Sex With Emily - Swinging, Strip Teases & Sex Scheduling

Episode Date: May 1, 2019

On today’s show, Emily is bringing you an email blitz – taking your emails and Instagram questions to give you the first step of taking back your sex and love life.   She gives advice on how to keep up your stamina when you’re swinging with another couple, sex talk ice breakers to start the conversation on what you like in the bedroom with your partner, tips to get your roleplay going, and whether or not dating a coworker is really a good idea. All this & more!   Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Woo More Play, Adam&Eve, Magic Wand Plus, SiriusXM, Gainswave. Follow Emily on all social: @sexwithemily For even more sex talk, tips, & tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily on today's show and bringing you an email blitz. I'm taking your questions on here and from Instagram to give you the first step of taking back your sex and love life topics include swinging mishaps, how to keep up your stamina when more people are in the mix. Sex talk icebreakers. Start in the conversation on what you like in the bedroom with your partner. Isn't always easy, I get it, but it doesn't have to be stressful. Roll play. It's the one thing you've yet to master and here's a few tips to get you going. And does dating a co-worker ever really work? All this and more, thanks for listening. I love sex. Eyes that mock our secret institutions. Betrubized they call them in a fight on day.

Hey, Evelyn, you got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. The girls got a hair stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common knowledge? What do you mean like laundry?

It's shrink? Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god, I want to feel so drunk. Being bad kidding me? Oh my God, I'm so proud. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships,

and everything in between for more information. Go to sexwithendly.com. Check out our website, all the great things we have happening there to help you have better sex. You can also find us wherever you listen to podcasts. We love when you subscribe or comment. That's awesome. Wherever you listen, Spotify, Google Play, I heard radio. Oh my God, they're everywhere now. iTunes. And you can also find me in series 6M radio, 5 Days a Week, Week Days, stars channel 109 and it's from 5 to 7PM Pacific. And it's awesome. You can get a free trial at sexwithemily.com slash

SXM and you can also find a social media at sex with Emily. Across the board you should definitely find us there. We're coming upon masturbation month. It's a big month around here. It's like our Christmas, it's like our holidays. So you're going to want to follow us because we have some great information for you and some amazing giveaways. Let's get into some sex in the news here. Meet the boring app that spiced up my sex life.

Now, I think that apps for sex is great, like for helping you schedule sex or helping you talk about what you like in bed. Like, there's been some apps that have tried to do that, but I found this so interesting because I thought it would be a little bit inspiration for all of you. So this woman, she's, you know, talks about how she's in a long distance relationship and, you know, admittedly, getting to know a new partner when you're in a long distance relationship when they're across the country can be really challenging. And even when you live with them, how do you actually talk about sex in a way that's really constructive? So you're both can be vulnerable, but also trusting and then open up what you really want.

So she found out when she asked her partner what he was into, in an effort to keep the flame burning from across the country, they're about a month out before getting to see each other again, and she was growing impatient. And her partner felt weird listing all the things he wanted to try with her on the spot, which I get. Sometimes, you know when someone asks you something and it can even be something that you want, all the things he wanted to try with her on the spot, which I get.

Sometimes, you know when someone asks you something and it can even be something that you want. When someone says to me, what's your favorite movie? Or what's the bad, my mind just goes blank sometimes. What's your top favorite? And so she was sex. To look eye to eye was someone you're getting nobody like, oh, well, I'm really into anal, cuckolding, and vlogging.

How about you? Like, it just doesn't roll off the tongue. So she was frustrated and she was looking at her Apple notes. Now, if you have an iPhone, it comes with this notes program, which I love. I use all the time. And recently they updated it and they made it collaborative, which I saw that update.

I'm like, that's pretty cool because I have all these crazy notes in here. I always want to send you guys, I'm like, you'll never understand this. It's like a Google Doc where you can use it collaboratively. So she decided that, you know, she was going to start making a list of things they wanted to try collaboratively. So she decided that, you know, she was gonna start making a list of things they wanna try together.

And so she sent Sheridan with him and then he shared it back and she says, she was like, I'm the train going to work and starts blushing because she's reading all of the stuff that he wants to try. And so it kind of became like this working document where they were kind of writing their own erotic roadmap

to pleasure for when they saw each other again. And I thought, this is so creative, and it's so interesting. And it was like, they already were having great checks, she says, but it was decorating with different toppings, having only a few days together at a time for a while to help make each time different and memorable. So much that, which is that we like to think of our sex life like friends episodes.

You know, this is where we're at. Let's use the, you know, let's use our imagination. So I mean, I'm going to assume you know, they probably wrote about things that happened in the past. Maybe you could continue to kind of like write your sex chronicles. And it's pretty easy to do because it's not like you have to like open up a new dock or like start. I don't know.

I just think there's something very simplistic and very user-friendly about just having it at this app that's on your phone that you can just share notes and back and forth. And then the other thing I like this is because you all email me and you're like, you know, whether you've been with your partner for five minutes or five years,

it's like, we don't know how to talk about it. I'm not really in the mood. What's the problem? Or I don't know how to spice it up. Words, we all know that the brain's the largest sex organ. So if you have just words in front of you that you and your partner created and you get to read it over again,

or like that was hot last time, it just kind of gets you in the mood. It's like, you're doing your own for play by thinking about it and spicing it up and she was like saying she can help them work and then she'd be more turned on. I mean, I think it's just really hot. So, I love that idea. So you can all try that out. I would have her app or whatever document or whatever where you see fit.

But if talking about it doesn't work, write it down. Alright guys, okay, we're going to get into your emails. We're going to do a lot of emails today because we get so many messages from you guys. We get them on Instagram, we get them on Twitter. So this is a combo. Let's get into them. I love answering your questions. And if you want to answer it on the show, you can go to sexelmy.com, click the Ask Emily tab, felt the form and put it. Yes, if you'd like to be called. You can also email me feedback at sexwithelmy.com as always include your name, your age, where

you live, and how you listen to the show. Okay, Jamie is going to read the emails. Okay, this first one comes to us from a Zach 40 in Alaska. Dear Emily, me and my wife had our first sweet experience this weekend. We have a great marriage and great sex life and we did this once before nine years ago but the other combo was all drama.

Anyways, my wife is by and so was the other wife. After the girls put on a great show, that's when the problem hit. We swapped and I was so excited. I only lasted a minute or two while the other guy lasted much longer. I spent the remainder of the time swapping oral and having what fun I could, but I couldn't get hard again, but still had a good time. My question is how do I increase my stamina and deal with the feelings that I didn't measure up to the other guy. I have no problem getting my

wife off on a usual basis. I enjoy giving oral and my wife says, I'm great, but I still feel like a loser. Mm, Zach, I totally get it. Okay, you're not a loser. I'm glad you guys, you know, it sounds like it was a good experience. In the sense of, the girl's gotten a great show. You said you were turned on and then you came too quickly. Well, let's be honest, that's gonna happen. It hasn't, you haven't been with this many people, you know, swapped and it's pretty exciting in nine years. So I love that you came quickly but then you went down and

earned gave her pleasure. To me that's the perfect scenario. And so I think that you got to give up with the fact that you are not at you know this is easier said than done but this is all mindset. I don't think that there is a problem here at all. I don't think that it's even going to happen to you again. I think it was the first time and the more you can get out of your head and just keep remembering like talking to your wife about how hot it is, maybe for the next time you guys could start building it up

and thinking about all the things that are gonna happen, maybe planning out your sexy roadmap for the next swinging time that you're all together. So you're not so focused on, you know, this beating yourself up and not feeling great about the matching up. Listen, as women, we're not looking at you going, why beating yourself up and not feeling great about the you know matching up Listen as women we're not looking at you going why did he come why didn't he come we know that it happens We just know that you were super turn on and sometimes guys come quickly

So I don't think there's anything to trip on I think it's more like when your brain starts going to that place of like what I do What I mess up go back to the hot parts of the night go back to what you can't wait to do with your wife the next time You see her and what you look forward to the next time. Now, if you come again next time, no big deal, you just go back to enjoying the moment and I'm telling you, you might have still been in your head, you said you didn't get hard again. I'm telling you what's your mind that's keeping, if this doesn't happen with your wife,

it's definitely your mind that's going, oh my God, I can't be of that heart. He's hard, why is everyone hard? She's hard, her nipples are hard, I'm not hard, oh my God, game's over be even that hard. He's hard, why is everyone hard? She's hard, her nipples are hard, I'm not hard. Oh my God, game's over. And that's what happens. And that's your sex experience. And that is a lifelong practice that would be through meditation, being mindful,

having some mindful sex experiences with your wife, and then just letting the rest of it go. Makes sense. Sounds like it was a hot experience. Many people would be very envious of that. And it's kind of a many persons dream to have a swinging event, a swinging sex life like that. Oh, yeah So yeah, Zach that's what I got to say just

Really don't trip on it, but then you do ask one more thing. How do I increase my stamina? You you know, we've got a lot of interesting things about how to increase your stamina When you talk about it on the website it is true that doing the edging technique of masturbating until you're about to go over and then slowing down and practicing that. We've got a lot of stuff on our website about that. You can learn about that. There's also permescent, quickly absorbing delay spray, the only treatment for premature adeculation.

You'll last twice as long. As usual, it doesn't transfer to a partner. But you know what? I would just start with trying it again and not getting too much in your head about it because there's nothing wrong. Cool. Okay. So this next one is from Grace, who's 19 in Australia. Hi, Emily.

I started listening to your show and love how informative it is for girls my age because you answer questions. I'm too afraid to ask my mother. Here's my situation. I started dating a guy and I really like him. He's five years older than me and seems to be the perfect guy.

Recently, he told me he was diagnosed with herpes before meeting me from a one night stand, the only ever time he hasn't worn a condom. Hmm, I'm worried about my risk of contacting it from him. I'd like to have sex with him or included, but I'm extremely worried about it, and I've said I don't want to have sex or even kiss him because of this until we know we both want to be long-toned partners, and he respects that. There doesn't seem to be much information about couples where one partner has the virus

and the other doesn't. I don't wanna make him feel like a leper, but I'm also scared of having the virus because it stays in your system forever. Any advice would be great. I'm sure other people must deal with this as well as the one in six people who have herpes. Yeah, yeah, it's true.

And now I guess how do you want to Coachella? Did you hear that? To like Coachella, like Herpes Rampage at Coachella, all the strains, all the things. Here's a tricky thing about Herpes is that, first of all, a lot of people have Herpes. It might even be more than one in six. And yes, you do have it for life,

and you can take a daily suppressant, and a lot of people are just carriers. And he might not have a breakout again. And I'm so glad he was honest with you. I mean, I understand your concern. You're not gonna be able to tell sometimes either, even if he doesn't have an outbreak, you could not going to be able to tell sometimes either, even if he doesn't have an outbreak, you could still get something.

I appreciate that you don't want to make him feel like a leopard because he probably already feels pretty bad about himself, which he shouldn't. It is now the death sentence, but taking precautions, if he's taking a daily suppressant, a daily pill, that would be amazing. You'd have a lot less to worry about and definitely using condoms every single time. Now you can get it through oral sex, that's true. I think it's just more like willing, being willing to take the risk.

That's all I gotta tell you. It is a risk. A lot of people don't know, but if you doesn't have an outbreak, you're probably fine, but pay attention, communicate with him, and find out his treatment plan. Mm-hmm, yes, it's gotta be, he's gotta be doing stuff.

Yeah, I hope he is. You guys are daily suppressants the best way to go. Just take a pill every day, and it's not gonna happen. So yeah, your risk is there. Your risk is there. Just like all of our risk is there. Even people who don't know they have it, and we have sex with them, without condoms, like a lot of us do.

Even though we always should use condoms, we don't. And it's just really, I don't even want to say the luck of the draw. It's just, you just don't know. You really don't know, and you don't sense people get it, and they don't know where they just really I don't even want to say the luck of the drive it says it you just don't know you really don't know and you don't sense people get it they don't know where they got it from so just be safe and um go slow see if this is your guy use condoms find out his plan a lot of us have the cold sores okay so we might have a HSV one that could be I would not worry about the kissing mm-hmm so don't trip on that. All right, this one comes to us from PJ, who's 38 and did not provide a location.

Hi, Emily. If you're married from, was 10 years, and Moifinar are finally trying to open up communication about sex. What are some good icebreakers to make it less awkward and get the conversation started when we're just hanging out? I know we both want to talk about it,

but neither of us know where to start. Thank you. Hey, PJ, thanks for your email. Okay. I love this. 10 years in and you're ready to talk about it. Okay. So here's my best ice breakers.

Well, the best thing is that you both want to talk about it. So to make it less awkward is to say like, plan it together and say, I'm excited that we both want to talk about sex. So when we go on our date Saturday night, maybe you guys are going to a dinner, like just the two of you, or maybe it's just a night at home. And remember, you want to make sure that you're relaxed, that you're not in a stressful, you know, situation where the kids are gone, if they're around, if you have kids, and we like to say, void halt being hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.

As long as none of those things are happening and you're chill, you can just say, this will be, I'm excited to talk to you about our sex life. So let's start with, this is a great place to start. Are there any things that you've been wanting to try that turn you on? Let me know, and I'm going to tell you three things I want to try. You could A, start with a bucket list where you eat right down three things, and then you swap that list. You could also write down the three, you're free, you're three most memorable times having sex together and why and then swap that list or just tell each other because couple sometimes

want to spice it up but they're not really sure where to start. So even just saying, I think it's so important that we prioritize our sex life, we prioritize our pleasure and let's just agree that we're going to have, we're going to ask a lot of questions here. We're not going to, we prioritize our pleasure. And let's just agree that we're gonna have, we're gonna ask a lot of questions here. We're not gonna judge each other, we're not gonna shame each other, we're not gonna blame each other, and we're gonna be really open about exploring. And so, I think the ice break is really just saying,

like Saturday nights, we're gonna be talking about our sex life night, we're prioritizing our pleasure, and some other things could be, if you need some tools outside of you, there's like a great yes-no, maybe list on our website, you could look at that together and say, oh, okay, what are we into, you know, vlogging or spanking and you could be like, yes, no maybe. And if you guys both say yes and things, you could figure out that way. You could get some, you know, I have a sex book called Hot Sex, you guys could flip through that and see

which positions to interest you. You could watch porn together, like finding some others that you could listen, you know, a lot of couples listen to this podcast together. And they listen together, they take notes. In fact, speaking of take notes, if you guys want to use your notes on your phone, like our earlier article we talked about, when you're taking notes in the show,

you could just write down and share with your partner. Like I think just knowing that you both want to do it, that you won't judge each other and then having some fantasies of mine or some things you want to try and then agreeing that once a month you're going to touch base on it. And you're going to keep talking about it. Because remember, just remember this PJ, it's not a one time conversation and expect it to be

a little awkward and uncomfortable, but I think ultimately just know it's going to be like the most important thing that will drive your sex life forward. So you got to do it, even if it's uncomfortable and I promise you, it gets easier and hotter and sexier over time. So, don't trip on that part, PJ, you're doing the right thing. I'd love to hear that. Mm-hmm. I just like how he calls it icebreakers because that's really what it is. It really is a nice breaker. I always think it's timing, tone, location. You make sure it's

the right time. You know, you're down like, oh my location. Make sure it's the right time. You're like, oh my god, we gotta talk about a six life and you're not rushing off to do something or stressed out about anything. Yeah, not something you just slip in. Quick, like, hey, by the way, this one sucks. Yeah, exactly. Don't just slip it in.

Just a tip. Okay, this one comes to us from Holly, who's 38 in Ohio. Dear Emily, my husband and I have been together 19 years, Mary 12. We're going in a week-long vacation just the two of us, and I'm wanting to spice it up a little bit while we're away. Nothing's off limits, we have a great sex life, we practice mutual masturbation, sex toys, sex swing, etc. I've heard you talk about roleplay, which we've never done with a 9-year-old and an 11-year-old at home. This isn't really feasible or realistic.

Their bedrooms are right by ours. Yes, we have been walked in on. I wouldn't even know where to begin with the roleplay. We live in a small town. Everyone knows everybody, so we don't think outside the box. Another thing I haven't done is a strip cheese, which is also an option, but I have no idea where to begin with this except for picking a song. I don't view myself as a sexy person, so I think this would be why I've never tried

it. Or it could be because I get embarrassed just thinking about doing this. Any newer, exciting ideas are welcome. Love the podcast. It definitely gets me through my workday. Awesome. Hey, Holly.

I'm glad you found the show. Okay, this is another great example. You guys have been together for 19 years, married for 12, and I love that you're going away on vacation, just the two of you. So yes, great time to spice it up, and it sounds like you've done so many fun things together already.

So, okay, role play. I know we've talked about that a lot in the show, and it seems like people are pretty interested in role play, so let me give you a few tips about that, is, you know, first kind of talking to them and say, you know, I think that role play would be fun, and you can let them know like the sexy, stranger thing. If you're going to a different town or going on vacation, it doesn't matter if anyone

knows you in the town. So you could do the thing where you show up ahead of time or he shows up and you meet each other at the bar or the restaurant for the first time, even though you know where you're going. And you could both play like your alter ego. Like, who would you want to be? What would your name be? What would, if you were in that persona,

what would turn you on? How would you dress? And same with him, he can think about that too. So when you introduce each other, like you just make up your stories and it could be kind of hot because it kind of, it brings back those early butterflies of when you first met.

And it's amazing. It sounds like it's kind of silly and yes, you might laugh at first and be like, this is my husband at 20 years. But if you can kind of let that part pass, you realize that your brain, we can, it's our imagination, it's creativity. You're sitting with him there with him creating a scenario.

You could also do the sexy stranger. You could like, if you guys have a movie you're into or some series you're into, a TV show, you can kind of be like, take characters from that and pretend that you are those people. You could read some erotica and get some ideas around some things that you guys could try together. Don't worry that it's going to be awkward.

As far as strip tease, here's the thing. You want to just like, I love that you have the song. That's amazing. And I love practice. Maybe when day when you're home, like play that song in the mirror, it's really no different than how you're going to dance in a club or something, but you want to just slow it down and it's a little more sensual. So you're slowing your moves down,

you're feeling yourself, you're looking in the mirror, I promise he's gonna love it other way. He probably loves, like a lot of men love watching you naked and watching you in dress and move around. There are, if you go to S-Factor, if you look up Sheila Kelly and S-Factor, she does a lot of amazing erotic dance.

I think she might even have a course now that you can take online or if she has some S factor studios near you, it is amazing. I learned how to kind of move sexy and do strip teases from there and it because it's more about women being in their body. It's all right, slowing down and moving your S curves of your body, your butt, your pelvic floor and just kind of moving all around. So also Jamie mentioned, were the millers? Is it a movie with Jennifer Anderson gives a pretty good example of it?

I haven't seen it, so that's another one. We'll just look up strip TZL line or Google again, Sheila Kelly, I think she's got a lot and also practice in the mirror. That's my best tips for you, you got this girl. I love all this, I love all this vacation, sex making it hot. It's how it should be I know I just love how she's like yeah, we already do all this other stuff

But we want to do more. Yeah, just the greatest x-wing. We've twice. We meet you master rate Emily. We've done it Good next level and you have to let me know how the vacation goes. Okay, Holly can't wait to hear I know detailed Details Okay, this next one comes to us from ESA 24 in New York. Hi, Emily. I'm listening to your podcast for a couple of months now, and I think it's amazing what you're doing. I got pregnant with my first child at 22. A year later, I got pregnant with my second child.

My husband and I are still having sex, but it's so hard to have sex with two babies and also not sleeping. We've tried planning sex for when the kids are sleeping, but it isn't working for us. When they're sleeping, my husband and I are too tired to even think so we also sleep. Date night should be a thing for us, but it's not because my husband works two jobs. I need help. How can you have sex while having two babies and a husband that works day and night? Um, Esa, just know that this is not easy. Just know that you're 22 years old, you have two kids, your husband's working two jobs, you're home with them and you're exhausted. And I really would just like to send this PSA to the world, please understand that having kids and two kids, three kids, any kids is going

to affect your sex life. It just is and it's just going to be temporary. And just knowing that that you're not alone, that this is what's going to happen. If you've, and no one's ever sent me an email and said, oh my god, our sex life's so amazing. We just said kids and we can't keep our hands off. You know, it doesn't happen. So just said kids, and we can't keep our hands off. You know, it doesn't happen. So it's going a little easy on yourself and understanding that this is just a phase that you're in right now. I get that scheduling sex doesn't happen,

but you could try doing it at a different time. You could try sending your alarm 10 minutes earlier in the morning, or like staying up a little bit later, but I totally understand that you're exhausted. I get it. You could also try shower sex. You both got a shower every day.

Having sex in the shower can be hot. You can bring some toys in. You can play together. You could also get a babysitter for just a couple hours and have your date night. I cannot stress this enough that couples with young kids feel like they're just terrible parents and they can't get away.

If they leave the kids before the kids are one year old, no, the kids are gonna be fine. It makes you a better parent a better wife a better mom a better human If you get that time with your partner like it's essential so even if you get a baby babysitter and You know you committed doing it like twice a month just twice a month can make a huge difference in the connection that you feel and just Remember again I'm gonna say it again go easy on yourself intimacy doesn't have to just mean sex it can be cuddling for a night, cuddling at night for an extra five minutes or like, you know, rubbing into the back,

so doing something that makes you both feel super connected is really important. Yeah. Okay, this next one, I was also exhausted just thinking about her situation. Right. So I get it. I mean, it's a lot. It's a lot. Okay, this next one comes to us from Jamie, not me, 30 in Canada. Dear Emily, everyone says mixing work and dating slash casual hookups is a bad idea. However, I've known this guy for years. Never close friends enough to keep in touch over the years. I was hired to his company, moved away from my support system for my career, and he was all I had. Over time, we became incredibly close. We're even mistaken for a couple. Long story short, we developed an intimate relationship. He recently has been hot

and cold towards me. A question is, is it ever possible to have a successful relationship with a coworker if so, how? Hey, Jamie. Okay, here's a thing. Everything is possible. I mean, of course, yes, people have fallen in love at work and they've been together for many, many years. But it's tricky. We just have to know that you're working together unless you're ready to quit your job. Just know that eventually you're gonna break, maybe you would break up

and that things are going to be awkward. So I feel like you just have to talk to them sooner than later. I wish we could all just practice this like just being really honest and saying things, you know, we're worked together. So I think it's even more important to be honest. Use it in the eye statements. Like I've been feeling lately that it's been a little that there things have been a little hot and cold that's been my interpretation. Is there anything going on with you? And just tell them like things seem like

they're a little bit off. And the more you guys can develop a really healthy communication around this, like really like to the point where it's like, what would we do if this didn't work? And can we admit, can we both agree that we're gonna be cool? Like, we're gonna keep our jobs and we're not gonna make this, you know, you have a choice to avoid drama or not. And I think it's the couples that have drama

and that have all this trouble at work when they date someone with a coworker, when they haven't decided that they're gonna be adult about it, but no matter what happens. And so I think the more you can be honest with him, it sounds like you guys got very close and you were intimate. You know, maybe he's being hot and cold about something else. We have no idea, but we create stories around things

that are not true, which is why you need to talk to him sooner or then later. All right, guys, we're taking a quick break, but not to worry, we can come back more of your emails. This one's comes to us from a Shelley from Instagram. Alright. Hi Emily, I suffered an abusive relationship for a long time and was finally able to move on a year ago.

However, I still have no sex drive and the thought of sex makes me sad, lonely, and jealous of my friends were able to have sex without getting hurt. Do you know any FDA-approved medications or natural remedies to help with this? I really want to enjoy sex again. Um, Chely, okay. I'm sorry that happened to you, the abusive relationship. I feel like if you're an abusive relationship, the very first thing you have to do is get into therapy. You have to, I'm not gonna tell you about medications or natural remedies because remember, it is in your brain, you've been wired now

like the neuroplasticity in your brain got all wired towards this unhealthy abuse and you're in it for a long time. And so that's connected to your sex drive. So really, my first thing is to get to go see a therapist and I'm telling you. You guys can find a therapist, you can do it if you're a health plan, so that they can do a sliding scale.

But I think you gotta heal your mind, get to therapy of your acts, recognize the patterns that allowed you to get into this relationship so you won't do it again. In the meantime, if you do want to get your mojo back, you said you want to get your sex drive going, that's come from you. That's an inside out job. mean time. If you do want to get your mojo back, you said you want to get your sex drive going, that's come from you. That's an inside out job. So that would be more mindful masturbation practices, get to know your body again, what makes you feel good. Maybe now it makes your partner feel good. I think a lot of us, including myself, used to have kind of fall into that role about pleasing my partner and what he wanted, but my needs came last. So no, I would

say practice masturbating. There's also some great CBD stuff that you can work with. Coreza has an in the moment spray, which is awesome, that you can kind of, it helps people get in the mood for sex. It can help you curb anxiety and get into your body more. But I'm telling you, where everything I've practiced and I know in the universe is that deep breath work,

meditation, getting out of your head, is what's gonna help you. Move through a lot of this stuff. Okay, this next one comes to us from Dylan, from Instagram, hi Emily, huge fan. I'm dating Girl right now who has a very strong, unpleasant odor. It's been over a month and it's really starting

to affect my sex drive with her. I don't know how to bring it up any advice. All right, hey Dylan, this is a good question. We get this a lot, so you've been dating a girl and she has a strong order. This happens. Okay. So it's tricky because sometimes women have orders and they don't know it and sometimes it's just their natural order.

It's not always like flowers. So what you could say though, some women have orders and it could be bacterial, but genosis or something like that that can be harder to detect. So what you could say to her is this. I love that we've been dating for a year. It's been really hot or for months or however long. And this is hard to say and I got to be honest with you that I really want to be having sex with you.

But I noticed that there's kind of like an odor down there that it that seems like I'm worried because I feel like maybe it could be an infection or something because I've been with women before and I know it's not like a typical odor and I just I wanted to point that out to that maybe something you would like to talk you need to talk to your doctor about and You know and she might be horrified she might be embarrassed, but you just gotta keep saying it's okay You know I support you. It's cool. I get it. I listen to a show of sex families. You told me people I get us this question all the time And it's really tricky. So just being loving, saying, I just want to let you know because I'm worried about your health,

I still think you're awesome. I just have to bring it up because that's could be what it is. It could also be hygiene. Now maybe, you know, you could also try to take a shower together and see if that works before you say something. You could use some baby webs by the bed, you know? You could, you know, but I think if you shower together and it's still there then then it could be something to be concerned about all right

Thank you Dylan I'm just trying to be sensitive about it. I appreciate it. Yeah, it happens Get infections it get couldn't can happen for me for pants or too tight or sweating or just from you know a lot of other things Yeah summertime or too tight or sweating or just from, you know, a lot of other things. Yeah. Some are time. There's so many factors that's what you do. Tam Pym in for two, I mean, I don't know what could happen. You're semen, you're penis, no jino joke, condoms.

There's so many things that go into every giant as you guys would have to worry about this, but things get in there. They mess with our natural pH balance is gonna get, you know, it's very delicate. It's delicate. So things can disrupt it and she can get that taken care of. Mm-hmm.

Okay, this one comes to us from Jeremy from Instagram. Hi, Emily. Post break up five months of past. Should I pursue her again or move on? What are the for sure signs? I imagine moving on as a proper course of action, but I really thought that she was the one. Love your show. All right, Jeremy.

Um, I mean, I don't know why you broke up. I don't know if you've taught five months of past. Yeah, I mean, I don't know why you broke up. All I got to say is you think she's the one you haven't talked to five months. I don't know what happened. I really it's hard for me to answer this question. But I think if you still think she's the, why,'t talked to five months, I don't know what happened, I really, it's hard for me to answer this question. But I think if you still think she's the, why, why were you taking a break?

Did you say I'm really into you and you let me know in a few months if you're into me too? So if you have not moved on yet, you have two choices. You completely block her from everything and you decide you're gonna move on, which is not easy to do. Or yes, if you haven't talked to her in five months, you can circle back and say,

I've done a lot of thinking. Here's what I know we broke up because of blank, but this is what I've worked on, and I really think we should give another shot. Because to be honest, we all miss our X's. That's just the nature of having an X. You're going to miss them, even the really shitty ones. You will miss them because we have this post, we have this, you know, you for this, what's it called, the, you're for you. Post break, um, oh, you fork, we have a, we have a, you fork recall about our acts is where we're like,

oh my god, everything was amazing for whatever reason our brain does that we put them on a pedestal and the truth is unless someone's actually changed their behaviors like for why you broke up, like you see a market difference, that's the only time you should even think about getting back together But if just because you missed them and time has passed you will miss each other I do not think that's grounds to get back together So that's like out for you Jeremy. Yeah, and if you already think if he himself says I imagine moving on this proper course of action Then I think you should write yeah, yeah, exactly All right, and we have one more Ronald from Instagram.

Hi Emily, I love your show. I'm having trouble meeting people that are on the same non-monogamous pages I am. I dated this girl I really liked, but she isn't open. I was okay with that, but she keeps coming back and wanting a friendship, but then treating me as if my views are defective. It's starting to weigh down on me. Do you have any advice or thoughts on this? Yeah, you can have a friendship and she thinks you're views of the defective. It's starting to weigh down on me. Do you have any advice or thoughts on this? Yeah, you can have a friendship

and she thinks you're views are defective and she wants to change you. People don't understand people who are in open relationships. I understand that. It's still a kind of a new-ish way of being in the world, but anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself and your way of life is not someone you can be friends with nor do you want to waste another second of your time trying

to convince her why what you're doing is correct. It doesn't really matter. That's one thing. The other thing is I get that it's kind of hard to find people on the same non-managamous pages you are, but the more you kind of can surround yourself with, if you have any other friends who are non-managamous, I know there's some apps you can try.

I think that you'll find them. I'm not sure where you live because this was came on Instagram, but you shouldn't give up on it if it's what you want, but also some people might need some more information around it too, they might not totally get it. So just hearing like, I'm not monogamous, people might understand.

So maybe you are looking for a primary partner and you can let someone know. No, I'm looking for someone to be my number one partner, maybe even live together eventually, but I always want to have sex with other people on the side. Like, some people might have to be down with it because they don't really understand it, and that's something to think about.

But then also just keep your eyes open, keep maybe there's meetup groups, there's also the apps like Field and FetLife and some other apps you could find people that are a little more non-monogamous. But I think the more open and honest you are, even with your friends and people you know, like they'll be able to kind of also let you know what's worked for them.

Keep on with your path, what you want. You don't have to like cave in and you don't have to take, you know, you don't have to craft people to understand. It's not your job to convince them to be like, how you are. We all get to decide what, that's the amazing thing is we all go to decide the parameters and the rules for how we want our relationships to go down and no one else can tell us that. No one else can decide for us. All right. Thanks guys. Thanks for sending in your emails, your messages. We love hearing from you. Happy almost masturbation month. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Michelle, producer, Jamie and Michael.

Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.