Sex With Emily - Talk Dirty To Me w/ Joanna Angel

Episode Date: January 30, 2021

I’ve heard from a lot of my listeners that they struggle with talking dirty in the bedroom. Today I’m joined by porn star, author, exotic dancer, and dirty talk expert Joanna Angel to break down what to say, how to start if you’ve never tried it and how to crank your dirty talk up from dusty to undeniably filthy.I also answer questions about what to do when you’re ghosted after a first date, how to get more foreplay when your partner just wants to dive right into sex, and lots of Rapid Fire questions. If you’d like to ask me a question about sex or relationships, email me at [e-mail] more information about Joanna Angel, visit: joannaangel.comFor even more sex advice, tips, and tricks visit sexwithemily.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I love the idea of just making sure that you're comfortable making noise and moaning. You can increase the intensity of your bones. You can practice when you're masturbating making noise. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a male obsessed by sex. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions, Betrubize they call them in a fight on days. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. All right, I've heard from a lot of you that you're struggling with dirty talk. In the bedroom, maybe you're struggling with sexting. So I decided to invite a friend along. I'm joined by porn star author, exotic dancer, dirty talk expert, Joanna Angel, to break down what to say, how to start if you've never tried it, and how to kind of crank up your dirty talk. Things that are interesting is just learning how to make noise during sex,

because not only is that hot for your partner, but it also increases your pleasure. I want to add a disclaimer that there is some language in this episode that just definitely isn't safe for work. So after I listened to the episode, I decided to add in a little bit more softer dirty talk if we're just getting started or you don't want to go from zero to filthy, I totally get it.

I also answer your questions about what to do when you're ghosted after a first date, how to get more for play, you know, when your partner wants to just die right in and lots of rapid fire questions. You can always ask me questions about sex or relationships, Email me feedback at sexwithmla.com. All right, intentions with Emily. For each episode, join me in setting an attention. It works. When you think about what you want to get out of something, it usually happens.

It could be, oh God, I've been wanting to talk dirty and I've wanted to sex and I am confused. Well, my intention is to have you understand that all these sex things that you've been wanting to do or want to try, but you're too afraid to start, this is going to give you some great tools to get the dirty talking party started. All right, enjoy the show. Joanna, first off, congratulations on your book. Thank you. Club 42, it is a thrill. It's a choose your own adventure,

erotica, which is brilliant. So what was your inspiration for this one? Most people know me for my work in the adult film industry. So I don't really talk about my time as an exotic dancer really ever. So this was like a fun thing to write about, you know? And the fascinating thing about the exotic dancer world is like, or stripping whatever you want to call it.

It's like, you know, when you're on a porn set, everyone on the porn set is in the porn industry. So you're kind of just, you're in this closed circle. And there's like unique things that happen and everybody comes from their own walks of life. But it's different. It's like, you know, once you're in the day to day motions of porn, it starts to become a very regular job.

But strip clubs are a unique world because you have half the room is in the sex industry and half the room isn't. And they're all meshing together. And especially even just the staff of a strip club is always fascinating because you'll have a staff of a strict club is always like fascinating because you'll have like a manager of a strict club who before that maybe managed like an apple pieze or something, you know.

I love all the characters. It's, tell me what did you learn about yourself doing that? I mean, I think that's so adventurous to just do that. You must have learned that was like this first step on your journey. It was. I wouldn't be who I was if I never became a stripper. I think it really helped me embrace my femininity, it helped me embrace my sexuality, it helped me like be more confident, it really helped oddly my like people skills, you know, because it's your job as a stripper

to just sit down and talk to every single person in the club and figure out how to get money out of them. I learned so much about myself. It's almost like I became like this sexual superhero on stage, you know, and I, like, you can't go on stage at a strip club and not be confident, you know, like it doesn't matter how you actually feel about yourself or how you view yourself.

Like you have to be sexy on that stage. You have no choice. And I think being sexy and being confident and that side of me was never very developed. And I really like found it at a strip club. And the first time I just like got on stage and I really felt like everyone in the room was in love with me, like that feeling.

And it was like when I walked on that stage, nobody cared. Like I said, it was not the most beautiful girl at the club, so you could tell, I walked on stage. And people were like, they weren't blown away, but I captured them with my dancing and with my Connection with each person and with I don't know so I just kind of learned how to Sexual demon in me. Yeah, it was a very transformative time in my life, you know, and then it transferred into porn where I was like I don't know I

Feel could do anything. Yeah, I don't know. I think the strip club gave me this feeling of like, I could conquer anything. Like being able to go in there and conquer that room. That is such an intimidating thing. I mean, a lot of my listeners are having a hard time just having that confidence in the bedroom with one person.

Right. And that takes a very special skill to be able to get out there and just get naked and be confident when you don't have any other experience ever doing it before. So what could we teach people like from that experience? Like how could we take that Joanna spirit and bring that into a Once you lose your confidence, you lose everything. And it's hard to be confident in this world. It's very hard. This is a hard world to be in.

You know? Really hard. You know, battles that you face every day, you have to come into the bedroom with that umph. You know, I don't know if you can find that umph in the bedroom. You've got to come into it. Yeah, so like outside the bedroom, get to know your body, get to know, you know, masturbation, look in the mirror, like look at yourself, right?

We're always looking for ways to expand our sexual repertoire to get more adventurous, and I just think it's really, it grabs you from the top. Like, you are in. You want to know where you go on this adventure, in the strip club, see the people you're sleeping with through the others the staff It's really fun Joanna so club 42 you guys get it and I think it's good for Valentine's Day now people can get it read it with your partner You can get assigned copy to okay, but yeah, you can just or you can order it on Amazon or anywhere that books are found I think the actual release date is February 9th, but you can you can order it yeah pre-order it I am going to be doing a virtual reading of my book

through Skylight Books on Valentine's Day at 3 p.m. So tune in with her. OK, tune in and they can find it. That's the true family. I want to come. I want to come. I got no plans. I'll be around.

I would love to. Yeah, I will. I mean, Joanna, but this is exactly what I was thinking. I was like, this is the erotica because some people don't into watching porn. There's a lot of girl-girls sex, but this is exactly what I was thinking. I was like, this is the erotica because some people they're not into watching porn. There's a lot of girl girl sex, a lot of boy girl sex, and there's a there's actually chapter. I don't know if you got there yet with where she has a relationship with a trans woman. There's a whole section of the book where she tries to become a dominatrix. So and so she experiences that.

So there's, you know, there's just a lot. There's like every kind of sex in this book. That's what that's what it says. Like it serves you up. It's like a tasting platter or restaurant with like, would you like to try a little bit of everything? Yeah. You are totally drawn in and turned on and it's an adventure. Yeah.

Okay, but Joanna, so congratulations on your book Club 42. I also want to get into a little bit about dirty talk because we've been getting so many emails and questions as we always have about dirty talk, but've been getting so many emails and questions. As we always have about dirty talk, but I think there's something about the pandemic. People are sexting more. People are digitizing their sex lives right now.

And so they're like, what do I do? It's a very important skill. It is. So where do you start? Like my partner asked me, top dirty, what do I do? Where do I start? Okay, you have to dive in, get into the sex. It was actually hard for me, a porn star, to do that.

So every woman out there, just understand, see something that requires a different, this is not even about being good in bed. This is a different part of your brain, right, and your sexuality that you're using. But you gotta just think of something really filthy and get aroused by it and just write it down. That's just what you have to...

So practice, baby. I always say practice, practice in the shower, listen to a rhodica, read a rhodica, watch porn and write down things that kind of speak to you that turn you on, and then just practice it. But do I like, let's just back up before the, because sometimes, because I think it can be filthy, but I feel like what does that mean? I'm a nice girl, or I don't wanna be filthy, but it can also just be starting out with like,

what words are you comfortable with? Maybe like, I don't wanna be called a whore, but I wanna be called this or that. Or do you think just start with finding what excites you? Even a slow, sensual sex. Find something and go with it. Right. Like write down what you want done to you, you know? Write out like, okay, if so and so was here right now,

what would you want them to do to you? Right. Write it down and like be graphic and be descriptive. Like exactly what do you want them to do, you know? Or what do you want to do to them? I mean, I sexed my fans all day on my only fan channel. You do? On your only fans?

Okay, tell me about sex. Okay, should we just talk about sex thing then? How do you, I know it becomes a muscle because I'm actually out of practice right now, but I used to be a big sexster and I was always like, I could be doing anything, I would just come out and then I'm like, oh shit, just over one nose, it is a muscle. And if you don't use it over time, I'm like, I need a refresher as well. You want to be really descriptive.

You want to describe things in detail, like what you're wearing. I always show like what I love about them, what I like. And then I'll be like, I'm wearing right now, like this sexy thing. I'm picturing you going down to me and picturing you, like ripping it off with your teeth or a bit. No, you have to get more descriptive in that.

Like I'm picturing you going down to me. You have to be like, I want you to just spread my pussy lips open and take your tongue and go up and down my clip. And then I want you to taste my moisture inside of me because my pussy juices are so sweet right now. And you gotta get, you can't just say that. You can't just say that. You can't say, go down to me.

You need to describe what your pussy juices taste like that day and like what you want them to do with it. And like, I don't know, you need to like really, like if you're gonna go for it, there's like no reason to dirty talk if it's gonna be lame. Do not be a lame dirty talker. You're gonna lame dirty talker

because you don't have to dirty talk. It's not like a law. But if you're going to do it, you know, then just talk about something else. Talk about your favorite show and have a really intense conversation about a TV show or movie. Well, like, okay, so what would you say to a guy then

about him? Let's talk about you describing sucking their cock. I mean, like I said, everybody's dynamic is different, you know, be like, I want to suck your cock. I wouldn't put it all the way down my throat. I want you to come over. I want to suck your cock. I want to lick your balls.

I want to stick my tongue in your asshole. I want to drink your cum. I want to be your little cum slut. I want to be on my knees while you throw my head against the wall and you just fuck my face. I want to taste your pre-com. I want to, you know, like, what do you want to do? Like just say it or like, do you want to just get, you know, or you like want to give a more sensual pleasure. I want to take my

hands and stroke them up and down your cock. You know, it's also a good thing that I should actually look into more, but like look up, what is it called, gooning where you're like, or edging. You know, edging. Oh, I wanna like, you know, so then make- I'm not gonna let you come.

I'm gonna, yeah, I'm gonna tease you. You know, I wanna stroke your cock. Like, I'm touching my pussy right now. Like, you know, make it so like, you have to get off and he can't get off. You know, if you wanna play with that and like, just see how long you can kind of keep him horny. But you know, if you want to suck a guy's dick, you're not prude. So talk about it.

Why you how you want to suck that dick? I love that you're going from zero to 60. Because some people are like, I'm so wet right now. I'm thinking about you. Like I'm thinking about it. That's lame. It was everyone. We're all wet right now.

We're all wet. Exactly. So you have to get into the details. Tell me more about it. It was a flame. It was everyone. We're all wet right now. We're all wet. Exactly. So you have to get into the details. Tell me more about it. You know? Oh, God. Why is your wetness different from the other wetness? But if you've never talked dirty in your beginner

and you're sexting someone to be like, I want you to spread my pussy lips open and taste my juices might be a little too. And we join a, you've been doing this all night. You probably can't. It's hard to scroll back to like, starting. But like, if you've had oral sex before, like, describe what's going on in your head.

I'm just thinking about my listeners. What has helped me is to write about my sexual experiences and then go there because then you've already written, like you said, writing your book. It just rolls off the, you know, I'm telling you, I did that in the very first draft of my first book when I was like, and then he went down on me.

And I remember my editor, which was so funny for me, I'm a porn star. I'm a porn star who's been gang banged. You know, I had been through many years of doing every kind of filthy act under the sun and I have a woman who's an editor that like works at a publishing company in glasses and a skirt being like, you need to be more dirty.

Do you know how weird that was for me? You're like, I am dirty. You know, like, who are you? And then she wrote back a discreet, this complete school teacher looking woman that sits behind a desk and edits books for a living, not just sex books, but other books. She was like, here's how you, but other books. She was like,

here's how you should write this. And I was like, oh my lord, you know, like so I'm telling you, you kind of have to go from zero to 60. Like there's really no middle ground when it comes to dirty talk. If you've given a blowjob before like describe what you do when you suck a dick, you know, like you're not going to describe it as an eye suck dick, like or an eye gave a blowjob. Like I licked your shaft, I swallowed your cum. Yeah, what did it taste like? Like what, you know, did you want it hard?

Did you want it soft? And if you wanted it hard, why did you want it hard? It was like the blood rushing in your body that's saying more or more, you know? Like are you like grinding your crotch, like, like against him because you just can't take it anymore. Like, I don't know, like, these are feelings and thoughts that you already have.

You just have to get them out on paper, or on a cell phone, or whatever. That's it. I think you take the notes, practice, practice on your phone, writing it, and then I love the idea also of using dirty top and practicing with sexting, because then let's say there's something you wanna try, you could just kind of test out the waters there.

Like maybe you want your partner to edge you. You want your partner to tease you, you could say, I picture, you coming home and like, I'm in, you know, you time me up and you won't let me come. And you just explain to them what you want in detail. And you try it out. And then if it doesn't happen, and you know maybe they weren't into it,

but it's a good way to communicate when you're not looking eye to eye with someone. Yeah, but I think either you have that kind of relationship with someone or you don't. But people prematurely sex, because some people are just starting out, and then you don't, because I know what you're saying, I've been in relationships where it's super dirty

all the time like that, and then somewhere it's just not. And I probably need to be bringing it there. And I just am like, am I really invested in this relationship? But yeah, you just fucking go there. You could be the leader of it. There's no blueprint. Because there they want it too, but no one knows how to do it. I hear from men, I hear from women.

But is that because of the dynamic you have with someone or do you know what I mean? Well, here's the thing. I think you're absolutely right. I think sometimes we have this dynamic in your partner's like, I want you to talk dirty to me. I just said, I want to fuck you so hard. Now, you're turned and you're like, well, I've never talked dirty and they might not be giving you enough. They don't know what they want either. So, I love the idea of people buying your book and when they read it to each other the words come out of their mouth And that's a practice if you've never said any of these words Why do you think in the bedroom where you might not be the most confident or you might be a little nervous? Think that you should all of a sudden be able to be the perfect

Dirty talker. But there's two different. I mean the dirty talking was sexting is way more descriptive Dirty talking the bedroom is just like I mean I don't really say that much during sex other than fuck me. Oh God, that feels good. Like fuck me harder. You know, like, I know. That's what I've defaulted to.

Talking of bedroom is just whatever comes to your brain, you know, and then it really sounds stupid if it's not natural to you. But dirty talking sexting is like, you're telling a story. You're telling a story. Think of it like a story. And I love that of breaking down a sexual experience

that you had with this person, or that you want to have in the future and get descriptive, get dirty, whatever that means to you. That is sometimes like the tense, like you have to act like it's happening right now, you know, and then I've had a time to do this. And do this and like now fuck me. Now give me your cock and do this.

Like if you really are sexting, like you are having sex, you know, you're not like I want you to do this. Like if you really are sexting, like you are having sex. Right. You know, you're not like, I want you to do this. It's like get in the moment where the two of you are like, okay, now take your hands and put it on my this. Okay, now do this. Now shove me this.

Like if you're really sexting, you're doing it. You're in the opening. Yeah, exactly. It's happening. It is on. It is on. Oh my God, exactly. And then you're describing it.

You're in it together. And then when you see to other good, it's kind of like you're having, it's sort of like four play. I was like four play all day. Like what a great way to like build up. Then you know, when you see each other, you'll be so that much more turned on. And it also helps to masturbate. Well, you're to actually be doing it, be doing the thing. So you're in that mindset. You're like, I am turned on and wet right now. And I'm going to go there. It helps fill your fantasy life for sure or build it. What about role playing? Do you ever do any of that? I love role playing. I mean, I think it's it's so much fun. I think it's especially fun for women. Give me some tips for that real quickly. We love to buy clothes. And this isn't an excuse to buy like different clothes to wear bedroom like it's awesome

I love it too Here's one question. We'll do really quickly. This is from Miranda 28 in the UK Any tips and dirty talk this turns I part her on so much, but I find I get totally tongue tied I feel instantly nervous and self-conscious. I find it hard to vocalize despite being a very sexually Experimental and open person why is talking in the moment so hard. You might feel awkward at first but you just kind of do it and then practice in the shower, practice when you're alone, practice when you're going for run. Start too, just start by like moaning, you know? Like some people are just too nervous to even like moan, you know, a lot of times things just come out like they do. If you're not moaning, I love it.

Start with moaning because there's some of it so self-conscious. If you're not making noise in the bathroom, like walk before you run, start to moan. Some women don't. I think that they're self-conscious as well. And they go back to your doing your own handiwork masturbation, I think, because then you can practice when you're masturbating. Practice all of this when you're masturbating and when you're alone first. So you don't feel so, like, so she doesn't feel so nervous and self-conscious.

Yeah. So you practice your lines before you, do you practice your lines before you do a porn? Of course, yeah. So there you go. This is like that. You guys were like performing something. No way to head of time. Yeah.

Yeah, Joey. But also it's okay, you know, like you took out your attacks without dirty talking. And actually, I think too much dirty talk can be weird. Yeah, I think that people are thinking that they just have to say something that's perfect. And literally it can be like fuck me harder or that feels so good. Yeah. Your cock's so awesome. So I think also in the moment, just describe what you want. Yeah.

describe what it feels like. Yeah. That's what to do in the moment. And then sexting, you get to tell your own erotic adventure. Yeah. Like your book, Joanna. It's happening. Yes.

It's all happening. Make something happen. Then it becomes like fun. Like when I'm with someone in it, it's like, it's exciting. It's fun. It's a thrill. It's magical. And you get, turn you on.

You're creating your own erotica that's going to turn you on. And then you go back and read it. This is what I always say, for play all day, keep sex top of mind. Because people just don't think about sex, they're busy, they're working, they're stressed out, and they get in the bedroom, like, oh, not have to perform. But this is a great way to keep it going all the time when you're not with your partner. Yeah. I love it. Thank you, Joanna. This was super helpful. I'm glad you dropped in Joanna Angel. Good, I'm glad.

Man, I'm really, I love your, I can't wait to... I've always enjoyed the book. I really did. Yeah, absolutely. We all did. I can't wait for people to get it. Thank you, Joanna. They can find you at Joanna Angel everywhere. Yeah, yeah. Just Joanna Angel on Instagram, Joanna Angel on Twitter. If you want to, if you want to sex with me,

sign up for my only fans. So, you're not only... There you go. They could just sex with you and learn. I love this Joanna. Thank you for being here. Thank you. Thank you. By the book, Club 42. Alright, so I listened back to the episode and I realized a lot of you are just starting out with Dirty Talk. Those are the questions I get. And Joanna had so many great points. But I know where you're at, I know where I've been, and I wanted to give you some steps to build on here.

So let's start with sexting. So many of us find dirty talk difficult. And so for partners I've ever said, talk dirty to me. We're not exactly sure what they mean. Do you want a fantasy scenario? Do you want it to be like carefully crafted? You've never done it before.

So I say walk before you run. Sexting is really fun for many reasons. It is personal. You get to decide what you want to say. It can also be great to sort of plant the seed for something you want later or testing out a fantasy. So there's different kinds of sects. One, think about it this way, it's sort of a preview. I'm going to tear your clothes off the second you get in the door or I've

got a surprise waiting for you. I'm going to make you beg for it. My clothes are coming off the second you get home. So this is, you know, anticipation, this is building the arousal. Another kind of sex is a request I want you. So what do you think about when you're touching yourself? I wish you were inside me right now. I really want to make you come. Okay. So that's like a request. You could say, tonight, I'm in charge. Tonight, I have a surprise for you. I'm going to be wearing something sexy. And then another kind is things that you fantasize about. Because again, not only is this hot, but it's also sort of planting a seed because maybe it's, oh, my partner doesn't go down on me that

much. So I'm going to say, oh, I get so turned on when I think of you going down on me. Or it's so hot to think about you tying me up and spanking me. Or maybe you're into a fantasy where you're dominated. You could say, you know, I did something really bad. You might have to spank me. Maybe you saw something together, a movie movie and you could be like, oh, that scene was so hot the way they were. He had sex with her in the elevator. You could even just refer to something. A lot of people refer to the podcast. You could say, I was

listening to this podcast today. And I was thinking how hot it would be if you came over here and tied me up, just plant the seeds. And then there's the teasing, okay? There's a teasing text. I'm so wet right now. I just got out of the shower. I can't wait for you to see the underwear I'm wearing. I'm so turned on right now.

You can't have me right now, but wait till tomorrow. Teasing. And then this is a great one, refer to something that happened to you in the past. We can all do that, right? I keep thinking about when you were inside me, how hot that was. Remember the time that we had sex for three hours

and you made me come so hard. I can't stop thinking about last night. I want you to do that same thing you did with your tongue next time I see you. Again, so you're just reliving something. You don't even have to make it up. These happened. And then compliments, love compliments,

many of us do, who doesn't like a compliment? You feel so good inside me. I love how you make me feel. It's just I cannot wait to see you. The anticipation is just killing me. I can't get enough of you. Right? So you don't have to be so filthy. You're planting the seed, right? You're letting them know what you think and how you feel. Because let's be honest, don't you want to know that your partner desires you? Isn't that one of the hottest things to know that your partner's thinking about you?

Here's the other thing. If you get stuck in sex and you don't know what to say, your partner sex you something, you could say, well, what else are you gonna do? What comes next? Or you can just say, that's such a turn on. Or I love when you talk like that. Tell me everything. And then see where it goes from there. So,

Dirty Top does not have to be like super, you know, XXX filthy, all those things. It could just be like, wait till you see me and you see what I'm wearing for you. You know, that just might be enough inspiration in planting the seed for what comes next. Let's talk about dirty cloth in the bedroom. You don't want to disrespect your partner. You don't know how they're going to feel about certain words. So leave things in the bedroom. Just because something happens in the bedroom doesn't mean it has to happen in public. I think you have to be careful with the words that you use too. I don't think you want to go right to slide and bitch

and all these things. Unless your partner, you know, it's like everything you want to, you want to start slow and then you want to escalate it. This does take practice. I've said this. And that's why sexiness kind of fun because sex thing is sort of a precursor. It's like less embarrassing to write something down than to say it straight to their face. So that's why I just saying like, how good was our sex last night? You know, I can't stop thinking about having sex with you. I'm going to take matters into my own hands tonight when you're not around. So when we get into the bed, I love the idea of just making sure that you're comfortable

making noise and moaning. You can increase the intensity of your bones. You can practice when you're masturbating, making noise. But when you're in bed together, you don't have to go totally filled. You can say, I'm watching you disappear inside me. It's so sexy. So this way you're describing what's happening in the moment. You could even say to your partner, tell me what you want to do to me.

Now, if your partner looks shocked, you could just laugh. Listen, I want to acknowledge that this is awkward. It could be uncomfortable, but you're not going to fend a partner. You could just say, oh God, I was so turned on. I never want to offend you. You can also try and hub like, you could just whisper in your partner's ear and say something like,

I can't wait till we get home. I'm already really wet right now and just kind of lean back and see what they say to that. And don't worry if it sounds cheesy. Like dirty talk is a little, it's a little out there. And it's okay to read a roti car, watch porn, or write down stuff that has made you feel hot and sexy. Write your own roti car about the last time you were together. And listen, if

your partner says something again that you don't like, maybe they use a word you don't like. You're like, I don't want to be called bitch. You could say after, you know what? That was hot. I like talking dirty. But when you call me a bitch, that doesn't feel great, but you want to try blank. And then you get to give them examples of what they want to fill in. And just know that again, like just start slow. You listen, you have your whole life to have sex with your partner or with someone else. So remember this, in bed, how are you feeling?

You could say something like, I love when you touch me like that. Your skin feels so good against my skin. I love to taste you. I love when you touch me like that. Your skin feels so good against my skin. I love to taste you. I love when you taste me. I feel so good when you're touching me everywhere. I love how your tongue feels. And then you could also tell me what you want to do to them. I'm gonna tear your clothes off.

I'm gonna have my way with you. I'm gonna make you come so hard. What do you want me to do? I'm up for anything. Tonight, I'm gonna kiss every inch of your body. I've been thinking about what you're going to do to me all day long. Then you can tell me what you want them to do to you. Tonight, I want you to take control. I've always wanted someone to spank me. So, I just want you guys to know that it can just be very descriptive. Something that you're feeling,

something that's happened in the past, something you want to happen in the future. But don't beat yourself up if you don't know exactly what to say. If you're new to sex, you're new to dirty talk, you've never really thought about it in these terms, you're just sort of present, that's all fine. There's some growing pains, maybe it'll be awkward, practice in the shower, but I want you to have fun with it because I promise you, like everything else, once you do something that I can't help it. It's just coming out of my mouth. Alright, so, given you a range here, given you a range, let me know if this works for you.

Send me any of your questions, feedback at sexwithmaly.com. Alright, we're going to do a quick break. We come back. I'm going to talk to Sally about ghosting after a first date. Okay, so Megan's is our call screener. You get to talk to Megan when you call them with your questions. And she's amazing. So she just, we get on the Zoom as we do,

and she said, her roommate has a dating question. I said, well, let's bring on. So there are adorable faces that are together, and she's a question, hi. Hi, tell me about, hi. Okay, so I'm Sally. I'm from Tennessee, Megan and I live together in California. How old are you?

Oh, 24, so sorry. Okay, 24, got it. No, okay and I lived together in California. How old are you? Oh, 24. So, sorry. 24. Got it. No. Okay. Tell me everything. Sally.

I went on my first hinge date with few nights ago, which was really big for me, because I've always wanted to go on a dating update. I just never did. I've been on dating apps for a while. So I was just, I took the plunge because you just felt like the right guy to go on a date with, like very much my type. He was very kind. So basically we matched on a Monday morning.

And by the end of that day, he had asked me out for drinks. We were going out for drinks Tuesday night, like very fast turnaround, which was really big for me to go on a date. Also, that click of a turnaround kind of wild. But so a little bit of context. When he messaged me, he liked a photo, and he sent a comment that you can do on hand, or you can like send a little message. And he said that he actually followed me, he liked a photo and he said a comment that you can do on hand or you can send a little message.

And he said that he actually followed me on social media because I have a little bit of a social media follow. And so I was like, oh, so he very much knows who I am, like knows probably way too much about me. This is kind of cringy embarrassing, but he obviously likes nice and subhumour, like, knows who I am. Great. And again, he was my type too.

So we messaged, we decided to meet up for drinks. So we went out Tuesday night, and it was very natural, like, no awkward pauses, very easy conversation. And the day after, we texted a little bit, when we first started texting, before the day, we both had red receipts on, and we both acknowledged it. Like, very much like, oh, you have red receipts, like, that's funny, and he was like, oh, I did too. Like, we talked about it, and I was like, oh, I love red receipts on and we both acknowledge shit like very much like oh you have red receipts like that's funny and he was like oh I did too like we talked about

it and I was like oh I love red receipts because it's just good to be up front like but then so we both have red receipts on that he left me on delivered which means that he has like that one little red number notification that's just sitting there that he hasn't deliberately opened it and it's been 48 hours and so I'm just like what's this game? Like just leaving on red. I don't get it. Like is the notification just sitting there? That is.

I'm just like, I'm so happy. That is confusing. Unless he's in the hospital or something happened, not your guy probably. Here's the thing. He could come back around and say, oh my god, sorry, this week was so crazy, but you've known him for three days

and all the things, all the open red receipts. And then the day after, I had this happen with a friend last week. She went out of the guy. She met him that night. She didn't hear from mom. Something happened. She would expect three days. What's wrong with me?

Why did this happen? Why did this happen? So there's this saying that you should, that it takes about half the time you dated someone to get over that. Like, we're talking like, you dated for six months, maybe you'll take you three months. You went out with him for 90 minutes, or two hours. And so I don't want this guy to take up more time

than he already has with you, because I love that you got on the app. And maybe he'll come back around, maybe his phone broke, maybe he's in the hospital, maybe something is gram, something happened, he had a fly back home, but it's weird, like I don't, we'll never know. We will never know what it is. Maybe he's dating other people, maybe he, who knows?

He just, like, I wanna go out there, she seems really fun. Maybe he got back together with his ex, but you didn't do anything, you didn't say anything, you showed up authentically yourself. And what I love about this is he's your guy because he got you. Like he saw me, he got my TikTok, this is who I am.

Keep bringing you on all your dates wherever you, I'm telling you, I can't imagine what you would have done anyway. And usually the things that we think we did, it's not even about that. I'm just saying so horrible, I'm like, oh my God, I had food in my teeth the whole time and he didn't go, and like sure enough, no,

it's if he does it, it's something totally different. It's never what we're worried about. We won't know. And I'd love you to like start swiping again right now, you know? It's because I have no idea, right? But also you have to tell us obviously if you do hear from him because I'm invested now. What's gonna happen?

I'm gonna let you know. But what do you think? But tell me what you think happened. What's going to happen? Yeah, but what do you think? But tell me what you think happened. What's been going through it? I just circumvented that you might have been obsessing about it. And worried and wondering. What I say, was it what I wore? Was it because we've all been there? I've been trying to put myself in his shoes. I think it could be a few things. I think he could be dating around. He could have gotten back to the eggs or talking to other girls.

I don't know. Maybe he just matched with me. He could have like you said gotten back to the X or talking to other girls. I don't know, like maybe he just matched with me. He's been following me for a while. And he's like his friends in hand. They were like, oh, this is cool. Like go meet this girl. Like even though you've been like talking to this other girl, when I know whatever it's an experience. Let's just assume this is just for you.

This is for everybody. Assume, assume they are dating around. Just know they are because they met you on an app. No matter what it's at, if you meet someone, they're swiping and there may be there, I mean, I have a lot of friends who've been in the apps when they're in the quest to find someone or some people just wanna stay around

and they have like some people around the like one day to night track. Some people, I have an ex who's one of my dear friends now who used to date like, he would have, he was so OCD about dating that like, he would have four nights, sometimes three a night, and then he'd have a list to remember their names. I want that for you too.

But for you, it was like a new, it was your first one, and you haven't dated an app before, and so it always is hard the first time. And it's probably what's going to happen again, and then you're going to do it to somebody, but maybe you'll be cool about it. I mean, you'll be like, hey, that was really fun, but you know what? I'm not feeling it. He might be playing it cool, but do you want to date someone who's playing it cool and puts you on not right for safe for two days?

Because this will be the relationship. This is, when I say the issues you have in the third date or first date you have for forever, this is it. Yeah, no, no. I don't want someone that's playing it cool. But I also think, like you were saying, because my first time getting in, like, I was telling a friend about it and she's like, welcome to the game. Like, it's the best and the worst.

And like, I'm just happy to be in the game. That was my first dating out game. In the game. And now I'm in the game. So happy to be here. Let's celebrate the goddamn game. You put your foot in there, you're doing it, and you're going to put yourself out there. And then if it comes fun, then you got it.

You're like, oh, this, oh, I get it. Okay, whatever, on to the next. But I'm, you know, I tried to be upfront with people now and just say, hey, it was great, or, you know, would love to see you again. And I'm like, yeah, that was fun, but I just didn't feel there was like a romantic vibe. But thanks for drinks.

But I've had times where I have probably in the past ghosted. I'm not proud of that, but years ago. And so I just recommend we're honest with each other. Let's talk to Tim who's got a comment about how COVID has actually been good for his relationship. Hi, Tim. How's the pandemic affected your relationship? COVID has actually been great for us

because we have been together for 10 years. We've always had a great relationship. We both have very crazy working hours. So we didn't have as much love making our sex prior to COVID. COVID we're both off for both for a load. For the first time in our entire 10 years we're together 24, 7, 365. We loved it. It was great. I'm so happy. You're the couples that are, yeah, the ones who were like just too busy to be together that have actually been thriving. I love it, Tim. Right. So we actually got to have a lot more sex. And we're both in great Chennai, work out, no health issues or anything like that. She is kind of opposite of a lot of your listeners that we listen to in that. She and orgasm very quickly. And she can do penetration. She really likes that. She can, she can orgasm clitorally also, but she's

very quick to orgasm. Great. And so we will have four play. We've always used toys. We've always done different things. And the one thing that I've noticed is, hey, I'm 63. I can't. Every day I can, I don't have any problems with a direction or a thing, but I'm not going to ejaculate every day. Unless there's a lot of four play. And sometimes, well, most of the time, actually,

she's pretty quick to fourplay, it's great, we're having fun. Okay, I need you now, inside me. And I'm like, okay, that's great, but I could use a little bit more foreplay, huh? So we've kind of tried to figure out some things. We even talked about, you know, because sometimes we can go fairly long time. One, we had like this two or three hour session, and she's like, I haven't had one of those for years.

But it now is huge fun that we've even talked about adding somebody in to kind of help extend things out. What do we do? So I'm trying to figure out what can we do to kind of get that fourth play longer and sort of slow her down in terms of I need you now. I think that setting up and letting her know painting a picture of what four-play looks like for you.

So do you know what your most excellent four-play looks like when you feel the best? What happens? What goes down? Paint the scenario. And then you could explain that to her. Tell me too. It starts mentally actually because we'll talk about the actual talk about different things and our life that to her. It's on me too. It starts mentally actually, because we'll talk about, that we'll talk about different things

in our life that we've, and she was in a really controlling relationship for a long, long time. And I gotta tell you, your show, we've been listening to her for three months, really helped move her out of that body shaming. I feel guilty about sex type thing and really has helped her embrace more of her sexuality,

which has been terrific. But so mentally it helps. If we spend some time, we've even played a little strip poker and stuff like that, which has been a huge fun where we can, whoever loses wins, I think. Blow jobs are terrific. Yeah.

And having or helping or orgasm with the toy and stuff like that's also a turn on too. But yeah, so it's meant, but you said also it was mental. So talking about it too. So are you, I mean, really it's just a matter of scheduling it, saying that we're gonna, you know, going away for a night and saying we're going to get out of this room and, you know, we're, you know, going away for a night and saying we're going to get out of this room and, you know, we're going to get a hotel room even for a night in

your own city. And I'm switching up our environment because you've been home so much. But I, you know, if you've been listening, I always say, you have these conversations when you're, you know, outside the bedroom, having a drink at dinner and like start to paint our scenarios that you really like. Or, you know, you love when she texts you things in the morning talking about that evening or you start building up, because the four plays all about anticipation,

whether it's mental or physical. So there's something that you need, like your ideal, because if you're talking about time, like really like you get in bed and you guys are exhausted and there's no time. I understand that, that's something that, you know,

but on the weekends, would that be enough for you if maybe on Sundays, there was more for a player, Saturdays? Because maybe if you painted the picture, or you're like one day a week, we're gonna make this our date night, we're gonna turn off our phones, we're gonna take a bath,

or we're gonna get massages, or you're just gonna like, it's okay to plan it out. And you can always have surprises, like bringing new toys, or bringing a third, like you were toys or bringing a third like you were saying. But I feel like you're going to have to do some of it because if there really isn't time

and she's not expecting it, you know, that's tough. The other thing is like I said, when you're sitting down letting her know, when you're having a conversation outside the bedroom, you know, I, this are all the things I love about her sex life. Corn team was so great for us because of all these things. But I realize that I get the most aroused, the biggest, you know, ejaculate release when I have a little bit of foreplay. And so I know we're really busy.

Ask her for her suggestion. So this is the thing that's core to my arousal. How do you suggest me work it in? Because I'm sure she wants to please you. Most of our partners want to be really great lovers. We actually are pretty good about having those conversations outside the bedroom. Thanks to listening to you actually.

But just in the physical act, they're just gets to the point of where she's like, okay, I don't have any control. I just need you now type thing. And I'm like, hey, I'm not ready yet. But. Well, what if you just like, tea is what are you saying? Like, I'm not gonna get, I'm not gonna get it to you now, type thing. I'm like, hey, I'm not ready yet. But. Well, if you just like tease her and you say, like, I'm not going to get, I'm not going to get it to you now.

Or you don't, you just sort of made it a, like, you touch her for a minute and then she goes down on you and then you go back to her and then she goes to you. And you could, that's the best sex. And that is for play. The build up, the anticipation, the edging yourself until you get to orgasm is so hot. We don't do that enough.

Yeah, and I kind of actually thought of a mixed sense. It's about about that, it's about about, well, because actually, for most of our relationship, the focus has been on her orgasm and her foreplay and those types of things. And it's not like, maybe maybe we're not going to break that toy out or maybe I'm not going to go down on you until you have some time with me. Yeah, absolutely. But if you say it like you know, I would just say, you know, I realize it what the best sex we have or the what I feel the most aroused and I really want to go down to you is when you go down on me first, it means a lot to me. Do you think she recognizes it? Like have you ever talked to her about it? Yes. Okay, but you know, if you like to do that. Okay. She probably just forgets

or gets busy. But I think if you bring it up again in a really heartfelt way, like not with a threat, and you know that you're kind of joking, but not just with a threat, like not with a ultimatum, like I'm not going to go down and you unless you go down to me. But I think if you generally come from a place of, I know, but if you come from a place of why it makes you feel turned on and aroused and why it's important to you for her to tease you and do foreplay, I'm thinking that any wife is going to be like, okay, here that's a need. And you might have to say it again, because sometimes we get busy and we forget.

It's really hard to change a habit. It's really hard to start a new behavior that we've never done. Which by is never done, you've always been going down on her. Yeah, so just be kind, be patient, but still bring it up to her. You deserve it. You do deserve yours. Absolutely. I will do that.

Okay, thank you. Thank you for having me. Thank you so much. Right Tim? You too. I love you. Have a good night. Thank you.

Okay, we're going to take a quick break, but stay tuned. I'll be answering rapid fire questions from Instagram. Okay, you guys know that you can send your questions to feedback at sexwithemily.com. You can also find us and also social media sex with Emily, but a lot of you send your questions through Instagram, which is at sex with Emily, but a lot of you send your questions through Instagram, which is at sex with Emily. And we get so many of them. I think we got like a hundred last week in one day or something, all those, it was a lot. And so we have a new segment here.

And this is the Rapid Fire segment where I answer a bunch of your questions, but I'm going to do it quickly. So if you want to send those questions through Instagram, you can do that. Let's do it quickly. So if you want to send those questions to you through Instagram, you can do that. Let's do it. And now it's time for Rapid Fire with Dr. Emily. All right. Okay, Wendy 49 Phil Delvia, I'm new to butt play. How do I get started?

What do I need to know? Plus, how do you clean your butt out? Oh, that's a lot for Rapid Fire, but how do you get started? Very carefully, make sure that you just, you need to know that you want to go slow, you want to use a lot of lube, and you want to breathe deeply.

You don't have to do anything like an enema, but what you do need to do is make sure that you have emptied your bottles. You know, you don't have just ate a big meal, and make sure that you are with a partner that you can communicate really openly, and honestly with, and someone who has your back, you know, and that you can trust. And there's a lot of nerve endings.

So you can start with a finger. You can start with touching outside and just go slow. All right, so how to talk to my, talk about my fun exciting sex life with friends who aren't having sex. How good are these friends? Because there's always been to be times in the lives where one front's having more sex than the other one, and so I say, be with the friends who support you, who love you, and who inspire you, and who are like, that's awesome that you're having great sex.

And then you listen to whatever's going on in their life. Not any questions. Okay, I think I only have orgasms after a few drinks and more relax. How can I know for sure? Stop drinking. Why don't you try it out in orgasm when you're not drinking? That's the best way to figure out. Also, have a healthy masturbation practice.

Figure out what feels good to you, then you're gonna know and you won't be overthinking your orgasms and feel like you need to get as drunk. John 32 Instagram says, when a woman says, do whatever you want during a foreplay, what is she really saying? She's probably saying, I don't know what I need or want or I'm afraid to ask you for what I want.

So I would say take this conversation outside the bedroom and ask her and say you know when you say do whatever you want, I actually want to know what you really want because I want to do all the things that make you feel amazing but ask her what she wants when you're not having sex. Female 24 on Instagram, having a severe dry spell with my 29-year-old boyfriend during the quarantine. How could I increase my sex drive? You want to mix it up. The things that we crave and the reason why I've become so bored is because you're not taking time apart. You're spraying time on top of each other, which a lot of us have to do right now. But the most important thing is to try something new, try one thing different. Can you go away for a few days and have some distance from him if you've been living on top of each other? Can you even have a talk about your sex life that could mix

it up? Try something new, try something different, and make sure that you turn your own pilot light on, and that's what you got to do. Okay, any recommendations, female Instagram, any recommendations for lube specifically made for those with very sensitive skin. I love that you're asking this because you don't want to get shitty lube. You want to get lube that is made for women, especially you want to be able to understand the ingredients that go into a something. If you read the bottle, it has a bunch of ingredients you don't understand. You don't want that looble.

So I love pure. They make a woman's formula. It's PJUR. It's awesome. I would check that out. Female 38. I've been with my husband since I was 15, and I still hate to initiate sex, any tips.

Yeah, okay. So this is also a skill set as we talk about, I would ask your husband for his fantasy move and say, what would it look like if I initiate sex to you? What would be your ideal fantasy and then do that? I'm horny all the time and I love being watchful masturbating is that okay? Perfectly okay. I love that watchful masturbating, is that okay? Perfectly okay!

I love that, you know what turned you on. Tell your partner that you think it'd be hot if they watched you when you were masturbating. In fact, one of my favorite sex moves is mutual masturbation, so I am down. Uh, oh, female 30 Instagram started dating someone new. Sex is awful, will it change? I'm trying my best. No, it won't, it likely won't change. If the sex was never great, never good, even at the beginning, especially at the beginning

of a relationship, there's gonna be a lot of places to go to make it great. But I always think before you leave a relationship, make sure that you've done whatever you need to do. So I recommend talking to him about outside the bedroom and saying like, let's talk about what we're both into and try to make it better. But it's not going to magically get better at its own. That I can tell you for sure. It's just going to get worse from here.

Male 40 is it easier to go hook up with an X or hook up with a friends with benefits booty call? I say a booty call. If you're X as an X for a reason, leave them in the past. And you never know what's going to happen with a hook up, but at least it's something new and exciting, and there's a reason you broke up with your X. Take them off that pedestal you broke up for a reason, trust your judgment. That's it for today's episode.

See you on Tuesday. Thanks for a reason, trust your judgment. That's it for today's episode, see you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Family. Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review, or ever you listen to the podcast. And share this with a friend or partner. Believe me, if you got something out of it, they will too. We release shows on Tuesdays and Fridays and look out for a bonus episode every now and then.

Find me on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook and Twitter. It's all at Sex with Emily. And I've been told I give really good newsletter. So sign up at sexwithemily.com and don't forget to check out our blogs. If you want to talk to me, ask your questions about your sex life, dating or relationships, email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com or call into my series XM show Monday through Friday, 5 to 7 PM Pacific,

and call me, AAA 94 stars. That's AAA 947 8277. Get a free 30-day trial at sexwithmly.com slash SXM. You can watch my masterclass on masterclass.com slash Emily Morse. Was it good for you? Email me, feedback at sex on masterclass.com slash Emily Morse. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. The other day, I was introducing new team members to my massive toy collection here at Sex with Emily.

But it never fails. There's one in particular that always gets everyone's attention, and that's the womanizer. My favorite part is their reactions. Wait, what? It's not a vibrator and it doesn't actually touch your clitoris, but it feels like oral sex. I explain it actually feels like the most incredible oral sex of your life, and it does it all with tiny pulses of air. Womanizer calls it pleasure air technology, but I call it the orgasm whisper. It moves the air in and out with gentle pulses that indirectly stimulates the clitoris, creating a sensation like nothing else.

Womanizer built this magic into several models, including the premium, which has a smart talent feature that puts the toy asleep when you lift it off your skin and the duo, which has an insertable vibrator for internal stimulation. I know, trust me, it feels incredible. Take it from me and my entire team of very happy vulva owners, you need to try the womanizer. To check out the womanizer premium or duo, go to sexwithemlee.com slash womanizer. That's my site, sexwithemlee.com slash WOM. you