretty friggin exciting. So okay, a little bit of sex in the new standard before we get into your life and how you got involved in this crazy sex world because I need to know.

But so there was a study that came out this weekend, everyone's like I've been emailed about it was like in the New York Times picked it up and it says that and for me it's like big friggin' deal not a shock but I guess for a lot of people it is, here's the study, it shows that women are less likely to orgasm during casual sex. Where's duh? Like, like, duh. Women aren't even likely to orgasm during regular sex, right? I mean, a lot of times. Mm-hmm. And if the first night you're with someone, casual sex, I think...

Yeah, I mean, one, we don't... I mean, blow jobs at least are a topic of conversation and birthday parties and bachelor at parties. So there's at least some socially recognized times and you can kind of talk about playing with Dix. You know amongst the one But when do you guys Get a chance to talk about when how to pleasure women like there's really no Time and it's allowed to learn. It's gonna have like shit. It's crazy orgasm and right right And so and especially because a lot of casual sex with people who aren't as Experiencer have had that many long term relationships.

Exactly. Totally imagined. I can totally imagine it. And I can also see it's the women too. I could see women, because for me, I don't think whenever I'm with someone for the first time, I have orgasms. But I'm not like a highly or easily orgasm person,

which in my next life, I'm hoping with all the work I'm doing in this life, that I'll come back as a multi-year-old. Close to Nirvana or tear-on-gasm potential. Yeah, exactly. But do you think that would be like, what the universe could do for me that I'll come back as a model thing. Close to Nirvana or tear gas, potential. But you think that would be like, what the universe could do for me is let me come back as a highly orgasm.

Like my friend like sneezes in orgasm. No, you're friends like that? Or maybe you're like that. I'm gonna hate you. We'll kick you out if you are, but. No, I definitely have several lifetimes left before I start floating. But a friend of, actually no,

she came out on this, on my show, Sextrin Sandra, Megan and you. Do you know Megan? I know her name is an East Coast sex ed person. She works with doctors, but she has an orgasm when she hears the click of a camera. I look like every time that when the average. Yeah. Why? It just there's something really around. Oh, I don't know. I didn't know it. But like she that's crazy uh, uh, I didn't know it. But like, she, that's crazy. That's the most interesting game I've ever heard. Yeah.

She could've been in public and like, there's like paparazzi or something and she'll totally, I mean, in Rhode Island, there's not my paparazzi, but oh, whatever it is, a family time picture of the pond. Oh. Oh. Oh. He's got buttons. No, he's got buttons.

That's hot. So, so that's, that's really interesting. I've got a lot of people, my friends, some friends of mine, people I know, yeah, I just want to someone touches them like, or whatever, they think about it, they work at this. Or whisper, some people, or orgasmic when they hear whispering. I forget what it's called, but there's something when people are really reactive to those sorts of sounds. Yeah, I wish I was.

I'm not. I'm too much of my head, I guess, but that's whatever. The point is, I think I'm tense. I'm tense too. I have to relax more right now. But so they said that there's this orgasm discrepancy between men and women within the hook up context.

So this is all about people hooking up. They realize that it's not an ideal situation between men and women, which totally makes sense because I think that women, first of all, you're right. If you're having casual sex, I just think in general, a lot of men just don't know how to please a woman. And if it's the first time you're with someone, you're not gonna be like, some men might

say, does this feel good? Is this not? Or your partner or men, women, whatever. But I think a lot of times women might not also want to be as open about it. The first time you want to flow, or you don't, I don't know what it is. I mean, come on. Are we taught to communicate in the bedroom? No. Yeah. And there's no trust. Like definitely not. And so it's, it's a whole bunch of people fumbling in the dark kind of just slamming their bodies together hoping for the best. Exactly. And they wait to the person goes to the bathroom so you can look in the wall and see what their name was. Have you ever done that? No. Because you forget who that you're saying.

No, but has that ever happened to you Anderson? No, I'm a perfect gentleman. Come on. You crazy hook up with someone and then you would like to forget who you went to do. Not while I'm still with them. Maybe like the next week. Oh right. Okay. Got it. Just give a gentleman can forget names once in a while. Sure. What happens? What's your name again? It's okay. I forgot yours too. It's fine. Hi. Participants, Anderson, participants were also asked how often they climax during sex and a relationship and then a random encounter.

The researchers found that both men and women were more likely to orgasm when they were in a relationship than when they were hooking up with someone, which I think makes sense. And then they went on to, because it's more more comfortable, more more open. And then Debbie, Herbeneck, Herbeneck. Herbeneck. Herbeneck. Herbeneck.

I'm gonna go with this. Yeah, she's a sex, sex expert, doctor, and she's from the University of Indiana, and she's in Indiana University, and she's always talking right about sex. She's an amazing work with sex, and she talks about the orgasm gap Which is really interesting because it is sort of a gap when you look at when you look at that the men are more likely to orgasm than the women and

Yeah, there's so much data on that just I mean it's not just like oh Girls didn't really really there is a huge gap because men take on average like seven to eight minutes orgasm and women are like 16 and 19 minutes. I thought it was like three or four. Yeah I've heard different things. It's definitely less than seven. Yeah. I mean it's less than women. Yeah it is less time and so what do you do about the orgasm? How do you make up for it? I think that that's what we try to teach on the show is that men have to like you know women, whoever you're with, but like slow it down for play, get your partner going because there's going to be this gap.

And then there's also people who said, what is it? Okay, he said, what's your biggest takeaway on the orgasm gap studies? And she said, not enough women are having orgasms. And so women have to be able to communicate more about what they want. And then also another thing with orgasm gap is, promise it, It is the first FDA-approved treatment for premature ejaculation and for lasting longer in bed. So, promescent plus clitoral stimulation equals female orgasm.

Because it's a desensitizing spray but that men can spray on their penis if they are premature ejaculators. Wait a minute. Is this different than benzocaine and the lidocaine spray? Yes. This is different. A little different. Yeah, and it's FDA approved and it's promising.

You can find out my website, click on it. It's not even if your premature ejaculate or one minute, even if you just want to last a little bit longer, it does not transfer to your partner and you can last longer. That's another way to help with the orgasm gap. I think it's also the way people are having sex. It takes a long time to figure out how to have sex with a woman in a way that will actually give her pleasure. Right.

So much of it, I mean, there's so much, like just banging, like in, out, in, out. And I feel like so much of, if you're penetrating a woman, get close to her, get, just like, go in deeper. Exactly. And then just grind, like, get up on her, pull, of a, get up on there. Exactly. Get up on there. Get up on our clitoris. They don't understand. They take a salsa. Take a salsa class. Learn how to slowly your hips. That's a gosh darn idea. Yes. It's important. It is important because men are all stiff and

they're not. They're hips. They're robots. I don't understand why men. I mean, I guess do you what do you think about porn? Do you think a lot of it is because they're learning from porn? Like what do you hear from your people? My people, my people, the sex nurse, and her people. I mean, it's so varied, but it never occurs to people that there might be different ways. I mean, I love deconstructing sex and figuring out all the little nuances

and how to pleasure people and whatnot, but a lot of people don't give it much thought and don't have much information. So, I just think that, yeah, you don't, but a lot of people don't give it much thought and don't have much information. So I just think that, yeah, you don't see a whole lot of it. I mean, also with porn, you need to have two people who are fairly far away from each other so you can see what's all the juicy stuff in between. But with real sex, you don't want to, you're not supposed to be able to see a whole lot.

You're just pushing your bodies together and rubbing. So it's, yeah, but it doesn't make for good camera work. Right. That's what people, that's to tell you people that know that it's visually created. So it looks so it's stimulating for a man or a woman watching it, but it doesn't necessarily mean that technically is the move that you should be doing. I agree. You get closer, grind, grind around, move slow. I always tell guys, go five times slower. Anything you should. Yeah, because there's something also it's like, it's like going down the street when you're walking,

you observe or design to absorb information at the rate of walking down the street. So when you're going down the street in a car, you can't, you, you do, you may not never notice that bakery unless you're walking down that street. Right. Like I walked down Fairfax for the first time, like this one section I'd never, I'd only driven by it And I was like these are great stories. I had no idea and so I think when you're touching someone when you're just Running over the skin so fast and on over all those juicy nerve endings You're not going slow enough to really feel anything Exactly. I think everyone has to slow it down and explore each other's

Rodgers so many take a walk. You're so many. Take a walk, guys. Take a walk. You're so right, though, about walking. I'm always driving and I'm never stopped. I've never walked around L.A. I need to do that more often. There's a little really good stuff around here. But amazing stuff. I'm too busy and I'm driving all the time.

My car is what you do in Los Angeles, which is a little bit annoying I have to say. It's so, I don't want to complain about L.A. because that's just so boring. I'm so, I'm so, I mean, how did the traffic stuff, the weather's great.'s just so boring. I'm so pleased to tell you how the traffic sucks. The weather's great. It's so boring. All the famous people I know, gross.

I hate that I say that. I hate that I'm saying that I like exactly. Okay. So here's another one. Struggling to another sex in the new story. Struggling to meet the one. Why don't you marry yourself? A weird phenomenon takes off where you pay $300 to put a ring on your own finger.

Who are you paying this money to? Some company. I married me kids. That's what it is. So, you get seven affirmation cards to remind you daily to of the vow to yourself. And if that's the case, look no further. Three or another kid you can get married to yourself. It's a box.

It's a bizarre invention of a married couple, Jeffrey Levin and Bonnie Powers based in Los Angeles, of course, who say they designed it to bring more love into the world. For just $300, anybody can ensure their own happily ever after by mirroring themselves with this kit. So you get little rings, I guess one ring. And you have a small party. I just want to register somewhere. That would feel good. Can you register? Anyway, I guess it's, but it's, you know, I think that says you might not want to get married and people want to just marry themselves. That's fine. I've heard about this before. I will save this. I think it sounds kind of silly. But I do like the idea of being of course, because he's like, I want a blender. Who's going to, who's going to, I'm going to get a blender if I'm not getting in mind to I fall into this category where I tend to prioritize my partner or my relationship over

myself, which is codependence. And so to have some kind of prioritization ceremony around putting myself first, which actually, some people are really good at putting themselves first. This wouldn't be for them. I feel like for someone who falls into the category of what I do. I'd say, yeah, that would be a great category. That would be a great thing to do. But you don't need to marry yourself.

You could just do affirmations every day or meditate and tire yourself. Right, you'd love yourself. But structuring it, some helps. Right, this could help some people. What does it say here? It says, I don't know why they did it because they're married. But people came, they said that they, I don't even know what.

I guess I've heard that whole movement, like on Valentine's Day, there was a woman in San Francisco who had the whole, well, I don't remember, and you might know where it was like, it was like at Valentine's Day for singles, it was like some book she wrote a few years ago about, just like being single, which I love being single. We learned that.

No, it wasn't Buddy Dotson, it was like someone else, but I love being single, and people don't really understand it. I don't think I want to marry myself. I don't want to marry anyone. But I certainly don't want to marry myself. But I do, I do appreciate, I do, and I do think about getting the blender. Because I'm like, God damn it, I've been to so many weddings.

I've been to weddings, I've been to bridesmaid like six times. Can I just register? I mean, I'm not going to get married, Peebs, but I do need a blender and I'd like some matching dishes. Is that so wrong? Also, I feel like marriage, I mean, most people when they're marrying now, they don't need new blunders because they've already been living on their own for a while. Exactly. And maybe they've been living together

while like that whole phenomenon just seems kind of does seem kind of dated, right? I just went through it and I hated it. You hated it? I hated it. Why? Because it's like you're having people buy you things that you know you're going to return because you need money. You don't need the money. No, you just want to give me some God, give me here. It's like you have to get corporate America have to get corporate America pay pal account or something exactly I think you can do that like put money toward a cruise or put money Yeah, they got we did this thing called the honey moon fund where the people could buy a stuff while we're on our Which is cool. Yeah, yeah, that word

We got the blenders pay for the how did you have an extra one because mine took them back I took them back to bad bath me on and I got returned like 98% of everything we got, because we were broke after the wedding. Well, the wedding cost a lot of money. That's another thing. And I felt really bad, because the manager of Bed Bath Meon, I just like, is it, do you have a problem with our story? You're returning everything.

You're like, no, I'm just broke. I'm just broke. We have no time for smoothies. We just need to pay the rent. So we're not using the blender. Screw blender, I want a Sibian. I guess Becky's everyone just as cash. I want a Sibian too.

The inventor of the Sibian, a camera's name right now, but he came to our sex school and spoke in San Francisco and he brought the Sibian and he talked to him. He's like old and he's like from Ohio. He's like 85 now 90 and he invented the Sibian. He's a good looking man and he talked to all of it. I don't just remember him being real. I could see him inventing the Sibian

but he's been his wife for a long time but he said he hasn't been faithful. Anyway, the Sibian, have you ever tried it? Wait, he hasn't been faithful like he's been behind her back. No, I mean, apparently I don't think it's behind her back because he told our entire class when I was in sex school, but is that the way he describes open relationships? I guess so. People turn.

I don't know. Maybe like we were, I wasn't always faithful, but now our relationship is really good. But do you really want to try the civilian? I do. Yeah, I bet you couldn't be. I feel like we should be able to do that. We right now is our Sibian in the stream. No, but there should be if we were in Howard Stern studio, we could. Probably. I mean, for me, it's probably not a public event. Right. Oh, right. I see. What's your fate? Would you use sex twice? I, yeah, sex toys are important for, yeah. Wait, why is this a trick question? No, I'm be curious what you like. What kind of sex way?

Oh, I know. I thought you were kind of a Hattachi magic wand kick. But then I went down to a mystic wand, which is it's a little rather. I really like that because it's three speeds and it's a favorite one. Yeah, that's great. But like my fave, like when I remember to charge it,

is the Juju Mimi. Do you know it? Wait, what? No, you don't understand. What? I'm obsessed with the Juju Mimi. Oh know what? Wait, what? No, you don't understand. What? I'm obsessed with the Juju Mimi. Oh my God, girl, no way. No, I talk about it on the show every week

that I'm always a fairest and I'm like, I should get a new favorite. I talk about it all the time. I love the Mimi. Didn't they have a new one? The soft. Really? Yeah, the Mimi soft.

It means not that different, but it's, don't you love it because it's powerful. You can use it during intercourse so easily on your clitoris and when you're having sex, it's so simple. It's a simple, perfect design. It's the most perfect vibrator. In that motor. That motor.

And it lasts a long time. It does. Well, but then you forget to charge it and then it goes and then you want to use it and you're like, fuck it's not charged. So that's why I got one. That's why I got one. Good vibes. Okay, go to goodvibes.com.

Everybody, thank you. Use coupon code Emily. And I believe you get Use coupon code Emily. And I believe you get like 20% off. And what's it called? Good vibes. No, the divibrator that you guys both love. Oh good vibrations, good vibes.com.

It's called the Mimi, MIMI. You just got to search for Mimi and good vibes. It looks like a pink massage egg, basically. It's a massage stone. Yeah, a massage stone. It looks like a smooth, large bubble. Like the size of a fist. Like a skipping stone. Like a skipping stone.

Like a skipping stone. There we go. Yeah. A small river rock. And it's amazing. So it's just, I just feel like it's great for what I'm alone, whatever you can leave it on in your nightstand.

I love that you said that. You mean me. I gotta tell them. I'm gonna have them send you some toad. Do you need some new? Tell them, yeah. Do you have the feet? I don't have relationships with toy people.

You don't? I mean like I say high love after. Do you know what's badifey it's their rabbit I don't have their Feifey the Feifey you have Zimmy me but not Zifey Feifey no me see we're gonna talk about it a minute but let's take a call okay we've got a relationship a call from Emily in Virginia okay we're working out she's got a question about introducing kink into relationships, which is perfect. Because sex nerd Sandra just taught a class on BDSM. Where did you teach it? The pleasure just to tell us right.

Right. And then you taught two classes in San Francisco, which I'm so bad at. I just actually said the good vibes in Brookline too in Brooklyn. I'm not Brooklyn. When I'm saying in Boston, it's oh really? Yeah, they've got the Brooklyn. Yeah, it's it was great.

What is it? Yeah, I'm all up in the business. Love good vibes. I found my first or yeah, it's was great. What is it? Yeah, I'm all up in their business love good vibes I'm about my first vibrator there when I was 22 like I have like a full-on like my walk into the store I'd never had an orgasm like they walk me through it. I felt so safe like I wanted to like cry in her arms Like I went home with a g-spot book like the whole thing like for years. I've been like obsessed with good vibes, so I Just I love them Yeah, she there, Emily. Hi.

Hi, Emily. Thanks for calling Sex with Emily. Dron, how are you? I'm great. How are you doing? Good. Do you have a question? It's myself and Sex and Earth Sandra here. We'd love to talk to you. Yeah, I actually had a question about, I just got out of a long term relationship and I was looking back into the dating field and wondering what your advice would be on getting, like, how to introduce Kink into a normal, like, new relationship with somebody you're not quite sure how they feel about that situation. That's a great, that's a really equation. I'm going to toss us to Sandra. Well, first of all, let's define King. Because King, that's true. For some people,

I mean, does that mean spanking? Does that mean talking? Dirty, does that mean just like a pony? Everything from like to heavier from like spanking to general play to like the works. Okay, are you fairly advanced to play yourself? Yes. Okay. And are you dating someone who you haven't broached the subject of the fact that King is a... I am not.

I'm talking to somebody and I was kind of wondering how to approach the situation. Okay. That's a great. That's really good. So I would say, I mean, what do you... I mean, I would think that you would just... Have you slept with this person this person you just started dating i'm not even dating like just talking about uh... talking seriously and uh...

kind of exploring the situation and kind of learning how to bring out the sense okay okay i've got it i've got it okay just going out there stone it out there what about like media references like oh my, have you been watching Masters of Sex? Which is a lot of fun?

Or like, you know, favorite movies? Secretary, no, there's a big bone to throw somebody. Exactly. I mean, and just see what, like, oh, secretary, what's that? And you can describe it. Or if they're like, I love that movie too, you can be like, oh, and then know that, you know, it's amazing. Exactly.

I always think third party references are a great thing. But you haven't met. So are you going to explain to me, did you meet this person online and you're just emailing back and forth? I'm trying to understand this position. It's actually an old coworker. And I transferred out of the job field to open the up to option to explore

fed feelings and emotions towards that situation. So what kind of, are you having like deep, introspective conversations with this person all the time? Are you guys talking about things like this, or is it more on like a superficial level right now and you're waiting till you see each other? A little bit of that. For kind of like, I think, I think,

expressed like my interest in the field, and not necessarily specific towards it, or how hardcore I get into it. Right. I mean, I think that you should hardcore I get into it. Right. I think that you should, I think that it's just like to talk about, you can ask him, what do you have any fantasies or what's the craziest place you've had sex or do any. If you guys are talking about this stuff, you can ask them for a first fantasies. You could say, is there something you've always wanted to try?

If you guys talked about this, if you watch this porn or masturbates or anything like that, have you got into that level? That's fun. That's the conversation we've had. It's been very light towards us. Like, this experience seems to be more towards just the light or side of king likes, thinking and hair pulling and things like that, the never-ending. Anything really harder, like, general plays,

think about me. Well, general plays, definitely a deeper side of the pond. And that takes a lot of trust sometimes, especially when you're exploring like more taboo things. Right. So I'd probably, and now, okay, are these non-negotiables for you where you need to have a partner in your life where gender role play, gender play is something that you need? I mean not necessarily the more it's a do-or-die type situation.

More so, there needs to be some form of exploration but not necessarily that category specifically. Well then I would wait until you're with this person and then I would let it evolve. I think it's good. You said that you did talk that you're into like light spanking and you've mentioned that to him. You said that you did talk that you're into like lights banking and you've mentioned that to him. You said, did you say, yeah, so I would just wait to your with and when you're going to see him. I don't understand all these people with relationships

like online or whatever and you haven't seen him yet. Oh, the phone just hung up. I was just in there. I'm again after the holidays. OK, I mean, I would actually, I wouldn't talk about the gender where I wouldn't get into it too deep right now. I would start to have a relationship, a sexual relationship with them and then it might be easier to bring up.

I mean, unless it's a deal breaker for you, which doesn't sound like it is, I would wait until you're intimate with him and see if you even, he's someone that you trust and you can act with sexually before getting into all of it. But I think that you can mention some of your fantasies or some of the things that you like. There's nothing wrong with that. But I think, as far as getting, because the other thing is he might not really get gender roleplay. He might be like, whoa, but if you guys become intimate and you start to explain to him or you share things or you listen to a podcast about it or you read a book or watch a movie together or something,

he might get into it. But if he doesn't know yet, it could maybe be, you know, disturbing, he might not understand it. Yeah, I mean, if you two are shopping for just a kind of a hook up relationship, cool, and maybe Google Yes, No, Maybe list, and like go down a whole series of random sex acts and kind of see which ones you both are. Yes, I love the yes, no, maybe less. Yeah, it's really handy. And it's so handy. I think every couple should have the yes, no, maybe.

Like, I think that's a great idea. I was like, oh, I found that you could say your friend gave this to you. You could say, look, my friend's email around to new partners. Let's play this game. I think that's a great idea. I'd be like, would you ever, whatever the questions are? Would you ever want to be blindfolded? Would you ever want to be sped?

You know what I mean? Yes, no, maybe. And then there you go. And it's a little game. Say, oh, look, my friend just sent this to me. This is funny. Or you could also send it to him. I'd be like, what do you think?

Hi, great. No, it's a great idea. Yes. But there we came up when you get there. Right. No, it's a great idea. Yeah. But there we came up with that. We did it. I have people with similar interests, so it's kind of a new door to open to somebody who hasn't necessarily experienced indoor explored in that category. Right.

Number one communication. He's also proving himself to you by showing if he can talk about these things. Exactly. Exactly. He's just quiet as a mouse. It's like, yeah, it's not going to be that helpful. And if he freaks out, he's like, oh no's like, yeah, it's not going to be that helpful. And if he preeks eyes, they go, no, no, no, that's not for me.

Then you might want to just terminate it now. Right, right. If he's not into anything, like if he's not open to it, he's like, I'd never do this or that. Then that might not be the guy for you. You deserve better. You deserve what you want. I feel like I've opened this and definitely a deal breaker for me. Exactly. Of course. You need someone that you can talk to this stuff about. So, well, good luck to you, Emily. I think that we've got some good ideas

Thanks for calling have a great night Emily There's so many Emily's in the world now. Do you know that's been those popular name for the last 15 years? I did none of the last 10 but before not the last five but before that for 15 years Emily So there's little Emily's running around just enough. Why I don't know. Interesting. Yeah, but when I was going up No, no Emily's in the world. I was only on my class. You're the front of the wave. I truly truly was We have another call which is amazing that people are telling us popular and it's oh, it's a BDSM call you guys You naughty monkeys

Crazy people want to talk about BDSM which you did teacher. Do you teach your classes often around here in Los Angeles everywhere? I teach private classes, like workshops and things. Yeah, I teach, I go up to San Francisco and East Coast wherever. Okay. For other people who want to meet a dog and what is it? They want you to talk everywhere. Okay, let's take a call from B in Delaware. Hi B.

Hey, how are you? I'm good. How are you? You're on sex with Emily. Hey, is it Sandra? It's Sandra's here too. I'm here with sex nerd Sandra. You get two of us. It's awesome. I just wanted to first I would just want to say that you are awesome and I always

listen to your podcast and it's amazing. You teach a lot. I love it. Are you talking to Sandra? Sandra. Sandra. You're talking to me? Sandra. Sandra. Sandra. Oh, thank you. Okay. I wasn't sure there are Amalini. Sandra Amalini. Sandra. Sandra. Oh, thank you. I wasn't sure there are two people here. That's what I am.

He's one of your fans. I love it. Hi B. Hey, I just had to tell, I always listen to Sandra's podcast and I don't know who's Emily. I just have to ask a question and like I just wanted to ask the first tips about he just wanted to call and say hi but now he had to come up with the question. Oh be that so cute she went to talk to you okay what's your question we can help you.

What was that? We can ask we can help you with anything what's your question. I was just like asking the first tips like how to start BDSM and all the stuff. How to start with BDSM and are you in a relationship? Yes, I am. Okay. And have you ever explored BDSM? No. Oh, you just got to start it.

Actually, I probably never talked about it. Oh, this is a big first moment. Well, I'm glad you're talking about it. And Sandra just taught a class on it. So she's going to tell you when you get started with it. Probably to find out like how to start, like going to tell you when you can start it with it. To find out how to start, how to age, just spice it up. Well, just like we were talking in the last color, which I realized you didn't hear. Right.

Because we're not live. But we just talk about it. I think you can go to my podcast. I think you can go to my website, sectertsonda.com and just Google Yes, No, Maybe. And each of you put each sex act into a yes, no, or maybe columns, you can figure out what's what's yay or nay for both of you. It's great that you're you're asking this question. First of all, BDSM stands for six things. Do you know what those six things stand for?

I can't know, but like it's like it's one of the things like it's kind of out of my might of range. I would say like I'm how I can go far like it's kind of out of my might of range, I would say like I'm how I can go far, like it's kind of too far for me, but it's to start something new, it's always like I was thinking about it, let's say. Okay, well she's going to explain to you the six things that it stands for. Yeah, it's like choose an area, that's one thing you can do is just, I mean, because you've got like, if you and your partner, you said your partner and you've been together for five years, maybe do exactly what you do.

Like do exactly what you already do in the bedroom, except maybe if the B, which stands for bondage, interest you just incorporate five minutes of tying each other up. Like you tie them up for five minutes and then switch. Like it can be as simple as that. Exactly. You can be like who gets to call the shots for five minutes? Like, that's all you just to start. You know, if the discipline,

if discipline, the D, and then, yeah, the D, then maybe somebody likes to be punished, you know, maybe likes to get away with stuff and like try and break the rules and you got to like, no, no, no, over the knee spanking or whatnot and that and there's impact like it's it's it's kind of do you want to do psychological stuff or physical stuff and you just sort of that's the first question because you have a lifetime of exploring BDS I just get some cuffs and get some cuffs or some bondage tape I love bondage tape have you ever used bondage tape?

Yeah it makes amazing tube tops. Oh it does does make amazing job. It makes it out this. I have to start with that, then I get it. Oh my God, it's like 10 bucks. You go to good vibes.com. You just keep on going Emily. You get it. It's like seriously, like 12 bucks. And it's this tape that sticks to itself. And you can easily blindfold your partner, blindfold,

put your wrist together. I just think it's easy because you don't need coughs and the whole thing. And you can leave it by your bed. It looks like electrical tape. And you can just start with, you know, I think blindfold is a great way to start too. Yeah, that's true. No, but just blindfold.

Just one set and just like, you know, taking away one sense, like of your partner, be like, Tony, tonight I'm going to blindfold you. And then you, you know, start playing around and see how it, see how it goes. Yeah, you can do like that. Yeah. BDSM, the two like highlighted things are playing with power and playing with sensation. And if you already know your partner's body pretty well and you just want to add something, like, yeah, a blindfold makes every other sense light up. Exactly. Every other sense will be tingling and happy.

So you could start with that. So like, so like, I don't, I can't say that I can complain or how our relations should go. It's in the bed. But I was thinking, do you explore some new areas or in the bed, which can explain. My thing is, is there somewhere, I can say, I don't know how to start with. I can't see that I don't like something. I like everything, but I want to try something new. So where should I start at that point?

Like saying, I want to try this thing new thing. I don't know if she's going to like it or not. About the yes or maybe. I think that's so smart. But it also just sounds like you are in a relationship where you're really happy. But if you're saying that everything's great, that sounds like everything's kind of okay. Because you can't say everything's great. You've got to have some favorites.

Yeah, I can't say like everything, but like at the point where like I can't say that I can complain that it's bad. It's good. It's like it's. But you need some variety. You need some variety and she might want the same thing, but it doesn't sound like you guys have a great communication around your sex life. So, and it's really hard.

If you need some five-year solves and be like, so babe, what do you think of their session last time? It's hard to bring up a event. It is hard to start that dialogue. So, I mean, have you guys ever talked about sex? Yes, we do. Like, but like I would say that it's like at the point where we cannot talk too deep into it. I don't know. It's like where lots of things go, like the point where it's good, we both enjoy it.

And why we should talk about it. You enjoy it, but you need to do it. I can see the better you're aware. Good, don't talk about it. You enjoy it, but you need to do it. I can see the barrier, like, and I'm like, good, like, don't talk about it. Look, the best time to talk about sex is when you talk about the good things. Like if you're never talking about sex unless something you want to change, that means you're not talking about sex enough, right? Because for every one negative thing you say in a relationship, you should say five positive things. Yeah, that's the thing. I don't want to get anything negative into the relationship

like I just want to add to it like positive things. So why don't you say something? I would just say, like, have a great conversation about next time you're on a road trip together or a breakfast, I mean, to say, you know, hey, you guys been together five years. You could say, what's your most memorable time that we've had sex together? Your favorite sexual memory of us being together. And see what she says. you could say which so what's your most memorable time we've had sex to other your favorite your favorite uh... the together and see what she says she would say god that time we had sex on the balcony and you'll be like wow

really okay or should we like that time that who knows i mean that could be that's a great way of uh... starting a dialogue you can see i can't i can't see the one thing like i'll it's sometimes it's the point where he might like you know i think i'll wait for something like really crazy I was like oh that's like too crazy I like it's like where my parents can do like oh it's too crazy I can't do that wait she said wait so she's saying that something is too crazy it's like completely sometimes I think it's like completely too crazy but you're thinking this but

she's never said things are crazy you're just assuming like my point is like you know I want to start a little slow but like it okay so you're afraid you're thinking this but she's never said things are crazy. You're just assuming. My point is I want to settle a little slow but like it. Okay, so you're afraid you're going to go too deep, too fast. I think the first step is communication. Yeah, that just starts slow. Expanding your sex life is not the same as talking about negative things. Just opening up to different like, oh, this is neat. Go and watch secretariat. Watch Masters of Sex seriously. These are the sexes.

This is amazing on Showtime. Watch a new series together. Watch television show and then you get like a third party or listen to a podcast together when you're driving. Like, listen to sex, or stand or listen to sex with them. I'm kidding.

I hear from my listeners all the time. They're like, oh, my girlfriend and I were driving and we listen to your show. It's like, blame it on us. We suggested it. You know what I mean? Like, bring some things into the relationship that

if you're not as comfortable saying it you could yeah watch master's of sex watch it you know talk to her about her favorite sex memories or fantasies or anything fifty shades of gray did she read fifty shades of gray uh... it's kind of it's kind of hard for like in the meantime just like it's the point like like, you know, we are like,

like, we kind of talk about the stuff, like, but like in the meantime, like, I don't feel like, you know, it's like, I don't want to look like, you know, I don't like it, and I want to add something more. Like, Well, you shouldn't be, I love our sex life. I think it's amazing, and I just feel like

we've been together for five years, and there's just, there's so many things that I think we could do. And then you can have an example. I'd love to, you know, I'd love to give you a full body massage tomorrow night. I mean, something that you know, to be like, I'd love to like bend your knees. Thank you, but you could be like, I love to massage your body all over. And then you could use like a massage candle, which is an amazing, I gave Sandro

on my I've won Emily Tony.com. Have you used it? Do you like it? It's really nice. It's like oil, you purr pour. I mean, I would be a little too much for the first time, but it's like just get some massage oil even and just use it on. I just, I think you got it. You know what, I think you just have to do one thing. Because in your mind right now, you're like freaking out that you're

just going to be upset. It's going to be too much. Just start slow and just say one thing. What's the best phone you're most favorite memory of us having sex? Our most sexual memory. Hey, remember, team fun. Okay, sex is fun. Sex is fun. You're on the same team. As always, go team fun. Oh, she's got a big fun. I just want to say to you guys, thank you, like this spending time and explaining.

Yes. And I just want to say again, one more time, I kind of have to say sorry for, I don't know who's Emily. I don't care if you know why I'm lying to your Sandra, it's fine. Why does he keep saying that? I don't know who B is, and I'm care if you know why I'm Zongi or Sandra. It's fine. Why does he keep saying that? I don't know who B is.

I'm not apologize for. I'm not apologize. I don't know who you are, but we're so glad you called. Have a great night. Good luck to you. Funny when you're when you're fans, but I hope you help them. Maybe people that's interesting,

both calls were about like how to introduce us into the relationship. I think this is important. It's so important. People need to talk. They just don't talk. I feel like I'm not any more like I. People need to talk. They just don't talk. I feel like it would be like sacrilegious. Now, what I do for a living, I can't, but definitely didn't always talk about sacs.

I thought it was fun. It's me getting into BDSM without proper baseline of trust and communication in your relationship. It's like trying to get to grad school without going to college. Exactly. You can't just start with the slow down partner exactly Exactly, you can't just like go crazy and start the but I want to hear about your six points of BDSM Oh, oh, well, no, it's just what is BDSM? I'm saying I know like before bondage Bondage discipline right say it is a masochism right so you've got well Bosn the first two are pretty ex-luffix, gladatory, and the other two are the giving, receiving, of sensation or pain.

Within the middle letters, DNS are dominant in submission. So it's the power combo right there. So it's actually six. It is actually six. I love that. I haven't heard that. That's amazing. Okay. She's an expert. She got a class on it. Okay, we'll take another call because we were getting calls. I love this. Remember every Thursday night, 8.30 to 9.30 Pacific Standard Time, 1.100.Love.191. So let's talk to Daniel and Ohio. Hi, Daniel. You're on sector, Emily, with Emily and sex, or Tadah. Hi. Hi. I saw your Facebook post, so I said decided to call. Awesome! Social networking works! Hey! Hi! Okay, my question.

I'm wondering if it's fair to keep dating my boyfriend even though I know he loves me a lot more than I love him. Oh, that's a good question. That's a great question. How long have you been together? We've been together for just a month, but I know he's like, he's the closest best friend I've had so instantly that I'd rather just keep him around because I'm in college and I just don't want to do it with another breakup.

Oh, that's not a good reason to stay with him though. Yeah, I know, but that sounds like a lot of heavy, like so within a month you know that you don't want to continue being with him or is it just that you feel bad that even though you like being with him, you like him less? Which is that? Well, it's like, um, I don't know, I feel like I just, I feel like I've been going through relationships where like they instantly pick out something and go, oh, they're not for me, and I just move on, and I'm just tired of doing that, I guess, and I'm like, can I just stick with it and not have to deal with questioning everything? Wait a minute, breaking up. Are you, the person who breaks up with someone over and over again?

Yeah. Well, not with the same person, but. Well, this is like a series like you just go relationship to relationship and each time. I end up doing that. But I've had long term relationships with a lot of two years at once, so. OK.

And it's usually because something about them you don't like. I usually take out something that I don't like and go with, that won't work and then I end it. Is it something that I might like to stick and just be like, you know what, maybe I should just stay with this and not. And you're 20 years old? Yeah. Okay. And you're in college.

Yeah. All right. I mean, I understand that the thing you're wanting to break your pattern and not wanting to like move through men and they love you more and all that but but you're also 20 in your college and you're meeting lots of people so I don't know this is the time that you should force yourself to stay with someone just to teach yourself a lesson if you already know that you're not into this person I don't think there's anything wrong with not being in a relationship when you're in college well I also don't want to like I feel like I'm so down down the studies I don't

have any time for dating either. Right. Okay. It's completely logical. Are you afraid of hurting him? Uh, yes, it's his first relationship. That's probably why he's so lovied of you as well. Right. Oh, yeah. He's um, he's all over. He's all over. He's all over your stuff. And you're kind of... You can't really sweeten all, but... Right, you're not into it. So I honestly think that we think that we're helping us, that we're prolonging someone's pain and we stay in a relationship for too long. But actually, the sooner you end it, you're actually doing them a favor. Because then he can move on and he can live his life and he's going to be hurt, but then

he can find someone who wants to be with him. And so- You think I could talk to him about this? Absolutely. That would be the most responsible one of the thing you can do is at least bring it up. Even if you don't have the intention of breaking up at that conversation, the best thing you can do is try just having a conversation.

And speaking your truth, are you strong enough to do that? Yeah, yeah, that is really great. I think you could totally, a lot of, yeah, you think you said to break up and go, but you could talk to him and say, you know what, I don't know that I'm feeling the same way that you're feeling right now Not sure if it's right that we stay together. I still want to be friends with you know see what happens talk to him But the sooner that you talk I know and I've done this like I've sat on relationships

I used to spend half my relationships trying to get out of them and and it used to be like a yeah, I did that Me too, I'm like really? Yeah, I'm like oh really? We're doing something like, I'm like, yeah. age 13 on, I'm just a series. Yeah, for a while too, and I've gotten to a habit of doing it. Okay, instantly, I'm still good. I break up instantly because I'm tired of spending the whole relationship. Well, that's better than spending two years with someone when you're not into it.

No, I get a few red flags from this story though, in that I feel like there's something presenting itself to you over and over again again which is a chance for you to learn about yourself clearly this is something yeah this is but this is a pattern in your own psyche and your attachment I mean the fact that you've been with him for a month what what are your what's your vetting process to decide to be with someone and then suddenly bomb with them really deeply and they're really into you and suddenly be like oh never mind you you know right whatever it is like do you recognize your pattern? I'm yeah I've been you guys did a talk I think you interviewed Emily and you were talking about

patterns and I was thinking about oh with my pattern so yeah well I've been thinking about that now I will say this is are you in college right now? You said? Yeah. Yeah. Now, the thing about humans is we like to see patterns where there are no patterns. And we like to not see patterns where there are patterns. So the best thing for you to do honestly is probably go to your health center on campus and see a counselor, you know, maybe see them for a month or two. We just want to week and talk about this because it's probably free or like five bucks or something. Totally. And it could be one of the best things you do for your rest of your life is work this shit out now instead of waiting until

you're 30. I'm telling you. Exactly. It's great to get to the sooner you go and therapy and see someone and it is cheap on campus. It's a great time to do it and start looking at these things because you sound very self-aware and you've gotten to a point and I think you might yeah, seeing a counselor could really help you. So I think, yeah, I think that'll be good. I think start talking to this guy and just let him know how you feel. You feel so much better. Okay, have a great night.

Thanks for calling. Thanks, thanks. Great to see you. Great to see you. So fun, isn't it fun? Sweet. Oh, no. Got all these colors.

Maybe another color. We can take another color. I want to talk to you, but I feel like people are calling for us. We should have that. We're great. Let's talk to Jen and Montana. Hi. Hi, Jen.

How are you doing? Thanks for calling. It's sex with Emily and sex nerd Sandra. I listen to both podcasts. I love people thinking about it. Oh, thank you. We love you. Thanks for having me.

Hi, five. Woo. We were here together. We got to take some good pictures, too. Jen, what's going on here in Montana? I love Montana. How can we help you? We're here together. We gotta take some good pictures too. Jen, what's going on here in Montana? I love Montana. How can we help you?

I have, oh, glasses. Sorry. My name is Truby. I like to grind on like t-shirts and stuff. Okay. Having trouble trying to find toys for that, because anything I find usually hurts. Oh, so you like the softness of the t-shirt? Yeah, but I was trying to find a little bit more variety. That's a great question.

Let me say you grain on a t-shirt. Is the t-shirt on the bed? Are you stomach down? Are you on your back? Yeah, come back down. Here's stomach down on a bed. So are you holding the t-shirt? Or couch.

And is it just you slamming your clit onto a t-shirt that's on the bed so that you're just pressing up against it? Or are you like lightly grazing the tissue like ooh that feels like I like variety like to roll my hips. I like to Like tease myself and then sometimes I just want it out of the way Are we talking cotton here? Yeah, yeah, like Jersey. I mean that feels really good But maybe so maybe you could put a vibrator just like even a little bullet vibrator or the Mimi in your t-shirt and use that. Like, if I think it's the fabric that you like, I think that's-

I try that and it, I usually end up with a bruise. Oh, okay. So have you tried any other sex because like you want like a soft feathery sex toy that vibrates? And I just, I feel like sex toys that are silicone now there are lots of softer but I'm not sure what would be. I'm sorry but if you're getting a bruise from using a vibrator that means you are really like motion your eyes up against it right which is great I'm a musher too. I hump all day. Right.

So but when you're with a t-shirt are you are you pressing up against it? Well from like when you're getting closer to coming. Yeah. Have you okay? Just just don't want it out there. Like have you tried just one hump or two another, like straddling like the corner of a bed or the arm of a towel? I've tried wedges. I've tried wedges. Okay, you've tried the wedges and how about a vibrating wedge?

I've never heard of a vibrating wedge. We neither, I'm looking at it up right now. Wait, if there isn't a vibrating wedge, I've never heard of a vibrating wedge. Me neither, I'm looking at it up right now. Wait, if there isn't a vibrating wedge, I'm going to invent one. Do those work? There are vibrating wedges. You know, like the sex, but the liberator makes all those furniture and stuff. But we're the entire pillow vibrates. Yeah, I must. If not, we're inventing it for you, Jen.

You'll be our first child. Hold on, Mitt, there must be a vibrating wedge. That might make sense. Just get a Jeep and drive down to it roads a lot. our first trial. Hold on a minute, there must be a vibrating wedge. That might make sense. Just get a Jeep and drive down to it roads a lot. Okay, what's this? Knee wedge. Okay, I'm on Amazon right now. There's a knee wedge vibrating pillow. It's 1999. I looked up vibrating pillow. We fixed everything. There you go. Probably not. Oh, but go to goodvibes.com too. If you're going to good vibes, use coupon code Emily. You get a discount, you get 15% off and all this stuff.

But I'm going to good vibes. Because this is a really good question. So you do the same way. I know a lot of women do the grind, they're on their stomach. Just trying to think of what went in. And then the maybe didn't work. Or not. So the pillows, did the pillows work?

In the couch armchair, did those work? They did work. It's just, I was looking for more variety. Okay, so what I mean you presented with T-shirt, but now T-shirt pillow and couch armchair all have worked Yeah, but they but those have all have give where toys tend to not have that much gift. Yeah, okay Just like vibrating panties and stuff. I mean, but we, so you need something to grind. No, no, what about, what about the Mimi soft? The Mimi soft is great. It's a new one by Jésus.

Look at me, go to the good vibes and look at the Mimi. And it just came out. I just got it like in the middle of the day. It's a little softer. Wait a minute. It's like, yes. I just realized, are those the only way you can orgasm? Like, no. You don't know? No. Oh, what other ways do you experience? Yes, I just realized are those the only way you can orgasm?

Like you know you don't know no. Oh, what other ways do experience orgasm? Vibrator vibrator, okay, but then there's the bruising issue Huh, but then that's the bruising you will if I do vibrate I can't I can't grind on it. It you know, I'll get like a bruising like my pelvic bone in. Right. So you knew like a soft vibrating toy. I should ever try to penis. How about penis? Get out of here, man.

I'm sorry, you're honey. I'm self-serving at the moment. She's self-serving. I hear you. I'm self-serving. My whole have room is sex toys. Okay, so, um, and like, there's the butterfly case. The butterfly kiss is another soft toy that I have,

it's on the Good Vibes website. It's really soft. The Butterfly Kiss, it's a really good best seller, and it has G-Spot simulation, and it's like really malleable and soft, it's not hard at all. I think you will like it, and it's really reasonable too.

I just got a few of them in the mail. The Butterfly Kiss, it's waterproof, and it like moves out, like look at, I'm showing you, Santa, this one, and it moves all around. Like you can bend it in a million different ways. It looks like this. Yeah, the Butterfly Kiss, it's like a butterfly. Think about it.

It's really cheap too, and I've never had one, and I keep thinking like I need to get one of those. Oh my God, I'm sending you so many toys. Just couldn't make a ride. My garage is filled with sex toys and serious. How much is it? It's $18, and then you're gonna get discount. If you put in a coupon code, Emily, I think. Like, that's what I recommend. Now that I'm looking, it's not hard. It's $18 and then you're gonna get discount if you put in a coupon code Emily I think with like that's what I recommend

Now that I'm looking it's not hard. It's soft all over. I've used it. I like it is really soft. I'm just so pillow couch vibrator with the bruising and and a t-shirt are there any other things that you've experienced a orgasm with Men women Okay, you see your high-level gasmeck and i hate you know that's amazing i love you that's great with practice where you say it's practice practice yeah have you always been like were you one of these like you were writing a horse when you were like for you had a orgasm or

uh... no you had to work at it i hear you well that's good i think it's a finger who I liked first. Right. Oh, right and You like both right? Yeah, like you I mean Hitachi's under anything Are awesome. Yeah, like good vibes also has Hitachi's. Yeah, put under pillow. It's not Hitachi anymore. Do you know that? No, Hitachi is no longer it's just called the magic wand. It's the same, but they don't it's on Hitachi. Have you ever had a magic wand? No, I have a rabbit. rabbit oh you have a rabbit okay the butterfly kiss looks like a rabbit but it's much softer and

squishier wait a minute do you have a rabbit and then you don't put it inside you but you just like hop it yeah because I can't fear how to do both you know many people buy rabbits and they never put inside their they don't right I know that too they just use a little thing against their clitoris yeah like why by the right now I get I do that too actually because I don't write i know that you see the little things against the clitoris yeah why bother i know i got i do that to actually i don't like to have a own i don't like i don't like to look at the front but i like the the base part for

right totally i agree with you well these are some good choice go to their website and check it out but i think you should check that and i love that your exploring that there's so many ways that you can work as i'm here my hero john way to go thanks for calling so good talk to, and thanks for listening

to both of our shows. You appreciate it. So nice to do. Thank you for taking my call. Of course, have a lovely evening. Bye, Jen. But lots of great colors tonight. How fun.

I'm getting excited. I'm excited. Yeah, but I'm like, this is fun. It is fun, right? I don't take colors. I know. So that's what this is like. I like it.

It's so fun taking calls. That's why I love doing love line as well because it's just Yeah, colors all night long. It's really it's and that's how I started on the radio. It's fun. I love talking to the people in this studio Is a much better sound equipment. I think the Nerdist studios you know like well, they know when takes calls at the Nerdist studio. So it's just I'm just Yeah, well we're in real. Yeah, we're in a real. I've done it all I've done it in a closet with my little recorder and I'm now I'm doing it at a studio. So it feels good. I hope everyone can hear this. Okay. And subscribe to the podcast. Sex, then the An sex nurse Sandra, who's my special guest. Okay. So let's talk about what else. I mean, I feel like, I feel like you can talk to anything. I wanted to get into a little bit more about what, what, what

you know, people think that you can talk about anything. You're like, oh, don't ask things that I don't know. No, because we email Jessica what you what, you know, when people think that you can talk about anything, you're like, oh, don't ask things that I don't know. No, because we email Joe as I go, what do you want to talk about? Because I know. And then you were also talking about sex as a, as saying, being a single person, pleasure for being a, for when you're single, but a lot of our listeners are single. Yes.

And what did you have in mind with that? Well, I just like celebrating the fact that you're single and not be, people just, not be. No, nothing. Nambi Pampy like that. No, I mean, that's important too, but it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, nambi panty like that. No, I mean that's important too, but it's it's a very yourself. Did you listen to earlier? Oh yeah. That's right. You could do that. It's I think hurts is that so much of the conversation around sex, especially like because we both podcast is what to do with someone else. And then sometimes we'll talk about masturbation

perhaps. I don't talk about about it as enough, I don't think. But beyond just masturbation, it's all these people who listen, that call themselves sex nerds, you know, are the naughty monkeys, and who really want to be good at sex, but they just don't know how, because they're alone. And I feel bad because there's this absence of access to a sex partner. Right. And I feel like so much of solo play is genital focused. And then sometimes when you talk about waking up the body and like scraping your arms and kind of just feeling tingly all over, people go like, oh, I don't respond to my own hand like somebody else's

hand. That's right. But like I feel, I can't even talk to a therapist about Sunsake Focus. Yes. You never studying it in school a little bit. Yeah, it's, you know, like if I just run my hand down my arm, it's a simple thing. Right. And I think since eight focus, you focus on pressure, temperature,

and texture. And it's for people who are so out of their bodies, like they're so in their head that they can't just be present to a simple sensation. And so just being able to focus on my hand, on my arm, and all I can feel is that like slight ticklish sensation, my hands are a little clammy, it's a light pressure, that's all you're supposed

to focus on, just being in your body. I feel like so many people don't use their own hands on their own body enough and they just create this excuse that it's not the same. And it's like, I'm sorry, what you can do so much. I can tickle myself and like, I'm not that sensitive. I mean, you know, I'm... And you've trained, because you always think like if someone else scratches your back,

it feels better than you scratch your back or someone tickles you, but what you're saying is that it says, if you really focused on it and you really pay attention to just that feeling of your hands moving up and down, that it still feels great to you. Yeah, and it doesn't even feel great. It just has to feel like something like, you know when so many runs their hand real light and it's just almost irritating. I like it. Oh, you like when it's real light?

I like light soft touches. No, but like even lighter than the light. Like too light. Yeah, the too light touch. I mean, I've been annoyed by people touching me, so yes. Yeah, okay, that's annoying. Like, I am annoying myself right now. I'm running my hand over my arm too light and. I mean, I've been annoyed by people touching me, so yes. Yeah, okay, that's annoying. I am annoying myself right now. I'm running my hand over my arm too light and I'm like, this is an initial scratch it.

And then like, scratch one arm and then let go and just feel how one arm is more alive than the other arm. That's all I mean by really being central in your own body is it doesn't have to be like Oh, you have different partners now. Exactly. It can be like there's so many different ways to I mean We have so many different erogenous zones on our body that we don't even know exists and people go through lifetimes You and your deathbed you'd go. I didn't know that the back of my knee felt good And then you know feel really bad if you spent your whole life not knowing what else who she's misaging ourselves now It's good right touching your neck running your neck. Yeah. The just the nape of the neck right there. Just running it.

It's like soothing for all the nerve endings. Me too. I mean, it feels really the nape of the neck is one of the most erogenous zones that. It's good. Besides the obvious ones, the neck, because it's all the nerve and it feels amazing. It really is.

And I feel like people don't touch my, like when I feel like when you're starting out with someone, they might touch your neck, but it's something that goes away eventually. And I would like my neck touched every single time and with someone Yes, I noticed that about myself is that I would Play with you know the make out where you're not having sex yet So you spend a lot of time making out and you're like necking and you're just licking their necks And then all of a sudden sex happens and you've no longer no they go right for your genitals it drives me insane

But now I know but like that's me as a bad lover. I would ignore their neck, even though I remember. So now I'm more aware of revisiting those rushes. But that was me schooling myself. I think everyone needs that awareness. Right. Exactly. And it's like separation of four-playing sax. I hate that there's even a separation.

I think that we should always stick to the touching and the feeling your partner in different ways rather than just rushing right to the sex. Because yeah, we had to call that to know. Because then you miss a lot. And you start to not know when touching your neck and kissing your ears and all that stuff that feels good, which kind of bugs me out and that happens. So yeah, single people, I love it. I think that I just like being, are you single now, you're dating?

I am dating currently. I'm committed. Committed, yes. We talked about this. Being poly, it's complicated. It took a while for me to figure out my rhythm and my zone and what my style is, but I really enjoy being together with someone.

And yeah, my- Open seeing other people as well. Not currently. I mean, honestly, I mean, it takes a lot of time and energy to date more than one person. It's a lot of energy. And you got to remember who you told what story to? And working on being authentic. I think right now in my relationship, I'm learning how to be really honestly myself,

which is a scary thing. It's very vulnerable. So it is. I'm gonna mess around and figure out the poly thing and like the styles and put the time and energy I'm putting into my life right now is really into like, because I want to be my best, most deep, true self with one person before I, you know, I don't want to serve myself. Sure, you gotta start, right? Yeah. But. Sure, you've got to start, right?

But you know that you're open to polyamory. Everybody you're seeing, you're done. Everybody you're seeing someone now that I do think that's true. They work on it. Okay, we got to wrap this up. Oh, man. I know, doesn't it fly about time flies by when sex nerd sanders here? So it's a good time.

I know, such a good time. Sex nerd Sandra, amazing podcast. Check out sex nerdsandra.com and Twitter, Facebook, sex nerdsandra. That is correct. And you can go to nerdist.com. I'm in the podcast section. Hey. Twitter, Facebook, Sex Nerd Sandra. That is correct. You can go to Nerdist.com. I'm in the podcast section. Hey, hey, hey, check her out. She's awesome.

Thank you for being here. I love it. Thank you. Everyone. We talked a little, I candles, which I gave you. They're Emily and Tony. Emily and Tony.com. If you like the show, you support me.

You like the show being free. You might want to go buy a little something. I've got a lubricant. I've got down under comfort. It's a ball lotion for men and women can use it under their breasts and these amazing delicious candles that you could use by yourself port on your body like a massage oil or use it on your partner whatever it is check it out and okay and follow me on Facebook and Twitter or

section family Anderson what about your podcast if people are like movies and stuff oh yeah you know what um this week actually kind of makes sense since we're on this show as I talk about that movie blues the warmest color Which is a three-hour French lesbian film? Oh, which I went and saw and I review it on the film vault which is the film vault another podcast All your podcasters. We just gave you a bunch more podcasts to listen to so I think I'm okay my Anderson I'm good. Oh you're ready for the music. All right You guys heard about that blues the warmest color yet. No vaguely a lot of my action. I'm good. Oh, you're ready for the music. All right. You guys heard about that blue is the warmest color yet? No

vaguely A lot of lesbian sex. I love it. I want to see it bright lights but holes. You can see the but holes a lot of it Yeah, okay. I'm gonna go see that after I felt like I was Travis Bickle from Taxi driver remember when I brought the Nero's character and he takes her to a C.A. Movie and it's like I The girls character and he takes her to a see a movie and it's like a horns. I feel like Travis Bickle. Right, that sounds awesome. OK, thanks Anderson. Oh, everyone, if you do check out Emily and Tony.com,

you just keep on going to Emily and you get 20% off. So anyway, thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily. Was it good for you? Email me. FeedbackItSexWithEmily.com. MUSIC CrazyGirlProtux.com carries unique, fair-moan-infused products that make you feel sexy and confident. I'm crazy about their wannabe naked shave cream.

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