Sex With Emily - Swinging All The Way with Holli & Michael

Episode Date: December 23, 2015

In this podcast, Emily is joined by married couple and real-life swingers Holli & Michael! This sexy twosome is used to sharing all the intimate details of living the “lifestyle” on their number one Playboy Radio show SWING, and today they’re bringing all their romantic and sexual wisdom to the Sex With Emily studio. Emily and the pair talk tips for healthy relationships and healthy threesomes, discuss how to squash jealousy for good and explain how to go from ‘icy to spicy’ in the bedroom. The three also answer your emails on unsatisfying sex lives, making it work with a selfish lover and finding the perfect “unicorn” to make your menage-a-trois dreams come true. Whether you’re looking for ways to improve your communication skills or hop on the non-monogamy train, this podcast is sure to teach you a thing or two to help you improve your sex life and love life! Don’t miss it… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I Look into his eyes Then the eyes of a man obsessed by sex Eyes that mark our secret institutions Betrubized they call them a lie gone. Hey, Emily You got a boyfriend because my man E here. He just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute The girls got a hair stand. Oh my the The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean, like laundry?

It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm so proud. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. Hey everyone, thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and today's show, we have television and radio personalities, Holly and Michael in the studio.

They are experts in the field of love, relationships, and what it takes to feel sexy, as well as my go-to's and all things swinging. Today they're joining us to talk modern relationships, the swinging lifestyle, tips for keeping sex hot and so much more. It's going to be a really fun show. Speaking of fun, I need to talk to you about my Sibian, the way I weekly Sibian update. I've had it for six months now and we've gotten really, really close. I actually feel like we're advancing in ways I never felt I couldn't get that close to any other thing. Object, person, human. It's something

that 100% pushes the needle in your sex life. Whether you're single or in a relationship and a lot of women have the inability to orgasm during intercourse. And the thing about the simbiness you get a simbion and you can actually learn what it takes so you can have that orgasm using when the attachment and then transfer that experience to being with a partner. It's also great for play, your you can actually learn what it takes. So you can have that orgasm using when the attachments and then transfer that experience to being with a partner. It's also great for play, your partner, you know, it's hot to watch your partner ride in the civilian

and he likes watching it comes with a little stool. He can get cozy, have a beer in his hand, whatever. And watch you ride it. It's awesome. Repeated rides in the civilian can train your body to orgasm, you have multiple O's, increased sexual response. And also, there's a 45-day trial period.

So if you're not completely satisfied with your multiple orgasms, the CB&K, you can bring it back. Go to CB&K.com, that's S-Y-B-I-A-N. And with code Emily75, you get $75 off your first order. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com where you can listen to our podcast, send it for a mailing list, and check out all the other fun things going on there.

We have a new website too, which is amazing. Also, I know a lot of you have been asking about our 10-year live show we did at the improv, and that podcast will be coming out on January 5th. So you don't want to miss it, because it was epic night, I have to say. And also one more thing before we get down to business is sexual health expo. January 16th and 17th in Los Angeles

at the Universal Hilton Hotel. It is, you guys have heard me talking about this for about a year now, we've done it in four different cities. They have top sex educators around the country, the latest and greatest toys, but the Sibian will be there. You can even ride a Sibian if you want, or at least touch on with your hand. It's not that kind of thing. But we're giving away tickets.

So if you'd like to go email me, Feedback at sexwithmla.com, and tell us why you want to go. Each ticket is good for two people. You can bring your partner, bring a friend, have a good time, so check that out and send us an email. Hi, Holly and Michael. Hi. Thank you for being here. Thank you for having us.

I know, I'm really, I'm excited. I love being, I love being on your show. I love knowing you guys, you guys have been on the show before, so there's a second time. Yeah. And that was like two years ago, you so cute. You sent me the picture of us. I did, I was seeing pictures,

and I thought I'd give you memories. Really fun. And everyone can find you, this will all be on our website as well. But it's holly and michael.com, that's holly with an eye. Don't mess that up. And Twitter is at swing time 69.

And Instagram is at real holly pockets. Yes. And yeah, so check all that out. And you guys are still doing your Playware Radio swing. Yes. Which is an awesome show. Thank you. Thank you.

So fun, I love it. And the TV show, and you guys have just been traveling all like, I don't even know what you're like. Oh no, we're like in Ecuador, you're just swinging. Where are you? What are you doing? All over, the only sad thing is when you're out of town,

we're out of town and never in the same city We have to make it so we end up in the same city. I want to do that We're broadcasting live on location literally last year was three different continents 17 different countries in 42 Different cities this year will come pretty close to that and is it swing the show that you're doing everywhere? Is it it's swing with Holly and Michael on radio? Okay, right not the TV show the radio show proud. Still playboy radios number one show. We've been on for almost five years. Marshall five years and the number one for about four number one. Congratulations. How do you find it? You go to playboyradio.com. Backslash swing or just playboyradio.com. Also on the tune in app. Soundcloud. iTunes now.

Oh everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Every podcast are not sold. Yeah. There iTunes now. Oh, everywhere. Yeah. I've got a lot of podcasts are not sold. Yes, there you go. There you go. Because the tree. The tree. Right.

Okay, so that's awesome. So you guys have just been really busy working. And the last time I saw you, I was grateful that we were in the same city because you invited me to a play party. And I have been to one in a while, and the guy I'm dating, still dating Ross, he actually came on the show and we talked about it. After that, yeah. Such a nice guy.

I kind of wanted to come in today too, but he was busy. But you liked him, he loved you guys. Oh, really? He was nervous, because we had been out having a night, like a work night, and we were doing stuff, and then I was like, hey, how am I, he wanted to go? And I was like, should we go?

I'm like, yeah, let's go, he was so excited. So we talked a lot about it, but it was fun. How is that party go? I'm like, yeah, let's go. He was so excited to like, we talked a lot about it, but it was a fun, how is that party? What do you think? I guess parties go. Are you guys left before we did? I thought it was good. Yeah, that's funny.

Like that. We didn't play, you know what? And we didn't play that night. So we didn't play, Holly Zabito had been through the roof. And we had played, I believe, probably nine or 10 nights out of 14. Oh, it was the 14th night. Yeah, we did.

Thanks a lot for inviting me to the 14th night. It's like, God, we needed a seventh out of 14. Oh, 14th night. Yeah, there's a lot for vitamin and 14th night. We wanted to go out. We needed a seventh day of rest. It's a day of rest. A 14th day of rest. Great. The party was great. As you saw the couples beautiful, and when I say hi-end, I'm not talking necessarily

about appearance, though they were beautiful. Yeah. Their class. As you and Ross saw, no one's touching anyone without permission. People are introducing themselves. They're making sure to get to know you. Yeah, exactly. And they want to know you, they don't care how much money you make or where you live now.

Are you a nice person? Do you understand what you're here for? Do you get the rules? Because either you get it or you regret it. Right, exactly. A lot of why? So yeah, let's talk about that. Because we were just, so if you got,

I mean, because we got into some of it, just kind of like what I was more like because the funny thing was he had never been to a party like that. He'd never seen two people having sex in front of him. So let's just start there. So to him, you guys were leaving him like, and he's like, oh, we should stay, you know,

because he- I like that. That was really cool because it showed me that, it was interesting. And we didn't, we didn't play, but it was more like, wait, are they, those people are having sex right now, but those are the ones we were just talking to,

right, like his mind blown, right? And it was hot. It was like four played. He was completely turned out. I was in the way his face looked. I'm like, it was kind of like, you know, I guess when a parent first takes their kid to Disneyland or something, you see like Mickey Mouse.

Oh, wow, you have to come. She's like, I'm naked people. And instead of airs, you see goons. I got her. Instead of the Mickey Mouse airs. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, come back down to that. So we talked about it from his experience.

But you guys are great though, because we got there, and you guys are so disarming and so warm and open. And you guys were just telling him about your history and your background, which I didn't really know all of that about just how you got into it and how you met. And yeah, I mean, Thomas a little about that. And I find it fascinating. How you guys met and went lifestyle.

He's been in for a while. I've been doing this since I was 18, so almost 20 years now. And it was in college You know, we just called it a Thursday night and orgy at the fraternity house, but I remember dating What you do right to date that ends in white It was I was dating a woman. I was 18. She was 24 26 and she said I'd like to take you to party downtown There's two of them are just one oh

So in between 24 and 20 she's older and said, all right, let's do it. And I'm the way there, because we were 60 miles from the city where I went to the school. She's explaining to me this party. Oh my God, I get to have sex with other people too. You're the best, because she had been part of the orgies, and now she's inviting me to go somewhere. I went to the school back up.

Northern Illinois University. Northern Illinois. Oh, right, we're in Illinois, so I'll see you in jail. I'm going to miss you again, but I'm going to invite me in orgies. But it's a fraternity thing. It's the border right there. Yeah, I think,'re in Illinois, so I'll see you in a minute. I'm going to miss you again, but I'm going to invite me in Orgis. It's a fraternity thing. It's the border right there. Yeah, I think, you know, it's the Upert.

No, I'm just kidding. So we go to this party, I meet all these people. I'm getting permission to have sex with people's wives. She's having sex with guys and we're playing in all of this. And there's acronyms and there's, we call it in our book, Swinger Speak. There's all this different language. So I'm learning some of it. We leave and she said, we call it in our book, Swinger Speak, there's all this different language. So I'm learning some of it. We leave and she said, what did you think?

And I said, I can't believe there's this world that I knew nothing about. Now fast forward, I had been in the lifestyle on and off from that point through my first marriage. Okay. And after getting out of the marriage, she wanted to dabble in it with me and I didn't because, as you know,

and I'm sure you would have experienced head, ross acted differently. The lifestyle is available to everyone. It's not right for just anyone now. There are people that you don't want to do. Oh yeah. We meet. And I've been in the lifestyle and I, not bragging. You met Holly, okay?

Yeah. Sorry, I met Holly. And we talked about our past and I I share I'm very open and I Told her and then he told me and I was thinking oh my gosh I would love to try this because I grew up Mormon so I had never done anything in my life I'd had one guy before my previous husband and I was I was such a Prood but I knew I wasn't approved I was open-minded with other people how they lived and how they thought and everything.

So he tells me this and I'm thinking, oh my gosh, I got to go to one of these parties and I beg him. I'm like, oh my God, please. And he's like, okay, we'll go. He excels down. I know. All right. Chill out, woman.

So we go. And I have the most amazing time I've ever had. One of the things Holly had said, and I'm not sure the conversations you and Ross had, Holly had bisexual fantasies. The first time Hollyated as a moron. You're not allowed to Right. Yeah, I'm not Now she she's a playboy model and works for playboy isn't that amazing? That is amazing And our mother's circle And I remember masturbating to the lottery tickets. Yes, seriously

Take what you can get Right winning a lot of numbers one of the biggest things with the lifestyle I don't know what you and Ross did is, right? I know, right. Right. Winning a lot of numbers. One of the biggest things with the lifestyle, and I don't know what you and Ross did, is communicating. Now, I know you well. I believe I know you well. And the way you operate, and you're so forthcoming and honest that a man like Ross wouldn't have to worry

because you're not gonna jump in and do things that you hadn't talked about first. There are some people that do. So Holly and I communicated ahead of time about what she wanted to get out of the experience, what I wanted to get out of the experience. what I wanted to get out of the experience. For me, it was just letting her experience it. Right, and I didn't want to jump head first,

because that was scary. I just wanted to see what it was like. And if I kissed a girl, then that's where I do the one. Yeah, it's the line. And I did, I saw this beautiful woman and shh. Brazilian. And I asked him, like, can I kiss her? And he's like, yeah, so I can.

Well, actually, I said, it's not up to me. Yeah. But I'm thinking, he's right there. I need to like, yeah, so I can. Well, actually I said it's not up to me. Yeah. But I'm thinking he's right there. I need to ask permission, but you guys covered it up. Right, we're a couple. And I kissed her and I was like, oh my gosh, I cheated on you. Well, we're gonna break up.

This is horrible. And it turns out he was cool. Oh, it was hot. She started making out with other women that night. That was it. You were in. That was it. I always say, you either dip your toes in the swinging pool or you jump head first into

the deep end of the swinging pool. No matter what you do though, you have to do it together. We are, I believe, we are such a strong we because we're each a secure me. And without that, you're doomed. It's true. And it's like any relationship. You want to be a strong me before a wee. So that's amazing too that you guys have that.

But especially to be in the lifestyle, you really need to be strong and to keep communicating about all these things ahead of time. So, so then you kept your in it and you guys started dating and going different parties and stuff. And so and now you've written the definitive book on it, which I think has been needed for so long because we get asked the same questions. I know you guys some of the stuff we're going to talk about, we have talked about, but I just think that... I'll ask anything. It's so much, no, but this book is like, welcome to the lifestyle and people can get it where?

For free, if you go to... Which is crazy. I know what I'm talking about. You guys should be paying 50 bucks for this. I'm not, or maybe 100, but it's free. This isn't even half of what I have. So if you go to vxclub.com, the THE, xclub.com, that's the letter x, the letter x. So vxclub.com, and you put in your email

address, they will send you, they bought the rights to use this part, so these parts of the books, they'll send you a PDF file, you can opt out of emails from them. That's fine. Okay. And you'll get this three quarters of what's in here is about relationships. Because unless you can be single and being a lifestyle, single women we call unicorn, if you want to know why? Yeah, I want to, we do want to talk about that a little bit, yeah, but. And then single men, Holly, termed unicox. For obvious reasons, bull is another term.

That's a good one. That's yes. However, if you're not in a solid relationship or you're not secure with yourself, you are not going to fit into the lifestyle and you'll be weeded out. So first I talk about what it means, well, actually the back part of it talks about what it means to be in a healthy relationship,

dos and don'ts in relationships. Let's talk about what it means to be in a healthy world. If someone's going, God, I wonder for a healthy enough. Right. This is because this is what I think, from a lot of who we hear from. Yeah, we're thinking about having a threesome, we've been together, wow, we've a kid,

we're not, you know, Texas has been that gray lately, we're just gonna, I'd say don't do it. Yeah, don't do it. Right, so what is, how, what do you define a healthy relationship in your, I believe it's, it's all, it all comes down to communication

and good communication because you can say, oh yeah, we're great communicators, but then you don't tell your partner anything. Or you just talk about the daily stuff. Not about your feelings or, or things like that. So we, I mean, we, pretty much had a good relationship from the start. Because we're so, we're both so open with each other.

You look at unicorn relationship. I don't even know any other relationship like you guys. And the unicorn is a term they use because unicorns are mythical creatures. So I'll get back to the relationship thing in a second. With the reason we call a single woman in the lifestyle who's interested in no strings attached, NSA, casual sex is because it was believed they don't exist.

Oh, there's a lot of women. Emily, you know, a lot of women, I'm sure that you know that I've been unicorn. You've been a unicorn. That enjoyed and being with a couple, you know, you asked about three sims. One of the first things and it's in here is for a successful three sim to occur, I believe you make it about the sex and only the sex. Holly and I are 100% emotionally monogamous. Physically though we play.

And it's only about the sex. We're not falling in love with that person. We're not, I mean, we text for play dates and stuff, but we don't, oh my gosh, how you feeling today? What are you doing? Was it good? Yeah, was it good? Things personal things that we shouldn't be asking someone that's just doing? Was it good? Yeah, was it good?

Things personal things that we shouldn't be asking someone that just ran into those boundaries. I was here, here boundaries. And even you asked, what's a healthy relationship? There are boundaries in a healthy relationship. We're in such a digital society today. I mean, I love when you and I talk. I look at some people though that to me, you're healthy.

On a healthy people, in my opinion, are the ones that say, you know, though that to me, you're healthy. The unhealthy people in my opinion are the ones that say, you know, around that digital corner, be this website, or that website that's for dating, I'll find someone new. So we have a problem. We're going to break up now. Exactly. It's too easy. And now let's say you're in a relationship to be healthy,

learn how to squash jealousy. What is causing jealousy? And if I know your, your buttons, and I start pushing them, I'm wrong. If I don't know your buttons, in my opinion, you're incorrect for not showing. Because I've even told you that it makes me smart. Right. And jealous when this happens. And so, Lauren, can we just go back to learning to squash jealousy?

Because I think there's a lot of couples that would be interested in this, but they're like, or they just say, no way. If I sound my partner having sex with someone else, I have no constitution physically to handle that, or emotionally. Or emotionally. Mostly is emotionally, or physically, like I might break down, but how do you squash it? Well, maybe you want to start.

I think that, I mean, it takes time and it takes trust in the person that you live. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, jealousy is normal. Yeah. I mean, as somebody who's a singer in the lifestyle for as long as I have been, and even as successful as Holly and I are,

as lifestyle people, as swimmers, we still experience that twinge of jealousy for a time to time. So I don't want anyone to think that once you're in the lifestyle, you'll never be jealous. Right. It's normal. Okay, go ahead, I'm sorry, baby.

Well, to go along with your lines, there are certain people, like I still get jealous, but it's certain people that kind of rub you the wrong way or they're getting too attached to you or they're the person or they're just inappropriately. I don't think that jealousy as much as it's uncomfortable. Maybe. And then you tell me in my style. I think it goes both ways though.

And I say, you know, I'm getting a little jealous about her. And you know what? He's just like done. He's just like, she's blocked. She's gone. I know he's like, I'm blocking her from Facebook and Andrew. She's done. Right. Also, when you reflect on how from Facebook and Instagram. She's done.

Right. Also, when you reflect on how your past relationships went, I don't, I stopped dating virgins when I was a sophomore in college. Right. The purpose of because of the emotional attachment they get today, we don't want a date of virgins, so to speak. Right. If someone had never been in a relationship, they're not going to know what went right and

what went wrong. Right. So when you start to recognize your past experiences and what your trigger points are, it is innate. Listen, if you go back anthropologically, I'm sure you've read Sex Adon and a lot of people have it. It's a wonderful book. It's their view on it. We were not created or programmed or evolved to be monogamous. I agree. And that doesn't mean that you have to go sleep around. I believe the true open relationship is not when you share your partner with others.

It's when you share yourself completely with your partner. And then at that point, you and Ros can decide. Holly and I can decide. I'm not used to this here, right. Right, exactly, right. But it's jealousy. You've got to understand your trigger points.

And all right, what is it I'm jealous? Am I jealous or actually insecure that I'm going to lose something I have or that I lost jealous or actually insecure that I'm gonna lose something I have or that I lost something in the past that I don't ever wanna lose again? Right, abandonment. abandonment, right. So the second I see someone else,

it's gonna be like, oh my God, or she hotter. What are the physics we had with all of her insecurities? Like, is she better than me? Oh my God. Right, like watching someone else, you were like, God, I didn't do never touch his balls like that. I mean, do you know what I'm doing? That's kind of things.

I don't know. I think at the moment it's just so hot that someone I mean, do you think that's kind of things? I don't know. I think in the moment, it's just so hot that someone, like he gives me great pleasure and now he's giving someone else great pleasure and because I trust him so well that that girl's going home, I'm with him. See? And I understand how people can get really insecure about that

and oh my gosh, is he gonna fall in love with her? Is he gonna do this? Or is she, or is she? Or is she, yeah, it's going both ways, but I don't ever get that. And if I do start to get that little tingling, I just immediately tell him. It's not I don't. I don't.

I don't. Yeah, because it's not his fault. I just tell him and he's like done. So it's almost like you're observing him going, well, that's amazing that he gives me pleasure and it's almost like if he was like a lawyer and you watch him and like doing a trial. That's so hot. How he's like looking at.

Show orgasm watching the other woman orgasm while being with me sexually. Cause I'm also paying attention to Holly, it's not just one. Except the times, there are times she'll say, just focus on her completely, I'm getting off right now. And there are times if she's with a man,

I would say the same thing, because I enjoy, I'm a straight man, any guy that, or a couple, we really don't play with single guys, any couple we'd be with as a straight man to, or at least respects that I am. there's pleasure you know if if I were to say you can't play with men now pockets Holly said what's your name in pockets? I'm sorry guys it's a listen to swing you have to listen to the show and what do you say you're far

more I'm more I'm far more by than guy I like women yeah beautiful I know right so I get it you know let's say you and Ross and Helen, I got together. However, you're very bisexual, if you are, and pockets. So if the just the two of you played, that was it. That's hot. Right.

And if Ross is touching you and I'm touching Holly, that's hot. We just have to make sure you're in rhythm, though, because if we're both behind you, Doggy Style, and you're like punching teeth, that's not fun. That's the good time. That's the point, man. Right.

Exactly. Okay, I got it. That's good. That's's not fun. That's the point. That's the point, man. Right, exactly. Okay, I got it. That's a good vision. That's hot. That is a hot vision. You're a hot guy. I like it. Yeah, I do too. Yeah.

Okay, so, right, that's good. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that.

I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. I like that. But what about, okay, so, another thing is people who are like, a lot of people are, I think, more than ever now, looking at nominogamy, an option. But there's also polyamorous relationships. I think that could be really confusing for people like because people in polyamorous relationships, you know, have a primary partner and they do develop feelings and have emotions and attachments for others. And so what do you think draws in just your personality type or do you think people get confused by

that ever? I think it's a personality type. I personally couldn't do myself, but I Praise those that can I don't yet and I have an issue when anyone and you're not saying that though We've had these debates. We welcome them on our show I remember having this discussion with a couple on the new which is now canceled bricky lake show is myself Dan Savage and Simone B.N. who you know yeah? It there's no hierarchy in the sexual alternative life Okay, polyamory swinger lifestyle BDSM King thumbs up There's no hierarchy in the sexual alternative life. Okay? Polyamory, Swinger, Lifestyle, BDSM, King, Dom, Stuff. Polyamory to me, the way I simplify it, is with Swing,

you're falling in like, with polyamory, you may fall in love. And like Holly said, there's nothing wrong with that. It's just different strokes for different folks. We've had polyamory come- Literally, right. Yeah, we've had literally in how much you can stroke, never. And with the sipping, you can do a lot. Well, with the sipping, you can stroke a lot, never.

That's true. That damn sipping has moves that are amazing. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. So I go back to that though. I get a little upset when a polyamorous couple has said to us, well, you know, you're just like animals.

You sleep with anybody. No, we don't. Right, you tell like you just go there. Like, who's a free right now, you take a number, that couple were, yeah. You were there. Yeah. There are beautiful couples there.

There were, to me, a nine, I don't like to use numbers. A nine can become a three pretty quick. And a five can become an eight because of personality. Right. So we are getting to know you a little bit. There are people that have sports sex. Right, for sure. That's not Holly and I.

No, you guys go there and you get to. We get to know you a little bit. We're more social swingers than sexual swingers. And it's not like anybody can go to these, because everyone has to know the rules ahead of time. Like it's not just like, if people are emailing like, how can I go?

How can the law of the school have a Holly and Michael? Like you have to, it's really just single women and couples, right? It's a single men, if you're interviewed first, because again, the perception of a single guy is that he's just gonna be looking to get laid. Right. And the thing is right which he is but he has a lot of people are just observing and that's fine too. Did you talk to Daniel Stern, Swingland? Yeah, you guys introduced me.

That was a great show. You guys check it out. And I, yeah, I mean you're amazing in all your shows. So what I love about Daniel is and he'll tell you a guy that looks like Brad Pitt gets almost no action. He looks like Pat Noswald. The comedian, he's a little better looking to Pat Noswald, and he gets the action all the time. Because of his personality. He's such a good guy, and he's so respectful. Yeah, he does get it. He wrote the book. Now you write this book because you think it is so confusing for people how to navigate it? For that, to answer a lot of questions that people, you know, when you speak,

you can have a thousand people sitting there, you ask if there's questions, nobody raises their hand. That's true. Then you're stuck for two hours after answering, and I don't mean stuck in a bad way, you're answering one off questions, it's now all in the book.

And they're nervous to ask it, and our publicist or Holly herself literally have to pull me away. I'll stay and answer all of them. And we're nervous to ask it and our publicist or Holly herself literally have to pull me away. I'll stay and answer all of them. And I do it on the same way. No, I did this party the other night and like it was silence. It was like, it was like a party.

It was helping this, you know, it was like 25 women and they were like staring at me and like, well, here's toys, here's no way to questions. And then I go to leave and they're like, come here. Yeah. So I don't want to have sex with my husband and I don't, you know, it's everything. And I'm like, oh my gosh. So to write this is like you said, it's, you know, six pillars of a healthy relationship. How to go from icy to spicy.

Then you're happy. Because if you have cracks, if you and Ross, for example, were having issues, I would not advise going to a party because if you're not having sex or fun sex together, going to a party and having sex with us. That's not gonna be that. Exactly. It's gonna hurt you. Right, exactly.

I totally get it. So, but yeah. Do you remember that scene? I'm sorry, I wanna ask you. Do you remember that scene because you brought this up to Holly? The movie airplane. Do you remember the movie airplane? When the husband and wife are sitting there, the flight attendant comes up and says, would you like a second cup of coffee?

He said, yes. And the wife in her head said, I don't remember him ever having a second cup of coffee. You can't do that in the lifestyle. Because different is not better or worse. Different is different. Right. And that's what makes a lifestyle so fun. Have you ever seen no couples like what are some of the pitful?

Like it's already coming. Like oh, there they go. This is the common thing that comes up at some parties. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't say the common thing that comes up at parties, but I know that are personally personalities and attitudes. Yes. One woman just goes crazy or one man is like,

oh my God, I can't see you do this. And they're okay with it at first. They go there and they're having a good time and then someone just blows up. Right, because in reality, you think about it, but you're there, you're like, it's a fantasy. You sometimes you want to keep them in your head and sometimes you want to live them out.

We're talking about safe words, because if something like that happens, don't cause a scene, use a word, or don't give a look. We had that on season one of swing and one woman got mad. There were a newbie couple, which means they'd never been in the lifestyle. You should have known. He said, I can't, I don't know. Maybe you had constipation. I don't know. You don't know.

Right. You can't just know. It is. Also, you get, you get a sense and your intuition kicks in. I believe women, no, no offense to my gender. You women have a much better intuition than we do. I believe women, no offense to my gender, you women have a much better intuition than we do. What we do? You know when somebody is there to replace somebody.

We can tell when a guy is looking to replace his wife for the woman he's with, or a woman's their scouting or recruiting maybe, and this though is better for my gender. Guys, we applaud each other when you're in a good relationship. A lot of women we see in and out of lifestyle. Well, if that guy is happy with her and she's happy with him, I can make him happier and we'll try to steal them a bit. Chelsea and competition. You must get it because Holly, you're beautiful. You're a tractor man. You guys must have a lot of that. We've more so.

We don't even deal with it. I know you think you're right. You're like, I see that. I mean, really it's a way. You don't have to even someone I'd want to be with. Not in something you want to be around. And you hear stories. oh, this person falls in love over and over and over, and whether it's the man or the woman, it's just not healthy. And they're not happy. And then they go to try and replace something that's missing.

The lifestyle, I look at it this way. Holly is, you know how they say icing on a cake? No. Holly is the cake and the icing and the frosting and the little flowers on top. Ali is the cake. If we were just happy with that, we're lucky enough to have you or your producers in the bed with us.

Look at her, no way. How vast her boyfriend will be. You are then that layer of frosting in the middle. I don't need that frosting in the middle. I don't need a two layer cake. No need it, but you're going. I'm like, yeah, more frosting. Yeah, could you like, I just thought there was a script.

Oh, that's the thing. Yes, that's sex either have his Holly. And then incredible sex with you is possible because Holly is giving permission. And that's to us what it is. It really, and you can tell couples about it. I mean, there's so many mind-foot people who are thinking like, I'm sure listening going,

God, there's just, it doesn't make any sense. There's no way they can't be, I mean, it's just I think people just get mind blown that it can happen They do and they think how was your monogamous life cells? And I just want to think like how's that going for you Like you guys having interesting sex Which we hear from every day couples are not and they're not communicating. They're not talking what they want And so that's not really might be working for you either so when the CDC did a recent study and I talk about this a lot It was I think, three years ago and they were looking at open relationships and monogamous relationships and the incidents

of sexually transmitted infections. Let's not kid ourselves. SCDs, it's 2015, not that we should talk about it, but rapid. Right. Come on. Everyone's right. No one's to blame if you don't, whether it's pregnancy or STI's, STDs. They looked at it and they found statistically significant double digit

difference. The open relationships had a lower rate of STDs than monogamous. Now when you, and you know this as a researcher, when you ask the couple or the individual's anonymous, you're doing it individually, not as a couple, open or monogamous, then it takes you down another path. One of the last questions for the monogamous people, have you or are you currently cheating on your partner? 47% of them? Yes. So if you're willing to do one risky behavior, you're willing to do more, which is unprotected sex. Yeah, that's true. And when you ask, well, aren't you guys freaks? No, we like to get freaky. We're not freaks. And what you're hearing here is possible for everybody

as you witnessed with Ross, as long as you're willing to talk. Sure. And they might even help couples talk. I mean, I long as you're willing to talk. Sure. And they might even help couples talk. Oh, I mean, I'm not saying you got to jump into it. Right. I mean, that's the thing on the show, because we do get so many emails a week for people, and so much of it, they can tell me their whole life story.

And it's like, they can't talk, but they just can't talk to the part about it. They just can not communicate. And so, what are some good communication tools you think for couples to explain to them, even just to start talking about sex? Because there's couples who've been together for years and they can't talk about it. So asking, Michael came up with a 12 minute rule. You should just sit down for 12 minutes

and just talk about it. Talk about it? Yes. Just 12 minutes. No bills, no kids, no nothing. Oh, anything. Talk about something. Just talk, yeah, but you don't,

you're at thinking for a minute. Don't Talk about something. Yeah, but you don't, you're at, thank you, honey, for reminding me that. Don't talk about bills, problems, work, kids, family, nothing. Talk, talk about a movie if you want. Something you heard funny if you want. And it starts to take those walls down, I found. Another thing, and I suggest doing it at least three times a week. I'd love everyone to do it every day.

Pockets and I try to do that in the morning and in the evening. We just have fun, Holly. And I just open up and share. The other thing is I also believe you should ask your partner three questions once a week. Just any three questions. Because you start to bring walls down. I believe in a fantasy box, which is difficult,

because there's only two of you. Sure, you're going to know whose fantasy it is. But the rule up front is we don't judge. The biggest thing I heard when 50 Shades came out. The reason so many men and women felt comfortable sharing with their partner, not Holly, you know, no offense, Holly didn't like the book that much. What I loved about it was that it got people talking.

That's the only thing I like about it so much. It gave them a route to go with our show on TV and radio. A lot of people have used it as that catalyst. Because truth is, you bring up something that's not the norm and the partner typically freaks out. Couple days later, they'll come back and say, let's talk about it. It's just the matter of beginning the conversation.

The other way to do it is to say, I would like to share with you things I share with my best girlfriend and my best guy friend. Because there's nothing, my phone is unlocked by Holly. Right? There's nothing in her, she can't see. Right. So there's nothing I'm sharing with anyone else that I haven't already or will share with Holly.

And I believe when couples hold, you know, when you have a secret, you know there's a reason you have that statement. Right. You're just a sick as your secret. There you go. I love her. Yeah, that's true. So the fantasy box, so let's say a couple, they're like, we've never talked about sex

life. Right. I've never had no orgasm with my partner. We've been together and I've been faking or whatever they've never done it So usually they sit down and they each like right like it's kind of like Five fantasies. Yeah, right on five fantasies each you put them in the box you shake the box up Maybe one night a month maybe one night a week You pull something from the box and you agree you're gonna do it that night. Well eventually Maybe it's anticipation

We can or the conversation gets to conversation. That's not my thing, but maybe if we use exactly right, you know, more loop with that, that'd be fun. You didn't mention loop. Yeah, there you go. More loop. We know people, for example, lose this couple of she has fantasized about what's known as a gang being. She's her having sex with multiple men. Her husband didn't know, and we encourage them to talk.

And she told him, to date they've had the best sex they've ever had, they've never done the ginkeng, which she wanted to do, was live it out in a fantasy with him. So while they're having four play, and while they're having actual sex penetration, they talk about it. He understands that it's not to replace him, it's just something she always wanted to do. Right, so he's like, hey babe right now, this other guy, like, he explains it, yeah, I've had that. He's like, yeah, it's hot, it's not to replace him. It's just something she always wanted to do. Right, so he's like, hey babe, right now, this other guy,

like, it explains it. Yeah, I've had that. Yeah, it's hot. It's totally, so yeah, he would be like, oh, right now, these guys, they want you. It's so hot. And so she's kind of like experiencing it. Yeah, that's a little bit of a off-screen.

And he's gonna use toys to replace, you know, it's on set of his penis at that point. Now it's a toy that's somebody else. And they've gone that way. And there's, you know, like airtight. But there's something better for it. Because they opened up, not Pandora's Box, but like the good Pandora's Box.

Right, exactly, no, you're absolutely right. It's just opening it up. It doesn't have to be, people are just so afraid about being judged. That's it. You know, the part is not gonna love him anymore, but if you are in a healthy place, you know, and if you're not getting the second,

you have nothing to lose at this point. Nothing to lose at this point. If you are suffering in your sex life, you have nothing to lose this point if you're suffering in your sex life You have nothing to lose by not sharing what it is you want and maybe you don't know exactly what you want either Like I think some women sometimes men Or so it was like I've never even actually found a star. I've never so start like you don't listen to your show or read this book Welcome to the lifestyle that you get at your website. Now that ours good the X Club dot com the X Club X Club dot com watch porn with it, whatever it is.

Another great introduction. Watch on adult content. It's free. Exactly. Oh my gosh, it's free. You get them, you don't have to talk. You're like, would you find hot in that scene? That's a good, you just need something else as a catalyst.

But first, speaking of catalysts, little segue here into the Magic Wand. Oh, the Hattachee. That was the star of our TV show by the way. Was it? Oh, the Hattachee Magic wand was the star of swing. People were using it all of a- Oh, the time.

They were everywhere, and everyone had to fight over them. They loved those things. Oh my God, do you know that it's unplugged this year, that it became rechargeable? Did you guys get one of those? I thought I had them sent you one. I think you did. Yeah.

OK. It's like, you know, we have so many toys. You're like, oh, no, no, we love all the highlights. We like practicing. Right. It's fine. So this is their 30th year. And they've decided to come unplugged.

Take it out of the wall. You can take it anywhere you want right now. It is the, why is it so great? Why do you think it was so crazy? Happy popular in your show. It can go longer than our tongues. It can, and it's a good one. It can go longer and harder.

Yeah, it's a good one. And now you're a fan of clitorial stimulation. Yes, completely fan. So instead of an internal, you prefer external choice. I prefer external. Yeah, me too. The women on set, all of the resident couples, the women and the newbies.

And the guys. And it's easy to use for the other partner as well. Your partner can hold it and use it at the same time. Exactly. And the wand is so long too if you're not holding the right way. I love by the way when a woman, whether it's Holly or any woman we're playing with, moves my head a little bit or moves my hand if I'm using my fingers in her. Right.

You don't have to verbally tell me you can show me what you enjoy. Right. When you touch you magic wand, you can want it in the right spot. If your man is using it on you or a woman is using it on you as a woman, you can help them guide where you want it. Exactly. And then you've got the controls with speed. It gets you that right.

And the new one has the four different, it's not just the on and off. It's like the four different levels of penetration. Love it. Yeah, it's pretty awesome. That is cool. So go to magic wand rechargeable.com if you're just only if you're ready to go and plug. Check it out. You will love it. Do you guys play with other toys? Mostly. Yeah. I like Clotero. Me too. Me too. Yeah. See if I have Ovo. Not that I mean you can cut that out if you can't. Yeah. No, no, we

have. I love you. I love Ovo too. But I love the We vibe. The, um, there's so many. The tango, the touch. Yeah. Have you guys, the color so many, the tango, the touch. Have you guys used the touch? I don't know. Oh my god, you. I'll start out. I don't know. What's your about control when I can control?

Oh my god, oh my god, the, I'm sorry. That's a Wevibe, um, the, the four plus. Four plus, four plus. I love that one. Yeah, that one's like, do you use it as a, traditionally, do you wear it during intercourse? Do you, sir? I did once and I don't, I like it.

I like using it on myself though. You like, have me on her and then I can control it. You could be on vacation on a work trip. You would probably be on vacation with her. And then yeah, you may hate babes tonight. It's great for long distance relationships. You can control it. But yeah, the touch is really awesome because it's kind of like goes in your palm of your hand and it's yeah, I love it because Lori over there and I had never had it. She only had one orgasm. She never had multiple. Wow. And she checked at home and came back the next day and had like five I think. Oh my god.

When I like about that, you love grinding. I do. And because of this, the nerves at the end of the puberty or you know, in that area. Yeah, the try-humping. Try-humping. She likes it. So do you, is that you land top of it? Yes. See, I should do that more. You go. I love it.

I know. That's for play too. Not if the toys there or if I'm downstairs doing research or something, she'll grab one of the toys to get herself going and then text me, hey, you might want to come up here now. I don't understand this, but there's still so many stigmas when Justin hit and was on the show six saying, oh, he might whore, but he doesn't get it. They're like, really still people don't get it.

It's security. I think it's got more to do. Are you going to replace me with that toy? No, it's looking at ad. Yeah, you have great sense. I'm sure you guys would be able to explain it. I played quarterback. I played quarterback in high school.

And college, I was a linebacker. As a quarterback, though, I can't succeed if I don't have a good line in front of me and a good running back and fall back behind me and wide receivers in tight ends. To me, the toy is my wide receiver, my tight end, my, it's protecting me from having to do all the work. I'm out sourcing. I feel like it's like in Canada.

Let's say Canada's freaking freezing, you know that. It's like going to your car, warming it up first before you actually get in it. It's the button you push to get it warmed up. Right. Women need to be warmed up. I do. I don't, it's not. Sometimes you like the WAM band. Sometimes you're good sometimes.

Yeah, but I need to be warmed up. Right. I need to be touched and caressed. I know. I love that. I love touching and caressing. But okay, so how do you guys handle that? When you're with other couples and you're not doing it, because to me, it's very intimate

to cuddle after. To cry. That's really great question. That's where rules and boundaries come in. Now we know people that have a rule of no kissing. We call that the pretty woman rule, remember her character. Totally. That's what I think in my brain too. We don't play with couples that have that rule because we both enjoy kissing.

Yeah. Now we don't cuddle with other people because that's just like you said, true intimate. A lot of couples don't. What's interesting though is when Kim and what's his name? Rob. Yeah. They've come on the show. They use their own name so we can share it.

Okay. He loves the cuddle after sex. She hates it. So when they swap, she finds somebody that won't touch her after and he finds somebody that'll cuddle. But they've talked about it. Right. Exactly.

It's almost like anything that you want, you could have. If you have good communication with your partner It's like you need to, because so many of our people in monogamous relationships are just hoping that the partner will change You'll come around sexually, let's just talk about sex and maybe they won't but maybe you could find someone else And you guys will both be okay with both personal cuddling me and there, you know For example, Holly does not enjoy anal anything. And I like giving anal sex. So when we play- She's like, great outsource, I don't know.

Exactly, outsource. She's an ass fray. I'll be back. Exactly. And what I believe you know, because we've talked about it is I will never leave Holly for a woman that does everything and anal sex because they're not Holly. Right.

So it's fun. Right, that's where the 100% emotionally monogamous comes in. Having anal sex with London or one of our play dates, that's fun. Right. That's where the 100% emotionally monogamous comes in having anal sex with London or one of our play dates That's fun But this is my my one and only this is my bride. So that's where you're right outsourcing is fun Everyone does it exactly Exactly, no right every successful business out Yes, a lot of our sourcing in China. You don't have to do that. You can do it.

You can just do it right here. Party, exactly. So what about sexually, would you say, is there anything, obviously, I'm sure it's, you guys have always been in a lifestyle since you got together, but would you think it just, that's what always keeps it interesting? You think that's one of the benefits too,

is that it's just. The people keep it interesting. I could physically, when I say I could leave the lifestyle tomorrow physically, what I mean, I could stop having sex with other people, pockets could stop having sex with other women and other men. I would not be able to leave the mental emotional side, the friends we make. You saw those people there. They're just they're so outgoing. They're so nice and no one's trying to inappropriately grab you. And if they are, you're at the wrong party. So I don't believe it's a little...

That's a thing that inappropriate people think it is, but yeah. Not at all. Here's what's great. Ross and I went to the bar to get a drink for you and Holly that night. Nobody bothered you. Nobody.

In fact, it was the only place on earth that you've ever been with. I got along with Holly was wearing like mesh. I was so not as successful as I was. You looked gorgeous too. You and that will skimmy tank top off. That was really good. That was hot.

I remember that. Do you know what I'm saying, though? If we would have gone to this place or that place here in Hollywood, and Ross and I went to get you guys drinks. Two seconds later. They might have like, yeah, drugged you up and taking you out.

Yeah, sure. It was so polite and so great. I loved it. So we're going to do that again. It's on our desk. How do you guys feel about helping me answer some emails for some people, some listeners here who I think you could they could really benefit from your knowledge

Okay, thank you for emailing me feedback at sex with Emily calm I love hearing from you and I also love when you include your name you can fake the name But tell me where you are listening from and how old you are and also how you listen Okay, Emily my fiance and I have been together for a little over five years now We have a child together and she's another. They are four and eight. I'm 25 and let's face it. I'm your typical guy. I love sex and everything in between. I guess I have a two-part question. How much sex is realistic for a couple per week?

In my opinion, our sex life is dull. It's always the same unless we've had a few drinks. She doesn't like new things, doesn't like to go down to me, even though she knows I like it And I go down in her constantly and she makes sex really awkward any advice the relationship is already struggling But I don't know how much more of it to the second handle. Thanks so much. I love your podcast and everything you write and put out Tim So Tim They've got two kids they've been together and he wants first of all everyone asks is what's normal for sex per week

I mean, there's no normal you don't want to be statistical I mean you don't you don't want to be the statistical normal average in the United States Which is what I think one point two times what point two is that were you owe somebody Like I almost gave you a blowjob Tip just a tip right just a hood I I agree with you. I think you have to communicate on what's normal for both of you right because you can come to that together You can come to that realization of like if but but if he wants five times we can she wants one Well, then it's it's compromise. I believe though, and it's another thing I respect about you

There's some people in our business that okay, here's the thing in my opinion Tim somebody can teach you Okay, here's the thing in my opinion Tim somebody can teach you Because you do this like we do this and you do both sides. I only do one second you can learn how to have a better orgasm You can learn how to finger someone better with kind of links or give a better blowjob so to speak if you're not happy at home It ain't happening So what I love what you do and what we do is I look at the sexy psychological side of it. There's something else going on there Yeah, 100% there is something else going on there that's manifesting in no sex.

Because when she's not happy, when Holly's not happy with me, I won't touch him with a 10-foot pole. Yeah, exactly. And it's true, we shut down, man, half of it. And so do men. I mean, as much as I love when she goes down to me, I would not come up. If I could breathe out of my ears,

I'd never come up between your legs. I love it that much. And if you're not enjoying it, just tell me. My point is, I believe that you must talk about what's going on emotionally, like you said earlier, like you say when I hear you talk and I listen to your show and like we say, because that's to me the root there. That's, you could be asexual. Right, right. Doubt it.

But there's other things going on. And I feel like he's the guy who's going, you know, I go down and you, why are not getting blow jobs? Like, that's the last way you're going to get to. No. And that's where we call taking you. You go back to the lifestyle, never take one for the team. I would never ask Holly, Hey, let's go hook up with this woman or that couple because I want to be with her. Why don't like them? Do it for me. That's taking that. That builds resent. And that's what he made Tim maybe doing is she's getting resentful. The way he might be even approaching it too. And they have kids he might not be taking care of her needs.

He might be able to help her with what she needs. He might not feel nurtured just because he needs blow jobs. She might need him to empty out the dishwasher, you know, or whatever. He's a potential support. Is he dead? He said how do, especially at this time when you're just giving presents to each other, how do you make sure you know your partner knows that you love them?

I'm like, it's the little things. Without just material, yeah. Putting your clothes off, the underwear off the floor, putting away the dishes, things like that, that tells me you love me because I'm stressed about this and you're stressed about this. So find ways to help each other, not just in bed, exactly. I do think, I mean, no, it's not kid ourselves.

Sex is important. If Ross wasn't providing sex, really sexually all the other stuff might be okay But if you're not getting what you need sexually. Yeah, you need to have that talk right game over right it's over That's true. So yeah, I think Tim just like you know reduce her stress take things off her plates Or to talk to her communication as a lubrication Tim I don't know that you've talked or in a way that Maybe the most productive if you're like I'm not getting BJs. That's not gonna tell us. She's beautiful during the day that those pants look great on you Yeah, she may have

Two kids the guys understand that either this is what I was saying I said to rock I was like just cuz I know you think I might just sometimes be nice to I've never been with it because I always required it And it's not like I'm so insecure and I it's just you want to hear that as a woman like you just want to hear like You know I'm going to him into you. I'm you know, so she never does. Yeah exactly. Oh, we go through a lot Yeah, I did not wake up like this. You know, I don't know you gotta come spend the night. We'll find out Exactly. Oh, that's a lot going on. Who's get this over with the show? Um, yeah, okay, so sex we got another email You talk about sex with a selfish lover. Uh, hi, Emily first of all, we got another email. You're talking about sex with a selfish lover. Uh, hi, Emily.

First of all, I just want to say your advice. It's amazing and helpful. And I wish there were more people out there like you who seek to educate people about sex. In a positive, healthy, and pleasurable way. Hi, Michael here. They do that too. You are awesome. Anyway, I'm 22 from Massachusetts and I've been our main, main, and I've been in a relationship

with my boyfriend for a little over two years now. He's my first boyfriend and we started dating freshman year in college. However, he has a few things about him that bugged me and make it really hard to be in a relationship with. He's so much selfish, insensitive, and has been that way all his life. He tries hard to understand, uh, understanding, and I can see that, so I try not to push him, but when it comes to sex, it's a little scary for me to try to get him to focus on more. He's only the second guy I've had sex with, and I've yet to come during sex.

I know it's sad. I just want our sex to be better because I love him, and I don't want to break up with him because of the sex. Just wait. This gets into more interest. I've tempted to cheat all the time, and I don't even really feel bad for about it. I've been pretty sexual from middle school on and I have to basically rely on masturbating

but my boyfriend isn't even that sexual person. I could have sex twice a day, he's not like that. I know that he watches porn sometimes but he's told me before that he can go a year without sex. I know this is so loaded that it's almost like, whoa, whoa, I don't have two hours to live. Exactly. Help, I love him but I'm scared to introduce him to my freaking ass.

Thanks, Daisy. I know. I kind of broke it down. I want to replace him as to you because there was a lot going on. So Daisy got a lot of going on. This is what she's told us in this brief email. You've been together two years.

He's selfish and his whole life, apparently. You've never had an orgasm with him. You haven't shown him your freaky side. And you're afraid to talk to them about your sexual needs. Oh, and you're considering cheating. These are just to get out of that relationship. Yeah. Never mind. I mean, that's not a healthy relationship. I'm miserable. Yeah.

You get therapy, figure some stuff out, and don't cheat. No. You don't want to cheat on them. I just say, is your first boyfriend, too? You know, when you're young, it's your first boyfriend, you're attached. You don't want regret later. Oh, I shouldn't have been with him. I wasted two years. You know what? I looked at this way with my first wife. If I say any longer, I'll waste more time. Yeah. Not a waste. I didn't waste time. I learned. You learned. You learned. Right. And if she's masturbating all the time, I would think that she could teach him what to do. Mietro masturbation. Mietro masturbation. Use his hand.

You guide his hand. Allow him to show you show him how you want to be pleasure right now If he's that selfish though you guys, I feel like she's not telling him Every time she hasn't communicated at all so we create all these things in our mind and we've never I do that so that I'll But thank God I have to go girlfriend so I'll be like this and this like have you ever told them even I'm like, oh no, I guess, you know, and then you just talk about it. And it's, you know, sometimes. So easy to share with someone else

what to do than for us to do. So easy. And that's how we have our friends because they're like, wait, Emily, back up. So yeah, I think that you just, you know, you could try talking to him being honest, but also it's been two years and she hasn't let her freak flag fly at all.

I wonder, too. I will always say T-TLC, trust, talk, listen, communicate. Is she listening to him, too? There could be something she's missing, as some of us as he is, what is he telling you? Because if he really is that bad, come on you guys, get out of that relationship. Yeah, right.

Let your free flag fly, be single for a while, be a unicorn in the lifestyle. Yeah. Listen to more sex with Emily, listen to Swing with Holly and Michael, and you, I mean, seriously, get out, learn, have fun. Well, we had a couple of friends, this in the lifestyle, and they were married

very young, I think first boyfriend girlfriend, and got married and had a baby and everything and they didn't know each other, were freaks, they would go masturbate to porn by themselves. And one day it just got to the point and they said, I'm doing this and he says, I'm doing this and they're like, what do we do?

What do we do together? What do we do it together? And ever since then it's been amazing. That's the thing, it's just that talking and it's like, I do we do? What do we do together? What do we do it together? And ever since then, it's been amazing. That's the thing. It's just that talking. And it's like, I always say this, it's like a ribbon banded off. You just got to do it.

I could tell you how to, but just do it feel comfortable and just say it. And if you're with someone who loves you and respects you and you can find your language, it's better than not talking about it. And get out now if it's not right. Right. I mean, you don't, I-

You're wasting both your time. I had a daughter. You had a son with your first marriage. They were my ex is a wonderful person.'s not right. Right. I mean, you know, I- You were wasting both your time. I had a daughter. You had a son with your first marriage. They were, my ex is a wonderful person. Just not right for me. And you've got to know, you're not a failure. Right. Daisy's not a failure if she leaves that relationship.

She's a failure of she cheats. Right. To me, she's cheating is based on lies and deceit. Being an open relationship or communicating is built on trust and honesty. Right. Exactly. And 47 people are cheating, on trust and honesty. Right, exactly. And 47% people are cheating, which makes me crazy. So, why is that? Okay, one more, can we have about three some tips?

Would you have some good? Do you say you guys don't have a lot of three-sums? Oh, that's one. That's one. That's one. We have one. Okay, you've already booked. We do, we booked it, too, we go.

Oh no, it was our other guys. We got three-sums. I'm like, what? I don't know, I just sort of passed together two shows. So this is great. My name is Ali. I'm a 23 year old married attorney from Ann Arbor, Michigan. I listened to your show during my long commute from Ann Arbor

to Lansing every day, and I love it. That's where I went to college. I just want to say I totally get back commute sister. My husband and I are young. So we pretty open about trying new things. One of the things he's never done is have a threesome. And he really wants to of course what guy doesn't we've been talking about it for a year and never acted on it And I'm off for it as long as it's someone we aren't great friends with because I feel like it could ruin a friendship and put tension between us Also, we have a one year old and don't want to bring anyone back home with us

That could be awkward coming home and sending the nanny home while we have an extra person with us weird. And having a strange order at our house to have sex with our son is sleeping in his crib, that's not what I want. So how do we find someone to hook up with? And second, where would we hook up? Is it okay to bring someone home with us? I know you're from Michigan, so maybe you know some places to find a third. Thanks.

Yeah, I mean, these people who are in Michigan, I wasn't having three sons then, but. Midwest good people. I spent 16 years in Chicago. Right. They're good people. Couple things to think about. You know, if it's somebody you kind of know

or you've vetted, then bringing them home, send them any home they can meet you after. Not such a bad thing when your old's not going to wake up in the middle. We keep arcing. People ask us, what are your kids know? They don't ask you. They don't know. Because anybody that's not in the you know, people ask us, what are your kids know? They don't. They don't know.

They don't know anything. Because anybody that's not in the lifestyle, it says, well, what are your kids? And I say, when was the last time you had sex? Well, no, no, just answer me. When was the last time? Three nights ago. And then I say, did you tell your kids?

No, you don't need to tell them when and who you're having sex with. Go back to the threesome. Right. First, we pick up a lot. When I say pick up, we meet a lot of women on Bumble, which is a new app and tender Okay, tons of women we have three things with from there also adult friend finder

Cassidy Lifestyle lounge SDC. I'm naming off medical Thunder Thunder we find people but no one has come through yet. Oh, yeah, flaky. I'm fliterious I don't know if they're flaky or they're, they're tend to counts to try and get threander going. Right, right. The ones I just told you about

where people we actually match. Okay, good. We love Threander, we are on Threander and you can find us there if it matches, you know, match up. Three Sims again, it's about the sex. Go to a lifestyle party because you can have a threesome at those. How do they find an image? I'm just wondering.

Like, adult-friendly, would you list it? A adult-friendly, doesnt' have a list that- No, they don't list it. Cassidy lifestyle lounge, S&C. Cassidy was the K. Oh no. They have an events page. It's free. Don't sign up in your area unless you know you're going to do this for profit.

Right. Go to the events page, though. That's free. Find something going on in your area. If you don't want to see something in your area, it's Detroit. How far is Detroit, or Union, not far at all. Whatever it is, drive their go-to-party there,

contact us and we can let you know about the corners. Yeah, I think the big thing is, is you have to let the woman pick. Because you don't be in the woman. If you're gonna be with a woman, you should let the woman pick the partner. Right, because she's not as secure about it. Hold on, as long as the guy's in agreement too.

Oh yeah, yeah, of course. You mean let the the woman pick so do you guys sit there on your phone? Yeah, I want I want you to actually Look at what you guys I was like so you're like her her and then do I how often do I agree? It just agrees it like a 50 50 year. We have the same taste and women. I like you good. Yeah, what is your taste? What is it good looking fun? Yeah, I look good smile. I love eyebrows. I don Yeah, what is your taste? What is it? Good looking fun. Yeah, I look good smile. I love eyebrows. I don't know why.

I love eyebrows. What is your good looking? How do you get to sense for them? It's not necessarily blonde, brunette, big, small, nothing like that. It's just in their picture, are they smiling? Are they photoshopped? Are they those glamour shots? I don't want glamour shots.

Right. I'm not going to make breakfast for you in the morning. Right. And with a threesome, that too. Figure out what the two of you want. Do you want someone who's going to spend the night, or are they leaving after? Right. Where do you want to have this done? You can rent a hotel room.

There's nothing wrong with that. Get a hotel room. A lot of these places, though, be upfront. Let them know what you're looking for. And the other thing I warn though, and I'm not saying she's doing it, this isn't a trap. If you're going to have a threesome with him and another woman, make sure you're doing it because you want to also, not because you later expect him to haveesome with him and another woman, make sure you're doing it because you want to also Not because you later expect him to have one with you and another man. Right. That's not fair See is that common? There's a lot of women who are like what's a double standard? Why can't I have it with the man?

Yeah, right and that's where I I believe a lot of problems arise Where while I let you do it now you have to let me hold on You should have been clear up front. Yeah, not a quick pro Always with with that. Okay. That's interesting. So you guys find the Oh, no, hold on. You should have been clear up front. Yeah, not a quit pro. Not quit pro pro. Always with that. Okay, that's interesting. So you guys find the person together and you have to agree and all that.

And so that's interesting. So what on the profiles? Do you meet the, oh, this is what I ask you the process. So you find someone bumble for example. Yeah, right. And you're like, do you meet up first for a drink? Yes. Yes.

Yeah, wherever. Because what if you don't have chemistry? Right. You meet somebody and you're, yeah, and you tell like, yeah, I can. I can you don't have chemistry, right? You mean some of your yeah, do you tell like yeah? I can I can like up or yeah a lot of times the one we met we call our London We'll just to protect our identity unfortunately a lot of people that are in the lifestyle or enjoy Yeah casual sex and not labeling themselves, you know, they're professionals no matter what they do right they get out

Of they can lose their job. They can be the families and all that so we call London. We have a great time with her. We met her near our house for drinks and everything. She is graphically desirable. Yeah. Yeah. She did. Graphically. My grandma used to say, or GUD. You're graphically undesirable. So they have to drive us. Holly never driving that far. So because remember, if they flake or say, no, I don't care. I have Holly. If we get her to meet them and it's not good, I don't care. I have Holly. Right. If we get there to meet them and it's not good, I don't care. I have Holly. Right. Exactly.

So we meet them and if chemistry is there great tomorrow night, we're meeting somebody new and we're meeting her out. If there's chemistry, great. We'll go back to the house. If not, nope. Right. And we sure custody of our kids. So if anyone was asking or thinking, we have 50, 50 custody

and they're always with us at the same time. Got it. So they're not home. We can do something. Right. Exactly. And they don't, but what about you? You do your swing. They could Google you do swing show. They can't do them home. They have seen pockets as pictorials for playboy because she's posted three times for playboy. Our daughter just now that she's 11 has asked

that Holly not do anymore nude modeling until she's out of high school. Our son it was an uncomfortable conversation when I had with them. We do more. Yeah. It was her ex-husband that said Michael, I think you should talk to our son about, you know, the tutorials, and this was earlier this year, and I said, all right, you don't wanna be there? No, just can you do it? Could you allow the answers? You will.

Yeah. So I did, and all he said was, thanks for bringing him to Starbucks, thanks for getting me my favorite things, really uncomfortable conversation, and I'm happy for my mom that she's proud of herself. And that's it, anything. That's really a boom.

There's knowledge of power, though. So no kids can blackmail him or bully him. Right. Because they seem as monnaked. Tastelessly monnaked. Right. I've seen the taste. I was on Playboy Radio.

What show was that? I was on Sunday. You were on Saturday. Yes, but I actually meant to put, I took a picture of you guys. You're in the hallway at Playboy. There was the hottest picture of you guys. I took a picture and I was.

We're doing new photos tomorrow. Yes, we are. And that's awesome. You're in the hallway. There's the hottest picture of you guys that I took a picture and I was We're doing a new photos tomorrow. Yes, are you? That's awesome. You're actually the commercial for your episode plays during our show. Really? Yeah, we heard you today and I come back on air. I said that was Emily That's a funny. I love it. Well, I were gonna come back on your show as well I would love it and thank you both for being on the show. This was amazing As always per usual and so okay, so this will all be on our website as well, but they can find the main site we want to give out is. HowlayinMichael.com, however playboyradio.com

is where you can find everything about the show. HowlayinMichael.com will direct you there too. Okay, and then the book we can just list the website that they can get it. The X Club. The X Club, and we'll have this on our site too, because you guys really, it's free. You put your email addresses and all the email address and all the questions you have can get it. The X Club. The X Club. And we'll have this on our site too, because you guys really, it's free. You put your email addresses and all the email address

and all the questions you have about the lifestyle. And you're also, did you graduate? Or you're getting your... I'm like, PhD candidate, yeah, psychology. Congratulations on that. That's, I didn't know that you like blew my mind on that. How do you do that as well? I know, I know.

Well, you know what it's like. Come on, you did it. Yeah, I did. You know the struggle. No, it's not though, you know, I'm even more in love with you and proud of you going through the struggle again myself. You guys are both doing so great.

You guys really are an amazing couple. I was like, because we were talking about the show and you don't understand. I know them. I love them. They're amazing. So thank you for being here. It was great. Thank you, Madison, producer Madison.

Thank you, Laurie. And thanks everyone for listening. Also follow us on Facebook and Twitter, which is at Facebook Twitter Instagram is all sex with Emily. Facebook.com slash sex with Emily. We're also looking for social media interns. We're always looking for interns. Email us feedback at sexwithmlee.com.

Or you want to be here. You want to intern here? It's a good friggin time. Have you seen you? Okay, I know. It's a good time. Okay everyone, thanks for listening. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com.

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